I am Alpha.
And I am Beta.
I am the First.
And I the Second.
Those who wish life, I offer.
And those who plead an end, I bow.
There is no day, nor night. No sun or moon. We bleed into an existential plane, upon which we watch the precipices of infinity. A dark nothing of stars - both living and dying - wave to us as we stare. Our home is empty. It is nothing but white. It only fills when we desire it; when life wants to be fulfilled.
At the same time it is full. Full of the empty carcasses of those who existed. One look at this blank palette, and they wish to see it no more. Sadness. I only wish I could feel it when I grant their wish. We feel...we have feelings. Not as expressive as those we create...but it is there.
We often ask ourselves "Where did we come from?" As the only two constants, it is a hungering question. Plaguing our minds every so often. There is a lot of time to ponder. We have no parents. Mother and Father never existed. So how did we come to be?
Did reality just answer nopony? If we were that nothing, then I am glad. No. I am absolute. For moments, years, eons at a time, I can find myself staring into my brother's cold eyes. Being completely alone, we ask among each other several questions with no answers. Answers are meaningless, without the act to feel the question at hand. Beta is so insightful - I'm jealous of him.
I'm often told I am the happy of us. I don't know too well how true that is. Like I say: we have feelings, but not great. Then again, maybe we each have separate emotions. I inhabit the good, and he the bad. No, that is too cruel. We both inhabit the better of both.
I wish we could find a new purpose.
A new purpose.
A purpose.
"Thinking again brother?"
I turned to see my brother, Beta, trotting up to me. He had the same formulaic dance down to a tee. Each one carefully positioned in front of the other; akin to believing every single hoof could happen upon a false floor, swallowing him.
Returning my gaze to the abyss, my brother stood next to me. I would often find myself drawn to the stars. The darkness of space attractive; like an ocean that goes on forever. To wonder what is truly out there. Life must exist beyond our domain. Maybe a lot less...lonely.
"You'll just depress yourself staring out there," Beta said dryly. "I personally don't find any use in doing so. It isn't as if suddenly all your questions can be found doing this".
Shutting my eyes, I took a deep breath. "True. However I believe I do this for different reasons".
"Oh?"
"Think of all the beautiful amounts of planets out there. They all encompass something that fulfills life. Even if it is just the right amount of pressure, they have one thing right. So what if there was a world - or several - that fulfilled all the requirements? Wouldn't it be interesting to see that world in motion?"
Beta was staring off in a separate direction. Deeply. There was no twinkle in his eye, the same I got when I stared. He held that gaze for a while.
Time doesn't exist in our world. At least not normally. We really have no clue how much passes without our knowing. Whole star systems could die out, and we wouldn't understand why. It isn't terrible. We don't age; as far as we know. There is no worry for something that can't affect us. To solely live off the ideology that we are immortal is disheartening. Everything dies, except for us.
Finally Beta looked away, and down to me - with a smile. My ears flapped slightly at this. Maybe he saw something! Or realized something! "Well? What is it?"
He contorted his smile into a thoughtful stroking of his chin. "Nothing".
A frown found its way on my face; my ears flapping no more.
"Don't be so down about it though. I never expected to see anything anyways". At that, he started off into the distance. With his back to me, I couldn't tell, but I thought I saw a frown on his face too.
The Calling came to me again. The very reason I have an existence. I don't control it., decide when it comes and goes, who or what it is directed to. Blindly, I must follow its want; which in this case means I must create life. That is my duty. A taxing process to create something into existence, when it didn't before. I always get these horrific headaches afterwards.
Today a small filly called out to me. She had such a cute voice and matching looks too. Her fur - as I saw it - was bright pink, with a yellow mane, yellow eyes, and the most adorable horn stashed between tufts of hair.
I calmed myself and began the process of "birthing" her. Clear image...clear image...clear image. I kept repeating in my head. I had to know exactly how they would look, feel, sound - everything. Without any inference on their being, I doubt I could very well complete the job. It was already tough enough not having a horn to make this more impossible.
With the filly in my thoughts, I turned to an empty space next to me. Who am I kidding...our entire world was free of space. "Okay...let's start with your body. Female. Petite. Head. Small hooves. Horn". I listed off all I knew beforehand of her form. Slowly I became more complex. "Mouth an inch more right. Fur brighter...brighter...just a shade darker. Mane sliced into three separations. Raise hind legs. Perfect". An arduous task, but it was for the betterment of the filly. If she was any different than how I saw her, then the ramifications of that would be steep. My creations - no matter the age - always had an inkling if something was off or wrong. It wasn't a pretty sight when they came to my brother. It never was...
A last touch, and her body was complete. At least physically. The filly before me was still without life, a hollow shell. It couldn't breathe, move, blink, talk; just a figment of nothing. I had to put her emotions, her ideals, the way she spoke, and the dreams the aspired to be real.
I had become quite exhausted, but I couldn't stop; not now when I was near complete.
I named her Whimsy. Or at least that is what she told me to call her. She had the buoyancy of several fluttering smiles to earn that name. Whimsy said she would enjoy laughing, skipping, participating in playful romps and games. All of what she wanted, she got. Every thought and enjoyment was being fleshed out. When the last piece of her being was placed inside, we were both ready.
Beta and I watched as her wish came true. She fell a few times, but soon got the hang of walking. Whimsy also started jumping, running, and on a few occasions running into me. Her voice came to her too. It singed to me her joy. "Thank you!" She said over and over, as loudly as her little lungs allowed.
As she continued to run around, Beta pulled me away where she couldn't hear us. "She appears to be enjoying herself," he said.
"Why yes! I am just so-so happy! I can't remember the last time we had such a bountiful bundle of sheer joy".
He looked past me, to Whimsy. His cold eyes once again saying more than words could. Those same eyes that state the obvious; that state the truth. "She'll soon do what the rest have...you know this right?" Those same damned eyes staring at me now. Always me.
I wanted to say something. Tell him off, and to leave her alone. I never had before...or now.
"Yes," I said solemnly.
Whimsy played near the space that divides us from everything else. She waddled her hooves in the stars - she likes that. Seeing time itself swirl on the very tips of her. Foalhood is such a wonder; at least to me. I see the smiles on their faces: unafraid of the dangers that await. Every day is a new adventure for her. She loves to play pretend. Anything really. It is empty, so we need to use our imagination for the most part.
She is growing on me.
...
"So what is it going to be today?" I asked rubbing my hoof across her mane, scuffing it up.
She thought hard, and with a jump decided. "Let's play leap frog!" With a bounce, she got over my figure, landing with a thud. Turning to face me, she spat out her tongue. "Come ooon daddy Alpha!"
"Okay. Okay".
Daddy. Was I comfortable with that? I didn't dwell on it too much, but it did happen. None of the others called me daddy. Dad. Friend. Nothing. I was just the thing that brought them here.
Jumping over her for a third time, we had sped up. Soon it became a challenge to see who could jump over the other faster. I was enjoying it. Whimsy happily cackled after another pass.
We must have been at it for a while now. Forty-two? Or was it forty-three jumps? Either way, we were in the moment. Having too much fun; or at least more than any other gave me.
Splash! Splashsplashsplash.
I wasn't looking, so didn't notice how far we had gone. Whimsy stood ahead of me...floating. No wait, she wasn't floating. She stood on nothing, but she was definitely on solid ground. Upon closer inspection, I saw tiny dots under her, They sparkled and glowed all different colors: red, white, yellow, and orange. An entire cluster swarmed underneath her, floating in and out of focus.
"Hey daddy, what are these?"
Peering down, she was drawn to the cluster, absorbed in their glow. They bathed her in an unnatural light.
It didn't take long for me to realize what it was she jumped into. Space. All that we weren't, she was standing on. That unnatural light were stars. The ocean of space was reachable...at least for her.
"Hey honey, can you get over here please". She did as she was told, bouncing along the stars.
"Do you know what it is!?" She exclaimed. Her grin growing wider with each word.
"Yes...". What could I say. We only knew so much beyond our domain. We knew it existed, what existed, but no more. Everything else was more a mystery than our own. "Those are the worlds beyond ours. They are...unreachable. All we truly know is that some life may exist on them. But...we aren't certain".
"Are you saying there may be others like me?"
I looked into her glowing eyes. They penetrated my subconscious; taking me away to where her worries didn't lie.
"Of course! They may even enjoy the same things you do. It's all up for you to decide".
Suddenly Whimsy grew quiet. She gave me a nudge, and wanted to go back. The distance between us just opened...and it was all my fault.
She's gone.
Everything is so stagnant. I'm cold, freezing over a chill that keeps coming back. I am stretching out my last moments awake. I fear for the sleep that will overtake me; and make me relive what has transpired.
I don't want to sleep. I'll see her; feel her; hear her cries.
Finding myself at the edge of our world again. I look at the blackness, and see two sets of eyes. When I blink, so does hers. This is doing harm to my psyche, but I can't stop. Beta isn't comforting me. He hasn't for a long time. What good is a brother who does nothing for his sibling? "I-I-If only..."
"Alpha".
I didn't look at the voice calling out for me. I instead kept staring at the waters of space, spiting it. There was no use in looking into those cold eyes. There never was a point before.
"I know that you are angry. There isn't much I can really say to sway you of that. So I'm not going to apologize". He sat down next to me. Stretching out a single hoof into the abyss. The swirling seemed to calm him of all emotion. Does he find solace in doing that?
"You'll only depress yourself doing that. You know that right?" I asked, staring into his thick eyes. He returned with a response I didn't expect: he burst into an uproarious laughter. It was broken at first, but he was actually laughing.
Soon the silence came back to us.
"I know you miss her. But please brother...don't let it consume you. I don't want to lose you either".
My gaze was focused on a bobbing light in the distance. It glowed like all the others, without a care for the beings watching its every move. The symphonic bubble of gas kept many things aglow. Light was allowed to rain on every surface - but ours. My words came out like chalk. "I won't. It's just...right now I cannot forget. I don't want to at the very least. I have a fear that if I do, then she won't have had a life. Her time with me and you would have been for naught". My solidarity that I wrapped myself in was coming unfurling at the seams ever slightly. A pit still stained my heart however.
"That's an odd light, don't ya think?" Beta piped up out of nowhere. He was looking at the same bobbing sphere of light.
It wasn't acting like a normal star, it wobbled continuously. The sphere was acting completely out of character. The bobbing light then surprised us both, as it started to drift in our direction. It sped up, and was soon on the same precipices we lay at. We were splashed as the sphere knocked to the edge of space and exploded bits of the ocean on us. Shaking clear trace amounts of the substance, we took a gander at the object laying before us. The sphere wasn't a ball of light; it was a bottle...with a slip of paper inside it.
Beta took the initiative, grasping the bottle in his mouth, and placing it between the two of us. The heavenly glow of remaining residue dripped precariously off the cork. A single, rough sheet of paper was rolled up inside, untouched by the elements.
The cork came off easily, with only a few twists needed. A resounding pop expressed it opened. Taking a heavy breath Beta carefully took the slip out of the bottle. He unrolled it, holding down the top and bottom. Instantly noticeable - at the top of the sheet - was an insignia. It was an incomplete infinity symbol, with double rings around the circumference of the edges; and a snake-like squiggle panning outwards into a fine line. The writing was aged. Barely legible sticks formed poorly sought words. How old is this? I thought as we slowly took the few words into consideration.
To whom it may concern,
You have stumbled upon this letter, and with open hooves I hope these words reach you.
Life is a task we must all endure. Some more than others, as blissful eternity swoops in to mock those lesser. I became one of them. Freedom. It took me like a griffon's claws and threw me into a new life. So too must you experience this. The void of space, no matter how thick, will not keep those that prey off the thresholds.
When the sun rises...
...you will be forgotten.
Lost to the ether of time. This is merely a warning, to those whom it may concern.
~ Shimmering Eve
I read through it once, twice, thrice? No matter what, the words weren't sinking in. When the sun rises... What was that supposed to mean? There is no sun in our world. Maybe it is metaphorical. No. Even metaphorical meanings had sustenance, something to go off of. To whom it may concern. It wasn't addressed to them specifically. This letter was written to a broader audience. One far more knowledgeable than them. Still...this is too real to not be true. Wherever Shimmering Eve is - judging by the ink alone - must be long gone. Their words hold no meaning to us.
Time makes fools of us all.
"Dang". I heard Beta say under his breath. He was shaking silently, barely keeping a grip on the folds of the note. His lips were shedding, his fur standing on end, and a minor amount of sweat slipped past his brow.
"Brother! Is everything okay? You're shaking". Fright was hanging on my words.
He didn't answer right away, but a low "yes" escaped his lips. Retracting his limbs, he covered himself in a strong grip; holding off the shakes with all his might.
"Brother! Beta!"
My words echoed across the blank canvass, but only stroked his ears with the faintest morsel. He lost consciousness soon after; unable to hear anything.
Beta kept getting worse and worse. Fever spikes and constant spasms ravaged him. He couldn't feel his bones, or the blood that flowed freely across his arms and legs. A heart beats so rhythmically and yet his was sporadic. Each beat was followed by two more, then three more, then one more, then four more...
I had to turn him on his side, so as to keep him from drowning in his own vomit. It is terrible seeing him this distressed. What could have cause this? We don't get sick or feel this pain he is succumbing to; and yet here we are.
If only the stars could weep for him. To see them shed droplets of acidic fire, pouring down into the void of nothing below, floating endlessly; hoping to reach some point or end to their journey. But no. They won't weep - not for my brother, not for anypony.
The days go on...
He keeps getting worse...
I can't bring myself to look at him anymore. To see his suffering...
A dream came to me...it was nice.
It has been five cycles since he got sick. Five cycles past the the shadow of clusters of stars that resemble a dot within a circle; a moon within a sun. Five cycles of hearing the agony that Beta is in. Can he die? Is it possible we aren't as immortal as we appear?
"Is something the matter?" Beta asked, quizzically cocking an eye high. His face was caked in layers of sweat from days' past. There wasn't much time before he was to be nothing more than a past reflection.
"You-You're dying...that's..."
A long silence shoved between us. We merely stared off into the high sky, just staring. That is a perk of not having a sun I suppose; the sheer act of staring directly could blind you. However we weren't blind.
"Interesting isn't it?"
I looked to Beta, trying to make out his mumbles.
"In this whole universe, we got stuck in the one place nothing matter". He furiously stabbed the lights in the distance. "That star! That star!? No, we got placed here. I've always hated this place. It's so empty...so desolate. Sure we can fill it, but guess what? They all come to me. They beg me to take away everything they are, so as to have freedom from this hell. Who decided this for us I wonder".
An interesting question, if it weren't already asked thousands of times. Who decided this? More like Why!? What almighty being thought it fun to put us here? To let us suffer like this, with no escape. If this was all a part of a greater plan, then bravo: it failed.
"I wish I knew brother..." Because if I did...there would be one less god in this universe.
"Listen closely Alpha," Beta began with bated breath. His eyes were darker than usual, but I felt them staring at my soul. Like they always did. "I have a confession to make...about Whimsy".
I stared back, my attention in his grasp.
"She was a joy to be around. To play with. Every moment with you, was her finest. However the truth is--" He brought in a heavy breath. His eyes flicked back and forth of their own accord. What about her? "She wasn't happy, and never was".
..."Of-Of course she was! Did you not see her? She was happy".
"No. No she wasn't".
"You're lying!"
"Am I!? The truth is when she came to me to die, she wanted me to grant one final wish! And--"
"What...?" He clasped his mouth shut. His reaction told me something I wasn't meant to know. "What is it?"
"I-I didn't..."
"Tell Me!" I shouted at him.
Whatever fear had previously been with him, revoked itself. He was determined now, even if I was not.
"When Whimsy came to me, she was distraught. Her depression worsened to a point that she was in tears meeting me. I understand why she was here, but not why she needed it. I asked her, and she told me it was because she 'saw all the happy ones'". His lips trembled at the memory. "She asked me to do what needed to be done to end her misery...on one condition".
I couldn't hold back. "What was the condition? Wh-Why would she want anything? Sh-She wa-was happy a-and--"
"No," he stated flatly. His cold eyes still locked on mine, which were flocking with tears. "Her one and only condition, was that I show her all the possible realities she could have lived in. With much regret, I did so. All the families, lives, memories of those different hers became real. Some lived as long as her, but others survived until their dying day. When I did my duty..she was truly at peace".
My tears fell on his chest, soaking him in a puddle of my relinquished loss. There was no holding back my frustration, my sadness, my...happiness. I was filled with contempt and at the same time, love that he told me this. Beta has never been a brother. Not once did compassion come to him. Now on his death bed, he decides to be different. No. now on ours.
"Isn't it funny?" This time I looked at him in curiosity, and not out of surprise. There were no surprises. "Really it is," he said coughing up a chuckle. "That I am the one who takes lives, and here I am the one to die. Or...is it ironic? I cannot really tell".
His eyes lurched forth and closed on a whim. Dragging my hooves across them, I lay to rest my brother. His cold eyes finally allowed a chance to rest.
I am Alpha.
And Beta is dead.
A turning collision of comets sped by. Their glow permeated upon the glass-ceiling atmosphere. Flashing rocks of ice hot enough to char skin. If only one of them would strike this horrid world off the face of the universe. Only a single life would be taken in the catastrophe; that isn't bad right?
I am lonely aren't I? Guess a change is in order!
"It has to work this time! It just has to". Magic cosmically sharpened the body of the filly in front of me. Her dilapidated mane sank into a clear hole where her lungs and heart would thrive. She was missing a lot actually. The malformed being finally lurched forward in a surge of electricity. Her eyes - both slightly off - blinked at me.
She was one of two. The other was a strong, blue colt. Spiked hair in tufts, a blank stare, but not perfect. A hind leg was lost to the cosmos and both his eyes were blind. Still not perfect...still not.
"You both sicken me," I spat lurking away.
"But daddy!" A small cry called to me not a second later. She had begun to produce tears and nibbled at the piece of fur hanging by a thread.
"Begone!" I echoed. My shout brought forth a bloods splatter. Their bodies squirted blood and other assorted fluids, as they imploded. A final spurt of the foul liquid gushed out of the colt's mouth, hitting me barely on the chest. I hobbled away from the scene, muttering "Still not perfect" for who knows how long.
I am Alpha. The First. The life-giver.
My job is to grant an existence to those who call upon me. When I am content, They are "born", and allowed to live with the cherished memories I gave them. It happens all too often however, that this world is not enough, so they allow Beta to take that which I gave.
But now Beta is no more. As such, I must take up his sole duty. At least...I think I should. Whether or no it is the right thing to do, I am unsure; but I do know it must be done. I am all there is.
Constant headaches bash my skull. I feel like I may die from the pain each time I give and take life. The Calls aren't coming to me anymore. They haven't for a while now. I fear something will happen if I do not do my job. So I force life to come, and force death upon the imperfect. To date, there are zero survivors to last a day. They are all imperfect creations, who need to be spoon-fed everything.
I wash away the blood, but the stains remain. Some of it, I believe to be my own. My nose has been dripping off and on lately. At this rate, I'll fall unconscious. I am also very tired from all the work. My hooves buckle under me, my eyelids close quite often; there is no time to sleep however. Not a moment to lose, when there is so much to make right.
Am I doing good brother?
There were five standing before me. They all looked worried, but they shouldn't be. I am here. Wait! Why are they cowering away? Come back. Come back! STOP!!!
The lake of beyond no longer interests me. I've stopped visiting altogether; too many sappy memories still.
I am Alpha. And I am Beta.
I am the First. And I the Second.
I am Alpha...and I am Beta.
I am Alpha...and Beta is dead.
When I die...we will be forgotten.
I am Alpha.
And I am Beta.
I am the First.
And I the Second.
I am Alpha.
And Beta is dead.
When I die.
We will be forgotten
I am Alpha.
And I am Beta.
I am the First.
And I the Second.
I am Alpha.
And Beta is Dead.
When
I
Die
We
Will
Be
Forgotten.
"Why!?" I found myself shouting to the sky again. It listened, or at least, it had to. There was nowhere to hide. It had to listen.
"Why would you allow this!? To be so almighty, so infinite, and yet you have the audacity to allow this to happen! If there is a point - you all-great-and-powerful demon - then I for one, as the only one don't see it!" It had to listen. Whatever it was, wherever it was; it had to.
"There is no point right? This is all a game! A charade! This blood, and bone, and flesh means nothing! Suffering...that's all I have felt. My brother felt it, so why can't you! I-I-I-I don't believe in you! That bottle, the message, none of it! The whole world - if you can describe it as such - is nothing but a plastered failure! Untouched, yet its inhabitants feel the wrath of the cosmos at our hooves. I reject you! All of you..."
When I felt enough had been said, I sulked away - to hide.
A glare crossed what was at that moment my eyesight. Blinding. Covering the harsh light,. I stumbled up, and fell back down. I lost the strength to even breathe properly. The headaches persisted, but useless in their endeavor: I was already numb. Constant shaking, and a heavy break to my lower back stiffened me. I had become a statue, petrified of all feeling.
Taking a couple of sniffs, I took all the energy left in my and lifted my staggering legs. Not only had pain hardened my joints, but crusts of blood latched themselves to me. I could barely tell - against my red fur and blindness - how much blood coated me. More than enough I thought.
Time persisted as normal on the outside: the stars shone, worlds were born, and much more deserving life was allowed a chance. I blew mine - and many others - eons ago. There was nothing left to grovel about; I was finished.
Cracking my joints loose, I was once more overcome by the intense glare. It pondered in the air like a hellbent prankster. Why is it warm? Indeed, I realized, it was warmer than usual. A lot warmer. My coat was on fire, and the blisters across my frame seethed. Finally I couldn't take it. I pulled back all the pain in my head, and opened my dull eyes to the light beyond:
The sun was rising.
A very prone epiphany rose ahead of me. A god in metaphysical form. The sun shone so brightly, and was only just peeking beyond the horizon of nothing.
My eyes went wider than possible. They gasped at the sight of such a wonder. The behemoth titan stalked slowly, hitting more and more of the flat terrain. It was edging closer to me and would soon consume the only life here. Me. Of all the thoughts running rampant through my mind, only one spoke above the others. The loudest of them all: acceptance.
"I-...I am Alpha. I am the First. The life-giver. My brother, is Beta. He was the Second. The dealer of death. I am all that remains of us...the Last. When I..." My breathing got the better of me as I sucked in one last push of circulating air. "...When I die, we will be forgotten".
And with that, I took my last plaintiff steps in stride. The light covered me in its embrace...
I am Alpha.
My gallant strides led me up the hilltop, as green, flowing grass appeared beneath me. The air was fresh as morning, the birds sang their merry songs, and the sun was rising high across the sky. "Huh?" I said aloud. Looking behind me, I saw a field of lovely grass. Ahead of me was a town. "What am I doing out here? I see no reason to be in a field alone. Hmm! Maybe...maybe I'm lost? Yes! That must be it. Hey! Maybe ponies down in that town'll know where I am. I-I think I live there".
Thinking to myself. "Yes I think I do. And I-I have a family...with-with a brother. Maybe they'll know where I am. Be-Bet-Bet-Beta! That was his name. Oh I hope I'm not in trouble. Why was I out here? I think I'm forgetting something..."
"...What could it be? Maybe they'll know..."
"I sure hope somepony remembers me. I mean it would be great if anypony did..."
"Gosh its warm. I should cool off. I hope I have friends...can make friends...will hope anypony wants a friend".
I am Alpha. The First. When I am gone...we will be forgotten.
