A Surprisingly Dumb Heist

by BlackSnowyOwl

Rating: teen
Tags: Random, Comedy
Length: 1888

Lyra takes her pet Ponkay to heist a royal dinner at Canterlot, forcing things to happen.

A typical dinner in Canterlot is interrupted when a peculiar mint-green mare interrupts and initiates a heist.

She makes things happen with the help of a strange thing named Ponkay.

Sorry.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2012-11-29 02:50:01 UTC

Insanely!

~l~

"No way!"

"I swear!"

"Prove it!"

"Fine!" Pinkie Pie retorted, bringing the banana up to her mouth. Suddenly, Rarity's hoof shot out and grabbed hers, lowering the fruit away from the eager mare's wide-spread lips.

"Now wait just a moment," the unicorn said, somewhat shocked, "We can't be doing such things in…public!"

The party pony scowled. "Rainbow doesn't believe I can stick a whole banana down my mouth without swallowing, so I'm gonna do it!"

The cyan-furred Pegasus burst out laughing, "No way! It's like, not even possible!"

"Not with Rarity holding my hoof!" Pinkie countered, trying to yank her yellow fruit away from her friend's grip.

"Please, Pinkie, another time-" she pleaded, but was only interrupted as the mare spat her tongue out at her rainbow friend, bringing the banana up again. Twilight stopped her this time.

"Oh come on!" she shouted, beyond annoyed, just wanting to show up her doubting friend already.

Twilight protested, "Rarity's got a point, we're in the middle of the Canterlot Dining Hall, do you really think that's appropriate?" she asked, already trying to keep her voice at a low volume, as the six friends' table had attracted quite a few peculiar glances.

The entire room was large, and tall. Nearly a hundred tables covered the entire dark-emerald-carpeted floor, with cloths laced around the table-edges that were violet-purple. Sophisticated ponyfolk of all sorts accompanied the hall, most adorned with stunning jewelry or wearing formal clothing and dresses. With golden chandeliers hanging above, and a quiet, smooth jazz band playing onstage at the front of the room, it was a rather peaceful area. And a calm, serene event it was meant to be, which made Twilight question why the six of them were invited to attend the gathering.

It wasn't a special one, just a normal Canterlot royalty dinner, but of course, Rarity took it as quite an important deal, hence her hushed whispers and desperate attempts to stop her friend from filling her mouth with a cylindrical fruit.

All this caused their table to stick out easily, but the hall was still rather noisy and crowded, so Twilight took her chance as a bantering group of ponies passed by. "Pinkie, it's improper… can we at least try not to get kicked out?"

"Just one quick try and I'll be done!" she protested, not trying to quiet herself, "I want everypony to know that this whole thing can fit in my mouth!" Pinkie grinned widely. A few more heads turned with some skeptical passerby glances.

Applejack and Fluttershy were doing their best to stay out of the conversation as the pink mare brought the fruit up one more time…

An accidental nudge in the back caused Pinkie to gasp and cough down the entire banana in a single gulp.

"Ah!" she yelped, forcefully swallowing the whole fruit. After a few strained coughs, the party mare managed to regain herself.

"Oh my, Pinkie, are you alright?" Rarity asked with shock.

The fruit-gobbler nodded quickly, "Yea, I was gonna do that anyway!" she said with a giggle, although glancing around at the rude pony who had bumped into her. She only saw the tail end of a dark blue cloak zipping past another table.

She shrugged. "Oh well. Ya believe me now, Dashie?" she grinned at her rainbow friend, who rolled her eyes.

"Pssh. That was totally a fluke."

"Oh come on!"

As a hooded figure slowly approached the band's center stage, a hoof reached out from under the starlight-twinkling blue cloak, holding what seemed to be a strange device. It glowed with a light teal aura...

Then clicked.

A multitude of screams echoed along the walls of the large Dining Hall as one of the huge chandeliers spontaneously exploded.

A thousand sprinkles of shimmering glass and metal shards rained down upon the near-middle of the Hall, causing the ponies caught in the shower to yell in fright and duck under tables, hooves covering their heads. It was as though a white storm cloud had appeared inside and rained golden precipitation down onto the feasting ponies.

Fluttershy was the first to shriek and dive under her chair at the group's table, while the others quickly followed, save for Rainbow, who shot out of the way, zooming a few tables away with lightning reflexes. All the ponies were pelted with debris, but were left unharmed.

The instruments abruptly stopped playing, and the hooded figure took this moment to dash forward and spring onto the upper stage. "Everypony, listen up!" it shouted loudly over all the frightened cries.

Multiple frightened gazes turned, catching the voice and looking at the standing-out figure. Twilight shakily peeked up under the table in time to see the dark blue hood lowered, revealing a mint-green mane, and golden eyes, but what caught her was the device the mare held high in one of her hooves.

She spoke loudly over the crowd, "Now, as of this moment, this Hall is under a heist!" the unicorn announced, wide eyes sweeping across the crowd as a hushed whisper echoed around. "What I have here is a dangerous tool, as you have already seen-" she gestured a hoof up at the lone golden chain hanging the remains of the exploded chandelier, "On that note, this entire place is rigged with the magic to explode, and bring every single one of us down to Tartarus!" she exclaimed, with a slight grin as a single ruby gem embezzled on the middle of the magical detonator gleamed.

The crowd collectively gasped, whispering fearfully among themselves as they quickly realized what was going on. All eyes were fixed on Lyra as she smirked, glancing back at the stunned band members still in place. She turned back, "Now, I-"

Her words were interrupted by a yell from behind as a stallion holding a guitar instrument rushed forward, and tried to swing it at the deadly mare.

Something invisible wrapped onto his hind hoof and sharply yanked back, halting his advance and smashing him to the stage with a pained 'oof'. He blinked dizzily as Lyra smiled down, holding a hoof to pet her defender as it shivered through the air, and shed its disguise.

The crowd gasped again in shock again at the strange, black creature. It was shorter than the pony, but much more menacing-looking and was covered in a shiny black gleam, but was anything but slimy. The peculiar addition was the massively long, thin tendrils protruding from the frog-like thing's back and arms, one of the multiple things still wrapped onto the band member's rear hoof.

"Thank you, Ponkay," Lyra said with a giggle, petting the stubby tendril-creature as it blinked its beady eyes. "Now, unless you all wish to become buried in rubble for history to gawp in awe at the amazingly awesome uncircumcised deaths of you, then ya better do what I say."

"This is crazy!" Twilight suddenly exclaimed, rising from her spot and pointing an angry hoof at the teal-furred mare, "You have no right!"

"And you have no left," Lyra sneered at the lavender pony, "Alright, for my first command; I order the ponies known as Rainbow Dash and Applejack to show themselves!"

The cyan Pegasus blinked, staring angrily at the unicorn for a moment, and glancing over at her country mare friend. Applejack shook her head, knowing nothing, nor knowing who the heck the pony was, or why she was wearing some awkward-looking pajama-hoodie.

Lyra raised her hoof with the detonator, "I will not hesitate!"

Rainbow growled and burst out from cover, dashing with blinding speed straight towards the heisting unicorn.

She squeaked in shock as two thin tendrils flashed forward and snapped around her middle, ensnaring her in a split-second, leaving her suspended before Lyra. The Pegasus glared at the tendril-beast known as Ponkay, or something.

"Hehe, nooot that good of an idea there," she giggled, nodding to her pet, "This device is tied to me only, if I get distracted and the magic connection is severed, we all kiiindago boom." she shrugged, pursing her lip.

"I'll beat you to oblivion, you psycho!" Rainbow shouted angrily, wriggling around in annoyance as the tendrils brought her to the side of Lyra, who smirked.

"Applejack, c'mon out, please." The unicorn called, scanning the crowd- most of which were still huddled under their tables- looking for the mare.

"I'm here, I'm comin', don't get yer tail in a double-helix." Applejack said, walking out from under her table and approaching the stage.

"Wondrous!" Lyra beamed, and turned back to the band members, pointing her hoof at a certain grayish-brown mare. "You, what's your name?"

"O-Octavia..." the pony mumbled quietly, eyes averting away from the unicorn.

"Sounds weird." she muttered, "Well, come over here." Lyra nodded. Octavia quickly set her instrument down and walked over to the three ponies and Ponkay, not wanting to upset the deadly mare.

"Sweet, now, while everyone's watching, I want all three of you to start making out."

"What?!" came the simultaneous shout from the three ponies, corresponding blushes crossing their muzzles. Rainbow was slowly set down, and she shot a glare at the creature, who blinked.

"You heard me, mix lips, trade saliva, play tri-checkers, whatever you want to call it, you three have to kiss each other, or this whole place goes down." Lyra raised the detonator again.

"Whaddya want us doin' that for?" Applejack asked in annoyance, not amused by the weird unicorn.

"It'll be awesome, everyone wants to see it, so let's see it happen." She said, stamping a hoof to the floor impatiently.

Rainbow blushed brightly, irritably. "Fine..." she muttered, shuffling over by the two ponies, who were staring at the ground.

"Now!" Lyra demanded.

Ponkay reached a tendril out and nudged Octavia forward into the two mares, causing her lips to brush against Rainbow's somehow. The crowd gasped lightly at the movement, not used to seeing such a thing in public.

Lyra grinned deviously, watching as Applejack rolled her eyes annoyingly and met Rainbow's kiss with her own. Kisses are good.

"Good enough." the unicorn said after a full minute of furious blushes and sloppy sounds of the mares mixing bodily fluids and such. "Next event, you three have to all go down on each other, after that, I leave, you all live." she explained simply.

"You've gotta be jo-" but the tendril creature interrupted Octavia's protest by pushing Applejack onto her this time, knocking them both down into a perfect position.

Everyone in the crowd gasped and some shielded their eyes as Applejack grumbled with annoyance and dove in face-first.

Lyra smirked deviously, eyes glinting with admiration as she slowly stepped offstage, "Keep that up, if you stop, I'll erase this place." she said to the three copulating mares as she slowly walked through the crowd alongside her pet.

The ponies watched in awe and disgust at the sight, some unable to look away. The unicorn smiled one last time before emerging out of the Diner Hall doors and shutting them loudly, walking outside into the fresh Canterlot night air.

"Well, that went awesomely, kinda sucks that they won't remember the whole thing." Lyra said as she shivered in the warm air.

Ponkay turned and looked at her. She giggled and raised her hoof, exchanging some strange high-five of sorts.

Sorry.

~l~