Bucking Idiot
Chapter 1
Infiltrating Ponyville
I started off using 'he' but switched to 'I' when I started having to much fun.
I arrived at the bridge to Ponyville and looked at myself. I was a mess.
I had been galloping and trotting for four days having left Mountreal. I hadn't even stopped in Manehatten like any tourist would have.
I'd already spent more bits than I should have but I came equipped with my tool belt.
So I'd be able to find some work in repair and light construction once I'd reached the town centre, this being a maretocracy.
I was dusty and had burs in my mane and tail, and I stank but I'd have to make a better impression of myself if I expected not to be thrown out of town. I'd even heard it called The Village by other ponies and it looked very posh.
After making sure nopony could see me I took off my tools and plunged into the water, I had just a bit of soap left to wash with. OMCelestia It was bucking freezing. My bits shriveled up and retracted, I think even my newly formed horn shrank.
I splashed around a bit too. Life is to short not to have a bit of fun whenever you can.
I climbed the bank and shook myself off, then I rolled in the grass. I wriggled around on my back giving myself a good scratch. I'd crushed a few wild flowers under me and ended up smelling more perfumy than I'd like, but I smelled okay. With the noon sun I dried quickly and felt much better. I even ate a few flowers to freshen my breath.
If somepony had spotted me I would have looked like I was frolicking like a foal and I would have been embarrassing, but I still had fun.
I put my tool-belt back on and headed across the bridge into town.
It looked clean and bright with colorful buildings all with shops built into the houses.
Clearly a very industrious group of ponies.
Once I could get established I'd do fine.
I'm in town because I just found out, last month, that Twilight Sparkle was working in the library. I was curious to see her again after having lost track of her five years back.
I had been studying engineering at the the U of Coltgary when Twilight had showed up as a guest speaker for the Magical arts course I was auditing to get extracurricular credit. She was the top MIT graduate studies student and I fell for her hard. The "Magical Institute of Technology" was the most impressive school in the United States of Equestria.
As I'm an earth pony I have no innate magical ability. I had done well in chemistry,physics and mathematics but my SA-Ts for magic dragged my stats down too far to gain admittance. No surprise the majority were unicorns like her, plus a few alicorns, and one or two others like me.
Twilight gave an inspired lecture on the development of advanced magical techniques and new spell categories that she herself had conjured into existence. I was enchanted with her, but too ashamed to speak to her after the lecture. I vowed to learn how to cast magic myself even though others said it was impossible.
Shortly after, In the second semester of the second year of my studies, I was involved in a carriage accident.
I hit a pole with my Mustang cart and suffered moderate brain damage and combined with a severe concussion at the age of five, from a fall off an embankment, forced me to drop out. Darn Mustangs.
I chose a career in construction while I waited for myself to at least part way heal.
I continued to study on my own, reading science books and 'Popular Magics and Mechanics' and learning to build magic synthesizing equipment myself. After reading an article on a "pipbuck" as my inspiration.
I now wore a prototype artificer electro-mechanical bracelet that using jewels imbued with the elements of harmony gave me the ability, using my median, nerve to trigger spell casting.
The jewels gave me spontaneous spell availability, no incantation and less concentration needed. It did look like gaudy jewelry though 'ugh'.
I built my artificer bracelet by first extracting a core sample of my own hoof's bone marrow 'ouch' to obtain stem cells, which in vitro, I induced to grow a ring of dilithium protein the largest possible and encased it all in gold. It is keyed it to my DNA and if someone else tries to open it or use it. it vaporises. That is why I'm broke.
As soon as I started to cast spells a unicorn horn started to grow. At first I was frightened but now I look forward to It reaching full length, for now I'm hiding it. Soon I'd have a smaller version of my bracelet to wear on my horn. Horns are much more precisely controlled and easier to use, although I still liked picking things up in my hooves. Even with my bracelet off I could now cast primary spells with my small horn.
All ponies have evolved stacked lithium/cesium protein hyper-conductor crystals(dilithium). that allow them to create and control resonant magnetic-bounce fields, produce gravity warping bosons, and fusing cesium atoms into element 122 a hydrogen stacking element that spontaneously emits a high energy beta particle, once it has absorbed four protons, and then captured by and reinforcing the magnetic field. 'Cold fusion.' Simple.
All magic is really just science that is yet to be explained.
These crystals exist, in highest concentrations, in the metacarpal bones of the hooves, wings and horns of all ponies. That's how we pick up things, fly overweight, and cast magic.
My artificer bracelet enhances these abilities to allow me to cast magnetic-bounce field effects(shields, tractor, telekinesis, particle, heat, light, gamma rays,and phaser beams), boson gravity effects(levitation, anti-gravity, gravity augmentation), and 122 element cold fusion to power it all as well as produce a beta particle tunneling beam.
Combining the bosons, betas and fusion gamma laser, I produce a plasma canon effect called mage-fire blast, at identical strength to a full grown dragon, with the power of a micro bale-fire bomb as it's splash effect. Alicorns use the least mage fire spell as their weapon of choice.
I will never use mage fire on a living being. It disintegrates it's target painfully.
Nasty, gruesome weapon.
I use defensive spells and cast healing and augmentation spells on others and myself.
I limit myself to least electrical and light spells that only stun targets, cleric stuff.
I do not want to end up in prison they do bad stuff to small ponies there.
I was daydreaming as I trotted along, and became extremely aware that there were a lot of fillies/mares and few colts with just couple of older stallions. 'Guess I'm it then.'
I noticed that I was getting looks from the fillies and mares and I smiled back to as many as caught my eye they seemed amused? 'Gosh, they are sweet.' It seems like I am the eye candy.
I even saw Octavia smack DJ Pon3 across the back of her head. 'Don't do that!' 'Really.'
I'm just a Shetland pony with a peach colored coat and orange, blond and gold streaks in my mane and tail. I am not muscular and I'm a bit small, about the size of a mare. I'm not a miniature or anything, still, I'm no he-stallion.
I have a manecut that does not match with other males but I use it to hide the horn that spontaneously began to grow when I started using magic. I have a mid-range voice and I lower it when I talk to others. I look, and sound like a butchy female 'ha, ha'.
I grew up in a family of sister and, as the middle child, I was a negotiator.
My father had rarely been around and I'd never joined any sports with other colts.
I played with my sisters and their friends until puberty, then I'd just spent my time with my mom and sisters and read science books in my spare time. As such I consider all females to be my equals and my compatriots. I've always been single.
I enjoyed their company and felt comfortable. I like this town.
Whoa. That was a full on lear? She checked me up and down. I got butterflies in my stomach.
this is fun.
But then a thought stuck me.
I was reminded me of the time I'd just become a stallion and I had gone to a local mall without my saddle bags. I had been looking through the electronic stores but I was also checking out the fillies. My mind flashed to a "Fine Fillies" magazine I'd sneaked a peak at earlier. Suddenly a full grown stallion bucked me hard on the flank, I yelped. Mares were averting the eyes of their foals, the fillies were pointing, and giggling, and the stallions were grunting in disapproval. I had fully displayed myself in public, the proverbial 'third leg', and because of my small stature it looked even larger.
I dropped to the ground to hide myself. I brought my back hooves to my ears held my legs to my sides, folded my arms over my face, wrapped my tail around my bits, and pinned my ears back. I lay there 20 minutes until everypony had left before I felt safe to get up again. The last thing the stallion had said was "I'll really hurt you next time you do that." I never went back again.
I lowered my head and checked myself, nothing, thank Celestia that cold bath had worked and even so my tool belt wraps right around my belly and from behind I keep my tail down. I was covered, I know my manners, and I've learned my lesson.
I was headed to the center of town to the tallest building but along the way I saw a sigh that indicated that a lounge/night club was downstairs there was jazz playing and I saw two very happy mares come up together and leave. I love these places. And I'd really like a drink before seeing Twilight again to calm my nerves. There was a bouncer, and she looked big and mean.
She accessed me then stepped aside to let me through. As I brushed past her we made contact and I instinctively swished my tail back and forth to swat at a non existent parasprite.
I'd opened the door a crack when she kicked it shut and said. "Are you a bucking idiot. You can't go in there. I don't tend to argue with ponies the size of horses. I even tried to show her my ID to prove that I was older than I looked, but she would not even check it. She just said "Get lost you cretin." 'Wow, what was that about?'
Once again a memory came back to me.
I had just turned 18 and I snuck into a bar outside my town.
You can join the army but you can't get a drink 'till you are 21?
I sat down at the bar and ordered a sparkling cider. The bartender was busy and just took my bits, without asking me my age, and gave me my drink. 'score'. I emptied it fast and began to feel nice.
From across the bar some drunk ass pony yelled over to me to come sit with him and he'd buy me a drink. I hate drunks. All I could think to say was "No." Weird.
Then he said "All right, I'll come over to you then." He picked up his glass and headed my way.
'Dude was creeping me out!' "AIl I want is just to talk." I was scoping the exit. He put his glass next to mine I turned to leave. he blocked my way and eyed my hind quarters. 'What the hay!'
Then he bucked me in the face, and began to swear words I've never heard before.
In a blind panic a galloped as fast as I could for a dozen pastures until I felt safe enough to stop and puke. Celestia. I will never go to a red neck bar again. And I will never go anywhere without my bracelet on.
The town hall had a bistro so I ordered a pint of wheat grass juice and sat down at an empty table I picked it up with my left hoof and sipped it slowly. It was thick and sweet and delicious.
Not at all like the bitter wild grasses I'd eaten along my journey.
I finished it up and held it, on the table, between my hooves. I craned my neck and looked around most of the tables were occupied by groups of two or three mares usualy with one unicorn per group who was using her horn to levitate a daisy sandwiches, or such, so each could eat from their own corner. 'Ohhhh, cuuuuuute.'
'I love this town, It is a utopia, except, maybe, for that one bouncer, I don't ever want to leave here.
Then I realized that except for the unicorns almost half of the others were carrying foal.
so where are the stallions? I got up and rather than disturb any of the dinners I left the tables to find somepony to ask for directions to the the library.
A neon pink pony with wild hair was bouncing along and passed me. 'Sprogging' the antelope do it too.
I galloped to catch up and then trotted fast to keep up. She had energy.
I asked where the library was. She stopped Instantly. I slid on the cobbles and almost fell over. How had she done that?
"You are not here too see just the library." It wasn't a question.
I was feeling strange. "N...Yes I am." I lied and she knew it. "I really do need to find the library." I equivocated. She stared straight into my soul. And then. "Okey, dokey, Lokie." "Twilight is over there" She pointed to a tall tree visible over some homes. And she bounced off.
'She had known?' Twilight was the key to me learning wizard spells, to cast with my horn.
I could be her student, and lover.
'Why would anypony even notice me when Pinkie Pie was around? How did I know her name?'
Bucking idiot
Chapter 2
Infiltrating Twilight
'Well this is going to be fun.' I thought, as I trotted up to the library door. Seeing Twilight again should be great now that I could cast magic effects. Some of the wizard spells I knew were even pretty advanced, well maybe, for a first grader unicorn, I guessed.
I'd heard that she was very friendly, and loved to assist those in need of help with magic, and I needed help.
The door was solid, no windows. It was a dutch door, and the bottom half probably was locked.
kind of strange for a library. 'So... I guess I just knock?'
immediately I heard two voices one was lower than mine. 'Horse apples'.
The door swung inward and then 'OMC' I whinyed loudly, in a not at all manly way.
It was a dragon. I popped a shield that would be useless against it's mage fire and claws.
None of my spontaneous spells could touch it. Only my own mage-fire would, but, it was too complicated to cast without a full horn, and take too much time using my bracelet, It has a high spell failure rate and the splash at this range would kill me too.
The gamma ray would take to long to kill it, and the tunneling betas would work only if it stood still. It was built like a tank. I wasn't.
I fell back on my haunches, while trying to get my arms away from that horrible reptile thing.
Scuttling backward through the dirt,and before it would lunge at me, and rip my hooves off with the sharpest claws I have ever seen on anything in my life, I tried to put distance between it and me.
Plus it had fangs, they even showed with it's mouth closed, full of some painfully slow-acting, thoroughly lethal, venom.
I think it even flicked a forked tongue at me.
It was a baby dragon. I do not ever wish to meet a full grown one, ever. 'Now time to breath.'
I was ready to bolt in shear panic and fear. But then... it SPOKE.
"Twilight, some strange pony is here to borrow a book or something!" It said.
"Thanks, Spike, give whoever it is whatever they want." Twilight said. "I'll be down in a sec"
Her voice. It was gorgeous. Just like I remembered it to be. "Spike" was her familiar.
"Well don't just sit there like a stick in the mud get up and come in so I can close the door, before we all freeze." Said Spike.
"Give me a second please" I squeaked, my voice even higher than normal. It always goes like that whenever I'm exited or upset or hurt or... 'Luna have mercy on me.' I'd peed myself, and now I was coated in dirt and 'mud' and I smelled ammonia. If it had been rutting season I would have stank up the whole yard. I dropped my shield.
I was going to have to take another bath, and freeeeeze my bits off, in that C.Damn river, and with the sun going down soon, I'd be hypothermic by morning. I almost felt like crying.
I staggered to my hooves just as Spike gave me a look that told me I wasn't getting through the door looking, and smelling of 'Perfume and pee'. I'd already come to the same conclusion.
I bet he was likely the one that did the cleaning. My eyes were burning. I turned to leave.
"Spike what is taking so long, it's cold, close the door, please, and what was that noise?"
I turned my head just in time to see Twilight's face, as spike shut the door. 'Well I guess I can always come back tomorrow, if I survive the night. I'd have to sleep outside. This is not going to be fun.'
"What happened to you?" Twilight said through the now reopened door.
I was so glad to see her. She was 'Twilight' looking hotter than ever before. I, on the other hoof looked awful and my eyes must have been ringed in red. But I didn't dare leave.
"Hi, Twilight. I uh slipped."
"You did not just slip" she said "you look hurt, and have you been crying?"
"No." I said just as I involuntarily sniffed. Darn ammonia. She wasn't buying any of my bull pancakes.
I sang like a Pinky Pie. 'What does that means?'
"No, I didn't just slip, I've never seen a dragon before and I'm afraid of rattlers and stuff and you can, uhm, guess the rest." I sniffled again. 'Nightmare Moon kill me now.'
"Well, I can't leave somepony looking like that. You should take a shower in the washroom right here on the main floor. I can get your books while you clean up." She let me in.
"Twilight you are so cool. A hot shower would be sooooo wonderful after four days galloping to get here." I said enthusiastically. I meant every word.
"Four days running?" she said perplexed. "So what books did you want to borrow, that are that important to you"
"Just give me a few intermediate magic books and the latest copy of 'Popular Magics and Mechanics', please." I said, closing the washroom door.
As I removed my tool belt I realized I should have left it outside, it was dirtier than me.
I brushed it off into the toilet and wiped it with some paper napkins and put it on the floor. I looked around, there sure were a lot of flowery soaps perfumes and shampoos.
No stallionfriend stuff. 'Yay'.
'Now, to shower.' I turned on the taps and stepped in as soon as the water was hot enough, then closed the curtain. "Oooooooooooh, Celestia." It felt good. I'd said that louder than I'd meant to.
That was all the confirmation Twilight needed to walk through the door. 'Wow, she sure isn't shy.'
" Listen to this entry she said cheerfully." Trust Twilight to get excited about a book at a time like this. "It says here that magical conception was possible between two mares as long as at least one is a unicorn and they are both truly in love'. Isn't that wonderful." She said. "If you decide to stay in the Village you'll need to know this." 'What?' 'Why?'
"I guess so." I'm pretty open about these 'new?', 'old?' ways.
"It is interesting. I'll remember." 'But why would I need to know about that?'
"I thought you would be more excited." She said.
"Oh, I am pretty excited." I said with a hint of double entendre.
While we were talking I'd been using the her shampoo, it was very flowery.
Darn there's a spot on my back I can't reach without a back brush and it itches like mad. I'll be able to get at it as soon as I finish my horn ring. This bracelet just doesn't cut it.
"Here let me." She said. opening the curtain 'OMC she is forward' She put down a "...Horn... book and then using her magic on the brush started to scrub my back.
I think my mind exploded twice. I slumped to the floor as waves of exquisite pleasure engulfed me, my back hooves now touching my shoulders. I dropped my head into her forearms.
Her magic field extended from the brush right into my spine. I was tingling all over.
Nopony can 'scratch' your back like someone you think you are in love with. And this was far more than a scratch.
I could not believe how good that felt. I whimpered like a filly. At this she paused.
"No don't stop", 'blessed Celestia,' "continue, please." I begged.
"Honestly I don't think I have ever met anypony that liked their back scrubbed as much as you do" She said. And then she giggled.
Life does not get any better than this. There is nothing in this world better than how I felt right now. Except one, maybe, and this is an awesomely close second, and it was lasting way longer too. Given the choice, I'd take this, hooves down, as long as it never ended.
'Zero to hero in ten seconds flat.'
"You are a unicorn?" she saw my horn peeking out from my mane.
I resisted repeating some stupid, crude, juvenile joke I'd heard.
I mumbled. "No, just an earth pony. My horn started to grow when I began to use this." I lifted my Left forearm off the shower floor. I would have given her Lunas moon, if she'd asked me to, as long as she just kept scrubbing my back. I was sighing.
"You leave your bracelet on in the shower won't it be ruined?" she asked.
"No, I sighed. It's solid state and waterproof. Anyhow I think I've gotten fat this winter so I can't even get it off," 'Did I just tell her that?' OMC that came out exactly wrong. "and I need it to cast my spells until my horn fills in, if it ever does. I have some Unicorn blood on both sides of my family, I think that's why it's growing in now." I barely whispered.
I almost fell asleep as she continued. Then she stopped and got up.
"You're done." She said. 'No I'm not.' I thought. Darn.
"I'll wash your saddle bags for you now." She said, and before I could respond with 'Yes, please, mame.' She was carrying my tool belt out to the kitchen sink to wash it. Darn.
"Dry yourself off and join me in the library. I'll make sure you get what you came for," She said. "And since you are a unicorn now, I have something you should read."
In all my years I have never had a shower and/or massage that felt that good. It took me five minutes just to get up off the floor and I was dizzy with a felling that must be like what mares get after having sex. 'After glow?' I felt so relaxed.
I grabbed the bottle of conditioner and rubbed some on, so that after all this hot water, I'd not end up frizzy. It smelled neutral, almost manly, at least something did. "Feather Conditioner"? 'Does that even work on fur?' She must use it herself. I rinsed off. My fur was fine and I liked the smell, sort of unique.
I dried myself, as best I could, and left the towel wrapped around my haunches to retain some warmth. I was all packaged up and ready to go.
I opened the door and walked out to the library. She was just sitting and reading the books that she had picked out for me. The title of the one she was scanning was "'Your horn and you. What you can do for it and what it can do for you." But I was more interested in her.
She is the most beautiful shade of fuchsia. Her mane has three shades; indigo, pink and a streak of purple that all run right through her tail. Her eyes are a shade of purple that puts mine to shame and they are almost almond shaped which makes me think that she must be at least partly korean pony. She is exotic, She is gorgeous and, She is mine! I wanted to kiss her and tell her 'thank you.'
She stopped me dead in my tracks. A huge pallet of chocolates beside her. On the box was written 'Bonbon's truffles' 'The finest in all of Equestria, and maybe even the universe too.' The second part in smaller printing, so as not to seem 'immodest'.
All she said was "Want one?" before stuffing one into my mouth with her magic.
"OhMyGoshOhMyGoshOhMyGoshOhMyGoshOhMyGoshOhMyGoshOhMyGosh". I squealed. "I looooooove chocolate." and, "This is the best I've ever tasted." in the highest pitch I'd ever reached in my whole life. I think I heard cider classes breaking in the kitchen.
Who, in Celestia's name, had put these words in my mouth, and what was Twilight thinking of my voice reaching a full octave higher than equinely possible? My face turned bright red as I tried desperately to lower my voice.
"I don't know what got into me." I flustered. I tried to think of something more to say.
"Silly, I like your high voice. Your real voice." She said. "And Bonbon's chocolates have that effect on all ponies"
I tried to say that the "lower voice" was my real voice. But that was just my facade. I dropped it for her. And instead in my mid-range voice I said. "Can I have another chocolate, please."
She looked puzzled hearing me, at first, but, whatever it was, she quickly dismissed it. she then hooved the whole box across to me and kept stuffing one after the other into my mouth, as soon as I could breath. I groaned the entire time until I passed out. She was having fun. And Bonbon had me hooked.
I woke up. Spike 'the magic dragon' was talking Twilight up to her bed. It was dark outside.
She must have fallen asleep reading. I had my arms and legs wrapped around the huge box of chocolates, like a giant teddy bear. The box was empty . While I was unconscious she must have finished the box herself . 'What the hay?' I now loved everypony and everything in this whole wide wonderful world. I hadn't even mated? Just what was in these chocolates? I could even see colors that weren't there.
I could barely stand up or walk, and my head was spinning. I feel great!
I picked up "Your horn and you." and read through a few chapters, it was an eye-opener.
I'd always wondered why unicorn foals always went for extra sex-ed classes.
It was now past midnight, and I had nowhere to stay.
"Twilight I don't think I can go outside with the way I am." I said. "Can I sleep here tonight."
"Oh, Dashie" she said. "just come and sleep with me." She was half asleep already, and dizzy from these chocolates too, maybe.
Celestia, an open invitation. 'Wait', just who was this "Dashie" an old stallionfriend?
She'd already given me a pet name?
As I climbed the ladder, my legs wobbling like a drunken sailor, I dropped my towel. I wouldn't need it anyway, I'd soon be under the covers. I hopped right in.
There she was and I knew she was smiling even through the dark.
OMC she is soooooooooooo cute. "Thank you Twilight for my best day ever" and I kissed her on the cheek. I left a chocolate ring in her lavender fur. She turned red right underneath it.
So did I.
"I love the smell of your conditioner." She said. "Don't stop now."
A thought of pure delight stuck me, I had just read that unicorn horns are ten times more sensitive than any other organ in their bodies, and considering that my horn, small as it was, was super sensitive right at this moment, I knew I had to try it.
I kissed her on the horn with my full mouth and she shuddered. Then I kissed her horn again and again many dozen times with her begging for more. her horn was now glowing with a brilliance that was blinding me and mine was glowing too.
Then inspiration came to me. I lifted my bracelet to my forhead and I charged up my horn to the same intensity as her own. Finally touching my horn's tip to hers'. I cast on her's the tinyest chock.
A lightning bolt arched back to me. My whole universe exploded Twice. I felt like I'd created new life.
She screamed out with pleasure greater than any I had ever been a party to and I howled.
Her horn was pulsing with energy and it was rippling through my horn into me. I was along on the same ride. It was the biggest longest greatest orgasm I had ever had or seen in a mare. I'd made it happen. And I was experiencing it too. I held her in my arms and kissed her cheeks gently all over for over fifteen minutes of panting, until she had subsided enough that we could finally catch our breath.
I wondered how long before we could do it all over again. I was going for right away.
I'm going to love being a unicorn, and I'm going to have to read that whole horn book fast.
Twilight asked. "Rainbow Dash how did you make that spark?"
Then I did the stupidest thing in my life. I just could not resist.
"Rainbow Dash? that is the gayest pet name ever. My name is Arthtrott, Arth for short."
"Dashie stop pranking me." She said. "I will not call you Arthtrott, that's a terrible pet name for a filly."
I was really out of it with all those chocolates and now that horn-thing.
"What!?" I said in total confusion. "Don't call me a filly. I'm a stallion, for Celestia sakes."
Role playing in bed?
She turned to look at me in the dark, and lit her horn.
Suddenly her mind was clear. She shot up straight in bed, and her eyes flickered open to reveal two round disks brighter than the sun. Her horn was throbbing with multiple layers of magic and crackling with rage. She screamed. "You are not Rainbow Dash" Somehow amplified, a thousand time, or more, by the power of her horn. 'The Royal Voice!'
I smashed my head with my bracelet trying to block out the sound with my hooves, as I launched myself out of bed and across the room to a dead end corner. I would have dumped my bladder again if I'd had anything to drink since earlier. I was terrified. Magic swirled around her body. The whole world shook. I was still seeing stars.
In desperation I began praying to Celestia and popped a shield, the best I could cast, but it would be no match for her limitless power. Only the fact that she was holding back her final wrath kept me from being blasted to ashes.
I could do nothing but await my pending execution. Spike came rushing up the ladder clutching a baseball bat in his teeth. Seriously? He didn't need it.
Then a rainbow blur with a sky blue body crashed through the window, grabbed Twilight and said. "I heard you scream, are you all right?" And, "I knew I shouldn't have left you alone for so long".
Twilight's eyes flashed back to normal and her horns' magic spiralled away and dissipated. "Dashie." She said
'Okay, I'm really stupid'. I lit my horn, stood up, so relieved that I dropped my shield, then said. "You are Dashie. I've just figured this out. You sound just like me." With this she glared straight at me.
"Nobody calls me 'Dashie' except for Twilight. and I do not in anyway sound like you." she hissed. Then she turned to look at Twilight. Twilight looked back at her with love and sadness in her eyes. tears ran down her face. "I though she...he was you."
Twilight had been nice to me because my voice had reminded her of her 'marefriend'. And then drunk on chocolates, thought I actually was Dashie... 'Oops, I'm dead.'
Looking at Twilight, Dashie was now certain of exactly what I had done. "You RAPIST!"
With that she lunged at me, and with a huge beat of her wings spun herself around and bucked me right through the wall of the treehouse. My forcefield was only half up when it imploded.
In the last possible moment I had managed to put my artificers bracelet between my chest and her hooves. It had pulverized to shards. And had my horn's inate ability to cast telekinesis not kicked in, I would have smashed my backbone on impact with the ground. I'd heard my ribs break. I should be dead.
I got up and levitating some of my weight off my ribs, turned and galloped for my life in the direction of the the river. A flash of blue burst through the whole she had made from me.
"The Dashienater" was now after me.
Spike pounced down to join the hunt. Neither of them had seen which way I was headed, and it took a few seconds for her to sweep around to follow me.
In the moments that all this had taken place I'd heard Twilight's voice say. "No Dashie, stop, don't kill him. I have something to explain." I was sure Dashie wasn't listening.
I zigzagged through the courtyard, and then past the houses, avoiding open areas where the blue terror could crush me from above.
I might have stunned her with a lucky shot of minor spark 'unlikely', but I needed Twilight's help to survive this and attacking Dashie would only make her rage at me. You do not want to make Twilight angry.
Besides, Dashie is super cuuuuuuuute. 'What is wrong with me?' And i'd hate myself for hurting her.
Spike was gaining on me. I swung around the final building. And ran for the river.
'Celestia please let me live.' I dived into the fridgid water, swimming below the surface.
I emerged under the bridge. OMC it was bucking freeeeeeeeeeezing.
Spike saw and heard the splash. Now he was just waiting for me to resurface.
From off in the distance I heard Twilight call to him. "Spike come back to me, right now!"
She said to the equicidal dragon. he sniffed the air one last time. And then 'whined?' "Awwwwww, Twilight, I almost have him." "No. Spike, come to me now."
Dashie on the other hoof was stubborn and held grudges. I could tell from the hoof dents to my chest. I immediately started casting least heal spells to keep myself from freezing and/or bleeding to death, and repairing my broken ribs. I'd been reading a lot of 'Primary Unicorn Spells for Dummies' books.
she was circling the sky above and something told me that she could do it all night.
Twilight called out to me that she would protect me 'why?' I'm not even sure that Twilight could save me if she tried. She would not harm dashie either.
I had to stay awake to cast the heals, and I was not coming out of hiding 'till Dashie was gone.
I wasn't going to make it this time. I had been in the water for 6? hours. Even my bits had become inguinal forever. Twilight had left to look up spells to get her friend out of the sky.
Thats when Something thumped across the bridge.
It must be that pink pony, I'd talked with, from the other day. She was still sprogging around.
Suddenly she stopped right above me. I held my breath.
She stuck her self through the railings and, hanging upside down, stared me straight in the eyes.
"I told you you were going there to find more than just the library" she said in a voice that was thankfully higher than mine. With me shivering convulsively and just about to loose consciousness, I again felt her 'aura'?
I said. "Sorry, Pinkie." It all made sense? "I can't talk with you right now i'm hiding."
"You silly Billy." She said. "I have a much better place for you to hide." And with that she swung me over the top of the bridge by the scuff of my neck and plopped me right onto her back. How did she...she was in fact the strongest pony, bar none, even Big Mack 'Who?...oh' was no match for her.
Every bounce she made was like having a jackhammer pounding into my chest. But it was keeping me awake so that I could continue to cast my healing spell; the only one I had.
I was starting to feel warmer now that I was no longer in the river. Suddenly Pinkie stopped and I flew off her back and landed, with a thud. "ow." spead-eagle, on the groud 10 feet away.
My tongue was hanging out. 'Vulture-bait.' Right in the middle of the largest open field in Ponyville.
"But Pinkie? oh..." I started chanting heals like a 'Gregorian monk troop?...oh.'
A blue meteor streaking out of the sky followed by a rainbow trail was aimed right at me.
"Good bye, Pinkie, sorry I thought you were crazy earlier. Thank you for saving me from the river." And I waited to be killed. and I was going to die a virgin, except for that horn-thing?
Pinkie jumped onto my back at the last second. She was going to die too now in some weird suicide pack? "No, Pinkie!" at exactly the right moment Dashie veered off to loop back into the shy. Wow she was good. What am I crazy. A sonic rainblast stuck Pinkie with so much force that It rippled through her body into my own. I screamed in agony as every nerve cells in me was ripped apart. We now lay in a huge crater.
Pinkie had absorbed almost all of the blast. I would have been goo. "Pinkie...", was all I could whisper. I started to cry. She was just dead weight on top of me now. At this point I wasn't sure that I even wanted to live anymore. She had sacrificed her life to save mine. And for the first time in my life I would have gladly given mine to save hers. And that could never change.
"The Dashienater" landed next to us. "Get off him you stupid pony." Dashie said and gave Pinkie a kick. To my shock the pink pony bounced up from me and shook it off like it had been just a little tickle. First she said to me. "Friendship lesson learned." And then she said. "You owe me your life." "I do." I said. I still couldn't move.
While she was speaking to me she was blocking Dashie from reaching me to deliver the
coup de gras. "He is one of us now." she said. "You will not harm him for as long as you live."
Then Dashie said. "You're not the boss of me." To this Pinkie replied with just one word "Cupcakes."
Pinkie now said to me. "She is the element of loyalty. You are safe now. She will defend you with her life, as will I."
Dashie was now lying on the ground in a fetal position, rocking back and forth and trembling. "There, there, Dashie I know what will cheer you up. Here let me take you to see Twilight. She'll fix you right up in no time at all. You've just been under a lot af stress lately." Then to me. "She just had a little breakdown that's all". "And as for you." "Just stay there until I get back. we have a lot to discuss." "Yes, mame." I said as I continued to cast least healing on myself. Then off in the distance she sang. "...There Is something in the water..." She owned me. This is going to be fun.
Writers note: Pinkie Pie has a unique psionic field that she projects. It let's her see into, and traverse, dimensions of space and time. Ponies around her such as Arthtrott and others have an empathic ability to read her field and divine her wisdom. Arthtrott does so through his horn and, he thinks, by understanding that all magic is just science that we have yet to explored.
Others interpret it in their own way to understand it as real. Luna divines her wisdom from the stars but can also read Pinkie's aura, as can all current mane six members, but, in their own way.
Pinkie Pie saved Arthtrott by dilating her own time frame. She had been on top of him for days and thus absorbed the impact over that time frame. It had not been without pain She had exposes herself to thousands of times more energy than was directed into Arthtrott. the extra few seconds/days had been needed to recover. the blast had been intended to liquefy Arthtrott.
All mane 6 are a lot more powerful than they appear. No dashie is not evil, but like all superheroes she is vulnerable to her flaws. It is up to the team to look out for and protect each other. Pinkie Pie could use her gift for evil too but she has made a vow, to herself, to give others the chance to be the hero. All the others have made similar vows to themselves, Arthtrott now, included.
Luna is best pony.
and as a final note: Twilight is not pregnant. She thought he was Dashie, that's one of the reasons she didn't fire on him. Arthtrott always wanted a filly, just not 'this' way. She'll have to tell him soon. he'll need to go to the doctor a lot more frequently now. And he'll be pretty sick in the mornings, soon.
Bucking Idiot
Epilogue
Spoilers
Twilight sparkle had intended to get Dashie drugged using Bonbon chocolates and impregnate her with their daughter. Twilight does love Dashie and had thought that this would get her to consent. Her mistake was that she started eating them first herself.
Twilight modified one of Arthtrotts epithelial stem cells with her and his DNA she had intended this to guaranty 100% success, (look up "Dolly the sheep") in case Dashie was not fertile at the time, and would try to back out during her fertile period.
Twilight had not realized Arthtrott was male and so has missed the opportunity to have the colt that she had longed for but thought she could never have.
Dashie is the jealous type, also, Twilight would never knowingly cheat on her as her love.
Dashie, as a butch, is not interested in becoming pregnant as this would ruin her image.
Dashie was avoiding Twilight as it had been her period of highest fertility for the month.
Twilight is a femme and normally would carry the foal but she is the unicorn.
Dashie cannot magically impregnate Twilight as she cannot cast the spell herself.
Twilight has not told Arthtrott the name of their filly, and has yet to tell him he is pregnant.
Bonbon is using her truffles to keep Lyra from straying, as Lyra is both an alcoholic and bisexual.
The chocolates contain no alcohol and rely solely on magic so as to keep Lyra from dying with liver cancer and/or cirrhosis.
Bonbon intends to use Lyra to get herself pregnant soon.
Octavia is already pregnant with DJ Pon3's child.
The lounge/night club, that Arthtrott had tried to access, is the one in ponyville that "Lunaughty" had found. it is strictly a female gay bar. But Arthtrott is going to get special permission from the mayor mare, he'll be using that horn spell on her next. No not the conception one.
He should not have swished his tail to reveal himself to the bouncer as a male. He is an idiot-savant, and sometimes misses the obvious.
Arthtrott is an artificer infiltrator class male: He is disguised to look like a butch female to gain access to his primary target; femme females. His secondary target; butch females good luck with that.
Twilight is a special class called a Sorcerer/Wizard. As a sorcerer she is much more powerful and as a Wizard her spell range is vast. She is more powerful than Celestia and Luna are, but, she has yet to realize this.
Only Twilight, Celestia or Luna are powerful enough to get a stallion pregnant.
Not coincidentally He will eventually bare Luna an alicorn colt but that wont be for a while yet.
The Equestrian sun is an orange-yellow star class K1V, ~.9 solar masses, 12 billion year lifespan.
Luna is using a singularity to gravity lens the moon and stars to make them look bigger.
their moon is in an orbit 300000 miles away from Equestria. The singularity(small black hole) is located in a neutral gravity point between Equestria and it's moon at 200000 miles approx., with a periodicity synchronized to the moon's. Theirs is twice the size of our moon and is in fact a small planet almost the same size as mars ("1000 year exile- How luna survived")
Equestria moon is in a superior orbit from their sun and cycles above and below it's orbital horizon and slightly behind Equestria's orbit preventing eclipses unless Luna intervenes.
Neither Celestia nor Luna actually control the sky they are simply using the same spell Pinkie used on Arthtrott, only on a planetary scale. It can only affect one half of the planet surface at a time though This makes the moon and sun appear to stop in the sky.
A Day on Equestria is 16 hours long, normally.
Only a stallion/mare can magically conceive colts as well as fillies. mare/mare shippings can only have fillies (no 'y' chromosomes).
Arthtrott will remain a virgin forever now that he knows about that horn trick/thing or does that count? He is also going to have to schedule a ceserean section for himself. and then again in about five years time, and the scar is going to itch. (you do the crime you do the time)
Arthtrott is an ammature physicist/philosopher. Brain injury prevented him from being a particle physicist and mechanical engineer, and also wrecking his spelling, punctuation and diction.
All female members of Arthtrotts extended family are femme/butch females and all males are rogue/ scoundrel/ infiltrators they rely on their charm. All members are in heterosexual relationships.
Charm also contains begging crying and whining, sorry Arth.
All family members speak two or more languages. Extended family member "same".
Famous infiltrators include Michael Bouble, Michael Landon(deceist), Legolas(Orlando Bloom) Sting, Rod Steward and, David bowy, and others, too numerous to mention.
Arthtrott's singing voice range is baritone to castrato (look it up ewwww.) and is superior to many opera singers. Arthtrott's favorite singers are: K. D. Lang, Celeen Dione, Barbara Strisand, Michael Bouble, Sting, David bowie, Katie Perry("Last Friday Night", "Equestria Girls" PMVs), Carole Pope. All females gay, all males infiltrators. He does not like Michael Jackson's songs even though he can sing them all in the same key ewwwwwwww.
All bronies Love Femme(lesbian)fiction as do most men.
Moar updates as they come to me. yay.
