The blue light from the TV cast an eerie glow over my bedroom. It was dark. The night had swept on in frightening leaps as my parents argued in the living room. I moved to the window and gazed out at the storm clouds obscuring the sky. A single star shined on through a break in the clouds, giving just enough of a perspective to see my reflection in the glass. I appeared to be unstable, broken, and full of confusion. However, none of that fit how I felt inside. My soul felt as though it was attempting to escape through my chest, to be anywhere else. Just not here.
The voices outside my door intruded into my focus, brought me back into a world I wanted nothing more to do with. i walked to my nightstand, the only piece of furniture left in my room that left untouched from my dad's rage while I had been out of the house. The sound of argument ceased and and my mom's screams blotted out all other sound. I opened the bottom drawer and pulled out sleeping pills. Several gunshots rang out from the living room mimicking thunder and lightning as it crashed down from the sky. My dad yelled my name from the living room, but I no longer heard.
"Tyler Rose!" My dad bellowed at the door that blocked his passage into my room. My willpower felt unstoppable, absolute, as if the world itself spun to the pace of my thoughts. I downed the pills one at a time, my mind set on a final solution. I consumed every last pill in the bottle, then set it down gently on my nightstand. I gathered all the envelopes that contained my final words and stood to face the door, now aware of my dad trying to break it down. I went to the window and ran out into the night, towards the mailbox. As I ran, I became aware of a sharp pain in my chest. I opened the mailbox and pushed in the letters. I heard a faint snapping sound and turned to see my dad standing in the room that was once mine.
I took off into the forest at a stunning pace, faster than I had ever ran before. I did not stop until I had gone beyond the edge of anywhere I had ever been. I kneeled in the mud and searched the sky for my star, I could not see it. Without its guiding light, the world seemed colder. Darker. Lonely. I kneeled there for minutes but air would not return to my lungs. My vision narrowed and turned red. Finally a small breath of life crept into my lungs. My vision cleared slightly, and I realized that I was finally dying. I closed my eyes and smiled bitterly. My legs and arms grew cold amd numb, and I lost strength quickly. I fell back and splashed down into the mud. Pain spiked in my heart as the breath I had taken in escaped. My brain started to shut down and my lungs ruptured and filled with fluid. My body tried to vomit and purge the blood in my system but I was too weak. Too far gone.
The clouds seemed to descend to cover my vision once more, and just before I could no longer see, I saw my star bright from the heavens once more. I closed my eyes for the final time, and attempted to say a single word.
"Peace." I slipped away before I could express the last remark. The pain that had crashed through my body and shattered my thoughts for so long had died.
Tyler Rose... Died.
Inky blackness swirled through a dark nightmare of Ethereal visions, Chaos whipped at my tortured memories and set my soul align in a blaze of confusion. My memories of my life were eviscerated. I felt them disappear in huge masses as if my body was being dipped in lava. Memories of friends I had helped, mistakes I had made, all my accomplishments and failings were taken from me by a rushing torrent of pure regret and wild hatreds. I clutched at the last vision of my star held on to it as my only anchor to existance. I crashed further towards the point of no return. I hated the being who was destroying me with a passion stronger thab the torrent itself. Finally, the star was my only memory, I was... the star. As invisible hands reached for my bastion of hope I destroyed sympathy, if only for a moment. Then like a rug slid out from beneath me, the entity stole my last sanctuary.
I drifted for an untold amount of time, it could have been forever, yet it was only a few moments. I strained all my senses and tried to open my eyes, but to no avail. I no longer felt as if I were falling, I had control over my thoughts again, yet I had nothing to think about. I felt a warm breeze trickle my face, and realized birds had been singing for a long time, I just hadn't realized it as I was so used to the sound. I smiled and breathed in deeply, the scent of flowers and trees swam into my core. Soft grass pressed into my back and legs and I discerned the sound of water tumbling over the rocks of a nearby stream. I felt good. Better than I had in... my thoughts went blank and froze up. I gave up trying to recall any thoughts of... well anything really. I dozed off into a peaceful sleep until a heavy weight on my chest pervaded my dreams. Once again, I became aware of my surroundings. Everything felt so solid. Then, something warm spread across the front of my body.
My eyes snapped open while I went vertical and I planted my hooves firmly on the ground as my wings unfurled. I focused my vision then realized a turtle was hanging onto my face by my ears. Yellow liquid splashed onto the ground between us and the turtle smiled slowly.
"What..?" The word stumbled out of my mouth as the turtle licked his face.
"Taaank! Come on man!" a female pony's voice called down from the sky. The turtle grunted and propellers from a hat on his head lifted him into the sky. My gaze tracked his movement until he landed in the arms of...
Pinkie Pie, Fluttershy, Applejack, Rarity, and Twilight Sparkle all cantering towards us. I knew them all by name, and I knew we were in a meadow just outside Ponyville, yet I had no memory of them or anything.
"Wow," Rainbow said, "That must have startled you more than I thought." Pinkie bounced up to me and exclaimed in an excited voice,
"Hi, I'm Pinkie Pie! We must not have met yet! Don't worry, I'm sure we'll be best friends! Applejack says being friends is like apple pie, but that's silly! We pony-folk don't eat friends!" She reached her hoof out to shake with a smile. I smiled back and shook her hoof. I turned to the rest of the ponies who were playing with their pets and said in a clear and friendly voice,
"Sorry, I must have dozed off, nice to meet you all! My name is Briar Rose." The name cascaded off my tongue without thinking and I stopped smiling. Was that my name? It felt as right as the wings on my back and the breath in my lungs. I was physically perfect.. Yet something was off.
"Ohh ohh! That's a good name!" The pink mare squealed. She bounced with every word and the sight brought a smile back to my face. Rarity looked at my wet fur on my chest then back at tank who was flying over her with her eyes narrowed.
"Hello, my name is Rarity, and if I must say so myself, you really must get yourself cleaned up."
"What she means is, Welcome to Ponyville." Twilight stepped forward with a smile on her face and a curious look in her eyes. The ponies introduced themselves and I got over my shock.
"So where will you be staying at?" Applejack inquired with a half eaten apple in her hoof and the other half in her mouth. I looked to each of the ponies and replied,
"I'm not sure, I can't remember anything about my life since before I woke up." Rainbow Dash bursted out laughing,
"Wow, Tank really DID scare you pretty bad!" She reached her hoof over and seconds later tank brohoofed her, There was a slightly ankward silence then Fluttershy broke the silence by saying,
"Nothing? That's just terrible," in a timid voice. Twilight stepped forward and her eyes sparkled with helpful intentions.
"Maybe I can help, I just know I have some books on memory loss back in my library."
"Thank you Twilight, I really appreciate it." Rarity spoke up with an indignant voice,
"Not like that I hope!?" she gestured to where Tank had relieved himself on me.
"Oh, uhm. My home is pretty close, he could wash up there and have something for lunch. I mean if that's okay with you Briar."
"Of course if it's no problem to anypony." I told Fluttershy.
"And when you're done, I will come over to take you back to my library," Twilight added. Fluttershy smiled and said to her tiny bunny pet,
"Come on little fella', let's go home," The bunny hopped into her outstretched hooves then into her mane. Fluttershy motioned for me to follow her as she took off into the air, I quickly turned and said to the group of ponies,
"Nice meeting all of you! See you around." Pinkie bounced into the air, crying,
"Wait! You haven't even tried my cupcakes yet!" Applejack kicked a tree and caught an apple,
"You're always welcome at the apple farm if you need a place to stay." She kindly told me. I smiled and kicked off from the ground, calling thanks and goodbye to my new freinds. A chorus of goodbyes and a single call of "Wash well!" swept me off on my flight with Fluttershy.
She hummed a beautiful tune as she flew and birds from the forest below joined in the song as if they had sang it with the yellow pegasus dozens of times before. Soon Ponyville was far behind us and the beautiful landscape of Equestria spread out in all directions. A small clearing connected to the town by a dirt road came into sight as I descended behind Fluttershy. She finished her song as her hooves touched the ground and the forest echoed her final note then went silent before resuming its natural sounds.
"This is it!" She said proudly. The bunny hopped out of her mane and into Fluttershy's lush yard. All sorts of animals made their homes in a peaceful co-existance in the clearing. Fluttershy obviously had a deep connection with animals.
"It's amazing Fluttershy," I said softly. She blushed and breathed.
"Thank you." We trotted up the stairs and into her hut. It was very cozy inside. Even more animals lived inside her house in various nests and beds. "The bath is upstairs."
"Thanks alot," I replied with a sincere smile. I looked around the bottom floor of Fluttershy's home again, taking in all the delicate decorations, then I started to head upstairs to wash up. I ascended up into the second floor. As I walked down a bright hallway I took a deep breath What could have happened to me to eradicate my memory? It was so unfair, where was my home; my family? Do I have a girlfriend? Are my friends worried about me? I sifted through these thoughts as they bounced around in my head. I entered the bathroom and stopped in front of a large mirror. The sunlight from a small window shone onto my dazzling white fur and made my black and blue mane reflect thier hues onto the wooden floor. My warm brown eyes stared back at me with an unaswerable question.
"Who am I?" I whispered to myself and turned away from the mirror. I turned the hot water on for the bath and climbed in. The water soothed my confused mind as I lay there, my wings unfurled. Everything was going to be okay, I was going to wash this turtle pee out of my coat, get something to eat, then go back to Twilight's tower to have my memories brought back. Reassured, I began to wash, and my mind wandered into possibilities of where I was from. Although I knew these ponies and recognized the places I had been so far, I definantly did not feel as if I belonged in this town. It was a lovely place, but my heart looked to the mountains outside the window. The forested slopes and snow capped peaks called to me, and I felt the urge to soar through them, looking for all I had lost. Instead, I finished then dried off with one of Flutterhsy's towels.
I walked down the stairs slowly, feeling hungry and eager to speak to the small yellow pony. My hooves clicked on the floor when I reached the bottom of the stairs. I searched the living room with my eyes but found no sign of her. I began to panic and I unfurled my wings ready to fly away. I hightened my senses, straining to discern some sign of Fluttershy. Soft crying reached my ears from some place outside. The sound was heart-breaking. It was definantly Fluttershy. I galloped outside and immediately spotted her sitting beneath a tall oak tree with ravens gethered near her on its lowest branches and the ground near her hooves.
"Hush now, quiet now, it's time to go to bed..." The pony sang with tears glistening in her eyes. A beautiful raven lay dead amidst tthe solemn flock. Fluttershy sensed my approach and stood up slowly I came to stand next to her as she turned her head to read my face with a crushing look of pure sadness in her eyes. "He was a good freind, I am sad to see him go," She said to me. We turned our heads away from each other to stare back down at Fluttershy's departed pet. A tear fell from her cheek and she turned back to me. "I am alright." She told me in a shaky voice. "It was his time." I nodded, unsure of what to say. "I set some of Pinkie's cake that was left from the picnic out for you on the table."
"Thank you Fluttershy. Are you sure you're okay?"
"I'll be fine in a moment. Please wait for me inside." She said, now sounding less miserable.
"If you're sure." I replied She simply nodded and I walked back into Fluttershy's house. I was definantly in need of a good sized piece of cake from Pinkie Pie.
"Briar?" Twilight's voice came from the door. I looked at the cake then at the door. The cake would have to wait. I trotted up to the door and opened it to let the unicorn in. Fluttershy stood behind her, looking close to normal again. Twilight definantly knew how to make her friends feel better. "You look great, ready to leave?" Twilight said from the doorway. I smiled at the mares, and greatfully said,
"Yes, definantly. Thank you both so much for helping me." Fluttershy blushed and mumbled something I couldn't hear to the ground. Twilight smiled and said,
"You're absolutely welcome, it was the least we could do for a pony in need. Dash is sorry by the way, I know she acted a little rude, but she means well." I laughed soflty at the memory of Dash and Tank hoof-bumping.
"It's fine, don't worry about it," I assured her as we both stepped out onto Fluttershy's lawn. Fluttershy didn't follow.
"I need to see to Warden's burial." She told us in a weak voice. Twilight sensed her sadness returning and walked back to place a hoof on her shoulder.
"He is in a better place now, all things come and go," Twilight said to Fluttershy. Fluttershy nodded and sat down on her porch.
"Thanks Twilight," Her timid voice replied. I watched as the mares said goodbye to each other with Celestia's sun sinking lower behind them. Twilight calmly turned and walked over to me. We began the trip from Fluttershy's cottage back to Ponyville.
"That was a nice thing you did back therem she was really upset," I said to Twilight. She nodded.
"She loves her pets. The animals around her house are her main company. She cares deeply for them all deeply," She finished statement as we rounded the last bend in the road and arrived at Ponyville. The main road curved through town, with various shops hugging the road near the outskirts. Most of the homes and restaurants were near the center. Every building was clean and beautifully painted. It was as if the Equestrians refused to build something not add on the the beauty of the landscape. A pegasus weather theam could be seen moving rain clouds over the farms. I wonder if I should be up there. Maybe somepony would recognize me. Twilight and I walked down the road and ponies continued their daily schedules around us. We passed several ponies that would wave to Twilight and call out greetings to her. My eyes settled on a spectacular bakery, made out of material that appeared to be candy and gingerbread.
"Woah!" I excalimed and Twilight laughed.
"That's Sugarcube Corner, the best bakery in town. That's where Pinkie lives with the Cake family. Twilight smiled again after I responded with,
"It's amazing."
"You should try some of the cupcake Pinkie makes, so delicious. I would trake you in to visit but I told Spike I would be back by sundown. Pinkie would probably insist on a party and-" Twilight stopped midsentence and pointed at a window in the bakery. Pinkie had just finished putting up a sign that said "Welcome to Ponyville Rose!" I waved at the pink pony and Twilight and I both chuckled at Pinkie's over-abundance of friendlyness.
"Everypony here seems so nice." I commented to Twilight.
"It's a nice town, the ponies here have taught me so much I would have never realized if I had not met them," Twilight replied. Somehow, without being told, I knew that was true I felt as though I knew each of the six ponies I had met in the park earlier like we had grown up together as fillies. I subconsciously knew how any of them would react to anything I said, Somehow, we were connected. That thought was bittersweet, Why did I know so much about them but nothing about myself but my name? I could only push those thoughts away and focus on the present. We continued our trip through Ponyville. An enormous tree stood near the middle of town. A purple tower was crafted from the tree in a clever fashion. I knew that it was Twilight's home. "That's where I live. Pretty soon we should be able to fix your memory with a spell I discovered in an old book from my library," She said to me. I was awed by the mare's generosity.
"Thanks again, I have no Idea at all what I would be doing if you had not helped me out," I said back to Twilight.
"It's no problem," She said as we walked up to her front door, "It's a terrible thing to lose your memory, your family is probably worried sick about you." She looked back at me as she opened the door. "Welcome to my home," She said. we stepped inside a large circular living room with massive bookshelves lining the walls. A desk occupied the far corner by a winding staircase. Quills and ink were arranged neatly on the desk beside a large green book. "That's the book I found the memory spell in," Twilight said. She continued talking, "If the problem is something simple like amnesia, this spell will cure it." She walked over to the book and carefully opened it. She breezed throught its pages, searching for the correct spell.
"Twilight, before you cast the spell, I need to tell you something.." I said to Twilight. I had resolved to tell her everything. "Twilight, I'm not sure how or why , but I am connected to you, and the other five mares who found me this morning."
"How do you mean?" Twilight inquired.
"Well, I feel as though I have known all six of you all my life. I recognize everywhere I have been today, but have no memory of being here." Twilight's brow creased as she worked through all of the possibilities.
"Hmm. Our best bet is to try the spell. Everything should be clear in just a few minutes," Twilight said.
"Alright," I agreed. I had little hope the spell would work, but as Twilight said, there was no better way to break through the shadowy walls of my amnesia. "Let's do this." I said.
"Here goes something!" Twilight said, her voice slightly raised from the force of her concentration. I stood firmly rooted to the ground with every muscle in my body tense and my wings unfurled at my sides. Twilight's horn began to glow and she squeezed her eyes tightly shut as she dipped deep into her magical reserves. An immense build up of power pressed towards me from all directions. I sensed Twilight's magical presence attempting to push its way into my mind. As though she was being forced back by some sinister power, Twilight's struggles became obviously more strained. She gasped for breath and wind whipped around the room encircling us both in a halo of unrelenting force. Besides the pressure of Twilight's magic... I felt no change at all. The struggle continued for several more moments. Still no change.
The spell is going to fail, were the grim thoughts being passed around in my head. I'm going to to be stuck like this. Just then, the colors of twilight's library twisted together and condensed into a flash of pure agony just behind my eyes. I slipped into oblivion. A sound of thunder forshadowed the appearence of a terrible dream. Smoke and fire rose up to meet the black skies in a blistering firestorm of chaos. The despair of besieged ponies whispered around me. I have to- The dream and horrible pain ended just as quickly as it began.
"Hey! Are you alright?" A scared but sincere sounding voice queried. I forced my eyes open to see a baby dragon crouched next to me and the unconscious body of Twilight Sparkle. Shudders of uncertainty echoed through my spine.
"I.. Don't know." I said to the dragon who's name I somehow knew was Spike.
"Ohhh.." Twilight cried as she came to beside me. "That was awful." Twilight said. I simply nodded my head too troubled to find the right words to say. It was definantly awful. And I still did not have any memory of my past besides the excrutiating glimpse into a burning castle. Why would somepony go out of thier way to curse my like this? How could they even remove my cutie mark? A deep, cold rage built inside my chest. I could hardly control my anger. Spike descended from the stairs with a large book in his claws.
"Here it is Twilight!" Spike said. Twilight levitated the book over to the table and layed it next to the other book.
"The first book contains spells to restore memory, but the second book contains all known things that cause memory loss. I remember seeing something in here before..." Twilight's voice trailed off into nothing as she rapidly skimmed through the book.
"Twilight, please.. No more magic today," I pleaded.
"Tonight you mean," Spike said. Both Twilight and I looked to a large circular window. Sure enough, Luna's moon was rising far off in the horizon.
"Woah, how long were we out?" I asked the dragon.
"Two, maybe three hours. I couldn't wake you!" Spike said, looking between me and Twilight.
"You should get some rest, I'll stay up a bit and get to the bottom of this," Twilight said.
"Thanks," I replied in a tired voice. I walked over to a comfortable looking couch by the window and collapsed in a heap on my back. I watched the sky grow darker. Twilight and Spike sat behind me at the table, talking quietly in hushed voices. I closed my eyes and began to think. Thoughts floated around like bits of wreckage in an ocean. I reached into my mind and pulled out a thought at random. I repeated the same arguments I had been going through all day in my head. Worry drove all possibility of sleep out the window. Out the window... I gazed at the stars that now filled the sky with their luster. One stood out above all the rest. Its glow shined down and blanketed me in a tender purple light. It comforted mr to know that something so beautiful would endure forever. I lost awareness, and passed into dreamless sleep.