Ghillie in the mist

One week after proposal.

     Pinkie was bouncing all around the room, explaining all of the party ideas she had. Dancing, bobbing for apples, three legged races, but none of those mattered. She was focused on getting one thing. "Pleeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaasssee...." she cried out as she stopped in mid-air.

     "No, Pinkie, I'm not letting ponies touch my guns." I replied as I stared in confusion at the pink pony breaking physics... Once again.

     "Whhyyyyyyyyyyy..." She ran up to me, sticking out her lip and widening her eyes.

     "They're dangerous, I'm trained to use them. I'm sorry, Pinkie, but I'm not letting you set up a shooting range." I stared back into her eyes. Only Scoot and Luna's could budge me.

     "What's the worst that could happen?" She asked, waving a hoof at me.

     "Uhhhh... You could shoot somepony?" I said with sarcasm.

     "We'll be careful! Please! Imagine an alien game! A game we've never played before!"

     "They're not toys. They are tools that Discord himself would love to get ahold of."

     "But we've never done anything like it before! Please!"

     "It's just like shooting arrows at dummies, only much more violent." I sighed. "I'm sorry, Pinkie."

     Her hair deflated, and she turned a darker shade of pink. "But... it'd be so much fun..."

     I dropped down on a knee. "Pinkie, do you know how bad I would feel if a bullet hit an innocent pony?"

     "Really bad?" She looked up me, tears starting to form in her eyes.

     "Yeah."

     "But you do it all the time?"

     Oh, thaf hurt. That really fucking hurt. "No, I don't shoot innocent ponies, I I shoot ponies that have done or are going to do very bad things."

     "Like when you saved Princess Luna?"

     "Exactly like that."

     Her hair reinflated, followed by a "Okie, dokie, lokie." She then proceeded to dart out of the room in a pink blur.

     "Huh, that was easy." I said to myself as I stood back up.

     I heard a hushed voice from behind me. "You probably scared her away."

     I turned to see Blueblood, just about to leave the room. "You know, I'm getting real tired of your bullshit."

     He looked at me in awe. "You cursed at me!"

     "I did, and I'll do it again, mother fucker." I started to approach him.

     "You realize that I am a prince, right? I could have you through in a dungeon faster than you could think possible."

     I leaned against the large... bucket? Containing all the water and apples. "That wouldn't be your best move, Prince Asshole."

     "You are a disgusting creature." He said.

     I clapped. "I'm an alien, buddy. I really don't give two shits how you portray me."

     "That's it!" He stomped his hoodf into the floor. "Guards!" He screamed down the hall.

     "Oh, smart move. Where exactly have you been the past week?" I said with confusion. A guard rounded the corner. Luna's guard.

     "Yes, Prince Blueblood?" The guard asked, a hint of annoyance in his voice.

     "Arrest that thing!" He shouted as he pointed a hoof at me. I kindly waved at the guard. Confusion filled his face.

     "Under what charges?" The guard asked.

     "He threatened me! He cursed at me! He's in the castle! Just get him out!"

     The guard maintained his composure. "Michael, did you threaten Blueblood?"

     I stood up. "No sir."

     The guard looked back at the Prince. "I'm sorry, but there are no legitimate causes for me to force him to leave."

     "Are you serious? Just look at him!"

     "I don't understand, sir."

     "I think he means that I shouldn't even be in the castle dressed like this." I piped in.

     "That's exactly what I mean! Now, escort him off the premises!"

     "I'm sorry, but until there is a real cause or reason for me to do that, he is protected by the same Equestrian laws as you and me."

     Blueblood was furious. "Fine! I'll be talking with Celestia about how you refused to follow orders, and that this monster refuses to leave the castle."

     The guard raised an eyebrow. "You've got to be kidding me?"

     "Of course not! I've been searching all over the castle to meet the pony that was able to ask Luna to marry him! But no luck, and you two are just wasting my time!"

     I looked over at the guard. "Holy shit, I think he's serious." We both started laughing. "Oh that's rich. Tell me, what do you know about him?"

     He kinda gave me a weird look. "Well, he's incredibly strong, he's seen more things than almost everypony that ever lived, and his name is Michael. That's all you need to know."

     "And tell me, what color mane does he have?" I said with a smile.

     "Well... they say he doesn't have one, he always has it cut off."

     I rubbed my head, the small hairs starting to grow out were rough. I thought to myself, speaking of that, I need to shave soon. "Should we tell him?" I asked the guard.

     He thought for a second. "Nah, let's let him find out on his own." The guard turned and went back to wherever he came from.

     Blueblood's eyes were like daggers. "Find out what?"

     I grabbed an apple out of the water. "Nothing, you will learn in time."

     His horn started to dimly glow. "You will tell me."

     I put my hands up and started waving them around. "Ooooooh, I'm sooooo scaaaared."

     Before Blueblood could say anything, Pinkie jumped out of a tile in the floor. "Stop!"

     "How the fuck..." I said as I watched Pinkie climb out of the tile. "Pinkie, what are you doing here?"

     "Well, I had a twitchy tail, cold chill, bit my tongue, and an eyelash fell in my eye, and I knew somepony was about to get in a fight."

     I just stared at her. "And, how often do you get this?"

     "Oh, that's actually the first time!"

     Blueblood was looking curiously at her. "How do you know what it means if it's the first time?"

     "Well what else could it mean, silly." She said before bounding around the room again, making sure all her games would be perfect.

     "Well, I'm done here." I said as I walked to the door, I glanced at Blueblood. "Later Prince Asshole." I said with a smile. I closed the door before he could retaliate.

     I started walking towards the gardens, avoiding the statue with demonic qualities. I eventually found a pretty quiet spot to sit down. I sat in the bench and looked up to the clouds. It's crazy, they aren't natural formations. They are manufactured and molded by ponies. I glanced at the sun, was it even real? It and the moon were raised by magic ponies every day and every night. I looked to my left, animals had started to gather. Even though they couldn't talk, they were still smart enough to know exactly what was happening around them. To my right, I saw a yellow pegasus with a pink mane, rehearsing with multiple song birds. I sighed as I looked at my hands. My fingers. My feet. My arms. My legs. The large pistol on my hip.

     "What am I doing here?" I asked myself. I laid my head back, and started waiting for the weight to drop onto my chest. It felt like twenty-five minutes, when I started to feel the tingle in my legs. As soon as the weight fell on my chest, a voice rang out.

     "Michael! I want to ask you a question!" Twilight said as she ran up to me. My eyes shot open, but the paralysis had already taken over. I started increasing my breath rate to wake my body. "Michael, are you okay?" She asked. I felt my fingers start to move. "Michael, what's wrong?" The weight was lifted from my chest, I inhaled deeply.

     "Hey Twilight, what's up?" I asked in a casual tone.

     "What was that?" She asked, fear in her voice.

     "Well, I didn't expect anypony to just walk up on me for a while, I was trying to get into a dream quick."

     "You can do that?"

     "It's difficult, and takes practice, but yes. Now, you wanted to ask me something?"

     "Oh, yes. Ummmm, it's kinda personal."

     "I'm fine with it."

     "Are you coming back to Ponyville after the wedding?"

     I thought about it for a second. "I don't know. I haven't thought about it much."

     "Do you realize how many reporters have swarmed my library, trying to find you?"

     "Sorry, Twilight."

     "It's fine, just kind of annoying, having a bubble around it almost all the time."

     I sighed. "Twilight, what am I doing here?"

     "You're getting mar..."

     "No, not Canterlot. Not the castle gardens. What am I doing here. In Equestria. How did a white gem in the sand send me here. What was it doing on my planet. Why me?"

     "I don't know Michael. Do you not like it here?"

     I rubbed the back of my head. "I don't know, Twi. I mean, I came here, without any knowledge of where I was. I won't say I was ripped from what I know and love, because I still do what I know, and I've found out that I love more here than there. I have a million reasons to stay, with only one to go back."

     She looked up at me. "What's that one reason?"

     "I'm not considered an alien. I walk around town and no-one thinks twice about me."

     "Most ponies have been, not ignoring, but not... I don't know how to say it."

     "They see me as any other citizen. Like this "Zecora" I hear about."

     "Exactly." She said with a smile.

     "But there's one more pony, and if he keeps talking shit, we're going to have a big problem."

     Her eyes got wide. "Who?"

     I shook my head. "Doesn't matter, just a little pissed."

     She put her hoof on my shoulder. "Michael, if you ever need to talk, we are always here for you. Me, Dash, AJ, Rarity, Pinkie, and Fluttershy. We're your friends. We're here for you."

     I looked at Twilight with a smile. "Thanks. But can you do something for me?"

     She gave me a weird look. "What's that?"

     I wrapped my arm around her and squeezed. "When I don't give you an answer, don't go searchinh through my dreams for the answer."

     "Alright, I won't pry around your head any." She said.

     I let her go. I stood up from the chair, stretching out. "Alright, I'm going to get some lunch. Know anywhere I may like?"

     She thought for a second. "There's a place not too far from the castle, they serve fish. It's the third building on the left on Manestreet."

     "Are they expensive?" I grabbed the remaining bits in my pocket. A whole thirteen.

     "No, they are really really cheap, because they rarely get buisness. Not many ponies eat fish, so they have to have their pricesIinsanely low."

     "Alright, I'll see ya later Twi." I started for the restaurant.

     "Later, Michael."

     I walked down the street, reporters pounding me with questions. I just ignored them, I eventually found the place. It was actually pretty nice, and not busy. Sure, a couple ponies were there, but not many. The owner came out, and gave me a warm smile.

     "Top of the mornin' to ya." I said in an Irish accent, tipping an invisible hat.

     "Welcome, let me find you a table." He looked behind me at all the flashing cameras. "For one, or want a seat for your friends too?"

     I laughed. "Just one."

     "Follow me." He said. He led me inside. A small table, with a small chair.

     "Can I get another chair, one for each cheek?" I said with a smile.

     He levitated another chair towards the table. "You know, you're not what I was expecting. The papers made you out to be this diabolical monster. But you are joking around like we've known each other for years."

     I shrugged as I took a seat. "Why should I be an ass to someone I just met? I'm only an ass to the media because they never give me a break."

     He handed me a menu. "You don't seem like the killer type."

     I started looking at all the different items on the menu. "Oh, I wouldn't say that. That part is actually true."

     "Really?"

     "Yup." I handed him the menu. "I would like the fillet sammich." I tossed three bits through the air, caught by his magic.

     "Comin' right up." He walked through the double doors into the kitchen, yelling the order to the chef.  I leaned back in the chair, closing my eyes. I felt a tug on my pants. I opened one eye, looking for the thing that grabbed my pants. A young colt, grey, red mane, just as old as Scoot. Didn't have a cutie mark.

     "What's up, bud?" I asked, opening both eyes and leaning forward in my chair.

     "What are you?" He asked, innocence in his voice.

     "I'm a human. I'm not from around here." I said with a small smile.

     "Oh, what's that?" He pointed at my gun.

     "This..." I took the pistol out of the holster. "...is a Desert Eagle. It's something we use where I come from."

     "What does it do?" He asked.

     I was about to answer when a red mare came up to the colt, putting her hoof in front of him. "I'm sorry about that."

     "Oh, it's no problem. Children are very curious."

     She gave me a smile before she and the colt left the building, reporters all waiting on me to leave. I just shook my head. I leaned back in the chairs again, closing my eyes. I heard the door swing open, I ignored it and kept my eyes shut. Until I heard a hushed voice. "What is it doing here?"

     My eyes opened, and were met with none other than the asshole from the castle. I just shrugged it off, closing my eyes again, waiting for my food. I heard the double doors open. And the owner step out towards the prince. "Hello, what can I ge..."

     "Give me what he's having." He spat.

     "You can change your attitude or you won't get service here."

     "You will serve me, or I'll have this place shut down. Give me what he's having."

     The owner started to grind his teeth. "Three bits."

     Blueblood pulled the money out, tossing it on the table. When the owner left, I looked over towards the prince. "Is it possible for you not to be a douche?"

     "Is it possible for you to leave our peaceful nation?"

     "Alright mother fucker, that's it." I stood up and started walking towards the prince. Pinkie popped out of a vase.

     "Wait!" She ran towards me, I palmed her head, tossing her to the side. As I neared him, his horn started glowing. I grabbed a plate from a table, throwing it like a frisbee into his horn. This staggered him long enough for me to get closer to him.

     I grabbed the tip of his horn, and in a twist and pulling motion, dropping the prince to the floor in agonizing pain. The owner came out, mouth wide open at the scene. He was levitating my food in the air. "I'm going to have to ask you to leave my place of business."

     I sighed. "Yes sir, can I get my food in a to go box?"

     "Yeah, I can do that. Wait here." He went back into the kitchen. Blublood's screams completely ignored.

     I sighed, I looked down at the prince. "You gonna talk anymore shit?"

     "You... You will regret this!" He said.

     I placed my boot on his skull. "No, I don't think I will."

     "No, you will regret this day!"

     I pulled out my pistol. "Do I need to put you out of your misery?"

     He cringed. "You wouldn't dare."

     I chambered a round, moving my boot, replacing it with the cold barrel. "Want to test me?"

     I felt the pistol pried from my hands and placed back in the holster. I looked up at the owner. "Here's your food. Have a good day."

     "Thank you. I apologize for all this." I motioned towards the pony on the ground.

     "It's alright." He said. I turned amd started walking out, but I was stopped by a voice.

     "Wait! You're just going to leave me here?" Blueblood asked, standing up.

     "I wasn't going to take you with me." I opened the door, every reporter jumped back to their feet.

     I made my way back to the castle, eating the fish sandwich. It was actually pretty good. Too bad I could never eat there again. I reached the castle, the reporters all stopping. Knowing they couldn't go any farther. I opened the large doors to be greeted by a pink alicorn.

     "Hello... Michael, wasn't it?" I nodded as I tried to walk around her, only to be blocked. "Wait, I want to talk with you about something."

     "I'm not in the mood." I said, trying once again to manuver around her, with no success.

     "You owe me." She said with a smile.

     "For wha... oh yeah." I looked at the scars on my hands.

     "Yeah, walk with me."

     I looked around. "I'm actually late for something, can this wait for later?"

     She sighed. "I guess, it's kind of important, but don't worry. I wouldn't want to make you late for whatever you have to do."

     I smiled. "Thanks." I started up towards the main court room. Celestia was in day court, and I found it humorous to listen to all the surrounding town's "problems" that have fixes that should just be common sense. "We are suffering from drought!" Just get more rain clouds. "We are suffering from floods!" Control your weather teams better, set routines. I would get in trouble for actually laughing sometimes, I don't care. It's funny.

     I walked in, unnoticed by anyone in the room, they were busy arguing over something. I took my seat near a corner with the desk, an AR15 that I found was filthy, so I decided I would clean it. Everyday while listening to the problems of the towns, I would disassemble the rifle, and give it a nice scrubbing, removing all the dirt, sand, and dust on it. I guess I am also the ambassador for Earth and all of humanity, but seeing there is little to no contact with either, I never do anything.

     I was almost finished with actually disassembling, not cleaning the gun, when I heard Celestia speak in my direction. "Michael, I didn't even notice you were here. What do you think about the matter?"

     I didn't lie. "Honestly, I wasn't paying attention. I apologize. What were y'all talking about?"

     "We were discussing the next grand galloping gala, and wondering what we should do different this year."

     I set the gun on the table, standing to my feet. "Pinkie is determined to get ahold of my guns, she wants to create a shooting range event, but I don't think it's a good idea."

     A pony stood up. "And why wouldn't it be a good idea."

     I shot him a deadly look. "You don't understand human weapons. There is a very good chance that one could get hurt very quick if they tried to hit a target."

     "You say they are dangerous, yet you have two in this room with Princess Celestia?"

     "Cleaning and shooting are completely different." I pulled the pistol out of its holster. "This, as of right now, is the only thing that could do any damage. The rifle on the desk over there is in no way, shape, or form to be running rounds through it."

     "Okay, you still have an alien weapon. Who says we don't understand how they work?"

     I dropped the clip, flipped the safety on, and made sure a round wasn't chambered. I then placed the weapon in front of the pony. "Shoot me. If you understand it like you say you do, put a bullet in me."

     He picked up the pistol, and magazine, looking at them in curiosity. He attempted to put in the clip, but backwards. He finally got it turned around. It slid in, and clicked. A smile crossed his face. I stood with my arms crossed. He pointed the pistol at me. Nothing. He struggled to pull the trigger. I remembered something, he pulled the pistol back. A round chambered. He once again pointed the pistol at me. Still nothing. He pulled the pistol back to his face. He pulled it back, ejecting the round. He thought that was what was supposed to happen. He did it again, and again, and again. Until bullets no longer ejected from the pistol. His hoof accidently hit the safety. He pointed the pistol at me. Pulling the trigger. Only "clicks" were the response to his efforts.

     "See, you have no idea how to use our technology. It would be idiotic to give this to a random pony that just so happens to get invited to the gala or wedding." I stated as I swiped the pistol from him, picking the bullets from the ground, putting them in the magazine.

     "Really? If your technology is so advanced, how have you not found a way back to your planet? Your proper place."

     "Ever think that I don't want to go back?" I finished putting the bullets in the mag, the mag in the pistol, but kept it firmly in my hand.

     "You say your technology is so much more advanced than ours. We have MAGIC! We sent a pony to the moon before, has your species managed to do that?"

     I pulled back the pistol, chambering a round, pointing the barrel at the stallion's face. "Do not make Celestia's actions seem like a scientific breakthrough. The only reason she was on the moon was for her protection. And as for your question, yes, multiple humans have walked on the moon."

     "For her protection? She had the entire kingdom in the darkness of night!"

     Celestia's voice boomed through the room. "Enough! Both of you!"

     "Yes Princess, I am sorry." The stallion said. Her eyes darted to me.

     "You asked me something, he challenged me. I'm not apologizing."

     She sighed. "I'm not going to argue with you. Would you return to your seat."

     "Yes." I made my way towards my desk. Flipping on the safety and placing the pistol in the holster.

     Celestia composed herself. "So, alien games are out of the question. Anypony else have an idea?"

    I pulled the iPod out of my pocket, and popped the headphones in my ear. I reassembled the rifle, not getting to clean it, and court going by slow. I started tapping and humming "Memories" by Panic At The Disco. Closing my eyes, and forgetting about the world around me. Forgetting that I was in a day court with mythical creatures. Forgetting that I was to be married the day after tomorrow. Forgetting about my occupation. Forgetting everything. Letting the beat carry me away, turning the volume to max. It was the middle of the song, when the headphones were yanked out of my ears. My eyes shot open. Everyone was staring at me. "Alright, who the fuck took out my music?"

     "That's it! That could be our new event!" A mare stood up.

     "I'm going to ask one more time. Who the fuck took out my music?" I scanned the room for glowing horns. Then I found the one in question. Celestia. You better have a damn good reason for unplugging me."

     "We were concerned for your safety. It sounded like it would be hurting your ears."

     "Ever think I had it that loud for a reason?" I asked, searching for the headphones that would surely be floating somewhere nearby.

     "We can have your music played at the gala!" The mare said. I glared over at her.

     "From my understanding, this is a very formal event. A suit and tie event. My music is far from that." I grabbed the headphones that were floating close to my left side.

     "But it sounds so different! It would be amazing to have your music at our event." She said.

     "Michael, play one song, it will help us determine if it is suitable for the gala." Celestia said.

One song? I thought to myself. "Alright, deal." I pulled out my iPod. Please be here, please be here, please be here! was all I was thinking. I smiled like a maniac when I finally found the song in question. I unplugged the headphones, turning the speakers to max. The whispers started.

Let the bodies hit the floor

Let the bodies hit the floor

Let the bodies hit the floor

Let the bodies hit the.....

FLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOR

     I started laughing at the looks on the ponies faces. Celestia finally spoke after the first corous. "Alright, you can turn that off."

     I hit the pause button. A smile on my face. "That not appropriate for your party?"

     "You call that music?" The mare said.

     "That's so violent, how can you possibly listen to that?" The stallion asked. The room erupted with more questions similar to those. I smiled. That's all I could do.

     "Sometimes, violence is needed to keep the peace." I said.

     "Surely you have other songs on there? Ones with less violence? More formal?"

     "Oh sure." I started going through the songs again. Smiling crazy when I found "Break Stuff" by LIMP BIZKIT.

     Celestia rang through my head. "No. There are other songs on that thing, I know there are. Find one."

     "You just ruin all the fun don't ya?" I said with a smile as I started searching through the other songs. I finally found one I thought they would all enjoy.

Oh, well imagine

As I'm pacing the pews in a church corridor

And I can't help but to hear

No I can't help to hear an exchanging of words.

What a beautiful wedding!

What a beautiful wedding! Says a bridesmaid to a waiter

And yes, but what a shame

And what a shame the groom's bride is a whore.

     I laughed as their faces dropped at the last word. And the verse to follow. Oh it was hilarious! I fell back in my chair, clutching my side. "Not funny." Celstia rang through my head.

     "Hey, all the other songs are pretty damn similar to that. Take it or leave it. But please leave it." I said as I turned the music off.

     She sighed. "I say we do not have this music at the gala. All for?" Every hoof, and my hand, flew into the air. "All opposed?" No hoof. "Then it's settled. None of Michael's music."

     I kinda smiled. I looked down at the iPod to check the time. And I was late! Lately I would get a two hour power nap so I could spend time with Luna at night. "I apologize, but I am late for something very important to me."

     "Goodbye, Michael." The court rang out.

    I pointed at the court as I left the room. "I'll be here all week!"

     "Michael, you're kinda late, bud." The guard said as I neared Lu's door.

     "Had a couple unexpected things happen today, lost track of time. She's still asleep though, right?

     He nodded. "You're only ten minutes late."

     I shook my head. "Ten minutes can mean life and death." I said as I slowly turned the knob.

     "True. Sleep well." I nodded. I entered the room. Luna lay in the bed. A steady rise and fall came from the sheets. I slipped off all my clothing, save my boxers, and slid into a pair of red basketball shorts. I then slid into the bed, wrapping an arm around Luna's warm body. I closed by eyes, letting my dreams carry me through the night.

     "The day after tomorrow.... you realize that's a disater movie right?" The metallic voice said through the dense jungle.

     "Based on true stories? I think not." I scanned the area for my target. I saw tracks leading North. And North I went.

     "Global warming, that's a real event."

     "None of the apocalyptic things in the movie happened. It was just what could happen." I saw movement to my left, I froze, allowing my body to become invisible.

     "A warning. Exactly! Do you not realize you're going to be marrying a horse the day after tomorrow?"

     "Sub, your logic makes no sense on this one. Every event has the day after tomorrow, and barely any of them have a disasterous outcome." I readied my bow, waiting for the target to enter the clearing.

     "But what of the ones that do end in disaster? Aren't you concerned at all?"

     "Of course I'm concerned, but that doesn't mean I think we are going to have the apocalypse over two beings getting married." I waited. Patience was easy for me. Days waiting for targets made this a piece of cake.

     "Why aren't you taking precautions though? Didn't you hear about the last wedding in the castle? A changeling invasion occurred!"

     "I blew off the bitch's head, the odds of the little bastards invading are slim to none." I drew back the bow, lining up the shot.

     "You read the books on their kind. They have more than one queen."

     "Yeah, they also feed on a pony's love. So the only way for them to really invade is if they tried the same manuver as last time, and I really don't see them getting through the Captain's shield, and me." I released the arrow, it soared through the air in slow motion, allowing me to stand up and follow it to its destination.

     "There is always a backdoor. Always a way to cheat the system."

     I observed the arrow in flight, its graceful motion. "Any idea of what the backdoor would be?"

     "Not a clue. But if something does happen, don't say I didn't tell you."

     "Nothing's going to happen, dammit." I said. The arrow eventually hit the dear, tearing through it's body, piercing through the heart. Dropping it to the ground immediately.

     "You can't see into the future, or you wouldn't have been stabbed. Or in Equestria in the first place."

     I let the animal fall through a void that opened in the floor. "I still don't see why you don't like it here. You haven't had to do anything extravagant."

     "It's because of her! Anytime she is here, I lose ALL control over everything. She essentially takes my place."

     "And that's a bad thing?" I said with a smile, the dream started to rapidly collapse.

     "For you, yes. Very bad."

     I watched as the floor gave way below me. "Later Sub, maybe someday we can counter the impossible and talk face to face." I fell through the void, until I landed under a mound of blankets in a soft bed. A weight in the bed shifting into a position that wrapped a warm wing around me. I just smiled and returned the embrace.