Do you ever think about death?
Like, actually dying?
I never thought about it much, if I’m perfectly honest. I mean, I know we all go to Tartarus when we die, that was one of the first things they taught us in primary school. But what happens when we get there? Are we judged for our past sins, or on how well we tried to live our lives? Do we just wonder around aimlessly for all eternity? Or are we just encased in everlasting darkness, with no sense of feeling or sound?
A guy could go crazy just thinking about this shit. It’s funny, you don’t really think about death, until you’re about to die.
That’s how I know I’m screwed, all these strange thoughts racing through my mind. Well, that and the fact that I can’t feel anything below my chest. That was also kind of a give-away.
Does it ever stop raining is this Celestia-be-damned country?
I blinked.
I couldn’t help the weak smile spreading across my face.
I was expecting a flurry of wild thoughts and emotions, that was a given. But the only thing that really bothers me about this whole situation, is that fact that it’s still raining. As cool water trickles down my face, and I stare up at the heavily overcast sky above me, I couldn’t help but wonder. In all the time I had be deployed here, had I ever seen the sun? I couldn’t remember.
I cast my eyes downwards, towards my body. Or rather, what was left of it. Blood oozed from the many shrapnel wounds that ripped into, and littered my lower torso and legs.
I think I’m in shock.
I don’t know if I should be grateful or terrified, if I was in shock then that meant…
I’m going to die.
Yep.
I am going to die.
I keep saying it, keep thinking it, but it hasn’t really sunk in yet. I’m going to die and leave all my friends and family behind, that thought alone should terrify me. So, why don’t I feel anything? I don’t want to die, but I don’t feel afraid of death, like I thought I would. I just feel…disconnected, why don’t I feel anything?
I glanced around at the battered and barren slope that I was lying on. I could still hear the distant sounds of the battle raging on; the hill opposite me is covered with the strewn body parts, and corpses of the few griffons that were caught in the explosion that propelled me to where I now lie.
At least I got to take a few of those bastards with me.
I blinked.
Man, my eyelids were sore. It was getting kinda hard to keep them open…
“Jenkins!” A southern female voice called. My eyes snapped open, I didn’t even realise that I’d closed them. I tried to call out, but all I could manage was a blood soaked cough.
And then I saw her.
She climbed into view atop the hill opposite me. Her beautiful, golden blonde hair clung tightly to her fringe and neck. She was an awe inspiring sight, despite the fact that her golden combat fatigues were covered in dried blood and fresh mud. Her gaze scanned the mud soaked slopes before her, and her eyes widened as she spotted me. She slid down the hill and raced towards me, her pace slowed from a sprint, to a jog, and then to a slow saunter as she cautiously approached me. Her relief flashed to concern, and then sorrow as she knelt beside me and surveyed my wounds.
She smiled at me with sad, emerald eyes, “Hey Jenkins.” Her voice was soft.
I smiled tiredly back at her, “Hey Lt. Did we get em?”
She glanced at the bodies scattered around the hillside, then back to me, “Yeah, we got em.”
I sighed as my head fell back into the mud, I closed my eyes, it was getting really hard to keep them open.
“Hey!” She shook me awake, “Don’t you go quitting on me soldier.”
I smiled back at her, “Sorry AJ, guess my luck was... bound to run out sooner or later.” I coughed.
“Oh no, you ain’t getting off that easily, this is just a flesh wound, ya gonna be okay.” Her voice was hopelessly thick with certainty.
“It’s fine AJ, at least you got someone waiting for you…”
“Hey, that’s enough of that now.” She jabbed a morphine syrette into my neck, I winced away from the pin-prick feeling. I wasn’t actually in any pain, but she didn’t know that.
“I’m done… AJ… just, go…”
“Don’t say that, you’re gonna be fine, we just-“
AJ’s attention was ripped away from me by a blood curdling shriek that echoed across the valley. I struggled to reach up, and rest a shaky hand on her shoulder, she snapped back to me with a look of wide-eyed horror.
“AJ, it’s okay,” I whispered.
She looked down at my wounds once again, “I need to get you outta here, just le me…”
“No. AJ, it’s okay.”
She shook her head, “Damn it Jenkins, don’t you do this to me.” Tears brimmed in her eyes.
“Please, you know what to do, you have to,” I pleaded.
“I-I can’t! Please, don't make me do this...” She wailed.
“AJ. You know what they do to prisoners, please, don’t let them take me.” Tears began to well in my eyes.
She clenched her eyes shut and shook her head as tears mixed with the water that ran down her face. She gazed down at me with a pained look; slowly, she un-holstered her six-shooter and drew back the hammer. The same shriek that turned my blood cold echoed through the valley again, it was getting closer.
Tears spilled down my face as I stared up at her. “Don’t let them take me, AJ, not like that.”
She pressed the barrel of the revolver to my temple; tears ran freely down her cheeks as she whimpered. “I’m sorry Jenkins, I’m so sorry.”
I smiled through my tear blurred vision, “I don’t forgive you, because there's nothing to forgive.”
She hung her head as she made a pained noise.
“I’m sorry,” she sobbed one last time, and then she pulled the trigger...
