Forgotten Bookcases

by Cynical

Rating: teen
Tags: Princess Celestia, Twilight Sparkle, Sad, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark, Rainbow Dash, Cutie Mark Crusaders, Romance, Pinkie Pie
Length: 23115

In the corner of the library, there lies a collection of stories entitles 'When We Were Young'.

In the corner of the library, there is a small shelf.
It lies between A Complete History of Equestria, and the Romance collection, gathering dust.
It is a collection of short stories and entries titled When We Were Young.

A/N: Rated teen for sensitive subjects such as suicide and drug abuse, loss and a few others mixed in.

Hello there, this is an idea which has been playing on my mind for a while, I'm not going to say how long. But this was a small spin-off about just how quickly the small things can change into big things. So you might look at it as an analogy for the chaos effect. Just... not a very nice one.

Anyway, have a read and see what you think.

Chapter list and synopsis updated accordingly

Chapter 1: What We Choose - The Insanity and Rashness of Twilight Sparkle
Chapter 2: Rebound - A Love triangle with one side
Chapter 3: Ordinary Problems - Fame
Chapter 4: Broken - To Lose a Life or Limb
Chapter 5: Youth - Watching the Rise and Fall
Chapter 6: Loss
Chapter 7: Conciliation
Chapter 8: Rehabillitation
Chapter 9: Memories
Chapter 10: Afterwards
Chapter Epilogue: Farewell

Published 2012-12-03 01:20:01 UTC
Last updated 2013-01-28 07:55:14 UTC

What We Choose

Forgotten Bookcases
By M3lancholy

Now you and I
On plastic chimes
Above roses
Red and White

What We Choose

I was alone now.
Rarity was the first of us to leave Ponyville.
Her fashion business took her away from us to the big cities. Manehatten I think? Now she lived the high life, enjoying the finer points of Manehatten society and earning millions of bits every year. I might have been jealous of her, once upon a time, but she was one of my friends, and I was happy for her.

The next was Applejack.
None of us realised just how many ponies came to the farm until Applejack announced to us that day, long ago, that she was opening an outlet in Manehatten, her profits allowing for such a thing now. Bless her though, Applebloom, now the local handy-pony of the entire town, was left to take on the farm as well. I'll give her credit; she had a stubborn streak as wide as her older sister. She didn't accept help until the farm was in direct danger of being lost… again.

Nopony ever foresaw the last one to leave.
Fluttershy, kind, gentle, shy Fluttershy. She left on request after all her animals lived to ripe old ages, hell, after ten more years I think even Angel bunny is still alive and kicking. She was asked by the doctors in Canterlot Specialised to come and work for them. To this day, I'm not sure whether she agreed because she was too shy not to, whether she wanted to help other ponies get better, or because she was too lonely in her big cottage.

Then there was only Me, Rainbow, Pinkie, Spike, Applebloom and Scootaloo.
Then Spike left. He'd grown bigger and bulkier over the ten years we'd been in Ponyville, and it was now almost impossible for him to fit into his own bed in the library. He left for Manehatten a year ago in search of Rarity. He knew she'd be able to at least offer him some accommodation while he was finding his feet. I think that was the hardest separation for me to bear, probably due to the fact that I pretty much raised the little guy, and watching him leave triggered something in me. The result being that I stayed in my room for a week straight against the onslaught of both Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie.

And then I woke up one morning, and the world kept turning. I lent out a book to Cheerilee, had lunch, and decided that my world hadn't ended yet. Not that it really mattered anymore. Believe it or not I became reckless, eager to live life on the edge for once as I never had before. Over the course of a year I slowly narrowed the knife edge I walked across down, from staying awake for days at a time, to my most recent endeavour of pranking other ponies with devious plans and humorous results.

Each activity gave me a certain thrill that I had been missing from my life. That little bit of zing that made living worthwhile. I don't think I ever realised I'd been missing it until I had my first dose of it, even if it was simply a mix of chemicals within my brain and body which mixed together to give me an experience I wasn't likely to forget. Except soon enough, disobedience and pranking just became natural, they lost their flavour. Which leads me to right here, right now. That is, me being on the summit of Dragon Peak, the highest mountain within fifty miles of Ponyville, wearing a pair of goggles and a rucksack.

I stood on the peak and allowed myself a breather; it had been hard work climbing up here after the last time I did so to face the dragon. At least this time, I'd be going down a lot faster than I had before. I looked out over the western edge of the summit to the almost cliff-faced drop below and smiled, my heart already starting its familiar rhythm of BaDum BaDum BaDum. I looked around for a moment more, then jumped off the edge of the cliff.

BASE jumping, defined by Rainbow Dash as the coolest sport there is. Mixing high speed with low altitudes and no room for error. I angled myself, my heart strangely calm while I was in free-fall, and aimed for the clearing a mere 3000 hooves below me. I had planned thoroughly for this beforehand, I may have turned into a reckless pony but I was still a librarian and a scientist. I knew that as I weighed roughly 104 pounds and taking the normal value of gravity mixed with the height of the drop, I would have roughly six seconds before I'd have to pull the parachute with barely nine hundred hooves to spare.

If a pony happened to be flying nearby, they would have most likely heard the laughter coming from my mouth. The laugher of a mad-pony maybe, but laughter nonetheless. The six seconds of free-fall provided me with a boost of which I'd been looking for these long days. The smile on my face was plainly evident as my hair was pulled skywards and I flew towards the ground. It might not have been Rainboom speeds as such achieved by Rainbow, but it was enough for this unicorn as I reached the maximum speed and pulled the cord around my front, releasing the parachute.

As it turned out somepony was out and about, Rainbow Dash in fact. As I accepted the sudden deceleration, I saw a rainbow coloured blur speeding past me, turning around, then coming back up to join me with a less-than-happy expression on her face.
"What the hay Twilight?" She screamed across what was only a few metres. I didn't bother answering though; I needed my focus for the last part of the jump.

As my parachute slowed me down to the effect of roughly three forces of gravity, I had less than four seconds, three, two, one, and I never got to finish my countdown as Rainbow grew annoyed with my silence and apparent captivation with my activity and simply picked me up in midair, and plonked me back on the ground at more suitable speeds. She then continued to attempt to question what I was doing, not that I heard her. I was still enjoying the aftereffects of the adrenaline rush from the jump, and my response to what I can only assume was a question was "That was amazing!"

For such an unflappable mare, I think I succeeded in doing just that. Of course, I might have just presented a response which was so unexpected that it might even give Pinkie a run for her money. As it was, Rainbow eventually gained control of her tongue and attempted to form a coherent thought from the current events, in this case, "What?"
I attempted to fill her in but I had a feeling that I was sounding more and more like Pinkie did when she'd had a lot of sugar. "Well Rainbow, I've been trying to liven my life up again and induce an adrenaline rush so that I'd feel alive again. That BASE jump you just saw was my latest way to do so, and It. Was. Amazing!"

At this point Rainbow's jaw was very close to detaching and dropping to the floor and probably further if her expression was anything to go by. Give her her due though, she lifted her jaw back up and moved it around a bit before giving a much more thought out sentence, "Come again?"
And again I tried to explain the thrills that I had taken it upon myself to achieve, going into more depth this time and detailing how I'd started. It was a long story, starting with when Spike left me a year ago, and detailing all of my escapades from the laughably small to the most recent extreme, each accompanied with the explanation of the adrenaline rush that I received so much that each activity in turn became tame and boring. Eventually I ended with what I said before, which seemed to snap Dash out of whatever reverie she'd been occupying since I said I had taken up extreme sports.

"You mean you just jumped… off that cliff there… for fun?"
"Pretty much, yes."
"Why didn't you tell me?"
"Because, wait, what?" The anger in her voice was enough to throw me off the trail for a moment or two, I didn't expect that response, or that tone for that matter.
"Why didn't you tell me you were going to do something this awesome, I would have totally come and joined in, plus I would have caught you if anything had gone wrong."
"But you have wings; I'd have thought the thrill of it would have been lost on you."
"Naw, flying never loses its thrill. In any case, unless you forget, Speed is my middle name."
"I thought it was Danger."
I saw Rainbow pause for a moment to try and think up a believable reply to that. "That's also my middle name."
"Riiiight."

I left it at that. All wonders about how much of a thrill Dash would have gotten from the activity aside, I could see that it was a smart idea and I hadn't done it. A backup wouldn't have gone amiss during an activity of this calibre, in fact, if I think about my planning for the activity, I can't remember actually planning a back-up. It was times like these that I wondered if my mental capacity was being affected by the changes that my life had wrought upon me lately. It was not a train of thought that I wished to follow right now, the glow of the jump already fading from me and leaving me tired. I had needed to walk up the mountain in the first place, and adrenaline only gave me so much of my energy back. I turned towards the path leading to Ponyville and started walking, pausing after a moment to look back over my shoulder and ask "You coming?" To which there was a scurry of hooves, and seconds later, I had my Rainbow maned friend next to me as we walked through the forest.

While we walked, we talked about stunts and sports and tricks and kicks. In short, we traded stories of our various deeds and death-defying stunts. For every story where Rainbow did a triple barrelled aileron roll, I matched with a skydive from pegasi drawn carriage. Every crash, met with an accident and every myth, a legend. I might not have noticed it at the time, but Dash and I grew more talkative to each other, we slipped out of the usual restraints that a very undernourished friendship had kept us on, and started talking normally, as friends anew once more. I might have said that it was because we'd found yet another common interest between the two of us. I still remembered when she'd taken up Daring Do, and now I had taken up one of her passions, I suppose things do come back around after all.

As we neared Ponyville, Rainbow announced that she had to check on something at Sugarcube corner and that she hoped I'd meet her there later, say 6 O'clock? I agreed and said I'd meet her there. We parted ways there, her to go and check on whatever it was at Sugarcube corner, and I to my tree so I could stow away my equipment and plan for my next activity, I might even be able to share it with Dash too this time, keep her happy and to keep me safe if something failed.

I paused outside the door of my tree at this, since when did I care about Rainbow's happiness above my own safety? Sure I cared a lot about all my friends, but separation and isolation had done enough to decay those bonds enough so that I didn't feel the same way I did now about them. Rainbow? Rainbow was different, somehow I just knew that. In the end I reasoned that it was because we'd renewed the bond between the two of us on the long walk home. With this thought firmly in mind, I opened the door and went inside.

'But why did you suddenly slip back into the bonds of friendship then?' my mind asked me.
To be honest, I'm not sure what it was that allowed me to slip back into my old role as 'friend of Rainbow Dash' again. Earlier, I had attributed it to sharing another common interest, but now I realised that it might have been something else, or rather, I realised that a common interest wouldn't have been enough for me to resume the old roles, after all, if it was that I would have been like that from the start, the memory of teaching Rainbow the delights of reading still firmly in my mind.

Looking back at it now, a number of other questions sprung to mind, for example, what had she been doing that far out of Ponyville in the first place and why had she gone after me? OK, maybe friendship lasts a little while, but being the cynical pony I was, I just couldn't see Rainbow lifting a hoof if I had just… just… just what? What would it have looked like for an observer? That was the question. As I put my mind to it I ran down the events and their order, about how I had stood on the cliff top, how I had taken a moment to look around to make sure I was truly alone, and how I had… how I'd jumped. Dear Celestia, did she think that I'd tried to commit suicide?

Now that I thought of it, more and more pieces lined up in my head. I'd lost so much since I'd started out in Ponyville, and I hadn't shown myself to either Pinkie or Rainbow that much over the past year, preferring my own company above all others and knowing that somepony would have objected to my frankly reckless activities. I suppose they thought I had become a recluse, gone mad with grief maybe? Either way, it fit nicely into the holes currently available for me, not that I liked the hypothesis it led to any more.

But the hypothesis also led me to another discovery, why I'd been able to switch back into our old roles as friends so easily. She'd dived for me to save me, to save my life. Even if I wasn't committing suicide, it was the thought that counts wasn't it? Rainbow had dived after me to prevent me from dying, I keep trying to get over that part, but it keeps sticking in my head, especially knowing what could have happened if she'd misjudged things and ended up ploughing to the ground herself. It was a… a comforting feeling, knowing that I had somepony else to look out for me.

It certainly put things into perspective, that was for sure. I glanced up at the clock and noticed that it was almost five in the evening, that would give me just enough time to make plans for my next activity and then go to whatever was happening at Sugarcube corner. So I sat at my desk and planned for a trial of a special suit that I'd been working on in my spare time, I called it a wingsuit, a week hence in Ghastly gorge. I'd talk to Rainbow about it tonight, it was certainly something she'd be interested in, that was for sure, added to the fact that I wanted to know what it was like to fly, this was looking like an ideal opportunity to do just that. I left the plans underneath a paperweight that I'd got as a present two years previous from somepony or other, and left for Sugarcube corner.

When I saw Sugarcube corner again after the numerous years that I'd neglected to visit it, I could have almost been fooled into believing that it was still ten years ago and nothing had changed. The bakery looked as inviting as ever, door open and the warm smell of baking enticing any and all inside. The bakery itself looked like it had been renovated recently, the cracks which had been there previously were gone, and the paint looked generally touched up all around. On entry, I was met with Pinkie Pie standing behind the counter. Oh, and that's something else, Mr and Mrs Cake left a while ago too, was it five years ago, or four? I can't really remember anymore. All that matters at the moment is that they left Pinkie in charge of the bakery in Ponyville, while they and the foals left to Manehatten to work as bakers in a more profitable area.

When Pinkie saw me, it was like we'd never been apart for countless years, that is to say, she bounced up to me, over the counter she was working at, and started talking to me at an increased rate to what I remember. Thankfully the Pinkie filter in my head seemed to be working still, and allowed me to answer whatever questions she put to me, and nod and shake my head at the appropriate times. After a few moments though, she stopped. I'd like to think that she realised that nothing was going into my head and that she'd decided to give me a break from her voice, but the true reason became apparent when she spoke, well shouted, "Dashie!"

After I'd managed to get my eardrums to stop ringing, I glanced towards the door to see that the newcomer was indeed Rainbow Dash. The pony in question managed a quick "Hey Pinkie." before striding into the room and being tackled by the party pony in a flying hug. Seeing my chance, I quickly went to the counter and talked to one of the staff that Pinkie had been forced to employ. Not because of any problems with workload, but because the neighbours had started to complain that Pinkie was being too hyper and that she needed somepony to keep an eye on her, even if it was just the amount of sugar she had every day. Thankfully, it allowed me to place a quick order for a blueberry muffin and sneak off into the corner of the shop to let Pinkie expend her energy.

I didn't not like Pinkie per se, more that I couldn't deal with how hyper she was right now. I might have been able to deal with her when she turned herself down from eleven to a more reasonable one. In any case, it looked like Dash was getting pretty uncomfortable now too as she was trying to push the pink pony off with one hoof whilst trying to stay upright with another. I sighed and lit my horn, lifting Pinkie off the poor pony with barely a thought. Rainbow stood up slowly, cracking her neck from where she'd been on the floor and sending a nod of thanks towards me. I focussed my attention on Pinkie Pie who had somehow managed to turn herself upside down while she was still in the magic field, I couldn't help myself laugh at the sight in front of me which set Pinkie off and caused Rainbow some confusion when she came back from ordering her confection to find me splitting my sides and Pinkie doing an accurate impression of a hamster in my magic field.

She shrugged and sat across from me. I tried to contain my laughter, reducing it to a few snorts and giggles as I lowered Pinkie towards the floor gently where she immediately proceeded to grab a cupcake that had been left on the counter for such unlikely events, and came to join us at our table in the corner of the bakery. We talked for a while about inconsequential things. I asked Dash what she'd wanted to do at the bakery earlier where she told me that they'd called off an intervention they had planned to hold for me. I was touched, they explained that they'd grown worried after I'd seemingly shut myself away for the best part of a year and they had finally decided to take action to remedy that. Of course, this plan didn't really apply when Dash had found that I wasn't a bitter recluse and that I was actually being quite daring in my deeds. She'd called off the intervention to which there were many complaints of ponies being robbed of a perfectly good Pinkie party.

This rolled smoothly into another discussion about stunts and sports between myself and Dash, effectively shutting Pinkie out of the conversation, not that I noticed at the time, I was too busy trying to convince Rainbow that potholing was a lot more dangerous than she could imagine, especially when you took it upon yourself to do it without light.
"Isn't that really, really dangerous Twilight?" Pinkie jumped into the conversation, trying to join into the discussion between us two daredevils but failing poorly.
I assured her that I knew what I was doing and I wasn't likely to hurt myself while I was doing so, then continued with the debate. If I'd turned my head to the side, I might have seen a look of disappointment and sadness in Pinkie's eyes, but I didn't, so I couldn't.

"Anyway, I'm planning on testing a wingsuit in a weeks’ time at Ghastly gorge, you up for it Dash?"
"Hell yeah!"
"Me too!"
"The more the merrier I guess."
"Erm, sure."

Pinkie's intervention in the middle sounded enthusiastic, but me and Dash both shared a look which doubted whether Pinkie would really want to do that. Not that she'd be dissuaded, she looked determined to prove a point and follow through with her word. After sorting out a meet-up time and place, I headed home to sleep. Rainbow stayed for a few moments longer before she left herself, the whoosh of her wings denoting her departure from the bakery. Of course now that I had some time to myself to think about things, I could see that perhaps Pinkie just wanted to be included in the discussion, we did effectively shut her out. I made a note to bring it up with her later. For now I was really tired and I just wanted to rest.

I reached my library, opened the door and gazed across the frigid room, shutting the door after I'd walked inside. Seeing that it still remained deserted no matter how many times I would still wish for my number one assistant to return, or even my number two assistant, Owlicious, to appear. Sadly the former was still all the way in the big city and the latter had died three years ago. I tried to move on sometimes, but whenever I tried to stop thinking about the friends that I'd lost, their memories kept coming back to haunt me. Hopefully the stunt at Ghastly gorge would push back my thoughts about them for more than a few hours. It seemed to be the only thing keeping me sane at the moment. Maybe if I did something which took me to the edge of death, I’d move on entirely?

I climbed the stairs, briefly looking over the balcony to the library floor below before going into my room and lying down in bed.
"Goodnight everypony."

I didn't sleep that night.

Rebound

Forgotten Bookcases
By M3lancholy

We seat ourselves
Upon two islands
Of our dreams and hopes
And the sea boils blue with our fears

Rebound

I'd never thought about it before, but being the student of Princess Celestia for around ten years had disciplined me into small traits and quirks that I still honoured even though my title was no-longer my own. That was why I never really thought of it. I remembered that it had been a mixture of grief and inactivity on my part that forced Celestia's hoof into cutting that particular tie, but that didn't stop my over-analytical brain from sardonically pointing out the fact that not three days later, she had another student. I never even bothered to learn their name.

I remember when she told me. She visited me often you know. Every Sunday, a day which I kept for myself, even after I decided to move on from Spike, there would be a knock on my door that I didn't acknowledge and which remained a formality for the pearly alicorn which entered my abode anyway. I never really paid attention to what she did or said while she was there, I just accepted that she was and left it at that. Sunday was the only day when I would allow myself to let go and cry, no Princess would interrupt that for me. Obviously she grew bored of me though after the first three months of attempting to console me.

I remember the day clearly. Three months to the day from when Spike left.
The day started normally enough, I was enjoying my Sunday, as far as the word enjoyment can be stretched that is, and She comes in. By all rights, this should clue me into the fact that something was wrong, but my mask was hung up for the day and I had no plans for putting it back on until at least midnight tonight. Call me vain, but I didn't want the princess to see me like this, not really. It was simply a lack of caring that always stopped me from replacing the mask for her visits. Today… today wouldn't have mattered either way I think.

I lay on the couch, facing the back of the seat so as to hide my tears, and she stood three metres away from me. I knew because the indents from her metal-plated hooves always left a small imprint there. What I said about not really paying attention? I half-lied. I always heard what she said, she was my Princess after all. I just never quite made the connection between the words and their meanings until it was too late, like today for example.

She talked.
I didn't listen.
The small part of my brain that defied my thoughts on the other hand, was slowly decoding what the Princess had told me even after she left. In the end, I had my translation and I was exposed to just what I'd instigated.

"This is just getting too cumbersome now Twilight. I can't keep coming to Ponyville every Sunday to talk to a mare who barely registers my presence. As much as it pains me to do this… I'm going to have to release you from your duties as my student. I- I'm going to have to ask you to… to step down. If you wish to contest this now, I might reconsider."
My mind informed me that there had been a gap, maybe a minute, maybe an hour, it didn't measure these things anymore.
"Then… this is goodbye, my faithful stu- My faith- Twilight Sparkle."
And then she left me here.

I pondered what this would mean for me. No-longer under the care or direct command of Celestia, I would have my freedom to do what I wanted, no-longer under the obligation to report to the princess on my findings of friendship, and freedom to live my life without additional input; were all on the list of things that I thought of, yes, but they were being thought about in side-lines of my mind. The main thought at the moment being that I had lost another pony I held dear. How long until I drove everypony away from me due to my inactivity and isolation. It was yet another harsh reminder that I was living a life which was falling apart around me.

And what did I do the next morning? I got up at seven in the morning, as I had always done since I became Celestia's student, and continued my life. I never told anypony that I was not Celestia's student anymore… that might have brought the carefully constructed walls I'd built crashing around me again. Incidentally, that was the day before I planned to take my life into my own hooves and start being reckless for once in my life.

So I did today, as I did every day, rising at seven in the morning to do my few duties as librarian of Ponyville, happily it had been a week since I made my plans for my wingsuit test. I glanced at the clock on the wall of my bedroom, 7:01 AM. That would give me plenty of time to have breakfast, sort out my various pieces of equipment and also prepare a lunch for the three of us, before I headed to the town hall, our chosen meeting place, for 9 AM, our chosen time. Speaking of which, I hadn't had the chance to confront Pinkie about her true feelings towards the jump today. I decided to just see what happened and got up to make myself a breakfast of toast.

We met in front of the town hall, us three daredevils, and began the walk to the Ghastly gorge. I showed Rainbow my wingsuit, holding it aloft inside my magic while I walked. She looked at parts and prodded at others, sometimes commenting on the fabric or the design, and more than once eying the suit longingly. I queried her about this after I caught her looking at it like that for the third time and the look on her face could have been compared to one sharing a guilty secret with another, I think we'd completely forgotten the presence of Pinkie along with us by this point, me and Dash both being so entranced with each other's conversation.

"Well, among other things, the design is excellent and it screams excitement as much as I do, and that's saying something. Also-" At this, Dash paused, looking around for a moment as if she thought a pony might be listening, hidden behind the rocks which lined the path. After glancing around, she continued, "Also, I'd like to try it."

I laughed at this, and asked her why, where she immediately glanced around, making 'shush' noises as she did so. After glancing about, she sidled up to me until we were walking shoulder to shoulder, and whispered to me. "Don't tell anypony, but I think flying without wings is much better than with them" I snorted at this, sometimes it amazed me just what Dash thought could be considered uncool and what was cool. Then again, she did have an image to keep up of herself, and what would ponies think of her if she forsook her birthright? Maybe Dash had the right idea about coolness after all.

She drew apart from me, but not to the same distance she had been previously, there was maybe only a hoof or two between us now as we moved the topic onto our preferred sports and recommendations of others. Again shutting Pinkie completely out of the discussion and out of our minds and thoughts. Thus our merry procession arrived at Ghastly gorge after half an hours walk from Ponyville. A unicorn and a pegasus leading the walk, each so enrapt in the others conversation that we hardly noticed we'd arrived until the slightly dour earth pony pointed it out.

Even so, we continued the conversation as Rainbow limbered up and I slipped into my suit. Pinkie? She wore a sour expression at odds with her bright and cheery colour scheme and usual attitude. One of us might have commented on this, if we'd noticed her that is. After five minutes of continuous banter, jibes and chatter, both me and Rainbow were prepared to take a leap of faith into Ghastly gorge. After I allowed Rainbow to look over my handiwork and note how there were a number of flaps on the suit to catch the most airflow. I would not be as graceful as her wings allowed her to be, but I would be able to have a rudimentary experience of self-sustained flight for a while.

With that, we lined up on the edge of the gorge, said to Pinkie that we'd meet her back here, and jumped out over the void below.

There is a moment, as there is in all activities, where your life hangs in the balance between a small piece of equipment and some untold manner of death. These were the moments that I now lived for. Leaving my life out of my hooves and into a small suit of untested fabric and mathematical equations. Now this was the moment I spread my hooves, and allowed myself to fly.

The experience was truly unforgettable. The way that Rainbow described flying was always as an adrenaline rush on wings. She never described the simple pleasure of mastering the skies and leaving the ground. It may have helped that I was a normally grounded pony with no experience or method to fly, but I like to think that I truly had something there, that it was more than me conquering flight and added to the fact that I was flying at a very high fraction of terminal velocity, I couldn't really care for that matter, preferring to simply spread my legs and control the current.

In my ecstasy, I rolled in the air, catching a glimpse of Rainbow watching me with her own joy evident in her eyes. I straightened myself out and glanced at her again, seeing that she was still watching me. After making eye contact, I made a pointed glance downwards then glanced back at her to see a smirk overtake her features and her wings beginning to move up a gear. Luckily, I had no such qualms about switching pitch or pace, and simply leant forwards, letting gravity take its rightful hold on me and speed me up to near terminal speeds, hopefully giving me the edge in the sudden race I'd instigated.

At a distance of no more than fifty hooves from the ground, I levelled out, using my momentum to slingshot myself into the gusty cave and straight through it to the other side, by which time I'd noticed the sound of the tail that I'd picked up, her regular wing beats the only sound above my own breathing and the wind around me. Not that I gave her any opportunities to pass me though. The moment that she was about to close in on me, I arched my back, sending me skywards and removing most of the momentum that I'd build up over the dive, not that I was complaining, this was incredible, no wonder Dash spent as little time on her hooves as physically possible, preferring to take to the air and enjoy this wonderful feeling as much as possible.

At the point when the momentum carrying me upwards almost ran out, I levelled out, laughing happily at the experience and the joyful expression on the pegasus' face now that she'd joined me in simply cruising. I suppose it had been a long time since she'd had this much fun in her element with another pony now that the only pegasus who Rainbow could have flown with had left for Canterlot. Sometimes I found it all too easy to forget that my friends had left. Easier still while I was risking my life, and easiest yet while I was in the air with Rainbow Dash.

I glanced across at the cerulean pegasus who was gliding silently along with me, content to look down at the ground far below us, and it hit me.
I finally knew how I had gone back to our friendship roles so easily
How we could share a conversation for hours on end
Why I'd offered Dash the chance here
And why I was captivated by the cyan mare, flying alongside me, who was eager to share her sky with somepony else.

It was simple really, an epiphany that really shouldn't have needed to occur in the first place, but then. I never was good with the touchy-feely stuff myself, preferring to keep ponies at a legs distance apart and comfort them from there.
And yet…
Here I was, nearly six hundred hooves above the gorge below, gliding along with Rainbow Dash, and everything felt so… so right. I couldn't imagine the pony I was flying with to not be Rainbow Dash no more than I could break my own horn off at the base. It was like the feeling I'd had a week ago, the feeling that you had somepony to protect you, except this seemed stronger somehow. A stronger bond? Or more to protect from, I didn't know.

It didn't matter at the moment. All I knew was that I was flying along with somepony I knew, that I was sharing the sky with somepony I cared about, and bringing joy to a pony that I loved.
That was it.
I laughed at the absurdity of it all. Here I was, risking my life needlessly for a thrill that would last me an hour or so, with Rainbow Dash, countless hooves above the ground, and here was where I finally admitted myself that I was in love with Rainbow Dash. It seemed fitting in a way, I was sharing her sky, and now I wished to share my heart with her. I heard her echoing my laugh as she revelled in the simple thrill of flying.

It might have been a matter of seconds or a number of minutes, but we soon reached the end point of our journey. I angled myself to land below, just before the steps that made up the passage into Ghastly gorge, but that plan was blown off kilter when something appeared under me, a rainbow headed something, and pulled up; bringing us both to the cliff that we'd both jumped off what seemed like an age ago, but was no more than fifteen minutes at the most. As we grew level with the cliff, I asked Rainbow if I could ask her something, she replied an affirmative, after ribbing me that I'd just asked her one.

"How many other ponies have you shared your sky with?"
"Um, since Fluttershy, none. Why do you ask?"
"It just seemed so peaceful up there, you and me flying without a care in the world." I continued, not really answering the question.
Rainbow chuckled, "You thought that was awesome? You were only gliding, you didn't have the full experience that wings give me."
"And for that I'm regretful, if that was exhilarating for me, I can't imagine what having wings would be like."
"You don't know the half of it." Came her reply, her tone filled with a surprising amount of longing. There was a pause, then she asked, "Why the sudden introspective questions though?"

I told her, after the dutiful teasing of Rainbow Dash using a word like introspective, and felt my stomach drop a moment later as Rainbow's grip around me slackened for an instant and I started to fall, thankfully, she realised her error and caught me a moment later. It still took me a moment to round up my wits after that and reply to her question "Could you… repeat that please?"
"I think I love you, Rainbow."
I thought I heard her say "That's what I thought you said." and she floundered for a moment, looking for a response I suppose. "Why?"
"Because you and I, we share a common set of tastes do we not? You and your books and me and my stunts, we both crave what the other enjoys regularly. I saw you earlier, you enjoyed sharing your sky with somepony else, I want to be that pony, that pony you can share your endless sky with."

She dropped me on the ground and then dropped down with me so we were both walking on the smooth rock of the cliff. After stretching her legs, she turned back to be and replied. "Yeah, about that… look, promise you won't melt me or something when I tell you."
She rubbed her foreleg nervously, pretty much at the same speed my heart was dropping into my gut. I nodded my assent, already guessing what it was she was going to say.
"I can't Twilight."

And bingo, jackpot.
"Why not?" I demanded, very quickly finding fifteen potential loopholes in the contract Rainbow had given.
"It's complicated."
"Try me." I'd give her the choice between vaporisation and being flash frozen before taking a hit by a good buck or ten.
"I'm already dating Pinkie."

The admission was not loud. It didn't need to be for me to hear what she'd said. All thoughts of revenge or retribution decayed into nothing as a numbness spread its infection through me. I think I made a noise of some sort, I didn't really pay attention to it if I did, I was too busy appraising my personal values, plans and priorities, trying to look for a solution.
I stayed like that for a while. I came back into the real world, after a period of unknown time, to find the sun setting below the horizon and with no signs of Rainbow Dash or Pinkie Pie.
So I began walking home, my heart shattered and shared between my four hooves.

Never before had my home been so inviting yet so foreboding.
I'd heard about this next part, where the shock sets in. And the loss. And the regrets. Courtesy of Rarity of course. I wanted to shut myself away, to hide my shamed face from all within Ponyville and forget this whole ordeal had ever happened. But that wasn't a luxury my mind was granting me, instead painting visions of various 'what-if' scenarios and alternate realities. Each one more painful than the next. And yet… there was still that tiny voice, the rational one which had grown quiet after Spike left, telling me to get over it, that it was nothing more than a negative answer. I don't think my rational mind could compute the answer leaving my heart broken.

I ignored it in the end, walking towards the door and all but running the last few steps to get inside and away from the populous. I slammed the door behind me, my tears now breaking free of their own accord now that there was no need to hide them anymore. Forget the ordeal happened? Right now I'd settle for withering and dying on the spot, which I seemed to be doing right now. I was curled up on the floor with no idea when I'd lain down. Tears still spouting from my eyes, I debated getting up again but decided against it.
It would be more economical this way.

Who was I to gain the love of Rainbow Dash?
How could I ever hope to gain her adoration and admiration?
Why did I even consider the notion in the first place?
The answer to all three questions was simple. I shouldn't. I was a simple unicorn, living by myself in a library which was mostly empty. I needed for Equestria to be in danger and for the princess of the entire country to tell me to go and make some friends. And I was just a stupid pony who thought that the world was fair, that I would be happy. The cynic in me laughed at the absurdity of the statement.
Who was I to believe that the world would be different for me? I curled up tighter against myself.
Who was I to call the laws of the world to heel? Her head shook slightly.
Who was Twilight Sparkle to change the world?

"I am Twilight."
I didn't realise I'd spoken until my ears reported to me. Then it became simple.
Who was I to change the world? I was Twilight Sparkle, student of Princess Celestia.
Who was I to command the laws of the world? I was the most magical unicorn to pass through the gifted school in the past millennium.
Who was I to choose who I loved? I am me.

It was so simple; all I needed to do would be to change the world slightly so that I was left with a more favourable outcome. It would not have to be a huge event, just something that would make Dash never commence a relationship with Pinkie, so she'd be free to start over with me.

I think I sustained that thought for a whole minute before I realised what I was thinking. Aside from the fact that time didn't work like that, there would be too many unknowns. What if Dash went out with another pony instead? What if it changed Dash herself? What if Rainbow ever found out?
I think that was what decided it for me. Not what could happen to myself during such a spell. Not if I changed Dash from who she was now. No, I thought of a Dash in tears, an upset Dash, an angry Dash.

Who was I?
I rose from the ground in a trance.
Who was I to change the world?
I walked into the next room. Filled with various knick-knacks and sporting equipment, chronicling my adrenaline filled journey from big to small.
Who was I to redefine the world?
A plaque was laid on a shelf at the end of the room, it bore the inscription: 'Dr Twilight Sparkle, Graduate of Celestia's School for Gifted Unicorns; Msci, PhD, Bsc(Hons)'. I lit my horn.
Who was I to hope the world cared?
The world could burn.

A knock at the door broke me from my timeless reverie. I glanced around, noting my surroundings and the redecoration of the room.
Where there had once been equipment lay broken material and burnt fabric, the awards and prizes? Molten metal and a chunk of charred wood. I glanced towards the plaque, now a twisted hunk of tarnished gold, from which a reflection could still be retrieved. It showed a figure out of a nightmare.

The figure possessed a mane of fire and ash, her coat jet back and eyes a shining light. There was no expression on the face of the nightmare and when I blinked, it was replaced by the reflection I knew. The room was still filled with broken equipment and melted achievements though, it seemed that part at least was real.

I moved towards the door, a large part of me thanking whoever it was for breaking me out of whatever insane place I'd been residing. The minor part though, still thought about that figure in the mirror. That looked like a strong pony who feared no-one…
It might be nice to be that pony one day.

I reached the door and opened it, expecting to see the mailmare, running late after numerous deliveries or something. Instead I was greeted with the sight of Rainbow Dash, standing nervously on my doorstep and carrying a hold-all in her mouth. When she saw the door open she laid her bag on the floor and spoke.
"Hey Twi… listen, you wouldn't mind if I slept here tonight right?"
"Err… I don't see why not, but why aren't you sleeping in your own house, or Pinkies for that matter?" I replied, more bewildered than anything at the current turn of events.

"Yeah, about that… I sold my house a few days ago so I could move in with Pinkie. "After waiting a couple of moments for Rainbow to continue, I decided to give her a prod in the right direction.
"So… why aren't you sleeping there now, did you have an argument or something?"
"Twi- not now please. I just need somewhere to sleep for the night."
This caught me completely off guard and left me nodding wordlessly to Rainbow, I moved aside to let her into the treehouse, inconspicuously shutting the door to the destroyed room with my magic.

Rainbow walked in, carrying her bag which she dumped onto the sofa.
"Sooo, am I ok to sleep on the sofa?" I remember mutely nodding to this before something presented itself to my memory
"You can use the guest bed if you want." I said, still completely bewildered by her appearance and her lack of information pertaining to her situation. Deciding to roll with it for the moment, I headed into the kitchen to prepare a hot drink of sorts, some coffee would be sure to soothe my nerves. I called back a question over my shoulder, asking Dash if she wanted anything. She replied an affirmative for a glass of Orange juice

I worked my magic in the kitchen, bringing a variety of utensils and crockery from their respective drawers, into a whirlwind about my person, I found a balance in the magic, I would make Dash comfortable and then see why she was there. In the meantime, I had a drink or two to make.

After a minute or so, I came out of the kitchen again, this time carrying a pair of mugs, one of which I levitated over to Rainbow Dash. The other I kept for myself. I heard her mutter a thank you as she picked up the proffered mug and simply held it in her hooves, not drinking a drop. For that matter, I could see that something was seriously wrong here, making Dash comfortable would have to wait… this took priority now.
"What's wrong Dash?" I asked in a voice which brooked no argument, which she proceeded to try and offer anyway.
"Nothing's wrong Twilight, I already told you." She replied in a strained voice. Surprisingly enough, a raised eyebrow from me seemed to be the only stimuli for causing her defence to crumble around her.

I dragged the story out of her in the end; it wasn't a fun rendition as Dash told me how she'd walked to Sugarcube corner on her own to find Pinkie waiting. She told me how Pinkie had let Dash in, the party pony wearing a wan smile to Dash's false one. Pinkie had asked how the flying had gone, to which Dash had replied how utterly amazing it was and followed with the race that the two of us had had. Pinkie had asked her something to which the answer was what had happened after -Dash really didn't want to remember the details apparently- Pinkie liked that answer not one jot. She'd followed it by making accusations against Dash, that she was more interested in me than her. That Dash should just end the relationship now if that was the case.

"And what did you say to all of that?" I asked, dreading where this was going almost as much as I hoped for it.
"I didn't say anything; I just let her say all that stuff… that was probably why she broke up with me afterwards."
A voice spoke out against the euphoria in my mind, convinced my mouth to ask her a question, "Why did you come here Dash? Fluttershy is your older friend, and I'd have thought you'd have made sleeping in a library one of those 'uncool' activities."
"Yeah about that Twilight… I wanted to ask you something too."
A smug voice in my head was starting to take up more of my attention, predicting the words that Rainbow would say as she said them herself.
"I wondered if that offer from before was still open… whether you'd be interested in going out on a date with me."

The part of my brain which had received the previous euphoria was going into overdrive, but for each attempt it made at infecting its happiness among others, there remained a guard who looked into the comment.
"So you come to me after you've been kicked out by Pinkie? And ask me whether I still love you? Am I that important to you that I'm just a- a backup?" I didn't cry then. I had no more tears left to spill, and let the cold anger wash its cleansing fire through my body instead.

Rainbow shook her head frantically against each turn of my cold anger and taking each accusation as it came and denying all of them. I waited for her to continue. There was some part of my brain which assured me that Rainbow was simply looking for someone to comfort her, looking for someone to cling to and someone who loved her. I listened to that part of my brain, but it was getting harder and harder to ignore the upset Rainbow Dash on my doorstep. My anger spent, I gave in, sort of, allowing the other pony room to speak and say what she thought of this whole sordid affair.

"Listen, Twi, I have some bad experiences with romance and that mushy stuff. Sometimes I just forget about just what I have. I could never think of you as a back-up, but I can see how you might think that. If you want me to leave and stay at Fluttershys tonight, I will."
I remained quiet, my thoughts ablaze as I tried to organise my brain into outputting some coherent and helpful thoughts. I don't think that it satisfied Dash though, she took my silence for what it was, a break in the conversation where there was nothing more to say, and went to pick up her bag again, leaving her mug of Orange juice untouched. When she was about to walk out, I finally spoke up,
"Wait."

I didn't speak very loud yet it carried across the almost silent room like a shout. Dash stopped at the door, her head lowered as if to place her bag on the floor, but not moving, instead asking her own question, quieter than her normal brash and sharp voice, "Why?"
"Because I don't care anymore. I don't care if I was a backup plan, I don't even care about your romantic history. I just don't care about any of that stuff. But I care about you, Rainbow; I want you to be happy. If you want to be happy with me, then I will accept whatever decision you reach. But, just know that you have an… an effect on me."

And she took the bait, just like I knew she would. It wasn't manipulation I told myself, it was just me steering the conversation in a more favourable direction for myself. She turned towards me, just dropping the bag on the floor in favour of talking.
"What effect?" she asked, taking a step towards me curiously. I simply lit my horn and opened the door to the destroyed room. I heard Rainbow gasp and take a step backwards after she got a glimpse into the room, now encompassed by glowing embers and sooty metal.
"That is what I did after we finished at the gorge earlier. I lost control and destroyed all my awards and possessions. All because of you Dash. That is the effect you have on me, and I doubt it's the worst that could have happened. I'll ask you this and give you the chance to back out if you wanted to. Would you like to go out with me Rainbow Dash?"

Rainbow stood still, her tail swishing nervously from side to side. I wasn't worried; it meant that she was actually thinking this through. I'd like that I think, a Dash who thought for herself. After a while, she looked me in the eye and answered.
"I'd love to."

Author's Note

This story is now coming along nicely, the next chapter will be in another six days, then everything else will be a further seven days after that, all so that I release chapters for one story on a Sunday, and chapters for another on Thursday.

Comments, critique, spelling and grammar errors that I missed, they're all helpful.
~M3lancholy

Ordinary Problems

Forgotten Bookcases
By M3lancholy

One island lies in the light
The other in the night
They lay bridges of wood and dust
Until the wood turns to ashes and the dust to dust

Ordinary Problems

One of the biggest influences on my live were my parents, just as they are in the majority of every foal’s life. They supported me through good and bad. They taught me the value of diligence and the meaning of family. They died as they lived, happily together.
I never even went to the funeral.

I remember when I got the letter, around a month after Celestia visited for the last time. I remember rising at seven in the morning to eat my breakfast and plan for the day’s activities. The mailbox clashed against the door, signalling the delivery of the mail. I got up from my chair, a piece of toast held within my magic as I walked over to the door and the letters. I picked them all up with my magic and started rifling through them, muttering "Bill, bill, bill, staff party, bill, Canterlot legal?"

I paused at the last one, slitting it open with my magic as I sorted the other letters into piles of bills, parties and other. Looking at the legal document I held was vexing on my tired brain, but I think I got the message. It effectively read:

Dear Miss Twilight Sparkle

We regret to inform you that your parents, Mr and Mrs Sparkle, passed away yesterday after an accident at work. The funeral is to be held a week hence in the Canterlot burial grounds. The will is also to be read at that moment in time.

Our Sincerest Condolences

Canterlot Solicitors

Funeral Div.

Which was a slight kick to the stomach.
And what did I do?

I waited until Sunday to cry my eyes dry once again, only to rise the next day at seven in the morning and make plans for a skydive the day after. A week later, a pony arrived at the door with a small box containing my inheritance. Inside were a few token trinkets from my parents, a box here or there, and resting on top was a letter addressed to me.
Five lines were written within it.

To our Daughter, Twilight Sparkle
Never forget us
As we'll never forget you
Live a good life
Love from Mum and Dad

No minced words or pointless phrases, just a letter that I clutched to my chest and wept to. I made a resolution to myself that day, that I would no-longer mope in the shadows of my life, that I’d make my parents proud, living the good life. It's funny, if that letter had never arrived, I'd still probably weep on Sundays. Sometimes I wonder what my life would have been like if that other letter had never arrived…

It had been a few weeks since Rainbow said yes to me, we were going steadily along as a couple and hardly a hiccup had presented itself. Believe it or not though, I hadn't seen Pinkie since the gorge, she'd not presented herself to either one of us and seemed to be spending more and more time in the bakery, now almost always deserted. Not a single pony felt right if they ever approached an unhappy Pinkie Pie. Not that I could blame them, Pinkie always was a manic in every sense of the word.

It was the morning and I was preparing myself for reshelving day. It had become a much more onerous activity since Spike left. Sighing, I prepared to remove every single book from their existing shelves with my magic when there was an almighty thud from outside that saved me the job.

I sighed in annoyance, already knowing who would crash into the library at such speeds. It wasn't a matter of precognition, just experience. Sure enough, when I opened the door, I was met by an ecstatic Rainbow Dash on my doorstep, brandishing an envelope in her mouth, the seal still intact.
"Morning Rainbow. Wha- What's up?" I asked, a yawn breaking into my question before I could stop it.
Rainbow threw the letter at me; well she tried to in any case. I caught it in my magic as she asked "Can you read this for me Twi?"
I nodded, puzzled at why she would want me to open the letter. There was nothing that stood out on the front; it was simply addressed to Rainbow Dash, Ponyville. I flipped over the letter and froze. There was an insignia for the seal; it was a seal that both I and Rainbow knew.
It was a lightning bolt.

Rainbow had grown impatient already, turning this way and that in nervous anticipation, "Come on, what's taking so long Twi? Just tell me what it says."
I coughed, my magic making short work of the seal & withdrawing a folded piece of paper from inside. I unfolded the paper to see that there were only five lines on it. All hoofwritten.

"To Rainbow Dash
Well done, you made it
4th January, Cloud Stadium, 6:00 AM
Congratulations.
Spitfire"

I heard nothing from the pony in front of me, her speechlessness probably having a completely different reason from my own though. Not that that lasted for long though, she let out what I can only call a shriek of delight, before jumping forwards towards me, arms outstretched, and grabbing the letter for herself. I let her, a slightly bitter taste in my mouth from what this would do to our relationship.

After reading the letter twice over herself, Rainbow dropped it and shot towards me, drawing me up in a hug and starting a lap of honour around the ceiling of the library, laughing all the way. I think she stopped when she noticed that I wasn't sharing in her joy though. I remember she just stopped laughing at first, then she abruptly landed, putting me down gently before she alighted next to me.

"What's wrong Twi?" I was about to reply that nothing was wrong, that I was happy for her. Before she cut me off, "And don't say that nothing's wrong, I can see that something's eating you up there."
I let out a sigh; it would be hard, making Rainbow see just how much the decision would affect me. On the one hoof, it was her lifelong dream, to be part of the Wonderbolts and perform for crowds of thousands. Hard to say the same for me when she would be forced to partake in all that came with it.

"What now Rainbow?"
"Huh?" she asked, I can't really blame her, I was being quite vague until she prompted me.
"What happens to us now Rainbow, you don't honestly think you are going to stay in Ponyville all the time? What about us?"
I honestly didn't think that she'd thought about it, that was Rainbow Dash right there, putting something off until it directly threatened her, she certainly took her time thinking of the reply.
"I don't know. I mean, I'd be spending a lot of time on tour, so maybe you could drop in to see me then?"
It took her to just glance at me to see that that wasn't an option. "I have a library to run Rainbow, you can't exactly expect me to drop everything every time you perform a show near Ponyville, it just isn't practical for me."
Rainbow waved a hoof dismissively, "We'll figure it out later."

I sighed, relenting on that line of questioning, before continuing on another, "Do you even know what you're getting into?"
Rainbow tilted her head, smirking, "Well duh, Twi." she started, zipping beside me and gesturing to the library in general, "Performing with the greatest aerial stunt team Equestria has to offer, the fame and fortune, and fulfilling my lifelong dream!" she said, finishing with a flourish.
I waited for a moment, before pulling my head out from Rainbow's hoof. "And the publicity?"
Rainbow struck a pose, standing up straight with her chest puffed out and wings straight back. "Course, I bet the cameras won't be able to resist me

"And in the moments you want to keep private? I don't suppose the cameras will be able to resist you then?" I replied, keeping my voice level.
"They wouldn't intrude on someponies private life… would they?" she answered, her voice not so sure.
"Remember Gabby Gums?" I asked, deadpan. Seeing Rainbow pale, I continued, "Now imagine that those three were around thirty instead, all dying to get a look into your private life and see what you're up to when you're not on stage."
Rainbow baulked, before managing to respond "What if- What if I don't care what they say about me? What if I just try to inspire others to be great, like I was when I was young,?"

I humoured her, taking a seat for what I knew would be a long talk. "So you inspire someone else to best themselves, what happens when that pony starts rocking for your position? Fame changes you Rainbow, it certainly changed me…"
"You were famous?" Rainbow asked, gobsmacked. I shot her a look of resentment, causing her to rub her head with a hoof and apologise, sitting down opposite me and waiting for me to continue.
"Yes, being the student of Princess Celestia was a high honour. A famous one at that. Around a week after I'd completed the entrance exam, the press were already beating at my parent's door, anxious to get an interview from the student of Celestia herself. Needless to say that my parents turned them away from my door without letting them get a word in edgeways, but they weren't always there to protect me."

Memories that I'd rather have left buried bubbled up to the surface of my mind, but I'd relay them, for Rainbow's sake.
"I remember once, I was leaving my home for school when somepony bumped into me in the street, offering to buy me an ice cream as an apology. I said yes to him, he seemed like a nice pony and it was free ice cream." A slight smile found its way onto my mouth, "Turns out he was just a reporter looking for the latest scoop, not that I minded at the time. He started asking me a few simple questions, 'What was my name?', 'How old are you?' and that sort of thing… then the questions got nasty. He asked me if I'd cheated to get into the school, never believing me when I swore I'd got in under my own steam. It was around then that he started shouting at me, telling me to 'give up my secret'. I simply laid down and cried."

"An article appeared in the Canterlot Evening Post later that day. It was titled 'Celestia's Pity'… it wasn't a nice article to read. I think that's when I moved into the castle permanently, it made things easier." I chuckled slightly as another detail announced itself, "The Princess was livid though when the article appeared, I never did see that same reporter again… not that it mattered, the press grew smart. They were careful to keep everything in the paper detached and impartial, enabling them to keep watching me like hawks and evade the wrath of the Princess. Hardly the ideal life for a young filly…" I looked up to see Rainbow wince in sympathy to my plight, but there was still that steely resolve in her eyes.

"I'm sorry to hear that Twilight, really, I am..." Rainbow started, her voice cracking slightly, "But I really don't see how this is relevant to me."
I sighed in exasperation; sometimes it felt like talking to a brick wall would yield better results, I'd simply have to be blunter. "Rainbow, every move you make is going to be documented, analysed, and have connation's drawn from it. Every time you make a mistake, every time you botch a manoeuvre and every time you crash," My voice rose steadily, growing more passionate as I ranted, "There are going to be ponies there who will look at you, thinking that they are better than you, planning how to take your spot in the team and planning on how they can become Celestia's new Most Faithful student!" I stopped, panting slightly after my speech, my eyes damp.

Rainbow watched me, afraid. "Do you… want to talk about it?" she asked, I truly think she wanted to help me, but those memories were kept buried for good reason.
I shook my head resolutely, "No, I think it's better if we both forget that little Freudian slip. Anyway, I would have thought you'd have some experience with the press, they would have loved the story of you and Pinkie getting together…" I bit my lip, I knew I was walking on eggshells here and normally topics about Dash's previous love lives were Taboo.
It looked like Rainbow was having similar sentiments, fidgeting from hoof to hoof and not looking at me directly, preferring instead to look over my head slightly. "Yeah… about that… me and Pinkie never went public, you know that?" I nodded. "We took great pains in keeping everything secret. In all of five months, I don't think anyone ever guessed that we were an item."

Well that explained some things for me. I quickly changed the topic again, hoping to distract Rainbow from her own demons. "That's not the end of it though. Did you ever wonder why I came to Ponyville with not a friend to my name all those years ago?"
Rainbow shook her head slightly, clearing whatever thoughts she'd managed to dream up. "Now that you mention it… that was always something which bugged me. You were around seventeen when you came to Ponyville with no friends…" She trailed off, leaving me to provide an explanation.

"It's the same basic argument as before, you are always being watched when you're famous. Ponies watch who you talk to and how you talk to them. If they see you talking to a lowly commoner." I said those words with a shudder, "Then they judge you for placing their importance below that of a normal pony. And I can guess what you're thinking, that they can just keep their opinions and grudges to themselves, but ask yourself this, would you ever be able to have a normal conversation with Fluttershy again?"
"Of course I would, she's my oldest friend." Rainbow replied indignantly, failing completely to see where I was going with this.
"OK, bad example. You remember the Grand Galloping Gala ten years ago? When you tried to talk to the Wonderbolts, how would you have treated them?" I asked, watching Rainbow carefully.

"Like the legends they are." Rainbow scoffed, again completely missing the point.
"And if they just wanted to talk, pony to pony? Would you ever be able to take it seriously?" I gently probed, pointing Rainbow in the right direction. "Or would it have become a forced conversation?" I continued, watching as Rainbow's little grin faded to nothing. "You see what I mean? Being famous imposes a sort of social cut-off onto you, ponied can never treat you normally again for fear of looking bad."
"Oh." Came the response from Rainbow, "How bad was it for you?" she asked, deflating slightly as her dreams were tarred by my experiences.

"Bad." I admitted with a grimace, "You’ve never heard my full title have you?"
Rainbow shook her head.
I drew myself up slightly, my voice becoming slightly more nasal as I intoned, "Ehh- Introducing the student of Her Royal Highness, the Princess of the Sun, the Moon and the head of State, Princess Celestia, Lady Twilight Sparkle."
Dash had been fighting the giggles since I'd started, letting them loose as I finished and snorting into her hoof.
I think I managed to keep my snooty pose for another moment or two, before joining her in chuckling, albeit with slightly more restraint.

Rainbow stopped laughing into her hoof suddenly, her expression thoughtful, "Hang on, wouldn't that have meant you'd be introduced to all sorts of ponies and creatures?"
I stopped laughing just as quickly, a slightly whimsical look across my features, "I suppose I was, yes. But what do you think they saw? A filly who needed a friend, or the student of a Princess who was not to be crossed lightly?" I asked, not giving her any time to answer, "They all walked on eggshells around me, afraid that if they made a wrong move, I'd report them to the Princess and untold horrors would befall them. I can't say I blame them though… the incident with the reporter from my first week was widely publicised and I suppose rumours were exaggerated and exaggerated again. No, being Celestia's student granted me no favours in finding a friend in court."

"So that's all my dream is now? An isolated position under twenty-four hour surveillance?" Rainbow asked, her voice rising as her emotions looked for a way out, the reality of the situation catching up with her. Sadly for me, it seemed like they'd found anger to be a prudent exit.
"My lifelong dream of becoming a Wonderbolt, and all it's going to bring me is more regrets?" She asked the library.
"Rainbow, please…" I started, my voice small as I realised I'd just made things worse.
"I spent fifteen Bucking years of my life for a position which won't allow me a break?" Rainbow continued, ignoring me.
"Rainbow, please sto-"
"No Twilight, I'm not going to stop." she cut across me, her voice hysterical. "You've just told me that I've been dreaming a pipe dream for most of my life, I don't think I'm going to- mphhh mph mm."

I pressed my muzzle against hers, holding her tight to me so she couldn't escape. I kept my eyes open, watching as Rainbow's flickered in surprise and closed as she automatically returned the kiss. I stayed like that for a moment before drawing back, giving her no chance to speak.
"I may have been slightly biased Rainbow, there are still the good times to look forwards to. You still get to perform your favourite stunts to crowds of thousands; you still get to live your dream of flying with the Wonderbolts. Just… be careful alright, fame changes ponies. Promise me you won't change, please." I begged of my marefriend, still hugging her tightly to myself.
"I… I promise Twi." she replied, before I leant forwards to kiss her again, finally thankful that something was going right today.

We broke the kiss when our air reserves ran out, separating from each other and moving to sit side-by-side, Rainbow's wing laid across my back, pulling us closer together. "So what do we do while you're on tour?" I asked, still worried about what would become of our relationship.
Rainbow shrugged her shoulders, "We'll figure something out." she said, and I believed her, content to lie in silence while we enjoyed each others company.

"Why can't we have ordinary problems?" I asked rhetorically, not that Rainbow noticed.
She laughed, leaning her head on my shoulder again.
"Where'd be the fun in that?"

Author's Note

Let's do the Time Warp again!
Yes, it's an update, and soon has been re-redefined.
Hopefully this will fill in some of the blanks for people and hopefully it hasn't opened up any plot holes of it's own… That would be annoying.

Anyway, this chapter and the next chapter are both skipping forwards in time slightly, this one by about a week, and the next one by [Insert interrupting and annoying noise here].

For those of you beginning to doubt the sad tag in the story… well, hang on for one more week, we'll see who's crying then!

Anyway, I suspect that I've missed some corrections somewhere due to the curse of proofreading my own document. If anyone spots any mistakes that have gone under my radar, point them out and I'll go hit them with a fixing hammer. Comments on what you think of the story so far are also appreciated.

Enjoy
~M3lancholy

P.S: Shamelessly borrowing a concept from my other fic, Eggheads Anonymous.
P.P.S: Shameless advertising too? Vonderbar!

Broken

Forgotten Bookcases
By M3lancholy

The chimes rotate,
A haunting tune
Of chilly wind
And closed blooms

Broken

If there's one thing that all these experiences taught me, it's that anything can happen at any time, and that being prepared for every single possibility is a pipe dream. I remember that I was like that once though, that I couldn't go through the day without a schedule and five checklists on hoof at the time.

Then Rarity left with her sister, and my checklists got shorter with a lack of items to gift.
Then Applejack moved to Manehatten and my schedule had more free time.
Then Fluttershy started working in Canterlot, and my checklists were now a single checklist.
And then Spike left, and I stopped organising myself.

It wasn't as bad as I would have expected. If a problem arose, I'd go and deal with it there and then. If activities overlapped, I'd prioritise them and work from there. That was a high-point for my obsession with organisation, the tamest it had ever been, until the Princess cancelled my studentship and I became reckless to an absurd degree.

That month consisted of some of the most exhilarating and stupid things I've ever done. I took a dive from a carriage around three weeks later. The rush was indescribable and finally gave me some relief from my marred thoughts, that is until I landed and laid in bed that night, remembering the activity. Remembering how I had the single chute, no reserves or magical spells to slow me down. Recalling how I never even considered that something could have gone wrong.

A week later, I received a letter from a legal office I'd never heard of, telling me that my parents were dead.
I packed a reserve chute that time.

So why is it that I kick myself every time I remember this next part?

Dash was in the Wonderbolts, I had my life back, and life was going smoothly for the two of us. Rainbow had been rising up the ranks steadily during the two months that she'd been on the team, bringing the Wonderbolts to new heights as she performed her own daring tricks to the populous. She still finds time to complain to me though, on her weekly Sunday visits, about how she's never allowed to truly let go and show Equestria 'just how it's done.'

And I sit and I nod, agreeing with her because fighting would only waste the previous time that we had with each other. Things were certainly getting better, if a bit monotonous. Rainbow had extracted a promise from me to not do anything exceedingly stupid while she wasn't there. It wasn't one that she had to fight for that much though, I think that the Base jump was my last hoorah, after all, what reason was there to be sad for now?

I had the mare I loved by my side and a life worth living, what point would I find to throw that all away?

But sitting here now and writing my memoirs, I now realise just how lax I was. It was on a Sunday, around ten weeks after we'd started dating, and myself and Rainbow were in my house, snuggled against my sofa with me. We'd gone out earlier for a meal at one of Fancy Pant's new restaurants that had appeared in Ponyville, as per the instructions of an old friend of mine apparently.

It was a lovely meal, me and Dash both ordered the same thing and were talking constantly, chatting about the Wonderbolt's latest manoeuvre and how the library was going to need re-stocking sooner or later. Both me and Dash took a walk under the moonrise after, Dash preferring it because it was cooler, and I because I walked under the stars.

Afterwards, we left the night alone and went inside to cuddle up on the sofa with a cup of cocoa and a fire crackling in the hearth.
"I'm going to do it, Saturday's show, I'm going to show Equestria just what I can do." Rainbow said with determination. She clutched the half-empty cup towards her and looked into the fire.
"Saturday's no good, I need to re-shelve the history section on Saturday." was my sleepy reply, my cocoa already drained and my head lolling on Dash's shoulder.
"I don't care, I'm doing it then or else I'll never do it."
"Well, just make sure that I can see it from here Dashie." I replied.
"Don't you worry about that Twi, I'll give them a show they'll never forget." Rainbow proclaimed, her hoof pointing straight up in the air and spilling the cocoa on the floor.

"Rainbow…"
"Erm… oops?"

The bitter pill in all this? I could have stopped what happened next, I could have told Dash no, and I like to think she would have listened to me. But I didn't, so Rainbow had no reason not to go ahead. It was beautiful you know? In a morbid way. Rainbow's trick turned out to be a Rainboom that could be seen from a hundred miles away, and I watched it. I watched it and thought of my Dash, having the time of her life as I stacked books on Griffin history.
Ten minutes later, there was a knock at my door, telling me to come to the hospital quickly, that there'd been an accident at the show. That was all I needed to hear, not letting him finish as I left in a hurry.

I don't think I've ever run as fast, galloping towards the hospital like a madpony, ponies jumping out of my way as I made no attempts to avoid them, my only goal to reach the hospital and my only hope that this accident did not involve Rainbow. Slim though my hope was, I still held onto it.

I held onto it as I skidded onto the path to the hospital, seeing the press piled up against the door,
I held onto it as I appeared inside the hospital and was met by the Wonderbolts,
And I held onto it as I looked around for the missing Wonderbolt.

I let go of my hope when I found her.

"Where's Rainbow?" I asked in a small voice, dreading the answer. None of the Wonderbolts answered, but Soarin, I think he was called, glanced at a room to my left, which I started walking to, determined to find out what was wrong with my Dash.
Dash's boss, Spitfire, unfroze herself and darted towards me, trying to stop me from opening the door with a shout of "Twilight, wait!" a moment too late. I opened the door and saw my Dash.

I won't go into it, there was a lot of red and a lot of ponies wearing red coats were swarming around the red body on the red table.
I let Spitfire pull me away, too numb to resist her as I followed her back to the other Wonderbolts who were all wincing at an expression which I can only assume was my own.
"Easy there." The captain of the Wonderbolts said, guiding me into a chair before standing up again, "Would you like a coffee?" She asked.
I nodded and she left quickly, returning moments later with a cup of steaming liquid which she placed into my hooves and I held steady. "What happened?" I asked, my powers of speech only now returning.
Spitfire sighed, collapsing into a chair behind her as she looked at me.
"Rainbow crashed."

"Everything was going well, it was exactly the same as the other performances, we all had our roles to play and we all played them. Everything was normal, and then, just after the last trick, she flies back and up high, coming shooting back down moments later with a Rainboom that I'll never forget. Then- then- then that happened. And all because… because… because-"
"Because Rainbow didn't follow the program,"
Soarin continued, patting Spitfire gently as the Wonderbolts Captain broke down in sobs.
"Because Rainbow put in a stunt which was never meant to be there and is going to cost Rainbow her status as a Wonderbolt if nothing else." Soarin continued, his voice harsh as he listed the facts.

"And it was all- it was all because of- because of me." Spitfire choked out, her head still in her hooves. "If I'd given her more free reign, if I’d let her perform a solo stunt… then this would never have happened." she managed, her eyes still filled with tears.
"And who's to say that it wouldn't have happened even if you'd given her the opportunity?" Soarin replied, focusing completely on Spitfire as she broke down, the rest of the Wonderbolts carefully looking away from their unflappable boss.
"But now- now we'll never know." Spitfire muttered, still sobbing.
"Now we'll never know." Soarin echoed, "So let's focus on what we do know, ey?"

I left them alone to their sorrows, leaving my still-full cup of coffee on the table next to me, wandering over to the reception desk instead. I was in shock, that was plain enough for anyone to see, and the look the receptionist gave me was one of worry befitting my current situation. I didn't give him a chance to see to my own needs though, Dash's were above my own at this point.
"How is she?" I asked.
"She's lost a lot of blood and she's broken her left wing, it's a miracle she's not dead." came a voice from behind me. I turned around to see a unicorn, one of the ponies from Dash's room, without his red coat. He had bags under his eyes and his voice told me just how tired he was.

"She's stable, for now, but there's still a lot of work to be done. I take it that you are Miss Twilight Sparkle?" he asked me,
I nodded, before speaking, "Yes, that's me."
"Come with me, you're in shock." he asserted, leading my unresisting body over to a smaller room on the other side of the floor. Inside there was a small bed in the corner along with a chair and a few pieces of equipment dotted here and there around the room. The doctor led me to the chair and sat me down, opening a drawer and extracting a few tools from it with his magic.

"Follow the light with your eyes please Miss Sparkle" he told me, holding what looked like a small torch up to my eyes and moving it from side to side. I followed it without realising I was doing so, much like a moth is drawn to light. I think he realised this though, because he started speaking again, and for some reason, it sounded muted, like he talked to me through a wall. "So, tell me about Rainbow Dash Twilight, you're good friends right?"

If I thought it was hard to listen, it was harder to speak, it felt like I was moving my mouth through treacle, yet move my mouth I did. "Yes, she's my… friend."
"We've sent word out to your other friends, a Miss Pie, Rarity, Fluttershy and Applejack, they should be here soon."
The doctor put his light away, turning to pull something else out from the drawer as I said quietly, "They won't come… they never come."
He didn't reply to that. He didn't say anything else through the whole examination for that matter, the last words he said to me when he'd finished checking me up were, "You're free to stay in the hospital while your friend gets better."
And then he left me.

I laid in bed and went through the motions for sleep, but sleep never came.
I tried to count sheep, jumping a fence, yet all I saw was the infinite monotony.
I tried to put my thoughts out of my mind, yet they still came, marred and twisted.

Sleep, I decided, was a pipe dream at the moment, so when night had fallen and I laid awake, staring at a ceiling inside a sterile box, I got up and made my way through the door, sneaking past the snoozing receptionist and over to the door that Dash had previously lain behind. I slid it open and looked through, only for my eyes to meet an empty room with no Dash.

I slipped inside and shut the door behind me, starting to scour the whole room for a clue as to what happened to my Dash. I found nothing but a sterile smell and sheet metal. I still held onto a sliver of hope though, maybe she'd just been transferred to a different room, this did look more like an operating theatre than a room for sustained care. So it was with some trepidation that I slipped out of the alien room and into the foyer once again, my target this time was a board which was hanging behind the night-receptionist. I frantically scanned my eyes from side to side, looking for the name I needed to be there, and finding nothing, I narrowed my eyes and read over the board again, this time murmuring to myself.

"Golden Apple? No."
Another line.
"Forgotten History? No."
My eyes flicked down again.
"Rainbow Shine? No."

Each time I scanned the board, hoping for the name I wished to be there to appear, I became more frantic, my murmuring quickly turning into desperate shouting as I searched the board over and over again, not finding her. I stopped when the receptionist, who was still sleeping soundly despite my increasingly desperate shouting, fidgeted in his sleep, displacing a small piece of paper which had been trapped beneath his head on the desk, causing it to float down in front of me.

I sighed, my hope all but lost as I picked up the paper in my magic, my heart already sunken. I gave the paper a cursory glance, and my eyes spotted the word 'Dash' pencilled in, causing me to do a double-take. It couldn't have been this easy all along, could it? I raised the paper up against the dim light provided by the low-powered lighting in the foyer and read,

Rainbow Dash has been transferred to room 83,
Only Friends and Family are allowed to visit.

I replaced the note where it had first lain, already moving towards the stairs in search of room 83, and damn to the visiting hours.

Room 83 was on the first floor and was the third door on the right after first taking a right and then the second left. It looked just the same as any other door, translucent glass through which a slightly blurry image could be seen, the number of the room extended on two pieces of brass just to the right of the door.

I slid it open and slipped inside, careful not to make any sound, lest it wake any of the other patients who lined the hallway. Once inside, I looked around, my eyes scanning over the bare walls and the empty flower pot on the desk, seeking the occupant of the bed instead. It was a small comfort, all I could see was a small lump in the bedsheets where Rainbow must have lain. A lump rose in my throat to match the lump under the sheets and I walked over to the single chair that occupied the room, sitting down on it and looking at the lump under the sheets.

Spitfire had thought it her own fault that Rainbow had grown bored and impulsive, that she had caged Rainbow up and not let her fly free.
Soarin had blamed it on Rainbow, that she was responsible for her own actions and that it was her fault.
None of them knew the truth, that it was me that was the instigator for this. That I had given her my blessing to go and 'prove herself'.

'To who?'
I found myself asking. She knew that she didn't need to prove herself to me and she'd already proven herself worthy enough to be invited into the Wonderbolts, what more did she need to prove now?
What was it she'd said?

I couldn't remember.
I'd been too caught up in the fact that Rainbow was with me as per usual, to listen to what she'd actually said.
My vision blurred as tears formed in my eyes.
If I had just paid attention and listened to Dash, I could have stopped this.
A sob wracked my body as I realised just how idle I'd been.
I should have been there with her.
A sadistic voice in my head asked me if reshelving the history section was worth this.

"Twilight?"
I could have stopped this. I repeated to myself. Trying to ignore my mind, conjuring her voice up to torment me.
"Twilight, is that you?"
I could have planned for this, I could have planned for the possibility that Rainbow would crash on this show, and I could have made a plan for how to deal with it.
I looked over to the small lump in the bed, and the pair of violet eyes which peeked over the top of the sheet into my own.

"Rainbow." I whispered not getting up from my seat.
"Twilight." she replied, watching me with teary eyes.

We stayed like that for a time, maybe it was a few seconds, maybe it was a few minutes, but after a while, Dash turned over, looking straight up to the ceiling and began to talk.
"I've screwed up, Twilight." Rainbow started, her voice heavy. "The Wonderbolts are going to kick me out of the team now, no-matter what, aren't they?" she asked, not giving me time to answer, even if I could have, "Not that it matters anymore. " she said with a bitter laugh that chilled me to the bone, "Not that it would ever matter now." she said, her voice quieter and more subdued than before.

"Wha- What do you mean?" I asked tentatively, dreading the answer.
In response, she simply rolled away from me and lifted the cover of the bed. It took me a moment to realise what was wrong, then I saw it, or rather the lack of it. Rainbow's wings, both of them, were gone, the only reminder that there was once something else there, two lines of red against her cyan coat, both stitched tightly closed.
"Oh Rainbow." I said mournfully, leaning back into my chair, the emotion in my voice almost palpable as I saw what my mistake had cost her.
"Twi?" came Rainbow's voice, her small, vulnerable voice, so different from the one I knew.
"Yes Rainbow?"
"Can you keep me company tonight?"

I was about to reply when I started thinking, about how it was all my fault, that Dash didn't know what she was asking and how she should hate me. The synapses in my brain going into overdrive as I thought about it, and thought, and thought. Before realising that I was overthinking everything again.

"Twilight?" Rainbow asked the empty air, knocking me back into reality. I stood up and slid into the bed with her, holding my Dash close against me in an effort to protect her from the world.
"Did you need to ask?" I replied, holding her to me.

I held her to me all through the night, as she started sobbing, I held her to me.
When she begged forgiveness of her parents, who'd passed away years before I'd met her, I held her.
And when she finally quietened down and went into a peaceful sleep, I held her.
I wasn't even sure who was comforting who.

Morning found us there, Rainbow held in my hooves as we both tried to deny reality. I was the first to awaken, the tapping of hooves at the foot of the bed drawing me from my dreamless sleep. I looked up from my position in bed to see the doctor who'd looked after me last night, wearing a smirk as he watched the two of us.
"I see you decided that your room wasn't good enough Miss Sparkle." he said, feigning anger.
I blushed, already opening my mouth to reply when he raised a hoof and cut me off,
"No, I'm not mad at you. I probably should have expected that you'd find your way here. In fact, I'm glad that you did, as are a lot of other ponies on this floor I presume."

I looked at him, puzzled, my brain still muddled from my slumber.
"Look at her, she's sleeping peacefully and has hardly made a noise all night, you've certainly given her comfort Miss Sparkle, and maybe that's all she needs at the moment." He finished, smiling.
I glanced next to me at Dash, my eyes immediately drawn to the wounds either side of her chest again, before I forcibly looked away and into her face. Some time in the night, she'd turned over and was now facing me, her eyes closed and a faraway smile on her face. She truly looked relaxed.

"I'm Doctor Horse by the way, Medical Professional. If I'm right, we should just need to keep Miss Dash in for a bit longer to look at how her sides are healing, then we can discharge her. Could you follow me please, I'd like to get some of the paperwork filled out for when we do so." The doctor said, but I was only half listening, my attention primarily focused on Dash. But I still extracted myself from her, smiling slightly as she sighed in her sleep. It was nice to know that she still noticed me, even when she was sleeping.

I followed the doctor out of the room and across to a small office at the end of the hall, thanking the doctor as he held the door open for me. I stood around the front of the desk within as he made his way around the other side and withdrew a stack of forms from a small drawer behind the desk.
"Am I right in thinking that you two are more than just friends?" he asked me as he shuffled through the papers, withdrawing one or two sheets from the stack and laying them on the desk in front of me.
I nodded.
"Good, then we need you to fill out a few forms please, just to say that she's going to be staying with a competent carer-" he paused, "I'm not assuming too much here am I?"
I numbly shook my head, giving thought to what he was suggesting. Rainbow needed a place to stay, yes. Going back to her cloud house was going to be out of the question with her in this state and I'd be willing to hazard a guess that Pinkie would be less than willing to offer Dash a place to stay again. I tuned back in to what the doctor was saying after another moment or two.
"-Then in that case, could you sign here, here and here please." he said, crossing a small line on each of the three documents that he'd laid before me.

I nodded again, taking the proffered pen within my magic and signing my name with magical precision on each of the three lines.
"Excellent, I believe that's all Miss Sparkle, we'll notify you when we're ready to discharge her."
"Wait." I said, my voice dry and cracked from lack of use. "One question, why did you have to remove her wings, you said that only one of them was broken."
I could see that he'd been hoping I'd forget to ask this question. "Ah. Yes. That. Well, when Miss Dash arrived here, she had an open fracture on the left wing and we had to deal with it by cutting off the blood flow to her wing which is standard procedure while we attempt to set the bone, and we managed it, setting the bone that is, and that's when I left to see who had opened the door for a moment."

"It turned out that she had a fracture in her right wing too, closed and almost invisible, the first we knew that it was causing a clot was when the tip of her wing darkened and her feathers started falling out. Things only went downhill from there. We attempted to do what we could for the other wing, applying another tourniquet to block off the blood and reduce the pressure on her bones. But by then it was already too late, the tissue had already died and the wing was past saving. So we had to… remove it."

"And within all the hubbub, we forgot about the first fracture… we forgot to set the blood flowing in her other wing. Again, the tissue died, and we had to remove it. I'm sorry Miss Sparkle, I truly am. It was our utter carelessness that caused Miss Dash to lose her wings, and if you want some form of compensation, then I wouldn't blame you for suing the hospital for malpractice." the doctor finished, his sympathy clear in his voice.

I wanted to be angry at him, I wanted to curse him for his lack of foresight, to banish him for his negligence. The doctor looked at me with something akin to fear in his eyes as I looked into his own, seeing the reflection of a mare of nightmares, her mane ashen and eyes a dark light. The mare looked incensed and ready to pounce upon the worthless pony below her, to punish him for what he did to Dash and to make him feel her wrath. But the mare of nightmares was not Twilight Sparkle.

Twilight Sparkle still cared for all ponies, and Twilight Sparkle didn't truly want to hurt the doctor.
That was the nightmare, but it would be nice, just for once, to let go.
To let the ponies feel the wrath of the Nightmare.
To make them rue the day they had taken the sky from her marefriend.
To force them to burn beneath her will.

No. That was the nightmare.

And with that, I set my boundaries once again, and breathed in, my coat changing to a light purple and my mane flopping over my eyes, as navy blue as I remembered it to be. I breathed out again and blinked, my eyes back to normal.
"Miss Sparkle?" came the tentative voice of the doctor, pressed up against the wall with fear in his eyes.
"Get. Out." I said, biting the words off as I fought to control my emotions, pushing down any errant thought that occurred.
He fled out of the room, needing no further invitation from me.

I stayed in the office for a bit longer, regulating my breathing and my emotions before I set out again to seek Dash.
I re-entered the room to find her asleep still. I walked over to her, sitting on the edge of the bed and stroking a hoof along her shoulder, tracing the scar down her side, causing her to shudder and open her eyes, looking up at me. I smiled at her, leaning forwards to kiss her on the nose.
She offered me the ghost of a smile before saying "You left me here." her voice hurt and accusing.
"I had to fill in some paperwork to say that you'd be staying with me while you healed." I said with a smile
Rainbow rolled her eyes at me, her familiar smirk back in place, "And why can't I stay where I live?" she asked.

I looked down at the scar on her chest and she followed my gaze, her eyes coming to rest on the stump.
"Oh. I forgot." she said in a small voice, laying back against the bed with resignation and saying no more.
"They're going to let you out today though Rainbow, as long as your sides have healed." I offered after awkwardly rubbing her shoulder for another minute.
No response.
"I can let you use the guest bedroom while you're staying with me, and we can take a trip to your house later to collect your things." I said, trying to get her to say something.
No response.
"Maybe take a trip to Sugarcube corner afterwards to let Pinkie know you're ok?" I asked, my hoof simply kneading her shoulder now in nervous anticipation until I felt another hoof take its place over it and hold my own steady.

"No, if she wanted to know if I was ok, she could have come to see me." she said with a sense of finality. It was with the same sense of finality and hopelessness that she answered the other questions, "That's good, I guess, we can get some of my stuff later. I'd like that." she said, her tone at odds with what she said, completely flat and emotionless.
I nodded my understanding of what she said, climbing into the bed with her and holding her close, trying to reassure myself and her that everything would be alright.

From there, the nurse found us, cuddled together and each of us offering the other their comfort, neither of them finding their own. Dash had her test and she was discharged an hour later, sent home in a wheelchair as her legs weren't quite healed yet. I offered her the use of my guest room and she accepted, only for me to find her later that night, sobbing helplessly beneath her bedsheets. I offered my comfort to her in whichever way I could, holding her close and stroking her mane, trying to soothe her and make her forget about her loss.

The next day, we went up to her house in my balloon, the wheelchair and myself now supporting a cloud-walking spell as we floated up to Rainbow's house. I stayed at the door, watching as she went from room to room, bringing nothing with her. Then she went to the foot of the stairs in her house and just looked up at them, without waiting for me, she simply left the confines of her wheelchair and started climbing the stairs on hoof, wincing as she did so. Around the fifth stair, she collapsed backwards, her hind legs unable to support her as she fell into my magical embrace.

I think something died within her then, that she couldn't even climb the stairs in her own house. It must have done terrible things to her pride. Anyway, the only object to come out of that trip was a small book and a picture frame that Dash had placed next to her bed. The book was bound in cyan cloth and bore her cutie mark upon it. The picture frame was a light pine thing with gold trailing around the rim. She showed me neither of them and I didn't ask. They were her possessions, and if she wanted to talk to me about either of them, that was up to her.

Then we came to my house and settled in for a night on the sofa. We talked to one another, well, I tried to talk to her and she just stared into the fire.

I caught her once or twice, on a day or two, just looking out the window or standing on the balcony, looking up to the stars or the sky, standing on tips of her hooves as she strained her neck, trying to re-join her sky.
I never interfered on those days.

Sometimes I wonder what would have happened if I had.

Author's Note

1 day too late…
I get too pre-occupied with role-playing.
Except for if you're on the far edge of the west coast in the USA, I might have just pushed this for a midnight release in those area's, which I still count as a win.

Anyway, this is what you might call the turning point for the story, this is where things start to get a lot more grim and where you will probably start shouting at me because I'm going to start sounding very introspective in later chapters. Lets all play a game of 'Spot the obvious plot device' shall we?

Hmmm… anything else? No, except for the usual 'if you see anything which doesn't quite fit, then draw my attention to it and I'll hit it with a fixing hammer.'

Without further ado, let the critique commence!

~M3lancholy

P.S. I'll be the first to admit that I'm not as happy as I could have been with the first part of the chapter, it doesn't flow quite right and the sadness is dampened down slightly because of it.

P.P.S The timescale now is going to be squashed, if the first four chapters took place over 11 weeks-ish, then the next six are going to take place over two more.

Youth

Forgotten Bookcases
By M3lancholy

The darkness cools
Once warm seas
The island a prisoner
To watch the others pleas

Youth

Sometimes I wonder what everyone else thought when I locked myself away. I wonder whether they'd pity me for being unable to let go, or whether they'd ignore me, leaving me to my depression. I say that I wondered… I already knew what five ponies would have had to say to me.

Applejack would have told me to remember that I still had a job and that job needed to be done.
Rarity would have insisted on a trip to the spa to calm me down and 'release my inner Zen'. Whatever the hell that meant.
Fluttershy wouldn't have said anything much, she would have enveloped me in a hug, assuring me that everything would be fine.
Pinkie would have thrown a party for one reason or another, maybe even for no reason.
And finally Rainbow Dash, who would have tried to be supportive in her own way, would have shrugged and said, 'Work with what you get.'
That motto was quickly becoming a favourite of mine.

One thing that I could never fathom, was just what Celestia felt beneath that poker face of hers. What she'd felt for me after I'd been abandoned and isolated. I wondered whether she felt sorry for me, for putting my faith in my friends, or whether she felt contempt for the very same thing.

Celestia did manage to teach me one last lesson before she left mind you,
She taught me that trying to persuade someone who is in a major depression to do something was completely pointless.
I should know…
I did know.

~~~~~

It was two days later. I'd tried talking to Dash whenever I could, trying to regain some semblance of the Dash that I once knew, the brash and cocky mare that I'd known for my whole stint in Ponyville, yet never finding it. She remained inconsolable and unreachable. Not that I blamed her, she was still having trouble accepting it all I think… that she'd never be able to fly again. And to that end, I'm not sure what I, or anyone else for that matter, could do.

I asked Dash if she wanted me to send out letters to our friends, to see if they could help or could come and visit us.
She replied a negative, saying that she didn't want our friends to see her like this, to see her flightless and broken.
I tried to convince her that none of our friends would ever be that judgemental, but to no avail. She insisted that she wanted no letters to be written, asking for advice or visits, then adamantly refused to take in any of the consoling words I had for her.
Rainbow had always been stubborn like that.

During the two days, we hadn't settled down into a routine yet, but it looked like it was only a matter of time as I awoke in Dash's bed each morning, my attempts at comforting her seemingly successful, and went to make breakfast. As the toast was down, I went back to Dash's room and knocked on the door, my voice still cheery from the usual euphoria of comforting Dash, and returned to the cooking breakfast.

She would then wander in moments before the toast popped up, saying nothing to me as I hummed happily to myself, hopeful that today would be a new day. I buttered the toast and added some chocolate spread, then some jam, honey, cream and peanut butter with the practiced ease of someone forced to do so by a marefriend with odd tastes.

I then made my own breakfast, usually a bowl of porridge or cereal, and sat down with Dash, my expression usually light and cheerful at the start of the meal, and by the end of it after a few failed attempts at starting the conversation, my expression would have reverted to that of a glum pony. And from there the day would continue, I would leave Dash to her grieving while my heart went out to her, yet I only ever tried to break her out from her depression when the mealtimes came around and I offered a few passable attempts at conversation starters.

Yet all the while, Rainbow remained resolutely mute. She simply ate her meals and then went back to her room, to write in her leather-bound book. I know that because I once walked in on her writing. It was the only thing so far that's managed to get a response out of her, albeit a negative one. She snapped the book shut and hid it behind her back, shooting me an accusing glare.

I fled.

What else could I do? I never spoke to her about it; it seemed too sensitive a topic to bring up. Added to the fact that I think my relationship was walking on eggshells at the moment, I foalishly attempted to ignore the problem in the hopes that it would go away.
How stupid that was.

Today was the same; I walked another knife edge, this one so much different from the edged I once longed to walk. Where falling meant losing Dash from me, yet there was no end in sight, nor a widening edge for me to find a balance. There was a reprieve that day though, and it came in the form of a knock at the door.

I went to answer it, my spirits gloomy as per the normal. I opened the door to see a blast from the past.

On my doorstep, there was a pony in a deep blue jacket wearing a peaked cap. She was a pegasus whose wings were slightly smaller than the wings that I'd seen around and her cutie mark was a ring of blue flames. But none of these were as recognisable as the dark purple hair and orange coat that I'd known upon a small filly long ago.
"Scootaloo?" I asked, too surprised to do much else.
"Oh hey Twilight. I heard that Rainbow was staying with you, is it ok if I say hi?" she asked, as perky as I could remember.

I nodded mutely; too surprised to do anything else, I hadn't seen any of the Cutie Mark Crusaders since, well, too long ago.
I stepped aside to let Scootaloo in, I really couldn't think of any other action at the moment. Not that she seemed to find any qualms with simply jumping inside the house and looking around. "So where is she?" Scootaloo asked as soon as she'd looked around and noted everything she needed to.

I opened and closed my mouth for a moment before answering, "She's in the guest room at the moment… door at the end of the hallway." I said hesitantly, not even sure if Dash wanted any visitors.
She thanked me and started down the hallway, not even pausing to ask if she was allowed to… I suppose she took after Dash like that, in more ways than one. I should probably mention that she's been the head of the Lightning Riders, the non-aerial stunt team, for a few years now. I even heard that she made captain a while back.

I dared to let my hopes rise…
Maybe this was what Dash needed, somepony who could relate to her and say that it wasn't the end of the world.
Then again, Dash did have a habit of being overly melodramatic when it came to her flight, both the good and the bad.

I followed Scootaloo after a moment, slipping in through the closing door to Dash's room to find the two of them sat on the bed, facing the fire. Neither of them noticed me as I leant against the wall and listened to their conversation.

"Why are you here?" Dash.
"I heard about what happened."
"That's not what I asked."
"I'm here because I still care for you, you know."
"No."
After that, a long silence followed, neither of them speaking and preferring to look into the fire and let the seconds tick by.

"I guess this is hard for you, losing your wings I mean."
A non-committal grunt from Dash was her only answer
"Well, I mean it'd be hard for anypony, losing their wings, but for you… you had everything resting on them didn't you? Everything. Your work, your hobbies, your hopes and your dreams. I mean, wow. That's got to suck."
"You're not helping here." Dash growled out, still facing the fire, although I knew that if I saw her face, she'd be crying again.

Scootaloo paused, then laughed, such a strange sound for a room this sombre. "No, I suppose I'm not really. But think about it Dash, at least you had a chance to fly the skies and be a Wonderbolt." she said, her voice steady, although I wondered whether her tears might be joining Dash's as she briefly fluttered her under-sized wings.
All Dash could say though, was nothing.
"And maybe this isn't as bad as you're making it out to be? There's still so much stuff you can do on the ground, you can still live, there're even other ways to get that adrenaline thrill you want."

"Like How?" Rainbow spoke, her voice bitter, "How could anything ever replace flying?"
Scootaloo shrugged helplessly, "Maybe something could, maybe skydiving? That might be a way." she offered
Rainbow remained silent again, letting Scootaloo fill the silences how she chose.
"Oh, I know, you can come to a tour session that we're holding tomorrow in the park, that's the Lightning Riders by the way," Scootaloo said, "Maybe you can see that I've lived just fine without wings." she finished with a sad smile.
"You never got to try the skies though." Dash replied in an empty voice. "You were always just a chicken."
It was Scootaloo’s turn to remain silent; I suspected that any tears which she’d been holding in were making their way down her cheeks now.

I slipped out after that, leaving the two the same way I entered, silently and quickly. I had no desire to hear Dash like that, empty, soulless and calculating. So far from the Dash I knew, my Dash. I fled them to hide in the kitchen, waiting for Scootaloo to emerge from Dash's room, which she did after another half an hour, tear-free and stone-faced. She nodded once to me, then left the house.

Then again, if the fact that Scootaloo had turned up today surprised me, this next bit completely blew me out of the water. After Scootaloo left, I went down the corridor to check on Dash, not sure how badly she was feeling after Scootaloo's visit. I knocked on the door, expecting silence, but was amazed when she spoke from the other side.
"Twilight? If that's you, can you come in please?" she asked, voice slightly distant, but present all the same.
The breath caught in my throat as I used my magic to turn the handle and enter the room. Rainbow was still sat on the bed, facing the fire. I joined her, sitting beside her where Scootaloo had sat and joined her in staring into the fire, waiting for her to speak.

"Scootaloo was right." she started, "She said that there's more to life than flying." She sighed, pausing, "I don't have to like it, but she was right"
I didn't say anything, letting Dash get whatever she wanted to say over with.
"I'm sorry Twi, I know I'm being hard to deal with and that this is hurting you. But it's just so hard for me…" she said haltingly, pausing after every second or third word. "But things are going to get better now." she said, her voice steadier and sporting a smile as she put a hoof around my back. "Scootaloo's invited us to their tour tomorrow, to show me that there's more than one way to live."
I simply smiled, putting my own hoof around Dash's back and leaning my head on her shoulder and letting none of my misgivings show.
"I hope you're right."

~~

So the next day, as promised, Scootaloo showed up and took us to the park, where a stadium had been set up. Scootaloo walked straight up to the entrance, me and Dash in tow, and simply nodded at the bouncer who showed us all in. Once inside, we could see that numerous ramps and a few carts were placed in a seemingly haphazard way. Me and Dash both went to find our seats, chatting about what Scootaloo could have planned. It was a relief for me to see Rainbow as perky as she was again; she was happy and vibrant, and as close to her old self as she'd been since the accident. It was truly amazing to see.

Once we reached our seats, a VIP box at the head of the stadium, we sat down and waited for the show to begin, keeping the chatter up as the rest of the stadium filled, then overfilled with so many ponies that the stewards had to stop letting them in. I chuckled at that, Scootaloo had definitely found fame in something she loved to do.

We didn't have to wait long after the stewards closed the entrances, Scootaloo coming out on stage in her daredevil outfit, a khaki jacket with the name 'SCOOTALOO' tattooed onto the back with the inscription of 'Captain' just above it, the logo of the Lightning Riders emblazoned on the front of the jacket. She looked like she was having the time of her life down there as she reached the microphone and started to speak to the crowd.

"Welcome one; welcome all, to the Lightning Riders Equestrian tour… Ponyville edition!" she called to the crowds’ approval, several of them screaming something unintelligible at the stage. "As some of you know, I lived in Ponyville, long ago." a pause, and another round of approving noises from the crowd. "And while I lived there, there was one pony who taught me all I needed to know to be where I am today." she said into the microphone, the response this time slightly muted.

"I'd like to ask Rainbow Dash, my fillyhood role model, to step over here and see the show that she helped create in her own way!"
The crowd became silent as they processed this new piece of information; I glanced to my side to see Rainbow with tears in her eyes. I gave her a prod.
"Go on, you owe it to Scoots to see what she has planned."
She nodded to me, a smile on her face, contrasting her damp eyes, and she opened the door we'd come in through, and made her way down to the centre of the stadium.

When Rainbow appeared, the muttering stopped as everyone focussed their eyes on her, inevitably finding their own way to the absence of her wings. The muttering started up again, this time much more fervent and noticeable. I looked at Dash as her ears fell, her pace slowing down and becoming a funeral walk.

Then one pony, somewhere in the stadium, stamped their hoof against the floor, then another, and another, until moments later, the whole stadium was filled with the cheering ponies from before, the difference this time being that they were all calling out 'Rainbow Dash' this time. I saw my Dash steel herself and walk up to the stage again, her confidant swagger back along with her smile.

Rainbow embraced Scootaloo on stage while the crowd cheered, then she moved to the microphone and started talking,
"So, uh- hey everypony…" she began, then took a breath, noticeably steadying herself. She glanced to me, and my smile seemed to bolster her confidence, "So- uh- sorry everyone, I don't have a speech or anything, so I'm going to keep it simple. Thank you Scootaloo for this, thank you for getting me out here." she paused, looking around before turning back to the mic. "Sorry, that’s all I've got. Enjoy the show I suppose." Rainbow took an uncertain step back, turning back to where the VIP chair was situated, meanwhile Scootaloo stepped up to the microphone,
"So without any more delays, speeches or whatever, we bring you…"
A pause.
"The Lightning Riders!"

I watched Rainbow from my spot in the stands. For the first time in too long, she looked happy. She looked like she was enjoying herself, I suppose I needed to give Scootaloo more credit, she did know what it would take to cheer Dash up, and hopefully keep her away from doing something silly. I didn't pay attention to any of the fantastical stunts that the daredevils performed, only interested in my Dash and how she was.

I watched her smile and clap at the stage, give a whoop when Scootaloo went whizzing by, and I saw her gaze turn to one of surprise as an almighty 'CLANG' sounded, I looked down to see one of the riders fall into a skid on the ramp, no-longer going straight, he was going at an angle, just as Scootaloo was about to come into its new trajectory, which also included where Rainbow was sat, the same surprised look still on her face as things took a turn for the worse.

And here I was, unable to do anything but watch as both my Marefriend and the pony who'd shown her the way forward get squashed beneath the large bike, right in front of me.

I let out a shout of frustration, my emotions bubbling over and fighting for the attention of one another.
It took me a… well. I can't really say that it took me a second to notice.
Time had stopped around me.

I became aware of my lit horn, my emotions boiling over to the point of being nonsense. I became aware of a shining light, somewhere in my mind amidst the dark thoughts. I grabbed it with both hooves, realising that all was not lost.
'I would not let them die, as my word as Twilight Sparkle. I would not let them die.'
So preoccupied was I that I didn't notice as my mane became weightless and flowed freely above my head.

I trotted down from the stand, making my careful way across the park to where the stand was, and where my marefriend was still sat. A look of surprise plastered on her face, maybe it was because my coat had started turning dark again? I didn't know because I didn't notice at the time. Just as I was about to touch Dash though, a voice rang out in my head.

'I wouldn't do that if I were you.' the voice said, drearily, almost as if it was bored.
I spun around, looking for the source, finding frozen statues everywhere that I looked. "What? Who are you? Show yourself!" I shouted into the still air, or rather… I tried to.
The passage of time meant that none of my shout carried across the air, it remained deep within my throat instead.

'I said, I wouldn't do that if I were you.' the voice repeated, 'As to who I am… how could you forget yourself. I am you Twilight.' it said, its tone almost hurt.
I looked around for another moment, deciding that it was at least not coming from any external influence. "Alright… me… why shouldn't I touch her?" I asked into the immobile air.
The voice let out an exasperated sigh, 'Starswirls sixth rule of influencing time as a singular, if you try to interact with the world, then time returns to normal, allowing your action to take place… you know this.' the voice stated accusingly.

"I- Of course I- How could I forget." I stammered, my world falling down around me again. "So I have to… I have to choose between them?" I asked the still frame.

This wasn't a choice.
This was torture.
My marefriend, or my marefriends salvation.
One choice doomed my marefriend now, and the other in a matter of weeks… What sort of choice was that?

'There is a third option…' the voice spoke up, making itself known again.
"What?" I asked, my thoughts desperate.
'I could help you. I could prevent both from dying here.'
"What do you mean?" I asked, "It's impossible, you said so yourself."
I had the distinct impression that if the voice had eyes to roll, it would be rolling them. 'Hello… magic? If you can grab Dash with your hooves, I can divert your magic to save Scootaloo instantaneously.'

I went through the theory in my head, it was completely sound. During the split second when my magic became ineffective and useless against the flow of time, it could be used to nudge Scootaloo out of the way. I was about to open my mouth to reply an emphatic 'Yes' when I was interrupted.
'If, you agree to do something for me.' The voice said, the tone level.
"Well I assume that because you're me, you want something that is for me and will benefit me as well as you, well, me. So what is it?" I asked.

'You see that rider, the one who is about to smush Scootaloo and Dash?' it asked.
"Yes."
'I want you to kill him.' The voice said simply, still completely level.
"Ye- Wait… what?" I replied, not sure that I'd heard that correctly.
'You heard me. I want you to kill the pony who would nearly end Dash's and Scootaloo’s life due to some silly mistake that he made, a mistake that should never have happened, and a mistake which would cost the two ponies that matter to you at the moment.' the voice explained, a hint of malice entering into the tone as its volume rose, passionate about what it spoke of.

"No." I replied, I suddenly knew whose voice this was, I knew it was the voice of the Nightmare.
'So be it, you're just going to have to choose between the two then.' the voice of the Nightmare said, I could even imagine the smirk it wore.
"I- I can do both. I'm Twilight Sparkle." I said, my confidence bolstered as I said it.
'Twilight Sparkle, EX-student of Princess Celestia' the voice started, throwing in my old title as an added barb, 'Do you know the timings for such a feat? After the spell drops, you will have less than half a second to nudge poor little Scootaloo out of the way, It takes full concentration to do it properly.'

"Shut up. Shut up. I can do this… I can do this." I muttered, whatever boost my confidence had had previously now forgotten.
'Just so you know. If you go for both, then you risk all three of you, so no pressure.' the Nightmare said cheerily. I gritted my teeth, trying to ignore its constant voice.
'Can you imagine what it's like to die like that… being squished until your eyes pop out of your skull and all your bones shatter simultaneously? And imagine what sort of life you'd have if you survived something like that. Forever to live a cripple and on life support forevermore. And then there's the-'

"Alright." I spoke without realising it. My brain already trying to dispel the images that the voice had wrought.
"Alright… I'll do it."
'Excellent, all you need to do is stop is heart from beating, but why am I telling you this, you already know how to do the task.'
"Shut up… just because I agreed doesn't mean I have to like it." I replied, new images springing to mind, these ones more specific to the task at hoof.

The voice of the nightmare laughed inside my head, manic peals of raucous mirth echoing around my head.
'Oh but Twilight, just you wait. Just. You. Wait. Anyway, down to the task at hoof, when I say so, I want you to grab Scootaloo in your magic, saving her whilst stopping the riders heart, then I can grab Dash and run.' the voice stated, all business.
"No, I'll grab Dash, you take Scootaloo, I don't trust you enough to give you Dash." I said to the thin air,
The mirthless response came a moment later, 'As you wish. You will still stop the drivers’ heart though.' the voice instructed.
I nodded.
The Nightmare grinned through my teeth.

'Let me run through this again. On the count of three, you shall grab Dash and stop the riders heart, I will not move to save your friend until I can feel that you have cast the spell'
I nodded.
'Then let’s begin.'
'3'

I wondered what my friends would think of me, doing this now, preparing to kill a pony in order to save two.
It was for the greater good, that was it.
'2'

Maybe the Princesses would understand my predicament; maybe they would have helped me, maybe, maybe, maybe.
Maybe they'd just throw me in a cell and deal with me like that.
'1'

And what would Dash think? Would she thank me for saving her life? For giving her a third chance? For killing a pony to do it?
Or would she yell at me for killing a pony in order to save her, that I should have remained honourable and saved Scootaloo? I just didn't know.
'0, go!'

Too late, I'd have to do it and live with the consequences, I felt my horn light up by some unknown force as my hooves found their way over to Dash, lifting her up bodily and shoving her out of the way, preparing to release the spell on the rider as I did so, then I hesitated, looking at his heart, strong, beating, and given to another. I could see it, the same way that a person walking around an empty house might get an idea of the occupants’ lives. I saw that he had a wife and three children, all of whom depended on him for their upkeep. I couldn't do it. Not like this, to this pony with so much to live for.
Then the magic died.
Then the rider hit Scootaloo.

I winced as I heard the shatter of many bones and saw Scootaloo launched sideways out of her bike, a look of surprise still plastered on her face. I sent out a sliver of magic to direct Scootaloo's fall to Earth to a safer one. Then turned to where the rider was still falling.
I was mad; my mane was billowing around my head, ashen grey with small slivers of magma twisting their way throughout occasionally.
He'd just done that.
He'd just crashed into Scootaloo, the only pony to get Dash out of her shell lately.
The only other pony to come and check on Rainbow for that matter.

And he'd just smashed into her.

My eyes flashed bright white as I reached out and stopped his heart.

I felt nothing.
No remorse, no horror at what I'd done, no sense of righteousness, nothing.
I felt nothing as my coat, mane and eyes all reverted back to those of Twilight Sparkle.
I felt nothing as I turned to where Scootaloo now laid, on a bale of hay, with her back bent at an odd angle.
I felt nothing when the world came crashing back around me, when the medics stormed the track, going first to Scootaloo, then to the corpse in the truck.
I felt nothing when I found Dash, yelling at the top of her lungs to see the captain of the Lightning Riders as she was hauled into the ambulance.

I felt nothing.

~~~~~

And that's where I truly lost control.
I lost control over my emotions, my power, and my mind.
And though I didn't know it then, I lost control of a lot of other things too.

But that's a story for another day.

I will say that I lied within this chapter.
When I killed that Stallion.
When I took my revenge on him.

I felt…

Good.

Author's Note

Exams are over and I have no excuse for the late post, especially as it only took me an hour and a half of downtime to finish it… yeah.

Anyway, lets recap:

Twilight's losing a battle with her sanity

Rainbow's running out of reasons to continue living

Scootaloo is likely to have just canned it

Story summed up in three lines… not sure if good or not.

Anyway, that was chapter 5, the next chapters should come out much quicker than before as I've worked on small parts of them in the midst of working on other chapters and various oneshots.

Also before anyone starts raging about OOC stuff, I have two reasons/excuses:

Ten years have passed since canon season two. Ten years is a long time. A lot can happen.

Rainbow is suffering from depression, which can make a lot of people, or in this case ponies, unreasonably and unwilling to see sense.

Because I wrote it like that.

There you are, two… no wait, three reasons.