“I despise today.” Pinkamena Diane Pie broods in her bed. Her hair is curled and mangled as she awakes from her slumber. Some of her hair curls around her pink horn. On her nightstand sits a small calendar with a day cut out. That day is today, the 15th of July, a Saturday. “Why can’t I sleep through today?” Pinkamena curls up in her covers and closes her eyes once again… as her alarm goes off. Pinkamena sighs in disbelief. Of course that would happen. Pinkamena pushes her covers off and slams her hoof down on the alarm. “Please, Celestia, let them be dead.” Pinkamena levitates her brush, fixing her bed mane. She brushes her hair completely straight, with not a single curl.
Pinkamena slowly trots down the stairs. She turns at the bottom and goes into her kitchen. There she is met by a table, covered with food and a notecard in the middle. The note reads:
“MORNING BIRTHDAY GIRL, WE COOKED THIS BEFORE GOING TO WORK. WE WILL HAVE A PARTY LATER FOR YOU. JUST THE THREE OF US!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
Pinkamena flips through the 17 other notecards below the first, all covered in exclamation points. Finally the 18th card revealed who wrote the notes:
-Pinkie Pie & Surprise.
Pinkamena crumbled the paper and through it into the trash. “I told them not to have a party. I hate them.” Pinkamena ate the food prepared for her by her roommates. As she was eating, she thought about how to kill time. Pinkamena cleared the table and cleaned the dishes. Then she went out into Ponyville.
“STOPPPPP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” Pinkamena stops in place and saw a white pegasus coming straight at her. “SURPRISE!” Surprise landed and proceeded to laugh on the ground.
“… You are so original.” Pinkamena tried to pass the pegasus.
“No, Pinkie and I are shopping for you. STAY!” Pinkamena glared at Surprise. Surprise backed off from the glare of death.
“Nice try Gloomy.” Pinkie Pie jumped from the roof of their house and toppled Pinkamena. Surprise joined the pile and played with the pink earth pony.
“Now you go in.” Surprise and Pinkie threw Pinkamena back into the house. Once they entered, they bolted the door and walked into the kitchen and placed 3 bags onto the table. Surprise flew up and hung a banner on the wall. Pinkie Pie trotted into the living room and sat on the coach.
“Pinkie, can you help me with this…?” Surprise turned to see Pinkamena sitting in front of the stairs glaring at Surprise. “Where did she go?”
“SURPRISE!” Pinkie popped out of the nearby air vent next to Surprise. Surprise screamed and fell to the ground laughing.
“Why must you ruin all forms of logic and scientific facts?” Pinkamena moved to the table and took a seat.
“Pinkamena, what do you mean?” Pinkie’s body popped out of the air vent completely.
“You walked into the living room, then teleports to the air vent, you baffle all scientists.”
“But you teleport?” Pinkie smiled.
“I’M A UNICORN, I CAN TELEPORT WITH MAGIC!” Pinkamena growls at Pinkie Pie.
“So you want a reason?” Pinkamena nods. “Follow me!” Surprise and Pinkamena follow Pinkie Pie into the living room. Pinkie Pie opens the door of a closet to show a wormhole.
“……………?” Pinkamena stands there, her eyes wide. “What is this?”
“My newest wormhole that goes from here to the kitchen isn’t he cute?” Surprise rolled on the floor laughing with Pinkie Pie as they stared at Pinkamena’s expression. One word baffled Pinkamena, “newest”.
“You have more, don’t you?” Pinkamena turned and sat on the couch.
“Of course, that’s how I get around. That is also why I have eye patches and balls riddled around Ponyville.” Pinkie Pie opened another door leading to a secondary basement. As the three reached the bottom, Pinkie Pie flipped on the lights. All Pinkamena and Surprise could see were balls and eye patches. On the back wall was a giant wormhole. “That’s Helper, one of my oldest wormholes. Then, of course, there’s Party.”
“Who’s Party?” Surprise played with some of the balls lying around.
“The wormhole that follows me around, wherever I am, she’s there.” Pinkamena trotted away.
“Pinkie Pie… how?” Pinkamena sat on the couch, staring at the door that led to the “baby wormhole”.
“SCIENCE!” Pinkie Pie laughed manically. “No matter it’s party time!” Pinkie Pie picked up Pinkamena and dragged her into the kitchen.
“Have some cake.” Surprise handed Pinkamena the knife to cut the cake. Pinkamena stopped and looked at the knife.
“Hey Pinkie?”
“Yeah, Gloomy?’
“Don’t scream.” Pinkamena stabbed Pinkie Pie with the knife.
“WHAT…WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?” Surprise backed away.
“Surprise.” Pinkamena then stabbed Surprise. She cut the cake with the bloodstained knife. As she ate the golden blood cake, she looked at the corpses. “Better clean this up…after cake.” Pinkamena finished her cake and cleaned the blade……
Pinkamena’s mind wondered back to reality.
“I don’t feel like cleaning that up.” Surprise and Pinkie looked at Pinkamena.
“You okay, you haven’t moved for 20 minutes?” Surprise sat at the table.
“Nothing, I’m fine.” Pinkamena sighed and cut the cake.
“Doesn’t taste the same.” She ate the golden cake, wishing she had the topping of Surprise and Pinkie’s blood.
“PRESENTS TIME!” Surprise jumped with Pinkie Pie. They pulled out 2 gift boxes and presented them to Pinkamena. Pinkamena reached for the box that Surprise had, but Pinkie Pie swatted her hand. As Pinkamena turned to Pinkie, Pinkie swiftly threw a party hat on Pinkamena’s head.
Pinkamena sighed and opened Pinkie’s present. Pinkie’s present was a television.
“You said you wanted one.” Pinkie smiled calmly.
“… I thought we agreed on a spendy limit?” Surprise glared down Pinkie, who shrugged. “Well, I followed the agreed spendy limit and got you a calendar and that book you wanted.” Pinkamena was filled with joy, so she stopped glaring and just stared at the two.
“Thank you.” Pinkie Pie grabbed Pinkamena and Surprise and plopped them both in front of the kitchen wall. She grabbed her camera and set the timer. Surprise grabbed a party favor and hugged Pinkamena. Pinkie Pie grabbed Pinkamena’s face and forced a smile. *snap*
“Good night.” Pinkamena shivered and trotted upstairs.
“How did it come out?” Surprise started chowing down on cake.
“Look!” Pinkie Squeed.
“Let’s make this our hearth’s warming eve picture this year.” Surprise smiled.
“It’s so quiet this morning… is Pinkie alive?” Surprise rolled out of her bed. *sniff sniff*. The smell of pancakes and muffins filled her nose. “YUM! Pinkie must be here.” Surprise flew off down the stairs. Once she landed in the kitchen, her suspicions were… right?” Pinkie wasn’t there, but the food was. On top of the pancakes is a note.
HELLLLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO,
SURPRISE, I’m out for a little timey oksies. Another one of the many evil meanies that Princess Celestia and Luna fought once before has awakened or something and wants to destroy Equestria. And as always they need us to get them with the elements of harmony before they destroy Equestria. So how are you? That’s good; also can you do my chores like the dishes and cleaning my bedroom. Thanks! Also check up on the Cakes to see if they need help. Thanks again!
-Pinkie Pie
P.S Pinkameany sounds sick, can you check on her? Thanks again and again and again and again… also buy a new quill and ink this one is old and we are out of ink. Thanks. Don’t use my money please I’m saving up for a bigger party cannon. They say this new version can fit ponies in so I can launch PONIES TOO! THAT’S SO COOL. It’ll be a new ride. How much would I charge? Hmmmmmmmmmmmm………………………………………? I don’t know. Can you buy 2 quills and 2 packs of ink, we are really low? THANKS.
-Pinkie Pie
P.s.s. share the food k!
“We wouldn’t run out of ink if you didn’t write so much.” Surprise started eating. The pancakes are cooked perfectly and the muffins are too. Surprise smiled as she ate the food, slightly cold but still good. Surprise grabbed a plate and filled it with pancakes and muffins and got a glass of Apple Family Apple Cider. She trotted up the stairs and up the black door of Pinkamena. *knock knock* “Pinkamena, Pinkie’s out, but she left us breakfast. Are you hungry?” No response. “Pinkamena, are you okay?” Surprise leaves the food at the door and trotted back to the kitchen to finish her breakfast. Inside Pinkamena’s room, Pinkamena sits in the far corner, covered in darkness. She is picking at the ground with her hoof, looking very sad and regretful.
“I… I… I… WHY DIDN’T I JUST KILL THOSE …” Pinkamena sits, almost in tears, still picking at the ground with her hoof. “I could now… but it isn’t the same. First of all Pinkie Pie isn’t even here. So… the possibility of being able to see them writhe in anguish as they see their friend bleeding to death. Second the timing is off. It would’ve been perfect. Wasted opportunity… DAMNIT!”
“YUMMY!” Back downstairs, Surprise enjoys her breakfast. “Well, I got so much work to do today… so I should GO!” Surprise, enthusiastically, takes flight out of her seat and glides out the door. As she leaves, Pinkamena opens her door. She grabs the food and takes a bite.
“…… It’s okay.” Pinkamena recedes back into her dark room.
Surprise flies through the air, humming our favorite tune, over all the grounded unicorns and earth ponies. Waving to all the ponies that see her, and playing with some of the other pegasi. She smiles and enjoys all of it, finding nothing that could go wrong. Then, dramatically, she hears a scream. She follows it to her destination, the Cakes.
“Surprise, is that you? Pinkie said you would help us today.” Sugarcube Corner was a disaster, sugar everywhere.
“Was there a battle, this place looks destroyed?” Mr. Cake enters, covered in chocolate and sugar.
“The chocolate thought we liked sugar more than them, so they tried to cut the sugar out of equation. Sugar thought it was a game, and played with chocolate. In the end, a truce was made. Now they’re sleeping upstairs.”
“Honey, don’t be so cryptic. Pound Cake and Pumpkin Cake had a disagreement. Can you help us clean up the warzone?” Mr. and Mrs. Cake shared a joyous laugh. Surprise joined in and began cleaning the 1st war of Sugar and Chocolate. Surprise cleaned up Chocolates prints on the ceiling. Mr. and Mrs. Cake cleaned up the Sugar camp. “Wow, Pound can throw chocolate hard.” The mixture of chocolate and sugar stuck everywhere.
Once the three were done cleaning, Surprise tended to Pinkie’s usually tasks.
“So what do you do Surprise?” Surprise was cleaning some dishes as she turned slowly to answer the question.
“Um… well I sometimes throw parties, and I work at the rainbow factory and some other odd jobs. I don’t really have a defined job. Basically what I do is a SURPRISE.” Surprise fell over laughing, which was not alone. Mr. Cake laughed with her, while Mrs. Cake shook her head, all day she has to listen to Pinkie make puns; they’ve grown old to her. “Oh, I’ve got to go buy some things at the store, sorry.”
“Quite alright, dear, you’ve done plenty for us.” Surprise galloped out. She flew to the writing store.
“Surprise, I didn’t think you were working today?” The owner asked.
“Nope, Pinkie keeps wasting the ink and breaking the quills. I need to buy some more so she can use them up in a day, yay.” Surprise sighed.
“Ha, sounds like you’ve had a long day; here have 3 of each on the house.” Surprise looked at the owner, and hugged him.
“Thank you so much! Have a wonderful day.” Surprise flew off to her house.
“The dishes are done?” She entered to see all the dishes were cleaned, and so was the entire kitchen. The note Pinkie left her seemed different.
Thanks for bringing breakfast up to me; I cleaned the kitchen for you. Pinkie seems to have dropped all the work on you. So I cleaned for you…… her room was hell to clean. I’m sleeping once I’m done so BE QUIET! ... please.
-Pinkamena Diane Pie
“Thank you.” Surprise looked up the stairs, and whispered not to wake Pinkamena.
“I’M HOME!!!!!!” Pinkie Pie burst, followed by Twilight, Rarity, Applejack, Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash, and Spike.
“Stop. Wait Pinkie, Pinkamena is sleeping.” Surprise pushed the crowd outside.
“Oh we can have the party at the Library. Thank you for telling us Surprise, I would’ve hated to wake Pinkamena.” Twilight lead the girls and Spike off. “Surprise, do you want to join us?” Surprise shook her head sleepily. Twilight nodded, understandingly.
“I’m gonna grab some party things from inside girls, go on without me.” Pinkie hopped inside. Surprise waved the girls off and went in after Pinkie.
“So, who was it that wanted to destroy Equestria now?” Surprise pestered Pinkie for details.
“Oh, just Celestia’s old roommate at college, who happens to control shadows. He made copies of us that were all dark and creepy. Funny thing is, the dark me looked like Pinkameany. So we turned him to stone. Bye Bye.” Pinkie went off to the library.
“Oh, I guess everyone’s had a fun day, *yawn*, time to close this day though.” Surprise slowly trotted up the stairs, and went to sleep.
