"GOD DAMMIT STEVE!" The boss yelled.
I was confused. I did exactly what he asked, get him his stupid fucking coffee. My boss sure was a bitch, but that day he seemed extra bitchy.
"What, sir?" I asked, trying not to lunge at him and beat his face in.
"I simply cannot drink this dog sweat!" He said, slamming his coffee on the desk.
"What's wrong with it? You asked for plain coffee." I said, giving him an 'are you fucking kidding me' face.
"EXACTLY! This abomination is, is, DECAF!" He yelled, throwing the coffee into the trash.
Can you say, "drama queen"?
"I asked for plain coffee. No extra sh-things in it." I said, which was true. That's what I asked for.
"You know what, Steve?" He asked, getting so close to me our noses were practically touching.
"Y-yes, sir?" I asked, my voice trembling. He was still my boss, and I was still scared of him.
"Get out of my office. NOW." He said, shoving me away.
He just went back to his desk, put on his stupid little glasses, and wrote on some papers. I decided it was best not to fuck with my boss, so I picked up whatever dignity I still had and left.
Thankfully, my shift was nearly over. I could get out of this hell hole in a matter of minutes. Every minute seemed to pass by like an hour. It was terrible. Just as I decided it was best to finish some papers, I heard my alarm. My prison sentence was over.
You'd think being promoted would be good, which for the most part it was, but being that guy's monkey was a deal breaker. But I needed the money, so I refrained from tearing his face off. Which, trust me, was really hard.
I made my way out of the office, waving goodbye to people here and there. I pushed open the doors and walked to my car. I hopped in, got out of the parking lot, and finally, I was out of there. The sky was clear, it was about seventy five degrees, overall a nice day.
The roads were empty, which was strange, but there was no traffic so I didn't care. But suddenly, I got rammed from behind, airbags going off. I wasn't hurt, but my car was.
"Shit. Just great." I muttered to myself.
But I saw something speeding towards me. I stomped on the gas peddle, but the car wouldn't start. The other car was closer, so I could see it in better detail. But only for about five seconds, before it hit me, and I blacked out.
I woke up, and felt myself being dragged.
"This is it, the day I get eaten by a bear." I thought to myself.
I was too scared to open my eyes, but I had a plan. I would just open my eyes and run. Run until the bear got tired.
"Whew, you sure are heavy, big guy." A feminine voice said.
I froze. I was being dragged by a girl? I knew I could handle a girl, so I opened my eyes and stood up, ready to attack. I turned to see my potential kidnapper, or savior. But there was only a small wall-eyed gray horse with a yellow mane.
"Hey there mister monkey man!" The horse said, smiling.
I was speechless. What the absolute FUCK was happening?
"WHAT. THE. FUCK." I managed to spit out.
I could tell it was a girl. She looked at me funny for a few seconds.
"W-WHERE AM I?!" I yelled.
"No need to yell, mister!" She said, with an eyebrow raised.
I tried to calm myself as best as I could.
"So, horse, where am I?" I asked through my gritted teeth.
"Equestria!" she yelled, throwing her stubs in the air. At least, they looked like stubs. But she's a horse, so I guessed they were hooves.
"Do you have anyone that might to be able to inform me on where I am?" I asked.
"OH! OH! My friend Twilight Sparkle could!" The horse yelled," Oh, and by the way, I'm a pony."
"The fuck is a Twilight Sparkle?" I thought to myself.
"Please don't tell me ponies are the dominant species." I said, realizing that just might be the case.
She looked at me quizzically.
"Uhh, there are a lot of ponies. Ponies live in houses, work, and have a government." I said, rubbing my chin.
"OH! Then, yes!" She said.
Just fucking great.
"Let's go to Twilight's!" The pony yelled.
I knew this would get me no where.
"Hold on, hor-pony, what's your name?" I asked.
"Oh, that's an easy one! I am Ditzy Doo! But you can call me Derpy!" Derpy yelled.
I snickered. Derp eyes, and her name is Derpy. I'm liking this pony more and more.
"What's so funny?! Am I missing it? Where where where?!" She yelled, frantically looking for something teh least bit amusing.
I tried my best to contain my laughter, but couldn't.
She turned around, with squinted eyes. "What's so funny?"
"Nothing." I said, calming down.
"What. Was. So. Funny?" She asked, getting closer to me.
"Like I said, nothing!" I said, throwing my hands up.
Derpy spread her wings, and flew up to my height, and pushed her nose against mine.
"What's so FUNNY?!" She yelled.
I just stared at her, feeling awkward. After a few more seconds, she looked down at our touching noses, and blushed heavily. Derpy just went back to the ground, silent.
"L-let's just h-head to Twilight's, o-okay?" She said, her head hung low.
"Yeah, alright. By the way, my name is Steve." I said.
"That's a weird name!" She said, picking her head back up and walking.
From the looks of it, we were in some sort of grassy hill. The wasn't the slightest sign of civilization for though.
"So, Derpy, how did you find me?" I asked.
"Well, I was coming back from delivering some things, and then I see you! So I decided to help you out." She said, looking proud.
"Oh. So where are we headed?" I asked, now walking down the hill along with the pony.
"Ponyville!" She shouted, throwing her hooves in the air.
As we traveled to the so called "Ponyville", she told me all the basics about this place, "Equestria". So there are four types of ponies. Earth ponies, Pegasi, Unicorns, and Alicorns. She told me all about the princesses. where she lived, Ponyville, her friends, the Elements of Harmony, and tons of other things.
I told her all about my world, it's pros and cons. Compared to this place, my world seemed like a living nightmare. This place is full of adorable ponies! Well, Derpy was adorable. Hopefully the other ponies would look like her.
I knew about most of the things here, but I was still weary on a few things. Hopefully this "Twilight Sparkle" could help me.
"... and that's about it!" Derpy said, smiling,"OH WAIT! I forgot to tell you about Dinky and Sparkler!".
"Who are they?" I asked.
"My kids!" She said, flying up a bit.
"So you're married?" I asked. Boy, the way to Ponyville was long, but I could see a town. Hopefully this was it.
She stopped in her tracks.
"What?" I asked, worrying that something was going to pop out and eat my face.
"I don't want to talk about, him." She said through her gritted teeth.
"Oh, alright." I said. I didn't want to piss her off.
"Here we are! Twilight's is riiiight there!" She yelled, pointing to a giant, badass treehouse. She was back to her usual un-pissed tone.
Thankfully, no pother ponies were in sight.
"Uh, Derpy, I think you should tell Twilight that I'm coming, so I don't scare her." I said.
"Great idea! Wait here!" She said, flying through her door. She literally flew through the door, because she broke it off.
A few minutes later, she came back out.
"She said she'd love to help you learn about here!" Derpy said, pushing me to the tree.
I walked in, and only got to say "hi" before there was a scream, and shit ton of books came flying at me.
I muttered one more word before blacking out.
Fuck.
