Equestrian Tag

by Equestrian Breaker

Rating: everyone
Tags: Mayor Mare, Other, Apple Bloom, Comedy, Tragedy, Big Macintosh, Human, Main 6, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 3534

It's all fun and games until someone gets ostracized. The game of Tag comes to Ponyville!

It's all fun and games until someone gets ostracized. The game of Tag comes to Ponyville! In this story, we find ourselves looking through the eyes of Anonymous the Human. His means of transport to Equestria inconsequential, we watch as his daily life takes an unexpected turn for the worst. Can Anonymous rid himself of the awful curse that plagues him, or is he doomed to a life of ponies running in fear?

Published 2012-12-02 12:10:01 UTC
Last updated 2012-12-02 12:10:01 UTC

Equestrian Tag

It's another average afternoon in Ponyville and you, Anonymous the Human, are travelling town square. How you were you were transported or the lengths to which you acquired your friendships is inconsequential - what's important is the lack of apples in your stomach! You move towards the market stalls, where you can hear the sweetest little voice.

"Buy some apples!"

Sure enough, you can spot Applebloom at her sister's stall, hollering away at passerby. Fishing into your pockets for a few bits, you approach the stall.

"Hey there, kiddo!" you call out, waving to get Applebloom's attention. Her shopkeeper's grin widens immediately upon seeing you.

"Howdy, Anon! Good to see ya again! How's yer day been?"

Applebloom was a good kid. She'd get into some wild antics with the Cutie Mark Crusaders now and again, but you've never seen her be mean to any pony. Heck, she was one of the first townsfolk to warm up to you when you first showed up. She was standing on a stool, front hooves over the counter. You leaned on the stall's counter so you could talk to her eye to eye.

"Day's been good so far, Bloom, but we both know you're just buttering me up for a purchase."

"Darn tootin! Yer one of mah best customers!" Applebloom gave a shameless grin. Hey, nothing wrong with being at sales.

"Apples are lifeblood, little Bloomer. I'd be nuts not to eat em. Here, let me get a Granny Smith and I'll be on my w- OOF!"

Something knocked the wind right out of you. Next thing you know, you're flat on the ground face first in the dirt. Groaning, you turn over to see just what the heck hit you. A blue blur comes into focus, and you see Rainbow Dash flying nearby. You stand up, still cradling your head with one hand.

"Uugh... what was that, Dash? You in a hurry or something?"

Dash doesn't seem to be interested in talking to you. Instead, she's staring directly at Applebloom.

"Have you seen Applejack?"

Applebloom raises an eyebrow. "Uh, no mam. Not since this mornin."

"Are you sure?" Rainbow utters, her tone slightly accusing. Applebloom looks over to you, a little worried, then back to Dash.

"Positive. Don't ya think you should apologize fer crashin into folks?"

"Crashing? I didn't crash into anything - I never crash!"

You grab Rainbow by the hoof, turning her to face you.

"Yes, you did."

Dash seems surprised at your touch more than usual. Shouldn't be a big deal, you bro-hoofed all the time.

"Anonymous! Uh..." Dash sputters, her eyes darting all over the place. Suddenly, she bring up a hoof and boops you on the nose.

"Tag!"

After that, she was gone in an instant, a brilliant contrail of rainbow in her wake.

"...What in Equestria was that about?" you ask, scratching the back of your head.

"No rightly idea, Anon. Here's yer Granny Smith, by the way." Applebloom hoofs the apple over the counter, and you toss her the bits garnered. Taking a bite of the slightly sour fruit puts you right back into a good mood. As you lean on the counter to enjoy it, you decide to do some pony-watching. Only... all the ponies that were shopping about earlier seem to have finished their business. With nothing better to do, you turn back to Applebloom.

"Say, where is Applejack, anyway? I always see you two together here."

Applebloom gave a slight frown. "Ah' was tellin Rainbow Dash the truth, Anon. Ah got no rightly idea where Applejack is! This mornin, she got a shipment of barn supplies. Barrel hoops, pails, that sort of thing. Wasn't the usual feller that delivered, though. Weird feller, too. Wore a cloak in the middle of this fine heat. When mah sister offered a hoofshake to finish business, he shook her somethin fierce. He was whisperin something to her, and next thing ah knew, he was runnin like a Timberwolf was on his tail!"

That didn't sound too good. You wondered if Applejack had any trouble from him.

"Did you get a good look at this pony?"

Applejack paused, then shook her head. "Well... ah couldn't see his cutie mark because of that darn cloak. Sure didn't look like he was from town or near it, though. One thing's for sure - he'd seen better days. Feller looked thin as a twig and tired to boot. After he went on, Applejack told me to watch the stall today. Somethin about finding some pony fast. Can't say ah'm worried, though."

"Why not?" you ask, surprised at Applebloom's reaction.

"This is mah big sis we're talkin about! She can handle herself just fine."

"Fair enough."

You thank Applebloom for the food, head home, and slouch about for the day before bed. It was the weekend, after all. The next day, you decided to take a visit to Twilight's library treehouse to see if there was anything interesting to check out. Knocking on the door, you're let into the library by Spike. Twilight's busy at a study desk, so you decide to peruse some of the shelves alone. Something promising comes up when you pull out a shiny covered novel. Must have been a special release for something new. 'Daring Do and the Hunt for the Alicorn Amulet.' Interesting enough. You take the book over to Twilight, standing to the side of her desk.

"Hey Twilight, mind checking out a book for me?" you ask, waving the book in question a little. Twilight looks up from her work and spies the tome in your hand before going back to writing.

"Oh, I'm sorry Anon, but I'm actually holding that for someone. Daring Do is a series, you see, and that's the newest one. I'd be more than happy to check out the start of the series for you!"

Seems fair enough, might as well start at the beginning. Still, you're curious who else reads it.

"Who are you holding the book for?"

Twilight speaks up from her paper. "Rainbow Dash. She loves the series, and she'd never let it go if I didn't make sure she got the first edition in Ponyville. That mare's obsessive over getting every detail out of them."

"Huh, never pegged Rainbow for an egghead, no offense."

"None taken. She'll likely be here later today to pick it up."

Speak of the devil, there's a knock on the door. Twilight ears perk up at the sound.

"Oh, that might be her now! Spike, get the door would you?"

Ever the trusted assistant, Spike goes for the door while Twilight stays buried in her papers. Sure enough, it's Rainbow dash. She's speaking as she rounds the corner to the study tables.

"Heya, Twilight! Did you get the new Daring Do in stock ye-"

Rainbow's pupils shrink when she catches sight of you. Book in hand, you wave to her.

"Hi, Dash! You're looking for this, right?"

Rainbow takes a few cautious steps back, head low. She starts stammering a response.

"Uh, Anon! Hey, yeah! I was just... gottagobye!"

...and she's off again. Such strange behavior for a mare. Twilight turns from her studies and looks at the rainbow afterimage in the doorway. Raising an eyebrow, she looks up to you, and you shrug.

"There's not much that would keep Dash away from a Daring Do book, Anonymous. Is there something going on?"

You nod, recalling the events that transpired at the apple stall.

"I think I see where this is going. Dash decided to play a game of tag with me the other day, but I thought it ended ages ago."

Twilight stands up immediately, backing away from the table.

"Were you it?"

"Yes."

You immediately regret those words. A fear-stricken Twilight grabs Spike and teleports away, leaving you with only more confusion than when the day started. The day wound on, and you found yourself bored once more. You decided to visit Fluttershy's cottage, as the animals there were always interesting to interact with. Walking towards the cottage, you meet Fluttershy along the way. She was headed into town to buy some groceries, but was more than willing to wait a bit to have tea and a chat with you. As you continued down the dirt road, you were curious what she'd think of your little game with Rainbow Dash.

"Hey Fluttershy, hypothetically, what would it mean if Rainbow Dash decides to play a game of tag with you and you're it?"

Oddly enough Fluttershy tenses up at the question.

"Oh my. Well, 'Tag' is a very old game. It would be surprising if Rainbow was playing."

"Why's that?"

"Some pony would have to tag her, for starters, and she's so fast! I can't imagine anyone catching her if she knew."

"Couldn't she... just start the game herself?"

"Oh goodness no. Tag has been around since before I was a filly, why, before my mother was a filly. I don't even know how old it is, really. It's a magic game. Some pony is always it, and they're always trying to tag some other pony. When they do, the magic tag gets transferred to the new pony, and they become it. Some ponies stay tagged for months, even years if they're not careful! Some stories say the game was made by Discord himself, just to tease the ponies more."

"So... everyone has to stay away from whoever is it?" you ask, worry intensifying.

"Yes. Or else."

"Or else what?", you gulp.

"I... don't know, actually. Oh, but it must be terrible. Something truly awful if Discord or a mean old unicorn made the spell. I don't think anyone would want to find out."

You droop, face slack and arms low as you take in everything Fluttershy said. You would never tag her. The poor mare would have an awful time getting someone else to pass it on to, being to cripplingly shy. Still, she had a right to know.

"Fluttershy, there's something you need to know. I'm... it. Rainbow tagged me yesterday. I don't know how it got to Ponyville, but I'm it."

Fluttershy gives out a soft 'eep' and immediately huddles into herself, staring at you with frightened eyes.

"A-are you going t-to-"

You wave your arms dejectedly, pitying Fluttershy's response.

"No, Flutters, I'm not going to tag you, but I understand if you want to leave."

She gets off of the floor and takes a few steps away from you before turning around, walking backwards, to speak.

"A-alright. I'm sorry Anon, but I think I'm gonna go."

You nod, and soon find yourself alone on the dirt road as night came on. As the chill sets in, you decide you had only one course of action. Get rid of the tag. However, to get some revenge and not start a panic, you found your best bet was to put the tag right back on Dash. Roaming Ponyville, it takes you over an hour to find the prey you hunted - a snoring cloud. You head out, grabbing the longest pole you could find, then return to the cloud. Cautiously, you set the pole into the puff of cumulus, slowly swirling it to carve a hole in the center. Time ticks on, and you begin to hear an odd slurping sound from the cloud. The bottom gains a bluish hue, and eventually, Rainbow plops out of the cloud, arms flailing about like a flipped turtle. As she shouts in surprise, you place yourself beneath the cloud and catch her in your arms. Grinning, you poke her right back on the nose.

"Tag!"

Rainbow looks mortified, but quickly regains composure, jabbing a hoof at you.

"Tag, you're it! No tag-backs!"

As your jaw drops, she hops out of your grasp and flies away, laughing the entire time.

A curse upon you.

...

...

...

Word got out. Everyone in Ponyville began avoiding you. Most market stall folk won't deal with you, the ones that do force you to throw the money or put on a ridiculous "HazTag" suit. You act like a repelling magnet anywhere you go in town. At first, you tried to have fun with it, running from one end of town to the other. Pegasi ponies scatter like pigeons when you rush at them, but it was getting old fast. You can't get clothes made by Rarity, can't buy food at the Cakes' place, and can't deal with most marketers. The only guy who will sell you food is the asparagus vendor, and he's almost always out of stock.

That, and asparagus sucks.

You get fed up and start prowling allies, waiting for a possible pouncing target. Turns out Equestria isn't like most movies - no one goes in alleys. Fortune smiles on you, however, as you overhear a conversation. Leaning closer to the corner of your alleyway, you recognize Pinkie Pie's voice.

"It's going to be so Super Duper Spectaculamazingreatawesome! I can't wait to start the preparations! Ooh! Nothing means big party like a party cannon!"

A party? Perfect! Parties are huge! No one is going to notice you in the middle of all that chaos. You could make in like a bandit, slap some flank, then get away from them in the crowd quicker than they can say "Sweet Celestia of Equestria, I've been tagged!". BUT WHERE WAS THE PARTY? AND WHEN? You lean as hard as your neck and body will allow, veins pulsing.

"Oh and I could bring the welcome wagon! Ooh, and I could set up streamers and I could make some candles and cakes and cupcakesandribbonsandbannersandgamesandmusic!"

Well this is getting you nowhere. She'll never get on topic without someone asking her. You'll have to impersonate someone to get her to talk.

...You don't know any impersonations.

Think, think! There has to be someone easy. There has to be something so incredibly simple you can't mess up. Got it!

"AndI'llmakemoreconfettiandrocketsandtrumpetsa-"

"Eeyup."

The silence tore at you inside. You kept as still as possible while you listened for a response.

"Well yeah! And it's gonna be great!"

You can't believe that worked! You nearly laugh at the fact, but punch yourself in the gut to keep quiet. But what do you say now? Think think think think think THINK THINK THINK.

"Eeyup."

"And everypony is going to be there!"

"Eeyup"

"That Mayor sure is a lucky mare!"

"Eeyup."

"It's a good thing we're celebrating her 10th year mayoral anniversary tonight!"

"Eeyup."

"I mean would anyone ELSE but our fair mare mayor be important enough in Ponyville to fill the entire area around town hall with ponies?"

"Nnnnope!"

What? That wasn't you. Your eyes widen in fear as you see Big Mac pull up with a big cart. Pinkie turns around to greet him as you dart further into the alley and make for the other end's exit.

"Oh hey Big Mac! I was just talking to Big Mac over there in that mysterious dark alleyway! Does that means that there's two Big Macs? Who's the BIGGER Mac? Huh huh huh?"

You're already gone by the time they check. So, there's a party for the mayor of Ponyville tonight around town hall. It Begins.

...

You have been hiding in this bush. For three. Bloody. Hours. What a master of disguise, you are. You're pretty sure ladybugs or something started walking on your legs at the thirty minute mark. Too bad they're not sentient enough in this universe to understand tag and take your curse, but you're absolutely sure if you crushed one it would scream just as loud as a person from some magical means and ruin your cover. That's Equestria for you.

Whatever. The party setup has been going on during your time in the bush, but you were too worried to pounce and ruin a better opportunity later. There's ribbons, streamers, banners, and all that other nonsense that Pinkie talked about. More importantly, there's cakes, AND YOU ARE BLOODY HUNGRY. It's been AGES. AAAAAAAGES since you had any proper food. You swear to Celestia, Luna, Discord, and whatever heathen gods this godforsaken universe holds that the first thing you are going to do when you get this tag off of you is shove your face straight into some sweets.

The mayor goes up on stage and gives her speech. You're sure it was quite eloquent, involved several actions she'd done over the years, and had thank you's in it, but all you could here was "Blah blah im the Mayor blah stalling oh good lord my stomach blah".

Finally, she stops moving her horse lip things and everyone starts partying. You're still sitting in that bush trying to figure out when to strike. You could wait longer and the ponies may get tired or drunk, something making them easier to catch, but the crowd would likely get smaller in that time, too. You also don't know how fast you'll be because you've been weakened physically over the past few days from being famished.

Gurgle.

Turns out your stomach and bowels aren't giving you time to make a decision. A diet of asparagus and scraps have left you with the worst case of the poops in Equestria - and the smelliest. You'll blow your cover. No time like this time!

Using every ounce of strength left in your weary body, you hurdle out of the bushes and straight into the pony throng. Immediately searching for a target, you see some delicious white flank shining like a thousand stars in the sky. Rarity. YOU LUNGE FOR IT. Your hands press against her impossibly soft back. Your fingers caress the sleek coat of her sides as you whisper deeply, silently into her ear.

"Tag"

Freedom! Oh sweet glorious freedom! Most holy and sacred of days! You're about to cry at the thought of f-

FOOD.

YOU NEED FOOD.

You're about to break away from rarity and rush the food table when a pair of hoofs land on your back. You immediately stiffen, then melt on the sensation as you haven't felt some pony else's touch in days. Turning around to see who it is, you find yourself face to plastered face with Berry Punch. Figures. Probably partying too hard to even notice if it was you and would have grabbed you even if you were still it. You begin losing yourself in the lovely sensation of these two ponies being in contact with you after being at a loss for social contact for so long.

Hold on a tick.

Why are these two ponies in contact with you? Berry, fine, but why is Rarity still here? Shouldn't she have gone into shock at being tagged or ran off immediately to peg someone else? You lean your head right and peer in front of Rarity to see what appears to be a never-ending stream of ponies. The hell? Why is everyone together holding each other? ... Is this a conga line? It is! Pretty coo-

You're in a conga line. The party is at Town Hall. Town Hall is a circle.

Your snap your head back to look behind you, nearly breaking it in the process. Behind Berry Punch, there is a continuous strand of curving pony bodies. It's a complete circle. The Tag. It's coming.

It went right through you. You FELT it. There it is again! It felt like ostracized. Feels bad. It's getting faster, and soon, you're not going to be able to keep up with where the tag is. As loud as you have ever spoken, as hard as you have ever shout in your entire life, you scream to Earth and the Heavens and Hell.

"NOOOO TAAAGBAAACKS!"

It was gone. From you, at least. Something was happening in the conga line. Everything was getting more fast paced as every pony orbited around of Town Hall. Ponies were getting it through their head that there was a tagger on the loose, but they didn't get where. They all got panicky, and though the conga line held firm, the tag itself was loose!

Then you SAW it. In your sleep deprived vision, you saw the speeding white flash of that magical, damnable curse flickering through the ponies. Rarity to Punch, Punch to Rarity, continually bouncing back in the massive arc only inhibited by you with no tag-backs. It was getting faster. The ponies were getting faster. Scared and delirious, you did the only logical thing left to do. You jumped. Leapt right out of the conga line and slid on the dew-filled grass below. Berry Punch's hooves took the place of yours on Rarity's back.

The Large Pony Tag Collider was complete.

The Tag sped ever faster through the conga line, surpassing the speed of sound, surpassing the speed of light. Reality warped around you, the conga line began revolving backwards in movement and time. The very air twisted around the site. Town hall crushed into itself. The compelling nexus of magical energies swirling the fabric of existence into its core. With eternal moments instantly and infinitely occurring, the break in the world swallowed it whole.

All because you wanted to be part of society again.

All because of You.