Two Saints go to Equestria

by Alphadud

Rating: teen
Tags: Comedy, Cutie Mark Crusaders, Other, Random, Gore, Crossover, Human, Main 6, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 4289

Well Co-op brings so much fun eh?

Two Saints.... The Gaming Boss and The Crazy Britt or more commonly known as Alpha and Excite.
Both of which were riding in one car when they got in to a argument.
And ended up taking a wrong turn in Steelport.
Now they find them self's trapped in Equestria how will they handle things now? Be peaceful and do nothing?
Oh like that's going to happen.

Hilarity ensues.

Just a small note; This is not supposed to be taken seriously under any manner.
Rated T for Teen because Exploding ponies and bad language.

Published 2013-01-07 05:50:01 UTC
Last updated 2013-01-27 12:43:51 UTC

THE BEGINNING.

Chapter one:THE BEGINNING.

Today was a beautiful day. Birds were chirping away in the park, people going on about their normal business or well what passes for normal in Steelport. During this day. This sunny day, two Saints in a pent house were sitting at the dinner table playing a game of ‘go fish.’ with vodka. ‘Cause you know why the fuck not?

“Do you have any two’s?” One of them asked.

“For the lo- … I didn’t have any two’s the last twenty times you asked me! What makes you think I would have them the other twenty times you ask?!” The Other exclaimed.

“But I never know with you, last time I turned my back on you. You shot me in the arse with a bloody Annihilator RPG!” The first one shouted back

“But you were fucking begging for it!” Said the other one with a huge evil grin on his face.

“Would you two be more quiet? I’m trying to watch a movie here!” Someone yelled from the living room.

“Shut up Peirce!” The one named Alpha yelled. Or hes more commonly known as The Gaming Boss. or just Boss. Either one is fine, he keeps his real name for himself though.

“Shut your flap Peirce!” The one named Excite or more commonly known as The Crazy Britt yelled too. With a heavy British accent.

“You are one huge bloody dick.” Excite said.

“Fuck you too then.” Alpha shot back. He then picked up his small shot glass and tossed it at the wall. Then he took the whole vodka bottle and started chugging.

“You sure that’s a great idea, mate?” Excite asked. He waited until Alpha had chugged down the whole bottle and threw it at the floor causing it to shatter.

“Lets go driving.” Alpha slurred out in his drunken haze.

“What? But you are just in you’re bathrobes. Are you completely bonkers?!” Excite asked with a bit more concern over the Saints reputation than his friend that were sitting across the table looking drunken probably on the verge of puking.

“Just let me go and uhh... Change clothes?” Alpha said getting up and stumbling around until he got out to the living room.

“Put on some proper clothing? Bloody hell you are a genius!” Excite exclaimed as he stood up so quickly he made the chair fly backwards and hit another Saint in the legs causing him to fall over and hit his back head on the marble floor knocking him out.

“Sorry about that, mate” Excite said as he walked out into the living room in his bathrobe which happened to be purple and have The Third Street Saints logo on them. He quickly made his way up to the second floor and into his room, from there on he changed into a purple turtle neck sweater and some purple high class slacks. He then put on his trusty black trench coat which happened to have pretty deep pockets.

He then put on some fingerless gloves as he was done with all of that he walked past a mirror and saw that he was not wearing his network sunglasses. He quickly picked them up from the bed table and put them on. He then walked out of his room to find that Alpha was on the floor drooling.

“Bloody hell...” Excite said with a groan. ‘But at least hes properly clothed this time around...’ Excite thought as he walked to the side of Alpha and crouched down. He sat there a few minutes looking at Alpha hoping that he would wake up, but as fate has it. Alpha did not wake up

So he did the next best thing. He took out the Penetrator from one of his incredibly deep pockets and started poking Alpha with it until he got bored five minutes later. He then smacked Alpha in the face with the Penetrator just to wake him up.

“What the hell?” Alpha groggily said.

“Wakey-wakey, ya wanker!” Excite said happily. He held the Penetrator in front of Alphas face and looked at him with a sick smile on his face.

“Oh fuck not this again.” Alpha said who now was dressed, He had jeans on him that had a special trim that had lights in it. Same goes for his hoodie, on the sides of the hoodie was a special light that was glowing softly. On his back was a laptop that was strapped on in some way.
He also had his trusty Nocturne sword on his back and on his head he had a Astro A40 Gaming Headset Saints edition connected to his phone and he wore some aviator sunglasses with a purple trim.

“Put that thing away or you will feel my KA-1 Kobra wrath!” Alpha exclaimed as he stood up.

“Did you just say the whole word for two police pistols you use?” Excite asked clearly confused.

“The fuck should I know. I just said something.” Alpha replied a bit unamused “Well are we going for a drive or not? I want some hot dogs or burgers...”

“You? Eat burgers? Other than that fancy food of yours?” Excite asked a bit scared “Okay who are you, and what have you done with The Boss?”

“Well, I’m fucking hungry lets go.” Alpha said as he went down the stairs. Excite just stood there with a huge purple floppy dick bat in his hands. He looked at it for a while before chuckling at it and putting it away, in one of his pockets. How you ask? Better not ask questions you know you can’t get a answer for.

He then jumped down the stairs and face-planted on the marble floor down stairs. Thank god for that Fall damage upgrade 3 that reduced the fall damage by 75% cause if not he would have bought that a while go. He probably would have broken his nose have a half shattered skull and a heavy concussion with some extra heavy internal bleeding right now.

When he stood up he felt something loose in his mouth. He decided to spit and find out what it was. As he spat in to the air he saw that a tooth with a blood trail following it flew out of his mouth.

“Bah, didn’t need that tooth anyways.” Excite said as he turned around and saw Alpha waiting for the elevator.

“Would you hurry up? The ride in this elevator takes like forever. And you are making it slower!” Alpha said as he stood in the elevator waiting for Excite

“Alright, this will be just dandy! Hold on.” Excite said as he backed up a bit.

“What are you planing now?” Alpha said bored out of his mind and growing more hungry by the second.

“CHAAAARGE!” Excite yelled as he rushed right at the elevator and throwing himself inside and hitting the his head against the wall.

“Fucking nut job.” Alpha said as he pressed the garage button of the elevator. The door to the elevator then closed and it started it’s slow decent to the underground garage.

After a few minutes that felt like hours inside the elevator they finally arrived in the garage which ominously was empty.

“Well, what car do you suppose we should use?” Excite said. “How about your pimped out Knoxville?”

“Ah yes... My Knoxville that’s one pimped out golf car... Yeah, no that just wont do. Let us grab the Infuego.” Alpha said as the car materialized out of no where in front of them. They both ignored it since its been like this ever since they got to Steel port.

“So what is it with you and this Infuego?” Excite said as he gestured to the Infuego “It’s like you are married to it or something.”

“Hey, I like it cause it looks slick. Don’t judge me.” Alpha said defensively. “Oh and I’m riding shotgun.”

“What?” Excite said

“Since when do you ride shotgun? You always drive since YOU would never let ME DRIVE A GOD DAMN INCH WITH OUT COMPLAINING!” Excite yelled at Alpha who just looked at ExcitE with probably the biggest trollface in trollface history.

“You mad, mate?” Alpha mocked Excite with a fake British accent.

“Bloody hell just get in the car.” Excite said with a sigh as he got in the driver seat and Alpha got shotgun “Alright where to now?”

“Its like 10 in the morning or afternoon.... Lets get some flapjacks?” Alpha said as he was looking for the classical radio station but could not find it, so he inserted a mix tape instead.

“Whatever you say.” Excite said as they drove out of the underground garage. Once they were out on the road the drove around on the side walk hitting mailboxes, pedestrians and cops.

“And you told me you were sober.” Alpha said as he was looking up from his cellphone.

“You’ve got to have some fun when you are outside right?” Excite said with a chuckle as he kept running things over.

“Thank god I’ve bought the reinforced bumper other wise this car would have been dust long ago.” Alpha said to himself “Alright in the next intersection turn right.”

“Right? Okay.” Excite said as he immediately took a left in to a dark alleyway.

“WHAT THE FUCK!? I SAID RIGHT NOT LEFT YOU DUMB ASS!” Alpha yelled as they were driving into a dead end, and since Excite didn’t think clearly he also hit the nitro causing them to go faster

“I swear to god, If we die here or crash I will rip you limb from li-” Alpha said before he was interrupted by a bright purple flash. “What the hell?” They both said as they were blinded by it. Excite hit the breaks with all the human power he had, which in turn caused the car to stop. It took them a few seconds to regain eyesight but when they did they noticed a couple of odd things

The first thing they noticed was that they no longer were in Steelport, but on a dirt road somewhere.

Secondly this place seemed a bit too colorful, like it was some sort of cartoon.

And thirdly was when Alpha rolled down the window was that this place actually had some fresh air.

“Yeah, either we died and went to heaven. Or we time-traveled.” Alpha said looking at Excite

“Well... Lets find a town shall we? or should we slack of in this car?” Excite asked.

“Nah lets keep driving to um... Let’s see here. Where is the song? I know I have it here some where... Ah here it is.” Alpha said as he selected a good beat. They then started cursing down the dirt path.

After a good 30 minute cruise down this path listening to all sorts of music they finally laid their eyes on what seemed like a village from this far away. In fact it looked like a normal village from this far away.

“Is that a village?” Alpha said as he was leaning forward to get a better look.

“Bloody looks like it.” Excite said as he pulled over. “What should we do now, mate?”

“Well.... We drive there?” Alpha asked both himself and Excite.

“Right... Why didn’t I think of that?” Excite said as he started driving again.

“Its because I do all the thinking?” Alpha answered.

“Yep.... Now hold on, I’m tired of driving like a pussy” Excite said before increasing the speed of the car.

“Does it look like I give a damn?” Alpha said as he leaned back in his seat.

“Not really” Excite said as he turned the wheel to the left then directly to the right as they took a turn causing them to slide through it.

“Do you know how much I want to kill something right now?” Alpha asked Excite.

“BETTER STEP ON IT!” Excite yelled as he now were a bit scared of Alpha.

As they both were talking to each other they failed to notice that the blew past a orchard of a lot of …. Apples? Wait, that thing is like fucking huge. Who would grow that many Apples anyways? I mean it looks like its several mi- …. What was that? You want to hear about the guys in the car? You sure you don’t want to hear Applejack’s

“What in tarnation?!” when the car goes roaring by the orchard?
“Ah thought Ah herd something there.” She said as she looked over the fence.

Well too late.... For take backs now! Anyways, now that those guys were blasting past the orchard in 115 miles per hour.... And for all you people who use kilometers per hour its like roughly 185.07 kph.

They did not notice the orchard as they blew past it. In fact they were too busy driving towards the rapidly approaching village. Although it was approaching a little to fast, one might say that one second they saw the village from a few hundred meters away, but now they were close to impacting with a house.

“What the fuck are you doing?! TURN!” Alpha yelled to Excite.

“BUT THE STEERIN’ WHEEL IS LOCKED!” Excite yelled back. A few seconds later the car crashed right through the wall, smashing furniture, pictures and one unlucky sod who got in the way. The car got jabbed stuck in the wall, and had a lot of shit stuck under it.

“Terribly sorry about that.” Excite said as he got out of the car.

“You stupid fuck. Why did you go and do that?” Alpha asked annoyed with the fact that Excite had crashed his 1336th car.

“Not my fault, mate. Steerin’ wheel locked.” Excite explained he then walked over to the door completely ignoring the fact that there was a pony standing there with his mouth agape staring at him. Alpha did the same since he was not happy with his friend’s little fuck up.

Excite opened the door and took a few steps out and stopping before realizing that some one was staring at him.... or rather.... like twenty ponies..... When Excite saw that he looked over at Alpha who was just standing there with his mouth agape. Excite looked at his partner for a while before asking.

“Where the bloody hell did we end up?”

Author's Note

Well, either this is a good crossover or a bad... We will see, oh and another thing. I have not gotten anyone to edit this for me yet, so if someone wants to just give me a PM and I'll gladly accept.

Other than that.... I hope I did good and that you enjoyed the chapter.
By the way need a more visual image of the two saints?
Here is a two images.
First one
Second one

Let the randomness begin.

Chapter Two: Let the randomness begin.

As both Alpha and Excite stood there watching the ponies, who in turn watched them back. Excite thought of a great idea. He slowly took out his penetrator before all of the ponies screamed “MONSTERS!” and started running away. As they all turned around and started to run away, Excite caught up with one and smacked it behind its head making it fall limp on the ground. He started to rummage around in its pockets before finding a bag filled with clinky-clinky coins.

“Aha! So you had treasure, ye scallywag.” Excite said acting like a pirate.

All of a sudden he heard something approaching rather fast, almost like a rocket was speeding towards his direction... From behind. Excite quickly jumped to the side rolling a bit before standing up and hearing something whizz by accompanied a loud boom echo in the background.

“God damn it! Why did you move?” Alpha said throwing up one arm in the air

“You think I want to get blown up again?!” Excite said before flipping off Alpha.

“Look what you made me do!” Alpha said as he pointed towards a building which had a gaping hole in it and was on fire. You could see the splinters and stones that were scattered around the house and that there was a huge blood puddle next to the house accompanied by some stray limbs. “Sorry about that!”

Excite looked at the house Alpha was pointing at before laughing.
“Who in their good mind would blow up a pony?” Excite asked.

“They are all peaceful and shit. I mean look at that bastard” Alpha said pointing at a innocent pony who was sitting on a bench sleeping. Luckily this was not Lyra.

“What are you planing, mate?” Excite said looking at Alpha.

Alpha just ignored Excite before pulling out a rocket out of his pants and jabbing it in the Annihilator, he then aimed through the scope and turned off the laser guidance system, he then pulled the trigger which caused the rocket to blast away in joy. A smoke trail was created behind the rocket as it sped through the air in 117 meters per second. Or around 40 miles per hour. After less than a second the rocket impacted with the pony who had absolutely no idea what hit him, causing a bloody explosion, loss of limbs and a broken bench to appear in his stead.

Of course, Alpha just laughed his ass off before running over and and picking up some coins that were on the ground. “Sweet! Loot!”

Excite just shook his head before pulling out his pistol and shooting it up in the air. Soon a dead bird fell down and it looked tasty.

“Up for some grilled bird tonight?” Excite asked looking at Alpha. Before pointing his gun in the direction of the dead bird.

“Well sure, but where the fuck would we get a grill?” Alpha asked before putting his RPG on his back, somehow making it disappear, before pulling out a McMagnus 2013 sniper rifle from his hoodie’s stomach pocket. Again, how you ask? It’s simple. They have very deep pockets.

He scoped in for a bit and saw that most of the street was empty so he put it away again before whipping out his phone. He scrolled through the menus until he found what he was looking for. He pressed the Extras menu before going in to cheats, from there he selected vehicles.

He scrolled down until he found the vehicle he was looking for. A Eagle... Or just plainly a Black hawk, as he pressed the name of the helicopter it said loading. But after a few short seconds a smiley face poped up and said ‘Vehicle spawned.’ Alpha heard a loud thump in front of him before looking up. There he saw a black military transport helicopter just pleading to be driven.

“Alright, Excite you fly, I shoot rockets at stuff, kay?” Alpha asked looking at Excite who just nodded and threw the dead bird under the seat. He then got into the flyer’s seat, which is one of the only vehicle he can drive with out crashing. I mean literally he’s pretty fucking bad when it comes to driving. He either hits everything in a five feet radius or the car blows up when he enters it.

Anyways... Excite jabbed a few buttons before the rotor blades started to spin slowly but safely it picked up speed until it was at the point of flying. As they took of they had no idea where to go, so Excite that dumb-fuck decided it was a good idea to fumble around with his phones GPS instead of flying straight.

“What the hell are you doing over there?!” Alpha yelled out of fear cause he didn’t want to crash again.

“Just checking the GPS.” Excite yelled back.

“Stop that and just fly to that City over there!” Alpha said pointing his rocket launcher at a City that was defying all laws of physics.

“Oka-” Excite said before something hit the rotor blades, few seconds later blood were sprayed all over the cock-pit glass with a few limbs from what appeared to be a blue Pegasus.

“Well... I can’t see anything.” Excite said to Alpha, who just looked in disbelief at the windshield.

“Well shit...” Alpha said before the instrument board started blinking and beeping. “Brace for impact!” A few short seconds later the helicopter started spinning out of control and crashed in a dark and damp forest called the Everfree forest, which just so happends to have a name close related to Evernight forest from Overlord.

Both Excite and Alpha were dazed from the crash and were stumbling out of the wreckage. Or well Alpha was stumbling out, Excite fell through the door, holding a hand to his head. What both of them failed to notice was that several pairs of yellow eyes were looking at them hungrily, and not in the lustful way. More in the way of ‘I want to fucking eat you right now’ instead of ‘Do me, right here and now.’

“God damn it, why can’t you fly straight for at least two minutes?” Alpha asked as he took out a pistol and looked around.

“Cause fuck you, mate. That’s why.” Excite said as a really bad comeback. Alpha just shook his head and helped Excite get back to his feet. At this moment a timber wolf was trying to sneak up Alpha, which was a bad thing to do since Excite had grabbed his pistol that was upgraded to level 4, which have explosive bullets for extra effect. As he stood up properly he aimed at the wolf sneaking up and put a bullet between its eyes causing the whole head to explode in sap and small wood parts here and there. Oh and not to mention the brain matter and such.

Alpha just looked over the shoulder before nodding a thank you to Excite, he then proceeded to walk past Excite who had taken out his dual smgs. Alpha put away his pistol and reached into one of his very deep pockets, he rummaged around in it before finding what he was looking for. His fully auto AS3 Ultimax Shotgun, fully upgraded with a red dot sight, armor piercing pellets and extra clip size.

He looked around saw that the wolves were surrounding him he felt something bump into his back, he contemplated of spinning around and shooting it. But he soon realized that it was just Excite backing up. They stood there for a few minutes close to the Flaming wreckage, the wolves there a were surrounding them, and the wind coming in from nowhere. Out of the blue a wolf charged at Alpha who just took aim with his shotgun, as the wolf jumped at him, he shot several times at the mid air wolf causing to fly backwards and smack into another wolf. Of course these things were like rabid horny dogs who just found a fertile female. They just wouldn’t give up no matter how many would die before they got their prey.

Then, when Alpha and Excite were least expecting it every wolf at once charged them, of course since this isn’t the game.... I can do what ever I want with in the limits of my writing skills, So Alpha grabbed a hilt that was sticking up on his back, there were no visible attached blade, but as he drew it it slowly materialized, he shot two timber wolves before the got close and as one jumped in the mid air he de-caped it with his sword.

There was a series of rapid bangs behind him. Apparently they had the same idea with Excite, charge all at once, but Excite quickly disposed of them with his excellent smg shooting skills... Which are really bad because he did that slow motion sideways jump into tree. And ended up hitting his head and complaining over how that ruin his perfect moment.

They then heard a loud bark... One that sounded like a bear roared, but then again I have no idea how they sound like, use your own damn imagination. They both looked to the source of this bark and saw that there was a huge timber wolf snarling at them, It lowered it self and barred its teeth ready to pounce them. What he had not expected was that, Alpha had ripped out his Annihilator RPG and pointed it straight at his face.

“TASTE OBLIVION! MWHAHAHA!” Alpha yelled as he pulled the trigger less then a nano second later, the rocket impacted with the huge wolf’s head, causing it to spontaneously combust, as the explosion basicly destroyed the body of the timber wolf. Everything remaining was a flaming wreckage of a Helicopter, lots of dead wolves and a blown up super big wolf.

Alpha stepped over dead wolves and walked to a opening, before Excite came jogging after him.

“That is the last time you are flying.” Alpha said as he took out his pistols and put away his RPG.

“Well as long as I don’t want to blow something up.... Anyhow lets move and respawn this fucking helicopter already.” Alpha added before both him started walking out of the forest. Or well sprinting... Unlimited sprint for the win.

Author's Note

Yay! Another chapter! I'm really sorry for not focusing my efforts on this story too... I've been a bit busy with my other fiction..... Again really sorry, I should focus more attention on this killing spree fiction. That I call mine.

Anyhow, still not have gotten a editor, nor a pre-reader. Feel free to PM me if you want to be one. Either one of them editor, or a pre-reader.

With that out of the way.
Till next time,
The Alpha.