What the Truck

by totallynotabrony

Rating: teen
Tags: Comedy, Queen Chrysalis, Random, Main 6, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Alternate Universe, Lyra, Princess Luna
Length: 4336

Spacetime accidents, a foreign invasion, and friends with stuff to haul. The new 2013 Applejack can handle all this and more!

Spacetime accidents-
A foreign invasion-
Friends with stuff to haul-

The new 2013 Applejack can handle all this and more!

Published 2012-12-17 03:20:02 UTC
Last updated 2012-12-17 03:20:02 UTC

Chapter 1

Big Macintosh opened his eyes as the alarm clock beside his bed began to ring. At five a.m. the sun hadn’t risen yet. He got out of bed in the predawn darkness.

The hulking red stallion paused, wondering why his sister’s alarm clock hadn’t rung. The two of them usually could set up a little harmonic chorus with their respective rings that annoyed their youngest sibling.

Mac poked his head into the bedroom next door. “AJ?”

The sheets were flat on the bed and nopony was present. Confused, Mac walked through the rest of the house looking for his sister. When Applejack failed to turn up in the usual places, he began to grow worried.

“Huh? What’s going on, big brother?” asked Apple Bloom sleepily as Mac checked her room.

“Looking for Applejack.”

“Where is she?” asked the young filly.

“Don’t know.”

Apple Bloom sat up. “She’s supposed to be up, isn’t she? Where could she be?”

Mac shrugged. It was really too early for a schoolfilly like Apple Bloom to be up, but he didn’t protest as she climbed out of bed and trotted after him.

With no evidence of the missing mare in the house, Mac opened the front door. Apple Bloom looked around, her creative young mind imagining all sorts of places her big sister might be. They headed for the barn. Mac pushed open the large sliding door and suddenly froze, staring at a bizarre machine that hadn’t been there before.

The front—or what Mac assumed was the front—seemed to have a lot of chrome. Smooth sheet metal extended over the rest of the body, coated with gleaming paint of orange and yellow. Around the middle there was a lot of glass like an enclosed carriage, and there was a rectangular box at the rear that resembled a wagon. It sat on four rubber tires with a deep, blocky tread pattern.

While Mac had stood staring, Apple Bloom went around to the rear. She called to her brother. “Look at this!”

The stallion slipped into the barn and followed his sister’s pointing hoof. On the rear fender of the machine was a likeness of Applejack’s cutie mark.

“It kind of looks like her coloring, too,” noted Apple Bloom. “What could this mean? What do we do?”

Mac took a moment, and remembering the number one pony to call whenever something weird happened. “I think we should talk to Twilight Sparkle.”

The two of them traveled to town and headed for the library where Twilight lived. It was difficult to wake the scholarly purple unicorn. She’d been awake most of the night doing nerd stuff. The insistent knocking on her door dragged Twilight from sleep, but it was only after Big Macintosh and Apple Bloom told their story that she came fully awake.

After collecting a few supplies, Twilight followed the two of them back to the farm. The first time she set eyes on the machine in their barn, she had to agree that it certainly did look a lot like Applejack. Well, maybe if she wore braces. That was a lot of chrome.

Twilight walked slowly around, muttering to herself. “It has wheels, so it’s meant to travel. No obvious places to pull from, so perhaps it’s self-propelled. The large cargo area could mean it was designed for utility, but the overall polished appearance suggests decorative.”

Peeking in the windows, Twilight observed chair-like furnishings and a steering wheel. Somepony was clearly meant to drive this thing, then. There were four doors. She opened the one on the right front.

An overhead light flicked on and a mysterious chiming sound began. The air on the other side of the door smelled of fresh dye and other “new” scents. There was an undertone of something Twilight couldn’t place.

A small hinged compartment was close to Twilight and she opened it. Another light lit the inside as she spotted a book that rested inside. The unicorn smiled as she read the words Owner’s Manual printed on the cover.

Closing both doors, she opened the book and read the first page while walking back to Big Macintosh and Apple Bloom.

“So what is it?” asked the filly.

“It’s a pickup truck,” Twilight said.

There was a moment of silence.

“So what’s a pickup truck?” asked Apple Bloom.

“I’ll need time to read the book,” explained Twilight. “I should also send a letter to the Princess. I hope she isn't busy right now. Her sister was working on something called a High Energy Matter Integrator. It’s—”

“We just need AJ back,” said Big Macintosh before Twilight could get off track.

“I’ll read as fast as I can,” she promised.

After returning to the library, Twilight sent a quick letter to Canterlot, and then collected a notebook. The owner’s manual was very dry reading, but packed an amazing amount of new information. It didn’t explain the intimate inner workings of the truck, but by the time Twilight finished she knew how to operate everything.

Armed with this knowledge, she returned to the farm. The sun was now up and the truck gleamed as Twilight opened the barn door. She walked over to the driver’s side door and opened it.

When the new car smell hit her, Twilight suddenly remembered something she’d read from the manual. The seats were made of leather.

At a diplomatic service with griffons, she’d observed how they never wasted any part of animals they hunted, not even the skin. It was still terribly disconcerting to be looking at parts of dead creatures that had been processed, dyed, and stitched into seating surfaces that were admittedly rather attractive.

Hesitantly, Twilight climbed inside, settling her posterior onto the leather. It was cool and smooth, and she took a moment to collect her thoughts before going forward with her plan.

The door closed with a purposeful thunk. The chime also stopped. Twilight craned her neck around the steering wheel to look at the ignition key. With a little magical effort, she clicked it forward into the “run” postion.

“Boy howdy, Twilight! Took ya long enough!”

The unicorn shrieked and smacked her face on the window while attempting to escape. Applejack’s disembodied voice seemed to come from everywhere at once.

“Calm down, Twi! It’s just me.”

Twilight quickly composed herself. It’s just a magical talking truck who happens to be one of my best friends. “Applejack…how are you?”

“I’ve been better.” The voice seemed to be distorted slightly. Twilight glanced at the surround sound speakers that had been noted in the manual. On the radio head unit, a small display showed an audio equalizer that jumped every time Applejack spoke.

“How did this happen to you?” asked Twilight.

“Princess Luna did it with this device called a High Energy Matter Integrator.”

“Wow, I heard about it, but I didn’t know it did this.” Twilight paused for a moment. “How do you know that’s what happened to you?”

“The Princess told me so last night when the two of us went on an adventure to another universe. She skimped a bit on her preparatory research, though, and thought that this shape would be nicely inconspicuous. She apologized and said she had mistaken the planet’s dominant life form.”

Coming from anypony but the Element of Honesty, Twilight would have been skeptical, to say the least. “So…why didn’t Princess Luna change you back?”

“She said her thing needed to recharge. Even still, she shoulda been back before the morning.”

Twilight frowned. “I sent an ugent letter to Princess Celestia, but so far it’s gone unanswered. Perhaps there’s problem in Canterlot that is occupying both Princesses?”

“I wish I knew, Twi. Anyway, I don’t think there’s anything I can do about it the way I am right now.”

Twilight thought for a moment. “Could I...drive you? I mean, I don’t know anything about the miles and kilometers mentioned the owner’s manual, but maybe you can help the girls and I get to Canterlot faster than the train could.”

“I guess that would be all right.” A tone of doubt appeared in Applejack’s voice. “Do you know how?”

“Sure, I know all about driving! I memorized the owner’s manual!” Twilight twisted the key further and the engine started. A smooth background noise began and there was a slight vibration she could feel.

Applejack let out a contented sigh. “Strangly enough, I feel a lot more energetic now. Thanks.”

“You’re welcome.” Twilight manipulated the gearshift and put the transmission into Drive, reaching forward with a rear hoof to trod on the accelerator.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

It was harder to say who screamed louder. Twilight was thrown backwards by the sudden acceleration and quickly rebounded forwards as Applejack put on the brakes. After bouncing off the steering wheel, Twilight ended up on the soft carpet of the floor.

“Sorry Twilight, I didn’t expect that to happen,” said Applejack. “On the other hoof, I guess I can drive myself.”

“Ugh…I didn’t expect that to happen either.” Twilight rubbed her head and sat up. “Don’t you mean on the other wheel?”

“Sorry, didn’t know truck-talk was different,” Applejack chuckled. Twilight sat up again, realizing now why the seatbelt symbol had been lit up on the dashboard. It may have been constricting to wear, but it probably would have saved her from ricocheting around the interior.

“I suppose I’ll let you take over, then,” said Twilight, sitting up and straightening out her mane. After clicking the seatbelt closed around her body, she sat back and watched Applejack roll away from the barn.

After seeing Apple Bloom off to school, Big Macintosh had gone to the orchard. Even with his sister’s apparent disappearance, work still had to be done. He bucked a tree and was turning to collect a basket full of apples when he saw the strange machine coming in his direction. As it moved into the shade of the trees, he saw Twilight sitting inside.

The truck stopped and the window beside Twilight rolled down. She rested her foreleg on the edge and leaned towards Mac. “The good news is that I know where Applejack is.”

“The bad news is that I’m right here,” said Applejack. Big Macintosh’s face went blank with surprise. The piece of wheat held between his lips fell out.

“It’s true, I’m afraid,” said Twilight. She reached over to turn up the radio so Applejack’s voice could be heard more easily. “We’re going to Canterlot to see if the Princesses can help.”

“If you load those apple baskets, I can carry ‘em back to the barn for you,” offered Applejack. “It’s on the way.”

Regaining his composure, Mac nodded. Twilight opened the door and went around to Applejack’s rear to open the tailgate. She wondered exactly what part of her friend’s anatomy that might translate to, and decided she didn’t want to know.

Twilight helped Mac put a dozen bushel baskets in Applejack’s bed and then got back in the driver’s seat. After another slow drive through the orchard, the mechanized mare stopped outside the barn. Twilight put the baskets down where they could be dealt with later.

“Twi, since we're at the barn could you get my rope? I just kinda feel better to have something familiar with me.”

Twilight understood that Applejack was still uncomfortable with her new form, and fetched the lariat from the barn. She placed it in the truck's bed and climbed back into the cabin once more.

Applejack went down the driveway and at the front gate turned towards Ponyville. The two of them set off for town.

Chapter 2

The drive to town was pleasant. Twilight enjoyed the breeze from the open window. The speedometer read “25.” It was certainly faster than a pony could trot, but Applejack reported that it felt slow to her.

“Hey, what is that thing?” a distant voice called. Seconds later, a blue pegasus with multicolored mane and tail appeared next to Twilight’s window. She looked in surprise at her friend before glancing at the strange machine.

“Hello Rainbow,” said Twilight. “This is Applejack. She’s um…currently in a bit of a strange situation.”

“That’s pretty much it,” agreed Applejack.

Rainbow nearly fell out of the air in astonishment, but quickly recovered. “So what are you going to do about it?”

“We’re on our way to Canterlot to see the Princesses,” explained Twilight.

“Want to come?” asked Applejack. She chuckled. “I’ve got room.”

Rainbow opened the passenger door and sat, copying Twilight’s posture. She opened the window and stuck a hoof out.

The three of them entered Ponyville. Applejack slowed down, cruising the streets. Residents of the town were clearly surprised, but being Equestria, it was not the strangest thing they had seen in the past few years. Most of them gave curious looks to Twilight and Rainbow, who were clearly enjoying themselves.

“Hey look, it’s Pinkie,” said Rainbow, pointing at a bouncing pink mare who was coming their way. Her eyes were closed, but she managed to hop in a perfectly straight line down the street. Applejack stopped as she approached.

Pinkie paused in midair and her eyes popped open. Her nose was inches from Applejack’s grille. Pinkie smiled and dropped to the ground. “Hi Applejack. Hi Rainbow. Hi Twilight.”

“How did you know it was me?” asked Applejack.

“Silly, who else could it be?” Pinkie jumped through the window and wiggled into position between the two mares already inside.

“There’s lots of room in the back seat,” Twilight pointed out uncomfortably.

Pinkie hooked her hooves around her friends’ necks and hauled them close with a giggle. “But what’s the fun in that? Now we can have a mobile party!”

“Just don’t stain the upholstery,” muttered Applejack as she began to move again.

“Rarity mentioned to me the other day that she wanted to go to Canterlot,” thought Twilight out loud. “Since we’re on the way, we should stop by and pick her up.”

Applejack sighed and stopped outside the Carousel Boutique. Twilight got out and went to find Rarity. To say that the fashionable white unicorn was skeptical of the machine parked outside would be an understatement.

“I don’t think this is a good idea,” said Rarity, very disapprovingly.

“Come on, there are rubber weatherstripping seals on her doors,” said Twilight. “No dirt is going to get in.”

“Well, I do have quite a lot to bring with me,” said Rarity. “The train would charge a mane and a tail for baggage fees.”

After wrapping her wares in several layers of dirt and water proofing material, Rarity consented to let Applejack carry them. She took it a step further by stretching a tarp over the top of the truck’s bed.

“I suppose that also helps with aerodynamics,” commented Twilight as they climbed in.

“What’s that mean?” asked Pinkie.

“It’s the way wind moves over various shapes,” explained Twilight. “It helps determine things like performance and fuel economy.”

“I was meaning to ask about that,” said Rainbow. “If Applejack is a machine now, doesn’t she need something to run on?”

Twilight indicated the fuel gauge. “It still shows mostly full of gasoline.”

In an effort to see what Twilight was pointing at, Rainbow leaned across Pinkie, who giggled at her friend’s head in her lap. Twilight tried to get out of the way, somehow ending up facing the wrong way and her face only inches from Pinkie’s.

After several more uncomfortable and slightly questionable contortions, somehow Rainbow ended up in the driver’s seat and Twilight on the other side. Continuing on as if nothing had happened, Rainbow said, “So what’s this? Gasoline? Where are we supposed to get more of that?”

“She’s also compatible with ethanol,” put in Twilight.

“Well we knew that,” Pinkie laughed. “Applejack is the local cider maker, after all.”

“Could you keep it down?” called Rarity from the back seat. “This is very comfortable, like a fine settee, and I am trying to sleep.”

Pinkie was about to accuse her of being a party pooper, but spotted Fluttershy and began insisting that Applejack pull over.

The timid yellow pegasus didn’t see the truck until Applejack’s imposing shadow fell across her. Had it not been for a simultaneous partyblindfolding by Pinkie, the poor mare’s heart may have given out from shock. It came close anyway when the blindfold was removed and she found herself inside a strange machine rolling down the street.

“Did you have to scare her like that?” asked Applejack.

“Where is that voice coming from?” asked Fluttershy, looking around for her friend.

“Applejack turned into this strange contraption,” explained Pinkie. “But we’re going to see the Princesses about it, so everything will be fine.”

“Oh, okay.” Somewhat reassured, Fluttershy leaned back and made herself comfortable. Rarity, no longer having the whole back seat to herself, sat primly beside her.

As they passed the park, a mint-green unicorn glanced up from the magazine she was reading, doing a double-take as Applejack drove by. She stuffed the monthly publication into her saddlebags and ran to catch up. “Wait!”

Twilight leaned out the window. “What is it, Lyra?”

“I need a ride!” exclaimed the green mare.

“We’re going to Canterlot,” said Rainbow.

“That’s perfect.” Lyra yanked open the back door and settled herself between Fluttershy and Rarity. She was grinning like a madmare and rubbing her hooves together in delight. “This is so amazing! I’ve been waiting forever to get a chance like this!”

The top of the magazine protruded far enough for Fluttershy to read the title, Motor Trend, but not see the cover. It didn’t sound like something she was interested in, and looked away without comment. In fact, none of the other ponies said anything, either. Lyra was generally regarded as “pretty weird,” and outlandish reactions to foreign technology was just part of her personality.

Outside of Ponyville, Applejack began to pick up speed. While it was very hard to read her emotions because she didn’t have a face, Twilight thought she might be enjoying herself. “How do you feel, Applejack?”

“Well, it’s mighty nice to exercise a bit. Kind of weird having you all inside me, though.”

“Wow, I think it would be weird having ponies inside me, too,” exclaimed Pinkie.

Rarity looked out the window. “Are you sure this is safe? You’re going at least as fast as the train.”

“I doubt she's faster than me,” said Rainbow.

“It’s okay,” said Applejack. “I sure as heck weigh more than you.”

The banter continued for a while, but tapered off as they drew closer to Canterlot.

“Didn't you say that this was a radio?” said a bored Pinkie, gesturing to the dashboard. “Let's have some music!”

Twilight began adjusting the buttons and knobs, looking for a station. Equestria used different frequencies than AM and FM, and nopony had any idea what a Compact Disk might be. Something called satellite radio seemed to work, however, and Pinkie quickly began flipping through the channels and giggling at the strange alien music.

Looking forward out the windshield as they approached Canterlot, Twilight grew nervous as she noticed that nopony seemed to be about.

Nopony, that is, except for a giant cloud of Changelings that had descended on the city.

Chapter 3

“Why in the world are they attacking a second time?” shouted Rarity. “I thought enchantments had been placed on the city to stop them from ever stealing our love again!”

“It doesn’t make any sense to me, either,” said Twilight, “But now I know why Princess Luna didn’t come back to fix Applejack, and why Princess Celestia didn’t answer my letter.”

“Well what are we waitin’ for?” demanded Applejack. She downshifted and shot forward. In the back seat, Fluutershy began frantically searching for a way out. Lyra looked on sympathetically. It was difficult to unlock the doors with hooves.

The truck barreled through the streets of Canterlot. It was a good thing that most ponies had shut themselves indoors. Unlike the last Changeling invasion, the attack was primarily centered around the castle, leaving the rest of the city mostly untouched.

The front entrance of the castle was open, the heavy gates hanging askew. The gap was slightly larger than truck-size and Applejack managed to squeeze through. She slid to a halt in surprise. The entire courtyard was filled with changelings.

Rainbow nervously hit the switches to roll up the windows. A lone Changeling stepped forward, seemingly confused by the machine filled with ponies. He squinted and his body went tense. Several second passed, but nothing happened. The creature gasped, its exertion for nothing.

From the radio, Applejack chuckled. It seemed that turning into vehicles was outside Changeling capability. “Buckle up, y’all. There are about to be some bug splats on the bumper.”

With a squeal of tires on cobblestone, Applejack leaped forward directly into the crowd of Changelings. They scattered everywhere, some taking to the air to escape. The six ponies inside the truck watched the scene with amusement from the comfort of their leather seats and air conditioning.

The more vicious-looking enemies were clustered around the entrance to the Great Hall. It was where the previous attack, a wedding crashed by Changelings, had occurred. The castle was set apart from the courtyard by a few wide staircases that encircled the building. Applejack engaged four wheel drive and shot up the stairs, catching air and crashing through one of the large stained glass windows.

She slid to a halt in the Hall. “Whooee, is everypony all right? I think my mirrors mighta gotten knocked a little out of whack.”

A bright green glow suddenly surrounded the truck and its occupants. A Changeling they all thought they’d never see again, Queen Chrysalis, came walking forward.

“What do we have here? Some little ponies who’ve come to try and stop me again?” Chrysalis yanked the doors open with magic and flung everypony out. She stuck them tight to the floor with green goo and stood leering at them.

Applejack, still held firmly with magic, watched helplessly as her friends were interrogated. Chrysalis cast a truth spell, ensuring that she would get the information she wanted.

“I came for the High Energy Matter Integrator,” said Chrysalis. “I understand that it can be used to travel to other worlds. Since Shining Armor and Princess Cadance have gone away to the Crystal Empire, Canterlot was practically unguarded and it was a perfect time to come in and take what I wanted.”

“Why don’t you ask the Princesses? They know where it is.” Twilight’s eyes widened. She hadn’t meant to say that. It must be the truth spell acting on her.

“They cast sleeping enchantments on themselves so they couldn't talk.” Chrysalis rolled her eyes. “They must have known I would be looking for the High Energy Matter Integrator. No matter. My spell makes you unable to refuse a direct question. Twilight Sparkle, where is the HEMI?”

Twilight tried her hardest to keep her mouth from moving, but she had to answer. At the last second, she managed to divert the question with something she remembered from the owner’s manual. “Applejack has one.”

Chrysalis glanced at the truck. “Yes, I heard that using such a device could have side effects involving strange transformations. How very helpful.”

The Queen of the Changelings walked forward, slipping her body into the driver’s seat. After settling in, she looked around at the truck’s interior. “Now, how do I—”

Applejack’s airbag went off, smacking the unprepared Changeling’s nose. Her doors slammed shut and locked, music cranking up to maximum.

Behind the soundproofed windows, Chrysalis slammed her hooves against her ears in an attempt to block out the sound. She gnashed her teeth and shuddered involuntarily, practically having a seizure. With her contained, a few Royal Guards that had been in hiding from a previously unstoppable Changeling force began to show themselves.

With a little help, Applejack used her rope to pull the stuck ponies free of the goo. By the time the sleeping Princesses were located and woken, Chrysalis had been reduced to a sobbing mess. She tumbled out of the truck when the door was opened.

“On the road again…Just can't wait to get on the road again…” Chrysalis whimpered.

“Got to be careful,” said Applejack. “This Willie Nelson stuff is a pretty powerful psycho weapon.”

“Psychological,” Twilight said automatically, although after looking at Chrysalis she wondered if Applejack’s version was more correct.

The Princesses were happy to see that the day had been saved again by the six mares, even if one of them was decidedly more metallic than usual.

“Let’s get you changed back to your normal self, Applejack,” said Princess Luna. “I’m sorry to have trapped you for so long in that form.”

“It wasn’t that bad,” said Applejack. “Heck, if we had to, I could do this for a while.”

Luna thought for a moment. “Are you sure? I suppose we could use the High Energy Matter Integrator again. To keep the natives from getting suspicious of vehicles operating by themselves, however, we would need drivers.”

Lyra quickly raised a hoof, eagerly volunteering.

“Well then,” said Luna. “Let’s get started.”

Chrysalis awoke, finding herself in a dungeon beneath the castle. She was never without her lockpicking set, however, because what kind of evil genius would she be without it? After cracking the cell door, she quietly made her way through the dark underground passages.

She came upon one of her minions that had been captured. After freeing him, they made their way to the Royal Science Laboratory. Chrysalis’ eyes narrowed as she saw Luna and her entourage powering up the High Energy Matter Integrator.

Quickly putting together a plan, Chrysalis determined her priorities. Task one was defeating them all and taking the device for herself.

Task two was neutralizing Willie Nelson.

Chrysalis burst from her hiding place, just as the device was turned on.

Author's Note

Thanks for reading What the Truck! This story was preread by Zen and V-pony

Now with a sequel!
Highway