“Oh crap, oh crap, I’m gonna be late!”
A teenaged orange unicorn frantically ran about his room in panic. It was nearly 6 o’ clock and, due to poor time management; he was wasting time because of last minute preparations. Heartache had a date with the mayor’s daughter and he was going to be late.
“Where did I put those arm warmers?”
Books and articles of clothing were flung across the room as Heartache searched for his favorite accessories. Glancing across the room, he spotted his pet snake, Fangloom, curled up in a pile of dirty laundry. Beneath its black and white striped coils, Fangloom camouflaged a pair of arm warmers, matched to its own scales in pattern.
“There they are! Sorry, Fang, but I need those.”
Fangloom jolted awake and gave an inquisitive flick of its tongue as Heartache gently pulled the arm warmers, with his telekinesis magic, from underneath the little kingsnake. Disturbed from its nap, the snake slithered further into the recesses of the laundry pile, where it could continue sleeping in peace. Heartache quickly slipped on his favorite arm warmers, straightened his messy black mane, and made way for the door.
It was 10 past the hour when Heartache reached the town square. A beige earth pony with a black mane, striped with tacky neon highlights, was waiting impatiently on a bench in front of the town hall. She looked utterly miserable at first glance, but with all the eye make-up she had on and her cutie-mark of a crying eye to match, this appeared to be her usual demeanor. It was no wonder her name was Misery Tears.
“You’re late,” she uttered, one lavender eye glaring disdainfully at Heartache through her long straight mane. The other side of her face was completely obscured by hair. She eyed the large clock face that adorned the town hall.
“Sorry,” Heartache huffed, learning on the bench to catch his breath. “I misplaced something, so it took me a bit longer to get here.”
“Whatever.” Misery Tears gave an exasperated sigh and rolled her eyes.
Heartache coughed nervously and continued. “So, um, do you want to go to The Feedbag, or do something else first?”
“Yeah, about that…” Misery Tears looked Heartache in the eye, her expression completely deadpan. “Heartache, I’m breaking up with you.”
“W-wha?”
He could hardly believe the words coming from his girlfriend. Heartache suddenly felt light-headed as his mouth began to go dry. His knees went weak as a hundred dreadful thoughts suddenly rushed to his head.
“Yeah, I’m sorry to say,” she began, but her face abruptly turned sour as she quickly thought it over. “Actually, I’m not sorry—you’re pathetic and make a terrible boyfriend. Goodbye, Heartache.”
It was like being hit by a ton of bricks and stabbed in the back at the same time. “I…” Heartache dropped to his knees, watching his ex-girlfriend walk towards the town hall’s front doors. She muttered something as she left, but all he could hear was a muffled tinny voice; his head felt as if it was about to explode.
“Not again,” he rasped.
Heartache sat on the bank of the Bale River and stared into the rushing waters. The river bent through the middle of Hayshire, splitting half of the small town from the forest, where it emptied into Coronet Bay not far to the west. It was a relatively tame river, gently draining into the ocean, and was easy enough to swim up with little effort. It was even easier for a hippocamp to swim right up from the bay.
Ponies with the back ends of dolphins or sharks were known as hippocamps. They were an uncommon sight in Equestria, mainly because they lived in the sea and had little reason to visit the shore. Some swam up rivers from the ocean, but few rarely left far from their homes at the bottom of the sea. But at the bottom of Coronet Bay was a home to many seaponies and hippocamps, called Corral Reef. Because Hayshire was so close to the sea, the hippocamps and seaponies did not mind visiting the river, and made friends with the land ponies.
A purple hippocamp with a fuchsia mane was leaning against the earthen levee, looking up with concern at her land pony friend. A pink scallop seashell cutiemark adorned her flank, given by her name Sushi Seashells.
“What’s wrong, Heartache?”
Heartache took in a deep breath and let out a ragged sigh. “…I can’t believe it keeps happening,” he mumbled.
It wasn’t difficult for Sushi to guess what he meant. “You got dumped, didn’t you.”
Heartache let out another big sigh and nodded slowly. It wasn’t too surprising, really, as it seemed he was fated to stay forever alone. The day he got his cutiemark—a fractured heart with one side black and the other red—he knew he was going to have difficulty with romantic relationships. Not many ponies got cutiemarks for being BAD at something. He often wondered how being lovesick or heartbroken could be useful in any application.
“What am I doing wrong? Why do they all leave me?” Heartache rolled over in the grass and stared up at the sky. The sun was setting, melting the sky into an orange glow.
“Maybe you just need to give relationships a rest for a bit,” offered Sushi. “Sometimes trying too hard can be counterproductive. I know I’ve never actually been in a relationship myself, but it seems pretty taxing. You just need to put your mind on something else for a while.”
“Yeah, maybe you’re right… I still feel really awful about it though.”
“Well, no offense, but she’s kind of mean! I don’t think I’ve ever seen Misery Tears smile even once. It’s not good to be around ponies like that, they just drag you down.”
“Yeah but…”
Sushi propped herself up closer to the ledge, splashing Heartache a little. “It’s not your fault, Heartache! Honestly, you’re better off without her. I don’t want to see you alone, but sometimes you can be just as miserable with a person you aren’t happy with. Just give it some time and try to focus on some other things, okay?”
Heartache sighed. “Okay, I’ll try…”
The two pony friends watched the sky as the sun set below the sea’s horizon. Dusk crept up, enwrapping the landscape in a lonely melancholy. The absence of the sun’s warm embrace only added to Heartache’s gloomy mood.
“Well, I think I’ll just go to the Triple P. Drink away my sorrows,” said Heartache, slowly getting up.
Sushi Seashells’s usual happy smile went lopsided. “Aww, don’t do that. It’s not good for you.”
Heartache shook his head. “Don’t care. I just want to be numb.” He began to walk up along the riverside. Sushi followed, swimming alongside him.
“I really wish I could do something. Being confined to the water kind of makes it difficult though, I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay… Maybe I’ll see some other ponies I know there. Somepony to talk to.”
Sushi bobbed her head in acknowledgement. “Okay, but just don’t overdo it with the drinking.”
“Mm, no promises.”
The Prancing Pony Pub, also known as the Triple P, was Hayshire’s place to get oneself hammered. Heartache didn’t visit it often, but it seemed like the easiest way to deal with his strong emotions.
The tavern was beginning to fill up with ponies from the daytime shift. It wasn’t a huge tavern, but it had enough seats for a few dozen ponies on a busy night. Several ponies sat scattered about, enjoying their drinks and chatting with friends. Past the bar section was a wooden dance floor, where two ponies danced to the music of a jukebox. Not only was the Prancing Pony Pub the best place to drink in town, it was also the best place to dance.
Possibly the most notable feature about the pub was the front half of a wooden horse extending from ceiling, hanging a lantern from its mouth. Directly behind it was the bar. Heartache shuffled towards it.
“What’ll you have?” said the bartender, as Heartache approached. The dark gray pony was wiping down the bar with a small rag.
“Just give me something strong, Whiskeyjack. I don’t really care what.”
“Whiskey it is, then!”
Whiskeyjack poured some whiskey into a glass and added a little yellow umbrella before he handed it to Heartache. “Why the long face? Girlfriend problems again, I take it?”
Heartache nodded solemnly and stared into his glass for a moment before he gulped down the liquor. “Aaaaugh, I hate my life,” he wheezed.
“Sorry to hear that, Heartache,” said Whiskeyjack, refilling the glass. “Here, this one’s on the house.”
“Thanks…”
Heartache was about to take a swig of his second drink when another pony sat down right beside him.
“Wellll, if it ain’t Heartache, cryin’ his li’l heart out,” said the stallion, resting a hoof on Heartache’s shoulder. His black mane was fashioned into a pompadour, and his baby blue eyes nearly matched his azure coat.
“I’m trying to wallow in my self-pity, do you mind,” Heartache mumbled, glaring at his drink.
Whiskeyjack shot the blue pony a stern look. “Don’t be bothering the patrons now, Smooth Moves.”
Smooth Moves lifted his hooves in defense. “Hey, I didn’t mean nothin’. Just sayin’ hello to Heartache here. He looks like he could use a li’l cheerin’ up, ya know?”
“I’m not in the mood for cheering up,” sighed Heartache. “I just want to get tanked.”
“Nothin’ wrong with gettin’ wasted and havin’ some fun at the same time!” Smooth Moves wrapped an arm around the petite unicorn. “Besides, you ain’t gonna last long, bein’ such a lightweight!”
Heartache groaned.
“Will you just leave him alone?” Another pony—a red pegasus wearing aerial goggles—sat down on the other side of Heartache. “Can’t you see he’s obviously heartbroken?”
Smooth Moves snorted and rolled his eyes, turning his attention to the barkeep. “Whateva. Yo, how ‘bouta dry martini over here.”
“Sorry, we’re all out of gin.”
“Are you buckin’ serious? Ugh, fine, make it a Manehatten den.”
“Anyway…” began the pegasus, trying his best to ignore Smooth Moves, “I’m sorry about what happened. I’m Bravewing, by the way.”
Heartache wiped away a tear. “I’m Heartache… but how did you know what happened?”
“I don’t. But I could feel those heartbroken vibes of yours from across the room. Obviously something bad happened and I don’t think you’re crying because of how strong the booze is.”
Heartache gave the pegasus a skeptical look for a moment, then back at his drink. The whiskey was already starting to cloud his mind and he didn’t care to figure out Bravewing.
“Oh, sorry,” Bravewing chuckled. “I tend to pick up emotions like a radar. It’s just how I am. And you’ve got some pretty strong emotions, my friend.”
The orange unicorn blushed. It was true; he was a very emotional pony. It was because of his emotions that caused him to fall so easily in love and cause his terrible heartaches. It probably wasn’t difficult for anypony to read him like a book.
“Ooh, what’s that you’re drinking?” A mare who approached the bar was now chatting it up with Smooth Moves. It was a little hard to ignore them at this point.
“It’s a Manehattan,” said Smooth Moves, giving the mare a seductive look.
“Isn’t that where you’re from?”
“Sure is, sweetheart. How ‘bout I show YOU a li’l Manehattan.” The stallion waggled his eyebrows suggestively, making the mare giggle with delight.
Bravewing groaned with disgust. “Ugh, seriously…”
Smooth Moves’s ears perked up at the jukebox’s song change. “Aww yeah, Elvis Horsely! I gotta dance to dis!” He downed the rest of his cocktail and took off with the mare to join the dance floor.
“Sheesh, it’s about time,” said Bravewing. “What an insensitive jerk.”
Heartache sighed wistfully. Seeing that Heartache’s mood hadn’t changed any, Bravewing put a wing around the unicorn to comfort him.
“Hey, if you need somepony to talk to, I’m here for you. Let’s be friends, okay?”
Heartache nodded. “Thanks… I just… I just don’t know what to do with myself.” He looked sheepishly at Bravewing. “Can… can I have a hug?”
Bravewing smiled warmly. “Of course. What are friends for?” He held out his arms to embrace his new companion. Heartache then suddenly threw his arms around Bravewing and began to bawl.
“I’M SO PATHETIC,” Heartache wailed, catching the attention of nearly every pony at the bar. Bravewing was a little taken aback at his friend’s sudden outburst and gingerly patted the pony on the back with a hoof.
“There, there… Umm, maybe we should get a table. I can bring you drinks.”
With a big sniffle, Heartache nodded and followed Bravewing to a more comfortable place to sit. There were ponies still staring at him but he didn’t care. From the outburst he let out and the buzz of the whiskey, he was already starting to feel a little better.
“What would you like to drink?”
Pondering for a moment, Heartache decided, “I guess I’ll have a strawberry daiquiri.”
“Alrighty. Wait here and I’ll get one for you.”
Bravewing trotted back to the bar. He was only gone for a minute before Smooth Moves was back from impressing ponies on the dance floor. The mare with Smooth Moves gave him a kiss on the nose and trotted away, giggling. He then took a seat at the table across from Heartache.
Heartache looked at Smooth Moves expectedly. “Well? Aren’t you gonna say something facetious? Make fun of me?”
“Nah. I got nothin’,” said Smooth Moves, nonchalantly chewing on a toothpick.
A moment later, Bravewing returned with Heartache’s drink and a beer for himself. He gave Smooth Moves a sly look.
“Finally behaving yourself?”
“If you call gettin’ a li’l action with the dames behavin’, den sure,” said Smooth Moves, wagging his eyebrows.
“Careful with those eyebrows, they might break a hole through the roof.”
Heartache couldn't help but crack a smile.
“I see you’re already starting to feel a little better.” Bravewing winked and handed the strawberry daiquiri to Heartache.
A couple hours, several drinks, and a stomach evacuation later, the three ponies were drunk and friendlier than ever.
Heartache lost his liquor once during his drinking binge, discovering that alcoholic drinks do not mix.
“Yous gotta shtick to one drink, man, else yer ssshtomach’s gonna… *hic* end da pahty early.”
A mare walking by caught Smooth Moves’s attention. He attempted to hit on her but instead was greeted with a buck to the face.
“Owww… can’t win ‘em all I guessh…” said Smooth Moves from the floor. He stumbled to his feet and sat back down at the table.
Heartache and Bravewing laughed, leaning on each other in their drunken stupor to keep their balance. In a long while, this was the first time Heartache was really enjoying himself, and with other ponies no less. He was having so much fun he didn’t even seem to notice that Bravewing was making goo-goo eyes at him.
