Goddammit Pinkie Pie

by kits

Rating: teen
Tags: Comedy, Profanity, Slice of Life, Anthology, Main 6, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 854

Ponies Swearing. Never do this

Goddammit Pinkie Pie:
Twilight shows off her vocabulary

A Typical Day in Pwnyville
An everyday experience in the life of a rainbow-maned pegasus.

Published 2012-01-10 21:53:40 UTC
Last updated 2012-06-26 22:38:01 UTC

Goddammit Pinkie Pie

Twilight looked up from the scroll she was working on. Rolling her head, her neck gave a small popping sound, she reflected upon her words. The scroll was nearly completely filled and next to it lay two that were already black with ink. Today's report was a rather long one. It felt good to have learned such a valuable lesson in friendship.

She glanced up at the clock and blanched. Her purple coat made it hard to tell, but the blood had drained from the studious unicorn's face. Six o'clock. That meant that any second now-

Twilight gave a yelp as a large pink blur wized passed her, knocking over her inkwell. Fortunately it was almost empty. "Holy Shit! Pinkie Pie! Where the fuck did you come from!" Twilight cried out in shock.

"I came in through the goddamn fucking door, Twilight!" Pinkie bounced in place, a sugary grin, almost infectious in its cheer, adorned her face.

'Any-fucking-pony else and that would have been on purpose,' Twilight thought.

Pinkie gave a loud Woo! "Now let's break this shit down and party our asses off! Yeah!" She punctuated her exclamation by kicking out with her back legs to a no-doubt thumping base line only she could hear.

"Fucking hell, Pinkie! Cool your shit."

Twilight looked up to see that Rainbow had followed her fuck toy into the library.

"We'll have the fucking party after she finishes her damned report." Dash poked Pinkie's mane to emphasize her statement. "It'll take less than a minute if you shut the hell up."

Pinkie stuck her tongue out at the irate pegasus. "Fuck that shit! I've got eight cakes and I'm gonna enjoy the fuck out of them." Pinkie pressed her muzzle into Dash's so far their foreheads touched. Her eyes widened and took on an intensity that very few ever saw in the pink party pony. "Right. Fucking. Now!" Sometimes Twilight wondered who wore the bridle in that relationship.

"Pinkie Pie, calm the fuck down. Dash is right, I'll be done in a goddamn second if you stop fucking knocking over all of my shit."

A voice rang out from the doorway, "Oh, Twilight."

'Dammit all to hell.' That tone of disappointment could only belong to one pony.

"Why are you such a fucking potty mouth?" Fluttershy asked softly.

A Typical Day in Pwnyville

One day blue horse bird was flyin' 'round in circles and stuff, when she saw that orange and pink pones were talking. "What are they dong?" She asked, angrily. "That is not watching me be 20% more awesomer." So flying pone landed next to party and apple pone and said, "What are you dong?"

"I like apples," said AppleJack.

"We're totally not throwing a 'Tie Rainbow Dash up and have makeouts' party," said Balloon Butt. "That would be creepy."

"I like apples," said Apple Jack again. It was really kinda creepy the way she liked apples so much that she should maybe marry an apple.

Speaking of creepy, Twilight Sparkle, who was late again with a letter and really, really creepy looking because her mane was poofy and messed up, popped out of nowhere and creepily said that a party of makeouts with Rainbow Dash was something she was writing in her My Little Pony fanfiction. She said this very creepily, while winking at Dash. "That is so creepy, Twilight," said the prismatic-maned, cerulean blue, fastest flier in Equestria, who was also Scootaloo's idol and a pegasus pony.

Then the butter yellow pegasus friend who was shy, fluttered over to the group. She had been pretending to be a tree by standing very still and mumbling "tree" under her breath (she said it quietly because she was very shy). "I... would... um... well... I... um...... would like a makeouts party... if that's ok......... with you..." said Flutterbutter in a very shy manner.

Then Rarity showed up and said something about fashion, but nopony paid her any attention, because she was just trying to get makeouts for herself. "I am a lady," she protested, angrily.

Then Twilight Creeple and Smile Slut jumped on Rainbow Dash. "Why did you do that?" asked Rainbow Dash, angrily. But secretly, she liked it when her friends jumped on her and started nibbling her mane and wings.

"I thought you were covered in cake icing," said Twilight.

"Stop stealing my lines!" huffed the forth-wall-breaking, pink coated, frizzy maned, pink party promoting pony, Pinkie Pie.

The sexual tension was so high at the moment that Flutterbutterstuttershy couldn't help but join the pile. "Um..." she said. "..."

Apol Jeck threw her head, tossing her mane so hard, her hair ties flew off. It was so hot, you have no idea. "I like Apples!" she cried as she dived into the pony pile.

Rainbow Dash was smiling so much from all the ponies who had piled on her and were licking and/or nibbling at various parts. She shuddered as Ampleflank licked her hoof. "I don't like it when ponies touched my hooves," she protested, angrily.

"I like apples," Applebapple whispered.

And then they all had sex.

Except Rarity.