Chapters Chapter 1: Get Off Your Lazy Flank!
A/N
--Sorry if this seems a little rushed. I was in a... A minor panic when I wrote it. I just needed something to do, and ended up with this. :D --
As you sit in your comfy armchair, in your small, one bedroom apartment overlooking Manehattan, your thoughts are drawn to the past few weeks.
You had lost your job for slacking off, and you couldn’t care less. In fact, you are wondering why you hadn’t quit sooner. All you have to do to get money now was go and pick up an unemployment check, and go for a job interview every now and then to make it look like you're looking for work. At least it isn’t hard to fail those.
But your friends seem to have the crazy idea that a job is the most important thing in the universe to have. They have been heckling you constantly, and they are obviously close to giving up.
And so it comes as a surprise, just as you are about to fall into a nice, relaxing sleep, when you hear a sharp knock on your door. You look up, and frown, hoping the knocker will go away if you ignore them for long enough. There is silence for a few minutes, and you happily start drifting off to sleep again.
But then the unseen pony raps on the door again, jerking you awake. You get up, grumbling under your breath, and trot over to the door, grudgingly swinging it open. Standing there is one of your closest friends. His name had never really been easy to remember, so you had all ended up nicknaming him ‘Buzz’, since his serious demeanour usually made him quite a buzzkill. Nonetheless, he is a good friend.
Without waiting for an invitation, he trots in, and frowns at you. His eyes are drawn to your slightly bulging stomach, and he scowls.
“You have to-” He starts.
“Get a job? How will that help?” You ask. He frowns.
“Listen, you have to get out of this apartment more often!” He hisses. You let out a small laugh.
“Why? I’m perfectly comfortable here.” You say. Buzz frowns.
“What do you think a mare would say if she saw this?” He asks. Again, you laugh.
“I’m not interested in relationships, Buzz.” You say. He scowls again, and says;
“Alright, fine . But, me and the others have gotten fed up of your damn laziness. So, we’ve gotten you a job.” He says.
You smirk.
“Very well, when’s the interview?” You ask. Surprisingly, Buzz lets out a small laugh at this.
“Oh no, you already have the job. We’ve noticed how you keep ‘forgetting’ to dress well, or groom yourself right before interviews. So, we found somepony in Ponyville who is willing to give you a chance. Well... After we convinced her.” He says. You find yourself scowling as you say;
“You can’t force me to leave!” You say.
“No, but I can bribe you. Well... Sort of. If you can make it three weeks there, then I will pay you a thousand bits.” He says, a hint of smugness in his tone.
You take a surprised step back. A thousand bits isn’t a sum to just throw away like that. Alright, I’ll just slack off for about three weeks, get my bits, quit, and get back to living. You think.
“Alright, it’s a deal.” You say. You shake Buzz’s hoof, and he smirks. Before you can ask why, he nods, and turns.
“I’ll be waiting downstairs for you to pack. The job comes with free room and board. They simply ask that you work hard.” He says. You smirk, and nod.
“I have nothing to take. Let’s just... Go.” You say, following Buzz down the stairs.
The train ride to Ponyville is a long, boring one. So you decide to get some sleep, happily drifting into your favourite dream; Lying in a hammock on a nice, sunny day, the breeze blowing through your mane, and a nice, cold cider in your hoof. But this time, it’s... Different. You can’t pinpoint how, but it is.
Before you can figure out your dream, the train jolts to a stop, and you jerk into consciousness. Buzz gives your leg a small kick, and he picks you up.
“Alright, now, I have to get home. Look for an orange mare, with a brown stetson. Her name is Applejack. Got it?” He asks. You blink tiredly, and nod.
“Mmh... JappleAck... Brown mare... Orange stetson...” You mumble. Buzz frowns, and gives you a small slap.
“Wake up, stallion!” He growls. You shake your head, and blink.
“S-sorry. Applejack, right? Alright...” You nod to Buzz, and join the ponies leaving the train.
As the train trundles away, you take in the various ponies flocking about the station, and your gaze is drawn to a light orange mare, with a long, blonde mane. Perched atop her head is a brown stetson hat. You nod, and trot towards her. As you get closer, her gaze is drawn to you, and from their, your body. She winces slightly as you get close.
“Um... Are you... A-Applejack?” You ask. She puts on a forced smile, and nods.
‘Wh-why yes Ah am. Ah’m guessin’ yer the stallion Buzz asked me ta hire?” She asks, in a thick southern drawl.
You nod stiffly.
“Yeah, apparently working is the most important thing in the universe...” You yawn, and shrug.
“Ah well, I’m only gonna be working with you for three weeks.” You stretch, and smirk, the thought of sitting around in a cool, quiet room while your work goes undone quite welcoming. Applejack nods stiffly, her smile becoming more forced as she looks at your physique again, and says;
“Eeyup. Yer home for the next... Three weeks is gonna be Sweet Apple Acres.” She says. You nod, not really listening. As you get ready to follow her, the mare’s words get through to you.
“Wait what. A-Acres? A-apples?” You say, in a faraway voice. Applejack chuckles.
“Eeyup. Yer gonna be helpin’ us work tha farm.” She says. As these words reach you, you feel your mind shutting down.
So... So much... So much work... Farm? Waking up early? EUGH... You think. The only thing stopping you from quitting right now is the idea of having a thousand bits to play with.
So, you grudgingly follow Applejack, as she trots away, towards what will probably be three of the worst weeks of your life.
A/N
//Alright, sorry for the... Massive gap between updates. I’ll try and do much better from here on out.
//And sorry if it isn’t as good as it should be. I’m a little rusty.
As you both walk, Applejack points out various buildings, naming them, and their usual occupants.
“That’s the library, where Twi’ lives and works. She’s Princess Celestia’s protegee, don’tcha know.” She says, with a hint of smugness. You shrug simply, and keep walking.
Not deterred, Applejack keeps pointing out random buildings.
“And there’s Carousel Boutique. Rarity works there. Ah swear that mare is so...” She stops talking when she sees you disinterested expression.
“Ah... Never mind, then...” She sighs, and keeps walking.
“Just tryin’ to make conversation...” She mutters.
“And that there is Sugarcube Corner.” She says.
“That’s where ya can find Pinkie Pie. Somethin’ tells me that ya wouldn’t really get along with her.” She says, with a small frown, and keeps walking.
Sighing inwardly, you trudge along behind her, a scowl on your face. Applejack doesn’t notice until she looks back, a forced smile on her face. As she sees your expression, she sighs, and rolls her eyes.
“Look, yer kinda stuck here, so ya may as well just grin an’ bear it.” She says, in an exasperated tone.
You open your mouth to reply, but are interrupted when your vision is obscured by a sudden attack of violently bright pink. You let out a yelp, and stumble backwards, only to see a smiling pink pony, bouncing up and down happily in front of you.
“Did I hear somepony telling somepony to SMILE?” She asks. You blink, and look around, wondering if this pony had recently escaped an asylum of some sort. She certainly looks like an insane pony. You stay silent as she turns to Applejack.
“Who’s this, AJ?” She asks, still bouncing up and down.
Applejack frowns at you, and lets out a small sigh.
“He’s a new farmhand we hired ta help for the next week or so.” She says. The pink mare nods happily, and turns to you, offering a hoof. You pick yourself up, still scowling slightly, ignoring the pony’s hoof.
“Mhm... And I plan to get by doing as little as possible.” You say, ignoring the mare’s hurt expression. Yawning quietly, you think about what you’d be doing right now if you hadn’t accepted Buzz’s offer. Probably in my chair, sleeping soundly... You think.
Applejack sighs, and rolls her eyes again.
“This is Pinkie Pie.” She says, nodding to the mare. Pinkie Pie shakes her head slightly, and smiles at you, as if nothing had happened.
“Yessiree bob!” She says happily.
“I work at Sugarcube Corner! I’m the baker, and I make the cakes and sweets and cupcakes and muffins and oh yeah... Derpy ordered some muffins the other day and I need to make them alright so I’ll see you later at your welcome party okay byyyyyye!”
With this, Pinkie grins at you and Applejack, before turning, and bolting away. You roll your eyes at the mare’s foalishness, and go to keep walking before her last few words sink in.
’... So I’ll see you later at your welcome party okay byyyyyye!’
WELCOME PARTY? Oh, COME ON. Damn parties take up so much time and energy... You think, hanging your head. With a smirk, AJ grabs your shoulder, and starts dragging you away.
“Alright, enough o’ that. Time ta get ta the farm, and get ya workin’ before the day ends!” She says, with false cheerfulness that makes you want to gag.
You eventually decide to pull yourself away from her, and you stand up, brushing yourself off. She smirks, and stands, waiting for you to continue. You scowl.
“We’ve been walking for ages !” You complain. Applejack chuckles quietly, and looks around.
“Ah thought we’d take that long way ‘round, so I could show ya around town.” She says. You scowl.
“I’ll only be here for three weeks or so. Then I’m going back to Manehattan, and I’ll sit and relax with a thousand bits for a few weeks. Then... I’ll just relax with a new TV for the rest of my life.” You say, with a smug smile.
Applejack scowls.
“That’s no way ta live life!” She says.
“That’s the way I live life. And I’m doing just fine.” You retort. Applejack looks at you with a mix of confusion, frustration, pity and disgust.
“Ah... Ah hope workin’ on the farm gets ya out o’ that bad habit...” She says.
You laugh quietly.
“I doubt it, Applejack. I’m not the working type.” You say, with a weak shrug.
Applejack stares at you for a few seconds before rolling her eyes, and walking away. Sensing you did something wrong, you follow, resolving to keep contact with her to a minimum. You have a feeling she might be able to make your life hell at the farm, and that’s something you would prefer to avoid.
Just three weeks... I can slack off, right? She can’t watch me all the damn time... Three weeks for a thousand bits. Heh, easy money...
If only you realised how wrong that statement was.
After a short, uneventful walk, you and Applejack finally arrive at what you guess is the orchard. The first thing you notice is the trees, which -to your dismay- are full of apples.
Dear Celestia... They don’t expect me to harvest any of them, do they? You think, incredulously. Your worry must have been showing, because Applejack looked at you, and smirked.
“Calm down there... We won’t make ya do it all alone.” She says. With a loud groan, you look away, staring at the sky, not wanting to face the huge task ahead of you.
“I was hoping I wouldn’t have to do any of it...” You grumble.
Sighing, Applejack trots over to you, and puts a hoof on your shoulder.
“Listen, pal... You gotta do this. Buzz was very clear on that.” She says, with a frown. You simply groan again, and collapse onto your flank, with a small whump .
I wonder if I can fake a heart attack or something... But then I won’t get those bits... Dammit... Buzz, I hate you so much right now... You think.
“Alrighty, enough dilly-dallyin’!” Applejeack says, in her infuriatingly jovial voice. She takes your hoof, and effectively drags you through the gate, and towards the big, red barn, and the farmhouse next to it.
After a short, bumpy ride along the ground, Applejack picks you up, and lets you dust yourself off before turning to the farmhouse.
“GRANNY! BIG MACINTOSH! APPLEBLOOM! OUR... GUEST HAS ARRIVED!” She calls. You wince, the loudness of her voice making your ears ring.
The door to the farmhouse slowly opens, and three ponies walk out. A short, pale yellow filly, with a messy red mane, and a blank flank bounds out, an excited smile on her face. The next is a tall, red stallion, with a messy, light brown mane. He has a large, green half apple as his cutie mark. The last is a wrinkled, light green mare, her grey mane tied up in a ragged bun.
The filly bounds up to you, her small eyes wide, and full of curiousity.
“What’s yer name, mister?” She asks. Before you can reply, Applejack frowns, and taps the filly’s head.
“Didn’t cha ever learn any manners?” She asks.
“Ya gots ta say hello first, Applebloom.” She says, in a scolding tone. The filly looks down, and paws the ground slowly.
“Sorry, mister... Uh...” She shakes her head, and grins again, as if nothing had happened.
“Hiya! Ah’m Applebloom! Ah’m so excited, we don’t get many visitors...” She says. You roll your eyes, and look at the other two ponies.
“And you are...?” You ask.
The old mare looks at you, and smiles, slowly trotting forward, and looking into your eyes. You frown, and step backward, filled with discomfort at being so close to the old mare, who smelled vaguely of old apples. Applejack scowled, and kicked you in the leg.
“Show some darn respect! That’s mah Granny Smith!” She hisses. Rolling your eyes, you step back towards the old mare, who didn’t seem to have noticed anything.
The mare smirks, and shakily reaches over, slowly prodding your slightly bulging belly.
“Hoo boy, we got some work ta do with you!” She says. You don’t reply, simply scowling at Applejack for forcing you through it. Applejack grins smugly at you as the green mare goes back to stand next to the silent, red stallion.
The stallion was silent, simply standing there, staring straight ahead. You raise an eyebrow.
“Uh... Hello? Anyone in there?” You ask. He nods slowly.
“Eeyup. Ah’m in here.” He says, simply. You blink.
“Uh... All... Righty then...”
Applejack sighs.
“Big Mac is a stallion of few words.” She says. Once again, he nods. You blink again, surveying the strange family.
What the hell am I getting myself INTO? You think, worriedly. You sigh, and nod.
“Alright then... Now, I’m beat. What say we get some lunch, then relax for a few hours, and maybe think about discussing the possibility of maybe working.” You say. Big Mac shakes his head, deviating from what you thought was some kind of pattern.
“Nnope.” He says, in that infuriating;y simple way that makes you want to throttle something.
“He;s right. We hafta get ta work now.” Applejack says. Big Mac nods, before turning, and trotting toward the barn. Applejack follows, beckoning for you to do the same. Applebloom grins, and waves to you before turning, and walking back to the farmhouse, jumping happily around Granny Smith. You ignore her, and get moving.
You let out a groan as you walk into the barn, and see Big Mac hitching himself up to a cart full of empty barrels. Applejack gives you a grin, one that made you, once again, want to throttle something.
“Now, we can’t just ease ya into this stuff. Even with yer pot belly, we hafta keep things runnin’ smoothly. So ya will hafta get used to keeping up with us.” She says.
“Ah’ll go easy on ya for today, and maybe tomorrow. But after that, yer on yer own.” She says, as Big Mac starts moving, towards the trees nearest the barn.
You sigh, and follow, making sure to go as slow as possible, in the vain hope they would forget about you.
“HURRY IT UP!” Applejack cries.
Nope... No luck there... You think. With a loud, drawn out groan, you follow, promising to make this as hard as possible for Applejack.
How dare she expect me to do work! I mean... Seriously, come on!
You sigh, and walk towards what you would gladly bet will be your doom.
