The Conversion Bureau: Why We Resist
I wondered why hospital examination tables always seemed to be colder than the room around them, or why the paper gowns never seemed to wrap all the way around. It was funny, I was sitting on this metal table, about to make the biggest decision of my life, and here I was asking myself stupid questions.
“Excuse me, Mr. Heinrich?” a voice called out as the door swung open. Despite having seven years to get used to them, seeing a four foot magenta pony walk in instead of a human doctor just felt weird. “I’m Dr. Patterson, I’m going to be overseeing your Conversion today.” The unicorn trotted across the room and glanced at the clipboard on the table. “Okay, let’s see... your physical exam went well, a little overweight given your size, but that won’t be a problem. No medical problems you are aware of?”
“I thought that the Conversion fixed all that?” I asked, confused.
“Well, that’s true. But there have been a very small number of cases where converts suffer seizures, or even heart attacks, during the initial step of the transformation. We’ve not had any deaths, thankfully, but we like to make sure in advance.” He grabbed the covered tray sitting next to the clipboard in his mouth and trotted back to me. “Alright, are you ready?” He lifted the cover and set it to the side.
“So, that’s it, huh?” I looked down at the tray, feeling the hairs on the back of my neck stand up as I saw the two needles sitting there. One was just clear, I assumed the anesthetic, while the other shone with a light purple color. “How come it’s purple?”
“We’re not entirely sure, to be perfectly honest. I believe the official explanation is it had something to do with the unicorn who developed the current version of the spell, Twilight Sparkle.” He glanced to the door as a nurse walked in, this one human. “Ah, I was wondering where you were, Glenda.”
“Sorry, had to file some paperwork from the last Conversion.” She smiled at me. “So, are we ready?”
“Is it going to hurt?” A split second after the question left my mouth I chuckled. “Sorry, I bet you get that all the time.”
“It’s okay, and no, the Conversion itself is painless. Some patients have mentioned being stiff once they wake up, but nothing beyond that.” The nurse put her hand on my shoulder. “Now, why don’t you lie down, on your side is better. Then we’ll get started.” As I complied, she picked up the needle with anesthetic and gently inserted it into my arm. I know they say you can’t feel it, but I felt my eyes drifting closed as a wave of warmth came over me.
*****
As sensation came back, I could feel the warmth of the sun on my face and I opened my eyes. I sat up, looked around, and knew something wasn’t right. Instead of the field I expected to see, as my friends who’d gone ahead of me had described, I sat on a rough stone path. Grass pushed up through the gaps, and a few trees were spaced evenly along both sides. Finally, I still had my clothes on, which was definitely out of the ordinary. I got to my feet and looked around, trying to see what had gone wrong.
There was a faint rumble of thunder, and I glanced up to see that the sky remained completely clear. Okay, something weird was definitely going on. I started to walk down the path, struck again by how silent it was. No birds, no wind, no anything. The place seemed deserted.
Finally, the path opened up into a sprawling courtyard, a couple small fountains spaced out to break up the empty space. However, the building looming at the far end stole any attention the fountains had. If I had to guess, it seemed to draw it’s focus from medieval architecture, though reinforced to put a prison to shame. The size of it boggled me for a second, easily ten times bigger than the house I’d grown up in.
I walked past the fountains, some depicting the usual cherubs or dolphins, while others were more abstract. Finally, I stood before the doors, wondering what I should do next, when the silence shattered.
“Well, as nice as it is out here, are you going to let me in?” The voice was calm, with an undercurrent of benign amusement.
I turned around and nearly cried out in alarm, the door rattling as I backed into it. Not five feet behind me, Princess Celestia tilted her head. “Wh-What are you doing here?”
“Well,” we both glanced to the horizon as the thunder sounded again, “you did agree to the conversion, did you not?”
“But hold on, none of this adds up, I’ve asked my friends about their dreams and-”
She raised a hoof to cut me off. “I admit, the Dreams were an unexpected side effect of the conversion process, but as I understand it they are keyed to the individual. Some just... take longer than others.”
“So... what? What does that even mean? What is this place? And wait, this has happened before?”
Celestia tilted her head back to look at the fortified structure. “Of course. Lots of humans have trouble just accepting the truth right off the get go. Though most resolve their personal issues before they’re even aware that they need resolving. Although, I can’t entirely blame you for not realizing it sooner, given that you always spent your time looking out from it...”
I stared for a second, then turned to stare up at it too. “You don’t mean...” I turned back to see her staring at me, now only a foot apart.
“This place, all of it, this is you.”
*****
“Okay, so I know I’ve asked this before, but really? This place is insane! Granted, I’m asking an alicorn, in what is supposed to be my mind, but still, it’s the principle that matters.”
Celestia chuckled as we passed yet another window, this one with a machine gun emplacement. Every single window was the same, a weapon of some kind aimed to cover a specific zone. “Well, if I may be so bold, it appears that your mind is built to be a fortress, to repel any invader and keep yourself safe from hurt.” She glanced out the window for a second, her eyes distant.
“Well yeah...” I trailed off for a second, “I mean, my life hasn’t exactly gone the way I thought it would.”
“It rarely does,” she paused as the thunder sounded again, this time louder, “but tell me this, what enemy warrants this kind of protection? Those faceless many who mocked you in high school? The ‘girl’ you fell for in your teenage years? The bullies who abused your trust when you were six? Your father, mother, brother, friends? And why, of all things, is such an indomitable stronghold abandoned? A place like this would require dozens to properly defend it. Yet here you stand, alone, without allies to help you.”
The words were clinical, delivered without any true malice, yet they stung all the same. “Well, I mean-”
“This is not the time for excuses to justify past behavior.” Celestia trotted to the window as the thunder sounded again, this time rattling the glass slightly. “You know what the thunder is, right?”
I thought about it for a second, then my eyes widened. “Hold on a minute,” I hurried to the window, “that’s-” I glanced at her, my eyes widening. “Is that...?”
“The Herd, yes.” Celestia looked back to me. “Like I said, some Dreams take longer than others.”
I looked down at my hands, which were starting to shake a little. “So... what now?”
Celestia looked at me, her eyes no longer conveying the same warmth as before. They were the eyes of a ruler, of one used to giving orders and having them followed. “You know what comes next. You just need to accept it.”
I nodded and forced my hands to stop shaking. “Well, then might as well get started.” I walked up to the window, and after a second’s thought hefted the machine gun and flung it through the glass.
****
I found myself again in blackness, though this time there was a comforting solidity under my left side. I rolled my eyes behind the lids and started to stretch.
“Doctor, I think he’s waking up!” I heard Glenda’s voice shout.
“Well, you took a little longer than normal waking up, Daniel.” Dr Patterson’s voice was heavy with relief.
I opened my eyes, flinching a little at the bright lights. Raising my arm, I blinked at the sight of a brightly colored foreleg matching the motion perfectly. With a growing smile, I started to work out lifting my head. “Well, you know what they say. Some dreams are harder to wake from than others.”
