Dead Ponies Don't Wear Plaid

by JohnnyNorthrain

Rating: teen
Tags: Lyra, Gore, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark, Octavia, Bon-Bon, Adventure, Human
Length: 13583

A wealthy Manehattan socialite is killed and the case leads into the darker side of Equestria.

When a wealthy Manehattan socialite is murdered in her apartment with a gun, Johnny Northrain and partner Lyra Heartstrings are tasked by Princess Celestia to investigate. The case takes them from the high society of Manehattan to the city's underbelly in pursuit of gun runners and moonshiners. When the head of the gun runners turns out to be one of the most respected citizens of Equestria will they be forced to turn them in or let them go?

Published 2012-11-25 15:30:02 UTC
Last updated 2012-12-01 10:54:44 UTC

Manehattan

Manehattan. What else was there to say about such a place? The city stretched out for miles surrounding the rivers that kept it alive. The wealthy and the poor were divided along clear lines. You could see the envy on every pony’s face as they looked towards the east and the towering buildings that spoke of hope and prosperity. In the west the buildings reached for the sky and halted in their progress stumbling short of true glory. Stunted and run down with flaking paint and exposed brick they were monuments to the darker side of city life. There’s always going to be the rich and there’s always going to be the poor. It’s one hell of a transition to go between the two.

I never really understood it back in Chicago but here in Equestria it was clear. There was a deep seething hatred on both sides of the river for the other half. The rich gave the poor jobs and paid them to do services yet at the end of the day they went back to their slums and their apartments grumbling about how the rich could afford to pay more. They did not want to be poor themselves so they kept their bits safely tucked away.

I turned from the largest window in the flat overlooking the other sky scrapers and looked down at a book on the floor. Bonnie-best Apple and Clydesdale Draught were two notorious bank robbers that cut a trail of violence through Equestria from Fillydelphia to Manehattan. They were eventually stopped short when the Manehattan police caught up to them. Ponies still fondly remembered the two as folk heroes. There was a time when such ponies were regarded as modern day Robin Hoods even though they never gave the bits they stole to the poor. I couldn’t say that I was fond of them or their exploits but Madame Melba was. Or rather she had been before she met her untimely end from a bullet.

The last gun I’d seen in Equestria had been wielded by my old friend and put a round in my shoulder. I thought they did not exist beyond that snub nose .38 special revolver. I had hoped that Equestria would remain a relatively violence free society. All of those wises were in vain. Somewhere somepony had acquired a gun and shot Madame Peach Melba in the head. Her body had been removed long before I had arrived on the scene. With a special writ from Princess Celestia I’d been tasked with investigating the death.

Her blood was solidified in a pool on the floor and the book about Bonnie-best and Clydesdale was laying half in the pool and opened to a page that showed a photograph of the two bank robbers. Bonnie-best was obscured in the blood but Clydesdale’s face was visible. I sat the book aside and shifted my attention around to where she had been laying. I’d have to get the photographs from the police when they developed.
“Thoughts?” My partner Lyra Heartstrings asked.
“I haven’t eaten since we arrived here. Know of any good places nearby?” I couched down next to the vanity.
“There’s a noodle house down on fifth and mane. I’ll take you there after we finish here.” She trotted towards me stooping to look at under the vanity.
“I think…” I pulled out a small broken string of pearls and let it dangle in my fingers. “That I want to keep this place sealed up and go eat right now. There’s nothing here that can’t wait for a half an hour.”

We locked the door behind us and the police pony guard stayed in the hall to keep watch on the flat. It was just a short trip a couple blocks over to the noodle house and upon entering my nose was assaulted with a hundred rich scents of broth and soy sauce. Instantly my mouth began to water and we took a seat against the wall. The table was big enough but the chair was just a flat stool a couple inches above the ground. I had to tuck my knees under the table to sit. When the food came I slurped it down eagerly and hungry. There were no forks or chopsticks to use so I had to drink down the broth then slurp the noodles. There was no quiet way to do it.

She looked at me over the table with those amber eyes and shook her head slightly letting a soft sigh escape her lips. I smiled from behind the bowl and sat it down empty on the table. If there was one thing in this universe I was sure of it was Lyra. She’d been with me through some tough times and we had pulled through broken and bleeding but not defeated. I reached my hand over the table and tapped the brim of her fedora. The hat had been one of mine but I gave it to her and she had cut a hole for her horn allowing a proper fit. She leaned over and touched the brim of mine with her horn.

“What do we know of Madame Melba?” I asked her before starting in on the new bowl of noodles that had been brought to me. It was hard eating without utensils. The ponies never used them and they rarely used knives. I tried coiling them around the blade of a knife but the noodles kept slipping off. Eventually I just started drinking the broth down enough to slurp them. You just can’t put a price on a good bowl of noodles.

“In her earlier years she was an opera singer and toured the realm with the Shandy Opera Company.” Lyra settled back on her haunches. “Madame Peach Melba is as close to a noble as a pony can get in Manehattan. Her family has always had land holdings here and her brother Toast and his daughter Raspberry now control the estate. They could be counted as suspects and we’ll have to check them. The flat where she was killed has been registered in her name for forty years. It is paid in full for the next fifteen years. She was also a great lover of folk tales. Many of the ponies in the surrounding flats said that she would often talk about the adventures of the early settlers and folk heroes of Equestria.”
“An opera singer makes this interesting.” I leaned back against the wall and ran my finger over the rim of the bowl.
“There was nothing missing from the apartment as far as anyone could tell. Some bits were still in a wallet in her night stand and her jewelry was in a box. “ Lyra slurped her noodles.
“Not all of it, there was that string of pearls under her vanity.” I tapped the rim of the bowl.
“It was not stolen, just broken.”
“If it was only broken then where are the other pearls? Did you see any… anywhere? They would have cascaded like a bag of marbles and rolled over the hard wood floor. There was not one sign of them.”
“So you think that it was a thief after just her pearls?”
“That makes no sense though why they would break the necklace then only take the loose ones. It’s too bad we can’t dust for prints because that would help lead us in some direction.”
“Dust for prints?” She asked after finishing off her noodles.
“Fingers,” I held out my hand palm up. “Have a unique pattern on them. Finger prints we call it. When I touch something it leaves grease or dust print in the shape of what is on my finger. If the killer were Human we could dust the area to bring the prints up then record the pattern. Since as far as we know I’m the only Human in Equestria then dusting for prints is useless.”

She looked as if she was contemplating something for a few seconds before finally nodding. The two of us finished eating and headed back towards the apartment. Along the way I passed a street vendor with a cart. Candied almonds were reflecting the sunlight and caught my attention. The honey and sugar glaze glittered and I was about to buy a bag of them for us to snack on. I had gone so far as pulling out my wallet before the screech of rubber against the road turned my attention and a vehicle skidding around the corner fish tailing before catching traction and speeding on past. I couldn’t be entirely sure but the driver I thought I’d seen somewhere before. She had a black mane and purple eyes. There was a brief second just after the car gripped the road that she looked directly at me. Her eyes had narrowed and she sped up.

Sailing around the corner came two police cars in pursuit with sirens wailing. I slipped my wallet back into my coat and pulled Lyra to the side just as a Thompson barked out the back window of the first car. A passenger pony was using a sub machine gun and sprayed rounds all over. Quickly I picked up my partner and ducked behind the vendor’s stand hearing the .45 acp rounds collide with the wood and metal cart. The police backed off having no firepower of their own and the let car escaped into the city. I could feel Lyra’s heart pounding against mine and the adrenaline rush we both had started to subside. Standing up I helped her to her feet and surveyed the damage.

The vendor had run away and his cart was cut to pieces. One of the squad cars had been riddled with holes and the ponies that had been on the street had fled as soon as the shooting began. I slipped my wallet out of my coat and laid down the five bits for the nuts. Pulling a bag off a hook I walked on and Lyra ran after me.
“What in Celestia was that?” She said breathless.
“Chicago Typewriter.” I said and popped an almond into my mouth.
“A what?” She stopped in front of me blocking my way.
“Tommy gun.”
“Tommy… gun?”
“These are pretty good.” I held out the bag to her and she shook her head. “Thompson sub machine gun made in America. I don’t know how one ended up here and if they are spraying like that they must have more ammo. This does make things interesting. Let’s go to the morgue. I think it’s time to see the body of Madame Melba and find exactly what type of bullet killed her.”

Pit in a Peach

The first time you see a pony drive is hilarious. They sit flat on their bottoms and use a steering wheel created for human hands. There’s not much for a hoof to grip on to yet the ponies seem to be able to drive just fine. The typical seat is replaced with a flat cushioned pad while the break and gas pedals are moved to the floor just in front of their hind hooves. I’d never seen a car in Canterlot or Ponyville. They were pretty much restricted to Manehattan and Fillydelphia since the road network was not decent enough for automobiles. There were no service stations that I’d seen and I had no idea what they actually ran on.

Sometime in the recent past one or two of them must have slipped the barrier between Earth and Equestria just as I had. Whatever pony had engineered and built a new car from the design of the old was probably rolling in bits. They’d shrunk the size of the vehicles slightly to be more pony friendly. I was still able to fit in the back seat with Lyra while the cabbie took us downtown to the morgue.

Seeing the city from the back of a cab is a good way to view the subtle changes between neighborhoods and boroughs. Everything here in Manehattan seemed to have a chaotic sense of order. Streets fanned out like fingers in every direction then suddenly shifted and continued at strange angles. The entire city had grown up over time and not much of it had really been planned out. I had looked at several maps but the tangle was too much for me to make sense of. I figured it should have been a couple streets then a straight shot across town to the morgue. Instead it was a zig zag of one street after another before we finally reached out destination.

Ponies of every color and mark blended to make the population of this city. There were several sub districts that we passed. They had no real boundaries but as soon as you entered one there would suddenly be only Pegasus or Earth ponies, or Unicorns. It reminded me of the Italian, Irish, German and Asian districts in Chicago and New York. Just as soon as I’d entered one of the division neighborhoods the invisible boundary passed and the ponies mixed again.
I stepped out of the cab and handed the cabbie three quarters of the amount that the meter said. He started to argue with me about the price but I pointed out that there was no reason he couldn’t have just come here instead of taking us on an unguided tour of the city. That type of meter running annoyed me and he protested again. I wasn’t going to stand for it but Lyra hoofed over the extra and we turned away without giving him a tip.
The morgue itself was an annex of the biggest hospital in the city. It stood several stories high shining white in the sunlight like some British castle in the distant past before the outer plaster covering flaked away and all that was left behind were stone skeletal remains. It was a jewel of a building that spoke volumes of potential. Here was a place that ponies could be proud to come and receive medical treatment. The hospital was a beacon of welcome to the sick and the lame… provided they could pay.

The two of us used the side entrance that headed downstairs and we checked in at the desk. The attendant lead us through walls of freezers to the specific one we’d come to see. She unlocked it and rolled out the body of Madame Melba. She had been gorgeous in her prime. There were several photographs of her with prominent ponies at the apartment. One of them even featured Celestia. Now though she had aged and was frail and bent. Her skin hung loose around her body and there was one very clean bullet hole in her temple. I almost asked the attendant for gloves before remembering that she wouldn’t have any. The attendant walked back to the main desk leaving us to our work. I reached into my pocket and pulled out a knife. My switchblade had been lost months ago but I had fashioned a useable blade from a butter knife. All it took was a couple hours of scraping it against wet cement before it was as sharp as thorns on a rose bush.

I dug into the wound with the tip of the knife until I hit the projectile inside. Ten minutes of slow digging and pulling freed the remains of the bullet. Ten minutes of Lyra grimacing every time I had to slice away a bit more skin and bone. It was dirty work and if I had a pair of tweezers it would have gone smoother. I took the slug over to the sink and washed away the blood and brain matter. It was copper jacketed and the base had survived intact. The round was much smaller than that of a Tommy gun. I held it up to my finger and traced the base of it.
“I think this is a nine millimeter.” I told my partner and sat the round down on the slab next to Melba.
“So we’re looking or something else than a Chicago Typewriter?” She asked looking closely at it.
“I never quite thought it was a Thompson. There would have been more bullet holes around the apartment. This though… I not so sure what fired it.”
“How many guns can shoot a nine millimeter?” She looked up from the bullet.
“There’s probably a thousand different types. So as it stands we have someone who entered her apartment…”
“Broke in you mean.”
“Entered, there was no sign of forced entry. She probably let them inside. The pony in question entered the apartment and shot her. Then they broke a string of pearls from around her neck, scooped up the loose ones and left.” I drummed my fingers on the side of the slab.
“How do you know the pearls were on her neck at the time?” My partner asked.
“There’s a line at the front of her throat. The skin is red under the hair. It was forcefully pulled off after she had been shot. If they went for the pearls first from the front the line would be on the back of the neck. Instead it’s on the front of the neck which means they had to grab it from behind.”

Lyra Heartstrings nodded as if she fully understood. She was learning quickly and Celestia bless her heart she was good at this type of work. I’d been doing it near a decade now and learned tricks of the trade from a mentor who helped pull me out of a deep pit of depression years ago. Melba was definitely the victim of a strange robbery. I checked her body for other clues and came up empty. I patted the base of her neck and silently said a prayer for her soul. I slid the freezer back into the wall and cleaned my hands at the sink after pocketing the bullet and sliding the knife back in its sheath.

The list of suspects in my head only included one name at the moment. Toast Melba was her brother and estate holder for the Melba family. I’d have to track him down and ask him the standard questions. Where were you at the time of the death? How much have you had to drink? Why would your parents ever name you Toast? Did they get the joke about your name? You know the standard stuff that helped break the tension a bit and may just let somepony slip up and give me more information than they intended. Toast though was in his seventies and probably just as bent backed as he sister had been. His daughter might be the better avenue to pursue before going directly to him. She was in her forties and had a law firm in Manehattan. I added her name to the list of potential suspects.

The soap I used to clean my hands had a violet hue to it. The color reminded me of those eyes again. The driver of the car that used the Tommy gun had been someone I’d seen before. Canterlot kept coming to mind but I would have remembered her there. She seemed to have a moment of recognition for me when our eyes met. Why hers would narrow in anger or disgust I couldn’t quite figure out. She was gorgeous though with her gray coat and black mane. What really sold me on her looks were those eyes. A man could lose himself in eyes like that for years and be happy.

I dried my hands then slapped myself across the cheek. Lyra’s attention turned on me but she said nothing. I cursed myself and my train of thought. I’d been in Equestria now around six months. Why the hell was I thinking about a pony like that? I was slightly angry that I had even crossed that line and started feeling that little flutter in my heart when I thought of those eyes. I was a human damn it. I liked humans even though the only other one around had been killed by my partner. I never blamed her for it, in killing Nickolas she saved me from the same fate.

Turning away from the sink I sighed and walked out of the morgue. My mind was brimming with a hundred thoughts threatening to boil over. Why had Celestia tasked Lyra and me to investigate this case? Well the answer to that one was pretty obvious. I was the only one that had experience in dealing with gunshot murders. Why was Melba killed in the first place? I was pretty sure those pearls were the big reason. If I could find a photograph back at the apartment with her wearing them then I’d know what the entire string looked like. Perhaps they weren’t just pearls and had been a string around a diamond. Why couldn’t I get this stupid school boy crush feeling to disappear when I kept thinking about that damned pony? Why was the pony across the street with saddle bags staring at me? Why were they trying to appear interested in a magazine at the news stand but really just keeping an eye on me?

I walked around the corner with Lyra following and we got half way down the block before I looked over my shoulder and saw that same pony following. We stopped and they stopped. I looked down at my partner and shrugged my shoulders with a nod of my head. She’d seen them also and we both booked it around the next corner as fast as we could. The moment we were on the other side of the building we stopped and pressed ourselves back against the wall.

Hoof beats echoed off the cement sidewalk as the pony ran around the corner trying to catch up and ended up running directly into me. I quickly wrapped my arms around their neck and we tumbled on the ground as he tried to escape. The latch on his right saddle bag opened and the contents spilled out. He bit at my shoulder trying to gain purchase with his teeth on my flesh. Lyra joined the fight and the two of us almost had the pony subdued before he kicked out hard sending her into the wall and me to the ground. I reached out and grabbed hold of the bags. He ran and they ripped free. The pony disappeared into the city and I dropped the bag to the ground.

Thankfully Lyra was alright. She would be bruised from where the kick hit. As she looked from me to the spilled contents her eyes became wide. I shifted my attention away from her and saw the object of her fascination. Somepony had acquired a Walther PPK. I picked up the black German police pistol and dropped the magazine out of the grip. It held seven rounds of nine millimeter Browning. It was loaded and ready for action. I slipped the pistol into my coat and we both sifted through the rest of the items from the bags.

There was a letter about the pistol telling the pony that Brickle… whomever Brickle was… that he could outfit a way for them to fire the gun. There was an unsigned note that gave instructions on following the human and his partner around the city to make sure they did not cause trouble. The note had a soft perfume on it that had not come from the Earth pony we’d tussled with. I inhaled the scent and closed my eyes knowing that I’d smelled it before in Equestria. It was a particular type of flower I couldn’t quite place. I sorted through the rest of the bag and stored in my coat what clues there were. We left the bag on the sidewalk and we caught another taxi back towards the apartment. When we were in the back seat I pulled out that note again and turned it over in my hands.
“What’s the plan now Johnny?” Lyra took a sniff of the note and licked the tip of her nose.
“I need to find a photograph of the pearls. We need to figure out why we’re being followed. We also need to figure out who this Brickle is.”
“Brickle?” The cabbie asked looking back at us.
“Do you know them?” I perked up in anticipation.
“I know a Butter Brickle. Owns an ice cream shop in mid-town. Best ice cream in Manehattan.”
“If you can get us there in fifteen minutes there’s double the bits in it for you.”

The cabbie smiled and stomped his hoof on the gas. We sped through the streets moving around cars like they were standing still. What luck to have the cabbie we hailed know of a Brickle. If the lead dead ended at least I could get some ice cream. I hoped that they had French Vanilla or something with Pecans. My stomach rumbled in anticipation and a smile tugged at the corner of my lips. I leaned back against the seat and turned my blue eyes towards Lyra. She was nearly white as the cabbie disobeyed every traffic lay to get us to our new destination. My predominant thought at the moment kept coming back to that pony. Who the hell was she with those pretty purple eyes?

Velvet Octave

Velvet Octave

Butter Brickle’s ice cream shop had an unforgettable name. The sign on the wall had a pony dressed as a clown being tickled with a triple scoop sugar cone. When I say tickled I mean it literally had a clown pony painted on the wall with a triple scoop sugar cone being jammed in its front legpit and the expression on the clown’s face was somewhere between amusement and absolute sugar induced horror. Brickle’s Tickle was just as strange on the inside. Polka dots lined the walls and every tile on the floor was a different color. I had no idea that some of those shades could even exist. It looked like somepony had diced up Rainbow Dash and scattered her remains on the ground.

Butter Brickle and his employees were wearing rainbow wigs to add to the illusion that somehow eating ice cream and other treats here was fun. If I had been a kid of about ten years old I might have thought that it was great but being thirty I couldn’t help feeling that this pony was overreaching. The patrons seemed to enjoy it and there was a small line of ponies waiting for dessert. Lyra went ahead of me in the line and I stood chest and head taller than any other pony.

I took my time looking over the flavors and their comical names. Some of them were easy puns such as cookie dough snow which had marshmallows mixed in. Others just made no sense such as sangria see ya. I settled on something easy from the myriad of fifty or so choices. Lyra ordered two scoops of mint chocolate chip and I ordered one of pralines and cream. I paid for the treats then slipped a note to the cashier. We sat at a table in the center of the establishment and started the luxurious task of licking the ice cream.

One hot summer back in Chicago I’d had better ice cream at the fair. This was a very close second in texture and taste though. Brickle definitely knew how to make a tasty mix of cream, sugar and fillers. It was not long before the master of clowns himself came trotting over to the table. I bit down the rest of my cone and Lyra kept the long tongue licks on hers. When I motioned to a seat Butter Brickle took off his wig and sat down looking between the two of us.
“So what’s this about? I get a note saying that you are interested in firearms?” He raised a brow looking at me.
“I was told that a Brickle could set me up with something special.” I folded my arms across my chest.
“Who told you that?” He asked.
“Somepony who wishes to remain anonymous. I’ve got an old pistol and I wanted to get something more accommodating.”
“Sorry, I can’t help you.” He stood from the table
“Wait,” Lyra licked her lips clean then resumed speaking. “I want to put in a special order and money is no object.”
“I’m not the Brickle you are looking for. Wish I could help you both but as you see we just sell desserts here.” He turned from the table.
“My name’s Johnny Northrain. We’ll be in town for a couple days. If you know anyone that can help us I’d appreciate it if you pass on my card to them.” I pulled one of the business cards from my pocket that read Heartstrings & Northrain attached to a small pouch with bits inside.
“Well…” He looked over his shoulder and thought for a moment. “I’m not the only Brickle in Manehattan. I have a brother that may be able to point you in the right direction.” He snatched the card and the bits from my hand. “You’ll hear from him soon. Where are you staying?” Butter Brickle put his wig back on and smiled to a new customer that entered.
“We don’t have a place yet, I’ll drop by tomorrow and see if there’s any development.”

With a nod he turned to greet the new customers and resume his business. I followed Lyra outside to the street with the taste of pecans and caramel on my lips. Butter Brickle had not been a dead end. I couldn’t fault the pony for being cautious but he had connections and soon word would get around the city that a human was looking for a gun. Somepony would find me since I stood out like a sore thumb.

There was laughter coming from further up the street. I turned my attention towards it and stopped cold. There was human woman in a red dress walking with several ponies and laughing at their jokes. I watched as she entered a night club with her entourage. I turned and dropped to one knee in front of my partner.
“Did you just see that woman up there? I’m not the only one left in Equestria.” I looked back to the night club.
“The only one… what?” She asked.
“The only human. You didn’t see her?”
“No… are you sure you saw another human?”
“Up the street. She went into the night club. I have to know who she is.” I stood turning away from Lyra.
“Johnny, I did not see anypony.”
“Just wait here. I’ll be back in ten minutes. I have to know for sure.”

She started to protest but I walked away and heard her shout something I had never heard from a pony before. Heartstrings may have been hanging around me for far too long if she learned a string of words like that. I paid it little mind and strolled up to the entrance of the night club. The outside was painted back with red trim and a pony stood behind a velvet rope dressed in a red vest with a gold pocket watch. He looked up from a book and closed the volume.
“May I help you sir?” He asked trying to look down his nose at me.
“The human woman in the red dress, who is she?” I asked looking down at the book.
“She works for the Velvet Revolver.” He replied acting as if everyone should know that fact.
“Velvet Revolver… interesting name. I’d like to get in.”
“We’ll be opening at nine o’clock this evening.”
“Perhaps you can open a little earlier…” I slipped some shiny bits next to the book.
“Sir, I assure you it’s not a matter of money. We will be open at nine o’clock this evening and you may or may not gain entry depending on the guest list. Is there anything else?”

I turned away picking up the bits and stuffing them back into my wallet. The pony scoffed and returned to his reading. They wouldn’t let me in the front door so I would have to find another route. I circled the block and headed down an alleyway towards the back of the club. The Velvet Revolver was a pretty large place on the outside and I found a ladder leading to the roof. It was another thing that spoke of human involvement in this place. I could not begin to fathom how a pony would even climb a ladder. They lacked anything to grip the railings as they ascended or descended. I pulled myself up to the roof and saw nothing at first that would allow me access. There were vents too small for me to squeeze into but there was an access hatch disguised as a vent. I pulled on the outer cover and it opened revealing another ladder down into the club.

Descending I entered a catwalk running around back stage and I tried to be as quiet as possible in my leather soled shoes. Several ponies were below setting up the night’s entertainment and chatting as they worked. From my vantage point I could see the front of the stage lined in red velvet curtains. The stage itself was painted to look like a cylinder on a revolving pistol. It was perfectly round and I assumed it was a revolving stage from access hatches on the back side. The first rows of tables lining the stage were set up in a large semi-circle. To the left and right were raised levels in smaller half circles. All in all I estimated that this place could hold a hundred ponies easily.

There was a sound back stage and I crouched low on the catwalk trying to blend in with the shadows. A gray pony with a black mane walked in on two legs and set down a large instrument case and clicked open the clasps. She pushed back the lid and revealed four Thompsons inside. Two of the backstage ponies grabbed the guns and transferred them into a rectangular box. There were several drum magazines in the bottom of the instrument case that they took by the leg load.

I strained to hear what they were saying and I ended up pushing one of the lights with the corner of my foot. It suddenly turned direction and all three sets of eyes went skyward. I froze and looked down through the metal slats of the catwalk seeing those violet eyes. The two of us looked directly at each other for several moments. Her eyes narrowed for a second time and she yelled at the other two ponies to grab me. I stood and ran down the catwalk jumping at the ladder and climbing as fast as I could. Not waiting to see if my pursuers were on my tail I hurried across the roof. Gripping the sides of the ladder with my feet and hands I slid down to the alley way just as a back door burst open and a pony carrying a Tommy gun opened fire.

I launched myself away from the ladder and rolled on the ground trying to get away from the hot lead. The rattle of bullets ceased as quickly as it had started and I heard the violet eyed pony shouting at the shooter that she wanted me alive. I scrambled to my feet and ran as fast as my legs would move. I did not care at the moment if she wanted me alive or not, the other pony had opened fire and nearly killed me. It was just dumb luck that he was a bad shot. Several of the slugs had chewed into the cement next to me as I had rolled away. Turning the corner I nearly ran into Lyra who was galloping hard in the direction I’d came from. I turned her around and we both ran away from the rear of the club.
“What the hell happened? I heard gunfire!” She shouted as we ran.
“Good news is there’s another human in Manehattan. Bad news is some ponies tried to kill me.”
“This is why I did not want you going in there!”
“Ok you were right and I was wrong. At the moment we have more pressing concer…”

We both skidded to a halt as we rounded the last corner opening onto the street. The violet eyed pony and five others were blocking our exit. All of them were standing on two legs and aiming a variety of weaponry at us. Two Tommy guns, one M1 Carbine and two revolvers were pointed in our direction. I put my hand up and gripped the brim of my fedora. The other slipped into my coat pocket and held the Walther.
“I thought you’d have more sense than this.” Violet eyes spoke with a slight German accent and shook her head. “I honestly expected more from the one who defeated Chrysalis.”
“You’ve got me at a big disadvantage.” I let go of my hat and dropped my hand to my side. “Six against two… and I don’t even know your name.”
“Octavia.”
“Tell me Octavia, what’s a Canterlot pony doing in Manehattan?” I was trying to buy time and keep them from shooting.
“Oh so you do remember me Mr. Northrain?” She approached and looked up at my blue eyes.
“I remember seeing you at court. Who’d have known you were a smuggler.” I smiled at her.
“We do what we must. For now I think you and your partner Lyra Heartstrings will be coming with us.”

There was nothing I could really do when five guns trained on my partner and me. I let go of the pistol in my pocket and turned my gaze to Lyra with a shrug of my shoulders. She returned the gesture and we both conceded to go with them. Octavia smiled and stepped away from me heading towards the main entrance. The gun toting ponies surrounded us and we started to follow Octavia when a car came screeching around the corner. It sped up and turned sharply, drifting on the street and slamming broadside into one of the gun ponies. The vehicle and pony slid past us and the car stopped between us and the other four. The door opened up and Bon Bon was behind the wheel.

“Get in, no time to explain.” She shouted to us as the other ponies opened fire. Lyra dove into the vehicle and I followed after. Bon Bon had grabbed a Walther PPK from somewhere and was returning fire while slamming down on the gas. The tires spun and screamed then it gripped the road and we sped off down the street. Bullets rang off the steel body of the car and soon we were out of range. I sat breathless in the back seat and Lyra threw her front legs around Bon Bon giving her a kiss. She dropped the gun and returned the kiss before focusing on the road and driving like a bat out of hell.
“What in Celestia’s name are you doing here?” Lyra asked her best friend keeping her legs around her.
“Celestia called me in to give you two support.” She turned sharply around a corner.
“Support? You aren’t exactly the support type.” I said sitting up in the back seat. “Where’d you get the gun?”
“The six of us were the only ponies that had them for a while. Recently there’s been an influx of human firearms in Manehattan. None of us know where they are coming from. There’s something else. Humans are showing up, we’ve recorded a couple others besides you Johnny.” Bon Bon sped up and blew through a red traffic light.
“We? Who’s we?” I asked while taking off my fedora and running a hand through my hair.
“MI6.”
“M… I…6?” Lyra asked just as puzzled as I was.
“Majesty’s Intelligence Six. There’s six of us ponies tasked by Princess Celestia on intelligence gathering and peace keeping. Well technically there are seven including the princess herself. I’m the seventh in the line.”
“Where are we going?” I asked while trying to sort out what Bon Bon had said.
“Our safe house in Manehattan. I’m sorry Johnny but this case you are working on goes far deeper than we realized at the time Celestia sent you here. Also… Lyra… I think it’s time we talked.”

Issues of trust

The sun was set low in the sky and the clouds obscured it from view. A soft breeze blew in from the lake and made her black hair dance in front of her eyes. I brushed it back over her ear and my lips softly kissed her eyelid. She blushed and warmed under my gesture. I couldn’t have been happier then to be here on the boardwalk with her overlooking the water. She pressed her body up against mine and turned her back to me allowing my arms to slip around her front and rest over her belly. Through her dress I could feel the upper line of her panties and I traced it with a finger lightly while nuzzling her ear.

She danced away from me and those violet eyes held such promise as she winked and headed towards the soda parlor. I watched with a smile as the light gray sundress slipped around her frame while she moved. Inhaling deeply I caught the scent of roasting peppers in the air. Lightly licking my lips I headed after her intent on kissing her to within an inch of her life.

I sat up with a start and shifted my gaze around confused as to why I was in the back seat of a car. It took me a good ten seconds to realize that the girl with the sundress had been a dream. I picked my hat up off the floor and let myself out of the vehicle. I’d ended up in a garage that had two doors. One big enough for the car and the other smaller and set into the far wall. The corridor beyond the small door turned and headed down. Following it I allowed my thoughts to wander back to the dream.

The woman was definitely Octavia. I did not know why she was human or why we were in Chicago. I remembered walking the boardwalk several times but I had never been with her. The scent of peppers continued to grow stronger as I made my way down the corridor. Octavia, the damned pony that I’d seen in Canterlot. She played an instrument but I couldn’t remember what. She spoke with a soft German accent that made electricity shoot through certain parts of my body. She’d known about the fight with Chrysalis and that had been kept quiet. What else did she know about me and why could I only recall snippets about her? It almost felt as if I had known her before. That look she gave me in the car while speeding past was of annoyed recognition.

I had come to another door and opened it seeing a living area about the size of an aircraft hangar. Along the far wall were radio banks and all sorts of electrical equipment and parts. Another area was sectioned off for bed and bathrooms. My partner was napping on a sofa and in the open kitchen her friend was cooking a stir fry. I closed the door behind me and took off my hat and coat. Setting them on an empty chair I sat down on the sofa next to Lyra and ran my fingers through her mane. She nuzzled up to my leg and continued to sleep. I leaned my head back and dozed off again.

My sleep had been dreamless the second time and I awoke seeing Lyra and Bon Bon sitting at the dining table near the kitchen eating the stir fry and rice. Stifling a yawn I joined them at the table and the three of us ate in silence for a few minutes. Several looks were exchanged between Lyra and Bon Bon before I finally broke the tension by withdrawing the Walther from my pocket with the note. I sat both on the table in front of Bon Bon and raised a brow. She picked up the note and read it before dropping it back to the table top.
“How does that even work? A pony being able to fire a gun made for a human hand?” I asked her bluntly.
“It’s called a squeezer. Rigged up to the trigger and was invented by a human years ago. Ponies squeeze the grips and the gun goes off. That’s what my pistol has.” She pushed her plate aside.
“I don’t even know who you are anymore…” Lyra whispered from across the table.
“I’m still your friend.” She rested her hoof on the table. “I’m still the same Bon Bon you’ve known for years. I just… I was just keeping a secret from you. I work for Celestia and only a couple other ponies even know that MI6 exists.”
“How many humans are there in Equestria?” I asked while picking up the Walther.
“We don’t exactly know. Johnny you are the most prominent but there are at least three others here in Manehattan and another in Fillydelphia.”

Lyra was remaining quiet and I stood from the table taking the three plates to the sink. I looked back over my shoulder and my best friend was nearly in tears having had her trust ripped apart. It was not exactly like Bon Bon’s secret hurt her but she felt betrayed that her friend had been living a double life. I grabbed a glass and stepped away from the sink heading towards the bathroom. Locking the door behind me I set the glass against the door and my ear so I could hear their conversation without being a part of it. Several more moments passed before Lyra started speaking.
“I don’t know what to do. Half of me wants to run away from here and never talk to you again. The other half of me wants to forget it all and just kiss you.”
“Why don’t you?” Bon Bon’s voice was muffled since her back was to the door.
“Because I don’t know if I can trust you.” I could hear that Lyra started softly crying.
“I’m a spy for the Princess. I never spied on you.”
“Coming to Ponyville, was that part of your cover?”
“Yes but you never were. Lyra I found you and fell in love. I can’t lie about those feelings. I don’t want to lie to you anymore. I’ve been spying on Johnny but I’ve never done anything to hurt you.”
“I want to believe that Bon Bon I really do. I love you and I don’t care who knows it but I don’t want to even be near you right now.”
“Lyra… Lyra wait!” Bon Bon said as a door slammed.

Removing the glass from the door I waited in the bathroom. So it was true and I had my suspicions that they were more than just friends. The way I’d been raised that type of relationship went against the natural progression of life but hearing the tears in Lyra’s voice cut straight to my heart. I couldn’t sit by and let her run out on someone she loved even if I did not entirely approve of it. In the months since Chrysalis I’d grown to care for Bon Bon as a friend and I never would have suspected that she was spying on me. I should have figured that Celestia would have enlisted somepony to keep tabs on the only human in Ponyville. I opened the door and Bon Bon was sitting at the table with tears rolling down her cheeks. I walked over to her and handed her my handkerchief.
“I’ll talk to Lyra.” I said and she nodded. “I don’t want to see either of you torn apart over this. She’ll come around. It’s not like she caught you with another pony.”
“That’s how she feels though.” She wiped away the tears.
“Since I came here she’s been my connection to this world. I’ve made other friends but I never felt close to them, not like I do to Lyra. She loves you deeply then to find out you’ve keeping secrets… well it’s going to be alright.”
“Can you promise that?”
“No.” I said and retrieved my coat and hat.
“Then why even say it? I like you Johnny but you are dumb sometimes.”
“Find the Brickle that can modify guns. I’m going to go talk to her.”

I couldn’t have told any pony where Lyra had run to. Leaving the safe house put me in an unknown part of the city and I wandered around the blocks trying to catch a glimpse of my friend. She might have been avoiding me but it was easier to guess that she had just run off and I couldn’t find her. I wouldn’t give up the search just yet and I decided that the best place to start looking was the waterfront. Somewhere out there she might be sitting on a bench with her thoughts bubbling and I might just find her. There was the old main bridge spanning across the river and I headed down from the sky scrapers towards it.

The sun was set low in the sky and the clouds obscured it from view as I approached. A soft breeze blew in from the ocean and tugged at the brim of my fedora. I sat on an empty bench and looked out across the skyline. She was not here and I did not quite know where to go or even how to get back to the safe house. With a soft sigh I folded my arms across my chest. In a city such as this she could hide for days without any trace of her being found. There were times that life decided to give you a spot of luck and deliver exactly what you needed when you needed it.

This was not one of those times. Something hard pressed up against my shoulder and I knew what it was. The barrel of a gun pushed itself into my coat and the owner stood behind me ready to deliver my death. I waited for them to pull the trigger and send my blood spiraling out of my chest. They hesitated and I turned my head to the left seeing her. The wind tugged at the corners of her gray coat and fedora as well as made her hair dance. She wore a purple ribbon around her hat with matching bow tie and she was holding a German Luger against my back.
“You aren’t that hard to find Mr. Northrain.” Octavia spoke with that sweet accent again.
“I like the new threads. Trying to copy my look now?” I smiled.
“I always wear this outside. Really it’s lucky that I found you without the others around.”
“Are you going to shoot or not?” I nodded towards the gun.
“All I want is to talk.” She slipped the pistol under her coat and sat on the bench next to me.
“If you just wanted to talk then why did you open fire on me back at the Velvet Revolver?” I leaned back against the bench and shifted my focus to her.
“It was one of the hot headed colts that decided to perforate you. I was going to pull you into a back room and conduct an interrogation.” She looked out across the water.
“There’s just the two of us out here now. What do you want to ask me?” I couldn’t help but stare at those gorgeous eyes.
“I’m going to ask you to go back to Ponyville and forget any of this ever happened.”
“I can’t do that.” I shook my head.
“I know. The boss won’t like to hear it but she’ll be sending you a special present very soon.”
“The expensive kind?”
“The kind that gets you killed Mr. Northrain. Forget the guns, forget Melba and forget Manehattan. You’ll live longer that way.”
“Why are you even with these thugs? A bright pony such as you should be playing the symphony not sticking around a jazz club with crates of weapons.”
“They’ve…” She hesitated and turned to look directly into my eyes. “They have something on me that I’d sooner forget about.”
“And they gave you a way out if you work for them.” I said and she nodded. “You can’t trust any pony that says that.”
“I can’t trust any human either.” She stood from the bench and adjusted her hat.
“Who was that woman at the club? The other human?” I watched her turn around.
“She goes by Sydney. You should stop in sometime. I’ll make sure you name is on the guest list if you can promise me one thing.”
“What would you like?”
“Stay out of our way.”
“For you…”

I let it hang in the air and she turned on her hoof and walked up the stairs on two legs. She’d let slip one crucial piece of information. Her boss was a woman. That narrowed it down to half of the city. Just a few more weeks and I might be able to push it down to ten percent of the population. I laughed and stood from the bench. The chance meeting with Octavia had lifted my spirits and I set out to find my partner again. She wanted me to stay away from the operation but I couldn’t. They were blackmailing her which only fueled my desire to help and break up the ring. She’d mentioned Melba and the only way she could have known is if the gun runners were connected to that death. I’d take their organization apart. I’d help Octavia out of her debt and in doing so hopefully score some favors from her. I’d go to the Velvet Revolver and see this Sydney perform. I’d do all of these things just as soon as I located Lyra.

Sydney

By sundown I still had not found Lyra Heartstrings and I had absolutely no idea where I was wandering. I couldn’t get Octavia out of my mind and how sexy I thought she looked with that Luger and the coat. I was a human who liked humans. There’s no way I would have ever looked at a pony like that back in Ponyville. I guess there just hadn’t been any pony that primed me the way Octavia did. Lyra had come close a couple times. There were evenings when we just fell asleep together. I never felt anything but comfort with her and I’d wake up early and start stroking her mane and she’d push herself back against my chest and sigh. Those nights had been some of the best I could remember. I never once wanted to do anything other than just lay there with my arms around her. There was even the one time in Canterlot when I was recovering that I’d done the same with Lyra and Bon Bon. All three of us had shared a bed and there was nothing sexual about it.

I couldn’t claim the same with Octavia. I’d always had a thing for strong women that usually got me in trouble and I couldn’t see this working out in the end. I’d probably end up with a bullet inside me and a heart full of pain but damn it I still thought about grabbing her and kissing her. In my dream she had been human but it was a pale representation of her pony self. In my dream she had wanted me and was playful but in reality she just warned me to stay away. God damned ponies; stick around them long enough and you started having these itches that couldn’t be scratched. It’d been years since anyone except me had done the scratching and I was feeling conflicted and aroused at the same time. I pushed the thoughts to the back of my head where they only screamed louder. If I was going to bed anyone it had better damn well be that Sydney since she was human. Every time I thought about her though my mind kept going back to Octavia and her invitation.

Sometimes there’s nothing else to do but step up to the occasion. Sometimes you just happen to find what you are looking for in the absolute wrong place. After hours of wandering and my mind dancing around that grey pony with the purple eyes I finally found Lyra. I wasn’t the first one unfortunately. She was bounded and gagged and I had my Walther trained on the pony that held her. She was unconscious by the time I showed up and they had been trying to load her into the back seat of the Equestrian version of a Ford. I’d come across them before they could finish their work and I demanded my partner be returned. When they laughed I’d drawn the gun and shot one of the four ponies in the leg. He screamed and hopped around with blood running down his hoof. The other three had frozen in the middle of loading Lyra. They hadn’t taken me seriously before but now they knew I was not playing a game.
“I still have six rounds left. At this range I won’t miss. Drop Heartstrings, get in the car and drive away.” I told them calmly while my brain was screaming for me to kill them.
“Celestia save me! Shoot him!” The wounded stallion was yelling at his friends
“Shut up. We aren’t going to shoot him. The bosses wanted to have a word with them both.” Another Stallion said from his position near the car.
“So you decided to knock out my friend for a chat? I don’t buy it.” I took a step towards them.
“We came upon her and asked her to come with us. She put up a fight and we knocked her out so we wouldn’t have to deal with her fighting back.” The Stallion that held her pleaded with me.
“Drop the pony or I drop you. If your boss wants to talk they can come to me in person. For every friend of mine you hurt I’ll shoot one of you.”
“Look it’s not like we intended…”

I never let the pony finish that sentence. I pulled the trigger and the bullet tore into his knee. He went down and starting crying out while dragging himself into the back seat of the car. The other two dropped Lyra and grabbed the first pony I’d shot. The four of them sped off in the vehicle and left me with my knocked out partner. There was so much rage building in my heart that I had for a brief second been aiming at the head of that second pony. I switched the pistol to safe and pocketed it before picking up my best friend. I stripped the gag from her mouth and felt the lump on her forehead. She’d been hit hard and blacked out. I started walking with her in my arms and then cursed my idiocy. I should have made them leave the car.

It never fails to amaze me than people and ponies alike can turn a blind eye to someone in need. I was walking down a couple streets with her in my arms and not one pony stopped to ask if I needed help. A small bit of concern would have been nice. The slightest show of anything other than self-absorption. I continued on and my feet eventually carried me to the outside of a familiar building. The Velvet Revolver loomed in front of me and the same pony was at the door. I stepped over to the rope passing the other ponies waiting to get in. There were murmurs of protest but I gave the door pony my best smile. I told him my name and he checked the list. There’s no way he did not remember a nearly six foot tall human in a trench coat and fedora. He checked that damned list anyway and I was surprised that my name was already on it. He ushered me and my plus one inside. As soon as I stepped past those velvet curtains I paid little attention to the furnishings and headed off into the staff area with Lyra. I slipped past a couple ponies and went into a dressing room. There was a sofa and I laid her down on it. Checking her breathing I was finally satisfied that she would be alright if a bit worse for wear. I laid my coat over her and went to the wash basin to splash water on my face.

The water was deliciously cold and I wiped my face clean with my scarf. I stared at the piece of silk cloth in my hands. I did not own a scarf and yet I had one. It had been the gag around Lyra’s mouth and I must have pocketed it instead of throwing it away. The cream colored silk scarf had a monogram on it in blue letters. I was just about to read them when the door opened and I turned around quickly from the wash basin and saw Sydney standing in the doorway. She was just as surprised as I was. There were a couple seconds of silence as we looked at each other from across the dressing room.
“Get out before I call security.” She said trying to act tough.
“My friend is hurt and she needs to rest.” I motioned to Lyra on the sofa.
“I don’t care. This is my dressing room. You need to leave now.”

It was not worth the trouble and I picked up Lyra again. Before I could take a step Sydney stopped me. I don’t know if she thought Lyra had been faking before but when she saw her go limp in my arms she had me put her back on the sofa and cover her up again. I sat down on the cushions and laid Lyra’s head in my lap. My fingers stroked through her mane like I usually did and I watched Sydney move around the dressing room.
“Thanks.” I said quietly.
“As soon as she wakes up you need to go. You can’t be back here like this.” She sat down at the vanity and started fixing her hair.
“Are you performing tonight?” It was the only thing I could think to ask.
“I perform every night. “ She turned in the chair and looked at me. “Are you going to ask?”
“Ask…?” I shrugged my shoulders not knowing what question she meant.
“Every human that ends up here always asks the same questions. How did you come to Equestria? Don’t you want to get back? Want to have sex?”
“Oh… well I don’t know, not particularly and you aren’t my type.” I said shrugging slightly.
“Not you, they always ask me those questions. You aren’t too bright are you city boy?” She sighed and went back to fixing her hair.
“How many humans are there in Manehattan?”
“They come and go. Some end up dying and some disappear. Right now there’s about twenty of us scattered around the city.”
“Twenty?” I couldn’t believe there were that many humans around.
“It’s not like back home. Out here we’re second fiddle. Forced to feed off the scraps that the upper ponies give us.”
“Is that what you’re doing, eating scraps?” I rested my hand against the base of Lyra’s neck.
“Girl does what she has to.” She started applying her makeup for the evening.
“I bet.” I said and let it lay.
“What did you do before all this city boy? Outstanding man such as yourself seems to be quite familiar with that pony. You two shacking up?” She was using mascara on her eyelashes.
“It isn’t like that and she’s a friend.” I moved my hand away from Lyra’s neck.
“I bet.” She winked.
“I was a cop then a PI.” I rested my hand back on Lyra’s neck.
“How the world turns. One day cock of the walk and now you’re a personal massager to a pony. Do you know what I was?”
“Short order cook?” She was starting to annoy me and I let it show in my voice.
“I was a nobody. Except on the day after I arrived here. I was still alive and this nobody had the chance to be somebody.” She put down the mascara and started powdering her face.
“So you became a… what… courtesan?”
“I’m a singer. Too much competition back in our world. I moved to Australia to pursue my love of music. Ended up here through some twist of fate.”
“So that’s why you call yourself Sydney.” I said rhetorically.
“Quaint isn’t it? Back there I was not even good enough to get a gig. Out here I’m the talk of the club. Found myself a rich pony to shack up with and the rest is history.”
“Is he paying you in bits or bullets?”

She dropped the power ball and it threw out a small poof of white dust when it hit the floor. Her painted up face went nearly as white as the talcum powder. I’d struck a deep nerve and I could see her hand slightly shake. So she’d gone interspecies and hooked up with a Stallion. One that had connections running guns. I was willing to bet that he was the owner of the Velvet Revolver and had chosen that name personally. Sydney struck me as the type of woman that would do what she needed to survive no matter who she used or who used her. She also literally struck me. While I had been in thought she stood from the vanity, crossed the room and landed a large open palm slap directly on my cheek.

I let Lyra’s head gently rest on the sofa then I stood and grabbed Sydney’s wrist. I wasn’t going to stand for her slapping me. She struggled against my iron grip. I wasn’t hurting her, just holding on tight intent on not letting that hand strike me again. Her eyes narrowed and she stared directly into mine. There was a knock at the door to her dressing room and without thinking I told the pony on the other side to come in.
“Sydney about tonight’s set I was thinking that I’d… oh sweet Celestia you work fast.” Octavia said from the doorway.
“You know him?” Sydney shot her gaze towards Octavia.
“Yes although I am beginning to question our association.” She looked at me and raised a brow.
“I think I’ve seen enough.” Letting go of her wrist I turned back to the sofa and picked up Lyra. “Thank you miss Australia for the wonderful time.”
“Sydney.” She hissed with venom on the tip of her tongue.
“Is she… alright?” Octavia asked turning her attention to the pony in my arms.
“She will be. I better leave before she sinks her fangs into me.” I motioned with my head towards Sydney. “Sorry I’ll have to miss the show tonight. I’ll come back some other time and see you personally.” I smiled to Octavia and stepped out of the dressing room with Lyra.

Something sailed behind my head and collided with the wall in the hallway. I had no doubt that Sydney had thrown it intending to strike me. I wasn’t going to stay around here with that harpy for another minute. Octavia’s sudden appearance had caught me completely by surprise and I’d melted for that moment that she stepped through the doorway. Sydney had gone pony, why couldn’t I? Still dealing with that internal conflict I missed the moment that Lyra had woken up. She said my name and I’d completely ignored it with my thoughts focusing on Octavia. She said it again and I half heard her still not paying attention. When she said it a third time I looked down and she pursed her lips then nodded with her head.
“You can put me down now.” She said
“Sorry…” I knelt and let her stand on her own legs. I took back my coat and slipped it around my shoulders.
“Where are we?” She asked looking around.
“I haven’t a damned clue.” I chuckled softly and she smiled.
“Let’s find a telephone. I have Bon Bon’s number and she can come get us.”
“You ready to go back to her?” I looked down at my best friend and she looked at the ground.
“I shouldn’t have ever left. That was stupid of me.”
“We all do stupid things Kiddo. Let’s go call her.”

Rum Runners

The Equestrian Telephone Company or ETC had several phone booths set up around the city. The phone network was antiquated by any standard I’d ever seen. The technology must have slipped the barrier between the worlds and they were still trying to figure it out. There was a thing called a party line back when I was a kid. One ring was for the first floor apartment, two the second floor and so on. We would pick up the phone when it rang our number and talk to whomever was on the line. If you wanted to call out then you had to talk to an operator and they would connect the call.

Bon Bon’s number was pretty much like a party line except that it was a very specific setup for the ETC operator. She had no problem connecting me but she hesitated when I gave her the number. I imagined the pause was from the complicated prefix. In a few seconds I was connected and the line was dialing. The other end picked up and I only said her name before something slammed into the phone booth and cut the line. I went down in a shower of metal and glass and slammed my head hard against the ground.

There was a lot of fog that I couldn’t sort through in the moments after I struck my head. Lyra had been shouting at someone or at me. There was a car with a dented bumper and a pony bit my pants and drug me out of the wrecked phone booth. Somepony went through my pockets and took my gun then they threw me and Lyra in to the back of the car after slipping hoods over our heads. They bound my hands and hog tied Lyra. The ride was anything but pleasant as we went around corner after corner. Even if I had known the city I’d still have little idea of where we ended up. Several times I tried to get a response out of my friend but she lay lifeless on the back seat. I could hear her breathing but that was a small comfort at the moment.

After what I guessed had been an hour I was pulled out of the car and forced into a chair. The vehicle drove away with Lyra and a heavy sounding door was let down. The chamber echoed and there were several ponies inside talking low. The hood was ripped away from my head and I saw a pony straddling a chair made for a human and resting his front hooves on the back of it. He canted his head to the side and smiled in a way that reminded me of a salesman trying to gyp you out of your coin. He had a red mane with a white stripe. In the middle of his face was a hideous mustache and he wore a stupid striped vest. Another pony looking nearly identical to him stood at his side and both grinned at me while narrowing their green eyes. They were Unicorns and twins near as I could tell. I’d never seen two ponies look exactly the same. I spared a quick glance around the place and saw it was a warehouse with barrels stacked everywhere. Fifty yards in were more ponies talking and behind me another thirty yards away was the door that we’d come through in the car.
“Well look at what we’ve got here brother of mine.” The clean shaven one spoke while gesturing with his hoof. “It’s a human that’s not in our employ. I bet we have a bottle of rum that he’d certainly enjoy.”
“My dear brother I do believe you are right. Such a thirsty man without a drop of liquor in sight. I bet if we explain our little proposition, he’d sign right up and accept the offered position.” Mustache winked at his brother.
“If you two are going to sing just shoot me now.” I grumbled.
“Very well we’ll dispense with the song and dance. If only you give our offer half a chance.” Clean shaven leaned up against his brother.
“You hit the booth I’m in with a car. You have me dragged out of it and you kid… ponynap my partner and you want to make me an offer?” I raised a brow and winced at the pain in my head.
“Well you’ve got opportunity in this fair community…” Mustache started saying.
“No damned singing.” I interrupted him.
“Look it’s quite simple. There’s a thirst that can’t be slaked by any legal means. Ponies started tasting the liquor brought over by you human beings. Now they’ve got a hankering for alcohol and since it’s banned by royal decree that’s where you come in.” Clean shaven winked at me.
“I don’t know how to make it.” I leaned my head back and testing the rope binding my wrists. It was damn tight.
“That’s not what we need you for. You are a human and we employ the drifters of your kind that end up here. You’ve got something that ponies don’t have, Anonymity.”
“How the hell can a six foot human be anonymous in Equestria?” I laughed and shook my head then squinted from the pain.
“You don’t have cutie marks. Most ponies can’t tell one of you from the other. You are also capable of shifting around the entire realm and disguising yourself in ways unimaginable to a pony. We use you as a mule… so to speak and you get paid by us. You’ll even get to sample the delicious concoctions that we’ve been distilling and brewing.” Mustache stood from the chair and unrolled a contract.
“It’s an addiction to be sure but I’ve never seen ponies go absolutely crazy for something like this before. It’s no wonder that the Princess declared it illegal centuries ago. There’s a deep underground market for the booze and we want your help.”
“If I say no?” I lifted my arms and gestured to the rope with a nod of my head.
“Well we tried to send representatives to talk to you before and you shot two of them. We are being as civil as we can about this. It’s not something you can refuse.” Clean shaven magically levitated a quill towards me. “Sign the contract and we’ll be business partners in rum running.”
“Where’s Lyra?” I asked calmly my arms tensing against the bonds.
“She’ll be returned to you upon accepting the offer. If you refuse… she’ll be returned to you in more than one piece.” Mustache smiled and leaned in pointing to the contract with his horn.
“Fuck you.” I said as calmly as possible while rage boiled just under the surface.
“I’m not entirely sure what you mean by that. Flim have you ever heard that word before?”
“No Flam I haven’t.”

They turned their attention away from me and looked at each other. That was the moment I had been waiting for. With wrists still bound I launched myself forward off the chair and slammed shoulder first into Mustache. He and I went down hard against the ground and I kicked out with my foot catching the side of his head. I heard a satisfying grunt come from him at my blow. Pushing myself up to my feet I was met by the chair being magically thrown by Clean shaven. It cracked into my side hard and sent me to a knee. I reached out and gripped a leg of the chair then swung with all my might towards Clean shaven. It caught him off guard and he let go with magic. The chair made a dent in his skull and it sent him to the floor of warehouse. Before the other ponies could rush over I ran as fast as my feet would carry me towards the heavy door leading outside. My breathing was labored and my side and head ached like all hell. I only made it half of the distance before there was a gunshot that stopped me cold. My worn shoes skidded across the concrete floor of the warehouse as I stopped running. The bullet had struck my ear and taken a piece of it. Blood was flowing down the side of my face and I gritted my teeth from the pain.

The shooter had been hiding behind a barrel near the large door and she approached with a cut down rifle in both hooves. The blue pony grinned as she bolted the short barreled rifle and ejected the smoking cartridge. The brass clanged off the cement and she approached with the rifle raised. Her violet eyes held none of the warmth or sexiness that Octavia possessed. She was demented and I waited for her to fire again. From behind me I heard the brothers get up and trot over. They stood at my back while the blue pony had my front.
“I see you’ve met our associate. Trick Shot Trixie. She’s the best markspony and our personal… what was the word that human used Flim?”
“Sniper I do believe it was Flam.”
“Trixie is simply the greatest shot in Equestria. The first was a warning. You lost part of your ear, be thankful it was not your head.” She boasted with a smirk on her lips.
“What do you say old pal of mine?” Clean Shaven stepped over to Trixie’s side levitated the contract.
“No.” I grimaced behind clenched teeth.
“Oh that’s a shame, really it is. Well there’s nothing left except being done in a dungeon.” Mustache snickered at his own bad pun.

With Trixie’s rifle trained on me the choice was easy. I complied and they led me through a couple corridors away from the warehouse where we had our little chat. There was a cell constructed a long time ago for something bigger than I was. They locked me inside and I sat down against the wall. There was no furniture and the place stunk of old urine. I tentatively touched the spot where my ear had been and the nerves were on fire. The damage had not been as bad as I first feared. There was a section of the top missing but it was in a U shape. Just like when cattle had their ears docked. I wouldn’t have put it past Trixie to intentionally mark me this way.

I let my bound hands rest in my lap while I leaned my head back against the brick wall and closed my eyes. I was captive to a group of rum runners with their own sniper. So far I’d not seen that type of accuracy in any pony and I suspected that she had used magic to aid her in the shot. The rifle itself was cut from a full length Enfield. She had not used her hooves to bolt the rifle and my attention had been focused on her face.

For the second time in a year I nearly started crying. Not because of the missing chunk of ear but tears were nearly shed for my partner. She’d been hit hard the first time and I did not even see what had happened to her the second time. She was completely unresponsive in the car. They threatened to send her to me in pieces and that hit hard. She might be dead at the moment but I kept hope alive. I shouldn’t have stopped to make the damned call. I should have just taken her to a hotel or someplace where I had not been too distracted to notice the car until it ran into the phone booth. As it stood I was ready to kill every one of them for hurting her in the first place. Trixie had taken a perverse pleasure in shooting me. If she laid a hoof on Lyra I’d make sure that she ended up at the bottom of the river with the magazine of that Enfield emptied in her body. I scrubbed at my eyes with the back of my hands and steadied myself. There’d be time to feel sorrow later. Right now I needed to start working on a plan to get out of this cell. I needed to find Lyra and most of all I needed to break into one of those barrels. The liquor inside would be just the thing to dull the pain and give me enough courage to attempt hot blooded murder.