The Worst Holiday of the Year
Ah, Hearth's Warming Eve, the celebration of friendship, and compassion. The time of year where we emphasize it, if it isn't already exaggerated enough. But, what about for the ponies who haven't had family? Who don't exactly have friends, or even people who know they exist? Ponies like me? Do I count? I guess not. I guess I can't complain though. It's not like I'm forced to go to the celebrations or anything. I'm pretty sure my anger towards this holiday grows every year. In fact, I become the most depressed at this time. For I'm reminded about how family, and friends are always there for you, even though I have none. I wish I could just stay in my house all day, and do nothing, but I'm still in school, and I have to graduate. I hate it a lot. Being a 15 year old stallion with nothing really sucks.
I walk home from school, with my cloak always on my head. I try to look down the whole time. But It's hard to tell where I'm going if I do that.
As I walk through town square, looking forward to the direction of my house, I always feel pain as I trot down the path. In my direct vision, I pass by happy ponies. One couple was outside on a date, and they were smiling, and happy. It was another needle put into my destroyed heart. I frowned, but tried to shake it off. Another two ponies were talking to each other. I heard them talk as they came into earshot. "Wow! How have you been? I haven't seen you in forever!" And they hugged each other. Another small piercing into my sadness. Why is this town so freakin' happy? Another group of ponies I saw, hurt the most. A mother, a father, and two little colts. They were singing together. I began to tear up. I growled to myself, and ran as fast as I could. The cold wind in my face dried my tears, and hurt my already irritated eyes. My lip quivered, and I tried to shake off the depression, but it never works.
I slowed down as I arrived to my house. I saw an eviction warning. Great! I might be homeless soon. I haven't paid rent in 3 months. I wish I could, but I got fired, and haven't been able to get my job at that bakery back, or get a different job even. I was let go because I drove business away with my apparent negativity. I hate being reminded of it, but how can I even be positive? It's hard to look at the glass half full, when it only has about 20 drops of water in it. I mean, the manager is too happy anyway. She was quite the character, and she was funny, but still, I guess I wasn't cut out to be a friend, or be a good employee even.
I was now opening my door, and taking off my cloak as the door began to creek. I noticed the large red paint-splattered words on the wall that I wrote. "Hate" and "Sadness" and "Life sucks" and all of this other stuff. Many other ponies would think I'm insane, or crazy. I wouldn't actually doubt that. I probably am a little messed up. I threw my books and saddlebag down and plopped myself on the nearest couch, and forced myself to sleep. I sighed before closing my eyes. I hope I didn't have to have that dream again.
........
At least I didn't dream at all. I heard my alarm clock ring, and I groaned as I opened my heavy eyes. I grabbed my saddlebags, and books, and just went to school after combing my mane. I closed the door, and trotted off. It was the morning, so not too many happy go-lucky ponies were visible at this hour.
I got to school, and just felt completely apathetic today. In fact, I got into all my classes, sat in the back like i always do, and slept. I managed to wake up in the middle of the lesson. Occasionally hearing "Your test will be on..." and then clsoing my eyes again, quickly drifting into unconsciousness.
Unfortunately, in this state, I began to dream. It was THE dream. The dream I always dreaded. I memorized every single detail. A kind stallion, and a kind mare who looked familiar, and a young colt about my age, who was red, instead of blue.
"We love you Cobalt." Said the mare.
"Don't ever forget that, okay?" Said the stallion.
"I love you brother...Okay?" Said the young colt. They all smiled as they faded into the winter darkness. It always ended the same way.
"WAIT!!" I would try to catch up to them, but they faded into thin air, but still sustained the same smile. I would run, and jump, and try to grab them, but they would always fade away, and I would never catch them. I then always woke up. I felt my face on my desk in between my arms. My arms happened to be moist. I felt myself sniffle...Was I crying? I lifted my head, and looked up to the class, who was silent. They were staring in my direction. Many looked confused. Others, including the teacher, who was right next to me looked sympathetic. I stared back at them, not knowing what to say.
"What are you all looking at?..." I said, starting to cry again. They were silent.
"What's the matter Cobalt?" Said the teacher, who put her hoof to my shoulder. I looked quickly in all directions. I quickly got out of my desk, and ran out. Leaving my school books, and saddlebag in the classroom.
After running for awhile, I ended up out of the school yard, and back into Ponyville. I still felt tears, so I quickly wiped them off of my face, and tried to act as if I was okay. I took a seat at a nearby bench to relax, and just think, and reassess myself. I took a deep breath, and just put my head down again, not daring to dream. Shortly after my sigh had finished, a pony seemed to just appear next to me.
"oh, hey! What are you doing here?" said a pink mare almost too happily. I didn't respond. It was the manager of the old bakery I worked at. It was Pinkie Pie.
"Nothing...Uh..I was just leaving." I responded nervously. I trotted off.
"Hey! Wait!" She said. "I need to talk to you about something!" She called out as I ran.
"Don't worry about it!" I responded, turning around to make sure my voice projected in the proper direction.
.........
I come up to my house. No.... No...no no no!! NO!! There was a large lock on the door. And a note.
"Dear Cobalt,
If you can't pay rent, then I'm sorry, you can't live here. We also have to pay for the vandalism to the walls so that we can try to lease this house again."
That was it. Short and sweet. I broke to my knees. It took a minute for the tears to begin. I ran off, trying to find a distant location. I ran in a random direction. Unfortunately, that direction was back in town. I found a random corner to sulk in.I at least had my cloak, so that no one would have to see my face.
"Can I tell you what I need to tell you now?" Said Pinkie, appearing out of nowhere.
"How do you even do that?" I responded, startled.
"Easy, I just had to find you, and come towards you." She said.
"How did you even find me?" I said. I then looked up to see the sign, "Sugarcube corner" above me. What kind of subconscious force made me just so happen to end up at Sugarcube corner again? "Okay, go ahead, what is it?" I said, giving up on trying to resist.
"Well, there's a hearth's warming Eve celebration in Ponyville this year, and I think you should come with me and my friends." She said, still happy.
"I'm sorry, Pinkie, but I can't." I responded.
"Aw, why?" She said, disappointed.
"Because I don't belong at those celebrations of friendship, and family, and kindness, and such." I continued.
"Aw, come on Cobalt. It could be nice. You can make some friends if you want to." She suggested.
"Pinkie, I'm incapable of making friends. I'm just too negative. I can't be positive." I responded
"What do you have to lose?" She asked. I had already lost my house, so I guess she's somewhat right. If I get tired, I can always leave.
I sighed heavily in grief. "Fine...I'll go" I responded.
"YAY! Cool! Come tomorrow okay?" She said, sprinting off. That's right, it's tomorrow. Oh well. The real question is, where do I sleep tonight?
.......
After exploring Ponyville, I found a bench that was suitable for sleeping. I drifted to sleep. Unfortunately, I had that dream again. The dream of my family. Jeez, I cry every time I see it. It's so vivid, and crisp, yet short, and not logical. I shook it off after a few minutes, and continued on my day of no school, and just wondering Ponyville relentlessly. I saw happy ponies, and tried to stay away from largely populated areas, and shops. Time flew by fast, and It was eventually time for the celebration. I was going to ditch, and go somewhere else, but Pinkie unfortunately saw me.
"Oh! Cobalt! Over here!" She said. All of her friends were with her too. I trotted over.
"Howdy!" One of them said. I replied as casually as possible.
"Hi there." I said back, not making eye contact.
"Hi" One of them said in a very soft voice. I responded another "Hi."
They introduced themselves one by one. I felt nervous. They seemed happier than me, and I didn't want to be the ONE pony who was not happy on this day. I stayed distant, and dragged behind.
The night became more crowded. And the happiness festered much faster. I still wasn't feeling it, and probably never will. One of the pony groups began to sing some sort of song. I've heard it before, but never cared to memorize it. "Hearth's warming family" or something like that. The lyrics made me depressed.
"your family always cares
Your friends are always there
Your heart will glow with warmth
When kindness fills your soul
Your troubles end right here
on hearth's warming eve
A tear we will not see"
The words were painful, and ironic to me. I plugged my ears with my hooves. A lot of other ponies in every direction joined along, and continued the other parts I never cared about. I couldn't NOT hear it. I gritted my teeth and tried to think of something else. Pinkie saw me when she turned around, after noticing I wasn't in the same spot.
"Cobalt...are you okay?" She came towards me. I ran instantly. I ran, and cried along the way. Ponies stare as I run. I eventually just stop, and plop into the snow.
"Cobalt..." She caught up with me. "What's wrong with you?" She said sounding compassionate.
"I hate Hearth's warming eve" I said softy.
"Why?" She asked.
"Pinkie...The reason I hate this holiday so damn much, is because my family died on hearth's warming eve. My mother, father, and my younger brother. They went to this festival. I was sick that night, and before they left, they made sure to tell me that they loved me. I dream about those exact same phrases they said all the damn time. Once they say them, they start to fade away, and I try to catch them... and nothing...and then I wake up to the cold reality that they're dead." I began to sob.
Pinkie frowned a little. She then began to hug me. "Hearth's warming eve is about caring. So I'm here to show you that I care." She said.
"Me too." Said one of Pinkie's friends, who happened to join in the hug.
"Me three." Said the one with the very soft voice. All 6 of them just began to embrace me. I haven't felt compassion in...years. I began to hug back as best as I could. I then did something I haven't done in what seemed like forever...I smiled...I opened up, and I found...that someone did care about me. I still have many walls to break, but I guess this is a good start.
.....
That night, I began to live with Twilight. One of Pinkie's friends. I didn't talk too much, but I was very appreciative she would open her residence for me. I still ruminate every so often to myself, and remember too well of the details of my very recent past. It's getting easier.
Mom, Dad, My dear Brother Ruby, I love all of you too.... Okay?
