“OK, for real, how did we get into this mess?” You say from your spot bound on the ground. You look around at the pygmy zebras happily milling about, not even sparing you a glance.
“Oh I don’t know, maybe because you punted one of the locals? No couldn’t be that.” A voice from the side you snarks sarcastically. You turn your head to see a beige pegasus just as bound as you are looking at you with less than amused magenta eyes.
“Well Daring, that little bastard shouldn’t have jabbed me with his spear”
Daring just rolls her eyes and resumes looking for a weakness in her bindings. You look down at your own Lilliput like restraints, ropes tying you to the ground along with another rope wrapped around you, restricting your arms. You sigh, this seems hopeless. Maybe you shouldn't have kicked the small equine after all? It would certainly have saved you a lot of trouble. But then again, that little spear of his was really sharp, and damn if it didn't hurt.
You think about how to get out of the situation. Then a rather appetizing smell catches your attention. You sniff the air, confirming the aroma as something delectable.
“Say Daring, what’s cooking?”
The mare blows a bit of her gray scale mane out of her face before looking at the center of the small village with widening eyes. ”Anon? I think we are in a moment” she says with a gulp.
What’s got her so worked up? You look at the same spot that she is and see that the pygmy zebras have set up a large cauldron and a pair of spits over a large bonfire. What in the world are they?..!
No. They couldn’t be…
“Erm Daring? I thought zebras were vegetarians?” you say with a bit of panic creeping into your voice
”Yeah well, these deep tribals can be pretty backwards…”
Hell no. Not today. With strength fueled by adrenaline, you struggle against the ropes with every bit of your might.
The pygmy zebras pay no mind, obviously confident that you couldn’t break the rope or otherwise get out. Slowly but surely however the ropes holding you down come lose. With a final burst of strength, you raise yourself up free of the ropes, the stakes holding them into the ground flying up and out.
A plethora of gasps ring out as you rise up to your full height, four times higher than them. Even with your arms still bound, you must look pretty scary escaping the initial layer of ropes.
You stalk up to the large group of pygmies tending to the fire. All of them stare up at you, petrified. Here you are, about to make a huge statement to an entire settlement.
Make it count Anon. With a moment of thought, you know what you must do.
“Hashtag YOLO!”
The instant that the words leave your mouth you raise a leg and kick over the cauldron with a metallic “CLANG!”, sending the boiling hot contents all over the ground, where pygmies scrambled about with a medley of cries, trying to avoid being burnt.
Turning and running as fast as you could, you make it to a shocked Daring. Stooping over, you grab the ropes wrapped around her and pull her free from the ones holding her down.
Still biting her bindings, you run as fast as you could with the awkward arrangement, carrying the pony with your teeth seeing as how your arms are still not free.
Angry whoops and war cries sound behind you as dart like arrows rush past, missing you and Daring by inches and embedding themselves into the tropic foliage around you.
Yep, this is one of those days you should have just stayed in bed.
Finally finding a place you could stop, you set the pegasus in your teeth down and take a breather, leaning back into a tropical tree.
Taking a few haggard breaths, you look down to Daring who looks rather shocked at what had just transpired.
"Well" you stop take another breath, damn this jungle air is humid "I think we *hah*lost them."
"As happy as I am that we are not going to end up someone else's lunch, were still sort of stuck in these ropes Anon, and here in the jungle that cannot end well." Daring tells you with a deadpan expression, her shock dissipating quickly.
Well shit, she had you there. Okay, next course of action, getting the out of these ropes.
"Any bright ideas?"
She thinks to herself for a moment, before proverbial lightbulb lights up over her head "I've got a pocket knife in my front pocket, it's not all that sharp but should work for cutting through these nasty ropes."
You give her a flat look.
Almost a minute passes while Daring looks at you with a raised eyebrow. "Well?"
"Daring, don't take this as offensive but I’m sure you fucking reek and I'm not putting my face anywhere near you again."
Her jaw drops before her expression transforms into pure rage, her magenta eyes lighting up like the fire that threatened to cook you not even 10 minutes ago. ”Well of course I don't smell all that great! We've been out here in the humid jungle for Celestia knows how many hours now, you act like you smell any better, unless you have a better idea then by all means share it." She finishes with a glare.
You sigh and weigh your options. You could either get a face full of pony stink and be out of here immediately, or you could say and try and find a better way with the possibility of being jumped by something crazy in this god forsaken jungle.
A sigh finds its way out of your mouth, time to man up. You kneel down to Daring's level dejectedly, feeling jungle muck make its way through the knees your pant legs and just plain making this worse
"Fine, where is it?"
She nods her head down at the only pocket on the front of her shirt not covered by rope, where the beginning of the small, red handled knife protrudes, just low enough that she couldn't get it herself.
This is going to suck.
You lean forward and open your mouth just enough to expose your front teeth, no need touching this thing or being closer than you really need to be. To your immense surprise the horrible smell that you are expecting is absent. Maybe these ponies just don’t take long to air out? Then again, Daring here is the only one you really interacted with so you can’t be sure.
Whatever, you just want to get out of here and get back to somewhere that has even a hint of civilization and rest before any more shenanigans can befall you or your equine companion.
Gripping the knife with your teeth, you pull it out exposing the dull and scratched up blade. Bending your neck down to Daring’s side, you set to the slow task of cutting through rope with a knife that should have been replaced years ago while Daring watches carefully. While doing the repetitive work, you think back to when you first met the adventurous mare only a few short days ago.
Really it was a normal day your house, blowing off your college lectures and other work in favor of sitting at home playing some blaring music and vidya.
Then abruptly your radio cut out to some weird sounding news station. Thinking it was some sort of error you were about the switch the station back before your whole stereo set up started flipping out, sending out sparks and more than a little bit of smoke before the whole thing simply imploded on itself. The next thing you knew, you are in a dank tomb with the horse version of Indiana Jones staring down at you while holding a glowing, magic necklace in her mouth.
And that signaled the start of your adventure in the land known as Equestria. Daring Do, as you later learned what her name is, a famous adventurer, archaeologist, and author in this land had felt it to be her responsibility to look after you since her playing with the magic necklace is what brought you here in the first place.
You had to admit, life in a Tomb Raider adventure sounded very appealing, plus you really had nowhere else to go so you accepted her proposal with little fuss.
Now you're just wondering what the hell you were thinking.
But still, the whole "finding lost treasure." and "discovering ancient secrets." thing could turn out to be very profitable as well as exciting…If you live long enough to make anything of it that is.
Fucking pygmy zebras...
The sound of rope snapping pulls you from your thoughts as Daring stretches her limbs out of the now limp rope with a pleased expression.
"Ahh, much better." she says with her somewhat scratchy voice, stretching the kinks out of her legs and wings.
You clear your throat loudly, the knife still held in your teeth. She realizes that she completely forgot about you with an embarrassed blush.
”Err, my bad Anon." she says with a sheepish smile "Mind giving me the knife?" She asks as she stretches out her neck with her mouth slightly open.
You look at her with a raised eyebrow.
She raises one of her own in response "Well? Give it here, and don't even think of dropping it down the ground." she says with a distasteful glance at the mud covered forest floor.
How the hell did she want you to give it to her? Wait, did she just want to take it straight from your mouth? Wow this is going to be awkward.
You hesitantly bend down to her level and offer the small weapon as best you could. She leans up the rest of the way and takes it in her teeth, her lips brushing against yours for the briefest of moments as she did so.
Daring realizes what she did and turns away from you the instant she has the knife, her cheeks a bright pink. You feel your own cheeks sting some from the unintended contact before you shake your head violently.
No Anon, she's the wrong species.
Daring clears her throat and turns back you “W-well I guess we should get you out of these ropes, huh?"
A simple nod is your answer as you stoop down and let Daring cut the ropes on you. It seems ponies have much stronger neck muscles than humans as she saws through the rope in hardly half the time it took you to cut hers.
She places the knife back into the front pocket of her shirt and looks up at you with her magenta eyes ”Come on, we might want to get out of here before it gets dark, that's when the real baddies come out" the beige mare says as she looks at the slowly sinking sun.
"I hear that" you say dispassionately, not really wanting to see what sort of dangers this backwards world had to offer at night. That being said you and the beige pegasus trek through the humid jungle in search a road, hoping to find an easy route to a town. While fighting through the underbrush, a thought comes to you.
"Say Dare, I thought that you said that Equestria is a tame country, why the hell is there jungle here then?"
She looks back at you, not slowing her pace “Well Equestria proper with the exception of Everfree Forest is pretty safe, but out here on the fringes right by the border, things get a bit more risky”
’Risky? Try outright hostile’ you think as you swat a mosquito the size of a small bird that was flying around you to the ground before you stomp on it with a wet ‘squish’
”Finally!” Daring says as you come to a road through the thick forest land. You roll your eyes, she could be so impatient as you learned early on, you and she were only walking for about 10 minutes and already she was almost ready to complain.
Walking along with her, you spy the small unnamed border town that you and Daring had passed through right before your unfortunate encounter with the pygmies.
Sun beginning to set below the horizon, you and the famous mare walk into town, passing by many other species milling about, getting last-minute things from the market or just heading home.
You remember the first time you had seen all this. Just seeing Daring was almost enough to make you think yourself crazy, but all this had almost sent you over the deep end.
Ignoring that however, you and your companion walk to the local inn run by a gruff looking middle-aged griffin.
Opening the door of the somewhat small and dingy establishment, you let Daring in first, who offers you a smile in response. You cough some at the wall of stale and bitter tasting air of the place as Daring trots up to the black plumed griffin running the inn.
”Hey Beck” Daring greets the griffin front desk who is looking over a stack of papers.
”Ms. Daring" he responds a deep voice, not looking away from his papers "I assume you and your... unique friend would like a room for the night?" He asks.
”Yep” Daring says "20 silver bits a night for both of us right?"
Beck simply nods. Daring digs in her pockets and produces a pair of 10 bit coins before tossing them to the griffin. Still without looking up he raises his talons and snatches the 2 coins out of the air.
”Enjoy your stay, the 2 pony rooms are down the hall” he says simply.
Daring motions for you to follow her after the transaction. Following her down to the rooms, you both enter a single room containing two beds. Unceremoniously, you walk up to one flop down, out like a light as soon as you landed on the too small mattress.
(Background Music if you like)
“Did we have to get up this earlyyyyy?” you whine tiredly as you walk along side Daring on a road leading through the noisy jungle.
The sun has hardly even made it over the horizon and you've been on the road for an hour now. And by god do your feet hurt…
Daring rolls her eyes with a sigh before looking back up at you. ”You know, we could have left at noon maybe? When it’s hot enough to fry your brain and make it nice and humid, want that next time?” she asks with a condescending look.
Heat? Fuck that noise. But there has to be a way to get the better of this argument.
Right?
Right..?
…You just can’t win can you?
You cross your arms in irritation and grumble while the beige mare grins triumphantly, putting a bit more spring in her step. So far, this whole “Live an Indiana Jones movie” thing has been boring and tedious.
The heat…The jungle…The effort…
The spiders that are so big that they can eat dogs…Oh wait, they had those at home in Ohio. Still hate them, hairy dickweeds.
Almost half an hour is spent with no talking, the crunching of the gravel road and the sounds of the jungle wildlife providing background noise while the sun rises higher into the sky. Time to break that.
“Say Daring” you say, not breaking your stride.
”Hmm?”
“Where are we going anyway?”
”To mount Kracontonis of course!” She exclaims as if the fact were as obvious as the wings on her back.
Oh. Now if only you knew where that was.
You let out a short laugh.“Where?” you repeat with a grin, knowing it’ll get on her nerves.
Daring groans and takes off her pith hat, pulling a slightly crinkled map from it. Replacing her hat, she opens the map.
You bend down some to get a better look and to hold the map for her. ”We” Daring points a hoof near the green printed middle of the map. ”Are here.”
”Kracontonis,” she drags her hoof up to the top of the map, where the land was brown and mountain filled, one standing taller than the others “Is here.”
That’s…You look at the distance scale on the map.Oh wait, you can’t read pony.
Funny writing it is, flowing script and what you swear is hieroglyphs blended together seamlessly, at first glance one would think the spoken language would flow like crystal clear water and sound melodic from whoever spoke it, unlike the english that it’s really associated with.
Still SOL when it comes to reading it however. ”What’s the scale say?”
She glances at it “About 10 miles an inch.”
You take your thumb and measure the distance on the map with it.
1
3
6
8…
9…
She’s joking. She’s joking right?
“We…are going to walk 90 miles to this place?”
”Mmhm at the rate we’re going it should only take, don’t give me that look!” she says when she sees your disbelieving face.
Walking 90 FUCKING miles? In the jungle no less?
“You really expect us to make it there on foot?” you ask, already feeling the soon-to-be sores on your feet
”Anon don’t be such a wuss. It’s not like we’re going to do it all in one go, we’ll stop once or twice.”
No. What sort of fresh hell is this?
“Once…or twice?” you squeak out “Across 90 miles..?”
Daring looks up at you, annoyed “Didn’t I already say that?”
She did this for a living, you didn’t. And she expected you to do this? The nerve, but you are out of options, leave the mare and you’re on your own in an unfamiliar world. You sigh, pinching the bridge of your nose as you hand her the map back, which she stuffs back into her hat.
Here we go…
~~~~~~~~~
Nearly 6 long, grueling, sweaty hours later at high noon, you and Daring have come to what seems to be a turbulent river crossing the road…With no bridge. Ahead of you slightly is a brown earth pony stallion with a map cutie mark wearing a full pack eyeing some rocks sticking out of the rushing water.
He’s not going to do it is he? “Hey buddy!”
Both he and Daring look at you.
“There are easier ways to kill yourself you know.”
The stallion frowns. “I was going to jump it!” he calls back
“Exactly.”
His frown morphs into a scowl while Daring facehoofs.
The stallion trots up to you. ”Look buddy I don’t know what your problem is but-Daring?!” you cuts himself off mid sentence, looking wide eyed at your travel partner.
Said mare looks at him confusedly. ”Urm, do I know you?”
”Yeah! Don’t you remember? It’s me! Land Mark!”
Daring blinks, then looks around awkwardly. ”Oh, hey Mark…”
He trots up and nuzzles her, happy as can be. Daring just forces a smile and bears with it. Ha, who is this guy? A fanboy?You stifle a snicker at her discomfort.
He pulls back and looks at you “So, who’s your weird friend?”
Weird? No Anon, no kicking ponies in the face, that what got you in trouble last time.
Daring glances at your now frowning face “Mark, this is Anonymous. Anon, this is Mark.”
Land Mark sticks out a hoof “Nice to meet you.”
You smile and take the hoof in your hand, giving it a shake. “I almost wish I could say the same”
The small smile on his face dies. He pulls his hoof from you and looks back to Daring, twiddling his hooves.
”So erm Daring? I was thinking…um, maybe you would want to get back together sometime?” Mark says, practically tripping over his words.
Wait, get BACK together? That’s too fucking rich! You turn around with a hand clamped around your mouth, trying your hardest not to laugh. Turning back around, you’re just in time to see Daring give him a sympathetic look so fake that she may as well have been wearing a mask.
”Mark, you’re sweet and all but it just won’t work out, you know that.”
He falters but bounces back quickly “Please?”
Wow he sounds pathetic. Reminds you of yourself in junior high…
Never again did you go to prom…
The pegasus mare drops any pretence of kindness, giving Land Mark a glare. ”I said no, why don’t you go try your luck with the river rocks?”
Ow…poor guy…What a crock of shit, you really didn’t think that.
“OOOOHHHHHH! REJECTED!”
Land Mark reels back, looking almost ready to cry. Turning around, he raises his nose and trots back to the rocks.
Out of the corner of your eye, you see a large shadow in the water lethargically making it’s way to the rocks.
With surprising deftness, Land Mark hops several of the rocks, landing on one near the middle of the water before turning to look at you and Daring.
The shadow is getting faster…
You nudge Daring and point to the water.
She raises an eyebrow.
”I know you’re just playing hard to get!” Mark yells from the rock, oblivious to the danger heading his way.
”And when I discover all the stuff in the mountain, I know you’ll-
SPLASH!
CHOMP!
In a fount of water a fish the size of an SUV jumps out of the water and swallows Land Mark whole before diving back into the river.
Holy shit…did that just happen? Face frozen in shock you look at Daring to see…Her looking like nothing had happened?Whoa damn.
“Um Daring? Your ex just got eaten”
She gives you a deadpan look. ”Trust me, He’ll be back… now, let’s get across the river.”
What? “Whoa whoa whoa, you’re not serious.”
”Anon this river runs across the whole continent, we’re going over it.” she says in a tone that leaves no room for argument.
…
“Ooooooh ho ho hoooo, how about no?”
She raises an eyebrow, smirking “Scared?”
“Well…”
You give a clap of your hands and point at the rocks in the river.
“After watching your weenie ex boyfriend get wasted by a fish, yes I am.”
”Wuss!”
“I thought we went over this?”
Daring lets out a noise of frustration “It’s not even hard!”
Without waiting for a response, she runs to the riverbank and jumps halfway across, landing on a pointy rock and hopping the others to the opposite side of the water in hardly a second. ”Come on!” She yells over the sound of the rushing water.
Fuck. Walking to the edge of the water, it almost seems to be rushing faster now...
“Aaraha haaa...! I don’t wanna do this!”
Calm down Anon, you can do this…Taking a deep breath, you hold your hands up face height and psych yourself up.
“It’s cool, I’ve got this, the only thing that can happen if I mess up is a watery grave…shit….”
Well that backfired. Time for plan B, Just do it. With a running start, you jump to the closest rock, flailing like plucked chicken. You land and almost slip on the slippery thing.
You watch the water rage around your rocky perch, carrying away anything unlucky enough to get caught in it.
Damn this water is menacing up close…Ok, one down, a whole lot to go…
”Comon Anon! you can do it!” Daring encouragingly calls from the other side
Nice to see that one of you thinks so…Slowly, you make your way across one jump at a time with all the grace of a retarded kangaroo, almost taking a permanent drink more the once.
Halfway, another shadow down the river begins making it’s way to you…
“Oh shit!”
It get larger, and larger, until a crocodile the size of a small apartment breaks the surface, it’s beady yellow eyes trained on you. It opens it’s mouth, showing off sword like teeth and growling loud enough to make your bones rattle.
”ANON HURRY!”
Don’t need to be told that twice. You practically fly across the rocks as the croc thunders through the water at ridiculous speed, determined not to let it’s exotic meal escape.
Then the worst possible thing happens.
You slip…
You let out a short yell as you fall into the cold water. Vision at almost zero, you latch onto the nearest rock, your fingernails being ripped back from the force of your fear induced grip.
The croc sees you in the water and doubles it’s pace, eyes gleaming with hunger.
Oh dear god… You’re going to die…
“No no nononono! Not like this!”
”ANON GET OUT OF THERE!” Daring screams as she rushes to you.
On your rock in a flash, she reaches out a hoof. You grab it and hold on for dear life.
Face screwed up in concentration, Daring pulls with all her might, bringing you slowly up out of the water. You look over your saviors shoulder to see the croc jump out of the water in a titanic torrent of water, mouth turned to the side to snap both of you up.
“DARING!!”
She looks and sees, her eyes widening in alarm.
With one final pull, she bring you to the rock and you both jump to the next one with no time to spare. The croc’s jaws close around the old rock, pulverizing it in a cloud of stone shards and dust.
It lands back in the water in a huge splash, surfacing and glaring balefully at you both before swimming away unfulfilled. With another jump. You and the beige mare land on the gravel road, Daring landing heavily on her side right before you both collapse, panting.
You sit for a moment and shake, the harsh reality that you almost died making you think.
This…this is no game. Those were real teeth that almost killed you. That water was fast enough to take you away. But did you have much choice on where you could go?
Not really, traveling with Daring is probably your only chance at making a life here. You bring a hand to your head, grimacing as your broken nails get jostled. And to think… first near death experience and you hadn’t even gotten to a temple or something yet. Fucking Christ man…
You turn to Daring, who looks just as worn out as you. She’s known you for hardly 2 weeks yet she saved your life…
You scoop a surprised Daring up into a hug. “Holy…shit, Daring you’re the best you know that?”
She chuckles “Oh I know, but could you let me go?... I think I messed up my wing…”
You release her and she steps back. Flexing her left wing, Daring winces and puts it back down.
”Sprained… Comon, lets find a town and rest.”
”Gotcha.”
You smirk.
“Wuss”
You get a hoof to the head for that.
~~~~~~Later~~~~~~
“So what’s the damage?” you ask as Daring walks into the small and rather bland hotel room you both rented in some small border town.
She shows you her wrapped up wing “Sprained, like I said, the doctor seemed a little unprofessional but this was pretty basic.”
“That sucks, oh well! Looks like we can’t head into any dangerous temples, cursed tombs, dragon dens, or the lairs of eldritch abominations any time soon huh?”
Ha, beat that one.
She snorts with a grin “You act like I haven’t done this stuff while injured before”
Dammit, so much for that. You sigh. “So still going to the mountain place?”
”Yup so you better rest up” She says cheerfully as she hangs up her shirt and hat, before heading into the bathroom, where you hear the shower start.
You fall back onto your bed, hands on your face. After today you’re still on the fence about this.
Pulling your hands away from your face, you look at the bandaged ends of your fingers, this is nothing compared to what could have happened.
But…
The adrenaline…it felt good. And the chance for treasure and fame, a childhood dream of yours, it all just fell into your lap.
What to do…
You need some time to clear your mind. Getting up out of the bed, you head for the door.
“Daring! I’m heading into town!” you call through the bathroom wall.
”Alright! Don’t get lost!” she calls back over the sound of running water
With a nod, you head out.
Out of the room and though the lobby, you walk out into the small, currently twilit town.
Walking about at a sedate pace, you look at the various shops and such, seeing some interesting items and other things among the exotic shop keepers.
A black plumed griffin selling “Dominion specialty” mead. A zebra giving a demonstration on his many colored potions. A pair of bipedal dogs hawking well made jewelry in rough speech. Always something new here.
Passing one of the few shops with an actual building though, you see something in the window that catches your eye.
Getting close to the window, you see a large kukri knife on display.
“Ohhhh, so…edgy.”
Looking down, you see the price tag and wince, 100 gold bits. If you remembered right, there are 10 copper bits to a silver, and 10 silver to a gold
Digging in your pockets you find…
2 silvers and a U.S. quarter. Shitballs. Wait…You look at the quarter and think…could you get the knife for almost free? …Yes, yes you could.
With a face splitting grin, you walk into the shop.
Dodging around shelves of curios and other customers who give you looks, you come to the end of the shop where a zebra stallion decked out in gold jewelry is looking over a p0ny statuette with a magnifying glass.
He looks up at you and puts his things down “Something I can help you with my tall friend?” he asks with an airy tone.
Ok, bullshit time.
This is what you went to law school for.
You school your face into a mask of udder indifference.
“Yes, I saw the curved knife in your window and found my interest piqued, care to tell me about it?” you say in a droning monotone voice.
He nods with an oily smile. “Yes, fine thing it is, griffin work, high grade steel, very durable and it even come with an upkeep kit.”
Interesting, you glance back at it.
“I see, but there is one problem…I do not have 100 gold.”
The zebra shakes his head “Then no sale can be made.”
You raise a hand.
“I’m not done, I do believe I can offer something more valuable however.”
”...Go on…” he says slowly.
You pull the quarter from your pocket and offer it to him. He looks it over with a scrutinizing eye. ”A well struck coin no doubt, but what is it?”
Here we go, time for some improvising. “A token from my lord, he owes anyone who owns it one favor, no matter what it is.”
”Oh really? And just who is this lord?” the shop keeper asks with a raised eyebrow
Think fast!
“Fortinbras Ophelia Rosenkranz, high sovereign of the nation of America.” you say, thinking of the most complicated name you could.
Now the shop keeper seems interested “And what is within his power?”
This could be a stretch, but…“Anything.” you say, still remaining monotone.
”Anything?”
You nod. “Riches, power, America is the most powerful nation in the wartorn human world, and for good reason.”
”Human world?”
Home stretch, here we go Anon, sell it good.
“Indeed, I was brought to this world by accident, and when a rescue party arrives, I can direct them to you.”
He narrows his eyes.
“If you suspect me of lying then ask yourself this, have you ever seen something like me?”
He sighs, looking between the coin and you.
“Anything…” he mumbles.
”Why would you trade something like this for a knife?” he asks suspiciously.
Easy “Immediate survival, supplies don’t get more basic than a good knife.”
Again he thinks. Comon take it…
Then a grin comes to his face.
”Deal.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~
You make it back to the hotel room with your prize strapped to your belt to find Daring drying herself.
”Hey Anon what…where did you get that?” she says, pointing at your belted knife.
“Well I may or may not have conned some shopkeeper.”
She blinks “Anon?”
“Hmm?” you ask, heading to take your own shower. God knows you need it after today.
”Ponies get strung up around here for that.”
You stop dead. “W-what?”
”No joke.” she says, her voice even.
Silence rules for several seconds, then. “So, up and out first thing tomorrow?” you ask
”Sounds like a plan.”
