Trixie stood on the path into Whitetail Wood, an unopened bottle of bourbon clenched in her telekinesis. Her cape fluttered in the wind slightly, and her expression was one of determination; her stance was almost heroic, if anypony else had been there to judge.
She really wasn’t sure about what she was doing.
She’d heard from her other friends that Raindrops sometimes disappeared into the forest after days like this, and Trixie, though still only a few weeks to Ponyville, had figured out by now that this was the sort of thing she’d do anyways, but there were still a lot of things that could go wrong. What if she got lost, or couldn’t find her friend? What if Raindrops had disappeared to somewhere else entirely? And if she did find her, would she still be angry?
Finally, the Unicorn drew herself up, putting back on the mask of confidence. She’d deal with those problems if they came, but right now she needed to take action; it wasn’t the time for doubt.
And then just as the Unicorn took a step forward, Raindrops walked out of the tree line.
Trixie was so startled that she forgot to put her hoof down, and ended up falling over into a large bush. The lengthening shadows of the sunset concealed the bit of her cape that was still hanging out, and the jasmine Pegasus walked past without noticing. Trixie pushed her way out, whacked by branches and almost losing her hat, and by the time she had stood up and straightened herself out, her quarry was lost.
Thankfully, Trixie wasn’t the sort of pony to just gi-
Well, okay, she sometimes was, but regardless, she set off in search of her friend. Putting off paperwork was one thing, but this? This seemed like another issue entirely. And so she went.
The hunter caught sight of her prey again down main street, and quickly honed in so as not to lose her again. Trixie didn’t make an effort to conceal herself, but nor did she approach or announce her presence, not yet anyway. Instead she hung back by about half a block, blending in with the few other ponies still out finishing their business for the day, observing carefully.
Raindrops’ motion was listless, half-stumbling, almost zombie-like. Trixie couldn’t see her expression from here, but a few ponies stepped out of the way when the Pegasus drew near, and a tense and somewhat melancholy feeling twisted in Trixie’s gut; this was worse than she thought.
Raindrops wandered the streets for almost twenty minutes, making turns at random and hardly looking where she was going; she didn’t have a destination in mind nor did she want one; she just needed to move. Her tail kept up, not questioning the aimless path, too worried for her friend.
Finally Raindrops came to a stop in the middle of a crossroads, looking around as though waking up from a dream. She stood in silence for several long moments, before turning to the west and trotting off.
Trixie found her sitting on a hill in the ‘buffer region’, watching as the sunset, almost over, turned the thick canopy of Everfree golden. An owl hooted and flew nearby as the moon rose in the other direction, and soon the sun disappeared entirely, while stars began to appear, one-by-one in the night sky. Crickets began to chirp in the tall grass, which rustled with every breath of wind. The moon was a tiny sliver of a crescent tonight, offering no illumination, and the stars were equally distant. The night sky was just as dark as the ground, the two blending seamlessly together. Ponyville’s lights were warm and inviting down the hill, and Trixie was thankful for the enchantments woven into her cape and hat as a chilly wind, left over from the recently ended Winter, blew over the open fields.
Raindrops was nearly motionless, and Trixie could have mistaken her for a statue were it not for the occasional flick of an ear or shuffling of wings. Once again, the Unicorn held back. Is this really the time? Can I help or will I just make things worse? After all, if it hadn’t been for my interfering, she might not have lost it back there…
Trixie finally walked forward, sitting down herself, though still keeping a respectful distance from the Pegasus. Raindrops didn’t make any movement at all, simply not acknowledging her friend’s existence, and after a moment of hesitation, Trixie decided to let it stay that way for now; she was still struggling to find the right words.
Every so often she’d open her mouth to speak, only to close it again a second later. The moment dragged on, two statues on a hill, and Trixie began berating herself for not speaking up immediately; the longer she waited, the more her presence felt like an intrusion. You did good, she deserved it? No, no; if anything, that’ll only make her feel worse. You shouldn’t have done that? What am I thinking; she’s already blaming herself enough over this! It’s going to be all right? If it was all right, we wouldn’t be having this conversation!
You could always apologize; it’s not like she wanted you to step in and screw everything up even worse.
But…
“I lost control again today.”
Trixie was startled out of her reverie to find Raindrops looking at her now, the distant lights of Ponyville offering a faint outline to her silhouette. Her expression was eerily, frighteningly blank.
Trixie’s mind went on autopilot, spewing out the first words on her mind. “She deserved it.”
Raindrops blinked, considering those words for a moment. “Maybe, but it doesn’t matter in the long run. I lost control again today.” Her voice was equally lacking in tone or inflection, her usual bored-sounding drawl entirely absent, and that scared Trixie somehow. The Pegasus returned to gazing blankly at the last spot the sun had been.
Trixie scrambled for words, but after another long moment, Raindrops spoke up again. “And I’ll keep losing control. Again and again and again, and one of these times, I’m going to do something serious. It’s just a matter of odds.” She turned to Trixie again. “If you or somepony had stepped in to try to stop the fight, I’m afraid I wouldn’t have been able to tell. I was so mad, so angry, that I didn’t care what got in my way. I wanted to hurt her so badly, Trixie, and I could have hurt Rainbow Dash, or the foals… or you.”
The night was quiet and empty, the only sound now the rustling of grass, a wide flat string moving in places as the wind drew over it, like the bow of some invisible cosmic cellist. Both ponies just stared at each other.
And then Raindrops’ facade broke, and her mouth curled into a helpless frown. Tears began to form, and she desperately tried to brush them away with a hoof, tried to keep pretending everything was okay.
Trixie didn’t even realize she’d gotten up until she was settling back down, pressing her side into Raindrops in a manner she hoped was comforting. Were she a Pegasus, she might have tried to drape a wing over her friend. Or maybe not; Trixie was very much not a touchy-feely pony and even this was pushing it for her, but she steadfastly remained where she was. Raindrops looked like she needed a hug, and nopony else was around to do it.
“It’s not okay.” She said, without even planning to; the words came on their own and for once she didn’t try to stop them. “Gilda was acting unforgivable, but you weren’t at your best, either.” What was she doing? Trixie began screaming at herself mentally; was she trying to make things worse? But despite that, the words kept coming. “You’re right, you could have hurt somepony badly, and even Gilda getting seriously injured would have been bad.” Raindrops had backed away, looking at her with an expression torn between melancholy agreement and betrayal, and Trixie met her eyes.
“But you didn’t.” Trixie scooted after Raindrops, pressing into her side again. The Pegasus was quivering. “And maybe in a few weeks this will happen again. Maybe you’ll lose control and maybe you’ll almost hurt somepony again.
“I don’t know if you’re planning to run off or seclude yourself so that can’t happen, but I have another option for you. Stick around. Stay with us, and keep trying, because even though you might fail, if you keep trying, you might not. I honestly can’t promise there will be no next time, but maybe if you keep it up, next time won’t be in a few weeks, but a few months. And the next time after that, a few years.”
Trixie smiled at her, though it was probably invisible in the darkness. “And really, we all need you too much to not let you try. Rainbow Dash needs you. From what I’ve seen, the entire weather team in this town would fall apart without someone competent to keep it going. Your little brother needs you. He needs a cool big sister to tell him not to worry about what the kids at school think, and to stop him from letting bugs take over the house.
“And we need you. Lyra, Cheerilee, Carrot Top, Ditzy, and me. Us. Your friends. We don’t just care about you, we care for you. And we want you to stay. Because we’re your friends.” And suddenly she'd run out of words, and her mouth clamped shut again.
Raindrops’ shivering slowly subsided, though Trixie hardly noticed, having suddenly withdrawn into her own mind to try to figure out what had just happened.
The moment seemed to pause, two statues on a hill, as the universe held its breath. Maybe they sat there like that for less than a minute, perhaps eons passed without them realizing. Even the cosmic Cello player left the fields unruffled, the winds stilled now as they waited to hear what would happen.
“I wasn’t going to run off, you know.”
Raindrops was giving Trixie a small smile. Still melancholy, yes, but also happy to a certain degree, with a hint of humor. Trixie coughed embarrassedly, and the scene broke, the tension built up over the past few days dispelled. It would come back eventually, but eventually was not now. “I mean, this happens every time; I lose my temper, I go away for a few hours, let my anger out where nopony else is, then I come up here and try to get my head back on straight.”
Trixie coughed again, looking down at her hooves and trying to hide her beet-red cheeks. Raindrop’s feathers tickled against her and she suddenly realized how close they were, and the next moment two ponies were awkwardly and frantically scrambling to opposite sides of the hill. “Um.” Trixie said eloquently, avoiding looking anywhere in her friend’s direction. A ladybug that was wandering around next to her right hoof was suddenly the most interesting thing in the world. The ladybug seemed to be looking for something, walking around in dizzy circles, much like Trixie’s mind at the moment. She felt like a broken record, blank of thought except for a repeating chorus of What. What. What.
A jasmine hoof stepped near the ladybug’s path, and it finally chose a direction -away- and scurried off. Trixie looked up; Raindrops was shifting back and forth awkwardly, and she took a moment to begin speaking. “But… thanks for talking to me anyway. Most ponies… don’t do that.” Left unsaid was 'They’re too afraid'. “I would have figured out all that stuff on my own, I always do, but that you came to say it anyways, and that you meant it…
“It means a lot. Thank you.”
Trixie just nodded, not sure what to say now. After all, what more was there to be said? She slowly stood up, watching as Raindrops self-consciously turned away and began walking back down the hill. The moon was fairly high in the sky now, so she might be able to get a few hours of sleep yet once she got back to the Residency. She did, after all, have something special planned for Rainbow Dash tomorrow...
“Oh, and hey. No offense, but how come you were suddenly all… wise?” Raindrops was back, wearing a sheepishly curious expression.
Trixie pulled the now-empty bottle of bourbon out from a pocket in her cape, giving it a half-shake. “I may have gotten a bit drunk before going to find you,” she admitted. Back at the residency, there were three other equally empty bottles.
Raindrops gave a small little chuckle. “I really shouldn’t be surprised, should I?” She nodded in the direction of Ponyville. “Come on, let’s go back home. And tomorrow?
“Tomorrow, I keep on trying.”
My Notes
