There was a pony.

by Jack-Pony

Rating: teen
Tags: Comedy, Random, Pinkie Pie, Human, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Other, Original Character
Length: 1028

An irreverent satire of one misplaced Equine.

An irreverent satire of one human, one backyard, & one pony.
The question that has long been pondered by the greatest minds, will now be answered...
Wat Do?

Published 2012-11-25 14:40:01 UTC
Last updated 2012-11-25 14:40:01 UTC

...and I shit brix.

A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away...

You realize that Lucas is going to sue the shit out of you for that, right? The friendly narrator quipped.

Right, good catch. Wrong story anyways... The Author said bashfully.

~~A Long time ago in a galaxy far, far away...~~

Once upon a time, in the magical land of...

Of what? Seriously? Vermont isn't that magical. Come on...you can do better! The narrator said incredulously.

I don't recall asking you, Mr Narrator!? But out and let me write! The Author groaned.

~~A Long time ago in a galaxy far, far away...~~

~~Once upon a time, in the magical land of...~~

It had been a long night, but caffeine and anxiety kept our unwitting hero awake into the wee hours of the morn', for the new episode of MLP....

...and thus he sat. The keyboard before him and a drink close at hand, unwilling to venture forth from his story of epic-pony proportion, for you see he was not only a brony, but a fan-fiction writer. We all know what that means...? Now that the Author was writing, the Narrator was free to...well, narrate.

I can hear you you know and that incessant jabbering does not make it any easier to write!...and I will have you know that fan-fiction writers are no less artists than men like Jules Verne! The Author glanced up and shook his fist.

Only to receive... *Snicker*

That's enough out of you! He shouted, removing his black slipper and throwing it into the air.

...But what the author didn't know is that his slipper can't penetrate the fourth wall, let alone one of wood, and only served to smack him in the face! The Narrator tormented him, by narrating his own misfortune.

It's ten of nine, I've got an hour to finish this before ponies! So scram! The Author growled.

The new episode doesn't start until half-past ten... The Narrator stated dismissively.

...and miss a chance to watch last week's episode!? Never... If the all-knowing Narrator hadn't had a script, he never would've known that the Author was not in fact Pinkie Pie in disguise...

Quit being dense and put on your headphones, you want to listen to more Bach anyways... The Narrator suggested beratingly.

You're right, I really do. The Author realized that the Narrator had been right and so turned his music up.

Returning to his soothing music, the author continued to write his grand masterpiece! A Pony on Earth story...a self insert, of course... While his cat - a Russian Blue, kitten - slept at his feet. Providing him 'moral support'. At this, the kitten looked up at the disembodied voice and yawned.

As he sat in his comfy chair, a sudden impetus caused him to stand up...

Oh, come on, like they're going to know what 'impetus' means! The Narrator razzed the increasingly frustrated Author.

Shut up, will you shut up!? A vein in the Author's head made it look like he was going to stroke out.

Geez, someone's moody...? The Narrator mumbled.

Turning to look out his window, he noticed a particular pony in his backyard, standing looking rather confused.

Which one? Pinkie Pie? The Narrator guessed.

No The Author replied simply.

Applejack? The Narrator guessed again.

No... it was that one pony, you know, from that one episode where they cleaned up winter? The Author tried to sate the irritating voice, hoping for it to cease.

Winter Wrap-up? The Narrator guessed.

What are you, MLPwiki? Now the Author sounded just like Scootaloo.

Which one? The Narrator asked.

What? The Author blinked, unaware that there was more than one MLP-wiki!?

Which pony was it then? The Narrator specified, causing the Author to roll his eyes.

I don't know? That one, in that scene where Twilight ends the song? You know, the Earth pony in the Tan vest that looks like Derpy, without wings! The Author scoffed, and suggested a random one to silence him.

Wow, way to pick the most boring pony in the history of ponies... The Narrator said flatly, in a way that one could not be sure if he was being serious or not?

Do you want to hear the end, or don't you? The Author finally barked!

Not particularly... The Narrator replied frankly.

Too bad! The Author exclaimed, to get his revenge, he would finish his masterpiece and make the fool read it all!

The next thing the poor pony knew, was that a strange looking, hairless-ape, was flying through a pane-glass window, propelled by nothing but a steady stream of bricks spewing forth from its posterior!

The End.

...And that, is how Equestria was made! Pinkie Pie exclaimed, her head sticking out from a portal in thin air.

Pinkie Pie? What are you doing here? The Narrator exclaimed in shock.

Winning a bet with Rainbow Dash! I told her that I could make Newton roll in his grave! Pinkie giggled!

What...? How...you know, never mind...forget I asked... The Narrator stammered.

Now you're learning... Pinkie said, messing up the Narrator's non-existent hair, before disappearing.

Epilogue

The masterful author realized then that his piece was too short, so he then did what any good and decent, self respecting purveyor of fine pony related fan-fiction would do. He wrote a long, hot, steamy clop-fic side story, where he and the grey Earth pony proceeded to create dozens of little minotaur babies, one at a time!

Wow, just wow... The Narrator moaned, You really expect me to read that?

Yep. The Author nodded smugly.

I hate you so much... The Narrator growled gently.

I know you do, and that's why you love me! The Author grinned.

Jumping out of his seat, the Author whooped and out of nowhere, Pinkie Pie leapt from a blue portal, caught the man on her back, only to leap through another, orange portal.

Wow, I don't get paid enough to deal with this crap... The Narrator moaned.

Oh, by the way... The Author's head popped back through another blue portal, I'm halving your pay for this job and you get no lunch-breaks. Now get narrating!

Well ain't this just...