Adventures of a Man turned Beastly

Still don't own My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic. If I did, Sombra wouldn't have sucked. BLARG SLAVES RAWR CRYSTALS

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Deep within the Everfree Forest...

Coming to a halt, huffing and puffing from my long run, I have come to a conclusion. One so profound, that I feel I must scream it to the sky.

/I'M FREAKING LOST IN THIS DAMN FOREST!/

Unfortunately, this also results in the side effect of me discovering that I CAN'T SPEAK. It all comes out as anything but words. Roars, growls, squeaks, etcetera. /I need something to take out my rage on.... That tree. That tree will have to do until I can find something better./

Swinging my huge arm in a wide arc, I slam it into the foot-and-a-half thick tree like a baseball bat... snapping the tree in half and tearing most of its root system free. /Geez. Well, maybe I could have some fun with this before my anger takes over again./

Striding over to the next reasonably sized tree, I attempt to shatter it like the firewood it is...

(sproing) WHACK

Gah, my nose! /What in the hell... Oh. Actual rubber tree. Figures./

(ding)

/Hold the phone... I'm getting a really STUPID idea here... Being the idiot I am, I'll try it anyway./ I rub my nose to ease the pain from my stupidity, as well as the tree, and begin to put my plan into action.

Grabbing onto the rubber tree, I slowly bend it down until the highest part of the main trunk is touching the ground, and shift my grip onto said part. I'm straining to hold onto the tree at this point, so I decide to do the dumbest thing I've ever attempted. EVER.

I give the tree some momentum by jumping and let it carry me upward, and I let go... only for my back spines to catch on the bark and drop me down about thirty feet from the rubber tree, crushing a hardwood tree and ending up in a berry bush. /Wait, berries? Food!/

(About 3 minutes later)

After gorging myself on the blood-red berries, and no small amount of leaves which taste oddly like fresh spinach, I lumber back over to the rubber tree to try again, this time laying my spines flat like they should have been the first time. Feeling myself being lifted at high speed, I let go of the tree at the proper time, getting a nice view of the canopy a hundred feet below while hurtling through the air at possibly fatal speeds.

I roll up into a ball on a whim, pleased to see that the soft parts of my body, such as my face and everything on the front side of my body, were covered up by my arms and tail, ending up with me in a roughly ball-like shape. With my spines tucked in, I probably look like a large bone-plated cannonball or the strangest-looking boulder ever. /May as well enjoy the ride./ You only live once, after all. I'm just the exception that proves the rule.

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Ponyville

A nondescript blue stallion with a soft grey mane in a simple style was walking along the street on his way to get breakfast before work. He was just about to enter the cafe when something huge flew over his head, causing him to duck on instinct. With a loud crash, the odd-looking boulder bounces down the street, causing the ground to shake and cobblestones to come loose, bouncing everywhere, whole and in pieces. Still moving at a modest speed, the boulder slams into the side of the tree that doubles as a house and library, shaking more than a few leaves loose and most likely disturbing whoever was inside. There was an exclamation from inside and a bright flash, and all was silent, as everypony had run for cover at the first sign of danger, and would not reappear until the sound of the recently installed all-clear horn.

“Just another day in Ponyville,” the stallion sighs as he opens the door to the cafe and heads inside, taking care to lock it behind him. Standard procedure, just in case that rock turned out to be a monster. You never knew what magic could do.

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/Oof... rough landing. I'll have to learn how to fix that later, gotta get a bearing on my surroundings first./ I unrolled ever so slightly to find myself looking at everything... upside down. Of course.  What's this feeling... /Oh no no no no no NO NO NO...../

Hurriedly unrolling myself to the maximum and flailing to my feet, I quickly scrape a small hole into the earth and vomit into it, filling it in again afterwards. So much for breakfast.

Blech. /Note to self, do NOT eat before launching myself from trees. I bet it was probably the roll that did me in, though.... Anyway, where am I? Looks like a medieval town of some sort.... apart from this tree. Seriously, who hollows out a tree and.... wow. Just wow. It's a library too? I hope they've got some serious fireproofing, because I sure as hell would./

Suddenly, I get the feeling I'm being stared at. Looking around, I see out of the corner of my eye a small bush slowly creeping toward me. I pretend I don't see it moving and slowly walk past it when it stops moving, only to pick it up and reveal.... are these ponies? Adorable, sentient ponies with intelligence shining in their frightened eyes? /Why are they looking at me like that... oh./ Giant thing with big teeth and spikes and a red-stained face from the berries I ate and vomited. /Not the friendliest looking creature here, no sir./

I set the bush back down, and think of what to do. /Bah, I can't speak, can't try and reason with them. These claws are no good for writing either, I'd say. Too inflexible. I doubt they'd be able to read my language anyway... The odds of them being able to would be stupidly small./

Shnk!

Ah snap, now I've got foot-long hooked claws in place of the short ones... well, at least they're -slightly-  more flexible now. Flexing them, I pull them back in after most likely scaring the little ponies, shuddering at the feel of what would be the equivalent of a human pulling their fingernails back into their fingers.

Speaking of the little ponies, why are they still here and scared out of their minds? I lift the bush up again and find that one of them has fainted (at least I hope it's a her, they all look feminine).... the one on the left, bright yellow with a red mane with a pink bow tied into it. Shaking my head in amusement, I scoop up the little white one with a dual-colored mane and tiny horn, then I place her on my head like a bizarre hat to see their reactions. The orange one rushes up and starts pounding on my leg. Seeing as it doesn't hurt, I'm just going to let her wear herself out while I think on what to do next...

/Wait, do I smell pastries? More specifically, fruit-filled pastries?/ Seeing as my new nose is going haywire, must be so. Deciding to go find them, I get interrupted by a scream.

Oh, right, the pony on my head. /Gotta love my easily-distracted mind sometimes./

I give an exasperated huff and flick my ears back, why can't they understand I'm not here to hurt them? And shouldn't there be a town guard or law enforcement here by now? /I'm a giant scary beast in a town most likely full of ponies that I could probably pick up with one hand and nobody's tried to stop me!... Damn, I'm starting to think like a monster now. Bad Jack!... Whatever. It's not like there are mind readers here anyway. Bah, these ponies need to lighten up./ I scoop up what I assume to be the white pony's friends, one tired, orange and winged with a purple mane and tail, and the other who fainted (I'm hoping that yellow is her natural fur color otherwise this is a really dumb idea) and set them alongside the small unicorn, all of them scrambling up to the large spines and rough plates on my upper back, shoulders, and neck for a better grip. Considering that I'm sort of hunched over, it makes a large platform for them to stand on.

With a satisfied grunt, I start trudging through the seemingly deserted town to find those delicious-smelling pastries.

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Sugarcube Corner

/Well, I'll be damned./ I still have no idea if I can read their language, but I know for a fact this is a pastry shop because of the way it looks.

It's a giant friggin' gingerbread house. With a cupcake swing sign. Need I say more?

The little pony friends sitting on my back seem to have lightened up somewhat on the way here, enough to whisper to each other, but not quietly enough that I can't hear most of what they are saying. Still haven't picked up any names, though. They don't seem to be frightened anymore, which is good. Heck, one of them is smacking their hoof against my armor now, bet it's the orange one. The yellow one with the bow has woken up too, which is less weight on my conscience.. I attempt to enter the building and encounter another problem.

I can't fit through the door, at least not half-upright the way I have to stand in this body. /What to do, what to do... Idea!/ I lay flat on my stomach facing the door, allowing the follies? Fuelers? Fillies, I think it was? Yes, fillies to get off my back. They quickly trot over to the door and are pulled in by three pairs of hooves, one blue, one orange, and one white, and the door slams shut, with the sound of hooves retreating from the door. I get back up and digest the information this has given me.

/Okay, so the town's not abandoned, they're all just scared by me. Now what?/ (gurgle) /Well, now I find my own way inside./ That door's probably out, I'll test it just to be certain. The door opens with a bell tinkling loudly as I lay back down on my stomach, then stick my head in up to the shoulders. /Nobody in here? They must have gone into the back room./ I turn onto my side and just barely squeeze through the door,  ending up on my forearms and hind legs in an odd sort of crawl.

(sniff sniff)

/Geez, talk about sugar overload. I can smell it everywhere in here./ Considering that there are large cabinets just full of pastries here, there must be pastries beyond their prime somewhere around here. You can't always sell everything in stock, after all. Taking another quick sniff, I deduce that the cabinets furthest from the door are the least fresh, and that probably means the castoffs box is somewhere nearby. Flicking out my claws, I ease my left arm over the counter and feel out a large wooden box. I pull it out and see that it's full of slightly singed, un-iced, and stale pastries. /Success./

I scrape myself outside with the box, clamp it between my teeth, and haul ass out of town. /Don't want to keep the ponies stuck inside for too long, cabin fever is annoying for all involved./ Learning that firsthand was an aggravating experience, to say the least. I won't bore you with the details, that was part of my human life and that, my friend, is long over.

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A group of nine ponies hiding in the back of Sugarcube Corner heard the door close and the beast stomp away.

“Is it gone, Pinkie? Did that dreadful beast leave?” A white pony with an expertly cared-for mane asked, as she came out from a cupboard. A pink pony with a curly mane of a deeper shade of pink pops out from behind her, overbalancing and knocking both of them to the polished wooden floor. Pinkie scrambles up to the window and peeks out.

“Yuppers! It even took the box of castoffs with it! Now I don't have to eat them myself!” Pinkie replies cheerfully. She bounces over to the hiding places of her other friends and helps them climb out. The only ones not happy were three small fillies that had been pulled away from their new friend whose name they never even got. They were busy discussing how to find him again, why he was awesome, and why he smelled like freshly turned earth (as described by Applebloom) instead of how to find their cutie marks, which was highly unusual.

“Girls, that, that... thing is highly dangerous, we don't know what it's capable of! It might hurt you, or worse, eat you!” the ever-knowledgeable Twilight Sparkle said.

“But it...” Applebloom starts, but Applejack wouldn't have any of it.

“Applebloom, when we're given the all-clear, we're goin' straight home, ya hear? Yer NOT gonna go after that beast! No ifs, ands, or buts!”

“That goes the same for you, Sweetie Belle. You are to stay as far from that dreadful thing as possible!” Rarity told her little sister.

“But Rainbow Dash would go after it!” Scootaloo argued.

“I would, Scoots, but I know when I can win, when I can lose, and when I can be smashed into a pancake. Just let it go.” Rainbow said, being mature for once.

“I still think it was just hungry,” Fluttershy said, shuffling her hooves, but was ultimately too quiet to hear.

No further arguments were made, and the ponies dispersed to their homes when they heard the sound of the all-clear horn. Nopony notices the Cutie Mark Crusaders share a glance that all but screams what their intentions for tomorrow are.

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Edge of Ponyville, outside an abandoned, shabby building

I've found a decent place to crash for the night, seeing as there are no ponies in view and the sun is setting. I pop open the door and squeeze myself inside, taking more than a little of the door frame with me. /Oops./

Shutting the door behind me, I look around for something reasonably soft to sleep on, like a couch or mattress, and find a mattress that's just my size in one of the back rooms. It smells a bit like old cheese, along with an oddly familiar smell that I can't place, but it will work for now. I set my box of pastries in the corner and flop onto the mattress, hearing the springs groan at my weight. /Damnit, this is getting old fast./ Maybe if I get some sleep, everything will be better in the morning.... hopefully....

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Scootaloo slowly trudges along the path to the abandoned house where she has taken up residence after fleeing the orphanage. It had been a long day, and she was tired. She pushes open the door, not noticing the chunks missing from the frame, and walks inside, closing the door behind her. The house was drafty enough without the breeze coming in through the wide-open door.

Stepping into her room, she drops her stuff next to a large wooden box and hopped onto the mattress where she liked to sleep. The couch was lumpy, and the other mattress had been taken over by an army of grasshoppers for whatever reason. She cuddles up to the large lump of blankets on the bed and quickly starts dozing off.

Wait. Large lump? She has only one blanket, and it wasn't thick enough to make a pile THAT big...

Peeking under the corner, she saw what she never expected to see again.

The big scary thing from earlier! It wasn't so scary while it was sleeping. Suddenly, the eyes in the big armor-plated face crack open.... and Scootaloo screams for all she is worth.

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/Bleh... who's screaming this time? Better not be my little sister, I've had it up to here with her antics./

I reach up to wipe the sleep from my eyes and crack my face with my arm, yowling in pain. I fall over backwards, hitting the floor with a muffled boom and quickly roll to my feet. /Now, who or what is screaming?... Oh. Orange pony from earlier. Did she follow me? Either way, she needs to shut up./ I -gently- pick her up and give her a skeptical look, and she shuts up and quakes in fear. /Yep. Definitely a she./ Dunno how I can tell, I just can.

Suddenly, her stomach growls and she gives a nervous grin. I put her down and turn to my box of food. Pulling out what appears to be a chocolate cupcake, I pass it over to the small pony who quickly sniffs it, then takes a bite out of it.

“Thnk yrr” she says through a mouthful of cupcake. Satisfied, I flop back onto the mattress, bouncing the filly about a foot into the air, with an exclamation of surprise. I shut my eyes to prepare for sleep again, when I feel a hoof prodding me in the side.

“Hey! I've got questions for you, ya big lug!” the orange pegasus continues poking me until I relent and sit up. /May as well, don't wanna be annoyed to death./ I raise an eyebrow and gesture for her to continue.

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Taking a deep breath, Scootaloo begins her short questionnaire.

“Okay, so, you got a name?” she asks. The friendly monster appears to ponder for a moment, then nods its head.

“Can you tell me?” Head shake.

“Want a new one?” Pondering face, then a slow nod.

The orange pegasus filly thinks for a second, then starts pelting it with suggestions.

“Buster? Armor? Fred? Snuggles?” All shakes of the head, with an emphatic shake on the last one.

“You're gonna need to give me some ideas then.” The beast seems to sigh, then steps off the mattress and stretches, popping the muscles in its back.

“How exactly is that help-” Scootaloo is interrupted by the beast standing up to its full height and flexing its forelimbs.

“You want a name involving how big you are?” The beast nods, then sits back on the mattress, this time not making Scootaloo bounce up into the air.

“How about... Giga?” Head shake. “Titan?” Nope.

“Mundo?” The beast seems surprised at this suggestion, then slowly grins and nods, the infectious smile spreading to Scootaloo and they both start laughing, Scootaloo with high-pitched snorts and the newly-christened Mundo with deep 'Hrr's. After a few minutes of this, they both wind down, and pegasus filly yawns.

“I've got school in the morning, so I guess I'll see you in the morning, Mundo?” Mundo responds with a yawn and rolls over on the mattress, quickly beginning to snore lightly. For a large monster, anyway.

Scootaloo giggles, then rolls over and follows her new friend/pet/roommate into the realm of sleep, commonly known as dreamland...