Complicated Relations

The door to the darkened library opened, allowing the dull-yellowish-orange glow of the streetlamps outside to invade the space briefly, before it was banished by the flick of a light switch and a hind hoof slamming the door shut.

Three mares walked a slightly irregular path across the main floor of the tree. The one in the middle was giggling fiercely. The ones on either side of her, only slightly less so.

“Is he in the Royal Guard, then?” Rarity asked, her face flushed and her naughtily half-lidded eyes scrutinising the pony leaning against her.

Twilight snorted, and pressed harder into her unicorn friend. “Mmmmaybe...” she slurred, then hiccupped, then resumed giggling.

“That’s gotta be a yes,” Rainbow Dash opined, and, despite not being altogether steady on her own hooves, managed to catch the purple unicorn when her weight shifted dangerously away from her current source of support. “Is he at least a Lieutenant? Commander, maybe?”

Twilight sloppily lifted a hoof to rub the cyan mare’s head. “Not gunna work, Dashie-washie... t–told you it’s a s– sssecret.” Then she stumbled right back against Rarity.

“‘Dashie-washie’?! Twilight, you are completely wasted. Hey, Rares, how much cider did she have, anyway?”

“As I recall, Rainbow Dash, you were the one who kept refilling her cup,” Rarity pointed out wryly. “You of all ponies should have the best estimate.”

“Hey, I was just trying to loosen her up!”

“Well, you certainly did a fine job of that.” The white mare, who was by far the most stable of the three, took a moment to realign herself against Twilight’s frame. “The poor thing can barely even stand up, and I shudder to think of what she’ll be feeling like come tomorrow morning.”

“Well,” Dash chuckled, “at least now we know she’s a very happy drunk.”

The trio finally reached the set of stairs on the far side.

“Come on, Twi, almost there, just gotta put your– uff, no– you just– ow! Darn! Augh! ...Owww... I meant to do that.”

Rarity stared at the two faceplanted ponies beside her. “Oh, the things I put up with because of you, Rainbow Dash!”

“Rainbow Crash,” Twilight corrected from the lowest step of the staircase, her good humour having abated not in the slightest despite her fall, as evidenced by the ludicrous grin she still wore.

“Hey!”

“Let us try this again,” Rarity calmly insisted before any spat could break out. She helped the other unicorn to her hooves – while allowing the pegasus to fend for herself in the quest for upright balance. “Are we ready now? Twilight, Rainbow? Good. Now, front right hoof up... that’s it, now front left... good, front right again, and your back left, perfect! See, stairs aren’t so daunting after all!”

“So, a Royal Guardspony,” the cyan mare returned to speculating, “Lieutenant or better?”

Twilight only smiled dumbly, giving no hint.

“Well,” Rarity rejoined the discussion, “if you ask me, the reason why Twilight is refusing to divulge the identity of her paramour is that their relationship was not entirely proper by the standards of polite society. A taboo union, if you will...”

The purple mare’s smile partly collapsed, but the event escaped the notice of her two companions.

“A fling with a guardspony simply doesn’t qualify. Given all the evidence at our disposal, I would surmise that it was one of Twilight’s professors at Celestia’s School for Gifted Unicorns. A teacher at such an august institution becoming romantically involved with a student would be positively scandalous. Dear Twilight here is keeping the affair secret to protect his career and reputation.”

“I gotta admit,” Rainbow stated after taking a few moments to think over the matter, “that makes a lotta sense.”

Having finally reached the loft that served as Twilight’s bedroom, the two less-drunken mares manoeuvred the tipsy unicorn toward the promise of a good night’s rest.

“I still can’t believe this egghead got her cherry popped before any of us! How do we know she isn’t making the whole thing up?”

“And why, pray tell, would Twilight lie about something like this? Not everypony feels the need to inflate their accomplishments to soothe their ego, unlike a certain pegasus presently in this room.”

Dash’s objection was cut short as Twilight, in an attempt to lower herself onto her bed, pulled the cyan mare along for the ride and was now seemingly confusing the rainbow-maned head for one of her pillows as she lay on top of it.

“Besides,” Rarity took the opportunity to continue uninterrupted, “it took quite the impressive amount of persuasion – and more hard cider than I’ve ever seen one pony consume – just to get her to reveal this much to us.”

Dash at last extricated her muzzle from underneath her purple friend, and gasped for the air she had been momentarily denied. “Okay, this has gone on long enough! Who is it, Twi? We’re your friends; you can trust us! We’ll Pinkie Promise not to tell anypony.”

Twilight shook her head. “Sorry, it’s a secret.” Her eyes were closed, and it was clear that only a precious few seconds of consciousness remained in her.

“So you keep saying. My dear, I do hope you are not protecting somepony who was... well, abusive of his position towards you?”

Twilight’s head shaking turned more vehement. “Nononononono... not abusive! He’s the best! Sweetest, wonderful...”

Dash and Rarity listened with rapt attention, but their faces fell when it became obvious that Twilight’s description would not continue beyond these vague qualifications.

Rarity cleared her throat. “Darling, I must agree with Rainbow. We are your friends. You can tell us anything. Even if this youthful fling of yours involved some impropriety, it won’t make us think any less of you. And we will keep your secret.”

More head shaking. “Nuh-uh.”

“Come on! Was it somepony famous? One of the Wonderbolts? Or that Hoity Toity guy? Was it... Princess Celestia magically transformed into a stallion?”

A high-pitched snicker was the only response from the heavily drunken purple unicorn, but the mildly drunken white one gasped and widened her eyes in shock at the suggestion. Rainbow stared at her amusedly, before gaining an inspired grin.

“Was it Rarity’s dad?”

“Rainbow Dash!”

Twilight rolled in her bed, laughing uncontrollably. “G–good one Dashie!” She briefly locked eyes with the mortified Rarity, punctuating the stare with another hiccup. “Mmmmaybe...” she added, causing the white mare to gasp, then gasp again, then make a haughty and dramatic exit from the room.

The quasi-sober unicorn made a point of stamping her hooves to provide the auditory illusion of her leaving, but remained just out of sight, listening intently to the remaining conversation.

“Okay, Twi, Rarity’s gone.” The pegasus gently prodded the nearly-asleep mare. “It’ll be just between you and me,” she whispered conspiratorially, “I’m down with anything, you know that. Even if it’s five kinds of illegal, you can tell me. I represent Loyalty, and that means I’d help you bury a body if you needed me to. I think I can handle a little secret.”

Twilight looked up dreamily at Rainbow. “I love you Dashie...” she said, making the cyan pony shift her eyes uncomfortably.

Then she devolved once again into giggles. “But sorry. Not telling.”

Dash sighed as her final chance to sate her curiosity slipped out of her hooves and was buried under the powerful snores of her sloshed friend.

She didn’t seem surprised to see Rarity waiting for her downstairs, and as the two left the library, the unicorn started up. “I was counting, actually. It was nine. Nine of those monstrously large mugs of cider.”

Dash whistled. “Wow. I don’t think I could drink that much.”

Rarity nodded. “One must admire her perseverance, though. After all that, she still won’t reveal the secret. It does have me concerned... especially since, if I am hearing between the lines correctly, she was practically a child when it happened.”

The pegasus shrugged. “Nothin’ wrong with it as long as nopony gets hurt. You saw her when she talked about it. Her eyes don’t get that sparkly and misty unless she’s looking at a brand-new encyclopedia or something. Whoever it was and whenever it was, her first time was awesome. Wish I could be that lucky.”

The white mare nodded. Suddenly, she stopped in her tracks, and her vision focussed on something in her mind’s eye.

Her companion made it a few additional steps before noticing. “Hello!” Dash waved a hoof in the unicorn’s face. “Equestria to Rarity!”

“Oh! I’m fine,” she responded as she began moving again. “I just realised, part of what I’ve been feeling hasn’t been concern; it was jealousy.”

Dash raised an eyebrow. “Really? You’re jealous of Twilight’s first time?”

“Indeed. My own was... well, let’s just say, less than enchanting. As you said; I wish I could’ve been as lucky as Twilight. Clearly, her mystery stallion treated her as she deserved.” A look of determination crossed Rarity’s face. “And I will be happy for her. This is a lesson I’ve learned once before, and I will not force myself to repeat it. Few things are as poisonous to a relationship as that green-eyed monster.”

Rainbow Dash scratched her head in confusion. “Who, Spike?”

Rarity groaned. “No, I was talking about the feeling of jealousy.”

“Oh.”

“If one truly cares for another pony, then one should humbly share in their joy; not resent them for obtaining it in the first place.”

“Sounds like a good letter to Princess Celestia.”

“I suppose it could be. Though I doubt the Princess would find it appropriate for me to describe to her my first sexual experience vis-à-vis that of her prize pupil.”

“Hey,” Dash grinned, “you never know...”