Saturday

by Lightspeed

Rating: everyone
Tags: Human, Comedy
Length: 3169

You HAD to touch that glowing blue stone in the park! You couldn't leave it alone!

It's saturday, the best day ever. No 9th grade, a new episode of MLP: FIM, and an injection of hooves and wings. [][] This is my first story and a test, and I'll be updating it about once every week. No, it is not a self-insert, however tempting that may be. No, he never sees Equestria, and no, he isn't a canon character. I'll see where this goes, and if you guys like it, I'll continue.

One more thing, this is not a part of PonyEarthVerse.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2012-12-23 19:30:30 UTC

Prelude: The only reason I got into this mess

Friday, 2:30 PM

PS: [[Texttext]] is the narrator (ME) speaking. This is told from the perspective of Mark.

I'm in science, my last class of the day, where we're experimenting with chemicals, explosive or not. Where did you think the scorch marks on the walls came from? Ducks?

Bar that incident back in September.

"Hey Mark, could you pass the sand?"

"Hey Mark, could you pass the phosphate?"

"Hey Mark, could you pass the salt?"

"Hey Mark, could you pass the sulfer?"

"Why do they even let schools have sulfer in the first place?" I though out loud while passing said chemical.

"Not entirely sure, but it's damn fun!"

"What was the assignment again?"

"Who knows? I'm just mixing random ingredients-"

The next thing that happened would be twenty years later be known as the Big Blast of Balls., considering the shape of the resulting explosion.

"And I thought you were the smart one."

Friday, 3:42

As I walked home from the high school with my friend Joe, he began thinking about random things, involving Mass Effect, Borderlands 2, and marshmallows. Mostly the marshmallows.

"Hey, you think they'll accept your audition to the school play, Mark?" Ah, yes, the school play. Every year we put on a large play for the Wizard of Oz, and every year I'm not accepted. This year I auditioned to be the Tin Man.

"Maybe, I'm not so sure I should have entered this year. I never get picked anyways."

"Don't get so down, they HAVE to notice you ONE of these days."

[[Tomorrow, Joe would regret those words. I'll make sure of it.]]

I stop to think.

"Now I feel even less sure about myself. What if they notice me, but not in a good way-"

"NEVER. Taunt the universe, Mark. I've told you so many times, and now more than ever. It NEVER ends well."

"You read way too much Tv tropes, Joe." [[At least he's genre savvy, that'll help a lot.]]

"YOU try getting off that website. It's like a glue trap!"

"More like a repellent, if you ask me."

"What, did you see the nightmare fuel page, or are you just chicken?"

"Chicken of a web page?"

"Maaaybe, or maybe I don't want, like you said, nightmares."

"Whaaaaat about Luna?"

Youtube Video

"Was that a..."

"Remember what I told you, Mark? Remember? Never question the universe, lest you become its chew toy."

"That was a rimshot from nowhere, and you expect me to not ask questions?"

Joe and I entered the park, listening to the birds sing, and the ants brutally rip apart a caterpillar two meters aside from the path.

"Hey Joe, what do you think happens when you die?"

"You go to Equestria?"

"No. Just, no."

"You're right, stupid idea. What do you think happens?"

"Maybe it involves marshmallows."

"That's all you've been talking about for the last twenty minutes. What's with marshmallows and you?"

"We share a bond through the force, among other things."

"The force isn't real!"

"That's what you said about Planet of the Apes."

"I never said that!"

"Now you did."

"No, I didn't."

*Trip*

"Joe, not funny," I coughed, as I got up.

"Dude, I didn't trip you, the rock did."

"Riiiight, because rocks totally have feet that they can stick out."

[[Beat]]

"You're missing the point."

"No, I get it perfectly well."

"No, you're missing the point of your model castle tower."

"..."

"The one you built in APPTECH?"

"Ohhhh! I'ts just over there, by that blue rock."

[[Beat]]

[Both at the same time] "Rocks don't glow blue." "JINX! You owe me a soda!"

"Not now, Joe, there's a strange blue rock and I want to poke it."

*Pokes*

The rock suddenly shook, killing them both.

No, the rock did nothing, but my finger glowed blue for a few seconds. He then proceeded to pick up his castle tower-thingy, and walked back to Joe.

"See? No harm done."

"Your finger is glowing, Mark."

Wow, he's right. For once. I should probably study it and make sure it isn't deadly.

"You think it'll give me super powers?"

"Your finger starts glowing blue, and the first thing you want is to know if it will give you super powers? You're absolutely insane."

My finger stops glowing.

"So much for using it as a pocket lantern, huh Joe?"

[[Beat]]

"Joe?"

[[I'm going to remove this part, in order to continue using the everybody rating.]]

"What did I say?"

I walked home, completely forgetting about the whole issue as I thought about my previously mentioned ideas involving two video games and sweets.

Saturday, 8:59

I wake up with a grunt, which is soon followed by a yawn. The first thing I usually do on a morning is fling myself off my bed and do nothing in particular. Today was Saturday, however, and that means the new episode of MLP: FIM is out. I promptly get off my bed, and trot past a wide-eyed brother named Peter to the bathroom. I get my personal hygiene over with, and trot over to the fridge and proceed to grab an apple with my wing before eating the entire thing whole and sitting down on the couch. It's quite a lovely couch, with red velvet and spruce wood carvings in the side, and the flat screen Tv complements it nicely. I grab the remote and turn the Tv on, or at least try to.

I can't press the remote buttons for some reason, and I look down to my hoof to see why.

I can't figure out why not, and so I just use the buttons on the Tv instead, to see the newest episode is just starting. Halfway through, my mind comes to life, and I wonder why everypony I saw was looking at me funny. I couldn't press the buttons with my unusually green hoo-o-o-o-ooooooooof. [size=8]either....[/size]

Oh.

Hoof.

Human.

ERROR: Syntax(NOPE); Looking_for:File_Right_Hand**=ERROR: FILE NOT FOUND

I yell for half a minute, ignoring the fact that my sister is staring at me with an insanly large grin on her face and my brother is wondering if he is, in fact, as crazy as I call him.

Aaaaand just Barely over the 1000th mark! Damn, I wish I could have stretched this longer, but I'm out of ideas. I'll get a next chapter out later.

New note: I'm going to write the rest of the story in third person omniscient, seeing as the below two commenters said it might work better.

Chapter 1 (Or two, if you're counting the prelude as one)

Saturday, 9:16:32

I look at my brother and sister suddenly, spooking them a little as I spin around.

"M-m-m-mark."

"Yeeeeessss, Peter?"

"Why... Are you a pony?"

"Gee, THANKS, captain obvious! You've saved the day once again, only without the saving." I wonder why he always points out the incredibly obvious.

Halfway through that thought, Anna, my sister immediately jumps on me with the enthusiasm of a six-year old on Christmas morning, tackling me to the ground, and hugging me to the point of code blue, while at the same time grinning like it was her last ever.

"YOU'RE SO SQUISHY!"

"CAAAN'T... BREA-"

Another round of intense hugging commences, while Peter starts to snicker.

"LUNGS, ANNA! LUNGS!"

As quickly as she started, she crawls off me looking like someone stretched her face as far as it could physically (And non-physically) go.

"Sorry, but you're just so cute, and with a red mane! You're so ADORABLE!"

Everyone (and pony) stares at her like she just suggested murdering the president.

"Anna. Not. Cool."

About then, my stomach growls, leaving me with a reddened face.

"Like I said-"

"Don't start again, sis. We all get it." Peter quickly said before she could start strangling me again.

"Wait. Did mom and dad hear me yelling?" I pondered out loud.

Everybody stopped and though for a minute or two, staring mostly at the wall, before we all shuddered in sync.

Peter was the first to say something. "Say, wait a minute, how did you end up as a pony? And how did we all take it so well? And why did we all ignore that stomach growl, when it should have cut scenes?"

"What. Are you talking about?"

"Never mind."

Kitchen, five minutes later

"I can't eat meat anymore, can I?"

"Nope, unless nature decided to totally mess with the world.", Anna pointed out.

"That was rhetorical, but seeing as that's the answer..."

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooooooooooooooooo..."

"Anna, Peter, why is there a... Pegasus. In our kitchen?"

(Read in Spongebob narrator voice)

One fainting session later.

"So. Mark turned into a pony from a cartoon overnight?"

"That's a scientific impossibility. What did you do?"

"I touched a glowing blue rock in the park that looked like it might give me superpowers."

Everybody stared at me again.

"You really ARE crazy! I knew it!" Shouted Anna.

"If I'm crazy, so are you deep down inside, seeing as you have it in your genes too."

"I don't have crazy in my jeans! I'm not even wearing jeans!"

At that line, I facehoofed moments before I learned just how much more painful facehoofing is compared to facepalming.

"Ow! Since when are my hooves this hard?" I wondered, seeing as the hooves in the cartoon are softer.

"Since ponies evolved, sweetie."

"No, I mean most of the hooves in the cartoon are softer than real life."

"Speaking of that," Peter started, "can you pick things up with them?"

"Of course not, Peter," Dad immediately answered, "that would never work. Hooves are flat-"

My dad stared at me in confusion as I picked my fork up, seemingly yelling "SCREW YOU, GRAVITY, I'M A FORK", as I lifted said utensil into the air using my hoof. I would bet my dad's brain is screaming errors with physics at him, seeing as he has a PhD in it, as well as mathematics. I dropped the fork as quickly as I had lifted it, causing a clang noise.

"That lifted my spirits." I said happily, more or less.

At that precise moment, one of our neighbors yelled "YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!" out his window, and then something about a video game.

"Hey bro, you think something's effecting the realm of possibility here?"

There was a short silence.

"I'm going to go get some fresh air." Responded Peter.

"Me too." Said my dad, still boggled on the hoof issue, the large yeah happening at just the right time, and the fact that I am no longer human, which was scientific evidence that science was screwed if I kept up these antics.

My sister shrugged, said "Well, I'm done here," squeezed my hoof, murmured something about squishyness and 'her squishy', and walked off.

I then realized. "Hey, wait a minute, how can I trot so perfectly?" "Why did I say trot?" "I missed the last half of the new episode!"

I dashed off to the flatscreen Tv to see the credits rolling.

"And I'm still trotting perfectly!"

As if on cue, I fell over and tangled my legs, struggling to get up again.

"I wasn't complaining, mind you universe!"

Again, as if I were in some kind of comedy story or sitcom, Peter walks in from his little walk outside. It's really quite beautiful out there right now, with the spring grass and the blue sky, albeit somewhat chilly.

"Having a bit of a centipede's dilemma, now are we?"

"Not funny, Peter. Not funny. I wasn't complaining I could trot perfectly- And there it is again! I keep using the pony equivalent of words like anypony instead of anyp*grunt*body! I have to try to FORCE the human words out! Plain creepy!"

"Huh, guess the mind really is a plaything of the body," Peter scoffed.

"Not funny, Peter. Help me learn how to walk again or you'll know how I felt when being hugged earlier.

"You mean warm and fuzzy on the inside?"

We stared at each other for some time, the tension in the living room rising quickly and starting to flood into the other rooms as well, as everybody in the house stopped at almost the same time.

"I'm going to kill you as soon as I learn how to walk."

"What, you just a baby again?"

"I'm going to kill you twice now." I half snarled/squeaked. Anna Dawwwwed in the other room. "You're next, Anna!" I shouted, humiliated enough.

"BTW bro, you're naked right now." Anna pointed out, turning my face red for the third time today.

"Oh sweet Celestia, I'm naked!" At that line, everybody within earshot burst into laughter as I dashed off to my room again, emerging six minutes later.

"None of my clothes fit me now, and why would I need clothes anyways? I'm a freaking horse." I muttered before realizing. "That sounded much less ridiculous and silly in my head." Peter nodded.

"Now you're making me see the reality of our situation, and making me wonder why I'm not freaking out right now."

"Because dad's taking your freaking and claiming it as his own. He's blown his own mind trying to figure out how you did that stunt with your hoof earlier, and mom is... Where is mom?" Anna remarked, before resuming her computer browsing and not paying any attention to us.

"That's a good point, where is mom?" Peter asked casually.

There was a scream outside the window.

"Mom!" We all shouted at the same time, recognizing the yell from earlier incidents.

Chapter 2

Peter and Anna dashed outside to locate mom, as I stayed inside.

No, I'm not heartless, I'm just a pegasus. I trotted around in circles on our living room carpet, hoping everything is fine. I hear a crash, a large sickening thump, and a splatter. "MOM!" I yell, as I charge out the door not caring anymore and straight into Peter's stomach as he helps mom pick up the groceries.

"Peter! What happened? Where's Mom? Is she ok? Oh, hi mom. Did someone get her? Why are-" I stop abruptly. "Mom?"

"Mark, what are you doing out here? Someone might see you!" she whispers and pushes me back in. "But there was a crash, and you screamed, and I heard a splat, and you're perfectly fine!?" I babble and attempt to figure out what the buck is going on, and why I thought buck.

"I slipped on a puddle of water and dropped my bags. The splat was the milk I just bought, sadly. At least I got two." She explained, calming the tension in the room and satisfying me, sort of. "Now what were you thinking, running out in your current... Condition?"

"I thought you were hurt. Is that a problem or something?"

Mom quickly replied "No, of course not. I guess I would have done the same. It's just that the neighbors might have seen you, and that wouldn't be great."

We hug, and then I trot back upstairs to my bedroom. I walk in and glance at the video game console, wishing I could play it again, but knowing I probably can't.

I hear a whisper then. "Pssst! Mark!" I then proceed to pull my head out of the ceiling. "Joe, what the HELL are you doing in here, scaring me like that, and leaving me-shaped holes in my roof!?" I quiet-yell. I then realize what I currently look like. Not fashion oriented, of course not! "Joe, I'll be right back, and I'm going to need you to promise not to tell anypo-one." I whisper. "Funny, I was going to say something very close to that." Joe points out. "You're going to need to not freak out. I'm coming out" I proceed with planned panic. "No, Joe, don't! You can't-" I stop as I see Joe come out.

"You promised not to freak-" Joe points with his hoof, before quickly realizing what he's pointing at as I stare in shock. He babbles for a few seconds before shaking his head, clearing his throat, taking a big breath, and saying the following phrase:

"Why do you get wings, and I don't get a horn or wings?" He questions.

I facehoof, and then faceplant onto the wood floor, before getting up and saying "Really? Just, really? We get species swapped and all you can complain... You're an earth pony?"

Joe sighs and then quotes me. "Really? Just, really?"

I sit down, think, and then get up again. "Hey Joe, you think that blue rock in the park did this to us?"

"Seems plausible, and it's the only thing to go on right now. Maybe it's just a plot device." Joe replies, before adding "Nah, this isn't a story, and couldn't possibly be one." He starts studying me. "You know, you look almost just like one ponies from the cartoon. You even have an outline. How is that possible?"

"How is our current situation possible?" I shoot back. Just then, Anna walks in on us, before looking at Joe and tackling him in the same fashion as she did me last time. "AAAGH! ANNA, GET OFF OF ME!" He shouts, before knocking her off. "I'm sorry, you're just so... So... FLUFFY!" She shouts suddenly before diving on top of Joe again, who just managed to pick himself up. He motions for me to help him, only electing a few chuckles from me. "Not today, Joe. Not today." I giggle.

Anna finally leaves a few minutes later, leaving a half-suffocated Joe in her wake of hugs. I help the poor guy-pony up before bursting into full-on laughter. "HAHAHAHAHAHAhaha... BWAHAHAHA! YOUR FACE! YOU NEED TO SEE YOUR FA-Oof!" I laugh, before being grabbed by the neck by Joe and thrown onto the ground, starting a full on wrestling match, ending with me pinning him to the ground with my wings and my hooves on his arms, as he squirmed around trying to get free.

"Give up yet, red baron?" I ask, with a huge smirk on my face.

"Hey, you're the one with a red coat! I'm green!" He points out.

"So you admit you're scared of heights, then?" I laugh, and then get off him.

He then argues, "Unfair fight, you have wings!"

"Earth ponies are stronger, and I was still able to beat you. Anyways, does anybody know you're... Well... A pony? Or did you sneak out, because I don't feel like being vivisected in a government lab."

He punches me weakly, then replies "No, nopony saw- I mean, nobody saw me. I keep saying these blasted ponyisms, and I'm sick of it." He half-sighs, half... Something.

"Right. Anyways, it's about lunch time, so you want to join us? Join us, Joe. JOIN US." I start chanting 'Join us' Over and over again, getting closer to his face with each repeat, before he finally gives up. "Ok, I will. Don't do that again though."

We then proceeded to end the chapter by walking trotting out of our room, where it fades to black.