"Will you hurry and get to the good stuff already? Where is the bloodshed, the drugs and debauchery?"

Excuse me, Discord, if my descent into madness as my self being slowly rewritten into something more apt for my power, form, and personality was too slow and peaceful for your liking. Also, I made a point of trying to get those that attack me alive, and I don't do drugs.

"Ugh, I know. I picked you, after all."

You chose at random by tossing pies at-and-into a raffle thingy until a name came out of it.

"I know. I had to pick the humans that wouldn't earn Celly's ire, but I still had a little hope that you would show a little more ruthlessness."

Haha. No.

"Still, there is the matter of you bedroom antics."

Those would have nothing to do with the story.

"But they are interesting! Who would have thought that turning into a pony would throw away your shyness and unwillingness to try weird things?"

Well... ponies are much, much less reserved about the subject than humans. Form molds minds when it comes to chaos magi, remember? Whenever I'm a human I don't even think about the topic. Also, I'm not speaking of them.

"Will we have to get third-party accounts? It's not as satisfying as hearing it from the source."

If I could, I'd poke them in the eyes. Can I go back to the story?

"Fine, have it your way."

Thanks.

After saying our good nights, I pulled a cloud out of the sky, just by picking a 'channel' on the TV and peeling it out of the picture like a sticker, then, tossing it to the floor made it expand to the size it used to have.

I turned my jeans and shirt into plain blue PJ's and flopped down on the cloud. Let me tell you, I can see why people insist that Heaven with capital H is made of the stuff! Your body sinks in in all the right places! It feels like... velvet, silk and cotton; soft, smooth, and cushy... and it's pleasantly cool to the touch.

No, you don't get to be told what happened in my dreams. You only need to know that I'm going to enjoy my time in Equestria a lot more.

In any case, I woke up way before dawn, and Luna must have been right outside the door and heard me, because she unlocked it and stepped inside. I bit back a comment about stalkers, mostly because I really like Luna and she looked bored out of her skull.

Night court wasn't very active on a normal night, and this whole business had it cancelled for now. Plus, the day's events had produced way too many questions... not necessarily about magic, mind you.

She wanted to know about humans' nighttime activities. I couldn't bring myself to say 'no' to that face! It was just like a filly's! If she had gone puppy-dog-eyes, my heart would have imploded. I told her that, while humans were primarily diurnal, people have been observing the night sky for thousands of years with awe. I spoke about how the moon moves in the human world, and how civilizations like the mesoamerican ones mapped out the movement of the celestial bodies.

Thirty minutes later, I spoke about art of the night. She pointed at the spot the TV used to be and asked. "Can you use your device to show Us- I mean, show me?"

"I can do better than that." I grinned.

I changed my clothes back and made a pair of glasses - my glasses, actually, just that Discord's magic fixed my vision- and put them on. Instead of Celestia's study, I was seeing a huge theater, with a piano in front of me.

I placed the sheet music and sat down on my spot.

I began to play Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata, and did so very well. Not to say I was bad before, I had had lessons, it was just that it had been years since I last touched the keys of a piano and I was sure I'd be rusty as all hell.

'Looks like Music is Magic here in Equestria.' I guessed.

There is an enchantment, spanning the whole world, that kind of... connects everyone living in it to music. Music is a reflection of the soul, and it makes others happy and more willing to live in harmony. It's even the reason why they have lasted this long through the chaos deficit.

Still, the piece came to an end, and as the last sounds hung in the air my fingers left the ivory of the piano for my glasses; I almost pulled them off before I remembered to stand up first, then take them off. I was back in the study, with a midnight blue pony with a very pleased expression in her face.

"That was beautiful." She said, and I bowed to the compliment.

"Composed two hundred years ago, by a human, who composed many more pieces even after he went completely deaf." I said.

"Goodness! How did he achieve such a feat without magic?" She said, shocked.

"He was very good at hearing things inside his head." I tapped mine for emphasis. "He also felt the music, and kept in mind the tempo and all that. He didn't let something like that keep him down; it's the reason people have conquered each corner of our world, to the point you could say that 'adaptability' is our racial trait."

"Human determination is..." She waved her hoof around, as if fishing for the right word.

"Yeah, it is." I said, saving her the trouble. I had the sudden impulse to drill something, but it wouldn't be funny given the situation. Then, as customary for me, I got a different impulse

"Whether it's impossible or laughable, great men open up paths of battle." I held my hand skyward. "If there's a wall, we break it down. If there's no path, we make one with these hands."

"That sounds profound." Said Celestia, startling Luna, but I heard her hoof on the floor. How did she get in there so stealthily, I still don't know, but she does have millennia of experience in magic.

"I got it from a TV show." I admitted, but it still fits.

"You are an odd one." Luna gave me a dainty chuckle.

"Guilty as charged." I said, making Celestia give me the ladylike giggles this time.

I was asked to find something to entertain myself for a little bit while Celestia pored over some of the many tomes of her study, so I tried practicing stuff like levitation. I'm not stupid, Ultimate Test of goodness or no, I knew that it was because Celestia didn't actually trust me to be on my own for any length of time - explains a lot, actually. Back to the lesson, I had to move my hands and arms to keep them from wobbling or veering off-course, at least back then, but it was easy! One book in the air became two pancakes, then four muffins, then a whole formation of shoes! Then Celestia told me to try not using Chaos magic to lift them this time.

Apparently, when Discord said 'magic (he) accumulated' he meant all kinds of it. He took most of the other, non-chaos kinds, but left me enough to comfortably pass the 'above average' line. I should have suspected it when I was able to just lay down on a cloud. Sure, I expected it to happen, and so it likely would have, but I guess that would have been a pretty excessive use of my-

Ha! I can't say it with a straight face! I'm all about excess when nothing important is going on, and even then I find a way to use a little chaos on everything even when the situation doesn't require it.

Unless an Order Stone is used... those things detonate pretty violently if I so much as look at them funny, and it hurts... not quite the use they were supposed to have, but I exceed safety parameters by several orders of magnitude. I'd rather not give the royal physician any more reasons to berate me.

I thankfully didn't have time to try using non-chaos magic, since it was time to raise the sun.

It's... glorious. When she raises the sun it feels like... the first rays of sunlight after being cooped up inside a cold, dark cave. Warm, invigorating, pleasantly toasty with a side of delicious breezes. It even got rid of the stuffy air for a bit, since dawn was a natural thing that she facilitated. The raising of the moon feels like getting under the shade of a tree after baking in the sun - cool and refreshing, restful and recuperating.

Unfortunately, it made the urges return. I felt it would be awfully chaotic if something were to mess it up, namely me. Doubly unfortunately, the feeling stopped when I thought about how mad Celestia would be at me, and how un-amusing would that be. I said 'doubly' because I realized that the urges are entirely self-serving unless I make the issue into something that would gain me a reward of some sort, no matter how small, or rid me of a debt; I am left entirely up to my own devices in those cases.

Seeing how selfish the impulses were, and how likely it was that she had some personal experiences with Discord before he became who he is now, I can understand the reasoning behind what Celestia did about it. Even if I was a little shocked and a little angry it gave me something meaningful to do, so it's OK.

Breakfast was apple pancakes. Sweet goodness were they tasty... Oh! Right! The dinning room was vacated, only the princesses, the Elements, the two guards from yesterday, and me remained. And the guards were a formality.

See, even if the state of emergency was called off, she told everypony else that there had been some 'complications' and that she needed to 'carefully deliberate on the next movement with the Bearers' or something like that. Basically, she got some privacy out of the whole ordeal. I had already discussed some plans with them, and I thought I had a good idea of which one they had chosen.

After finishing, I entertained myself by twisting my fork unto knots, then untwisting it. My fingers were more dexterous than before, too.

"So, I'd like to offer my apologies for making you travel all this way." I said, shortly after catching a faint whisper of complaint from Rarity. "Allow me to get you home."

"Oh, that won't be necessary..." Rarity said, and I waved it away.

As in, I waved my hand and words fell to the floor. Times New Roman size fourteen, black.

"I'm sitting on these powers, and they want to be used. Currently, they are asking me to pie you in the face - rhubarb strawberry pie, by the way." I said, stuffing my hands in my pockets to attempt to get them out of mischief; didn't want to turn into Loki now would I?

Rarity shuddered at the mental image. Pinkie Pie wanted me to give her the recipe, but I didn't actually know how to bake one, so she "Aww'd" so hard it made me want to search for one right there and then.

"Anyways, I figured I should instead use them for something constructive."

"Very responsible of you." Luna said, and her compliment left a warm and fuzzy feeling inside of my chest.

"Heck, why not?" Dash said, again proving how chill she's with humans. The princesses had made sure they knew that a plan had already been put into motion, so Dash asked. "Are we still needed for something, princess?"

Celestia considered her options... technically, she didn't need their presence, but my little outburst made her want to bond with Twilight a little more...

She knew how much I owed these mares, since they gave me something warm and bright to liven up my little piece of the world - translation: With my willpower so directed at not hurting them, the odds of the ground shaking and tearing apart, swallowing them whole while fire rains from the sky, were far greater than those of me making something bad happen even by accident.

She let out some official-sounding speech-like message that was almost certainly practiced. It amounted to "I'm sorry I made you come over here for, ultimately, nothing, but better safe than sorry, since there was a lack of information. If you want, you can go back home to take care of whatever business was interrupted by this unexpected summons. I'd love for Twilight to stay for a while, though."

Neither Celestia nor Luna had slept the previous night (and day) thinking of speeches and political maneuvers to justify *coughmakeexcusescough* for what they were about to do. They didn't sleep the day before that, either, since they thought Discord was going to act. They gave up sleep that day and night as well, since their plan was bolder than... oh dear, I don't have an analogy for the sheer magnitude of the stones you'd need to do that.

For those that think Celestia is being naïve: Again, I survived, unscathed I might add, the greatest baptism by fire I could have without putting anyone else's life at risk. The results of my trial by fire came positive, so Celestia accepted that there was nothing more wrong with me that with the six Bearers or herself at some point of the past. I was, for all intents and purposes, just like any other resident of the world - powers or not, human or else. Celestia is smart and wise, and can accept her mistakes when presented with evidence. She trusted me as long as there were other ponies to supervise me; which explains why she threw me into the sociopolitical spotlight like chum to the sharks, only that I can be quite the stomachache for the ponies that cross me.

Not to mention that doing things to care for ponies would make sure I won't end up turning into another Discord.

Or The Mask... that one wouldn't be so bad, actually, merely annoying. Plus, in this world, people only use underwear on select occasions, so I won't be tempted into giving Shining Armor wedgies every other time I see him.

"A-are you sure it's safe?" Fluttershy asked, and did so adorably.

"Normally, I'd guess teleportation is a high-level ability." I said, looking at Twilight and her nod of confirmation. "But by looking at the Collective -that is, the place where things that 'slip through the cracks' fall into- I found an easy, as well as very efficient, method of transport. For me, at least."

I was grinning widely. "Displacement!"

"The subject is never touched, and it's as simple as stepping through a door." I just have to make a Pathway within the world, which is as easy as pointing my fingers and thinking about it, and setting the 'rules'. The way I do so, though, is what can make the difference between being off-target, giving me a headache, or handling it perfectly. (Unless I'm pretty determined, or totally insane and uncaring, those two make things easy)

After a little bit of subterfuge, hiding from the palace's staff and resisting the urge to pull pranks on them, I decided to get right to action.

"Ah dunno... Ah'm not in a hurry." Applejack gave me the same plastic smile she gave Pinkie in Party of One.

"Ah, come on! I'll go first." Dash said, jumping at the opportunity to upstage Applejack.

"Thank you!" I said, turning around, popping another TV and changing the channel to 'Live from Ponyville'. I think Ditzy waved at me, but that could have been a little mid-air flailing before she hit that lamppost.

"So... you are here, and I want you to get to Ponyville; it has to have plenty of space, and you must feel comfortable." I moved my hand from where Dash was to the image on the TV... and it's a good thing Dashie can fly, since she was like... a hundred meters off the ground. I felt like my head got a good shake, otherwise, perfect! She just swooped around the air like nothing was wrong, lacking the usual disorientation (minor or major) from long-range sudden teleports.

"Hmm... Dash is pretty comfortable in the sky."

"Shoot, Ah ain't gonna let Dash make me look bad. Jacqueline Apple Daniels has her pride." She mumbled under her breath. And yes, she does, I checked the records. Also, I'm doing my best to excise that pride from the entirety of Ponyville, at least, the part of it that makes them think it's a good idea to follow a tradition that has been making them miss each Winter Wrap-Up deadline for years before Twilight came along.

"Ah'm goin' next." She said.

"I'd better go with you for that one." I said, taking care of noting the dangerously-close-to-a-glare scowl Luna was giving me. "I'll pick a place out of view from the orchard."

"Alright, edge of the orchard..." I moved the viewpoint to a place where the barn blocked the view from the farmhouse, and was deep enough inside SAA that it would be impossible to be seen from town.

"Northern border, by the Everfree." AJ helpfully said.

"... Northern border, by the Everfree. Surrounded by trees, out of direct view from the farmhouse, hidden behind the hills. Comfort first." I wrapped an arm around AJ, there was a small, half-a-centimeter-tall fall, and done!

We where in the mouth of the Everfree forest, a little bit away from the Acres, just by a few meters.

I felt... great! It took my comfort into account too! It was like any forest back home; fresh air, calming natural sounds, and none of that pesky stuffiness from Canterlot. I looked all around me, admiring the crooked-yet-healthy trees. I felt a tiny sensation that niggled at my consciousness, but I quickly deducted it must be the 'danger from the Everfree' feeling Applejack was trying to suppress.

She shuddered a little, but recovered quickly. She's brave... bar Zecora, the six of them where the first ones to successfully return unharmed from the Everfree since Granny Smith, and she had not gone as deep as they had. Ever since the cockatrice incident, when Twilight took a small detour due to a few fallen trees, Zecora has been producing three times the amount of a 'safe passage' brew she pours over each possible trail you can potentially use to reach her hut.

Still not a very safe place for a non-heavenly-body-princess non-me, even if you stick to the trail, so AJ tried to get me to hurry up. How nice of her! She was waiting next to me instead of trotting off to the edge by herself! Even if I could see it from where I stood!

"Just a moment! I thought of something!" I replied.

I broke off a large branch from a nearby tree, and it began to warp and twist (rather, untwist) from a gnarled, messy limb into a straight staff around seven feet tall with a large hooked ending - seriously, large; it's three-quarters of a circle and it fits around my head. Calling it a hook might not be entirely accurate, since there is no point; it's blunt like a golf ball in that end, so 'hook-like' will have to do. Three of the bough's twigs remained on top, giving it a neat almost-Mohawk, and one of them still had a leaf! The other end was sharp, like a stake.

I finally felt complete. I was magic before, but now I had a staff! All I had to do now was play around with my wardrobe, and I would be a full-fledged wizard! Err... remember, the 'psychological factor' is an important part of my powers now, at least, the chaos-born ones.

Boy, was that a nice feeling; still is, actually. While human I never parted with it - except one time, but that wasn't one-hundred percent voluntary. Still, it kinda became my icon as a human.

Due to my habit of making alternate forms for it Ala "Ten Commandments Sword", and using more branches from trees around the world, it would come to be known as 'Yggdrasil's Ever-Changing Arm' in the language of Gryphons. God, I love those guys. Many other languages would call it something alluding to its origins, as does 'branch of every tree', or its nature, like 'morphing horn'.

"Done!" I proclaimed, spinning around once and raising the staff high into the air with one hand. A little fanfare played on the background as the staff gave a bright, golden glow.

Then we calmly walked away from the forest, and into the orchard. I was about to say something, when somepony yelled...

"AJ! Behind you!"

And a large red pony was speeding right at me.

Hmm... That was not good. For him, anyways.

Author's Note

OK, Aether is right. The scenes add nothing to the story itself - not to the plotlines, anyways. Maybe the relationships between the characters, but that's it. You could skip all of the planned and 'I-dare-you-to-write-____' NSFW scenes and you would not miss much.

So... the question is this, do I post the mature-rated stuff separately and bump this one down to 'teen' for allusions and references to sex and violence or do I leave it as-is? I'd like it if those that chose not to see this rating could read the story as well...

Having links from other places sounds good as well.