Expeditis Equitibus

Bananas.

Also Chapter 5

Ivory slowly opened the door to Carousel Boutique, fully expecting and-he thought-prepared for anything. Being prepared for almost anything, he was not, by any means, prepared... for nothing. The streets were completely desolate, not a single pony in sight. He half expected a tumbleweed to be floating by in the background as he stepped out onto the street, and found that nopony instantly mobbed him. Instant plus sign, there.

"Go on, dear. The ponies in this town are friendly, they wouldn't hurt you for any reason." Rarity encouraged from behind Ivory, oblivious to the fact that there was no pony to be found.

"Um... well alright then..." Ivory nodded. "See you some other time, Rarity..." he trotted out and shut the door. Rarity sighed, getting back to work... then her eyes strayed over to the brown leather bag containing the jingly items.

"Hmph... He must have forgotten about his bag..." she muttered. She levitated the misplaced bag in her aura, then carefully manoeuvred it over to her saddlebag and dropped it in. "I'll just have to give it back to him later..." she shrugged and then went back to admiring her latest creation... an elegant silk/velvet combination dress in emerald green...

"Okay, it's official. I'm creeped out now." Ivory said to himself as he trotted along the road back toward the library, wondering where the hell everypony had gotten to. "It'd be one thing if it was night time, but it's still..." he reflexively checked his right foreleg and...

"OKAY, WHAT THE BARRELS?!" Ivory shouted to nopony at all. There was, in fact, a digital watch attached to his right foreleg, down near the hoof. "Well, that's comforting." he muttered. "Anyway, it's still... 1:09 in the afternoon, where the bollocks is everypony?" Ivory looked up toward the library, noting that, unlike the other houses that had been doused in darkness, the lights were on there, and...

Was that Dragonforce being played through the speakers?!

Breaking into a full-blown gallop, he raced for the door, excited beyond belief. Finally, something else familiar! Unfortunately, he'd forgotten how to control his pony body... having a mite of a problem with stopping, specifically.

BLAM went his head right through the wooden library door, proving once and for all that Equestrian physics work on Rule of Funny.

Complete sensory recalibration. Hearing: Upon replaying the previous few seconds, the music had actually been a normal polka type dance song and had smacked his subconscious upside the head, shouting 'FOOLED YOU!' Now though, it was silent. Sight: Derped beyond comparison, but settling to normal slowly. Smell: Were those cupcakes he was smelling? Brain, send order to salivary glands to step up production, STAT! Taste: Dear deity it's gonna take a while to get the taste of sawdust out of his mouth after crashing through that door. Touch: Pain sensors on fire. Brain, send order to vocal cords. Message:

"Oh dear god, that hurt like hell...." his derped out eyes slowly settled back into focus, and he finally got to see the contents of the library... namely, all of the ponies that had gathered around him before were there, not to mention countless other ones that had been invited to... what looked like... a party? Were the ponies staring at him? They were... staring at them, just like earlier, with those judging eyes

Ivory couldn't hold it anymore. He burst into tears.

Twilight trotted over to the door, lighting her horn and conjuring a small ring of magic around the jagged fracture in the door, shearing off the little spikes of wood and turning it into a smooth, complete circle, as well as allowing Ivory to retract his head. "I was meaning to put a window there anyway..." She muttered, then opened the door for him. "What's wrong, Ivory?"

"Oh I don't know, maybe the fact that I just crashed through your door, interrupted a party that it looks like EVERYPONY has been invited to, except me, which clearly makes me unwelcome here, which means I've made a fool of myself, which means now you've all judge me, which means now you all hate me forever, which means-"

SMACK!

A hoof cracked across his muzzle, courtesy of Twilight Sparkle. Ivory stared at her, shocked, as she glared back at him.

"You really are a silly colt, aren't you? Didn't you notice the banner over the library door? You know, the one that says ‘Welcome to Ponyville, Ivory!’"

Ivory caught himself in the middle of a breath, then trotted back outside, staring up at the aforementioned-and completely unnoticed- banner that did say exactly that. Blinking back tears, he turned back to Twilight.

"Th-This... was for me?" Ivory asked, hiccupping a little through his tears, to which Twilight nodded, a smile making its way back onto her face. Suddenly, Ivory blasted back through the doorway-Door open this time-and tacklehugged Twilight.

"Thankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyou!" Ivory rambled, causing Twilight to giggle.

"Don't look at me, Pinkie Pie set it up!" Almost as if on cue, Pinkie tackled Ivory, nuzzling the crap out of him.

"What else was I gonna do? You see I never saw you before, and if I never saw you before that means you're new, 'cause I know everypony, and I mean everypony in Ponyville, and if you're new, then it meant you haven't met anyone yet, and if you haven't met anyone yet, you must not have any friends, and if you don't have any friends then you must be lonely, and that made me so sad, so after you took off for Rarity's place, I started planning this!  That by the way was why I was so calm before, I was thinking!" Ivory shook his head rapidly, eyes wide open in shock.

"...I'm not sure what's weirder. The fact that she said all that.... or the fact that I actually understood most of it." Ivory shrugged, visibly relaxing though. The music started back up and the other ponies started dancing about, Ivory's cock-up completely forgotten about. The white pony in question sat back and just watched as Twilight and Pinkie trotted off, chattering about physics manipulation or some such. It was about that point that he noticed another pony trotting over, this one with an orange coat, a blonde mane and a RIGHTEOUS Stetson hat. Before he could comment on the hat though, he suddenly felt his very being vibrating so hard he swore he could feel his molecules beginning to self-destruct. Looking down though, he realized she was just shaking his hoof.

"Howdy there, pardner!" She drawled, finally letting him go. "Mah name's Applejack! I hear you took a few nasty spills earlier!"

"Duh, there's a huge crater out there with an Ivory-shaped imprint in it!" Ivory fired back immediately... then laughed, remembering quickly to say, "Oh by the way, I love your hat!"

Applejack chuckled a moment, then her eyes softened. "Yeah... It's almost like family to me..."

Ivory winced, the implications all too clear. "Yikes... I-I'm sorry..." Applejack shook her head, throwing a wide smile on her muzzle.

"Nah, don't worry... the past is the past. Us Apples, we believe in the future and persist in the present!" Applejack smiled at him, seeming to quote some sort of family philosophy.

"That's the way Team Apple family rolls, huh? Doesn't surprise me AT ALL." Ivory muttered, rolling his eyes.

"Now, let's get partying!" Applejack shouted, pulling Ivory along with her accompanied by a 'whoa whoa whoa!' from the white pony.

Several hours passed (And so did quite a few bottles of Applejack Daniels, thanks to a pony named Berry Punch (Even though Ivory never drank any)) and the party started to die down. Pinkie Pie bounced over to the door, holding it open as ponies left, and soon the room was almost empty. That, apparently, was when business started, as Spike walked into the room, raised a claw and belched out a tongue of green flame, which coalesced into a scroll that landed right in front of Twilight. Ivory, understandably, was shocked.

"What the balls?! I'm near POSITIVE fire doesn't work like that!" Ivory exclaimed, leading Twilight to giggle a bit.

"It's magic, you silly pony, don't be so-" Her look changed dramatically as she read the letter, then she turned to face Ivory, suddenly very serious. "Ivory? You'd better pack a few things..." Twilight advised, causing Ivory to raise an eyebrow.

"Um... okay... Why?" He cocked his head to the side. Twilight sighed, then set the letter in front of him, allowing him to see it. Ivory's left eyebrow kept going up as he read the letter out loud.

"My Faithful Student, Twilight Sparkle...

I expect you and this 'Ivory' pony at my castle as soon as is convenient. There is something I wish to discuss with the pair of you.

Sincerely,

Princess Celestia"

Ivory looked up from the letter, his eyebrow now painfully high. "Ah.... Crapbaskets."