Crying in Perfect Harmony

Chapters

Teardrops on paper
Past hurt
Time heals all
An affair of the heart

Teardrops on paper

June fourth 2007

Today it became official. My transfer from Cloudsdale High Boarding School was finalised and I moved away to start my new life. At least, that’s what I’m telling myself. The fact that these pages are smudged with tears probably states rather emphatically that I’m not moving on. When I transferred to Dash’s school, I hoped for redemption, but now I find myself completely on my own. Dash will never forgive me and I have no right to expect her to. Now I just have to find a way to live with myself.

Let me take a step back. My name is Cherry Sprinkle, I’m seventeen years old and right now I’m sitting in a guest room in my aunt’s house, crying because, for once, somepony decided to make me sleep in my bed the way I made it. All this because I was afraid of my parents, all this because I wouldn’t just tell Dash the truth of how I felt about her.

My aunt said that I could either go to a new school for my last year, or I could just get a job and find somewhere to live. I don’t think I can face going back to school. I’d probably just mess up again and get my heart broken.

I’ve started looking for work in the local weather factory and I think I’m likely to get it. Sadly, the pay isn’t great so it looks like I’ll be roughing it until I can get a higher paid job. The apartments I’ve looked at either have awful smells or weird roommates. Often it’s both at once.

I’ve found that, more and more, I hate being around other ponies. I just feel so horrible all the time. My aunt says that it will pass, but I don’t know. Maybe it will. I find it hard to believe that I’ll just move on from totally screwing over the filly I liked.

At the moment, I'm living in my aunt’s house and she says I can stay here as long as I need to, but I want to leave. I don’t want to impose any more than I have to. She was actually the one who recommend I start keeping this diary, as a way of talking about how I feel. Well then, I suppose I should say how I feel: bloody awful.

June sixth 2007

Today sucked. I got a job at the weather factory and spent the whole day being showed around. The place all but has a sign on the door saying “If you work here, life has truly fucked you over.” The pay is awful and the working conditions. Worse than the job, though, are my fellow employees. They’re all no hopers from the gutters of Cloudsdale. I suppose I am too now, though, so I can hardly complain. There’s this one pony there who smells like whisky and vomit who leered at me when I first arrived. I haven’t had the displeasure of being formally introduced to him yet, but I’ve been told that everypony just calls him ‘Pukey John.’ My boss is a complete arse, he spent the first twenty minutes patronising me and telling me that it was unusual for a filly to work in a place like this.

I’ve only worked here a day and I’ve already learned the first rule: don’t ask, don’t tell. You never ask other ponies how they got here or what a cruel bastard life was to make this the preferable option.

I should probably explain; while work at the weather factory is usually respected, important and well paid, this is the machinery maintenance section which requires no brains, no qualifications and it’s actually preferable that the workers be incapable of independent thought.

Truly, if you got a drill and dug for hours from the slums, you would still be above the ponies here.

June eighth 2007

The last two days have been hell. Today some arse brought a radio to the factory and we were all subjected to “Shoot the fuckin’ DJ” repeated over and over again. Usually I like Green Day but, yeash, talk about creative lyric writing going out the window.

So yea, today is worthy of note because I came out to the factory. I didn’t actually plan to do that, but Runningnose Pete kept grinning and asking me out, calling me “sweet cheeks,” and rubbish like that. Ugh, all these stallions are pigs. So, anyway, in a fury where I could have kicked him in the face, I ended up just shouting “I’m gay, you bastard.” Yea, that was awkward, but then Pukey John just smirked and said, “Awesome.” It’s pigs like that that give stallions a bad name, I swear to Celestia. No wonder that guy hasn’t gotten his cutie mark. I doubt there’s any symbol that can accurately represent a pervert. Actually, quite a few of the guys at the factory don’t have their cutie marks.

Something strange happened in the afternoon, though:
“Hey Gloria, are you standing close to the edge?
Look out to the setting sun, the brink of your vision,
Eternal youth, is a landscape of a lie,
The cracks in my skin can prove, as the years will testify,
Say your prayers and light a fire, we’re going to start a war
Your slogan’s ‘A gun for hire,’ it’s what we waited for,
Hey Gloria, this is why we’re on the edge,
The fight of our life’s been drawn in this undying love…”

That song came on to the radio and I thought of Dash, for some reason. Of course all I got was a snicker and Micky the Flatulent asked why I looked all misty eyed, winked and told me that I knew where to come if I ever needed a shoulder to cry on. I hate working in this hell hole.

June eleventh 2007

Bless the weekend with every blessing that’s ever been blessed. Today sucked, going back to work, but the weekend was such a relief. I spent most of it looking for apartments and I found a few promising candidates. Well, when I say promising, I mean ‘less totally horrific than most of the others.’ The harsh reality is that I won’t find one where I won’t have to put up with a roommate. Damn it to hell if I don’t hate them all. They’re always so depressing to be around, like they’ve totally given up on life. I supposed I would too, if I were them, but they might at least have the decency to fall in to existential despair quietly.

Sorry this entry is kind of short, but I’ve had one of the worst days imaginable and would really like to go to bed.

June eighteenth 2007

Sorry I haven’t written in ages, a lot’s been happening. I found an apartment with a semi crazy roommate which is way better than I thought I would do. His name is Mr Yana and all he does is sit in his couch all day, rocking back and forth, chattering about “The drums, the drums, the never ending drums.” He’s quiet enough and keeps his hooves to himself so, on the whole, I’m happy.

I asked my boss for a raise today, seeing as I’m the only one in that hell hole that really does any work. He got all smug and practically told me to sit up and beg. I was so tempted to hit him but, in the end, I just asked if he was going to give it to me or not. He said that he’d think about it. I hope he does, if I’m going to work for the lowest of the low, I might as well get decent pay.

I signed the lease for my apartment. I move in on Thursday which means I’m going to have to take a day off work… what a shame.

I went to a night club last weekend. I looked through the phone book and found a nice gay bar to reconnect with ponies that make sense to me. Anyway, I sat down and bought myself a drink. Before I knew it I was chatting to this pretty filly with a green mane and amazing eyes. She seemed interesting enough but, just when I was going to ask her out, the pony who had been singing exited the stage and a new one walked on. This wouldn’t have been a big deal, if it weren’t for the fact that the pony that walked onstage was Dash. I didn’t know what to do, so I fled.

Since that happened, I haven’t really wanted to go to any more clubs. I’m so lonely here, everyone around me is so unbearably straight it just makes me want to tear out my eyeballs. Wherever I go, I’m either being perved on or, no, wait, that’s all, just perved on, everywhere I go.

I looked at the music line up for that bar later and found that Dash’s been doing a lot of singing at bars and such. Now I can’t go anywhere there might be somepony I might actually enjoy the company of for fear of running into her.

I see so many ponies around me every day who have fallen so low that even the cockroaches have to bend over to spit on them. Mostly they turn to alcohol, drugs or suicide. I find myself thinking that, the only reason I don’t do the same, is that I don’t want to give life the satisfaction of seeing me fall even further. Life is a bastard and I won’t let it see me fall. That’s the only thought that keeps me going, day after day.

June twentieth 2007

“White lips, pale face,
Breathing in snowflakes,
Burnt lungs, sour taste,
Light’s gone, days end,
Struggling to pay rent,
Long nights, strange men,
And they say,
She’s in the class A team,
Stuck in her daydream,
Been this way since eighteen,
But lately, her face seems,
Slowly sinking, wasting,
Crumbling like pastries,
And they scream,
The worst things in life come free to us,
‘Cause we’re just under the upper hoof,
Go mad for a couple grams,
And she don’t wanna go outside,
Tonight, and in a pipe she flies to the mother land,
Or sells love to another man,
It’s too cold outside, for angels to fly…”

I find myself listening to this song religiously. Before hearing it, I was unaware that somepony had written my life story in song.

Yesterday, Micky the Flatulent asked me if I wanted to have a threesome with him and some other filly. He then winked and told me that it would be alright for my “Preferences,” because there would be another filly involved. I spat in his face and told him to piss off, then I yelled that I’m not a filly, I’m a mare. Things only got worse from there, as all the other stallions started jeering, saying that I was all grown up and that I was a big filly now. I hate stallions.

The musical taste at work really does make me despair. I’ve never been subjected to so much awful music in my life. Well, maybe when I was friends with Dash… damn it, I just can’t stop thinking about her. She was the only one who ever actually understood me, who agreed with me and who saw the world as I see it. I miss her so much, the way she would strut around, the way her lips would twitch up at the corners when she was trying to look sad when she was really smug, the way she got that adorable look on her face when she was confused, her awful taste in music and that battered Mp3 player that bruised but refused to break. I guess that Mp3 player is a lot like me in a way. I refuse to break.

June twenty-fourth 2007

I’m fully moved in to my new apartment and, I have to say, it’s better than I had thought it would be. Mr Yana isn’t so bad and I get lots of time to be by myself. I thought about going to another night club but found that Dash was singing there too. It seems as though she’s doing well enough.

I got in to a bit of a fight today. My boss asked me out and I, rather exasperatedly, reminded him that I’m gay. To which he said this, and I quote directly, “When a filly says she’s gay, it’s just because the right stallion hasn’t come along to make her straight.” I was just so fed up with his attitude that I kicked him in the face. We fell to blows and I have to say that it felt pretty good to finally rough him up a little. In the end, I was fired which I’m finding it rather hard to be upset about.

Tomorrow I’m going to go looking for another job, but I don’t have any qualifications so any place that hires me is probably going to be pretty much the same. Still, at least I won’t have to deal with those particular bastards anymore.

On my way home today, some stallion approached me and told me that he had the solution to all my problems. I was curious as I didn’t think there was anything for sale that could fix my problems so I asked him what he meant. The guy was a drug dealer. One black eye, covered in bruises, unemployed, living with a mental case who could turn homicidal at any time and I run in to a drug dealer. Life’s a bitch.

June twenty-seventh 2007

Day three of job hunting and I’m still unemployed, I’ve had to go on the dole but the pay really is awful. I hope I get a job soon.

I went to a job agency yesterday. The mare at the desk asked me for my qualifications. I told her I didn’t have any. She asked if I had any interest in teaching. She got a little snarky, though, when I asked what qualifications I would need to do her job. I don’t know why as it was a genuine question but, looking back, I think I can see what I did wrong. She set me up with an interview for a post in a day care centre. I suppose that, given this is a largely female profession, (dare I call it that) I won’t have to deal with many stallions. I’ll be going for my job interview tomorrow.

Life’s a bitch. Those words have become my mantra of late. Everything that’s happening, only affirming my belief. Occasionally, I think about going to the better areas of Cloudsdale for a day. Just to walk among the civilised ponies and not be constantly asked if a pretty little thing like me would want to come and hang with the big colts. Ugh, stallions.

Anyway, in the end, I always decide not to impose on the world of the fortunate. If ever I managed to pick myself up and move to a place like that, then I would be much happier if the gutter ponies didn’t dirty up the street with their presence.

July second 2007

Yesterday, I managed to get a job at a rundown day care. I went for the job interview and, it turns out, that having no qualifications is ideal for working here. On the whole, the day could have gone better. The other staff members don’t say much and when they do, they stay to the golden rule; no questions, no answers and no life stories. All of them are mares so I don’t have to deal with any perving.

I start work tomorrow as this was just an interview. I didn’t get to meet any of the foals I’ll be looking after yet. I can’t honestly say I’m looking forward to it.

Mr Yana is being noisy. I decided that a good way to finish the day would be a cup of tea, but I didn’t think Mr Yana would be in the kitchen as well. He’s just sitting there, wearing that fob watch and rocking back and forth chattering about the never ending drums. I’m going to bed.

July fifth 2007

I haven’t had a day this screwed up since I came home with bruises and what felt like a sprained wing. I’ve been going to my new job for three days now and it’s only marginally better than the weather factory. The building is grey and has a peeling sign that proclaims it to be “A magical experience for your foals to learn, laugh and play.” Inside, directly after walking through the blackened front door, is a small lobby that smells of smoke and cheap wine. After walking past the lobby, there’s a small, dark, and above all, dingy room with a dozen or so small cots. There’s usually one mare stationed to feed any foal who gets hungry or to quiet the ones who wake up. In the corner is an ancient TV that seems only capable of blaring hospital dramas in black and white all day, every day. In the nursery itself is this ceiling fan. It’s one of those ones that spins really slowly, without disturbing the air in the room at all and has one of those dim yellow lights that only serves to make the room feel darker.

My fellow employees are all pretty much the same; there because life screwed them over in one way or another. My boss is an older mare. Her coat is a dingy brown, her mane and tail also brown but greying around the edges.

All the foals are pretty much what I expected; dozy and happy to just suck on things and sleep. Occasionally one will start crying or will chatter on to me for a while but it’s relatively quiet. At least there’s no stallions here to leer at me and tell me what a pretty little filly I am.

July eleventh 2007

I found a gay bar where Dash wasn’t singing over the weekend. I decided that I might as well try to enjoy myself and I had my first week’s pay. I ended up chatting to this rather cute mare with a tan coat, orange mane and azure eyes. We talked for a while and she bought me a drink. In the end, we slipped out back and started making out. As things went on, it crossed my mind that it was almost like I was kissing a stallion, but not half so disgusting. I wasn’t really attracted to her in the slightest and it only felt hollow. All I could do was think of Dash, I tried for a while but, in the end, I just pulled away and walked off. It would be nice to say that I felt remorse on my way home, or maybe sadness that I hadn’t seen where that relationship might have gone but in truth, I felt nothing, just this strange emptiness. Now I can’t even let myself have a filly friend. Sometimes I just want there to be somepony who I can cry to, somepony to see my pain and somepony who will forgive me for all the awful things I’ve done. I just want there to be somepony who cares about me and who will hold me at night when sleep is held back by nightmares. I feel like such a foal. I said I was a mare not some little filly and yet, here I am, whining about how unfair life is.

There’s a clock in the day care centre. It’s small and several of the numbers are missing but it ticks so loud. It’s like, every tick is a second stripped off my life and the clock is there to tell me, in no uncertain terms, that there’s no way to get it back.

There’s a foal at work called Alfy, who calls me madre. He’s sweet but that only makes me feel all the more empty inside.

July seventeenth 2007

My life has changed. I’m sorry I haven’t written in a while but I’ve been so busy. Just a few days ago, Alfy’s little sister, Fia, started attending. She’s the brightest filly I’ve ever met. She’s sweet, funny, and the cutest little thing I’ve ever had the pleasure of working with. Every day since she started coming to the day care centre, I’ve blessed whatever inspired me to get in to a fight with my last boss. This little filly somehow makes me feel so warm and fuzzy on the inside. I’m so blessed.
Today I took my diary to work to show Fia. She had endless fun drawing little pictures on the corners of the pages.
Whenever she thinks I’m not watching, she’ll absentmindedly start singing this little song:
“When you’re down and low, lower than the floor,
And feel like you ain’t got a chance,
Don’t make a move till you’re in the grove,
And do the Peter Panda dance,
Just hop three times, like a kangaroo…”

Damn, I wish I could remember the rest of it. Whenever she notices I’m watching, Fia gets all shy and has this adorable smile.

It’s hard to explain why this foal has such an effect on me but I’m glad she does. I feel truly happy for the first time in ages. I feel like I might actually be able to move on with my life. Maybe I can make something of myself. Maybe one day I’ll look back on these days as the starting point for the rest of my life. Fia calls me sorella. I don’t know what it means but she seems happy so I just smile. Sometimes I wonder what her parents are like, what my life would have been with parents like hers.

I feel happy at last, maybe this isn’t so bad.

July eighteenth 2007

I woke up crying today. I haven’t felt like this since that heart stopping moment Dash let my fly away, when she refused to forgive me and let me wheel totally out of control. I know I hurt her, really badly. Today feels different, though, like I can somehow deal with it. I found myself singing this song that mum used to sing:
“Here’s a song I wrote to say,
How much I will miss the way, you would walk in to a room,
And make me smile and I guess, I never assumed,
That you would leave me, that you’d ever say goodbye,
So this is me saying how much I will mourn, now that you are gone,
And it’s sad I know but there is, nothing I can do,
And all that’s left is that I never forget you,
And when I’m lying in my bed and I can’t help but cry,
It’s only ‘cause I know, that I will never see you walk,
Through that door, again…”

It helped the tears flow and somehow made me feel better. I’ll go back to work tomorrow. I have extra credit with my boss, having been working overtime so I get to spend extra time with Fia.

July nineteenth 2007

hello my name is Fia. sorella gave me this book that shes tolde me abowt. she alsoe gave me sum craones so I could draw prety pichers in it for her. shes seemd a lot les sad latelee I think its all the pitchers im draring for her. heres one of a flour I saw.

I brought my book to work again today and let Fia draw in it for a while. She’s so cute when she draws, her tongue pokes out the corner of her mouth and she keeps dropping her crayons. She’s just a little bit clumsy as she hasn’t quite got the hang of her hooves yet.

My boss left me in charge today, she said something about getting some money off a stallion. I think I’m likely to get a promotion soon. My boss is impressed with the way I’ve bonded with Fia. If she quits, I might just be candidate for next boss, that would be great as the pay would be higher and I wouldn’t have to put up with all the other staff winging about their pay being bad, well, probably I would but as boss I could tell them that they were free to go and look for higher paying work that requires no qualifications. I might even be able to point them towards an old weather factory that’s currently short one mare for the stallions to perve on.

Fia’s singing that song again. I’m sure she doesn’t even know she’s doing it. I just have to ask. She just blushed and looked away again. Maybe one day she’ll get her cutie mark for singing. I can’t help but speculate about her, she seems so switched on. I can’t imagine what her special talent will be but, whatever it is, I feel sure that it will be a gift to the world.

July twenty-fifth 2007

Sorry I haven’t written for a while. I must have written those words so many times by now but it’s always true. It’s been nearly two months since I started keeping this diary. It’s helped me to be able to write down my thoughts and my feelings. It’s helped me to have something like a friend to talk to. Anyway, I didn’t start writing to get all emotional and misty eyed.

Fia invited me to her birthday party! She asked her mother who came in to talk to me and ask if I would want to. “My little daughter seems very fond of you, meile.” I smiled and told her that her daughter was wonderful and that I would be happy to go.

I’m so excited. I can’t wait to see Fia, I know I get to see her every day but I’m just so happy that she would think to invite me to her birthday.

I asked what I could get her for a present but her mother, who’s name turned out to be Annetta, told me that just being there would be enough.

I find myself having flashbacks of when I was that age. I went to a much better day care but it didn’t make that much difference. Every other child was always getting invited to one party or another. I was a bit of an outcast and never got an invite. It’s foalish I know, but I find myself more giddy with excitement about finally getting invited to a party. Maybe I’m more excited about it than Fia.

August ninth 2007

Fia is dead, it was a brain tumour. The doctors said that, by the time they found it, it was totally untreatable. The reason I haven’t written in so long is that I’ve been staying by her bedside. My last ray of sunshine passed away last night. The only thing in this world that I’ve been able to care about since Dash said she wanted nothing more to do with me. Why is it that ponies like me get all the years we like to fuck around and mess up the world and the most precious souls get snuffed out ruthlessly? Why is it that the most beautiful foal ever to grace this land had to die and leave me here by myself? Why couldn’t it have been me? What justice is there in a world where such things just happen and not one soul cares? What is a world like that worth?

Once I wrote that the only thing stopping me from giving up was that I wouldn’t let life beat me, that I wasn’t willing to give in. Well, I give, I can’t do this anymore, I don’t want to be part of a world that lets this happen. Life is a bitch, and a bitch that finally broke me. This will be my last entry. In a way, I’m lucky, I’ll be leaving no pony behind, no one cares about me and that’s a relief, that way I don’t have to feel the guilt of breaking their hearts. I will leave this world, and I will leave it alone.
-Cherry Sprinkle.

Author's Note

Wow, it feels so good to pick this story up after such a long hiatus. Hopefully the next chapter won't be all that long in coming as I've already finished a fair chunk of it and am itching to get back to it. Now I know this new version has a really bleak feel but I think it would, I don't know, I guess I just enjoy making my characters suffer. I'm sorry if you found any of this content objectionable and I would like to say right now that Cherry Sprinkle's beliefs are entirely her own. I really like the new format and I hope that you guys do too. Anyway, I need to give some people the credit they deserve.

"Shoot the Fuckin' DJ," is a reference to a song by Green Day called "Kill the DJ." The second song was "Viva la Gloria," also by Green Day. Third song was "The A Team." by Ed Sheeran. The fourth song was a reference to a movie that I can't remember the name of. The song is called "The Peter Panda Dance." And that's it, hope you liked it.

Past hurt

March fifth 2012

Hey there, Cherry Sprinkle here. Wow, I had honestly forgotten about this old thing. I was just cleaning my attic when I came across this dusty old book. I’d forgotten I kept a diary for a while there, I guess I owe it to you to update it then. A lot’s happened since my last, rather fatalistic, entry.

See, it all started the moment I set the pen down after the last time I wrote. I thought I had escaped all this years ago but I guess some relics just never fade. Reading this, I can remember exactly what happened next.

I set the pen down, my heart leaden with my decision. I knew what I had to do and delaying it wasn’t going to help any. I stood up and looked around the bleak room. There was nothing much by way of ways to kill oneself here. I sighed deeply and headed out the door.

After a few minutes of walking I arrived at the edge of a cloud. I looked over, seeing the whole world stretching out before me. It crossed my mind the irony of seeing the whole world just as I was about to leave it.

“Nice view, isn’t it?” I spun round to see who had spoken. She was grey with a blond mane and eyes that faced in every which direction, yet somehow, I knew she was staring directly through me.

I nodded noncommittally. “Yea, great view.”

The grey mare considered this, as though my words held some meaning I was unaware of. When she spoke, her tone was casual, as if commenting on the weather. “As far as things go, you could do a whole lot worse when it comes to the last thing you’ll ever see.”

I started, unsure how she had worked out my true intent for being there. When I tried to speak, my voice broke and came out sounding scared and sad. “What-what do you mean.”

She gave me that piercing, cross eyed stare, as if daring me to continue my denial. “If you jump, your wings will snap out. You can’t control it, it’s just a reflex.” She shifted, getting more comfortable and dangling her hooves over the edge.

“I-How would you know that?”

There was a long considered pause before she spoke slowly and clearly, all emotion deliberately absent from her voice. “I know, because I wouldn’t be here if that reflex didn’t exist.”

I shuddered as her words rang through me. “And, do you still want to die.”

“Who doesn’t? If you think you can do it, then best of luck to you. I would, however, suggest you ask somepony to tie your wings down so you can’t change your mind half way down.”

I snorted, “I don’t have anyone in my life who would spit in my mouth if my tongue were on fire. If I did, do you think I would be up here?”

“Yes,” she said, simply.

“And why do you think that?”

“Because, not one pony in my lifetime has come up here because they were lonely, not just lonely. Usually it’s some awful story about death or not belonging. Do you know how many actually wished there wasn’t anypony who cared about them? It would make it easier wouldn’t it?” At this, she closed her eyes and breathed in deeply, as if contemplating some great pleasure. “Wouldn’t it be nice to look over that edge, wings tied to your sides, and say, ‘There isn’t a single reason not to jump’?”

I nodded slowly. “Then why are you still here?”

“You know what? There are so many ponies who’ve been in this situation and so many of them will tell you that they saw a light or they found a reason to go on. I’m going to be the one right now to tell you that’s bullshit. You stand on the edge, your whole life ready to end if you take but one step, you can see no reason not to, you can see how staying will only cause more pain and you make a choice. Because the fact is, you don’t find a reason. The time for reasons is in the weeks before hand when you’re planning it, in the nights where you’re fantasising about how nice it would be if it all just ended, the days spend wishing to find a reason to go on. It was only when I realised that there was no reason to stay, that I stepped down from that ledge.”

I gazed at her for a while, processing what she had said. “Life isn’t worth living.”

She nodded. “I know, and you’re either going to decide to live anyway, or you’re not.”

I sighed deeply. The mare nodded, somehow seeing in my eyes the decision I had made. “What’s your name?”

She stood up and shook out her wings. “I’m Derpy. Now, as the one who, unwittingly, seems to have talked you out of suicide, I have one final piece of advice: get out of here. Leave Cloudsdale and never look back.”

“Where else will I go?”

Derpy smiled. “Follow me.”

That day was, without a doubt, the best of my life. Derpy took me to a small cottage in a town called Ponyvile. I lived with Derpy for a few months while I got my life together but eventually it came time for me to move out. Much later still, I finally asked if Derpy would be my filly friend. She only smiled and said she thought I'd never ask.

I’ll never forget that day I stood on a cloud and thought about ending my life. Oddly enough, in a way I succeeded, I managed to escape the life I had been living and finally move on from all the shit that happened. I can finally say that my life is actually looking worthwhile. On that note, I think this diary has served its purpose. I guess this will be my real last entry as I no longer have any need to write things down any more. My thoughts are my own and will be from now on. Signing out for the last time,

-Cherry Sprinkle.

Cherry stood up and stretched out her wings, satisfied with her work. In a way it brought a sense of completion, some kind of closure to a bleak past.

She chuckled to herself. Right, enough of that kind of thinking, she had the day off, maybe Derpy would want to go out and get some ice cream.

The new couple was quite the topic of conversation in Ponyvile. It wasn’t that the town was unpopular, it wasn’t that there weren’t often new residents, it was simply the fact that there were very few openly gay couples. The villagers of the small town weren’t prejudice, they were just that; villagers of a small, slightly old fashioned, town. That wasn’t to say that there were no other gay couples. There was “That Derpy and Miss Sprinkle.” and “Well yes, everypony knows about Lyra and Bon Bon but shh, it’s a secret.” And there were quite a few of those “Yes dear, you two are just friends and Chris Colfer is straight.” but the devil was in the detail.

Rainbow Dash was currently on a cloud high over ponyvile, unaware that her sex life with Fluttershy was being carefully turned over down below. She was, in fact, asleep. She had spent the day moving and was supposed to be helping her filly friend of five years with the unpacking of boxes, but she had managed to nip off for a nap. Fluttershy had probably noticed by now but decided to let Rainbow sleep. Being the stronger flier, she had done most of the actually carrying herself.

Down on the ground, a small cottage was under some serious internal design changes.

Inside sat a cream-yellow pegasus. She had a soft pink mane and was currently in the middle of hanging a rather cheap looking clock on the wall. She smiled as it slotted in to place. She was thinking happily about how much nicer it was living on the ground, without the constant background fear of the thousands of feet of empty air below her.

She turned around, unsurprised when she noticed that Rainbow Dash was nowhere to be seen. Fluttershy smiled. Let her rest, she’d done enough work today.

Fluttershy glanced around and saw that there was only one more box in this room. It was marked “Rainbow’s old junk.” Curious, she opened the lid and peeked inside. In the box, there was a jumble of things; old school assignments, photos, menus from bars, dusty old boxes and a small, battered book. Opening to the first page, Fluttershy read.

08/02/05
My name is Rainbow Dash, and if anypony is reading this who isn’t me so help me, I will find you and kick your sorry flank! It occurs to me that this may sound a little self-contradictory. I’ve always thought that anypony who keeps a diary must, on some level, want another pony to read it. I dunno, maybe it’s some sort of cry for attention. Now I get it, though. It’s almost like having a friend.

Anyway, there’ll be time for speculation later, right now I need to tell you about my new school. I’ve been home schooled my whole life and I’ve finally decided that I’m too lonely not to give school a shot. To be honest, I’m terrified. I’ve heard so many school horror stories. My mum told me that this is an independent school, so it shouldn’t be too bad but that doesn’t stop me from being scared.

I hope I’ll meet some other nice ponies, maybe I’ll even get a filly friend…
Oh god, here comes the shitstorm. Yea, I probably should have started with that. See, I’m gay, about as gay as it gets, to be honest. What am I talking about? Why would there be a shitstorm? Nopony is going to find my diary, nopony even knows I keep one. I guess I’m just stressed out because I haven’t told my mum yet. I hope she’ll be ok. I guess her catching me snogging another filly would be a pretty effective way of outing myself but somehow I get the feeling that may be a little unfair. Damn having a conscience.

I think I might be rambling. I’ll get back to you tomorrow afternoon and tell you how my first day was.
***

08/03/05
Well, I’ll put it this way: it could have been worse. This school is supper relaxed but I guess that’s a good thing. It makes settling in a whole lot easier. The teachers seem to love me and it’s really no wonder. I’m probably the only student there who gives two hoots about the actual work they set us. The only problem with this whole standing out thing is that I stand out. This point cannot be emphasised enough. The other students don’t like me going around setting a good example. I get the feeling that, before I arrived, they got away with doing squat, but now I’m here they have to actually do the work. To be honest, I don’t really see why they make such a fuss. The actual work isn’t that hard. I’m having no problems with it and I haven’t even been in the school system for my whole life.

The other students seem nice enough when the teachers aren’t around. There’s this filly there who’s really quiet and keeps dying her mane different colours. I find this odd only because of the seeming contradiction. Everything else about her says “Please don’t notice me.” and yet, every few weeks, she’ll show up at school with bright new mane colour. I’d like to know her backstory.

Other than her, they all seem pretty run of the mill. They’ve all got that too cool for school thing going that I actually find kind of underwhelming.

I talked to the principle in the morning when she welcomed me to the school. She seems really nice, I can tell she cares a lot about this place. It almost seems a shame that this is where all the state school rejects end up.
Not a lot else to say about today. I found my first day confusing but enjoyable.
***

11/02/05
I kinda spoke out at school today. The teacher was talking about science and he said something that I knew was wrong so I corrected him. This was an all-round bad idea. See, it not only made the teacher mad at me, it also now means that all the other students thing I’m an even bigger geek than they already did. Since then the jibes about being too smart haven’t stopped. The fact that I’m already getting better marks than anyone else isn’t helping much either. Surprisingly, their insults don’t seem to hurt. They just sound foalish and stupid. Maybe I am a geek, but at least I can be damn sure that I’m the smartest geek in this school.
***

18/02/05
I can’t believe it’s been a whole week since I last wrote. To be honest, I’ve been feeling a little uninspired by life. As much as I love my school, this dreadful monotony is starting to form. I get up (at a ridiculous hour I might add) I get ready and I go to school. I spend the day interacting with ponies who I have virtually nothing in common with and then I go home and write in this diary… in theory.

Anyway, the only really interesting thing that happened in the past week is that one of the really annoying students was expelled. I couldn’t be happier as he was a real class disrupter. The overall grades have jumped since he left. Mind you, I think one of the other colts has taken it upon himself to fill in the role of class jerk. Oh well, I’ll enjoy the peace while it lasts.
***

21/02/05
YOU’LL NEVER GUESS WHAT HAPPENED TODAY! Upon reflection, of course you won’t, you’re a diary but I don’t care. A new filly started school here! She’s smart, funny, and gets just as annoyed with the other ponies playing silly buggers as I do. I do like that phrase; silly buggers. When Cherry told me the term, her voice suggested that she could play it too and do it better.

When we first met, she told me about how she was coming here to get away from more conventional schools. Her parents are really conservative, you see, so she’s been mostly in really mainstream, awful schools. She says that the bullying is the worst. Apparently she gets picked on for being too smart.
***

04/03/05
March; the new month. Time seems to be passing in a blur. Me and Cherry are apparently friends now. She’s fun and we spend all our lunches just hanging out. She likes flying and sometimes we spend hours just racing and stuff. I’m so glad I decided to go to school. I never thought I’d have a friend like this.
***

06/03/05
Me and Cherry got to hang out today. For the life of me I can’t even remember what we talked about, but I guess that’s part of what makes it so nice.

There is one thing I remember her saying to me.

“Do you ever think about perception?”

I was confused. “What do you mean?”

She smiled and gave me this knowing look. “Like, the things we see. When you’re a foal, you’re seeing it all for the first time so you really look at things, but when you grow up, you’ve seen it all already. Just think about when you look around a room, even if it’s one you’ve never seen before, you’re still seeing a couch, a tv, a lamp, a bed. You’re not having to analyse it all for the first time.”

I was smiling, simply to watch her fascinated by an idea that any other pony might overlook, to watch her fiddle with a strand of grass, not really realising what she was doing. “What’s your point?”

She shrugged and gave me that half sheepish, half knowing smile. “I dunno, but it’s fun to think about.”
***

10/03/05
Sometimes I wonder about Cherry Sprinkle. She seems so light hearted most of the time but sometimes I’ll catch her just staring off in to space. She gets this real glazed look. Sometimes I wonder if she’s too intelligent for her own good, like, maybe she’ll think herself in to a pit and suffocate. I dunno, maybe I shouldn’t be watching her this much.

On a brighter note, we got to go to one of those cool photo booth things on the way home from school. Neither of us had seen one before so we thought we’d see what all the fuss was about. I know it sounds cliché but we got two copies of the nicest one and each kept one. To make this even soppier, I wrote “Friends” on the back of the one she kept and she wrote “Forever” on the back of the one I kept. Maybe there’s a reason they do that in all the best stories.
***

18/05/05
I just found this diary thing lying under a pile of papers on my desk. It must be, what, two months since I wrote last. Oh well, let’s see if I’ve still got what it takes to write in it.

Me and Cherry are still friends, maybe those photos really worked. I keep mine on my bedside table for whenever I’m feeling sad.

Lately I’ve been feeling a little weird. My mind feels a little fuzzy around the edges. Maybe it’s because I’m missing sleep but I don’t think so. Deep down, I think it’s probably something I’ve known all along. Maybe since the moment I met her. I’ll be damned if I’ll admit it. I can’t ruin a friendship like that. She’s the best friend I’ve ever had. I don’t want things to get weird. Maybe if I just squash it it’ll go away. Maybe if I pretend for long enough I’ll stop feeling this way.

“You’re way off base, I won’t say it…”
***

21/05/05
I’ve taken to avoiding Cherry at school. I don’t know what it was about finally admitting it to myself… admitting it… I can’t even put it in writing. I think I love her. I know love gets overused but I don’t know what else to call this. I’ve had loads of crushes but they never felt like this. I’ve never been in love before, but every time I feel sad I just want to hug her, every time I feel lonely I just want her to be there to cheer me up. I can’t let this get to me, why aren’t I stronger than this?

Cherry tried to talk to me today, asked if anything was wrong. I just gave some lame excuse and fled.

“Get off my case, I won’t say it.”
***

25/05/05
I guess tonight’s a good night for an epiphany. I was staring out the window, a gentle breeze tickling my face when I couldn’t do it anymore. I went down stairs and came out to my parents. They weren’t exactly surprised, turns out I’m not that subtle about looking at other fillies. Anyway. I’ve decided to tell her. I wrote a letter that I’ll give to her tomorrow at school. Wish me luck.

"At least out loud, I won't say I'm in love..."
***

Fluttershy stopped reading. She knew what happened next and had no desire to read on. At a glance she noticed that the rest of the pages were all tear smudged. She made to put the book down when a page fell out. It was the most tear stained of them all. Half knowing and dreading what it was, Fluttershy read the almost illegible writing.

“There are a thousand ways I thought to start this letter and nine hundred and ninety nine that didn’t seem to fit. Neither does this one, to be honest. Seriously, how dramatic does it get? I once swore that I would never again let love change me and I guess that’s what I’m writing about. I could go on about the day I met you, about the first time I realised you were something different. I could wax lyrical of the first time I noticed that this wasn’t something I’d ever felt before, that this was new, strange and wonderful. I could go on but it boils down to this: I love you. Not a crush, not a passing interest, I love you because you were the only one who has ever seemed to understand me for exactly what I am and not judge me. What makes this really special is that you didn’t have to. You never had to do a thing for me and yet you do, every day, every time I think of you and smile. Love suits me like a bad cardigan, but it’s one I’ll wear with pride if you let me. I will not change to try to make you happy, I will not lie for my own gain, all I want is to be happy, and I think you might be able to help me with that.

Love you always -Rainbow Dash”

Fluttershy tucked the letter back into the book which she carefully returned to its box. She realised dully that she was crying. She felt sick.

Up in the clouds, completely unaware of the troubles to come, Rainbow muttered and rolled over in her sleep. “Forever…”

Author's Note

This may have taken a little longer than I hoped... ok I spent most of the last forever feeling really, really, really uninspired. I still feel uninspired but I wrote this anyway. I'm sorry if that is messing with the quality of my writing.

Now there are some things I'd like to address right now. The first of which is Rainbow's diary. I know it comes off as a little abrupt and thin on the ground but that was intentional. I just think that our dear Dashie would be less inclined to getting lost about rambling in how awful the world is than Cherry. Thus, my logic went, her style would be more poorly written, unblemished.

Second point is that there is every chance I got some of my facts wrong from the first story. I haven't read it in ages but if you want to point them out then I will do my best to fix them.

Now, it's no secret that Rainbow's experiences of her first school is closely based on my own experiences of a private school and even some of the characters were based on my fellow students. Just thought I should mention that.

The song was "I Won't Say I'm In Love" from "Hercules." You get one million points of awesomeness if you spotted the Good Omens reference.

Time heals all

“Ah, Derpy, Cherry, what can I get you girls today?”

Derpy smiled brightly at the ice cream pony. “I’ll have a double scoop boysenberry swirl in a waffle cone.”

Cherry opened her mouth to speak but was cut off by Derpy.

“She’ll have cookies and cream, single scoop with a flake.”

“Sure thing, that’ll be five bits.”

Derpy placed the money on the counter and turned to see Cherry looking at her with raised eyebrows.
“What?”

“It just occurred to me that we’ve probably done this too many times,” she said, blandly, but there was a very definite trace of amusement in her voice.

Derpy shrugged. “Hey, if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.”

The two accepted their cones and began to wander off at a leisurely pace along their favourite walking track. There was a lake in the centre of Ponyvile that courting couples often frequented to make lovey eyes at each other, to snuggle, spoon and, sometimes, fork. It was into this atmosphere of laid back romance that the pair wandered with the idle, practised ease of those who had tried the empty log, the old tree house, the hollowed out space behind the fence and the nice thick bushes (bad idea; lots of thorns in awkward places,) and had found that they preferred to simply sit and watch the ducks.

“So,” said Derpy, licking daintily at her ice cream. “I saw you writing in that old book again this morning.” It sounded like an innocent enough observation but Cherry knew her fillyfriend well enough by now to see the tell-tale signs that Derpy was worried.

“Yea, I found it when I was cleaning out the attic. Were you spying on me?”

Despite her concern, Derpy managed a look of mock despair. “My love, my sweet, nay, my angel, would I spy on you? I am bound by the Derpy code of honourable conduct to never spy on anypony.”

Cherry smiled a big, genuine smile. “Unless, under clause A, you really want to.”

“Alright, fine, I was spying. You haven’t been acting yourself lately.” She nuzzled her fillyfriend affectionately. “I worry about you.”

Cherry turned her head slightly to catch Derpy’s lips in a gentle kiss, enjoying the slight taste of boysenberry swirl.

“I’m fine, really.” She sighed. “I just, I don’t know, I guess I wanted some kind of closure. Like this would mark the shift in my life.” Cherry shrugged. “The book, it wasn’t done, it needed a happy ending.”

Derpy reached out a hoof and draped it around Cherry’s shoulders. “I understand,” she said, simply. And the miracle was that she did. Cherry knew that she and Dash had never been this close. It felt good. She breathed in deeply, taking in the slight scent of muffins that always seemed to hang around Derpy. After what seemed to be both an eternity and only a few moments, Cherry pulled away.

The two sat for a while, watching as the ducks frolicked in the afternoon light. After a time, Derpy became aware of soft singing.

“Don’t remind me, that some days I’m a wind shield,
And other days I’m just a lucky bug,
As cold iron rails leave old mossy trails through the country side,
The crow and the bean field,
Are my best friends but boy I need a hug…”

Derpy wondered idly if this was an invitation on purpose or whether her fillyfriend had simply started singing and forgotten that this song was a duet. She smiled, either was fine with her.

“Boy I need a hug,” she sang, softly.

Cherry didn’t turn, seeming transfixed with the scene before her.

“‘Cause my heart stops without you,
There’s something about you,
That makes me feel alive,
If the green left the grass on the other side…”

Perhaps Cherry was paying attention, for this time, she left space for Derpy to chime in.
“I would make like a tree and leave.”

“But if I reached for your hoof would your eyes get wide?”

“Who knew the other side could be so green?”

Cherry fell silent, tapping a hoof with the beat, letting Derpy have her solo.

“Don’t remind me,
I’m a chickadee in love with the sky,
But clearly that’s not a lot to crow about,
‘Cause when the stars silhouette me,
I’m scared they’ll forget me,
And flicker out,
I taste honey but I haven’t seen the hive,
Yea, I didn’t look, I didn’t even try,
But still my heart stops without you,
‘Cause there’s something about you,
That makes me feel alive…”

Cherry turned and looked directly at Derpy, meeting her gaze as few would.

“If the green left the grass on the other side…”

“I would make like a tree and leave…”

“And if I reached for your hoof, would your eyes get wide?”

“Who knew the other side could be so green?”

“We are honey and the bee,
Backyard of butterflies surrounded me…”

Derpy’s voice very nearly hitched on the next line, but she managed to make it steady enough.

“I fell in love with you,
Like bees to honey…”

“So let's up and leave the weeping to the willow tree…”

“And pour our tears in the sea…”

The song rang, clear and bright as a bell, around the lake. Ponies turned to see where the sound was coming from, smiling gently when they saw who it was. It was no secret that Cherry was a bit of a music fanatic, most just assumed that Derpy only humoured her, and never really bothered to note that she, too, had quite a nice voice.

As the song died, the last line rang the clearest, weighted down with so much emotion that it was difficult to miss.

“And if I reached for your hoof for the rest of my life…”

“Who knew the other side could be so green?”

Fluttershy had not stopped staring at the wall since dropping the diary back in to the box. She was dimly aware that the radio was playing.

“Love; it will not betray you,
Dismay of enslave you, it will set you free
Be more like the mare you were made to be,
There is no design, an alignment, to cry
Of my heart to see,
The beauty of love, as it was made to be…”

It was roughly at that moment that Rainbow, having woken from her nap feeling quite refreshed, walked through the front door.

“Hey Shy, how are things in this room- Shy what happened? Are you ok?”

Fluttershy looked up then glanced guiltily back at the box.

Rainbow followed her gaze. She stepped forward, recognising the box instantly. Foolish, what had she been thinking just dumping it in with all the others that Fluttershy would be unpacking? Of course it would have this affect. Rainbow flopped down beside her fillyfriend and wrapped a wing around her shoulders. She reached forward with a hoof and withdrew the diary, seeing that the dust of years had been shaken loose. “You read this, didn’t you?” It wasn’t really a question but Fluttershy nodded. Rainbow thought hard about what to say next, making sure she used the right words. “Once, a very wise pony said to me, time heals all wounds, some take longer than others and some leave bigger scars, but they all heal.’ At the time I thought it was just nonsense but now I see she was right. Fluttershy,” now she reached across with a hoof and caught Fluttershy’s face, bringing it around so she could meet her eyes, gaze for gaze, “that’s just a memory. It hurt at the time but it’s still just a memory. It may have left scars but it’s still nothing more than a memory.”

“Then why did you keep the diary?”

Rainbow managed a small grin. “Those who forget their past are destined to relive it.” In a moment, all humour was gone from her eyes. “And I never want to relive that, especially with you.”

Fluttershy only stared back, trying to say with her eyes what she could never put words around.

Then the moment was over and the slightly devilish glint was back. “Now forget about all that, let’s go see if we can find a way of unwinding, it’s been an exhausting day.”

Regaining some of her earlier cheer, Fluttershy managed to poke Rainbow in the chest and say, teasingly, “For me maybe. Don’t think I didn’t notice you slip off for a nap.”

“Uh, yea…” Rainbow rubbed the back of her neck sheepishly. “Why don’t you go freshen up, I want to go check out our new town.”

Fluttershy sighed “Back in a minute.” She began to walk from the room, then turned and said over her shoulder, “Oh, and, Rainbow Dash?”

“Yea?”

“No more fortune cookies.”

As soon as Fluttershy had walked out of the room, Rainbow turned her attention back to the diary resting between her hooves. She gave a little sigh, sometimes the past needed to be the past.

Perhaps it was a relatively small thing compared to what happened to some fillies in school. Rainbow couldn’t help but think it was like playgrounds: when you’re young, a slide is twenty feet high, the sandboxes are several yards deep and filled with ancient treasure, the cloudy bank is as tall as a mountain and somewhere in your mind it always will be. You can go back when you’re twenty, when the slide is shoulder height, the mountain merely a small hillock, the sand a few yards across, less than a foot deep and smelling of cat piss, but part of you will always remember. Somewhere in your mind, it will always be the same as the very first time you laid eyes on it.

Breaking free of her musings, Rainbow tucked the diary back in to the box and carried it in to the storage room where she stowed it in a corner. Sometimes it’s better never to revisit that playground, lest you realise just how small it really is.

“Ready,” called Fluttershy from across the house. “Do you want to have a wash before we go out?”

Flapping her way into the kitchen, Rainbow was greeted by the unfathomably adorable sight of her fillyfriend with a wet, tussled mane and mussed up coat. “Nah, I’m good.”

Fluttershy wrinkled her nose. “You smell like moving boxes, dust and,” she sniffed a few times, then, without warning, she was kissing Rainbow full on the lips, open mouth and all. When she pulled away, she was caught halfway between a smile of pleasure and a frown of disapproval. “Cookies and cream? You had ice cream without me?”

Just a touch dazed, Rainbow managed to stutter. “Uh, yea, sorry about that. It was just— I was sitting up there and I could see this little ice cream stall and— I would have brought you one but it would have melted…” she trailed off in various shades of guilt.

The stroll through Ponyvile was quiet enough, Fluttershy couldn’t help but think of what she had read. Rainbow seemed off in her own thoughts as well, staring into the middle distance, presumably at something only she could see. The two had been a couple for what seemed like forever and it was always a shock to Fluttershy when she realised her fillyfriend still kept part of her past hidden.

Despite what had just happened, the silence was companionable. Maybe she was telling the truth, perhaps time really has healed this wound. She wouldn’t be this relaxed if she really was still upset about it… would she?

Fluttershy was pulled from her thoughts by Rainbow exclaiming, “Over there, that’s where I got the best cookies and cream I’ve had since we got to Ponyvile.”

“We only got to Ponyvile this morning,” said Fluttershy, reasonably.

“Even so…”

Fluttershy was just about to ask ‘Even so what?’ when she was interrupted by a cheerful, male voice. “Can I get you ladies something?”

Rainbow stepped forward, as though forgetting the conversation she had been having. “Yea, I’ll have a—”

“—Cookies and cream, double scoop.” He finished for her. “I remember every ice cream I’ve ever sold, Miss Dash. It just so happens that the cookies and cream vat, who’s deliciousness is eyes in your cone, gave another scoop… just one other. It is curious that you should be destined for this ice cream, when its brother’s owner broke your heart in high school.”

“Um… I… wow… I was going to say chocolate chip but yea, cookies and cream is good too.”

The stallion turned to Fluttershy. “And what’ll it be for you miss?”

“Uh, vanilla?”

The stallion snorted. “Figures, that’s five bits, but for you lovely galls, I’ll make it seven.”

“What?” Rainbow asked incredulously.

“Think about it, I’m giving you the chance to better support local businesses.”

“You’re an ice cream vender,” said Rainbow, flatly.

The stallion turned his flank so they could see his cutie mark. It was a picture of an ice cream scoop. “Cutie mark like this, what was I supposed to do? Become a professional torturer? I could do that. Care to volunteer to my new career choice?"

Rainbow shrugged and tossed him five bits. The stallion grinned. “Absolut pleasure doing business with the new lovebirds in town. If you two are looking for a romantic evening, you might consider a walk around the lake. If you’re real lucky, you might see some ducks or a turtle.”

Fluttershy smiled and thanked him. Just as she was leaving, Rainbow turned to the stallion. “Just out of curiosity, what makes you think we're lovebirds?”

He coughed. “If you wanted to be more discrete, you might try untangling your tails.”

The walk around the lake was beautiful. Fluttershy, of course, was charmed by the local wildlife that instantly flocked around her, vying for her attention. Rainbow amused herself with watching shapes in the clouds as they drifted through a sky turned amber by the setting sun. All was going so well, that was, until they heard the song.

“And if I reached for your hoof for the rest of my life…”

“Who knew the other side could be so green?”

That voice was eerily familiar. Rainbow stood and, half in a daze, began to walk towards where the song had come from. After a minute or two, she froze. So many emotions were flashing through her head. There was anger, joy, disbelief, sadness and a strange twinge in her stomach that she would not even try to define. As she stood there gaping, only two words came to her mouth.

“Hey Cherry.”

Author's Note

*Gasp* Is that a new chapter? Did this story actually just update? Wow, anyone know any good recipes for roast hat?

Jokes aside, I would like to thank Flutterdash7 for reading this for me and suggesting the additional paragraph you will now find at the start of chapter one.

Sorry about the ice cream pony, it just wouldn't be my work if I couldn't slip in a really obscure reference that only I will get. Don't worry, I'll explain who he is in the next chapter.

Now I won't promise that this will update any time soon as I don't want to write rubbish simply for the sake of moving through the story. However I hope it will update sometime not so 2016ish.

First song was Sigh No More by Mumford and Sons, and the second song was Honey and the Bee by Owl City.

Sorry about the cliff hanger, I'll try to write the next chapter soon.

An affair of the heart

Derpy had never told Cherry why she was on the edge of the cloud that fateful day almost five years ago. Later in their relationship she had told Cherry of the events that had led her there the first time, of a life so full of bullying and getting beaten up, so destroyed by adults who didn’t care, so full of slurs on her appearance, intelligence and sexuality that the best option had seemed to be flinging herself off the highest cloud she could find. Cherry knew all this, what she had never been told was that every day after she failed, Derpy would stand on the edge of that cloud, staring down. She had never been told that one day, she had been so close to succeeding, but a heartbeat away from taking her last step, when a light pink mare with a white and pink mane had stood beside her, ready to make the same decision. She had felt something utterly new that day and, for the first time, stepped away from the edge, not only in the physical sense, but also stepped away from the edge in her mind. That was the first day, perhaps in years, where she decided, not simply not to die, but to live.

Cherry didn’t need to know that. All she ever needed to know was that Derpy would be there for her, no matter what.

Perhaps it was anticlimactic, perhaps it was awkward, perhaps it was just too strange to classify as anything but… well… Dash. Perhaps it was the wrong thing to say, but the only words that seemed to fit into the silence were.

“Hey Dash.”

Cherry had always thought distantly of meeting Dash again. Perhaps finally claiming the forgiveness the note had promised her all those years ago. It had been a fantasy, nothing more, but she had often thought mournfully of what she would feel. Would it be pain? Loss? Anger? Maybe even joy? What she felt was— what she felt was… nothing. It was Rainbow Dash; the filly she had been sweet on in high school, the filly who had almost completely destroyed her life and the filly who was now standing in front of her with abject shock on her face. She looked… cute?

Dash cleared her throat. “Are we supposed to hug?”

Cherry tried for a smile that probably looked horribly uncomfortable. “Uh, I was going to ask if we were supposed to attack each other.”

Dash smiled a little less awkwardly. “How about halfway?” she asked holding out her hoof.

Cherry stood up and bumped it with her own. She then turned to Fluttershy. “Hey Fluttershy, how’s things?”

Fluttershy had backed several steps back, managing to not quite hide behind Dash. “Hello Cherry.” Her face was friendly, if bashful, but there was an iron stare hidden under the gentle persona. “Things have been just fine, how are you?”
Remembering herself, Cherry turned to Derpy. “Oh, sorry. This is Derpy.” Her tone was hesitant on the next few words. “She’s been my fillyfriend for… how long has it been?”

At this point, Derpy stepped forward, ever so slightly threatening. Ignoring the question and turning her gaze on Dash, she said, “You must be Rainbow Dash. I’ve heard quite a lot about you.”

The air seemed to chill just a touch. “Oh, good things?”

Derpy stared hard at her, as if daring her to actually demand an answer to her question, saying instead, “And read things.”

Dash looked as though she were about to pursue that when Fluttershy chimed in. “How long have you been living here Cherry.” It was a diversion and Cherry knew it. They could both see Derpy’s increasingly hostile attitude. For her part, Dash merely looked confused and slightly intimidated.

“I moved here a few months after… uh, I moved here with Derpy about five years ago, after a, uh, after... well, the point is I’ve been here for a while now.”

“That’s nice, where are you living?”

“I moved in with Derpy, in a nice little cottage on the edge of town.”

Possibly Derpy heard the slightly desperate way the two chattered knowing it was just an attempt to defuse the situation, she continued to glare intently at Dash.

“How could you do that to her? You have a lot to answer for Rainbow Dash.” she burst out, finally dropping all pretence.

“Did what?” Cherry knew instantly that Dash’s temper had been flared. “Last time I checked, she had done more to me than I did to her. What do I have to answer for?”

“Are you really as ignorant as you seem?” snapped Derpy, stepping closer so she could glare at Dash with her wonky vision. “Do you have any idea what you drove her to? Do know how much you crushed her? Let me clue you in; when we first met, she was standing on the edge of a cloud preparing to take the step that would take her to the ground. I lie awake sometimes and wonder what I would have done if I couldn’t persuade her to take the slow way down.”

This time it was Cherry’s anger that flared. “Derpy! What are you doing?”

Turning to Cherry now, Derpy’s voice took on a pleading note. “She hurt you. What hurts you hurts me. Why are you two pretending like nothing happened.” Derpy’s eyes were begging, desperate.

Cherry wrapped a wing around her and drew her in for a slow, tender kiss. “Come on.” She threw a look at Dash, unsure what she was trying to say by it, but seeing that she understood. “We’re going home now. I’ll see you around, Dash.” She flapped her wings, supporting Derpy as they flew off.

Rainbow stood watching for only a moment before doubling up in agony, one hoof pressed over her heart.

“Rainbow,” gasped Fluttershy, rushing forward to grab her fillyfriend. “Are you alright? What happened?”

The pain was gone as fast as it had arrived, leaving Rainbow standing there, panting for air. “It’s nothing, I’m fine.” She squared her shoulders, trying to regain her composure. “I’m sure it was just some heartburn, probably all the ice cream.” She gave a less than convincing grin.

“Are you sure you’re ok? Do you need to see a doctor?”

Rainbow sighed. “I’m fine, Shy, really. Come on, let’s head home, there’s still some boxes that need unpacking.”

Fluttershy looked unsure but she relented. Rainbow knew she hadn’t heard the last of this but she was happy if, just for now, Fluttershy would drop it.

“But it was because of her that you ended up on that ledge in the first place,” had been the general shape of Derpy’s arguments since the pair had arrived home.

Cherry calmly sipped her tea, unfazed. “And I am the reason all the colts and fillies at our old school beat her up most days. She has more reason to hate me than I have to hate her. Did you see her attacking me?”

Derpy was pacing, her cup of herbal tea sitting untouched on the table. “But how can you just pretend like it never happened?”

Cherry sighed, setting her now empty cup beside Derpy’s. “You should drink your tea before it gets cold.

Derpy picked up the cup and hurled it through the window, sending shattered glass flying across the lawn.

Cherry didn’t flinch, merely said. “Feel better?”

Derpy scowled. “No.”

“Shame, that was one of my favourite cups.”

“How can you be so fucking blas̄e about this? You’re acting like this doesn’t change a thing!”

Cherry stood and began sweeping up the few shards of glass that had fallen inside the house. She wouldn’t let Derpy see how close she was to losing control, if she let her mask slip and reveal the turmoil beneath then she might break down. It was essential right now that she remain strong. “Does it? Name one thing this changes.”

Derpy stood, gaping for a moment. At last she managed, “What if she gets between us? I know how much you loved her.” The catch in Derpy’s throat and the tears in her eyes showed just how much this thought scared her.

Cherry’s anger flared at that. “Shame on you,” she snapped, finally losing her calm façade, only allowing this because anger was as good a mask as the tranquillity she had been wearing. “You can’t think of anything so you go and throw out a thing like that. I’ve lived with you in this house for just under five years. We’ve had fights, some real doozies, and we always make up in the end. We sing and we kiss and we go for walks and we have ice cream by the lake and after all that, you dare to imply that a brief crush I had in school would mean more to me than the love we have.” She paused to glare at Derpy, the look stinging all the more for the raw honesty it displayed. “Love, Derpy,” she said, accenting the first word for emphasis. “Not a crush, not a fling, not a phase. Love. Nothing is going to ruin that. I’m not in this for a bit of fun. Now, if you’d like to try again, be my guest but if you try another lame arsed excuse like that, I will throw this cup at you.”

There was a long pause as Cherry caught her breath. She brandished the cup, realising that, in the heat of the moment, she had failed to notice how comical that would sound. She gave a sheepish grin.

“It doesn’t help any,” said Derpy, cautions lest the rage come back.

Cherry only sighed and placed the cup on the table with a click. She flopped onto her favourite armchair and smiled wryly. “Look,” she gestured for Derpy to come and sit on her lap. Once they were comfortably cuddled together, she continued, “I know how you feel. To tell you the truth, I don’t know what her being here will mean.” She paused to kiss her fillyfriend on the nose. “But I do know that I love you and that I always will, no matter what happens with Dash.”

Finally relaxing, Derpy said, “Alright, fine, I’ll give it time and see what happens.” She wriggled a little. “I just hate to think that she hurt you.”

“I know.” Cherry absentmindedly started running a hoof over Derpy’s pale grey coat. “If it’s any consolation, I think I hurt her a lot more than she hurt me.”

“Not really.”

Cherry sighed. “I just wish there were some way for you two to get to know each other. All you know of her is “that bitch who drove me to the worst part of my life.” If you knew the Dash I knew in school, I think you’d probably like her.”

“I know how important this is to you but does it really matter if we get along? She’s probably changed since then.”

“Then why do you find it so hard to forgive her?” The question hung in the air for a few moments, the silence making it all too apparent that Derpy didn’t really have an answer for this.

Cornered, all she could do was give her fillyfriend a prolonged kiss and say, “Alright, I’ll try this getting to know her thing. You know, I’m well within my rights. The new partner is always supposed to hate the ex.”

Cherry chuckled. “Well, maybe it is kind of sweet," she consented. "Just don’t take it too far.”

“I won’t.”

“I think you already have.” Cheery grinned weakly at her companion.

“What did I do?”

Cherry didn’t say anything, merely gave the shattered window a significant glance.
Derpy grinned sheepishly. “Uh, I’ll have that fixed tomorrow…. So, uh, when do I start becoming bosom buddies with Miss Dash?”

“I don’t know. I was going to visit her tomorrow, you know, while you’re fixing that window. I’ll talk to her about it then.”

Derpy sighed. “It’s a date.”

“How are you feeling this morning?”

Rainbow slowly blinked herself into waking. At first, all she saw was a large pair of teal eyes, staring down at her. “G’morning, Shy.” She sat up, yawning hugely. “What time is it?”

Fluttershy sat back, glancing at the clock. “Uh, ten twenty.”

Rainbow looked around, noting for the first time that she wasn’t in her bed. She had been lying sprawled on a bunched up doona. “I must have crashed unpacking boxes,” she said, yawning.

“I didn’t want to wake you.” Fluttershy hadn’t missed Rainbow’s evasion of her question. “So how are you feeling?”

“I’m fine.” It was the truth; Rainbow had slept fine, without even a twinge from her chest.

Fluttershy nodded, satisfied. “Well, most of the unpacking is done, is there anything you had planned for today?”

Rainbow shrugged. “Not really. At some point I’ll need to look for work in the area but I’d rather leave that for a while. I was thinking of just ambling through town for a while.”

“Well I’d love—” Fluttershy was cut off by a sharp knock at the door.

Rainbow groaned but stood. “Hold that thought for a moment, would you?” she said, giving Fluttershy an affectionate nudge en passant.

The door opened with a creak and Rainbow made a mental note to pick up some oil for it while she was in town. When she saw who it was, all thoughts of oil dropped cleanly out of her head. “Hello again, Cherry.”

“Hello Dash. I just thought I’d stop by to say sorry about what happened yesterday. Derpy can get a bit funny sometimes when it comes to protecting me.”

Rainbow waved a hoof. “Don’t worry about it, I get it. If I thought somepony had hurt Shy I wouldn't hesitate to do more than Derpy did.”

Cherry smiled hesitantly. “Would you mind popping outside with me for a moment?”

Rainbow glanced at Fluttershy, who nodded. Rainbow knew it was important to her fillyfriend that she reconciled with her ex. “Sure.”

Once they were a suitable distance from the cottage, Rainbow said, “So what did you want to talk to me about?”

“Oh, I just wanted to say hi and see how you were doing.”

“Mhm,” said Rainbow, unconvinced. “Well I’m fine.”

Cherry smiled. “That’s good. Hey, would you like to come and get some lunch?”

Rainbow chuckled ruefully. “Better make that breakfast. Know any good places?”

It turned out the ‘good place’ Cherry knew was called Sugarcube Corner. A bell rang as Rainbow walked through the front door.

“Pinkie? You in?” called Cherry.

At that moment, there was an explosion of noise as a pink pony on a serious sugar high appeared in front of Rainbow. “Hi, I don’t think I’ve seen you around before. Are you new in Ponyvile? My name’s Pinkie Pie. You look hungry, what can I get you?” she said in one breath.

Rainbow took a few steps back, seriously disconcerted. “Uh,” was all she managed.

Seemingly unaware of just how nervous she was making her quarry, Pinkie Pie continued “I bet you’d like a bee sting. Bee stings are my favourite pastry. Or maybe some kind of cupcake? Apple turnover? Woops, better not sell you anything with apples in it without crediting AJ for growing them, she’d have a fit if she found out.”

At this point, mercifully, Cherry decided to step in. “Give her space to breathe, Pinks,” she said, half smiling. “I’ll have whatever’s good, surprise me.” She turned to Rainbow “What’ll you have?”

Still not quite recovered, Rainbow stammered, “Uh, same.”

Pinkie grinned. “That’ll be two super special Pinkie Pie confectionary perfection platters coming right up.”

Rainbow sat in one of the booths that lined the wall, soon followed by Cherry who said, “Don’t mind Pinkie, she’s a bit excitable but she’s nice enough.”

“She certainly is… energetic...”

“Yes…” Cherry seemed to have something on her mind. “So how are you? We didn’t really get a chance to talk yesterday.”

Rainbow shrugged. “Same old, same old I guess. Couldn’t make it in Cloudsdale so me and Shy decided to come here. Well, that and it’s more peaceful. More space to stretch my wings.”

“You always did love to fly.”

“Yea. But what about you? Last I saw you was when… well, how are you?”

Cherry shifted uncomfortably. “Things didn’t go as easily for me. I ended up working in a cloud factory in lower Cloudsdale. I’m sure Derpy would be more than happy to give you the full story.”

Rainbow grimaced. “She really doesn’t like me, does she?”

Cherry shrugged. “A lot of stuff happened. I won’t bore you with the details but she has good reason to be protective.”

Rainbow nodded solemnly, she could tell there was something Cherry wanted to say.

“So look, I’m more than happy to just start over, leave this all behind us…”

It was at that moment that Pinkie came over bearing two plates laden with sweets of every kind. “Here you go, girls, eat up.” She bustled off, not pausing to see their reactions.

“Don’t worry about her, she’s probably just planning your surprise welcome party,” said Cherry, smiling wanly.

“I’m sorry, what were you saying?”

“Just that I want a fresh start. I want to be a part of your life again and I want you to be a part of mine. As friends.” Cheery clarified, hopeful that Rainbow would accept her proposal.

Rainbow nodded slowly. “I’d like that.”

Cherry seemed both relieved and nervous. “And, as part of that, I’d like you to get to know Derpy.”

Rainbow froze, she hadn’t been expecting that. “What? But she hates me.”

“I’ve gotten her to agree to give you a chance. All I’m asking is that you do the same for her.”

“Quite the little set up. That’s what you really wanted to talk to me about, wasn’t it?” said Rainbow, wryly.

Cherry flushed, caught. “Well, I did also just want to catch up.” She smiled sheepishly. “How’s Fluttershy?”

Rainbow laughed but said. “She’s fine. We got some work in Cloudsdale, singing in bars. She’s quite the singer now.”

“Oh yes, I saw you performing once.”

“When was that?”

“I don’t suppose you remember that gig you played years ago. It was in lower Cloudsdale. You quite put me off my drink, and a potential date.”

Rainbow merely shrugged. “I don’t remember. What was I singing?”

Cherry paused, thinking. “I can’t fight this feeling anymore,” she decided.

Rainbow remembered, she remembered a smoky bar, she remembered ponies who seemed to have given up on life, she remembered wondering what it would take to push a pony that far over the edge. She nodded slowly, just about to speak when blinding pain seared in her chest.

She fell forward, gasping in agony. Her heart was racing, throbbing and burning. The pain grew and grew, to the point where her sight went dim. She was vaguely aware of panicked voices, a sense of movement. Then there was nothing.

Author's Note

Hey there, it's another cliffhanger. So yea, no songs in this chapter. The only thing I really need to say is a great big thanks to Flutterdash7 for beta reading this story for me. Hope you enjoyed this chapter.

Rainbow: So, what, you're just going to leave me like this!?

Me: Well, yes, that is rather the point of a cliffhanger.

Rainbow: But what happened to me? Will I be ok?

Me: *sighs* If it's any consolation: when you wake up, Fluttershy will be there, odds are there'll be some snogging.

Rainbow: Well... alright then... just hurry up on the next chapter.