Table Top Opens Up

It was late, still Wednesday, when I returned to Ponyville. I was weak from lack of food, and definitely was feeling the hours I had spent barely doing much than gaming. Still, I was getting paid for it, so I could deal. Plus, that particular group always made things… interesting…

On auto-pilot, I made my way home. Sugarcube Corner was already closed, so I’d have to wait until I was home to get any food in my stomach. And then, a nice soothing bath would complete my night. The thought alone was alluring enough that I didn’t notice how long it took to get to my house. Entering it, I felt something was… off… The door had been unlocked, and a light was on. I set my bags down and made my way toward that light. I heard light humming, definitely feminine.

Entering my living room, I saw her. She had headphones on, so I came up behind her and pulled one off as I got near her ear and whispered, “Ello Vinyl.”

I laughed as she screamed and jumped from her spot, her spikey hair somehow getting spikier. I sat down in my chair across from the couch as she calmed down and got back to sitting in her spot, taking her headphones off completely. I looked in her eyes. “What do I owe the honor for this evening?”

She shrugged and settled down, “I felt like paying you a visit after yesterday, and Octy is in Canterlot for a gig, so I came over. I remembered where you leave your spare key, so I came in and got comfy. How’d the gaming go?”

I sighed, setting my hoof against my head, “It went alright, interesting as usual, but as usual I forgot to eat much anything. Amazingly, I made six muffins last for fifteen hours, and only had two energy drinks.”

“Sounds like a fun time. Though not as fun as what we used to do, eh?” She waggled her eyebrows then laughed.

I groaned loudly. “You promised not to bring that up again.”

“What? We only dated for six months, nothing to be ashamed of. I had fun, you had fun, and we came out as friends after it was over. Definitely not bad.” She got up and stretched. “Come on, I’ll help you fix up something. I’m a little hungry too.”

I rose slowly, following her to my kitchen, and we got out some tofu dogs to make quickly. She had a thoughtful look on her face, but I didn’t want to pry. If Vinyl had something to say, she’d say it when she wants to, not before. I just seasoned the dogs, turning them over and over, getting the film on the outside perfect where it’d crunch when bitten into.

“How long have you been in love with Derpy?”

I’m pretty sure I fell right then. Of all things, I didn’t expect that. I had to take a moment and regain my composure, but it was a little difficult with the swarm of butterflies now in my stomach. I thought a moment, not that I needed to, but to give the few seconds of silence to compose myself better.

“I’ve loved her since the first day I met her. I didn’t know at first, I was too young to realize, but as the years went, I felt more for her, and a few weeks before I got my Cutie Mark, I admitted it to myself. Even when we grew up and I had to go to magic school and she had to go to flight academy, I didn’t stop loving her.”

She furrowed her brow as I put our dogs on buns, then sprinkled cheese over mine. Finally, she took off her sunglasses and stared at me until I looked back at her and into her eyes. I braced myself…

“Why haven’t you told her? All these years, you’ve been friends with her, you’ve had plenty of chances, I’m sure, and I know you still talk to her. So, why?”

I pushed my dogs around then stopped, drooped my head, and sighed. I wasn’t hungry any more… “I never wanted to ruin it. I’m a bit selfish, I know, but I didn’t want to lose her. I just know if I had asked her out it would’ve gone wrong. I’d still be who I am today, only less from the broken heart… I’ve been her friend the longest, and I can’t stand the thought of losing her…” I felt tears welling at my eyes, but I held them back. Vinyl came up to me and put a hoof on my shoulder, then made me look at her.

Staring deep in my eyes, she stated, “You’re an idiot. You can’t know that for sure.”

I broke away, using magic as well as physical force. I couldn’t look anypony in the eye at this time. “But I do know. That Doctor guy…. She’s head over hooves for him. She would have left me for him. And if I tried to ask her out now, she wouldn’t leave him for me, so there’s no use… I can’t deal with the pain some days. I just want to curl up and let life pass me by. I’m scared. I hope I sleep through Friday so I don’t have to see her…”

Vinyl looked at me, then forcefully brought my head back facing her. She reared back, then WHAM! Slammed her head into mine, making me drop down in pain and dizziness. She rubbed her head, then shook it off. “Bucking idiot, you CANNOT KNOW FOR SURE! You never took a chance from some made up reasoning of ‘What If’s! Do you know how nervous I was when I asked out Octy? I was a wreck for months before! But I went through with it! And I’m still with her!”

I stood up slowly, careful where I placed my hooves. “Sure, you can say I delayed it because of the ‘What If’s, but I know reality, and not everypony gets to be with the pony of their dreams. You’re lucky, you know. You love Octavia, and you can see her every day. I can see Ditzy every other day, depending on her route. But, if she’s happy, I’ll be alright… I get to spend time with her here and there, like I will Friday, but she has someone she spends her time with… and that makes her happy, so I won’t interfere…”

Vinyl facehoofed, then grabbed one of her dogs and chomped on it, probably to keep herself from grinding her teeth in frustration. Then, she came over and hit the back of my head. “You’re real dense, you know?” she said through the food still in her mouth. She swallowed quickly, then poked my chest. “You’re letting life pass you by, and the mare you love is out there, probably waiting for you, YOU DON’T KNOW! Friday, just try to get some things straight in your head, because this shit doesn’t suit you.” She calmed down a little, taking a breath. “Just don’t screw up, alright.” She turned around and left the kitchen with her dogs. I looked at mine for a moment, then put them in the fridge and going back to the living room where Vinyl had reclaimed her seat, munching away.

I sat down, then rested my head on the hoofrest, feeling drained. “Hey,” Vinyl suddenly said, making me crack an eye open to look at her, “just don’t overthink it, alright? That’s always been your problem. Go with the flow every so often. You never know, because anything can happen. Derpy just may love you back.”

I sighed low. She wouldn’t relent. I got up and headed towards my bedroom. On my way, I came up next to Vinyl, and said, “Please, don’t call her Derpy. Her name is Ditzy.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I woke up two hours before I needed to be at the radio station, so I went through my morning routine, showering, eating, then brushing teeth and mane and tail. Making sure nothing was wrong, I left my area, and stopped at the doorway to the living room. Vinyl was still there, snoring on my couch. I donned my jacket and scarf, grabbed my bags and left for work, but not before hearing a grumbled “Oc-ctyyyy” come from my living room.

Walking slowly, I made my way to Sugarcube Corner. My caffeine levels felt depleted, and only Pinkie’s special XXXXtra Energy Cup could get it back.

I opened the door to the bakery and had to fight the urge to leave. There at the counter was Ditzy, grabbing a large package, no doubt filled with muffins, and going to place it on her back. While her head was turned, she spotted me, giving me a large smile. She paid quickly and came up to me, nuzzling me gently. “Hi Table Top! I thought I wouldn’t see you til tomorrow!”

I nuzzled back a little, then stepped back, running a hoof through my mane. “Yeah, I did too, but after yesterday, I needed some energy boost, especially since I have an eight hour shift in a little while. How are things?”

She beamed at me, “They’ve been wonderful! I can’t go into much detail, there’s just so much, but the Doctor and me have been traveling lots! I got to see lots of fun places and meet new things! I wish you could’ve come along, you’d’ve seen some of the things you’ve been imagining!”

While that should’ve registered something in my mind, the only thing that stuck out, however, was “Doctor” and “traveling”. I felt a stone drop in my stomach and my breathing catch for a moment.

“I’m glad you’ve been having a good time. Well, I have to get going, so I should hurry up and get my order.” I went up to the counter, waiting for Pinkie to come to get my order after calling out an eat-in order to the crowd of ponies. A few seconds passed, and the bell above the door rang out. I knew Ditzy was gone.

“So, Mister Sad-Face, what can I do for you?”

I looked up, a little startled. I had completely forgotten I was somewhere public for a moment. I cleared my throat, “One XXXXtra Energy Cup please.”

Pinkie looked at me with one of her thoughtful frowns, rarely ever seen, and went about making my drink. A large cup had cream put in with a good helping of sugar, and then five shots of their strongest espresso were added, which was then shaken up and poured into a large heat-resistant cup. Her concoction finished, she placed it on the counter. I reached for it slowly and she drew it back.

I looked at her, confused. She smiled back, not one of her infectious ones, but one that was sympathetic. “You know, if you love her so much, you should tell her. Knowing is always better than being left confused in the dark.” She slid the cup across, saying, “No charge,” and went back to her work.

I left, cup in my magic’s grip, and didn’t pay attention to what was around me, completely on auto-pilot towards the station. Before entering I took a long drink, letting the bitter-sweet liquid cover my tongue and work into my system. I still had a good twenty minutes til I actually needed to be here, but I might as well make the most of my time. I entered, making my way back to my area, starting things up, making everything ready for the next eight hours.

I need to get myself ready for my audience, I thought to myself, smacking my cheeks lightly. I cleared my throat many times and kept drinking, feeling the caffeine rush through me, making me more aware, a little jittery, and very awake. I sent a silent thanks to Celestia for caffeine and it’s wonders, then counted the seconds to my show.

One minute left. I checked all my equipment, making sure every power button to make sure they were lit, signaling they were on. Forty-five seconds. Microphone working as well as headset, no crossed wires, nothing plugged into the wrong port. Thirty seconds. My breathing slowed as I controlled it, clearing my head as I counted.

10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1…

I flipped the switch, activating my mic the second my time began, and called out my signature: “Hello Chiiiiiiiildren!”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

My shift was over, and I trudged back home slowly, my mind flooded with thoughts I tried so hard to keep back. Lately, ever since Tuesday, the world seemed conspired against me to make me think of Ditzy. I couldn’t complain too much, thinking of her had many different effects on me. But it always wound up to the same question: What if? I hated that question as much as I loved it. It gave me so many ideas, especially for the games I run, and it let me try new things. However, it also kept me back. Because of that question, I’ve never taken any real chances. I never expressed my feelings to the one mare I’ve dreamed of being with for years.

I decided, then, that the next day I would sort everything out, as Vinyl “suggested”. But for this night, I would forget, so I did something I’ve rarely ever done.

In a hidden compartment behind my original copies of every edition of Dungeons and Dragons books, I kept a full bottle of AppleJack Daniels. Pulling it out and getting a glass from my kitchen with a flick of magic, I undid the top and poured out a good amount. With another flicker of magic, my fireplace roared once with new fire until it became a steady flame. I sat down in my chair and started drinking, taking a large gulp for my beginning. The burning sensation started immediately, and I inhaled to increase it and let the alcohol permeate through my mouth and nose. Thereafter, I sipped slowly.

It wasn’t even eight o’clock when I reached the halfway point of the bottle. The alcohol was hitting me hard, since I had a light dinner before. But that was alright. The point of this was to forget, clear my head and think again. Just one more drink and I’d be there…

Draining the last of the whiskey in my cup I magicked a pen and paper to my table in front of me and began to write, about anything and everything that Ditzy and I had done together which made me love her more…

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

We were still classmates. After I had recognized my feelings for her, I was more wary around her. Of course, being careful was difficult when mom brought us to Manehattan and allowed us free reign of where to go. And where else would we go but a comic book store?

Ditzy and I were laughing, looking at figures, and reading comics. She was a little slower since her eyes had gotten worse, but she had started getting really adorable. When she thought real hard, her eyes would wander in different directions, but if she concentrated, she could focus her eyes to look forward for a few seconds.

After reading a bit, Ditzy got up and wandered over to some displays of figurines, then to a bookshelf. On it was something called “Dungeons and Dragons”, and she pulled a Player’s Guide off. She brought it over to me and tapped my shoulder. “Lookit what I found! This looks interesting!” She set it down as I put my comic back in its place, and then I flipped open the book.

Reading a little, I felt myself drawn to the book somehow. Then I went to the shelf again and brought back other books that went along with this one, Monster Manuals and Dungeon Master’s Hoofbook before me. I looked over images, read about characters, and how this game was to be played.

Suddenly, I remembered something. My mother had shown me books like these before, as well as some old papers. They had belonged to my father. He had played this game. She even had his old dice, made out of a kind of plastic and were all pastel colors. I began to imagine what his character looked like, and how it must have been fighting these monsters…

Funny, I was starting to feel a bit of a drain…

There were gasps from different directions, but one came from beside me, from Ditzy. She was looking above me. I looked at where she was, and immediately saw two figures, one a unicorn clad in cloth, horn shining, and the other a large black dragon, wings spread and maw gaping. Then, they moved, and they were fighting.

I suddenly felt dizzy and stumbled a little, falling into Ditzy. The images disappeared, and I leaned against Ditzy, shaking off the effects of the spell I had no idea I was casting. I stood back up after a moment, and another gasp came from Ditzy, followed by a quick squee of glee, as she hugged me. “You got your Cutie Mark!”

Confused, I looked around, trying to see my flank. There, where there had been nothing, were… Dice. One in the middle surrounded by six others, all of them different, all displaying numbers. The big one in the middle had a 20 on it, and the ones surrounding had 4, 6, 8, 0, 12, and 00. I went up to the register, where the owner of the store sat with a grin. “What can I do for ya, kid?” He seemed like he was really happy.

Suddenly self-conscious, I mumbled a little, then cleared my throat. “Um, could I h-have a s-s-set of dice t-to l-look at for a m-moment.”

His smile got bigger, somehow, and motioned to a display case. “Why not pick your own?”

Baffled, I stood there. A minute passed, and I finally moved, and looked into the case. More dice than I thought were necessary were sorted into different drawers. Finally, I started pointing and describing which ones I wanted. Then, I thought some back to the book. I got five more sets, three pre-packaged, and the other two hoof-chosen. The owner’s grin got even bigger as I went on. Once the six different sets were chosen and the loose ones placed in baggies, he set them on the counter, then leaned over, saying “Why don’t you go get those books as well?” to which I did so.

My mother, smiling at me, came to the counter and got out her purse, but the owner stopped her. “Whoa there, ma’am, no need to pay for this. This young stallion has a special gift for this game, and I feel he shouldn’t have to pay for that. Besides,” he looked at her purse, “it doesn’t look like you have enough to pay for all this. Just make sure he does good by them, y’hear?”

Mom got a little flustered and started thanking him. I walked back to Ditzy, who had a huge grin on her face, not unlike the owner had. I got up to her and she hugged me, then nuzzled me gently. “I’m glad I helped you find your talent, Topsy. I hope we can play together sometime!” She beamed at me and I leaned into her, nuzzling her neck. I sent a silent prayer out, thanking everything in the cosmos that I had the privilege to be friends with this amazing filly.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The memory played through my head over and over. Finally, I wrote down on the paper: “Ditzy and I become friends -> mom wants us to have a fun day, takes us to Manehattan -> Ditzy finds DnD book -> get Cutie Mark”. My mind had enough to work off from this. With little arrows pointing up or down, I made notes, such as mom having kept dad’s old stuff packed away, preferring not to have them out and damaged, so I wouldn’t have had the chance to get my Cutie Mark from home.

And if Ditzy hadn’t gotten the book, I never would have found it. I only ever looked at the Manega shelves, never at the roleplaying books. And if Ditzy hadn’t been my friend, mom wouldn’t have taken me all the way to Manehattan for a comic book store in the first place.

This all led to one conclusion: If I hadn’t have become friends with Ditzy, I wouldn’t have gotten my Cutie Mark. Sure, I have plenty of skills, like cooking or music, but none of those were my special talent.

I continued making lists, as well as off-lists where possibilities were listed, about anything and everything that was important that happened. I slowly drank the rest of my whiskey, finally finishing the bottle and lists by ten o’clock. At the end of the lists,

I got one more piece of paper, and using the pen, wrote in big letters: “YOU NEED TO TELL DITZY YOU LOVE HER!”, underlining “need”, “tell”, and “love”.

I folded the papers together, and got up, making my way slowly to the kitchen. I threw away the empty bottle of whiskey, put the glass in the sink, and made my way to my bedroom. I put my papers on the bedside table and crawled in. I started drifting off immediately while singing to myself.

Elsewhere:

The rhythmic whooshing sound wasn’t heard by anypony. With each whoosh, a big blue box with a light on top materialized more. When fully solid, the whooshing stopped, and a door opened up. Out stepped a grey pegasus mare, tears flowing down her face. Behind her, a brown stallion with a spikey mane stepped just outside.

“I’m sorry, Ditzy,” he all but whispered, just to where she could hear, “but it’s gotten too dangerous. I can’t take you with me anymore.” With that, he turned around and went back in his box. Seconds later, the whooshing came back, only this time fading in volume as the box vanished.

A/N: I do not condone heavy drinking. Even over three hours, an entire bottle of whiskey drunk by one person is too much. I only have this here because I do have a very high tolerance for alcohol and can contain it without the nasty side effects, and Table Top is a reflection of me as a pony. I urge everyone not to attempt this ever.