Will To Survive

Survival is both an exalted privilege and a painful burden.

– Gerda Weissmann Klein

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Chapter 1: An Average Nopony

We all want to live a life of prosperity, happiness, and success. Sometimes it’s easy to grab ahold of and stay on, and for other it’s out of reach. When the dreams we wish are just inches from our grasp, we do thing to get to them, and we do actions to obtain it, at any cost. Lives will seem meaningless to ours. We’ll crush theirs to grow our own. Our greed can do so much, so fast. It’s a sight to see how one life can end many to feed his bottomless hunger. There is no fix; it’s our nature, no matter who we are.

Even I wasn’t invulnerable to my own selfishness…

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When I was young I was a typical individual. A dark blue stallion pegasus with a spiky mane with shades of red. What made me stand out the most were my eyes. I had heterochromia iridum, a discoloration of the eye or other parts of the body. In my case, it was my eyes. My left eye had shades of red with green while my right had brown with shades of blue. I got it when I had an eye infection when I was a baby, then medication along with the infection caused the wacky discoloration.

I lived in Manehattan, and still do today. If you looked at me when I was around my schoolyard or walking around the city you would have never depicted how my life was. I looked normal, like everypony else, except for a few things

My life was pitiful as a child. I hadn’t got my cutie mark yet, so at my school I was mocked for that. I had no idea what my special talent was. Besides that, I wasn’t a social pony. I didn’t like being around other because I never fit in, at all. I was considered a creep. Although I didn’t talk much I still got in trouble, mainly because the bullies at my school were clever. They found ways to commit problems and successfully frame kids at school, the bastards. I remember getting called to the principal’s office multiple times ‘cause of those guys.

Although I was a social outcast and had a record at the school for being “unstable”, I was probably the most normal in my class. One of the kids in my class named DimLight was probably the biggest outcast. I felt bad for him, mainly because his wings were removed when he was little. He got an infection or something in which he had to have them removed. He was brutally ripped and abused for that at school. At one point his constant picking caused him to snap. Violently, he attacked a bully and began to curb stomp him during recess. I still remember the teachers running over and removing him from the kid, the ambulance flying in to get the kid to the hospital. DimLight didn’t show up to school the next day, and to be honest, I never saw him again after that. The kid who was attacked was fine, but he and his family moved from the city. I think they went to Vanhoover or somewhere in that area.

I didn’t have any parents and was living at an old orphanage on the outskirts of the city. I forgot the name, and frankly I don’t want to remember. The owner was evil, she was abusive. The other kids and I tried to get her in trouble, but she was a crafty witch. So trying to get her taken away was impossible. Many kids ran away, but I stayed. It was a place to sleep and eat, that’s all that mattered to me.

After those dreadful years had passed it felt refreshing to look forward to a new start. However, reality has a unique way of changing its mind rapidly. I worked hard to look for a job, find a cheap apartment, and work to earn an honest living. I kept getting fired. Times were hard, they still are, and everypony was getting laid off left and right. Like a kid popping balloons on a wall with darts, just one by one.

It was only a matter of time before I started to suffer. Money doesn’t bring happiness, but it keeps ponies alive. Rent was due and I was broke. The inevitable happened and I was kicked out, and at the worst possible time. Winter was just around the corner, and now I have nowhere to go. I wasn’t the only one. Much of Manhattan’s population was suffering, especially a few years ago.

You see, in Manehattan about two or three years ago was the end to Manehattan’s pure prosperity. The city’s economy turned for the worst, ponies lost their jobs, businesses collapsed, and worst of all, nopony knew why.

Civilized ponies became savages, killing each other over common necessities; occasionally there were riots and just a lot of destruction. It wasn’t long before ponies began working together forming groups and organizations. Soon, the greed was too great and each of them began killing each other. There was street wars, and mindless killing. Sometimes the battles got so intense they would cause mass devastation in parts of the city. I remember walking through one neighborhood and it looked like a barren wasteland. The debris and rubble with destroyed buildings from incendiary attacks. The trees we burned or had fallen over onto the streets, all the businesses were closed as well. It was a saddening sight to witness.

It wasn’t long before the Royal Guard and the military became involved. There were battles between the two, almost constant warfare. I remember waking up in the morning; hearing gunshots happen so close I wondered if I was the target. There were times I had to kill to stay alive from these psychotic ponies. You just have to do what you can to stay alive.

          However, Shining Armor and the city managed to regain control. The problem was tranquilized, but not removed. Even after those days the problem is still around. It isn’t as bad as it was, but I know there are still a couple of the organizations around still doing their business, not sure what they’re doing to make a profit though. Shining Armor has left the city mayor to keep control, but I think he is doing a horrible job.

= = =

It’s has been seven months sense I was kicked out of my apartment. Time has kept going, and I have needed to keep myself moving, even though I’m already hurt. I can’t even fly I’m so weak. I haven’t eaten in days, and sleep has been a pain as well. If it wasn’t for that drinking fountain down the street, I would have died months ago.

          At this point, I begin to question my existence. No money, house, job, friends, or known relatives, if I even have any. I need money, more than anything else I needed to get some money.

          While on a walk around town I heard a voice calling out my name. It was full of joy and disbelief, kind of a strange sound to be heard, especially directed toward me. I look over my shoulder to see some brown pegasus stallion walking toward me. Who is this? I didn’t know this pony walking to me, but he did. He gets next to me and taps my shoulder.

“Hey there Blue, how are you? Do you remember me?”

I blankly stare at him. His smile kind of goes down a little until he realizes I have no idea who he is. There was a bit of silence until he finally speaks back up.

“DimLight, from school, remember?”

My eyes went wide open. “Oh, whoa, hey how are you?”

“I’m good,” he and I stand there chatting up about times in school. He told me that he was arrested after going after that kid. When he got out he was sent to a different school. After a while he asked me a question I didn’t want answer.

“So what do you do for a living?”

I didn’t want to say I was jobless, so I decided to lie him.

“I work at the store.” I sort of mumbled while refusing eye contact.

“Oh? Which store would that be?”

Shit, I walked right into that one. My brain hasn’t been functioning properly with bad sleeping and lack of food. I guess I should just be honest with him.

“Forget it. I’m actually jobless. I have been trying to get a job, but have had no luck lately and…”

“You need a job?” He interrupted. “Well, I guess you can help me out with my stuff. I could always use the help,”

I was shocked. He was going to offer me a job, just like that? I couldn’t believe it. I was so relieved to hear that he was offering a job to me on such a short notice.

“Yea that would be great! W-what do you need me to do?” I was trembling a little in my mind.

“Just swings by my apartment on Walnut Street. Gold Pegasus Apartments, number 317.”

I was a bit surprised he was so open to offer me this opening. I though he was being generous, I gave him a smile and nod. At this point he said he needed to get going, I didn’t even realize it was ten o’clock. Before we departed he said this,

“Be at my place tomorrow morning around seven. My colleagues would be happy to have you on our side.”

Those last few words repeated in my mind all the way back to my place like an annoying song, but more disturbing.

My colleagues would be happy to have you on our side.

The reason was I wanted to know what “side” I was going to be on. More importantly, what did he mean by side. This wasn’t something that a normal buisnesspony would just say to anypony. This question was constantly flickering through my mind until I got home, well you could say home.

I lived in a pretty bad neighborhood. The building all look like they’re war torn and distraught. They sagging and are in very bad shape. The streets were still made out of cobblestone; they hadn’t reconstructed them to the cities new paved roads like you see downtown. Many of the windows are shattered in a lot of the building, although most are abandoned. The city hasn’t fixed them up, basically letting this place die.

          I lived in an abandoned apartment complex. It was abandoned due to it catching fire about a year ago, but they didn’t take it down like all the others. I didn’t like it, but it was better than living on the streets. I walk in and sat on the floor in what I claimed as my living room. It was a worn down to the point the dry wall was discolored, rotting, and falling off. Some mice would scurry around, but I didn’t mind. I boarded up the window so people on the street didn’t see inside, although I wasn’t doing anything illegal, except trespassing oddly enough. The floors creaked as you walked, and on some occasions they would give in and your leg would fall through. There was actually a huge hole in the corner of the living room where it gave out when I was covering up a window, which was very painful.

          I get up and sulk my way over to another empty room I claimed was my bedroom. There was nothing in this lowly apartment of mine. I wish I could put something in there, like find an old chair in the street or something. Most of all I wish I could find something soft to sleep on. The floor gets very cold around this time of year and the hard, splintery, wooden floors don’t help. Every night as I lay of the ground, I look out the hole smashed through the wall about the size of a window. I see the fog rolling in. It’s actually a soothing sight. The fog and cold air always made me feel comfortable, except when I try to sleep. As I lay on the floor looking out the window, I slowly drifted into an uncomfortable sleep.

= = =

       The next morning I start walking over to DimLight’s place. I will admit I was a bit nervous. However, at this point I am willing to do anything so my stomach will stop growling. Honestly, I didn’t know if I wanted to do it, but I carried on anyway. It could be weeks or months to find another job. I have to take my chances.

       That’s the world we lived in. You have to take chances to get ahead. The city used to be lively and full of jobs. There were so many jobs that ponies were actually moving into the city looking to get ahold of one. For over a decade it was like this. Once the economy took the dive that dreamed was over. There are still a few problems like that in certain parts of the city which are under heavy care by the Princess and her teams to help revive those parts.

       I finally arrived to Walnut Street about an hour later. To my surprise it was a good looking neighborhood. Shops were lively in the morning with warm enthusiastic faces. People said hello to me as I walked past them, which never happens on my side of the city. Building stood tall and proud, gleaming in the sunshine with freshly cleaned windows. I came across the apartments that I suspected to be the same one DimLight lives in. It was in perfect shape, almost looked brand new. It’s a tall six story red building with a gold trim, a fountain of a Pegasus was out front which caught the attention of my eyes. I walk to the third floor and headed to his door.

       I waited by his door for a few moments trying to think about what I should do. But I swallowed those thoughts of nervousness and knocked on the door. Almost instantly DimLight flung open the door at incredible speeds which freaked me out.

“I see you made it, come on in.” He said with a very lively attitude. Very different then how I used to know him back in middle school.

I just walked in found a seat and sat down. His apartment was clean. His living room was a nice shade of white with some fancy furnishing to add to the atmosphere. It was nice, he must be doing well. I look over to DimLight who sat from across me with a glass of water. There was a small silence for a few seconds as I sat there trying to think of what to say.

“So you said you had a business proposition for me?”

“Indeed I do. I have a great line of business delivering and making products all over Manehattan.”

“So, what are you like an intercity postal service or something?” I look over to the side for a second to see a bowl of mixed nuts. I couldn’t resist, I grabbed a few and ate them.

“You could say that.” He said with a sly grin, “We transport items around from place to place. We operate mainly around the city as of right now. We hope to go further out to other cities.”

“What kind of item?”

“Oh nothing special, just some stuff people order.”

At this point I wasn’t sure of what to think. I didn’t want to keep asking questions, but I also didn’t know if I wanted to accept a job I wasn’t fully aware of. Delivering packages seems easy enough. On the bright side I’m getting paid.

“Fine I’ll do it. What do you need me to do?”

He jumped up and walked over to a closet and opened it revealing a small package wrapped tightly in brown paper. He picked it up and stuck it inside of a cardboard box, taped it up and gave it to me.

“It’s plain and simple. Go to Sparky’s Den in West Hollow, there is no sign. It’s inside a basement next to the coffee shop. Don’t worry about the name; it’s the only coffee shop there. The stairs are next to it. Go down there, knock on the door in a certain rhythm and a mare should answer the door. Tell her I sent you and give them the package, in which they will return you with another package. Bring that back to me.”

He then goes to show me the rhythm on how to knock the door by banging his hoof on the wooden floor. He then sends me out without another word.

= = =

It was a long walk down to West Hollow, I wish I could fly. It was a quite a view from the ground though. The way there from Walnut to Hollow I ran into a couple of other sections of the city as well. It was interesting to see how the scenery changes so rapidly over the course of two miles. From Walnuts tall buildings that could cause one’s eyes to explode from the beauty to Hollows run down ghetto.

West Hollow Drive described itself quite well. The local area seemed dead and, well, hollow. No pony made eye contact, buildings were deteriorating. The paint was fading away, or being sprayed on by graffiti artists. Some of the shops were closed with the windows either boarded up, smashed, or both. The sidewalks were breaking down, and plants were overgrowing.

I came across a building that used to be a coffee shop. At least that what the sign showed, but the business was long gone, you could tell. I looked to my right to see some stairs leading down. I walked over to see a door at the bottom of the staircase. This had to be the place because on the door it had an emblem of a lightning bolt.

I knocked on the door with the rhythm that DimLight showed me. After a few seconds the door opens up to show not a mare, but a stallion. I was thrown off by this, but continued on with what I was supposed to do. It wasn’t easy, he stared me down wondering what I was doing. He was brown with a mix of green and yellow mane. Don’t know why but it was a bit creepy.

“The fuck do you want?” He told me in a gravelly voice.

“Uh, DimLight sent me to deliver this package.”

“Oh yea,” He looked to the ground and hit his forehead with his hoof. “I forgot we were getting this… yea… yea… a, shit, come on in.”

I froze when he asked me to come in. He walked in leaving the door wide open. When he turned around to see I hadn’t moved, he gave me a confused look.

“Well, don’t just stand there. Come on in.”

It felt as if he was luring me into a trap, but I continued on anyway. He led me into a room with a bunch of tables with what appeared to be lab equipment. Lots of tubes and vials used to mix chemicals. On the table were also two worn down mortal and pestles along with a bunch of plants hanging from the ceiling. I eventually look down to see the mare that DimLight was talking about. She was a dark green with a straight black mane, and an atom as a cutie mark.

She looked at me and smiled, not the reaction I was expecting. Friendly on first sight was a rare emotion, especially with ones who look like her, not meaning any offense.

“So you’re the one bringing us the supplies, huh?” She said working her alchemy with no eye contact.

“Yea, so, here is the box. I was supposed to get one from you?”

“Yes, it’s on the table over there.”

I look over the see a box, smaller than the one I brought, on a table stacked with a bunch of bags filled with different things. Some had some plants in them; some had old vials and tubs. What caught my eye was in the back. There were smaller bags filled with a strange brownish-grey powder.

I tried not to think of it as anything and picked up the other box and began to walk out the door. Before I walked out I was stopped by the stallion.

“Hey, thanks for getting us this. My boss would have been pissed if we didn’t finish out shit today. What’s your name anyway?”

I wasn’t comfortable with ponies knowing who I was, but he might as well know if I’ll be working with him.

“It’s Blue Sparks”

“A’ight cool, mines Mercurial Rage. I got to get back to work. I’ll see you around.”

We said out goodbyes and I began to walk back to DimLight’s place. On the way back, I was still thinking about all the stuff I had seen in there. The laboratory, all the chemicals, but most importantly the bags filled with the mixture. I needed to know what was going on.

= = =

I arrive back at DimLight’s place about a half hour later and I walk into the front door without knocking. He was sitting down drinking some scotch while reading the newspaper. He looked up at me, smiled, and then looked back down at the paper.

“I see your back. Did you get the package from them?”

“Yea, but first I need to ask a question.”

He looks up straight forward, sighs, folds the paper and tosses it on the coffee table in front of him, grabs his scotch and looks at me with a strange look. He seemed a bit upset that I was asking a question, but also curious on what the question would be.

“Okay, what is it?”

“What was it that I gave them?”

“Just some stuff, that’s all.”

“Yea right, they let me inside while they got the package for you. I saw all the lab equipment and vials and all. They were making something. What was it?”

He looked at me with angered eyes and stood up. “They let you in, who?”

“Mercurial Rage”

He turned around putting his scotch down on the table. “Oh that stupid bastard,”

“So, what are they making down there?”

“Stuff, that’s all you need to know. Where is the package they gave you?”

“I have it, but tell me what they’re doing. I don’t care what it is, but I need to know.”

“There making a mixture. That’s it!” He became infuriated. “Now for Celestia’s sake can I see the damn package?”

“What is the mixture.”

He knew there was no winning in the argument. He calmed down and looked me strait in the eyes.

“It’s a new chemical that does things to the brain. Makes them feel, see, and act different.”

“Like alcohol?”

“Much more powerful, that’s what I do. I get the items the people need who make this chemical and deliver it and their products around the city.”

“What’s it called?”

“It doesn’t have a name yet. It just started up around a half a year ago, but demand for the stuff has skyrocketed over the past few months.”

“D-does it have a street name?” I began to tremble a little at the fact I had just delivered products to create some drug I had little to no information about.

“Powder, dust, gray, and wackl are the most common names right now. Now, can I see the package already?”

Wackl, what the hell kind of name is that?

“Fine,” I toss the package on the coffee table. Dimlight opens it up and reveals what was inside. When I saw what it was, I almost trembled in awe. Inside the box was over 10,000 bits aligned neatly inside. Awestruck, I walked forward to take a closer look.

“Beautiful, isn’t it?” He looked at me with a large grin on his face.

“Y-yea.” That’s all I could say, my mind was purely focused on the large stack of money.

“Well, good news. Since your basically living in the gutters I will give you a hundred bits to help start you off. If you want more, you need to come back for more work. Seem fair enough?”

That’s all I needed to hear. Music to my ears is what that was. A job, easier than anything else I have ever done, with a large pay. It was obvious I was going to accept, but one thing struck my mind before I said anything. So I revert my answer to one last question.

“Real quick, is this substance… legal?”

“Uh, no, Celestia and Shining Armor outlawed this stuff almost as soon as it went main stream, which was within a month. Do you still want a job or not? If not I can find somepony else.”

My mind started to work back up again. I was always an honest worker, but finding a job was a struggle. Here was one right in front of me, but would cost not only my reputation, which I had little of, and a chance of time in prison. Not only that, but I knew my life could be at risk. I know for fact that DimLight wasn’t the only one who did this line of work. I had to make a choice between the two. I though hard for a second, looking at the hundred bits that was in front of me. A nervous knot formed in my stomach before I let out my final answer, in which I was both pleased and terrified by.

“Alright, I’ll do it.”

= = =