“Welcome back Equestria! For those of you who just arrived, or weren’t paying attention before our intermission leading to the semi finals, my name is Spike, and today I’ll be your announcer for this year’s exciting Equestria World Ping Pong Championship Tournament! This year, we have even more special guests attending the tournament, take my co-host for example.” An eager voice rang out through the stadium of cheering ponies and one griffon. “You all know her as the premiere party pony of Ponyville, The Element of Laughter, but more importantly, as the runner up in last year’s championship match! It’s-“
The microphone crackled for a moment and Spike could be heard grumbling in the background. “THAAAAAAAAT’S RIGHT!!! It’s Pinkie “The Paddle” Pie! And she’s- whoops, I mean I’m so super duper excited to be here and watch my bestest buddy ever, Rainbow Dash, totally blow away the competition! And I’ll bet-” The microphone crackled once again and the sounds of duct tape being stretched, muffled protesting, and what sounded suspiciously like a closet being slammed and locked could be heard this time.
“Sorry about my partner’s… Enthusiasm. She’s like that. Anyways, we would like to welcome and thank our other special guests for their contributions. Dan Seehoofer, owner of the Equestrian Ping Pong Pony Emporium and 5-time EWPPCT Champion, for again being generous enough to donate all the equipment necessary to host the EWPPCT; Princess Celestia and Princess Luna, for allowing us to hold this tournament at the Canterlot Castle Gardens; Vinyl Scratch, for not only letting us use her equipment, but also rigging the popcorn machine at the snack bar to use dubstep beats to evenly cook all the kernels without burning any of them; Steel Grip, the only pony to win 7 consecutive tournaments, 3 of which were complete shutout games; Dr. Ocsid, Equestria’s leading authority on the physics and mechanics of Ping Pong!”
In the VIP booth, the aforementioned earth ponies, unicorn, alicorns, and very tall cloaked physicist all stood and took a bow to more cheering and applause. Down in the center of the arena, another match was already in full swing, literally.
A stallion unicorn with a smoky white coat and a mane that looked like a rose dusted with ash framing his strikingly brilliant emerald eyes gritted his teeth at the rainbow maned pegasus across the table from him. He knew she was the current Champion, but losing six points to nothing in a mere ten seconds was a bit ridiculous. He took the ball offered to him by the referee and tried to calm his nerves.
Chaodiurn muttered to himself under his breath as he prepared his serve. “You can do this Chao’, she’s the champ, but you’re no pushover, you’re nopony’s stepping stone-“
The mare opposite of him snorted as if he had just told a funny joke. “Yeah, I’ll say, stepping stones help ponies get somewhere, you’re more like a door mat, cause I’m totally trotting all over you!” Rainbow Dash grinned cockily as she twirled her paddle in a lazy hoof. Chaodiurn growled and threw the ball up and smashed it across the table.
“DOORMAT THIS YOU FEATHER FLAPPING-” The enraged stallion yelled as the ball rocketed towards the still relaxed Rainbow Dash.
“Can it, this game is over!” The pegasus grinned as she deftly smacked the ball back right into-
“Bey! Doo pud dat stubid ding id by dose!” Chaodiurn howled as he tried to pull the offending ping pong ball from his nose. Rainbow Dash blinked in silence, as did the rest of the crowd as the poor unicorn tried to yank out the plastic sphere.
“Bwahahaha! You look so ridiculous! I skunked you and I jammed that ball-” Rainbow Dash began to shake with laughter pointing a hoof at a furiously glaring Chaodiurn.
“Point, Chaodiurn! The score is now 6-1, Rainbow Dash’s favor!” The referee, declared over the returning roar of the crowd. Both Chaodiurn and Rainbow Dash turned to the official in shock.
“Wad?” The ashen stallion asked incredulously.
“ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND?! That was totally my point! I won, what the hay is wrong with you?!” The champion demanded to know, hopping into the air, her wings flapping furiously as she screamed at the referee.
“You hit the other player with the ball, the point goes to Chaodiurn, Miss Dash, and therefore-“
“ACHOO!” The ping pong finally came free from the stallion’s nose. Unfortunately, where it ended up was less than desirable.
Wiping a snot covered ping pong ball from his face, the referee’s eye twitched. Chaodiurn gulped; something told him that sneezing a ping pong ball at the official wasn’t his best move. The referee said nothing but turned back to the crowd.
“After careful review, it has been declared that the shot was legal, point awarded to Rainbow Dash!” The referee barked out, and the poor ashen stallion banged his head on the table and moaned. The cyan pegasus at the other end of the table grinned smugly.
“Better luck next year pal, maybe then you’ll actually score a point! HA!” She chuckled as she cantered back to the locker rooms to let the next match proceed.
Back in the VIP booth, Spike was busy interviewing a few of the special guests attending the event.
“So, Steel Grip, you’ve won 7 consecutive tournaments, a feat that has so far gone unmatched. Do you think the current champion has a chance of achieving that same legendary record?” Spike asked, holding out his microphone so the rest of the stadium could over hear the conversations. The old stallion laughed slightly.
“Oh, she’s definitely got the talent to do it, but I think this year isn’t going to work out too well for her.” Steel Grip confided with a wink. Spike frowned in confusion.
“You say she can do it, just not this year? Why?” Spike asked and once again tipped the microphone in his scaly claw to the veteran player.
“Oh no particular reason really, I just think her opponent in the final round might make things a bit, ah, derpy as the kids these days say, for Miss Dash.” And with that Steel Grip turned back to watch the second Semi-Final match, which was really pointless because the match hadn’t even started yet.
“Right… Well, we move on to our next guest, Dr. Ocsid! Doctor, what can you tell us about the ‘Sonic Spiral Spectrum Rainboom Smash Shot’ that our current champion is famous for?” The young dragon inquired.
The doctor tapped a claw against his chin, which was hidden behind a surgical mask, which was kind of weird because he wasn’t a medical doctor, but no one paid any attention to that fact. He was a doctor after all.
“Quite a… chaotic move, that one is. You see my dear dragon, the ball is hit with extreme force, but because the force is just massive and not focused into a single point, the ball twists sporadically, and due it small size and a spike of Pegasus magic at the moment of impact, the ball enters a slipstream where sonic speeds are achievable on a much smaller scale. The twisting caused by air friction, the creation of light in a visible spectrum and small scale sonic speed causes the ball to not only blind the surrounding area with delightfully and dangerously bright multicolored lights, but also shift its strike path between multiple randomized points every 1/1,000 of a second.” Dr. Ocsid explained, and Spike just blinked blankly for a moment before regaining his senses.
“So, you’re saying it’s an unbeatable move then.” Spike said slowly, coming to a conclusion after partially piecing together the words he understood.
Dr. Ocsid put a paw to his chin this time and hummed for a moment in deep thought.
“No, I wouldn’t say that, it’s a last resort move in my opinion. If you’ve noticed, she hasn’t used it at all the entire tournament. We all know Miss Dash is well known for her love of showboating and being in the spotlight, so why wouldn’t she use this to finish everypony off?” The tall and apparently multi-limbed expert asked turning to pace around the booth and Spike opened his mouth to give an answer.
“That was a rhetorical question.” Dr. Ocsid said without even turning around, and Spike shut his mouth with a sheepish look. “The ‘Sonic Spiral Spectrum Rainboom Smash Shot’ is as dangerous to the user, as it is dazzling to the audience. The amount of power and Pegasus magic needed to perform that move is great that it completely numbs the user’s paddle leg and wings after being used, which if any of you had actually paid attention to the end of the match instead of looking around blindly from the afterglow, you would have seen Miss Dash walk out of the stadium with her wings drooped and leaning on her opponent to keep her bad leg off the ground. Granted the effects are momentary, but the span of time between use and recovery would make her unable to complete a match if it was used at any time other than the last point of the last match or if it failed to win her the match. Or, if by some improbable chance, her opponent was able to counter the move; a feat that would require the ability to focus on multiple points while still being able to keep focused on their own counterattack.”
The other guests in the room were now staring at him with their mouths hanging open. Dr. Ocsid shrugged his shoulders and took his seat once more.
Spike slapped himself a few times to get his jaw back in place and hurried back to the announcer’s booth so he could give the much needed commentary for the match that was about to begin.
Or at least he would have, had the match not already ended, and a certain pink earth pony been gripping the announcer’s microphone.
“Yesiree! If you missed that match folks, you really missed out! I mean, it was all like WHOOSH! And SLAM-A-BLAM! And KERPOW! And-” Pinkie bubbled excitedly in true Pinkie fashion, right before a large amount of duct tape had wound itself around her snout with the Spike’s aid.
“And once again everypony, that was my enthusiastic partner, Pinkie Pie, providing that match’s commentary, and hopefully not scaring you all for life. Now onto the final match of the evening!” Spike shouted to the crowd, which had started a rousing cheer for the defending champion.
“Rainbow Dash is here to smash!
She’ll smash you flat, you’re gonna crash!
Rainbow Dash is here to smash!
Against her skill, you are no match!”
“Ha-ha! It seems like the fans are really showing their devotion to their favorite champion and-“
“Woo-hoo! Gooooooo Dashie! Smash’em good Dashie!”
Spike looked incredulously at his co-host. “How did you get out of all that tape? You were duct taped to the ceiling for Celestia’s sake!” Spike growled and more crashes and giggles, and occasional ‘WEEEEEEEEEE!!!’ could be heard over the P.A. system.
After all the sounds of crazed battle had died down, Spike’s voice once again rang out over the arena.
“Right! The final match is brought to you by Griffonade! Griffonade, is it in you? And also brought to you by DJ PON3’s Dubstep Delights! The only popcorn made with beats so tasty, you’ll wub, wub, wub it!” The sports announcing dragon chirped in a cheesy salespony voice. “The Finals Round of The Equestrian World Ping Pong Championship Tournament is between the challenger, Mitzy Muffins, and your current Equestrian World Ping Pong Champion, Rainbow “The Smash Queen” Dash!”
A cloaked pony made her way casually down to the center of the arena, greeted by a roar of cheers from the crowd.
“A little feature we decided to add for the final match this year is a little trivia on both competitors!” Spike said as he pulled out a few cue cards. “Mitzy Muffins is a mare from parts unknown with skills equally mysterious! Seriously, she hasn’t said a word, called a move, or used any signature moves the entire tournament! But don’t count her out just yet, Mitzy Muffins has stunned her opponents with incredible speed and precision, it’s almost like playing against an army! So give it up for the marvelous mare of mystery, Mitzy Muffins!” Spike shouted, sending the crowd into a loud round of stomping, neighing, screeching, and yelling.
The cloaked mare, revealed to be somepony named Mitzy Muffins, waved graciously from beneath her cloak as a four screen monitor that had been lowered down over the center of the stadium played clips of her darting around her side of table, returning shots with ease, all while keeping her hood on to hide her face.
Spike waited for the cheering to die down before introducing the next player. “And defending her championship title against the newcomer is your reigning champion, Rainbow… “The Smash Queen”… DASH!!!”
The cheering for Mitzy had certainly been loud, but it was nothing compared to the deafening roar that erupted from the crowd when Rainbow Dash flew out of the entrance to the Stadium she had been standing in while the other mare was being introduced. As the cyan pegasus zipped around the stand, giving out hoof bumps and autographs, Spike gave the crowd trivia on the champion.
“Rainbow Dash is originally from Cloudsdale, but is currently calling Ponyville her home! Rainbow Dash is best known for her powerful shots, earning her the name “The Smash Queen”. The crown jewel of this ping pong professional’s wicked moves is her signature move, the ‘Sonic Spiral Spectrum Rainboom Smash Shot’, a devastating blend of power and speed makes it a tough move for anypony to track let alone return!”
Finally coming to a stop at the table, Rainbow Dash bowed dramatically to the crowd and gave a few confident poses to the feverishly snapping cameras of the paparazzi.
“Alright Mitzy, you make think you’re pretty hot stuff, but there’s no way I’m handing my title over to somepony who’s too chicken to even show their face!” Rainbow Dash taunted, but the mare across the table didn’t respond. Dash growled.
“You want to ignore the champ, huh? Fine! I’ll just show you why I’m still the champion and always will be!” She said with another growl as she gripped her paddle tight. The referee stepped up to the table holding a coin and a ball. The referee tossed the coin high in the air and as it spun in the air, he looked between the competitors.
“Call.” He commanded as the coin began to fall back towards the table.
Dash slammed a hoof onto the table. “Heads!”
“Confetti!” A certain party pony yelled over the loudspeakers. Staying in the pattern of the day, the sounds of duct tape, squealing, and angry dragon growls soon followed Pinkie’s outburst.
The coin hit the table and-
BLAM!
The previously solid and definitely metal coin was now a burst of brightly colored shreds of paper. Mitzy tilted her cloaked head in confusion, but remained quiet. Dash, however, wasn’t so restrained.
“Pinkie Pie! Quit messing with the laws of physics!” The rainbow maned mare yelled up to the booth where the announcers were supposed to be doing the job, not fighting with tape.
The poor official residing over the match looked helplessly at the pile of confetti on the table. “Er… I’m not entirely sure who wins…” Dash huffed and rolled her eyes.
“Little Miss ‘I’m-Too-Good-For-Words’ can serve for all I care.” She grumbled and the referee handed Mitzy Muffins the ball.
“Let the final round of the Equestrian World Ping Pong Championship Tournament begin!” The stallion in the striped shirt barked out as he jumped back from the table.
Mitzy Muffins held the ball up in the air, let it drop, and gave a little tap that sent it across the table at a relatively slow pace.
Rainbow Dash snorted and reared back to send the ball back. “Please, if you’re gonna beat me, you might wanna step it up!” She jeered as she swung hard.
“Point, Mitzy Muffins!” Rainbow Dash looked stunned, there was no way Mitzy had scored, she had hit the ball-
The perplexed cyan pegasus whipped around and groaned. Skittering across the floor behind here was a little white ball. “Oh man, I must’ve swung too fast!”
The scoreboard now showed the score being: Mitzy Muffins – 1; Rainbow Dash – 0.
Dash took the ball as it floated into her grasp courtesy of the referee’s magic. Dash narrowed her eyes at the pony in front of her.
“You may have gotten lucky that time but it won’t happen again, got that?” She said, whipping the ball across the table at an angle. Mitzy moved to intercept the ball but when it struck the table, it veered off the right and past Mitzy’s reach.
“Point, Rainbow Dash!” The board now displayed: Mitzy Muffins – 1; Rainbow Dash – 2.
Dash crossed her hoofs and stuck her tongue out. “Ping Pong 101; use the spin, get the win! What do you have to say to that?”
What Mitzy had to say was more silence that infuriated Rainbow Dash so much she didn’t even notice the blur bounce off the table and whiz past her face. “Well? Say some-!”
“Point, Mitzy Muffins!” Dash’s eye twitched as the scoreboard ticked off another point in her opponent’s favor, putting the score at a tie. Again.
Instead of a quick and easy victory like she had anticipated, Dash was instead stuck in a back and forth, never ending game of ‘You get a point, I get a point’ and it was starting to look like last year all over again. Neither player was giving any more than one point, and the score slowly crept up into the hundreds, with a point being scored on each side every time the ball changed servers.
After another hour of continuous tying, the loudspeakers crackled and both players stopped in their tracks, a look of stunned confusion on Rainbow Dash’s face and more silence from Mitzy Muffins, who still hadn’t taken off her hood.
“Attention players and spectators! In order to avoid another ridiculously long lasting game like last year, we have decided to imple… implo… Twilight, this is why you weren’t picked to help with this, you always use words nopony understands!” Spike huffed in frustration at the purple unicorn who had apparently been trying to force him to use complicated words. “Anyways, Sudden Death rules are now in play with the score at a dead tie of 299 points for both players! First pony to score is the new EWPPCT Champion!”
The crowd bellowed their approval; Sudden Death meant they would get to see the big guns, so to speak. It was time for some serious action.
Down on the arena floor, Dash looked to her surprisingly worthy opponent.
“Look , I don’t know who you are, I don’t know how you’re not toast yet, and I sure as hay don’t know how you can keep that stupid hood on with all that running around you do, but I know one thing; Sudden Death is my jam, and I’m walking out her holding the championship trophy, got it?”
Unsurprisingly, Mitzy Muffins answered Dash with the same enigmatic silence she’d been giving the whole match. Dash took in a deep breath; this must be some sick mind game Mitzy was trying to play. “Two can play the psycho mumbo jumbo game; let’s see how you like this!”
Dash tossed the ball into the air. “Cumulus Chop!” She shouted, pelting the ball across the table, the ball making a sharp right turn as it struck the table. Mitzy slid over and slammed it back, the ball rocketing back towards Dash.
The little white blur caught the edge of the table and almost threw Rainbow Dash off her game when the backspin on it caused it suddenly pop up backwards back to the net. Dash lunged forward and was able to smack the ball high into the air just before it hit the table a second time. “You won’t win that easily Mitzy!”
The mystery mare leaped into the air and with a little twist shot the ball back at Rainbow Dash with a vengeance. The ball struck the table and popped high into the air. Dash grinned and pushed off the ground with her wings; this was the slip up that would cost Mitzy Muffins the match.
Time seemed to slow down around Rainbow Dash at the height of the ball’s flight and the sound of the crowd vanished as she closed her eyes. She drew back her paddle, the familiar afterimage that preceded her finishing move. Her eyes snapped open and with a roar the cyan pegasus slammed her paddle against the ball with all the force she could give it.
“YOU’RE FINISHED! SONIC SPIRAL SPECTRUM RAINBOOM SMASH SHOT!” Her monstrous swing connected with a boom and a ripple of color blasted out from the ball as it reached super-sonic speeds; a twisting contrail of bright rainbow colors was the only indication of the blurring ball's ballistic path towards the table.
Mitzy Muffins jumped back a few feet from the table spun her paddle around her hoof, the paddle becoming a blurring ring. The rainbow colored rocket raced at her and Mitzy thrust her fist forward as if she were going to punch the ball.
“Derpy Dead Ball Double Drive Danger Zone Drop Shot!” Mitzy called out, finally breaking her silence. Her paddle punch caught the ball and it careened back wrapped in a cone of spiraling flames towards the other side of the table which was empty as Rainbow Dash had still been the air. Rainbow Dash’s put on a final burst of strength and dove back towards the table in desperation to stop the ball.
The dive bombing mare’s wings couldn’t hold up anymore, but that didn’t matter; Dash had made it to the table and had just enough time to grab her paddle in her good hoof and make a last ditch effort to block the pyrotechnic projectile’s path.
“I WON’T LET YOU WIN!” Dash screamed out, half in pain from trying to move after using her own special move and half out of the refusal to believe she could lose. She swung the paddle with everything she had left and when the ball struck it, a cannon like bang rang out and a blinding blaze filled the arena.
An eerie silence overtook the stadium, crowd and competitors alike, as they waited to see who had won the battle of titanic techniques. The smoke cleared enough to where everypony could see again, revealing a exhausted looking Rainbow Dash weakly clutching a paddle with a smoking hole perfectly puncturing the center of it and a melted puddle of white plastic dripping off the wall behind her.
“Point… MITZY MUFFINS!” The referee shouted out, bringing the crowd out of its silence and back into a frenzied cheer louder than ever before. Dash stumbled forward and Mitzy rushed forward to catch her. She caught the panting pegasus and draped her foreleg around her own shoulder and helped her up to a raised platform where Princess Celestia, Princess Luna, and Steel Grip awaited them. Each beaming at the mares as they climbed up the stairs.
“It is my great honor,” The eldest princess began. “To… Let Steel Grip hand out the awards this year, as he is also a former Champion.” Celestia said, winking at the old stallion to her left.
Steel Grip stepped forward grinning as he held up a trophy for third place. “The third place trophy is awarded to Chaodiurn! Unfortunately, Mister Chaodiurn had to be escorted to the hospital, apparently ping pong balls in the nose cause uncontrollable sneezing fits even after they have been removed.”
Rainbow Dash looked away and whistled innocently.
“The second place trophy is awarded to Miss Rainbow “The Smash Queen” Dash!” Steel announced, turning to hand Dash a gleaming silver trophy. “Sorry about your luck Miss Dash, but even a Queen gets dethroned once in awhile.” He smiled as he turned to the last pony to receive a trophy.
“And the first place trophy is awarded to your new Equestrian World Ping Pong Champion, Miss-!” Steel Grip paused and looked at the cloaked pony with a scowl. “Don’t you think it’s about time you took that silly hood off, eh Mitzy Muffins? Or should I say Derpy Hooves?”
‘Mitzy’ slowly reached up and pulled back the hood of her cloak and the smiling face of one all too familiar mailmare named Derpy Hooves looked around the stadium, laughing like a foal in a candy shop at the stunned faces that gaped at her, a certain prismatic pegasus among them.
“Derpy?! You were Mitzy the whole time?!” Dash asked in utter disbelief. Derpy blushed and shrugged her shoulders.
“I knew nopony would take me seriously as Derpy Hooves, so I became Mitzy Muffins to play in the tournament.” The slate colored mare confessed sheepishly. Dash gave Derpy a playful punch on the arm, but regretted it immediately as another spark of pain shot through her bum leg.
“OW! Forgot, bad leg, not feeling good… Well, get your trophy Derpy, we ain’t got all day!”
Steel Grip handed Derpy a large golden trophy with two ponies playing ping pong on it and gave her a proud smile. “I knew I saw something special in you Miss Hooves, and you just proved it not only to me, but the whole of Equestria as well.” The old stallion pulled his student in for a hug.
Dash rolled her eyes. “Hey, this mushy stuff is great and all, but I’d like to take my pal here to Sugarcube Corner, Pinkie won’t let anypony sleep until she gets to throw an after party.” And that, Dash leaned on Derpy, and the two carefully trotted down the steps and out of the stadium, the crowd still cheering for the two as they left.
“Hey Derpy.” Rainbow Dash said to her fellow pegasus as they exited the building.
Derpy Hooves turned her head to look at the mare using her for support. “Huh?”
“You were awesome back there, I’m proud of you.”
It may have taken years of trying and intense back breaking training, but she finally got somepony like Rainbow Dash to say that she had made them proud. She had always tried to be cool and amazing like Dash, but something always went wrong inevitably. And now? Now she had that same pony telling her she was awesome, and it made her wings flutter with joy, even more than any muffin had before.
“Thanks Dash, you were pretty amazing too.” Derpy replied with a bright smile.
Dash snorted indignantly. “Pretty amazing? I was like 20% more amazing and awesome than anypony in the history of Equestria!” She went off into a long spiel about how spectacular she was and how everypony should be begging for her autograph and that she was going to be a Wonderbolt soon; you know, like usual. Derpy just nodded absently, too focused on the glowing feeling in her heart to really listen to her friend.
Derpy knew that no matter how long she lived, how senile she got in old age, or forgetful she naturally was anyways, she would never forget those four little words.
“I’m proud of you.”
Author’s Notes
Your favorite ping pong story spinning author here, Roxxi! Well, what did ya think? The sequel to the first EWPPCT, Ping Pong Just Got 20% Cooler is officially done! You all asked, practically begged for it in fact, and you received after all this time! As you could probably tell, I went a little out of my zone here, note the complete lack of in story time and scene changes. If you don’t like this style, blame presentperfect. He/she/it made their problem with my use of in story scene/time changes known to me in the comments. Naturally, I took this personally, even if I didn’t show it, and set out to write a story, specifically this one, without using that crutch, so to speak.
I will not lie, it was difficult, and I think I cried at least twice.
Anyways, I hope you enjoyed this story as much as I enjoyed writing it.
Yours In Literary Pony Love,
Roxxi
