The Pony Who Wanted a Date
I have no idea how something so disastrous could have happened.
Here it was, Hearts and Hooves Day, only the most romantic day in the Equestrian calendar, and I, one of the most attractive, most sophisticated, most eligible mares in all of Ponyville was... dateless.
Unattached.
Single.
Oh Celestia, I wish I'd brought my fainting couch.
I had spent the day alone last year as well, but that was by choice. I'd had my share of gentlecolt callers, you understand, but I'd had to turn them all down. Poor Blues was, I regret to say, aptly named in every sense of the word that day. I feel like I should explain, lest you think that my problem is that my standards are simply too high. Last year's Hearts and Hooves Day fell only a few months before my trip to the Grand Galloping Gala, where I had intended to win the heart of a prince, just like a fairy tale heroine – but let us say no more about that debacle. Anyway, that is why I had to say no to all those ponies. If I had begun a relationship that day, I would have done so knowing that it was doomed to be short-lived, smashed against the rocks of princely romance, and that is simply not how a lady behaves.
I will meet him, you know, one day. My knight in shining armor. He's going to sweep me off my hooves. One day.
Today, however, did not seem fated to be that day. That is why, instead of spending the morning preparing for a date, I was heading to Sugarcube Corner. Pinkie Pie had asked me the night before if I would be able to help her with something. She wouldn't say what it was about, only that I had to Pinkie Promise I wouldn't tell anypony about it.
It was still rather early when I arrived at Sugarcube Corner, early enough that most of the tables were still free. Perhaps fewer ponies were here than usual because most of the town was home getting ready for their special someponies. Pinkie Pie was standing behind the counter, talking excitedly – although, being Pinkie, this wasn’t so much remarkable as normal – with a pair of pegasi I recognized as members of Rainbow Dash’s weather team.
“Good luck, Pinkie,” said the blonde mare with the lavender coat. I can’t say I knew Cloud Kicker very well. Like most ponies in town, I was aware of her proclivity for – how shall I put this? Socializing? Yes, that should do. I couldn’t help but feel put out that Cloud Kicker had never expressed any interest in... socializing with me. Not that I’m saying I would have necessarily said yes, mind you. Still, one likes to be asked. I put a lot of time into looking my best, and it would be nice to know it was appreciated. Some ponies prefer to do more than just roll out of bed and go about their day – there are times I’m not sure Rainbow Dash even owns a manebrush.
“I hope everything works out,” agreed Cloud Kicker’s companion, a mare with a pink and green striped mane and a rather fetching white coat. Blossomforth was, I believe, Cloud Kicker’s paramour, at least as much as a pony as... social as Cloud Kicker could be said to have a paramour.
Cloud Kicker and Blossomforth passed by me on their way out, and we exchanged the sort of pleasantries one does with casual acquaintances. There were a couple of things worth taking note of. The first was Blossomforth herself. She had these little freckles by the corners of her eyes that were really quite cute. I may have only met her a few times, but I’m not sure why I never noticed before. The second was that I’m fairly certain I caught Cloud Kicker admiring my backside when she thought I wasn’t looking. I couldn’t help but smile at that. One does love to feel appreciated.
“Rarity!” Pinkie exclaimed, far too loudly for this time of day. She was by my side in a flash, talking breathlessly in that way only Pinkie Pie can. “Thank you so much for your help!”
I instinctively took a step back. I like Pinkie, but I also like my personal space. “Of course, dear.”
“Can I get you anything?" Pinkie had once again bolted back behind the counter, tossing baked goods out on it before her. "Cupcake? Muffin? Chimicherrychonga?”
Now there was an experience I didn’t need any reminder of. Let’s just say that Rainbow Dash is fortunate she’s saved my life more than once. “Just coffee will be fine.”
“Sure thing, Rarity! How would you like it? Half-caf? No-caf? Latte? Mocha? Mocha latte? Esp–”
“Black, please.” I had to interrupt before Pinkie rattled off every variety of coffee known to ponykind. I did not want to wait for Pinkie to make anything complicated. Not today. Today, I just wanted the caffeine in my system as quickly as possible. Most of the time, I prefer a cappuccino, which I first discovered in this lovely little café in Veneighzia I found when I attended a fashion show there. Such a lovely city, Veneighzia. You simply must go. So romantic. Unfortunately, all these thoughts served to do were to remind me about my current dilemma.
Pinkie passed me the mug. It was a tad more bitter than I like – a regrettable but necessary side-effect of choosing speed over flavor – but I drank it as rapidly as the heat and decorum would allow. “Thank you, Pinkie.”
“No, thank you, Rarity. I have something super-duper important I need to do today, and there isn’t anypony who can help me with it but you.” Pinkie hyperactively declaring something “super-duper important” wasn’t all that strange, but the seriousness in her expression told me this wasn’t like the time she couldn’t wish Caramel a happy birthday on his actual birthday because he was on vacation in Baltimare.
By this point I was, naturally, rather curious what kind of problem Pinkie had that nopony else could help her with. “You know I’m always willing to lend my friends a hoof. What’s the matter?”
Pinkie’s eyes narrowed as she looked back and forth around the room – overly dramatic, if I may say – before she placed a foreleg on my shoulders and whispered for me to follow her. She led me into the back room of Sugarcube Corner. Back there, on a counter, sat the largest cupcake I’ve ever seen. “There it is! I need your help to make sure it’s abso-posi-lutely perfect!”
Oh Celestia, please tell me I didn’t wake up early for nothing. Not on a day when I’d just as soon remained in bed all day long. In fact, if I didn’t have spa plans with Fluttershy, I would be sorely tempted to do just that once I was done here. “Pinkie, you do understand I’m a fashion designer, right? Not a baker? You’re the baker. I’m afraid I don’t really see how I can help you, especially since you already finished making it.”
Pinkie just giggled. “Of course I understand, you silly filly! But this cupcake isn’t just important, it’s super-ultra-mega important! Tasting perfect isn’t enough. It has to look perfect, too! And you’re so good at making ponies look their best, I though maybe you could also make a cupcake look its best. Can you look at it, please? Make sure it’s perfect?”
I was going to say yes regardless, but the big puppy dog eyes she was giving me would have convinced anypony. I approached the cupcake. It was, as I have said, an exceedingly large cupcake, sitting in a powder blue wrapper, and topped with rainbow bands of frosting. “So,” Pinkie asked, “what do you think?”
“The frosting stripes could use a little straightening. May I?”
Pinkie agreed, and passed me a butter knife. Slowly and carefully, with a precision born of years of delicate stitching, I straightened the lines between the colors in the frosting and cleaned up the excess around the edges. When I was finished, I stepped back and let Pinkie take a look at it.
“It’s perfect!” Pinkie’s hug was so sudden it nearly knocked me over. “It’s the most perfectly perfect cupcake I’ve ever seen! She’s going to love it.”
She? Well now, this was intriguing. “Pinkie, if you don’t mind my asking, what is this cupcake for?”
Pinkie leaned in close enough to violate my personal space again. “Can you keep a secret, Rarity?”
“Cross my heart and hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye.” It sounds silly, I know, but in our little group it means a lot. Perhaps it’s one of those things that you need to have been there to understand.
“It’s for Rainbow Dash. I’m going to ask her to be my special somepony!”
Pinkie Pie was in love? How wonderful! I think I may have squealed. “Really? Oh, I’m so happy for you both. And to think, I didn’t even know you were dating.”
I chided myself for not realizing it earlier. In retrospect, the signs were obvious. Not too long ago, right before Rainbow Dash had that accident that put her in the hospital, Pinkie and I were watching her practice her flying maneuvers. The way that Pinkie was talking about Rainbow, looking at her – it wasn't how one regards a pony they simply view as a friend.
In my defense, I have been mistaken about such things before. In my eagerness to see those dear to me happy, I have at times found signs of affection where there was really only friendship. For the first few weeks I knew Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash, I thought they were a couple, a notion I was only disabused of when I idly mentioned Fluttershy's fillyfriend in a conversation with her, a conversation which rapidly became rather awkward.
Twilight says it's because I read too many romance novels, and should spend my time with more substantive fare. They're just so much fun, though, and besides, I've read one of those "Daring Do" adventures she likes so much. It wasn't exactly Shakespur.
At any rate, between all that and Pinkie Pie being, well, Pinkie Pie, I had dismissed any thoughts of infatuation on her part. It seems I was incorrect to do so.
“Actually, we aren’t yet.” Pinkie shuffled her hoof on the floor. “That’s why it’s so super-important everything be perfect which means the cupcake has to be perfect which it is because of you! Thank you!”
To be honest, I felt a little silly accepting so much praise. It wasn’t very likely Rainbow Dash would make a romantic decision based on how neat cupcake icing looked. She probably wouldn’t even notice. Still, confidence was key when asking somepony out, and if it helped make Pinkie Pie more confident, I was happy to do my part. “You’re welcome. If you need any advice on how to ask Rainbow, I’d be happy to help.”
“Thanks, Rarity, but I don’t think Dashie likes all that mushy romantic stuff.”
She had a point about Rainbow Dash. I don’t think that mare has a romantic bone in her body. “That’s alright, Pinkie. If you change your mind, you know where to find me.”
“Your boutique?”
“No.”
“Sweet Apple Acres?”
Why would Pinkie assume I was going there? “No, Pinkie.”
“Those creepy castle ruins in the Everfree Forest?”
What?
“The spa, of course.”
The waiting room at spa was much more crowded than usual this time of day. Even ponies like Raindrops and Berry Punch, who normally don't show any interest, were here. They must all be trying to look their best for their – sigh – dates.
Keep it together, Rarity. You can do it.
Fortunately, the sight of my best friend and spa partner waiting there was enough to calm me down. Fluttershy looked up from the magazine she was reading and her eyes lit up. "Hello, Rarity."
"Good morning, Fluttershy." From the clock on the wall, I could see that it was already two to nine. "I hope I haven't kept you waiting too long."
"Not at all. I've only been here a few minutes myself, and I've been reading this wonderful article by a naturalist from the Fillydelphia animal sanctuary."
"Nevertheless, I am sorry. Somepony asked my advice on a matter of aesthetics, and I simply could not say no." On my way from Sugarcube Corner, I was accosted by Lyra, who wanted my help choosing an outfit for her afternoon with Bon Bon. When I agreed, she practically dragged me to her house.
"It's okay, really," Fluttershy said. "I'm sorry I wasn't able to save you a seat." It was just like Fluttershy to apologize for something that wasn't her fault. When I, to my embarrassment, discovered that she and Rainbow Dash were not dating, Fluttershy somehow wound up apologizing to me. It took some effort to convince her that she didn’t actually have to apologize for that. It would be nice to find some way to get her to be more assertive.
“It’s not a big deal, Fluttershy. I don’t think we’ll be waiting that –”
Before I could finish, the softly-accented voice of Lotus interrupted me. “Miss Rarity? Miss Fluttershy? Right this way, please.” One of the great things about being Lotus and Aloe’s best customer is having no trouble getting good reservations. Those two really know how to make a pony feel good.
“Oh, Fluttershy, you have no idea how much I’ve needed this.” The two of us were relaxing in the spa’s hot tub. I could feel all of the stress and worry just melt out of my bones. Everything was going to be fine... at least until I started pruning.
Fluttershy, on the other hoof, did not seem to think everything was fine. “Oh no, Rarity! What’s wrong? Is it serious?”
Yes.
"No. Well, not really," I said, not wanting to worry her. "It's just... it's Hearts and Hooves Day, and I don't have somepony to spend it with. I suppose I'll feel fine tomorrow."
Fluttershy moved over to me and placed a supportive hoof on my shoulder. "I'm sorry to hear that, Rarity. If it makes you feel better, I don't have a date for Hearts and Hooves Day, either. Actually, I've, um, never had a date for Hearts and Hooves Day."
"Thanks, dear." I appreciated Fluttershy trying to cheer me up, but she wasn't telling me anything I hadn't already suspected. She and I have been best friends for years, and in all that time I've never once known her to be romantically involved with anypony. I couldn't understand it. It wasn't from a lack of interest in romance, and it certainly wasn't a lack of desirability. Not only is Fluttershy the sweetest, most gentle pony I know, she's also the prettiest mare in Ponyville – myself included. "If you ask me, I think it's just awful that somepony like you has never had a special somepony."
Fluttershy turned away and quietly began to stammer. "Well, um, actually..."
When Fluttershy gets like this, the best thing to do is encourage her, so she'll feel free to open up. "Yes, Fluttershy?"
“Oh, never mind. It’s nothing.”
I brushed her mane out of her face and looked her in the eyes. “Whatever it is, you can tell me.”
"Um, well, I did have a special somepony, once. A long time ago." Really? Why didn't she ever mention this before? She must have read my thoughts in my expression, because she continued, "I really don't like talking about it. I almost never have, not even with my parents. It... it ended badly."
Fluttershy looked like she was tearing up a bit. To still affect her so much after all this time... I don't hesitate to admit that I thought some very unladylike things about the pony responsible for that. "I completely understand, dear. I just hope that, whatever happened, the cad that hurt you got what he deserved."
"Please don't, Rarity. Don't ever hope that." Her eyes were pleading.
One of the downsides of Fluttershy's boundless kindness was her unflinching ability to see the good in everypony, even where it was significantly outweighed by the bad. "I'm sorry, Fluttershy, but how else could I react to finding out somepony hurt my friend?"
That... did not help matters. Fluttershy averted her eyes, her cheeks flushed red. "That isn't what happened. Not at all."
"Fluttershy?"
I tried to reach out to her, but she pulled back. "Oh, Rarity, I'm the bad pony! I'm the one who hurt them!" When she finished speaking, the emotions she had been holding back burst forth and she began to sob.
Well done, Rarity. You've managed to take a simple conversation about relationships and make your best friend cry.
Not that I believed her for a second, mind you. Fluttershy, break somepony's heart? Preposterous. However, my experiences with Fluttershy have taught me that when she gets it into her head that she's wronged somepony, there's no getting it out. Especially not when, like now, you don't know anything about the situation. For now, all that was to be done was to repair as best I could the damage my indiscretion had caused.
I pulled Fluttershy into an embrace. “I am so, so sorry, Fluttershy. I had no idea this was such a sensitive subject for you.”
“It's alright, Rarity. You couldn't have known. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t burden you with old problems." She was still crying, but she had calmed down a lot.
"Nonsense, darling. What are friends for? Nothing you tell me could ever be a burden." We just sat there in the water, holding each other. After a minute of comforting, or perhaps several, Fluttershy had managed to regain her composure. In an effort to keep her mind off her troubles, I looked to change the subject. "Have I told you about the new spring line I’m working on? It’s all still in the early planning stages, but I’m thinking about going in a retro direction this season. Try to find something traditional and put my own touch on it.”
It seemed to work. Fluttershy was smiling. “I can’t wait to see what you come up with, Rarity. I’m sure that whatever it is, it’ll be lovely.”
"Well, if I need somepony to critique them when I'm done, I know where to turn," I said playfully. Fluttershy started to protest, but soon realized that I was joking and began to laugh. I was so relieved to see Fluttershy back to her normal self that I started laughing as well. As we were laughing, an idea took hold of my mind and wouldn't let go. Whatever had happened in Fluttershy's old relationship, it had clearly upset her so much that she was avoiding getting involved in any new ones. Who better than myself to help her get over her fear and find a special somepony? After all, I certainly couldn't sit idly by and let my best friend go through life too afraid to ever fall in love. It was just a shame that with old wounds having so recently been opened, now was probably not the best time to share my plan with Fluttershy. I couldn't wait until we got started.
Oh, this was going to be so much fun!
When we left the spa, I insisted on walking Fluttershy back to her cottage. I still felt guilty about having upset her earlier, and it's not as if I had any plans I needed to get ready for. As we walked, she told me about the picnic she was organizing for some of her animal friends that afternoon, including that malicious little rabbit of hers. Perhaps I am just lucky to have a pet as sweet as my darling Opalescence.
On my way back into town, I spotted Big Macintosh moving some hay bales onto a cart. He waved a greeting to me, so I went over to say hello.
"Good afternoon, Big Macintosh. How are you doing on this fine day?"
"Afternoon, Miss Rarity. Can't complain." Verbose as ever, I see.
"I must say, I'm rather surprised to see you working today. I would have thought a stallion such as yourself would be otherwise occupied." He just shrugged. "Have you no special plans for this Hearts and Hooves Day?" One might think that I was asking in an attempt to secure an invitation for myself, but nothing could be further from the truth. Besides Applejack's making it quite clear to the five of us that she would rather strongly prefer we not become romantically involved with her brother, Big Macintosh simply wasn't my type. We had even discussed it in the past – well, I say "we", but really, I did most of the discussing.
Now, I won't deny that he is rather attractive. Quite the catch for any mare that liked the strong silent type. I, myself, do not. I could never picture him whispering sweet nothings in my ear, or telling me what he thought of my latest design, and can you imagine what his love letters would read like? "Rarity, Love ya. Eeyup. Mac."
No, it could never work between he and I. The reason I was asking was much simpler. Although we are not as close as I am with others, he is still my friend, and it makes me happy to see my friends in love.
"Nope. Yourself?"
"Unfortunately not." I tried to shrug it off as no big deal. We were, after all, in the middle of town, and one would not want to get a reputation as desperate.
He just smiled at me and said, "AJ's at the farmhouse."
So? Why should I care where Applejack is today? What does that have to do with anything? "Thank you for the information, Big Macintosh, but I don't really know why you're telling me that."
He gave me this knowing little smirk that was just so infuriating. "'Course not."
"Is that so? Do you have all my friend's schedules handy? Tell me, what does Pinkie Pie have on her day planner tomorrow at four?"
That oh-so-annoying smirk had still not left his face. "'Party', I reckon."
Okay, I'll admit it, I laughed. He had me there. "Touché." I fixed a gaze on him that was meant to be friendly without being flirty. "Well, don't work yourself too hard. Everypony could use some romance in their life, n'est-ce pas?"
He shrugged. "I suppose."
"You know, if there's some mare you've got your eye on, it might not be too late. Go find her. Ask her to dinner. The hay can wait. I can watch it if you need me to." As incredibly boring as standing here and looking after hay bales sounded, it would be a small sacrifice if he met with success. It's not like I had a Hearts and Hooves Day date of my own I needed to get to.
Big Macintosh just smiled. It wasn't that irritating smirk, it was a different smile I didn't know what to make of. "Thanks, Miss Rarity. I'm fine, though. Really."
"Have a nice day, Big Macintosh."
"You too."
I think I'm hearing things. As I was walking away, I could have sworn I heard one of Sweetie Belle's little friends ask Big Macintosh out. The stress must be getting to me.
I stopped back home to freshen up and grab one of the latest hats I had created – an understated yellow and white striped sun hat that was simple, but perfect for an outdoor excursion in Ponyville – and headed out to Sweet Apple Acres. Not at all for the reason Big Macintosh was insinuating, just to clarify. No, I had simply decided that it was too nice a day to spend moping about the house. Big Macintosh had the right idea about that, at least. If I didn't have a special somepony to spend the day with, I could always spend it with one of my good friends.
Fluttershy, I knew, already had plans. If things went as Pinkie Pie hoped, both she and Rainbow Dash would as well. That left Applejack and Twilight Sparkle, and I already knew where to find Applejack. Besides, if Twilight was at the library she'd probably be too busy studying to want to do anything. So as you can see, I had a perfectly good reason to go to see Applejack. It had nothing to do with some kind of supposed romantic interest I had in her.
You really shouldn't read so much into things.
I arrived at the Apple family's farmhouse and was greeted at the door by Applejack. "Well, howdy, Rarity! What brings ya here?"
She must have been working even harder than usual, because she had a glow about her that I'd never seen before. "Hello, Applejack. I was just talking with your brother about Hearts and Hooves Day, and he–"
She wouldn't even let me finish talking before she got in my face. "Dangit, Rarity, I thought I asked all y'all to leave mah brother be when it came to datin'."
Maybe I should have gone to see Twilight after all. I've not been here thirty seconds, and already she's aggravating me. "And I thought I told you – repeatedly, might I add – that my interest in your brother is strictly platonic. I'm starting to think I made a mistake coming here." I turned to go, but waited to give Applejack a chance to say something.
"Ah, horseapples. Look, Rare, I'm sorry. I shouldn'ta accused ya of that. It's just... Mac's family, y'know? You understand, right? I've seen how much ya care about Sweetie Belle."
As much as I still disliked some of Applejack's implications, when she put it like that, I guess I couldn't stay angry with her. "Alright, I forgive you. Now, as I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted, Big Macintosh and I were speaking about Hearts and Hooves Day –" I paused, daring her to say something before continuing, "– and he made me realize that my lacking a date for the holiday does not mean I need to want for companionship. I came here to see if you would... if you would like to..."
Oh, Celestia. What was wrong with me? I've rubbed shoulders with the cream of Canterlot society. Why was I suddenly having trouble speaking with one of my closest friends?
"...accompany me to the park."
I felt a strange sense of relief when Applejack smiled. "That sounds right nice. T'be honest, I was feelin' a bit down about not havin' anypony to spend the day with neither. Sure, I'd love to go to the park with you, Rarity. Just let me put on some tea to bring and we'll go."
"...so I didn't win, but I got third place an' beat that cocksure stallion who thought that some rookie didn't stand a chance against him. Not bad for a first timer, huh?" Applejack had been telling me about her Ponyville rodeo debut. The most amazing thing, though was that I was truly enjoying myself. The energy, the passion Applejack was describing the event with made me feel like I was actually there, except without being bored to tears.
I allowed myself a small congratulations. Inviting Applejack along had been a really good idea. This was more than just better than going home and engaging in some hoary cliché like eating a tub of ice cream. I was having a wonderful time.
"Care for some more tea, Rarity?"
"That would be lovely, Applejack. Thank you."
I floated my cup over to her. When she had finished filling it and set the teapot back down, she said, "Gotta say, Rare, I didn't expect ya to invite me somewhere today, but I'm glad ya did. I'm having a real good time with ya."
"As am I. It seems to me that we haven't been spending all that much time together lately. We should do things like this more often." For some reason, I was suddenly feeling a bit flushed. Princess Celestia must be doing whatever it is she does with the sun to make it unseasonably warm today so everypony could have a nice romantic Hearts and Hooves Day. It just must have caught me off guard is all.
Yes, that must be it, because Applejack looks like she can feel it as well. "Reckon I'd like that," she said, smiling at me.
Both overcome as we were by the sudden temperature change, neither of us spoke for a few moments. Suddenly, I was disturbed by the sound of somepony screaming my name.
"Rarity!" Charging towards us was none other than Ponyville's second most excitable resident, Lyra Heartstrings. "Rarity!" Lyra was wearing the sleek black dress I had helped her choose, along with the matching headband and aquamarine pendant. She was so excited that she was practically bouncing up and down. When she spoke, she somehow managed to do so without once stopping for breath. "Hey Rarity glad I ran into you thanks again for your help Bon Bon loves the dress oh hey Applejack nice catch Rarity she's cute anyway gotta go Bon Bon's waiting for me just wanted to thank you again bye Rarity bye Applejack!"
As quickly as Lyra arrived, she was gone.
"So, um, you get much of that?" Applejack asked. Most ponies would have found Lyra's behavior exceedingly odd and felt the need to comment on it, but then, most ponies do not have near-daily exposure to Pinkie Pie.
"Well, I'm fairly certain she was thanking me." I explained how I had assisted Lyra earlier with her outfit.
Applejack looked like she was trying to piece something together. “Did... did she also call me a ‘nice catch’?”
Had she? “I’m not really sure. She was talking so fast I could barely understand her.” Why would Lyra have said that? More to the point, why did this silence suddenly feel so awkward? Think, Rarity. Surely there must be something you could...
Tea! Of course! “Applejack, y-your cup’s empty. Let me get you some more tea.” I quickly grabbed the teapot and filled her cup, in my haste, nearly spilling some over the rim.
“Right, right, tea. Love tea. Can’t get enougha the stuff.” Applejack smiled awkwardly as she fumbled for the cup. “Thank ya, Rarity.”
“I must say, this is excellent tea.” I let a sip linger on my tongue, concentrating on the flavor. “Earl Grey?”
“Yeah,” Applejack replied, “Glad ya like it. For all the trouble it took importin’ it from Trottingham, it better be.”
I looked admiringly at her. “I had no idea you were such a connoisseur, Applejack.”
She looked away and blushed. “I ain’t really. I just keep some of the fancy stuff around for when we have guests, an’ I know it’s your favorite.” She jolted upright, startled. “An’ Fluttershy’s! Fluttershy’s too!”
Applejack knew my favorite kind of tea? I can’t remember when I ever could have told her that. Before today, I don’t think I’ve even ever seen her drink tea. Had she asked Fluttershy what kind of tea I liked? “That’s... that’s very kind of you.”
For some reason, I couldn’t look at Applejack when I said that, and the feeling of warmth had returned. Oh Celestia, why was I being so silly today? The six of us do nice things for each other all the time without the other one acting like some... some schoolfilly over it. Could I be coming down with something? I hope not; I’m far too busy to get sick right now.
“Aw, shucks, Rare, it’s no big deal.” Applejack’s voice sounded uncharacteristically bashful. I snuck a glance over at her and saw that she was behaving just as strangely as I. She peeked over, and when our eyes met, we both turned away. Maybe there was something catching.
Fortunately, we were able to avoid further uncomfortable silences, as a friendly face trotted up to say hello. “Good afternoon, girls.” Twilight Sparkle was wearing her saddlebags which were, unsurprisingly, stuffed with books. It looked like my guess about her Hearts and Hooves Day plans were correct after all – not that such a guess required much insight to make.
After all, one would expect that most ponies who had only begun to appreciate the virtues of friendship a year prior would not yet feel ready for a more intimate relationship. There are times when I’ve tried to explain to her how wonderful being in love can feel, but it has all been for naught. “It was such a wonderful day,” Twilight continued, “that I decided to come read in the park.” She paused for a moment, concerned. “I’m not interrupting anything, am I?”
“Not at all, Twi,” Applejack said. “Y’know you’re always welcome.”
“Applejack’s right, dear. Would you care for some tea?” I wiped the rim of my cup off with a napkin and offered it to her. Proper etiquette demanded offering her her own cup, but as we only brought the two, I had to make do as best I could. “Applejack made it, and it’s some of the finest I’ve ever had.”
“Oh, no thanks. I was just stopping to say hello. It’s a relief, though. I was worried I was intruding on your date.”
...Date? What date?
Applejack looked as confused as I felt. “Er, ‘date’, Twi?”
Panic began to set in Twilight’s features. “Oh my, is this not a date? It’s just that this looks just like a traditional Hearts and Hooves Day date. I was reading all about it in this book...”
Well, that explained it. This was just like that sleepover party all over again. Twilight had found some kind of checklist on how to go on a date, and it looked like we were following it. Better for her to find out now than before she actually tried to bring that thing on a date, I suppose. Nothing kills romance like itemized fun. I had just the way to clear things up and have a bit of harmless fun at the same time. Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash aren’t the only ones to appreciate a good joke, after all.
“So, Twilight, when you invited me to lunch last week, was that intended to be a date?” She started to look a bit flustered. I pressed on before she had a chance to interrupt, batting my eyes playfully. “I had no idea you were interested in me, darling. You should have said something sooner.” I shot an aside glance to Applejack to invite her to play along, but she was scowling. How odd.
Twilight slowly backed away from me, her face a bright crimson. “Oh, um... Rarity... I’m sorry, I didn’t mean... I don’t like you." A second later, she must have registered what she said, as her eyes grew wide and she gasped. "Wait! No! Of course I like you, you’re one of my best friends! I meant I don’t like you romantically. Actually, I don’t like anypony romantically...”
It was definitely time to stop her before things got out of hoof. She was getting more worked up than I had intended. I placed a calming hoof on her shoulder. “Twilight?”
“...so please don’t... yes?” Oh my, Twilight was really looking frazzled. Did she always react this poorly to a little flirting, or was it because we were friends? Either way, I should remember to do something nice for her.
I tried to give as reassuring a smile as I could. “I was only kidding.”
That succeeded in calming her down, at least. “So, you didn’t... you two aren’t...” She looked back and forth between us, sheepishly. “This isn’t a date, is it?”
At least we've got that cleared up. “No, it isn’t.”
“Nope,” Applejack agreed.
“Oh. Heh.” She let out a nervous chuckle. “Sorry about that. I’ve just been reading all about Hearts and Hooves Day, and I guess I just haven’t gotten to the part about friendship activities.” Now that she was back on familiar ground, Twilight regained her natural energy and confidence. “It’s a really fascinating book. I’d be happy to let you borrow it, but I already lent it to somepony.” She looked right at me. “Your sister, actually.”
“Sweetie Belle?” My little Sweetie Belle asked to borrow a book about Hearts and Hooves Day?
If Twilight noticed my concern, she didn't show it. Sometimes, she can get so excited discussing some subject she's fascinated with that she doesn't really notice how the pony she's speaking with is reacting. “Apple Bloom and Scootaloo were also pretty excited about it. They ran off with the book before I could even finish talking to them. It's refreshing to see fillies so interested in learning." I hoped that was all that it was. When my sister and her friends get that excited about some project... well, let me just say that helping Sweetie remove tree sap from her mane – on several occasions, no less – has not exactly been the highlight of my year.
"It's been nice talking to you both," Twilight continued. "I'll let you get back to your platonic activity."
Once Twilight had trotted off, Applejack rewarded me with an annoyed stare. "So," she asked, her voice clipped, "interested in Twi, are ya?"
It would be one thing if Twilight herself was bothered that I was jokingly flirting with her, but I didn't understand why Applejack would object. "Oh, come now, Applejack. It was just a little harmless fun. Pinkie and Rainbow do it all the time, and I don't see you chastising them. If Twilight is upset, of course I'll apologize, but that doesn't seem to be the case. I don't see what the problem is."
That obviously was not the answer Applejack was looking for, as she responded by crossing her forelegs and turning away. "'Course ya don't."
She was obviously really bothered by something, but I couldn't... unless... no, that couldn't be it. The thought did make me feel unaccountably guilty, though. "Applejack, I hope you don't think that what I said to Twilight in jest means that I would rather be with somepony else right now. I have really enjoyed the time we've been spending together, and if I have done something to mar our afternoon, I apologize. Just know that, while I may have been upset about not having a date for Hearts and Hooves Day, there is nowhere I would rather be today than here with you."
Applejack's demeanor softened as I spoke. When I finished, she was staring at the ground, occasionally flicking her eyes upward at me. "H-honestly?"
For some reason, I found myself unable to look at Applejack and likewise turned away. "Y-yes. Of course."
From a quick glance at Applejack, I could see that she was still focused on the ground, pawing at it with a hoof. "That's awful kinda ya to say, Rare. Reckon there ain't nopony I'd rather be spendin' time with right now neither."
"Thank you, Applejack." Oh Celestia, the awkward silence had returned. There must be something I could say to Applejack. Think, Rarity, think. "Say, Applejack?"
"Yes?"
In a flash, I remembered something that Twilight had told us. "When Twilight was here, she mentioned our sisters were excited about borrowing a book about Hearts and Hooves Day. Do you think we ought to be concerned about that?"
Applejack paused to consider this. "Nah. It's probably just another one'a their crazy schemes to get their cutie marks. The way I figure, there ain't nothin' they could be doin' safer'n reading. Besides, it's just about Hearts and Hooves Day. Ain't like there's gonna be instructions on buildin' siege engines or nothin'."
She had a point. Let me tell you, "Cutie Mark Crusaders Catapult Engineers Yay!" might be the six most frightening words in Equestrian. "I'm sure you're right. Twilight is a responsible pony; she wouldn't have lent them the book if it was dangerous." She hadn't let them near those books on ancient pony warfare. "But still, what if they're starting to be interested in colts? They're still so young; I'd hate to see poor Sweetie Belle get her heart broken because she started dating before she was ready."
"I think you're getting worried over nothing, Rarity," Applejack said. After a moment, she sighed. "But I guess it couldn't hurt to have a talk with 'em later. I wouldn't want that to happen to Apple Bloom, neither."
"That's a wonderful idea, Applejack." One of Applejack's finest qualities is how reliable she is. She's always there for those she cares about. Well, except for those times when she lets her stubborn pride force her to keep a promise she really should have known better than to make in the first place, but honestly, that almost never happens. "I'm sure that two mares such as ourselves will be able to provide our sisters and Scootaloo with the advice they need. As intelligent as Twilight is, she doesn't exactly have much experience with social situations."
Applejack chuckled nervously as she rubbed the back of her mane with her hoof. "Heh, yeah, it sure was crazy of Twi to think that this here was a date."
I found myself responding with nervous laughter of my own. "Oh, yes. Completely."
Applejack just sat there and stared at me for quite some time before swallowing hard. "Rarity?"
"Yes, Applejack?" I was surprised when I realized that I was holding my breath. I couldn't explain it, but I felt extraordinarily interested in hearing what Applejack was going to say next.
However, the next words did not come from Applejack at all. “Hey gals! What’re you up to?”
Applejack had clearly been caught off guard, as she suddenly shouted, “We ain’t on a date!”
Subtlety, thy name is Applejack.
The new arrival was none other than Rainbow Dash, who must have approached us when we were too engaged in conversation to notice. I noticed with some pleasure that Pinkie Pie was following up behind her, although that pleasure was tempered when I saw that Pinkie was looking rather unhappy. Had she not had a chance to ask Rainbow yet? Had Rainbow turned her down? I resolved to stop by Sugarcube Corner later and see if she needed anything.
Applejack, meanwhile, continued vociferously defending the two of us from something Rainbow hadn't actually said. “Just havin’ a friendly cup of tea with mah friend Rarity. As friends. Because that’s what we are. Friends. Why would you think we’re on a date? Nopony said this was a date!”
Rainbow, on the other hoof, was looking quite pleased with herself. “Right. Hello to you too, Applejack.”
“Why’s everypony think we’re on a date?” That was something I was wondering myself, but Applejack's approach didn't seem like it was going to produce any answers. She continued to get in Rainbow's face, completely unaware that our pegasus friend was clearly loving every minute of this. “Can’t two ponies just go out on a nice day like this and have a friendly cup of tea without everypony thinkin’ there must be some kinda romance to it?”
“Relax AJ, I’m with you.” Rainbow was smirking as she turned back towards Pinkie and winked. Speaking casually, she continued, “I totally believe that you two are just having a friendly romantic date out in the park on Hearts and Hooves Day.”
“Exactly,” came the proud reply from Applejack, who had apparently not been listening very closely to what Rainbow had been saying. Soon, though, Applejack’s face burned scarlet as she realized what she had just agreed with. I can't say I really blamed her. If I had just been outwitted by a pony who had not so very long ago declared that reading pulp novels was too intellectual for her, I am sure I would be just as embarrassed.
“Wait, what exactly didja say there?” Applejack protested, frantically waving her hooves in front of her. “No no no! I ain’t datin’ her! Why would I wanna date Rarity? Me an’ Rarity datin’? That’s crazy talk, is what it is.”
Well now, it's been nice spending the afternoon with you too, Applejack. I wasn't really insulted, but this opportunity to tweak her nose a little was simply too good to pass up. The best part was that, thanks to our discussion earlier about Twilight, Applejack couldn't really complain even if she realized what I was doing. I suppose it is a bit naughty of me, but it's all in good fun.
Besides, if anypony should be offended by the idea of Applejack and I being an item, it really should be me.
Let's do this, Rarity. Dramatic indignation in three... two... “Well, I never!” Applejack looked even more shocked than when Rainbow had arrived so suddenly, but there was no time to savor this, as I turned my back to her and let out a humph of mock-offense. “I’ll have you know I’m considered one of Ponyville’s most eligible bachelorettes! Many a stallion would give their left hoof to be sitting in your position, Applejack! I shall not endure such boorish treatment from you on today of all days, you ruffian!” I concluded by dramatically tossing my head back and throwing my leg in front of my face, as though this had all been simply too much to endure.
From the sound of things, it worked like a charm. “Aw, hayseeds. Er – look Rarity, I was just…” It really was a shame I wasn't able to see it. Applejack could be rather adorable when she was perplexed.
While Applejack was attempting to apologize, I peeked slightly to see Rainbow and Pinkie approaching me. It was all I could do not to laugh and give the game away, although a small giggle did escape my lips. Fortunately, Applejack hadn't heard it. I decided to let Ponyville's two most prolific pranksters in on my amusement, whispering, “Oh goodness, it really is too much fun to push her buttons sometimes.”
Pinkie seemed disappointed by my admission. “So... you’re not on a date with Applejack?” Oh, you too, Pinkie? Why was everypony so determined to look at our excursion and see a date? Given how well Applejack's efforts had been going, it was clear that it fell to me to clear up these misapprehensions.
The approach I had taken with Twilight probably would not work here. Twilight is a very logical thinker, and all it took was a simple argument, artfully presented, to point out the mistake in her assumptions. As emotionally-driven as Rainbow and unpredictable as Pinkie can be, I could not rely on them doing the same. Not to mention, I'm sure I would have to apologize to Applejack again if I did, and right after I had managed to even things up with her, too.
No, there was only one thing I could do. Simply explain the matter so thoroughly and clearly that nopony could fail to see the truth.
“Oh Celestia, no," I began. "I simply wished to be out and about, basking in the ambiance of Hearts and Hooves Day, but of course a lady of my stature and reputation could hardly be seen out and about on a day like today unescorted, so I simply had to bring Applejack along. I certainly wouldn’t be interested in her. Those barbaric manners, that rough-and-tumble attitude, those sleek, rugged muscles. Really now, a farmpony and a fashionista; can you imagine the scandal? The inappropriateness of it all?
“Can’t you just see how it would all go? We would try going out on a date, and naturally I would force her into a proper high society affair. She would try to act the part and fit in, but it would be obvious to everypony there that she didn’t truly belong. Then I, being a proper lady and feeling somewhat badly for placing her in such an awkward position, would naturally agree to let her arrange our next date, which would be a horrendously uncultured affair. I would try to let my mane down and just have fun, but it would be just as clear that I didn’t belong in Applejack’s world as it was that she could never truly fit into mine.
“We would both convince ourselves that there was no way it could possibly work out, that there was simply no future for us, and filled with in sorrow and heartbreak, we would break up. But then a tragedy would bring us back together, make us realize that life was too short, and in a flurry of wild emotions we would decide to cast caution to the wind and embrace our doomed romance. Applejack would take the lead of course, ripping off my dress, and shoving me down onto the bed. I would protest, but we would both know I didn’t really mean it. And in the heat of the moment, we would make passionate love. My hooves would roam down her muscular flanks and –”
Oh my, those unexpected warm feelings had returned, and stronger than ever. I had to fan myself with my hoof just to cool down. “Goodness, is it just me, or is it getting a bit warm out here?” The sun was certainly behaving strangely today. I hoped that Princess Celestia was feeling alright.
Meteorological oddnesses aside, however, that should settle matters. After such an eloquent and thorough explanation, I was sure there could be no question as to how Applejack and I felt about each other. “In any case, I am sure you can see now that I could not possibly be interested in Applejack.”
It would seem, though, that Rainbow Dash was annoyingly determined to ignore my detailed explanation and persist in the belief that Applejack and I were in the middle of a romantic rendezvous. “Oh yeah, you definitely don’t have a thing for her,” she said sarcastically. Pinkie whispered something to Rainbow that she must have found exasperating, because she responded, “Pinkie, how can you be friends with me and Twilight and still not understand sarcasm?”
Friends? Oh, poor Pinkie, she did turn you down, didn't she? That would explain Pinkie's unusually subdued demeanor. Well, if she needed any consolation later, I would be there for her. Nopony ever said finding love was easy, but once you do, it makes it all worthwhile.
“What does it taste like?” Whatever Pinkie Pie was going through, it certainly hadn't robbed her of her quintessential Pinkie-ness.
Having to explain the situation to these two meant having left Applejack lingering for longer than I had intended. “Now then darling, Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie have asked me to forgive you for that remark, and so as a proper lady I shall overlook your unforgivably rude behavior. I do trust, however, that you will not do anything further to humiliate me on today of all days.”
“Um … right.” Applejack looked like the conversation had quickly spiralled far beyond her control, and she didn't know quite what to make of things. I was right – it was adorable. She fidgeted in her seat as she continued. “Reckon I oughta say a little somethin’ to ya. Shucks, I know a lotta fellas and a couple gals that’d be right glad to be yer special somepony. Ain’t no denyin’ yer awful purdy. In fact, I reckon if’n there was a mare I wanted to take an interest in and ask her to be my special somepony, it’d be a gal who’s a lot like you.”
Did... did I hear that correctly? Did Applejack say that she wanted a special somepony... like me? That she thought I was purd– pretty? I had no idea she felt that way about me. It was really rather flattering. Especially from somepony like Applejack. Somepony with such natural beauty, so brave and strong, with hooves that you just wanted wrapped around you, holding you tight, and –
Oh. Oh, no. No no no. I-I'm not in... I couldn't be... not... not with...
...Applejack.
It's a good thing that I have so much experience behaving like a proper lady, as I only very nearly swore. Instead, I somehow managed the words, “Oh, really?”
I tried to look Applejack in the eyes, but I just couldn't. From what I had seen, she was struggling with thoughts similar to my own. I could feel my cheeks burning with embarrassment. Goodness, I must look as red as one of my Applejack's prize apples right now.
Wait – did I just think of her as "my Applejack"? Oh, dear Celestia, it was worse than I thought! Come on, Rarity, say something! Surely there must be something you can talk about! Twilight? No, that was no good. Our sisters? No. Something, something... My eyes fixed upon the teapot sitting on the ground.
Tea! I could say something about tea! Oh, blessed elixir! I struggled to get out, “Yes, well… more tea?” I hoped I did not sound as foolish as I felt.
Applejack, who looked shaken, seemed relieved by the offer. “Some tea sounds real nice.”
Focusing all my concentration on holding the teapot steady, I poured Applejack a cup. "I must say, Applejack, before today, I had no idea you were so fond of tea."
"Tea can be nice," she said, in between sips. Suddenly, she got very nervous. "Don't go 'round thinkin' that I love tea or anythin', though. 'Cause I don't. I just like it is all."
I expected to hear Rainbow Dash rolling around on the ground laughing at the success of whatever it was she was trying to accomplish, but she and Pinkie had gone. She couldn't even be bothered to wait around to see the results of her hoofwork. Why did she have to get involved? Was hurting Pinkie not enough for her? Applejack and I had been having such a nice time. It wasn't fair!
The two of us just sat there, drinking tea, red-faced, silent, barely even looking at each other. Before long, the teapot was empty.
"Oh, shoot, we're outta tea," Applejack said. "I, um, I should go. Apples. Got lots of... apple stuff I gotta take care of, y'know? It was nice seein' ya, Rare."
She awkwardly held out her hoof. Not knowing what else to do, I shook it. "I-it was nice, wasn't it? I also have things I need to attend to. Designing and such."
Just like that, Applejack was gone, trotting back home to Sweet Apple Acres.
I headed back home myself, taking the long way to avoid all the couples on their dates. I just wanted to be alone right now.
I hate Hearts and Hooves Day.
The Pony With a Cunning Plan
“This is terrible! Oh, what was I thinking?”
I looked over the sketch of my latest design. The mare in the drawing was wearing a large-collared blue blouse covered by a dark tan vest with thin blue and white lines, an equally tan and very short pair of shorts on her flank, and cannon-length boots. Even the realization that the mare I had drawn wearing this ensemble bore a remarkable resemblance to Carrot Top didn’t do much to lift my spirits for more than a moment – this was just awful. I crumpled the paper up and tossed it over my shoulder onto the floor.
It was just the latest in a long line of fashion disasters I’d been responsible for recently. For more days than I care to count, I’d been able to create nothing but one horrid design after another. There were a few, I shudder to say, that would not look out of place in Mother’s wardrobe. Others, I’m not sure I couldn’t make work, but just because I could does not mean that I should. I ask you, does the world need more paisley? It does not.
Ever since Hearts and Hooves Day, it was as if my muse had deserted me. I hadn’t created anything this bad since that first disastrous fashion show for Hoity Toity that nearly ended my career scarcely before it had a chance to begin, and those dresses weren’t exactly entirely my fault. Here, though, I had no such excuse. Nopony else helped conjure up these crimes against fashion – only me.
I took in the state of my inspiration room. All over, the floor was littered with dozens of crumpled pieces of paper no better than the one that had just joined them.
This... this was not organized chaos. This was just a mess.
It was all thanks to that wonderful-yet-terrible outing with Applejack where I came to some realizations about the nature of my regard for her. To be more precise, it was thanks to the outing’s aftermath. Ever since then, we’ve barely had any time together at all. Sweet Apple Acres keeps her busy, to be sure, but this is more than that – Applejack’s been avoiding me, I just know it.
Even in the little time we’ve seen each other, she’s persisted in acting like nothing happened that day. As though one of your closest friends calling you pretty and the kind of mare they were looking for in a special somepony was the sort of commonplace thing that didn’t warrant talking about. To be honest, I wasn’t really sure what to do about my newfound feelings for Applejack, but pretending they didn’t exist certainly wasn’t going to solve anything. She must be having the same problems as I, so why didn’t she want to even mention it?
One might suggest that this was simply all in my head, that the reason Applejack hadn’t brought up her romantic inclinations was that she didn’t have any. But that couldn’t be true. I know what I saw that day in the park, and I’m certain Applejack feels the same way about me that I do about her.
Doesn’t she?
At any rate, she could have still spoken to me about it. Tell me it was a mistake. Tell me you didn’t mean it the way it sounded. Tell me something. Don’t simply ignore me and wait for me to take the hint. Don’t leave me to ponder and pine and remain completely unable to get any work done. I have obligations to clients, and I cannot meet those obligations if I cannot create, and I cannot create if I cannot concentrate because I’m sitting around pouting like some stupid lovestruck schoolfilly because my stubborn friend is too afraid to admit that she likes me already!
I... I apologize for that. I’ve just been under a lot of stress lately, and – no, that doesn’t make it alright. That isn’t the way a proper lady is supposed to behave. I am sorry.
It isn’t even Applejack alone that I’m annoyed with right now. If Rainbow Dash hadn’t come along and startled her like that, none of this might have happened. Applejack and I would simply have had a pleasant excursion, and any romantic discoveries would have come in due course. Perhaps she would be holding me in her hooves this very moment. At the very least, I wouldn’t have my friend hiding from me and my ability to focus ruined.
The worst of it is that I don’t think Rainbow even realizes what she did. Once I was able to collect myself over the situation with Applejack and returning home to find the mess Sweetie had left for me – it’s a long story; I don’t want to get into it right now – I went over to Sugarcube Corner to see how Pinkie Pie was faring. As it turns out, her earlier downcast demeanor was not, as I feared, the result of rejection, but remarkably stunning obliviousness on Rainbow’s part. It’s truly amazing the obvious invitations she failed to pick up on. As I’ve said, that mare doesn’t have a romantic bone in her body, so it’s completely plausible that she wouldn’t be aware of the consequences of what she undoubtedly deemed a “harmless little prank.”
I’m ashamed to admit that, in my more frustrated moments, I’ve wondered if she would care even if she did know, or just dismiss it as sappy nonsense that was “totally unradical,” but I know that’s not really fair to her. There’s a reason that the Elements chose her as an exemplar of loyalty during our altercation with Nightmare Moon. I’m sure that she’d be appropriately apologetic once she had things explained to her, but that wouldn’t do anything to actually solve the problem.
So that was where I stood right now – with two problems with a pair of my closest friends and zero workable designs.
Well, Rarity, you’ve been in tougher scrapes than this. Just keep pressing on, and inspiration will come eventually. I grabbed a bolt of fabric from my supplies and brought it over to get a better look at it. It was chiffon in a lovely seafoam green. I tried to think of something to use it for when my thoughts were interrupted by an angry cry. Opal was standing in front of the cloth, her back arched as she swiped at it and hissed.
“Oh my, Opal. Do you really think so? I rather like it.” How very odd. Opal and I usually agree on things like this. This must be because my judgement’s compromised. Perhaps I shouldn’t press on just yet. Perhaps I should take a walk to clear my head first.
I had been walking for a few moments when I realized where my hooves had unconsciously been leading me – right towards Ponyville’s marketplace. Right where Applejack was. That was the last thing I needed right now – the whole point of this walk was to get my mind off of Applejack.
I quickly stopped and turned around, only for my vision to be filled with pink.
“Oh, um... hey, Rarity,” Pinkie said as she climbed off me. “Didn’t think you were gonna just stop like that.”
I tried to dust myself off as best I could after picking myself off the ground. I hate how getting dirty makes me feel. Even so, I did my best to suppress my annoyance. “Pinkie, what were you doing?”
“Well, I was just out inviting ponies to this surprise party I’m throwing for Cloud Kicker and Blossomforth ‘cause Dashie promoted them and of course you’re invited because you’re one of my bestest best friends and what kind of party would it be if I didn’t invite my bestest best friends? But you were looking kinda blue – not blue-blue like Dashie and Mrs. Cake, though, sad-blue – and I thought it might cheer you up if I surprised you with your invitation, so...” Pinkie jumped up on her hind legs, grinning. “Surprise!”
That was why I couldn’t get too upset with Pinkie. No matter what unusual thing she was up to, it was usually in service of making somepony smile. Or, at least, trying to. “Thank you, Pinkie, but I’m afraid it’s more serious than that.” I explained the problem I was having with my designs, although I didn’t tell her why.
“Ooh, maybe I can help! I’m super creative – I’m always coming up with random songs out of nowhere, and I invented my own pedalcopter so I could fly with Dashie! Hey! That reminds me,” she said, launching into another tangent, “I still need to get that thing fixed. It hasn’t worked since grumpy ol’ Gilda broke it. Do you know anypony who could fix it?”
Ordinarily, I would wonder how somepony could design and build something in the first place but be unable to repair it, but I long ago realized it was best not to ask questions like that when Pinkie was involved. Instead, I just told her that I didn’t.
“That’s alright, I’ll find somepony. Oh!” She perked up again. “I still need to help you with your dresses!”
I remember all too well the last time Pinkie “helped” me with a dress. “That... really won’t be necessary.”
She wasn’t listening, though. She sat on her haunches and tapped her forehead with her hoof, muttering to herself. “Think, think, think... Ah!” She pulled a lantern out from... somewhere – best not to dwell – and held it over her head. “I-dee-ah!”
Very funny.
Pinkie was by my side, one foreleg over my shoulders and the other held out in front of us. “Just picture it, Rarity – Paper. Dresses.”
What? “Could you repeat that, darling? I don’t think I quite heard you.”
“You could make paper dresses! Then you could make a lot more of them and if somepony got chocolate fudge all over hers she wouldn’t feel so bad ‘cause it wasn’t supposed to last too long anyway!”
I raised an eyebrow. “Chocolate fudge?”
“Hypothetically.” Pinkie’s grin turned sheepish for a moment before returning to its normal exuberant state. “Anyway, what do you think? Don’t paper dresses sound like a super-amazing idea?”
To be honest, I didn’t even know where to start. The idea was just so absurd. “Pinkie, you... you are joking, right?”
“Yeppers!” She looked very pleased with herself. “And it worked, didn’t it? You’re smiling!”
To my surprise, I realized I was at that. “I guess I am. Thank you, Pinkie.” I pulled her into a hug.
She returned the embrace. “Hey, cheering up my friends is what Pinkie’s here to do.”
There was one trifling detail my mind kept poking at. “Pinkie... the fudge wasn’t part of the joke, was it?”
Pinkie smiled a very guilty smile as her eyes darted all over the place. “I-it was hypothetical fudge, I swear!”
Pinkie really is an awful liar, but she did just cheer me up. I suppose I should just let this one go. Besides, that wasn’t what I really wanted to ask her, anyway. “I believe you. So, anyway, how are things with you and Rainbow Dash?”
I’m not sure how, but Pinkie became even more animated than her usual animated self. “Dashie’s great! We’ve been having a lot of fun together.”
“That’s wonderful. I’m so happy for you both.”
“Although,” she continued, somewhat subdued, “I wish she liked kissing as much as I do. She doesn’t seem to enjoy it very much.”
I must admit, I did find Rainbow’s behavior difficult to understand. Mind you, I’m not saying that I have the same attitude to... socializing as Cloud Kicker, simply that intimacy with the pony one loves is an amazing experience. Why Rainbow didn’t like it was a mystery. “I wouldn’t worry about it. From what you’ve told me, she doesn’t really have any experience with relationships. She’s probably just anxious about it. She may just need time to find her hoofing.”
“Do you think so, Rarity? I was kinda worried she didn’t really want to be with me.” Pinkie’s mane appeared to have straightened out just a bit.
“I don’t think that’s something she’d do.” I’m certain Rainbow wouldn’t do that to Pinkie. I’m fairly certain. I’m really quite fairly certain Rainbow wouldn’t. Really, I am. I’d just feel a little less uneasy if I understood what she was doing. “I’m sure everything will be fine.”
Pinkie perked back up, so at least she’s fine. “Oh, goodie! ‘Cause I really can’t wait to bang my best friend.”
Did you know that you can very nearly choke on your beverage when you aren’t drinking anything? “Pinkie!”
“Yes?” she asked, looking at me innocently.
“A little decorum, please.” I leaned in towards my friend and lowered my voice. “A pony making love to her marefriend is supposed to be a special moment between the two of them. I think Rainbow would appreciate it if you showed some discretion about discussing your love lives. I know I would expect nothing less from my own special somepony.” The idea of asking Pinkie to be more discreet may seem quixotic, but she and Rainbow are both really good friends. I would love to see things work out between them.
Pinkie seemed to consider this for a moment. “I think I got it.”
That’s a relief. “I’m glad to hear tha–”
“You don’t want a party for when you finally get to bang Applejack.”
I didn’t quite catch what she said next, but when the coughing subsided, she was still talking. “...why somepony wouldn’t want a party, but it wouldn’t be as much fun if you didn’t want to be there.”
This needed to be cleared up right now. “Pinkie, listen to me. I am not going to ‘bang Applejack’. First of all, a lady does not ‘bang’,” I said, rolling my eyes as I repeated the crude expression. “A lady will make love, certainly, and she may not be averse to... socializing, but she never, ever ‘bangs’. Furthermore, Applejack hasn’t expressed any interest in me since Hearts and Hooves Day.”
“But you like her, don’tcha? You could ask her. I asked Dashie. I asked and asked and asked!”
Ask Applejack myself? Put my feelings out there before somepony who seemingly wants to pretend nothing happened? If she turned me down... “I can’t do that. I-I just can’t.”
“Sure you can, silly filly! Just go to her and be like” – she adopted what I assume was supposed to be a Trottingham accent, which I assume was supposed to sound like me – “‘Hello, Applejack darling. I think you’re really pretty and want to go out with you. What do you say?’ See? Simple!”
“When you thought Rainbow was rejecting you, it hurt, didn’t it?” With a touch of sadness in her eyes, Pinkie nodded. “What if it wasn’t a misunderstanding? What if she really didn’t want to date you? That would hurt a lot more, wouldn’t it?”
“Y-yes.” Oh Celestia, I think poor Pinkie was starting to tear up. To my surprise, I was as well.
“So you understand why asking Applejack isn’t so simple.”
And then, Pinkie did something completely unexpected. I don’t mean she suddenly burst into song for no reason or something like that. With Pinkie, that wouldn’t be unexpected at all. What was unexpected was that she didn’t say anything. She simply nodded.
She was silent for long enough for me to start worrying that I’d managed to depress her, when she spotted something over my shoulder and perked back up.
“There’s Fluttershy! I need to go invite her to the party!” Pinkie started excitedly bouncing over to our friend. I too was glad to see Fluttershy. With all of the trouble I’d been having, I hadn’t had a chance to tell her about my fabulous idea of helping her with her love life. I just know she’s going to be as excited for this as I am. She’s such a sweet, caring pony. She deserves somepony special in her life, and I’m just the pony to help her find that somepony.
When I caught up to Pinkie, she was in the middle of inviting Fluttershy. “...and it’s a surprise party, so don’t say anything to Blossomforth and Cloud Kicker!”
Fluttershy hesitated. “A-actually, Pinkie, I... I don’t think I’m going to be able to make it.”
“Are you sure?” Pinkie asked. “It’s gonna be super-fun! Plus, it’s for the weather team, so there’s gonna be lots of other pegasususes there!”
“Oh, um, yes. I’m sorry, but I have so much to do... you know, with the animals.” How odd. Fluttershy’s hiding something. I know she can be intimidated by large crowds, but I don’t think that’s it. She usually enjoys Pinkie’s parties, and they can be rather large. Pinkie likes to invite everypony she knows, and she knows a lot of ponies, so if that wasn’t Fluttershy’s problem, what is? I wish I knew.
For her part, Pinkie didn’t appear to notice Fluttershy’s dissembling. “Okie dokie lokie! But if you can re-organize your schedule, you’re always welcome to come!”
You know, this party Pinkie’s throwing would be a wonderful opportunity to start helping Fluttershy find love. With all the ponies there, we’d be sure to find some that were her type. I don’t think she would be too comfortable discussing such matters in front of anypony else, though. “Pinkie, can I speak with Fluttershy?”
“Huh? Of course you can speak with Fluttershy, silly! She’s standing right there!” Leave it to Pinkie to think that was what I was asking. “Wait! Is this one of those things where you two can’t see each other because of orthogonal quantum tachyons or something and I need to go get Twilight so she can reverse the polarity and modulate the phase variance?”
Pinkie’s bizarre question about tacky things threw me enough that it took me a couple of moments to realize that I actually did know how to answer it. “No. I was just asking if it was alright with you if I talked with Fluttershy.”
“Of course it’s alright! Why wouldn’t it be?” She just stood there, grinning and not moving. I may have been too subtle.
“Pinkie, I meant if it was alright if I talked to Fluttershy alone.”
Pinkie’s head drooped and she stared at a spot at the ground she scraped at with her hoof. “A-alone?”
Oh, dear. That wasn’t what I intended at all. “I didn’t mean it that way, Pinkie. I just need to talk to Fluttershy about something she told me in confidence, and I don’t know if she told it to you also. If she didn’t, and I talked about it when you could hear me, I would essentially be telling you Fluttershy’s secret, and–”
I was interrupted by Pinkie’s hoof on my mouth. Her hoof, which was just on the dirty ground, was on my mouth. There was dirt on my mouth! I repressed a shudder. I just thank Celestia I can hold my food with telekinesis when I eat. I simply don’t know how I’d manage if I couldn’t.
“Say no more. Don’t worry, Fluttershy, your secret’s safe with me! Well, it isn’t actually with me, it’s with Rarity, but it’s still safe. I’ll see you girls later. I still have so many invitations left to deliver, and I wanna get through as many as I can before I meet my fillyfriend for lunch.” Pinkie’s eyes shone as smiled a smile that was broad even by her standards. “My fillyfriend. Dashie’s my fillyfriend! I still can’t believe it!” She produced a notepad, presumably from the same place she kept the lantern, and consulted it. “Let’s see,” she said, flipping through pages, “Rarity, check. Fluttershy, check. A-ha! Sea Swirl’s next. I think I saw her in the park earlier. Gotta go, bye!”
As soon as Pinkie had taken off, I frantically wiped at my mouth with my foreleg. When I was sure it was as clean as I could get it without water, I realized Fluttershy was looking at me expectantly. “Rarity,” she asked, “what did you mean when you said you needed to talk to me about my secret?”
Finally, an opportunity to share my enthusiasm for the project with Fluttershy! My own romantic troubles may be keeping me from meeting my career obligations, but I won’t let any of that interfere with my responsibilities as a best friend. “Well, darling, ever since our trip to the spa on Hearts and Hooves Day, I’ve decided that I should help you find somepony special. Somepony as kind-hearted and wonderful as you deserves romance in her life, and what kind of friend would I be if I didn’t help? Oh, you and I are going to have so much fun!” I couldn’t help but giggle a little. This was so exciting!
Fluttershy kept breaking eye contact with me, darting her eyes to the ground. “Um, th-thank you, Rarity, but I don’t r-really think I should.”
I was worried something like this might happen. This was all due to that old relationship that she didn’t want to talk about. I just needed to convince her that she didn’t need to be afraid. “Fluttershy, please, look at me.” She did. “I may not know what happened to you in the past, but believe me when I tell you that it doesn’t have to be that way. Falling in love is one of the most wonderful things anypony can experience, and it bothers me to think of you missing out on that because of a bad experience when you were young. Please, let me help you with this.”
“It... it’s not that.” Fluttershy dropped her head, letting her mane fall over her face. “After what happened back then... Ponies were hurt because of me. Ponies are still hurting because of what I did.” She looked out at me from behind her mane, and I could see tears starting to form in her eyes. “I don’t deserve to be in love.”
I pulled Fluttershy into a hug. “That isn’t true. Whatever happened, I promise it doesn’t mean you don’t deserve to love. Everypony does. Even that... obnoxious showmare that was here last year, if she can find somepony who’d want to stay with her.” Calm down, Rarity. Now is not the time for bitterness, not when your best friend needs you. “My apologies.” I dabbed the tears from her eyes with my fetlock – not the one on the foreleg I had wiped off the dirt with, the other one. “You trust me, do you not? Please, trust me now. Let me help you.”
Fluttershy began to think this over. “O-okay, Rarity. If you think it’s alright, I’ll try.”
Pinkie really does throw the best parties. It was a testament to how much thought she put into making sure everypony attending enjoyed themselves. In the hooves of a lesser hostess, I doubt I’d be having a very good time. After all, I really didn’t know the guests of honor all that well, and as this was meant to be a celebration of promotions for the weather team, quite a few of the guests were either weather ponies themselves, or farmers attempting to build a rapport with the weather ponies. I can hardly blame them for wanting to make connections that would help their businesses – it’s just what I would do in their place – but it didn’t make for very interesting conversation as far as I was concerned. As a unicorn, it wasn’t as though I could be a weather pony even if I wanted to.
However, as I said, Pinkie was careful to make sure that everypony at her parties was happy, so she made sure to invite a lot of the ponies in town that weren’t involved with the weather service. I had just had a pleasant conversation with Cheerilee about literature. She was telling me about a new mystery novel she was looking forward to. I made a note to myself to see if I could find a copy. While it may not be my favorite genre, I do appreciate the fine details that go into crafting a good mystery.
I was mingling again when I spotted Applejack from across the room. Our eyes met, and I could tell that she was signaling me to come over. Could this be it? Could Applejack finally be ready to discuss our Hearts and Hooves Day and what it meant for us? This was perfect! I felt just like the heroine of a romance novel. I began to make my way over to her – with purpose, but not so as to seem too eager. I must admit, now that it was going to happen, I actually felt a little nervous, but I was determined to see this through. Remember, Rarity, a lady should carry herself with grace and beauty. And poise as well. Must not forget poise.
When I got over to Applejack, she was conversing with a dark gray stallion. “Hello, Applejack,” I said, with all the charm I could bring to bear. “What a pleasure it is to see you tonight. And you as well, Thunderlane.” The latter returned the greeting, before excusing himself to go speak to his new boss and trotting off towards Blossomforth.
Now that we were alone, Applejack leaned in to whisper something to me. This was it! This was really, really it!
“Thank ya kindly, Rarity. I thought he’d never leave.”
Oh, come on!
She must have picked up on my irritation, as she continued, “He was tryin’ to get me to set him up with... ya know what? Ain’t important who.”
That’s why she wanted me to come over? Because she didn’t want to help somepony? “Why didn’t you agree?” I hissed under my breath. “I would have.”
Applejack scrunched her face up in a frown in a way that I am sure I would find cute if I wasn’t so angry with her right now. “I got my reasons.”
“Well, I’m just glad I could help you avoid helping somepony for ‘your reasons’.” By this point, Applejack and I practically had our muzzles pressed up against each other. I could feel the warmth of her breath on mine. It, naturally, smelt of apples, with a slight hint of cinnamon as well. Oh, how I wished she would just – confound it, Applejack! I’m trying to remain indignant here, and you aren’t helping!
“Maybe I already know there’s somepony else who’s sweet on the same pony he is, and maybe I didn’t wanna tell him that. Ain’t like he’d believe me if I lied to him.”
Oh, dear. I’d let my temper get the best of me, and I’d assumed the worst of Applejack. Dear, wonderful Applejack. I completely understood why she did what did. Love triangles are such an unpleasant business. Somepony always winds up unhappy. Stories tend to solve the problem by making one of the parties involved a clearly unsuitable choice, and usually a miscreant to boot, but life is scarcely so accommodating.
I turned my face away from her as I felt shame burning in my cheeks. “My apologies, Applejack. I should have known better than to think that about you.”
“Shucks, Rare, ‘tweren’t all your fault. Reckon I shoulda explained things better. Wanna just call it even?” I glanced back to see a blushing Applejack tentatively holding out her hoof, which I accepted.
Several moments passed in silence, with both Applejack and myself quickly looking at each other and then away again. In an attempt to break the silence, I offered, “So, how have you been lately? It’s been so long since we’ve really had a chance to talk.”
“Um, well, we’ve all been real busy at Sweet Apple Acres lately. I’m sure ya know how it is since ya got yer boutique and all.”
Anypony who knows anything about Applejack knows that she’s terrible at deception. Even if I hadn’t already known she was avoiding telling me something, I would have immediately suspected she was avoiding telling me something. With as long as we have known each other, I cannot imagine why she would think that I, of all ponies, wouldn’t notice.
Still, pointing that out would only serve to make her stop talking altogether. “Oh, of course, darling, I understand completely. Sometimes, it’s just one thing after another until you’re completely swamped. At least you were able to make time to come here tonight.”
“Heh, yeah.” Applejack chuckled. “Can’t argue with that. Ya know, Mac an’ I set Pinkie up with some of Sweet Apple Acres’ cider for this shindig. From one of our best batches, too. Ya want some?”
As I followed her over to the cider barrels, I continued, “I’m sure that now that you do have some time, you’ll probably take care of all the things you wanted to do but didn’t have time for. I-is there anything like that? Something you’ve intended to do but haven’t had time?” Surely Applejack can see where I’m going with this.
“Hay, I’m always glad to have a chance to see the gals.”
Why was she so determined to make this difficult? “Naturally, but is there perhaps something else as well?”
Applejack’s eyes began shifting around as she spoke, looking everywhere but at me. “Err... um, no, Rare, can’t rightly think of anythin’ like that right now.”
D-did she seriously just... oh, why does she have to be so... so... infuriating!
I could still salvage something out of this. “Since you don’t have anything planned, Fluttershy and I would love for you to join us at the spa. Sometime this week, maybe?”
“That’s awful nice of y’all,” Applejack demurred, “but the spa ain’t really my kinda thing. Little too frou-frou for me... err, no offense.”
“Oh, I don’t know, Applejack. I think you might like ‘frou-frou’, as you put it, if you gave it a chance.” Perhaps a small demonstration was in order. I lifted Applejack’s hat up.
“Hay!”
“Oh, hush now. This won’t take but a moment.” I removed the tie from her mane. I brought the ends of her mane down over her shoulders and did my best to make it look as good as possible, although there are limits when one is working without a manebrush.
“An’ just what do ya think you’re doin’, foolin’ around with my mane?” Applejack protested. I had to lift her hat up as she jumped in an attempt to reclaim it.
I looked around for something reflective. The glass front of that cabinet seemed suitable enough. “Would you at least take a look at my work before you mess it up?”
As Applejack stared at her reflection, I asked, “You look fabulous, don’t you think?”
“Well, yeah, I suppose, but –”
She did like it! “And that was only from a quick grooming. Just imagine how great you could look with a full makeover!”
“But it just ain’t practical.”
It would appear that Applejack wasn’t going to let this be easy. “Some things are more important than being ‘practical’. Style, for example. You shouldn’t underestimate the confidence one can receive from looking one’s best.”
Applejack’s ear twitched and she snorted as she moved closer to me. “An’ just what, may I ask, is wrong with the way I always look?”
Nothing’s wrong, I wanted to say. You’re beautiful. Unfortunately, I couldn’t seem to get the words out. My tongue flopped uncooperatively in my mouth like one of those fish Father likes to catch. I managed to stammer something out that I think was about enhancing beauty being part of my special talent. I don’t know if it was even coherent. It was just so embarrassing.
I actually sort of hope it wasn’t coherent, if only because of how Applejack responded. “I suppose next you’ll wanna put me in a cocktail dress an’ heels t’go apple buckin’.” It was so absurd, so dismissive. The thought that one of my closest friends didn’t respect what I did would be devastating. I’d like to say that I responded in a graceful and dignified manner.
It wouldn’t be true, but I’d like to say it.
After a debacle of a conversation with Applejack – things only went downhill from there – I went back to making my way around the party. It was when I was talking to Dr. Colgate that I saw Fluttershy. To be more precise, I saw a wide-brimmed floppy hat with a long curl of pink hair running down from underneath and only the faintest hints of a pony hiding behind a potted plant.
Well, whatever her reluctance to come to the party, at least she was here now. I politely excused myself from Colgate and went over to see how my friend was feeling.
“Oh, hello, Rarity,” Fluttershy said. “It’s, um... a really nice party, isn’t it?”
“For the most part, yes,” I said, unable to push my less than pleasant discussion with Applejack out of my mind. “You don’t look like you’re enjoying yourself, though.” Now that I was closer, I could see that she wasn’t just trying to hide behind a giant hat, but sunglasses as well. If anything, it all seemed like it would only serve to make her more conspicuous.
“I don’t? I’m sorry.” Fluttershy gasped. “Oh my, I hope Pinkie Pie isn’t upset with me! I’m having a good time, I really am.”
I simply couldn’t understand why Fluttershy was so apprehensive about this party for Cloud Kicker and Blossomforth. She wasn’t even this nervous at that party Pinkie threw for Rainbow’s uncouth griffon friend, and she’s a lot more outgoing now than she used to be. Unless... yes, that must be it. “I think I know what’s wrong.”
Fluttershy’s breathing sped up as she exhaled in deep, rapid bursts. “W-wrong? Nothing’s wrong. Everything’s perfectly normal! Just timid old Fluttershy, the pony scared of her own shadow.” She plastered a nervous grin on her face.
“It’s alright, Fluttershy.” I placed my forehooves on her shoulders and looked comfortingly into her eyes. “It’s perfectly natural for a pony to be nervous about starting to date again after a long time. Just know that I’ll be here for you the entire way.”
“Oh! Yes, you’re right; th-that’s exactly what I was worried about.” I knew it. Score one for a keen eye for detail. “I do feel better now that you’re here. Thank you so much.”
“Think nothing of it, darling. What are best friends for? If you like, we could begin right now.” With all the ponies here, it would be easier to figure out which ones Fluttershy might be interested in. “Only if you feel ready, of course.” She nodded her assent. “Wonderful! I suppose the first thing I should do is find out your preferences. Do you favor stallions or mares, or would you be fine with either?
“Um... I’m interested in a mare.” It was hard to tell due to the shadow cast by the brim of her hat, but I think I saw Fluttershy blush a little. After a moment, she continued, “That’s okay, isn’t it? I mean, I know you like stallions, and I didn’t know if your advice would work for mares, too.”
“There are differences, true, but there’s also much about love that’s universal. It shouldn’t be a problem. Besides, while I do favor stallions, I could see myself with a mare – if the right one came along.” The thought was not without pain, though, and not solely because of my recent difficulties with Applejack. I leaned in close to whisper into Fluttershy’s ear. “If that were to happen, she would not be my first. There was a mare I have to thank for learning a lot about love from.” In romance, as in fashion, failure is often more educational than success, and while meeting that charmless blackguard that calls himself royalty may have the most... instructive lesson, it wasn’t the only one.
To my surprise, Fluttershy came and draped a wing around my barrel. “I’m so sorry to hear that. Would you like to talk about it?”
While I didn’t understand the reason for Fluttershy’s embrace, I can’t deny that it felt good. I returned the gesture by leaning into the hug and nuzzling the side of her face. Sometimes a purely platonic show of affection from a good friend can mean more than anything. “Thank you, but there isn’t much to say. I made a bad decision due to enthusiasm and naïvety, but it was some time ago. It doesn’t really bother me anymore.” For some reason, that only resulted in her squeeze growing tighter.
I couldn’t help but realize that we had gotten away from the point of this conversation. “But enough about me; I’m supposed to be helping you. So, Fluttershy, what kind of qualities are you looking for in a marefriend?”
Fluttershy blushed. “Um, well, I guess I just want her to be a nice pony. Somepony who cares about others and looks out for them. I’m afraid I haven’t really thought about it more than that. Is... is that alright? I’m sorry I’m not able to be more help.”
“Don’t worry about it, dear. It’s only natural to be unsure about things when you’re just starting out.” I can’t say I was surprised by the kind of pony Fluttershy was looking for. Fortunately, Ponyville is a nice little town full of nice ponies, so we should be able to find one for her. If not, I could always look to the connections I had been building in Canterlot. There’s this charming cellist of my acquaintance that I don’t believe is seeing anypony.
But I’m getting ahead of myself. “Perhaps we should start by having you spend time with some ponies. Try to view them in a romantic context, so you can get a better idea of the kind of mare you’re looking for. Why don’t you try talking to some of the ponies here and see if anypony stands out to you? Then we can work on getting you some dates.”
“D-dates?” Fluttershy tried to shrink back under her hat. “I don’t know if I could ask somepony out on a date. What if they said no? I don’t think I could handle that kind of rejection.”
Her innocence would be charming if she wasn’t so nervous. “Ponies such as ourselves don’t need to worry about that. When you talk to the pony you have your eye on, drop subtle hints at your interest in them. Flirt with them a little. If they’re interested, they will ask you out. Thus, we ask without asking. Simplicity itself!” Okay, so it’s not been so successful for me lately, but I maintain it almost always works. For the sake of Fluttershy’s confidence, I’m just leaving out the “almost always” part.
Fluttershy bit her lower lip. “Are you sure that would work for me? I’ve never flirted with anypony before. I don’t really know how.”
Oh. That was a good point. “I’ll go talk to somepony. Follow me and watch what I do, just try not to let her see you. You may want to lose the hat.”
I scanned the party looking for the right mare for the task at hoof. After all, if all went as it should, I would be arranging a date, so she couldn’t be just anypony. I spotted an excellent candidate over by the refreshments, sharing a drink with a pegasus I’m fairly certain is on Rainbow’s weather team. We’ve always had pleasant interactions in the past, and I have fairly good reason to believe she finds me attractive.
Yes, Berry Punch would make for a most agreeable dating companion.
Berry is Ponyville’s premier vintner, and the wine she makes is some of the finest I’ve ever tasted. Fine enough, in fact, for me to send bottles to Fancy Pants and some of my other Canterlot contacts last Hearth’s Warming.
As I made my way over to talk to her, I was troubled by this nagging feeling that I was missing something, that something Fluttershy had told me was more significant than I realized. If only I could put my hoof on what it was...
“Yes!” Berry shouted, slamming her mug on the table and breaking my train of thought. “Sorry, Dropsy, you lose. The winner and still undisputed champion of Equestria, Berry Punch!”
Oh, right. This. From what I’d heard, Berry could be overcompetitive at times – a far too frequent problem in Ponyville, if you ask me – and she never turned down a drinking game. Or, for that matter, lost one. From the look and, not to be crude, scent of things, she’d been winning rather a lot tonight.
Well, in for a garnet, in for a diamond.
Berry’s erstwhile pegasus competitor practically knocked me over as she stormed past, muttering something about being called “Dropsy”. I collected myself and politely cleared my throat to get Berry’s attention. She turned to me and her face lit up, save for a right eyelid that lazily remained half-closed. “Charity! Hey!”
Ch-charity?
Go home, Berry. You’re drunk. Still, I was determined to press on. “Hello, Berry. It’s Rarity, by the way.”
“Oh, heh. Sorry, Charity,” she said sheepishly. “Hey! Wanna play a game? Betcha I’ll win!”
I’ll bet you would. “Perhaps some other time. How have you been lately? How’s the vineyard?”
“Great! Vineyard’s great. Doin’ great.” She was starting to encroach on my personal space. “Wanna know why?”
Sure, why not? I’ll play along with this. “Why’s that, Berry?”
“‘Causa my customers.” She stopped and seemed to deliberate on something for a moment. “Hey. Hey hey. I gotta... gotta tell ya something, Charity. ‘Simportant. Y-yer wunna my best customers. Been gettin’ orders from Canner... Cander... Canterlot ‘causa you. Wanna letcha know how much I appreciate it.”
Despite the intoxicated way she’d put it, it was a really sweet gesture on her part. “You’re welcome. With a product like yours, I –” I was cut off as I suddenly found my lips otherwise occupied. Specifically, occupied by Berry’s lips, as she leaned forward and pressed them against mine. I should have pulled back, but I was so startled, that... and there’s her tongue, cold and wet from the cider, inside my mouth. Perfect.
Well, this has been nothing short of an appalling disaster.
“I’m sorry, Rarity, I don’t think I’m a very good student. What you did clearly worked, but I didn’t learn anything at all.”
“That’s quite alright. In fact, it would probably be for the best if you forgot everything that just happened.” I’m certainly going to try. Doubtless Berry will too, assuming she even remembers tomorrow.
She tasted like apples, but it wasn’t the same at all.
“It’s my fault really, Fluttershy. Berry was clearly a poor choice on my part.” One I sincerely hoped nopony else saw, least of all my friends. Rainbow would doubtless not let me hear the end of it for weeks, and Pinkie would probably have already started planning a “Rarity and Berry Punch are dating” party. Applejack would... hmm. Applejack would be reminded that I’m not the type of pony who’ll be available forever if she doesn’t act, so I suppose it wouldn’t all be bad. “We can try again, if you like.”
“If you think it’ll help, I’m willing to try.” Fluttershy looked like she was starting to doubt herself. I needed to make sure my next choice was perfect. I needed somepony I could trust to favor my advances. I needed – yes, she was exactly what I needed. The solution to my problem was right before my eyes. There was Cloud Kicker, practically draping herself over the body of her paramour.
I can’t say I didn’t feel somewhat bad for Blossomforth, having to share the pony she loved the way she did. Still, I suppose if it truly bothered her, she would have put an end to either it or the relationship by now. Love can make ponies overlook quite a few problems with the object of their affection, but even love has its limits.
I may have spoken too hastily, as Blossomforth just shoved Cloud Kicker away and stormed off.
You know, I really do think this is one of the best ideas I’ve had in some time. First and foremost, it will help Fluttershy, but there’s so much more. Applejack has to realize that I’ve no intention of waiting around if she’s going to continue acting as though things between us are the same as they’ve always been, and an evening with Cloud Kicker could be just the way to accomplish that. The sight of an up-and-coming fashionista and Element Bearer such as myself dining with Ponyville’s resident ladies’ mare in one of the town’s finest restaurants would certainly set tongues wagging. Applejack would be sure to hear about it from somepony.
Oh my, that makes me sound vindictive, doesn’t it? I’m not trying to be, I assure you. I don’t want to hurt Applejack’s feelings. I want her to be my marefriend, but even more than that, she’s my friend. I simply don’t know what else to do at this point. Applejack herself would tell you that there are plenty of trees in the orchard; there’s no point in continuing to buck a tree that isn’t producing fruit. Not when there are plenty of other trees that would welcome somepony like me... bucking... them.
I fear that metaphor may have gotten away from me a bit. I hope my point is clear, though. It’s not too much to ask, is it?
This could really benefit Cloud and Blossom’s relationship as well. I know some ponies have a problem with the way Cloud Kicker chooses to live her life, but she’s not harming anypony. True, she could stand to be more refined, but she’s hardly the only pony in town I can say that about. The strange thing about Cloud Kicker, though, is that she seems to be going out of her way to skip the best part of a relationship.
Being physically intimate can be enjoyable to be sure, but it doesn’t hold a candle to the joys that two ponies in love experience. For some reason though, Cloud Kicker only pursues the former. Perhaps she and I spending some time together – I certainly don’t plan on jumping into bed with Cloud Kicker or anypony else without being properly courted beforehoof – would help her realize the value of connecting with ponies on an emotional level instead of a mere physical one. She’d be happier for it, and from the look of things, so would Blossomforth.
This was going to help so many ponies. Oh, Rarity, you are a genius.
I approached Cloud Kicker and gently tapped her on the shoulder to get her attention. She turned around, but she didn’t say anything. All she did was stare at me, and her gaze hadn’t stayed with my eyes for very long. She wasn’t even trying to be subtle about it this time. This was going to be easier than I thought. Not too easy, I hope, or Fluttershy won’t learn anything.
As much as I was enjoying the attention, especially from somepony as experienced in such matters as Cloud Kicker was, I had come over here for a reason. Just a little bit lon... no, no. Focus, Rarity. “Cloud Kicker? Is everything alright?”
She quickly turned her attention from my flank. “Everything’s fine,” she said with a besotted grin.
Her marefriend’s anger certainly suggested otherwise. “Oh? I think Blossomforth might beg to differ. She seemed quite put out with you. I do hope it’s nothing too serious – the two of you make such a lovely couple.”
“Blossom and I are just friends.”
That was hard to believe, especially with the way she’d been hanging all over her “friend” not but a few moments ago. Still, she didn’t look like she was joking. If she wasn’t, that added an interesting new wrinkle to the situation. “The two of you are entirely platonic? I must say, the two of you seemed rather… physically affectionate for mere friends.”
She responded with a shrug. “What can I say? I’m a very physical pony. The way I see it, a hug’s a much better way of showing somepony you’re their friend than a bunch of words.” It was hard to argue with that sentiment, although I wouldn’t exactly call what Cloud Kicker had been doing a simple hug. “Plus, that kind of thing just feels nice. That, and it’s a fun way to tease Blossom. It’s kind of like a game for us; I’ll get all huggy and snuggly with her and she’ll pretend it annoys her a lot more than it really does. Friendships are weird that way.”
I can certainly attest to friendships being strange at times. To think, it was little more than a year ago Applejack and I had our tiff at Twilight’s slumber party, and Rainbow flew all around Ponyville hiding because she wanted to avoid talking to Pinkie. “I think I understand.” Speaking of Applejack, I caught a glimpse of her over to the side speaking with Pinkie. “Friendships can develop in ways nopony would ever expect and even fewer would understand.”
Applejack and I made eye contact. She waved at me, and I smiled back at her. It was such a simple, friendly gesture between two ponies. If only everything between us could be so simple.
I turned my attention back to Cloud Kicker. It was time to put my plan into effect. “Still, I had been so certain that you and Blossomforth were closer than mere friends. It offends my sensibilities that I was mistaken on that count. I am afraid I simply cannot be satisfied until you have found some way to make it up to me.” I acted insulted, but we both knew that’s all it was, an act.
Cloud Kicker resisted taking the bait, though. “So since you jumped to conclusions about me and Blossom, now I owe you?”
I believe I know what the problem is. Cloud Kicker prefers her... socializing to be free of emotional connections, but she must know I’d be looking for more than that. Now that I thought about it, that’s surely why, despite her transparent attraction, she’s never propositioned me. Even so, I must admit a bit of pique. I may have figured it out, but that doesn’t mean that anypony else has.
At any rate, I would need to make my intentions here rather more overt if I was to meet with success. “That is hardly the way I would describe the situation. Obviously, the only way I could have been mistaken about the two of you is if you acted deceptively. Clearly, you intended to provide other ponies with the false impression that you were in some sort of open-ended relationship. I think nothing less than a trip to the spa and a proper dinner will suffice to clear the debt you owe me for the wounds you have inflicted upon my pride.”
I decided to bring forth the greatest tool I had at my disposal, my not-inconsiderable charm. It’s served me well all my life – it helped me get the last percentage point I needed to graduate with honors, it helped me make my first connections in the fashion community, it even helped me make some wonderful friends like Twilight Sparkle. It could help me now as well.
“It should be a rather enjoyable excursion. I must say, we really should have gotten better acquainted with each other before now. Why, I can hardly believe that we’ve never even exchanged more than a few passing words.”
Before I had a chance to see Cloud Kicker’s response, we were interrupted by the sound of somepony pointedly coughing. Applejack had approached us, and had levelled an icy glare at Cloud Kicker.
Now I just needed to feign disinterest a little, and see how she responded. “Applejack, was there something you wanted?”
When she turned to respond, her anger melted away, replaced by anxiety. “Well, erm – apples!” she exclaimed. “We got a, um... there’s somethin’ mighty important comin’ up in a couple months, an’ I was wonderin’ – if’n it ain’t too much trouble – if ya could fix me up somethin’ nice to wear to it. ‘Cause... ya know... I wanna look nice… fer the thing that’s comin’ up an’ all… yeah.”
It worked! I knew she liked me! I tried not to smile too much; I wouldn't want to let everything slip now.
“Oh. I see,” I said. “Of course I could spare some time for a friend in need, Applejack. I imagine we would need to spend quite a bit of time together though; we can hardly put you in an outfit that is anything less than absolutely perfect, now can we? I trust you can spare some time from the fields for that?”
“I reckon I can spare some time for ya.” Applejack appeared to be studying the walls of Sugarcube Corner rather intently, although it was not easy to tell from my brief glances in her direction.
“Ah, excellent.” I glanced over at Applejack and saw that she was looking back at me. Our eyes met but for a second before we both turned away. I may have let a fillyish giggle escape my lips, but how could I help it? "So, then, you'll stop by the boutique soon? I have some wonderful ideas that I think you’d be perfect for.” Many of them even involved fashion.
“I’ll be there.” A smirk formed on her lips. “‘Suming ya don’t mind wastin’ yer ideas on a ‘provincial boor’, that is.”
Ah, right. I’d forgotten I’d called her that. “I’m sorry about what I said earlier. It was uncalled for. You aren’t really a provincial boor,” I said, staring at my hooves.
“Shucks, Rare, I’m sorry, too. Y’all ain’t a prissy prima donna neither.”
We both remained silent for several moments, when I realized that I’d come over to talk to Cloud Kicker, and I’d been ignoring her. “Cloud Kicker, I’m –” I had intended to apologize for my rudeness and excuse myself to talk to Applejack, but she’d gone. When I turned back to Applejack, she was scowling.
“Right. An’ just what was that all about, anyway?”
“What was what all about, dear?”
Applejack's right ear flicked a couple of times. “Ya know what I mean, Rarity," she said forcefully. "'Fore I got here. Y’were just throwin’ yerself at Little Miss Anythin’-with-Hooves.”
Throwing myself? I wasn't about to stand by and let somepony cast aspersions on my character, even if it was Applejack. “I beg your pardon, Applejack. I was not ‘throwing myself’ at anypony. I was simply having a pleasant conversation with Cloud Kicker."
Applejack pressed forward, her irritation growing. "Ya said y'all should get better acquainted." She snorted, her hot breath brushing against my face. "There's only one way that trollop wants ta 'get acquainted' with anypony and ya know it."
Did she just– was she calling me– I cannot believe Applejack was accusing me of only being interested in... that. "You're being rather unfair to her – to both of us. I should think that, at the very least, you would know me better than that." Right then, I was hit by a burst of inspiration. If I didn't give her a chance to speak, I had her right where I wanted her. Yes, this was sure to work. "Still, if I was interested in... socializing with Cloud Kicker – and I'm not saying that I am – but if I was, I don't see why I should not be free to do so. After all, I'm not currently involved with anypony, am I now? Perhaps there is something I have overlooked, though. Tell me, Applejack, can you think of anything?"
Applejack began to stammer. "Well... um... I, uh – 'cause yer better than that." She seemed surprised by her own outburst at first, but then the corners of her eyes began to crinkle, and her lips began to curl into a smile. It was such a self-satisfied little smile, I just couldn't...
I slammed my hoof to the floor. "You're impossible!"
We stood there, glaring at each other. My barrel was heaving so intensely, I thought my heart might burst. An eternity passed and we simply stared at one another. Finally, it was Applejack that broke the silence.
"So, uh, tomorrow good for ya? Fer that thing?"
"Tomorrow would be lovely."
I reflected on the day's events as I prepared myself for bed. Pinkie had thrown a wonderful party, Fluttershy had taken her first steps towards love, and I was to see Applejack tomorrow. All in all, it was a good night. Such a night should be preserved for posterity.
I went over to my desk and removed my diary and a quill. As I was opening my diary to the next blank page, a folded piece of paper fell to the floor. Curious, I picked it up and began to read.
Dearest Rarity, it began. Smashing news! I am most gratified to receive your acceptance. I had worried that the size of the request might prove daunting, but...
It was a letter from Fancy Pants. He was planning on giving Fleur de Lis dresses for her birthday, and he'd thought of me! Naturally, I agreed. Some might think designing seventeen unique dresses for the same pony too big an undertaking, but I found it a joy. Especially for somepony like Fleur. Her body is so elegant, almost... regal. While I hope someday to design for one of the princesses, having my work adorn one of the most prominent members of Canterlot society is nothing to scoff at.
Fortunately, I had finished all the designs and measurements for Fleur's order before the stress of Hearts and Hooves Day sapped my creative energies. All that remained was to actually sew them, but I had time.
Wait. How much time did I have?
I quickly skipped to the bottom of the letter. When I saw the date listed there, the shock released the hold I had on it, and it fluttered to the floor. How could I have been so irresponsible? I was supposed to have those seventeen dresses in Canterlot the day after tomorrow!
I put everything back into my desk as neatly as I could and extinguished the candle. I looked longingly at the comfort of my bed as I made my way back down stairs. I don't think I'd be getting any sleep tonight.
