Chapter 1
Page 1
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"Why are you?!" She began, clearly cut off by the sheer amount of confusion. "Ah, ah ah! No questions please, they are quite boring as a certain somepony would say!" He laughed.
Princess Celestia stumbled back, caught off guard from the all too familiar form that mysteriously materialized in front of her. She hoisted her hooves down, her pose straight up in shock. The bipedal figure snorted out laughing. "This is my favorite part of the story! Random materialization in front of who least expects it..." He trailed off, giggling like a filly. He then stopped himself, snapping his fingers. In the instant he did so, an old fashioned rocking chair appeared.
Taking a seat in the chair he pondered to himself. "You know, now that I think about it, the normal common ponies of this country wouldn't expect it even more, wouldn't they?" He asked. Celestia was too awestruck to even provide an answer, much to the humans amusement. "To be perfectly honest, I have NO idea how I even got here! One moment, I'm sitting at my computer-" ...He smiled. "You wouldn't know what that is anyways. Well, I was writing a story about something revolving around this certain kind of topic. Then BAM! Here I am. A dream come true I suppose?"
"Stop, stop, STOP!" She screamed, engulfing the two armed creature in a white glow. The human screamed loudly, shrieking throughout the hall. Celestia jumped out of her socks(if she had any), releasing the human from her grip. "Rape! Somebody help, she's trying to take advantage of me!" The human screamed, running around the throne room aimlessly. Celestia, greatly confused by the spectacle attempted to silence the creature. However, her best efforts were quickly put to rest as the human blasted down the hall, heading straight for the door.
Elsewhere, more specifically, the royal garden, a crack was formed into a peculiar gods statue.
Celestia gathered what remained of her sanity, chasing after the rampant ape. Since he was only running on two legs, he couldn't go very far. The royal god was catching up much faster than she expected. She focused her eyes on her target and fired a beam of light to catch it. Yet, as she looked up to the see the results of her success, it was the complete and utter opposite. In a sense. Otherwise, he was gone.
"What were you shooting at?" A voice rang from within her ears. Taking notice of the sudden increase of weight added to her, she roared upwards like a frightened horse. The human barely had enough time to grab hold of something, but managed with her wing feathers. "Whoa, whoa, whoa!" The human patted the goddess. "Calm yourself horse."
Celestia growled, "Get off me this instant!" She roared. The human shrugged, snapping his fingers to materialize before her. The human gave a quick bow before breaking down into complete and utter laughter. Nothing could keep his entertainment of the situation at bay. "You..You should see your face! It's perfect!" He stuttered, barely able to keep his balance. After minutes of laughter. Yes. MINUTES. She eventually regained her sense, along with his breath. Then it became silent.
"Enough! I have had enough of your games!" She demanded, much to the bipedals disappointment. Using her amazing power, she summoned a cage from the ground, trapping the human within it. The human smiled at her, unaffected at the sudden appearance of a prison.
She sighed greatly, eyeing the creature before her. "First. How did you get here?" She asked, still panting from the stress. The human pondered, then moved his hand within an empty space as if he smack-SMACK...ed somepony. Celestia put a hoof to her face, touching the place where she swore she was just hit. "Damnit woman, I just told you!" He said, shaking his head in disappointment.
SLAM!
"Princess! We heard screams coming from your quarters, are you..." The guard trailed off, his pupils growing to massive size. Celestia glanced back at the human, who was now gagged, and wearing strange dark strips of leather across his body. She then immediately noticed she was holding a whip, the same identical clothing on her as well. "...okay?" The guard finished.
Two of the guards, which the human guessed to be mares, screamed, running out of the room. The captain of the guard, a pegasus, had his wings shot from his armor sockets, sticking straight out into the air. Whatever fantasies he had, was becoming reality. The eldest of the squad, a green unicorn, chuckled lightly to himself before turning around. "Well, I've seen enough." With those words spoken, he was gone in a flash of arcane energy.
The human, disturbed by the onlookers, yelled at the captain. "Hey! Can't you see we're busy here!?" With a grunt, he shut the door with a snap of his fingers. He then looked back at Celestia, still staring at the door. "Honestly, no privacy!" The human laughed a bit, snapping his fingers again. Celestia found herself confused, more importantly blushing. She quickly regained her senses. Snapping back to attention to scold the human for pulling such a inappropriate trick. Yet, as she turned her head, the cage along with the human was gone.
In frantic haste, she searched all over the room for him, but he was nowhere to be found. She frowned, "Show yourself!" She yelled, much to the amusement of the human. A cold chill filled the air, followed by a mocking laughter. "Did you miss me Celestia?" The voice asked, bemusing. "I missed you.
"It's quite lonely having my friend encased in stone, but you wouldn't know that, would you? Because I don't turn people into stone!" The voice finished rather harshly, clearly angry. Celestia stopped herself, pondering something to herself. "This feels familiar..." She whispered.
"Dejavu?" The voice said, laughing lightly. "Trust me, I know all too well. Season two was my favorite after all. This scene, with a few minor changes, is my favorite, of course!"
Celestia shook her head, refusing to let the confusion distract her. She then noticed the human within the window art of the elements of harmony. "What are you doing?" She demanded. The human glanced at Celestia, snickering to himself. "This is how it's going to happen." The human hovered over each element, snatching it from its holder. "I'm going to take these for a little while." He glared at the last element, magic, before grabbing it.
"Celestia growled, "What have you done with the elements of harmony!?" The human chuckled, "Exactly like I remember." With another snap, the human was in all the windows, making various faces at the goddess.
"We're going to play a little game, Celestia." He sneered. "Same rules as before." He snapped, materializing in front of the monarch. Celestia stepped back a few, fear and hatred in her eyes. "No wings," He snapped. "And no...Magic!" He snapped again. Celestia, covered in fear, placed a hoof to her forehead, her eyes sinking to the size of pees.
"Discord may have had a limit to his players." The human said, opening a portal with a snap. Inside the portal, Celestia could see hundreds of ponies scurrying around, panic setting in as they noticed they no longer had their magical gifts. "But this time, the playing field is going to be a teensy bit bigger." He laughed.
"My little ponies..." She glared at the human. "The elements..."
"Who? Them?" The human asked, pointing at the door. At that exact moment the door flooded open, the powerful and harmonic mane six trotting in to defend their princess. Celestia was shocked at the sudden arrival of her most trusted subjects. She regained her senses, her expression switching to extreme desperation.
"Hurry! Seize the human! He's the one who did this!" She shouted. The six sprinted at the human with furious speed. The human sighed, snapping his fingers, trapping each element in a pile of piggy banks. Laughing, he approached Celestia. he placed his soft hand on her cheek before smiling once more. "These six, along with yourself is Equestria's last hope!" He finished rather dramatically.
By the time he was finished with her, the elements had already recovered. About to charge once more, the human changed his happy, playful expression into a dark glare. Straight at Twilight Sparkle. She cringed, fear building up inside her. "Well," He said, casually walking towards Twilight, his playful attitude returning. "I'm sure you know the rules to this game, considering its not the first time you played!" He reached the throne door, opening it with a snap. He turned around to face the ponies, stifling a laughter. "Seek me out atop the castles peak, there you will find your power sleeps. Fancy jewels are nothing but show, the power inside is for you to know." He finished rather seriously, slamming the door shut with a loud mischievous laughter.
"He's funny!" Snorted Pinkie, bouncing around her unconscious friend, Rarity.
The monarch was the first to recover of the group, moaning as she rubbed her forehead. "This doesn't make any sense!" As soon as the words left her mouth, two speakers grew from the ceiling. A loud beeping sound was made followed with, "Attention Equestria! In response to her royal butthurtness. Your new ruler, 'Human' tweets, 'What fun is there in making sense! #Discord."
Celestia opened her mouth, ready to say something, but nothing came. Instead she flunked down on her flank and proceeded to space out....Completely.
The other elements approached her carefully. "Princess, are you okay?" The one with the rainbow mane asked.
Then she lost it.
"Do I look okay? Are you fucking kidding me?!" She roared. "In a matter of seconds, my entire kingdom was changed, my throne taken," she moaned. "I was embarrassed in front of my elite guard from his fucking...Whatever he does! Not to mention, he takes my horn and my wings, along with everything I own."
To say the least, all of them except the pink one was affected by the sudden outburst from their ruler. The pink one is different. No questions asked.
"That's it!" She screamed. "Fuck you and your friends, I'm taking care of this myself!" She said, getting back on her hooves. She sprinted out of the doorway leaving a confused pupil and elements. Except for the pink one. Never the pink one.
Elsewhere, most likely atop of the castle, a rave party was being held. The human summoned the mass majority of the hardest party-ers so they could join his awesome rave fest. Suddenly the human sensed something approaching. It was big. The human went wide eyed as he released the largest collection of green gas into the air, instantly killing the party. The human sighed, then sensed the same sensation. He turned around, revealing Celestia in full tier 3 Celestial Armor.
SHIT IS ABOUT TO GET OP!
The human had little time to recollect himself as he stifled a laugh, "so it was YOU I was feeling." His little remark was met a hoof to face, sending him hurling off the side of the cliff. The human snapped his fingers, returning Celestia's horn and wings back to her. Realizing his fate, he closed his eyes. Then opened them in a green pupil, yellow hair explosion! The human stopped himself in mid air, screaming really, really loud.
The amount of energy he was amassing amazed Celestia as she soon found herself powering herself up as well. The whole Earth Equis shook as the two screamed for the next forty minutes. Then in a single charge of raw power, they shot at each other. "It was then when the world shook as a huge explosion destroyed the castle."
"And then the human won." The fimfiction story review mod said, finishing rather blandly.
Using both of his strong hands he covered his face, rubbing it slowly across it, mainly to express the amount of stress he was experiencing. "Are you kidding me?!" He roared. "How many more of these retarded Human in Equestria stories am I going to have to read!" Feeling high and mighty, he rejected the story, sending the writer a personal PM.
"Dear Writer. I'm afraid your story was just not good enough to pass the requirements. Please pay more attention to grammar, and plot structure. Especially one's that make sense. Thank you, love fimfiction staff, that guy with the foot as his profile picture." He finished, standing proudly.
Celestia cocked a brow. "What the hell are you talking about?"
The human blinked, "Wait. The story is supposed to be over. It got rejected!"
"What story!? Are you insane?" She asked.
The human sighed, "Guess I have to do this myself." Using his right hand he reached into the empty space between him and the monarch, disrupting the time and space existence. He reached in grabbing a large wire that had bold print saying, 'Equestria.exe'. He gave one last glance at Celestia before shedding a tear.
"I always loved you."
Then he pulled the string-string-string-string-string-string....
WARNING.
EQUESTRIA.EXE HAS STOPPED WORKING!
-OKAY-
