Twilight and I waited in tense silence. I floated in her aura while she sat on the couch, observing me like one would a colorful insect. I guess that makes sense though; I am similar to an insect in appearance.

"She gonna be much longer?" I asked. Twilight simply shook her head. She never broke eye contact or anything, just kept staring at me with a cold gaze. In the background a clock could be heard, ticking away each agonizing second we spent in each other's presence.
Eventually, the time came for the Princess of Equestria to arrive. A large and lavishly decorated chariot circled around the library a few times, visible through the many windows throughout the establishment. The chariot eventually touched down at the door, and hoofsteps were heard as Equestria's Sun Princess made her way to the door. The steps stopped, and Celestia surprisingly knocked on the library's door. It was a quick and light knock: Gentle, but not so gentle as to be inaudible. Twilight made her way to the door and opened it with a separate dot of magic and gave a slight bow.

"Hello, Princess Celestia. Thank you for coming so quickly." She said to the floor. Celestia gave a nod and flashed a tender smile and motherly look.

"Of course, my student. This is a rather pressing matter, after all." She replied. She looked toward me and switched to a look of one-hundred-percent neutrality.

"So this is the changeling you have apprehended." She stated. Twilight rose from the traditional ass-kissing stance and looked toward me as well.

"Yes, your majesty. He is most peculiar." Celestia walked up to me and gave me a once-over before turning to Twilight again.

"You may release him, Twilight Sparkle. I have reason to believe he will not cause any trouble." Twilight gave her a confused look for a moment, but quickly regained her composure and dropped me like a sack of potatoes. I hit the floor with an audible 'thump', and gave her a dirty look.

"If this is how you express gratitude, I'd hate to piss you off." I grumbled. This got me two different reactions. The most intersting came from Twilight. She gave an indignant gasp and frowned. Celestia raised her eyebrows, but otherwise remained neutral.

"Excuse you! Foul language is not appreciated in the Princess' presence!" She said. I snorted and shook my head.

"Foul language? That's not foul language, that's a foal's curse! I use much worse language all the time! I could swear a blue streak that'd make a sailor blush! I'm holding back everything, okay? If I used what I consider a lesser curse, you'd probably slap me in the face!" Twilight's look of disgust grew.

"I should slap you anyway! Absolutely no foul language of any kind is tolerated! Even the most senior Generals hold their tongues in her presence, and you think you're an exception?!"

"She's not my Princess!"

"She is the co-ruler of Equestria!"

"Doesn't mean I bow to her!" It was at this point that Celestia decided to interject.

"That's enough from both of you!" She looked at Twilight with scorn.

"Twilight Sparkle, I may have expected this sort of behavior from my castle's staff, but I certainly didn't expect it from you! I do not need assistance in correcting someone who uses incorrect language in my presence, nor do I ask it of you. Besides that, I think I'll be alright if an occasional school-level curse slips from this creature's lips." Then she turned to me.

"As for you, I shall have you know that I am the co-ruler of the entire land. And as so, all that dwell in this land are my subjects. Being of a different species does not merit having a ruler that you allow to claim power over me." I stared at her.

"You're talking about Chrysalis, right?" I asked. Celestia gave a pert nod.

"Yes, she is." I raised my eyebrows and blew through my teeth.

"Well. It appears you're a bit out of the loop, Princess. Chrysalis was out on her "royal" flank just after the Royal Wedding." Twilight looked at me incredulously, and Celestia kept her pokerface of stone.

"Leave us, Twilight. I wish to speak to this changeling alone." Twilight gave a slight bow.

"Yes, princess." With that she trotted upstairs. Celestia did not continue until she heard a door close. This was it: one on one with the most powerful pony in Equestria.

"Your words strike me as strange, Zigzag." She said. She walked over to an end table, which had a small stack of plates and teacups sitting on it, as well as a teapot that sported freshly brewed tea. She levitated a plate off the stack and placed a teacup on it.

"You see, until this point, it was assumed that Chrysalis was still in power, and had possibly been planning another attack for the future. As a result, we have enforced a curfew along our borders on the Everfree and set up a regular patrol route." She gently hovered the teapot over her cup and tipped over slightly, causing the hot brew to spill forth.
"This has been given much attention to detail, and has been our main priority since the events of the Wedding. But recently, we have had some... 'Difficulties' with our northernmost border." When her cup was full, she levitated it to her mouth and took a delicate sip. I walked up next to her and poured a cup for myself, making an effort to have the tea last more than two sips.

"While that does sound interesting, I fail to see why it should concern me." I said. Celestia looked at me over her cup and took another dainty drink before answering.

"If what you say is true, Zigzag, then we very well could eliminate the Everfree patrol and curfew altogether. Send our forces to other areas in more need of assistance." I looked into my cup and thought about it.

With most of their efforts geared towards the Everfree, they most likely had an under managed northern border. And, with trouble appearing, they would need a way to solve the problem fast. And, unless they suddenly had a huge surge of volunteers, they'd need to draw troops from somewhere else...

"Oh, I see. Taking this new information into account, you could reinforce your north border and snuff out whatever trouble's been brewing out there." I took another, slightly smaller sip and glanced at her.

"But, unfortunately, there is no way to authenticate your source. How do you know this couldn't be a way to divert attention and pull another attack while you're preoccupied?" Celestia nodded and refilled her cup.

"You understand my situation rather well, Zigzag." She commented. I nodded and took another sip before answering.

"Your compliment is appreciated, but not necessary." We both sat there in silence for a while. The more I studied her, though, the more absentminded she seemed.

"Zigzag?" She asked.

"Yes, princess?"

"You may or may not know this, but there is a book that reportedly has information regarding changelings and their society and culture."

"Yes. I'm not the only one who's familiar with it. Every changeling in the Everfree knows about the book, and it's actually quite humorous to most." Celestia paused momentarily before taking another sip.

"Really? And why would one find it humorous?" She asked.

"Because the book is completely falsified in every way." She cast a sideways glance.

"And what, pray tell, makes your statement valid?"

"Unless you have some sort of lie-detector, I have no way to prove myself. You'll just have to take my word for it." Celestia put her teacup down.

"Well, it just so happens that I do." Her horn began to glow, and a second later a small vial had materialized before us. She quickly grabbed it in her magic and emptied its contents into my cup.

"Finish that cup and we can begin." She instructed. I took my time sipping at it. Once I had finished, she took a seat on Twilight's couch and gestured to a chair, which I promptly occupied.

"So, you say that the previously mentioned book is falsified. Do you claim your previous statement true?" She asked.

"Of course I do. The information for that book is perhaps the biggest lie to ever leave a changeling's mouth."

"And are the changelings of the Everfree planning another assault on Canterlot."

"No. Definitely not. We're too busy trying to find an alternative food source and running from hunting parties to do anything."

"Have you had any success in finding an alternative food source?"

"No dice. Since word of Chrysalis's endeavor has spread, ponies are on much higher guard than before, and often see through our disguises. We've been living off game from the griffon's hunting grounds, but that's running out fast. We'll have to move on by next summer." Celestia sat in silence, taking it all in.

"You said something about hunting parties?" She asked. Whatever passive expression I had before was now gone.

"Yeah. Apparently, it's a real hoot to go out with your buddies and mass murder changelings." The Princess raised her eyebrows, but otherwise maintained a neutral expression.

"You know, for shits and giggles." I said sternly.

"I could go into detail on the usual process, but you might not be able to hold your tea when you hear it." Celestia gave a slight nod.

"Yes, perhaps details should be spared." She said. Her gaze drifted out one of the windows as she slid into reverie. I refilled my cup and drank again. After perhaps a minute of silence, Celestia returned to the world.

"Zigzag, I have a proposition for you." She said. I put my teacup on my plate and looked at her.

"I will recall my troops from the Everfree border and send them where they are needed. I will also ban changeling hunting. But there is something I want from you in return." She looked at me again.

"And that would be...?" I asked. Celestia shifted position so she was taller and looked down on me.

"In exchange for these actions, you will provide my student with information regarding changeling culture, society, hive infrastructure, and other related topics during allotted sessions." She said.

"And to insure that this information is truthful and reliable, you will be dosed with Nectar of Truth before and during each session." I brought a hoof to my chin and rubbed it thoughtfully. I studied Celestia as I considered her offer. I could care less about border patrol, but a lack of hunting parties would greatly help my hive. Not only my hive, but every hive on Equestrian soil! This would give everyone time to rebuild and regroup! To gather food and plan hunting strategies! It was beneficial to both parties involved.

"It seems like an excellent deal to me, Celestia. What you propose has benefits for all." I got to my hooves, and Celestia followed suit. I stuck out a hoof towards her for a moment, retracting it just as she reached out.

"Before I sign off on anything, though, we need to hammer down details. There are a few things I want to go over." I said. The Princess gave a nod.

"Of course." She replied. I cleared my throat and looked her in the eye.

"First, where will I be staying? I doubt you'll want me to return to hive, so I assume I'll be staying somewhere in town." Celestia gave a small chuckle before answering.

"Thoughtful, I see. Well, to answer your question, I will arrange your stay in town, as you have thought. There are a few possibilities as to where exactly, so I will be sure to have you notified once I have determined the best possible location." With that out of the way, I moved on to my next concern.

"Something else I need to know is whether or not I get to keep my magic."

"Your magic?" She asked.

"Yeah, my magic. As in whether or not I can disguise myself." I said. Celestia nodded again.

"Ah, yes. Well, I suppose having an undisguised changeling in town would raise alarm... Very well, your magic shall not be removed." Everything so far was turning out well.

"I need a food source." I stated.

"I need either love or fresh blood directly from the target." Celestia tilted her head as she contemplated this.

"Oh dear. How might this be solved, I wonder?" She asked aloud.

"Have you been in the area before?" I hesitated before giving a slight nod.

"You familiar with the area, then?" She asked. I once again hesitated before giving another nod.

"You know the risks of hunting in this particular stretch of the Everfree, as well?" This incited another nod.

"Then I'll leave the task of gathering food to you." She said. With all of my questions answered, I offered my hoof to her for a second time.

"I believe we have reached an agreement." I said. Celestia accepted my hoof and nodded.

"It would seem so, Zigzag." She replied. And, having exhausted all possible venues of conversation, she left the library and retreated to her chariot. I followed her, Twilight trailing behind me somehow. We both sat just outside of the door and watched Celestia climb in. Once she had situated herself, she looked back to us and smiled that motherly smile.

"Farewell, my faithful student. Your hospitality is most welcoming." She said. Twilight immediately bowed again.

"Thank you, Princess! It was an honor, as always." She replied humbly.

"I'm afraid I am needed in Canterlot, so I must leave now. Zigzag will fill you in on the current situation. Goodbye and good luck, Twilight Sparkle." At Celestia's goodbye, the chariot began to take off. We both sat there and watched the princess ride off to Canterlot: Twilight in slight awe and wonder, and I with a great deal of disinterest. I looked to the unicorn.

"I'll be inside when you're ready to talk." I said. I turned and walked back into the library, Twilight hot on my hooves. I made my way over to a chair and settled into it. Twilight did the same to a chair across from me.

"So what's going on now?" She asked.

"Well, to make a long story short, I'm gonna be staying in town and telling you everything about changelings." I said. Twilight blinked in surprise.

"Really?" She asked.

"Yeah. I'm supposed to tell you everything about everything." I replied. Twilight sat there for a moment before she started ginning. Her smile grew and grew until it was barely contained by her face.

"You alright? You look like you're gonna fuckin' explode." I said. Twilight's smile fades instantly, replaced by a look of extreme irritation.

"I would appreciate it if you watch your language around me." She growled. I threw up my hooves.

"Alright, mare. Calm your nips." Twilight's face quickly shifted to a disgusted rage.

"Excuse me?!" She said.

"Twilight, your nipples are swollen with rage. Calm them." Twilight sat upright, still looking disgusted.

"Ugh!" She grunted. She got up and stormed off.

"Put some Aloe-Vera on them and rub it in; that should bring the swelling right down." I shouted after her. I looked around the room and found that Spike had been standing by the door to the kitchen, listening in on our conversation.

"This won't end well." He stated. I raised my hooves up slightly and pointed them outward.

"I ain't even mad." I said. Spike just sighed and rolled his eyes and walked into the kitchen. I was now the only one in the room.

"Well, it's turning out great so far." I muttered.
Little did I realize how much grief Twilight can give you over something.

Author's Note

Due to a more adult themed joke in this chapter, I have raised the rating to teen. Just to be on the safe side.