Hard Boiled Pink

by haydenward082

Rating: teen
Tags: Pinkie Pie, Applejack, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark, Alternate Universe
Length: 4823

In just a few years, Equestria has changed and Pinkie has to get to the bottom of things.

You'd think life as a colorful equine could be easy, all cupcakes and friendship right? No, not for a pony livin' on these dirty streets. Maybe it's like that for those nose wagglin' pompous ponies up in Canterlot with their fancy palaces, magnificent gardens and other wastes of time. Not down here though. All the scum from Canterlot has to wash down somewhere. That somewhere is Ponyville. It used to be a nice place you know, with nice houses and polite people, people who wouldn't kill you for lookin' at 'em wrong. The lights all around, bright ones everywhere. Blaring neon's showing you the gambling joints, whore houses and sweat shops. All them lights really only serve one purpose, to make the shadows that much darker, to distract you before you get pulled into an alley and robbed... or worse.
With the Royal Guard bustin' down all the speakeasies and ignoring the real problems in the city, the crime lords are getting out of control and are getting angry about losing that expensive liquor. With my friend Applejacks distillery gettin' torn apart by some crime lord because of competition, it's gettin' to me too.

Published 2012-12-01 17:00:01 UTC
Last updated 2012-12-01 17:00:01 UTC

Part 1, Questions and Rumblings

-Prologue-

You'd think life as a colorful equine could be easy, all cupcakes and friendship right? No, not for a pony livin' on these dirty streets. Maybe it's like that for those nose wagglin' pompous ponies up in Canterlot with their fancy palaces, magnificent gardens and other wastes of time. Not down here though. All the scum from Canterlot has to wash down somewhere. That somewhere is Ponyville. It used to be a nice place you know, with nice houses and polite people, people who wouldn't kill you for lookin' at 'em wrong. The lights all around, bright ones everywhere. Blaring neon's showing you the gambling joints, whore houses and sweat shops. All them lights really only serve one purpose, to make the shadows that much darker, to distract you before you get pulled into an alley and robbed... or worse.

With the Royal Guard bustin' down all the speakeasies and ignoring the real problems in the city, the crime lords are getting out of control and are getting angry about losing that expensive liquor. With my friend Applejacks distillery gettin' torn apart by some crime lord because of competition, it's gettin' to me too.

Part 1, Questions and Rumblings

I went to see my main mare Twilight Sparkle, one of the best informants a pony detective could ask for, being connected to all the major officials and even the Royal Princesses and all. She could find any crack in a crime lords defense, dig up any dirt on any official, she could do anything. Only problem is that for one of the greatest minds of our age, she's always askin' me stupid questions. You know what she likes to ask me? She asks me all the friggin' time,

"Pinkie, are you happy?" and I have to tell Twilight every time,

"Happy? Happy! First of all, call me Pink and second, I am fan-freaking-tastic! No, Twilight, I'm not happy. Our days of saving the world with the power of friendship are over. If I could do anything to make those days come back, Twilight, I would. I'd even quit drinkin' if it meant we could go back. You know what does make me happy Twilight Sparkle? The crumpled cigarette dangling from the corner of my lips, the warm flask on my side and my Walther P38 in the holster. Those things, Twilight, are what make me happy in this dirty city. Until you find the 'Clean Up Ponyville Scum Spell' in one of your dusty old books, I'm going to have a drink or three. A drink to remember the good times and two more to forget what's happening now. Now and forever."

I left Twilights tree house library and went to my private office. It was a small government office next door to the Ponyville police station with old wood paneled walls and older musty, blue carpet floors and a wobbly ceiling fan that looked ready to fall on an unsuspecting pony if you shut the creaky door too hard. It ain't luxiourous, but it's like a second home to me. I have spent many nights kicked back in my faux leather chair, smoking my cigarette and sipping on coffee while I read police reports and Wonder Bolts magazines. I walked inside and locked the door behind me. As I sit down in my eternally dusty office chair about to pour some stale hard cider down my gullet, the phone rings. I consider letting it ring until whoever was calling gave up but my growling stomach reminded me that I ran out of food a day and a half ago. I pick up the old gray telephone and bring it up to my ear. Turns out it's the last living uncorrupted official in all of Equestria, Mayor Mare. We exchanged hello's and she cut to the chase pretty fast. She told me of a new smuggling ring that has entered Ponyville that's small enough to be snuffed out if I was interested. I let my growling stomach answer that one. She had no leads but a pony like me has a sixth sense about these things and I got Twilight to fill in any gaps once I've got the big picture. I thanked Mayor Mare for putting my life in danger yet again and hung up. Hungry or not, my flask is calling and I'm taking its case right now.

I woke up mid afternoon with my only company being an empty flask, the smell of old cider on my breath, and a nasty hangover. I made my fifty-third promise to Celestia to never drink another ounce of hard cider again and headed down to Ponville square. No time like the present they say. If I wasn't so hungry I would have stayed in my office, hooves propped on my cigarette covered desk. To do list: 1. Find some grub. 2. Look for a first lead. Optional: Get angry and ask Twilight.

Ponyville. Not the place it used to be, not by a long shot. There are a few alright places to go though. Market Square, just a couple of blocks from my office, manages to stay pretty clean, due in large part by the vendors pitching in time after work to fix up the square. A clean market place is a money making market place and that is fine by me. I don't like the idea of garbage and rats touching my food. That's not to say it's spotless but it's alright compared to some other places around the city. If you come in from the north to south road that cuts most of the way through Ponyville, you'll notice the run down town hall. In its former glory, the place could sit two-hundred ponies and have room to spare. Now it's a fancy death trap ready to collapse. The square is made up of three main districts. On the east side district, vendors like Carrot Top, Applejack and the Cakes sell food and other edible items. On the west side, merchants like Mister Breezy, Filthy Rich and Nurse Red Heart sell tools, practice medicine, or sell household necessities and luxuries. In the south side district, you can find some nicer shops and the most expensive real estate in Ponyville. The rich but not quite rich enough to live in Canterlot live here. They, behind the crime lords of course, rule the city. In the very center of the square, there is a relic that somehow didn't get mutilated or destroyed by thugs, the Ponyville fountain. I'm not going to be gushy and say it's some sort of symbol of hope but it is nice to see something not broken, ruined or defiled.

As I walked through the bustling streets, I saw a couple of street urchins running around the square being shooed away by pony merchants. Seeing those little, dirt covered fillies and colts running around so happy and laughing together reminded me of those three fillies that would run around with the red capes, the Cutie Mark Crusaders, if I recall correctly, which I normally do. They're still so young, it makes you wonder how they are taking to these wretched changes. I wonder if they ever found their cutie marks? If they did, I just hope it's not a cutie mark in bootlegging or gambling. Those fillies are tough though, if they can survive a thirty foot drop while trying to get their sky lining cutie mark with less than a scratch, they can take on anything together and even if they can't, they got the help of their sisters and Auntie Pinkie Pie. Even Rainbow Dash would lend a hoof to Scootaloo and her friends. I'll always worry about them though. They bring memories of me living on the rock farm with my two sisters, Inky and Blinky Pie. Did their hair ever poof out like mine? After this case, I'm going to check up on Ma and Pa and the sisters.

Looky there, Applebloom and her big sister Applejack have set up a cart in the square. Hold on a second, I know what days she comes to market, in fact I know what days everypony, buyer or seller comes to market, she shouldn't be here, and not many things can make a stubborn farm pony change their ways, even something as seemingly small as this. Let's see what this is all about. While I'm at it, I need some grub and some hard cider while I'm there. Maybe today is my lucky day! I can't remember the last one of those I had, even with my freakishly good memory.

Author's Note

Please tell me things I can improve in the comments! I'm new to writing but I think I got most of the spelling and grammar errors. Remember to read most of this in Pinkies voice! Also, these may make the story more fun: http://www.rainymood.com/ and http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iQnWBZrfnHM&list=PLcgG3ywcWXr9od2oZVZFM7Z-8lKFvfWCu&feature=mh_lolz for the proper mood. I still dont know how serious or dark I want to take my fic. I'm hoping to hold a no cussing (it's out of character, not because I care) and no gruesome deaths or any deaths at all (I'm hoping to keep it like batman the animated series dark. lots of violence but no gruesome deaths with a dark atmosphere.)

Part 2, On the Hush Hush

I walked up to Applejacks stand, a bright green, sturdy cart with lots of baked goods like apple fritters and apple pies and of course, baskets full of a variety of different kinds of delicious, mouth watering apples surrounding the cart. The wonderful aroma of pastries and freshly bucked apples that drifts from the apple family cart is simply amazing! The Apple family stand is famous throughout Ponyville and is on par with my cakes and muffins. That is to say when I bothered to bake them. Since I've been at my new job to save the city, I don't have the time, money or love for what I used to do. All you have to do to see if Applejack is in town with her baked goods is to take a step outside your door, inhale deeply and become intoxicated with the yummy aroma. To eat those simple, love filled treats she makes is like a blessing from Celestia on your tongue. That coming from the former best baker in Equestria means a lot.

I flipped a couple of shiny, new bits right into Applejacks hoof as I approached the cart, grabbed the biggest pink gala apple I could see, tossed it into the air and with a hard gulp, swallowed it whole. Applebloom laughed but Applejack only rolled her eyes and smiled. That pony knows all my tricks! I gave Applejack another couple of bits and picked up a second apple, this time a shiny red delicious, nibbled on it and gave them my most exaggerated shrug and beamed. They both laughed at that. I still got it!

"How're ya'll doin' ponies?" I said mimicking their heavy southern drawl. I was feeling much better since I woke up with my stomach full and my hangover dissipating. A couple of seconds ticked by as I continued to slowly eat the red delicious and figured I should start getting to the main reason I came to the stand, why is AJ here on a Wednesday. There isn't much that can make a stubborn pony like Applejack change her routine. Anyway, let's take it slow, if Applejack has something to hide from everypony and I rush her, she'll clam up and she won't tell anypony anything. That means no one wins.

"We're doin' just fine Pink, we got great customers comin' and buying our apples." The orange pony said with a nod, "Tain't nothin' more a farmer could ask for." she continued, letting her pride for her farm shine a little. Things are not as they seemed, as I predicted. I noticed her smile was just a little forced. She isn't lying about anything yet but she is definitely keeping something back.

I gently set my empty hip flask onto the cobbled road and nudged it under the cart. AJ gave me a knowing nod and a sly wink. She 'accidentally' knocked down an apple from the stand and opened a secret compartment hidden inside the cart which held a small barrel full of the hard cider. She reserves that cider for a select few rich ponies around town and a certain pink pony. Applejack filled up the flask and pushed it back to me. I finished my second apple, grabbed a third and stuck it into my pack. I tossed about fifteen bits Applejacks way, discreetly unscrewed the cap, took a small sip and sighed deeply. Time to get down to business. I've just got to find a way to make Applejack slip up and spill the beans, or should I say spill the apples. Once I do that, I can probably pull a few strings and help her out no problem. Didn't she learn something about pride and stubbornness in episode four?

"So," I started, not looking at anything in particular, "how's Granny Smith? I heard she finally got that saggy old hip replaced." Let's see if that's the problem. I doubt it but got to start somewhere.

"She sure did! She's been running around the house and even tried to buck one of the smaller apple trees in the orchard! I had Big Macintosh stand beside the tree and 'help' her get those apples down." Applejack crossed her hooves and beamed.

That wasn't it. I didn't figure it was anyway.

I saw that Applebloom was still, indeed, a blank flank, so that answered one of my earlier musings while I was walking here.

"Hey Applebloom!" I said, "Don't think I forgot about you! You look very pretty with your bow, is it new?"

"You know it's not ah new bow Pink, what with your freakishly good memory, but thank ya kindly for asking anyway." She's both honest and polite just like her big sister, always so happy. I wish I were young and carefree again, she's cheerful even when the party pony is depressed! It's only a matter of time until her eyes open up to all the messed up things here in Ponyville but that can wait. For now, she's happy and that's hope enough for me.

I continued, "Do you still get to hang out with your friends anymore? You know how important friendship is now days." That is the only thing I can tell myself that is true. My friends are still that, my friends and no matter how bad things get, I will stick with them until the end.

Applebloom frowned and looked to the ground, her red bow wilting ever so slightly. "Well, you see... We hardly get to play together anymore. Big Macintosh and Applejack say it's too dangerous. Rarity says the same thing to SweetieBelle. Scootaloo, SweetieBelle and I haven't been to tha clubhouse in weeks! I bet it's covered in dust by now. I still see them at school though and that's enough for me!." The way she said those things. She's making a big understatement and it's tearing me up inside.

I sat down, closed my eyes and nodded in understanding. A wave of sadness washed over me. I know how you feel little filly. I stood up and looked into Applejacks big green eyes. She knows how it feels too. "Maybe I can help?" I chirped. "I'm still Pinkie Pie, even if I'm a bit grumpy at times!" That's an even bigger understatement.

Applebloom perked up her ears and smiled wide. Then she went blank. She remembered something. Applebloom looked up at me with water filled eyes. "Maybe if you could stop those mean ponies that come to yell at Applejack and Big Mac in the middle of the night, we could..."

As fast as lightning, Applejack grabbed her, stuffed an apple into her mouth and shoved her behind the cart. I glared at Applejack. If looks could kill, I'd be on a spree. Applejack tried to stare back but there is nothing in all of Equestria that could make me back down now. My story would be over if I were dealing with Fluttershy and her brutal stare. Fortunately for me, AJ lacks Flutters mysterious powers. I continued boring through her her large green eyes, beginning to crack and eventually break her delicate conscience. I knew something was up and she didn't tell me, or Twilight, or any of our other friends. Hiding the truth is worse than lying and it just about made me boil over and I'm already hard boiled. I took a deep breath and started counting the seconds that went by. AJ could try to bolt, but I would catch her. She wouldn't dare. I can wait all day for her to talk and no Pinkie Promise can make me believe she wouldn't weasel her way out of it with another loophole. Now there's plenty to talk about Applejack and I've got time. Lots of time.

Author's Note

made some corrections and I think I added a paragraph some where :)

Part 3, Liquor and Roulette

I stood ready to pounce. Nothing is getting between me and Applejack. She was standing opposite of me, glaring at the ground working her jaw, her eyes darting here and there looking for some kind of escape. Not going to happen my orange friend. More time went by. It's been three hundred and eight seconds since Applebloom cracked open my own personal case. The Mayor can wait, friends come first no matter how angry they can make me. Less waiting, time is cider!

I relaxed my body and sighed. I really shouldn't be too angry with her I guess. She is probably trying to protect something and just has a weird way of doing it.

I looked up with softer eyes. "Applejack, it doesn't have to be like this, we can talk about this right?" I slowly approached AJ's side, wrapped a foreleg around her shoulders and gave a gentle squeeze. "You're the toughest pony in Ponyville but that doesn't mean you have to hide your problems from your friends, even if they are dangerous."

Applejack sat down and looked to the sky and gave an exasperated sigh. "You're right Pink, I'll talk. Applebloom, stay here and watch the stand. Miss Pie and I are gunna have a trot. Don't worry about anything right now, it's all under control. Me and Pink are still friends. I'll be back soon so sit tight for an hour or two." Applejack gave her sister a hug before we left.

Applebloom had spit out or eaten the apple and was still sitting silently behind the apple cart. I could see the tension in her body. I shot a wink her way to try to reassure her but it didn't help. She continued to stare at the space between Applejack and I, a thousand things must be running through her mind right now.

Applejack started walking in the direction of her farm. We walked side by side down the road at a slow, peacefull pace which was giving Applejack some much needed time to think. It was a quiet walk for the most part, we passed by some ponies as we walked through town and eventually made it to the end of Ponyville and went up a dirt road that led up to Sweet Apple Acres. After about tweny minutes, we came to the edge of the rolling apple orchards her family is known for. She motioned to a gate that led deep into the heart of the apple orchard. I walked up to the gate and waited while she fiddled with some keys and unlocked it. We walked for another ten minutes, going deeper into the orchard than I had ever been before. It isn't the everfree but it sure is secluded enough to feel like it was.

AJ came to a stop. A hammock was set up between probably the two biggest trees on the farm. This is obviously Applejacks little hide away. She rolled into the hammock and pushed her trade mark hat over her eyes, "If you're gunna ask some questions, you better start now filly." Applejack said.

I peeled a crumpled and limp cigarette out of my bent cigarette case and began to fiddle with the lighter while I thought about how I should handle the current situation. You've got three kinds of people you've got to know how to deal with in this business: know nothin' idiots like entry level lackeys, the willing, and pony's like Applejack, informed and dangerous. I couldn't take AJ on in a fair fight and she's a darn good shot I've heard. I thought about it and decided it's best to keep on the slow and gentle path, if you can really call my tactics gentle. After three flicks of my lighter, the wick ignites and I put the flame to my sad little penny cigarette. I draw smoothly and blow a small but expanding smoke ring into the green and red speckled canopy above. It lingers a bit before finally reaching the top most branches and dissipates.

"Here's a simple enough question, where has your brother been? He doesn't normally help you sell your apples because he's not big on talking to ponies but he does help you pull the goods to and from the farm." I'm not expecting an interesting answer but I am interested in the Apple family's safety. Big Macintosh is just that, big, but that doesn't mean he couldn't wind up in trouble somehow.

Applejack spokes slowly, carefully picking her words. "Big Mac is out of town on business." Celestia help me deal with this pony. I guess I'm used to it by now I suppose. More questions means more answers, even if the answers are cryptic. If I'm going to make it through the day, I need to lighten the mood so AJ doesn't get mad. You've got to love your friends. If she weren't one of them, she'd be sitting in my office in cuffs and a black eye for good measure.

"Where'd he go, any where we haven't been? I've always loved traveling! Tell him to bring me back something!" Innocent enough, if she'd just answer me, I would leave her in peace.

"He's staying in Appleloosa with our cousin Breaburn for while," Applejack stated flatly, "farming apples and such."

"I remember going there, that was so much fun not to mention those delicious pies! Are the buffalo and the settler ponies still getting along alright?"

AJ continued, "There haven't been any tussles that I've heard about as of late, so I'd say they've been getting on well."

I mused, "It is always so much fun to go and help you during harvest season! Getting to stretch the old legs and eating all those tasty fresh apples made for some great memories. I bet Braeburn really appreciates the help bucking those apple trees and building that new cider distillery."

"Oh ya," The farm pony replied, "Big Mac knows everything about harvesting apples and cider making." AJ's eyes grew wide. "I wasn't supposed to mention that." Ah ha! I knew it. There's more questions to be asked but this fills in some pieces.

"My silly orange friend, they call you the Element of Honesty for a reason. You know that's illegal and I am a cop."

AJ's eyes stayed on me. "You can't let anyone know or you won't leave this orchard." Sadness and panic was apparent on her freckled face. Family always comes first with the Apples.

I took a long pull from my flask as a wordless agreement while crossing my heart and stuffing an imaginary cupcake in my eye. "I should report this but fortunately for you I'm freelance so I can overlook your operation."

Applejack settled back into her hammock and pulled her hat down to cover her eyes again.
I think back to when we were back at the apple stand, what Applebloom said about those ponies coming in the night. I'm not one for using guilt trips very often, but I think that reminding her of her baby sister will crack her apple core.

"Applejack, the way Applebloom sounded back at your stall," I began, looking at her, seeing a flicker of green eyes under her hat as she shifted just enough to look at me. "She is scared. That's no way to let a baby sister feel ever!"

Applejack retorted while remaining stationary, still looking at me from under her hat. "You're one to talk Miss Pinkamena 'I'll-go-and-see-my-family-after-this-case' Pie. How do you think they feel right about know? Am I your new case? Am I holding you back from seeing your sisters so you can go and protect 'em and keep 'em safe and cozy?"

I lost my temper and yelled, my face going from a smooth, even pink to a flushed and angry red. "My parents can take care of the sisters just fine thank you very much! Where's your parents!..." I stopped and the clearing fell silent yet again. Why would I say such a thing. I've never said anything so mean before. I looked up, my face going from red to pale white in a single second, a mask of sadness and pain now expecting to see a raging Applejack upon me but she was still laying in her hammock. She pulled her hat away from her eyes to the top of her head where it normally resides and gave me a strange smirk.

"Don't think you're the first to say something like that, sugar cube, intentional or not. I've heard it all my life. Don't beat your self up over it. I think you've got an apology for me and I've got some information for you. Just remember everyone is vulnerable to something, even you, with your crazy antics and hardened exterior. I'm still the element of honesty and you're still the element of laughter. I think it'd be best if we started living up to our elements, don't ya agree?"

How can she just go from being stubborn and cranky to understanding and kind just like that? I do still feel bad about what I had just said to one of my best friends in the whole world but I guess it worked out, even if it was rather abrupt and unexpected. I guess I'm not as tough as I thought. Even now though, something must have made her have a change of heart. Maybe it was keeping her secret about the cider distillery in Appleoosa. It might have just been hearing the hate in my voice, I can be angry and rude, but I'm not hateful. At least I hope I'm not.

"You're one hundred and ten percent right Applejack. I have trouble reminding myself it wasn't long ago we were just all fun loving ponies. I became a private eye and freelance police officer because I thought it would be fun to sneak around, to be able to help ponies solve difficult problems. It's nothing like I thought, nothing at all like I thought. This is before everything went wrong when Celestia pushed that bill through. I was a baker and a prankster not even two years ago, now I'm a drunk. Having to chase a criminal through the streets late at night is one of the scariest things I've ever done and I have to do it on a regular basis. When you got a half starved lackey with a twitchy trigger hoof, you can never guess what he's gunna do. Some of there faces keep still me up at night, can you understand? Some of these kids just got hooked into the wrong racket, theses guys that stand on corners promising riches and they need just a little help, nothing crooked they say. Then these kids either end up in jail or worse, tied to one of the gangs with no way to get out." I propped back against a tree and threw my cigarette bud onto the ground. "That's no excuse though. We've been through a lot, I can't figure out what made me change. I still blindly cling to hope but it's dwindling." Heh, I've never really told anyone how I felt before, maybe I'm not as hard as I try to be like AJ said. I may be hard boiled but I'm not cracked.

Author's Note

I really hope the ten people looking at this story like what I added. I'm trying to find a balance between not to fast or not to slow. it may be a little boring right now but things are about to get exciting! I'm really excited and I hope you guys are to.