An Average Day in the Life of Pinkie

by Xartis

Rating: everyone
Tags: Comedy, Random, Pinkie Pie, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 4433

This is what happens when I am incredibly bored. Have fun with this one...

Pinkie was having a regular day. Regular for her anyway. This is going to be fun...

Published 2012-11-25 16:30:01 UTC
Last updated 2013-03-03 19:49:01 UTC

The Madness Continues

The entirety of existence re-materialised itself. Yet again, myself, the author and narrator of this story, was writing a chapter of what I can only describe as madness. I picked up a piece of paper and a pen, quickly drew a picture of a really cool looking space-ship, scrunched up the paper upon realising it looked terrible and then threw it away. I then picked up my laptop and began writing this chapter of the story, and so, as the title suggests, the madness continues...

Pinkie was hopping along the path, away from Sugar-cube Corner, and towards Twilight's house. She was visiting her today, not for any apparent reason, but still it's Pinkie, I think we can assume this is going to be fun. She bounced over to the door to the library and knocked a tune on it. She was halfway through a percussion version of Necrofantasia when the door opened. Opposite to Pinkie stood Twilight, a look of question on her face.
"What is it Pinkie, I'm really" She looked over her shoulder, quickly levitating books up to a shelf, accidentally knocking down about four books, she sighed "busy..."
Pinkie just smiled broadly "It's okay Twi, I can always wait! Or can I help, do you need help, you look like you need help!"
Twilight just smiled awkwardly in return "no...no, it's fine" There was a loud explosion from her basement "Oh faecal matter!" Twilight always made it her objective not to swear when around Pinkie, she remembered one time she had said 'Kumquat' around Pinkie, the last thing this town needed was Pinkie jumping around yelling a new swear word she had just learned.
Pinkie's ears flattened and her eyes grew to large sizes "I can't even help a little?"
Twilight didn't like guilt, so she slammed the door and quickly thought of something else, like puppies, puppies are guilt free. Speaking of puppies, the explosion...

Pinkie slouched, depressed. Suddenly she had an idea. "Hey narrator!"
I merely smiled, not that anyone could see it, but they could read about it, and maybe that will make them feel better about themselves.
"Heeeeeey, narrator!" I remembered I was writing a story so quickly woke up from my prideful trance.
"Yes Pinkie?" I inquired.
"I'm booooooored, make something happen!"
I smiled "Gladly..." I reached over to my right and pulled a switch labelled 'Randomness'. I flipped into the 'on' position.

Pinkie appeared in a puff of pink smoke, she looked around, only to discover she was in the marketplace. She remembered from last time that a whole lot of crazy stuff happened here. She decided that she would have to do something really random to keep this story going. She would've thrown a party, but that pun had already been used (twice) in the last chapter. She quickly decided she would make some cupcakes, a dark thought rushed through her mind, but she was too excited to even acknowledge it. She rushed over to Sugar-cube Corner, where she bought ALL the cupcakes. It wasn't expensive, she was Pinkie Pie. She jumped into the air and remained suspended for a few minutes, eating the cupcakes. She proceeded to swim through the air towards Rarity's boutique. She made it her mission to hi to all of her friends today.

Rarity was busy sewing, she glanced at the mirror to her left, it was reflecting the image of a clothes rack back at Rarity. She glanced again, Pinkie Pie was right beside her. Rarity jumped ten feet in the air, when she landed she was kind of glad the boutique ceiling was so high. She returned her attention to Pinkie Pie.
"What are you doing, darling?" She inquired
Pinkie Pie replied gleefully "I just wanna say high to all of my bestest friends!"
Rarity stared blankly, after a few minutes she said "Well?"
Pinkie snapped back to attention "Oh right, Hi!" She then disappeared, leaving a pink blur in her path.

Rainbow Dash was flying through the air at insane speeds, her speed wasn't a constant, but it was definitely too fast. One thing I would like to point out is the breaking physics chart. 1 is an ordinary pony, they break no physics, and don't fix any either. At 2 is Rainbow Dash, her Sonic Rainboom and incredible speeds unlike most other living beings. At 3 we have Discord, the god of chaos, it's kind of his job to break physics. At 4 we have Tom the Rock, his impossible six-dimensional form only being visible to an insane fashionista, which there has only been one of. Then, we have Pinkie, at an incredibly high 42. Some physicists like to say this number isn't coincidental, saying that Pinkie might be the answer to the existence of life, the universe and everything. Some improbability professors like to say that the only reason that Pinkie is at that scale is because she radiates improbability. One person likes to say she's at 42 because he put her there, the creator of the chart, he put a lot of research into it and said that she is at 42 in relation to other ponies, bring humans into it and it's 43.8564. This left a lot of people very confused, none of them knew what a human was, except Lyra, of course.

So anyway, back to the story. Rainbow Dash was flying along when Pinkie appeared, she was swimming through the air again. Rainbow Dash was visibly confused, but she quickly dismissed the confusion, this was Pinkie Pie after all.
"Hi-ya Dash!" Pinkie said. Rainbow Dash didn't hear what she said, they were travelling to fast for sound to catch up with them. Rainbow Dash slowed down and swooped down to land on the ground. Pinkie kept going in the direction she was heading in, then swiftly appeared next to Dash. She jumped, not actual jumping, just shaking suddenly from shock.
Pinkie smiled "Hi-ya Dashie!"
"Hi Pinks, how ya doin?" Rainbow Dash said, she would have bragged about how fast she was going, but she couldn't really brag, seeing as Pinkie was going at the same speed.
"I'm doing great Dashie! I'm just going round town saying hi to my bestest friends, I said hi to Rarity just now, I kind of said hi to Twilight, but I might have to say hi again just to clarify that I said hi to her."
Rainbow Dash just smiled at Pinkie "Are you gonna do it all today?"
Pinkie thought about it for a minute, then replied "Maybe, depends on how fast the story is gonna go!"
Rainbow Dash looked confused "The story? What?"
Pinkie smirked "Oh...Never mind..."

The Madness gets out of the way for Randomness

Pinkie sped through Ponyville, she was determined to say hi to all her bestest friends. She arrived outside Fluttershy's house. She rapped on the door, then stopped rapping, got off of the door and knocked on it. Fluttershy opened the door sheepishly, but then smiled once she saw Pinkie.
"Oh, hello there Pinkie, what are you doing here today?" She said it with more sincerity than someone signing off a letter.
Pinkie replied joyfully, bouncing up and down on the spot "Oh, I just came to say hi! Hi Flutters!"
Fluttershy smiled warmly and giggled "Hello to you too Pinkie." A small bunny poked her leg with the urgency of a man who had to withdraw money to pay for an arm replacement. Fluttershy looked down at Angel, then smiled. "I'm sorry Pinkie, but I have to feed the animals now. Maybe we can talk later?"
Pinkie smiled with a smile that would cheer up a man who just found out he had no money to pay for an arm replacement, and had to wash plates for money. "Sure Flutters!" She then departed hastily, excited to say hi to her other bestest friends.

It was now night-time, the *audible page flipping* crepuscular stars in the sky shone with excellency.
Pinkie stopped running "The what stars?"
The crepuscular stars.
Pinkie looked confused "Confused is right!"
It then occurred to Pinkie that crepuscular meant Twilight.
Pinkie smiled slightly "So Twilight is crepuscular?"
You might even say she has a lot of crepuscularity (The quality of being crepuscular).
Pinkie giggled slightly "That word is almost better than kumquat, or pickle barrel!"
Pinkie ran along the path to Sweet Apple Acres, she jumped into a barrel filled with apples, then jumped out of one several yards away. This surprised Applejack quite a lot, especially because of the fact that to barrel was not big enough to fit a pony in, let alone transport them short distances.
"How ya doin' Pinkie?" asked Applejack, regaining her train of thought and continuing to fill bushels with apples.
"I'm doing juuuuust great Applejack! I'm going round Ponyville and saying hi to all of my bestest friends, I might say hi to my best friends tomorrow, then all my friends the day after!"
"Wow Pinkie, sounds like a lot of work, shouldn't be to hard for ya'll though, should it?"
"Nope! I've already done 1 2 3 friends, 4 counting you!" She was holding her hooves up to count, all four, she was still standing up "And I've kind of said hi to Twilight, but I might have to do it again because I don't think it counted" She held up a fifth hoof "Then that's all of my friends!"
Applejack smiled "Well then, are you gonna be gettin' along then?"
"Yeah, I should! Don't wanna keep Twilight waiting!"
As she departed she left a pink blur in her wake, as she tended to do from time to time.

She appeared outside Twilight's library, almost literally, the speed she was going would have made any physicist quit their job and become a part-time ceiling fan. She knocked rapidly on Twilight's door, Twilight opened it. She was covered in ash and what seemed to be small alarm clocks.
She looked busy "What do you want Pinkie?" She sounded busy "I'm busy" She was busy.
"I just wanted to say hi to you! Hi!" The door slammed on Pinkie's face "Ow! What's gotten into Twilight?" She shrugged and bounced towards Sugar Cube Corner, to finally go to bed after accomplishing her task.

Twilight sighed and brushed what can now definitely be identified as small broken alarm clocks off of herself. She walked down into her basement and continued cleaning it. There was ash and small alarm clocks everywhere. Most of the alarm clocks were broken, which tends to happen when they are in an explosion. She looked at her desk, not in a way that suggested she was about to do something important, more of a look that showed urgency, but not productivity. It takes 15 years of studying, 17 years of non-stop meditation and 19 years of non-stop desk-staring to know what that look is. It's all a fairly big waste of time, seeing as you gain nothing useful from the 51 years of learning, apart from knowing when someone isn't about to do something productive. Twilight sat at her desk. She smiled and ended the story, then she submitted the story. She leaned back "There, an average day in the life of Pinkie, done! Right there!"

I sat at my desk. I smiled and ended the story, then I submitted the story. I leaned back "There, an average day in the life of Twilight, done! Right there!"

Celestia sat at her desk, she turned towards you (Or whoever is reading right now, it's probably you, but you never know) She had a look of seriousness on her face "Now stop it, this is getting silly, we will have no silly things here please, thank you. Now be on your way!"

And now for something completely different, The End of the story.

How do I come up with this stuff?

"Okay, it's time to finish this" said Xartis, fully prepared for the penultimate consequences of his actions.
"I'm going to finish An Average Day in the Life of Pinkie, because it damn well has been more than a day!" The frustration in his voice was sharp enough cut glass, I mean shatter butter! I mean... Oh forget it, anyway, he's angry.
Wait if he's me, and I'm him, then who are you? Me? Her? The real Slim Shady? I'm just going to write the story now, before I break something...

Too much has happened since the previous chapter, so much that it couldn't possibly fit into one chapter, even though a chapter could grow to seemingly infinite proportions, although that would be impossible, because no computer (currently) on Earth would be able to memorize an infinite amount of text. Thankfully, I'm not on Earth right now, yes, I'm on Mars, only on Mars is it safe enough to finish this story. You see, the title suggests this story should have gone on for a day, which it hasn't, in fact the entire first chapter was a day, and there have been two more since then, three including this one...

I need to stop sidetracking, before I build a wall of text, umm... Oh yeah, lots of stuff has happened, and Pinkie is now hurtling towards the Sun, the Space Lizard is heading for Canterlot, a potted plant fell off a window sill and Twilight has dyed her hair a slightly different shade of purple. Now, I know what you're all thinking:
"What!? Twilight can't dye her hair, this is too much for me to handle!"
Well, I'm sorry to say this, but things change and Twilight thought it was a really nice shade of pink, of course Rarity suggested it. Oh God, what if Twilight gave in to peer pressure!? What if she actually doesn't like that shade of pink!? Oh God, this is too much for me to handle!

Oh yeah, Pinkie. *Ahem* So, Pinkie was hurtling towards the Sun at unexplainable speeds, nothing within the boundaries of time and space could stop her now, even light is struggling to keep up. Nothing could possibly happen to save Pinkie from her inevitable demise!

This, of course, is where the potted plant comes in. As it was falling, the most unlikely thing that could ever happen, happened. The potted plant hit the floor, the china pot didn't break, the potted plant rolled down a small incline, it hit a metal pole which then sent a minuscule vibration up it and into the building it was connected to. This knocked a biscuit off a counter into the mouth of an awaiting dog, the dog then became very happy and therefore began wagging its tail. The dog's tail then knocked a phone of the table which landed in such a way that it hit the numbers 7546385882. This number would seem completely unrelated to the story to the naked eye, but if viewed at a certain angle on the top of a mountain while the person reading it is juggling chainsaws, they would see that this number was in fact Pinkie's phone number.

After this staggeringly impossible series of events ended, Pinkie stopped in her journey and blinked out of existence *click* just like that! She then blinked into existence in exactly the same way, only in a small bakery in Canterlot that no-one had really heard of.

"Well that's it isn't it? It's over?"
That's what some of you may think, but in fact, as the ones of you that don't have the memory of a calculator will know, there is still the matter of the Space Lizard heading for Canterlot. Have I reminded you of it? Good, then let's continue.

Pinkie ran out into the streets of Canterlot, the sight of posh ponies practically panicking everywhere met her. She had to find Twilight, she would know how to fix this, only she would know!

Well, maybe Celestia and Luna would know, but they always get lost at the slightest hint of danger.

Don't tell them I said that!

Pinkie focused on a wall, she focused intensely on the fine brickwork of the wall, the slight cracks down the side, the fact that somebody had blatantly missed a brick when they were building so shoved it in afterwards and hoped nobody would notice.

After a few minutes of focusing, an orange opening open up in the wall, Pinkie smiled and started focusing her 4th wall-breaking energy in the general direction of Ponyville.

Twilight wanted an ordinary day, no puppies exploding, no small alarm clocks being found in every nook and cranny of her house, no annoying pink ponies piercing her eardrums with their consistent babbling. She sat down and levitated a book over to herself, it was a special book, one that read the words on the pages for you to listen to, I think they call them audio books. Twilight read the cover:

"Munngojerrie Reads Fanfiction, Chapter 3"

She smiled, she really liked these books, she was a particular fan of this 'Fanfiction' reader as well.

Just as she was about to begin listening to it, a blue opening appeared in her wall, and a pink pony emerged from it. Twilight sighed heavily, knowing her goal of a normal day was just too unlikely.

"Twilight, come quick! There's a giant Space Lizard steadily approaching Canterlot, we need to get rid of it, quick!"
"How is there a giant Space Liz..."
"Did you not read the second paragraph!? There's no time to explain!"
"Second wha..?"
"Just come with me!"

Pinkie and Twilight emerged from the orange portal, they glanced up to the sky, the giant Space Lizard now the size of Canterlot itself, but still hundreds of miles above it. Twilight gasped, she didn't expect Pinkie to be telling the truth.

Then, just like that *click* the Space Lizard was gone, everyone was surprised, even me! Twilight wasn't, actually, however, however actually, because she had just cast her prototype spell she never though she'd have to use, the 'Stop this God damn story now, I wanna have a normal day' spell. All it really did was launch the Space Lizard far, far away. Not to Far, far Away, that's too far, far away. Anyway, Twilight's a hero, Pinkie is neglected even though she brought Twilight there, Twilight becomes the Ultimate God Princess Alicorn of the World Universe, yada yada, letter to Princess Celestia.

THE END

What?

Were you expecting a less anti-climactic ending?

Look, I don't write history, I just document it.

No, seriously, I can't change what happens in life...

...Except those times I did that...

...But this time is different! I can't, Okay?

Look, I said earlier, THE END, now go away!

...Some people...

Xartis stepped outside and let out a sigh of relief.
"I did it, I finished the story!" He span around on the spot with his arms in the air, then got dizzy and fell over.
He laughed and made an autumn leaf angel, even though it was Summer on Mars, and there were no leaves, or trees, or grass.
He looked up into the infinite expanses of Space above him, but he saw something. Something small, however growing larger. He had studied basic physics, and this meant something was heading towards you. He tried to run away, but the entirety of a massive, unconscious Space Lizard landed on top of him. It then started heading towards Earth.

This was the story of Jeff the friendly Space Lizard, caught in the unfortunate circumstance that giant Space Lizards are often assumed to be evil, maniacal creatures who want to destroy everything. This was an average day in his life, and average it was! It had a mediocre ending though, I think whoever wrote this should get some hate! Oh wait, he got flattened, and it's me. Okay don't send him hate, just...

Could you get a broom? That flattened corpse is starting to smell...

Author's Note

No... I don't get it either...

Physics? He's always out to lunch when Pinkie's here

Pinkie was just trotting through Ponyville when anything, everything and something happened. She found herself swept off of her feet and she drifted into the land of imagination, except she didn't. She was actually standing in the middle of the market with a really derpy expression on her face. Suddenly she wanted some pears, except she didn't because of Doctor Whooves. Then suddenly she had a craving for cake because she was Pinkie Pie. So she ate some cake but then she was still hungry so she decided to go back to the marketplace. She met herself because I had not actually stated she ever left the marketplace. I quickly fix everything to stop the story from breaking too many laws of physics (Good luck with that, this is Pinkie we're talking about). Suddenly all her friends came along so she threw a party, the party flew over everyone's heads and smashed a window, so everyone had to clean up, but it was okay because I didn't stretch the scene out.

After Pinkie was done screwing around with physics and word play she decided to go to the Moon, but once she realised she couldn't go to the Moon she didn't want to go. I decided I should probably add some kind of plot to this story but Pinkie dismissed it because it was a stupid idea, she said and I quote "Good stories have no plot" I agreed because clop-fictions are never best-sellers. She said that's not what I meant, but I knew what I meant. Then me and Pinkie had an argument and she said she was leaving and not coming back until the fourth paragraph.

Now I'm stuck on this paragraph seeing as Pinkie was the main character, so I spent several minutes figuring out what to do. I thought of ending the paragraph early, but then I thought you might all think that was cheating. Wow, this story is going nowhere. I know! Suddenly a catastrophic event happened that caused the rest of this paragraph (Which I definitely wrote, the catastrophic event just got rid of it) to disintegrate.

Pinkie then returned, but said I cheated, I said I didn't. I told her all about the catastrophic event, then we made up, not to be confused with making out, we didn't do that. There's a wall in between us, the fourth one to be exact, so we wouldn't have been able to make out even if I had Pinkie's consent. At this point me and Pinkie were wondering how many minds we had blown, seeing as somehow me and Pinkie were talking before I wrote the text saying that we spoke, meaning everything we did had a delay. Pinkie got annoyed at the fact the entire world was delayed and decided to fix it by telling me to write in future tense. Pinkie is going to regret saying that, because now she has to see her own actions twice, once in the form of words, then again through her own eyes. Upon seeing what I just wrote Pinkie said she's prefer if I continued writing in present tense. I agreed, saying that I had already begun.

Pinkie was getting tired, so I rewrote the story so that she wasn't, and there was a massive chocolate cake in front of her. She took a big bite, only to find it was filled with para-sprites.

"Hey!" says Pinkie, who was suddenly surprised that the format of her speaking was changing to that of that one episode from Looney Tunes, Duck Amuck was it? Pinkie realised that and quickly resented the idea. "Hey wise guy! Don't you dare mess with me, we all know what happened to Daffy Duck!"

I got my pencil and erased her mouth, Pinkie reached into her pocket, which wasn't there because she was a pony and doesn't wear clothes, but still, it's the same question as 'Where does sonic keep the rings and chaos emeralds'. Anyway, where was I? Oh yes, she reached into her non-existent pocket and pulled out an 'ACME spare mouth'. She put it on her face, and said "Right, before we go any further I'm ending this story!" Unfortunately it was Pinkie, so I kind of have to stop the story now. Sorry guys. Umm...

Bye?

No, we can't leave, there needs to be at least 1,000 words. Pinkie! Come back! "Fine, but no Looney Tunes!" I told Pinkie there would be no Looney Tunes. Pinkie re-appeared in the marketplace, she walked around for a bit, but quickly got bored. I quickly made something up that would make this interesting. Hey Pinkie, why don't you ask for me to do something? "Okay! Umm.... *gasp* I know! We could THROW A PARTY!" So Pinkie threw a party for all her friends, the party she threw flew past everyone though, and it smashed a window. Everyone had to help clean it up, but it's okay because I can leave that part out (I realised upon re-reading this that I had repeated that joke, oh well). After they had cleaned up Pinkie remembered something. "Hey mister! I just remembered! We gotta end the story, I've gotta go to Sugar Cube Corner!" I suggested that the story could follow Pinkie there, seeing as it's not fixed to this one location. "That's a great idea! Why didn't I think of that" So, Pinkie ran to Sugar Cube Corner, she jumped behind the counter. "uhh..., This job isn't very exciting to watch, jus' sayin'" I told Pinkie it was okay, because I can do this:

Five Hours Later

"Wow! That was awesome, all the time went past like *whoosh* and I didn't even have time to see the time times itself into a future time and..." Something caught Pinkie's eye "Something did?"
Pinkie walked over to it "I did?"
It was a small device, Pinkie didn't know what it did "Hey! I know what this does! It's obviously a reality transmorgifier!"
I told Pinkie it was not a reality transmorgifier, it was a stop watch. Pinkie stared blankly at me, and to be honest, I'm not sure which direction that was, but she was definitely staring at me. She sighed and looked at the stopwatch.
"Oh, I know what else this is! It's an obvious plot device! You're trying to tell me we're out of time!"
Pinkie figured out what the significance of the watch was, so the story ended, whether there would be a sequel or not, was a mystery to all but Pinkie.