Stone Chef
By Garland Gala
Chapter 1
“Hey Gruffo, what rhymes with ‘donkey’?”
Gruffo the donkey looked up the side of his neck at the cream-colored unicorn mare. His eyes narrowed as he plodded forward, responding in a deep, textured voice. “Nothing rhymes with ‘donkey’.”
“Yeah right!” the mare laughed, as she sprawled out across her friend’s muscular back with her belly turned up towards at sun. “Everything has to rhyme with something. You can’t just give up on a good challenge like that. Did you know that ‘orange’ rhymes with ‘door hinge’?”
“‘Donkey’ is special.” Gruffo explained quietly, as he stepped onto the ornate bridge which led into the town of Ponyville. “We’re here.”
The mare rolled over and lay her chin across the top of Gruffo’s furry head. The town looked beautiful and inviting after such a long trip, and she could already begin to taste its many unique scents on the air around her. The pair had arrived at midday, which meant that the hustle and bustle of the populace was at its peak.
“How about ... ‘monkey’?”
“No.”
“Wait, I got it! Wonky!”
“We’re here.” Gruffo repeated, as he came to a stop.
The pair cut a comical sight that drew many quizzical eyes from all corners of the plaza. Neither a pony nor a donkey was particularly curious to see, but these two were complete foils of one another. The unicorn seemed to produce an alarming amount of hair along her tail and mane, resembling heavy puffs of cream. The amber of her eyes matched the coat around the base of her hooves, though the bulk of her body was white. The donkey, on the other hoof, was a chaotic mixture of gray and black. He had very strong, handsome features for his kind, and appeared much calmer and quieter than his companion.
The mare hopped up and off the donkey’s back with the spryness of a foal, falling upon all four hooves with a reverberated clop. She strode forth with dainty, delicate steps that hardly made any further sound at all as they each took a turn against the earth.
“Hiya!” She exclaimed, choosing a pony at random to approach. This one's cutie mark appealed to her; it appeared to be a little group of flowers wearing happy little smiles.
Cheerilee lowered her shopping basket to the ground and smiled cordially in return. “Well hello there! Are you new in Ponyville?”
“Why, yes I am! My name is Garland Gala. And this wonky donkey is my best friend, Gruffo.” She waved a hoof at the donkey behind her, who stared silently in her direction. “We’re here all the way from Manehatten!”
Cheerilee chanced to look at Garland’s hooves. “I see! The way you were carrying yourself just now, I was thinking you might be from Canterlot. Well, I know we are delighted to have you. My name is Cheerilee. I’m the foal teacher here.”
“Hi Cheerilee!” Garland beamed. “Gosh, that’s a happy name. So hey, do you maybe know if there are any buildings for rent in town?”
Cheerilee put a hoof to her muzzle. “Oh! Hmm … well, I think you’d have to talk to Mayor Mare about that. We should have plenty of vacancies, though! It’s pretty inexpensive here because the buildings are kind of small, but they are also quite nice.”
“That’s perfect. I just need a kitchen, a bathroom and a bed. Oh! And enough space to set up my -”
It was then that a sudden flash of pink bolted into the scene. It moved at almost impossible speed, snatching up Garland Gala in its wake with a flurry of leaves. The colorful mass traveled for several feet before making a climactic tumble to the ground, revealing a stunned Garland in the loving clutches of a Pinkie Pie hug.
“Welcome to Ponyville!!!” Pinkie squealed, squeezing tighter while the stranger kicked her hooves about in desperation.
“Darling, really.” came another voice from behind, this time belonging to a posh white unicorn in a breezy teal gown. “You’re going to asphyxiate the poor dear.”
Pinkie looked up innocently. “I fix your what now?”
Cheerilee raised a hoof and pointed it at the struggling mare. “What Rarity means is, she can’t breath.”
Pinkie rubbed her cheek against Garland’s face. “Aw, who needs air when you have hug-ariffic huggly hug-hugs? Nah, I’m just kidding. Here you go!”
The cream-colored pony tumbled out of the embrace, gasping and shaking herself upright. Everypony watched quietly as she daintily dusted herself clean, breathing heavily through her flared nostrils to restore her lungs to their former health. Then she turned directly to Pinkie Pie, eyes narrowed.
Gruffo the donkey sighed, knowing exactly what was about to happen. Garland cracked a mischievous, toothy smile, bent down, and launched herself at Pinkie with a pounce of her own. The two rolled along in a ball of wild, whooping laughter and fur.
“Celestia help us,” Rarity moaned, “there’s two of them ... again.”
*
A number of mushroom-shaped tables had been pushed together to form a single party outside the cafe. It was by no means all of Ponyville, but it was a sizable greeting for any visitor. Garland Gala looked extremely pleased as she sat with a tasty plate of dandelion salad (on the house,) surrounded by a sea of hospitable faces. Gruffo was beside her with a similar meal, which he was more focused on than anything else.
Rarity politely swallowed a bite of her own lunch before levitating a silk handkerchief to dab gingerly across her lips. “So, Garland was it?”
“Mmm-hmm, Garland Gala. You can call me Garlie if you want. Just not Garlic, please.”
“Well then, Garlie ... might I be so bold as to ask who does your mane?”
“Oh, you mean, my coiffure?” Garland reached up and bounced one of her curls on the flat edge of a hoof. “I do. It’s real easy, I just ruffle it like crazy until it gets all floofy like this.”
Rarity tsked. “Well that simply won’t do. You absolutely must come by my boutique and let me work some of my magic, darling. First time is - of course - free of charge.”
Applejack laughed from across the table, tonguing a mouthful of food into the corner of her mouth so she could speak. “That’s Rarity for ya’, always remindin’ folks 'bout tha' Carousel Boutique if she can.”
Rarity arched a brow at the uncouth farm pony. “One could say the same about you and Sweet Apple Acres, little miss sales.”
Applejack finally swallowed down her mouthful. “Hmm. All in good time there, Rarity. The poor gal just got here.”
Garland giggled. “I’ll stop by just about everywhere, eventually. Once I get my own shop set up, that is. I've got a decent supply of bits saved up but I need to get business going right away.”
Pinkie Pie, who had been sitting directly beside the town's new guest, suddenly leaned in close to her, eyes big and round. “Ooh, what kinda business are ya starting?”
Before Garland could answer her, another pony appeared from around the corner of the cafe. This one was a little unusual in that she carried a little baby dragon upon her back. Garland's eyes were immediately transfixed on the pair, and her mouth became slightly unhinged.
Pinkie Pie waved a pink hoof high and wide, forming a perfect arc in the air. “Twilight! You made it!”
Twilight Sparkle smiled apologetically as she pranced up to the assembled tables. “So sorry I didn't come sooner! We were just practicing a new spell that …” she stopped to take stock of Garland, who was still gawking in her general direction. “Uh, hi?”
“A dragon!” Garland gasped, pointing a hoof. Then she blinked and shook her head, as if shrugging off some kind of spell. “Sorry. Yes, I’m okay.”
Spike grinned toothily, showing his little fangs. He dismounted Twilight and strode over to a vacant table, puffing out his chest along the way. “Hey I get it all the time; no big deal.”
Garland's amber eyes followed his every step. “Oooh, hi there. I’m Garland Gala. What’s your name?”
“I’m Spike!”
“What a great name for a dragon. Oh, this is just perfect!” Garland clapped her hooves excitedly.
Twilight stepped up beside the baby dragon and smiled. “Hi, I’m Twilight Sparkle.”
Garland smiled briefly at Twilight, but she quickly looked back at Spike with her eyes as wide as ever. “Do you eat gemstones?”
“Huh?” Spike blinked. “Well um... yeah, for sure. Why, ya have any?”
“No, not right now. But I will! I’m opening up a bakery, and you see -”
Pinkie Pie’s ears leapt upright. “Woah! You’re a baker?”
“Yup! A very popular baker back in Manehatten, in fact. Gala Goods! It’s family owned, you know. I got my cutie mark when I was just a foal helping my parents in the kitchen.” She turned and raised her flank, revealing an image of a small basket filled with steaming sweet rolls. “Thing is, I’ve always been sort of different than the others. My mother calls me ‘ambitious’. I want to spread our great food to other parts of Equestria, so I left home to do it. And now I know just how I’m going to prove myself!” She flashed a wink at Spike.
“Oh ...” Pinkie’s bubbly voice began to transform into something more meek and uncertain. “well ... I’m a baker ...”
Garland threw her arms around Pinkie Pie and squeezed the air out of her lungs. “We really are so much alike! Oh my gosh, you could be my sister!”
Pinkie’s voice strained for lack of oxygen. “Well, I, but -”
“Anyway like I was saying...” continued Garland, uncoiling her arms. “I’m going to prove myself by baking the best dessert ever … one fit for a dragon!”
Twilight looked down at Spike cock-eyed, and the dragon merely shrugged a reply.
Garland laughed. “By using gemstones in my recipes, duh!”
Spike’s eyes ignited. There was a chorus of ‘ohhhhh’s from all around, followed by some quiet chatter as this foreign idea started to sink in.
Pinkie cleared her throat above the voices. “Sugar Cube Corner made a cupcake filled with sapphire for Spike’s birthday, and he loved it. Didn’t you, Spike?”
“Oh, I -” Spike began.
“You did?” Garland beamed and clapped her hooves again. She seemed to do that a lot. “Well that’s just wonderful! I’ll have to work twice as hard to come up with something good enough to compete with somepony like you, Pinkie Pie!”
Pinkie stared at the newcomer, all the color draining from her face. “Um, well, why don’t you come work for Sugar Cube Corner then? We already have a great kitchen!”
“Oh no, Pinkie! I couldn’t!” Garland shook her head gravely. “The point of coming here was to prove myself, with my very own bakery. It’s okay, though, I have plenty of money to get started. Sweet of you to worry!”
“Um... yeah. You’re welcome...” Pinkie looked away.
Gruffo the donkey looked up from his empty plate, his blank expression the very picture of disinterest. “How many bits for seconds?”
*
In a matter of days, a small house just off the marketplace had undergone a dramatic transformation. A sign above the door portrayed the newcomer’s cutie mark, sweet rolls steaming deliciously in their basket. Cupcakes with cat-like happy faces had been painted all over the door and outer wall, and the windows were uncovered to show the setup of the front counter. No treats waited beneath the glass, but little white plates were resting expectantly on the shelves.
Pinkie Pie stood outside the window, gazing in. She was unusually rigid, and even more unusually, she was frowning.
But then that she noticed the proprietor cutting the most unusual beeline she had ever seen.
Not too far off, Rarity was just stepping out of her boutique to enjoy the breeze that was sweeping through Ponyville that day. She wore a massive sunhat that fluttered around the rim like the flesh of a stingray. Her glamorous shades completely obscured her eyes and a good portion of the surrounding face. They also disguised the look of surprise in her eyes as she watched an odd figure approaching her boutique.
Garland’s horn was ablaze with magic and so close to the ground that it could have nearly dug a trench in its wake. As such, her eyes were not on the world around her, and she was blindly heading toward the wall of Rarity’s shop like a slow-moving jousting lance.
“Careful darling, you’re going to stub your horn!” Rarity warned.
The glow subsided, and Garland lifted her eyes. “Hmm? Wha... oh, wow! I walked all the way here?”
Rarity laughed. “You are something else, Garlie. Do come inside. I still want to touch up your ...” she paused to sigh happily, “coiffure. Remember, it’s all free!” Rarity returned expectantly to her shop, levitating her shades from from her face.
Garland giggled as she followed the other white unicorn inside. “Oh, fine, why not? My magic isn’t working today anyway.”
Rarity stood by the styling chair and patted it invitingly. She smiled like a knowing mother. “Monthly magic problems, dear?”
Garland did a dainty little prance across the room and slid up into the seat. “Nothing like that. I’ve always been bad at magic. I can barely levitate anything over a few ounces.”
The fashionista blinked. “That’s … most unusual.”
“It’s okay. I just stick to what I’m good at.”
Rarity began by drawing back Garland’s massive mane and running her comb through it, straightening it out as best she could across the back of the chair. “Well, I may know a trick or two that could help. What spell were you trying to cast?”
“I’m looking for gemstones. There’s a spell that lets you see them in the ground.”
Rarity’s eyes twinkled like a pair of rupees. “Oh my, yes! That just happens to be my specialty ... but it really doesn’t matter how well your magic works when there are no gemstones to be found. Ponyville has been around for a very long time. We’ve cleaned it out, darling.”
Garland slightly flushed as she realized her folly. “Oh. Yeah. That makes sense. Silly me!”
“There are still plenty around outside of town, of course. I can show you where to find some.” Rarity levitated a pair of scissors to trim some of the rough edges of Garland’s mane. “In the meantime, you can simply take some of mine. I have plenty of sapphire right now. Little Spikey Wikey just adores sapphire, so perhaps that will get you started, no?”
“Heehee, ‘Spikey Wikey’! That’s a cute nickname!” Garland beamed.
Rarity cleared her throat as though choking back a little offense. That was, after all, her name for the little dragon. “Yes, well, everypony loves Spike,” she continued, “but it’s going to be quite hard for you to come up with really clever treats when you can’t even taste them yourself, no?”
“That’s part of the fun, Rarity. The challenge.”
Rarity smiled. “I think I can understand. Now, lean all the way back, darling.”
Just then, the door creaked open. Pinkie Pie wandered in cautiously, a tray of ornate pink cupcakes balanced along the bridge of her nose. It wobbled precariously as she made her way across the room and set it down on a counter close to the two unicorns. “Um, hello. I thought I saw you coming in here, Garlie … and I made you these.”
Garland clapped her hooves. “Aren’t you as sweet as a cupcake yourself?! Thank you so much! Now, let’s see, I should be able to lift one of those ...” Sure enough, a single cake lifted from its tray and came lazily toward Garland’s glowing horn, occasionally dipping as her magic weakened.
Rarity watched the other unicorn bite into the cupcake, frowning warily. “You weren’t lying about your magic. How bizarre. Perhaps our dear friend, Twilight, could look into that for you.”
Garland grunted dismissively around a mouthful of cake. She swallowed, licking her lips. “Mmmm, that’s delicious, Pinkie Pie! You’re going to be tough competition for sure.”
Pinkie’s ears folded back beneath the weight of Garland’s words. She chewed at her lips and looked around the room in a restrained panic. “Um, yeah, about that. I was maaaaaybe hoping my cupcakes were good enough that you’d come work with me after all. We’d be an awesome team, I bet!”
Garland swallowed another bite and then sent the cupcake’s remnants back to the tray. “We probably would, Pinkie, but like I said, I need to do this for me … and for the Gala brand. Don’t worry, I’ll be fine! Or maybe I won’t, maybe you’ll run me right out of town, with cupcakes this tasty! Worth a try, right?”
Pinkie’s lower lip trembled. “But ... what if you run me out of town? And the Cake family … they’ve always served Ponyville. This is all they have.”
“Wait, you mean you don’t have faith in your goods?” Garland asked, peering at Pinkie earnestly. “You should only be worried if you’re worried, I always say!”
Pinkie childishly stomped one of her front hooves on the floor. Her mane seemed to fall back against her head like a balloon that was gradually losing air. “Worried? We were here first! Sugar Cube Corner has been the bakery of Ponyville since forever!”
Rarity spoke up from behind the styling chair. “Pinkie Pie, sweetie, the poor girl is allowed to set up shop here. You simply cannot count on your business having no competition. After all, what if I wasn’t allowed to sell my dresses in Canterlot?”
Pinkie Pie stared down at the floor. “But I ...”
“And besides, Apple Acres has always provided baked goods too, and you and Applejack are still very good friends, no?”
“But those are all apple type things she makes! She doesn’t make anything like the kinds of treats you get at Sugar Cube Corner!”
Garland sat up and looked directly at Pinkie Pie, her hair standing upright and frizzy from the work done on it. “Pinkie, I’m surprised with you! Competition is a good thing! It keeps businesses honest and creative. If you aren’t these things, you really shouldn’t have a store in the first place.”
Snap.
Pinkie Pie thrust her muzzle forward, pressing noses aggressively with the out-of-towner until they both scrunched up into their respective faces. Now her hair was laying flat down across her cheeks, which made her appear somewhat menacing. “Oh yeah? Why don’t you just take your dumb ‘competition’ somewhere else?”
“No way!” Garland’s eyes turned inward with anger for the first time since she had arrived. “I’m looking to spread Gala Goods to Ponyville. To all of Equestria! If you are as good as you say you are, Sugar Cube Corner will be fine. If you’re not, then … well, I guess you’ll just have to step up your game!”
“Oh, I’ll ‘step up my game’ alright!” Pinkie barked.
Rarity stepped back in case a fight broke out, retreating by a few feet while Opalescence curled up behind one of her hooves.
“I tell ya what!” Pinkie added fiercely, “Why don’t we settle this right away?”
“I don’t fight.”
“I don’t need to fight you, ‘Garlie’. You said you were gonna make something just for dragons, right? Well since we have the perfect judge, let’s ask him who does it the best!”
“Oh, I get it ... you want to have a cook-off, with Spike in the hot seat.” Garland smiled. “And the prize?”
“If you win, I’ll … I’ll quit Sugar Cube Corner and find another job!”
Rarity gasped. Opalescence meowed. Even Pinkie Pie winced at her own words.
“But,” she continued, “if I win, you’ll take your dumb shop somewhere else!”
Garland Gala leaned back in the styling chair, rubbing at her nose. “Deal. I love a good challenge, and at least this way you’ll still be able to bake for Sweet Apple Acres.”
Pinkie grit her teeth as she turned and marched out of the boutique, forgetting the cupcakes entirely.
Rarity returned to her client, watching the door close behind her friend’s limp, pink tail. She shook her head in amazement. Who was that, she wondered, and what in Equestria did she do with our Pinkie Pie?