“.... Why?”
The word repeated constantly in The Doctor's head. He couldn't understand it, like the many other things he couldn't understand in this dimension of magical Greek mythologies come to life. He hated knowing so little. He hated that he could no longer be the pool of knowledge he had been before he'd fallen into this world of 'Equestria'.
He'd read books upon books of this universes' libraries, knew all of their recorded history and their stars, their mysteries and achievements throughout all of time. And yet still there was so much that he just didn't understand. Mainly the magic of this world. Magic. He tried to convince himself it was a form of science, but just when it started to make sense, something new would occur.
Originally, the magic fascinated him. He wanted to know more, he wanted to learn. But after The Truth... There just seemed to be no point. Magic was magic, talking ponies existed, and there was no longer any reason to bother trying to figure anything out beyond that.
It was too dangerous. That's what he told himself. Everyone had a right to be afraid of the unknown, didn't they? Something so complex that even he couldn't understand was something he didn't want to touch. The sheer power that magic contained was enough to tell him 'No. Don't dive any further into this.'
He now paced about the TARDIS, alone with only the distant hum singing to him for an eternity. He told himself he would never leave, never take the risk... But something always managed to tug him outside into the small town of Ponyville. He'd made an exception to only travel within a 100 year gap and only in that general area that seemed to be the most safe and dull era of pony history.
'Why...?' he found himself asking again in his mind. He made his own rules, and here he was breaking them. His Sonic had warned him of his body's levels going all over the place, and he could physically feel it whenever it happened, and yet... Why could he never resist? Why could he never stay inside and ignore it? Why did he allow contact to the TARDIS and why was he responding to it so openly? And why did that silly little unicorn keep coming back? He'd denied her and yet there she was again, refusing to take 'no' for an answer, insisting he needed a hug for whatever reason. And then, and then...! Even after he'd acted upon an instinct, sure that it would chase her away from the mere vulgarity of it... She still came back!
His hooves clopped loudly on the TARDIS floor as he continued to pace in circles, huffing and unsure, his legs shaking and his ears folded down in frustration.
“What does she bloody see in me?! Why? Why does she insist? And why... Why me?” He stopped in place, looking down at his disgusting hooves. A reminder that he once had such wonderful hands at some point. He lifted a hoof and stared at it for a long moment. The offending hoof that he was sure would chase her away... “Soft...” was all he murmured under his breath as he continued to contemplate his next action.
The Doctor shook his head and sat down, continuing to stare. “She was... So soft...” He sighed deeply. It wouldn't hurt to see her again, would it? She was just another pony, after all. And besides, perhaps if he went along with what she'd asked, she'd finally stop. There could be a chance that maybe if he just pretended he was fine and that she 'fixed' him, she'd be satisfied. And yet, the fear was there, tucked in his mind, always beating out it's rhythm at him, screaming. 'What if she never stops? What if she falls for you? What if she wants to be a companion? What if she becomes just like the others? Lost forever in the life of adventure, taken by whatever terrible fate followed you at every corner? Like Martha, or Rose, or... Ditzy...?' The very idea caused him to collapse into a huddled ball of terror.
This was no ordinary visit. This wasn't a hug to make him feel better. This was... This was something that could only happen once in someone's life, something unrecoverable and precious.. And it was being offered to such a useless man and he didn't know why. And that was what scared him the most. Not knowing why.
But on the other hand... There was that dark suggestion in his mind, whispering as it always had been but ever so much louder than usual. Perhaps the experience would be fun? What did her feelings matter in this, really? He could try something new to ease all the tense imbalances in his body. Perhaps his lusts were hungering for something fresh, the same way they'd once did when he'd married the Virgin Queen for the soul purpose of breaking her title in history. Just because he could and because he wanted to show he had some sort of power over history, to prove he could do whatever he wanted. Of course, no one ever let him live the event down. He'd become quite renowned for his actions. All the more reason to try something similar with this unicorn who was throwing herself at him. She had absolutely no idea just how important she was to history, or just how tempting she was in general, and that darkness inside him wanted to take that for himself.
And yet... And yet! It all felt so wrong at the same time! The Time Lord put his hooves to his head and grimaced. He wasn't stealing anything, she was giving it to him. Willingly. He hadn't made the first approach like he'd done with the Queen, he had no plans, and he had no idea just who he was about to deal with.
“It's just a pony!” he insisted to the empty space that was the TARDIS. “She's just a harmless pony who is probably mixed up and doesn't know what she wants. No reason to be concerned.” He nodded assuredly, sitting up and patting a hoof to his chest as he tried to boost his own confidence, “Who she is doesn't matter, does it? She's soft. Very soft, and warm, and she will probably be good company in bed for a night. That's all I want anyways. That's all that matters.”
Still shaking, he managed to pull himself back up and trotted over to the TARDIS console, biting his lower lip in a mix of anticipation and nervousness. He was going to do it. He was going to accept her offer and there was nothing wrong with it. They both would get something they wanted and that would be that. No complications. They weren't friends, there was nothing special between them, so there was no need to make it a big deal. She probably just wanted her first time to be memorable, and what would be more memorable than having a go with a Time Lord?
With his co-ordinates set, the TARDIS was off, groaning as she always did when she was set to park somewhere new. His ears perked to the landing 'ding', and before he left the door he composed himself accordingly.
The library was dark, and was full of smells that the Doctor personally enjoyed. The smell of old and new, that scent of books that made one feel that they were in a calm environment full of knowledge and secrets. Even though he'd already read all of the books that were likely there, he still felt that small tugging need to explore the little mysteries that might be tucked away in the corners of this ancient library tree. He couldn't help but snicker to himself at the thought of a library in a tree. There was something brilliant about it, and somehow ironic, seeing as books were made from trees after all. He wondered if any of the books might have been made from the hollowed out bark of this particular tree, and he was very tempted to press his ears to the tree's body and feel how old it was and learn its story. But this oddly giddy daydream of his was swiftly blown away at the sound of hooves lightly trotting down the stairs.
The Doctor turned his attention to the purple mare who was clearly nervous, nearly causing him to lose his own composure. Something about her expression and the way she moved made him feel a lot more unsure than when he'd faced the more forward and eager mares from before. He shifted his ears back politely and bowed his head as he turned to face her head on, forcing a coy smile but unsure of what to say.
“Well, um, hello, Doctor.... Welcome...” The young unicorn's voice was soft and shaking slightly, and the Doctor could tell she was trying her best to do things right. Her eyes shifted to the left a moment, looking away from him as she paused with a slight flush rising to her cheeks, “The bedroom is upstairs... So, you know...” She then turned her head to the right, gesturing to the stairway, “If you come with me we can start.”
“Well, it doesn't have to be in a bedroom.” the Doctor responded with a quirky grin, trying to lighten the awkward mood a little. It didn't work, instead resulting in making the unicorn shift her eyes and push out a forced giggle. He almost immediately felt like a fool and lowered his head sheepishly, obediently trotting to the stairway. “But traditional is best so, yes, bedroom. Good. Right.” He cleared his throat, “Erhm, Twilight, yes? Twilight... Sparkle? Your name?”
The mare nodded, relaxing a little at the comfort of knowing he remembered her name. “Y...Yes, that's right.”
“Well then, Miss Sparkle. You may lead the way!” he lifted his head pridefully again, reassuring that he knew what he was doing and that she could trust him.
When they reached the lofty bedroom, Twilight crawled up onto her bed and laid herself out over it, giving the Doctor a shy smile. He didn't approach right away, though, because he could tell she was nervous and something inside him insisted on finding answers. He told himself before he wouldn't get close, that he'd just swoop in, get the job done, and leave, but he just couldn't bring himself to do that to this particular mare. Something in her eyes made him push back his more primal instinct as he put his hooves on the edge of her bed, his voice softening in concern.
“So... This really is your first time?”
She seemed surprised at the question, glancing away from him and closing her eyes tightly as she nodded vigorously, “Yes, I really meant it! I wouldn't lie about a thing like that, so I--”
“Are you sure you want this to be with me...?” he interrupted in a stern voice, watching her face intently.
“I- Yes, I want--”
“Because it could be anyone, you know.” he interrupted again, leaning closer to her and keeping his voice soft yet serious, “You might fall in love some day and you'd have lost out on a very special moment. It's not too late to change your mind.”
There was a long and quiet pause between them, Twilight staring at the sheets and biting her lip while the Doctor waited for her answer. A sadness seemed to grow in her eyes, and her shyness melted away into a solemn acceptance.
“...... I don't think that moment will come for me. Not now. Not anymore.” she then looked up at him, another forced smile as her eyes seemed to light up in a mix of tears and confidence. “So that's why... If I had to choose anyone now, I choose you.”
The answer threw him aback, and there was another long silence as he just stared at those eyes of hers. They were so familiar somehow, he knew exactly what kind of eyes she had but he just couldn't place how he knew or why. Whatever the reason, he couldn't help but silently lean himself forward to cup her face tenderly between his hooves as he planted a long and gentle kiss on her lips.
He could feel her body shaking, and this prompted him to move a hoof down to pull her closer to him as he broke softly from the kiss, giving her a small nod. “Then... If that's your choice, I wont let you waste it.”
“Doctor...?” her voice was about as fragile as a falling leaf in autumn, and she stared at the stallion in wonder. She hadn't expected him to be this way, not after knowing his reputation for his 'lovemaking' escapades.
“Shh.” he nuzzled his nose gently to one of her ears, whispering, “I know. I understand.”
All she could do was stare at him, coming to a similar realization as he did. The eyes. The way he spoke, the misery he held in his voice and the empathy he was suddenly showing... She wanted to protect him, more than ever before. This was enough for her to be certain with her decision, and she leaned her head up slightly to return her own kiss to him.
