Case File 2- Magistrates and Hearings

From the desk of Det. Colt Harris

The train from Ponyville to Canterlot takes about half a day to reach the capital city, and the entire time is usually very boring for me. I have to confess that this time I didn’t take my usual nap, in fact I didn’t sleep at all. I sat, nearly alone, in a large open car with only two benches. This was the car that various other police departments use in Equestria to move their most dangerous criminals. Most of the time they would just use a normal prison bus, but for the worst of the worst they used the train car. A few of the captains on the other forces had a name for this car, The Canyon, because of an incident that happened three weeks after the first one of these cars was made.

“Do you want to hear that story?” I asked Pinkie Pie, my mind praying for some conversation... even with her. The pink haired woman looked at me, her eyes roaming from my shoes to the red tie in my new suit. Pinkamena nodded, smiling slightly. “Well, years ago, long before I even joined the force, there was a detective named Caramel. He was a bit soft in the head, but he had a good heart and a real sense of justice. That day, he was riding from Dodge Junction to Appleloosa with one of the most notorious murderers in the history of Equestria. You should know her, she calls herself Queen Chrysalis.”

Pinkie giggled at the mention of the monster’s name, “She was fun to play with. And she was a queen, you just didn’t know if.” The girl’s arms strained against the straightjacket me and Woll had put her in, mostly to protect her from anything sharp the crowd outside SugarCube Corner would have. I just nodded and continued my story.

“Anyway,” I said with a sigh, “you know that the way to Appleloosa from Dodge has a huge bridge built over a nearly bottomless gorge. In fact, the name of the place is Train Wreck Canyon because of what happened when Detective Caramel’s car did when the train reached that section of track.” I sat back and pulled a cigarette from my breast pocket, flicked the lighter I had on me, and inhaled the calming nicotine, “So... The winds were really high that day, so the train was rocking hard over the canyon. No one knows how it happened, but when the train pulled up to Appleloosa Caramel and the entire car were gone.” I looked over at Pinkie, who looked completely bored as I told her all of this, “Since you and the other Elements fought Chrysalis a while back, the guys back at the precinct think that Caramel might’ve ended up a love slave to the Queen.”

The deranged woman smiled wider, her teeth shined like little pearls in the sunlight. “I bet you’ld like to do that to me Colty, make me a love slave. I saw the way you used to look at me when I smiled at you...” she leaned forward, trying to close the ten foot space between us, “I know you wana fuck me Colt, just do it. I won’t tell.”

I shook my head at her, “Pinkie, in another time I might say yes to that. But... Yo’re not you anymore-

Suddenly, Pinkie stood and started to run at me. Fortunately, her legs were chained to her bench, and when they snapped under her and caused her to trip and fall she began to thrash on the floor. “I’m not Pinkie!” the psychotic woman screamed, “Pinkie is dead! She died in that basement right next to the mayor’s assistant and Lyra and Bon Bon's kid! I’m Pinkamena you stupid, useless fucker!” I just left her there, struggling on the floor to get up. A lesser man might have kicked her while she was down, but I hoped that a shard of that sweet girl from the bakery was still in this monstrous body of hers... My hope was in vain, I know that now. So, I just let her thrash and scream and threaten me until she was calm, and then I helped her back onto the bench. I decided that it would be better not to try and talk to her, it would only get Pinkamena more enraged.

*****

After the train pulled into the station, a tall man in a trench coat walked into The Canyon car. He showed me his badge, I forget his name but he was very old fashioned; it was almost like he had stepped out of the time when the Gryphon family was having a turf war with the Saddle Arabian Knights. Either way, he took Pinkie off my hands, but he gave me a little warning that Princess Celestia would ask me to give my opinion on the pink haired killer’s mental health. I agreed, and spend the next five hours at the train depot, just drinking a very fancy, very expensive, and very watered down latte. As I saw a royal messenger approach me, I thought to myself Stick to regular old coffee from now on Colt, you’ll live longer.

The princess had given her expressed hope that Ponyville would consider giving Pinkie a trial in Canterlot, and since most of the people in town were either furious, saddened, or confused we decided it would be best for everyone if Pinkamena was a Canterlot problem. The huge royal court was lined with stone pillars leading up to a tall desk, where Celestia herself sat in judgment over the killer in the straightjacket that used to be close to her. I noticed, as I walked in, that a familiar face was laced in the audience. The purple and lavendered hair girl from Ponyville was here with a kid in a purple and green hoodie. Both of them looked at me with deep, mourning eyes... I took a guess that the girl was a friend of Pinkies and that the kid was her brother or something. I learned later that I wasn’t far off, but the time for that explanation will come later. Judgelestia (a little nickname we gave her when we saw her preside over the case involving Discord) called me up as soon as I entered the room and sat me at the stand.

“Det. Colt,” a man with a blue moustache began, “you’ve been with the Ponyville Police Department for how long?”

“Almost two years.” I answered.

“I see,” the prosecutor replied, “and you’ve known the defendant for that long?”

“Yes.”

I see... Would you say you’re friends with her?”

I sighed, I knew exactly where this guy was going, “I used to be.”

“Before all of this?”

Yes.”

I see,” the bastard adjusted his monocle and went to his table. I noticed a small, very old book under some of this papers, and I realized that I was being questioned by a scholar. Scholars are odd people, they have what Celestia and Luna call a ‘gift’. I call it strange myself, but then again us normal folk can’t use magic too well. The prosecutor levitated a file over to him, then paused to look at me. If he expected to see me wide eyed with wonder, he was disappointed. “Your Honor, I wish to sight case 1022: The people vs-”

Hindsight,” I finished for him, “that’s the first case they hammer into us in criminology, and it has nothing to do with any kind of relationship between the suspect and a witness.” The bastard was flabbergasted... Yeah, that’s the word, flabbergasted. He began to scream and yell at me, telling me not to do his job.

“Order!” Celestia called, “Counselor Fancy Pants, take a seat. I’ll ask this man myself.” The princess kindly waited for the fancied up, red faced baboon to sit. I took that time to notice her usual white dress that you’ld normally see her in was replaced by the standard judges robe... I guess I was so used to the dress. “Now, tell me Detective Colt. What is you opinion on Miss Pinkamena’s mental health?”

“Princess... your honor,” I said, “the suspect cut up her friend, ate pieces of her skin, and there’s evidence to support that...” Then it hit me. “The... The cupcakes... She... She made her victims into...” An image of the chocolate doughnut I had the day of the murder flashed in my mind, and the voice of Mrs. Cake telling me that Pinkie made it herself, “I... Miss Pinkamena... Fed the unsuspecting citizens of Ponyville... Their neighbors.” Up to this point, the entire precinct had been searching for the bodies of Pinkie’s victims... We didn’t have to look far... We had eaten them. All of us had. Even... Even me.

I saw the dual haired girl from Ponyville faint as I stood and rushed toward a waste bin near the defence’s desk. I gagged as the last two days of food emptied out of me, followed by the sound of the prosecutor doing the same. By the time it was over, Princess Celestia understood. Pinkie was going to an insane asylum in Canterlot. That day, I opted to transfer to Canterlot P.D. to try and further my police training... If I ever wanted to go back to Ponyville, I’d be ready.