Behind the Derp: The Untold Story of Derpy Hooves

by Trot Pilgrim

Rating: everyone
Tags: Derpy Hooves, Pinkie Pie, Twilight Sparkle, Princess Celestia, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Sad
Length: 2940

The story of how Derpy became the mare she is today.

Published 2012-01-12 08:36:46 UTC
Last updated 2012-01-12 08:36:46 UTC

Chapter 1

Ditzy Doo ran through the halls of Canterlot. She didn't want to be late for her lesson with the Princess. Ever since she had been chosen to be Princess Celestia's pupil, her whole life seemed to be going better. Ponies made fun of her a lot less, although they still did when she lived up to her name. As she rounded a corner, she ran right into an Equestrian Guard carrying a plant in a vase. She watched as the plant fell, shattering the vase on the ground. She knew that vase had cost at least 50,000 bits. She apologized and quickly ran into the princess' chambers, the guard grumbling behind her.

Ditzy galloped into the room just as the princess was standing to begin her lesson. The grey pony trotted over and stood beside her classmate, Twilight Sparkle. The purple pony was a few years younger than Ditzy, and watched every move Celestia made intently. Ditzy smiled as she watched Twilight stare at the princess in awe.

"DITZY! Are you paying attention?" Celestia suddenly barked. "I know that magic lessons seem to have no impact for you, but if you are to follow your dream job of becoming my assistant, you need to know these things." The royal pony turned back to the chalkboard. Her horn glowed and the chalk lifted into the air, writing more complicated diagrams on the board. Ditzy watched the pictures for a few minutes before letting her eyes wander again. She already knew she would become the princess' aide.

She had first met the princess when she was a little filly, working in her parent's library. She was helping put the books back (she had learned to read at a very young age). Just as she put the last book, The A-Z of Equestrian Beasts, a glorious white pony walked in. Ditzy flew down quickly to greet the pony, crashing into the pile of books she had put aside for herself. She picked herself up and looked up at the royal pony gazing down at her. Ditzy immediately bowed, narrowly missing the counter with her head.

The princess smiled and chuckled lightly. "Rise, Ditzy Doo. I've come with an offer."

As Ditzy raised her head, she saw her parents walk in from the back room. They were smiling widely at Ditzy. She looked back at the princess.

"Um, if you don't mind me asking, Princess, what sort of offer?" She asked the large pony.

"I have heard nothing but good words of you, Ditzy. It seems you have a good work ethic, you're bright, and you're diligent. I have come to offer you a place as my personal aide."

Ditzy's eyes lit up. A place by the princess' side? Helping her with everything?

"B-but, Your Majesty… You have the Equestrian Guard." Ditzy said sullenly.

The princess leaned down close to the little filly. "To be honest, they aren't very bright… Sure they have brute force, but I need someone with intelligence to help me. So, are you interested?"

The little pony nodded happily. "It would be an honor! But… Why a tiny filly like me?"

The princess stood back up. "If you are to learn everything you must, we must start young."

Ditzy smiled and looked at her parents. They pulled out a case with all of her belongings. Her father started cleaning up the books she had knocked over. "I'll take care of this. You go on and start your training."

Ditzy looked at her mother. Her mother smiled, tears starting to well up in her eyes. "We contacted Princess Celestia, hoping she might take an interest in you… Oh, we will miss you so much."

Ditzy flew quickly into her mother's arms. "I'll come back whenever I can…"

Her mother nodded and groomed the small pegasus' mane back into place. "I know. Do make sure to write us when you can, dearie."

Ditzy nodded and floated over to her father and kissed his cheek before flying over to Celestia's side. The princess smiled kindly down at the filly. "Ready to go?"

Ditzy nodded and watched as her new mentor's horn glowed and her case floated out the door. Celestia laughed quietly under her breath. "You better get used to that, young one. Magic will be one of the topics I will ask for your help with. Come, let's go to the carriage to talk about things. I'm sure you have many questions for me."

Ditzy flew alongside Celestia and smiled.

Chapter 3

The princess depended entirely upon Ditzy. She had her draw all the circles for her incantations, check the charts to watch the placement of the night sky, even get food for the princess! Ditzy had the best job! Every day, she helped the princess time when to raise the sun, and when to make it sink past the horizon. She helped Her Majesty greet the ponies with their problems, and help her decide what to do. One pony she always enjoyed seeing was a little filly named Pinkie Pie. The little pink pony always had a huge smile on her face and would always bring a basket of muffins to share with Ditzy. The princess would always smile when Pinkie walked in. She'd turn to Ditzy and nod, letting her know she was free to take a break to enjoy some time with her happy friend.

"I know you get lonely, Ditzy." The princess murmured when the gray pony got up the courage to ask why she was allowed to take a break.

"Oh, never, princess! I'm never lonely when I'm around you!" Ditzy said instantly.

The princess laughed. "Yes, but you don't have any other fillies YOUR age. Twilight is always busy with her studies, and I certainly cannot be a suitable friend. Go, enjoy your time with Pinkamena."

The pony nodded, smiled, and galloped off to spend time with her only friend and catch up on life outside the castle walls.

"Ya shee…" Pinkie mumbled around a muffin she had just tossed into her mouth, chewing noisily. "They're called PARTIESH. Ya have fun, dance, eat muffinsh, cupcakesh, whatever. Ya just HAVE FUN, and fun is my middle name!" She swallowed the muffin, then rubbed her chin. "Well, actually it's Diane, but ya know what I mean!" She giggled and started dancing around the room.

Ditzy giggled as she nibbled on her muffin, watching her friend cartwheel around the room.

Every week, at the same time, on the same day, Pinkie would show up for their visit.

Once a week, Ditzy would help the princess with the cleaning of Canterlot. She'd dust all the stairs, wash the walls, and fly up to the towers to clean the spires to make sure they gleamed. She quite enjoyed this time, as it gave her time to just think. She'd whistle the newest song Pinkie had taught her and clean the castle. It was enjoyable work, and she liked that she was helping the princess with her duties.

One week, Ditzy was cleaning the walls when she saw Twilight trot past. She smiled and waved, but Twilight seemed deep in thought, a book levitating in front of her face. Ditzy shrugged and went back to cleaning the walls.

Once she was done, she cleaned her rag and floated up to the spires to wash them. She started humming her new Pinkie song, which Pinkie had given the working title of "Crack Up with the Creepy" as she worked.

Suddenly, a purple glow enveloped her and her wings snapped to her sides. As Ditzy began to fall, she tried and tried to spread her wings, but the purple glow kept them from budging. Down and down she fell, and as she plummeted towards the ground, she began screaming. Everything seemed upside down to her, and she saw a balcony fast approaching. She saw a white blur out of the corner of her eye, and then everything went black.

Chapter 4

When Pinkie got close to Canterlot, her tail started twitching. She had no idea what this could mean. Her tail never twitched. She looked up at Canterlot and saw something falling from the sky onto a balcony. As soon as the object hit the balcony, her tail stopped twitching. She didn't know what had just happened, but she knew it wasn't good. She started galloping towards the castle as fast as she could.

When Ditzy started dropping, Twilight looked up. She noticed the purple glow around her and looked at her horn. It was glowing as well. She quickly tried to stem the magic, but it just wouldn't stop flowing. She still didn't have much control over her powers. She struggled and strained, trying to cut the flow for just a second, just enough for Ditzy to break free. She looked up and saw Ditzy hit the balcony hard and heard a loud crack. She looked up and saw Princess Celestia fly across the sky towards the balcony swiftly. This wasn't going to end well. She ran inside the castle to hide.

Princess Celestia was enjoying her quick nap when she heard a scream from outside. She immediately flew outside and saw Ditzy falling quickly. She dived straight at her, her horn glowing. At the last moment before Ditzy hit the balcony, she was covered with a white light, and then she hit the floor and lay still. The royal pony glided down and landed beside her fallen assistant. She knelt and gently lifted her into the air, levitating her into her room and onto her bed. Just as she walked to the side of Ditzy's bed, a pink blur flew through the door and stopped next to the bed. Pinkie looked down at her fallen friend, her only friend, laying there so peacefully quiet, and her hair fell around her face.

"She… She'll be alright, won't she?" Pinkie asked the princess, tears forming in her eyes.

The princess bowed her head, a single tear falling from her eye. "I don't know, Pinkamena. I'll try my hardest. You should go home."

"No."

The princess raised her head and looked at the little pink pony. "Wh-what?"

"No! I'm not going home until she's all better!" The little filly glared at the princess, tears overflowing her eyes. "I'm not leaving!"

The princess smiled warmly at the determined look on the tiny Pinkie's face. "Very well, then. But you must stay out of the way while I try to help her."

Pinkie nodded and took a step back, sitting next to her basket as the regal pony stepped up to the filly on the bed. She slowly bent her horn down and touched its glowing tip to Ditzy's forehead. Ditzy's body started glowing a bright white, so bright Pinkie had to shield her eyes. When she looked back, Ditzy looked exactly the same. She looked up at the princess. The royal pony smiled down at her.

"All we can do is wait…"

Pinkie nodded, then grabbed her basket and trotted over to the edge of the bed and sat down, watching Ditzy's face intently. Princess Celestia chuckled and left the room to send word to the Pie family that Pinkie was alright.

Pinkie sat, staring at Ditzy's face. After several hours, Pinkie jumped as Ditzy murmured something. Pinkie leaned in extremely close and started whispering back and giggling when Ditzy mumbled something in her sleep.

Suddenly, Ditzy opened her eyes and looked at Pinkie. Her eyes were pointing in opposite directions, one pointing straight up, and the other straight down. Pinkie giggled and grabbed a muffin, handing it to Ditzy, who took it shakily. She tried to stare at the baked good, and narrowed her eyes. Suddenly, her face lit up as she grinned.

"MUFFIN!" She exclaimed excitedly as she took a big bite.

Pinkie smiled and took a huge bite out of a muffin, her hair springing back up. "Muffin!" she yelled back.

The princess poked her head in and sighed in relief as she walked in. "Ditzy… You're a-"

"-MUFFIN!" Ditzy yelled, taking another big bite.

The princess stared at her aide's eyes as she took a bite of her muffin. "Oh… Poor Ditzy… What has happened to you?" She sighed and pet the poor pegasus' head gently. "Well, you cannot be my aide anymore… But I shall find you a suitable, easy job elsewhere."

Pinkie suddenly jumped up. "Ponyville! PONYVILLE! Send her to Ponyville!"

Princess Celestia chuckled and nodded. "Very well. I shall set you up with a job in Ponyville as…"

"Muffins?"

"No, sweet Ditzy. A mailmare. That should be easy enough, yes? I'm sure Pinkie would be more than delighted to help train you and show you around."

"Are you kidding? I'd be tickled pink! Oh wait! I already am! Hahahahaha!" Pinkie giggled.

The princess rolled her eyes, grinning. "Yes, Pinkamena. Now take your friend to Ponyville. I shall send a Royal Guardian down soon to check on you two."

She watched the two fillies run down the path, then turned to the castle. She had a filly to discipline.

Twilight shook as she thought of how Princess Celestia would punish her. Maybe she would take away her magic, or her whole horn! Maybe she'd banish her. She had killed the princess' aide! That was punishable by death, or worse, she could lose her mentor! She might get sent back home, never to learn magic again!

Suddenly, the door to the closet Twilight was in flew open, and there stood the princess, looking down at her. "Twilight Sparkle! Why are you hiding?"

Twilight cringed and cowered. "I-I'm s-sorry, Princess… I was just… I was afraid of what happened and didn't want you getting mad at me… I-it was an accident... I was trying to...to make my book... fly..." The purple filly started tearing up. "I didn't mean to... to..." She whimpered quietly.

The princess smiled suddenly, kindly. "My dearest Twilight, I mean you no harm… I understand."

And with that she bowed her head down, touching her horn to Twilight's. The purple pony's eyes glowed, then dimmed as she passed out. Celestia levitated the tiny filly into the air and carried her to her room. As she laid her down, she smiled. "There. You'll forget everything about Ditzy. It will be as if she never existed to you. I don't need you having any psychological issues…" She smiled and sighed, walking out of the room, starting to think of any evidence of Ditzy she must hide.

Chapter 5

Ditzy didn't have the warmest of welcomes to Ponyville. Most ponies gave her a wide berth as soon as they saw her eyes. Only a few of the older ponies dared walk near her, and they just heard her mumbling about muffins under her breath.

A few of the little ponies teased her and yelled at her, asking her name. She smiled at them and yelled, "DURP! You have muffins?"

They all laughed and sneered. "Hi, Derpy! Derpy Hooves!" They all started making faces until Pinkie threw a muffin at them. They ran off and Ditzy swooped down and grabbed the muffin, munching on it. She smiled at Pinkie. "You're my best friend!" She said, hugging Pinkie tightly.

Pinkie smiled sadly. "I know, Ditzy… I know…"

Chapter 2

Ditzy applied herself to everything she did for the Princess. She excelled at every subject she studied. She was especially careful, only having created a debt of 75,000 bits, which was exceptionally low for her. She looked forward to the day that the princess would finally let her take her spot next to the throne.

Then one day, a few weeks after the Summer Sun Celebration, the princess came back to the palace with a little purple filly. She was in awe at the size of the building, mouth agape. Ditzy remembered how she had acted the same way. The princess led the filly over to Ditzy and stopped.

"Twilight Sparkle, I want you to meet my aide-in-training. She has almost finished her studies, and then she shall be by my side. Ditzy Doo, this is Twilight Sparkle, my newest magic student."

Twilight Sparkle bowed to Ditzy, who returned the gesture. They smiled at each other before turning to the princess.

The princess smiled. "Well, why wait? Let's begin the lessons right now!" She led the ponies into her chambers and levitated a chalkboard to the center of the room and began teaching the two ponies the skills they would need later in life.

Ditzy and Twilight studied hard for months. Ditzy frequently had to stop what she was doing to help Twilight understand a concept, but she didn't mind. That was to be her job soon, helping a pony deal with problems. In fact, she almost enjoyed it, helping Twilight comprehend a difficult concept. It made her feel proud when Twilight managed to make her trick work, almost like the pride a teacher feels for her student. Even when a frog would hit her in the face, or she had to sweep up broken glass, she never lost her smile. She knew she was already helping the princess, and soon it would be official.

Then, four months after the Summer Sun Celebration, the princess pulled her aside after lessons.

"Ditzy, it is time. You've learned everything you must to become my aide. Are you ready?"

Ditzy nodded energetically. "Yes, Your Majesty! I'm ready!"

The princess led her to her throne and sat down. Ditzy stood at her side. She had made it. Her dream had come true. Everything was going to be good from now on.