Cadence In A Minor

Chapters

My First Time
Bed-Wetting
My Little Shiny
Moonshiny
Like A Prince
The Day Equestria Stood Still
After The Storm
All's Well That Starts Well
I Would Quill For You
When Fragile Hearts Collide
The Princess And The Pea
Giving Up
Size Matters
Loose Lips Sink Ships
What happens in Canterlot
Princess Bridle
Epilogue: Hearts of Crystal

My First Time

The cheery little baby pegasi on the wall greet Shining Armor as he walks into the clinic. The waiting room is empty this time, its only occupant standing behind the counter; the same unicorn nurse from last time.

Okay. You're still the Captain, remember? Be assertive. Don't let people push you around!

"Hello? I'm here to—" is all he can say before the nurse points a hoof at one of the pink doors, not even lifting her gaze.

"Miss Swallow will see you now, Mister Armor."

"Thank..." The nurse has returned to her work, apparently having forgotten the Prince already. "...you," he finishes on rote and feels his ego deflate like a balloon. With wary steps he walks to his assigned door, feeling more like a criminal about to face judgment.

"Come in," tells a voice from inside — clearly the voice of an older mare. As Shining Armor enters, he has to stop and blink for a moment. The room doesn't remind him so much of a clinic, but of a comfortable living room: Soft carpets, comfortable looking chairs, a sofa and a coffee table all done in dark browns. The room even smells like a living room, with a distant scent of dust, down and scented candles. On one of the walls stands a bookcase with only a few books, the rest of the shelves filled with kitchy paraphernalia, most of them from foreign countries. His eyes linger on one item in particular, a miniature stone pyramid with "Get stoned in Neighgypt" carved on it in gaudy letters. The horridness of the pun makes him wince. The other wall has several paintings, and a large family photo. In the photo sits Doctor Pickle, and a pair of older ponies, apparently taken on Pickle's graduation day.

The voice he heard earlier belongs to a unicorn mare with a light fuchsia coat and a greying yellow mane in a bun — the same mare from the family photo. She is currently winding an antique clock on the wall with her hooves.

"Do you need help with that?" Shining Armor asks.

"No thank you, but you're a darling for asking." Her voice sounds friendly, but there is an undertone of sternness to it.

It's a voice hard to disobey. Just what I needed today, another bossy mare. Why couldn't the horrible maids be the only ones? Shining Armor finds himself thinking, before mentally kicking himself on the shin.

"There we go." She closes the cover of the clock and starts the pendulum. A calming ticking voice fills the room, soon becoming just background ambiance. She turns around and offers a hoof in greeting. "I'm Sassy. Sassy Swallow. Pleased to meet you." Shining Armor was expecting the mare to be ancient, but her face is almost completely free of wrinkles, and her hoofshake is full of energy.

"Shining Armor," he says. His gaze travels around the room. "Should I lie on the couch and tell you about my mother or something?"

The mare plops down on one of the chairs and spreads her forehooves wide. "Sit wherever you like. And don't start me on that psychoanalysis stuff. Old Trotmund caused more harm than good for the image of us psychotherapists as is."

He walks to one of the comfortable-looking recliners and sits down, letting out a yelp as the chair tilts back and a hoofrest shoots from under his hind legs.

"Oh, sorry about that. I've been meaning to get that fixed. Are you comfortable there?"

"Nnngh." He crawls into a better position on the chair so he can see the mare.

"Good. Now, is this your first time in therapy?" she asks.

"Y-yeah. And I don't understand any of this psychoanalysis... stuff you're talking about." The fact that he is looking at her from directly between his legs feels very awkward to him, like he was conversing with his crotch.

"You don't need to. Just forget the preconceptions of a Germane stallion showing you pictures of naughty inkblots. I'm a cognitive-analytic psychotherapist, and have studied a lot of sexual therapy on the side.

"Cog... " he starts weakly.

"Cognitive-analytic. In a nutshell, it means I'm not here to give you answers or tell you how to fix your life."

"Wait... You're not? Isn't that why I'm here?"

"I'm here to help YOU find your own solutions. Every pony has their own way of looking at the world, and there's no way for one solution to work the same for everypony. I'm just here to guide you and work with you."

Shining Armor ponders this for a bit. "That doesn't actually sound too silly, now that I think about it."

"I'm impressed, Mister Armor. Most ponies I meet need a lot of persuasion and explanation on the merits of this form of therapy."

"T-thank you, I guess?"

"It's a good start, anyway. Now, the only way this therapy is going to work is if you are completely honest with me. I will never divulge any information from these sessions to anypony without your consent, so please feel free to tell me everything."

"Everything?" He already feels a blush creeping onto his face. "But... we're talking about, you know..."

"And many other things that you might find very private or intimate. Please consider me only as a tool to help you get better. I will try to stay as neutral as possible. And please refrain from asking any personal questions from me, because I shouldn't answer them." She allows her words a few seconds to sink in before continuing. "We have a shorter session today so we can get acquainted and take care of the official side of things. Do you have any questions before we start?"

Shining Armor shakes his head, more from trying to clear his head from the flood of information than mere nonverbal communication.

"The nurse is fixing up my schedule for next week so we can have the usual one hour sessions twice a week, but due to the nature and... profile of your problem, we made arrangements for us to meet for a shorter time today. Just for us to start the process as soon as possible."

"Profile.... are you telling me that I cut someone in line because I'm a Prince now? I can't have—"

"I only halved my lunch break. Nothing more."

"Oh, sorry," he mutters. There you go, trying to be the knight in shining armour again and just making a foal of yourself.

They spend the next quarter of an hour going over Shining Armor's background information and medical history. Some surprises seem to come to light.

"So let me get this straight, Your Highness. You have actually had seventeen broken bones, five concussions, a mental possession and an 'inability to perform magic due to an infection of cursed crystals'?" She pauses for a moment. "And this is only in the last year?"

"There's been a lot of... stuff. Yeah."

"Seems we have our work cut out for us. Unfortunately this is all the time we have for today. Please ask the nurse if your next appointment has been set up yet."

Shining Armor climbs out of his chair. "So, that's it?" he asks.

"You sound almost disappointed, Mister Armor," Sassy answers with a smile.

"It's just that... I don't know what I was expecting, but it wasn't this."

"If you are referring to ripping open all of your mental wounds in one go and making you feel better in an afternoon; that is not how this works. You need patience. And a lot of time to think. We will only see each other a few times a week, but in the interim you must be the one to work things out for yourself. I will only be here to guide you through the process."

"A lot of time to think, huh," his eyes glaze over as he looks into the distance. "Wonder what that feels like. Seems like I don't have time for anything other than official business lately..." He can't stop himself from yawning, "...or even sleeping."

"I suggest you try to find a way to have a few hours of the day just for yourself. Nopony stays sane if all they do is work. Take a walk, have a cup of tea, look at the falling autumn leaves or what have you. Let's make that your homework for next time." She also gets up from her chair and shakes hooves with Shining Armor. "I'll see you next week."

"Yeah. Thanks." His eyes still a bit glazed over, he walks out to the waiting room, only barely remembering to pick up his chitty for the next appointment before stepping out into the cool autumn air.

Ripping open all of my mental wounds? The hay is she talking about? What am I getting into?

"Take a few hours to yourself, she said. Go have a walk, she said."

Shining Armor finds himself seated near the end of a one-hundred-foot dinner table next to his wife and the Royal Pony Sisters, along with about a hundred other ponies. Immediately after he'd arrived back to the castle, a servant ushered him into his official Princely regalia and off to dinner. Apparently, some hobnob from Manehattan had arrived on a visit, and Shining Armor's presence was mandatory. When he arrived, the Long Table of the dining hall was already full from end to end with ponies, most of them local nobles that had been invited to welcome the group of dignitaries from the East. There were several speeches and a toast to the health of the Princesses (all three of them in turn) and for himself as well.

Shining Armor's stomach made a loud rumbling protest about the fact that the delicious aromas of the not-so-soon-to-be-served dinner wafts into the dining hall from the kitchens.

Why did I have to go and skip breakfast today? Oh right... still in bed. Lunch? Yeah... I was going to get lunch but then... oh yes. The dignitary from wherever had requested my presence because he'd had to wait for me already and oh Dear Celestia I really haven't eaten anything since yesterday morning and I'm going to eat the daffodils in that vase if they don't hurry the fu—

"Your Highness?" A voice close to his ear interrupts his train of thought, derails it, and steals all the gold in the mail cart.

"Yes!?" he exclaims, the rest of the table falling silent at his loud voice. His hoof bumping the table doesn't help his predicament, as several empty goblets fall down on the table. He sheepishly looks to both sides of himself, only to spy the disapproving scowls of the three alicorns to one side, and the worried faces of the guests on the other.

"Ahem... sorry... for that. I kinda... umm... slipped?" he manages to stammer out.

"Prince Armor, are you alright? Have I offended you in some way?" Shining Armor had forgotten the last member of royalty that joined them, Prince Blueblood.

"No, I was just... sorry. What were you saying, Blueblood? Sorry, I meant Prince Blueblood."

"We were talking about the growing tensions at the border between Equestria and the Griffin Kingdoms. Apparently there has been another military incident?" The blonde Prince's voice is as suave and greasy as his mane.

"Oh yes, that. It was just some guardsponies on leave staying out late and having a bit too much salt and accidentally crossing the border in the dark and relieving themselves on the wheel of a Griffin Kingdom border patrol ca..." His ears pick up the noisy silence around him once again. Every pair of eyes is now glued to him, and several jaws are being picked up from the table. "I didn't... I... when I said relieving I meant... umm... resting. Only for a moment, of course. With no further incident. And nopony at all called the Griffin Colonel a 'cutesy fluffy ball of feathers' and tried to kiss her. At all. So the whole thing was just a bit of a misunderstanding and has been resolved."

For some reason, the silence keeps on going, the only sounds in the room being carried from behind the kitchen doors. Prince Blueblood is the first one to speak.

"So, Prince Armor, pardon me if I make sure that I heard this right. You are saying that members of our honourable Royal Guard actually invaded onto foreign territory and performed several acts of vandalism, and got caught in doing so?"

Shining Armor gulps loudly before answering. "Y-yes? But—"

"How awful! Simply awful!" The exaggerated movements of the blonde Prince would put any Prima Donna to shame. His shocked words are mirrored all along the dining table. "But they were caught, right? Have negotiations been started on the perpetrators' release?" he asks, his feigned innocence stoking the conversations along the table even more.

"As a matter of fact they were allowed to sober up in the GriffIn Kingdom's barracks and returned in the morning. And I understand that there were no hard feelings from the Colonel, who... ahem... commented that she didn't really mind their visit but would appreciate if they'd inform them about such visits in the future. And... uhm... I hear she's started going out with one of the guardsponies."

"But... but such travesty! Have the ponies in question been court-martialed and removed from the Guard?"

"Err... I understand that their commanding officer gave them a stern talking to and cleaning duty for a few weeks—"

"Fillies and Gentlecolts," the majestic voice of Princess Celestia causes the growing murmurs along the table to cease. "I must interrupt your most charming conversation, but the first course is about to be served. I hope you all enjoy the meal."

As the plate of warm soup is carefully set in front of him, Shining Armor finds that he has lost his appetite. He gambles a quick glance at his wife seated next to her. Her face is completely calm and serene. She turns to look at him and gives him a warm smile with her eyes closed.

I'm dead. I'm so dead.

And which spoon am I supposed to use again?

After the dinner, the guests that would be staying in the castle are escorted to their rooms, and the Princesses bid farewell to the rest. After the last guest leaves, Cadance shortly excuses herself and exits, not waiting for her husband.

Shining Armor contemplates on going to apologise to the Royal Pony Sisters for his faux pas, but one look in their direction convinces him otherwise. He opts to chase after Cadance instead.

He tries not to run, but can't help himself from quickening his pace. The empty corridors echo the sound of his hooves around him, tolling the bells for his own execution. In no time at all, he finds himself outside the door to his and Cadance's suite. He steps in, expecting a furious verbal assault to knock him down onto his rump, but none comes.

The calm before the storm. I'm SO dead.

Cadance hasn't put any lights on yet, and is sitting on one of the couches in the parlour. With hesitant steps, Shining Armor walks next to her and sits down. He picks up her forehoof between his own before starting his plea for mercy.

"Cady, I'm really sorry. I messed the whole dinner up and I made myself and everypony else look like foals and I didn't mean to—"

"Shiny—"

"And I know you've taught me so much about etiquette and what to do and what to say and I completely forgot everything today and I know that I did everything wrong except maybe outright vomiting on the table—"

"Shiny, wait—"

"I'm sure that Celestia and Luna hate my guts right now and I was so tired and hungry and the last few days have been so busy and chaotic thamMMPHM?" His self-loathing is interrupted by Cadance forcefully pushing their lips together in a deep kiss. It goes on for a good, long while before she finally backs away for some air.

"Now that I finally got you to shut up, Shiny, let me tell you one thing," she says and climbs to sit in Shining Armor's lap and putting her forehooves around his head. "I am not angry, nor am I disappointed. You might have been a bit rough around the edges at dinner today, but you did nothing that you should be ashamed of."

"But Prince Blueblood—"

"Cousin BB would find indignation in how the plates are set or how the curtains fold if there was nothing else. And everypony else goes along with his tirades because he holds good parties with lots of tasty food and they want to get invited."

Shining Armor pulls Cadance closer and they share a few short kisses before they lean in to touch their horns together.

"I thought you'd be angry because you looked so... I dunno... official?" he says.

"Official, is it?" She lands a small kiss onto her husband's muzzle. "It took all of my composure to not burst out laughing with how flustered Blueblood got."

"So... you're honestly truly not angry at me, Cady?" he asks as he puts his own hooves around Cadance's rump.

"Well... you might need a repeat lesson on which utensils to use in the table. Blueblood's face went bright red when you used a dessert spoon to eat your soup."

"I KNEW I should have used the bigger one. But I thought we'd be having ice cream as dessert so I wanted to save the big one for that."

Cadance giggles and rubs their muzzles together. "You're hopeless."

"And you love me for it," he says in a confident voice.

"I do, do I? Have I fallen in love with a rascally scoundrel who doesn't even remember to wipe his mouth before drinking?"

"That too, huh?"

"Yes, and so many other things, Mister Armor, that I think you should go back to school and learn everything all over again," she says in a stern, motherly voice.

"And I'll have Mistress Cadenza there to teach me every step of the way." He lands several kisses onto Cadance's neck.

"Watch it, young stallion. You might have to do corner time if you don't study hard," she whispers into his ear.

He moves his hooves up and down along her buttocks. "You'd like that, would you?"

"Mmmmh. You are a naughty little Prince, aren't you?" she says in a deep whisper.

They lock lips once more and this time they don't even bother to stop as their bodies rub against each other. Cadance's backside moves along Shining Armor's hind legs, squeezing them against the cushions of the sofa. He moves his hooves further behind the mare, but can't quite reach far enough to touch her tail. She pushes him back once more, her hooves pushing him down hard on his shoulders, making him lean back. He grunts from the slight pain, which Cadance only takes as a sign of pleasure. He once again tries to reach around her, this time to play with her wings, but is pushed back down. Her hind hooves squeeze together and make Shining Armor's legs hurt from the pressure.

"Cady, I—"

"Shhh, dear. I've got it covered."

"But—" he winces from pain.

"Shhh. Now come here, you." Cadance moves back a bit so she is standing with her hindhooves on the floor. Her horn begins to glow, and the same glow soon surrounds Shining Armor. Before he can protest, he is lifted gently into the air like a tiny colt and carried to their bedroom.

"Cady, put me down!" he shouts, his own horn starting to gather energy as well.

"Oh don't be like that. Mama is going to make you feel really good—"

"I. Said. Put. Me. DOWN!" With the last word, his magic turns against his wife's and breaks the levitation spell, dropping him onto the floor next to their bed, and knocking Cadance backward.

"Shiny, what—" she asks in confusion, her eyes spinning from the force of Shining Armor's magic.

"I told you to let me go! You really shouldn't use levitation spells on an adult pony," he says angrily.

"But... I thought... I... " her voice trembles from surprise and fear, "I thought it would be cute... and we were doing so well and I thought we could... "

"We could what, make love?" he says coldly. "Sorry, but don't you understand that I CAN'T!? Even though how much I want to, I can't do it, because there's something wrong with my head! And that's the stupid reason I have to go to that stupid therapy and talk about all of my... all of OUR personal stuff with a total stranger that smells like old wooly socks and lavender candles and cabbage. And she told me there would be something like 'emotional scars' or 'opening wounds' and I don't like it! I don't even really want to go! AT ALL!"

He finishes his rant and turns to look at Cadance. She just sits on the floor with her mouth agape, staring at him. Shining Armor sits down on the bed and puts his head against his forehooves as he leans forward. His heart thumps so loud he can feel it in his ears, and his mouth has run completely dry. All he can do is pant.

After a while, he whispers from between his hooves, "Sorry."

Cadance slowly gets up from the floor and sits next to him on the bed. She lays a comforting hoof on his shoulder, and he collapses onto her lap, the release of stress making his eyes water. "I don't know what's wrong with me! I don't understand any of this. Any of this Prince thing or any of that psycho stuff. I... I'm not smart like Twily or you. I'm just... me." The rest of his words are too quiet to hear.

Cadance holds his head on her lap and brushes his mane. It doesn't take too long for Shining Armor to get a hold of himself and get up. They sit side by side, and embrace each other in a tight hug.

"Feeling better, honey?" Cadance asks.

"Yeah. Must be the lack of sleep or something. Or maybe it's something I ate with the wrong fork?" He tries to chuckle at his own joke, but fails miserably. They hold on to one another for a while longer before they let go and just sit against each other in the silent darkness.

"You're going to go through with the therapy?"

"Yeah." Even the thought of the therapy to come makes him wince. "I'm starting next week. And the doctor also asked for you to go talk to the therapist sometime too, if it's okay?"

"I'd like that," she answers with a warm voice.

"You would?"

"Of course. It's to help you, so I'd be more than happy to do it."

Shining Armor puts his forehoof onto his wife's lap. "Cady... have I told you how much I love you?"

"I love you too, Shiny."

They share a long, loving kiss, before both of them climb into bed, too exhausted from the events of the day and too little sleep the night before to even take off their clothes. They fall asleep, still holding each other in a gentle embrace, and they soon fill the bedroom with their snores.

Author's Note

This was the most heavily edited chapter I have ever written. Mostly because I asked several people to help me with editing, and becoming my editor in the future. So a great many thanks to
-Fantasmagoria
-Bronydragon
-Invictus_rising and
-Kopa

You all did a wonderful job.

Bed-Wetting

She comes again in the night. This time there is no pretence or disguise, just the sheening black chitin of her shell and the poison-green eyes glowing in the dimness of the bedroom. Shining Armor feels fear grip his chest, but there is something else too, a strange burning in his stomach, an unfamiliar pounding in his chest. She walks towards him, her body swaying alluringly with every step.

"My Prince," she says, and bows her head like one would do to royalty.

"My... Queen?" he answers almost involuntarily. "What have you done to me? Am I under your spell once more?" Even though the fear is there, it is distant, like a remnant of a dream in the morning.

"The spells I have woven are gone. You have called me here of your own will, and I have come." Her fanged mouth turns into a wicked grin, but it is not frightening to the stallion still lying on his back on the bed. He tosses a casual look to his surroundings, but there is nopony else in the room but him and the Queen.

"The question remains, my Prince." She moves to the side of the bed and lowers herself down on the floor, placing her hoof next to the stallion's leg, but not yet touching. "Why did you call me? Why have you summoned me from my swarm?"

"I... didn't..." he stammers, his gaze lost in the glow of the Queen's green eyes. Her ragged wings flicker gently, not making a sound and the pale moonlight setting them aglow. He can even smell her, the alien smell of her shell and the scent of corrupt magic floating down from her crooked horn.

"Do not play with me, young Prince. You crave my company and there is no use in denying it." She touches Shining Armor's leg, the numerous holes on her foot scraping against his soft, white fur. Cold shivers run along his sides and back, but he doesn't shy away. The black hoof stops just before it reaches his rump, instead massaging his cutie mark on his flank. Her head is now lower, approaching the gap between his legs. He hesitates at first, not daring to allow her to come closer, but his body makes the decision for him. The burning in his stomach creeps even lower, and his length begins to throb in rhythm with his rapid heartbeat. He is scared, but not of the sensual creature inches away from his stallionhood. There is something else, but he can't quite put his hoof on what it might be. The last of his reservations are dispersed like morning fog in sunlight when her raspy tongue touches his member. The jolt of pleasure shooting through him is enough to make him extend fully out from his sheath.

She only gives him a few more licks, then backing away. "How would my Prince want me? I am here at your call, so do with me as you please." Her mouth is still in that wicked grin of hers, like she was laughing at a joke that only she knew, but would never tell anypony else.

"I... I want you," Shining Armor says, not completely sure if they are his own words. But the truth in them rings loud in his ears, and he sits up on the bed. The pale white glow of his horn lights the room as the Queen is gently lifted from the floor and placed rump-up on the bed. She yelps in surprise, her wings making a nervous buzz, but she submits to his handling. For the first time the Prince sees what a changeling looks like between her legs, and is almost disappointed to find it resembling a pony's private parts. The smell of arousal is the same as well, her slit already dripping wet with a liquid glowing dimly of green in the darkness. It slides down her legs and its phosphorous luminescence allows him to admire every curve of her backside. He leans in, touching her marehood with his tongue.

His eyes shoot open from surprise, as the taste assaults his tongue. He was expecting the same salty aroma of a typical mare (some other mare? was there somepony else...) but she tastes of sweet honey. Shining Armor dives in more greedily, allowing his tongue to work the changeling's backside, spreading her honey-juices all over her black shell, highlighting her sleek curves with its magical green glow. His hooves stroke the Queen's buttocks, so hard in contrast to her tender flesh mere inches away. She makes a small hissing sound, somewhere between a moan and an insect’s buzz. It draws him in like a drone under his Queen's command, but he knows it is an invitation, not a command. He pushes the black changeling onto her stomach and bites her tail. The tiny pain that shoots through her makes her whinny slightly, but there is once more the alien buzz accompanying her voice. Shining Armor doesn't let go, instead pulling her rump higher, making the Queen bend low in front of him. His member perks up, ready for action like a good little soldier colt should. The green glow guides him in like a Cloudsdale landing light against the dark city below, and he inserts himself. The Queen's wings spread open from the feeling, buzzing rapidly, almost lifting her up from the bed.

"Not today," the Prince commands, and pushes her gaunt body down, forcing her head deep into the mattress below. She whimpers, but doesn't fight back. The tightness of the changeling under him surprises him again, his member feeling all too large to fit in comfortably, but slowly the path opens up for him. Every inch squeezes him harder, causing him intense pain, but even more intense pleasure. Her canal is sticky from the honey-dew, but it turns more slippery as he starts moving back and forth inside her. He remembers the feeling from their previous times mating together. The times before they were separated by... something; he can't remember what. He has craved for her tightness, the buzz of her wings, the slick feel of her shell under his hooves and the quiet cries she lets out every time he goes in deeper. Every thrust brings him more pleasure, and the Queen under him moves into his every motion, not just passively submitting any more, but enjoying the stallion in full.

Shining Armor feels himself ready to burst, but he cannot come yet. He retreats, pulling his member completely out from the changeling. She makes pleading voices and offers her backside to him, lifting up and moving it from side to side, but he doesn't care. With a strong shove of his forehoof, he turns her on her back and climbs to stand on top of her. She takes the cue and begins to massage his member with her hooves. Her submissive voice is gone again, and her trademark grin has returned to her face. Her green eyes are half-closed, giving her a feral, hungry expression. She turns her forehooves, pushing Shining Armor's tool through the largest holes in both of her appendages, and continues her rhythmic motion. She pulls her hooves wider, squeezing his member tighter as the sharp edges of the holes press into the Prince's flesh. He grunts, the pain shooting through him, but when he is about to cry out, the Queen once more loosens her grip, only to repeat the movement again, and again, and again, every time causing more pain to the Prince, but always releasing just before he would pull out. The pain drives him crazy, and he starts to push against the holes in her hooves. She moves them together, aligning them to her mouth. With every thrust, the Prince feels her tongue touch the tenderest part of his tool, and that finally drives him over the edge. He comes, shooting wave after wave of his royal semen into her awaiting mouth, and splattering all over her face. She closes her eyes, allowing him to empty his reserves completely before she collapses on her back, finally releasing the prisoner of war from the jagged prison of her perforated hooves.

He leans in, their muzzles touching, and he can smell his own juices on the Changeling Queen's face. They kiss, their tongues content to just probe each other's mouths at first , but soon escaping to run wild all over each other's faces and necks. He just came, but feels his member start to perk up again, preparing for another assault on the weakened enemy. He is already formulating a new invasion plan when—

"Am I interrupting something?" comes a dark whisper from the shadows of the room. Shining Armor jumps up with his horn aglow and ready to cast an offensive beam of light at any assailant. Instead of an ambushing unit of griffin dive bombers or diamond dog sappers, he spies a regal winged unicorn walking in through the dark portal to his bedroom. Their surroundings melt away, and he is suspended in endless darkness, standing on something immaterial, face to face with Princess Luna.

"P-princess? What? How? Where'd—"

"A dream, my dear nephew. And a very intimate one."

"Dream? But how... is this a dream? How can it feel so... lucid?" he asks, turning a full circle, but the Princess always seems to stand in front of him, unmoving.

"I stepped into your dream, and made it more real. You can remember what happens here, unlike with most dreams you have." She turns around and starts to walk into the darkness. "Follow me."

Shining Armor moves next to the Princess, and notices that they are heading for a distant light in the black eternity around them. "Stepped... so it's really you? I'm not just dreaming about you?" he asks in confusion.

"I would hope to avoid being part of one of your dreams like the one I just interrupted." Her face betrays no emotion, no mirth, nor disapproval.

"You saw? You saw me with... " the memories of the dream come crashing in, this time having full context to his married life and problems therein. "Urrrk... I think I'm going to... "

"Please refrain from being sick inside my dreamscape. The maids don't come here." This time there is a slight hint of a smile on her lips, but it goes unnoticed by the retching stallion.

"I just... I made... I... " he stammers, doubled over and holding his stomach.

The Princess of the Night waits a few moments to make sure the stallion can keep his previous meal inside. She then appears next to the Prince and curls her wing around him.

"Yes. You did."

"How could I... I... I didn't even remember Cadance. It's like I... I... "

Princess Luna pushes a hoof to his trembling lips. "What happens in dreams may mirror events of your waking life, but there are no crimes or adultery when in my domain. I did not even mean to pry, but after how bedraggled you looked yesterday, I wanted to make sure the two of you would have pleasant dreams."

"You... did? I thought you were angry at me for... the dinner and that dream. You looked so mad with Princess Celestia."

Princess Luna shakes her head and smiles at the stallion. When they are so close, he really feels diminutive against the noticeably larger alicorn at his side. Around them, the darkness is replaced by a starlit meadow, a gentle summer breeze running through the leaves in the trees around them.

"Do I really look that stern to you? Do you ponies still think I would be angered by someone eating his vegetable soup with the wrong spoon?"

"Gah! Did everypony notice that?" Shining Armor feels a weird blush creep to his face. It's not from shame as such, but from the feeling that he's actually talking to his mother and not one of the most powerful equines in the world.

"If it's any consolation, it took me weeks of practice with Tia to get them right too." Around them, a multitude of eating utensils dance in the air briefly. They are all jagged and twisted, almost nightmarish to look at. With a small wave of her forehoof, the Princess dispatches them. "But no. Which utensil you choose to use for eating a meal will not bring my unrelenting wrath on you. Nor will talking of border incidents at dinner. I rather liked the story. Maybe I will make them see nice dreams of each other, though it might be unnecessary if your story holds true." She giggles, the sound so unfamiliar to the Prince that she has to look up at the mare to make sure he's not imagining it.

"But no. If you are talking about mine and Tia's expressions as the reception ended, it is because of some troublesome financial news from Manehattan that the dignitary was here to deliver. Apparently they have gone over budget and neither of us is really looking forward to diving into the account books to try and find a solution." For a moment, they are walking between two infinitely high bookcases, every shelf around them filled with ledgers and reports. They slowly start tumbling down onto them. The Prince tries to dodge away from them, but they turn immaterial before reaching him before vanishing completely.

As they walk on, she gives a theatrical sigh, eliciting an unconscious little chuckle from the Prince, partly from her antics, and in part from relief of not being bludgeoned by literature twice in the same week. She turns to look at the stallion underneath her wing once more. "I am a bit worried about you, nephew. The dreams you saw are not the most... common a pony in your position usually sees. Are you well?"

"I'm... apparently I'm kinda not. Me and Cadance are having a bit of trouble and I'm starting in some therapy. Or something."

"I see. Tia mentioned something about you and your wife going to a doctor."

Shining Armor cringes and his head droops down. "Yeesh. Does everypony know about this already?"

"We get mention if a member of royalty goes to visit a doctor, yes. But I didn't know the particulars about the nature of your visit. All I know is Tia came to me today, waking me up I might add, asking..." here her voice turns high, as if trying to impersonate someone approaching puberty at one hundred miles per hour," ...'Lulu, Lulu, what kind of a paper should I fill if Cadance and Shining Armor go see a doctor so they don't have to worry about spilling state secrets? Do we have a form for that?' She is so hopeless sometimes." Princess Luna once again chuckles.

He once again has a hard time at not laughing at the Princess of the Night. "Really? She said that? The Princess I mean?"

"I may have... embellished a little." This time they both laugh out loud.

Shining Armor and Princess Luna are once again in the darkness, but somehow the air feels a bit warmer to the stallion. They walk on, the Prince pondering if his image of the Princess of the Night had really been this far from the truth.

They finally reach their destination in a flash, a moonlit meadow where a warm summer breeze rustles the leaves in the trees around them.

"This is my favourite place in the Dreaming," she says. "It was the first place I built after I returned from my exile."

Without any more words, they sit down on the grass and Princess Luna extends her wing around the unicorn's back.

"Are you feeling better now, nephew?"

"Yeah. A lot, thanks to you. I..." he can't find the words to finish his sentence.

"Yes?" The Princess looks at him with a puzzled expression, some extra question marks appearing in the air around her.

"I... guess I wanted to say I'm sorry. You're so different than I thought. We've never had a chance to talk, with you always being away during the day. What I'm trying to say is... I think you're nice." He immediately feels like a colt telling his first crush that he fancies her.

The Princess doesn't answer him at first, instead looking at him with a smile that doesn't reach her eyes.

"So I am still the boogiemare under the bed to most ponies in Equestria?"

"I didn't mean that!" he says. "I just thought you were so... regal."

She sighs and lies down on the soft grass. "I'm more used to being here, in my own realm. It is not easy to talk to ponies after so long. In the waking world, I find myself lost with all the complexities of court and etiquette."

"You and me both, Princess," Shining Armor says, and they once more share a laugh. Shining Armor slowly lies down on the grass as well. The warm breeze feels nice on his skin, and he finds himself yawning, and also wondering how it is possible to feel tired while asleep.

"So, nephew. Do you think you are ready to return to your regularly scheduled dreams of our nation's number one enemy in your bed?"

He jumps up, pushing away Princess Luna's wing. "How can you joke about that? How... How can you!? I'm married and... and—"

"Oh... sorry." She blushes a bit. "I... was just trying to make you more relaxed about it... Just... sorry. Please understand that I have seen every possible dream in existence in my lifetime. It was one of the only things that kept me sane up there.... " She points at the cliché full moon hanging over them in the starry sky. "...even though I couldn't enter anypony's dreams, thanks to Tia's spell. Only watch."

"Yeah... okay. Sorry. Didn't mean to..." He sits down again with a glum expression. "Seems that all I'm doing lately is apologising."

"Believe me, nephew, I know the feeling."

The Princess falls silent, and after a moment Shining Armor looks up to see her still looking into the sky with a distant expression. The breeze rustling the grass turns cold, and they are sitting on a barren surface of rock and dust. No life has ever existed here, unlike on the beautiful blue orb filling the sky above them. He turns to look at the Princess, but finds himself alone in that forlorn place. "Uhh... Princess Luna?" he ask, but no sound comes out. He clutches his throat, finding no air to breathe.

A figure appears in front of him, standing tall on the rocky surface, her eyes turned up to watch the planet above: An alicorn mare of deepest black, clad in dull grey metal armour. Only thing moving in the whole scene is her billowing mane, dancing in the non-existent breeze of the moon. She turns to face the Prince, and a soul-numbing cold tries to crush his heart. Horror such as he never thought possible overwhelms him. He clambers up, desperate to flee the horror, but finds his body paralysed. The apparition of pure evil walks towards him, and he can finally see her face. It is twisted in an expression of the deepest hatred and fear one could imagine, but there is something else; on her cheeks are numerous beads of ice that he understands through his horror to be tears.

The cold vanishes, and Shining Armor is seated once again next to Princess Luna in her moonlit meadow. She shakes her head and returns to the reality of her own dreamscape. "Ah. Yes. We all have things that we would not prefer to think about sometimes, don't we?" She once again wraps her wing around the Prince. The cold has vanished from his body, but just the thought of spending even a second more in that horrible place makes him shiver.

"All that time? And it was like that?" he asks.

"You saw that? The moon? I did not mean to show you. Please forgive me."

Shining Armor doesn't really know how to answer, instead just nodding. They sit quietly in the warm meadow, before Luna clears her throat, trying to act very official.

"Now, I think it's time for young stallions like you to go to bed," Princess Luna says with a gentle smile. The Prince answers her smile with his own.

"One thing before I leave... uhm... Princess."

"Yes? What is it, nephew?"

"Lulu? Seriously?" he asks as his smile turns to reveal just a bit of his teeth.

"Oh nephew." She falls onto her back, dragging Shining Armor along her to the ground. "See that lovely moon out tonight?" She points at the lunar body in question hanging low above them.

"Y-yes?"

"If you don't want to see nightmares of being stuck there for the rest of your life, you will forget you ever heard that name."

"Yes, ma'am!"

Shining Armor opens his eyes drowsily. He is back in his own bed, the dawn still hours away. The memories of his conversation with the Princess, and the dream he saw before that are still vivid in his mind. He lifts his forehooves behind his head and stares at the dark ceiling and sighs.

At least she's a lot nicer than I thought... If that really was real and not a dream. Well it was a dream... Gah! Why does everything in this castle have to be so complicated? Maybe I should catch some shut-eye before I end up kelpie-ing tomorrow too.

He turns to his side, but feels a tug at his loins. Wondering what is wrong, pushes one of his hooves under his blanket, and finds both his cover, his legs, and the sheet below sticky with something very Royal.

"Oh... crap. Again?"

"Mmmhph?" Cadance mutters from his side.

"Nothing, Dear. Go back to sleep. Just a weird dream." He opts to stay on his back. "Just a dream."

Shining Armor sits in a comfortable chair. That is the only comfortable thing in his world right now.

The weekend went past slowly, mostly full of catching up on his tardy paperwork. He didn't really speak with Cadance, preferring to keep his distance after the quarrel they had. At least until he'd gotten started with his therapy, he promised himself. On Monday morning the maids had arrived again, giving a new meaning to 'Monday Morning Blues'. There were mentions of oysters. And then there's this.

"So..." The therapist rustles some papers. "Peppy tells me that you are suffering an erectile dysfunction due to psychological causes."

Yeah. My tool is broken. Go rub it in, will you?

With a large gulp, Shining Armor says weakly, "Uh... yes."

"Why is that?"

"Wait... what?" Shining Armor sits up in the recliner, looking at the therapist.

"What is the reason you cannot have an erection with your wife?" she answers in a patient tone.

"But... would I be here if I knew?"

"It is very likely that you do. You just haven't figured it out or admitted it to yourself yet." She pauses to take a breath. "Could you please tell me when you first noticed your problem? That might be a good place to start."

"It wasn't our wedding night. We were both totally exhausted and neither of us was really even trying. We practically just kissed and turned in for the night. The next night we got to our honeymoon bungalow at the Caypony Islands. I think that was the first time. We lay in bed together, I started to..." his words die down as he remembers where he is. "Sorry. I don't think I want to talk about it after all."

"If that is what you want, you don't have to. Tell me only the things you want to, but the more I know, the more I can help."

"The..."

The blazing sun was setting into the sea. Our little house was right on the beach, only a few feet from the ocean. Our porch faced west so we could watch the sunset together every evening. I returned from the beach side by side with Cady. We'd been lounging in the hot sun, and both of us were a bit red and tender from too much of it. We found out that having a light-coloured coat makes us get burned easier. Heh.

We had full room-service, so when we got back, there was a full dinner set for us outside. We ate something exotic. I remember there were lots of carrots for some reason. Both of us were trying to smile, even though our backs and sides were itching and stinging like mad. At least mine were. I finally caved in and asked if Cady would want me to put some after-sun on her, and she agreed and said she couldn't have waited any longer for me to ask.

So we went inside. She lay on our bed that could have easily fit four ponies at the same time. I mean, the room was practically just there for the bed. Nothing else. The little luggage we had with us were stashed in a small cupboard and that's about it. Everything else we got from room service. There was this weird paper on the wall that when we wrote on it, the ink disappeared after a moment and the service just came in. We once wrote as a joke 'A tofuburger, hayfries and lemonade for two, and a juggler,' and would you believe they delivered in under half an hour? Good burgers too, though they got a bit mushy after the guy had finished his act with them. And there were no other ponies for miles around. We had the whole few-hundred foot beach all to ourselves. And there was even a little wharf there. And the water was so clear that—

"Mister Armor, the place sounds lovely and I'm sure you have fond memories of it. But might you be avoiding a subject here?"

"I feel... really uncomfortable talking about these things."

"Then don't think about where you are. Close your eyes and tell me about your night."

Shining Armor takes a deep breath before continuing, but he does follow the mare's advice and closes his eyes.

Cadance laid herself on the bed and I rummaged in our luggage and found a tube of lotion. I sat at her side and started spreading it all over her body. She looks really thin and frail, but her body is so muscular and tough, like she was an earth pony under her pink coat. But when I started rubbing her, she completely melted. She made these little cute noises, like I was tickling her and not really massaging, but not in a bad way. She did giggle, though. A lot. After I'd finished with her neck, I climbed onto the bed myself and sat behind her. Cady spread her wings wide so I could reach around them better. You know, those wings are really huge. They were touching the walls on both sides. But I kept massaging and lotioning her. Is that even a word? Lotioning? But yeah. She started squirming and whinnying under me and her tail was pointing at the ceiling. I knew she was getting ready for... umm... sex. And I was ready for it too. I wanted her. I rubbed her flanks and gave them little smacks which jiggled her rump from side to side, and she lifted her backside up. And then... nothing happened. I tried to do stuff with my... thingy, but it wouldn't come up. She was asking for me to do it, saying that I was teasing her and being horrible, but I just... it wouldn't... come up.

I just said I was tired and that I wasn't feeling okay after the sun. She was disappointed, but said it was okay. She told me to get on the bed and rubbed me down with the after sun and we hugged and kissed for a moment... but it just felt so empty. Everything we did. I... didn't feel like doing it at all.

"That is good, Mister Armor." The therapist's words shook the stallion back to reality, and to the living-room slash office of the mare. "Now go back to how you felt back then. Tell me what you were thinking."

"I can't remember. It's been a few weeks since then."

"One cannot simply forget what he thinks at a time like that. There are so many thoughts and emotions, and this would have been your first time making love after your marriage. You must remember."

Shining Armor looks at the doctor with his mouth agape. "It's not like we hadn't done ...it before we got married and the whole changeling thing."

"But you still remember, don't you?"

This is horseapples! Some of that psychological mumbo-jumbo. Why did I even come here?

He jumps up from the chair and walks to the door. "I think this was a bad idea. I... better go."

"Are you sure about that? We are here to deal with your issues. If you could work them out on your own, you wouldn't have come here to meet me." The dead calm in her voice is in stark contrast to what it was before. "And I'm sorry to tell you that this might not be an easy process."

Shining Armor looks at the door. His hoof is still on the handle, but he hasn't opened the door. I can do it any time I want. Just walk out the door. Anytime I want. But I promised Cady. And the door isn't going away, right?

Instead of storming out, the stallion walks to the chair and climbs back in. He shoots one more longing look at the exit.

Please don't go anywhere, door!

After a small pause he simply says, "It's Cadance. Or not Cadance, but... the Changeling Queen. She looked like Cadance and... Seeing Cadance makes me remember her."

"What do you feel right now?" the therapist calmly asks.

"I don't know," Shining Armor says in a sure voice.

"Please remember that this only works if you are honest. You would not be lying to me, but yourself."

"But... I'm not lying... I'm just... " How dare she call me a liar? One of the most honest and... sincere... he pauses for a moment and then lowers his head to his hooves. Who am I kidding? "...lying. I'm lying. Sorry."

"How do you feel?"

The dreams. The tiredness. The tittering maids and his anger and frustration. They all start running in his mind, hammering at the floodgates like a battering ram. "Ashamed," his voice starts to crack slightly. "I'm ashamed that I can't... that I'm afraid that..." he can't continue, because the words are all getting jumbled in his head. "I can't do this!"

"You are doing fine, Mister Armor. You have a lot on your mind, and I am here to help you."

"I don't want to say it out loud!" he tries desperately.

"If you already know what you don't want to say, then you have already admitted it to yourself. And you must tell me so I can help you."

"I'm scared, okay?" he finally gets the truth out. "I'm living with a mare. I have to push papers all day long. I go to posh dinners with people who sneer at me for being a commoner that's become a Prince. I'm... so out of my depth with everything. I didn't think becoming a Prince was this hard! I don't understand anything that's going on around me! I'm used to the military. Strict orders. Rules and regulations. Lots of shouting..." He is out of breath from spilling his guts, but a fire burns in his chest. He doesn't stop. "I hate everything about my life in the castle. And I don't even know if even this is going to last. There's talk that I would have to move to the Crystal Kingdom up North. I hardly have time to see my friends and family as is... And then I'd see them even less! And... and... " His throat runs dry. He hasn't even noticed that he is shouting. "I sometimes go for days without seeing another stallion. Everypony in the castle seems to be a mare. I'm not used to stuff like that. " He finally stops, completely out of breath.

"How does it make you feel, being around mares all day long?"

"I... I don't know." He has returned to a more conversational tone, with the anger cooling down.

"Yes you do," the therapist simply says.

"GARGH! Don't you understand this isn't easy?!"

"I know it isn't. How does it feel to be around mares all day?"

"I feel like... I'm not a stallion anymore! There, I said it. Are you happy now?" he glares at the therapist.

She doesn't even bat an eyelid at him. For some reason, her unresponsiveness feels like a bucket of ice-cold water being poured down his back, and he leans back against the chair.

"I can't get my tool up no matter how much I try," he says. "I can't have sex with my wife. I get talked down by every mare I meet, from the Princesses to the... to the damn cleaning staff! And... the dreams."

"Do you have recurring dreams?" the therapist asks, scribbling some notes on to her papers like an automaton.

"Yeah. And... they're bad." He shakes his head. "Real bad."

"Do you have nightmares?"

"Yeah. And no. I keep seeing... sex dreams."

"Do they make you feel uncomfortable?"

"No... you don't get it. It's because in the dreams I'm in bed with... the Changeling Queen." He feels his lunch trying to have a peak at his oesophagus, but forces it down.

"This would be the changeling that you lived with before your wedding?"

"Lived with? That's... a weird way of putting it."

"How would you put it?"

"She used me, okay? She made me think she was Cady. We made love... " he can't continue. A new thought has started to take shape in his mind in his head. The therapist sits quietly, waiting for him to continue.

Used me. We made love. She used magic. She made me...

The clock ticks on the wall.

He looks for a way out, but his mind has finally caught up with him.

The pendulum cuts time into small slivers.

The stallion curls up in the chair, his breath coming in shorter gasps.

Seconds pass by.

He looks at the ceiling, his eyes already watering from what he is about to say.

"Was... was I... raped?" he whimpers.

Sassy doesn't respond immediately, instead waiting if the stallion is about to continue.

"Isn't that what it's called? Forcing me to... against my will?"

"The circumstances here are—" she starts, but is immediately interrupted.

"Answer me."

"It is not about what I think, but what you think."

"I... I was raped," he says, and after a moment, adds in a whisper, "Fuck."

Sassy takes a deep breath before replying. "I'm sorry to say that it is considered rape if someone forces you to have sex with them without your consent, by force or by coercion." Her every word seems to make Shining Armor grow smaller in the chair. Tears are running down his cheeks.

"Coercion. Yeah. With magic. She used that sick magic on me and... made me love her! Made me think she was Cady. And I did. I told Cady that I didn't remember what happened back then, that it was all a blur. But that's not true. We made love. More than I ever did with Cadance. All that time she was trapped and alone and hungry underground."

"You can't blame yourself for being under a spell. It wasn't your fault."

"Thanks. That's SO helpful. So now I'm a rape victim. Whoopdie-bucking-doo." He throws his hooves up in the air theatrically, tears still running on his face, but the therapist makes no further comment.

Shining Armor continues. "How stupid am I? It took me a month to figure this out? It's obvious, isn't it? R-rape. Does... does everypony else realise?"

"It is often difficult to come to terms with what has happened after a traumatic event—"

"Oh my Celestia... Cadance... and... Twilight? Do they know? D-do they know I... But I didn't mean to! I... To Cadance. I didn't tell her. And I'm not sure if Twily could figure it out." He slams both of his hooves onto his face. "Of course she did. She's way smarter than me. It's obvious, isn't it? What's the best way for a changeling to suck the love out of somepony than to have sex? And Cady? I... how can I even..." Shining Armor's forehooves start to shake uncontrollably. He slams them to the hoofrests of the chair, but it brings him no relief. The same kind of cold feeling he felt in Princess Luna's moonscape creeps into his chest, threatening to crush his chest.

Sassy Swallow appears next to him. He didn't even realise she'd gotten up or walked over. "Try to close your eyes and only concentrate on breathing," she says. "It will pass. It always does. Breathe. Breathe." She starts to breathe loudly, at a slow, calm pace. Shining Armor tries to match it, and slowly, but surely the pain in his chest ebbs away. Instead of cold, he feels almost drowsy, and all of his limbs feel like he'd just marched twenty miles.

"There we go. Just breathe," The therapist is still at his side. "Good. Can you talk?"

"Yeah. What the hay just happened?" he asks, and wonders why he is feeling so calm.

"It was a panic attack."

"What? But I... panic? I don't panic. I'm a soldier!" His words are like those of a pleading foal who is trying to excuse himself for crying in public.

"You are all right now. Just take a few more breaths." She walks back to her chair and sits down. "Do you think you can continue today, or should we cut this session short?"

"I'm okay," he says.

"Would you like to change the subject?"

"Huh? Shouldn't we be talking about... the thing we just talked about?"

"We can do that too if you wish. It is up to you."

"I was just thinking about Cady. I mean... I like being with her, you know? Just... eating with her, sleeping next to her, laughing at silly jokes with her. But whenever I think about her, I remember... the Queen. And I get scared. Me, a Captain... argh... Commander of the Guard, being afraid. I try to tell myself it's not true, that she's not the same. But it doesn't work like that! And... there's something worse."

He takes a slow breath to try and calm his emotions, with little success. "You know what's the worst part? It's not even the fact that I was... that she forced herself on me. It's that I LIKED it! That Queen... she was so... good. And... yeah. She was so much better in bed than Cadance!" He stops and looks around to see if the world was going to end with his confession. He is disappointed to find that it didn't. "I can't stop thinking about it when I'm with Cadance. It was more than her magic. I never... Cadance was my first in bed. Some mares did offer themselves for me before but... not with anypony else. Only with Cadance... and that... Queen."

"You were under the spell before the wedding. It might have changed your perception on the events."

"IT'S NOT ABOUT THE MAGIC!" he shouts and puts both of his forehooves on his head. "She... we... I know when she changed places with Cadance. It was when our sex got... awesome. Her magic worked slowly, but the things we did together were so good from the beginning... oh Celestia."

"You knew when the Changeling Queen replaced Princess Cadance?" Sassy asks him, her tone revealing disappointment even through her professional facade.

"I didn't know what was going on back then. But I knew something was different from the way Cada... the Queen acted. And... I really didn't want to ask. It was so different with Cadance." he once again stops. "She was just so good in bed. And I keep dreaming of her! It's sick, but in my dreams I wake up and think I'm making love to the Queen."

...her tight flanks...

"And... I like it. "

...her sweet taste...

"I like the dream."

Every thrust...

"Even when I wake up..."

She squirms under me, but begs me to continue...

"I lied to Cadance about it, that I didn't remember the dream."

...So tight. So... perfect.

"But she was so good, so... Oh... NONONONO!"

Shining Armor bends forward and covers his nethers with both of his hooves. He feels his throbbing member sliding out of its sheath and reaching up, and the position he is seated in makes it impossible for him to cover it completely. "Sorry! I didn't... This is... "

"Quite alright, Mister Armor. That has happened to several of my male patients in the past, and I assure you it is completely natural. Just please forget about it." Her voice is patient and calming, once again her normal neutral tone.

He fidgets around with his hooves, contemplating whether to uncover his half-hidden erection, but he lets go and falls back to the chair with a blush. Little Prince stays standing up in attention, reaching for the ceiling. Shining Armor tries to close his eyes, and shortly considers trying to think about hoofball, but soon gives up.

“So... that's my story. I think I don't want to make love to Cadance because I know it wouldn't be as good as with... The Changeling Queen. And also the scared part. Hay... I don't even know which. I'm so messed up in the head, aren't I?”

The room falls silent for a moment; the only sound in the room is the scribbling of a pen against paper from the therapist. "How do you feel right now?" she asks.

"I don't know. I guess... relieved. I've never even thought of telling about these things to anypony else," he says and sighs.

"Please remember that this is not a confessional. You tell me things the way you think and I offer you different ways of thinking about them. But I must admit that you have made several great advancements today, even though it might not feel like it."

"I have?" he asks with confusion clear on his face.

"For one, you are a very honest stallion, and that makes your task much easier." She smiles at Shining Armor, which he sees only partially behind his hardened member. "Our time together today is almost done, but we have a few minutes of time. There is one question I would like you to think about before our next session. Do you think you could do that for me?"

"Couldn't we... continue? I'm not sure if I can do this again. All the stuff... Please don't tell Cadance, okay? Just—" He sits up, his voice growing higher in pitch as panic once again tries to take over.

"I would never tell anypony. And no, we work together for one hour at a time, and then we rest. There are so many things we must work out that we would exhaust ourselves if we tried to do it all in one go. But if you would, there is something you could do for next time."

"I... sure. If it helps then... sure." His ears flop down onto his head.

"I would like you to think about how you feel about the Changeling Queen. And I mean in every aspect, as a lover, as a partner, as an enemy, as a threat to Equestria."

"That's easy!" he proclaims boldly, "I hate her guts so much that I—"

"Dream of having sex with her and fantasise about her while awake. We have made a good start, but I'm sorry to say that there is a lot of work ahead of us."

Shining Armor gets up from his comfortable chair, his member still throbbing half-hard as he turns to stand. His feet don't carry him even one step and he has to fall down onto his haunches in front of the therapist. "I... I'm pretty sick... ain't I?"

"You have a problem, but I'm sure that you can get through it with my help. And I understand that your mind is in a great state of confusion right now."

His lips turn back to reveal his teeth in something that tries to resemble a grin. "Got that right."

"Go out. Have a walk. Take in a bit of air. Go drink a cup of tea. Just do not go home immediately. Go somewhere where you would never usually go. Allow your mind to rest for a while. You've earned it."

Author's Note

Thanks for this chapter go to my awesome new editor, Kopa, and my trusty pre-reader, ChuckFinley, who enjoys ripping my story into shreds to make it better. Wuv you both. <3

My Little Shiny

Canterlot feels exceptionally cold to the Prince as he walks out of the clinic. He enjoys it immensely. The autumn wind blowing through the narrow cobblestone streets reminds him of the winter to come. His short fur is already thickening in preparation for the snow and ice, and the small sheen of sweat he had accumulated in the therapist's couch evaporates, leaving only a slight chill in its wake.

Shining Armor looks around him. The streets are once again empty, with all the respectable ponies of the ancient capital still at work, and the non-respectable ones still asleep. It is the time of day that makes the city feel like a ghost town. Some distant shouts carry from the side streets, and the rumbling of an especially laden carriage echoes in the stone buildings, but no ponies are visible to him.

He has no idea of where to go. He has lived most of his life in this city, but it feels alien today. After all the tumult in Shining Armor's life lately, the wedding, the constant stress and the changes that they have brought with them, he feels like a stranger in the streets. Wherever he has gone lately, a contingent of honour guards, lackeys, bootlickers, politicians, nobles or other scum have followed him around, or at the least, been waiting for him at his destination. But today, there is no destination.

This is not Manehattan, the giant metropolis of the East, where one could get lost forever between the skyscrapers. Neither is it Las Pegasus, the gem of the desert, where all the crap that happens in that city of sin is covered in flashing lights and loud music. There is dignity in Canterlot. But there is something more; something beneath the surface of the city. Everypony who has lived there feels it. The eternal architecture around him looks upon him, the empty awnings gaping at him like hungry mouths from the ancient marble buildings. He remembers his childhood, where he wouldn't leave his mother's side when walking through the city in fear of the old houses swallowing him whole. The thought, or maybe the cold breeze, make a cold shiver run down his body.

The feeling passes. He sighs and laughs silently at himself, for a moment forgetting who he is: A grown stallion, one of the most influential ponies of the whole nation. A stranger appears from an alley, hurrying somewhere without even looking around. His appearance shakes the last remnants of the Prince's reminiscence, and he sets off to nowhere in particular.

Shining Armor walks without direction, turning corners at random, staring into the windows of shops or the quiet restaurants, sometimes somepony from inside waving a hoof at him and he answers on reflex, but mostly he goes unnoticed.

"Guess nopony really recognises me without Cady by my side. Or the golden carriages."

He sits for a while on a park bench, watching an elderly couple throw stale breadcrumbs for the few birds in the small pond that have yet to fly south. There are such a small number of them that the pegasi have probably missed them when gathering the migratory birds for their autumn exodus. The trees around wave in the cold wind, and their multi-coloured leaves fall down onto the ground. Even the sky feels grey, telling Shining Armor that winter is coming soon.

The Prince walks around, his mind more on his surroundings than the troubles in his mind. A side-effect of being a career soldier: You don't let your mind wander too much. You keep vigilant, looking for trouble or ambushes, even in your own hometown. It is exactly why he notices the small cardboard box, sitting alone in an alley behind a bakery. It is seldom that you find littering in Canterlot, and on a whim, he walks over to it. The box is filled with trash. He shrugs and walks away, not really sure what made him enter the alley in the first place, but continues down it aimlessly nevertheless.

At the other end of the alley he finally finds his destination, though he didn't know it as such when he set off from the clinic. A small shop sits unassumingly between a barbershop and a launderer. At first he assumes it to be some sort of an office because the windows are covered with black curtains on the inside. The Prince almost passes it by, but his heightened perception picks up the small golden print on the door:

"Honey & Copper's store of erotica and paraphernalia for distinguished adults," he reads aloud. The respectability of the establishment is only slightly marred with the word "adults" being written in almost thrice the size of the rest of the text, underlined, and with a small, hand written note taped next to it on the inside of the glass that reads "This means you, Wood Chipper and your chums. The fake moustache isn't fooling anypony, so stop trying to get in or I'm telling your mum again."

He stops and stares dumbfounded at the name, and the additional note.

There's actually something like this in Canterlot? A... a porn shop? It's not like I didn't read those lingerie catalogues when I was young, but a whole store?

His curiosity piqued; he reaches for the handle of the door, but hesitates.

What kind of a pony would I be if I went inside? Isn't this kind of place only for weird loners that only collect comics and live off fast food? And... do weird stuff.

Two young mares, in what they think of fashionable clothes and an overabundance of make-up freezing their faces in a permanent sneer, walk past him and snicker.

Oh dear Luna, what kind of a pervert do I look like standing here?

A tiny blush tries to creep onto his face, but he shakes it off, remembering the oldest military tactic he has ever been taught:

When in doubt, CHARGE!

He grabs the handle, and squeezing his eyes shut, throws the door wide open and dashes inside. And crashes into another pony. They fall down in a jumble of hooves, with Shining Armor ending on his back on the ground, and the other pony lying on top of him.

"Yeouch," they complain in unison, before opening their eyes.

"SHINY!?"
"TWILY!?"

The two siblings stare into each other's eyes from only a few inches away, before the purple mare scampers up. She grabs a small paper bag from the floor in a quick hug, making sure its contents are still inside.

A stallion with his mane folded over one of his eyes and a yellow scarf around his neck appears next to her. He looks at Shining Armor with disapproval, but it is soon replaced with worry as he turns to Twilight Sparkle.

"Miss Sparkle! Are you alright? Should I call for a nurse?" he says in a high-pitched nasal voice.

"Everything is okay, Miss Copper. Just bumped into my... brother..."

The sister and brother turn their backs to each other and blush fiercely.

"So uhh..." they start simultaneously.

Shining Armor braves on and continues, "Tea?"

"Yes. Tea," she answers.

A few minutes and an equal amount of confusing streets later, the two siblings find themselves in Le Grande Retour (subsidiary of Fancy Pants Inc, all rights reserved), one of the trendiest and most hip places for equine to gather in Canterlot. It was the first place they found, and is almost empty, which suits their clandestine meeting perfectly. The warmth and the exotic aromas wafting from behind the counter allow their muscles to relax after their trot through the chilly air. They pick up a table near the windows, which turns out to offer a beautiful view of Canter Valley below.

A waitress approaches them. She has a simple, yet high-quality apron in front of her, which is the only simple thing about her: There are enough golden hairpins, combs, ribbons, bows and even a small tiara in her mane to make her look more like a Hearth's Warming Eve tree. It is jangly, looks silly, and must be very uncomfortable to wear. In a word, haute couture.

"'Allo, my dear customers. I am Silky Suave, moi will be your serveur today," she says with exaggerated guttural rhotics gargling in her throat. The mare lays two exquisitely decorated menus on the table for the two. "Oh la la, but if it isn't freezing outside? Such a perfect day for a little tryst between young lovérs, is it not?"

"Oh no no no no!" Twilight Sparkle immediately interjects. "We're not... we're just a brother and sister." Both of the siblings blush heavily, trying to look away.

"Mon dieu! I was just teasing! How could I evér doubt our beloved Prince and The Element Of Magic of such things?" she says with a small giggle.

They order the Tea Of The Day, which has several ingredients that neither of them has ever heard of. Silky Suave leaves the two blushing ponies in her wake.

"So... uh... Guess we're kinda famous?" Shining Armor says.

"Well... we are kind of national heroes," Twilight answers, with just a hint of indignation in her voice.

"Huh. Never thought of it like that," the Prince says, before his eyes almost bulge out from their sockets. "Twily have you seen the prices? The tea we just ordered cost 10 bits! For a simple cup of tea!" he whispers loudly.

"Guess that's why there's nopony here?" Twilight Sparkle says with a smirk. “Also, she said 'moi', but the correct phrase is 'je', so I think she's faking it.” Shining Armor stares at her bookworm of a sister in disbelief, and they burst into a giggle, their shared mirth breaking some of the tension they've gathered up from the day's events.

"So..." he starts.

"So...?" she answers.

"Uhm... lovely weath—"

"So aren't you going to ask me what I bought?" Her eyes have taken on the familiar glimmer of a fanatic lector about to start a monologue.

Shining Armor gives up. There's no stopping her sister when she has that look. "Fine. What did you get?"

"I thought you'd never ask!" She levitates the bag onto the table and pulls out a book and a black box before her brother has time to intercept. "They're Neighsa Balls. I read about them in a Japonyan book about sexual health. A mare inserts them and uses them to stimulate the abdominal muscles to make them stronger." To Shining Armor, her voice sounds like a shout, and as he glances nervously around, he is certain that the other ponies in the restaurant are now listening in on them. And laughing at them. About the Prince and his crazy sister talking about sex toys in public. One of the ponies he looks at seems to blush and gives him a nervous wave of her hoof. This confirms Shining Armor's worst fears: she must have heard what his sister just said.

Twilight Sparkle doesn't seem to notice; instead she pops the package open, and a row of a few small orbs connected by a string slowly descend on the table surrounded by her magic. Shining Armor is halfway over the table in a fraction of a second, trying to cover the offending material from possible onlookers. He misses his grab, and ends up with the string of orbs on his muzzle. With some quick thinking, he slams a menu on top of them with a loud bang.

"Twilight! We're in public!" he whispers. His nervous glances seem to confirm that they are now the center of attention.

She looks at him with a raised brow, a good scientific rant interrupted before it could even get started properly.

"I'm sure they can't hear us, Shiny. Typical pony speech at an average volume in a space like this can typically only carry as far as—"

"Whatever! Geez! Put it away, okay? Can you explain without a show-and-tell? Please?" A cold bead of sweat drops down from his mane onto his fur, sending goosebumps rippling along his back.

"Hmph." She levitates the small balls back into the box and packs it away. She leaves the book on the table and opens it at her bookmark, showing his brother a very graphic image of how the orbs are actually used. He finds himself both reluctant, and very interested to look at the pictures.

"So, in practical BBBFF-ese, what do they do?" he asks.

"They, uhm... make a mare tighter down there. And are also a good practice for pregnancy and childbirth."

"You aren't..." he asks with his eyes wide, making Twilight rear back in horror.

"No! Of course not! And I don't even have a coltfriend yet," she says defensively, but retaliates. "But I will, one day. And I will have foals. And it's not like the application of the balls wouldn't stimulate the erogenous zones—"

"Twily! Uncle! TMI!" he says while waving both of his hooves in front of him as if to ward off the knowledge of his sisters self-gratification.

"What? It's completely natural. And I know you do it."

"Wait, what? How?" he asks, his tongue lost somewhere in his gullet.

"We lived in the same room, remember? I saw you do it many times in the toilet with the lingerie magazines, and also when you thought I was asleep and you made so much noise that I thought you were choking or something. And the huge pile of tissues you left in the trash. So when I asked mom if you were sick, she explained to me about masturbation and that it was completely natural for a colt of your age to—"

"Mom? You... me? Asked? You told mom that I... "

"Yeah. She told me how fillies do it too, and told me it's nothing to be ashamed of. Just that it's something you should do in private. She actually said she was proud of you... Is there something wrong?" Twilight asks in confusion.

Shining Armor finally manages to catch his breath. "Let's never, ever speak of this again. Ever."

"But—"

"Never. Ever." He glares at the smaller mare, trying to stare her down with sheer desperation. To his surprise, he succeeds.

"Fine. But I still think you're being a baby."

"Well... yeah. But it's just that..." he rubs the back of his head with a forehoof and a small bead of sweat appears on his forehead. "I never thought my little sister would go to a shop like that."

"Miss Copper runs a nice establishment. And it's not like I haven't been there before."

"Miss Copper? Wasn't he a... he?"

"He's... homoamorous. And he wishes to be called a Miss."

"But still, a porn shop—"

"Erotic shop for adults. I'll have you know that I am an adult mare and can visit such establishments as I see fit!" she says with a childish pout. "And you were going there too, weren't you?"

"I wasn't!" He turns away to look outside from the window, afraid to meet her eyes. "I just happened to pass by and got curious." To his surprise, his mumbling is answered with a giggle.

"Shiny, there's nothing wrong with taking care of your sexual health."

"I dunno. Feels weird, that's all."

"Are you really saying that you haven't been to an erotic store before, BBBFF?" she asks incredulously.

"It's not something I should be talking about with my little sister," he mumbles.

"Really? Never?" Twilight stares at him in disbelief.

He cannot bring himself to answer, and the lull in the conversation is only extended because Silky returns with their drinks. Twilight takes a sip from his tea and pushes her tongue out like a foal.

"Hot!" she says while waving her hoof at her tongue.

"There's a grown mare for you," Shining Armor remarks, and they share a smile. He takes a sip from his drink, being careful not to burn his own tongue.

"Hmm... for a 10 bit cup of tea, this really isn't that bad." The warm drink drives the last of the chill from his body, and he finally allows his posture to slump down a bit.

"But honestly. Never?" Twilight asks.

"Fine. Never. You happy now?"

"Wow. And I thought stallions could hardly stay away from there. I mean, with all the—"

"Waa waa waa not listening!" He slams his forehooves to his ears, earning amused glances from the two other occupied tables. He quickly returns his hooves to his lap and stares after them in embarrassment. Twilight barely manages not to laugh as she tries to take a refined sip from her drink, the official duty of all younger siblings to torment their big brothers fulfilled.

"So are you going there? I can come with you if you'd like. I know their inventory by heart—"

"Twily! Why in Equestria do you know that?" His words are slurred because of his slack jaw.

"Well... ehehe..." She smiles awkwardly. "Their catalogue kind of came in the mail and I couldn't resist reading it. And because I couldn't let Spike see it, I had to commit all of it into memory before I disposed of it." She sips her tea. "Although I wonder how much Spike could get out of their products. There isn't too much material on the sexual development of baby dragons in any of my books, and most of Miss Copper's stuff is ponies only."

"Wasn't there another one? Copper and..."

"Honey Pot. She makes and sells the more... unusual items."

"I know I'm going to regret this, but I guess it's par for the course lately." He takes a deep breath to steady his nerves. "What kind of unusual?"

This makes even Twilight Sparkle blush a little bit. "The... kinky kind. Like... saddles, bits and bridles, hoofcuffs, even..." she gulps. "...riding crops."

"Seriously? Ponies really use that kind of stuff? I mean, saddles I understand because I've seen many mares use them..."

"Made of pleather? Tied up with tight strings? With additional holes to force the wearer's tail to point up? And it's not like they're all for mares."

"You're enjoying this too much, Twily," Shining Armor says in defeat and crumples on the table with one hoof held forward, the other still nursing his cup.

"You're one to talk. You were always the one to teach me things outside of books. It's nice to be the teacher for once." Twilight Sparkle gives him a gentle smirk, which is soon answered. He gets up once he notices how much of a slouch he must seem, and a mighty yawn escapes his lips.

"I have to get to the station soon. If I don't make the train, the next one's going to be two hours and twelve minutes."

"Let me guess... you couldn't let Spike read the train schedule either?"

"No, silly. Why would I do someth... oh. Very funny."

"Gotcha. But why do you need the train? Can't you just magic your way to Ponyville?"

"I thought about it, but the last time I tried it with luggage, the luggage ended up almost burned to a crisp. And when I say luggage, I mean Spike. Good thing he's fireproof."

"I'll walk you to the station," he says while getting up. He drops twenty bits on the table and walks over to his sister and pulls her chair back like a gentlecolt.

"Oh, my. What a charming knight in—"

"Shining Armor you are. That's so old." He feigns exasperation with his hoof on his forehead, but they both end up giggling like foals.

The siblings walk to the door and turn to wave at the waitress, who returns their farewell, along with the rest of the customers, which makes Shining Armor flatten his ears along his head once again.

The streets have started to fill up, ponies coming from work and heading home or to shop. They still manage to walk side by side in the crowd. "So did you visit the folks?" he asks.

"Didn't you know? Mom and Dad are on a vacation at Las Palominos," she says while dodging two foals who have run away from their shouting mother.

"Huh? Why doesn't anypony tell me anything lately?"

"They told me they'd sent you a letter about it because you were so busy."

The Prince's mind wanders back to a certain pile of neglected paperwork on his worktable. He returns a diplomatic. "Oh, must have missed it."

The crowd thickens the closer they get to the station, and Shining Armor walks in front to make room for the smaller mare. They soon end at the platform, and Twilight's train is already loading passengers.

The purple mare turns to hug her big brother, having to climb onto her hind legs to reach his neck. "Why did you have to grow so big? I need a stepladder just to hug you."

"Blame dad. He always hid the cookies on the top shelf."

"Now who's the one making old jokes, BBBFF?"

"Guilty as charged. But seriously though, you have to come visit me and Cady properly sometime. We really miss you."

"I'll try. There's just so much stuff going on in Ponyville. Just last week I had to find the real Pinkie Pie from her fifty clones."

"Not going to ask."

"Tee-hee." She turns and moves for the train, whooshing her tail from side to side along with her rump without even noticing. And then she turns to look over her shoulder and blows him a raspberry, reminding him that's she's still the same little sister.

"Bye, BBBFF!" She shouts, and Shining Armor waves after her. As she vanishes through the doors, he is left alone in the crowd. For some reason, his mind keeps wandering back to their conversation in the café. He tries to shake his head and turns to walk back to the castle, but his mind catches up and races past him.

They make a mare tighter down there.

Not going there.

Stimulate the erogenous zones.

Wonder how she does it? NO NO NO! Not going to think about that.

I am NOT going to think about that. She's my little

Cute, petite, adult mare, who is clearly very self-conscious of her marehood.

Watched you do it several times.

She watched me do it? Maybe... she did it to herself at the same time? I had the top bed, but did she put her own hoof between her legs and... CRAP

He feels the erection press against his stomach. In horror, he scans around him if somepony has already noticed him. Luckily for him, nopony has stopped to stare at him yet. But a group of schoolfoals are walking through the throng of ponies, clearly returning from their field-trip to Canterlot. And they're bound to see under his stomach.

And then one of them will ask their teacher and CRAP CRAP CRAP!

He looks around, the familiar feeling of panic gripping his chest.

Prince! I can't be seen here like this! I'd be kicked out of the castle. Or banished. Have to hide, have to...

His darting eyes find the safe haven he is looking for. He barrels through the crowd, heedlessly pushing ponies left and right. This is the only place he can feel safe, the rest of the portals of rapture marked with signs of 'Closed For Maintenance'. His salvation is close, but somepony else is almost at the last door. He pushes him to the side, muttering, "Emergency." The stallion shouts something about it being his turn, but Shining Armor doesn't listen. He grabs the door to the toilet, and slams it shut behind him, hearing the comforting sound of the lock clicking shut after him.

Panting, he leans on the wall. The toilet he is in is made for just one pony, the room being only a few feet across. There is only a stool, a sink and a mirror, nothing else. He carefully takes a breath. His nose cringes at the smell of the base stench of the cleaning agents, but at least it's not the acrid ammonia scent he dreaded to find in a public toilet.

They must have just cleaned or something. Lucky me.

His legs shake uncontrollably, and he can't stay standing. Slowly, he slides down to the floor, only making sure that his Little Shiny doesn't touch the floor. It stands strong against the receding panic and heavy breathing of its owner, minding its own business, which is to point at the ceiling and wait for a mare to sit on it. The hormones that rush through his body accompany the adrenaline, and he feels ready to burst on the spot. He closes his eyes.

This is not happening. I'm not hiding in a public toilet with a boner.

He opens his eyes and looks down.

Yeah. I am.

He slams the back of his head on the wall and looks at the lamp in the ceiling.

"Fuck."

And why is he here? Because...

Because of the swaying hips of the little mare, entering the train. Because of the purple flanks of a creature that he never thought of anything else than a kid sister. The uplifted tail, the precocious remarks. The pictures, the neighsa balls. "They even have hoofcuffs and riding crops," her voice swims through his head.

"Stop! Thinking! About! Your! SISTER!" he accentuates every desperate word with a slam against the wall.

Someone responds his slams with a heavy knock on the door next to him. "Hey, buddy! Other people need to go too. Hurry it up will ya?"

I can't stay here. I have to get out.

His member has different ideas, relentlessly standing tall against the crisis of its owner.

Horseapples! Here goes. Trottingham versus Liverypool. Second half. Doni Poni has the ball at the goal. He turns around and kicks it far to the midfield. Coats is far from his defence zone, but picks up the ball from mid-air and passes it in one fluid motion to Joe Colt. He charges in, his moustachioned muzzle cutting the air in front. Dodging the second line of defence, he passes to the purple mare walking slowly to the train, her rump making inviting... this isn't working! What else can I try? Oh yeah! Cadance! My lovely, dear, wife. The love of my life! The... big, strong alicorn that always wants to be on top when we make love. Even on our wedding night she made all the moves, making me follow suit. I was tapped out from the day at the beach, but she wanted it so bad. And something else happened—

Someone slams an angry hoof on the door. "Come on! This ain't funny, bro!"

"Just... just a minute!" he answers. He levitates a piece of toilet paper to himself and tries to remember how to fold a crane out of it. It takes him several minutes, but he finally admits defeat and tosses it to the bowl. He looks down, and Little Shiny stares back.

Okay. That didn't work either. Why don't I think about... An image of the Changeling Queen wiggling her chitinous backside to him is soon followed by a thought of him turning to kiss Princess Luna in the moonlit meadow.

"Crap! Why won't it stop?!" His mind once again returns to his sister. Her giggles, her little ribs at him.

She's always so understanding. And she said it was completely natural. And Luna said there's nothing wrong with stuff happening in your dreams? Isn't imagination kinda the same? So if I just... think about Twily and never tell her...

The mere thought is enough to send a cramp through his abdomen, his erection hardening even more.

"Dude, you okay in there? Should I call a janitor? Or a doctor?" It's a different voice from before. He tries to shut the sounds from his mind and pushes his hooves to his tool, rubbing it from both sides. The short fur on the sides of his hooves feels familiar, like meeting an old friend after a long time.

Hay, when was the last time I did this? It has to be before we got together with Cady. Oh yeah, she had oestrus in the spring so we could do it and I did it back then. So... half a year? Oh yeah, gotta make this quick. So Twilight. I'm... pushing her on the floor of my room... Crap this is so wrong. She moans like she wants me to put it in. She's dripping wet. Why? Cos I... licked her. Yeah. I licked her sweet, tight little slit. I licked it and she liked it. My little Twilight. Come to big brother.

"Give it to me, Big Brother Best Fuck Forever!" she yells in desperation I grab her flanks and she waves her butt from side to side. I bite on her tail and yank her up. She squeals and obeys, lifting her backside even higher. I smell her juices. They are dripping on the carpet. Heh. Those bloody maids will take ages to get that out. I'm going to make them do it with their tongues. And I'll watch. Serves them right. I'm going to make such a mess they'll crumple and cry when they see the stains. Hah! Aah! I can't take it anymore. Twily, bring your sweet ass here. Mmmh... oh yes. You're so tight I can hardly get it in.

"It's the neighsa balls. I practiced just for you, Shiny. I love you, Shiny."

"Shut up and bite the carpet. All I want to hear from you is your moaning."

"Aaah!" she answers me and I thrust in the whole way. She shrieks in pain, but when I back off, she shouts "More! Give it to me! I want it!"

"I told you... to shut up!" I yell and thrust back in. She squeals like the little mare she is. Not like Cady, but like a obedient...little.... Aaaah! I thrust and I thrust and she feels slipperier every push but her slit is still tight as if it was her first time. Hay, it might be. Yeah. I can even feel the little trickle of blood on my balls for taking her virginity. Oh yes! I'm taking my little sister's virginity and she's loving it! And then... and then...!

The pulses start in his stomach, and he barely has time to aim his tool away from himself. The splatter lands about a foot from his tip, and slowly the pulses slow down, the semen drawing a line to the furthest point to just where it was launched. The world swims in his eyes from the relief, but only for a few seconds. Then the horror returns.

I... I just... with my little sister.

The waves of nausea almost make him sick on the floor, but he swallows it back in.

"Sir? This is Lance-Constable Silverhoof of the Royal Guard. Are you alright in there? Sir? Please exit the lavatory or I will have to open it, by force if necessary.

"Just... a minute," he manages to say while suppressing his retches. He moves to take a drink from the sink, but feels his hind hoof slide on the floor.

Crap! That's my... argh.

He grabs several feet of toilet paper from the roll and sweeps it all along the floor, trying to catch as much of the offending material as possible. Tears are forming in his eyes from his thoughts, and he throws the clump of paper into the toilet and flushes it down. His tool has fallen flaccid to his relief, and he takes a few seconds more to wash his forehooves. And then he bravely opens the door.

A group of several ponies stand in a semi-circle around the door. One of them, the stallion he cut past dashing into the toilet and locking it in one sweeping movement. The two guards that had been summoned, stare with open mouths at their Commander, and after a small hesitation, salute him. He returns the greeting.

"Back to your posts, guardsponies. And leave this incident out of the reports. Matter of National Security. Need To Know. You don't need to. Am I making myself clear?"

"Yes, sah!" they say in unison, and leave at full trot.

Shining Armor doesn't even look at the other ponies, just makes a beeline for the exit. When he gets back on the street, he grabs a cab and heads for the Castle, having had enough hooves-on experience for one day.

He pays double for the cab driver to never tell a soul that he cried the whole way.

Moonshiny

Chapter 6: Moonshiny

Shining Armor's footsteps echo loudly in the marble corridor. The sun is already low, barely peeking out from behind the low hills surrounding Canterlot Valley. The familiar stairs up to their suite are close by, but the orange rays of the sun beckon him to make a detour. He walks a little way back, and steps out onto a balcony. A strong breeze feels even colder than usual on his wet fur. He spent a long while in a toilet washing his face after everything that had happened during the day. He takes a deep breath and allows the fresh air to invigorate him.

He lifts his forehooves up onto the parapet, and soon slumps forward to lean his chin on his hooves. Under him the lights of Canterlot proper are lighting up one by one. The city is still in full hustle, ponies and carriages alike hurrying through the twilight streets, but they feel distant to him from his high vantage. Shining Armor takes another deep breath and his exhalation drives some of the tension away from his shoulders. He turns his head from side to side, feeling a few scrunches from his neck accompanied by mild pain, but it doesn't linger for long. Instead, the influx of oxygen clears his mind even more. His hooves shiver from the cold stone under his elbows, but the last rays of the sun still feel warm as they colour his pale fur in yellow.

Wow. When was the last time I just looked at the sunset? On the honeymoon trip? Nah... Cady was all over me every evening so I couldn't really stop to look at it. Hay, can't even remember.

He turns around and leans on the parapet. The door he passed through as he stepped out is mostly made out of painted glass, with only the outer edges done in wood. It depicts a bird, or maybe a phoenix, standing on a branch. From the inside it must look like it was seated on the edge of the parapet, with light shining through it during the day and colouring it in golds and reds. Seen from this angle though, the jagged edges of the small pieces of coloured glass remind him more of the bars of a prison cell. He can't shake off the feeling that once he returns inside, he'll be imprisoned just like the bird. With a last lungful of air, he pushes himself from the cold stone and returns to all fours. The door squeals lightly as he returns inside, and as the latch drops back down, it sounds like the heavy bar of a prison cell. A last, cold shiver runs down his back.

Reality immediately greets him in the dimly lit corridor. Two bat-winged pegasi from Princess Luna's Night Guard greet him with stern salutes. He returns the gesture, even though the two aren't stricly speaking under his command.

"What is it, soldiers?"

"I must ask you to proceed with due haste to Princess Cadance. She has called for a search for you, Your Royal Highness."

"A... search?" Shining Armor's eyes widen a fraction.

"Yes, sir! You were reported missing about an hour ago, and—"

"I see. Well, you can report that I've been found and am on my way to my wife. Carry on."

"Yes, sir!" They snap another sharp salute. "We shall accompany you to your suite, sir."

"That won't be neccessary. I can walk the few steps up without—"

"We must insist. We are under orders to escort you to your quarters, sir."

He stares at them dumbfounded, before nodding weakly.

Has she gone mad? The guards will turn the city upside down before they get the return order. And I'm being escorted like... like a school-colt being caught playing truant! Did something happen while I was gone? Is there an emergency?

Shining Armor follows the two guards at a brisk walk up the stairs to his suite, his breath starting to get more rapid as his imagination races ahead.

Accident? Assault? I didn't hear any warning sirens. Did they keep it quiet? Is Cadance hurt!?

The two pegasi knock on the door before entering ahead of the Prince.

"Reporting! We have located Prince Shining Armor and escorted him here as per your orders, Your Royal Highness."

Cadance is sitting on the couch, talking to the two officers on duty, one from the Royal Guard, the other from the Night Guard. When she sees who is at the door, she rushes to him and grabs him in a painfully tight embrace.

"Oh, Shiny! Are you alright? Where have you been?! I was so worried!" she says, releasing him from her iron grip, instead turning his muzzle from side to side as if to check him for possible physical injuries.

The Prince is at a loss for words with his face being handled like a bowl of dough under Cadance's hooves.

Wait... wait... wait... THIS was the emergency? She was WORRIED?! I was... this is... what the hay, Cady?

The officers move to leave, and Cadance doesn't even seem to notice them.

"Will that be all, ma'am?" the officer from the Royal Guard asks her.

"Yes, dismissed, gentlecolts," she answers without even looking at them.

"Good evening then sir. Ma'am." They salute once more before leaving the Royal Couple alone.

"Hi, honey. I'm... home?" he says, before being hugged with the strength of an Amanezonian constrictor snake. Damp spots appear on his shoulder where Cadance is leaning on him, and he feels his wife tremble with sobs.

He walks her over to the couch and they sit down. She still clings to him tightly, like she was never going to let go.

"Ca...dy... can't... breathe..." he says with the last of the air in his lungs, and is released immediately.

"Oh! I'm sorry! Are you alright!?"

No. I'm damn well not! What in Tartarus is wrong with you? Damn that hug hurt. Okay... just calm down. She's crazy. She's not crazy. She's Cady. Cady! Calm her down. Take a deep breath and then calm her down so she can explain.

After a few coughs, the Prince can finally answer "Yeah."

"Where have you been? I was worried sick! You were supposed to be home hours ago! I waited but then I just couldn't anymore and I had to call the guard and then somepony told me that you'd come back to the castle but nopony could find you and I thought it was a mistake and—"

"Honey, calm down. I'm alright. Totally alright. I was just... walking around the town."

"Walking? Alone?"

Alone? Yeah, I'm a big colt. I can even cross the street without my mother? Cady, this is going too far! I can't take a stroll without you holding my hoof?

"Yes. Alone. Like I've done a million times before. In my home city." He looks away from his wife.

"But with all that's happened lately..." she turns to look away too, her chin resting on her chest.

"I can take care of myself, Cady. You don't have to... to call the guard if I'm a few hours late!" he says, not realising how loud he is speaking. "Do you know what a hassle it is to organise, and... and unorganise something like that? And the evening shifts are completely messed up!"

"I was scared, Shiny."

Those few words knock the wind out of the Prince. His mouth keeps forming words, but they go unspoken. After a moment, he reaches a hoof around her and pulls her to his chest. And winces from pain.

Scared? You were... scared? Because the Commander of the Guard was alone for an hour? Who the hay do you think I am, a little colt? Probably the most powerful unicorn in Canterlot. At least now that Twily is back in Ponyv— Stop thinking about Twily and her rump... oh crap!

"I'm sorry, Cady. After the therapist I kinda wanted to walk around and think about stuff. And then I met up with Twily. She was... erm... shopping. So we had a cup of tea and I walked her to the station and then I came here. Safe and sound."

"Twilight? In Canterlot?"

Yeah. In Canterlot. In a sex shop. And then I went to a public toilet to... DON'T THINK ABOUT IT!

He coughs again, bringing forth a slight pain in his side. "Yeah. Took me by surprise too."

"Well... what did she say? What did you talk about?"

Easy. Just take it easy. She's not interrogating. She's just clinging to your words like a little maniac because she's so worried. Just go with it. And no shouting. Don't shout. She'd go nuts if I shouted.

"A lot of stuff. About her... latest studies, and about our folks. And she promised to come see us properly sometime soon. I told her we've both missed her."

"That's wonderful, dear. Did she say when?" Cadance's eyes are no longer wet, and she runs a forehoof over her face to brush off the tears on her cheeks.

That's my Cady. Putting on a strong face.

His teeth grind together barely audibly.

NOW she knows to put up a strong face? She couldn't do it earlier? With the guardsponies?

"No, but she promised that it would be soon." He leans in to nuzzle Cadance more, and she stays resting on his chest for a long time. He sighs, trying to get his brain to conform to the latest of the day's surprises.

She called the Guard because I was late by a few hours. Now they'll think that I'm under her hoof with a curfew and a halter. Crap. Well, it's not like I'd get to hear them snicker at me from the castle anyways. Or ever see them again. Nice. Wonder when they'll install the bars in the window?

"It's been a really long day, Cady," he says, allowing his head to flop back onto the headrest.

"Would you like to talk about it?" she answers, still not moving from his chest.

Would I like to talk to you about how you've become such a fussing, over-protective... no, crazy, paranoid, obsessed control-freak that you can't let me leave your side without panicking? For Celestia's sake, mare. I didn't know that when I got married we'd stop going out for dinner or the movies. Seriously, was today the first time I left the castle without her after we got back? It... actually was, wasn't it. Just play it cool. Smile! Don't shout.

"No. Not really. It's the therapy thing. It's taking a lot more out of me than I thought."

"I wish there was something I could do to help," she whispers barely audibly, but Shining Armor still catches her words.

"Honey, you're already doing more than enough..."

Like calling the bloody GUARD after me for Luna's sake. Or crushing my ribs. I'm sure I heard one pop. Again. Thank Celestia for my high pain threshold. Is this her way of keeping me around? Breaking my bloody bones? Where's the Cadance I fell in love with? You're not her. I want to go out. I want to do stuff with you. Not sit in the dark and cuddle like an old couple.

"...Just, you know, being here and all." He tries to take a deep breath, but another jolt of pain shoots through his chest.

Yup. Definitely broken. Just where you're leaning on. Argh! Damnit it hurts! Stop... hurting... me!

He pushes her away and she almost falls of the couch.

"Honey? What's wrong?"

"Nothing. Just... a cramp. Sorry."

Sorry? I'm not sorry! It damn well hurts. I'm stuck here, holding hooves with this psycho. The mare I love. Right? I love Cadance, right? This crazy mare that's turning worse than my mother? This Cadance?

She gets up, and rests a forehoof on his lap and looks him in the eyes. "Honey... I'm sorry about the Guard... I didn't know what else to do. I thought you might have been foalnapped or replaced by a changeling or..."

Or, you know, just walking around? Is that too much to ask?

She lowers her head once more. "...I'm just glad you're alright."

"I'm here, honey. And I'm not going anywhere. I didn't mean to scare you. I'll send word if I'll be late in the future, okay?"

Unless you saddle me and ride everywhere on my back? You always want to be on top.

"Okay," she whispers, and cuddles her head on Shining Armor's shoulder. As he turns to nuzzle back, their horns touch and a small light glows between them. "Shiny, I love you."

"Love you too," he answers.

That didn't feel right. It's not like a few rough things could change that? She's still Cady, right? And I'm just a bit angry at her. No problem, right? 'Our love is undeniable', Princess Celestia said. Just a bit angry. That's it.

They sit on the couch in silence. The adrenaline slowly leaving his body, the warmth of his wife's body against his own, it is all too much for Shining Armor. His eyelids droop from the long day. He kisses Cadance a few times on the mouth, his last one interrupted by a yawn.

"Cady, I'm really tired. Would you mind if I went to bed early today?"

"Of course not. Go on. I have to sign a few papers, but I think I'll turn in early too."

They exchange one more kiss, before Shining Armor walks to the bedroom. He contemplates on going to brush his teeth, but opts to just fall face-first on the bed. His eyes shoot open from the pain in his side, but he pushes it away and turns onto his back.

"Thanks, Cady. Up to eighteen now," he mutters. Before sleep overtakes him, his last thoughts tiptoe around the worst question he's ever asked himself.

I do love her, right?

Tuesday went on its merry way, with the pegasi performing a nice strong winter storm to blow out the few leaves still stuck in their high perches. Wednesday was much the same, with less gale-force winds and more ponies complaining about how the streets were cluttered with colourful, but slick, foliage. Thursday had none of these, because the first hoarfrost crept up uninvited to Canterlot, and instead of the slick leaves, there was black ice everywhere.

The first frost of an autumn is special. It confirms to everypony that the winter has finally arrived and now it's too late to prepare for it. And there's something else: When the streets become like black mirrors in the morning, and every last piece of grass is covered in rime, something changes in one's mind. The colours seem to leave the world overnight, leaving only monochrome behind. And ponies do not talk on such days. They go about their own chores, minding their own business. When they get home, they feel like the fireplace is warmer than usual, the warm cup of cocoa they drink is sweeter and seems to go straight into your core.

The first day of winter is magical, because it tells us that even as the nature goes to sleep, a pony's life continues. And that the cold is only on the outside.

Shining Armor observes none of this. He spends his days in solitude in his study, trying to concentrate on his neglected chores. He especially doesn't think about his and Cadance's circumstances. When the slightest notion of it comes haunting his mind, he slams through the papers like a maniac, trying to dive deep into the numbers, requisitions, paychecks and plans to keep the thoughts at bay. Once in a while he feels his side, but the hurt has gone. He'd visited the castle physician to have it checked out, but a few ribs only take a day or two to heal for a pony.

His frenzied pace through the mound of letters finds him a very specific one. It looks very official, with a no-nonsense attitude to letter writing. The reason is clear as soon as he breaks the seal and opens the thrice-folded paper: The writer is clearly of a military persuasion, and is making sure that the contents of the message can not be misunderstood.

"Commander Shining Armor of Princess Celestia's Royal Guard. Your presence is required at the Officer's Club on..." he reads out loud.

Today, huh. Lucky I found this in time. Unlike those twenty other papers I've gone through.

"...in an official capacity to receive..."

Another official business thing. And I was hoping to get a nice head of sleep. It's a therapy day tomorrow.

"...large shipment of recreational salts and alcoholic beverages, which, as you are very well aware of, requires the presence of..."

He had to read the previous sentence twice to let the underlying message to sink in.

Guys... I love you.

"The shipment shall arrive at 2100 hours at the designated unloading area.

Signed,
Lieutenant Iron Sight"

He reads the letter once more to make sure it is real. Then he quickly looks around his empty office to make sure there is no-pony else there. And then he grins.

"You magnificent bastards."

"So please explain to me why you are going out this late?" Princess Cadance asks for probably the tenth time in as many minutes.

"Official business," Shining Armor replies, and straightens his collar in the mirror.

"But why so late? And what's all this about salts and alcohol?"

"Regulations, dear."

"Who is this 'Iron Sight'? I don't think I've ever heard of him. Have you?"

Finally content with his countenance, the Prince turns to his loving wife.

"Lieutenant Sight has been one of my most trusted colleagues in the Royal Guard for years. And it won't probably take too long."

"Maybe I should co—"

"NO!" Shining Armor says with a panicked expression flashing on his face, before he hides it behind a coughing fit. "I mean no, dear. There's no reason for you to be up so late. Just go to bed and we'll see each other in the morning? I promise not to make a sound when I return."

"It just feels so weird to go to bed without you, honey..." She puts up her best pouty-face, but the Prince just adjusts his mane and puts on his golden helmet. She lowers her head in defeat. "Just... be careful, okay?"

Her voice has a tinge in it that forces Shining Armor to look at her. There are small damp sparkles in the corners of Cadance's eyes. He walks over to the mare and wraps his forehooves around her neck. She clings to hm tightly, but not hard enough to cause physical trauma this time.

"What are you talking about, Cady? I'll be with guardsponies the whole time."

"Oh, I know that," she says, while nuzzling his chin from below. "Do you think that I'm maybe being a bit... overprotective?"

"You? Overprotective? What in Equestria would give you such an idea?"

"Shiny!" She pushes him backward, almost tripping him on the couch. "Don't be mean. I can fuss over my dear hubby if I want to, can't I?" She flutters her wings to keep herself upright as she folds her forehooves over her chest.

"Come on, dear. Nothing bad has happened for weeks now! And if there's a changeling invasion or a dragon attack, I'll be sure to run straight under your wing and hide." Shining Armor gives her a grin, which he hopes covers up his gritting teeth.

"Ha. Ha. Not funny, mister." She lands back onto all fours, and and looks forlornly to their bed. "I still see nightmares about those caves. I... I really hate sleeping alone."

Shining Armor loses the anger he'd slowly been building up. "Why didn't you tell me? About the nightmares?"

"I'm sorry! I shouldn't have said anything." She turns away from her husband. "Forget I said anything, alright?"

Shining Armor appears at her side and brushes her cheek with his own. "No, it's not alright. You should have said something."

"I didn't want to worry you. And you have other things on your mind."

"Maybe. But we're married. We shouldn't keep secrets... from..." His words get stuck in his throat.

"...Each other. I know, Shiny. I'm sorry."

In the following silence, Shining Armor returns to embrace Cadance, who is squeezing her eyes closed. He leans back and smiles, but as he sees his wife's face, a hollow feeling appears in his chest.

"Actually... Honey... About tonight—" he begins.

"Oh, no you don't! I didn't mean to tell you about my nightmares and force you to stay here. I'm not that kind of a mare!"

"No, it's just that—"

"No nothing! You're going to take care of this job of yours and that's final!"

He looks into Cadance's face, and sees there is no room for arguing with her on the matter.

"...Okay," he mutters.

"And... actually. I am really of proud of you, Shiny?"

He feels his heart falling even deeper into the hollow in his chest. "You are?"

"Yes, honey. I remember you used to hate all these official duties. And here you are, going out late in the evening, just to go oversee some silly shipment." She leans into his ear to give him a gentle whisper. "You're becoming a real Prince, Shiny."

"M-maybe I really should—"

"Get going. Yes. Here I am, delaying you even more. Go on. Off with you, Prince Shining Armor."

"Okay. Well. Uhm... I'll—"

Cadance gives him a quick peck on the cheek, and before he can respond, moves behind him and pushes him out of the door with her head.

"Love you," she calls after him.

"Uh... love you too, Cady."

The door to their apartment slams shut with a very final thump.

Shining Armor starts walking down the stairs, but his mind is no longer on the coming night of revelry. With his head bent low, he turns the corner and walks along the long corridor leading out from the living areas of the castle. The only lights are the tiny candles in their small lamps along the walls, but he finds the dark to suit his mood.

Well at least I'm gonna see the guys. Haven't seen them in weeks. Ever since long before the wedding at least. Or did I? Maybe I hung out with them and can't remember?

He stops at the same mirror as last time, and takes his helmet off to shake his head. His helmet-hair poofs up into its normal unkempt form.

Concentrate! Have fun! All the Prince stuff can wait for tomorrow. And Cady stuff too.

He thumps a frustrated hoof on the wall.

Why the hay is there so much stuff?

Shining Armor looks at himself in the mirror, and corrects his posture. His head is now standing tall, and he forces an expression onto his face that he could only describe as 'decisive and masculine'.

"I'm sure I'll regret this."

"Boo!" comes a low shout from behind him. He discard his dapper semblance as he turns in a low crouch to aim his horn at the assailant. His magical implement takes on a pale white shine and lights up the corridor.

The smiling face of the Princess Of The Night looks down at him.

"P-princess?"

"Just Luna, please. We're family."

The stallion stands up from his combat stance and allows his horn to turn off.

"Sorry about that. Reflex. You made me jump a bit. Heh."

"Really?" The Princess skips around the sulking Prince with quite a bit too much spring in her steps to be considered regal. "But ponies like it when I scare them, right? At least that's what happened on Night Mare Night," she says, followed by an audible grin.

"Uh... yes. I'm sure they do. Sorry, but I'm in a bit of a hurry and—" He starts to sidle away from the alicorn, and even succeeds in turning a complete 180 before...

"Regret what, dear nephew?"

"I'm... not sure I..." The stare he receives from the Princess Luna scuttles the rest of his denials.

"Honestly, nephew. I have been away a thousand years, but I have not yet become senile like my big sister." She goes around the stallion to cut off his escape and grabs him with a powerful wing. "When I see a professional soldier walk around the castle without even noticing me right beside them for several dozen steps, I know there is something wrong."

Several beads of cold sweat run under the ceremonial coat on Shining Armor's back, but he is unable to shy away.

"It's nothing, really. Just a bit of marital difficulties. Nothing that should worry Your..." Her eyes fall into dangerous tiny slits. "...you. Worry you. Heh." Her face returns back to her normal frown, and he tries to breathe out in relief as stealthily as possible.

"I still have a few moments before the moon needs to rise above Equestria, so if it is your wish, you may confide in me. Walk with me."

"I... well..." A sudden insight, and a possible avenue of escape, appears into Shining Armor's mind. "Actually, there is one thing. Cadance has suffered from nightmares since our wedding. Is there maybe something you could do?"

"It would be my pleasure, nephew." Princess Luna tugs at the Prince's side with her wing to make him move ahead. "So what is the real problem?"

Shining Armor freezes in his steps, and turns his head with jerky moves to look at the Princess.

"Eheh. W-what makes you think there is another problem?"

"Apart from your stuttering and nervous laughter? The fact that you said you were going to regret something. A pony doesn't usually regret his spouse's nightmares, so do tell Auntie Luna." Her smile is like that of a content cat that has cornered her prey. With a bit less bloodthirst and more moral superiority. She doesn't even need to look at the Prince to know she has hit home.

"I don't really want to talk about it."

"I can see that."

They once again start trotting forward. Shining Armor is able to take almost ten steps before he breaks.

"I lied to Cady."

Luna doesn't say anything. Only walks beside the downcast stallion.

"I wanted to go out and meet with my friends from the Guard, but I told her... I told her that it was official business."

"And?"

"I didn't want to hurt her and tell her I'd rather spend a night with some of my friends and not her." He tries to stop, but Princess Luna doesn't let him.

"And how do you think she will feel if she finds out?"

"I know, alright? I was actually going to tell her before I left, but I kinda lost the chance."

"It can be a challenge to have your social life limited to just one pony."

"Huh? You're not going to scold me about being a proper husband?"

"You already lied, did you not? Were you to return to Cadance, she would still be disappointed. Were you to go out and enjoy yourself, you could always take the wrath of your spouse in the morrow."

Shining Armor's eyes are as open as his mouth. "Swow... ahem! So you think I actually should go out and party?"

"I could never really say no to a good time. Although back in my time the ways ponies enjoyed themselves were quite different from the ones today. Did you know it is considered amusement to try to grab floating apples from a tub now?"

"You've... bobbed for apples?"

"I thought I was rather good at it. And yes, go out and have fun, young stallion, and get in trouble tomorrow. Who knows, maybe your wife will have such good dreams that she'll be more lenient?" Her toothy grin glows in the darkness.

"You'd do something like that?"

"Now what would give you such an idea, dear nephew?" She makes a note to look at her empty wrist and steps out on the same balcony that Shining Armor used for admiring the sunset. "Look at the time. I'm almost late for the moonrise. I bid you a good evening."

"Yeah... good..." The Prince stammers, but he is only answered by the strike of powerful wings as Luna takes off. He looks into the night sky for a moment longer. "I'll never understand mares. Never." With a shake of his head he returns inside.

The Officer's Club has existed as long as Canterlot Castle has stood. Or at least that is what established urban mythology tells about the place. A Tourist's Guide to Canterlot describes it as "a quaint and pictoresque little tavern off the main avenues of the city, with a typical clientele of military personel from the local garrison." What this actually means is "If you aren't a squaddie, you're going to get stared at till you bugger off back to Civviland."

A notice has stood the test of time and weather above the door to the Officer's Club. A faded text on it declares "Leave your rank at the door." It is meant to signify that anyone who enters is treated as an equal, from the lowliest cadet to a commander. This simple tenet is there to make sure you can imbibe in all the substances you want with no worries about who you drink with, or tell to skawker off and perform carnal acts with a hedgehog.

It is, of course, a lie. Should you get pissed enough to toss your beverage, and the rest of the contents of your stomach on your CO, you can rest assured that the following day will contain far worse than the painful brightness of Princess Celestia's sun. This is not to say that you could not converse freely with your superiors, or even offer to buy them a drink or two. It has always been an unmentioned fact that those young officers who have had a tendency to buy drinks to all the senior officers have also had a tendency to rise through the ranks at an accelerated pace. This is not considered partial in any way, because anypony is free, for example, to get Colonel Groundpounder tipsy enough to put you up for a promotion. Or two, if scotch is involved. The Colonel is considered one of the staples of the Club. There is the bar, the billiards table, the jukebox, and then there is the Colonel's table in the back corner, where he is seen every night getting tipsy. But only tipsy, because it is unbecoming of an officer to be seen in a worse degree of inebriation than tipsyness. A proper officer never becomes drunk. They go to tipsy, and then move on to cheerful, happy, delighted, merry, and in the wee hours of the night, jolly. But never drunk.

As Shining Armor looks at the familiar sign, he cannot help but reminisce about the times he has spent in that fine establishment. The familiar sounds of chatter, and a few off-key interpretations of "Our colts in Gold and White" tell him that the night has gotten off to a good start. A fleeting thought passes through his mind as he is about to open the door.

I'll actually outrank every single pony in the room. Hope they won't make a big number about it. Maybe it'll be just like old—

He pushes the door open, and immediately the murmur stops. Somepony near the door bellows "ATTEN-'SHUN! COMMANDER ARMOR ON DECK! PRESENT HOOVES!"

...horseapples.

Dozens of ponies shoot up from their chairs and couches and turn to stand in attention. As one, they raise their forehooves (in a few cases, slightly uncertainly) to their brows. Shining Armor doesn't know what else to do than salute back. This causes the room to explode into cheers, and the Prince is soon faced with a gauntlet of ponies rushing him from all sides with friendly nudges and slams on his back to welcome the prodigal colt back into the herd. A pint of lager is rushed to him from the bar and he barely catches it with his magic. He raises it above his head and the assembly follows, and he chugs it down to the cheers of the crowd, with some of the precious liquid drizzling onto his official smock. This elicits a loud stomping of general approval from the crowd. He is now the Commander, not the Prince, and after weeks of desert conditions he has found an oasis. He goes on to appease the crowd with his wholehearted approval.

"At ease, you lot!"

This is greeted with even more cheers, but this time the crowd disperses, not so much from the command of the Commander, but rather the need to return to their own drinks. Only one white unicorn stallion saunters to Shining Armor's side. He has a badly kept uniform that has clearly been slept in more than once, with the insignia of a Lieutenant on his shoulders. He once again salutes Shining Armor, and then they embrace each other in a most stallionly hug.

"Yer late, Cap'n." The words he forms come in a slight slur.

"And you're clearly early. And it's 'Commander' to you." Shining Armor looks over his shoulders to see if they're still the center of attention. Luckily, the rest of the members of the Club have found their drinks again. "What was that all about, Sight? 'Commander on deck? Present hooves?' We're nowhere close to the big grey war canoes and calling for a salute in the Club? Have you no shame?"

"I have had several embarrassing ailments, but I do not count shame among them. No, just me and the lads having a bit 'o fun, eh. We was thinking that our beloved Cap'n-made-Commander had missed his bachelor party with his chums, and we thought that, hay, better throw you a smoker late than never. So here we are. The drinks are on the house, says Sam, and some of the lads were talking about presenting a clothing application technician later in the evening, but I think it was YAGI and is still stuck in procurement."

"And what is your part in this?" They move to the bar proper and take up a stool each from the counter. The bartender, an Earth Pony with a massive handlebar mustache on his face, steps up to them.

"'Allo, Gents. What shall my lowly establishment purloin for you this fine evening? A 12-year old malt from Geldland, or maybe a few discs of salt straight from the strands of Zebrica?"

"Sam, you know I don't take well to salts. Goes right to my head. Just beer for now," Shining Armor says.

"...And the same for me, 'keep," quips the Lieutenant from his side.

"Comin' right up. Though I must remind you, young Sight, that your tab is already sizable as is, so there shall be no credit tonight."

"My good stallion! It is a night of merriment to celebrate the matrimony of our esteemed Commander. Would you spoil such jubilations with mundane financial discourse? And what has happened to your offer of free drinks for the attendees?"

"That's for the Commander, not for a leech as you. Say what ye will, you sod, but either you pay or you stay sober." Sam still holds the two pints in a death-grip and awaits for the Lieutenant to give in.

"Fine, you money-grubbing son of a seapony. Allow me to pay your unreasonably extortionate price for your watered down hop-swill." Iron Sight throws two bits on the counter and receives his well-earned beer and collides it gently with Shining Armor's. They both take a long draw and allow their postures to droop onto the counter. "So you want to know my part in all of this?" the Lieutenant begins. "Consider me tonight's Master Of Ceremony, Ringleader, Sheriff and, should the need arise, your personal beer scooter chauffeur."

"Don't you even dare try to get me drunk. Cadance would kill me even worse than she's going to, when she finds out this was not official business."

"That's tomorrow Commander's problem. Tonight we celebrate you losing your freedom and entering eternal slavery under the stern pink hoof of our beloved Princess. Although it might be a bit late for that now, but let us not mind such minor details."

"You have no idea, Iron. No idea," Shining Armor mutters under his breath, but the stallion next to him cannot hear him over the ambience. "So, how are the cousins?" he asks in a louder volume.

"The usual. I hear they got chased out of another town with their contraptions."

"I guess being a hopeless scoundrel runs in your family." Shining Armor gives the other stallion a stern look, before they both burst out laughing.

"I'll have you know that I'm of a far higher caliber of scoundrel than those two. For one, I am right now drinking beer with one of the most prestigious and established ponies in the land."

"Yes. I've really fallen low, haven't I?" Shining Armor says and earns a friendly punch to his foreleg. They swivel around on their stools and lean back on the counter as they look at the rest of the Club.

"Oh my word, Your-Royal-Highness-Prince-of-bloody-Equestria-esquire-sir-and-whatnot. Do my eyes really spy the countenance of one pony to rival your obtuse rank? If you would care to turn around, you might find that we are in the presence of one Commander of the Pegasus Air Forces, namely Spitfire, lately of the Wonderbolts fame."

"Oh, dear." Shining Armor feels the immediate need to lean a forehoof onto his face. "Not this again."

"Tonight's the night, Cap'n. With suave oration and roguish charm I shall woo her to be my future ex-wife."

"It's Com... Iron, you've tried that over a dozen times now, and the best you've managed was a hoofslap to the face after you told her you'd 'preen her silly'."

"That was a clear show of interest on her part, mind you."

"Yes. You had her undivided attention." Shining Armor takes a final draw from his pint, and looks at it dumbfounded. "Sam? Have you changed to smaller pints? This one's already empty."

"Hello, gentlecolts. Mind sharing the table with the stallion of the day?" Without waiting, Iron Sight plops himself down in a free chair in one of the tables. Not that anypony would disagree with him. Instead, the two are welcomed with raised pints and cheers. This is already their fourth table.

"What was the subject of your conversation if I might intrude in such an uncomely fashion?"

The dark brown unicorn, also with Lieutenant tags, is quick to get them up to speed. "We were just talking about the guard having a case of the AGHW. Our latest is the WCS with the new batch of recruits. Never seen such a group of U3 NAAVI's, totally LMF. Even with MBE seems to be FUBAR. There's only one green in the 3rd that's CO material, so I asked sergeant Smiles to run her through some WOFTEX to see if she's cut out for it."

"Wait, old Happy's still around?" asks Shining Armor.

"We can't seem to get rid of him. Still the same shouty bugger as always."

"I thought he'd retired ages ago. He was Iron and mine's PTI back when we were in Basic."

"Good looking wife, though," adds Iron Sight.

"DFT and you know it. And you say that about every NCO," the brown unicorn says. "And every CO for that matter. I even heard you comment that about our dear Commander here."

"Really now?" Shining Armor looks at his friend with a smile.

"As I told the boys, in strict confidence, I might add, she's one fine package, your lady. You did well in nabbing her," Iron Sight says to the sniggers of his peers.

"I'll drink to that," the other Lieutenant saves. "Three cheers for our Commander!" he bellows, and the whole Club joins in. Shining Armor doesn't even bother getting embarrassed any more, he only downs his pint, only having a fleeting thought on how many he has gone through already.

"I still remember Happy Smiles making us do a hundred pushups in the middle of summer," he says. "And then we asked him why we had to do something like that when we have magic. Remember that, Sight?"

"Sure do. He thwacked you on the horn and told you to blow him down. And you couldn't get even the slightest of sparks to appear."

"Yeah. And I had a headache for the rest of the day too," Shining Armor says. "But I have to admit, it was a good lesson. Did loads more training after that. And... when I was up North, I remembered old Happy, because I got these crystals stuck in my horn..."

He recounts the events of King Sombra's incursion on the Crystal Empire while a pint after another is brought to him. After his story, he gets several hoofclaps from his audience.

"So you held your wife's hand until you threw her off a balcony and she saved the day, while you got to look good afterwards?" the coy white Lieutenant comments after the applause has died down.

"Well I did have the shards in my horn—"

"Oh don't get all uppity about it, mate. If I got to save the day while muzzling a pink prize such as your lady without lifting a hoof, I'd take it any day. You're a lucky sod, you are. Here here!" he raises another drink before the whole table follows suit. Shining Armor waits for a moment, before letting the indignation pass and he dives into his beverage as well.

"So did it go limp afterwards?" ask the brown Lieutenant, which causes Shining Armor to do a spit-take that makes for a beautiful rainbow in the air. This brings a healhty dose of merriment to the rest of his audience. Apart from the Lieutenant who gets a face-full of lager.

After a few coughs, Shining Armor is once again able to speak. "Limp? The hay you talking about?"

How can they know? The doctor told me it'll be a secret. And Cady doesn't know. The therapist? Who else could it be... The messenger colt? What was his name? I'll personally—

"Your horn, idiot. He means your horn," translates Iron Sight. "You did show it to a doctor afterwards? It might cause some permanent detractions on your performance. It's not contagious, right? Wouldn't want to endanger my rod in your presence."

"That's enough of you... you little shit," the Commander says.

"Ooh, what language. Did I hit home? Had any negligent discharges lately? Maybe—"

Shining Armor gets up from his seat and slams both of his forehooves on the table. "I'll have you know there is nothing wrong with any part of my physique that you should be worried or even privy to, Lieutenant. Now fuck off and get me a beer. Someone's drunk mine again!" his bellows are met with a happy chorus of cheers and laughter. Iron Sight soon returns with two more drinks.

"I'm a bit borasic, Cap'n. Mind spotting me a few tits to make it through the storm?"

"You call me to drink with you, and then ask me to pay for your drinks? You're a fine piece of work."

"And that's why you love me, isn't it?"

"Fuck you. I'll pay for your next drink if you tell me why there is a giant bird with a lion's tail in here?"

"The Bird?"

"No, the griffon. We don't have griffons in the Guard, so why is he here?"

"The Bird. With capitals. And he's a she, and she'a all lovey-dovey with one of the border patrol colts. I hear they're on leave."

"Heard about it in the reports. Haven't seen one up close in years."

"They stink, don't they."

"You might want to avoid saying that to her face if you want to have yours tomorrow."

"For once I agree on veering on the side of caution. But they do reek something fierce."

"That they do. And who's drunk my beer again?"

The two officers end back at the bar counter as the night progresses. Most of their earlier drinking buddies have already left to sleep their heads clear before the eventual and too early morning to come.

"Dat ass."

"You say something, Iron Sight?"

"I said, dat ass." He accentuates his comment by pointing at the unquestionably well trained bright orange backside of Spitfire.

"Lieutenant, are you making lewd comments about a fellow female officer's, and in this case, superior female officer's, hindquarters? In the presence of the highest ranking officer in your service branch in what, need I remind you, is a completely gender-neutral armed force? Need I also remind you that such actions could neccessitate in you being court-martialed and eventually dishonorably discharged from the said armed force?"

"Yessir. But in my defense, allow me to say... Dat ass."

Shining Armor takes a good long look at Exhibit A, the rump in question. "Dat ass, you say?"

"Yes Cap'n. Dat ass."

"Carry on then."

The Lieutenant sways a bit from side to side on his precarious perch on the barstool, before half-landing, half-falling down on the floor onto all fours.

"I'm going in! Cover me, Cap'n!"

"Get back here, you foal."

The strongly inebriated, one might even say tipsy, Lieutenant has left for his prize.

Shining Armor turns back to the bartender. "What kind of a name is 'Sam' anyways? Never met anyone who's called Sam and I've met a few ponies in my life."

"Whell now. When I took this here establishment as my own when the last owner retired to the country, everyone just called me Sam after the old gelding bastard. Are ye sure you won't try the salt? They say it's a lot better than the Caneighdian stuff we used to have."

"It better. That stuff was horrid. Let's give it a try."

He receives a small plate with a few thin slips of translucent crystals that have a faint bluish tint to them. The barkeep also pours him a small glass of clear liquid next to them. Shining Armor pops one onto his tongue and allows it to melt. And then he gags.

"That's salt for ye. Some ponies just can't handle it, that they can't. Here, wash it down."

Not thinking too well with the burning sensation in his mouth, he downs the exceptionally small glass and the vile liquid inside. He gags even more. Sam pushes a fat slice of lime on him, and Shining Armor hungrily sucks on it to get rid of the horrid taste. When he begins to recuperate, the combination of strong liquour and something that can only be classified as salt from a chemical point of view meet up in his brain and decide to form a chemical conga-line around the gamma-aminobutyric acid (type A) receptors . The sour taste of lime clears his mind and brings the bar back into focus. He is left to stare in wonder at the various coloured bottles on the shelf behind where the barkeep works. For reasons unknown to him, they do a little swaying dance in a kaleidoscope of competing distilleries, wineries and breweries.

Sam returns from serving the other thirsty ponies and snaps him back to what passes for reality for Shining Armor.

"Never thought you'd serve something that makes me less drunk, Sam. You're just as much a con-man as Sight over there."

"That I am. Another one?"

"Hit me."

The second salt shot doesn't feel half as bad as the first, mostly because his mouth is already numb from all the organic solvent abuse it has gone through. After his third one, he opts for another beer.

"What is this donkey piss you keep giving me, Sam? I ordered a lager, not a... this."

"That's what we like to call lager, Your Commandership. It might lose some of its edge after a triple salt-shot. That's what they say at least."

"Well I say it's donkey piss. And I'm the bloody Commander. So it's donkeypissamirite?"

"Of course you are, Your Commandership."

Shining Armor guzzles down half of his pint in one go, with the rest ending up on his chest. "So what kind of a name is 'Sam' anyways?" he re-iterates.

"That's what they call me. Sam The Barkeep's what they say. Don't really bother me, mind you. Me Da did have his ane sort of humour and was one for whiskey too, so I reckon bein' called as Bar Tab wouldn't really make me customers feel at home."

Shining Armor tries to focus his eyes onto the barkeep in front of him. The explanation he has just received seems to have a gigantic logical flaw which he has just found out. "So... So what kind of a name is 'Sam'', anyways?" he asks, before being shoved to the side by his returning friend.

"Would you look at that. It's me mate, Cap'n Armor in the flesh."

"Iron Sight, you rascal. Since when have you been a pinto?"

"Since just a few moments ago. Apparently she didn't take lightly to me telling her how I admired dat ass of hers."

"Mares. Can't live with them, can't live without them."

"I'll drink to that, eh?"

Two ponies sit in a corner table. They aren't drinking any more, because the barkeep doesn't serve them. One of them is holding his chin to the table, almost having passed out from his previous expedition into the land of brain chemistry. The two of them are the only people left, and Sam is picking up the chairs and sweeping the floors. They would have called for a taxi, had they the mindset for it. Right now, the pony reclining on the table is talking.

"... and she's my sister. My own sister. And just look at Cady. She's like a giant. And then I got to thinking about my life, and how I should join the Forneighn Legion and maybe get away. But I had to go to the doctor, see? The little fella won't work with me."

"Bugger off, you sod."

"So I told the doctor, I told her it wouldn't work. And then she winged me and POW!" He slams a hoof onto the table. "I come all over her. Right then and there. And what does she say? And what does that gorgeous little mare say? She says—"

"Gentlecolts, it's high time for you two to be on your way."

"Piss off!" Iron Sight yells at him, and lifts his hoof in a rude gesture.

"Oi! Don't be like that, fellas. It's closing time and you two are going out the door, with no help, or with help from me and Jezebel."

To accentuate his deliberations, he lifts the Lady in question from behind the counter. It's nothing more than a club with some rubber padding so it wouldn't leave too much of a mark, but it drives the point home.

Two minutes later, Shining Armor is holding down Iron Sight on the cobblestone alleyway in front of the Officer's Club. He has managed a full-neighlson hold, and is using the opportunity to speak very loudly into his victim's ear.

"You're my best friend, Sight! Have I ever told you your my best friend! I fucking love you for it you son of a whore."

"Leggo of me you facking twat. Yer ruinin' me fancy getup you horsearsed git."

"But I love you, you handsome stallion you. Nopony else understands me like you. Not my wife, not that fucking therapist, nopony. You're my best friend."

"An' yer me bezzer but if you don' leggo yer gonna get me hoof up yer arse."

"I love you, Sight! But if you fucking touch Cadance I'll geld you with a hammer. You get me? You aren't touching her."

"I facking touch every mare ass I facking well wish you pussywhipped faggot."

"But you're my best buddy, Sight! You wouldn't touch Cady, would you? We're brothers like two... brothers you and me. You're a bastard but I love you! And I want to kiss you right here!" For some reason his grip has loosened up and he is instead pointing his hoof somewhere off to the right of Iron Sight's head. Or at least where his head was before. The Lieutenant has circled around his CO and is now dragging him up from the ground.

"Ya ain't snoggin' me till death do us part, ya ginger bread used Sonky. I'll facking take ye to yer trouble 'n' strife even if yer lallies won't lead ya on the frog and toad, ya wanker."

Author's Note

Thanks once again go to Chuck Finley and Kopa for their help with the chapter. Love you guys. <3

Oh and there was this little noisy bugger called Tinandel or something who kept bitching about the errors in grammar and stuff. So I guess I owe him a thanks too, but he's totally gay so I won't. :p

Yes. This chapter contains WAAAAY too many OC's. I tried to make them good but Canterlot is so empty from all useful ponies that I just had to. Let the hate bloom! Come to the dark side!

Like A Prince

Cadance In A Minor Chapter 7: Like A Prince

There's a lot to be said about waking up after a night of heavy drinking. Usually headache (cephalalgia), lights being too bright (photophobia), sounds being too loud (phonophobia) and a bad taste in your mouth (feliurinum oralus) get a mention. Most of this is just subjective. The fact is; your body is going through detoxification of the alcohol in your body: Your liver is asking if anypony's seen some extra ethanol dehydrogenase enzymes, and the rest of your body is looking for a safe place to dump all the extra acetaldehydes. You are dehydrated, demotivated, desperate, depressed and most of all, determined never to drink again.

Several great minds of our time have had something to say about a hangover. One in particular has nailed in A few words that every person everywhere has thought after waking up after merry a night. "One of the curious effects of a bad hangover is that you think you're wrong whether you are or not. Not wrong in particulars, but wrong in general, wrong about everything."

For Shining Armor, it means waking up on something soft. His eyelids are heavy and his chemically-abused metabolism is voting for another few hours of sleep, but an incessant noise is there to disturb him.

"...there?" the noise says.

"Hurk?"

"How... lie there?"

"Hu... urk?"

Something pokes him painfully in the side, and he forces one of his eyes open.

"Hu... argh!"

"Well, finally! I was about to call the doctor. Maybe I still should. You look really pale, and before you say anything, yes, I can tell the difference."

"C... Cady?"

"Yes, dear. Good morning. Or actually lunch-time. I'm guessing you won't be eating lunch?" Her voice is very chipper and sunny, the complete opposite of the heavy grey clouds outside the window behind her. "Here, drink up. It'll help."

The rim of a glass wriggles its way into Shining Armor's mouth, and some vile concoction enters his mouth and assaults his tender taste buds. He promptly spits it out and coughs in disgust.

"Cady... what the hay was that stuff?"

"It's just water. Stop being a baby and drink up."

This time Shining Armor uses all of his willpower to down his drink, and it washes some of the foul taste in his mouth away, still leaving a considerable aftertaste of feline offal behind. He coughs a few times as some of the drink ends up going down the wrong chute, and he leans to his side in fear of throwing up. He doesn't, but his bleary eyes notice a bucket in front of him on the floor. After the fit goes over, he turns back onto his back on what now understands to be the couch in his and Cadance's apartment.

Cadance...

"I... guess I'm busted?" Shining Armor says.

"Big time," Cadance answers and sits down next to him on the couch. His mane is plastered onto his face, but she strokes it away. As his eyes finally focus, he sees Cadance smiling.

"Why aren't you... you know, all shouty?"

Another smile. "That was last night, dear. I was deep asleep, having a most wonderful dream, when suddenly I wake up because of some awful shouting and crashing from our living room. You cannot imagine how frightened I was when it was dark and all that happened. So I... went to look at what was going on. The two guardsponies had dropped you off on your bed, and then there was this third... guardspony. From what I could make out, he apologised for luring you to drinking under false pretences and that it had been a ploy on his and his friend's behalf."

"He... did?"

"Yes. I told the other two to arrest him and they took him away."

"You... did?"

And after all that, you really tried to take the blame on yourself? I'll bloody murder you after I'm done hugging you, Iron.

"Are you feeling any better, honey?" Cadance asks.

"A bit. I think I'll survive." He tries to sit up a bit, but the vertigo drops him back down and he has to clutch his temples. "Maybe."

A giggle. "I know you're not much of a drinker. A few hard ciders and you're sore in the morning."

"I'm never going to drink again."

"I hope they do something nasty to that guardspony. Luring you off and forcing you drink like that. And here we both thought you'd be just out working." She once again strokes his mane, starting from the top of his head and ending on his cheek. "I know you couldn't say no because you didn't want to hurt their feelings and tried to get out as soon as possible, right?"

Am I seriously going to get away with this without a divorce?

"Y-yeah. I guess."

"You poor thing. Now, it's almost midday, and I have a council meeting soon with the folks from the Crystal Empire." She gets up from the sofa and takes to the air, her wingtips scratching against the walls. She clumsily flies to the bedroom.

Fighting with his worsening headache and the dancing sofa underneath him, Shining Armor sits up, regretting every single thing in his life. He opts to keep his eyes closed for the foreseeable future. He feels them burning, and not only from dryness and irritation.

No... I'm not going to do that. I've... I've lied enough.

"Cady... I'm really sorry about last night. I—"

"I know. Just... don't worry about it. Maybe it was even good for you to go out. I never did understand the point of drinking, but I guess it's alright sometimes." He voice is a bit muffled as it carries from the other room.

"No... I really mean it. I..." The rest of his confession is drowned out as he finally sees the rest of the room.

"Cady... Why is the floor covered in glass?"

"That... would be from when I used the chandelier on one of the guardsponies," her voice answers in an all-too-cheery tone.

"And... the table? Why is it split in—"

"The other guardspony. He dodged the bookcase."

He scans the room, almost not recognising some of the furniture. He shakes his head and bites his lip to make sure this is not some twisted dream.

Ouch. And how could it be a dream? I'm not having weird sex...

"Didn't we have a cabinet?"

"Which one, honey?"

"The one with the plates and the teacups. Near the balcony?"

"On the balcony, dear," the all too chipper voice answers him again.

"Oh."

After Shining Armor finally comes to terms with the full scope of the devastation, he is ready to put his hoof down.

"Cadance? Could you come over here?"

She flies back into the living room, wearing one of her more official vests. Even though she avoids flying whenever possible, the debris on the floor makes it clear it is the only safe way to move in the room.

Cadance sits down next to Shining Armor. He can't help but notice that she is shivering and fidgeting with her fetlocks like a schoolfilly about to be scolded. Before he can say anything, she turns to him with a lowered head.

"I'm sorry, Shiny. I... was really scared because of all the commotion and like I said, it was dark. I... don't like dark." A tear rolls down her pale cheek as she dares a glance at Ground Zero. "I'm sorry."

What? How? What? I want to shout at you, you silly, stupid... CADANCE! Why do you do the tear thing and the quivering lip and... argh!

"Okay..." Anger and worry do a few rounds in his mind, but worry eventually wins with a TKO. "Cady, you're not hurt or anything?"

"No. I'm well." She tries to blink the moisture from her eyes.

"Well... Umm... That's good. You not being hurt is good. Yeah."

What the hay am I blabbering about?

"Have you heard anything about the guardsponies...?"

"I'm so sorry, Shiny!" She flings herself onto the bewildered Prince. "I didn't mean to hurt them, and it was so dark and everything and... Actually I... "

"Honey, take a deep breath. Please. What happened?"

"I... they had to take the guardsponies to the hospital." She takes another gulping breath before continuing. "Five of them."

"Didn't you say there were only two—"

"When they heard the... ruckus, they sent for reinforcements."

What the hay, Cady? You... WHAT THE HAY, CADY?!

"What the hay, Cady!? You beat up FIVE PONIES because of..."

Me. Because of me. Because I left to party and left this psycho alone. My fault.

"I DIDN'T MEAN TO!" she shouts. "It was dark and everything happened so fast! I... I panicked! I feel awful about it, and I wish I could undo it all and I CAN'T! I actually hurt the ponies I'm supposed to protect and take care of! How do you THINK I feel!?"

"But... that's... that's assault! You could be arrested!" He shakes the panicking mare from her shoulders.

"I... the... the boss guardspony that came in told me it was a clear case of self-defence and that there would be no reason to press charges or anything like that."

Shining Armor lets go of his wife and slumps back onto his seat. He covers his eyes with his forehooves and leans into them.

Don't shout. Shouting doesn't solve anything. Don't shout.

"Shiny... honey... I'm so sorry." She drops down next to him, finally able to catch a breath. "I've never hurt another pony. I feel so awful."

Horseapples you have! Maybe I should show you my medical history?

"We... I... I don't think I can handle this thing right now, Cady. I'm feeling pretty sick and I think I should take a shower or something. And you have that meeting and I kinda need to rest." Something else knocks on the walls of his memory like a gentle battering ram. "And I need to go meet Mrs. Swallow today too."

Worst. Day. EVER!

"I'm not sure if you're in any condition to go out today, honey."

"I will be after I take a shower." He looks at the clock on the wall. To his surprise, it is still intact. "It's still a few hours until the session. I'll pull myself together before then."

After a short silence, Cadance's quiet voice reaches his ears. "How... how can you do this?"

"Do what?"

"Why aren't you angry? Why aren't you shouting? You're just going to take a shower and everything's going to be okay? How are you so... "

Good at lying?

"...strong?" she finishes.

He stops at the words, his conscience riding waves of hangover nausea against his mental fortress of iron will that is tempered with his cold-forged anger. The waves break.

"That's just the kind of pony I am, Cady."

She leans in to hug him, but her nose wrinkles as she gets closer. "I... err... think the shower would really be a good idea."

"Yeah. And you need to go wash your face before going to meet anypony else. Your eyes are all red." Shining Armor feels himself standing on the parapets of his cold fortress in the middle of the calm sea. There is no more emotion for him to fight. There is only hard, black metal around him; No emotions can reach him right now.

Cadance washes up in the bathroom and returns to him. She places a hoof onto his cheek, but he only looks up at her. She smiles at him. He feels the edges of his mouth turn up on reflex. But there is no joy behind the expression. No love, no care, no emotion. In his mind, frost covers every surface of his bastion, making everything reflect his own, calm facade back to him, bolstering his confidence.

"I love you, Shiny," she says.

"I love you, Cady," he says.

She leaves the room. He is left there to stare out of the window, before he slowly gets up and walks into the bathroom. He doesn't even bother turning on any lights, just walking into the shower. He turns the water on and sits down on the floor, only distantly feeling the cold water run through his raggled mane and sticky fur. He is still wearing his official uniform, but he doesn't care. Time passes, but only outside the dark bathroom. Inside, there is nothing left but the solitary figure atop his citadel of ice.

Enough

The first cracks run along the walls, and large chunks start falling into the sea. The sea answers by drawing back from the fortress, as if afraid of what will come.

I've had enough

One of the towers falls down, turning into a cascade of frozen metal shards, and lands into the abyss next to the mental construct.

Hate.

A fault line breaks the fortress down the middle, leaving the stallion standing atop the last jaggedy shards. The sea around him senses the weakness, and hurtles towards him as a tidal wave of all the emotions he has been holding inside.

I hate this

The boiling red sea crashes onto the stallion, and he is lost beneath its depths, sinking deeper and deeper.

Destroy our home, will you? Hurt my guardsponies, will you? I'LL SHOW YOU WHAT IT MEANS TO DESTROY!

In the shower, Shining Armor punches the wall. Not hard, but enough for him to locate it. His next strike is more decisive, this time gauging the distance between him and the wall. The next one carries the full force of forehoof. A cracking sound carries through the room. A few chunks fall on the floor from where his hoof cracked the tiles. He gets up. Next is the mirror. He doesn't even stop to look into his expression, because somewhere deep down he knows the visage he would see would stop him dead. His buck cracks the sink, and the second one drops it onto the floor. The door of the bathroom explodes outwards surrounded by the pure white glow of Shining Armor's magic as he steps out.

The room around him is in shambles. Pieces of glass and broken furniture surround him everywhere. It amuses him. The great big grandfather clock that is still ticking seconds away is the first to go. It floats up from its ancient seat and smashes into the wall. The other cabinet, the one that Cadance didn't defenestrate, is next. New cracks appear all along its sides before it explodes into a storm of splinters and glass shards that rain all around the room, embedding themselves into the floor, walls and even the ceiling. The few that dare approach him are turned to ash before even coming close to him. The priceless ornamental vases, the silver candleholders on the walls, even the dresser all collide in mid-air, before being thrust everywhere. The cataclysm is not over. Next follows the bedroom. Everything inside lifts up, enveloped in his magic. As if they were just one single object, the all start slamming into the far wall. Again and again, until all of the furniture is an unrecognisable jumble of timber and cloth clumped into a sad ball.

The only thing to survive this cataclysm is the couch. He turns it upside down and shakes away the debris from earlier before slamming it back down on the floor. One of the ends of the couch breaks from the impact, leaving the rest of couch jutting in a weird angle. Shining Armor doesn't care. He lands on it with his back first, his hind hooves pointing much higher than the rest of his body. And only then he notices that he is hard.

His member is pointing directly up, almost backwards because of his posture. Without thinking, he allows his hooves to stroke it, feeling almost nothing through his anger. But he still begins to move his hooves up and down along his length. Unlike his usual fantasies, this time there are no cute mares shaking their backsides at him, inviting him to play with them. There is only violence and pain, most of it aimed at anypony and everypony he knows.

At first he is at Basic Training, grinding the recruits' faces into the sleety muck that they are crawling through as he yells at them how useless they are.

He wants more: The trainees are replaced by the two crazy maids, and he uses one of them as a hoofstool as the other feeds him grapes. They are clad in tight pleather.

It is not enough and he goes deeper: Little Twily is tied to a bed, begging for mercy as he whips her back with her weird toys. And she likes it

No more inhibitions: Peppy Pickle is moaning from pleasure as he takes her on her desk. He shouts "Does this feel impotent to you?!"

All the way: He sees Chrysalis, beaten and bruised after she was flung out from Canterlot, and he has his way with her by force as she screams for mercy, unable to do anything while caught in his powerful magic.

"FUCK YOU ALL!" he shouts, chaos, violence, pain, superiority, justice, all roiling in his mind until he feels himself come. The jet is not strong, just a few squirts of sticky semen that land onto his hooves and his chest, soiling his ceremonial jacket.

Shining Armor feels like he has expunged all of his rage out of his member, the last remnants still exiting with the final spasms of his orgasm. He feels weak, his hooves falling limp from the adrenaline, and his breath comes in shallow gasps. Blood is running into his head and making him nauseous because of his posture, and he turns to his side, only to fall onto the floor with a thud.

And in front of him stand Broom Sweep and Feather Duster. The two maids aren’t looking at Shining Armor, but at the wreckage, mouths agape.

“Uh, yeah." He clears his throat. "Hi.” They ignore him entirely, and continue to stare.

Their faces are masks of shock and horror, and mini-expressions of anger, disappointment, heartbreak, pain, bewilderment, rage, contempt (as their eyes reach the Prince), despair, resentment, more rage, loss and four emotions only known to rabid cats can be seen on their faces.

Feather Duster is first to speak, her thin frame shaking. She tries to say, “Hey, what's he done here now then?" but her affected Trottingham patter drops away into a strong Liverypool accent, from one of Trottingham’s poorer boroughs. It comes out like, “Eeeeeehhh, wassydunnear now then?!"

"Oh. My Celestia. I can not believe what's been done here." Broom Sweep's posh accent seems to have thickened, as if it had been sent to an exceptional private school to compensate for an average intellect.

There is silence (type 1945: Day after Hiroshima) as they try to work out the cost of the damage, and quickly run out of digits in their mental calculators.

“It’s — it’s friggen’ everything,” says Feather Duster. “Even the friggen’ ceiling’s ruined! Did he go melt those friggen' candlesticks in there?”

“Hwhat has he done to the skirting boards, Feather? Like, how exactly does one ruin skirting boards?”

“Mister Planescape’s gonna go friggen’ spare he is, he’ll have a colic. He spent six months carving out them reliefs and I’d not seen him more chuffed with anything after he’d finished. He’s gonna have a friggen’ fit!”

"Look, ladies, I—"

“Oh my — that is not — oh my Celestia...”

“What? Whassit?”

“The tea table,” she says, pointing a hoof at the debris, “cracked in half.”

Feather Duster sits back on her haunches and covers her face with both forehooves. “Oh friggen’ heck...”

Shining Armor groans, struggling to cope with the hangover, the vertigo, the embarrassment and the maids’ theatrics all at once. “Nngh, just — chill, okay? Look, I’ll get some glue, I’ll fix it—”

“You shut your friggen’ mouth!” screams Feather Duster, red-faced. “You — you poncey-maned charver squaddie — fockmoppet!”

“Oh no, Feather, listen to the young Prince,” says Broom Sweep, her voice dripping acid. “His Royal Highness' going to fix it, he’ll find some glue he says, and he’ll use his keen skills in neoclassical carpentry and glue-eating to piece together a Bolton and Gutestühl masterwork, the very masterwork you’ve been curating for fourteen years and display biannually in the Metropolitan and in Basque’s—”

“And in the Bucephalus when the school tours come through. I’d stand there telling all the bairns about its history and how we preserve Equestria’s past at the palace...” Her tone is forlorn, too sad for even bitterness to creep through.

"Huh?" Shining Armor establishes his high education to the conversation. He is no longer sure if he is talking to two charladies, or two museum curators giving him a history lecture.

“—but don’t worry, Feather, our Prince is going to use the master repairpony skills he acquired mending broken cots in the barracks to fix it,” she spits. “Discord’s armpits, Prince Blueblood hasn’t drunkenly vandalized the palace since his sixteenth birthday, and even he would have never had the unmitigated bloody gall to look us in the eye and claim he would fix everything!”

“Right, right, I get it,” says Shining Armor, “I’m not a high-born Prince like BB who knows how to tread carefully on the sacred grounds of the palace where everything seems to be historical and distinguished and can’t be sullied with mortal hooves." He uses his forehooves to make air-quotes around his words. "How could I live here without touching anything? Look, fine. You’ve made your point. So, feel free to leave.” He bats a bit of broken ceramics towards a larger pile of wreckage. ”I never liked the furnishings in here anyway; it was about time somepony redecorated.”

Both maids are silent again. They no longer look shocked. Their eyes are slits and their teeth are bared. Shining stares right back, unmoved. He can't stop the hairs on the back of his neck from rising up, though.

“Well, he’s right, Broom. This friggen’ room did need redecorating. Like that Vermare painting, one of only six friggen’ paintings that he left to private collections, I mean, it must’ve been a bit naff right? The young Prince obviously wants to replace it with summit’ a bit more tasteful, like a print of Sapphire Shores waggling her rump at the camera, eh.”

“I see hwhat you’re saying, Feather. Take that Saddle Arabian rug, for example. It might have been a gift from their delegation after Princess Celestia helped end the Djelibeybi food shortages, but it offended the Prince’s delicate aesthetic sensibilities so it clearly had to be burned in half. Now that it’s no longer breaking up the lines of the room, he can bring in something more suited to a young stallion his age. Colourful beanbags, perhaps!”

“Aye, and that Qirin tea set that you made tea in since Old Greaves taught you how, pouring the brew over the pot to stop it cracking and preserve that lovely patina, at the crack of dawn every day for more than a decade—”

“And on those late Friday and Saturday nights when young Miss Sparkle worked through her long study sessions...”

“—well sure, and it might have been served at every significant diplomatic meeting in Canterlot since the nine-thirties, but it’s too fiddly for a simple stallion like our Prince. That’s why he crushed it inside a friggen’ antique credenza. Maybe he’ll pinch a teapot from the guard canteen, the sort he used to relax every afternoon after playing a few hours of grab-arse with the latest batch of muppets from Beachhurst.”

“Soldiers are idiots, huh?” says Shining, “That’s funny coming from a middle-aged maid.”

“Don’t try to be a wit, my Prince,” says Broom Sweep condescendingly.

“He’s halfway there,” says Feather Duster. “But hey, we’ve been friggen’ conscripted into His Royal Highness Shining Armor’s impromptu redecoration squad, let’s not faff about here, it’s time to put our thinking caps on! Let’s us figure out how to give our Prince the room he needs. Like, what should we swap for those silver candelabras, gifts from the Cannolo Estate of Roam, that His Highness smelted down into slag?”

“Oh, I should think some lava lamps would suit him rather nicely. Pink, to reflect his studly virility, eh?. Hwhat about that bronze shisha from Grand Vizier Humphrey Cuddles from the Camel Sultanates?”

“Eeeh, we could go down to Hashbury and pick up a big glass bong with a mare’s rump etched on the side. That’s basically the same innit? How ‘bout that Frieda Del Frescoes mural he ripped off the wall?”

“Something useful, like a corkboard instead! The grandfather clock?”

“Swap it for an alarm clock! The neo-Platinanium aesthetic of the room?”

“Red, black and chrome everywhere! The Nai-Tu silk tapestry?”

“A tissue dispenser for wiping up his spooge! The—”

“Okay I’m sorry!” shouts Shining Armor, and immediately regrets it as his headache switches to a twenty-pound hammer. “I’m sorry for trashing my own damn room — look, I’m sorry, I apologise. I’ll never do it again, I swear. But please, please, can you leave me be, just for now?”

Both maids glare at him contemptuously. Without breaking their stare, they lean their heads next to the other's.

“Hwould you like this one, Feather?”

“Wouldn’t dream of it, love. I’ve waited weeks for this speech of yours, he’s all yours.”

Broom Sweep trots a little closer to him, and clears her throat. “In all honesty, we didn’t think you were that bad when we first met you. You were just a straight-laced military moppet with your head screwed on straight. Maybe a tad grumpy, but you are a stallion after all. Our little Cadie certainly loved you. You seemed a stand-up fellow; nopony in the Guard had a bad word to say about you. Hwhen we asked you about Cadance before the wedding because she was acting unlike herself, and you just brushed us off and forgot about it, well, that was disappointing but understandable. Weddings are stressful after all, and not even the Princesses realised what had really happened. The brains clearly ended to your sister in your family there.

“But then you came back from your honeymoon and the cracks in your mask started to show. We talk to our little Cadie, see, and we hear things around the palace. You’ve been right cold to dear Cadance. You’ve been caught in strange places all over the city and gone flying off the handle at your own ponies when they check you’re all-right. When we check on our little Cadie in the mornings, you snap like a foal who doesn’t want to share his toys and try to isolate her. You’ve started — disappearing. Hiding. Heading off into some beaten-down area of the city without telling a single soul, until our Cadie is in such a state that your own Guard have to be sent out to find you.

“That alone is... worrying, and then what do you do? You lie to your wife’s face for no reason, get absolutely blotto with a bunch of soldiers and blunder back in at some un-Celestial hour with bruises all over and sick down your dress uniform. And then — and then — just now, we see Cadance walking down the hall with her eyes all red, having left her drunken idiot husband to stew in their room, obviously after telling him off for being a dishonest, overindulgent git.”

She is now standing over the Prince who has been backed into the couch, and he has almost slid onto his back on the floor before the unleashed storm that is the berserker-maid.

“We come in the room, to clean up and order you some brunch and a Bloody Mary to get you fixed up, and what have you done? You’ve destroyed the suite and everything in it out of petty spite. The room your wife has lived in since her teens. You wrecked priceless items that the palace staff, myself and Feather Duster included, have spent our entire careers taking care of. You’ve ruined things I had not thought ruinable, ruined your dress uniform, you’ve probably ruined the bathroom too and to top it off you sat on the ruin and masturbated, screaming profanities!

“You are the worst sort, Prince Shining Armor,” she spits, almost hitting him, “A vicious, bullying, humourless coward who isn’t even fit to lick Princess Cadance’s fetlock trimmings. Even at his worst and most self-absorbed, our Blueblood is a sweet little angel next to you. Honestly, you act like the brooding, sulking and lashing out would hide your obvious impotence rather than—”

“How the fuck do you know about that? Tell me who fucking told you! I DEMAND to know!” screams Shining Armor, inches away from Broom Sweep’s chubby countenance. He clambers up from his defensive position, ignoring the room turning sideways around him.

Feather Duster’s expression twists, hateful and vindictive, but her words come out like a serpent's venom. “Everypony. Knows. Your Royal Highness. Everypony.”

She and Broom Sweep walk to the door, turn to face him and curtsy. “Good day, Your Highness,” says Broom Sweep.

They turn again and walk out, leaving Shining Armor alone once more. A few seconds later, the remains of the couch crash into the door.

"I want them out! Gone! Immediately! No terms of notice, no severance, no nothing! Get them out of my life before I arrest them for... for something!"

The Seneschal of the castle, Major Domo, looks at the frenzying Prince with indifference. He brushes a few specks of spittle from his moustache, before picking up a pen.

"You want to terminate the employment of your two maids?" He double-checks.

"Yes!" Shining Armor shouts and slams his hoof on the stallion's desk. He has almost climbed on top of it in his fury.

Major Domo just shrugs. "Whatever you say. You're the Prince."

"Yes..." Shining Armor backs down from the table, and a crooked grin appears on his face. "I am the Prince."

He leaves the room and slams the door shut behind him with his magic. The wind from the impact sends piles of paper flying around the office. The Seneschal's secretary finally dares to peek her head from her cover behind two heavy steel filing cabinets.

"What was that all about?" she asks.

Major Domo just shrugs once more. "Nopony never tells me nuffin'."

Shining Armor lifts his hooves up on the back of the seat in front of him. He hears the taxi driver harrumph about it, but he pays him no heed. The Prince, for he is truly the Prince now, and not just some slack-jawed soldier-made-supplicant, reclines onto his forehooves and looks at the clear blue autumn sky.

Such a nice day, too. Wish it was warmer. Could go surfing like back in the day. Cady doesn't surf either, so there's a profit there too.

His mental audioscape conjures up some beach rock tunes that can only be classified as "tubular". The rapid electronic tremolo picks have him nodding his head as he imagines grinding a tidal wave a mile high to reflect his mood; it is not the crushing red tide of rage, but the clear-blue of self-entitlement and righteousness. His forehooves leave the back of his neck as he starts air-guitaring.

"We're here, Your Highness."

He misses a chord, and the mental vista of a gnarly beach is replaced by a drabby grey street lined with likewise drabby grey buildings.

"I am a Prince, which means you shall address me as Your ROYAL Highness." Shining Armor barks as he jumps off the wagon. He makes sure to land on the cobblestones with a cool crouching pose. "Bill the castle."

"Then I need your sig—"

His words are interrupted as Shining Armor slams the door to the clinic shut behind him. Without waiting for the receptionist to disrespect him once more, he boldly walks through Sassy Swallow's door.

"Good day, Mister Armor," the therapist says from her seat behind her table. Her voice is matter-of-fact, not carrying any of the motherly undertones of last time.

"Yeah. It is." He walks to the recliner, looks at it, and just shakes his head. "Not today." His magic surrounds the chair as he swiftly whisks it to the other side of the room and pulls the couch to its place, and sits down. "Much better. Always did prefer couches."

Sassy Swallow doesn't say anything, only looks at him expectantly. Shining Armor stares back. They stay motionless for a long time, but then he blinks and looks away. He tries to cover his loss by turning to lie on his back and even lifts his hind hooves on the hoofrest.

"So, yeah. Today's a really good day. I went drinking yesterday and had a blast, and today I fired two annoying maids that have been bugging me for a month now."

"Would you like to tell me more about these maids?"

"Nope. I didn't like them, so I fired them. I am the Prince you know." He lifts his hind legs onto the couch and crosses them.

"I see."

Another silence. Shining Armor allows his head to loll lazily to the side to glance at the mare.

"Are you really getting paid for sitting there and not saying anything? Hah! Best job in the world!" Shining Armor says. "You just pretend to listen and probably draw stick figures into your papers."

"If you are having such a nice day today, then why are you so angry?"

"Hah! I'm not angry! I'm seriously feeling damn good! I should have done it long ago, but Cadance seemed to like them so I kept them around. But no more. They've messed with me for the last time! And that's about all I want to say about it."

"It would help if you would elaborate—"

"What the hay is it with all of you mares never letting go of a subject!?" He slams his hoof onto the couch for emphasis.

"We don't have to talk about it. You decide our topic. I just want to understand your situation better, nothing more, nothing less."

"I..." He turns to his side to see Sassy Swallow better before he shouts her back into her place. She is still completely calm, and even when he looks into her eyes, he sees no wish for a conflict or disapproval. He crumples onto his back, and some of his gusto escapes him.

"They've been really nasty to me. Ever since I first met them. I think it was one morning when I woke up together with Cadance in her apartment, and they came in. Cadance was all red because we hadn't really gone public with our relationship yet. They were pretty nice back then, but they started making these little... hints. And they did it in a way that I couldn't even understand half the time. They have these weird accents, right? But they were kinda okay I guess, but then we got married and moved together, and I started seeing them almost every morning. At least if we slept in for even a bit. And then it really started. I don't know how they knew, but every time they came in, they would start making comments about my... err... virility. And I'd ask them to leave, but Cadance just thought they were being funny. And in the beginning they were. They'd say silly stuff about me and Cadance looking good in the morning, even if a little tired, and we'd both blush and they'd giggle and go on about their business."

For some reason, every word he says makes the wave feel lower and the beach rockier.

"But it... it got worse. A lot worse. Sometimes they'd go on for almost a quarter of an hour, like it was some rehearsed comedy act for them. And always the same things, sex, sex, sex. Maids aren't supposed to act like that, are they? Teasing and ribbing royalty about how they have sex? I mean, who did they think they are? And today they... they came in and surprised me. And then they really went all out, and I was... okay I was pretty mad about stuff from last night and I started shouting at them and they started shouting at me and... I got them fired.

"Do you think they knew about your troubles in bed?"

"I... I didn't think they did, but today they said they knew. That everypony knew. I don't know for how long, but they've been doing it on purpose and trying to put me down. I understood it today. I could keep up with their stuff earlier, but today they... They acted like they were Cadance's nosy aunts and not just... cleaning staff. So I had to put them back into their place. I'm the Prince."

"What would you say was the biggest reason for you to get angry with them?"

"Hah. That's easy: They acted like they were almost royalty themselves. They didn't have any respect, for privacy or otherwise."

"You felt that this was inappropriate?

"Well, yeah. Of course."

"Do you think that might have been accentuated by your military background?"

"It's not like that!" he shouts in frustration at the ceiling. "In the military we need a strict command chain to work under serious pressure, and that's why we are so strict about rank. It's not the same with... civilians. Even if we say some coarse stuff to each other in the service, it's always in good fun and helps us bond. We're not really trying to be insulting like the two were. And you don't go calling someone... impotent if you know they really are! You just don't!"

"So you terminated their employment."

"Yup. And I've never felt better!" To accentuate his declaration, he lifts his chin and scratches it like he imagines a great political conniver would.

"Would you like to tell me more about your morning? You mentioned there had been some issues?"

"I'm not even sure what happened. I came home last night... and I'd had a bit to drink so I don't really remember what happened. But today when I woke up, Cadance had apparently beaten up several guards in the middle of the night. And she also trashed the place while doing so."

"Trashed?"

"Broke furniture, dishes, stuff like that."

"How did that make you feel."

"I don't really even know. At first I was... I don't know. Disappointed? Something like that. It wasn't like Cadance! She's never hurt anypony! And now she went all... psycho on the guards."

"How did you expect her to act when you returned?"

"I never even... I don't know. Maybe she would've been angry and scolded me like an obsessed mother or something. That's more like Cady's style. Try to make me feel guilty that I had fun without her."

"Instead she acted very violently. Why do you think she did that?"

"She..." Memories of last evening start coming back to him, and for a moment he feels that the couch is falling from underneath him. A wave of emotion catches him once again, but instead of his royal high, there is only a cold realisation. "She's had... nightmares. And she's been afraid of being alone because of... Why didn't I..."

"Mister Armor?"

"The caves!"

"The—"

Shining Armor shoots up from the couch and sits on the edge. "She was trapped in the crystal mines under Canterlot before our wedding and couldn't get out without help. I don't know for how long. She... we never talked about it. I thought she wanted to forget. And she's afraid of the... Why didn't she say anything? Why didn't I... But that's what she said to me last night. That she'd been having nightmares ever since the wedding and hated being alone! I'm not even sure if she was asleep when I... when they brought me in. And if she saw ponies carrying me and thought I was being foalnapped. She must have been so scared... I thought she was overreacting or going crazy... but she was so sca... she even SAID she was scared and I didn't... I..." He stops to gasp for air as the words don't come when they should. "I'm so stupid. Maybe those two were right..."

Shining Armor doesn't seem able to continue. "So what happened this morning?" the therapist asks.

He finds his mouth dry from the horror. There is no wave to ride any more, only a veil that is slowly being torn from his mind that he didn't know he'd put up. "I got angry at Cady because she had wrecked the apartment. I didn't yell at her or anything, I just... it felt weird. Like I got so cold that I didn't even care anymore... And after she left I got REALLY angry, like I've never been before. I kinda trashed the place some more and... err... I don't want to say."

"It would help if you did." It might be his imagination, but Shining Armor almost hears a tinge of warmth in her voice.

"I... I jerked off while thinking about some really nasty stuff, and the maids caught me doing it."

"Is this when you had the argument and decided to terminate their employment?"

"Yeah..."

"Does this raise new thoughts in light of what you said earlier?"

He sits back on the couch and closes his burning eyes. "I fired two ponies because I was angry at Cadance and took it out on them? But they were so nasty!"

"You told me you were in a mental turmoil at the time. Is it possible you overreacted?"

"I guess. But ever since then I've been acting like... like an asshole. I don't know what happened..." he waves his forehoof in the air to wipe away his words. "Of course I do. I'm just lying again, aren't I? I became an asshole because I didn't know what else to do anymore. I didn't act like a Prince would, that's for sure."

"I'm happy to see you more like your own self again. I was pretty worried about the mood you were in as you entered."

Shining Armor looks up at the smiling therapist. "You were? But didn't you tell me you were here just to help me think and were impartial?"

"Should that mean I didn't have to care for my patients? How I work doesn't affect how I feel... How could I do this kind of work if I didn't?" The smile on her face shows a pair of dimples on her face, but they vanish into nothingness as she resumes her professional role. "I am happy to see you have calmed down and can be honest with yourself again. How are you feeling right now?"

"You really need to ask that?"

"It is important for you to acknowledge your feelings instead of just allowing them to control you. That is the only way you can think rationally through this challenge we need to face."

"I feel like shit." Admitting the fact releases some of the pressure from his chest, and he catches a long breath for what seems to him like the whole day. "I'm not like this. I don't snap at people or throw stuff. Actually even looking back at this morning, I hate myself for it. I acted like a stupid foal. Heh... hehe... just like I imagine what Blueblood was like as a teenager. Maybe worse."

"So now you are back to your own self again?"

"Pretty much. Hay, maybe even more than usual."

"What makes you say that?"

A slight headache is tickling at Shining Armor's temples, but he brushes it away. "Because for the first time in a long while, I have something that I can fix. I'll tell the Seneschal to cancel the maid's termination and... maybe apologise to them? They acted out of line, but... maybe I should actually talk to them and not just be a... 'Prince'. And I don't think they knew most of the... SOME of the destruction was done by Cady. At least talk to them. Hay, if that's what it means to act like a Prince, I think I'll stay a Capt... Commander."

"Have you thought about just staying yourself?"

He looks at the therapist like she had slammed him in the face with an ice-cold shovel. A sliver of drool almost escapes the side of his mouth before he catches it.

"Be... myself? What... Are you saying I'm not being myself?"

"You keep referring to yourself as 'The Commander', "The Captain" or 'The Prince'."

"But that's what I am. I am the Prince and I am... all of them." He shakes his head to clear the cobwebs from the gears and cogs inside. "I'm not actually any, right? Or just only one of them. I've been thinking like they're some coats I just have to put on wherever I go. Everypony always expects me to be something. But... That's not really me. Even Cadance always tells me how she thinks I'm become a good Prince, and I hate it, because... because I've always thought she wants me to be something I'm not. I just wanted to be the bossy Captain of the watch who has this cool girlfriend and... a cool sister too." A blush rises to his cheeks, and he looks away.

"Mister Armor?"

"Uhm... there's something I got to tell you. And it's pretty nasty."

"No, you do not. You do not have to tell me anything you don't want to. But you can tell me everything you do."

"I want to. Because I kinda... It's about my sister."

He recounts the events that took place after his previous therapy session, starting from the moment he met Twilight at the erotica store, and ending with him leaving the train station toilet. Most of the time the words fail him, and he involuntarily gags several times as he has to describe how he felt like. Whenever he is about to run out of steam or dare not say more, the therapist always urges him on, asking how he felt and why he did what he did.

"I... thought about having sex with my little sister. And today... I thought about it again. How sick is that?" Shining Armor asks after he has finished. His face is streaked with long lines of tears which he stopped trying to cover up after a while. Little Prince also made a short appearance in the story, but went away when it became clear there would be no gravy on the table.

"What you are describing might feel uncomfortable to you, but remember that all those thoughts and images are only inside your own imagination, and that you have not acted upon them."

"I clopped off in a toilet!"

"Quite common, if I know stallions — especially teenage ones. I meant that you have not made any real advances towards your little sister—"

"EWW! I'd never do something like... that."

"And there is your answer. You have drawn a very clear line between fantasy and reality. What happened might also be considered inevitable, with all the thoughts of that day concerning sexuality."

"So... because I talked to Twily about sex, I wanted to make... urhg. Do it with her?"

"In a word: yes. You told me yourself that you thought of her as a mare for the first time, and not just a little sister. That coupled with the other strong emotions and thoughts you'd gone through that day all added up to the end result."

"And I'd never touch Twily like that. Hay... I don't think I'll ever even hug her after this."

"Why?"

"Because I'd... I'd feel dirty."

"Because you love your sister, and wish to show your affection? Once again, there is a very clear distinction between fantasy and reality."

"But... I still thought of her today. While masturbating."

"That is something I wanted to talk more about with you. Did you think solely of her?"

"N-no. There were... several other ponies in there. In the... I can't remember all of them," a heavy bead of sweat rolls down his neck, and he looks away. "But there was the... Changeling Queen."

"What did you do with her?"

"Something really bad."

"Fantasy and reality, Mister Armor."

"I raped her. I raped the... thing that did the same to me. I—" His words are cut off by the onset of several deep gags, enough for him to jump from the couch and double up over a paper basket next to Sassy Swallow's table. When the revulsion recedes, he finds himself unable to get up, and instead just turns his back on the table and sits on the floor, panting. He grabs the paper basket under his forehoof for security.

"Have you noticed a recurring theme in your fantasies?" Once again Shining Armor is surprised by the calmness of the therapist's voice. He just about emptied his stomach a foot away from her, and she didn't even twitch.

"A recurring... like how I want to... have sex with my sister and the Queen?"

"And other ponies as well. Do you think there might be a connection?"

"I... well... they're all mares? I'm not into stallions if that's what you mean."

"Mares. What kind?"

"I don't like most of them, but then there was Twily. Urk. And, well... most of them are... all of them are smaller than me. Except for the Queen."

"So most of them were smaller, or should we say, weaker?"

"Yeah. And... I kinda put them down. Like, I was in control, and made them do stuff my way..." A familiar tingling is growing between his legs, and he just sighs in defeat.

"Have you noticed somepony missing from your fantasies?"

"Like... Cadance? You know, my wife? Heh. Isn't that why I'm here?" He looks between his legs and finds himself chuckling at the worst joke in the world, all by himself. "Wonder why I'm even getting hard when she's mentioned. That hasn't happened in a while."

"Humour is a good way to think things through, but could you return to your fantasies again. What else is there that makes you excited, but isn't there with your wife?"

"I don't know what you want me to say. I like smaller mares that I can do from behind or put down and have my way with, and be in control..." He slams his head on the side of the desk. "Control. Cadance always wants to be in control in bed. She's the one asking me to do stuff, tell me what to do, and when. She's the one always talking about foals, climbing onto my lap and pulling me into the shower with her. And... it's the same everywhere else with her. She's always telling me what to do, always creeping around, always clinging on, never giving me a moment's rest. I mean, sometimes she feels more like my mother than... You can't be serious?"

"Do continue."

"I can't have sex with Cadance, because I think she's my mother? I... I don't really see that happening."

"Are you maybe giving your wife some properties that you might also connect with your mother for some other reason?"

"Well, she is bossy, and I'm... well compared to the mares I think about, I'm stronger, but with Cadance, she is way stronger than me. And her magic's on a completely different level. Hay, she can't even fly straight, but at least she has wings. And she's read so much stuff and knows all this etiquette and heraldry and stuff. She's always telling me what to do, and where to go, how to act, and never disagree with her."

"You don't like it?"

"Hay, no! It's just like how it was with the Queen..."

The room falls into silence as Shining Armor's mouth keeps moving and forming words, but his mind has raced far beyond verbal communication.

She raped me

No free will

No control

Weaker. I'm weaker.

Cadance is... I'm...

"I'm afraid of Cadance." He finally mutters, before falling down onto his side on the floor. "I'm afraid of my wife because she's so big and she hurts me and I can't do anything without her permission and she's..." He can't even bring himself to cry. His lower jaw cramps up and makes his teeth clatter together, and there is a small metallic taste in his mouth, which he distantly understands to be blood. His words come out in a slurred, vibrating mess. "I'm afraid of Cadance! So afraid that I can't even love her!" His stomach turns from the revulsion he feels, towards his wife and towards himself for being a coward, for being weak, for being useless.

"Close your eyes, Mister Armor. Concentrate on breathing. Just like last time. In through the nose, out through the mouth. We can get through this again. Just like last time. It will pass. It always does."

Sassy Swallow's voice is the tiny branch that Shining Armor can grasp as he is about to be swept away in the torrent of panic. He grabs on for dear life, and is pulled to the shore. Wet from his own sweat, coughing and shivering from cold, but still intact.

"T-thanks. I kinda... I almost lost it there. I didn't mean to..." He loses the words behind his clattering teeth.

"You are going to be fine, Mister Armor. If anything, you have found the reason for your problem. I know it was not easy for you, but you have once again taken a great step forward."

"Thank you. I... Thank you."

"You're welcome. Now... unfortunately we are overtime as is, and I have to prepare for my next patient." She walks out the door, but soon returns. "My daughter has left for the day. I was going to ask her to write you a short term sedative to help you for a few days. I'll be sure to send them to you tomorrow. The nurse will take you to her room, so you can regain your composure. Can you walk to the next room with me?"

"I guess." Shining Armor has lost his legs, but the four he has borrowed from someone else seem to keep him upright. At least for the few feet that take him to the dimly lit clinic room in which he met Doctor Pickle. He slouches in one of the chairs, and closes his eyes.

"You can rest as long as you need, Mister Armor. I'll have the nurse call a taxi to wait for you so you don't have to walk. Leave when you feel like it, and I will see you next time."

"Thank you, Mrs. Swallow."

As the door closes behind the therapist, Shining Armor is left alone in the dark.

"Thank you."

The Seneschal's secretary dives on top of the massive piles of paper she has on her desk. It took her most of the afternoon to get them sorted out after the Prince's previous visit. Now that he returns, she desperately tries to avoid doing the chore again in one day.

Shining Armor doesn't enter like the flame-throwing hurricane that he was last time. Instead, he saunters inside, not even closing the door behind him. With a grimace, he notices the glass on the door to have shattered, evidently from his earlier visit. It has been covered up with a paper and some sticky-tape.

"Umm... yes. Major Domo, right?"

"Yes? You 'ere to fire someone else?" the Seneschal asks in his slightly nasal voice.

"No! I mean... no. That would be no. Definitely. Actually... would you... is it possible to... " He stops to formulate a complete sentence. "Have the maids been fired yet?"

"Nope."

"Could you maybe canc... What?!" the Prince charges to the table and shakes the Seneschal by his vest. "But didn't I tell you to fire them?"

"Aye. But the order couldn't be processed."

"What? Are you telling me someone else stopped it?"

Ignoring the muscular stallion picking him halfway out of his chair, Major Domo picks up a notepad and reads it.

"Says 'ere they've got a 'pro-tective junction' on their contracts. As in 'can't be terminated without the permission of the pony who 'ired them.'"

"Well then who hired them?"

"I did," Princess Cadance's ice-cold voice carries from the door. "Shining Armor, we need to talk. Now."

Author's Note

So, thanks for this chapter go to:
-Chuck Finley for co-writing a difficult scene with me. He is here to show us what real comedy is like.
-Kopa for editing.
-Tinandel for his valuable opinions.
-Deeman45 / The big d-bowski / D45 / deadmau45 / Dee Forty Five / Nineteen-ninedyfour for being a whiny tit.<3
-ED Schizo Light energy drink.

The Day Equestria Stood Still

Chapter 8: The day Equestria stood still.

A part of Shining Armor's psyche never aged past the age of ten — just one of the perks of having an authoritarian upbringing and a career in the military. It is the part that makes him jump up whenever somepony knocks on his door or shouts his name in the corridor. For a few seconds, he thinks it is something bad he's done catching up to him. He always laughs it away, but the sinking feeling is always there. It is the feeling he gets when the conductor asks for your ticket. Of course he has it — he wouldn't dream of not buying one — but some reptilian response urges him to instead run away, hide under the seat and maybe drop his tail.

It is the same for him with the ponies in law enforcement. Policeponies want for nothing more than a quiet shift sitting in their patrol cart without absolutely anything happening. Because that means everything is right in the world. And having to do something would probably be away from their time with a nice cup of coffee and a donut. Shining Armor knows this for a fact. He's met many a policepony during his career, whether it be with joint exercises or executive assistance, and just about every one of them is a mellow, slightly stressed and not-so-slightly overweight pony, who actually got into his work because of their people skills. If they really wanted to do something physical, they would have joined the Guard.

This is exactly why it is so ridiculous for him to jump at the first sight of a police cart, hide his face and try to look inconspicuous. The police really couldn't care less about some pedestrian Equestrian strolling about, whether with his collars up or not. With his position in the military, his connections, and his winning smile, he could probably never get into anything that couldn't be excused as a misunderstanding. And the police would like it that way, because misunderstandings are solved with maybe a stern talk and waving your hoof in the air for a moment. Celestia forbid they actually had to arrest somepony; that would mean paperwork and red tape. Two terms that chill their spines more than someone pouring frozen youghurt down their backs.

It was a misunderstanding, and the policeponies were really good sports about it. Shining Armor did still get grounded for two weeks.

But the abject fear of The Authority is very real for him. It is in his backbone and in his subconscious. He is not alone in these thoughts, of course. Many a grown stallions shares his sentiments towards The Authority. And nopony's perfect — Even Shining Armor has been bad in his lifetime, and it has caught up to him. Whether it was because of a misunderstanding, getting mixed up with the wrong crowd, or just plain stupidity. Whatever the reason, sometimes when he least expected it, a simple line delivered in just the right tone of voice can reduce his legs into jelly. Those lines usually start with his full name, including all the embarrassing middle names that nopony ever uses, and is followed by "Please report to the Principal's Office", "Come inside this minute" or his newest nemesis, "We need to talk. Now." These are the times when his mind starts racing and listing every single thing that he should be guilty of, whether those things would really be considered bad from an objective point of view. After the list is complete, his guilty mind starts to make excuses for every possible misdemeanour.

And he knows, deep down inside, that none of them will matter, because The Authority does not listen to excuses or circumstances. It doesn't matter how old he is, how many wars he's fought, how many lives he's saved or how high a position he holds. When he hears those words, his knees shake, his tail hides between his legs and his eyes start to burn. The grown stallion becomes a simple little colt, because he knows that he has once again come face to face with The Authority. And The Authority is only there to punish little colts who've been naughty.

This is ridiculous, Shining Armor thinks to himself. I'm not a colt anymore, and Cady is definitely not my mother, so why is she pushing me in front of her to our tower? And come to think of it, why am I holding my head down... and why is everyone staring at me? I'm sure I just heard that guard snicker. When I find out— Yeouch!

"Who leaves these lying around? Cady, slow down. I—"

"Shining Armor. Please don't make a scene." The voice is maternal and commanding, making it hard not to obey. Any drill sergeant would be proud to put so much emphasis on so few words.

"But I wasn't—" he tries, but he knows his struggling to be futile.

"Shiniiing..." she uses the menacing drawn-out-wowel-with-a-rising-pitch routine, combined with a disapproving stare that has an undertone of 'wait till your father gets home'. Naturally this will not work on anyone over the age of, say, ten. To Shining Armor's surprise, it is super effective, and the only saving grace he can think of is that Cadance has yet to grab him by the ear. His ears fall flat against his head from the thought, and he feels blood rush to his cheeks.

Shining Armor is defeated, but he at least knows that a strong stallion such as him will always have the last word.

"Yes, Dear."

I'm blushing now? Ridiculous! So ridiculous! I can't believe this! She can't boss me around like this! I'm the Prince! I'm a big pony! I'm... in trouble, aren't I? Is this about lying to Cady? Or about the furniture? The maids? GAH! They had it coming. Kinda. And Cady probably did more to the apartment...

Shining Armor takes a few fast steps to stay out of reach of the Cadydozer, but this only brings him closer to the gallows. Her ceaseless trotting make the stone corridors echo from the sounds of her golden horseshoes. He cannot turn to look at the fury on his heels for fear of being trampled, and can only walk on in something that is not quite walking, but not running away in panic either. His mind races and conjures up an image where the relentless hoof-falls are the marching drum of an advancing army about to invade the sovereign nation of Armoria and crush his autonomy under those metal clad hooves. The Generals have a war-meeting, and the decision is made to trade certain defeat for a fighting chance. He stops and turns around to meet the thunderhead full on.

"Cadance. That's enough."

"Enough, is it?" she hardly even slows down as her gold-shod hoof lands onto Shining Armor's chest. He is still off balance from his 180, and the gentle force of a battering ram from Cadance is enough to topple him onto his rump. He stares out in surprise, and the familiar but unwanted grip of panic grabs his chest in a stranglehold. He unconsciously scampers backwards, away from the Princess Of Love.

"Enough!?" Cadance shouts. "For ONCE you could have saved me the public embarrassment of cleaning up after yet another one of your stupid stunts, but you think it's ENOUGH?! We are GOING..." she points violently to the stairs to their tower, and Shining Armor flinches back in fear of being hit for real. "...home, and we are GOING to have a talk." She takes one more step forward, bringing her face mere inches from his. For a moment, he thinks he sees a poisonous green fire flicker in her eyes. Shining Armor feels the cold stone wall on his back, but it is his chest that has turned to ice.

Don't hurt me! Don't hurt me! Don't hurt me! Don't hurt me! Don't hurt me! Don't hurt me...

With a condescending neigh, Cadance stands up and starts up the stairs, leaving him alone in the dark corridor.

It will pass. It always does. Breathe. It will pass. You're just imagining the eyes. She's not the Queen. Breathe. Just a trick of the light. It will pass. It always does.

He gains control of his emotions with every laboured breath that he draws from between his clattering teeth and from every thump of his head on the wall. The panic recedes, and he can finally take a deep breath. Or half of one, because a shout carries from above.

"Don't make me have to come back down there and get you!"

Shining Armor's legs work before his mind has even registered what is happening. He jerks up like a marionette with half of its strings missing, but he is upright. Every muscle in his body is shaking, and he is certain that he will not survive the stairs, let alone the beast waiting for him up at the top.

I could run. I could get out of the castle before she'd know I was gone. I could...

He looks around. The familiar quiet corridor, the distant voices carrying from somewhere far off in the distance around the twisting corners of the castle's architecture, the wind howling in the windows, the orange colours of dusk, they return him back to reality.

Okay, right. I'm being stupid. You hear me, body? Don't be stupid. That's Cadance, and you're her husband, and you're going up there, and you're going to talk things through like two adults like you should have from day one. Now up the stairs. Hoof up, there we go. Easy as walking... Because it IS walking, stupid.

The room is only lit by a few candles that have been set on a few boxes, so it takes Shining Armor a few moments to adjust to the dark. The scene in their apartment stops him cold for a moment. All of the debris has been removed, and a few scaffolds have been placed against the walls for the repair crews to work on. The walls and even the ceiling have gaping holes in them, some of them several inches deep, showing the dull gray stonework underneath the white plastering. Several boxes of tools and building materials litter the floor, which has been covered with plywood sheets to protect what little is left of the plush carpeting.

Princess Cadance is walking around, seemingly taking in the full spectrum of the tragedy that has befallen their private sanctum.

"Why?" She doesn't shout. There is no need. The wind has died down, and no living thing that had a brain would dare make a sound. Even the last birds of autumn don't fly this high, especially when they know that a storm is coming.

Fine. Let's get this over with.

"Why what?" Shining Armor asks bluntly.

"Why did you have to ruin everything?"

"This place? I think it was you who got the idea first." He keeps his voice steady and twists his mouth into a crooked smile, even though he would just like to scream and run away. The trek up the stairs was almost too much for his shaking hooves, and there's nothing he'd like to do more than just sit down and wait for the shivers to pass. Or maybe be somewhere else entirely, preferably surfing — both the prospects seem as likely.

Keep smiling. She always softens up with the smile. Come on, you can do this.

"Well you sure did your best to catch up!"

Cadance walks around the room, approaching her husband. He moves on too, keeping his distance. They circle around each other like two griffons who have found the same prey simultaneously. Shining Armor's hoof catches between two plywood sheets, and he stumbles for a bit before finding his balance on his shaking legs. Cadance is only a few feet away from him.

Stay away from me.

"And whose fault is that?" she asks.

"That you trashed the house?"

"Because you lied to me! You left me alone!"

"And that's why you take it out by putting five ponies in hospital? Ponies that work under me? Was that some kind of a message for me?"

"I was scared! And they came in in the middle of the night!"

"So you decided to go for grievous bodily harm as a go-to solution?"

W-why am I doing this? I just wanted to say I'm sorry.

"I—" She tries to find her words, but Shining Armor cuts her off.

"And it was you pushed me out the door! I wanted to stay then and there, but you pushed me out."

"Because I thought you were actually going to work and not go drink with your lowlife friends!"

You don't say that about my friends.

"Well sorry for having a life outside these walls, mom!"

"Mom? All I try to do is take care of you!"

"I'm the guardspony and you're the Princess! It's my job to take care of you! I'm the one who should be wearing the pants here!"

"Shiny, we don't even wear pants!"

"That's... that's beside the point..." he says while looking at the wall.

Cadance walks a bit closer to him and says in a lot quieter voice. "I just want you to be safe."

If somepony was listening really closely, they might hear a quiet snapping sound inside Shining Armour's head.

"Safe? SAFE!? You keep treating me like some little colt! I don't need your protection!" he shouts.

She backpedals from his loud voice. "Well you sure act like a little colt! I try to help you with your duties and support you and you throw it all in my face?"

"Help me?! How... you... you keep me mollycoddled here under 24/7 surveillance, sending guards after me if I'm a few minutes late? You hide me in some office where all I do all day long is push papers around!"

"Those are important things! You aren't a simple Captain anymore! Why don't you understand that you are a Prince?!"

"Prince? I might as well be a clerk! You keep taking away all of my authority and fussing over me like an overprotective mother goose! All the guardsponies are laughing at me because you won't even let me go to the toilet without an armed escort!"

"Well one of us has to try and keep up a royal appearance! If it wasn't for me, you would cause diplomatic incidents left and right! Even when I'm at your side, you somehow manage to blabber your mouth off to ambassadors and diplomats and we have to cover up for you afterwards so the dignitaries won't just cut ties with us! And while this is going on, you ungrateful... colt just worry about carousing!"

"So it's wrong for me to see my friends when I'm married?"

"Some friends!" Cadance cuts in with a powerful thump of her hoof on the plywood. "Taking you drinking till you pass out and get carried home covered in vomit and Celestia-knows what else? Those friends?"

"They didn't force a single drop into my mouth. Maybe I just went so I could get rid of you for just a few hours?"

"So you don't want to be close to me? Is that it?"

Shining Armor rears back from this newest assault.

"I never said that."

"That's what you meant!"

"No I didn't!"

"LIAR!" she screams. Two of the boxes closest to her slide away from her as her horn gains a dangerous glow.

Don't hurt me! Don't hurt me! Don't hurt me! Don't hurt me!

"Sorry! I didn't mean it like that! Honest!"

"Didn't mean it? You didn't mean to leave me alone? You didn't mean to lie at me at every turn? You didn't mean to wreck our home out of spite?! You didn't mean to fire two of my oldest friends?"

"W-who?"

"Broomy and Dusty!"

"But... friends... I..."

"YES! They've been with me ever since I left home to get schooled in Trottingham! First they were my nannies, and then when I grew up, they stayed on as housekeepers! And yes, I call them friends!"

"I didn't know, okay?"

"You didn't bother to ask either!"

"But the stuff they said—"

"I'm sure you deserved every bit of it! The two of them have given me a good many scoldings, but they've always been for a good reason."

"They said I was..."

A humourless, lying idiot that destroys his own home and jerks off on the ruins...

"Said what? Do tell."

"I... they... that..."

Crap... they weren't wrong either.

He feels his heart sinking in his chest from defeat, and his ego starts packing its suitcases for a vacation, when...

That wasn't the point, was it?

"That I was being a dick and that I was trying to hide my... impotence."

"They would never say something like that! How could they even know?!"

"Maybe you told them? They told me that everypony knew! Now how could they do that, Cady? The only ponies who knew about it were you and the doctor. Are you telling me the doctor told your 'close friends' about it? Or was it you?"

Cadance steps back as if she'd been hit in the face. Her ears flatten against her head and her eyes shoot wide.

"I would never—"

"Would never what? 'Confide' with your two telltale maids that have nothing to do all day long but to gossip with the rest of the castle staff? That your hubby can't get it up in the bed?"

"I never told them something like that! And they'd never tell a soul of what happens here! They promised!"

"Promised, is it? Then how did they know!?"

"I don't... I..."

"And you call me a liar. How much of this did you plan with them? Who else is on this thing?"

"Shiny, that is absurd! You know I wouldn't do something like that!"

"Except you clearly did!"

"I... I can't take this! I just... you're horrible!" her voice breaks as she shouts the words out. "I just wanted to take care of you after what happened to you and you just... throw it all in my face!"

"And what would you know of what I've gone through?"

"Well... about the Queen and the mind magic and... uhm..." She stutters to a halt and looks away.

"Uhm? What 'uhm'?"

Please don't tell me...

"It's beside the point! Let's not talk about it." Her voice is just a pleading whisper. It alone tells Shining Armor everything he needs to know. The floor seems to start falling from underneath Shining Armor as his volatile braincells end up in a conclusion.

"You... knew? About me and the... Queen?"

"Y-yes.. I knew you... made love to her under the magic. And it's not—"

"HOW THE HELL CAN YOU KNOW SOMETHING LIKE THAT!?"

"The... maids told me. They changed the sheets and... knew."

"Those maids... those fucking maids."

"It's not their fault! Don't put this on them!"

"Well if they know, then the whole castle knows!"

"I told you they wouldn't—"

"Fuck that!"

"How dare you!?" She shouts and spreads her wings. "You spoiled little brat that can't go and play outside while I try to keep us together and try to help you get over it!?" With every shouted word she walks towards Shining Armor, her voice taking on a hollow echo as her magic is starting to flow over as her emotions take over. Her eyes glow once more, but this time in a fiery red. "How can you be so selfish? Don't you understand that for weeks the Queen kept me around just to feed on my feelings! I was her snack-bar! You, you, you... Don't you understand that i was stuck in the caves for weeks while you were in bed with the Queen! Did you ever even think how that felt, huh?! But nooo! All you do all day every day is mope around about being too safe in the castle and having to be a prince!? You have everything you could ever want and you want to throw it all away? You little ungrateful—"

They are now only inches away. Shining Armor feels the panic return, and tries to escape, but cannot. His only option is to try and fight back.

"Yes! I was screwing with that bug! And you know what? You know what?!"

A small voice somewhere in the back of his head tries to shout at him. Shut up! Don't say it!

He doesn't listen.

"She was way better in bed than you."

No! No! No! I didn't mean it! Why did I say that?!

The words make their way through the air. Every one of them is as heavy as cannonballs as they slam into Cadance. Her mouth lolls open in an expression of utter disbelief and disgust.

"How... how can you say something like that?"

Apologise! You can still make it, okay?!

"Oh and here's the kicker: There's nothing wrong with my stallionhood!"

"W-w-what? But... you..."

The hay I'm saying?

"Y-yeah! I can get off just fine without you!"

NOOO!

"In fact, I could probably get off with anypony else! But not you! Any other mare!"

He turns with a victorious smile on his face, only to see Cadance sitting on the floor, her head hanging low and tears running down her cheeks.

"Cady... I..."

"Is... do you mean there is somepony else?" she whispers.

Shining Armor takes a few steps from the sheer thought. And then several of his earlier fantasies run through his mind, making his stomach lurch.

"NO! I'd never... no!"

"Any other mare, you say? Who is it? Or they? How could you, Shining Armor?"

"NO! CADY! I'd never b-betray you!"

"LIAR! All you do is LIE! LIE! LIE!" Her every exclamation is marked with her hitting the floor with her hoof, sending cracks running on the surface of the plywood sheet. "You lied about going drinking! You lied about my friends! Where were you when you were late? Were you with somepony else?!"

"Cady... I'd never, ever do something like that!"

"Liar." She slowly gets up from the floor and takes a step towards Shining Armor. Her head is still drooping low and her balance is unsteady.

Another step.

And another.

Her head shoots up like a whip, and her furious eyes lock onto his. Her wings once again spread into their full length. She becomes a dark shape against the few candles giving light in the room.

Don't hurt me! Don't hurt me! Don't hurt me! Don't hurt me! Don't hurt me!

She advances, step by step, closing in. Shining Armor falls onto his haunches and he scrambles backward, away from his wife. She advances still, no mercy or sympathy in her dark form.

Don't hurt me! Don't hurt me! Don't hurt me! Don't hurt me! Don't hurt me!

"DON'T HURT ME AGAIN!" he shouts, throwing his hooves over his head. "STAY THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME! PLEASE NO!"

She's going to hit me. Or kick me. Or throw me on the wall. Or down the balcony. Broken bones. Concussions. Hurt! I don't want to get hurt!

"DON'T HURT ME!" He screams. It is not a sound a male stallion should be capable of, but he is. He screams and screams with his hooves covering his head from the incoming blows. The words soon fail him, and he can only keep screaming a desperate, primal whine. And every moment that he catches his breath, he wonders when the hurt will come.

But it never comes. His throat feels sore, but he doesn't know how long he has been shouting. Tears run freely from his eyes, but he doesn't even feel them. Only the burning in his eyes. His hooves are cramping, and he can't get them to move from their protective posture for a long time. When they eventually do, he finds himself alone in the ruins of his new home. Cadance is gone, and only the empty alien construction site greets him.

The night has been good for the young Corporal. He doesn't mind the late-night shift, because it gives him a lot of time to catch up on his newest marriage proposal. He is leaning back on his creaking chair that is tilted far back against a wall. His hindlegs are on the simple wooden table in front of him. The small whiny chimes coming from his lap are the only sounds in the clinically lit office. He's done with the evening's paperwork, and nopony is going to bother him until the next shift change in several hours... so it's just him and Luzette.

"Heya, girl. Look what I got today. Look at these babies! My newest breed of watermelon-grapes is a great success! So... I was wondering... Now that I have enough money to build a new wing for my farm we might finally, you know... move together? What I mean is... would you marry me, Luzette?"

Several loud thumps against the steel door startle him, and he falls from his seat, barely catching his hoofheld console in midair before it smashes against the floor. With a walrus-like agility he rolls on the floor, and gets up after the initial confusion clears from his mind. He trots to the steel door and slides the peep-hole open.

"Commander Armor! Sir! Nopony told me you were coming over for an inspection!"

"That's... at ease, Corporal. I'm only here to see somepony."

Still in quite a shock, the young stallion opens the door for the CO of his CO's CO's... the very important pony.

"Sir? Um... maybe you're mistaken, sir? Because... this is the jail, and I'm the only one here. It's... it's the night shift..." The rest of his words vanish into the abyss of confusion in his head when he sees the expression on Commander Shining Armor's face. His eyes are red and puffy, and the fur on his cheeks is clumped from something wet. But what really stops him from talking, and actually travels back in time to the era where the whole notion of speech as a way of communication was still pretty new and a closely guarded secret, is the Commander's expression. He isn't angry, or composed, or dignified, which are pretty much the only things he would ever expect to see on his face. Instead, the great white stallion standing in front of him looks broken and defeated, and it is mirrored in his ever dragging step and weak word.

"I'm here to see Lieutenant Iron Sight," he says.

The Corporal looks at him, and then finally understands that he is meant to do something at the moment. He points a hesitant hoof at the only other door in the room; a door that is built out of thick vertical steel bars. Shining Armor looks in the direction of the hoof, and then back to the quivering guardspony.

"Release him, please."

"But, sir, I... I..."

"Commander of the Guard. Prince. Also not in the mood. Release him."

In a career-defying move, the Corporal pulls down the collar of his armour to clear his throat with a cough, and then makes what he believes is the worst mistake of his life. "Sir... no, sir!"

"What did you just say to me, Corporal? No, is it?" his bloodshot red eyes turn their whole murderous glare on the hapless pony in front of him. "Did I not tell you that I am NOT in the mood? Now release him."

"Sir, on my dear old mum's blueberry pie, I can honestly say that there is nothing I would like to do more than obey right now, but I can not release the prisoner. He's been detained for treason, and only either Princess Celestia or Princess Luna can order his release, sir!"

"Treason?" The stare that the lowly sergeant receives is such that it would traditionally be associated to someone who's lost a very precious trinket to a midget.

"Y-yes, sir!"

"I see." The glare disappears, and with it, the whole of Shining Armor's being seems to shrink down to the size of his left nut. "Can... can I go talk to him?" he asks almost pleadingly.

Sensing a chance for continued survival, the Corporal walks briskly to his table and procures a paper. "That's like, interrogation, right? You just got to sign here and... yeah. That's about it. Let me get the door for you, sir."

Leaving the young guardspony to his silent prayers, Shining Armor walks into the short corridor of cells. They are only separated with rows of tightly set bars, and he can see the shape of his friend lying down on a hard cot from the door. Iron Sight is apparently the only prisoner.

As he walks for the last cell, the Lieutenant raises his voice to call out.

"You better be here for the martini I ordered, or you can bugger off right now."

"Very funny, Iron," Shining Armor says weakly.

"Cap'n? That you?" The white unicorn sits up on his cot. He is clad in a baggy orange shirt.

"Yeah. No martini though."

"You here to get me out then?"

"No."

"Oh."

They stare at each other for a moment in silence. Shining Armor sits down next to the cell wall, while Iron leans back onto the bars behind his cot.

"They call these prison bars, but they don't serve any drinks here. What's up with that?" he starts.

"Do you know what they're charging you with?"

"Yeah." His voice seems to lose a lot of its earlier chipperiness.

"I'm... sorry."

"Well, stuff happens. I'm sure it'll get cleared up, right?"

"Still... you're here because of me. I can't believe you are such an idiot that you'd try and take the blame for the whole mess. Especially because it's not true."

"What can I say? Was drunk." He chuckles.

Shining Armor hits the bars in front of him with a hoof.

"Treason, you idiot! How can you just laugh it off?! They must think that you got me messed up for political reasons! You might get banished!" He sighs and turns around, leaning against the bars. "And it's my fault." He thought his eyes had already shed every tear they could today, but a few prove him wrong.

"Cap... you crying?"

"...No," Shining Armor answers with a sniffle.

He hears some noises from behind him, and two hooves slam onto his shoulders from between the bars. "You're a fucking big baby, you know that?"

"Sorry. It's just... today's been... shit." He puts one of his hooves on one of his friend's. "Why aren't you angry at me?"

"Why would I be? I did the right thing and I'm not the one sobbing on a prison floor like a bawling little filly."

"Fuck you."

"Get me drunk first."

It starts as an angry growl in Shining Armor's throat. He is about to shout, scream, or maybe punch something. Instead, the growl turns into a cough, which in turn becomes a chuckle, in which the other pony soon joins in. The hooves leave his shoulders, but he feels Iron Sight lean onto him from behind. They are sitting back to back on the floor, only the bars separating them.

"Iron... I really messed up today," Shining Armor says.

"So I'm your confessor now?"

"Sorry, I didn't mean to start pushing my stuff—"

"Shut up, you big lug. I've got this nice confession booth, so I might as well listen. Not like I was going anywhere."

"Have I ever told you I love you, Iron?" Shining Armor says with a laugh.

"Sorry but yer married. I don't do married. Causes no end of trouble."

"Eh... you're telling me? It's not like I ended my marriage just now or anything."

"That bad, eh?"

"Yeah. Had a huge fight. And said plenty of stupid stuff."

"Isn't that what rows are for?" Shining Armor feels the pony behind him lean more comfortably against his back. "You remember to love her afterwards?"

Shining Armor does a dry spit-take with his tongue. "What!?"

"Oh, dear. That's not good at all. If you don't make love after a row, it's going to get bad." There's a trepidating intake of breath before he continues. "This because you can't get it up with her?"

"The hay?" Shining Armor turns around and slams his hooves on the bars again, but the other pony just calmly rests his head against them. After a few panting breaths, he gains his composure and falls back into his previous position. "They did say everypony knew, but I was hoping you didn't."

After a small pause of his breathing slowing down back to normal, he feels his eyes water yet again from the tears of shame. "Everypony knows."

"Well to be fair, mate, you told me yourself."

"Huh?"

"You told me all about yer little troubles when we were at the Club. You were pretty pissed."

"So were you."

"Not drunk enough to forget. I could hardly keep up with you. Looked like you'd ask Sam for a full barrel of his piss just so you could dive in and drown. So you decided to tell me all about it and I listened. Couldn't have stopped if I tried, mind you."

"I... I don't remember any of it." Shining Armor shakes his head, and a new idea appears in his mind. At first he just pushes it away, but it nags at him until it blurts out."

"Have... have you been talking to any maids?"

"Dunno. They any good looking? Never could say no to a frilly apron."

"Middle-aged and faces like cooked cabbage."

"Egads. No."

"Good. I guess." He hides his face between his hooves. "Or not. Means it was Cady."

"Mind adding me to the conversation here, Cap'n?"

Shining Armor starts his story from his waking up, followed by the events of the morning and finally and tearfully, the row and what he actually said to Cadance.

Iron Sight slowly shakes his head after the story has receded into mere sniffles. "Sheeit. What can a mate really say to something like that?"

"I know."

"Me own foray's into relationships have been worthy of being included in the Great Naval Battles Of History, so I can hardly help you out there, mate."

"It's okay. It really helped me out."

"Yeah, yeah. And my therapy bill will be in the mail. If there are mailboxes where they're going to ship me, that is."

"Won't let that happen and you know it, Iron."

"Pfft. Would be a good excuse to leave the Guard and travel I guess."

"Not. Funny."

"Then why are ye laughing?"

They both share a laugh, and this time it feels to Shining Armor like it had removed some of the poison in his body from earlier. He even feels his eyes droop half-lidded from the sheer relaxation.

"So as I was saying, I might not be the best one out there about relationships, but I sure do know a good mate when I see one."

"Mmmh."

"I'm not one for going all bleeding heart and tears over every mare I meet, but sometimes I gotta admit I'm pretty jealous of you. That Princess is way too good for you, mate, and yer a lucky bugger to have caught her eye. Seeing ye two together after the wedding gave me such a hard time that I didn't get sober for three days. I mean, ever since Basic we've been mates, yeah? So when ye came here, it felt like all those times when one of us was stuck with some sheetty duty or whatnot, and the other would just happen to hang around with maybe a canteen of lukewarm tea and we'd end up sitting like just now and talking our tails off. Remember those times, mate?

"Mm-hmm."

"And it'd always be about mares. I'd tell you about all the gorgeous plump-arsed lookers I'd spied on me latest leave, and you'd just sigh and talk about Cadance and how you missed her. Pining after her like some mad maiden trapped in her tower, growing yer mane so's a handsome Prince could come and save ye. And that damn photo you had of her too. Hay, you never missed a chance to take a peek at it. Or show it around. Until, was it Harper who said you were passing her around like a trophy girl and ye got up and punched him right then and there. Right in the teeth too. Remember Harper spitting up his teeth and you shouting at him never to call her that again or you'd break his neck, and me and the rest of the boys were trying to keep you away from him."

"Mmmm."

"Heh. Right you are. Never seen murder in a stallions eyes before, but that was the first. Ever since then I guess we all held her up as something precious. Like a fine treasure we'd never have a chance but to glance at a distance. And you bloody foal being head over heels for her. And then ye got and married her, ye git. And what does yer old mate from years ago get? First he's introduced to yer new wife, she all but bludgeons me on me head with a coatrack. Would have too if I wasn't as lucky as to have stumbled down the stairs from sheer tipsy. And throws me in jail for desserts. Some lady you got there. And would trade anything to be with her and not just this eternal bachelor without a degree."

There isn't an answer from behind him. Just a gentle snore. Iron Sight turns to look at the sleeping form of Shining Armor, and pushes his tongue out.

"And there we have it. Ye bugger come here crying to yer mate when he's in a cell, and what do ye do? Ye bleed yer heart all over me and fall asleep like a foal after a carnival. You selfish little shit, eh?"

He leans back against the other pony, careful not to wake him up.

"Wouldn't have it any other way, ye tosser," he says with a grin and closes his own eyes too.

A warm summer meadow surrounds Shining Armor. The gentle warm wind rustles the leaves under a starlit night sky. He is lying on his back, and when he recognises the place, he groans.

"Is it too much to ask? Really?"

"Hello, nephew."

Princess Luna's face appears upside down into his vision.

"Princess Luna," he says curtly. The words still seem to hit home as the Princess backs away.

"You don't seem too happy to see me"

He sits up but doesn't turn to look at Princess Luna. "After all the stuff today, I guess I was hoping for a good night's sleep without too much dreams."

"You always see dreams. What you remember when in the waking world is quite different—"

"Yadda yadda yadda." He waves a dismissing hoof to his side. "Everypony knows that. It's just that I'd rather had a night where I don't remember them."

"So... you do not want to see me?" Her voice is more muted than usual, and has a slight squeak to it.

"I'd rather not see anypony right now. I just need to rest up so I can think of what to do tomorrow. It's going to be a hard day."

"But... I can't help but notice that there is something... should I say... more personal in your wish to be alone?" She tries to circle around the stallion, but he turns to look the other way.

"You might say that."

"Have I offended you somehow, nephew?" Again, the very un-princesslike squeak enters her voice.

"No, not really. It's just that... I'm not trying to shift the blame here, but maybe you telling me to go out and party might have been a bad idea after all."

"It was one from the beginning. And you knew it as well as I did. And at least now you got to celebrate the night away."

"Yeah, that's just fantastic. And then I come home from 'celebrating'", he air-quotes with his hooves, "and get my friend into jail and five guardsponies into the hospital."

"Did you throw him into the cell?"

"Well... no... but—"

"Did you hurt the guards?"

"Of course not! I—"

"Then why do you feel guilt over what somepony else did?"

"Because it is my fault. If I hadn't been out partying..." his voice trails off into the whispers of the summer breeze. He only looks blankly into the distance.

"We can never see what will happen in the future. Nor can we ever change the past... even though how much we might want to. If you had known how the events would unfold, would you have done as you did?"

"No, I wouldn't."

"The events happened because of one another, but were you the cause for those misfortunes? Not in my opinion."

"But if I hadn't come home drunk—"

"Then things would have come to a head in some other way."

"Yeah, maybe." He swallows a lump from his throat before continuing. "And... I don't think your nice dreams helped too much either."

"My dreams?"

"Yeah. You kinda told me you'd send Cady some nice dreams so she wouldn't be so angry in the morning."

"I did... but she did not enter my domain that night."

"She didn't what?" He turns to look at the Princess who is still standing a bit away from him. "But... I must have come home way past midnight."

"She did visit me that night, but only briefly in the few hours before dawn. And I did make sure she had a nice dream of visiting an amusement park with your sister as a foal. Seems it was a fond memory of hers."

"But... that means that she'd been up all night... and then I came in with the guards and... Oh dear Celeserrr... I mean... She must have been waiting for me... and too afraid to fall asleep. I didn't even... "

"It would seem so."

"That would explain why she seemed so weird in the morning. She was probably so tired and after what happened during the night..."

"I believe you are not so much thinking about the morning as much as what happened in the evening with your spouse?"

"Figures you'd know about it. Seems everypony at the castle knows pretty much everything about me and Cady. Except for maybe myself."

"Or it might be the fact that most of your windows were broken for some reason and I was on my balcony, raising the moon." She sits beside Shining Armor, and this time he doesn't turn away, but only keeps staring into the dark forest. "When faced with trouble, it is easy to lose perspective of your situation and deem the world to be against you."

"Well it is a bit hard not to think that way when even the maids talk about my impotence."

A startled coughing makes him turn to look at Princess Luna, whose dark blue cheeks have turned a deep purple.

"Um... Luna?"

"I know the times have changed, but I still find it difficult to talk of such intimate things so openly."

"I don't like it either, but seems that's what it's like to be a Prince. No intimacy whatsoever." He leans back to rest his elbows on the ground. "So... can I ask who told you? Cadance?"

"Ahem," she tries to clear her throat, but still has trouble answering. "The nature of your problem was not clear to me before you told it just now."

"Whagahueeeh?!" Shining Armor jumps up and looks at the Princess, who has turned her back to him in an attempt to hide her blush. "You didn't know!?"

She coughs once more before answering. "I did not."

"So you didn't... I just... to... and you and... gahargh!?"

"Quite."

"I'm so sorry! I didn't think that... I thought everypony knew! Because the maids told me that the whole castle knew about it! That's why I got so angry with Cady and... You really didn't know?" The Princess only shrugs. "Oh for Luna's sa... I mean... oh... dear." He turns away and sits down with his back to the Princess. "I just mess everything up."

They sit in the silence for a moment that seems to stretch to eternity. Shining Armor's mind is racing, looking for possible explanations for his actions, but keeps coming up short. He is contemplating on if he should ask for the Princess to dig him a hole so deep he could jump in and never stop falling, when—

"This isn't probably my turn to say, but... should you maybe visit a doctor?"

"W-what? Aren't you angry at me for telling you... that?"

"If I understand correctly, you were under the impression that I was already in the know about the thing. Even if it was a bit of a... surprise at the time."

"Sorry."

"You are forgiven."

"No, what I mean is, I'm sorry about earlier too. I accused you of not helping Cadance out, when you promised to do it out of kindness. It was really stupid of me."

"T-thank you. I was a bit put off by it, but didn't want to say anything."

"But... Can I ask you one thing?" When the Princess nods, he continues. "Why did you decide to help me? I mean... you're usually, I mean... you don't really talk too much with ponies. Sure, I've seen you around Princess Celestia a lot but... that's it."

"I..." The Princess once again blushes. "Actually... I... wanted to become your friend."

"Huh?"

"I know. It's just a silly thought I had. When I visited Ponyville, I met with your sister and her friends, and they really seemed to enjoy each other's company. And Tia keeps talking about your sister and her studies into friendship, and I thought that because you are her brother, you might be... nice?"

"Durrr..."

"And you've never been afraid of me. Almost everypony else is. They look at me and only see Night... what I used to be. But you treated me like any other pony." She blushes even more. "You even called me Luna."

"Huh... well... actually... I really thought you were scary. But you always looked so... well at first I thought you were tired or bored, and I thought you had trouble staying up during the day... but I guess you looked more like lonely sometimes. And when we crashed into each other and you teased me and just laughed... You seemed so different."

"I... may have been acting slightly foolish at the time."

"Well, that and when you told me out of the blue that I should go out and party and worry about what comes in the morning. That was really weird."

"To be honest, the thought of you going out to celebrate my night with your friends filled me with joy. It was very unusual for ponies to stay up after dark for fear of predators in my time, and you thought nothing of it."

"Err... it's pretty common to go out at night..."

"And I love this age for it!" Princess Luna jumps up and skips around the meadow. The stars in the sky above dance as she swirls around, her mane drawing new constellations in the black canvas of the heavens. "All the lights and the music, and the ponies celebrating the night, working, partying, drinking or just admiring the stars! The night is no longer shunned and feared! Ponies embrace it!" She turns to Shining Armor and grabs him in a tight hug. "And I could not be happier!"

Flabbergasted at the sudden show of fondness, Shining Armor hugs the Princess back gingerly and pats her back. She deposits him back onto the grass.

"I... did I do something I shouldn't have? I'm sorry... I... I got a bit carried away."

Her expression reminds Shining Armor of a little filly who has been caught with her hoof inside a cookie jar. The surreal thought combined with one of the most powerful and majestic creatures in the world makes him laugh, and he can't stop before his stomach is cramping.

"So... you aren't angry?" she asks.

"No...*snort* no. It's just that... You're so different from what you seem like during the day. I'm sure you'd have dozens of people laughing and smiling with you wherever you go if you were like this."

The Princess sits down on the grass, smiling, but with sad eyes.

"What's wrong?" he asks.

"I... could never act like this outside of the dreaming. Ponies would think me mad. I have to fulfill so many expectations that I can't even bow to somepony without waving my tail to somepony else."

"Yeah. I know what you mean. Or at least that's what Cady keeps telling me." A great big sigh escapes his lips as he falls back onto the grass, covering his forehead with his hooves. "What the hay am I going to say to her?"

"Well, even though the particulars of your argument are not known to me, there are a few simple rules that have existed for aeons."

"There are?" he gets up to lean on his elbows again.

"Yes." Princess Luna sits down on her haunches and lifts her forehoof in the air like a teacher. "Bring her chocolate, flowers, sincerity and your true self."

"Seriously? That's it?"

"What? Chocolate has ended more border skirmishes than any amount of pies, and no mare I know has ever been able to resist a bouquet of roses."

"And the rest?"

"Well, those are the easy ones. Are you in love with Cadance?"

"Yeah... I guess. But it's so hard to feel like it when there's so much stuff and—"

"Is that a yes?"

"Y-yeah."

"Then why not start by telling her that, and work from there?"

"But it's not that simple... what I said to her today and what I feel about her and—"

"Don't really matter if you two love each other."

"Oh. But—" his last attempt at an objection is ended with a dark blue hoof touching his lips.

"No buts. Trust Auntie Lulu on this one." She smiles, her mouth in a wide grin and sparkles in her eyes. "I really need to get back to work. Now... when I count to three, you will fall into a very deep sleep...

One

Two

Th..."

Author's Note

Well, another week gone since I promised a chapter, but this time I actually pulled through. To be honest, the biggest issue I had with the whole chapter was the row itself. The rest fell into place by itself with no major effort. This chapter really made me love writing more than before, and I feel good about it.

So the usual thanks:

Chuck Finley for story edits (the lazy selfish bugger could have done more, but he decided to publish his own story at the same time and try and steal my spotlight. Meh. If you want to read about ponies fucking in a decadent mass orgy, go check his page out at around... now.)

Tinandel for pre-reading (and... other activities, teehee)

And last but not least, Kopa for doing the editing/proofreading in record time from when the chapter was finished.

There was someone else too, but I can't remember his name right now. I think it started with "D" and continued with "I'ma punch that sucker in the face for what he did".

Also, 800 upvotes? Wow. Really happy about that. When I get to 1k, Chuck owes me a beer.

After The Storm

Chapter 9: After The Storm

The new dawn greets Canterlot with a deep red sunrise that slowly creeps up from behind the eastern mountains, as if afraid to peek from behind them before finding enough courage to get up. Some mornings feel slower than others, and even the light seems to trickle along the ground before filling the nooks and crannies of the ancient city. After lurking around for the better part of an hour, it finally reaches the two stallions, who are sleeping back to back against each other, with only the bars of Iron Sight's cell between them. They stir, not quite ready to admit defeat and wake up yet. The stallion inside the cell gives up and opens his eyes. He is cold and his back aches, but he doesn't move. He feels the warmth still clinging to his back from the other pony.

Shining Armor is still asleep, stirring slightly from a morning dream that he will not remember when waking. His eyes perk up as the badly-oiled hinges of the cell corridor's door swings open. Several pairs of hoofsteps echo through the jail with at least one double pair of metal horseshoes clacking on the cold stone floor. Several hushed words sound out as well, but they are too quiet to make out from the distance. Shining Armor's eyes finally open as the incessant noise grows closer and closer, and he hears a quick gasp from behind him, and the warm blanket he had on his back is pulled away. He is left to stare at two ornate horseshoes adorning dark-blue forehooves. Still not sure if he is awake, he only gawks, with a small sliver of drool still hanging on his cheek.

"Are you Lieutenant Iron Sight?" a familiar regal voice booms over him.

"That I am, Your Royal Highness," another voice, this even more familiar to him answers from behind him. He turns sideways, and only now begins to piece the puzzle called 'What I did yesterday' together. He tries to nonchalantly back away from between the two talking ponies.

"You are charged with treason, Lieutenant. Do you have anything to say?"

"Was heavily drunk at the time, ma'am. I'm sure I had the best interest of our beloved country at heart."

"So you did not intend to..." Princess Luna opens up a parchment scroll and holds it in front of her eyes with her magic, "...assault a royal personage, attempt to grievously harm the said personage, poison him, kidnap him or something like that, just lock him up and throw away the key." Her voice betrays no emotion as she reads the report. Shining Armor has backed several feet away from them, and only now notices the two other ponies behind the Princess. His throat suddenly feels dry and his teeth clench together as he recognises Cadance's two maids.

"No poison entered his body without his express and, might I add, joyful permission, ma'am."

Princess Luna rolls the parchment up again and it vanishes in a poof of blue smoke. "Very well, then. Promise not to do it again, okay?"

"Err... what?" The normally glib Lieutenant is for once at a loss for words. "O-of course. Yes, ma'am Your High Royalness ma'am. I mean—"

"Very well, then. You are free to go." With a short flash of her horn, the lock of Iron Sight's cell door clicks open.

The Lieutenant takes a few hesitant steps out of the cell and the three mares give him room. "Err... Just like that?" he stops to ask.

Princess Luna looks him in the eyes and nods. He starts to walk backwards, not ready to turn his back on the monarch formerly known as Nightmare Moon.

"Well, I'll... uh... be going now?"

"Oh and Lieutenant?" the Princess says to him as he about to turn away. He freezes, and a large bead of sweat appears on the back of his head. She walks next to him and leans into his ear. Shining Armor can't hear what is said, but Iron Sight's ears pop up, and then he unceremoniously takes off at full canter, never looking back.

Shining Armor notices that he is still seated, and clambers up. His back makes several popping noises as his spine re-aligns itself. The sounds draw the attention of the three mares, and they slowly turn to look at him. He tries to use his winning grin that got him away from several pranks. After it has no effect, he shakes his head.

"Okay, so what just happened?" he asks.

"Your friend was freed of all charges by the highest authority in the land, and he knows he was very lucky."

"I... see." He has found several pieces of the puzzle in his head, but none of them seem to be from the same set. "Why?"

"After hearing his testimony, I was assured that he was not guilty, and let him go."

"No, I mean... why?"

"I was not present at the time, but apparently my other dear nephew, Prince Blueblood, had a similar episode a while back. He wanted to charge a pony with treason and for embarrassing him in public, among other things."

"I think I see where this is going. The Grand Galloping Gala fiasco?"

"Quite. So Ti..." she stops when she remembers the two other ponies present. "Ahem, Princess Celestia made a swift change in legislation that reserved the right for a Princess to charge a pony with treason, or to free somepony of the said charges. You must understand that at the time, the only Princesses presiding over Canterlot were me and my sister, so we never thought to change the law when Princess Cadenza moved here."

"So... I could have actually freed Iron Sight if not for some bluster from Blueblood?"

"Now, now, nephew. I believe there are more pressing matters for you to peruse with your hindsight, are there not?" She gives a slightly crooked smile and nods at the two maids, who haven't moved an inch since Iron Sight's departure.

"Right... I need to go talk to Cadance and try to save... try to say I'm sorry."

"You might want to talk to these ponies here first. They informed me of the situation, after all."

She nods at the maids, who give her a practiced bow.

"I'll be leaving you to it, then." She yawns in a most un-princessly manner, only covering her mouth halfway. "'Tis getting early and I must be off to bed."

Oh hay no, I can't handle these two, not right now... No. No, that's manure. I am perfectly capable of dealing with them. I'll see what they're plotting this time and get it over with. If they try something, I'll just walk away. All cool-like.

He approaches the pair, doing his best to approximate a look of noble haughtiness. They both curtsy, short and formal, something that makes him raise his eyebrows. It's usually either an informal nod or a deep, over-the-top mockery of a bow, but never a curtsy.

“Look, I've got to go see Cadance, so if this is one of your silly games, you'll have to wait.” He gives them his hardest glare that he'd normally only use on a novice soldier who's messed up one time too many.

“Very good, Your Royal Highness,” says Feather Duster, “It is only a small matter.”

“Yes,” says Broom Sweep, taking out two sheets of paper, “It only requires your signature, sir.”

“What is it this time? Can't you go bother someone else with paperwork?”

“Our letters of resignation, sir.”

Time stops for Shining Armor. He tries to digest what they have just told them. It takes a moment for a grin to bloom across his features.

Jackpot!

The two maids still stand in front of him, their expressions carefully neutral.

Wait, I smell a rat...

“Why would you do that?” he asks, his grin quickly fading.

“After yesterday's events, sir, we feel that we are no longer suited to our positions under Her Royal Highness Mi Amore Cadenza and Your Royal Highness,” says Broom Sweep.

“So this is some big protest?”

Feather Duster flashes him a joyless smile. “No, sir. We are resigning in shame.” Her voice is back to its normal, controlled tone, but Shining Armor can still hear the hint of crude Liverypool on the margins, like a magic-eye picture that cannot be unseen. “We made a series of misapprehensions, failed proper diligence in amending them, and caused injury to both Your Royal Highness and Princess Cadance...” Shining could have sworn her voice choked up a little on the last word.

Shining Armor stands with his mouth agape.

“No,” he says. “No, no. I don't believe you, not for a second. You — you've been horrible to me ever since I moved into the castle, and got worse and worse every day I've stayed here. You don't feel sorry. I don't believe you.”

“Very good, sir,” says Feather Duster. Her smile is downright watery.

“Yeah. Yeah it is. So, if I understand correctly, I can just go slam these on the Seneschal's table and never see you two again?" He looks at them with an evil glare and a wicked smile.

“Well sir, we have each given a fortnight's notice, but with the Seneschal's permission we can take our accrued paid leave immediately,” says Broom Sweep, “In which case, yes, our tenure at the royal palace would end today.”

“Then that's what I'm going to do —I’m taking these to Major Domo. Right now.” In his mind he worries that the opportunity might escape him, that all of this would turn out to be a waking dream, or possibly a very happy psychosis. Shining Armor gets about three steps away before the twisting rope of confusion compels him to turn right around.

“You can't do this!" He steps up to Broom Sweep, his muzzle almost touching hers and his eyes afire. "You don't get to just say ‘Oh hey, we made your life miserable and broke up your marriage and spilled your secrets to everyone, and now we're running off with a job well done!' You... you soulless harpies! Why!? Why would you do any of this?" He shakes the resignations in the small gap between the maid's face and his own.

She avoids his gaze for a moment, and when he looks at the other mare, she refuses to meet his eyes as well. A memory of that same expression creeps up in his mind. It is the same guilt and shame he's gotten so used to seeing in the mirror lately.

Shining Armor snorts with frustration, but takes a step back. “Look. Yesterday, you spent half an hour patiently explaining to me, in great detail, how you thought I was the worst thing to happen to both Cady and the royal palace. Now you're apologizing and handing in your notice. I still don't know if this is some kooky trap to make me look even worse to Cadance or get stuck with red tape for the next month or so, so I'd appreciate it very much if you could give me some freaking clue as to what the hay is going on here!" he finishes with a shout, and slams the resignations on the floor.

“We had misapprehended—”

“The situation, yes,” interrupts Shining Armor, “I got that. Stop using that damn butler-talk and say it to me straight!”

Broom Sweep clears her throat, “We found out a few things over the past day, and it clicked together early this morning, sir.” After a nod from Shining, she continued, “The groundskeeper informed us that Princess Cadance started destroying the room before you did, and that she had forcibly ejected five of your subordinates from the room and a credenza from the window.”

“It wasn't an earth-shattering revelation, sir, you understand,” Feather Duster pipes in, “Broom Sweep and myself were still incensed at the damage, and the only difference was that we wanted to find our Cady and give her a proper boll— telling off for her part in it. And you'd just gone and told us about your, ahem, troubles in the bedroom, and we—”

“Wait, what?! I didn’t tell you anything, you already knew!”

The maid gives him a delicate, awkward look, as if explaining to a foal that 'trotted away' and 'clopped off' are not synonyms.

“A shot in the dark, sir,” she says with a completely straight face.

Shining Armor blinks slowly. When his eyes open, one can hear a vein pop somewhere in his temple.

“You... guessed?” His words are slow, toneless and yet full of danger. He lets out a dry, coughing laugh from the realisation.

“Yes, sir.”

“Cady didn't tell you?”

Both maids look at him aghast. “Wh— By the stars no, sir,” stammers Broom Sweep. “Cadance, she... well, even when she's been seething, she's always oblique if she talks about you, and downright sphinxlike about anything of an intimate nature, sir.”

“You didn't hear it from Cady. And you didn't hear it from Sassy Swallow? You. Just. Guessed.”

The maids look at him nonplussed. “I've never met a Sassy Swallows, sir,” says Feather Duster.

“A guess, sir.” Broom Sweep confirms.

“You. Just. Guessed?!” yells Shining Armor, “How could you even say something like that to a stallion? How... how could you... how evil are you?"

There is a pause, followed by two nods. “...yes, sir.”

He glares at them, breathing hard, his teeth bared. They show no fear; they look on in stoic shame as if they had accepted the consequences to their actions long ago.

The silence stretches on, until Shining's curiosity outgrows his rage, and even his desire to run to Cadance and beg for her forgiveness. He walks a small circle, trying to cool down to a level that allows verbal communication.

“So, you just said it to insult me. Okay. And thanks to you, I told Lu... But seeing how you've given me trouble every other morning since I moved in, there's got to be more to this story. So why resign? It's not like you'd need to with your weird relationship with Cady."

“No, sir,” continues Broom Sweep, “That happened this morning. The head butler told us that a royal guard had been thrown into the dungeons and charged with treason after coming into the palace utterly pickled.”

“We thought for a minute that some numpty had let Prince Blueblood start ordering arrests again, and we were horrified when we found out that Cadance was behind it. Charging a pony with treason for bringing you home drunk is just...” Feather Duster trails off, shaking her head. Swallowing, she looks back up, “Cadance isn't like that. She's never been like that, not in all the years we've known her.”

“We came down to the cells to talk to the Lieutenant and ask him what had really happened. And then we found you there, curled up on the floor together with him, sleeping like foals.”

“It was like the picture of a pretty filly that turns into the face of an old stallion when you look at it right,” says Feather Duster, “When we saw you that morning, sitting on the ruins of your room and frantically frigging yourself, well, we just thought you were an arsehole, excuse my Saddle Arabian. But you didn't start that rumpus, and you'd just had half a dozen subordinates injured and a good friend charged with treason. You went down to the cells to comfort him, and stayed the night with him. We knew then you weren't the pony we thought you were”

"You must understand that we had no intention of helping you as such, but remember that Princess Cadance's reputation would have suffered if word got out of her imprisoning ponies on a whim. We thought it better to get to the bottom of things. But after we saw you here, things... clicked."

"You might call it a revelation of introspection, sir. A look into the proverbial looking glass."

"We left without waking you up, and went to talk on what to do. We thought it best for all parties involved to have the Lieutenant extricated. We waited for Her Royal Highness Princess Luna to finish with her nightly duties, and knowing as how she is wont to take the same route to her quarters as always, we knew where to stand as if idle when she passed. When we told her of the situation, she took interest in it and asked to review the circumstances of the arrest and proceeded to the gaols. With post-haste, one might add."

I guess I owe you another one, Luna.

"So you just changed your mind when you saw me sleep on the floor? Hay, if I'd known, I would have done that earlier." His words might resemble a joke, but the sheer cynical snarkiness is obvious, but the maids don't even seem to notice.

“We also still remember the exams,” says Broom Sweep.

“Exams?” asks Shining, “What exams?”

“You were on your honeymoon at the time, sir,” she continues, “Every member of the palace staff met with a doctor. She mostly just asked questions. Asked us if we'd had any odd lumps, swellings or rashes, if we'd been suffering from migraines, or experiencing obsessive behaviour. There was a... it wasn't quite a memory test, but sort of was. She asked us to recall the most vivid memories we'd had this week, checked if there were any odd moments of anxiety or euphoria when we remembered them, and if there were any blank spots. We thought it was just a health check, about the goo those changelings had left everywhere...”

“But then we remembered, that when we asked you about Cadance before the wedding, you brushed us off. Well, not quite that either,” says Feather Duster, “You sort of agreed with us that things had been a little odd the past few weeks, and that you would talk to her about it. Then the next day, we approached you and you had seemingly forgotten the meeting entirely...”

“And you had complained of headaches, sir...” She trails off.

Shining Armor stares at them, his expression as tight and bitter as the knot tightening in his gut. He wants to scream at them, wants to hurt them, and wants to run back to Iron Sight and break down crying on his shoulder again, and he hates himself for wanting those things.

They know. They know how weak she made me and how pathetic I've become and they KNOW! Fuck! They know all about me being under her spells and... oh Celestia, they knew about...

"You... you told her. You told her I'd... slept with the Queen. You told her so you could hurt me!"

His heart thumps, and the coil once again tightens around his chest. But the expression on the maid's faces makes it loosen up. The lack of contempt and pity on the their faces takes him by surprise. They only look guilty and resigned. And tired, like their usual overbearingly energetic bodies had aged twenty years overnight.

"No, sir," Broom Sweep answers. "We told her because she asked. The sheets had been torn and soiled, and we couldn't lie to her, now could we? Not our Cadance."

"And not a day has gone by that we haven't regretted it."

Shining Armor chuckles mirthlessly, shaking his head. Stars Above, Cady’s clinginess, her insecurity, all back to that. All because of these two.

“It was why we put on our morning shows,” says Feather Duster, wistfully, “We'd see you in the mornings, your heads poking out of the sheets with sweaty, mussed up manes, and it warmed our hearts to see Cadance herself again, so we made our little jokes to remind her that everything was back to normal—”

“That didn't work out so well,” says Shining Armor.

"Had we known about your—"

“You have no idea how bad you made things,” he starts, the bile rising up in his throat.

“We were wrong about everything,” says Broom Sweep, “We hurt you every day trying to cheer up Cadance with silliness, and dismissed your pain as military stuffiness. You had your ways of coping — aloofness, finding isolation, drinking — and we wrote it off as brattiness and boorishness. And when everything got on top of you and you had a bit of a barney, we flew off the handle before mocking you for having a condition you have no control over. We were awful to you, and we are sorry. The very least we can do is hand in our notice, so we won't cause any more harm.”

Shining Armor snatches the two sheets of paper from the floor in his aura, and gives both maids a flat stare. “I hope you two didn't plan this little apology as some sickly-sweet try at getting me to think ‘Aww, you’re not so bad.’ You two have made my life miserable for weeks, you told Cadance what that bug did to me and messed her up as well, and thanks to you two, our marriage is probably ruined. So, yeah, you're out. I'll go give these to Major Domo...” he says, lowering his head as he remembers where he was going, “just as soon as I've gone and patched things up with Cady...”

Both maids bow deeply to him. “We are deeply sorry, Your Highness,” says Feather Duster, “And we hope that Princess Cadance and yourself will flourish in our absence.”

"I hope so as well," Shining Armor says out loud, not even noticing it.

“Very good, sir,” says Feather Duster, “But one final request: May we accompany you?”

Shining Armor blinks. “What.”

“With your permission of course, sir,” says Broom Sweep, “Seeing Cadance happy was always the best part of the job, and helping you patch things up with her would be both a good ending and a way of further apologizing to you.”

“No!” Shining Armor shakes his head without even realising it, “You have caused enough trouble. Just...no.”

“Well then, you're a bloody idiot, sir,” says Feather Duster.

Shining Armor immediate takes a more defensive posture, lowering his front body and turning his horn to the maids as if expecting an attack. “Okay, now this is more like—”

Before he can finish, the other maid steps between the two. “Your Royal Highness, we have known Princess Cadance since she was barely more than a foal. We were her nannies for Celestia’s sake. She trusts us, and we've always been there for her, the same as you have. Duster and I have had an awful role in this whole affair, and we owe it to Cady to fix it as best we can.

“This may be something you can do on your own, sir. You have accomplished incredible things before. But this is your marriage, to the most wonderful mare in all of Equestria. You owe it to her to come as prepared as possible, and you know it. Let us help you, Shining Armor.” She leans in closer and looks him straight in the eyes. "Please."

They stare at each other. Broom Sweep blinks, not even trying to stare him down.

"So... you honestly just want to help... and this is not about your jobs?" When the two mares nod, he continues. "Fine." He tucks the envelopes away, and gives a short nod. "Let's go talk to Cady."

"Not before you take a good long shower and a cup of tea. You're a Prince, Your Royal Highness, but a soldier first. Your Drill Sergeant would have words if he saw you looking like this."

"Alright then. But I have a little job for you two as well. Somepony needs to go pick up flowers and chocolate for Cady."

The maids look at each other, and completely out of the blue, titter girlishly. Shining Armor just rolls his eyes.

"Now what is it?"

Feather Duster looks at him, a smile lighting up her rather plain face. "It's nice knowing we made the right choice, Your Royal Highness."

I'll never understand mares. Never.

Shining Armor stares at the door. “So we're here,” he says, “This is the right room, right?”

“We double checked, sir,” says Feather Duster.

“You are ready, sir,”

The Prince stands in front of a guest room door. One of many, it stands in a long row along with its sisters, just waiting for the next diplomat to lay their head down. He wonders for a moment why he thinks doors are female.

Because you go through them? Even with some caffeine from his hasty cup of tea earlier, his mind is still abuzz from too little sleep for too many days. Concentrate! Do I have everything?

"Flowers, check. Chocolate, check. Shower, ch—"

"Oh for the love of Celestia! Get in there!" Broom Sweep grabs the door open with a practiced hoof while Feather Duster gives a stern nudge on Shining Armor's rump to get him moving.

He steps into the dark room, almost tripping on the plush carpet on the floor.

"Cady? Are you here?"

Hearing no answer, he walks deeper inside, trying to get his eyes to adjust to the darkness.

"Cady?"

"Go away!" he hears her shout. His legs start to shudder immediately from merely hearing her voice. For some reason he is reminded of the time he came home from school with a bad report card, torn saddlebags and skinned knees.

Oh... crap.

"Cadance... We... I wanted to t-talk to you. Can I... Can I c-come in?"

Stop stuttering!

She's angry! She'll hurt me!

No she won't!

How can you be so sure?

He stops in his tracks, all of his mental preparations crumbling around him.

I... better leave.

Shining Armor turns on his heels, and is about to walk out, but two wide-shouldered working mares block his path. Feather Duster points to the door of the bedroom where Cadance's voice carried from, and Broom Sweep nods. Goosebumps run down his back, but he looks over his shoulder at the door. He is almost disappointed that it hasn't sprouted teeth. With a deep breath to steady him, he reaches for the handle, and pulls down on it. The door creaks open an inch, and he shies away from it like Pandora must have, as he expects all the terrors of the world to engulf him.

But I guess there was something about hope?

"Cady... I'm coming in. Please don't... just... please don't, okay?"

No answer comes, and he pushes the door open. The bedroom curtains are still shut tight, only allowing a small, dramatic sliver of light to enter the room. Cadance is sitting on the bed with a blanket on her shoulders.

"Leave me alone. Go... go away, Shiny."

"I brought you some flowers. And chocolate. You like chocolate, right?"

What. The. HAY. Am I saying?

Cadance sits silently. Shining Armor scans the room now that his eyes have adjusted to the dark.

So... bed, table, chairs, a wardrobe... and why is everything happening in the dark lately? Well... not this time.

He puts the offerings on the table and grabs the hem of the curtains, and pulls them apart, allowing the bright autumn morning sun in. When he turns to look at Cadance, his heart skips a beat. The Princess' eyes are red and bloodshot. Her mane is frazzled, and hanging in matted clumps stuck to her face. She still clutches the blanket like an armour and shies away from his gaze.

"Have you been up all night?"

"Feel better now?" she hisses. "Come gloat at me about your latest exploits in a-adultery? Who did you spend the last night with? Maybe somepony I know?"

"Cadance... I have never betrayed you, and would never—"

"Liar." The word slithers out of her mouth like a curse. She doesn't even shout, but Shining Armor's ears still flatten from the bile in her voice.

"After we... after yesterday, I went to see Iron Sight to—"

"So the first thing you do is zoom off drinking with your buddies." It is not a question, just a flat statement; a fact that she has decided upon.

"No... he was... you threw him into prison for treason, remember? That Iron Sight?" He slowly walks closer to her, but feels his courage fading, and he takes up position behind the table instead.

"Hope they banish him."

The cold fear slowly drains from him, replaced by anger.

"They will do no such thing. He was freed this morning."

"Liar."

"Dammit, Cady!" He slams his forehoof on the table. "I am not a liar! I lied to you once, and I've felt bad about it ever since!"

"You are not a liar?" She lets out a shrill laughter that makes Shining Armor's hackles rise. She throws her blanket on the floor and crawls a feet towards him on the bed. "So you did not lie about going out and leaving me alone? Or when you told me you were sick but could still get it up for other mares? Or when you just happened to take a stroll for several hours around the town, probably with some hussy of a mare? Have you even been to the therapist, or was that some lie too? Or actually met Twilight? And then the things about Broomy and Dusty! All you do is lie!"

"Please don't shout... I don't want to fight."

"Yes... you'd probably like to be somewhere else, right? In bed with some—"

"Cadance." The mare's voice is soft, but commanding.

Cadance looks like someone had slapped her on the cheek. She can only stare as the Feather Duster enters the room and approaches her. Broom Sweep saunters in behind her, and absent-mindedly kicks the door shut behind her.

"What are you two doing here?"

"Our job, Cady," she says softly, "Cleaning up a mess."

"But..."

"Your dear Shiny isn't a liar, no more than we are. And you have never, not in all the years you've known us, seen someone sneak a lie past myself or Sweepy. So, no buts."

"Wha—"

"We shouted at him. And we did call him impotent." She turns to look Shining Armor directly in the eyes. "And nopony told us. It was a shot in the dark after saying a slew of other unpleasant things. And he was well in his rights to have us fired. Had it not been for the small print in our contracts, we'd be out on our arses on the street right now, and we'd bloody well deserve it."

"So... are you... you really called him...?"

"That we did."

"But then... he wasn't..." The bewildered Cadance's protests falter to a stop.

Broom Sweep nods at the Prince and ushers him with her hoof to take the reins.

"Cady... I did not lie to you about the two of them. I did not lie about my impotence either. I really can't get it up, and I'm trying to fix it with the therapist. But... when I'm alone... and I get these weird thoughts... I do get it up." He blushes, in part because the two maids are still standing mere feet away from him. "There's something really wrong with my head, and I don't understand what's going on in there."

He walks next to the bed and sits down next to it. "But I did lie to you about going to work when I went drinking with my friends. And I'm... sorry. I'm so sorry, Cady. I felt like I had to get out, away from my own problems, just for one night. I didn't do it to hurt you. It was stupid of me, and it only made things worse."

He falls silent, and eventually has the courage to look up Cadance. She look back at him, her lower lip trembling.

"Can... can you forgive me for being so stupid, Shiny?" she asks with a sniffle. "I... I said all those things and called you a liar and..." her words are lost in her hiccups.

"Honey... we both said a lot of stuff we didn't mean. I... I'm so sorry. About... everything. That's what I wanted to say to you yesterday."

"Me too, Shiny. Me too."

Shining Armor hears the faint click of the door of the bedroom closing, and he sighs.

Guess... you weren't so bad after all.

He climbs on the bed and sits next to Cadance. They look at each other for a moment, and with trembling hooves, they embrace each other. It is not a lustful embrace, but a gentle, caring one. Cadance leans onto his shoulder, and he onto hers. He feels warm damp spots appear on his fur, and finds himself crying as well. Only it doesn't matter now. This is his Cadance again.

They hold onto each other for an eternity, until Shining Armor feels Cadance getting heavier and heavier on her hooves. She is fast asleep, smiling a tiny smile, and he notes himself grinning stupidly as well. He eases her onto the bed and pulls the blanket from the floor with his magic and tucks her in, before lying down next to her as well. He gently strokes her messy mane and wet cheek, making sure not to disturb her rest. He feels his leg twitch, signaling him that the exhaustion of the last few days is fast catching up to him as well, and gladly gives up and closes his eyes. All he can hear is the steady shallow breathing of his wife.

There's so much I want to tell you, Cady. So much stuff we have to talk through. When you wake up, I'm going to tell you everything. And then we'll get through this.

Together. Because I love you.

Author's Note

It took far too long to get this chapter finished. There were mixups, miscommunications, misfortune and a missus involved, so don't shoot me. I'm well on my way into the next chapter already, so it'll come a lot faster than this one. My heart goes to my writing team who you probably know already, but still, my big thanks to Kopa, Chuck Finley, Tinandel and Demon45

Spoilers:

About the chapter itself... I know this turns a lot of the speculations you've tossed around in the comments upside down. This shouldn't feel like a cop-out or a sudden 180 for the two characters involved. I've been planning this sequence almost from the beginning, and have been waiting to get to it. Reading several hatey comments about them really hurt me, because I knew the truth of them, and I'm pretty sad that nobody saw through them or thought of this simple, naive explanation to everything that has happened with them.

Like always, please hit me with all the critique, praise, insults and cake you can in the comments section. I'll try to answer everyone as usual... as long as there's something to answer to. And please don't hesitate with the upvote/downvote buttons either. They mean a lot to us writers.

Once more, thanks for your patience. I love you folks.

All's Well That Starts Well

Cadence In A Minor Chapter 10: All's Well That Starts Well

Shining Armor yawns. He slowly opens his eyes to look at the familiar ceiling of his own room.

What's this? Wasn't I just… somewhere completely different? And didn't I make up with Cadance? Why… why am I here? And why's everything intact?

He scans the room again. The priceless artefacts of a bygone era look upon him with disgust from their highly polished perches. The curtains are drawn, letting in cold, cloudy daylight. He bites his lip to see if he's awake, quickly pulling his teeth apart from the pain.

Crap. Was that some sort of a dream? About me making up with Cadance?

He covers his eyes with his hooves and lets out a sigh that turns into a low moan.

"It can't be! I… everything's going to get better now!"

"Why are you making so much noise this early, Shiny?" Cadance asks. He didn't even notice her lying right next to him.

"Sorry, Honey. Did I wake you up?"

"Yes. Yes you did," she says in a threatening voice.

"S-sorry."

"Sorry? Sorry won't cut it. You woke me up. How DARE you?!" she shouts, and pushes him down from the bed and leaps after him.

"I… what? Cady what are you..?"

"Be quiet. You've already caused enough trouble for yourself, young colt. Now beg for me not to use you as a punching bag again." She lifts a menacing forehoof up in the air.

"I… no! What's gotten into yoUGGHHH!" The rest of his words are cut off has Cadance's golden horseshoe knocks the wind out of him.

"Beg! Kneel before me and beg!”

"Please… Cadance… stop…" he stammers, barely able to catch a breath.

"Not good enough." She slams another forceful hoof into his stomach, and the taste of bitter bile spews into his mouth.

"No… no more! Please! Cadance!"

"’No more?’ Are you giving me orders?"

"No… I…"

"Are you disagreeing with me?" she asks, her voice even colder than before.

"That's quite enough from you, Cadance."

Shining Armor looks at the source of the voice in confusion. Broom Sweep and Feather Duster are standing side by side at the door of the bedchamber.

"Whaaa?" he utters.

"You've gone too far this time, little Miss Cadenza," Feather Duster says in a stern voice.

"Oh?" the Princess in question answers with a snarl. "And what, pray tell, are you two going to do about it?"

"What we've always done when you haven't been behaving," Broom Sweep continues from where her colleague left off. "You're going to get spanked."

"Hah! I'm far too old for you two hags to lay a hoof on my tush," Cadance says, and turns around to shake her posterior at the maids. Shining Armor can only look at the scene in confusion at how the three mares are acting.

"Care to wager on that, poppet?" In the blink of an eye, the older mares have grabbed Cadance by the forehooves and pushed her over the end of the bed, leaving her hind legs dangling a few inches in the air.

"You can't do this to me! I'm the Princess!" she shouts, but the cold decisiveness in her voice has been replaced by trepidation.

"You've always been a Princess when we've smacked your bottom. This time's no different." Feather Duster climbs onto the bed and holds Cadance still, while Broom Sweep raises a muscular forehoof so befitting of a working mare.

"No! Don't do this! I command you!"

Her protest is interrupted by a yelp of pain as the first powerful smack lands onto her buttocks. She leans forward from the strength of the strike, but doesn't have enough time to recover before the next spank comes. The merciless smacks rain upon her wiggling bottom, making it dance from side to side.

Shining Armor gets up from the floor to get a better view of the proceedings. He can see that Cadance's slim hindquarters are already considerably more red than pink.

"Stop this at once! This is not befitting of my stature!" she cries, but the blows don't slow down. From her quivering voice, it is clear that she's holding back sobs of embarrassment and pain.

"Ooh my fetlock's getting all stiff here. Care to switch around with me?" Broom Sweep asks her maid companion.

"I thought you'd never give me the pleasure."

They change positions, and again strikes start raining down onto the Princess' buttocks. She starts to whinny instead of telling them to stop, and after a few dozen more hits, she breaks.

"P-please! I can't take any more! Oww! Please don't spank me any more, Aunt Dusty!"

"Oh-ho. So the tables have turned now haven't they? Maybe now you won't treat your hubby like a dirty rag?" the maid asks, but gives Cadance several more smacks before allowing her to answer.

"N-no! I promise to be good! I'll do anything! Just please stop!"

"You're saying that you're going to be better now, but how do we know that we can trust you, eh? Are you convinced there, Mrs. Broom Sweep?"

"Oh, she does sound sorry, but I don't think her bum's sorry enough. I think she still has to be punished more."

"Noo! Please! No more!" Cadance whines like a young filly.

"Well, what do you say, Your Royal Highness?" the maid turns to Shining Armor. "Does she need to be punished more? She did use you as a punching bag, and she's done nothing but treat you wrong for weeks."

"I couldn't. I mean, she's Cadance and all. Why would I… spank her?" Shining Armor says is a hesitant voice.

"Oooh, you're a real piece of work, you are. Trying to be all Princely is all well and good, but you really have to put the missus into her place, am I right, Mrs. Broom Sweep?"

"Couldn't agree with you more. I think that the Prince should show her what for himself."

"What a splendid idea!"

Both the maids turn to look at him, one from over Cadance's half-prone body, and one from next to her glowing-red rump. "Care to discipline her?"

Shining Armor feels a stirring between his legs, and instead of refusing like he first thought, he finds the idea wholly titillating.

"Why, yes. I think I would."

"Shiny! Please no! I promise to be a good filly from now on!" Cadance begs, but it only makes him grin wider. The maid gives the upraised rump one final smack before she makes way for him.

"No holding back now, Your Royal Highness. She deserves every bit you have in those hooves of yours."

Shining Armor lays a hoof on his wife's backside, and she shies away from his touch. He feels the spanked area glow warmly under his touch. He strokes her a few times more, before pulling his forehoof back.

"I'm going to enjoy this," he says. Cadance tries to say something, but the loud smack that echoes through the chamber turns her objections to a whine of misery. He takes aim again, this time slamming his hoof lower, more to her thighs than her buttocks. He feels the flesh more taut, and her whinny is an octave higher than with his last strike. Shining Armor savours every spank, waiting for Cadance to settle down before giving her the next one. She tries to beg for mercy, but he will not have any of it. Instead, every time that she opens her mouth, he strikes, cutting off any possible objections. He stops to admire his work, and rubs the sore red skin under the short pink fur of his wife.

"You aren't stopping yet are you, Your Princeship?" one of the maids says.

"She needs a better seeing to, she does!" the other one says.

Shining Armor feels his member standing stiff like The Dragonpeak Mountain between his legs. He starts to pick up speed with his strikes, not giving Cadance enough time compose herself before applying the next smack. She yelps in pain amidst her whinnies, which only serves to drive him further on. She struggles in vain against the two strong mares holding her down and is only able to wiggle her bottom from side to side. Her tail stands high, giving him full access to every inch of her posterior, and he covers it all with his lustful strikes, riding high on the euphoria of dominance. He doesn't know how long the spanking lasts, but all too soon he hears Cadance bawling like a tiny foal.

"Now… now let that be a lesson to you to respect your husband, you hear?" he says, out of breath.

"Well done, Your Royal Highness," the maids say in unison. "Now it's time for this little naughtybottom to go think on what she's done in the corner," Broom Sweep continues. "Anything to say to the Prince, young lady?"

"I'll… I'll never disobey you again, Shiny. And… if you ever feel like I've been bad, you… you should give me another spanking like the one right now."

"He sure will. We'll make sure of that!" Feather Duster grabs Cadance's ear with her teeth and drags the barely resisting mare to the corner. Shining Armor looks at his wife approvingly, and feels his member nod in agreement.

The maids return to stand in front of him, and give him a deep bow. Feather Duster talks to him in a reverent tone. "Now, Your Royal Highness, might we ask for a spanking as well?"

"Surely we deserve one at least as severe as the one you gave your wife just now. We even brought a riding crop for you to teach us how to behave."

"Well…" Shining Armor looks at the grovelling mares for a moment, as if pondering the request. "You do deserve it, no doubt. Show me this crop you have."

As Broom Sweep rises up, she holds a length of tan wood topped with a wide swath of pleather on one end, and a sturdy grip on the other. He picks it up with his magic and gives it a few experimental swishes through the air. He holds a hind leg up and brings the crop down onto it, grimacing from the sharp pain that shoots through his body.

"Is it to your satisfaction, Your Royal Highness?" the maid asks. He only nods, and points the crop at the bed. The maids assume their positions without saying a word, lying on their stomachs on the bed before lifting their rumps up in the air and clearing his target from their tails.

Shining Armor admires the two mares' backsides, never having given them much thought. He can see clearly that the two mares are used to working on their hooves, as both of their hindquarters are well rounded, but with a slight topping of chub from lack of real physical exercise. He walks to the other side of the bed, where the maids look at him from below with pleading, lusty eyes. He brings the crop to Feather Duster's face, stroking her cheeks with the wide swath on the business end of his implement. She purrs like a kitten and rubs her head against it. He moves it a bit, so the end is right in front of her mouth.

"Lick it."

She pushes her tongue out and does careful circles around the crop. The movements remind Shining Armor of a mare preparing to take a stallion inside her mouth, and his hips push forward on instinct as the mare expertly teases the crop. She leans forward to take it inside her mouth, but he pulls it back. Instead he hovers it to the other maid, tracing wet lines with the saliva covering the end onto her face. She shivers slightly, but turns her head to the side. He raps the crop onto her cheek, not hard, but enough to elicit a tiny moan from the older mare. He pushes her head the other way, gives her another rap on the other cheek, and is once again awarded with a pleasurable moan.

Shining Armor walks behind the two mares, noting with satisfaction that both of them are dripping juices down their inner thighs from excitement. He leans his muzzle in closer, almost close enough to touch one of their slits and inhales deeply on her smell. His breath on her most private area sends a shiver down her back, and she wiggles her bottom in anticipation.

"So, Ladies. What is it that you want from me?" he asks in a coy voice.

"Please! Make us obey you!"

"Punish us for our misdemeanour!"

"Tell us how bad ponies we have been!"

"Make our backsides hurt!"

Shining Armor pulls up a divan next to the bed and lies on it on his side, affording him a full view of the two mares' posteriors. With a casual jolt of magic, he sends the crop to smack one of them on the bottom, and then the other. They both squeal in pain and delight, and he moves his forehoof between his own legs and rubs his erection. He allows the crop to give a few more strikes, enjoying the tiny ripples that flow from the spots where the wide end impacts the chubby maids. Tiny red lines appear where he has struck, and he decides to focus on one of the ponies in front of him first.

Broom Sweep's legs are covered with a mixture of her own sweat and arousal, and Shining Armor decides to go for her plump bottom first. He takes careful aim and gives her half a dozen strikes in quick succession on her right buttock. She yelps in pain, but remains in her position. He strokes her bottom a few times with his implement before giving her another burst of hits, this time on her other buttock. Again, the mixture of pain and pleasure fills the room as she moans and pants.

"Please! Punish me more!" she shouts.

"Be quiet."

"Yes, Your Royal Highness. Sorry, Your Royal Highness."

He continues spanking her, covering her whole bottom in red stripes and welts, until her legs give away from under her.

"Aaaah! That's too much, Your Royal Highness! I can't take any more!"

"You disappoint me, you useless mare."

"I'm so sorry, Master! It's just that… I… it hurts so much."

"Very well then. You are dismissed."

"No! Please! I… I want more! I want you to punish me more! Please don't send me away!"

He takes a hold of her tail with his magic, and lifts her rump back up.

"Oh, yes, Your Royal Highness!"

"Be quiet."

He gives her a few more strokes, these far more harder than the ones before, and lets go of her tail. She falls down on the bed, the sheets of which are already wet from her fluids.

Feather Duster has gotten only a few licks in the beginning, and Shining Armor decide to turn his attention to her.

"On your back."

The mare complies, and rolls over. Her tail hangs over the edge of the bed, and she spreads her hind legs apart to afford him a pleasing sight of the middle-aged mare's stomach, thighs and private parts. Shining Armor aims several short smacks on her inner thighs, making her squirm uncomfortably on her back as she desperately tries to remain still. The sounds escaping her mouth are completely different, signalling sheer pleasure from being punished.

He aims a gentle slap directly onto her slit, and is rewarded with an ecstatic moan from the mare. A few more hits land around her bottom and inner thighs, before he again gives her entrance another strike, this one slightly harder than the one previous. The mare closes her legs around the crop on instinct and shudders from the pain.

"Spread your legs."

"Sorry, Your Royal Highness. I promise not to do it again."

He ties a few strands of magic around her legs and lifts them up, bringing her whole lower body up from the bed. Suspended spread-eagle from both legs, she is completely helpless against his assault. He goes through her inner thighs meticulously, making sure not to miss an inch. She shudders and moans, not knowing what to do with her forehooves but to flail them around and occasionally bring them in front of her mouth to suppress a scream. Every once in a while, Shining Armor gives her slit another hard smack, and relishes at the sight of the mare trying to close her legs, but not letting her. When she can't take any more and begins to beg and gibber, he carefully eases her down. She relaxes, smiling, and allows her hind legs to droop down, almost touching the floor. At that exact instant, he strikes her slit one more time, as hard as he was spanking her buttocks. She screams and turns to her side, bringing her forehooves between her hind legs.

"Very good. I think that's enough of the first part of your punishment. Now, come over to me."

The maids climb up from the bed and approach him with their heads held low. He motions for his still-erect member, and doesn't say a word. The mares don't need any other instructions. They both sit down on their aching backsides and start licking his member. His hips instinctively buck forward at their wet touch, and he moans from pleasure, enjoying the raspy tongues working expertly at his shaft from the tip all the way down to his sheath. He turns on his back, with his member upwards, and the maids rise up to reach it.

"Can… can I watch?" Cadance asks quietly from the corner.

"No, you may not. But you will climb on the bed now," he answers. Cadance walks to the bed being careful not to look at her husband and the two mares working on him.

"I want you to pleasure yourself while I sit here and have your two maids suck me off. You will listen, but you will not turn around."

"Yes, Shiny."

She leans forward, and Shining Armor can see her leaking wet slit for a second before her forehoof covers it from below. She begins to stroke herself rhythmically, and the mares working on his member take up the same rhythm. She quickens her pace, and the maids do as well, then slows down, and the two follow suit. One of the maids switches to his goodie sack, carefully taking it inside her mouth. She lolls her testicles around with her tongue, treating them gently like the two priceless gems they are. The other maid climbs up to all fours to reach his shaft better, but she gets in front of his view of the masturbating Cadance. With an angry smack he hits her flank, and she falls back down gibbering apologies that are muffled with his meat. Cadance seemingly cannot slow down any more and keeps on going faster and faster, but he will not allow it.

"Stop, Cadance. You ladies keep going."

"But I was so close! Please… let me finish! Please!"

"Be quiet, or do I have to give you the crop as well?"

"N-no! Please! I just want it so bad!"

"Come closer, but do not turn around. I want to smell you."

She obeys and backs up, almost tripping on the loose bed sheets on the floor. Her legs are glistening with her fluids, and her perky scent makes his member twitch in the maid's mouth.

"Good. Now stand there and do nothing."

"Nothing? But I neeeeeeeed it!"

"You need to obey. One more quip and you're getting the crop. Now face down and ass up. And shake it."

"Y-yes… my Prince."

She pushes her rump even further towards him, and starts to move it vigorously from side to side. Her first move shakes off the tiny droplets of arousal from her hairs and they rain on Shining Armor. He pushes his tongue out to enjoy her taste.

The maids are still working diligently, not even slowing down as he commands her errant spouse around. He lifts one of his hind hooves up and onto the back of the divan, and points his hoof lower. The maid that was working on his jewels carefully pulls away from them, using her tongue to lower them back to rest between his legs. She gives them a tiny lick, as if waving goodbye to a lover, and traces a slow, wet line down between his buttocks. She probes around for a moment, slowly going up and down his crack, before hitting gold. His hips buck forward, and the other maid gags as his shaft drives deep into her throat. He takes her by the mane and pulls her back in, gagging her again, revelling in the shudders of her throat. A hungry tongue keeps rimming his hole, all the while launching forays around the rest of his rump, writing unknown letters of pleasure onto the canvas of his white flesh.

Cadance's shakes have slowed down, and he slaps her flank again, and she quickly starts moving again, this time going up and down, touching his lips a few times with her bottom. Every time she comes close, she gives her slit a lick. She starts bringing her prize closer to him and waits for him to lick again, but he makes her wait, sometimes for several seconds. She moans wordless pleas that go wasted on the hardened ears of her master.

"Cadance. Stop what you are doing and masturbate. I want to see you pleasure yourself from up close. From inches away. Now do it."

Her hoof is up her nethers before he can even finish, and she rubs herself out fiercely, almost desperately. He enjoys the vigorous movements, the musk of her, and the rain of a thousand ecstasies. He motions for the other maid to return to work on his shaft, sensing that his tectonic plates are about to do the twist. The sheer want and need of his wife-come-supplicant drives him over his own point of no return and down the waterfall of pure, blinding, mind-numbing bliss. He hears Cadance cry out and lose control as her own orgasm takes hold of her, and her final gush of lust drowns him in a sea of horny love. He comes, and the maids compete as they try to get as much of his semen inside their mouths, slurping and kissing over his member, cleaning every last speck of his stallion-juice down their gullets like the good little cleaners they are. When he is finally done, Cadance, the maids, the bedroom, all fade to black as he falls back into the darkness of sleep.

Shining Armor wakes up with a throbbing, almost painful feeling between his legs. Not even thinking about it, he moves his hoof to his shaft and gives it a little rub before opening his eyes. A completely alien wardrobe stands silently before him. Its presence returns him completely to the land of the waking from his semi-conscious state.

Right. Cady, in the guest room, with The Talk.

Remnants of his earlier dream dance around his mind.

Also… ewwh!

"Are you up?" his wife's voice comes from somewhere behind him. On instinct, he pushes both of his forehooves between his legs to cover his full-out erection, afraid that she might notice. To his relief, he was lying on his side, his back to where she'd tucked Cadance in. The thought of Cadance behind him, possibly only inches away should make him feel relaxed, but instead he feels a cold shiver run down his back.

She's probably looking at me. Thinking why I haven't turned around yet. Maybe I could pretend I was asleep? Can't let her see me like this when… oh Celestia what a dream.

On cue, his member twitches about, volunteering for duty.

Or then again… lying's only made this thing worse.

"Morning, honey," he says, and rolls onto his back, his member joyfully pointing at the ceiling.

"Oh…" Her voice is farther away than he thought. His head lolls to the side and he sees her sitting at the small table next to the window instead of lying on the bed.

"You… really are up," she says, her eyes glued to the saluting little soldier.

"Yeah." He feels the blush of embarrassment start to grown on his cheeks. "Sorry."

"Sorry? Why are you sorry?" she ask incredulously.

"For… this." He points between his feet.

"It's not like I haven't… seen it before."

"Yeah… but the stuff that's happened and…"

"Yes… well…"

They both look away, Cadance at the table, Shining Armor at the ceiling. The silence that arrives in the room hates its job and would rather be anywhere else, and inaudibly begs for the two of them to get it over with so it can go. It doesn't even have a number yet and is probably just an intern.

"So… want some flowers or chocolate?" she asks.

Before he can even answer, his stomach does it for him with a low rumble. "Yeah… I haven't eaten in… actually I don't remember when I ate last." He gets up from the bed, and notes that his stallionhood has already receded back into its sheath.

For once it goes away when I want it to. Guess that wasn't so bad.

He plops down on the chair opposite Cadance and pops a carnation into his mouth. It’s freshly picked, and the sugary sweet core amidst the petals feels like a precious oasis in the desert of his taste buds. He is careful not to eat the stem or the leaves, remembering well the list of poisonous plants and which of them are safe to consume from Elementary School.

"These are my favourite flowers. And chocolates too." She smiles at him, and pops a large candy into her mouth, not even biting it in half. There's a little speck of chocolate on her cheek.

"Actually… I didn't pick them up," he says and rubs the back of his head with a forehoof. "It was Broom Sweep and Feather Duster."

"Oh." She stops chewing and seems to be lost in thought.

"I… I knew you liked carnelions. I would have picked them up too."

"It's not that," she says with a smile. "You've never called them by name. It's always been 'the maids' or something like that."

"I haven't? I'm sure I…" Shining Armor's mind races to remember any occasion where he actually would have called them anything but maids… or something nastier. "You're right." He pauses for a moment to take another flower from the arrangement. "We kinda made a truce."

"Well I guess that's good." Her eyes glaze over a bit as she's once again lost in thought. "I… really like them, Shiny. Ever since I got my horn, they've been almost like my family. Ever since I got invited to Canterlot. Did you know they're both nobles?"

"Hmuh? Semiousfly?" he mumbles with his mouth full of flower.

Cadance giggles. "It's not like that. Their families had hit on hard times and they didn't have any lands or castles or anything like that anymore. Princess Celestia pretty much hired them so they'd help me with my studies."

"Wow… I never even thought…"

That the two nosy maids actually out-ranked me all this time before we got married. Hay… even the maids…

"Was it sour?"

"What?"

"Your flower. You just pushed your tongue out like it tasted bad."

"No, I mean… I was just thinking out loud. With my tongue. That's all."

Cadance looks at him with raised brows, but continues her story. "Well they gave up on their titles ages ago. Told me they didn't have any use for them. Although in the beginning they insisted on being called Ladies-In-Waiting."

No idea what that even means.

"I think they're okay. At least they're nicer than I thought. But after all the stuff in the mornings and… well I guess it was just a misunderstanding. Or a lot of them."

"Would you… like to tell me about it?"

No.

"I guess."

He floats a procrastinate chocolate to his mouth. He uses the little time it takes for the candy to melt in his mouth to formulate what he is going to say next. She only sits patiently, looking into his eyes.

"Ever since the wedding and us moving to the castle, they've been doing that innuendo stuff in the mornings. They told me that it was actually for you to forget the stuff that… argh!" He can feel the noose of guilt tightening around his neck. "I don't even know where to start! I… I had s-sex with the Queen. And the maids found out and then you asked about it from them and… and…"

"Shiny, honey. It's okay. You… don't force yourself."

He leans back and catches a breath.

"It all feels so stupid. The stuff that's happened."

"I know, honey. There's been so much… err… like you said, stuff."

"Yeah. Stuff. Heh."

They share a mirthless, forced laugh, which only lasts for the few seconds it takes for them realise that nothing funny has actually been said.

"The maids told you, and then they thought they'd messed up and tried to make you forget, and started doing that weird act of theirs. I thought they knew about my problem, and were teasing me about it. Because I thought they didn't like me. And then they even told me they didn't like me after the stuff in our tower. And told me I was impotent. Which they didn't really know, they just wanted to be nasty."

Cadance's eyes squint as she tries desperately to keep up with Shining Armor's explanation. "Oh, my. It's really hard to believe those two would say something like that. They can be a bit sharp-tongued, but… I really thought better of them."

"I guess they were just trying to protect you…"

Waitaminute! How did I end up defending THEM?

"…in their own, nasty way."

"Shiny!"

"Well they were! They were nasty and blamed all the destruction on me! And, well, said other stuff too. Like how they told me everyone in the castle knew about it, and I thought… well, that you'd told them and they'd gossiped about it to everyone."

Why don't you tell her how they stole my lunch bits too! Real mature there, Prince.

"That's the d… silliest thing I've ever heard! They promised never to tell anypony about anything they found out or saw during their work. It's part of their contract. They'd never, ever, say a word to anypony."

"Well it would have helped if I'd know they were more than castle staff. And friends or not, they still went way too far."

Silence once again sits on the throne and reigns over the small country of Ohshittania. It's happy for the promotion.

"I still find it hard to believe that they—"

Shining Armor slams a hoof onto the table, knocking the box of chocolates down onto the floor.

"They told you what they did themselves!"

He stares at her, unblinking, and she quickly turns to look away.

"I don't like it when you shout, Shiny."

"Well… well I don't like it when you think I'm lying," he leans onto the table and puts his face against his forehooves. They both try to avoid each other's gazes, and end up looking at opposite walls.

Fine. I'll be the one. Again.

"But I guess I deserve it."

She turns to him, her expression full of surprise. She has to work her mouth for a moment to get her words out.

"Umm… It's okay, Honey. Didn't we talk this over?"

"Yeah… it's just that I've always tried to be honest and then I did something stupid and you started thinking that I'd…" He feels a lump of bile rising into his throat. "…that I'd betray you."

"You said that you could get it up with any other mare." She looks away from Shining Armor again, and her voice comes out low, almost as a whisper.

"I meant that I could… by thinking… gah!"

"Thinking? Of whom?"

"Just… ponies. Does it really matter?"

Cadance's mouth forms empty words for a moment, but she doesn't say anything, only shakes her head.

"Thanks."

Two neurons find each other inside his brain, and form a new thought. His stomach lurches.

"Umm… Cady?" He takes a deep breath. "Did you think I'd betray you because of what happened with the Queen?"

"O-of course not! It was because you were under her spell."

"Well I do. I think I betrayed you."

"What?" she asks, clearly shocked.

"When I was with the Queen. I feel like I betrayed you. Like I should have been stronger. That maybe if I'd fought back harder…"

"Honey, it's all behind us now. Just… it's fine. Really it is."

"But I—"

"It's fine." She leans towards him, and her glare gives no room for objections.

Fine? You think it's 'fine' for me to fuck a bug? You're so bad at lying, Cady. Okay, save it. This is not the time.

Cadance's horn glows as she picks the box of chocolates and the few loose ones flung around by his earlier tantrum. Happy for the distraction, Shining Armor picks one up from mid-air and pops it into his mouth. The almondy taste relaxes him a bit. Cadance pulls one of the last flowers from the bunch, but only rolls it around the tabletop with a hoof, seemingly deep in thought. With a shrug, she levitates it up into her mouth and slowly chews it down while she moves her chair almost next to him and sits back down.

"On the topic of… making love," she says while laying a tender hoof onto his lap. His leg twitches involuntarily from the touch, and he can feel his fur standing on end. She doesn't notice, her face stuck in an all-too-bright smile. "I've been thinking. Well, more like researching. Just like how Twilight Sparkle solves problems? And I found some spells."

You're faking the smile, Cady. And why'd you have to bring Twily up? Isn't it bad enough that I just necked your nannies?

"Spells? What spells?"

"The… uh… kind that make you more virile. Apparently it's pretty common, especially when you get older. Ponies have been using spells to fix it for a long time." She lowers her head a bit. "I guess I should have known that already, being the Princess of Love and all. I haven't given much thought to the… mechanical side of things."

But that's not… It's not…

"There's nothing wrong with my body. The doctor told me it's psychological, and the therapy's been… well at least interesting. Made me think about stuff."

"Does it matter? I'm sure it'll work if you just give it a chance. For me?"

"I don't think so. Doesn't feel right," he says and shuffles his forehooves around nervously.

Cadance inches closer to him, and her horn takes on a light red glow. "I could even use a little bit of the crystal heart magic to—"

He slowly removes her hoof from his lap and turns to look Cadance directly into her eyes. In a stone-cold voice he says "You are not using magic on me."

The glow vanishes from Cadance's horn as she balks away from him in surprise. With a quiver in her voice, she asks. "Why? I'm sure it wouldn't hurt. It would—"

"No."

She looks at her hooves and continues in a pouty, almost foalish voice. "I just wanted to make you better! I don't know what's happening but I thought that maybe if we got at least that fixed then maybe you didn't have to worry about it." she says amidst tiny sniffles.

"I know, Honey. I know." He breathes in slowly to gather his thoughts. "I'm sorry. It's just that… I don't think I'd be comfortable using magic to fix this. It's probably better if I try to work this out with the therapy."

"You think that Swallow mare is actually going to help you?" she says with a clear tint of anger to her voice.

"What do you mean?"

"It feels like I'm talking to a wall with her! She just sits there and listens, and just waits for me to speak. I… You'll probably think I'm a horrible pony for saying this, but I don't think she's even qualified for her work. She's such a… such a hack!"

"Oh, Honey. I know she's kinda weird, but at least for me it's helped. She told me it's her type of therapy, that's all." He thinks for something more to validate his claims. "She had all sorts of diplomas on her wall too."

Cadance just sighs and leans back on her chair. "I know. I just don't like her."

"She's just doing her job."

"Couldn't we get somepony else? Somepony who actually talked? She's so creepy."

Yeah, sure. Let's throw out everything I've done with her and start over. Hay, no.

"I don't think we should do that. We're already so far into the thing. There's only one more session for me and then we can go meet her together. And if she tries to put you in a pot and cook you up, I'll save you."

"That's not funny," she says, but can't stop the edges of her mouth from creeping up. "Fine. We'll finish the silly therapy with her."

"Thank you." To his surprise, he feels more gratitude and relief than he expected.

"Let's just call it thanks for making up with Dusty and Broomy. Now we can put this whole silly thing about firing them behind us." She puts her hoof on top of his Shining Armor's, and smiles. "I think it was very mature of you. Just like a Prince."

Silly thing? What? I still haven't decided what I'm going to do about them. And weren't we talking about something completely different just now?

"I haven't… "

Oooor…. maybe not. Better not spoil the moment when we can finally talk. I know the tone of voice she's using and I like where this is going.

"Yeah, right. A Prince. I still think I'm more of a royal mess-up." he says with a smirk.

To his surprise, Cadance laughs. "Oh, Honey! I know the feeling. It's hard to just suddenly become royalty."

"Huh?"

"Silly. I wasn't born a Princess either, remember? I was almost a teen when I was crowned and I didn't want anything to do with the whole Princess thing back then."

"Yeah. You told me about the Prismatia… Pristina… "

"Prismia."

"…her."

"Yes. And when I suddenly grew a horn that does weird things without me wanting it to and my wings became so big that I can't even fly properly… Well let's just say it wasn't easy."

"I never thought of that. You've always just been so… regal."

And pretty cute, even with your bed-mane.

"And you never thought why I became a babysitter? I wanted to run away from the life of a Princess—and Sweepy and Dusty—as much as I could. Took me weeks to convince them to let me go outside alone, and that was the easy part! I had to persuade Aunt Celestia too."

"I didn't think anypony could change her mind once it was set. Or even dare try."

"It took a lot of cake. But the point is, I wanted to be with people who didn't have anything to do with the court or being royalty. I always spent time with the younger kids in my home village, so being a babysitter felt like a good idea."

"Well, ehh… I'm pretty happy you signed up," Shining Armor says with a slight blush, which is soon mirrored by Cadance. A warm image of the two of them holding hooves on the sofa while Twilight Sparkle was in her room with her nose in a book fills his mind. "Guess I was bound to become a Prince ever since I fell for the prettiest Princess in the land." He leans over the table and takes Cadance's forehoof between his own. "Cady… I love you."

"I love you too, Shiny."

They share a gentle, chocolaty kiss. It soon turns into a dozen more. Cadance stands up and pulls him up with her. With locked lips, they take a few precarious steps around, lost in each other. They end up next to the glowing window and Shining Armor sees the warm radiance of the setting sun stroking Cadance's cheek. Cadance sits on the stone windowsill and circles his neck with her hooves. He flinches a bit, but thinks nothing more of it. She lets out a small, guttural purr, and her tongue plays circles around Shining Armor's. Cadance leans onto the window sill, which, according to ancient castle architecture, would be deep enough to accommodate a full grown pony. This time it only has to support her tush as she pulls him further in. The sun shines low from behind her, giving her a gold-and-pink halo around her head. To Shining Armor it's as if her horn was aglow with the magic of her heart.

Ready to make me into her slave. To take away my free will. To force herself on me again!

Shining Armor looks at her, just a black outline against the bright radiance, and for a moment, he thinks of green eyes. His heart lurches, and goes tumbling down to his stomach. With a vigorous shake of his head that makes Cadance whinny in surprise, he clears the image from his mind. She takes his struggling as an invitation to move even deeper, pulling him in with all the force in her hooves. He winces at the pain in his sides, and feels her bite his lip gently with her fangs.

A shudder runs down his back. He tries to push the dark shape away to catch a breath, but it will not let him. The two perforated hooves that were embracing him are now the sides of a vice, immobilising him and turning him helpless under their grip. He struggles in vain, pushing, squirming, even butting with his head. The monster lets go, but rises up to tower above him as he falls down to the floor. The Queen's eyes glow a poisonous green as she spreads her wings and descends on him, bloody drool running down it's mouth, ready for another bite of pony flesh.

He shields himself from the monster, his horn aglow with a warding spell. The monster is too close, and his spell has no effect, only enveloping them both in a golden-red sphere that obscures everything else in the room. He tries to shout, but no sound comes out, and he curls into a ball, hoping for somepony to come save him, because he knows he is too weak to fight the Queen off on his own. He is trapped in his own head, not even the master of his own thoughts. Just a witless drone, doing his mistress' bidding without question. He wants out, but the beast holds him in a stranglehold on the floor. He can't even flail futilely at the monster with his paralysed limbs.
The scene passes. Cadance is holding him in her lap, shouting something he can't make out. Her eyes are moist from worry, and a small trickle of blood runs down from the edge of her mouth.

"…right? …doctor?"

"W-w-w-w-w-whhh…" is all that comes out from between his clamped teeth. The shaking begins, first in his legs, which then spreads up his back and finally clutches at his jaw. He can't speak, his whole body jerking in a post adrenaline-rush cramp. She holds him tight, shouting at the door, looking at him, looking at the window, but he can't tell her what is happening.

"Shiny! What's going on? You're scaring me!"

I'm scaring you? You're… you're scaring ME! No… no she isn't. It's another stupid attack. It'll pass. It always does.

He pants, the shivers slowly dying down as Cadance still holds onto him. He grabs onto her hoof, and she cradles his head on her lap.

"Shiny! Do you need a doctor? What is—"

"It's… okay. Just… w-wait a bit."

Why now? I was working things out! Everything's okay now, right?

The shivers finally die down, and he is only left with a film of cold sweat covering his whole body. He crawls up to a half-sitting position, and Cadance pulls a pillow from the bed for him to lean on.

"It's… it's going away."

"What just happened?"

"It's noth—"

"Don't you DARE say it's nothing, Mister."

He takes a few deep breaths, and climbs to his hooves to show he's completely fine. The room lurches to the side and he has to grab hold of the bed to stay upright. Having to admit defeat, he sits down on the white sheets.

"The therapist calls it a 'panic attack'. I've had… a few since a while back."

"And you got one from us… kissing?"

Shining Armor throws his forehooves in the air. "No! Yes. I don't know! I don't know why they come and go!"

Except I get one almost every time I'm with you. Wonder why I didn't get a spookout earlier today. I don't get it.

Cadance sits down beside him, but keeps her distance.

"Is that what happened yesterday too? When you… when I…"

"Yeah."

"I'm sorry… I didn't know what was going on and… I couldn't stay there any more after what you said and… what I said as well."

"I know. It went away after a while. That's the thing: They pass. They always do."

He can hear Sassy Swallow echoing the words in his mind. Cadance lays a careful hoof on the one he holds on the mattress.

"So… is it because of me?"

Yes! I get so scared of you I can't even touch you!

"…"

The words fail him. He wants to tell her how he feels, everything that's happened, of her hurting him, of her imprisoning him in her own world, of him trying to escape with fantasies of other mares, everything, but the words don't come. She looks at him with worry and…

Fear? She's afraid too. Of course she is. I must have head-butted her lip open just now. It's not her fault either. I… later. I'll tell her later…

…

No. It has to be now. No more lies.

"It's not all about you." He takes a long breath to steady himself. "But sometimes when we are together, like just now, I guess I start thinking about the Queen. And it scares me a lot. What she did to me… and you. That's what happened yesterday in our apartment, and what happened just now. I… just totally lose it. It's like I can't breathe, and my whole body locks up."

"You think about the Queen? When we're… together?"

"I can't help it. For a long time, she was you. I don't know if it's got something to do with her magic or something, but she really messed my head up. That's why I don't want you to use your magic on me to try and fix things. I'm so scared that I… I won't be myself again." He feels a cold lump in his chest, but not like the ones he gets when an attack is starting. The truth coming out burns his throat, and he feels like he wants to vomit.

"I wasn't… I didn't…" she stutters in confusion.

"You didn't know. Because I was stupid and didn't tell you. And I really should have."

"I had no idea things were this bad. How… how could you stand something like that?"

"I guess I couldn't." He sighs. "Sorry."

"No… I'm sorry." She puts a comforting hoof onto his leg and strokes it soothingly. He has to fight the urge to balk at her touch. "I should have seen it, but I was too busy trying to fix the wrong things." She smiles at him, and gives his leg a pat, like a mother would when cheering a foal who's just had a cry over a skinned knee. "I guess it's been a lot rougher on you than I thought. Come… come here. I… promise not to try and kiss you." She motions to the bed next to herself, and lies down.

"Thank you." He feels silly for thanking her for something like that, but rolls to her side. They end up snuggling against each other tentatively. She's clearly afraid to touch him, but to his surprise, he doesn't feel the fear returning. They hold onto each other's hooves, only listening to each other's breathing.

I finally told her! I told her I was afraid of her. Now… she knows. It's all going to get better now. I should have done this from the start. She understands. I should have known she would. She's my Cady after all.

A while later Cadance half rises, half falls from the bed with an un-ladylike grunt.

"Cady?" He reaches for his wife to see if she's okay.

"Uhh… nothing. I just almost fell off the bed. It's a bit on the thin side for the two of us."

It's a humongous double bed.

"Oh."

She looks around the room, as if searching for something.

"Honey, it's getting darker outside. Do you have any idea what time it might be?"

"Saturday?"

"Haw, haw. I'll see if there's a clock in the next room."

What are you… oh. An Excuse.

"Remember to flush," he calls after her as she's almost out the room. She turns around with a clear blush rising on her cheeks.

"S-Shiny! Don't be so un… uncouth! Allow a lady some dignity!"

"I've known you for over ten years already…"

"It's… not something a Princess will discuss. Now… I… really need to know the time!"

"Run!"

Shining Armor is left smiling at the ceiling. Cadance has a hard time with even admitting to going to the toilet or doing other even remotely intimate things. He once asked her if mares touched themselves, and she almost choked on her own tongue. At least that's what it looked like at the time. She'd gotten a lot better about it ever since he'd first persuaded her to make love to him for the first time.

Yeah… it only took me a romantic dinner, a late-night stroll in the park, rose petals on the bed and two bottles of champagne back then. And still she tries to keep up the appearance that a Princess doesn't have a digestive system.

He looks lazily at the few chocolates left on the table and thinks about getting up and having one, but instead he just concentrates for a moment and flings one into his mouth with magic. And gags.

"Urgh! Pineapple!" he says out loud while pushing his tongue out. The damage has been done, and he knows that he can't get the horrid taste out of his mouth even if he were to spit it out. He bravely gulps it down instead. "How can anypony like pineapple chocolates? Must be some mare thing." His taste buds recuperating from the ananaic assailant, he lets his body fall limp on the mattress. He allows his eyes to droop half-closed, but finds his mind racing. Like Colonel Spitfire with chili pepper under her flight-suit. So sweaty, so hot, so strong and lean… The thought refuses to leave him for a moment, before he pushes it away with sheer force of will.

Crap. What was up with that panic attack just now? Can't I even kiss her now?

He rubs his temples vigorously with his hooves.

And how can I tell her that I still don't like the maids, even though they aren't quite as bad as I thought? I could still fire them and just explain it to Cadance… somehow. I totally could. It'd be one thing less to worry about. Though they were kinda hot in the little dream I had… Maybe I should buy a riding crop inste.. So now I'm thinking about two middle-aged cleaners? Beats thinking about Twily for su…urgh!

He twists to his side and moves his hooves to cover his mouth as thoughts of incest, mares-I'd-like-to-rut and—with the slight regurgitation he has—pineapple chocolate threaten to make him toss his load. Luckily, the feeling doesn't last for long and the carpet gets a few more years of use. He slumps back onto his back.

Good thing Cady will go through with the therapy. At least it's a start with this whole mess. If she only knew the stuff I've talked to the therapist. I could… N… naaah. Today's been pretty nice so maybe we'll talk about it tomorrow or… the day after that or…

He looks at the door and the reality of the situation catches up to him.

I can't tell her what I really think without there being someone else there to protect me? Did I just think that? Protect? Well, sure, Cadance can be a bit scary but there's nothing to worry about, right? It's just Cady after all.

I'm such a coward. A stupid, scared, weak little coward. I'm… I'm…

"What are you groaning about?" Cadance asks as she steps back in the room.

"N-nothing!" he stammers as he snaps back to the here and now. "So, uh… what's the time?"

"I… err… " Cadance pops back out of the room, clearly having forgot to finish her cover story. Shining Armor can't help but smile.

"Eight thirty. I had to… double check. Because it's so late."

"Wow. We slept that long?"

"I don't know about you, but I think I could easily sleep some more. And I especially need a long bath. One might think I'd slept in a stable or something."

The idea of a warm, slightly scented bath gently wafts into his mind, and moves to the top of his personal priority list as well.

"Sounds like a good idea. I could use one as well."

"Yes, you could." She smiles with a motherly disapproval. "And remember tomorrow?"

"Yes. Of course! The… thing at the… place with… the… the…" He chuckles nervously.

"The Royal Polo Association invited us to the final game of the season that will decide the season's champions and we are there to give out the prizes. A full day of mingling with the nobles watching the games and betting on the winner, the gala dinner afterwards…"

"Shoot me now." He covers his eyes with a hoof, shielding himself from the inevitable onslaught of etiquette and intrigue. "I don't even know the rules of polo."

She answers with a giggle. "It's not that bad. At least we'll be together. And now that we're past our problems, we can just relax and listen to their grumbles with smiles, right?"

Past our… what? What?!

His mortified glare and shocked expression go completely unnoticed by Cadance, who's busy looking over the chocolates on the table. He gets up from the bed slowly.

"Aww… no pineapple ones left. They're the best." She shrugs. "Anyway, I'm going to call the servants to go make us baths, and also ask someone to come and get the bed ready. It really needs new sheets. And we need some proper food too. And can't forget clothes for tomorrow—"

Shining Armor lays a hoof on her shoulder. "Cadance… stop."

"What ever do you mean, Honey?" She gives him another glassy stare and a waxen smile.

"Sorry, but… everything is not okay," he says in a steady, but compassionate voice. "Please don't pretend it is. My head's messed up so bad I have to get professional help for it. I'm afraid of my own wife because she reminds me of the thing that raped me. Cadance… I was raped. It's not something that a few hugs can solve. And that's not our only problem. Understand, Cady? Our problem. I know you've been dealing with a lot too, and you refuse to tell me anything. I can see that you're afraid and confused and that you have a lot going inside your head too, so please, just please don't pretend everything is fine. Because it's not."

She looks as if he'd slapped her on the face. She pulls her hoof away from his, and sits down on a chair. She leans forward and covers her eyes with her forehooves.

"I just… I just thought that… if I pretended that nothing had happened between you and the Queen, things would start working out and you'd get over it. I didn't know what else to do. I thought it would only make things worse if I talked about it. Like picking on a scab instead of letting it heal."

He sits back on the side of the bed. "That's what I tried to do too. And it didn't work. Lying to myself… and to you… only made things worse."

The first tears start rolling down her face. "Shiny… I've been feeling so awful all this time and I don't know what to do! I've… I haven't been myself and I tried to be strong so you wouldn't have to be and I tried to keep you safe so you wouldn't have to worry and… *hic* I just wanted my Shiny to come back!"

"But I've been right here."

She looks up at him, and for the first time in as long as he can remember she really looks hurt. "No you haven't! You've been somewhere far away and I didn't know how to reach you."

"Is… is that what you felt?"

"Ever since the wedding it's felt like the Queen took you someplace and you never got back. Like you weren't really all there. Like some… Shiny… robot… thing."

"That's just… weird, Cady."

"I know!" she says with her voice breaking. "I just wanted you to… to hold me close and keep me safe and tell me I'm not going back to the caves and… and…"

Shining Armor walks to her with trembling feet, and she latches onto him, holding him like a drowning pony would.

"I'm right here, Cady. I'm right here this time."

She loses the last of her self-control and gives into the tears, bawling like a lost filly having found her mother. She tries to say something, but it comes out as coughs, sobs and sniffles. Shining Armor doesn't mind the squeeze, or the slight jolts of pain, because for the first time in weeks, he is happy.

Happy? Because… because Cadance is hurting so bad? Because I haven't been there for her and she's been feeling as bad as I have? Am I so far gone that I take pleasure in her pain? Seeing her suffer with all the stuff she's put me through?

She shivers against him, the wracking sobs shaking them both. And he smiles.

No. It's because she needs me. And I can help her. And I love her. Nothing more.

She looks up at him, her eyes moist from tears. "Why does all of this have to happen to us? Why can't we just have a normal life and a normal marriage?"

"I don't know, Honey. I really don't." He feels a lump grow in his own throat as well, but swallows it down, feeling the confident smile return to his face. "We beat the Queen Bug before. I don't want her to win now, after all we've been through."

"Me neither, Shiny. Me neither." She looks into his eyes and he leans down. They share a slow, loving kiss. This time there is only a short flutter of cold in Shining Armor's chest and it soon vanishes.

"I love you, Cady."

"I love you too, Shiny."

They hold onto each other with their eyes closed for a long while, she grabbing onto him from her seat, and Shining Armor standing above her, keeping her safe. When he finally opens his eyes, he can't see anything in the room, the sun having set on their long embrace. He coughs, hating to break the moment. "I guess we really have to start getting ready for the baths and stuff."

"Yes, I guess we do," she answers after a moment, her chin starting to tremble.

"Honey? Oh, right."

His horn takes on a glow and he looks at the small candles near the door and lights them up with a thought, bringing some much-needed light into the dark room.

"I just hope my joints won't get too rusty. I think my warranty expired a while back."

"You're horrible," she says, but fails to stop herself from giggling. He joins in, and they laugh together for what feels like the first time since they got married. They quiet down into a slow, tender silence (who doesn't mind at all, and is very happy, and a bit teary-eyed, with how his gig turned out), and just look at each other with soft smiles. Cadance eyes seeks his.

"Shiny… will we be okay?"

"Yes, Cady. I think we will."

Author's Note

I stumbled on this song just after finishing one of the last edits and... damn it hit home with everything Cady and Shiny've been through.

My thanks fly to the Quirky Quartet, a.k.a The Fanatic Four a.k.a Putzes who help me with writingy stuff. (you know who you are by now)

I Would Quill For You

Cadance In A Minor, Chapter 11: I Would Quill For You.

"...and that's about it. Next we went to the polo party and... I don't have to live through that again, do I? I think I'm suffering combat fatigue from it," Shining Armor finishes his retelling of earlier events with a smirk.

Sassy Swallow, like usual, doesn't smile. She does, however, talk. "I'm very happy that you were able to tell your wife about your problems. It is a very significant step between you two."

"Thanks. I think it was because of what you told me, though."

"I did not talk to your wife. That was all your doing. Modesty has its place, but there is nothing wrong with admitting to yourself that you've done something right."

"Well I didn't think about it that way." Shining Armor leans back in the rickety old armchair. It has already turned into a makeshift bed without his consent. "I was just too busy thinking about my own problems to see that she was hurt too . I finally figured out what's wrong with Cadance. She's been through a lot and I guess her way of coping was to... not cope with it. She pretended that nothing was wrong and tried to shut everything out. "

He looks at the cracked paint on the ceiling. The criss-cross pattern reminds him of the destruction he and Cadance wrought on their apartment together. "I tried that too, but it didn't really work. Then I... acted out. I don't know if it was any better. It led me to fight with Cady and I could tell her the stuff I couldn't have otherwise."

"You've found several positive sides to the recent events. Is that a change in your outlook?"

Shining Armor shrugs, mostly to himself. "Sure. Things are bound to get better. I mean... I still think there's a lot more to this whole thing than my..." He points between his legs. "You know, ever since my talk with Cady, I've been thinking. You know, really thinking. I'm not usually the one for that kind of stuff. Whenever something complicated happens I just try not to think about it and just act on my gut. All the brains in our family went to my sister." He barks a short laugh. "But I've been thinking. I'm... afraid of Cadance. That's the long and short of it. The panic attacks come whenever I can't see her well because it's dark or she's angry..." A cold claw clutches his chest and he feels his hooves itch as if preparing to run away. He tells his body to relax with a deep breath, closing his eyes . The feeling slowly passes and he is able to talk again. "She reminds me of the changeling Queen. She took Cady's form and did stuff to my head. Is it possible for her to have left something behind?"

"I am unfortunately unfamiliar with changeling magic. Mind control magic is outlawed in Equestria, as you well know, so there isn't too much material on the subject. There are a few books on the topic that I have looked over, but those were just cursory glances several years ago." Shining Armor can't help but notice the slight tremble in the therapist's voice. "That said, I did talk about the possibility of residual magic with my daughter after your first visit here. We both thought it might be worth investigating—"

"Not going to happen. I'm not letting anypony near my mind." He crosses his forehooves over his chest to show the topic to be closed.

"I am bound by my professional oath not to use any magic in my work."

The white unicorn can't stop himself from looking at her slack-jawed. "Wait... you can't use magic?"

"It is thought to be unethical. What would stop a therapist from just inserting a compulsion in a depressed pony's mind to be happy? Or removing the memory of a loved one they have lost?"

"That's..." A cold shiver runs down his back.

Somepony could do that? If I couldn't remember Cady, I'd... I'd... that's so wrong! Nopony's gonna use magic on my noggin. Nopony!

"Which is why I would never do such a thing. The... idea of helping somepony with such an easy solution is a very contested topic in my profession. Should the patient agree to the treatment, there would still be very high risks involved. The mind is a very fragile place."

"So... no magic. Sounds good to me."

"No. I do not believe such magic would be necessary. There is the question of residual magic to be considered though. Probing a pony's mind for such anomalies would not be intrusive as it would be just a scan and not alter anything. I believe there is just cause to do so in this very specific situation."

"I don't think so, Mrs. Swallow," Shining Armor says, his voice dropping several degrees below zero.

"As I said, it should be consid—"

"NO!" he growls. "No magic. Not in my head. Ever. Period."

"I understand. My apologies."

"Your..." The simple words almost physically knock the wind from Shining Armor. He deflates in the chair like a sad balloon animal. "I didn't mean to shout. Sorry. It's just... I really hate the idea. After what the Queen did to me... no. I'd rather not even think about it."

"You do not have to. I was merely suggesting a possibility. Nothing more."

He feels as if he'd slammed all his anger against a brick wall. And it hurts.

"I know," he says, "I started talking about it anyways." He stops to look at nothing in particular, deep in thought. "So it's possible? That there's some magic in my head making me scared of Cady?"

"It is possible, yes." Sassy Swallow's words fall like lead slabs onto Shining Armor, declaring his sentence.

"I really don't like saying it, but I guess I should get it checked out. If it's something like that. I don't want the Queen to win with something like this after everything that's happened. It wouldn't be fair to Cady either."

"Would you be doing it for your wife, or for yourself?"

"Both of us," he says without hesitation. "Isn't that what all of this is..." He stops to give the therapist a smug grin. "Gotcha."

"Excuse me?" Sassy Swallow says with a curious voice.

"You just did it again. You made me think about both Cady and me. You didn't try to talk me over about the scanning, you were making me convince myself!" Shining Armor looks at her with a victorious expression, lifting his chin. "I really caught you there. Hah!"

"I am asking questions to make you think of alternatives and help you come to terms with your own thoughts and emotions. That is my job."

"But you just... wasn't that just psychology you used on me?" His voice is already tinged with hesitation. He is left standing victorious over the battlefield of his mind, only to wonder if there ever was a battle to begin with.

"What do you think?" Her expression betrays no emotion, just a professional interest in everything he says.

He slams a hoof onto his forehead with a loud clop. "Fine. I'll... think about getting this scan done.” He can feel the words taste like sandpaper-flavoured ricecakes on his tongue. "Who'd even do it? You told me you can't."

"The procedure as such is not too difficult to perform. Any moderately practiced unicorn could probably do it, though they would have to study the topic for a time. Unless you could find somepony who is very capable with various types of magic already. Being able to trust the unicorn would also be paramount because of the nature of the spell."

"So basically a powerful unicorn I know?"

"Yes."

"That sure narrows it down to pretty much one: My sister."

"She is a very capable mare, I understand."

"The... unicorn would see stuff inside my head, right? Like, stuff I maybe didn't want them to see?" Images of himself on the floor of a public toilet, crying and desperately pleasuring himself while thinking of having sex with his little sister swim around his mind, accompanied by a spoonful of bile rising to his throat.

Sassy Swallow nods.

"Okay. Twily is out of the question. Totally."

"Do you have an alternative in mind?"

"Well there's Cad... no. Not Cady. Definitely not."

“I don't think there's anyone I know that..." His eyes glaze over as his tongue stops working. After a while, he regains control of the various pieces of his voicebox to perform verbal communication. "This is crazy, okay? But I think... I could ask Princess Luna."

"The Princess of the Night?" The fear in Sassy Swallow's voice is impossible to miss.

"Yeah, well, I've kinda made friends with her recently. She'd easily be powerful enough to do it, right?"

"Yes, I am sure she would be, but if you are willing to ask one of the Princesses for help, how do you feel about Princess Celestia instead?

The mere thought of asking the Princess of the Sun, Ruler of the Daytime, Protector of the Realm of Equestria, Guardian of Magic, and worst of all, his aunt, to go probe through his mind for traces of changeling mind control sends shudders down Shining Armor's whole body. He isn't afraid of her as such, but he has been sworn to her service for years and can't bring himself to think of her as anything short of a divine being.

"Definitely not. She's... scary. But Luna, I mean Princess Luna, seems a lot... I don't know. Nicer? I mean, when you get to know her. And she must be good with stuff like minds because she does that dream thing?"

"What do you mean?"

"Err... nothing. But I think it would work. Yeah."

Sassy Swallow seems to be taken aback. "I'm sure she would be a... valid choice if you say so." Something in her voice raises Shining Armor's hackles.

"But?"

"Excuse me?" she asks, her professional façade rebuilt in an instant.

"I thought I... sorry. Nothing." He ponders for a moment before continuing. "I'll ask Luna. She might refuse anyways, but I think she might be okay with it. I dunno." He leans onto the worn cushion behind his head. "I don't think I'm ready for getting someone go looking around in my head. I mean, what if it's not magic? What if I'm just..." He spins a forehoof next to his head and rolls his eyes.

"If it comes to that, we can work through it in therapy."

"It's not that simple, okay?"

"What makes you say that?"

Shining Armor closes his eyes for a moment. "I don't know. Now that I finally got to talking with Cadance and know how messed up our lives are..." He sighs, trying to put up a brave face. "There's so much to sort out. All the little things. Like pineapple chocolates."

"I'm not sure I follow."

"I'm not sure I do either. What I'm trying to say is that I'm not sure what I should and shouldn't talk about and clear up. Just saying 'everything' feels so easy but there's so much in 'everything.’ It's just so much. I know I have to talk to Cadance about my f... my fear of her, but should I talk to her about hurting me by accident? Or how I think about other mares and how I find them, you know, attractive. Then there's the move North that we've both been avoiding and the intimacy and my friends and Twily and I'm just... I'm just..."

"Maybe you should take a few deep breaths. Allow your body to catch up with your mind."

Shining Armor does and after a minute of only thinking of breathing, he feels his muscles lose their tension.

"It just feels like so much and we only have these sessions with Cady coming up and there's so much I want to talk about with her," he says.

"I understand your anxiety," Sassy Swallow answers curtly.

"You unders—" Shining Armor slams his forehoof on the hoofrest of his chair, but takes another deep breath to quell the bile that is rising to his throat. "Shouldn't you at least give me a hint here?"

"This is about you, Mr. Armor. About what you think you need to do."

"I really want to tell her everything, but I'm afraid she'd be hurt."

"Do you want to hurt her?"

"OF COURSE NOT!" Shining Armor roars as he jumps up from the chair. "What kind of a stupid question is that?!"

Sassy Swallow jumps a bit at his outburst, but seems to be as collected as ever in a heartbeat. Shining Armor's blood is pumping and making a rush in his ears, but the cold stare of the therapist starts to quell his anger. He turns his side to her and points a forehoof to his flank. "See this? This is my mark. It means I want to protect ponies from bad things. Especially Cady. I'd never do anything to hurt her!"

"Yet you have."

"I-I.. w-what the... how DARE you!"

"I'm sorry, but you must understand that in every conflict, in every relationship problem, there are two hurt parties."

"I KNOW THAT! And I feel like sh—bad about it! If I could, I'd go back and fix everything I did. I wish could go back in time to before the wedding and I'd fight the bug out of my head and get happily married with the filly I love," he fumes and paces around the room. "I LIED to her. Straight to her face. I told her that the bug was better than her in bed! How can I fix things like that? I said sorry, sure, but it doesn't work like that! I blew the whole thing up with my big mouth and I'm not sure if I can talk to her without hurting her more!"

"Do you think hiding your emotions from her would really solve anything?"

"I don't know! You're the shrink here!" he shouts, but sits back on the chair, and leans back.

"This is about—"

"What I think yadda yadda yadda." He slams both of his forehooves onto his face. "What if she doesn't love me any more if I tell her everything? Maybe I've done stuff that's too bad to fix?"

"Have you forgiven her?"

"W-what? Her? Isn't this about—"

"She has done things to hurt you too. Do you forgive her for them?"

"Of course! She didn't mean to... " He lets his forehooves fall limp onto his stomach. "Do you think she's thinking the same thing as me? That I'm mad at her?"

"You know her better than I do. Do you think that would be something she would do?"

"Yeah. She would. She definitely would." He knocks himself slightly on the side of his head with a forehoof. "If we both think that, then we're both worried that... She'd be worried sick about everything and wouldn't know what to say, just like me. And if I'm not the first one to talk, maybe she won't either. When the therapy comes... I just have to charge on and tell her the truth? Is it really that simple?" He looks at Sassy Swallow. "I'm an idiot, aren't I? Something so obvious and I didn't get it."

"There are several things on your mind right now. You must—"

"Yes, but there shouldn't be, right? I should only be thinking about Cadance."

"And yourself," she interjects.

"Yeah, that too. You think I'm making things more complicated? Is that it?"

"What do you think?"

"I don't know any more. I've been thinking and thinking through all this stuff and all I keep getting are more problems and no solutions. And our therapy together is this week. I don't even know where to start!"

"You will have no trouble getting started. All you have to do is talk."

Shining Armor looks at the ceiling again and mutters half to himself, "Then why is that the hardest part?"

"I'm sorry?"

"Nothing. I'm just thinking too much right now. Maybe I should try and get my mind off this thing for a while or something. I dunno." He looks at Sassy Swallow through the gap between his legs. "How much time do we have left for today?"

"We are fifteen minutes over."

"Whaat? Why didn't you tell me?" he asks while bouncing up from his chair.

"It would have been unhealthy for you."

"Gee, I'm... thank you."

"You are welcome." She looks a him and gives him a patient little nod, before turning her eyes to the door. "Unfortunately..."

Shining Armor is already halfway to the door. "Yeah, right. Umm... bye?" Just before he rushes out like a recruit late from a curfew, he remembers to turn around out of courtesy.

Sassy Swallow has stood up. "I will see you in a few days." She gives him an uncharacteristic, warm smile before adding "You'll do fine."

Shining Armor stops for a moment, then nods. "Thanks."

The taxi drops him off at the castle some fifteen minutes later. The archaic structure of polished marble and gold rises to touch the heavens in front of him. It is just as beautiful and imposing as the very first time he saw it. He remembers coming here as a schoolcolt years ago. Back then, the teacher had to practically push him inside because he was so awed at the place. The feeling is still there, but this time there is no Mrs. Chalks to help him.

At least it's sunny and no cursed blizzards in sight. No ancient black unicorn revenant around to enslave everypony, either. I'll take Canterlot over Crystal Kingdom any day.

The mental image sours his already conflicted mood even more. He looks at the white castle towering above him and shakes his legs back to working order before heading inside. The warmth of the hundreds of torches and colourful carpets makes him immediately feel more at home.

Yup. Definitely not as bad. Guess that's why I'm supposed to move to the nice place where Twily found a massive stairwell to the deep bowels of the castle that could only be opened with dark magic. Right below where me and Cady are supposed to hang around all day an be all rulery.

"Why did Twily have to go poke in that hole? I'd be happier if she'd never told me we had one there."

"Sir?"

He is roused from his thoughts as the guards standing in their traditional columns around the entryway are trying to keep a straight face.

"Umm... was I thinking out loud?" he asks in a sheepish voice that he immediately regrets.

"Yes, Sir!" the dozen or so guardsponies answer him in one voice with clear smirks on their faces.

Shining Armor is about to muster all his authority and shout the group of unruly soldiers back into shape, but for some reason he doesn't feel the gusto for it. He just meekly mutters a murmured, "Carry on," and moseys away. He doesn't notice the grins disappear and get replaced by concerned looks and awkwardly exchanged glances on the guards' faces.

It's not like I'm even in command of these guys any more. Why should I care?

Shining Armor finds himself in his office, not remembering the time it took for him to get there. He throws himself into his chair and lets it turn around a few times before ending up facing the window. A slow drizzle is beginning outside. His mind returns to the visit to his therapist.

"I'm not sure if I'm ready to have somepony go around rummaging in my head." He hears himself say.

"No kidding," he answers himself out loud. "No magic. Nothing good's come from magic lately."

Shining Armor turns around and looks up at the peak of Mt. Paperest that almost reaches the ceiling by now . For a moment he feels a twinge of guilt stab the back of his neck as he thinks of when he has even done any work and not just mulled his personal problems around his head. A determined intake of breath, the grasping of a quill with his magic, and the screech of his chair under him signal the world around that the Commander is ready to work.

About an hour later, he is still holding the quill in the air, but has slumped onto the desk, not having signed a single paper. A single thought repeats inside his head, refusing to leave. Just like when his little sister came for a holiday and told him about how she'd been caught in the forbidden section of the Royal Archives and Princess Celestia had told her not to 'think about frazzleberries.’ He found the whole story silly, but for several days after, he'd thought about what frazzleberries were, until he'd caved under the pressure and asked Twily about it. She'd just giggled and told him they were just a made-up word that was hard to get out of your mind because you didn't know what they were and were told not to think about; curiosity and resistance in equal measures making sure you couldn't stop. It is the same with the thought of asking Luna for help. He wanted to know if there actually was magic involved in his wifeophobia, but he had told himself that no magic was allowed.

"All you had to do was find out what the frazzleberries were and you could stop thinking about them. Princess Celestia taught me that it's the same with anything you don't know about and shouldn't do that makes you desperately want to do it, and the idea will not let go before you do, or you are allowed to do it. If you lack one, the other will let go," Twilight's precocious voice echoed in his mind.

"So... I can either ask Luna to probe my mind to sate my curiousity, or ask her to probe my mind because I've forbidden myself from not having magic used on me. Guess I'm stuck," he said to the uncaring mountain of paper. "Damn psychology."

But that would actually mean she would use magic on me and go poke about in my head. What if it really is magic? Can she remove it? Will it have side-effects? Will I think differently about Cady? Or about the Queen?

On the other hoof, if I'm under some spell, then it means I'm not myself and nothing I do with Cady is really... true? Maybe it wouldn't hurt to talk to Luna about it? Maybe? Sassy did say it was non-invasive so I guess it's safe.

He sits up straight and shakes his head. The joints in his spine crackle in protest, sending a slight wave of dizzyness to his head. The room feels stuffy around him so he opens one of the windows to let some cool, moist air inside. Somewhere that seems to be miles away he can hear the distant sounds of the city. Leaning on the windowsill, his mind refuses to stop working.

Luna it is then. I'd better take care of that thing before I change my mind. With unseeing eyes he stares into the rain outside. Now that I think about it, how do I even get an appointment with her? I've just usually bumped into her... or she's ended up in my weird sex dreams.

He lays a hoof onto his face before allowing it to carefully start massaging his temple.

"Welcome to my dreams, Princess. Here I'm having a good time with the number one enemy of Equestria. Didn't have the pleasure of meeting you before the wedding. The Guard Captain at your service. Totally not a traitor! Nice to meet you!" That sure was a good first impression. At least she was nice enough not to bring it up again. Then I told her all about my bedroom trouble by accident. Hay... she's still talking to me so that must mean something. And what did she say when I was going out? That we're family? Am I really family with a thousand-year-old demigoddess?

Where did I go wrong?

He turns around to face his desk. After a short rummage and a minor document-slide he finds a clean roll of paper and grabs the quill in a shimmer of telekinesis.

"Dear Princess Luna... I would like to... to..." he begins writing while mouthing the words out loud. "What the hay would I actually want? For her to get inside my head and see if I'm under some curse or just batpony-manure-insane? Maybe I should try 'Could you be my changeling Queen, just for tonight?' Blagh." He crumples the paper and tosses it at the wastebin.

He misses.

Another paper, another attempt. He stops for a moment and looks at the basket. In his mind, his little sister is working passionately on some school project as a filly, going crazy over every dot and comma, almost on the verge of total shutdown. He tries to take a deep breath to steady himself and to continue writing.

"Dear Princess Luna. I would cordin...cordea... how do I even spell it?" He thinks of searching his bookshelf for a dictionary, but a quick glance there reveals nothing but atlases, ancient military manuscripts, and the few half-hidden comics he smuggled in when his aide was on a break. "Okay... I'll work around it. So how about: Could your Royal Highness... but she didn't want to be called that, did she? All informal and stuff. Aunt Luna? Auntie? Lulu? Gaaaaaah!" He holds his head with both forehooves and shakes his head. Something wet drips onto his cheek, but he is far too occupied to even notice. "I can't do this! I can't even ask her to help! How am I supposed to talk to Cady about all the weird stuff if I can't ask Luna for help with something simple like this?"

He crumples up the paper and is about to toss it at the basket too, but unfurls it instead.

"...Simple like having her enter my mind, check the place out, kick the tires and light the fires? Who am I kidding? I don't want her anywhere near my noggin."

With a seemingly endless sigh, he collapses onto the table, bringing down one of the huge stacks of paper crashing down. He tries to grab it desperately with his hooves, but only succeeds in collapsing another pile to the floor. As a coup de grâce, his inkwell slowly teeters over the edge, emptying itself over the numerous stacks of priceless documents. Somewhere far below him, in the deepest dungeons of the castle, the heartbroken wailing of petty bureaucrats echoes through their dark lair as their meticulous work is soiled by a tidal wave of oily carbon. Luckily for Shining Armor, he doesn't hear it, because his head has shot up with a different revelation.

"Maybe this is a part of the Queen's magic! The spell must be stopping me from trying to break it! Confusing my head so I couldn't fight it off! That's gotta be it! Oooh... she's so evil! But I've got your number now, Queenie..."

With his precious writing implements sabotaged by the latent magics of the telepathic terrorist insect, he is left with only one solution. He grabs the tiny chime that has miraculously survived the paperslide and the tempest of ink, and shakes it vigorously. Under a second, the door is opened by a wiry young stallion with the thinnest glasses Shining Armor has ever seen on his muzzle.

"Take a letter," he barks, before the aide can even assess the chaos surrounding the Commander's desk. Shining Armor's quivering, slightly falsetto voice leaves no room for any sensible pony to voice an objection. His aide is very sensible.

"Yes, Sir!" He levitates a clear paper and a wet quill from somewhere. "Ready, Sir!"

"Auntie Luna. Maybe under changeling mind control. Need help. Shining Armor."

The aide hesitates for a moment before writing out the short message. "Is that everything, Sir?"

"Yes. It might be a matter of national... something. Go deliver the letter to Princess Luna."

"Yes, Sir. Would you want me to bring you a towel when I return?"

"Towel?" He looks at the guard with squinted eyes. "What kind of a stupid question is that?"

"You are covered in ink, Sir."

"Oh... I am?" the pintoesque unicorn looks at his forehooves as if seeing them for the first time. "I am! I... really am!" he guffaws a laugh that cause nightmares to a clown, before turning dead serious and slamming his hooves onto the few remaining papers on his desk. "Deliver that letter and then a towel! In that order!"

The adjutant closes the door carefully behind him, so he misses the hoots of glee that escape Shining Armor's lips.

"Take that you shapeshifting hag! Haahhahhahaaaah!"

His vision returns to the calamity that has befallen the once pristine office.

"Haaahahah...."

As the last of his laughter dies down, he slowly picks up his fallen chair, gingerly sits down, and slowly lowers his head onto his forehooves.

"I'm going crazy... aren't I?" he whispers with a trembling voice.

Several hours, a thorough scrubbing, and several apologies later, Shining Armor finally got the room cleaned up with the help of several very helpful and stoic ponies. No answer has come from Princess Luna. None of the papers have been touched either. The Commander of the Guard is still staring blankly at the first paper he picked up from the pile, fully intending to give his job all he had. That was about an hour ago. His eyes scan the report for the thousandth time, but his mind fails to register any of the words written on the document. He recalls it had something to do with guard rotations because of work related injuries, but his mind isn't capable of being in two places at once. At the moment, his mind spends time bouncing between several conflicting feelings that could mostly be summed up as 'foal in detention,’ mixed with a dash of 'naughty colt before Hearth's Warming Eve,’ and some 'existential dread' to top it all off.

A cursory glance to his clock tells him that his office hours are over. He has the choice of returning to his quarters and his loving wife, hiding inside his office until Princess Luna (Maybe? Possibly? Oh please, Celestia! Hurry!) would come and find him, or the remote chance of joining the Foreign Neighion. The thought of a warm, sandy desert with nothing to do but grueling military routines and strict discipline with no thinking involved beckons to him, but his sense of duty makes him stand up and saunter for his apartment instead. The adjutant at his door asks if he wants any papers to be mailed or delivered somewhere. Shining Armor grunts an answer and goes on his un-merry way

Before the door to Cadance and his home, he lifts his head up. Staring at the door has become a sort of a ritual to him, he muses. Home is supposed to be a place where a pony is happy to return to after a grueling day of work, isn't it? For Shining Armor, it feels quite the opposite. The real chores seem only to begin on the other side of this door. He pushes it open, not hearing even the tiniest of squeaks from the hinge.

He has to admit that the assorted construction specialists did an amazing job at restoring the apartment in such a short time. There are some minor details to be worked out, but most of the place has returned to its former glory. One can hardly notice the places where violent unicorn and alicorn magic destroyed priceless antiques or smashed ancient heirlooms to bits. With a smug grin he notes that the new couch is clearly of more recent make, as is the rest of the new furniture, now that he looks it over. A lot sturdier than the frail and elaborate items of yore that he associates with being royalty too.

"Honey, I'm home," he says at the door, half hoping not to even get an answer.

A pink head popping from the bathroom, followed by the rest of his towel-covered wife soon shatter that fantasy. "Welcome back," Cadance says and moves to give her husband a firm, if a little damp, hug.

"How was your day?" Cadance asks as they both slump onto the soft new sofa in their living room

The memory of his unfinished work dances around his mind. He doesn't really want to tell Cadance that he did nothing, but the sheer idea of lying to her is even worse.

"The usual," he tries diplomatically.

"Oh? Well... that's good," she says to Shining Armor's relief.

"Guess your day was a bit rougher than normal?"

"Well, remember how I told you how a Princess is supposed to treat everyone equal and have no prejudices of any kind?" Cadance says, guilt clear in her voice.

"Griffons?"

"No." She leans her neck back onto the sofa and slides down. "Diamond Dogs"

"You've got to be joking? I thought they didn't have an embassy in Canterlot after the incident with the royal jewels?"

"They don't, but—" she closes her eyes as if preparing for physical pain "—they want to start negotiations on 'immigration, mineral surveys and political relationships' with... the Crystal Kingdom."

It doesn't take too long for the unicorn to work through the long words. "They want to move to a country that is basically made out of gemstones?"

"Yes. And I had to listen to their dignitary go on and on about equality and such for hours on end."

"A... dog-nitary?," he says absent mindedly, before receiving a harrumph as a reward.

"Shiny! That's nasty!" She says with mock indignation. "Can you believe he kept scratching at himself while we talked? And... he drooled! I... I feel horrible about it but as soon as I got home I just HAD to take a shower. I might have fleas, Shiny!"

The instinctual response of hearing the word 'flea' makes both of them scratch the backs of their head where a tiny itching sensation has started building up. "So... how did the thing end up?" Shining Armor asks.

"We managed to put a moratorium on immigration for a few years , citing that we have to re-build the Kingdom's infrastructure and bring them up to date with modern technology and practices before allowing such... strong cultural influences." She slumps onto the stallion's shoulder. "I'm pretty sure the poor guy understood what we really meant. He looked pretty miserable when he left. He even had his tail between his legs."

"A mora-what?"

"We pushed the whole thing back."

"Oh," he says, before adding, "I still think you did the right thing."

"’Right’ doesn't always feel right," she says with a tiny mutter.

The unicorn wraps a hoof around her. "I know, Honey."

They lean on each other for a moment longer, allowing Shining Armor to gather his courage. "Honey, I think we need to talk about the Crystal Kingdom."

"Yes?" Cadance gives him a slightly drowsy look, clearly a bit tired from the long day.

"Well, I mean, do we really have to move there?"

"I'm not sure I understand, Shiny. I'm their Princess so... isn't that kind of mandatory?"

"I..." he is at a loss for words. "I was just hoping that after all we've been through, we wouldn't have to move again so soon. The place is so far away and... well... I don't know anypony there, really. All my friends are here too. And my family."

"All of my friends are here as well, Shiny. If I could choose, I'm not sure if I would want to move there either. It just isn't for us to decide."

"But..." he says, almost like a colt begging his mother to let him stay home from school.

"I have the Kingdom's crest as my cutie mark, Shiny. I saved them from King Sombra. I am their Princess and I can't change that. Even now I can feel the Crystal Heart in the distance, calling for me."

"I didn't know that," Shining Armor says, feeling a sour taste rising in his throat. "You never told me."

"I'm sorry," she brushes a forehoof along his leg soothingly. "Moving North isn't up to us. I think that ever since I was a filly I've been destined to be the Crystal Princess. I just wish I'd known that before all this."

"You didn't know about your cutie mark being the Kingdom's crest?"

"No." Her voice is almost emotionless as she speaks and her eyes gloss over. "Everything to do with the Kingdom was only known to the Royal Sisters. I didn't understand it before I saw the flag they were flying at the fair, and that was after we'd already recovered the Heart."

"Well, uhh..." Shining Armor begins, yet has nothing to really say. The matter on where he will be living for the rest of his life seems to have been decided by an ancient artifact. Away from all of his friends, family—

His rapidly spinning spiral of desperation dragging his mind to the dark place where he doesn't want to visit is cut off as the door to their balcony is slammed open by a flash of blue magic. Shining Armor is on his hooves and conjuring up a globe of force around Cadance and himself in under a second. He is left gawking as the regal form of Princess Luna walks in, her tempestuous hair flowing behind her, illuminated by the crackling energy surrounding her.

"Relinquish your hold on my nephew, you foul shapechanging fiend!" She bellows, the room shaking under her voice. "Once have I failed to protect my subjects from you and never again shall you harm them in my domain!" She turns to aim her horn at the forcefield around the two ponies. Shining Armor, confused and bewildered, doesn't expect the full force of the Princess of the Moon to slam into him. His shield breaks and both him and Cadance are thrown back and prone on the floor. Cadance yelps and tries to hide behind him, while the Prince himself is clumsily trying to climb to his quivering hooves. He is snagged up in what seem to be ethereal chains the colour of moonlight and lifted up a few inches off the floor. He looks to his wife and sees her in the same predicament.

"I came as soon as I got the letter, my nephew. My foolish guards kept me from it while I slept. Only now did I receive your plea of help."

"Shiny what is she talking about? What is going—"

"Silence you foul blackguard!" she invokes in her regal voice, blowing the manes of the two entangled ponies straight back with a gale-force wind. The chains tighten around his barrel and he grunts from pain. He can hear Cadance yelp in a frightened voice. "I know not how you have broken the barriers around the castle once more, you accursed Queen, but know that I shall not be taken down as easily as my sister!"

"Luna! Please... just... listen!" Shining Armor pleads. "This is the real Cadance! Not the changeling Queen! Why would you even say something like that!?"

"Did you not send for mine aid with your letter?" she asks in a more inside voice, showing him an incriminating letter he'd sent in the afternoon. "Were these not your words of fear and desperation on being subject to mind control of this most foul being?"

A crimsom hot glow creeps up his neck and cheeks. "Yes! I sent the letter because I needed you to... Just believe me! This is Cadance and I'm, well, I'm me! Could you please let us down?" He looks frantically between Princess Luna and his near-hysterical wife. Cadance's horn is glowing as she tries fighting the Lunar Diarch's magic futilely.

"This... is this some form of of... evil... magic that you are under, Nephew? Is this—"

"NO! NO IT IS NOT! JUST PUT US DOWN! NOW!" Shining Armor shouts with a mixture of anger and pleading in his voice.

The Princess of the Moon still looks at them in confusion, but lowers them back onto the floor and loosens up their ethereal chains slightly. Before she can say anything more, the room begins to fill with several Bat Pony sentinels landing onto the balcony, as well as Royal Guards running in through the front door. The scene is made complete with the rattling flash of Princess Celestia appearing in the middle of the room. She takes a long look around the room, hiding her puzzlement under a stern look of disapproval at anything and everything in the room, before zeroing on her little sister.

"Luna? Could you please explain to me why Princess Cadance and Shining Armor are bound in your magic and the room is filled with guards?" she asks in the calm voice of a sea before a tidal wave rolls over a tiny island of fishermen.

"My sister," the Princess of the Moon answers hesitantly. "As I awoke from mine slumber, my guards delivered to me this scroll." She floats the letter to her sister, her worry only betrayed by the slight quiver in her telekinesis. Princess Celestia rolls the scroll open and studies it carefully. Everypony's attention is set on the majestic white alicorn, which is only a tiny sliver of hope for the fiercely blushing Commander of the Guard. The Princess of the Sun rolls the scroll back up and it bursts into flames, vanishing almost instantly. She walks slowly to the bound Princess and gently lowers her horn onto her head. A short burst of white travels along her horn and into Cadance's, who winces slightly amidst her sniffles.

"Luna, you can release them. I assure you that this is Princess Mi Amore Cadenza and none other."

After a long moment of hesitation, the bonds around the two ponies evaporate into a mist and disperse. Shining Armor dashes to his wife and takes her in a deep embrace.

"Guards, return to your posts," Princess Celestia says in a quiet voice that leaves no room for objections. After they are gone, she sits down on the floor next to Cadance and Shining and with a much quieter and calmer voice asks, "Are you alright, my little ponies?"

Shining Armor nods to her, as does the slightly sobbing Cadance.

"Good. Now. I think it would be best if we asked for the staff to deliver us some tea and had a little talk." Shining Armor hears the tiny tingle of a chime and Princess Celestia asking a maid to deliver some tea. "Luna? Would you join us, please?"

Her sister's words send a shudder through Princess Luna's body. She has made it to the wrecked door she came in through and is looking out into the darkening night. She quickly wipes a wing over her eyes before turning around. Her eyes are still clearly moist, Shining Armor notices.

"Sister... I..." she begins, her lower lip trembling.

"Shh. Come here." Princess Celestia rises up, goes to her sister's side, and folds a gentle wing over her.

"I didn't... I didn't mean to... I..." the blue alicorn stammers, almost breaking into tears.

"I know, Luna. You were very worried and overreacted. You don't have to run away. Misunderstandings are best talked through, are they not? Hush now." The older sister gently strokes her sibling's mane with a wing and nuzzles her gently. "Now, go wash your face and get ready for tea. We can talk all about it."

Princess Luna nods and with an embarrassed look at the two seated ponies, disappears into the bathroom. Her sister looks after her until her tail vanishes through the door. She then turns to look at Shining Armor, her face turning to a frown that reminds him of an angry mother.

"Prince Shining Armor. Could you please explain exactly why you would send such a letter to my sister? I am sure there is a very good reason for this and I would like you to tell it to me." In his head, Shining Armor hears the added maternal, “You are in trouble, mister, just how bad is yet to be decided.”

"You-Your Royal High-Highness Princess Celestia, I... because of... " he looks around himself, almost butting heads with his wife who is still holding onto him. "Well, because the truth is that, well, that I shouldn't be telling it to you."

The Princess of the Sun's eyes turn into a threatening scowl. "You are not willing to explain to me why you have caused such chaos in my home?"

"I want to, believe me I really want to, but, you see..." he turns to look at Cadance, who stares back at him with her mouth agape in confusion. "...it's something very personal."

"Honey, what's wrong?" Cadance asks. "Why can't you tell us? Is it something bad?" Shining Armor's chest aches from the worry in his wife's voice.

"I just don't want to, that is..." he stops and just looks at the floor, his face burning from shame. When Princess Luna returns to the room, a hollow silence has fallen. The Prince looks at both of the Royal Sisters with a pitiful expression and asks in a very un-stallionly voice, "Could I talk to Princess Luna for a moment. Just... I can try to explain this."

"Shiny, you're scaring me," Cadance says to him.

The sisters look at each other for a moment, before Celestia nods and turns back to Shining Armor. "You are one of the most trusted ponies in all of Equestria, so I will have to trust you on this matter. If and when the issue is resolved, I expect to get a full explanation on it."

"T-thank you, Your Royal Highness." He turns to Cadance. "I'm sorry, Cady. I really am. This is all to make things between us better, I promise you. Will you... can you trust me on this? You know I don't want to keep things from you, so please, don't ask what is going on. Please."

"Is something wrong? Honey, please tell me." Her grip around her husbands forehoof tightens like a vice. He has to grimace before getting his words out.

"If something is wrong, then this will be making it right. Can you... trust me? I promise to tell you... tell you both," he looks hastily at the scowling white alicorn, "as soon as it's okay."

"Promise?" Cadance looks him straight in the eyes. To his surprise, he can easily match her gaze without feeling guilty.

"Promise."

They share a short kiss, both of them forgetting the royalty standing vigil right next to them. Princess Celestia moves to sit next to Cadance while Shining Armor gets to his hooves. He walks over to Princess Luna and motions for her to follow him to the balcony.

"Nephew, I am so sorry. I... I did not mean to assault you and your wife. It was so rash of me. Please don't be angry.”

”Angry? Why would I be angry? It was all my fault anyway. If somepony should be saying ‘sorry,’ it's pretty much me.”

”So we can still be... friends?” The words come out in a fillyish whisper.

”O-of course!” he stammers, taken aback by the Princess' worry. ”You have no idea what kind of weird stuff I've been through with my friends and family. It's okay, I promise.”

”Thank you,” she says and appears to regain some of her posture she held earlier. ”Now, Nephew, what is with all of this intrigue?"

"I really screwed up!" he hisses in a whisper, checking over his shoulder to see if the two ponies inside might hear them. "I wanted to clear this whole thing up before anypony else would have to know. The letter was so stupid but I thought that I had to rush through it so I could get things fixed!"

"I am not sure I follow," Luna says. "Actually no, I am pretty sure I do not follow."

"I might have a residual spell from the changeling Queen inside my head that makes me have a panic attack every time I'm... intimate with Cadance. I need a powerful unicorn to check my head for it and you were the only one I could think of. The pony doing it might see a lot of weird very personal things inside so I can't ask Cady or Twily and you've been so nice that I thought I could ask you!" he finishes his rant, panting from having said everything in one breath.

"You would ask me? And not my sister?" Her voice is a mixture of surprise, confusion, and, to his surprise, joy. When he dares to look at her, he sees a tiny smile glint on her lips in the darkening evening.

"She's... I mean I wanted to ask you."

"Thank you."

"Huh?" He can't be sure, but he could have sworn seeing the Princess in front of her blush lightly under her deep blue coat. He perishes the thought as his imagination playing tricks on him.

"I will do as you ask. I would also explain the situation to my sister, if you would allow it."

Shining Armor can't stop his hackles from rising at the thought of making the Princess of the Sun privy to her possible mental influence. "Yeah, of course. I just couldn't tell her when Cady was right there and I don't want her to hear what's going on because she'd get scared or feel hurt that I didn't ask her."

"I understand, and for what it is worth, I believe this to be the right thing." She nods in the direction of the apartment and walks inside.

As they enter, the royal foursome have been brought their tea and a large plate of biscuits. Cadance and Celestia are sitting side by side next to the new, and no doubt sturdy, living room table, chatting in a low voice. To Shining Armor's great relief, his wife seems to have calmed down and is smiling together with the majestic white alicorn and sipping her tea.

"Sister? Would you join me for a moment?" Princess Luna says as soon as she walks in. Princess Celestia says something to Cadance before rising up and joining her younger sister on the balcony. Shining Armor sits down next to Cadance, on the opposite side from where her aunt had just been seated. His wife gives him a look that practically has question marks floating above her head.

"So, is..." she begins, not knowing how to continue.

"Everything is working out, Honey." He gives her a reassuring stroke on her lap. "I think I need to go run an errand with Luna. Maybe later tonight."

"Oh..." Cadance says, and hides her face inside her teacup.

They drink and eat in near silence, only the slightest of murmurs carrying inside from the balcony. After a few minutes, the Royal Pony Sisters enter once more. They both take their places around the table and Celestia fills her cup and passes the pot to her sister.

"Cadance?" She says after taking a sip of her drink. "I know that this is confusing, but Luna explained to me what is going on, and however cruel it might feel, I ask you to have patience in this matter. The whole thing is very trivial, I assure you. The fact that the whole thing escalated so much is beyond my understanding." Her last words and her slightly annoyed glare are both aimed directly at Shining Armor, who has trouble swallowing his biscuit. "I hope we have all learned something about the importance of concise literary expression today," she continues before turning to look directly into her teacup, "And maybe about restraint and thinking before acting as well?"

The tiny cough from Princess Luna is the only indication that she did indeed get the message. Princess Cadance is just left looking baffled and slightly sour.

"I feel like a schoolfilly who is having nasty rumours spread about her behind her back," she says with a sulky voice.

Celestia turns to her and smiles. "It's just like holding court, isn't it?" They stare at each other for a moment before bursting into laughter, which finally seems to diffuse the situation. "I am sorry, my little ponies. I think I need to retire for the night. I hope to hear from Luna about how the rest of the evening goes when I wake up." She nods to her sister and gets up. Instead of teleporting away, she walks to the balcony calmly and takes wing.

The three ponies are left seated around the table. Shining Armor absent-mindedly grasps for another bite to eat, but finds the plate empty. Princess Luna looks at Cadance over the table and the pink alicorn shies away from her gaze.

"My apologies for the situation earlier, Princess Cadance. I acted hastily and... foolishly. I hope I did not hurt you."

"Oh, it's okay," she says in a quiet, hesitant voice. "I'm alright. Just please don't do it again?"

"I will do my best," the blue mare responds. Shining Armor is unsure if she is joking, or seriously doubting if she can avoid storming into their living room in the future. "I shall have to attend to my duties for a few hours, but if it is possible, could Prince Shining Armor join me in the Night Garden at around ten tonight?"

"The Night Garden? And isn't it cold outside at that hour?" Cadance asks.

"It will be taken care of. I believe it would be a perfect place for what we need to do tonight."

"This sounds weirder by the minute. First, you can't tell me what is going on and now you're running off in the most remote corner of the castle in the middle of the night?"

"I assure you that being outside during the night is paramount for this matter and the location will afford us privacy." The Princess answers matter-of-factly. "For now, I shall follow my sister's lead and attend to my duties. I shall see you later." With those words, she walks to the balcony as well and jumps into the darkness.

The mostly happily married couple is left seated in the living room, both exchanging troubled looks, not knowing what to say.

Author's Note

I hate writing. I hate my life. I hate editing more than I hate either of those things I just mentioned. Now that I have two new editors (Devas and solocitizen), it apparently means three times more work for me. I miss the days when I could just slam a 15k story up in two days and be happy with it. But no, that's not for me any more. Now I have to go through editing passes, wait for people to have free time, then have some REALLY SUPER FUNNY MIX-UPS THAT WE'LL SURELY LAUGH AT IN TEN YEARS OR SO after which I pretty much had to combine this story up from three different documents into one (in)coherent whole. It took me about... today. As in, maybe six hours today. I fucking wrote the first draft in 10 hours and this editing stuff has taken maybe three times that. I'm pretty sure there are LOADS of mistakes and fuck-ups, but hey, that's what EDITORS ARE FOR, AMIRITE!?

Sarcasm, butthurt, and fatigue aside, this chapter opens up with a topic that might seem to come from the left field and act almost as a deus ex machina. Don't worry, I know where this is going and you''ll understand in later chapters.

Oh and there were some pre-readers. Yay?

When Fragile Hearts Collide

CIAM 12: When Fragile Hearts Collide

"Isn't it cold outside at that hour?" Cadance's words of worry echo in Shining Armor's head.

"Yeah, no kidding," he answers to the dark night all around him, his words coming out as tiny puffs of frost. His hooves trace a slow trot through the cobblestone path through the Day Garden. Here several celebrations, parties, and get-togethers are thrown to foreign dignitaries as well as the ponies who work in the castle. On one side it faces the parapets and the city below, giving the visitors a beautiful view of Canterlot City. The only thing it brings Shining Armor is the cold mountain breeze, which runs an icy claw down his back, sending goosebumps in its wake.

The castle's gardeners have started packing the tiny park up for the coming winter. Low protective shelters and white tarps cover the more vulnerable flowers, whereas the leafless trees are left to fend for themselves against the frost and snow. A tent of sorts stands vigil above the centerpiece of the garden, the famous Flower Clock. Various flowers have been planted in a circle there, blooming one after another to show the ponies admiring it a general date. No flowers are in bloom now; Summer is always shorter for the mountain city. Ponies are still hard at work on their farms in the lowlands and valleys, reaping the last of Summer's bounty, but up here, he can practically taste the promise of snow in the air.

Shining Armor affords a few glances at the dark garden. Some of his favourite memories are from this place, from visiting Twilight when she was under Princess Celestia's tutelage to the secret, clandestine meetings between him and Cadance when they could slip away from their duties for a moment. The one overshadowing all of those times is his wedding, only a month ago. He walks past the same place where he and Cadance shared their first dance as a married couple and stops to smile at the memory. All his friends and family were there, having the time of their lives. His parents, Twily, the rest of the Bearers, the Princesses, and dozens of other guests, all wishing him and his fiancée a happy life together.

If only they knew. Here I am, Prince Shining Armor, the model husband, going off to get my head magicked in the middle of the night without telling my wife about it.

His head slumps a bit, but he quickly picks himself up and shakes the depressing thoughts away. His vigorous movement reminds his body that standing around makes him feel even colder, so he double-times it for the back portion of the garden. An old, black iron gate stands in front of him. It is covered in intricate vines of silvery metal, beautiful to behold, but they do not detract from the message inherent to it.This is a private place, they tell the onlooker. You should not be here. Move along. The gate is usually closed at all times, with the keys available to only a chosen few. Only the most honoured of Royal Groundskeepers and members of the Royal Family itself are allowed in.

Shining Armor lifts the tiny gold key from the chain around his neck and opens the lock. The gate swings open by itself in eerie silence, as if guided by an invisible hoof. As a younger guardspony he sometimes escorted Princess Celestia to the gates, but never stepped inside. Cadance told him that after they got married, he could go in just like everypony else in the family. It doesn't help that Twily had held him a long lecture on the various flowers, brushes, trees, and even the kinds of grass inside after being allowed in for the first time. She told him that every single plant inside is magical, having been enchanted by the long tradition of the Groundskeepers over hundreds of years. All of them are supposedly unique in some way, but there was one thing common: All of the flowers inside only bloom in the dark of the night, all year round. He only recently found out that Princess Celestia ordered it built so she could have a place in which to gaze at the moon in solitude. To look at the place where her sister was imprisoned for countless years. And now he's about to go meet the former prisoner of the moon in that very place.

Shining Armor has to gather himself a bit before stepping inside. As he does, the gate slowly swings closed behind him, the lock rattling and locking itself again—no doubt by design. His instincts warn him that he is now a prisoner inside a cage. He walks back to the gate and puts the key back in. Only when the gates opens up again, he lets out the breath he'd been holding without noticing. He tries to laugh at his own nervousness, but the chuckles get stuck in his throat. He swallows a lump and turns around with a final glance over his shoulder at the outside world. For some reason, even if he knows he is only a few hundred feet from his own house, he feels like he's was entering a completely alien place. His eyes have started adjusting to the darkness, so he can easily see something glowing ahead of him. The path of gray cobblestones he follows soon ends and gets replaced by stones of deepest black. Their surface is polished to a mirror sheen and they show his white coat in a ghostly pale reflection as he walks forward. After a bend in the path he arrives in the Night Garden itself. He stops to stare in wonder.

The garden is not large by any measure. It is only a few dozen yards across and roughly circular. What makes it special is that everything glows in a myriad of colours. The grass and the trees shift from deep black to dark hues of blue and red, but the flowers, both on the ground and in the trees, are filled with all the colours of the rainbow. Roses of the deepest red, lilies the colour of snow, everything adding its own tiny speck of light into garden. At it's center stands a lone circle of grey stone below the open sky. Princess Luna stands waiting for him, with a distant, almost mournful smile on her face. Her expression turns softer as she sees the Prince.

"Welcome to the Night Garden, nephew," she says in a warm voice.

"Thank you. I mean... this place looks so nice. I've never..."

"Quite breathtaking, is it not?" She turns to look around the garden as well, as if seeing it for the first time. "My sister clearly spent a lot of effort on this place."

What's wrong with her? She seems so sad. "Err... Luna?"

"Oh, yes. My apologies. Please come inside." She motions for the stone circle with a wing before turning around.

Shining Armor walks up to her and suddenly a rush of warmth runs through his body. He feels as if he'd stepped into a warm cottage after a run through snow and ice. The stone circle turns out to be a circular bench with a break to allow passage inside. In the middle stands a pedestal of the same black stone that he's standing on. It's covered in still water, turning it into a mirror that shows the sky above.

Princess Luna sits down on the bench. "There is a spell woven into the stones under us to keep us warm. It keeps the place comfortable even in the deepest Winter."

He hesitates for a moment before taking a seat just on the other side of the entryway from her. "Seems so. It's pretty nice here really." A short silence falls as he scans his surroundings again, before his eyes fall on the mirror stone next to him. A pale crescent moon floats on the calm surface of the water, seemingly close enough that if he just reached out he could touch it. He reaches for the surface of the water, but Luna's voice stops him in mid-motion.

"My sister showed me this place on the very first night we were together. I was very touched by her efforts," she says in a voice that Shining Armor could only describe as melancholic.

He makes sure to retract his hoof from the pool. "What's wrong?" he asks.

"Is it so clear that I detest this place?" Luna turns to look directly at him, her face a mixture of defeat and shame.

Shining Armor is already on his hooves, ready to leave the place. "You don't like it here? We can—"

"Allow me to explain before any overt shows of chivalry." A tiny smile briefly appears on her lips. "I do not detest this place as much as what it signifies. For a thousand years, my sister kept me hidden, in a private dark garden, instead of telling her subjects of her sister. I know we didn't part ways as friends, but still, it feels so, uhh, cold of her. When I returned from my exile, nopony save your little sister even knew of me."

Shining Armor is about to answer, but finds he has no words. He just looks at the Princess, who has turned to look at the reflection of her namesake in the pool.

"Tia told me that this place was a gift from her to myself. A place where I could retreat if the 'tumult of the new millenia' was too much for me. What she meant was that I could hide here when I was scared."

"I, uh..."

Luna's eyes focus once more onto the unicorn. "Forgive me, nephew. I did not mean to bore you with such things. After all, we are here to make sure that there are no spells in your mind, are we not?"

"Yeah, we are." He stops to look for the correct words to tread the emotional minefield he has been dropped into. "Maybe it just takes time for everypony to, err, welcome you back?"

"That must be it, yes," Princess Luna says with her voice dripping with sarcasm. "I hardly have time from all the official dinners and holding court to visit here every now and again."

"It's not like you were here all the time! That's why I bumped into you in the first place."

"I have been here countless times since my return. Even though it pains me to admit it, my sister was correct in assuming that I would be overwhelmed by this modern Equestria. Do not misunderstand, I think ponies are all a lot better off now than a thousand years ago."

"So, uhh, what's the problem then?"

"That I do not feel like I belong to this time. Everything I've done since my return has been a disaster followed by a catastrophe. The few times I have left Canterlot to see the country, I have been greeted with towns full of scared ponies and hollow greetings."

"Yeah, well, maybe we should call this off for tonight," Shining Armor says. "We can try another time or maybe I could ask somepony else—" Like who, you dolt colt. He stands up again and backs away from the circle, walking backwards along the stone path. ”Look at the time, it's getting so late already—” You just came here. It's barely past ten. ”And, uh, I think I left something on, well, something.” He turns around, preparing to gallop away at full speed, feeling his legs tense in preparation.

"Please, do not go." Her words are so pleading and childlike, that Shining Armor turn around. She is looking at him, forehoof half-raised as if to try and grab him somehow from the distance.

"But I thought you were feeling bad and I don't want to bother you more. I mean, you're a real Princess and I'm asking you to help me with something stupid like this and—"

"It is most certainly not stupid, nephew. If anything, the stupid one is this ancient mare that apparently can not put her own feelings aside even for a moment to help her family. I would be very happy to help you. Please, come back."

Shining Armor hesitates for a moment. On one hoof, he knows that Princess Luna would easily be able to cast the spell, but on the other, she seems so different and vulnerable tonight that it almost scares him. The uncertainty of even going through with the scan in the first place gives him even more reasons to just run away. Even the weather agrees, grasping with cold fingers onto his now sweaty neck. The whole thing feels like a monster that the little colt inside him wants to run away and hide from.

But she isn't a monster. Not any more. I know she's not! So, uh, knees? Could you, like, I dunno, stop shaking now?

”Maybe you could just join me and talk with me for a moment?” she says.

What Shining Armor actually hears is, ”Don't leave me alone.” He looks at the path leading away from the garden and back to Cadance and his apartment. Where Cadance is waiting for him, probably scared out of her mind, not knowing where he is. Going back to her without even trying would be like letting her down again. His shoulders slump and he slowly walks to the circle of stones. As he enters, the stark autumn wind turns into a warm summer breeze.

He sits down. "I kinda thought you didn't want to cast the spell."

"I do not wish to make light of your predicament, but when you asked me, of all ponies, to help you with this spell, I was, well, overjoyed."

"Huh?"

"I have caused you no end of trouble, from giving you bad advice before to attacking you and your spouse tonight. Yet, you asked me, not my sister, to help you. And I shall."

"I didn't think about it like that. If anything, I was already in trouble when I met you when I was going out to party and tonight you were just acting on my stupid letter. So, I guess that makes us even with the guilt part?" He gives her what he thinks of as his 'roguish' grin. She seems to be happy about the offer and smiles in return. The melancholy seems to lift from her eyes with his words.

"Thank you."

"So, uh, how does this spell even work? Because I'm not even sure I want to go through with it. Feels so weird to have someone look into my head for stuff."

"You told me yourself that it is something that needs to be confirmed, did you not?"

"Yeah, well, yeah. It's just, you know—"

"You are wary of having someone else influence your thoughts and take control of you without you being able to even know where your own thoughts stop and the other's begin and make you do dark and cruel things that you would never even consider?"

Shining Armor looks at her for a moment, before the metaphorical light bulb turns on above him. "Sorry! I didn't even think about it like that! I didn't ask you because you were Nigh—ARGH! I really didn't think about that when I asked your help."

To his relief, Princess Luna's expression is one of slight amusement, not of anger. "I know. You would not be so worried if you had. Believe me, nephew, that if there is a pony in Equestria who knows what to look for inside your head, it is I."

Okay, now I really have to go through with his. After that kind of a blurb, she'll be seriously hurt if I back out. He looks her in the eyes and nods. "So what do we do now?"

"You will need to lie down and close your eyes. I shall send a tiny part of myself inside your mind to seek any traces of magic that are not yours. You might think of it as looking for a colour in a painting that clashes with the rest."

"So, uh, will you see my thoughts? Like the things I'm thinking?"

"If you are actively thinking of them, as what are called 'surface thoughts', yes. I will see them."

Someone grabs the anchor of HMS Shining Armor and throws it into the ice-cold sea of horror. "Y-you will? But there's stuff in there! Like stuff stuff!"

"I would never tell a soul what I would see, of course. That I can swear on my royal title."

"Yeah, but you're gonna see them!" Like me thinking about Twily. Oh Dear Celestia no!

"I understand your fear. I promise to be as discreet as possible, but I can not avoid them during the spell."

"I can't...” The thing in the toilet ”I mean...” And the maids! I gave them a spanking! She'll think I'm sick! ”I was afraid that you might see inside, but—"

"Nephew, please, calm down. Need I remind you who you are talking to?"

"Um, you're Princess Luna?"

"Yes. I am the Princess of Dreams. I am sure that there will be nothing that I would not have seen inside a pony's mind before."

"So, uh, even if it's, like, sex stuff?" he asks, his face aglow with embarrasment.

"I..." Luna hesitates for a moment, "Do you know what a large portion of dreams are? Especially for ponies in their teens?"

"Oh," he says. "Oh!"

"I'm afraid so."

"So, you see a lot of dreams like that?"

She shakes her head. "Please do not think me some sort of voyeur that would stay and watch such things. Whenever I stumble upon such a dream, I leave as unobtrusively as possible."

"Wow. I never even thought of it like that. You can see all the... all the—"

"Do you find it so surprising? Dreams and nightmares are my realm. I usually do not tarry or linger in the ones that do not trouble the ponies as such."

"Errr..." Shining Armor's face grows ever the more crimson after a new thought forms in his head. He rubs his forehooves together nervously.

"Is there something on your mind?"

"Yes, well, no, I mean, It's something that, err—"

"Please, nephew. There is no need to—"

"That's not it! It's just that, well, I had a thought and it's kinda pretty personal. To you, I mean."

Princess Luna takes her most heroic pose possible, lifting her chin up. "Am I not going to possibly see such things in your mind? If you have a question, you may as well ask it now instead of allowing it to mull in your mind and possibly have me see it later?"

"It's just that—"

"Yes?" She sounds impatient, almost miffed. She leans ever closer to him, staring into his eyes with an almost inquisitive stare.

"Have you ever seen a pony have sex with you in a dream?"

All the gusto seems to vanish from the Princess of the Moon. As she deflates from her straight-backed posture, Shining Armor feels the anchor hit the bottom of the ocean, just in time to see the giant iceberg approaching him with a catchy soundtrack. I didn't just ask that? I just did! I just... crap! I blew it. I blew it so bad.

"Well, I understand why you would hesitate to ask such a question."

"I didn't mean to! You don't have to answer! It was so rude of me! I don't know what came over me!" he stammers through his swollen tongue.

"Yes. I have seen such dreams."

"I—you have?" Shining Armor asks in a dry whisper.

"On occasion, yes. I have seen dreams that ponies have of copulating with me."

"That must be so, well, weird," he says, not finding a more suitable word.

This time it is the Princess' turn to stutter. "I do feel honored in a way. Not many ponies know me so they are mostly people I've met in the castle. Guards and such."

"And you don't mind? You don't send them horrid nightmares or anything?" He knows he should stop, to change the subject, but his morbid curiousity drives him forward.

"It does make me feel a bit uncomfortable seeing them the next day around the castle, I admit, but I would never send somepony a nightmare for seeing a dream! That would be very unprofessional.” She pauses for a moment to gather her presence, as if dictating a royal decree. She closes her eyes and lifts up a theatrical hoof. ”I see nothing wrong with it, as long as they are gentle."

Shining Armor looks at her with his mouth open.

She opens her eyes and answers his bewilderment with a giggle. It is very easy for him to spot the exact moment when Luna's brain catches up to what she just said. She covers her mouth with both hooves and turns around, hiding her certainly red-hot face.

His mouth tries to form words, but finds no purchase on the slippery slopes of communication. His mind races around furiously like a hummingbird on speed salts during a hailstorm.

"Ahem, uh, wow," he says sagely.

Princess Luna doesn't answer him.

He can hear a tiny peep escape her lips. "It's not, uh, that is..." he tries again, but doesn't know how to continue.

"P-please do not tell anypony what I just said?"

Happy to finally find something to say, Shining Armor proclaims "Of course not! I'd never—"

"You must understand that I have never told a soul! What would ponies think of me if they knew their Princess was such a malodorous second rate pervert who peeps into their most intimate dreams and thinks such scandalous things!?" She is left panting as she finds out that even despite their mighty lungs, demigoddesses need to breathe.

"It's okay, Luna," he interjects before she can continue her self-demeaning.

"But ponies still think of me as the monster that I was and if they knew something like this, they would be afraid of even sleeping! I would become a n-n-n-n-n—"

"If they knew about you visiting their dreams, they'd probably just be happy that you make sure they're safe," he says.

The Princess stops for a moment, takes a deep breath, and allows her hooves to finally fall from her face. Her eyes are once again shining with the threat of tears, but none have yet to come out. "Do you really mean that? That ponies would actually appreciate what we do?"

"Err, if they knew, I'm sure they would." He knows he is lying, but only slightly to make sure not to make her feel even worse.

Both her voice and expression grow sour. "They didn't use to."

"Huh?"

"For you it is ancient history, but for me, nary a few scant years have passed since those days."

"Are you talking about," he stops to find the right words, "The Moon?"

"Yes, and before that." She looks deep into the moon-pool, her eyes glossing over as she finds herself in some place far away and long ago. Her mouth turns into a slight sneer before she shakes her head. "It is not a story you would wish to hear. It is not a story that should be told any more."

Shining Armor thinks briefly of his own dark secrets and the reasons why he has ended up in this weird place that doesn't quite seem to belong to the world he's lived so long in. Especially with the ancient, yet fragile mare sitting right next to him. He lifts a forehoof up to Luna's shoulder. "You don't have to tell me anything, Luna. But if you want to, I can at least listen."

"You are most kind and gentle, nephew," she says. The mischievous glimmer he has gotten more accustomed to in her eyes greets him once more. "One night we may share the tale, but it shall not be tonight.”

Shining Armor allows his hoof to fall back to his side on the bench. Princess Luna straightens her posture, dismissing the last remnants of her apparent weakness from moments ago. She gives one last cough before turning her attention fully back towards the Prince.

"I believe we had an agenda for tonight, did we not, nephew?"

He feels his own posture crumbling when he realises that he must soon face the music. A flight of butterflies takes wing inside his abdomen, probably causing a tidal wave in Neighppon in the process. "Oh, yeah. So, is this when we, do it?"

"As I said before, it is nothing to be afraid of."

"I'm not afraid!" he says with clearly too much force in his voice. "I just don't like the thought of somepony poking inside my head and—Didn't we just go through this?"

Princess Luna doesn't even seem to listen to him. "Would you please lie down on the bench on your stomach?" She points to the opposite side of the pedestal where the stone seat circles it.

He is taken aback by the commanding tone in the Princess' voice. It takes him a moment to understand that she must already be building the spell in her mind and needs to concentrate. For Shining Armor, there is no more going back. With a last, inaudible whimper, he moves to where he is told. A fleeting image of himself as a colt waiting to have a blood sample get taken flashes in his mind. He remembers hating needles. Although getting ice cream afterwards wasn't too bad. The stone surface is just as warm as it is on the other side.

As he climbs onto it, Princess Luna lies down onto it as well, their heads ending up close to each other. "Close your eyes. I will have to concentrate for a moment longer and then I will begin."

Shining Armor's last image is of the Princess of the Night gathering the pale glow of the moon above them into her horn, starting to work her magic. As his eyelids droop closed, he feels the warm stone under his stomach sending tiny waves of relaxation into his body. A final shudder of goosebumps tickles his back as he gives up to the feeling.

This is it, I guess. Can't be too bad, can—

Luna's horn touches his. A mental image of a blue alicorn appears in his mind like a thought he doesn't want to have. Just like when he was trying to get rid of the frazzleberries years ago. The memory of Twilight immediately brings the rest of his thoughts about her into his mind. He tries to hide them in horror, but his mind fights against him. The more he runs away from the mental images he doesn't want to have, the stronger they become. All the time he can not stop thinking of Princess Luna.

He is now completely stuck inside his mind, instinctively fighting the intruder and trying to hide everything he thinks private, but in vain. The image of the blue alicorn doesn't go away, instead growing stronger all the while. He knows it is only the Princess, his new friend, and not the Queen that assaulted his mind before. Knowing the fact doesn't help, as the same revulsion and helplessness of not being in control of his own thoughts starts squeezing his temples.

"Are you contradicting me, honey?" Cadance says, her eyes growing poison green.

"I guess I am," he answers. The band crushing his head grows tighter as the monster clamps its claws into his head. Not like how Luna is just a thought that refuses to go away. The Queen did far worse. She came into his mind and pushed him into the cupboard under the stairs. Into the dark cellar of his own mind. He could vaguely see out with his own senses, but in a blur. Everypony he met was like a stranger, save for the pink alicorn that was to be his future wife. Even the moment when he saw his little sister, angry that he hadn't told her of his engagement. It was just some lavender unicorn looking at him funny. Just a nuisance. Only thing that mattered was the green eyes, the sickly, sticky, tarry words that she spoke into his mind.

"You will love me. You will do anything for me. Nopony else is worthy of your feelings except me. You only need me."

Through the mist he sees himself climbing into bed with Cadance. He knows deep down that she is not the same pony he fell in love with years ago, but he doesn't care. All he feels is desperate love and lust for her. They make love, over and over again, until he can just fall on the bed, panting and spent, while she just looks at him with a mixture of satisfaction and unrequited lust, and tells him to continue. He has no strength left, but she tells him he can not stop. He must go on. And he does. Again and again they copulate, hours on end. He has lost all feeling in his body, knowing he has spent every drop of his seed into her, yet the nymphomaniacal beast masquerading as his fiancée is not satisfied. And he loves it. The monster tells him he does.

"You only need me. You love me," it tells him.

He believes it. He has never loved anything or anyone as much and never will again. It is no longer a question of them making love, but of her taking him over and over again. He is held on the bed, unable to move as the pink pony of his dreams rides him. She has never felt this good, this tight, this perfect. Her every curve, every muscle is just the way he has always dreamt a perfect mare to be. Even her musky smell is divine to him. The tiny voice telling him that this can not be real, that it is not the love of his life falls silent before the voice inside his head and the lust driving him forward.

"You are mine."

Only just before dawn is he released as he falls unconscious onto the messy mattress. The days go past in a daze without him having any strength to perform his duties. He casts his shield spell to protect the city of Canterlot from enemies, but knows it is a fragile thing, a mere eggshell that could crumble at the slightest touch. He doesn't care. Cadance has told him that he doesn't have to do it perfectly. As long as it looks good, it is enough. The same happens with everything else he does. The guards can handle the shifts on their own. No, he doesn't need to worry about the wedding preparations. Years of military routine push him forward, not requiring him to think, only to obey and serve. He gives out the mixed, conflicting commands to the soldiers. He mixes up the guard rotations. He sends novices to work and sends the veterans on leave. Everything is just as the alicorn in pink commands.

The next night, she returns. She tells him what a good job he did that day. They kiss and he feels elated for the praise. The kiss turns into a lusty embrace, soon leading to the two on their shared bed, making love again and again. He is still unable to satisfy Cadance, but he tries. Oh Celestia, he tries! He thrusts into her, the ever-so-tight slit greeting him, drawing him inside, clamping onto him like a vice. Her every move tells him he is only property, that his only reason to exist is to mate with his Mistress, his Queen—

He stares at the horrified face of Princess Luna. Her cheeks are wet from the tears running freely from her eyes. "I am so sorry, nephew. I did not know. I did not expect this. I am so sorry. So sorry."

He doesn't hear her. He doesn't hear anything. He is in the dark place where the mind goes to hide from itself.

Shining Armor feels warm and comfortable. His face is resting on a soft, warm pillow. Something is stroking his mane. His eyes are closed and he doesn't want to open them up. His pillow shifts under him, forcing him to move along with it to find a better position. The pillow smells nice. Like a field full of flowers. He turns onto his back and the stroking continues, moving to his cheeks.

He hears a gentle voice humming some melody without words. He must still be in bed. The voice has to belong to his mother, as does the soft hoof. Or maybe it is Cadance.

Or the Queen.

His eyes shoot open. The memories start rushing back. He is not in bed, but in the Night Garden with Luna. She cast her spell and then— "No!" He tries to shout the word, but no voice comes out. He wants to fight, to scream, but a stranglehold on his throats will not let him and his limbs feel paralysed.

"Shhhh," Princess Luna says. "I know, nephew. I know how bad it was."

He shakes and twitches. His horn sends out a few sputtering sparks of magic but nothing that could shape a spell in his state. Luna pulls his head into a gentle hug, and he finally cries like a foal. He clutches at her tightly, his body wracked with the horrors in his mind.

"She is not here, nephew. She can not hurt you. You are safe."

All he can do is clutch Princess Luna and bawl. He wants to stop. He wants to fight the tears back. His body refuses. He hates himself for it, but the tears won't stop. He tries to hit something, to flail desperately against his own mind, but a strong pair of hooves holds him in their embrace despite his struggles. He soon finds no more strenght to fight and his hooves fall limp. The warm hoof once again strokes his mane.

"Shhh. There we go."

The warm words wash over him and the horror finally starts to let go of him. Through his blurry eyes he sees the concerned face of Princess Luna. She is holding his head on her lap. When she sees him open his eyes again, she smiles.

"She... She..." he stammers.

"I know, nephew. I saw."

"I didn't remember! Why didn't I—"

"Shhh. Do not try to talk. Not yet. Only when you are ready. There is no hurry."

He closes his eyes again. The warm bench under him, Luna's soft lap, the silence of the garden around them. He feels his breathing grow calmer and deeper. Despite the warmth, his whole body feels cold and shaky. He realises it is only adrenaline leaving his body. Another panic attack? No, this was different. This was something really bad. And here I am, lying on Luna's lap like a little colt. What the hay just happened? The shame of crying like a little foal, especially on the lap of one of the Princesses of the realm, starts to swell in his chest. With his hooves still shivering, Shining Armor starts to get up. He feels Luna's touch on his back, helping him up to a sitting position. He holds his forehooves between his legs, on the edge of the bench, shoulders sagged. "W-what happened?" he asks.

"I made a mistake," she says in a low voice.

He looks at her and sees her sitting next to him the same way he is. Her face is streaked with dried tears. Gosh. Do I look that bad? Or worse? "What do you mean?"

"I was only supposed to look around to see if there were any traces of the Queen's magic inside. I found a, well, a knot inside. At first I thought it would maybe hide the spell she had used on you, but that was not its purpose."

Even though he is already starting to figure it out, he asks,"What was it?"

"It was a repressed memory. A defense of your mind that you had built around the days before your wedding. Sometimes when a mind cannot fathom the events it is forced to face, it hides them."

"I made myself forget? Is that it?"

"Yes, and no. A pony cannot simply decide to forget things. It was also your mind fighting the intruder in your head. A part of it may have been from the spell you cast with Princess Cadance to throw the changeling army out. I am unsure. Like I told you, I did not recognise it for what it was before it unraveled. Before I unraveled it."

"Maybe it was some trap?" he asks. "A trap that the Queen left? Maybe it's the the thing that's been making me feel like this? Maybe—"

"No."

"But—"

"No. There were no traces of her magic in your head. No traps, no spells, no illusions.”

"It can't be!" He grabs Princess Luna's shoulders and shakes her with every word "It has to be some spell! Something that's been causing all this... shit to me!"

"Please remove your hooves, nephew." Her voice isn't angry, yet Shining Armor immediately complies.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to—"

"You have every right to be distraught. It was my hope as well that there might be magic involved in your mind so it would have been easy to remove. I hoped that I could have helped you, but instead I have only made things worse for you." She takes his hoof in turn in her own. "I can fix it. I can repair what I did if you just let me." Her eyes are wide and her whole expression is one of pleading.

He shies away from her. "What are you talking about?"

"I can go back there. I can hide the memory. I know how to do it. It would be easy and you wouldn't have to remember all the things she—"

"No!" He throws her hoof away. He doesn't even know why he is refusing, but he knows he doesn't want it to happen.

"No pony should have to remember something like that!" she shouts. "Hast not thee been through enough already?"

"No." The thought comes to him. He knows who the enemy is, and what their crime is. The Queen. He doesn't want to let her get away with it.

"Let us help thee! Instead of making things worse all the time, let us repaireth the damage we hath wrought?"

He doesn't answer. He wants to shout at her to stop, that it is not her fault, that he has to face the thing inside his head, but the idea of not having to calls out to him. He wants it so much. It would fix everything that's wrong with him.

"You could do that? Just remove it?"

"Yes! We—I could remove it. You wouldn't have to go through it ever again. Just a blank spot in thy mind during that time. You wouldn't remember the Queen as your wife, nor the things she did to th—you."

"I..." Just like that? I wouldn't have to go back there? Ever? "I would forget the Queen?"

"Yes."

"And everything she did to me as Cadance?"

"Yes!"

He takes a deep breath and turns to look Princess Luna straight in the eyes.

"No. Thank you, but no."

"W-what are you saying, nephew?” She looks at him like one would at a foaming lunatic that used to be known to her. ”I could—"

"I know you could!" he shouts. "That's the problem! How would it be different from the Queen? Using magic to make me be a different pony from what I am. I hate what she did to me, but it happened! There's no changing that. I don't want to ever have to remember it, but I have to!"

"Why would you have to—"

"Because...” he stops to gather his thoughts ”Because without those things, what we did with Cadance at the wedding wouldn't mean anything. We fought the bugs off together. It was our love that finally beat them. It's what made us... us."

Luna looks at him, blinking. Then, to Shining Armor's surprise, she turns around and sighs. "I am sorry, nephew. I never once thought of it like that. I just wanted to fix it right away, not thinking of why anypony could actually want to remember such things. I was inconsiderate. I just wanted to do something right for once because all I—"

He feels his face twist in anger. "Are you stupid?!" he shouts at her.

She twists around, her face a mask of hurt and horror. Her lower lip trembles and she turns to look at the exit from the garden, already halfway up from her seat. Before she can bolt off, Shining Armor grabs her forehoof with his own.

"You've done nothing but help all this time! Ever since I first met you, you've always been looking out for me! How can you still say that you've done nothing right, you idiot?"

She looks at his hoof. For a moment it seems like she is going to rip her hoof free and just run off. She stands there, almost in suspended animation, before giving up. She sags back onto her seat and only then Shining Armor lets go of her hoof.

"Everything I do ends up going wrong!" she says in a trembling voice. "It is just as it was before. I tried to help you gather your strength and go out to have fun, but it ended up with you losing your apartment! When I received your letter, I thought you were in danger and rushed to save you, only to make Princess Cadance fear me and my sister scold me! I wanted to help you with a simple spell to make sure there is nothing left of the Queen in your mind and instead I end up forcing you to remember everything she did to you!"

"Yeah, you did!” he shouts straight to her face. ”And you know what? I don't care! We all mess up! Half the things you told me were doomed from the start and my fault anyway. You just tried to help! You're one of the only ponies that I could actually ask for help! And you did."

She looks at him dumbfounded like he had hit him on the horn with a shovel. "Thou—you are not angry at me?"

"Of course I am! You keep thinking I wouldn't like you when all you try to do is help me! If anything, I feel awful for making you feel bad for it!"

"I'm sor—"

"Stop saying that! I'm perfectly capable of messing up my own things lately! I should be the one saying 'sorry' because of all the stuff you had to see in my head! Or that you got in trouble with your sister for trying to help me!" He waves his hooves in the air furiously. He finds no more words to throw at her, and just lets his hooves fall down on the bench.

Princess Luna keeps staring at him open-mouthed. She closes her muzzle, then opens it up again, her expression going through the whole realm of pony emotions. After a while, her head droops and she looks at the ground.

"Nopony has shouted at me in as long as I remember," she says in a quiet voice.

Shining Armor is still out of breath, but his mind is racing. His heart sinks as he understands what he just did. The night holds its breath in silence, before he breaks it.

"I'm, umm, sorry. Didn't mean to, you know—"

"Do not be," Princess Luna interrupts him. "I believe I deserved it."

"Huh?"

"You actually treated me as another pony, not just a madmare just out of an asylum."

"Wait, no! I don't—"

"I know you do not. That is why, even though it didn't feel too good, I am happy there is at least one pony who can be honest with me."

”I still shouldn't have shouted. I just felt I had to, you know?” Shining Armor says to his hooves.

”Maybe not, but it is more comfortable to follow one's conscience than one's reason, for it offers an excuse and alleviation if what we undertake miscarries, which is why there are always so many conscientious ponies and so few reasonable ones."

He looks at her with raised eyebrows. "What was that?"

"Something a supposedly wise pony told me ages ago. He was trying to teach me that a Princess should think with her head, not with her heart." She stops and pushes out her tongue like a foal. "I never liked him."

Shining Armor tries to find the right words for a moment. "Yeah, well, I kinda feel the same way. I've been lying and keeping stuff from Cady for a long time now. It feels bad. Hay, even now she doesn't know why we are here. It's just that I've been trying to think this whole thing through and fix it. All it seems to be doing is make things worse. Maybe I'm not made to be reasonable.”

”Nephew, relationships are never reasonable. Neither is love.”

”Umm, was that some wise pony too?”

”You might say that.” She lifts her forehoof up in the air to issue another Royal Proclamation. ”It was spoken by her majesty, Princess Luna, Guardian of the Night, Foe of Nightmares, and the occasional Cookie Thief.”

”The—?”

”They don't usually remember to lock the pantries for the night.” She looks at him with a deadpan expression.

He tries the same, but fails miserably and starts to laugh despite himself. Princess Luna joins him happily. When he can talk again, he says ”Heh. I'll take this over the therapy any day.”

Luna is still smiling, but her voice is serious when she asks ”Is there something wrong with your therapist?”

"It's not that. She's really good at what she does. The difference is, I dunno." He stops to think for a moment. "It feels I'm facing my problems alone when I'm with her. With you, I kinda have someone in my corner as well."

"I am honored, nephew. I really am," she says. The next words she says come at a careful, steady pace, as if treading on thin ice, "Do you not think that the pony in your corner should be Princess Cadance?"

The words hit home and Shining Armor feels a stab of guilt in his side. "I know. It's just not that simple, okay?" he mutters. He feels like a teenager explaining something obvious to his mother.

"I honestly do not understand. Are you not married with her? Should you not be facing the problems in your lives together?"

"I, well, I'm, that is..." his words falter. "She has her problems as well and she's dealing with them on her own and—" He almost bites himself on the tongue. A train of realisation driven by guilt and conducted by horror drives over him. "Because I haven't been there for her either. I haven't asked her a single thing of what happened to her. I've only been thinking about myself."

"Then should you be doing something about it?"

"You're... you're right! I need to go talk to her." He bolts up, and summarily kicks his fetlock on the mirror pedestal. He tries to avoid cursing out loud in front of the Princess, hopping on just one hoof for a moment. He leans on the pedestal and sees the image of the moon ripple in front of him, reminding him of the late hour. "Or maybe I'd better wait until morning."

Princess Luna closes her eyes and her horn shimmers for a moment. "Princess Cadance is not in the realm of dreams. She is probably still waiting for you to return."

"We've been here for, uh, I don't know how long! She's still up?"

"It is barely past midnight. And yes, she is."

"I gotta go, you know, right now?" he stammers.

"Of course you do." The hollowness in her words stops Shining Armor in his tracks and he turns to look at her. For a moment he sees a great sadness pass over Princess Luna's face, but she shakes it away with a flick of her mane. She rises from her seat and walks to face him. He is reminded of her actual size as he has to look up to her. "I must attend to my duties as well." She steps around him and into the colder air of the night.

"Luna, uh, wait." He walks next to her, shivering as the autumn chill drapes around him. "Are you alright?"

She takes a few steps more before slowing to a stop. "Unlike what you might think of yourself, you are a good stallion and a good husband. There is no denying that Princess Cadance and you belong to each other." She turns to look at him and takes a deep breath to steady herself. "Forgive me for this, but I must confess that I feel jealous of you two."

"Huh?"

"When you live for as long as I have, the thought of being so close to another pony makes one feel rather lonely. Seeing the way you were ready to dash to her side as soon as you thought of her is..." She falls silent, her head drooping down.

Shining Armor hesitates, not sure if what he is about to do is the right thing to do. He decides to just charge, as usual. Princess Luna gasps as his forehooves wrap around her neck and he pulls her in a gentle hug.

"Luna, I'm married to Cadance, but it doesn't mean I couldn't like and care for other ponies as well. I have Twily, I have my parents, I have my friends, and I have you. We're family now, don't you remember? Families stick together."

For a moment Princess Luna stands still, before lifting her own forehooves to embrace him back, burying her muzzle into his mane. "Thank you. You have no idea how good it feels to hear that."

They hold each other for a while longer, before a cold breeze reminds them both that they'd probably be better off inside and start walking down the path. They reach the gate and Shining Armor opens it for them to pass. As the gate closes, he stays to look at the dimly lit pathway back into Luna's garden. Luna might not like it, but it really fits her. Something that's hidden from other ponies, something really nice and beautiful that only a few will ever see with their own eyes. And one of a kind.

They walk along the gravely paths of the Day Garden, not saying another word until they reach the entrance to the castle proper. They smile at each other, ready to part ways.

"I must ask you one thing, nephew," Princess Luna asks him as he is already inside the door.

"Oh?"

"It is about something I saw in your mind. It has been... bothering me."

Even though he is already inside, the words feel like they are freezing the very lifeblood in his limbs. All of his darkest fantasies flash through his mind. "O-oh?"

"What are these 'frazzleberries'? They sound delicious and for some reason I can not seem to get them out of my head."

Author's Note

Thanks for the usual suspects.

A special big thank you for solocitizen for helping with edits with the past two chapters and all the best to his future endeavours as he will not be continuing with the job.

Incidentally, looking for editors. If you SERIOUSLY want to talk about becoming one, send me a PM.

The Princess And The Pea

Cadence In A Minor
Chapter 13
The Princess And The Pea

For once, Shining Armor doesn't hesitate to open the door to Cadance and his apartment. It's dark inside and for a moment he stops, in case she has actually fallen asleep in the few minutes it took for him to walk from the garden entrance to the private wing. The sound of running water from the bathroom assures him that she is still awake. He opens up his mouth to call out to her, but something else intrudes upon his senses. The smell of a mare's sex is thick in the air, clear as day to him. He walks to the bedroom where a lone candle on the end table is lighting the bedside. He takes the view in in a glance: slightly damp, ruffled sheets, closed curtains, and there is The Thing.

It is purple. It is long. It is thick. It even has artificial veins on it to make it more realistic. His mind makes the connection, and, as the male psyche would have it, immediately deduces The Thing to surely be larger than his member. It glistens in the dim light, still wet from being inside his wife. He has to stop and just stare, not knowing what to do.

Maybe I could go stand outside for a few minutes, or maybe a few hours and come back and pretend I haven't seen anything? I mean... I can't believe she'd have something like this. Well... it's obvious she has one and I know mares do it alone too but I never thought Cady... and why does it have to be so big? Or is mine just that small? Is that a medium size? I have no idea.

The musk in the air starts calling to the more primal side of his mind and Little Shiny volunteers for guard duty with a throbbing salute.

Maybe I'm just imagining it. I could always make sure, right? Maybe I should... make sure?

He circles the bed and closes in on The Thing. He lifts his forelegs onto the bed and pushes his own member awkwardly forward, afraid to touch the purple toy. It sits neatly on the middle of the bed and despite his prancing, remains out of reach for an accurate comparison. He decides to brave it and lights up his horn to lift it up.

As soon as his magic takes hold of it, it starts glowing, and to his immediate horror, vibrating loudly with a buzzing sound. The second he picks it up, luck has it that the bathroom door opens and Cadance steps out with a towel wrapped around her head. He didn't even hear her turn the shower off. He turns to look at her, she looks at him, both of their eyes bulge out in horror, and The Thing slips free from Shining Armor's magic and drops onto the floor, still merrily vibrating and bouncing under the bed.

"Cady, I—" is all he can say before the door to the bathroom slams shut as Cadance runs inside. He looks at the door, then back at the bed, confused and bewildered. He dives onto his stomach and pulls the dildo from underneath the bed and looks at it, at a loss of what to do. His solution is to open the balcony door and drop the toy on the ground and toss several pillows on it to cover it up before closing the door and leaning on it.

He walks to the bathroom door. Cadance's sobs are easily audible from inside.

"Honey—"

"Go away!" she shouts.

"But I—"

"Just please go away!"

He thinks of leaving, but instead he just leans a forehoof on the door. "No. Please open the door and come talk with me, Honey."

"But you'll shout at me!"

"I... what? Cady, Honey, why would I do something like that?"

"Because I... because I did something vile like that with... the—"

"Who cares?" he asks and shakes his head for emphasis. "I know mares do it. It's no biggy. Just come out and we'll talk. I'm not angry or anything like that."

After a short silence, she asks in almost a whisper, "P-promise?"

"Promise. Now come on."

He hears the lock of the door rattle and the door slowly creaks open. Cadance is sitting on the floor, looking away from the door with her eyes cast down. The towel she had on her head has been thrown away and her wet mane is hanging in thick strands all around her face. He doesn't hesitate for a moment and walks in front of her, sits down, and grabs her in a tight hug. She struggles for a few seconds before leaning onto his shoulder and letting out a few deep, shuddering sobs. He strokes her mane.

After a while, he lets go of her and lights up his horn. "Come on, Cady. Let's go sit somewhere and we'll talk, okay? I've never been too comfortable with bathroom floors." Or toilet floors for that matter

She doesn't laugh at his weak attempt at humour, but does smile slightly. They walk over to the bed and sit down. He wraps a hoof around her shoulders. "So... a dildo?"

"Y-yes. A d-d-d..."

"Dildo. Dil. Do. Dildo. Almost like 'pinto'. You can do it."

She looks at him with squinted eyes and huffs. "Not funny."

He chuckles. "Sorry. I couldn't resist it."

"Yes. Fine. I bought a..." despite her best efforts, she has to swallow before trying again. "...dildo."

"There you go." He ruffles her damp mane like he would a schoolfilly's.

She pushes him away. "You're horrible!"

He falls onto his side and can't help but laugh out loud.

"Shiny! Stop it!" she huffs and turns away from him.

"I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" he gets up, stifling a few more chuckles. "So, was this the first time you were caught in the act?"

There's no answer from his wife. He puts his hooves onto her shoulders and starts to gently rub them. He feels the tension slowly ebb away from her.

"Come on, you can tell me," he says.

"...s" she whispers.

"Really?"

"...s"

"Wow."

She turns to look at him over her shoulder with the cutest pout he has ever seen on her face. "You say it like 'getting caught' would be completely natural to you."

"Well, I, uhh..." He stops for a moment before continuing. "I mean, it's not something that happens often or anything, but yeah. I've been caught a few times." A memory of two frowning maids appears briefly in his mind before he mentally waves it away. "I gotta admit, the first time was pretty horrid."

"Who... who caught you?" she asks.

He knew the question was coming, yet he still has to cough a few times to get the name out. "Twily."

"Oh, my..."

"Yeah, well, I thought I had the whole house to myself and was playing with myself on my bed, when suddenly Twily appears out of nowhere next to my bed. They'd been studying teleportation at the school and she wanted to surprise me."

Cadance giggles at the thought. "You don't say."

"Yeah. I shouted her out the door. Then I got worried that she'd tell our folks and I ran after her. She was sitting just outside the door to my room and was almost crying. I hugged her and told her I was sorry and..."

"...And then she made you explain everything in great detail and made notes."

He flinches and shies away from her. "H-how'd you know?"

"Well, first of all, we're talking about Twilight..."

"Yeah, uhh, right."

"...aaand she might have told me when I was foalsitting her."

"She what!?" He jumps up from the bed. "She promised not to tell anypony!"

Cadance giggles at his predicament before continuing. "Hold your horses there, Mister. She didn't tell me she'd caught you specifically."

"You're... a terrible pony."

She giggles again. "Serves you right for teasing me about the—"

"Yeah, fine. You won. So what did she tell you?"

"Well. I came to foalsit her just like usual and suddenly she slams a research paper into my face. It was about "Equine Reproduction" and she wanted me to proofread it for her."

His eyes almost bulge out from his head. "She didn't!"

"She told me she'd gotten some hooves-on experience a few days earlier and had started studying the subject in great detail. And I really mean great detail. It must have had at least thirty pages."

"Oh, Dear Celestia..."

"With pictures."

"Oh. Dear. Celestia."

"You're telling me? I was so embarrassed that I couldn't refuse and, well, I was a teenager too so the topic was pretty... interesting."

He thinks he can actually hear her blush from her words alone. "So you read it?"

"Yes. I did. And to be quite honest, I learned a great deal. She'd really been thorough with the subject. I never did dare ask her what the hooves-on experience was, but I guess now I know."

"So let me get this straight: because my little sister caught me jerking off, the Princess of Love got a lecture on having sex from an elementary school filly?"

She sighs. "Yes."

He tries to stay silent, but the chuckles just won't go away and she soon joins in. After the worst of it passes, he just hugs her tightly and kisses her on the cheek. "I'm so sorry you had to go through that because of me."

"I'm pretty sure I was traumatised! Some of the pictures—"

"I can only imagine." He kisses her again. "So what happened with the paper? Did you burn it?"

"Burn it? After all the work she'd put into it, how could I? I think she ended up getting an A+ from Princess Celestia for it."

"My sister... returned a paper... on...” He stops to shake his head. ”Please tell me you're just pulling my hoof here, Cady?"

"I'm afraid not."

He leans back on the bed and she curls up next to him, using his foreleg as a pillow. "Wow."

They hold a communal moment of silence to Cadance's lost innocence.

"You told me that was your first time getting caught?" she asks.

"Yeah," he answers, before the unspoken question sets in. "You can't be serious?"

"Would you really leave me wondering after that story? Who knows how much I've suffered because of your... alone time."

"I'm pretty sure the two times in the Guard haven't affected you in any way. And catching someone doing it wasn't really that big of a deal anyway."

"I don't think that's something I should hear about."

A few of the more unsavoury moments of his armed service appear in his mind, including but not limited to falling asleep during gate duty and his mates slipping a used condom on his horn. And the bastards didn't even tell me before a few dozen ponies had walked in the next morning. "I think that would be better, yes."

"So any other times? Come on, out with it."

"I, uhh..."

The maids. Oh, crap.

Her head rises above his prone form like a cobra from a faqir's basket. "Uhh? I know that 'uhh'. It means there's more."

He puts a hoof on his face. "I really don't want to talk about it, Cady."

"Spoilsport. Now I'll have to guess."

"Wait, what? How does that work? How did you even—"

"Soo... your mother?" she interrupts him.

"NO! I mean, eww! That'd be—"

"Your father?" Her head snakes even closer to his face.

"No, it wasn't—"

Their horns touch with a clack as she leans even closer. "Humm... Maybe it was... Oh! Don't tell me it was someone from the castle?"

"Cady—"

"Mmm? So it was? Then who... Shining Armor, did you get caught by one of the Prin—"

"It was someone you know and would be hugely embarrassed if I told you and found out."

She is about to open her mouth, already forming the insistent question.

He removes the hoof covering his face and puts it on Cadance's mouth. "Please don't ask me to tell you. You're my wife and I promised you I'd never lie to you again, so I would tell you. And I'd end up hurting a pony's feelings real bad if I did."

Not sure if it would be the two maids or you who'd be more hurt, but I'm gonna shut up about it. Period.

"Sorry," Cadance mutters. She slinks back onto the mattress, laying her chin down. "I was hoping it would be some funny story."

"You couldn't know," he says and gently pulls her back next to himself. "I didn't mean to snap at you either. I just wasn't expecting this sort of a Spaneighse Inquisition."

They both freeze and perk up, looking in horror at the door to their bedchamber. After a moment of nothing happening, they exhale in unison and fall back onto the bed.

"Shiny?"

"Hmh?"

"Have you done it often after we've, you know, been married?"

"What, get caught while—"

Her glare silences him up. He is left with a silly grin on his face.

"No, you silly. I meant that... have you done it to yourself?"

"Oh, well, ehh, about that... could I please not comment on that, Your Honour?"

"Fat chance, Mister."

"Fine. Only a few times after. It hasn't worked quite the way it's supposed to, after everything."

"Oh."

"You?" he asks as nonchalantly as he can muster. It wouldn't fool a foal.

"What are you talking about, Shiny?"

He sighs theatrically. "Have you done it to yourself after the wedding?"

"I, uh... I don't think it's proper for me to—"

"Right. You get to play twenty questions on me and then you don't tell me?"

"It's not the same for mares!" she says indignantly.

"Really?" He raises a suspicious eyebrow. "I thought everypony does it."

"Well, sometimes in the shower I might wash a bit longer than necessary. But today was the first time with the... toy." She looks around on the bed. "Where is it?"

"It's, uhh, on the balcony. Under a pile of pillows."

"W-what? Why?"

"I didn't know how to turn it off."

She stares at him for a moment before giving out a tiny giggle. "That's because it's designed for unicorns. It works off of levitation magic."

"That would explain it then. So how long does it keep going?"

"Only about a minute or so. At least that's what the instructions said."

"Huh. They really do think of everything." He leans his head back and almost casually adds. "I wonder how you got ahold of one, though."

She huffs at him again and turns around. "You had to ask, didn't you?"

"Can you blame me?"

"I guess not." She takes a deep breath, as if preparing to confess for murder. "There's this little shop a few streets from the clinic."

"I know the place."

She tenses up against his forehoof. "Wait, you do?"

"Well, I, uhh, met Twilight there and, I mean—"

"Wait!" She climbs halfway onto him so she can stare directly down on him. "You went to such a vile place with your little sister!?"

"No! Yes! I mean I just happened to walk past it and was about to go in when Twily came out! I didn't even go in!"

She stares at him intently, her eyes burning holes in the back of his skull, before she finally relents. He lets out a deep sigh of relief at the stay of his execution. "I told you I met with Twily. It was back then."

"I see."

"But what made you go there in the first place?"

She falls down onto the mattress. "It was that awful Swallow mare's fault. She told me I was sexually frustrated and should go buy one."

"Really? She told you that?"

"I couldn't believe my ears. I left immediately after. The nerve!"

"So, wait, the reason why you don't like her is because—"

"Fine. Yes. I haven't seen her since then. I wasn't even going to buy that thing but... the more I thought about it, the more it started to feel like a good idea and finally I just gave up and went and bought it. So there. Have your laugh." She crosses her forehooves on her chest and lifts her chin up for emphasis.

He wiggles his forehoof once more behind her head. "Wouldn't dream of it, Honey. But you have to tell me: did it feel good?"

After a small pause, she just mumbles a positive "Uh-huh." She turns to her side, laying one of her forehooves onto her chest. "Actually, I really needed it."

"I understand. I haven't been much of a help with that lately," he says, partly to himself.

"I didn't mean it that way, Shiny," she says in a quiet voice.

"No, don't get me wrong. I really think it's good that you have that toy and it's great that it made you feel good. I've felt pretty guilty about not being able to do it with you, so I think it's awesome that there's stuff like that."

She snuggles in closer to him. "Thank you."

He smiles at the dimly lit room. Cadance feels warm against his side, her hoof drawing a small circle on the fur on his chest. He feels his eyes moisten up. "Honey, Cady. There's something I need to tell you. It's about tonight and about the wedding..."

Shining Armor tells her of his trip to Luna's Night Garden. He tries to tell her of everything that came to light with the Princess' spell; of the days before the wedding, of the confusion, the endless sex, the repeated rapes.

At first, Cadance seems horrified, then her eyes tear up and she takes him in a tight embrace. With every word he speaks, she holds onto him, shushing him, promising it's over, that she's there for him.

Bit by bit, word by word, the walls come crumbling down around Shining Armor. He isn't able to stay the big, strong stallion he should be. Nopony could, not after what he's gone through. It's the same as with Luna, except this time he has to mold into words what the Princess only needed to see in his mind.

Every time the words become impossible to say and are hidden under torrents of tears and sobs, she strokes his mane, nuzzles him, and holds him.

It is all too much for him; the horror takes over. He clings to her like a foal waking from a nightmare. It is not his wife he is looking for any more. It is a lost child looking for his mother in the dark of the night. He is lost, not knowing what to do, or how to make the bad feelings to stop.

That mother is there. She pulls him onto her lap into a deep hug, allowing him to cry against his shoulder. Her strong hooves protect him from anything bad. Her wings shield him from anything that might stalk him in the dark. She assures him everything will be alright and that the nightmare is over. The monster is gone and can't get him any more.

After the worst is over, he tells her how used he feels. How weak he feels.

She tells him she understands. What else could she say?

He tells her how weak he is, how much he blames himself for everything that happened. How he is sorry for not resisting her.

She tells him he is the strongest pony he knows and how proud she is of him being able to tell her. She tells him it hurts and that there is nothing wrong with it.

He tells her how much he loves her.

She tells him the same.

The darkness envelops them, but it is no longer the horror of the night with green eyes and endless abuse. It is the peaceful sanctuary of two lovers, silent, calm, and above all, safe. In the end, he collapses in her hooves. He is spent, both in mind and body. He doesn't care. He closes his eyes and drifts off to sleep with a heart lighter than it has been for the past month. His last memory is of Cadance stroking his mane.

Shining Armor wakes up. He is still lying on Cadance's lap. She has dozed off as well and her head is hanging low, almost touching his face. A sliver of drool runs down her cheek as she snores gently. The room is lit with the pale morning sun through the balcony door. He can see a pile of pillows there, bringing with it all the memories of the previous night. Then comes the guilt.

DAMN IT! I was supposed to hear what had happened to her and instead I ended up bawling on her lap like a colt. Whatever. Gotta fix this thing right now.

He slowly wiggles out from under Cadance's hooves. He turns to leave, but hears her mumble something in her sleep, clearly searching for something on her lap. He grabs one of the few pillows left on the bed and maneuvers it into one Shining Armor-sized slot beneath her hooves.

She hugs the pillow and smiles in her sleep.

Shining Armor walks to the door and pulls the string to summon a maid. Soon enough, a slightly drowsy-eyed young mare answers his call.

"Yes, Your Royal Highness?"

"It's Shi— yeah. Umm. Could you get us some breakfast and, err, maybe could you cancel all the appointments Cady—Princess Cadance and I have today? She's not feeling well."

Or won't be. Probably. At least this'll buy us time to talk.

"Shall I summon the Royal Physician?"

"We have a... No, no need for that. Just breakfast, please?" He looks over his shoulder. "She's still sleeping."

"Any particular wishes for your meal?"

"No, thanks. Just food, I guess." He yawns, barely remembering to cover his mouth in doing so. "Coffee. Make sure there's coffee."

"Very well, Your Royal Highness." She stands at the door, still waiting.

"Err, dismissed?"

She bows and leaves down the stairs.

He shakes his head, wincing as the pain in his neck reminds him that ponies are meant to use pillows and not wives to sleep on. His eyes fall on the clock on the wall, and he grimaces again. It's barely six in the morning. He lays a hoof on his forehead. Great. Just great. We've only slept a few hours and I already ordered breakfast. Hope she isn't too tired. He sits down at the dinner table, looking as the clock slowly ticks off a full minute, the events of last night playing out inside his head again. I can't believe I did that! I don't even remember how she reacted. I was too busy being a stupid little kid. Did I screw things up even more? I just poured everything on her! Selfish idiot.

"Argh," he mutters and gets up, thinking of a way to get his brain working again. He tippyhooves through the bedroom, making sure Cadance is still asleep, and goes to the bathroom. A slightly disheveled unicorn with a messy mane and red eyes stares back at him from the mirror. He smiles at himself, but the face in the reflection is anything but reassuring. He turns the water on and tests it with a hoof. The warmth sends shivers of pleasure through his body.

He's used to taking quick showers from his time in the Guard, but this time he relishes in the warm water caressing his body. He stretches under the shower, easing the ache in his neck. A loud pop sends his vision swimming for a moment, but amazingly his head can now turn again.

"Only need some coffee and I might survive."

He dries off and walks back to the bathroom. The maids are setting up in the lounge and the smell of freshly roasted coffee and just as freshly baked bread waft over to him. He walks to Cadance and sits next to her on the bed. He runs his hoof through her mane a few times before setting it around her shoulders. She leans into him and his heart melts once again. He holds her under his foreleg, not wanting to break the moment just yet. Her mane still smells of the flowery shampoo she used on her midnight shower. She stirs under his arm.

"Honey, it's time to wake up."

"Wstfgl?"

"The breakfast is ready. Come on, sleepyhead." He kisses her cheek and her eyes open lazily.

She opens up her mouth wide for a yawn. "What time is it?"

"Early."

"I don't like early." She closes her eyes again. "Wake me up when it's not early anymore." She curls against his chest, making him feel cruel for having to wake her up.

"The coffee'll get cold."

"Mmm. They'll make more."

"Do I have to carry you to the table? Or should I ask them to serve it in bed? Maybe I could spoon-feed you?"

She opens her eyes halfway into a dangerous squint. "You wouldn't dare."

"Oh, don't you think a breakfast in bed would be romantic?"

"Shiny, the last time we did that, you poured hot tea all over me and I ended up with a fried egg in my mane."

"Well somepony was in such a hurry to get rid of their gala dress the previous night and just threw it on the floor..." He kisses her cheek.

"You're horrible." Cadance slowly straightens her back and gets up from the bed. He barely has time to dodge when she spreads her wings out to their full length before folding them to her sides again. A few loose pink feathers float down onto the floor. "Mmmh. That's better," she mutters. "I think I need to schedule a visit to the Royal Preener one of these days."

"The what now?" he asks.

"The Royal Preener. His name is Loco Padrillo, I think."

"He? You think? What?"

Cadance hides a giggle behind a hoof. "Shining Armor, if I didn't know you had just woken up, I would think you were jealous."

His only answer is an indignant harrumph.

"I hear his touch is almost magical. At least according to Aunt Celestia. She told me she met him working on a beach somewhere in the South and brought him in." Cadance gives him a wink. "I hear he does a massage afterwards."

He just sighs and allows his head to droop as he trudges to the door. "Whatever. You coming?" He doesn't check if she's behind him and merely sits down for breakfast, downing a full cup of black coffee.

Cadance arrives a moment later. "Shiny, I didn't mean it like that," she says after sitting down.

Shining Armor lifts his gaze from his cup to see her sitting opposite to him, her forehooves held in front of her between her legs, her head down like a schoolfilly having been caught doing something naughty.

"I know, Honey."

"Shiny—"

"No, I'm sorry too, Cady. It's just a preening." An image of some muscular olive-coated stallion with perfect teeth pushing down on her back, making her moan from pleasure appears in his mind. He quickly drowns it in his second cup of coffee. "I just kinda thought you were still doing it yourself."

"I actually wanted to, but Aunt Celestia told me that I need to have a 'professional' do it for me."

"Sounds silly."

"That's what I told her too. But she insisted. Couldn't take the chance of a primary sticking out of place in court." She finally pours herself a half a cup of coffee too, filling the rest of the cup with cream and sugar. "I remember you preened me once. It felt really good."

"Yeah, right. I ended up spitting down from my mouth for two days. No, you go on ahead and get this... Lucky... err..."

"Loco Padrillo. Though everyone just calls him Pepe." She sips her coffee. "He's also over sixty."

"Wait, you were just teasing me about—"

"I have stated nothing but the facts. Everything else is conjecture." She looks to the side with her chin lifted high.

He just rubs his temples with both of his forehooves. "More like a con. I always forget you're a politician."

She pushes her tongue out at him. "We are royalty. It comes with the title."

"Doesn't mean I have to be one." He leans back on his chair, lifting his forelegs over the back of the chair and tilting his head to look at the ceiling.

"I know you don't like it, Dear. Doesn't mean it wasn't true." A hint of the foalsitter giving nasty tasting medicine to a foal seeps into her voice.

He lifts his head back up. "I'm too honest to be a politician."

Cadance leans forward onto her forehooves to meet his gaze and gives him an almost wicked smile, the shadows falling over her face. "Those are the most dangerous ones."

He flinches, subconsciously pushing his chair back a few inches, almost toppling it over. "S-scary."

Cadance sits up and smiles at him, the dangerous expression vanishing in an instant. "Aunt Celestia made me practice that stare for hours in front of a mirror." She casually takes a bite out of her toast and looks up at him again. "Aren't you hungry?"

"Really? She made you practice something like that?"

"Well..." She fidgets a bit before continuing, "...yes. It came in handy with foalsitting though."

Another fleeting image flutters in his imagination, this time of his sister asking to stay up for another hour to finish a book and Cadance giving her that same stare. He laughs out loud.

They finish their breakfast in silence. The maids stand vigil nearby if they have any other tasks for them. Afterwards, Shining Armor motions for Cadance to join him on their couch. Behind them, the mares begin cleaning up the table.

"Would you like to tell me why we have to be up so early, Shiny?" Even with half a pot of coffee in her, she yawns once again. "It'll be several hours before my first meeting today. I was going to sleep in."

He rubs his forehooves together nervously. "Yes, well, I kinda canceled the meeting."

She looks at him with raised eyebrows. "You did?"

"I wanted to spend some time together with you and—"

"Shiny! It's a very important meeting on... on..." She has to stop for a moment to think. "...on something very important, I'm sure."

"Cady, after last night, I wanted to talk to you more."

"Oh." She looks down at her own hooves. "I see."

They sit in silence for a moment. The maids quietly leave the room.

"I'm sorry," he says. Despite himself, he feels his lower lip trembling.

"Honey, it's okay. It must have been really hard for you last night." She moves a bit closer to him so their bodies touch each other. "I can only imagine how horrible it was."

The memories are still vivid in his mind. The laughing face of the Queen mocks him once again as he lies helpless on his own bed. He shakes the thought away. "No, not that." He's afraid that if he looks at her, he'd see the concern on her face and break down again.

"What's wrong?"

"I wasn't going to tell you about the things last night. Or I was, but I... I wanted to..." The large lump in his throat stops him from speaking. To his frustration, he feels a hot tear running down his cheek. "Sorry."

"Shhh. Take your time." Cadance nuzzles him under his chin. "You don't have to be sorry for telling me all those things."

"It's not that. Last night, I understood something. About how stupid I've been. I... I..." Again he falters to a stop.

"Honey, don't say that. You're not stupid."

"Yeah, I am. I mean, sure, the whole thing with the Queen... sucked. But I realised that I've never asked how you were doing."

She is silent for a moment before answering. "Whatever do you mean, Honey?"

"You must have gone through bad stuff too during the wedding and I've never even asked you about them. All I know is that Twily saved you from the Crystal Mines below the city. I've just kept thinking about myself and you never brought it up so I kinda forgot about it." He waits for a moment, but she doesn't answer. "Cady?"

"Oh, don't worry about me. I'm alright."

He can't believe his ears. "W-what?"

"She captured me under the city and then I was saved and we won the day." She smiles at him. A terrible, waxen smile that is betrayed by her glossed eyes. "I think I should start getting ready for my meeting. It's in a few hours and—"

"Cady. Please don't do this. I canceled the meetings, remember? So we could talk. Please, don't pretend everything is alright, because I can see it's not. I pretended that I didn't notice, but I did. I know you, Honey. I know that you're feeling bad."

"I told you there's nothing wrong, Shiny." She starts to get up from the couch.

He gets up faster and lays his forelegs on her shoulders, pushing her back down, slowly and gently. She barely resists. He keeps holding onto her shoulders and looks her straight in the eyes. "Stop it, Cady. You've helped me through this crap so let me do the same. I should have been there for you before, but I messed it up. I've messed a lot of things up lately. Let me fix that."

She looks down at her hooves. "But everything is alright now. We're married and all the bad things are behind us, aren't they?"

"Cady, Honey, it doesn't work that way."

At first she tries to get up again, but he gently pushes her back down. She looks to the side, averting her eyes, before her head finally droops down. "I don't want to." Her words are a quiet whimper.

He sits back next to him and wraps a hoof around her shoulders.

"Please. Don't make me go back there. I don't want to think about it." Her hooves start to shake. "I don't want to."

"I think you have to, Honey. If you don't, you'll never get over it."

"You don't understand! I missed you so much! I hoped you'd come save me. They... they pretended they were you. They looked like you and every time I thought it would be the real you, coming to get me out, they'd turn back to hideous monsters. And they'd laugh at me and tell me I was a 'yummy, tasty treat' and called me a 'snack bar' and other stuff too... I don't want to!" Her shoulders start to shake, not from crying, but from sheer horror.

He wraps his hooves around her even tighter and holds her close. "I'm here, Honey. I'm not letting you go. The changelings aren't here any more. We drove them away together. They can't hurt you any more."

"It was so dark and I could hear them walking around me. They never spoke, only whispered and laughed. Then I would see you, in your armour with your horn glowing, and I'd rush to you. And they would turn back into a black monster and laugh at me and tell me how good I tasted. I tried to be brave. I really did! I didn't let them get to me, but it was so dark. I tried to light the place with my horn, but then I'd see the crystals. They were even worse." Her whole body shivers from the memory.

"The crystals?"

"She was in them. The Queen. She looked like me. There were dozens of her there. Maybe hundreds, I don't know. All of them leering at me, laughing, smiling, showing me what was happening on the surface. Twilight and her friends were preparing my wedding, telling me I'd never get to see it. That she'd marry you instead and make you hers and I'd be left in the caves forever. And the creatures around laughed and kept whispering 'forever' and 'darkness' and other things. I was so scared that I turned my light off and she went away. I waited for a long time before trying again, but when I did, she was still there. Mocking me, laughing at me, and the monsters around would start chittering and laughing again as she showed me herself in my own wedding dress, standing in front of Princess Celestia... with you. Kissing. It was worse than the darkness." She begins to pant from speaking so fast. "I was too scared to use any light because I was so afraid she'd be there again, so I... I stayed in the dark. And they still whispered and laughed at me, but I couldn't even move. I don't know how long I was there. I thought you were already married, thinking she was me, and didn't know I was down there." Her last words come through chattering teeth.

Shining Armor squeezes her against his chest as hard as he can. "Oh, sweet Celestia. I had no idea. I had no idea, Cady. I'm so sorry I wasn't there. I'm so sorry."

She grabs onto him and squeezes him tightly, making him gasp for air. "Why didn't you come get me, Shiny?" The words hurt him just as much as her panic-filled grasp. "Why!?"

"C-cady... hurts... can't..."

She jerks away from him and back to reality, clearly scared of what just happened. It allows him to catch a breath, which sticks in his throat as he feels his side catch on fire. He tries to keep his breath shallow, but the pain refuses to ease even a bit.

Not again.

Cadance reaches her hooves to him, but is too afraid to touch him. "S-shiny? Are you alright? I'm sorry I... what's wrong?"

"Nothing," he mutters. He has to bite his teeth together to not yelp when he feels his hoof along his side.

"Shiny, did I... did I hurt you?"

"It's nothing," he says through gritted teeth. He can feel his eyes burn and his mouth grow dry. "Just a cramp." He can clearly see that she isn't convinced. What he sees is her lowering her gaze, hurt that he is lying to her. But I don't want her to know. It'd destroy her.

"I'll... I'll go call for a doctor," she mutters and gets up.

"Please don't, Cady. There's nothing they can really do. I'll take a painkiller and it'll go away."

She stops and turns around. Her eyes are flowing with tears again. "But I hurt you. I—"

"Shh." He tries to get up, but a jolt of pain sends him back down. "You didn't mean it."

"I'm sorry, I was just so scared and... for a moment I felt like I was back in the caves."

He can clearly see her hooves shake a bit before she wills them back under her control. She takes a deep breath to steady herself and lifts her head back up. Wow. I'm not sure if I could do that. "Honey, I'm not angry. Believe me."

She returns to the sofa and sits back down, but makes sure to give him a lot of room. "I didn't mean to, Honey."

"I know. It was an accident. These things happen, right? It's pretty easy to forget how strong you are sometimes, right?"

She nods and seems to calm down, before her eyes shoot open. "Shiny?"

Oh... fuck.

"Happen? Sometimes? Are you telling me this isn't the first time? Have I... have I hurt you before?"

"I, err, I... well, umm..."

His indecisive words are all the confirmation she needs. Her head falls limply onto her hooves. She covers her eyes and sobs. "Why, Shiny? Why didn't you say anything? Why didn't you tell me? I never... I would never do it on purpose. I'd never—"

Shining Armor has never wanted to hug her more than he does right now. He tries to move to her, but flinches from pain and has to stop. "Cady, I know you wouldn't. That's why I didn't tell you. You've always told me how hard it's been for you to get comfortable with being an alicorn and how much you've struggled with your big wings and your magic. It's the same with you being so strong as well, that's all."

Cadance looks up to him, her eyes red and her face twisted in pain. "But I hurt you! There's no excuse for that!"

His first instinct is to try and put on a brave face and smile. "Cady, I'm pretty tough and I've always healed fast. I've gotten pretty roughed up in the Guard a few times as well, so I think I can handle a few hugs from my wife, right?" He winces again, but forces his forehoof up to stroke her tear-stained cheek. "I know you'd never hurt me on purpose, so I never said anything. Maybe I should have, but I never found the right moment."

"Is... is that why you've been so scared of me?"

"I... I haven't—"

"When we met here, you started shouting for me not to hurt you 'again'. And your panic attacks? Is this why?"

"I..." He looks into her eyes and sees fear and hurt in them, but worse yet, he sees that she knows the answer already. All he can tell her is the truth. "Yes."

That simple word stops the world for them both. She looks at him, her mouth open, her brain not able to find words. For a fleeting second that stretches into an eternity, he knows that the most beautiful and precious thing in his life has just shattered into a thousand pieces because of that word.

Cadance's heart.

"I... I should go," she says. Her voice is cold and hollow. Shining Armor knows it's the voice of someone running on autopilot. Cadance begins to walk towards their front door, slowly, but deliberately. He knows she just wants to run away. The same thing he has done so many times since the wedding. He also knows that if she walks out of that door, there won't be anything he can do about his marriage any more. It will be over. She is close now, only a step or two from the door.

"No."

His horn lights up in a dull purple light, which soon also covers the door. The same spell he used to protect Canterlot from the changelings. The spell he first cast when he got his cutie mark. The shield that can never be broken.

The glow dances along the walls and spreads all around their apartment. It covers the ceiling, the floor, and even the windows. It is the spell he learned to protect what is most important to him. It is there to protect the people he loves. It is to stop anything bad from hurting them. Only this time, it exists to keep something in, not out. To protect someone from themselves.

Cadance reaches the door, pushing a hoof on the handle. The door refuses to budge. She pushes it with a shoulder, then her head, and finally with both her hooves. She turns around and kicks it, sending several splinters flying, but nothing can get through that spell.

"Let me out!" she shouts, but the spell holds firm.

He gets up from the sofa, the pain burning his side, but the adrenaline in his body pushes it away. The fear of losing Cadance pushes him over his normal limits. He walks to Cadance's side.

Her horn glows and she sends a spell at the door, but it only dissipates into the purple light. She tries again, to no avail. She turns to look at Shining Armor, her face twisted in rage and horror. "Let me go!"

"No. Cady. I'm not letting you go. I'm never letting you go. I'm your husband and you're my wife. We've gone through Tartarus together and we're still here, and I'm not giving up. Not now. Not ever."

"No! Not like this!" She grabs his shoulders with her forehooves. "Not like this! Don't you understand! Not like this!" Her hooves fail to hold her up and she falls onto the ground. "Not like this. Not like the caves."

His mouth falls open. The shield that can never be broken shatters all around him. The tiny pieces fall onto the ground like the petals of a dying flower. "Cady, I didn't mean it like that! I didn't..."

She lies on the floor, curled up in a ball and shivering.

He lies next to her, his own hooves shaking from horror and his side burning like a blade were being twisted there. "Cady, you're not in the caves. It's over. I'm sorry I never came to save you, but it's still over. You're safe. You're with me."

"You don't understand!" she shouts. "She took me! Right out from my own bed! Right here! I thought she was you when she walked in and I turned to look at you. But all I saw were those glowing eyes and then the flames. I thought I was going to die and I wasn't sure if that really happened when I ended in the darkness. But it feels like I never got out! Ever since then, I've been there. Every time I close my eyes. Every time it gets dark. Every time I'm alone, I go back there."

Every time I'm alone. Oh, no, Cady, no!

"All the time? Cady? Whenever you've been alone?"

"Y-yes. Every time. I can't help it! I can feel their chattering, her voice, it all comes back. I know it's crazy and I hate it, but I can't help it! I try to think of other things, concentrate on working, but it never works. I still go back there. Shiny, I've never gotten out from there! I think I have, but then I find out that I'm still there and I can't do anything about it! I start thinking that everything that's happened since has been just one more illusion she shows me on the crystals. Just another way of hurting me. Just like how she kept showing you to me over and over again and it never stops!"

His mind starts going though the things that have happened after the wedding. Her never leaving his side. Her always clinging to him when they were together. Her never wanting him to go out. Her not even being angry when he came home drunk.

"You kinda told me you'd send Cady some nice dreams so she wouldn't be so angry in the morning." He hears himself accuse Luna.

"I did... but she did not enter my domain that night." The Princess of the Night answers.

Because she was all alone and too afraid to even fall asleep. She was so afraid of being alone all this time and I never even noticed it.

"Cadance. Twily saved you. We fought the monsters away together. We fought the ghost of a mad unicorn king from the Crystal Empire? Remember? Do you think the Queen could show you something like that? The Crystal Faire? Sombra? The Crystal Heart?" He nuzzles her soggy cheek. "Our honeymoon? Wouldn't she have jumped at the chance to show it was all a lie?"

Cadance punches the rug in front of her. "I... I know. Dammit I know, Shiny! But when I'm alone, I can't help it!"

"Well then there's only one thing to do," Shining Armor says.

"W-what's that, Shiny?"

"I'll just have to stay next to you all the time from now on until you're no longer afraid."

"What? But that's... that's silly!"

"No it isn't." He leans into her and gives him a kiss on her forehead. "It's not silly if it helps you. You know I'd do anything for you. Anything. Except, well..."

She peers up from between her hooves. "What? I don't—"

"Just don't ask me to go to the toilet together. That'd just be weird."

"Shiny!"

He ignores her indignant voice and nuzzles her again. "Wouldn't mind a bath together once in a while though."

"You're... you're horrible." She puckers her lower lip in a pout, but he can clearly see her hooves no longer shaking.

"Yes. I am." He takes a deep breath before continuing. "I should have been there for you, but I was too busy being selfish to even notice."

"Shiny, I know it's been hard for you too. Far worse than for me, I think. I mean, after what you told me last night, I was horrified. I... I..."

"I know, Honey."

"N-no! You don't understand. I blamed you for everything that happened! Even... even earlier when you asked about the caves, I still kept doing it." She falls silent, her head falling back down to her hooves. "I'm the horrible one here."

"Then we're both horrible," he says. He tries to wrap a forehoof around her's, but a sudden realisation makes him laugh against all the odds. The stab of pain in his side makes him cough instead, which makes the pain even worse. He struggles for a moment to get his breath back. "Because... because all this time," he struggles to get another lungful of air. "All this time, I've been trying to run away from you because you reminded me of the Queen and what she did to me, and you've been trying to stay close to me because of what she did to you." He croaks another painful laugh, not able to help himself. "A stupid little game of tag. It's not even funny, but she's still around even though we beat her!" His side burns, but he can't stop himself from laughing. Tears run from his eyes, but he doesn't know if they are from laughing or from sheer pain.

A gentle, if hesitant, hoof takes ahold of his. "Honey, please calm down. You're scaring me. Could you please take a breath?"

He coughs again, tasting metal in his dry mouth. He looks at Cadance and sees the worry in her face. Here I am, laughing like a maniac about everything that's happened. No wonder she looks like that. I must look crazy to her. He takes a rasping breath, gets his lungs full, then exhales. Again, inhale, then exhale. The slight feeling of hysteria ebbs away from him with every breath, finally letting go. "Sorry about that, Cady. I just understood this whole thing and it just felt so silly that I couldn't help it."

"I think I understand it now too." She takes his hooves back into her own. "It's that neither of us could have done anything? That the Queen was just too powerful and too evil that there was... nothing we could do."

"Yeah. We've kept blaming each other all this time because we both felt so weak and useless..."

"...when it should have been us blaming her and what she did."

The thing that Shining Armor realised last night finally hits home. He was a victim. So was she. Neither of them could have done anything different or expected the other one to do either. Their eyes lock for a moment, the mutual acceptance finally breaking the wall they'd built between each other. "Cady, I've... we've been really stupid."

Cadance nods. "I'm so sorry, Shiny."

"I'm sorry too, Cadance."

A silence falls over the two. Nothing else needs to be said. They lose themselves in the other's eyes, finally seeing the pony they fell in love with. Their horns touch and he feels the magic ripple through his whole body. He recognises it immediately. He's only felt it twice in his life, but it's the unmistakeable magic of Love they'd shared during the wedding and again in the Crystal Empire. He feels his heart swelling from happiness, and her smile answers his. Everything else around them fades away into a pink and purple haze around them as their horns take on a stronger glow. The magic lifts them up in the air, drawing them even closer to each other. Shining Armor can only distantly feel the ache in his side easing with every pulse of their combined magic.

"Cady..."

"Shiny..."

"...I love you."

Their lips lock. The world melts away and they lose themselves in each other.

"Wanna fuck?" Shining Armor asks inside the pink haze.

"I thought you'd never ask."

Author's Note

This is not the end of CIAM. We're still a few chapters away from the real ending. Several people will probably hate me a bit for what's to come. Tehee.

The chapter is dedicated to Valikdu, who stood up for me against bad odds without me asking for it or him expecting anything for it. If you spot that nickname somewhere on the site, know he's one of the good guys.

The usual suspects
Tinandel, Dee45 for being awesome and insightful.
Cahoon and Cerulean Starlight (welcome aboard the slave ship) for being meticulous and pedantic.

Giving Up

"So I take it you had a very pleasant day?" Sassy Swallow asks Cadance and Shining Armor. They are once again convened in the therapist's office, the newlyweds together on the couch and Sassy Swallow on her usual chair. Yet again the prim and proper therapist, she has her mane in a tight bun and her usual writing pad on her lap. Lifting her head up from her notes, she even smiles a little, but it quickly vanishes from her lips as she sees the expressions on the couple's faces. "Is something wrong?"

Both Cadance and Shining Armor look down, then away from each other. Shining Armor lets out a trembling sigh, the final confirmation to Sassy's suspicions. After a long minute of silence, during which the grandfather clock slowly slices away the seconds, Cadance finally speaks. "I think you were just tired after everything and—"

"No," Shining Armor interrupts her. He doesn't even shout, but the desperation in his voice is enough to silence the room once more. He takes a few breaths, trying to steady his nerves, but it does little. The burning sensation in his eyes is back, even though he thought he'd cried all the tears he had left last night. "It just doesn't work. I can't get it to work no matter what happens. I... I..." The first burning drop slides out of his eye and down his cheek. "I fucking give up, okay? I can't get it up and that's it. Ever."

"Shiny, please don't say that." Cadance tries to stroke her husband's shoulder, but he angrily wipes the comforting hoof away.

He turns around, but doesn't even raise his voice. "Why? Why shouldn't I say that? It's true, isn't it? If there ever was a time I'd get it to work, it woulda been last night." He shakes his head. "It's dead. Just forget about it."

Cadance opens up her mouth to speak, but no words come out. Her shoulders sag and she once again returns to staring at the carpet on the floor.

"You didn't get an erection?" Sassy Swallow asks in her calm voice.

He jumps up from the sofa and shouts at the therapist. "Why, yes! My fucking cock was limp as a dead fish and wouldn't even come out! Thanks for pointing out the obvious, you fucking cu—"

"Shining Armor!" Cadance shouts.

It has the effect of a bucket of ice-cold water being poured down Shining Armor's neck. His legs tremble for a moment before giving up under him and planting him onto his rump on the floor. The thump sends burning hot stabs of pain along his injured side, still sore from a few days ago. "Uggh... Doc, I mean, Mrs. Swallow, I didn't mean—"

"No offence taken, Mr. Armor. You are allowed to say anything you want here, but please try to remember that I am not trying to antagonize you. The reason I asked about your erection was that you were only referring to 'it' and I wished to avoid possible misunderstandings."

"Oh, uhh, right." After he sees the disapproving expression on Cadance's face, he adds ”Sorry.” He tries to get back onto his hooves, but another jolt of pain makes him decide otherwise.

"Did anything else happen yesterday?" Sassy Swallow asks.

Cadance and Shining Armor look at each other, but both shake their heads. "I kept the rest of the morning off and did some paperwork in the afternoon," Cadance says. "We turned in early."

"I just kinda slept the whole day," Shining Armor says, and adds in a more quiet voice "And night." Both he and Cadance share a sigh.

"Have you thought of approaching the problem from a different angle?" Sassy Swallow asks.

Cadance looks at her crestfallen husband, who doesn't seem to want to consider any angles to anything at the moment. "I'm not sure I understand," she says.

"This therapy has changed focus quite far from the original problem almost from the beginning. It is clear that both of you have gone through some very difficult times recently and all of those things have added up on top of each other. Maybe it is now time to step back a bit and return to the original topic?"

Cadance shakes her head in confusion. "Excuse me, what?"

"We have talked about the trauma both of you have suffered during the Changeling Invasion. The fact that you have been able to be so open about it with both myself and each other is quite rare in my profession." Sassy Swallow allows her professional facade to crack for a moment as she smiles. "You have been able to heal your relationship so much in such a short time, all thanks to the effort you both have put into it and the care which you show for each other."

Cadance leans forward and places her forehooves onto Shining Armor's shoulders. He turns his head and they share a short nuzzle. Their horns touch with a quiet clack. Holding his breath, he inches closer to the couch. He exhales slowly and leans on the edge of the sofa between Cadance's legs.

Sassy Swallow's countenance returns to that of a prim and proper professional. "Maybe it would help if you took a step back from the bigger picture, and instead concentrated on only one specific part for now. The reason that brought you to my daughter and me in the first place."

"Like, my uselessness?" Shining Armor mutters.

"There is no reason for self-degradation. But yes, I would like you to focus only on your erectile dysfunction for the moment. It would be very helpful if we went through some of the thoughts and feelings you experience on the matter."

Shining Armor leans back against Cadance. He feels the warmth radiating from her legs and her gold-shod forehooves gently stroking his mane. It gives him the tiny nudge of courage he needs to open up. "Well, okay. I can't get my... penis up. With Cady, that is. It works, well, otherwise, but not with her."

"How does that make you feel?" Sassy asks.

Shining Armor barks out an unamused laugh. "You even gotta ask me that? It pis... it's frustrating and embarrassing. I have no idea why. I know for one-hundred-percent sure that I love Cady." He feels Cadance place a small kiss onto his neck. "And that she loves me too. So I have no idea why I can't get it up with her."

"What if it isn't about your feelings, but something else entirely?"

"Huh? Why wouldn't it be about my feelings? Isn't that what all this was about?" Shining Armor asks.

"I'm not sure I follow either, Mrs. Swallow," Cadance says.

"Both of you are certain that you have strong feeling for each other, so it would be logical that the reason for your erectile dysfunction lies somewhere else." She flips through her notes. "Mr. Armor has told me about the sexual fantasies he has had lately. I know this topic might be very uncomfortable for you, but would you tell us about—"

"No." Shining Armor's answer is curt and precise.

"Then would you think about the things that those fantasies might have in common?"

That was close. Too close. Okay, okay, concentrate. Things in common. I guess I can do that. There's no way in Tartarus I'm going to tell Cady about wanting to spank her or fuck her maids or... Twily. Urgh. Focus!

"Well... they have all been mares, so I'm not into dudes, that's for sure." He grins nervously to nopony in particular. "They're all in, well, uh, compromising posit—okay I can't do this. I just..." he looks to the side and catches a glimpse of Cadance's confused expression. "...can't."

"Shiny?"

"Cady, I'm sorry, but the, uhh, stuff... I don't understand why I think about those things and they're just, well, bad. I mean, sick. Stuff I'd never actually do, but they're the only things I can think about when I'm... hard." He shakes his head, then looks at Sassy Swallow. "I told you about them. You know about them. Why do I have to talk about them while Cady is here?"

"Would it be better if I left for a moment?" Cadance asks.

Sassy Swallow shifts a bit in her chair. "Mr. Armor, I understand that this topic is one that you would not want to continue." She meets Shining Armor's gaze. "I also believe it is important to talk about those things."

"I'd never do those things for real. Like, in a million years."

"What we fantasize about when alone and what we would do in reality are two different things. There is no such thing as a thought crime. Only if you act on those fantasies do they become anything more than just figments of your imagination. The reason why I am asking you to tell your wife about them is that it would help you to understand each other better."

"I don't want her to 'understand' me like that. I—"

"I do," Cadance says, silencing Shining Armor right before he can launch into another rant. "Shiny, whatever it is, you can tell me. I love you as you are." She strokes his mane before adding. "Like she said, it might help."

Shining Armor's words are filled with desperation, the kind that a pony would talk with right before letting go of a branch above a bottomless pit. "You don't understand. I'm not like that. I don't... I just..."

"I know you're a good pony and the love of my life, Shiny."

Shining Armor falls silent, before the ache in his chest he hadn't even noticed turns into a fuzzy warmth. "I can't really say no to that, can I?"

"So you'll do it? For me?" Cadance asks, talking right into his ear as she nuzzles the back of his head.

Shining Armor takes a few deep breaths, trying to formulate his thoughts and to build a coherent narrative around the things he does inside Shinyland. Then he throws all that away and just charges on. "I hurt ponies. I make them do whatever I want and hit them or shout at them if they don't. I punish them for things they've done to me. And it's always ponies I've met in real life and that I've argued with or met."

Cadance remains silent for a moment, sending Shining Armor's heart thumping from fear that she might just get up and leave, never to return. Then suddenly, in a very thoughtful voice, Cadance asks. "Is it like payback? For what the Queen did to you? And the other ponies too?"

He shakes his head in confusion at the way Cadance is handling things. "I guess so."

Cadance looks at him with a cocked head. "I imagine anypony would think like that after what she did. I've thought of what I'd like to do to her several times... though it hasn't been, well, sexual." She pauses for a moment, but adds in a quiet voice. "It was different for both of us."

The word 'rape' isn't uttered out loud. It doesn't need to be.

Sassy Swallow clears her throat. "Just like you say, Mrs. Cadenza, thoughts and fantasies of revenge are very common among ponies that have been taken advantage of." She pauses for a moment, before continuing. "That is one part of the reason why I asked you to tell about your fantasies. Both you and Mrs. Cadenza are suffering from the same trauma, but show it in different ways. She is dealing with her problems by trying to control everything around her because of her kidnapping."

Cadance nods in response. "I... I was too afraid to let anything happen without my say-so." She fidgets with her forehooves. "Aunt Celestia was pretty angry at me for a few negotiations that I might have messed up a bit by not giving in with even the tiniest details."

"Well, that's news to me," Shining Armor says and shrugs. "I guess that's why you threw Iron Sight into—"

"Yes."

"And broke all the furniture and—"

"Yes."

Shining Armor doesn't notice Cadance slumping behind his back. "And the thing with your maids—"

"Yes!"

Cadance's dangerously low voice finally shocks Shining Armor from his ponderings. He turns around to see tears forming under his wife's eyes—eyes which are ablaze.

"It's so nice of both of you to gang up on me like that. I knew this was going to happen," Cadence says. She wipes imaginary specks of dust from her lap, then drags an angry hoof across her face to get rid of the tears. She gets up and lifts her chin in defiance and walks for the door. "I believe we are done here."

Shining Armor opens his mouth to apologise to Cadance. There is a tiny snapping sound that is only audible to his own brain, which brings forth completely different words. "Cady, you're doing it again."

Cadance spins around, her eyes blazing even more furiously than before. "How dare—"

"Because I love you." He motions for her to come closer. "Come on, Honey. I'm right here."

Cadance gapes at him, then lowers her head almost to the floor. She takes a few steps towards Shining Armor, then sits down, not uttering another word. Her eyes are covered by her mane, but he can see a few tears roll down her cheeks and drop onto the floor from her chin. A few sobs escape her, before she manages a whispered "Sorry."

His side aching, Shining Armor climbs back onto the couch. He can't tell if the pain is coming from his ribs, or from his heart. Cadance shudders a bit at the touch of his hoof, but leans against him, burying her face in his chest.

Sassy Swallow clears her throat. "Mrs. Cadenza, nopony is blaming anypony here, or ganging up on anypony. It is important for both of you to find out and admit the problems you are suffering from, because neither of you can fix your situation alone." She lets her words sink in for a moment. "I understand that it doesn't feel good to admit those things out loud, but right now, it is something that is holding both of you back."

Shining Armor wraps his hooves tighter around Cadance. "Fine. Here goes. I feel like I'm not in control of anything in my life. I live in a big castle with three of the most powerful Princesses in the world and my job is to push papers around. Every mare I meet, from Cady's maids to the Changeling Queen, seems to just want to push me around or abuse me in some way. I can't decide anything for myself any more. Somepony is always telling me what to do, what to wear, what to eat, and when to do it. Sure, it was kinda the same in the Guard, but I was part of a chain of command, not the last link." He takes a deep breath, feeling dizzy from baring his soul, but keeps going. "I can't even meet my friends without sneaking out. I'm lonely. I'm really lonely. And I've felt the most alone when I'm with Cady, because she feels so far away."

"It's all my fault, Shiny," Cadance interrupts him. "I wanted to make sure you had help with adjusting. I thought you would like being pampered for a bit after everything so you wouldn't be stressed so much about the new responsibilities. I... I took a lot of the jobs you were supposed to do away from you and did them myself, or asked somepony else to do them. Canterlot politics are really nasty sometimes and... I know you don't like to hear it but you're just not ready for them yet." She leans back from her stunned husband and tries to look him straight in the eyes. "That's why I was hoping to move to the Crystal Empire as soon as possible. I wanted for you to get a fresh start there without all the baggage from Canterlot." She grabs onto Shining Armor's hoof, her own limbs shaking. "I didn't realise that it made you feel so lonely. I just wanted to keep you safe from the uglier side of being a royal for a while. It just felt so unfair that you marry me and suddenly get stuck with so much responsibility."

"W-wait... you're telling me that everypony was in on this?"

Cadance shakes her head. "Not everypony. Of course not. Only Aunt Celestia and a few of her advisors. And a few other ponies close to me. Maybe ten in total."

Shining Armor's head buzzes slightly and for some reason, all he can think of is: "Even the maids?"

Cadance looks even guiltier than before. "Umm, well, they knew about it, yes, but... that's just pretty much how they've always been."

"Huh... So all this time everypony around me has been doing my job for me?"

"No! Not everypony! You have to understand that a lot goes into suddenly becoming a royal. We'd been working on getting it right with Aunt Celestia for months."

The buzz in Shining Armor's head turns into words he's heard over the weeks since his wedding.

"Sir, all the papers have been filled out already. You just need to sign here, please."

"You don't have to worry about it, sir. It's all been taken care of."

"Nothing of importance, Your Royal Highness."

"Oh, there's no need for you to handle such trivial things yourself."

"Not worth your time."

"All taken care of."

"So... somepony was doing all my work for me."

Cadance squeezes his hoof tighter. "I didn't know it'd make you feel useless! I wanted to ease you into it. I didn't want to tell you because I was afraid you'd be overwhelmed.”

"And all that time I was lashing out at people because I felt so useless. They probably thought I was a spoiled brat."

"Well, uhh, I shouldn't probably tell you, but I did catch some of my aides calling you 'Blueblood The Second'."

Despite himself, Shining Armor chuckles. "Harsh."

"You're not angry?" Cadance asks, her words laid carefully like the hoofsteps of somepony crossing a river that had frozen the night before.

Shining Armor shakes his head, in part to clear his thoughts. "I don't think so. I do kinda feel stupid 'cos I didn't catch onto it. You're always swamped with work so I thought that I'd just been made some trophy husband. Turns out I was."

"That's not what happened! At all! It was supposed to be just for a short while."

"There's actually a lot of work for me to do?"

Cadance leans back with a sigh. "You wouldn't believe. Meetings, reviews, boards, panels, open court, diplomats, guard inspections—"

"Wait a minute! You've been doing guard inspections?"

"Uhh, yes. Usually when you were still eating breakfast."

"So that's where you went. 'Early meetings', my rump. Wonder what the troops thought when they had a cutesy-wutesy pink Princess shouting at them instead of me."

"I... I didn't shout! Somepony else did that for me!"

Shining Armor rubs a hoof against his face. "I'm never gonna hear the end of that one."

"Honey, it's really mostly just paperwork and trying to stay awake when somepony important is talking." Her eyes grow distant as she looks through the wall and into infinity. "And a lot of paperwork. So much paperwork..."

"I want to do it all."

Cadance shakes her head, still somewhere a few hundred miles away. "You have no idea what you're getting yourself into, Honey."

"You're absolutely right! And it's awesome!"

Cadance just leans back on the couch in a very un-Princessly manner, her head thumping against the wall behind it. "You, Sir, are the weirdest pony in the world." She laughs out loud. Not the girlish giggle Shining Armor is used to, but a hearty, honest laugh straight from the belly. "I can just imagine all the diplomatic disputes already. I almost feel sorry for the nobles." She laughs a bit more. "Actually, no I don't."

Shining Armor leans back as well. "I've missed this Cadance."

Cadance's head lolls to the side on the backrest. "You know, Mister, I've missed this Cadance as well. It really feels good to not have to be in control all the time."

A slight cough carries from the other side of the room. Both Shining Armor and Cadance jerk up, looking guilty like two foals caught sleeping in class.

"I am sorry to interrupt your moment, but as you know, we have limited time for our session today," Sassy Swallow says.

Shining Armor glances at the grandfather clock on the wall. There's still roughly fifteen minutes left from their extended session.

Sassy Swallow continues. "I want you, Princess Cadance, to take note of what you just said."

"That I don't like the nobles? I know it must come as a surprise that the upper class of Canterlot can be a bit, well, full of themselves sometimes."

"Quite. Several of them are my patients as well. But that is not what I meant. I was referring to your comment about losing control."

Cadance props herself up even straighter. "Yes. Sorry about that."

"Cady, I think she means that you might be a bit, umm, control-y sometimes." Shining Armor hears the ice crack under his hooves when he opens his mouth.

"Are you calling me some sort of a control freak?" Cadance glares at him.

Shining Armor lowers his head quickly. "Err..."

With another cough, Sassy Swallow cuts in. "There is nothing wrong with being organised and meticulous. You must remember that sometimes being too composed and assertive can obscure our feelings from those close to us."

"I'm not quite sure what you mean, Mrs. Swallow."

Shining Armor grins. "She means you're a control freak, Cady."

"I am, am I?" Cadance huffs, but then seems to actually consider the thought. "Well, it is true that I am very... organized. But isn't that just to be expected from someone in a position of authority?"

"Well if being obsessive about every little detail is the hallmark of authority, then Princess Celestia should probably make Twily a Princess too."

She looks at him with a furrowed brow. "I am not as, well, Twilight as she is."

"Okay, I'll give you that. And yeah, I guess it's something you have to be with your work." He shrugs, not sure how to continue. "But you keep doing it when we're alone too. You always want to decide everything down to the tiniest thing."

Cadance sits in silence, looking at her lap. A variety of expressions flitter on her face, but none stay for long. Finally it settles into a ponderous frown. "You know what? I think you're right. Especially after the wedding I really feel that I haven't been able to relax almost at all and it has probably made me, uh, bossy."

"So to summarise: Princess Cadenza feels she has to stay in control with everything and Mr. Armor feels he isn't in control of anything," Sassy Swallow says. After she gets a nod of confirmation from the two, she continues. "Then maybe I could make a suggestion? Several couples try reversing their usual roles in a relationship while they are alone. There are various games and activities for doing so."

Shining Armor feels his jaw fall open from astonishment. Did she just actually say that? Did she just suggest we try some... kinky stuff? He feels his throat dry up, but another part of him approves of the thought. He covers his crotch with his hooves as nonchalantly as possible, as images of Cadance clad in skin-tight black and hog-tied on a bed flashes in his mind. Cady, please say yes, please say yes, please say—

"I..." Cadance starts. She shakes her head, then talks directly to Sassy Swallow. "I'm not sure if I'm alright with something like that. Isn't it kind of, well, perverse?"

"It would allow for you to let go of the control required by your work and also give Mr. Armor a feeling of empowerment. Such activities would also allow you to deepen the trust between the two of you and possibly give you a new perspective about each other."

"I really don't know..." She carefully turns to look at Shining Armor. "What do you think, Shiny?"

He tries to shrug while covering his half-hardened member, not wanting to show the extent of his approval and frighten Cadance. "I'd, uh, be okay with it, I guess." Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes!

"And you really think it'd help?" Cadance asks Sassy Swallow.

"It has helped several couples I have counseled in the past. There's also some research into the subject. One of them cites it as a way of finding a better balance in a relationship."

Cadance nods, but them shakes her head instead. "We wouldn't even know where to start. Are there books or something?"

"I am not too knowledgeable in the practical side of the subject, unfortunately. My recommendation would be for you two to go talk to ponies who know far more about it than I do."

"You're referring us to another therapist?" Cadance asks.

"No, Mrs. Cadenza. I want you to go to a sex shop."

"W-what?" both Cadance and Shining Armor ask in unison.

"They are every bit as confidential as I am, and they have years of experience in these topics."

"B-but... but..." Cadance mutters.

"I would recommend Honey & Coppers. They run a reputable establishment with a long history." She takes off her glasses. "I think you're even familiar with the place, Mrs. Cadenza." Sassy Swallow puts the notes she has onto her table and gets up from her chair. "I'm sorry if this feels rushed, but we are out of time for today."

With a glance Shining Armor confirms that they are indeed several minutes over their allotted time. "So, uhh, what's next? We had this group session, but what happens now?"

"That is up to you. Our original plan was for this to be our final meeting, but seeing as how we've touched on several topics that I believe require further therapy, I would recommend continuing with it."

Shining Armor nods in agreement. "Sure, when's the next time?"

Sassy Swallow stops for a moment, before speaking. "I'm sorry, but you misunderstand. I will not be continuing as your therapist, Mr. Armor. Even if I could fit you into my schedule for a longer running therapy, there is the fact that you and your wife are moving to the Crystal Empire in the near future, which would make regular visits difficult to arrange and time-consuming."

"Oh..."

"I recommend you to continue with therapy. It seems to have a very positive effect on you both. I have heard that several of my colleagues are moving to the Crystal Empire. There is a lot of work to be done there with helping the Crystal Ponies adjust. I could recommend a few who would be suited to continue with you."

"Oh..."

"I will send you more information in a few days, if it's alright with you?"

"That would be lovely," Cadance says. "Come on, Honey, we don't want to keep the other patients waiting."

"Oh..."

"I wish all the best for you two," Sassy Swallow says. "Good day."

"Thank you, Mrs. Swallow. Good day," Cadance says.

A door opens and closes, followed by another. Cold air hits Shining Armor in the face, waking him up from his mental torpor. A carriage stands in front of him, the driver opening the door for Cadance and him.

"Please take the scenic route," Cadance says to the driver. She steps inside, and motions for Shining Armor to follow her.

When they get inside, the carriage starts forward, rocking gently from side to side on the worn cobblestones of Canterlot. Shining Armor looks outside through the window, not really seeing anything that goes past them. There are probably buildings and ponies.

"Shiny, what's wrong?" Cadance asks.

He doesn't turn away from the window. "Honestly? I feel kinda bad. And confused."

There is a clear hint of disapproval in Cadance's voice. "You got that confused bit right. I can't believe that mare."

"I'm not sure if it's even about her. I mean, sure, that was weird alright, but I think... Actually that's the real problem here. Thinking. I must have broken something in my thinking... thing."

"Your brain?" Cadance says with a slight giggle.

"Yeah, that," Shining Armor says. "I think I've been thinking too much today and even thinking about thinking is making my head hurt." He massages his temples for emphasis.

Cadance moves from the seat opposite him to his side and pulls him closer. He leans on her shoulder. "It's going to be alright, Shiny," she says while stroking his mane. "At least we don't have to meet that horrible mare again."

"You still think she's horrible?"

Cadance ponders this for a moment. "Actually, no, not really. Not as bad as I thought she was. She just feels so, well, weird."

"Guess that's her job. Weird ponies out so they fix their own problems or something." He chuckles, joined by Cadance. The heavy feeling in his chest seems to ebb away slowly. "I'm not sure if I could take up therapy again. Going through all this stuff again with somepony else, it just feels like a huge step back."

"Would you really like to continue with her?"

"Yeah. I think I would." Shining Armor looks out the window again, just in time to glimpse a tree with leaves coloured red by autumn. "I know you didn't really get along with her but you gotta admit she was a big help."

"I wouldn't say that I didn't get along with her. She was very professional, but..."

"But?"

Cadance leans onto his shoulder. "I don't know. I couldn't connect with her. It felt like talking to a statue most of the time."

"That's the type of therapy she offered."

"I guess so. Maybe if it was some other type of therapy it might work better for me. I want to talk with somepony, not just at somepony."

Shining Armor nods. "It worked for me."

Cadance nuzzles him some more. "Well then it was worth it."

"Cady, I love you."

"I love you too."

The sit in silence, the carriage rumbling around them, the old wood quietly creaking from years of use. A small pothole wakes them up from their reverie. Shining Armor plants a kiss on her lips, which she returns enthusiasticly. The carriage slows to a halt at a crossroad.

Shining Armor still feels a bit overwhelmed about the day's events. He tries to find something to talk about to take his mind off of them. "Any news about the move?"

Cadance shakes her head, her mane gently brushing against his cheek. "Not yet, no. It's likely going to be before Hearth's Warming."

"Wonder if they're gonna put on a pageant like they do here?"

"I don't think they celebrate it the way we do. They weren't included in the first Alliance of the Three Nations after all and didn't swear fealty to the Royal Pony Sisters before Sombra got into power and they vanished."

"Thank you, Professor."

Cadance snorts in a very un-princessly manner. "I can't help it. I've been trying to learn all about the country I'm supposed to be ruling and all I have are books that are from a thousand years ago." She leans back on her seat, looking up without really seeing anything. "Amethyst Maresbury, the Crystal Librarian, has been a big help with them. And Twilight's been helping me with restoring the books so I don't rip them apart when trying to read them. She even taught me a scribing spell that enchants a quill to copy a book into a new one."

"Sounds exactly like... Twilight." Memories of their last meeting fill his mind, with short flashes of her flanks disappearing into the crowd of ponies climbing on the train and him inside the toilet. A chill of revulsion runs through his spine.

"Are you cold?" Cadance asks, inching even closer to him if possible, wrapping a wing around him.

"Not any more," he says. It's not lying becase I'm not cold. Shut up, conscience!

"...next week," Cadance finishes her sentence.

"Huh?"

"I said: I wrote to Twilight and she'll come visit us next week."

The cart lurches into a chasm. Either that, or Shining Armor's world just lost its bottom, sending him into a freefall of horror.

"Oh dear. You really are cold. You're practically shivering! Maybe you're going down with something?"

"Y-yeah," he says through chattering teeth. "Maybe."

Ohcrapohcrapohcrapohcrapohcrap the hay am I going to do? Make an excuse not to see her? Pretend I'm sick? Yeah, that would work. Or maybe get a military command somewhere far away? Can I actually command myself somewhere?

Cadance fidgets with her hooves. "And, umm, I was thinking... Maybe when she comes over we could ask her a bit about the sex toys."

Shining Armor turns to her, grabs her hooves and looks her directly in the eyes. "Cady, I would do anything for you, you know that. Climb the highest mountain, sail the seas, eat alfalfa, whatever you'd ask, but I will not ask my baby sister for sex advice!"

"Shhhh!" Cadance slams both of her hooves onto Shining Armor's mouth. "The driver will hear us!"

"Omch, Cmdy!"

Cadance quickly releases her grip around Shining Armor's muzzle. "Ooops! Sorry! Are you alright?!"

"'m fine," he says. To his positive surprise, he doesn't taste copper in his mouth. "But there's still no way, no how, now or ever, that I'll ask Twily for anything like that. I already know waaay to much about her bedroom life as is." Although those neighsa orbs might make Cady a lot tight—Not now, brain! Shut up.

"You can be such a foal sometimes. Twilight Sparkle is an adult whether you like it or not, and she knows more about these things than I do. For Aunt's sake, she taught me everything I know."

Shining Armor shakes his head. "Why couldn't we just go and check out the sex shop instead? You've been there before. Was it that bad?"

"No. It was worse. They were all polite, but they kept showing me weird things, asking me strange questions and everything."

"Isn't that what they're supposed to do?"

Cadance looks away sullenly, her voice just a mutter under her breath. "They don't have to be so open about it."

"Maybe they, I dunno, do it for a living? They're probably used to it. And now I really want to see these things they have." He pauses to gather courage to continue. "It's what Sassy Swallow recommended too. I have no idea what these submission things are..." Yes I do! "...so wouldn't this be a good place to start?

Cadance turns to him, a pleading look and puckered lips on her face. "Couldn't we find a book about it?"

Without answering, Shining Armor opens up the door of the carriage. "Driver! We have a change of destination—" He gets yanked back inside forcefully.

"What are you doing!? We can't go there with a royal carriage!" Cadance hisses.

"We'll park somewhere close and walk if we really have to. But it's really cold."

Cadance slumps against her seat with no further objections.

"Driver! Please take us to, errr, Honey & Copper's store. It's on—"

"Very good, sir."

"Thanks."

Shining Armor sits back down and takes Cadance's hoof into his.

I'm going to a sex shop! With Cady! What could go wrong?

Author's Note

This chapter is dedicated to Valikdu, a reader that held my corner without me asking for it or expecting it in the face of overwhelming odds. Stuff like that doesn't happen in the world we live in, so this chapter is for you. =)

Size Matters

Therein stands the end of their journey. The Holy City for the weary pilgrims, the oasis for the parched. Never before were such words of beauty written on a glittery pink canvas with golden letters as "Honey & Copper's store of erotica and paraphernalia for discerning adults."

Never mind the broken axle on Cadance and Shining Armor's cart, that forced them to walk the last few blocks to their destination. Never mind it happened right in front of a kindergarten, from which poured forth a torrent of foals eager to greet the royal couple. Nevermind Cadance lost one of her shoes while she played with the foals and the duo subsequently ended up looking for it after the foals went to play inside. Never mind the pouts of the foals' faces as they would have wanted to play more, but the teacher was adamant that it was no weather to be outside, what with the driving sleet storm and all. Never mind Shining Armor slipped on his face on the sleet-covered ice and hurting, in rapid succession, his chin, his already aching side, and as an afterthought, his pride.

Never mind all of that. They were here! They might be soggy and freezing, with manes clinging limply to their faces, with Cadance carrying her thrown shoe in her teeth, and Shining Armor nursing his battered jaw. Despite all of it, the undisputed fact was that they were here, and that they were simultaneously sat at the furthest possible point in the multiverse from the realm of 'romantic and happy'.

Cadance brushes some of her limp mane from her eyes, but it immediately falls back down. She drops the shoe from her mouth with a dull clank. "Why don't we just go home?"

Shining Armor works his jaw a few times to see if it still works. "Want to walk through that weather until we find a taxi?"

"Nnngh."

He pulls the door open. "Come on, at least it'll be warm inside."

Cadance takes one look over his shoulder at the grey streets of the early winter Canterlot and steps in without another word.

Passing a threshold is know to be a magical occurrence. The ancient people of Romane even had a guardian spirit for such moments in life. Despite his unfortunate name, he was a celebrated being, described as looking both forward and back at the same time, always stood on the moment of change. He symbolised the end of the old, yet the beginning of something new. One step can change a pony forever. Thus it was for Shining Armor as well: The one step he takes whisks him off to another dimension, from the dreary grey and stone into the realm of pink and fluffy. The tiny jingle of a bell finalises his transition, and the portal behind him closes.

A blur of cream and white was about Cadance and him immediately. "Omigosh, are you okay? Wait, I know you two! You're dripping wet! Omigosh! I didn't mean it like that! Are you hurt? I'll go get you a towel or something." As quickly as it set upon them, the blur disappears through a door behind a counter. "Cherry! It's a royal emergency!"

Shining Armor blinks. Slowly, the room stops spinning around him. "What... just... happened?"

Cadance shakes her head in confusion as well. "It seems we have met one of their employees. Or a very strange weather phenomenon."

The door swings open again, but this time a dark pink mare with a curly white mane peeks through. "Oh, umm, hi?" The rest of the mare follows as she trots up to the royal couple. Somehow she looks very familiar to Shining Armor, but he can't quite place from where. She bows down in front of them. "Are... are you two alright? I mean, Your Royal Highnesses, that is."

Cadance leans forward and helps the mare up, giving her an encouraging smile. "No need for alarm. We were just caught in the weather."

The mare looks at both of them, her eyes slightly wide, before realisation lights in them. "You came in from the storm? So that's it."

Cadance has an acute coughing fit and looks away.

Shining Armor takes the reins, knowing exactly how Cadance must feel. "Actually, we're, umm, customers."

"Oh," the mare says. "Oh! I just, sorry, I thought that... Hold on a second." She circles behind them and drops a tiny latch on the front door, then flips the sign hanging from it to 'Closed'. "Well then, uhh, welcome to Honey and Cop—"

Before she can finish, the blur is back. Shining Armor has barely enough time to make out the features of a young mare before a towel lands on his face.

"Omigosh! I'm sorry!"

"Cream, calm down!"

"Sorry!"

Shining Armor lifts the towel from his face to see the two young mares stood next to each other. The family resemblance between the two is clear now that they are side by side, and one of them isn't bouncing around. In the corner of his eye he sees Cadance drying off her mane and follows suit. He takes a moment to check out his surroundings. The shop is far larger on the inside than what it looked from the outside. Several aisles of shelves lead off to the side, and opposite them is the counter, along with a small table. Everything is covered in different shades of red and pink, almost camouflaging Cadance. A poster with two sweaty ponies on it on the wall touts 'Make Love, Not Fat! Sex + Exercise = Sexercise'.

"So, wanna—" Cream asks, before a glare from Cherry silences her.

"Would you maybe like to sit down for a moment and maybe have a cup of tea, Your Royal Highnesses?"

To Shining Armor's relief, Cadance nods. "That would be wonderful."

"On it!" Cream says, and dashes to the back room again.

"Right this way, Your Royal Highnesses" Cherry says, motioning for the small table. She does her best take on a courteous bow.

"No need for formalities. Call me Cadance, and this is my husband, Shining Armor."

Shining Armor pulls a chair for Cadance, then sits down as well. Cadance rewards him with short, damp nuzzle. They are interrupted by a loud crash and the sound of what seems to be a saucer rolling on the floor.

"Sorry! My bad!" Cream shouts.

Cherry, now seated opposite the royal couple, places a forehoof on her forehead for a moment. "Please, forgive my sister. She can be a bit enthusiastic sometimes."

"No harm done," Cadance says. "I must admit, I was expecting to meet with Miss Copper."

"Sorry. She and Honey Pot left for a big convention in Las Pegasus. They'll be gone for the rest of the week. Me and my sister are filling in for them." She pauses for a moment to look at Cadance, whose expression has gone slightly sour. "Don't get me wrong. We've worked here for a long time. Just usually in the back."

"I don't think it's about that," Shining Armor says. The expression on Cadance's face was clearly of embarrassment, nothing more.

Cadance perks up and pulls the best royal smile she can. "No, of course not. I've just met with Miss Copper before and she was very lovely."

Cherry let's out a barely audible sigh of relief. "I know what you mean. She's really sweet."

"So what's this about a convention?" Shining Armor asks.

Cherry looks to her hooves. "It's, well, I'm not sure if I should be talking about it. It's a bit weird if you ask me."

"I think we can handle it," Cadance says. Shining Armor isn't as convinced.

"Well, it's the Las Pegasus Homocon," Cherry says. "Those ponies creep me out."

The scowl on Cadance's face is something Shining Armor has gotten used to seeing all too often lately. "I don't think there is anything wrong with being attracted to a pony of the same gender," she says.

"What?" Cherry looks at them stupefied. "Oh, nonono, I have no problem with gays. I actually had a girlfriend a while back. But they call themselves 'homoamorous'. It's different."

"What do you mean?" Cadance asks, her expression somewhere between a scowl and perplexion.

Cherry once again fidgets with her hooves. "It's, well, humans."

Shining Armor and Cadance look at each other, this time in utter confusion. "Humans?" Shining Armor asks.

"Yeah. It's a thing."

Cadance shrugs, while Shining Armor shakes his head. The awkward moment is cut short as Cream returns, balancing a tray of cups, a steaming pot, and a tray of biscuits on her head. Now that she's moving at a more normal pace, Shining Armor's eyes are glued to her very shapely flanks. It's clear she does a lot of exercise, but thinking about what kind makes him suddenly feel a lot warmer.

"Here we go!" Cream says. After serving everyone tea, only spilling a bit, she plops down on the last free chair.

Shining Armor ends up with teacup that has a faded skull-and-crossbones motif on it with the word 'POISON' underneath it. A small chip is missing from the rim of the cup. The tea itself is still so hot it burns his tongue. It's a brand of cheap bag tea, stuff they sell by the dozens everywhere. Nothing like the rare blends from the other side of the world they serve at the castle. There's no Andalusian almond flowers, manuka, or even chamomile. It tastes bitter no matter how much sugar one might put into it. The biscuits are dry and stale, lacking any taste, immediately getting stuck to the top of his mouth. It's the kind of combination that puts hair on your chest. He loves it.

Cherry puts her cup down. "So let me start over. Welcome to Honey & Copper's. My name is is Cherry Pie and this is my sister Cream."

"Hi!" Cream Pie says.

Shining Armor's tries to drink his tea through his lungs. Luckily for him, Cadance doesn't catch on.

"Are you maybe related to to Pinkie Pie? She helped me plan our wedding."

"The Element of Laughter?" Cream Pie asks. "Wow, I wish! But no, there's a lot of Pies around Equestria and most of us aren't related. It's a kinda common name for bakers anyway.

"So you are... bakers?" Cadance asks politely.

"Our parents were," Cherry Pie says. "When I'm not working here I do..." she takes a glance at Cadance and her bright, smiling face. "...modeling. And my sister is, well, a dancer."

Shining Armor looks at Cherry Pie and his mind connects the dots. I knew I recognized her from somewhere. I'm having tea with Miss February.

"Those are both wonderful careers," Cadance says. She takes another calm sip of her tea. "Have I maybe seen you in a pageant, Miss Cream Pie? Which group are you with?"

Cream Pie looks at her with a raised brow and is about to speak, but Cherry Pie intervenes before the looming iceberg crashes into H.M.S. Cadance. "She's more of a solo act really. Modern dancing."

"Yeah! I'm really good on the pole!" Cream Pie says.

Cadance looks confused. "Pole?"

"Very modern," Cherry Pie says. "Are you feeling warmer? Would you like another cup?"

"No, thank you," Cadance says. She runs her towel one more time through her moist mane. "I feel like I could take on the world again."

"Great," Cherry Pie says. "So what brings you here?"

Suddenly it seems that The World is ready to take on Cadance. "Well, we, uhm, that is..." she stammers, before giving Shining Armor a pleading look.

Shining Armor tries to steel himself. "We were kinda told to come here by our, well, somepony." He glances at Cadance, who is nodding for him to continue. "You see, umm, we've been... well, ever since our... I, uhh..." His heart pounds in his chest and his mouth runs dry.

"Oh, come on," Cream Pie says. "You can tell us. We won't laugh."

Cherry Pie nods. "We hear a lot of very exotic things here, and whatever it might be, nothing leaves these four walls."

"Yup!" Cream Pie puts her forehoof onto her heart. "Filly Scout's honour!"

Despite it already being occupied, the mental image of those shapely flanks barely covered by a Filly Scout skirt is hard to push away for Shining Armor. He shakes his head a bit to clear his mind. One more look at Cadance tells him he's all on his own. "Fine. We were sent here by our therapist, Sassy Swallow. She says we need to do some trust-building stuff. In the bedroom. And, uhh, reverse our roles."

"You'd want her to boss you around?" Cream Pie asks.

Cadance makes sure to examine her teacup very intently. "The other way around," she mutters.

Cream Pie doesn't hesitate for a moment. "Can do! What did you have in mind?"

"That's why we're here," Shining Armor says. "We have no idea where to even start."

Cherry Pie gets up from her seat. "Why don't we go see what we have to offer and look for ideas together?"

"That sounds like a good idea," Cadance says.

Shining Armor nods in agreement.

"Why don't we split up for a while?" Cherry Pie asks. "If Princess Cadance comes with me and Prince Shining Armor goes with Cream we'll see what we can find and then get together to think what would work?"

"We aren't going together?" Cadance asks.

Cherry shakes her head. "We could do that, but most ponies prefer to talk one on one, even if they're a couple."

"I... see. Well, you're the professionals here," Cadance says.

"Goodie! Let's go, pops!" Cream Pie nudges Shining Armor in the side with an elbow and starts trotting for the back of the store.

"Cream! Royalty!" Cherry Pie hisses, but she seems to try and hide a grin behind a hoof at the same time.

"Yeah, yeah," Cream Pie says, not even looking back.

Shining Armor nods to Cadance and turns to follow the little fuzzball of energy. His eyes are immediately glued to Cream Pie's swaying backside. She holds her blue tail high, barely covering her naughty bits. Her buttocks look so well-toned that she could probably crack walnuts between them with a squeeze. Cream Pie turns a corner into one of the winding corridors, but Shining Armor barely notices. Little Shiny is already waking up from his hibernation and is groggily starting to look for meat.

Cream points at the inventory. "This is our Stallion's Department. See anything you like?"

"Very much," Shining Armor says, only then realising he is still staring at her rump. He turns to look away hurriedly. "Sorry."

Cream Pie walks right up to him. She has to stand on the tips of her hooves to reach his ear to whisper "It's okay. I'm used to ponies scoping out my butt." She leans back a bit, but the smell of her light perfume lingers in Shining Armor's muzzle. "Tell you what, come visit me some day and I'll give you a special private show with a lot more to see."

"I'm... I'm married," Shining Armor says. Little Shiny reminds him that it never said 'I do' and would be very interested in the offer.

"Tehee... so are most of my customers. Looking never hurt anypony." She turns around, gently stroking Shining Armor's face with her tail. "I won't tell," she adds with another giggle.

"I, uhhm, could you please... not..." Shining Armor stammers, feeling himself growing to full length.

Cream Pie giggles again at Shining Armor's discomfort. "Sorry, just teasing you, pops." Something catches her eye and she crouches down. Her eyes grow wide. "Wow! You're already hard? And we haven't checked any of the toys yet! Must be a new record for me."

Shining Armor crouches down as well to try and cover his erection, even though he knows it's too late. He feels his face burn from embarrassment. "Please don't look. Please."

Cream Pie's mouth falls open for a moment. She walks next to Shining Armor making sure to look away from his throbbing rod. "Hey, umm, sorry. I didn't mean... Damn. Cherry's gonna tan my hide for this. Okay, seriously, listen. It's okay. Almost every stallion that comes here pops a boner at one point or another. It's totally cool. That's kinda what we're here for." She hesitates for a moment before gently patting him on the shoulder.

Shining Armor feels a burning behind his eyes, but he shakes his head. Another pony now thinks he's a pervert, or an idiot, or probably both"This is so wrong. Everything's just so wrong."

"Pops, deep breaths, okay?" Cherry Pie springs up and takes a peek behind the shelves to see if they've been noticed, before returning to his side. "Seriously, most stallions that come here actually want me to tease them a bit, and to be honest, they usually buy more stuff that way."

Shining Armor looks at the cream-coloured angel hovering over him with her clearly startled face. She looks perfectly earnest, having lost her coy and playful demeanor from earlier. She's more of a little frightened filly than someone working in a sex shop. He lowers his haunches on the ground and sits up, feeling Little Shiny take a comfortable loft along the floor. It gives a little twitch, reporting for duty despite the cold stonework. The burning behind Shining Armor's eyes is easing off a bit at least. He tries to regain some more composure by putting on a confident grin. "So you're not going to call the guards or anything?"

"Oh, come on. I told you it's totally okay. If I did that every time somepony sticks up in here or at the club, they'd run out of cells in a day."

"We—They have a lot of cells."

"Yeah, seen 'em," Cream Pie says confidently. "In a day, easy."

Shining Armor is left with a furrowed brow. Cream Pie apparently mistakes his expression for apprehension. "I wasn't arrested! They just wanted me to put on a private show for a guardspony who was getting married."

"They did, did they?" Shining Armor asks. Nopony invited me.

Cream Pie sits next to him. "You feeling better?"

"Yeah," Shining Armor says. "Getting there."

"I still feel like I really messed up. Boss always tells me that we're supposed to make the customers feel at ease and stuff." Cream Pie says.

"I think..." Shining Armor starts. "I think I'm the messed up one here."

"This your first time at a sex shop then?" Cream Pie asks.

Shining Armor shakes his head. "Not really. This place is just, well, different. Those places were really dark and there was a gruff old pony sitting behind a counter and he never talked. It was mostly just magazines and some toys." He looks around him. "Lot less pink too."

"I know, right? The boss wanted to make this place totally open about sex and stuff, like there would be no taboos here. Well, except if they're illegal. And Mistress Copper? She's got a 'dungeon' downstairs. That's where she has the really weird things."

Shining Armor is almost able to subdue his curiosity. Almost. "How weird are we talking here?"

"Err... it's the really hardcore stuff. Chains, ropes, whips, a lot of black, well, everything in black really."

"I think I get the picture."

"She got one of the new Great Catherine suspension rigs installed last week."

Shining Armor works his mouth without words for a moment. "Let's not go there, okay?"

"No worries. She'd put me in one of those contraptions if she found out I'd let somepony there behind her back." Despite her grin, Shining Armor isn't quite sure if she's joking or not. "So bottom line is: We get all kinds here. You can be your own, dirty, smutty self here and we're gonna help you have a good time with it."

Shining Armor clears his throat a bit. "Even if I wasn't very, err, smutty?"

"Oh, come on. Everypony's got kinks, and I do mean everypony. Some just don't even realise they have them." She pats him on the shoulder one more time and gets up. "So you said something about role-playing and DS stuff?"

"DS?" Shining Armor asks.

"Domination and submission? Like role reversal, making one of you be the boss and the other one submit to them."

The familiar warmth returns to Shining Armor's face. Little Shiny shows his CV and job application for the 'boss' thing. "Yeah, something like that."

"Easy peasy. That's one of the more common BDSM things ponies look for."

"Err..."

"Sorry. That's for B for Bondage, DS for Domination and Submission, SM for Sado-Masochism—BDSM! Just so used to talking about them with letters."

"Are these gonna be on a test?" Shining Armor asks. Wait, I'm into something weird that even has an acronym? Am I even into it?

"It's just a big catch-all name for a lot of stuff. Goes all the way from fluffy hoofcuffs and tight pleather saddles to, well, the dungeon downstairs."

Or thinking of spanking Cady and her maids probably. I'm such a sick f—

"So you wanted her to sub to you, right?" Cream Pie asks.

"Y-yes?" Shining Armor.

"Ever done stuff like that with her?"

Just thinking about 'stuff like that' makes Little Shiny twitch emphatically. "Not really."

"Well, come on then. We're close by to where we wanna go to," Cream Pie says.

As she turns around, her swishing tail catches Shining Armor on the muzzle again. With every step, her rump sways invitingly. Just asking for me to push her supple young body to the floor, face down and that oh-so-tasty ass up. She'd squeal a bit as I thrust into her tight little pie, but it'd turn into loud moans of... "Not gonna happen!" Shining Armor berates himself.

Cream Pie spins around again. "Huh? I thought you wanted to—"

"I do! I mean, uhh, let's go. Just... thinking out loud. Or not thinking out loud. I..." Shining Armor lowers his head down again, then shakes it vigorously. "Sorry. Let's go."

Cream Pie lifts one of her eyebrows up, then shrugs. "Okies!" Around the corner the shelves are filled with toys that range from things he'd expect to see in a pet shop to frilly dresses. "So do you have any ideas on what you're looking for? Any fantasies you want to play out?"

Shining Armor looks around the furry toys, halters, bits and bridles, and is lost like a kid in a candy store. "I... dunno really. Now that I think about it, I really have no ideas."

"Help me out a bit here, pops. Why do you wanna do domplay with her?"

"That is, I..." Shining Armor begins, before stuttering to a stop again. He looks at the cherubic young mare's face, who is brimming with nothing but acceptance and helpfulness. He gives up. "Well you see, we've been seeing our therapist a few times because I've really been suffering in the bed with her. No matter what we try, I can't get it up with her. The therapist says it's like I'm afraid of Cady and, well, she is scary, somehow. She's big and strong. She's probably the smartest and strong-willed mare I've ever met. Don't get me wrong, she's totally awesome and I love her, but when it gets down to it, you know, in bed, it just doesn't work."

Cream Pie listens intently, cocking her head to the side while thinking. "You've thought about this a lot, haven't you? She is pretty big, that's for sure. I kinda think I know where you're getting with this. I think we need to give you a little boost. Tell me, do you think smaller mares are sexier?"

Shining Armor stares at her with a limp jaw. Like this fuzzball here? Sure, I can get it up easy with any normal mare. Heck, even thinking about this filly here. They'd all probably be so mm-mm tight... "A bit maybe. But I'm with Cady and I totally know she's the mare of my life." That didn't sound rehearsed at all!

Cherry Pie waves a hoof at her. "Of course she is. I didn't mean that. But think about it: Would you like it if she was somehow smaller? Or felt like it? You'd be the big, hunky stallion and she'd be your obedient, helpless little filly?"

I guess there really is no denying it. Both Shining Armor and Little Shiny nod.

"Well that's pretty much what domplay is. Now we just gotta figure out ways to do it. For example..." She picks up a black collar with a leash on it from the shelf. "How about putting her in a leash? You could take her out for a walk outside? Make her beg for treats like a good little doggy?"

The mental image of Cadance running around the castle gardens, pulling Shining Armor along on his face doesn't really do it for him. He shakes his head.

Cream Pie pulls out a rack of frilly costumes from somewhere to the side. "Well how about some nice costumes? You could dress her up as a maid and make her clean up after her Master?"

He shakes his head. "Let's not mix maids into this one at all."

"Well then how about..." she pulls out a short pleated skirt and a sailor shirt. "A schoolfilly uniform? We also carry a Headmaster costume for stallions to go with it."

Principal Shining Armor. "Mmm... not bad," Shining Armor has to admit.

"Lessee..." Another short skirt, this time with a sportier top and two pom-poms "Cheerleader?"

Some very warm memories of bouncy young mares from high school return to Shining Armor. "Y-yes."

An assault of glitter and lace. "Ballerina?"

"Err... maybe not."

Cream Pie tosses the frilly dress over her shoulder. "Didn't think so. That'd be too much pink on pink." she pulls out the dark green uniform from the rack. "Filly Scout?"

A tiny spark escapes from Shining Armor's horn. He feels his face just caught fire.

"I think we got a winner!" Cream Pie says triumphantly. "One of my personal favourites too."

Shining Armor grins like an idiot, but then he squints at the costume. "Aren't these kinda small? None of these would fit Cady."

Cherry Pie giggles. "Don't you worry about that. We carry larger sizes too."

"Wait..." Shining Armor says. "Are you telling me you have Alicorn-sized role costumes?" The thought of Princess Luna as a cheerleader jumping around, waving pom-poms the size of small houses, shouting "CANTERLOT WONDERCOLTS! WHOO!" in her booming voice almost deafens his brains.

"All these costumes come in stallion-size as well."

"Oh, well that'd..." A tiny short-circuit blacks out a part of Shining Armor's mind. "Stallion size?"

"Unlike most of our couples, you could even swap clothes sometimes." She leans in closer, pushing the scout uniform against his chest. "You'd probably look cute in a skirt too."

A coughing fit overtakes Shining Armor. Just the thought of any of his guardsponies ever finding out about even the possibility... "M-maybe not."

"You never know, you know!" Cream Pie says. "So that's one thing we can go for. Speaking of size by the way, how is she?"

"How is she what?"

"You know, down there? Is she a good fit?"

Shining Armor gawks at her. "I'm not sure if I should answer that."

Cream Pie waves her forehooves defensively. "Totally asking professionally! Some couples have, you know, interface problems. Toothpick in a barn kinda deal. Or the other way around. And we have a lot of toys and stuff that can help."

For a moment, Shining Armor wonders if he should be angry, but instead its his curiosity that wins out. "Well, she is a big mare and, you know, big."

"Know if she's tried anything for it? Or you?"

"Me? What could I do for it?"

Cream Pie once again goes to another aisle in the seemingly endless vault of wonders and picks up a large red tube with a picture of a huge stallion on the front. Huge, as in, could probably cut fell with his member. The tube itself is transparent and there's a length of rubber tube with a pump on the end. "You could try a Scandineighian enlargement pump." She picks up what looks like a very thick condom. "Or wear a sheathe." She motions for the rest of the shelf which seems to be brimming with other such implements.

"I never thought there'd be stuff like that. I just thought it was up to the, uhh, mare. Like with some balls."

"Oh, you've heard of neighsa orbs? They're great. Takes time to train with them, but it works. They've gotten really popular since a doctor recommended them in a newspaper." She leans closer to Shining Armor's ear and whispers. "We sent him a fruit basket as thanks."

"Oh...kay?" Shining Armor manages.

"Yup. So that's one thing you could try. Need to talk to her as well, but I think Cherry's got that covered. How about some softcore bondage?" She puts the pump and the sheath back on the shelf and whirls around to yet another aisle to pick up a pair of hoofcuffs, covered in pink fur. "These are a classic."

"That could work..." Shining Armor says. A thought of Cadance with hoofcuffs... then her muscles bulging as she rips them apart and shouts "CADANCE SMASH" doesn't agree. "On second thought, maybe not."

"Well how about sensory play? Some silk scarves to blindfold her? Gagging her with them? You could also try tying her hooves to bedposts? There's a lot you can do with scarves and some imagination."

"Yeah, umm, sounds good."

"Insertions? Plugs? Nothing makes a pony feel small like having a rubber dong shoved up their..." She sees his horrified expression. "Guess that's a no then." Without losing a beat, she turns to another shelf that would fit more in a sports equipment store. "How about giving her a few smacks on the butt? Maybe with a nice supple riding crop? A paddle? That one would go well with the school uniform. Nothing puts a filly in their place like a sore rump. At least that's what my CF always says. The jerk." She pushes her tongue out.

Shining Armor shivers at the thought. Hay yeah! "That'd be, I dunno, fun, I guess. But it'd never work. I can't imagine Cady ever going for something like that."

"Isn't that kinda the point? She wouldn't get to choose? You'd be in control."

"Look, I get it, don't get me wrong. I'd really like to do something like that with her, but she's been through a lot lately. I really don't want to hurt her." He takes one of the paddles from the shelf and gives it a swish through the air. Looks like it'd hurt plenty. He grins wickedly. "Just the thought of her trying to run a diplomatic meeting while she couldn't sit straight is priceless, but no. It'd never happen." He puts the paddle back on the shelf with a short, longing gaze.

"You never know what ponies are into before you try, you know? But yeah, I get you. No pain. Maybe one day."

"Yeah, one day, but not today."

The flurry of cream and blue continues along the shelves, showing Shining Armor things he never even imagined could be used for anything but, well, innocent things. The eggwhisk and the oyster shells really take him by surprise. On the other hoof, the rest of the things he can't imagine anything innocent done with them. There's a difference between explaining a wide, wood-backed mane-brush and a 16-inch wooden paddle, after all. Not that he'd thought of picking up a nice manebrush, you know, just in case he needs to help Cady with her mane. And tail. Especially the tail.

They run into Cadance and Cherry Pie a few times, crossing paths in the most awkward of moments. Both he and Cadance look away every time. A lot of nervous umming and ahhing are accompanied by nervous coughs and sudden interest in floor tiles.

After the better part of an hour, they return back to the table where they started from. "Sorry, gotta leave you here for a sec," Cream Pie says. "Little fillies room. Seems your honeybuns is taking her time, so we can go look for her when I get back."

"S-sure," Shining Armor says. His eyes are still slightly wide and bit blurry from having such wide swathes of his innocence been shorn away. He sits down at the table, mulling over all the things he might get to do with Cadance, possibly even that very night. Or not. She would still have to agree to the things and he has no idea what she and Cherry Pie had thought of on their excursion to the Land of Pink. He tries to remind himself how prudish Cadance had been acting about the whole thing. She did get a dildo from here, so there might be hope. Wonder if she's actually into a lot of these things and is too afraid to tell me? Like how I was?

A terrible curiosity creeps upon him. The fuzzball is somewhere in the back, so there would be nopony around to notice if he crept up to Cadance and maybe overheard something over a shelf. By accident of course. With a quick glance to check that he is still alone, he dashes to the nearest pink pillar and leans his back onto it, standing on his hind legs only. Like a white shadow in a pastel jungle, he slides along his cover like a ninja commando, unseen by all. Despite its humongous size, no shop is large enough to hide an Alicorn for too long. He nearly stumbles into the two mares chatting near one of the very shelves where he and Cream Pie started off from. They don't notice him as he once more leans against the shelf, training his ears at them. For some reason, he can't make out what they are saying, even though they are only a few metres from him.

"No use in trying to spy on them, pops!"

Shining Armor jumps at the sudden shout from right behind him. For a klutzy tempest of a pony, Cream Pie sure can sneak up on people. "I wasn't... that is, I, err, you see—"

Cream Pie grins at him. "I know you didn't hear anything. We have intimacy spells to cover the shop. Nopony can hear anypony else talking unless they want to be heard. Boss says one if his customers made it for him as payment."

"Huh. I never noticed," Shining Armor says. He closes his eyes and concentrates for a moment, feeling his horn pulse with magic. Sure enough, there is a familiar tinge of protective magic in the air. It swirls through the air, covering the are in a gentle blanket of silence. He can almost sense the fabric of it, the way it's been woven through the whole building, but the finer parts elude him. There is clearly a focus item, possibly several, hidden around to power it. If he followed them to its source, he could take a good gander at the actual construction. Walking along the corridor between shelves, he comes upon a shining object, a red gemstone heart hanging from the ceiling. It is one of the foci, radiating the magic around. The texture of the enchantment is clear, and now that he sees it, he recognises the all too familiar character and colour of it. It is both gentle and firm, just like the pony who wove it. If he needed to, he could probably unravel the spell, but it would be a chore.

"Whatcha doin'?" Cream Pie asks.

Shining Armor is shaken once again back into reality. He looks at the gem above him one more time with a mixture of wistfulness and pride, and maybe just a little bit of jealousy. This type of shielding magic used to be only for him. "Just thinking about my sister and what a great pony she's become." The other connotations of the spell also creep into his mind. That's not a cheap enchantment. She probably has a tab here, and I'd rather not think about why she'd be a regular here. How often does she come here? I said I DO NOT want to think about it, brain! Shut up.

"Your sister?" Cream Pie tilts her head. "I don't get it."

"Don't worry about it. I just think I like this place a bit more now," Shining Armor says.

Cream Pie seems to gain a few inches of height. "Gee, thanks! So why don't we go talk to your sweetie and see what they're up to?"

"Sure, umm..." Shining Armor says. "Could you maybe not tell Cady I tried to eavesdrop on her?"

"Well," Cream Pie says. She rubs her muzzle in a conspiratorial way. "If you don't tell Cherry I teased you a bit too much. Still sorry about that one, by the way!"

"Deal. And don't worry about it."

They round the corner and find Cadance looking at a black pleather hood with a zipper over its mouth. She looks confused, and slightly wide-eyed. When she notices Shining Armor, she calmly sets it back onto the shelf. "Well, there's one thing we're not going to try."

"Not really my thing either," Shining Armor says. "Though you might look good in a tight saddle and knee-high pleather boots."

"You're joking, right," she says. "Tell me you're joking."

He tries to keep a straight face. "Mayybe." He ignores Cadance's glare completely. "Find anything fun?"

"If by 'fun' you mean antiquated torture devices and a lot less faith in equinity, then yes. Quite a lot." She picks up a very uncomfortable looking ball gag. "I never expected you to be into these kinds of things. Did you know you can make this shock a pony if you use magic on it?"

"Hey, I never said anything about—"

"Miss Cherry Pie tells me all of you stallions are into these things deep down. I would never have believed it about you."

"C-cady I'm not—"

"Oh, I know you aren't," Cadance says, her stern expression melting into a smile. She nuzzles Shining Armor. "That's what you get for teasing me."

Shining Armor sighs with relief and returns the nuzzle. "You're evil, did you know that?"

"And you love me for it," she answers.

"Yes I do." Shining Armor pecks a little kiss on her cheek. "So what do you really think of the place?"

Cadance lifts her chin up a bit. "It is not like this was my first time here, you know."

"Sorry, I forgot you're a regular at these kinds of shops."

"Shiny!"

"Gotcha."

Cadance seems to have some of the wind taken out from her sails. "To be frank, this visit has been far more pleasurable than last time. Miss Cherry Pie has been very nice and knowledgeable about things. I picked up some books about, well, our situation." She hovers a gigantic pile of books from a shelf where she'd sat them earlier.

Shining Armor had noticed the books before, but thought they were just on display. He picks a few at random and reads the titles out loud.
"'Pony Sutra: The Art of Making Love',
'Bonds of Trust: A Beginner's Guide to Responsible BDSM',
'A Sailor in The Bedroom: 100 Useful Knots'
'The Many Uses of A Feather'
'Stroke My Strawberry: Erotic Foods'
'501 Naughty Jokes for Private Moments...' wait what? What are all these?"

"They seemed interesting!" Cadance says. "And I've never seen these in the Canterlot Library."

"Wonder why..."

"Anyway, Cherry Pie said... Actually where did she go?"

Both Cherry and Cream Pie seem to have vanished during their reunion. Where the young mares stood before was now a blank space. A tumbleweed rolled past by.

"Probably off to list all of our perversions to each other and laughing at how weird we are," Shining Armor said.

Cadance shuffles her legs uneasily. She's careful not to make eye contact with Shining Armor. "I don't feel right about this. All of this. Do we really need..." she points around the ubiquitous pleather toys around them "...this? Can't we just go home and figure things out together?"

"I know the feeling. Really I do," Shining Armor says. He moves in closer to Cadance so their sides touch. "I'm not really comfortable with all of the stuff here either. Just thinking about doing something like this with you together feels off, and I can't imagine what it must feel like for you. We're here to buy things to, well, you know, all that submission stuff, after all."

Cadance shivers from head to tail. She nods quietly.

It's the first time Shining Armor has seen her like that for a long time. The self-assured and willful Princess lost and hesitant, clearly outside of her comfort zone. All the royal air taken out of her, she looks just like any other mare. Well, save for the part where she is a full head taller than anypony she's likely to meet. He feels a certain satisfaction at her plight, mostly because she's clearly not in any real danger, yet nervous like a little colt before a flugelhorn recital. He nuzzles her underneath her chin to hide his growing smile. "I've been thinking about this a bit. Maybe Sassy Swallow wanted you to have to come here with me and ask about submission. She might have meant it to be our first step."

Cadance seems to ruminate on the thought. "Maybe."

"It would be something she'd do, right? Make us figure things out for ourselves with her just shoving us in the right direction." He nuzzles her a bit more and feels her nod ever so slightly. "I'm happy you came here, Cady. It really means a lot to me."

Cadance sighs and turns to nuzzle him back. Their horns touch together gently, with a tiny pink heart popping into existence and floating up in the air. "Just promise me you won't be doing anything really creepy to me."

"Honey, you know me. I'd never do anything that you wouldn't really want to do. The point was to try and find balance, nothing more."

"Yes, I understand that." She takes a deep breath. "Fine. I'll trust you on this. Let's just get this over with."

"Thank you, Honey." Shining Armor looks around for the Pie sisters. He starts walking for the large table they sat at before. Cadance follows him silently. This feels weird. Usually Cady always walks everywhere first. Unless she expects me to open a door for her or something. Not that I'd mind.

They barely have time to sit down when the door behind the counter slams open and Cream Pie explodes out. "Good news! We found some great stuff that we're sure you'll love."

Cherry Pie follows her sister into the room and sits down at the table. "Yes. We could pick up some of the things and wrap them up for you."

Shining Armor shrugs and turns to look at Cadance. "That would be lovely," she says.

"Wanna know what we got for you? Or should it be a surprise?" Cream gushes.

Another unsure look. This time it's Shining Armor who takes the reins. "Let's keep it a surprise. I think we've had enough embarrasment for the time being."

"Very well. It will take some time to get them packed, so would you like to send someone for a pick-up later?"

"Sounds good," Cadance says. "Unfortunately we really must get back to the castle. This has been a very educational visit. It was nice to meet you two and get acquainted with your establishment so thoroughly."

"Yeah, thanks," Shining Armor adds.

"It was our pleasure," Cherry Pie says.

Cream Pie goes to open the lock on the door and flips the notice around to 'open'. "You'll come see us again, right?"

Cadance coughs politely.

"I sure hope so," Shining Armor says with a grin.

Their carriage is already waiting outside. Their driver is standing motionless in front, stood unflinching in the freezing rain of sleet. With a professional eye, Shining Armor notices the the stallion's legs are shaking slightly and his jaw is clenched tightly. They must have been inside for more than an hour. He remembers how horrid the armor the driver is wearing feels when cold and wet. It's one of the things he really doesn't miss about the Guard. For some reason, instead of sympathy, his grin just grows wider. Remember what they said: Live the life. Join the Guard.

"To the Castle, please," Cadance says from inside the warm and dry carriage. Shining Armor climbs in and closes the door, shutting the late Autumn outside.

An eerie calm surrounds the breakfast table. Cadance and Shining Armor could be in different galaxies, even though they sit just opposite each other. They eat their meals in solitude, while the temperature of the room is close to freezing. Shining Armor asked the maids to serve brain bleach instead of a tea, but unfortunately the castle seems to be out.

He tries to break the rapidly forming ice. "The, Filly Scout uniform was nice."

"It was made for a normal-sized mare, Shiny." A chill wind blows through the room.

"The other were your size. Maybe when we get the correct size..." Cadance's gaze is now directed at him at full force. His words teeter to a halt. A hoary rime covers the surface of his tea.

She lowers her teacup slowly. "A school uniform? Really?"

"You looked really cute when we were in High School."

The teacup finally reaches its saucer. "I never wore a school uniform. Our school didn't have school uniforms. And I wasn't a cheerleader either."

"You tried out for them!"

"Apparently I was too big for their pyramid formation. And every other formation for that matter. And had a brain. That's an automatic fail."

"They were just jealous of the prettiest filly in school."

"They called me too 'butch', Shiny. Butch."

"I didn't know that," he said. "You coulda been one now, right? It was meant to be a game."

"When I told Cherry Pie that I wouldn't mind dressing up, I expected it to mean something like the beautiful silk saddles they had. Not theatre costumes."

"The point was to get you into a role. You know, something where you'd feel maybe a little uncomfortable and, well, weaker."

"Why would waving around pom-poms make me feel anything but silly?" She shifts on her seat ever so slightly, but it's all too clear for Shining Armor. "I still can't believe you did that."

Shining Armor looks at his lap. "Sorry."

"A manebrush? Really?"

"I'm sorry, okay. I just... Cream Pie told me it might work and make you feel, you know, smaller. And it was just one smack."

"No. It was two. The first and the last. I checked in the mirror. I may have to cancel a very important council meeting today because I can't go there with such a mark on my hindquarters."

"I said I was sorry!"

"Do you realise that Twilight is coming to visit us today too? She's probably on the train already. We can't cancel something like that! How are we going to explain it to her?" A clear hint of fear was tinting her voice.

If only that fear had been there the night before it might have worked. It had all gone so differently in his head. Blindfold her, walk her around the room just like in the book, then surprise her with a quick slap on the rump... Cadance hadn't been supposed to use half the stuff they'd gotten from the shop as ammunition. Sleeping on the couch had definitely not been a part of his plan. "Don't worry. It's Twily. We'll figure something out."

"No, you will figure something out."

"Cady, trust me on this, a mark from a manebrush goes away pretty quick. It should be gone completely gone by evening."

"How would you know?"

Memories of an angry shopkeeper, a scared little thief, and a very disappointed Twilight Velvet sprung to mind. "Let's just say you're lucky to have a pink coat and not a white one. And that you don't have school today."

Cadance tried to keep a stern face, but it was clearly difficult. "Really? You got—"

"Only once, okay! And don't remind me. I can still hear the foals at school laughing at my new Cutie Mark."

Cadance gets up and walks to Shining Armor and nuzzles him. "I forgive you."

A huge boulder rolls off of Shining Armor's chest. "Thanks." Cadance is looking away with a strange expression. She is smiling, yet her eyes keep scanning the room around. "What is it?" he asks.

"Promise not to tell anypony?"

"Of course. Is something wrong?"

"Well, to be quite honest... Ididn'tminditthatmuch."

He couldn't have heard right. "Wha?"

Cadance draws a deep breath before repeating. "I didn't mind it that much. It didn't hurt really. I was just really surprised. It, well, reminded me of my foalhood a bit."

"Wait, did you get one as well?"

"No. I did get threatened once, but it didn't lead to anything."

Shining Armor pushes his tongue out. "Lucky you." In a slightly more serious voice he says. "It didn't feel really right to me either, but maybe I'll keep that manebrush around, just in case."

Cadance swallows. "Fine. But no surprises."

"Agreed." He strokes her head. "Maybe I could do your mane sometime."

This time it's Cadance's turn to stick her tongue out. "I think I'd rather have the other option."

"Feh." Shining Armor thinks its a good time to try and negotiate peace. "So does this mean I spent the night on the couch for nothing?"

Cadance's face grows more stern, but then softens a bit. "Well, maybe I did overreact a bit. But the blindfold, the clothespins, and the wasabi all at the same time was too much. And then you used the brush."

"Yeah, well, I might have gotten a bit carried away," he says with a cringe.

"A bit? You were wearing the inflatable—"

"Fine. A lot carried a way. Part of it's your fault too! You shouldn't have giggled all the time while I tried to do the role-playing."

"You were standing on the bed in your full ceremonial armour and shouting at me to do push-ups."

"The book said I should try to assume a position of authority I'm comfortable with!"

Cadance pats him on the head. "I know, Honey. But maybe you were trying too much?"

Shining Armor fidgets with his forehooves for a moment. "I guess. It's just that I really wanted to make this work."

"We both do. And we will. It's just that all the blindfolds and weird smells feel really bad for me. Like I was more scared than uncomfortable. You know I have a thing with being in the dark."

Shining Armor nods. "Maybe this could be a way to work on that too? You know you're safe with me, so even if you have to wear a blindfold, you'd slowly get rid of the fear?"

"I don't like it." Cadance shivers. "It's too soon."

Shining Armor kisses her cheek. "When you're ready."

"Thank you." After a short nuzzle, Cadance gets up again. "Well, I have to start getting ready for the council meeting."

"Wait a minute. Didn't you say you'd have to skip it because of the, uhh, mark?"

"Don't be silly. Of course I won't miss something important like that. I'll just wear one of the hundreds of dresses I never get to use."

Shining Armor gawks at him. "You were going to do that all along, weren't you? All that... All of that..."

Cadance looks directly at him with no expression whatsoever. "I have no idea what you're talking about and have no further comments on the matter."

"You're evil," Shining Armor says.

They hold their stares for a moment, before the edge of Shining Armor's mouth starts to revolt and forces the rest of his face into a smile. Cadance returns it with a giggle. "We really need to play poker sometime," she says.

Once again, Shining Armor is taken by surprise. "You know how to play poker?"

"How else do you expect me to spend the time while traveling to Aunt knows where on a train for hours on end? And don't worry, I always make sure the guards have at least some bits left." She gets up and moves for the bedroom door. "I think I have enough time to take a shower before leaving."

Shining Armor forces his open mouth to work again. "How long do you think the council will take?"

"Too long. But don't worry, I'll be sure to finish before Twilight gets here." She turns to look over her shoulder. "Filly Scout's honour." She shakes her rump for emphasis.

"You know what? I think I'll join you for that shower."

Author's Note

Loose Lips Sink Ships

To call him nervous would be an understatement. Nerve-wracked, make that nerve-wrecked, is closer to home. There is a very familial circular groove worn on the carpet of their apartment. Another one goes around his official office of officialdom. The few papers he stamped were probably important. It would probably have been a good idea to read them. He'd never noticed how loud the clock in that office was. He'd tried to stop it, but his magic made something go ping inside it instead. The clock started to accelerate, facilitating a rapid escape on the grounds of possible incendiary escalation. He tried taking a walk in the Castle Gardens, but the damp and depressing weather succeeded in making him both sweat and shiver at the same time. He tried to creep to the Guard barracks, but apparently everyone was on some field exercise in the woods below Canterlot. The barrack's canteen made the best hot cocoa in the city. He could really use a cup right now. Or seven. Shambling back for the Castle proper, he spies the giant grandfather clock in the foyer. Late afternoon was upon him, drawing the inevitable confrontation closer.

The confrontation with his sister. The confrontation with his inner demons. The events of that day play on an endless loop inside his head. The surprise, the embarrassment, the lust, the stiffy in the crowd... the toilet. The day he found out just how broken his mind was. Was it a cry for help, or just him stepping over some dark threshold that didn't have a floor behind it, but a bottomless pit of darkness. Gnashing teeth and serrated blades are probably involved in his descent as well. It'd be really great not to have such an active imagination right now.

Should he tell Cadance beforehand? Try to lessen the blow? It wouldn't really matter, would it? She'll hate her either way and never want to see him again. Is it possible that the whole topic will not come up? Can he pretend it didn't happen? Should he still tell Cadance? There were not supposed to be any secrets and she promised to stand with him whatever may come?

The spiraling staircase to Cadance and his tower goes on forever. Every step steeper than the last, changing almost into a ladder by the time he reaches the top. It's his imagination again. Everything is his imagination, he repeats to himself. Twily will be herself, she didn't notice anything back then, nopony will realise anything is wrong. His own demons are just inside his head. Everything will be perfect. Everything will be... He pushes the door open warily.

"...and do a little shake!" Cadance and Twilight Sparkle shake their rumps at each other in their 'secret' greeting. His face flushes at the sight of those two upraised rears. Twilight Sparkle looks at him. He looks at her. Her face flushes as well and she looks at the floor. He does the same.

Fuck

"Oh, Shiny!" Cadance calls happily. "Twilight caught the earlier train and is already here! Isn't it wonderful?"

"Yeah," Shining Armor says. "H-hey, Sis."

Twilight Sparkle lifts her head, but doesn't look him in the eyes. "Hello."

Cadance pulls the rope hanging near the door to summon the maids. "I'll have them bring us some tea. You must be absolutely freezing, Twilight."

"Y-yes. It's really..." Twilight Sparkle looks out the window. Apparently she notices the weather for the first time. "...cold out there. Autumn. Cold. Brrr."

There is a knock on the door. Cadance gestures at Twilight Sparkle and the couch. "Please, go take a seat. Don't you worry, Aunt Celestia introduced me to a new wonderful tea blend this week. I'm sure it will drive the cold right out." She opens the door to talk to the maid and doesn't notice how Twilight Sparkle's head slumps down again. She turns for the couch without saying a word.

Shining Armor hesitates, looking back and forth between Cadance and Twilight Sparkle.

"Well, go on," Cadance says over her shoulder. "I'm sure the two of you have a lot of catching up to do."

"Err, right." Shining Armor's legs feel like frozen lead as he walks the mile to the couch. Twilight is sitting with her head still bent down, staring intently at the carpet. Should he tell her the truth and try to apologise? Beg for mercy? Run to the balcony and jump? He shakes his head. With a little nudge of his magic, he pushes one of the chairs closer to the coffee table that sits in front of the couch and his sister. The screech of the chair's legs dragging on the floor makes Twilight Sparkle jump.

She looks at him. He looks at her. Her face burns crimson under her purple coat. She tries to form words with her mouth, but nothing comes out. Her head slumps back down.

Shining Armor sits down. Talk. Talk about something. Anything. "So, uhh, how was the train ride?"

"Mm, fine," Twilight Sparkle says without lifting her head.

"You came on the earlier train?"

"Yes."

"Hard to believe you got up so early. You always slept in because you stayed up all night reading."

"Yes, well, I... woke early today and had nothing to do so I left early." Her voice sounds very off to Shining Armor, but he can't really place it. Is she angry? Afraid?

"Isn't that the train that ponies who work in Canterlot take? You must have been here hours ago then."

"I walked around a bit."

"So, uhh, do any shopping or something?" The moment the words leave his mouth, he knows he's made a mistake. The memory of meeting his sister at the door of Honey & Copper's springs to his mind, vivid as if it happened earlier today.

Twilight Sparkle's head shoots up. "No! I mean... I didn't do any shopping. Of any kind. Anywhere." This time it's clear she's afraid. Shining Armor doesn't remember seeing her this jumpy ever since she got that B+ in a math exam and had to show it to their dad.

"Twily, I—"

"Well, the tea will be here shortly," Cadance says. She swoops in and sits next to Twilight Sparkle on the couch. Cadance immediately looks at her with a frown, and puts a hoof underneath her chin. "Are you tired, Twilight?"

"N-no. I mean, a bit, maybe," Twilight Sparkle stammers out.

"Well, at least you have a nice, healthy red on your cheeks. I remember how cute you looked when we came inside after playing in the cold. You'd guzzle down hot cocoa and look at the mirror just to see how red your face would get. Then you got your botany book to name all the fruits and flowers that were the same colour." Cadance giggles at the memory.

Twilight smiles despite herself and seems to perk up a bit. "Yes. I think it was one of my first mnemonics. I was the only one to get full marks on that test."

The chatter goes on between the fillies. Shining Armor is content to stay aside, wrestling with his own thoughts, which grow darker by the minute. It's clear that Twily knew something happened that day and was afraid of him. She probably saw him pop a boner at the station when she was leaving and connected the dots. Twily was always too bright to miss something obvious like that.

A few minutes later the maids come in with a steaming pot of tea that fills the room with the scent of various exotic leaves and herbs. There are also tiny cakes with strawberries on the top. One of the maids pours them all a cup and bows before leaving.

A sip of the tea confirms to Shining Armor that it must be really exotic. Exotic meaning it's a cacophony of tastes that end up tasting of nothing specific at all, except maybe mint. He never understood why anyone would put mint into tea. Or into anything else for that matter.

Cadance and Twilight Sparkle seem to have gotten going with their gossip. Then out of the blue Cadance switches gears. "So, Twilight," she starts. A slightly crooked, yet maternal grin spreads on her face. "Have you met anypony nice recently?"

"A-anypony?" Twilight Sparkle furrows her brow. "I've met a lot of nice ponies lately. I got to meet Captain Spitfire and a few of the other Wonderbolts when we went to see Rainbow Dash at her Wonderbolts Reserve Camp."

Cadance sniffs quietly. "I meant have you met any nice colts lately?"

Twilight Sparkle's face grows slightly paler. The teacup in her magic trembles a bit. "I..."

"Maybe a colt...friend?" Cadance asks.

Twilight looks at Shining Armor. He looks at her. "Twil—"

The shimmer around Twilight Sparkle's teacup vanishes suddenly. The cup comes crashing down onto the table, cracking it and spilling its contents all over the table. She tries to grab it with her hooves instead, but knocks the large pot of tea over instead. It hits the edge of the cake plate, spreading pastries all over. As if an afterthought, her spoon falls to the floor with a clatter.

"I'm sorry! I'll clean it up, I'll... I..." She looks frantically around her, her eyes finally stopping on Shining Armor's face. For a moment, he thinks that she glances to between his legs. Her horn flares up and she disappears in a flash of light.

Cadance jumps up from her seat. She has spatters of tea all over her, but she doesn't care about them. "Twilight!" she yells. Before Shining Armor can even react, she runs out of the room and into their bedroom. He darts after her. In the bedroom, she throws the doors to the balcony open and runs outside, scanning around if she might spot a purple dot somewhere down below. "Twilight!" she shouts her name out again.

A tiny rustle and a sniffle carry into Shining Armor's ears. He walks to the door of their bathroom and raps at the door. "Twily? Are you in there?"

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

"Cady!" He calls out. "She's in there."

Cadance rushes to the door and tries to open it, but it's locked. "Twilight? What is wrong, Dear? Did you hurt yourself?"

"I'm so sorry! I didn't mean this to happen. Any of this!"

Cadance leans against the door. "Twilight, please calm down. It's just some tea."

"No, you don't understand," Twilight calls out. She's crying.

Shining Armor's chest is frozen solid. His legs can barely support him, and he feels his teeth clatter together. "Cady, it's my fault. It's all my fault."

"Shiny? What are you saying?" Cadance looks at Shining Armor, then back at the door of the bathroom. "What is going on here?"

"It's all my fault, Cady." He feels the dam burst inside him. He just can't keep it inside him any more. "Back when I met with Twily a while back, she was coming out of the sex shop we went to. She'd bought some, well, stuff, and showed them to me at a cafe we went to. I got to thinking about stuff and it was back when you and I were going through a really rough spot and, well, I, uhh, got to thinking really stupid things and then I... I... thought about Twily and..." she feels acrid bile building at the back of his throat. "I started thinking of s-sex. And Twily. And I got a b-b-boner at the station and she probably noticed and I went to the toilet and... and—"

Cadance stares at him, her face blank like she was hit with shovel.

"No! No! No!" The door bursts of the bathroom bursts open. A tear-streaked Twilight Sparkle emerges to fall down in front of Shining Armor and Cadance. "You have it all wrong, Shiny! That's not what happened! At all! It was my fault! All of it!"

"What are you saying, Twily? It was all me! I'm a sick, messed up—"

"I was in heat!" Twilight Sparkle shouts out.

A sudden silence takes over the room. Cadance is still staring blankly at the two siblings. Shining Armor finally manages to open his mouth. "Wha?"

"I was in heat," Twilight Sparkle says, this time in a lot quieter. She slowly climbs up from the floor, but remains seated, her face almost to the floor.

"But... but you have yours in the Summer. Every mare has theirs in the Summer. Even I know that!"

"Yes, but, it's complicated. It's... well, I was inside a lot this Summer and heat is actually caused by a mare being out in the sunlight. It's all to do with hormones." Twilight Sparkle's voice grows steadier as the lecturer inside her tries to take hold. "Some mares can get several in a year if they are out all the time. Like App—a friend I have. So I missed mine this Summer. But then we went to the beach with my friends and there were pirates and lot of things happened so I ended up being in the sun a lot out of season, so... then I got into heat."

"B-but... I would have noticed. I can tell. Every stallion can tell," Shining Armor stammered mirroring the words of his Sex Ed teacher from school.

"I know! I was so ashamed of it. It got really busy with everything all of a sudden, so I tried to cover it with some perfume and magic. It worked, at least in Ponyville. I got a few glances from the stallions, but nothing more. But I, uhh, well, you see... trying to hide it made it worse and, well, I needed to do something and I'd visited that store a few times for, uhh, research and I knew they'd understand."

Twilight Sparkle stops for a moment and swallows. She tries to lift her eyes up to look at Shining Armor, but immediately shakes her head and slouches back down.

"So I bought some things, like the, well, the things I showed you, and a few more. I was hoping for it to be a quick trip without nopony even knowing I was there. And then I met you, and I... I'm sorry."

Cadance cuts in. Her voice is steady and warm, like a kindergarten teacher talking to two foals. "So you were in heat, but Shiny couldn't tell. You thought about him and he thought about you, and you both did something silly about it."

Both Shining Armor and Twilight Sparkle nod quietly.

"You poor things. All this time you've had to carry something like this inside you and it was all an accident?" she says.

Twilight Sparkle lunges at her, grabbing her in a tight, desperate hug, sobbing into her chest. "I'm so sorry. I've never been so ashamed in my life. I, hic, didn't think I could ever look at Shiny and with you moving to the Crystal Empire soon I was so scared I'd ruined everything with my BBBFF."

Shining Armor is stunned. It's like a surgeon had removed an evil black tumour from his heart in one quick slice, but that surgeon had been traveling at supersonic speeds and used a sledgehammer. It wasn't me. It wasn't me. It wasn't me. I'm not messed up. She was in heat. It wasn't me!

"It wasn't me," he whispers.

Cadance turns to him and nods quietly towards Twilight Sparkle, who is still clinging onto her like a foal.

Shining Armor walks next to her baby sister, and without any warning or fanfare, grabs her in a giant hug, dragging her away from Cadance. She tries to struggle for a moment, but gives in almost immediately. "Twily, there's no way I would ever, ever let you go. You're my little sister and nothing will ever change that. This whole thing was just a stupid accident and nothing more, right?" He feels a nod against his chest. "Nothing. Ever."

"But I made you—"

"Shh. It doesn't matter. None of it matters." Twilight Sparkle radiates warmth against him, but it is nothing compared to the warmth he feels inside his chest. It is the pure love he has always felt for his little sister. No confusing thoughts, nothing from Little Shiny, just sheer happiness that he once again has his Twily back in his life. A trickle of tears runs down his cheek.

They hold onto each other for a long time, neither caring about the rest of the world. When Shining Armor finally opens his eyes, he notices Cadance isn't in the room with them. Twilight Sparkle moves slightly as well and turns to look up at him. This time neither of them turns away, but instead they smile.

As they get up, one look at the full body mirror dumps ice-cold water onto Twilight Sparkle. Her face is a mess of tear streaks and a childish yo-yo of snot is doing a bungee jump from her nose. Her chest is still covered in the dried remnants of the exquisitely exotic brew from earlier. She shakes her head and giggles. "Rarity would have a heart attack if she saw me now. I think I need to go clean up."

Shining Armor leaves her to the bathroom and walks to the living room. Cadance is sitting on the couch. Not a sign of the tea, the broken cups, or any of the other mess is visible any more. There is a glass of water in front of her. She quietly pats the seat next to her.

As he sits down, she leans against his shoulder. "I thought you two might want to be alone for a moment. The maids already cleaned up."

"I noticed." He gives another look around the place, this time honed with the years of military training and absolute cleanliness. He can't spot anything amiss. "They're really good."

"They are," she says, and nuzzles him gently. "Is everything alright between you and Twilight?"

"Yeah. I think so. She's just washing up."

"That's good to know," she says. She rubs her cheek against his for emphasis.

Shining Armor clears his throat. "You know, I really wanted to tell you, but—"

"Shh. No need for that now, Honey. It all worked, didn't it?"

"Yeah." He leans onto the back of the couch, pulling Cadance with him. "It all worked out."

"You know," Cadance starts. "I knew there was something wrong with Twilight the moment she came in. I could feel her heart was aching."

Shining Armor strokes her chest with a hoof. Amazingly, she doesn't have any tea stains on her coat either, whereas he could pass for a pinto easily. "Is that why you asked about her having a coltfriend?"

"That's the usual reason for a young mare to have heartaches, isn't it?"

"Well, you know Twily. There's never anything normal about her problems."

Cadance pokes him on the chest gently. "You know, Mister, you two are so alike sometimes."

"And what's that supposed to mean?"

Cadance doesn't answer, just hides her giggle behind a hoof.

"Well you're sure taking this pretty well."

When she talks, he can feel the warmth and care radiating from every inch of her body. The same feeling he got from Twilight Sparkle. "Whatever happened between the two of you is behind you now, and it seems the less I know about it, the better I'll sleep. What I do know is that I just got to see two of my most important ponies in the world help mend each others' hearts and let their love flow again. I couldn't be happier."

Twilight Sparkle bursts into the room. "Don't worry, I know several cleaning up spells! I'll take care of the mess immediately!"

"Don't worry, Twilight. It's been taken care of," Cadance says.

Twilight Sparkle looks around the room sans a mess. "What, really?"

Cadance points her horn at Shining Armor. It glimmers pink for a moment, and the stains disappear from his coat. "One of the first spells Aunt Celestia taught me."

Twilight Sparkle's eyes gleam. "You really have to teach me that spell! Does it work on ink splashes too?!"

Shining Armor shakes his head. Seems his sister is back to her own self again.

"The Alicorn Amulet? THE Alicorn Amulet?" Cadance asks incredulously.

Twilight Sparkle nods. "Yes. Apparently Trixie had found it at an old curio-and-frozen-yoghurt-shop."

"Was this before or after your friend cloned herself a hundred times over?" Shining Armor asks.

Twilight Sparkle checks her notes she prepared just for this meeting. "After, but before the giant timberwolf attack."

Shining Armor massages his temples. "Ponyville is a major weirdness magnet."

"I actually have several interesting theories about that!" Twilight Sparkles eyes gleam as she fishes out yet another stack of scrolls from her saddlebag of holding.

"Could you finish the story about the alicorn amulet first? You left us hanging." Shining Armor says.

"Oh, yes! Where was I? So, Trixie, the unicorn showmare I'd met before, wanted to magic duel with me. She threatened the whole village if I didn't do it." Twilight Sparkle waves her hooves dismissively. "Don't get me wrong, it was all the amulet's doing. She turned out to be a pretty nice pony, though she does have quite the ego."

"You beat her, right?" Shining Armor says.

Twilight looks away for a moment. "Well, eventually, but it took a lot of planning. We actually fooled her into thinking I could change the age of a pony at will, but it was really all of my friends in disguise and a lot of smoke."

Cadance giggles. "So you actually used showmagic on a showmagician?"

Twilight Sparkle beams. "Pretty much. Though I got the idea from Zecora in the first place."

"And she fell for it?" Shining Armor laughs as well. "You got her to think that it was possible to change a pony's age?"

The victorious expression on Twilight Sparkle's face fades away into a more solemn look. "Trixie was able to change a pony's age when she was wearing the amulet. I tried to do it too, but I just lacked the magic power. After I told Princess Celestia about it, she told me that there are a few of those spells stored in the Canterlot Archives. I've been meaning to study them, but it's been so hectic lately."

"Wow. That's just like, wow," Shining Armor says.

"Why would you want to study such magic, Twilight?"

"Out of curiousity mostly. I know I lack the raw power for it, but the theory behind must be very complex. I might be able to use it in creating new spells."

To Shining Armor's surprise, Cadance's expression grows very stern. "Twilight, you know you shouldn't even joke about that. Experimenting with new magic is dangerous business. Just think of what kind of problems even learning already existing spells has caused."

Shining Armor reaches forward to pat Cadance's hoof. "It's just studying, right?" He turns to Twilight Sparkle. "You'll just have to become an Alicorn yourself so you can keep slinging all the spells you want."

Twilight Sparkle and Shining Armor share a hearty laugh. Even Cadance has to give up and join in at the sheer absurdity of the whole thought.

After a while, Twilight Sparkle wipes the mirthful tears away from her eyes. "Wait till you hear about how we released Discord..."

The rest of the conversation fades as pieces of a puzzle start falling into place in Shining Armor's mind. Age change magic, huh. Now there's a thought.

"We should really do this more often," Cadance says. "Are you sure you don't want us to walk you to the station?"

Twilight Sparkle shakes her head. "I've already taken too much of your time."

"Don't be like that, Twily! It was great to see you again. Especially without the fate of the whole world being at risk," Shining Armor says.

"To be honest, I promised to go see Princess Celestia today too. I just hope it isn't too late already." Twilight Sparkle glances at the clock, which is already closing on six in the evening.

Cadance walks to her and wraps a wing around her. "I'm sure Aunt Celestia will make time for her favourite student."

Shining Armor joins in the hug. He didn't expect seeing his sister go would feel so rough, and he has to swallow a lump in his throat.

After a while, Twilight Sparkle backs away from the embrace. "Well, I'll be off then!"

Shining Armor and Cadance lean against each other and wave goodbye to Twilight Sparkle. As the door closes behind her, Shining Armor's melancholy passes in a heartbeat, replaced by overflowing enthusiasm. "Did you hear that, Cady?!" he shouts, jumping around Cadance.

Cadance looks at him with a cocked head. "She is going to meet with Aunt Celestia? Isn't that pretty usual? They do correspond regula—"

"No! Age change magic, Cady!"

"Well, yes, it did sound impressive."

Shining Armor stops in front of Cadance and pushes his muzzle against hers. "Don't you get it? We could do it! It'd be perfect."

Cadance puts a hoof onto his muzzle and pushes him away. "Do it? Do what? What's gotten into you?"

Shining Armor falls onto his rump, but still has a stupid grin on his face. "You're an Alicorn! You could use the spell to turn younger and we could, you know... have sex?" The sheer thought sends a shiver down his spine and wakes up Little Shiny.

A heavy silence falls in the room. Cadance looks at him like he was a worm that had just crawled out of an apple she was eating. "You can't be serious."

Shining Armor creeps forward on the floor, ending up in an almost begging position in front of Cadance. "It would be perfect! Think about it! You'd be a bit smaller and we could easily do the whole dominance thing, and we wouldn't even need any role costumes or anything."

"You're serious about this? You want to use Aunt knows how difficult and powerful magic for... for fooling around in bed?"

"Yup!"

"Don't be ridiculous. That would be so stupid on so many levels."

"I'm sure it'd work! Hay, even the though is driving me crazy!"

"Crazy is right. Did you seriously just keep thinking about something like this the whole time Twilight was here?"

He gives a guilty grin. "Mayyybe?

"Absolutely not," Cadance says. She turns around and begins to walk away.

Shining Armor grabs her hind leg. "Oawww pleeeeeeeeeaaaaaaase!?"

Cadance tries to shake him loose with her grappled hoof and push Shining Armor away, but he won't budge. "Stop it. Argh! Let me go!" She hobbles in place, but just when she isn't looking in front of her, her forehoof catches onto the edge of a carpet and she plummets onto her stomach on the floor with a shriek.

Shining Armor doesn't waste time and crawls over her, peppering her body and face in kisses, all the while repeating "Pleasepleasepleasepleaseplease?"

"Shiny, get off of me!" she squeals, waving her hooves to ward off the attacker. Despite herself she begins to laugh. "Stop it! Stop! It! Hahahaargh!" When the assault doesn't subside, she finally gives in. "Fine! I'll think about!"

Shining Armor stops her assault for a moment. "You promise?"

Cadance finally gets both of her forehooves against Shining Armor's chest and pushes him off of her. He rolls onto the floor, never losing his crazy grin. Cadance sits up and tries to check her disheveled mane. "I told you I would think about it. Nothing more."

It took Shining Armor several days of cajoling, bribing, convincing, and more outright begging to finally make Cadance cave in and go to the Canterlot Archives for the spell. It had been very easy to find, the curator being besides himself from getting a visit from the royal couple. It was in one of the closed sections of the library; An ancient tome made of pale wood bound in gold. They had to sign several waivers to be allowed to take it outside of the library and promise that it would not leave the castle grounds.

"Shining Armor! Behave yourself!" Cadance says in her best foalsitter voice as they leave the Archives. "You were jumping around like a little colt who'd eaten too much sugar."

"I can't help it, Cady! We're actually going to do this."

"I told you, I will only check the spell out, nothing more."

"Well, seeing as we already have the spell, we might as well try it out, right?"

"Shiny!"

As they return to their apartment, they find Cadance's maids, Broom Sweep and Feather Duster, finishing up.

"Your Royal Highnesses," both of the maids say in unison, bowing deep to the couple. "We are almost done here. Please pardon our tardiness."

"What has gotten into you two?" Cadance asks. "You don't have to be so formal."

Broom Sweep bowed down even lower. "Oh, we can't do that, Your Royal Highness. It wouldn't do at all to speak to a Princess and especially a Prince in nothing but the most formal of address."

Cadance shakes her head and looks at Shining Armor in confusion. He smiles back. "I think I know what this is all about. Gimme a second."

He walks to their bedroom and opens the drawer of his bedside table. He picks up two very official looking papers. He returns back to the living room, where Cadance is still trying to find out what was going on, but the maids just stand in stoic silence.

"Here are your resignation papers," Shining Armor says, floating the two papers over to the maids. "All signed."

"Shining Armor?" Cadance asks. The fact that she uses his full name is a clear sign of a storm closing in. "What is this? I thought you threw those away ages ago?"

"I'm sorry, Honey, but this is something that has to be done."

"What in Equestria?" Cadance asks. Her face goes from outright fury to concern and confusion.

"Thank you, Your Royal Highness," the maids say. "It has been an honour to serve you and your Lady."

"You will find that your termination is effective from the change of the month and you have nice severance for your long employment."

"SHINING ARMOR! STOP THIS AT ONCE!" Cadance shouts. She walks right between him and the maids. "You are NOT firing them! You don't have the right!"

"Your Royal Highness, I know it is most rude of me to interrupt," Broom Sweep says. "But this matter is between Prince Shining Armor and the two of us. That is what those papers stand for. We gave them of our free will, and he has chosen to do as them what he would." There is a tiny, but still perceptible quiver in her voice. Shining Armor savours it like a fine piece of cake. With a strawberry on top.

"B-but... but... Shiny... why are you... what is this..?" Cadance stammers.

"Are you done here?" Shining Armor says, making sure his voice is as cold as possible. "If so, you may leave. We have urgent business to attend to." A little more. Just a little more. I can do this.

"As you say, Your Royal Highness." Broom Sweep turns for the door. "Come, Feather Duster. We are in the way."

Shining Armor makes sure his grin is as malicious as possible as he turns to look at the other maid. Feather Duster stands still, her professional facade clearly cracking, a mixture of hatred and fear evident on her face. "Broomy, he... he can't..."

A tiny shiver runs down Broom Sweep's back. She doesn't turn around as she replies. "He can, and he has. There is nothing more to be said."

"I... " Feather Duster starts, but bites down on her lip. "You're right. All's said and done."

Cadance walks to Shining Armor, poking him in the chest with a hoof. "If you think for one second, one, second, that I'll let this happen—"

"Shut up, Cadance," Shining Armor says in a calm, quiet voice. The effect is stronger than if he had struck her in the face at full force. She falls down onto her haunches and blinks with her unseeing eyes.

The two maids reach the door, and without turning around, slowly exit.

"Excuse me?" Shining Armor calls after them. The maids freeze just outside the door. "Isn't it customary for you two to turn around at the door and bow before leaving?"

A moment passes, with neither of the maids moving. Then slowly, very, very slowly, they turn around. Both of their faces are streaked with tears, their faces pale and desperate. They are clenching their teeth together desperately to keep some semblance of composure. They lean forward, tears falling onto the floor as they bow.

Shining Armor fully expected the sight, but the stab of guilt is still far worse he expected. I went too far. Well, at least I can finally stop this charade. "One more thing," he says. "I hear on good authority that the Crystal Empire has a large castle that hasn't had anypony cleaning or maintaining it for over a thousand years. Apparently it was pretty much a bachelor pad for crazy Unicorn King. The Royal Couple moving there soon will be in need of some professional staff to get the place up and running again. These would be the posts of a Head Housekeeper and a Majordomo. It wouldn't be an easy task, seeing as they would have to choose every single pony working at the castle and tell each of them exactly what to do. Actually, those two would probably be the two most powerful ponies at the whole castle, only answerable to the Royal Couple themselves. "He grins before going for the final blow. "If you two would like to apply, I could write both of you very good recommendations."

A moment of silence passes as the maids process the new turn of events. Feather Duster reaches the inevitable conclusion first. "You cheeky bugger," she says in a low growl. "You no-good, conniving—"

Broom Sweep cuts in. "What my colleague here is saying is that you are one piece of work, Prince Shining Armor. One piece of work."

"So I take it you will be applying for the jobs?"

The maids look at each other. There is a general scuffle of aprons being used as handkerchiefs, throats being cleared, and postures being straightened.

Broom Sweep stands once again as the stoic and proud mare she is. "We shall take it under consideration, Your Royal Highness."

Feather Duster nods. "That we will. Now, if there wasn't anything else, Prince Shining Armor?"

"Actually... there was something. If, and this is a big if, my loving wife doesn't murder me the moment you two leave, I'm pretty sure there will be a need of clean sheets tomorrow morning. And do make sure nopony bothers us tonight, and tell the guards downstairs to ignore all the loud noises coming from here." She gives them his favourite grin. "Now off you go."

The maids bow and courteously close the door. Shining Armor puts his ear against the door. He can faintly make out "That cheeky bugger." After a while, there is an added "Oh, the scandal!" and some bickering on which should be the Head Housekeeper.

Shining Armor grins, then turns around to behold the fury that is the love of his life. Except instead of a face full of rage, he finds Cadance still sitting on the floor where he left her after telling her to shut up. His grin vanishes as he walks to her.

"Cady? It's okay. It was just a joke."

She seems to snap out of her shock. "A... joke? So they aren't fired?"

Shining Armor sits down and wraps a hoof around Cadance. "You weren't listening? I asked them to move to the Crystal Empire with us and take care of running the castle."

"But, but, you gave them their resignations. You fired them, didn't you?"

"Yes, I did 'fire' them," he says while air-quoting with his hooves, one of them still wrapped around Cadance's shoulders. "I wanted to show them that I was actually their boss, but also that I didn't have any ill feelings towards them. I know I got off on the wrong hoof with them, so maybe this will help me, well, both me and them, to start over. I know they never meant any harm and were looking out for the most important pony in my life... even if they were assholes in doing so."

"That's... good I guess." Cadance finally seems to return from her confusion, her vacant eyes focusing on Shining Armor. "But you were really nasty about it."

"Err, well, I, uhh..." There was no real way around it. "Yeah. I went too far, I know. If it's any kinda defense, I really did feel bad about doing it. I just figured I needed to play their game and show them what kind of a pony I really am."

Cadance nods. "I do understand why you did it. It still doesn't make it right."

There are a dozen more excuses Shining Armor thought of in advance, but none of them seem to be worth anything under Cadance's disappointed eyes. "I'm sorry."

Cadance keeps her stare for a moment more, but then nods. "I know you are. Maybe now you'll know a bit of how it feels to argue against diplomats and actually win."

"I still don't think I'm cut out for this job," Shining Armor says. The hollow feeling he's had since the so called victory threatens to swallow him.

"Promise to warn me before you do anything like this again?" Cadance says.

"You would have said no," Shining Armor says.

"Probably. But it would be better than 'shut up'."

That one hits home. "Sorry."

"That was the first time you've ever told me to shut up," Cadance says, with a poke of a hoof to his chest for emphasis. Shining Armor can't bring himself to look at her. Cadance leans against his ear and whispers. "Don't make me use the age change spell just to turn you into a colt and wash your mouth out with soap."

Shining Armor's ears straighten in disbelief. "Wha?"

"To be honest, those two were acting ridiculously as well, so maybe they deserved it." Instead of poking Shining Armor's chest, she rubs it instead. "You did go too far, Mister, but at the same time I think it was a good lesson to you about politics."

"So you forgive me?"

Cadance nods, but the smile on her face shows quite a lot of malice. "And I know they're going to get you back for it."

Shining Armor tries to put on a confident grin, but has to swallow the lump in his throat.

"Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go study a spell."

Shining Armor fully expected that his antics would put the whole spell project on hold for a good long while. "You're still going to go through with it? After what I did?"

Cadance shrugs. "I already forgave you. And you're not the only one that's been waiting to get laid." She gives him a wink.

Shining Armor leans in to give her a kiss, which she happily replies. Oh, Celestia, I love this mare.

Cadance lays on the bed, still reading the spell one more time to make sure she gets it right. Shining Armor, on the other hoof, is pacing a circle onto the floor. They might need a new carpet soon.

"Is it difficult?"

"It's complex."

"Oh."

He paces another round.

"So, uhh, are you sure it's safe?"

"Mmmh. Yes if I cast it right."

"Good. Good."

Another round.

"Are you sure—"

Cadance looks up at him with a deadpan stare. "You're the one who suggested it, Shiny. Why do I feel you're the one who's going to be changed around and not me?"

"Sorry."

Cadance doesn't need magic to make him feel like a little colt. All she needs to do is keep staring at him.

"I know I suggested it, but I don't want you to get hurt."

"Shiny, if you don't let me concentrate on this spell, you can forget the whole thing anyway. Why don't you take a deep breath outside." She turns a page. "Sounds like you were expecting a baby to be born or something."

Shining Armor rushes to the bed, standing halfway on the bed. "Baby!? We were only talking about a few years, like a teenager!"

She slams the book shut. "Shining Armor. This spell has been designed to allow a pony to experience different phases of a pony's development. It is for changing the apparent age of a pony. I can go from baby to a grandmother. I will still be in complete control of my body with all of my magic intact. There's even a fail-safe that will turn unravel the magic and turn me back to myself in an hour or so."

He deflates under her lecture. "Why didn't you tell me?"

She pushes her muzzle against his. "I. Just. Did."

"Sorry," Shining Armor mutters as he backs away. "I kinda got worried because even Twily couldn't get the spell right."

"This spell isn't that hard to cast, really. It's complex and needs a lot of power, but nothing I can't handle. From what Twilight told us, she was trying to cast it without proper preparations..." She taps the books for emphasis, "...or research, and under a lot of stress. There's a good chance she would have gotten it right if she wasn't, well, being Twilight."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes." She opens the book "Twilight is probably on par with me on sheer magical power and her skill with it is pretty much the best in Equestria."

"Yeah, she's kinda special." He smiles to himself. "Err, did I tell you I kinda have this thing about transforming wives?"

"Shiny, let me put it this way: Would you let me finish before I turn into a teenager for you to ravish?" She closes her eyes halfway and licks her lips.

Shining Armor feels a familiar warmth spread to his face and gather in his loins. Any further worries about his wife are drowned under a flood of hormones.

"I'll, uhh, be on the balcony?"

"There's a good Prince."

The outside evening air makes him cough a few times. It's clearly below freezing already and his breath comes out in small clouds. Little Shiny quietly retreats into it's sheath from shock, but informs him that it's not sleeping, only waiting. After feeling so flushed mere moments ago, the freezing air sends shivers down his whole body.

He doesn't have to wait long. Cadance opens the door and walks next to him, pushing her body against his. The warmth of her body feels welcome. He turns around to give him a kiss and she returns it happily.

"Now, Mister Shining Armor, are you ready to go back to High School?"

"Very much yes, Princess Mi Amore Cadenza."

She walks behind him and nudges his rump to get him moving. He doesn't have to be told twice. Inside, they both lie down on the bed. He can feel a blush coming onto his face, but sees Cadance's cheeks glow a darker pink as well.

"This is so silly, Cady."

"Honey, I want to do this. If it means we'll get back to how it was before the wedding, I'll try anything." She closes her eyes and begins to concentrate.

"Cady?"

Her eyes open up and the glowing shimmer from her horn fades out. She raises an eyebrow.

"Thank you," he says.

They share another kiss, this one far longer and deeper than the one on the balcony. She finally leans back from it and licks her lips.

"Just you wait," she whispers, and closes her eyes. She concentrates for a moment, her eyes squinting shut even tighter as she focuses all of her magic into her horn. Instead of the normal pink glow, it starts running wild with pink orbs that bubble along its length and all over her body. Her shape begins to fluctuate and change rapidly. She opens her eyes in horror, lifting her hooves towards Shining Armor, but a flash of light engulfs her before he can grab them.

His hooves only grasp thin air. Lights dance around in his vision as he tries to blink the burns away. "Cady? Are you alright?"

"Oh, dear." Cadance's words came out as a squeaky, childish whinny. "I think I went a bit too far."

In front of him is Cadance as a filly of maybe seven years. She looks awkward and still a bit dazed from the transformation. Her wings, now far too tiny to support flight, flutter uncontrollably as she tries to stay upright.

"Wow. You were pretty cute as a filly."

"Well I didn't have these wretched things back then." She finally steadies herself and folds her little wings against her body.

"I'll turn right back and we can try again."

"No," he says. A dangerous smile creeps unto his lips and he begins to advance on the foal slowly.

"Shiny?"

"I think you're perfect right now... Come over her." He lurches for her, but she rolls away and off the bed.

To Cadance's growing horror, he slowly gets up, turning his head sideways and begins to sing off key. "I like little fillies. They make me feel so... good."

"Eek!" Cadance tries to run, but is soon grabbed in Shining Armor's magic and brought back onto the bed.

"I like little fillies, they make me feel so..." Her horn begins to glow, but he just prods it slightly to stop it. "...bad." An evil grin spreads onto his face.

"What are you doing, Shiny!?"

"Something I've wanted to do for a long, long time." He grabs Cadance with his now much stronger hooves and despite her struggles, turns her onto her back in front of him. He hovers above her, the tiny filly helpless underneath him.

She tries to cover herself with her tiny wings. "Please, Shiny! You're scaring me! Stop it!"

Shining Armor licks his lips hungrily. His eyes gleam red in the dim light. "No escaping it, Cady! I have you right where I want you! Now I can finally do... THIS!" He digs his hooves deep into Cadance's sides and starts wiggling them all over her ribs.

Her eyes bulge as the panic sets in. "Noooooo-oo-oh-hah-haah-haaaa-AAAH! Stooopp!"

"Not a chance!"

She squirms and giggles and snorts, but he won't let up. When she finally thinks it's over, he pushes her down and spreads her hooves wide and blows a raspberry on her stomach, making her scream even harder. He continues tickling her. Her horn sputters sparks, but she cannot concentrate with the assault of The Tickler. He goes on until she starts to hiccup from laughing so much. As he lets go, Cadance crawls back a few inches on the bed, her lower lip in the deepest pout he has ever seen her with.

She wipes a few tears from her face. "You are a monster," she mumbles. "To do something like that to a sweet, innocent little filly..." She glares at him, which only serves to make him laugh.

"Oh? Well maybe I should call in some maids and ask them to bring us some nice clothes for you. I could dress you up in the cutest—"

"You're horrible!"

"Want to go play skiprope outside? Or should we have a picnic? We still have almost the full hour left."

"Oh, no you don't, Mister. This experiment stops. Right. Now." Her horn takes on a bright pink glow.

He doesn't try to stop her, careful not to disrupt the spell. He sits down onto his haunches and looks as the pink bubbles once again cover her body. This time he knows to shield his eyes from what comes next.

After another flash of light, she is fully grown and aged again. It quickly becomes clear that she's a bit too aged.

"Shiny..." she says, her voice sounding gravelly. "...I don't feel so good." She slumps forward, her forelegs unable to support her.

He takes her into a tight embrace. "Shh. At least I know you'll look great a few years down the line."

She gives her a wrinkled smile. "Flatterer," she says. "It's all because of you making me rush the spell! Don't you understand that it's very delicate and that—"

"Whoah. You'll turn real naggy too."

Cadance looks at him with a murderous glare. "Why did I ever marry you in the first place?"

"Folly of youth?" he answers.

"Shiny!" She pushes her away, but winces as her back cramps up.

"Or maybe cos you love me to bits?"

Despite herself, she giggles girlishly in stark contrast to her appearance. "Yes, there might be that."

"Might?" he says in mock hurt.

"Maybe I should have gone with Buck Withers instead?"

"HIM!? He was a jock! A bully! A... a... very funny, Grandma." It's his turn to frown and glare at her.

"Serves you right!" She pushes her tongue out at him.

He looks through his brain for a comeback. "I think you're going senile."

"Hmph! Kids these days." They leer at each other and then break into a laugh.

She turns serious after a moment, taking a deep breath. "Now. I hope this try gets it right. I'm not sure I can do this again today."

"Let's hope for the best. And don't worry, at least this has been... educational."

She squints her eyes again, making the wrinkles on her face dance before she vanishes in another flash of magic.

Shining Armor blinks his eyes a few times.

"So? Am I back?"

"Whoah."

"What do you mean 'whoah'? What happened this time."

"I'd forgotten how cute you were back in High School. No wonder I fell for you."

"High..?" She instinctively brings her hooves to her face." Did I get it right?"

"Ooh, yeah. Very much so. Come on." He gives her a helping hoof to get her off the bed. They walk to the large mirror standing in the corner of their bedroom. He notes that her head can barely reach his shoulders. She gasps when she sees herself in the mirror.

"I did it! Shiny, I did it!" She grabs him by the neck and jumps up. He stand back onto only his hind legs and takes her into his hooves. She is heavy, but not like the adult Cadance. He dances a few steps around, trying to find his balance. She giggles all the while. They nuzzle and share a short kiss before he carries her back onto the bed.

Cadance coyly turns onto her side, stroking the sheets with a seductive hoof. "Now why would a handsome, strong stallion like you bring a sweet teenager such as me into his bed?"

He sits down next to the bed and looks her over intently. He scratches his chin apparently deep in thought. "Hmm. I dunno. I think something is still missing..."

"W-what do you mean? I did it, din't I? I turned into a teenager just as you asked!" Her voice carries a slight tinge of panic and nervousness with it.

He leans forward and gives her another kiss. "Honey, it's not that. I'll be right back."

Without another word, he leaves Cadance lying on the bed. He walks to the bathroom and immediately finds what he's looking for. He floats the object over to Cadance, who looks at it as if it was completely alien to her.

"A... hair ring? Why would I... "

He fidgets a bit, looking at his hooves. "It's because, uhh, well, when we were in High School, I really liked the way you kept your mane in a ponytail. So, err, could you?"

"A ponytail," she says in a calm voice. The calm before a storm.

"Y-yeah" He swallows nervously.

Cadance gets up from the bed and advances on him. Her eyes blaze with sudden anger. "You never told me you liked my ponytail back then!"

"Well, I didn't think it was a big deal! Is it a big deal?"

"Shining Armor! Do you have any idea how much time I spent on my hair in High School!? I tried at least a dozen different looks to see if you'd compliment me on any of those! Are you telling me that after all the hours of work I put into it, you liked me best with a simple ponytail!?"

Despite the fact that she is a full head shorter than him, he still feels smaller than the pink teenager in front of him. "Well, I, uhh, you never asked—"

"Asked!? Does a fillyfriend need to ask if she looks good? Didn't you spend time to look good when we were together, is that it?"

"I brushed my mane almost every day! And used deodorant!"

"You..!" She prods him in the chest with a hoof. "You!"

"Cady, I—"

She turns around and lifts her tail up to his face. "You are an uncouth, barbaric peasant! You..."

The rest of her tirade is lost on him. He is stuck looking at the swaying backside of his now teenaged wife. The solution comes to him in an instant. The sound of his hoof landing on her rump with a loud slap rings through the room. She falls completely silent, apparently gasping for air from shock and surprise.

"I think that's enough of that, err, Little Missy."

Cadance looks at him over her shoulder. "S-shiny! How could you! How... ahh..."

Shining Armor's hoof never leaves her rump. Instead he begins to rub it all over her buttocks, quickly soothing away the pain from the smack. He lifts his other forehoof onto her back, right next to her tail, and starts to rub it at it's stem. She gasps again, but not of discomfort this time. His other hoof travels downwards slowly, making sure to give her bottom a long, gentle caress, before he reaches even lower, skipping past her future prize and down to her legs. Cadance's inner thighs are wet and slippery, her essence running freely out from her in a teenager's hormone rush."

"You were saying, My Little Princess?"

"Bed. Now." Her words come out in short barks.

"Hmmh? Is that how you speak to adults?"

"Shinyyy! I want it right now!"

"Oh, you'll get it." He feels a familiar, but welcome, throbbing between his feet. "But first you have to do your hair."

"You... ahh!"

His hoof just touched her swollen lips, doing a quick brush over them before returning to her thighs.

Without another word, Cadance picks up the hair ring and tucks her mane through it in haste. Several clumps of loose hair are left out from it, making her look wild and messy.

"No, Cadance. Do it properly. I know how much effort..." He once again brushes against her sex. "...you put into your mane."

"Shinyyy-y-y-y," she half speaks, half whinnies.

"Please?" He gives the base of her tail a kiss, then takes the tail itself into his mouth and tugs at it gently. "Would you do it for me?"

She responds with another gasp of pleasure. Without another word, she unties her rushed ponytail and starts doing it up more properly.

Shining Armor makes sure to make it as hard for her to concentrate on her magic as possible, rubbing her posterior, landing tiny kisses all over it, and occasionally running his hoof along her legs, all the way up to her wet mound.

Cadance's magic sputters, and she drops the hair ring. When she picks it up, the bundle of hair she'd gathered up slides from her grasp and down her neck. "It's, ahhh, really hard to... concentrate... Shiny!"

"Would you like me to stop?" he asks. He stops moving his hooves for emphasis.

"You wouldn't dare!" she says, but obediently picks up her mane again.

Shining Armor eases off her a bit, allowing her to continue, but makes sure to pleasure her all the while. He can't resist giving her cutie mark a few licks, which make her shiver all over, which almost makes her fumble again.

At last, she is finished. She turns around to give him a triumphant look. It would be triumphant, if her cheeks weren't flushed red and a tiny sliver of drool wasn't running down the side of her mouth. "Please?" She motion for the bed with her head.

He grins. "All you had to do was ask."

She climbs onto the bed and lowers her chest down to the mattress, leaving her hind legs straight to offer him free access to her nethers. He looks at her, already hard and willing. He climbs up to the bed as well and moves to mount her, lifting his forehooves onto her back. His member hovers inches away from her sex, but he doesn't push in.

"Shinyyy!" She wiggles her bottom, trying to push against his erection.

"I think I have a better idea." He backs away and pushes his head against her flank and tips her sideways.

Cadance falls onto her side and looks at him in confusion.

He takes a hold of her hind legs and turns her completely on her back and spreads her legs open, affording him a full view of her glistening sex once more.

"You're mine," he growls, a slight sliver of drool running from the corner of his mouth. Shining Armor dives in, burying his muzzle in her slit. His nose is filled her musky goodness just as is his mouth from her tasty youthful fluids. His tongue feels dry in his mouth, but it soon gets wet again once he goes to work, exploring every bit of that pink valley. He sucks, slurps, nibbles, and probes, his every motion eliciting moans of need from Cadance.

Shining Armor circles his forehooves around Cadance's legs from the outside, lifting her rump slightly off the bed. He can feel her wildly swishing tail hit his fully erect rod time and time again, driving him to work faster and faster on her

"Please! Give it to me! I want you inside me!"

Little Shiny takes over. He is only a passenger on the ship of lust as he steps forward, bringing his powertool next to the doorway that needs to be screwed in tight. He pushes in, barely fitting to the glorious canyon, now a mere creek of its adult size. She is tight. So very tight. No sitting in diplomatic meetings instead of doing track and field. No heavy dinners instead of the healthy cafeteria food. His last trepidation is assuaged as he finds nothing blocking his way, as there seem to be some things even magic cannot return. Inch by inch he goes deeper, with Cadance wailing his name over and over. Her horn sputters sparks of magic all around, stray bolts of telekinesis tossing the pillows next to her head all over the room. Shining Armor reaches the bottom just as his ring comes in contact with Cadance's glistening wet crotch.

Little Shiny demands for him to go to full ramming speed, but Captain Shining Armor takes ahold of the wheel. He pulls back, just as slowly as he went in, every nerve in his body lashing out for him to move faster. Just as his member is about to exit, he pushes back in, even slower than last time. He can feel his tip flaring, the taut muscles of Cadance's hole tightening around him like a vice. Cadance hits the bed with her forehooves, tears in her eyes from both pleasure and the pain. It is almost uncomfortable to move, but the abundant lubrication allows him to push forward again. Cadance's hips twitch up and down, trying to milk his knob-ended magic staff, but he pushes her down.

Shining Armor is in control. He commands Little Shiny, and he commands the teenaged filly underneath him. Cadance's moans are sweet ambrosia to his ears. She calls out his name, asking, begging, commanding, pleading, promising, for him to take her harder and faster. Every motion of her body beckons for him, but he stops completely. Cadance shrieks in frustration trying to push up against him. He pushes her down once again. She is his. That is how it is, and there is no other way it could be. The faun-like expression on Cadance's desperate face drives even more blood into his scepter of power pushing the sides of Cadance's tunnel of flesh to their physical limits.

Then, and only then, Shining Armor decides it is time. He pushes back in, then pulls out again, over and over, ever faster, ever harder. Cadance's pleads turn into moans, her needy twitches into rhythmic pushes to answer his. He is giving her what she wants, what she needs, but she needs a reminder of who is in control. Shining Armor brings a hoof hard onto her rump with a loud smack. Cadance's reaction is immediate. She pushes up ever harder, both from surprise and need. He pounds in more, every few thrusts giving her another hard smack to drive her closer to the edge of madness and ecstasy. Her eyes lose focus as they begin to roll from one side to another. Her mouth is still open, but there are no more words, only the moans and ululations of her primal lust. Shining Armor feels the pressure begin to build between his legs. Cadance's tunnel convulses rapidly.

He charges is for the final assault.

A sudden pink explosion shoots out from one of the towers in Canterlot Castle, enveloping the city. Most ponies don't see it, but they feel the effects all the same. Couples, both young and old, decide that maybe there is something more fun to do in bed than sleep after all. A lot of lube and tissues get used. The following day, relationship problems feel quite smaller, and happy smiles can be seen all around. Rings are bought and presented, with wedding bells ringing in the future. Colts finally find the courage to ask the fillies they have a crush on to go out with them. Teachers hurry to put sexual education on the curriculum. A little filly in kindergarten decides she is going to marry the snot-nosed colt who stole her doll and pulled her pigtails the day before.

To most everyone's luck, it isn't the heat season, so there isn't a population explosion eleven months later. Princess Celestia has a stern talk with Princess Cadance on how to conduct herself more carefully. The lecture is only slightly mitigated by the content blush under her dark eyes. Maybe it is just a coincidence that several guardsponies have to call in sick the next day. On the other hoof, Princess Luna never talks about the dreams of ponies she visits, but if she did, the words she would use would be "sweaty, sticky, smelly, and great fun all over!" And probably "Huzzah!"

Back in the royal bedroom, a panting Shining Armor lays next to the teenaged Princess of Love.

"You know, Cady... we still have about half an hour left and there's a Filly Scout uniform in your size..."

"Bring it."

What happens in Canterlot

Silence is the total absence of sound. It is caused by millions upon millions of air molecules simply not doing anything, all at the same time. Some find silence to be comforting and nurturing, especially those who usually flee from every sound as a simple matter of survival. For others, silence is a foreign concept, as life is full of sound for them. But for most, silence is just that. Silence. Nopony realises that there are different types of silence, just as there are different types of sound.

There is a faction of monks on a mountain to the East. Both the sect and the mountain have names, but they are impossible to say for anyone not from that exact region. But the important thing about these monks is that they have devoted their lives to the study of silence. Every type of silence has a name for them, from the silence of being born deaf, to the silence of the grave, to the silence after telling a joke about your boss who was standing right behind you. There is also a very specific type of silence that two ponies, married a while, can make while lying next to each other on their bed as they stare at the ceiling in the middle of the night and wish very much that they won't have to speak first. The name for that type of silence is written with the foreign letters of "Death", "Failure" and "Wet Noodle" mashed up together. It doesn't translate well.

Such silence reigns in the large bedroom atop one of the tallest spires in Canterlot Castle, the bedchamber of a Princess. Not the one who governs the day and all that happens during the bustle of the daytime, nor the one who watches over the sleep of ponykind with the gentle caress of the night. It is the bedroom of the third Princess, Mi Amore Cadenza, or less formally, Cadance. Lying next to her on their heart-shaped bed is her beloved husband, Captain Shining Armor. They lie close to each other, half covered under their blankets, but apart enough not to touch the other. Cadance shivers slightly as the cool breeze from the open window touches her body. Her mane is bedraggled and messy from sweat, as are the linens underneath her. She is still panting softly, but not the type of pleasant and satisfied panting that would follow a successful copulation. She is currently looking at the ceiling, trying to find words in the ancient stonework that would ease the hurt of the pony closest to her heart.

"Shiny... " she begins, but the words die in her mouth as she feels the sudden jolt of the stallion next to her and the coltish whinny that accompanies it. Cadance forces herself to continue: "I know you did your best and... I'm sure we'll get it next time."

The stallion turns away from her and pulls his thick blanket up to cover his back. Swallowing the lump that has risen to her throat, the mare trudges along: "It's not your fault, honey. And it's not such a big deal for me anyway." She puts a gentle hoof on Shining Armor's back. "I love you, Shiny."

Now that the silence has been broken, Princess Cadance hears the sounds of the world come crashing back in; the creaks of the mattress, her own breath and heartbeat, the quiet whistle of the wind outside, and the hopeless, desperate sobs of her husband. She leans over and strokes his mane like a mother would a foal, whispering empty words of comfort to his ears, until he finally drifts off to sleep.

"Cady, have you seen my can of armor polish? I'm sure I had it here somewhere..."

Morning sun illuminates the lofty parlour of the two newlyweds. After they moved to Cadance's tower, the two opted to eat their meals in the comfort of their suite instead of sharing the long table downstairs with the Royal Pony Sisters. They would be welcome to join the elder alicorns, but both of the newlyweds felt uncomfortable with the idea. Cadance sits at the table and waits for her erstwhile husband to join her.

"You really don't need to work on your armor, remember? You have people to do it for you now," she says while sampling some of her morning cereal, gaining a merry milk-stache.

"I know, I know," Shining Armor responds. "I just don't feel comfortable with all of these... princely things. I took care of my armor for years, and I don't think I can let go of it just yet."

"Honey, you're royalty now." She wipes her mouth with a lace-rimmed napkin and takes a slow sip of her morning tea. "You have ruling and decision-making in your life now, not just endless drills and shouting."

The stallion gives up on his search and flops down on the other chair opposite his wife. "It's not that easy. You know, military routine and stuff. I should be outside, barrel deep in mud by now, and instead I'm drinking this... this... "

"...Darjeeling blend tea..."

"...when I could be drinking the dishwater they give to officers in the canteen while calling it coffee."

He gives the mare a stupid grin as he lifts his teacup from its platter and hovers it in the air with his magic. "Prithee, milady, what ho et cetera," he says, and downs the whole cup in one go.

They share a small giggle, and their gazes lock for a moment, bringing a soft blush on both of their faces. Shining Armor and Cadance finish their meal in silence (Type 1559 semi-silence, no intentional verbal communication but ambient noise; lovers lost in each other's eyes while only interrupted by the male participant dropping his butterknife on the floor and cursing).

After the meal, Shining Armor starts cleaning the tableware away, but the gentle pink hoof of his wife stops him. As he looks at Cadance, she only shakes her head, and with a slight glow dancing along her horn, pulls a rope that signals the servants to enter.

"Prince, remember?" she whispers in the stallion's ear.

After the overtly polite maids in their frilly aprons have left the room with the dishes, Shining Armor sits back in his chair with a sigh.

"I can't help it, Cady. All these ponies pampering me all the time... It just feels that I'm getting... soft."

His brain catches up with what he just said, and he turns away from his wife.

"Shiny?" Cadance's voice is laced with worry. "Are you still thinking about last night?"

The stallion sighs. "And the one before, and the one before that. All the way back to our honeymoon."

"I know it's a big thing for you but... Please don't worry about it so much. Things will work out soon enough." The pink alicorn walks over to her husband and gently sits on his lap, causing the chair to creak dangerously under the two large ponies. Alarmed, she gets up, deciding instead on sitting down next to the stallion on the floor and gently pushing her head on his lap. “And it's not like we couldn't do... it before.”

"You keep saying that," Shining Armor says as he brushes his wife's mane from her eyes. "But it's been almost a month now... And sometimes I feel we're not even married because I'm so... useless." His voice is filled with dread, and the promise of more sobs.

"Maybe it's something medical? We could always go see a doctor or a therapist. Some of them specialise in these things."

Shining Armor's hoof stops mid-stroke. "Tell... somepony else about this? I'm not sure I'm really comfortable with the idea."

"It wouldn't hurt, and at least then we could be sure you're alright," the princess says, and aims her best puppy-dog stare up at her husband. "Do it for me?"

The two newlyweds share the waiting room with an elderly couple. The old tan mare snuggles against the chestnut stallion and they share a gentle smile. Shining Armor feels a sharp pain in his side as Princess Cadance's elbow catches him in the ribs, knocking the air out of him.

"You're staring, Shiny," she whispers to him in her usual gentle voice, in stark contrast to the strength of her hooves.

Shining Armor coughs to catch his breath and gives his lightly bruised side a little rub. He mutters a weak apology and allows his gaze to travel around the small room, making sure not to linger on the older couple. The doctor's office is different from the way he had envisioned it. It has been painted in a light shade of pink with most of the furniture in various shades of red. One of the walls is adorned with pictures of small foals in diapers shooting heart-tipped arrows at each other. On the wall opposite him, just above the two elderly ponies, is a bas relief of various fruits that forms a very suggestive image. Looking at the image causes Shining Armor to blush slightly and look away. His eyes fall upon the small basket filled with ancient-looking magazines, none of them from the current decade. The stallion picks one at random with his magic and flips to a random page. Princess Cadance looks over his shoulder, and utters in amazement: "Oh, my." They both blush like two schoolfillies and giggle nervously.

"The doctor will see you now," announces a voice close to Shining Armor's ear. Startled, he jumps up, throwing the magazine to the floor with the centerfold still open. The older couple looks at the picture only for a second before bursting out in laughter.

“Ahem... I wasn't... that is...” Shining Armor tries to explain before darting after the offending material. He lands on his face, the nurse already having picked up the magazine with her telekinesis. As she turns to return it to the basket, Shining Armor is afforded a perfect view of her hindquarters. She is a lean, young mare with a tight nurse's coat and a hat to match, but her bare rump is only a feet in front of Shining Armor. As he clambers up from his prone position, he can't help but let his look linger on the petite mare and her inviting tiny buttocks for a moment. Cadance nudges him forward from his rump and he lets out a guilty coltish whinny from surprise. The former Captain of the Royal Guard stumbles for the doctor's door with his head bent low, the older couple still tittering in his wake.

The doctor's office appears more professional. The walls are still in a garish shade of pink, but it is hard to notice from underneath the wide assortment of anatomical diagrams, pharmaceutical adverts and motivational posters. To both of the ponies' surprise, the doctor is a pegasus mare and not a unicorn like the rest of the staff at the clinic. Her lavender mane is tied in a ponytail and she's wearing a doctor's mantle atop her cerise coat. The stethoscope on her neck is mirrored by the one adorning her flank. She manoeuvres herself around her large table and shakes the pair by their hooves.

"Hello. I'm doctor Peppy Pickle. Please take a seat." She motions to the two chairs in front of the desk before returning to her seat on the opposite side. "Now, I hear you are having a problem. Would you tell me a bit more about it?"
After gathering his courage, Shining Armor starts, "I—" but is interrupted by his wife.

"My husband..."

They both look at each other, and the Princess lowers her head. "Go on, deary," she says.

With his former resolve completely shattered, the stallion feels the female doctor's burning eyes on him as he tries to stammer out an explanation.

"We've been married for a few weeks now..." he starts anew, immediately feeling stupid. Who wouldn't know about their marriage in Canterlot? It was only marked by a full-on assault by a foreign military. Once again the tears of shame start forming in his eyes, but he manages to halt them with the last remnants of his military discipline. "We've been trying to... get things to work. In the bedroom, that is. But... I can't... that is..." His speech teeters to a stop. Cadance lays what she thinks ofas a comforting hoof on his lap, but it only serves to make him even more nervous.

"So you can't get it up?" doctor Pickle asks matter-of-factly. Shining Armor only whimpers like a small colt being caught stealing apples. Unseen to him, the doctor smiles at them both. "You might be surprised to hear, but that is actually what we are here for. And don't worry, you wouldn't be the first ones to have the same problem. Actually you'd be the fifth."

Shining Armor forces himself to look up at the doctor. He sees her motherly smile, and feels a little bit of confidence return.

"In the history of the clinic?" he asks.

"Today. Now, if you have gotten over the worst of your blushing, could you answer a few questions for me?" The doctor uses her wing to pull a clipboard from a shelf to her side.

Shining Armor only manages to nod.

"How long have you had this problem?"

“Not long... It... uhh... since about a month ago. When we got married. A month ago. Yes.”

“And before that? Did you have problems before?”

"No... I mean... Never. I could get it working like... any other stallion, I guess?"

"Have you had any trouble reaching an orgasm?"

"No... I... I... " Shining Armor feels like falling limply on the floor from indignity. He manages a nervous look at his wife.

Cadance only smiles at him like a mother would to a nervous child.

"Mister Armor. It is quite common to feel uncomfortable or uncertain with with these matters. This is only a medical procedure, nothing more. To us, it is the same as treating a cold or setting a broken wing." She looks at the silent alicorn seated next to the stallion. Sometimes it helps if you don't have to answer them in front of people close to you."

The stallion looks at his wife. "We have nothing to hide or anything like that. We're married and stuff, right honey?"

The Princess brushes his cheek with her hoof. "I know, dear. But would it be easier if I waited outside? This is to help you, so I don't mind."

"Then I... uh..." Shining Armor looks to the doctor and his wife in turn, and with a gulp finally says, "Yes, please."

"I'll be right outside, Shiny. Now be a brave Prince for me?" she says, and gives an affectionate kiss on the whiter-than-usual stallion's forehead near his horn. After she leaves, the doctor continues.

"So no problem reaching an orgasm. Have you had normal ejaculations?"

"Uh... yes. No problem there."

"Have you suffered any trauma to your nether region, for example to your testes or penis?"

Now that he is alone with the doctor, Shining Armor feels like a heavy weight has been removed from his shoulders. Not having to go through all these things while his wife is seated right next to him actually seems to help him concentrate.

"No. Nothing like that."

"Have you been under a lot of stress lately?"

"Well... I was kinda in the middle of the changeling invasion. And then there was the fighting up north in the Crystal Kingdom."

"Yes, I read the news. I'm happy to hear you and your wife returned safely," the doctor says in a tender voice.

"T-thank you." With each word, the stallion feels more comfortable.

"Have you had to use powerful magic, or have you been subjected to powerful magics in turn in the last month?"

Shining Armor actually manages a weak, ironic laugh. "Where to begin, doc? I was under mind-control for Celestia knows how long before the wedding, I had to help Cady... that is, Princess Cadance to repel the changeling army. And I'd been keeping the shield around Canterlot for several weeks before that. And in the Crystal Kingdom, a thousand-year-old unicorn cursed my horn with black crystals that removed all my magic."

"Well, there seems to be a lot in your life lately. I would be surprised if there wasn't something wrong after all that. How are you feeling now?"

The comforting and understanding words coming from the doctor make him feel more at ease. For some reason, more at ease than it would be like talking with Cadance, he thinks, but pushes the thought out of his mind.

"My magic is back, and working well. It's worked well since Cad... ance used the Crystal Heart to purge the Crystal Kingdom of King Sombra."

"The papers were full of the news of Princess Cadance being the new Crystal Princess, if I remember correctly?"

"I don't know about that. But that's what they say. She's the same Cadance to me," he says.

“Did you have sexual intercourse with your wife before the wedding?”

“Uhh... yes. I mean... it's okay, right?”

“And you had none of these problems then?”

Shining Armor tries to answer, but the words just don't come out. After waiting for a while, the doctor asks: “Mister Armor? Are you alright?”

“Yes... uhh... no problem there. We... had sex normally.”

The doctor looks up from her clipboard and rests her chin on her hooves while looking directly at the slouching stallion in front of her.

“Now... this might be a more uncomfortable question, but I'm sorry that I still have to ask: Did you have sexual intercourse with the changeling queen masquerading as your wife during the time—"

"Please don't ask that," the stallion says in a desperate voice.

"Would that be 'yes' then?" The doctor makes a few more notes on her papers.

The pale stallion gets up from the chair and leans on the desk with shaking hooves. "D-don't tell Cadance about it! Please!"

"Everything we talk about here is confidential. Though I am a bit surprised that you have yet to go through the events with your spouse."

Shining Armor collapses back onto his chair. "I... we... Cadance told me that everything that happened under the mind-control spell wasn't my fault and that I shouldn't worry about it. I... kinda guess she might have an idea what might have happened but... It'd break her heart."

"I still think you might want to go over the events. But that is up to you." She shuffles a few papers. "Back to my earlier question. Did you have sexual intercourse with the chan—"

"Yes. I did," the unicorn blurts out, tears rimming his eyes.

"Thank you for being honest with me, Mister Armor." The doctor gives him another supportive smile.

"I... yeah. No problem."

"Did you have any trouble during this aforementioned intercourse?"

"N... no."

"You did it several times, I gather?"

"W-what has that got to do with anything?" he says in a defensive tone.

"Did you notice your virility lessen during that time period?"

"I... no." He lowers his head down to his forehooves. "We even did it the night before the wedding. And all that time Cady was trapped in the caves under the castle and I was just having sex with a shapechanger."

The doctor gets up from his seat and pours the distraught unicorn a glass of water, which he drinks down slowly. The doctor remains seated on her desk instead of returning to her own chair until the stallion regains his composure.

"Now, Mister Armor. There are some tests that we should perform to make sure you are not suffering from any ill after-effects from the magic you have been subject to. I'll write you the papers and the nurse will take care of them." She pauses for a moment. "That only leaves the physical examination."

"The what?" The earlier desperation in Shining Armor's voice is replaced with dread.

"You do understand that I have to give you a physical check-up, don't you?"

“I didn't think there would be any... touching or anything. Kinda... just talking.”

“The physical examination is a routine part of the process and there is nothing to be nervous about.”

"Yeah... I guess." If there was a way for the stallion's shoulders to slump more, he finds it.

The doctor pulls back a beige curtain to reveal a very basic examination table. "Please lie down on the bed on your back and spread your legs."

The stallion gets up from his chair with shaking limbs, and manages to climb on to the table without falling down.

"Now, please try to relax. Some patients even find this examination pleasurable."

Shining Armor closes his eyes. The doctor's touch is gentle, almost fleeting, and he immediately figures out that she is using her wings instead of her hooves for her work.

"No outward signs of trauma, which is always good. Your testes are quite swollen, which is also a good sign as your body is functioning as it should be and is producing sperm cells." She moves her gentle wings to the base of his sheath.

The tickling sensation makes Shining Armor's heart thump louder, and he feels the same throbbing in his member. To his horror and amazement, he is getting hard against all his expectations.

"You are showing clear signs of an erection, Mister Armor."

"Uh-uh. Sorry. It just kinda... happened." He still keeps his eyes closed, ashamed to look at the doctor.

"To be more frank, you have a very healthy erection, and there seems to be nothing wrong with you physically." She keeps turning his member around with her wings. "No signs of trauma here either; circulation seems to work well, and there are no signs of extraneous swelling." The doctor's gentle feathers tickle the top of his member, which elicits a slight moan from the stallion. Already the doctor's touch is making him feel aroused in a way he hasn't felt in a month. He instinctively lifts his hip up from the table like he was inserting his member into a mare.

His imagination starts running wild with images of cute mares lifting their tails high in the air to show how much they want him. They are cute, pretty little things, barely in their teens. The throbbing in his member is controlling him now, and without hesitation he mounts one of the mares in his mind. He imagines the bitter scent of her youthful arousal, the tightness of her flesh, her tiny flanks he is holding on to; it is all too much for him. He returns to reality as he realises in panic that he is about to orgasm for real.

"Doc—" is the only thing he manages to say before he starts emptying his load into the air, his pent-up pressure shooting wave after wave of his semen into the air. It lands everywhere, from the curtain to the table, to his own body, and on top of the doctor as well. He sits up, the last of his fluids still dripping onto the table from his spent tool which is still standing up like nothing had happened.

The doctor walks to a tissue dispenser and starts wiping off the sticky substance from her mane. Without saying a word, she hands the tissue box to the stallion, who stutters: "Doctor... I... sorry... didn't mean to... "

Peppy Pickle takes a short breath and smiles at the stallion. "You gave me quite the start there, Mister Armor. You must have been feeling very excited for you to ejaculate from just a basic examination. And in such a short time, too."

"So sorry... I'm..." The stallion has tears rolling down his crimson face.

"Don't worry. It happens often enough that I'm used to it by now. And we can now say for sure that there is nothing physically wrong with you."

Shining Armor is left alone with his thoughts. His mind races through the events as his mood drops after a much-needed orgasm.

“Nothing... physically... wrong? But why can't I... with Cadance?” he mutters while staring at the floor.

The doctor walks back to her desk and starts making notes. After a moment, she looks up to the stunned stallion. "You might want to start cleaning up before you leave, Mister Armor."

This returns the stallion back to the realms of the thinking, and he quickly gets to work cleaning after himself, struggling with the sticky semen starting to dry up all over the short hair of his coat. When he finally finishes, he jumps down from the table and is about to start on it as well, but the doctor interrupts him. "The nurse will take care of that. Now please." She motions to the chair in front of her.

After Shining Armor sits down, the doctor makes a few more notes and then lifts her head up from her task. "After the recent events, we can deduce that your problem is not physical, but psychological. I am referring you to one of our sexual therapists for counselling sessions. Your wife will also have one, and then the last one will be with you both together. You will be meeting up with the same therapist, Sassy Swallow."

"Sassy... Swallow?" the stallion asked.

"As in the bird, Mister Armor." She pushes a stack of documents to the beleaguered stallion. "Was there anything else?"

The unicorn walks to the door with his papers, but stops before opening the door. "Yes... umm..."

"Out with it, please,” the doctor says, for the first time sounding a bit stressed. “I am running late as is, and this room still needs cleaning up."

"It's just that... you... have something on your chin."

Princess Bridle

Shining Armor walks out of the clinic in a daze. His groin is still aching from the release earlier, but fortunately his stallionhood has receded back into its hiding place. Good thing too, because I'd rather avoid public indecency charges on top of everything else today. He shakes his head to clear his thoughts, almost poking Cadance in the cheek with his horn in the process. After avoiding the unwanted perforation, she gently nuzzles Shining Armor, and they start walking back to the castle.

"So what did the Doctor say?" she inquires after they turn the first corner and step onto the quiet streets of the city. "Did she find out if anything's wrong?"

Shining Armor, lost in his own thoughts, barely even hears his wife. After a few steps, the Princess stops dead in her tracks. "It's not something serious is it? Are you ill?" When the stallion once again fails to answer her, she circles around him to stand in front of him. Her muzzle is almost touching her husband's. "Shiny!"

"Huh?" He finally stops when the worry in Cadance's voice snaps him out of his musings.

"Shiny, you're scaring me! What's wrong?"

"Nothing. I mean... She told me I have to have some therapy," he says in a weak voice, checking around if anypony else might hear his words. He finds the two of them standing alone on a windswept street, the working hours of the non-royalty still unfinished. Still, he really can't get the words out to explain the situation. He only shakes his head again and tries to start walking around Cadance. She quickly interposes herself in front of him again and looks him straight in the eyes.

"But you're not hurt or anything like that?"

Shining Armor finds himself unable to meet his wife's gaze, and looks away. "It's complicated. Maybe... maybe we should talk about it in the evening? I think it's better for me to gather my thoughts a bit."

"Honey... " She lifts a hoof to try and brush her distraught husband's cheek, but he shies away from it.

"Please... tonight alright? I have to think."

This time Cadance doesn't try to stop him. She only lowers her head and fights back the lump in her throat. They make their way back to the castle, both lost in their own thoughts.

A few hours later, Shining Armor finds himself rolling a pen on a desk absent-mindedly. The polished wood, the soft chair under his backside, it all feels alien to him. In front of him stand several messy stacks of official papers. Hidden somewhere underneath the piles is his "in" tray, completely overwhelmed. The "out" tray next to it stands almost empty, him only having been able to sign a few assignment wafers and commission reports.

"Good news, honey! I'm completely well and good! Yes, honey, I kinda blew my load on the doctor's face. No, honey, I wasn't attracted to her. She just gave me a wing-job that made me come in under a minute... " he pauses and rests his face on his forehooves. "No, honey, it's not you. I just can't get it up with you, but it's completely okay with a total stranger. Of course I love you! Did I mention therapy? I have to go see a shrink cos there's really nothing wrong with me after all. Completely fine. Just not with you. Yeah. That'll work out SO well."

With a frustrated kick he allows his seat to swivel around. He reclines back in his massive chair, looking around his room. The walls are lined with bookcases and cupboards, all made in robust dark wood, like everything else in the room. In front of him, stands a massive table with a meticulously drawn map of Equestria and its surroundings. It is covered in pins and markers, all of them signifying units and supply lines of the Equestrian Army.

"What the hay am I doing here?" he asks the room, but receives no answer. "I'm a soldier, not a pencil-pushing... clerk!"

Shining Armor walks to the window and pulls away the heavy curtain to look outside. "And they even had to put my...'office' right above the training grounds." Outside in the autumn drizzle, a group of Earth Ponies are crawling in the muddy ground with heavy saddlebags on their backs and carrying spears in their mouths. He can almost imagine the grunts of anger and determination as the drill instructors keep pushing the recruits to their limits and beyond. Most of them will quit in a few weeks, too tired and mentally exhausted to keep on going. But from that pressure, the few that remain will come out as diamonds, ready to be polished and set in the crown of The Royal Guard.

He sees a recruit fall down on his face, not even able to get up. The instructor is on to him immediately like a rabid diamond dog, shouting at the top of his voice how useless a maggot the pony in front of him is. The pony on the ground, a muscular stallion, only covers his head with his hooves to protect himself from the verbal barrage.

"Five bits says he won't even last the week, right Lieutenant Iron... " His mind once again catches up with his mouth as he turns around to look at his empty room. " ...Sight?" he finishes on autopilot.

"Damn it." Shining Armor slumps back onto his chair. The overtly soft cushions, even on the armrests, make him feel more trapped than ever. Angrily, he turns back to his work and approves three munitions requests without even reading them before the pen slips from the grasp of his magic and rolls over the side and behind the table.

"DAMN IT!" he shouts and pushes himself back, only to have his chair catch in the plush carpeting and deposit him on his back on the floor. A few books fall down on the floor around him with heavy thuds. What follows is silence number 11822: Quietly contemplating murder on the person who invented indoor work, and more specifically, chairs.

The silence is only interrupted by the slow, deliberate sound of a book sliding off the shelf above where Shining Armor impacted the bookcase. The last thing he sees before the lights go out is the cover of "The Complete History of the Equestrian Military Dress-Code, Illustrated Hardcover Edition".

The whole 2600 page version.

The first thing Shining Armor notices is that it is still dark. Next thing is the ceiling, only dimly lit by the ambient lights of the city below. The room spins around a few times before settling on pain.

"Urgh."

With the compulsory groan of pain out of the way, he clambers up, displacing the 3rd airborne regiment to guard the Everfree Forest on the table while doing so. After a few tries, he pushes the headache from his mind enough to light the small lamp above his desk. The clock on the wall tells him that it's way past midnight.

And then the last guest to the party arrives: Greeting Pain and Confusion at the door is Panic, who barely has time to exchange a few pleasantries with its friends before Shining Armor dashes out.

"She's going to murder me!" He rounds a bend while four-hoof drifting and sprints up the stairs to Cadance's tower. At the top he stops to pant for a second before opening the door to their apartment. Shining Armor feels his heart sink as he sees his wife at the dinner table. Her head is laid on her hooves, and she is snoring gently with a trickle of drool running down her chin.

"H-honey? I'm home," he whispers, not really knowing what else to say. A sudden thought occurs to him. Horseapples! I still have no idea what to tell her about the visit to the doctor. To his horror, the alicorn at the table stirs and opens a drowsy eye.

"Shiny? What time is it?" she asks groggily.

Think! Think! Think! "It's uhh... it's... bedtime! Yes! I came to take you to bed. Now come on, honey. Good save.

"Okay," Cadance answers. She gets up from her seat and Shining Armor escorts her by the shoulder to their bed, where she barely has time to lie down before she closes her eyes again. "Wuvya," she mutters, before falling silent.

Shining Armor levitates her blanket up, and she makes a small content sound as she snuggles deeper into her pillow.

"Love you too, Cady." He looks at her sleeping face and a small smile creeps to his face. With a relieved sigh, he sits down on his own side of the bed. Behind him, Cadance's breathing becomes more shallow, signaling that she has fallen back to sleep.

That only leaves Shining Armor. He sits, resting his head on his forehooves. The events of the day start once again their merry run around his head. The visit to the doctor, the guilt, the frustration, they all roil around in his head, until he finally collapses onto the bed and closes his eyes.

He doesn't know how long has passed since he returned to their bedchamber. What immediatly catches his attention is the wet feeling that is traveling around his nethers. He lifts his head and sees Cadance gently licking the base of his member.

She stops for a moment and looks at her husband. "I... couldn't resist. You looked so cute asleep and I thought that maybe we could give it another try?" she says.

"But... I... " Shining Armor stammers.

"Shh, I know. The doctor managed to make you come all over her in the office. I know you're all healthy now, so just relax."

"How did you..?" he asks in confusion.

"We're married, aren't we? Your face was flushed just like after we'd made love, and you smelled like your own love juice. Not to mention the specs that had dried on your fur."

"I'm sorry! I didn't mean to! Honest! Cady it was an accident— "

"Shhhhhh," she whispers and lowers her head back to her task. Shining Armor can feel how her tongue travels around his private parts, making circles around his sacks and tickles the base of his shaft. The gentle throbbing and the hot waves of excitement in his loins signal him in no unclear terms that The Prince has awoken. Was she always this good with her tongue?

"I told you there'd be no problem, Shiny," his wife whispers. "Now let's get down to it, shall we?"

The room is soon filled with hungry slurping sounds as Cadance takes Shining Armor's member into her mouth and starts moving her lips up and down along its length. He lowers his hooves down and feels his wife's mane as it bobs in rhythm with her lips. Small grunts of pleasure escape his mouth as he involuntarily starts to push his hips up in response. He finds his lover's horn and grabs onto it with a hoof and starts setting the pace for her sucking. Cadance submits, but not for long. She lifts her head higher, leaving only the tip of his tool in her mouth. She lolls it around her mouth for a moment before pushing it out completely with her tongue.

"I think that's enough foreplay, don't you think?" she says. "Because I've been waiting for you to take me for a month, and I want it NOW!" Her voice is needy and urgent, almost pleading.

Shining Armor doesn't need more persuading. He pushes the needy mare on her back and leans into her. They share a passionate kiss, reveling in the feel of each other's lips and tongues. He backs up and touches his own member with a hoof. It perks up in answer, already tingly from anticipation. The smell of his wife's musky arousal tempts him to enter her, but he tries to prolong the moment to savour the feeling of dominance.

"Shinyyy! Please! I need it bad! Take me already! Pleeeease!" Cadance gyrates her whole hindquarters around the stallion's legs, spreading her juices all over his legs, and he finally succumbs to his lust. The familiar slit is slippery, allowing him to find it easily by touch alone. He soon finds some resistance, as his member is about to enter. His wife is tighter than he remembers, which suits him just fine. He pushes deeper, reveling in the high-pitched whinnies that accompany his thrust all the way.

"Shinyyy! Please be gentle... " she says in a begging voice.

He immediately backs a little way out, allowing Cadance to catch her breath. "You're so much more snug than I remembered, Cady. It feels so much better than I thought."

"I'm sorry! It must be all the disuse from all this time. I didn't mean to do it," she whimpers.

Shining Armor covers her mouth with a hoof. He pushes his member back in, slowly, but with grim determination. The mare under him squirms, but the sounds escaping her lips have turned to ones of bliss. He pulls back again, only to thrust his member even deeper, reveling in the tightness of his lover. Again and again he pushes, and with every motion the mare's squeals grow higher and higher, until her voice is just a continuous, climactic moan. Her rump makes a moist slapping sound with his every advance, the mare flowing freely from arousal.

With a growl, Shining Armor feels the build-up in his abdomen finally reach its peak, and he starts to empty his load into Cadance. With blurred vision from his orgasm, he looks at his wife's eyes. They are glowing a toxic green, and her features start turning longer and thinner. What earlier was the softness of her fur is now the cold, sleek surface of chitinous plates under his hooves. He falls onto his back in horror, and the apparition rises to stand above him.

"Yess! Fill me with your seed, Captain Of The Guard!" Queen Chrysalis shrieks. "Fill me with your seed so we can together build an army of changelings to ravage this land! We will rebuild our hive, even bigger than before, and Princess Celestia will be your whore! But one mere shot won't be enough for it! Oh no! We shall do this again and again and again and again! Now fuck me, Prince! Make it perfect!" She jumps onto Shining Armor, pushing him down onto the wet mattress underneath. And he screams.

He screams and screams, and the Changeling Queen is still grappling him, holding him down, ready to force herself onto him once more. He fights back with flailing hooves and headbutts, and the apparition is forced away. He jumps out of the bed and channels his willpower into his horn. The room is illuminated by the pale white glow of his magic. On the floor next to their bed, Cadance is sitting on the floor with her eyes wide. She is still clutching her blanket as if looking for security from it.

"Ca-cadance?" His heart is pounding in his chest, but slowly the last vestiges of sleep are replaced by understanding. A dream. It was just a dream. Did I hurt Cady? Oh no... "Cady? Are you alright?"

"S-shiny? What's going on?" she answers in a trembling voice.

"I had... a nightmare. A terrible, terrible nightmare." He slowly circles the bed and approaches the prone alicorn. She shies away at first, but then suddenly flings herself onto Shining Armor, taking him in a tight embrace and knocking them both onto the floor. He feels Cadance's whole body shiver against his own, and all he can do is hold onto her and stroke her mane. After a while, she calms down, and they climb up to sit on the bed, still holding each other.

"You were shouting and trashing around and I was trying to see what was wrong. And then you pushed me out of the bed," she says in a pouty tone and gives him an accusing look.

"Are you alright? Did I hurt you?" he asks while trying to check her body for possible injuries. He is interrupted by Cadance grabbing him gently from his cheeks with her hooves, forcing him to look into her eyes.

"Of course not, silly. It seems I am getting used to you throwing me around." A small wicked grin spreads on her face. "But... "

Shining Armor swallows the lump in his throat. "But?"

"But... " She leans even closer to the stallion. " ...you should remember that there is a penalty for that." Her grin turns even more wicked, revealing some of her teeth.

"Cady... wait..." His protests fall onto deaf ears as Cadance glomps him onto the bed and locks their lips together in a deep kiss. After they surface for air, they both feel the tension from earlier break away and both of them turn to lie on their backs, laughing. The laughter slowly turns into content smiles, and Shining Armor sneaks his forehoof behind Cadance's head. They lie there, side by side, listening to the each other's breathing.

"Would you like to talk about it?" Cadance asks.

"The dream?"

"Yes, silly." She turns onto her side and runs a playful hoof on his chest. "What could make the honorable Prince Of Equestria, make such a ruckus in the middle of the night?"

Shining Armor falls silent for a moment. I can't tell her. She'd get upset again... and I kinda like just cuddling here.

"I can't remember."

"Really?" Her hoof stops. "Seemed like a hard dream to forget."

He looks at Cadance and smiles. "Yeah. Dreams and stuff. Must have forgotten it when I saw you without a brushed mane."

He is rewarded with a reminder of an alicorns strength, as her gentle slap to his stomach makes him double over. "You're horrible," she says with a giggle.

He coughs and tries to catch his breath. "Yeah... guess... I am... "

"Well. We have an early morning tomorrow, so I'm going to go back to sleep now." She gives him another gentle kiss and picks her fallen blanket from the floor. "Good night, Shiny," she whispers.

"Good night, Cady," he responds.

After a few minutes, Cadance is once again back to sleep. Shining Armor is left alone in the darkness to nurse his aching stomach and mull the vivid nightmare in his head.

Shining Armor wakes from hazy dreams, his chest pressed against Cadance's back. He nuzzles into her, inhaling the raspberry scent of her shampoo. She stirs a little, then sighs contentedly and wriggles back into Shining Armor.

"Morning, honey," he whispers into her ear.

"It can't be morning yet. Please turn off the sun, Shiny."

"I'm sure I can go ask Princess Celestia. She's probably at the breakfast table already." His gaze falls on the small clock that Cadance has on her bedside table. "Or lunch."

"Five more minutes," she mutters and closes her eyes once again.

He lies there, content in the warmth of their shared bed and her body against his own. His lips place a gentle kiss on her neck, and she turns to face him. Her eyes are still half-closed, the corners of her eyes still covered in gound after the night. She smiles and parts her lips, and Shining Armor presses his own against them. Their tongues—

"OH! Begging your pardons, Your Royal Highness! We came to change the sheets and didn't think there would be anypony in bed at this late hour of the morning," comes a mare's voice. Shining Armor's chest freezes in shock, and he instinctively pulls his blanket up to cover him and Cadance. There are two elderly maids standing at the door; One is a plump, cream-coated unicorn with a curly pink perm, the other a lanky pegasus with a greying brown mane. They both have crows feet, radiant cheeks and salacious grins, and are wearing frilly aprons.

"The scandal, Broom Sweep!" squeals the pegasus, "To think I walked in on the Prince towering over our young Princess like some rascally pirate."

"Like a pirate, Feather Duster? Was he looking for some plunder?"

"Not THIS again," Shining Armor turns to his wife. "Please make them go away? Please?" he pleads.

"Shh. I want to hear what they've got today," Cadance answers with a grin.

"Oh yes, Duster, I'd say there was a bit of jolly rogering going on. My, the scandal, you can taste it in the air."

"Ooh, I can taste more than scandal in the air, Broom. Oh, the scandal!"

"Such scandal, Duster!"

"Oh! Scandal!"

"Scandal! Oh!"

As their verbal rampage picks up pace, the pegasus nabs the Prince's blanket away from him and tosses it on the floor. Shining Armor sits up to lean oh his pillows. "Uh, ladies," he says, irritation creeping into his voice, "We'd quite like some privacy—"

"There'll be talk in the kitchens, Broom, the royal couple haven't even started with their breakfast at nearly ten in the morning. So very rummy, wouldn't you say?"

"Very rummy indeed, look at the Prince, he looks positively rapacious! You can tell he's craving a bit of crumpet, Duster."

Shining Armor grows more annoyed, scowling at the maids. "Ladies... that is quite enough," he says, but his protests are drowned in the maids' prattle.

"I think the blushing bride wants some too, Broom. There's a voracious look in her eyes, she's positively hungry for it!"

"She wants her fill of it, I'm sure. She's craving a hefty pair of scones, bulging with clotted cream."

"Clotted cream, Broom?"

"Oh yes, Duster, rich, thick cream, dripping down her lips and sliding down her throat. I'd bet she's gagging for it at this hour of the morning."

"I think they fancy a bit of breakfast in bed, Broom."

"That would be rather romantic, wouldn't it? Just look at the Princess, I'd wager she wants to feed her husband a hot, moist muffin."

The Princess in question blushes slightly, but instead of scowling, she merely lets out a giggle.

"I say, Broom! No need to corrupt innocent young minds with innuendos like that, you'll cause a scandal! No, my dear, I'm sure they're just exhausted."

"Yes, honeymooning does take it out of you, doesn't it, Duster?"

"Oh it does, Broom. Why I remember when my dear Reggie swept me away on my honeymoon. We spent the whole week walking around Manehattan with legs like jelly, we did."

"I know what you mean, Duster. When Percival took my maidenhead and we laid together for the first time—ooh, the scandal, Duster, we nearly woke Discord with our cries we did!"

"You never forget the first night of your honeymoon, do you, Broom? Oh, the sheets, when Reggie made me a mare, such scandal. The bed looked like a griffon's kitchen!" She gives an appraising look at the sheets on the Royal Couple's bed and tsks. Her accomplice turns to look at Shining Armor, who is gritting his teeth from annoyance.

"Is that a guilty grin on our good Prince's face? Oh, what a devil, I'll wager he uncorked the claret last night, Duster, there'll be such scandal in the laundry today!"

"Oh, the scandal!"

"Such scandal!"

"Scandal!"

"Oh, scandal!"

"I am warning you—" he raises his voice but to no avail.

"I'd wager against it, Broom, we're simple commoners from simple Trottingham, not urbane cosmopolitans like the Prince and the Princess. No, I'd wager the Princess' been to the field before she met our wonderful Prince."

"Played the field? You think she fumbled a few balls before her engagement? Such scandal, Duster!"

"What scandal, Broom, I'd say she held a few bats in her time, smacked a few wickets too!"

"She's a canny mare, Duster, I'm sure she shopped around before making a purchase."

"Now that is enough, ladies. I think—" Shining Armor tries to cut in, but is interrupted as the earth pony maid nabs his pillow from behind him, making him smack his head on the end of the bed.

"I'd say Her Royal Highness can drive a hard bargain, Broom. Why, I'd reckon she could get two tossed salads for half a tuppeny upright!"

"I couldn't blame her, Duster, I'd want to get a bit of practice in before marrying His Royal Highness if I were her."

Cadance is holding her stomach from laughing so hard and tears are rimming her eyes. Both of the maids move to stand side by side, pushing their heads against each other and looking at the Prince with hungry eyes. They are going for the kill. "Oh yes, Broom, our Prince is the very model of a stud. Oh, how his nostrils flare, the rakish way his mane falls across his face, so virile!"

"You can see the muscles flex under that gleaming coat, such raw athleticism. Cor, an erect, upstanding soldier like that, he'll have had a slew of mares, Duster."

"So strong, so potent, just look at him, Broom! He's ravished buckets of clunge, I say, such scandal!"

Shining Armor has gone past blushing and entered the crimson-with-anger -territory. "Uggh! I won't stand for—"

"So commanding, so stiff, Duster! And those legs and flanks, why I'm sure the former Captain could still mount an assault or two!"

"Only two, Broom? Perish the thought, look at his steely determination, his throbbing drive, I'll wager he can stay on the offensive all through the night!"

"Is that an innuendo there, Duster? Oh, you dirty old mare, what scandal! You've put Her Royal Highness into hysterics and turned His Royal Highness into a blushing schoolcolt with your lewdness."

"Shame on you, Feather! You've embarrassed His Royal Highness!"

"I HAVE HAD IT!" snaps Shining Armor and moves to get up. The two maids retreat in mock horror.

"That's quite enough you two," Princess Cadance finally interrupts. "Give me and my husband a few minutes to get up and then you may continue with your work."

Both of the maids fall silent and give a curt bow to her. "Yes, Princess Cadance," they say, and leave the room without another word.

Shining Armor is left to gawk at the door to the parlour and his wife in turn. "I wasn't kidding. Every morning the same thing. I just can't take it anymore! We'll—"

"I think it's a great way to start a day. And you really shouldn't mind them so much. Those two have been my maids for years, Dear. No need to be up in arms about a silly quip or two. They are dependable ponies, and you know they wouldn't actually tell anypony about what they see or hear in here. And they make me laugh." She gives Shining Armor a smile that culls the rest of his arguments before he can rally. Cadance gives a mighty yawn and shakes her head. "I need a shower."

She turns on the bed to leave for the bathroom, but her husband lays a hoof on her back. "Would you like me to join you, Princess Mi Amore Cadenza?" he asks with a grin.

"I better go alone, dear. I think the two of them..." she nods her head in the direction of the living room "...have had quite enough gossip material for today." She gives Shining Armor a quick peck on his cheek and gets up from the bed, leaving him alone.

Shining Armor falls onto his back on the sweaty sheets. After a moment, he hears the running water from the bathroom and Cadance's gentle humming. "I might as well grab a shower at the barracks while I do my morning rounds. At least they haven't taken THAT away too," he grumbles, but the ceiling refuses to answer him.

He walks through the lounge without even looking at the chattering maids, feeling like a stranger in his new home. He heads straight for the door, waiting for an off-hoof comment to come his way, but it never does. The stairs down to the main level of the castle feel narrower and steeper than usual, and he tries to take them slowly. He has to stop halfway, his head feeling like somepony'd poured porridge into his ears. Shining Armor leans on the wall, wondering what is going on, until his stomach gives a loud grumble of protest. "Yeah, right. Haven't eaten since lunch yesterday."

After his head clears a bit, he continues on his voyage. "So... FIRST the kitchen... THEN the barracks. And then maybe —UARGGH-AGHH!" The last part is the result of him not looking where he is going, crashing into somepony else at the bottom of the stairs, and falling on his rump.

"Why do you not look where you are going!?" booms a loud shout to his face. His mane billows behind him as the hurricane-strength wind almost knocks him on his back.

"Sorry! I didn't look... I mean... " he stutters. As the dust clears away from his eyes, he finally sees who it was he smashed into. "P-PRINCESS LUNA?!"

"Yes. Your observational skills are apparently improving. Should I take your crashing into me as a sign that I am not worthy of your attention, dear nephew?"

"YES! NO! I mean—" He backs away, still on the floor.

The terrifying visage of the Princess Of The Night refuses to relent, easily keeping up with his retreat.

"Has becoming royalty gone to your head, Prince Shining Armor!?" she bellows.

The stallion in question has no more answers before the might of the lunar diarch, and can only cover his head with his hooves, waiting for the oncoming storm.

"Or... " Princess Luna returns to a normal, quiet speech, " ...maybe it because I've lost weight? Is that it? Must be! Oh joy! I must go thank Tia immediately for the most impressive book on step aerobics she lent me!" She looks at the gawking stallion. "Oh do get up. We have cleaning staff for sweeping the floors so you don't have to do it with your hindquarters."

Shining Armor gets up, trying to nonchalantly brush the nonexistant dust from his shoulders. "T-thank you, Princess Luna."

She walks by the Prince. "Might I give you a suggestion, nephew?"

"Y-yes! Please, Princess Luna!" He unconsciously salutes the dark alicorn.

"Night is for me to guard, so maybe you should try sleeping? You would cause less collisions for one," Luna says in a regal voice.

"Yes, Your Majesty! Of course, Your Majesty!"

The Princess tosses her star-filled mane and walks away. Shining Armor has just enough time to let out a relieved sigh when a booming voice once more carries through the stone corridor.

"Although it is amusing to listen to you consummating your marriage!"

"I... I... uhmm... have to... uhh... bye!" Not even trying to explain anymore, Shining Armor runs off to the opposite direction. After he turns a few corners, he stops by to look at himself in a full body mirror on the wall. A messy mane, sweaty coat, bloodshot eyes and blushing cheeks greet him from his reflection. He smashes an angry hoof on the wall next to the mirror. "Nice going, Captain Armor. You only good for blushing, stuttering and running away from mares now?" He sees his angry face in the mirror and allows both his hoof and his head to droop. "And talking to yourself?"

Shining Armor's day is full of official business, which boils down to: Sit quietly and listen to people talk, and when they're done talking, nod and take the papers they have with them and toss them into the "in" tray before the next pony comes in. Repeat ad nauseam. This monotony is broken, when instead of the Lieutenant Whatshisface he was glumly anticipating, comes one of the castle couriers, a skinny young pegasus stallion.

"Your Highness, I bring an urgent message," he states in an official voice.

"Out with it. I still have a lot of important... " He looks at the young stallion, and then at the pile of papers on the table. "On second though, would you care for a cup of coffee and a game of cards?"

"Sorry, Your Highness. It wouldn't be—"

"Yeah. I know. Etiquette and stuff. What do you have for me?"

"We have received a message from... ahem... 'The Lovey-Dovey Honey-Bunny Sexual Health Clinic' to inform you that your first therapy session will be today at two." His face betrays no emotion.

Dead silence falls into the room. before Shining Armor is able to speak. "Your name?"

"I'm called Parcel Pallet, Your Highness," the young courier answers nervously.

"Now, Parcel. You don't mind me calling you Parcel, do you?"

"N-no, Your Highness."

"And I am called Prince Shining Armor."

"I... ummm... know."

"Pleasure to make your acquaintance. Now, Parcel. It occurs to me that sometimes you couriers might be... how should I say... getting together for a drink with other couriers, hmh?"

"We, umm, have been known to, Your Highness."

"And when you meet your fellow couriers next time, you will remember that Prince Shining Armor and you are friends. Very. Close. Friends. First name basis, even."

"We are, Your Highness?"

"Of course we are. And now that we are such close friends, we would never say anything about our friends that would maybe... make them the butt of every single joke the Royal Guard tells for the foreseeable future, now would we?"

"We... " The stallion's eyes open wider as his mind performs a basic calculation of two plus two, and comes up with 'trouble'. "I would never—"

"I know you wouldn't. Because then I would have to be very disappointed with my friend. And neither of us would want that, would we?"

"Of course not, Your Highness!"

"Good. Now. Back to your duties."

"Yes, Your Highness!"

When the youth has left the room, Shining Armor carefully places his head on the table and in a barely audible voice asks, "Where's a war when you need one?"

Epilogue: Hearts of Crystal

Iron sight looked at himself in one of walls of the Crystal Castle. There really wasn't a need for mirrors there, seeing as how everything gave you a perfect reflection. The two tarts working at housekeeping made sure of that. Mirrors had lost a lot of popularity after word got out there was one that sent you to another dimension. Sure, it'd been deemed safe and inactive, but Crystal Ponies were fidgety around anything that even remotely reeked of bad mojo.

Red eyes, surrounded by dark lids. The hoofprint on his cheek was barely visible any more. The slap had been half-hearted at best, so she was clearly into him. Now all he had to do was remember to breathe only through his nose and avoid bright lights and loud sounds. And working, but that was a given.

He knocked on the door. It was soon answered by a living nightmare crammed inside a frilly apron. The Head Housekeeper, Broom Sweep, gave him a thoroughly disgusted stare.

"And which pigsty did our brave Captain crawl out from this fine morning?"

"Don't you need to be buying more slaves to the pens you call housekeeping, wench?"

Their glares were such that a stray fly which happened between them disintegrated into dust. A wicked grin grew on both ponies' faces. There was a mutual nod of respect between sworn enemies. She let him pass.

Inside was the new apartment of the royal couple. Princess Cadance was still talking to the more manageable of his mortal enemies, the Majordomo, Feather Duster.

"I'm sure you'll get it out. It must have mixed up with some of the, ahem, lubricants we used," the Princess said.

"No, love. These are going straight to the incinerator. Can't have even the memory of such foulness and scandal...

"Oh, such scandal!" added the Head Housekeeper.

"...to remain on the royal linen."

To her credit, the Princess's blush was barely visible under her pink coat. Such a heartthrob that one. He did his best to bow without actually moving his head so as to avoid the vertigo sending him onto his face. "M'lady."

"Oh, good morning, Captain. Shiny will be right with you." She took a casual sip of her tea.

The Prince in question entered from stage right, also known as the bedroom. "Cady, have you seen my whistle? I'm sure I had it here somewhere..."

"On the hook next to the door, Dear. Right where you always leave it."

"Oh, right." Shining Armor levitated the crystal whistle's string around his neck and put a red cap onto his head to complete his chief instructor ensemble.

Cadance gave her a disapproving snort. "You really should eat breakfast before going to shout at those poor ponies."

"If a lone Mustang with a jar on her head can outrun our whole track team, they really need to up their game. That means more practice."

"Well, as long as you get all your shouty out of your system and can focus on the paperwork..." She left the unspoken threat hovering in the air.

"Yes, Honey. I will take care of it this afternoon."

"You had better! The Pegasus chariot will be bringing in your VIP around four, so be done by then."

"Yes, Dear. Any other Princely duties I should attend to?"

"Well, just the most important one," Cadance said, beckoning him over with a hoof.

He walked over to her and they shared a kiss, that turned to keep on going for quite a while. The two housekeeping horrors whispered to each other. The Major Trouble had produced a stopwatch from somewhere withing her apron.

Shining Armor leaned back from the kiss and casually trotted over to Iron Sight. "Walk with me."

Outside, both the stallions let their postures slouch.

"VIP? Do you need an armed escort?" Iron Sight said.

Shining Armor did look sufficiently embarrassed. "It's just my, uhh, therapist coming for a visit from Canterlot."

"The one with the very innuendo name?"

"The same."

"Eh, whatever works for you."

They rounded the bend, heading for the door to the palace grounds, now appropriated for a training ground for the athletes of the Crystal Games.

"Soo... what news from the Crystal Guard?"

"Nothing much really. Now that a certain Prince made sure I had nothing much to do with the new recruits, it's mostly dull."

"You were due a promotion sooner or later. Can't stay a Sergeant forever."

"I probably could have."

"Then what brings you here so early, if there isn't anything to do with work?"

The door to the outside was just in sight. They stopped beside it. The outside light really wasn't Iron Sight's thing before noon. "Mostly seeing if our plans for the evening are still on. I found a lovely mare in the city that makes the most wonderful of wines from crystal berries.

"Wouldn't miss it for the world. I even have an excuse ready for Cady."

"The one you always use? The one about checking the perimeter for any stray evil crystals?"

Shining Armor beamed. "That's the one."

"You do know she sees right through it?" Iron Sight said.

Shining Armor deflated a bit. "Yeah, probably. But it's kinda like an unspoken agreement. I don't tell her I'm going to get wasted with friends and she doesn't nag about it the next morning, as long as it isn't too often."

"Politics?"

"Politics."

Shining Armor stepped outside, taking a deep breath of the cool morning air. The chatter of ponies carried from somewhere in the distance. He looked over his shoulder back to Iron Sight, who was still stood inside the shadows. "I do need you to get a honor guard for Twily when she comes over the day after tomorrow. Can't have her just walk in now that she's a Princess too."

"Seems becoming an Alicorn is a thing with the mares around you. Just warn me before you pop a pair of wings."

Shining Armor gave him the tongue. "Just take care of it."

"I shall. I heard the wenches already got her room ready as well." Iron Sight scratched his unshaved chin. "She's one hottie, your sister. She probably has to fight colts off all day and night. Maybe I should give it a go too. Marrying into royalty seems to be the thing for us Captains."

Shining Armor froze in place. He walked up to Iron Sight and poked him in the chest, his hoof making a clang as it hit the armor. The fury in his eyes could have scared a hungry manticore. "Let me make this clear, no, absolutely very clear: You, nor anypony else, is good enough for my sister, got it? You lot especially stay away for her. I will bloody murder any colt that tries to go near her."

"Just a jest, Guv. I'll make sure the word gets around."

"Make sure you do." Shining Armor turned around to look outside. "Now I really need to get going. These lazy bums won't even make the qualifiers if they don't shape up." His posture straightened up again to show all his authority. The cap spoiled the image somewhat.

Iron Sight tried to follow his gaze with squinted eyes. "Must be real hard to to make sweaty, well toned athlete mares do whatever you tell them to all day long."

Shining Armor shrugged. "It's a dirty job, but somepony's got to do it."

"Well, catch you later. I'm off to do my part for Equestria."

"Remember to lock the door before you take your morning nap."

They parted ways, Iron sight once more alone with the myriad reflections of himself. He whistled an off-key tune as he walked for the Guard barracks. Luckily getting there didn't involve actually going outside.

He heard the hesitant clip-clop of army issue shod hooves approach from somewhere ahead. Caught off guard, he looked around to see if there was a place for him to hide, but it was too late. One of the only non-crystals in the Guard. A Pegasus with a yellow coat, shock-blue mane, and the goofy grin of a lovestruck pony.

The kid saluted him. "Captain."

Iron Sight wiped his forehead with something resembling a salute. If one were really trying to see one, that is. "Ahh, young Flesh Entry was it?"

"Flash Sentry, Sir."

"And you are probably here because of our little deal?"

"Y-yes, Sir!" The colt sweated despite the cool air of the palace.

"Well, you, m'boy, are in luck. It appears that Her Royal Highness, Princess Sparkle, is yet single."

The relief on Flash Sentry's face was palpable. "Thank you, Sir. Thank you!"

"Just be careful of her big brother." He paused for a moment to see if Flash Sentry was going to remember his part of the bargain. The colt's eyes betrayed that he was somewhere miles away, probably with the Princess of his dreams. "Ahem!"

"Oh, right, sorry, Sir!" He fished inside his chestplate and produced a ticket. "Here you go. One VIP ticket for our gig on Friday, with a backstage pass of course."

"Very well. This concludes our business. Now, if there was nothing else, I have something very important to take care of."

He walked past Flash Sentry. The kid fidgeted for a moment, but finally gathered the courage to open his mouth. "S-sir? Can I ask you a question?"

"What is it?"

"Sir... why in Equestria do you want to come to our gig? We barely get a hundred ponies there and to be honest, we aren't even that good."

"Can't an old Captain enjoy some youthful music and company now and again?"

Flash Sentry seemed wholly unconvinced. "Umm, I guess?"

"Now run along. Like I said, I'm busy."

"Yes, Sir! And once again, thank you, Sir!"

Iron Sight nodded and walked away. He hovered the cheap ticket in front of his face. "The Wondercolts, huh? I hope their songs are a bit more original." He wandered around the castle, seemingly aimlessly, finally pushing open one of the doors to a guest room. From somewhere under his armor, he pulled out an envelope and took out the letter inside, checking it one last time.

"Dear Princess Twilight Sparkle,

You are invited to our performance of contemporary music this Friday. Please find attached your ticket.

-FS

P.S. Come meet me after the gig."

Iron Sight slipped the letter and the ticket inside the envelope, licked it shut, and put it onto the table next to the bed.

"Young love. Who am I to stop them."

THE END

Author's Note

It's finally done! over 300 hours of work on this fic, not counting all the planning and hitting my head against a writer's block. It has been a huge undertaking, and I've promised to write some blogs about what I learned from writing this story. Keep it in your favourites to receive the blogs even if you aren't following me.

Cadence In A Minor is dedicated to the memory of Terry Pratchett, the author who made me fall in love with reading, learn English, and eventually made a writer out of me. I wouldn't be here without him, nor would this story.

Great many thanks go to all the people who have helped me with this fic. In no particular order: Tinandel, CarcinoGeneticist, Chuck Finley, Dee45, Scytho, and all the other people who have commented, whined, critiqued, and cheered me on to keep doing this. Cadence In A Minor wouldn't be here without you.

If you enjoyed the story, please note there is a PayPal donations link on my user page. Hint hint.