And the dumb *** of the year award goes to...

     I walked out of the house, holding the stallion by his back leg, the one that wasn't broken. I saw a trailer not too far away. I got pissed, heading over to the trailer. "What the hell Trixie? I told you to warn me!"

     Her eyes lit up. "Trixie did send you a signal!"

     I laid the stallion on the ground. "Well, I didn't get it. Now fix him"

     She looked at the unconscious pony on the ground. "Alright." She started working her magic. I leaned against the trailer.

     "What kind of signal did you send?"

     She pointed to a small fire. "Smoke signals!"

     A voice in the back of my head was screaming for me to kill her, put the whole world out of its misery. I pushed it aside. Collateral to a minimum. "That's got to be the dumbest thing I've ever fucking heard of."

     Scootaloo came out of the house. "Hey, don't you have a train to catch?"

     I stood up. "Hey, I need a distraction!"

     She smiled. "I walk into town.... there's your distraction."

     I pointed my finger at her. "You get too cocky and it's going to bite you in the ass."

     "Please, who wouldn't want to see the Scootaloo, in the flesh?"

     "Someone that doesn't give two shits about cocky ponies." I started to slightly jog towards the train station. Scootaloo right behind me.

     "I never really heard you curse before, what changed?"

     "If it has really been twenty years, then you're an adult. Still my daughter, but an adult. I don't feel pressured to hold back what I have to say. Pinkie and Fluttershy, I think I will still hold my tongue a little."

     "So... how did you get back, if Mu... err..." Scootaloo stopped herself.

     I looked back at the orange pegasus. "Wait, did you just call her wat I think you called her?"

     She looked away from my gaze. "No..."

     "Scootaloo, have you been reading that book?"

     "Kinda..."

     "What does it say about liars?" Wow, what a fucking hypocrite! You're talking about lies in the Bible, yet you refuse to forgive Celestia, and plan on killing her. Nice work jackass. "Never mind."

     We were about a hundred or so yards from the train station, the current train just about to pull out, bags still being loaded though. "Alright, watch me work my magic." Scootaloo said, flying straight for the train.

     I waited until a decent crowd formed around my orange pegasus, then hopped into the luggage car, hiding in the shadows. A pony eventually came, shutting the large(ish) door. I made a makeshift chair out of the luggage. The train lurched forward, and we were off. A six hour trip. I needed to have some sort of plan. I laid my head back, allowing the energy shot crash to knock me out cold.

     I started to walk in the white void. I looked up into the sky. "Sub! Canterlot layout, including castle interior!" Nothing happened, no reply, no city formation, nothing. "Sub!" I yelled. Still nothing. I looked around. "Fuck you too, I'll do it myself!" I blinked, allowing the city to form around me. Ponies frozen in time. I looked up at the large castle carved into the mountain. "Alright, let's see what we can do here." I felt all my clothing and weapons drop onto me. I chambered a round in the SKS and AR. I started to glide through the buildings, finding the train station. As it pulled in, I stopped time again.

     "Okay, I'm gonna guess it was around three when I jumped on in Ponyville, making it around nine." I reached into the sky, grabbing the sun between my index finger and thumb. I tossed it in my mouth, chewing it like gum. I snapped my fingers, bringing the room into the sky. I started the dream, once again. The train came to a stop, allowing the doors to open. I sat in the luggage car, spitting the now black sun into a small hole in the dream. The doors opened, revealing a black pony, black mane, black eyes.... Had to make a random dream character, it was easiest this way. His face was in shock. I threw a suitcase at him, throwing him off. I wrapped my arm around his neck, restricting airflow to his lungs. He eventually went limp, not dead, but unconscious.

     I threw the body into the car, making my way into the shadows. I looked up at the large castle. I had multiple options. Try and get Discord to make mt AR and SKS like the Barrett, find a way into the castle, or kill her while she raised the sun. I weighed the pros and cons of each. I decided trying to get Discord would be my best bet, but impossible to duplicate in a dream. I scratched out that idea. If she was moving the sun, it would be pretty damn hard to hit her. So I settled for sneaking into the castle. But, I had another problem. I did not know how much more protection she would have. I didn't even know how much she had then!

     As I sat alone, I felt a cold wind, and a thought was pushed into my head. "Kill them all!"

     "Sub?" I stood up, the wind was getting stronger. "Sub, this isn't fucking funny. I need help!" Still nor reply. "Dammit Sub!" I kicked some dirt, and went to turn around. I was met with multiple screens. Crosshairs everywhere, and bodies on in the lines. The shots started to ring out, blowing the humans and ponies to pieces. I tried to look away, but somehow, I had lost control of the dream. I started to panic, my breaths getting faster. "Sub!"

     The wind shifted, blowing right into my face. "All this, was your doing..."

     The images transformed into one large video. Opening the doors to see Celestia, guards, and a bubble around the ones I loved. "Sub, cut this shit out!"

     The image split in two, forming circles, then, turning into a set of dark blue eyes. "You don't know what your actions have done!"

     I shook my head. "It's just a dream! It's just a dream!" I screamed.

     There was a demonic laughter. "A dream, yet, reality!"

     I just noticed a blue mist around my feet. "Sub, stop!"

     The laughter continued. "Very well..." at that, multiple Marines raised up from the ground, holding standard issue rifles. "You wish for this to end." The Marines all chambered rounds into their rifles. "Then let it end."

     Bullets ripped through my arms in legs, causing me to scream in pain and agony. But seeing them as individual wounds, I stayed alive. The clips had no end. They fired thousands of rounds into my body, causing the blood to form into a very large puddle. "Why?" I asked. The bullets stopped.

     "See it as..." there was a loud bang as a bullet ripped through my heart. "A thank you!"

     My eyes shot open as the train came to a screeching halt. I heard multiple ponies on the other side of the train. I got in my position, ready to knock out whatever poor soul opened the door. It happened exactly like I expected it. Door opened, pony unconscious, etc. Only difference was, when I turned to run to the shadows, I was not met with tall buildings and places to hide. I was met with a grassy area. I turned quickly around. "Son of a bitch..." I said.

     Not only was the pony waking much quicker than he should, I was not in Canterlot. There was a castle, and trains, and buildings, and ponies. But the castle had one spire. The train station was way too small. And the ponies were glittering.

     I had arrived at the Crystal Empire.

     "Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck....." that was the only thought going through my head. I needed cover. I needed to hide. How could I have been so stupid to think EVERY train went to Canterlot? I looked around, and found a small tree. Wasn't much, but it would do. I ran as fast as I could, the rifles banging against my body. Once I made it to the tree, I took out a five hour energy, and meal bar. I needed to think. This wasn't my plan.

     "They wouldn't react well to me... Armor would immediately report me to Celestia..  there is only one pony here that would actually help me reach Luna..." I sighed. "And Cadence wouldn't think about helping me kill Celestia." I twirled my thumbs. "Worth a shot though, I mean, she is the closest thing I have to a contact that can get me out of here." I looked around the tree at the castle. "But how the hell am I going to get up there?"

     A whisper, almost, pushed through my head. "No Russian."

     I looked around. "Please tell me that wasn't Celestia..." I sat for another second. Nothing else. I sighed once more. "I can't just go into the city, blasting ponies with my guns." I looked down at the AR. "I mean, I'm not a serial killer." I felt a warm tear start to form in my eyes. "Why do I kill?" My mind started to pick up speed. "My mom died... but she died of cancer..." I reached for the lighter. "Now others are dying.... I'm a cancer..."

     I slapped myself, mentally and physically. "No dammit! I'm radiation! I'm medicine! I kill the cancer!" I stood up, looking at the castle. "And Celestia is a tumor, that needs to be removed."

     I watched as another group of crystal ponies passed by the alleyway. I was less than two-hundred yards from the castle. I was waiting for the next patrol to pass, then I would make a break for the newspaper stand, hide behind it, then into the next alley. I saw two guards. Both unicorns. Fifty feet from me. I I prepared myself to run, I heard voices behind me. I cringed as I backed into the shadows. I looked over, a mare was being pushed back into the alleyway from the opposite side by three stallions. All earth ponies.

     "You heard him, hand it over!" Number one commanded.

     "Please! I just want to go home!" The mare cried.

     "Yeah, you can go home. But first you gotta give us the bag." Two stated.

     Three was about to talk, when One cut him off. "Listen, all we want is the bag. Don't make is hurt you."

     My mind started to turn. Civilian protection. I sighed. "My job in Equestria is to protect the citizens." I chambered a round into the silenced AR. "Even if their ruler is a bitch."

     One was about to grab the bag, when I stood up, walking behind the mare. They all stared up at me. "What... what are you?"

     I put on my best poker face. "You have three seconds to leave this mare alone. One..."

     Two spoke. "Oh yeah?"

     "Two..." I raised the rifle.

     One was next. "Get outta here, monster!"

     I shrugged. "One..." I aimed down the sights. "Time's up." I pulled the trigger three times, holes forming in each of their heads. Blood seeped into their mane and eyes as they collapsed to the ground. I looked at the mare. "Please, don't say an..."

     "Help!" She screamed at the top of her lungs.

     "...thing..." I heard multiple ponies approaching my position. I only had one option. I placed my weapons on the ground, raising my hands into the air. "Take me away..." I said as I heard guards come from behind me. "Take me to your dungeons for saving this mare's life. I don't care. Doesn't bother me."

     "This fucking sucks..." I said as I sat on a cold rock. I played with the lighter, rolling it between my fingers. They had taken my weapons, but only because I told them what they do. And of course, I was almost ripped apart by the bastard guards. I heard a pony coming down the stairs. Another guard to check up and make sure I hadn't escaped. However, these doors were not like the one in Canterlot. Oh no, these were solid crystal. Almost diamond. Near impossible to break open. I tried too. I actually put a decent crack in it. The guard approached my cell. "Hey, fucktard, let me talk to Cadence."

     He grunted. "As is, no way you're getting near her."

     I shook my head. "You're right, you probably couldn't handle me."

     "What?"

     I leaned back. "I'm much too dangerous! No way you could contain me."

     He laughed. "You're already contained!"

     I started a slow clap. "Nice work, you have a rock do your job!"

     I saw him frown. "I could easily contain you!"

     I smiled. "Prove it. I wish to see Cadence."

     "Fine!" He inserted the let into the door. "Move!" He pointed a hoof up a flight of stair.

     "Whatever you say, boss man." I walked out of the cell, to immediately be grasped by magic. "Oh, very nice. Binding my hands. Very good!"

     He nudged me. "Just move!"

     I complied, he guided me through narrow halls, places that would make excellent choke points, and the occasional window. We eventually came to a large set of double doors. "Don't move too quick, or I'll have t..."

     His speach was cut off as my left heel nailed him in the horn. The magic bindings released, I quickly wrapped my hands around his mouth and horn, to stop the screams and prevent magical flow. His eyes eventually rolled into the back of his head. I pulled him over to the shadows, where nothing would see him. "Thanks for the tour, buddy." I eased open the door. A single pink pony in the throne. Her horn emitting a bright glow. She looked over to the moving door.

     "Who's there?" She asked, standing from her seat.

     I walked through the doors, my guns were sitting near the throne. "Long time, no see, eh?"

     She gave me a weird look. "Long time no..." her eyes got big and bright. "Michael?!"

     I did a half ass bow. "In the flesh."

     She ran forward. "How did you get back?"

     I smiled. "Long story, I apologize, but I can't stay here long."

     "Oh?"

     I nodded. "I need to get to Canterlot."

     She tilted her head. "Why? If I can ask."

     I sighed. "I need to keep a promise."

     She smiled. "You really love her, don't you?"

     I rubbed the back of my head. "Yeah, I really love Lu. But that's not the promise I'm trying to keep."

     She tilted her head. "You made a promise to another pony?"

     I nodded. A low groan came from the hall. "Hey, think we could continue this conversation elsewhere?" I pulled out a weak smile.

     "Sure, Shining Armor should be back very soon to stay here anyway." She motioned for the back of the room. "This wa..." she was cut off by two teenage ponies running into the throne room. One mare, and one stallion. One pegasus, one unicorn.

     In unison they yelled. "Moooooom! We're hun..." they looked past their mother, to see a six foot tall human. It was then I realized that I was filthy. "Don't worry, Mom! We'll save you!"

     My eyes widened, I put my hands in front of me. "No no no no no no no!" But it was of no use. I was soon grabbed by their magic, and flung all over the room.

     "Storm! Helm! Put him down!" Cadence said, slamming her hoof into the ground.

     I was hanging upside down, near the ceiling. My nose was easily broke, and I think they broke or cracked a rib. "It was going to eat you!"

     "He wasn't going to eat me! He's an old friend that got dealt some bad cards."

     I coughed a little, a spec of blood flying out of my mouth. "If you two would be so kind as to put me down..."

     Their faces turned red as I was flipped over, and gently set on the ground. "So, what are you?" The one I assumed was Storm asked.

     "A very POed human." I looked over at Cadence. "We were about to discuss matters further?"

     She nodded. "Yes, right this way." We started walking, but not before she stopped, glaring back at the children. "Apologize to Michael for your behavior."

     They pawed at the ground. "We're sorry."

     I laughed. "No problem, but you two have to do something for me." They looked at me in confusion. "Don't tell anypony I was here. Got it?" They nodded. "Good."

     Before we could walk out, the other child spoke up. "Wait, your name is Michael?"

     I turned to him. "Yeah?"

     His face brightened up. He turned to his sister. "Storm! It's the Michael!" She gave him a blank expression. "The one from the books!"

     Her eyes got wide. "You're right!" She looked at me. "The Prince of Death! With his weapons that spit fire, never misses, and if I read right, was engaged to Princess Luna before she got locked up."

     I raised an eyebrow at Cadence. She glared at the children. "I thought I told you not to read those?"

     I put my hand out. "Books? There's books on me?"

     "Well... they're not exactly... umm... legal..." Storm said, looking around the room. "Technically, you never set foot in Equestria. But, newspapers and witnesses say otherwise."

     I laughed. "She tried to cover up my existence? That's rich!"

     Her eyes got bright. "So you are real!"

     The male spoke. "They were just conspiracy theories!"

     I started to speak, when I heard a louder groan from the hall. I picked up the SKS. "Excuse me a second..." they looked at me in confusion as I walked out of the room. The guard was starting to stand up, he saw me and glared.

     "You'll pay f..." His speach was cut off by the butt of the rifle landing on his temple.

     "Stay down this time, don't die... but don't wake up for a while." I walked back into the room. "Now, what's the 'official' story and the unofficial story on Lu?"

     Storm spoke, she looked the oldest, and had more information. Surprised she didn't recognize me. "Well, the papers all say the Nightmare Moon was released, but on a much much smaller scale. As for what really happened..."

     Her mother cut her off. "Her rage made her blind, clouding everything in her mind. She wanted to kill Celestia. One night, Lunatook your blade, the one that was once inside you, and tried to stab her." She sighed. "She succeeded. But, Celestia was no fool, it was only a decoy. Celestia was sleeping in another part of Equestria. Royal guards tried to detain her, and eventually did." She paused for a moment, before continuing. "Now she sits in her room, trying to bring you back from your world. Or she was trying. After the fifteenth year, she started to try and get out of the castle."

     I nodded. "I need to get back to Canterlot. As soon as possible. I made a pony a promise."

     Storm and her brother spoke in unison. "And you. You selfish fucking bitch! I will find a way to get you back. NO! I have a better idea! I will find a way to put a bullet in your miserable body!"

     Cadence was shocked at her children. "You do not use that kind of language!" She turned to me. "Should we go now?"

     I nodded. "Yes. I need a way back." I turned to the children. "You will not speak of me. At all! To anypony. I have to remain unseen."

     They nodded. "Alright!"

     I turned to Cadence. "Alright, let's go."

     The young colt stretched out his legs, letting out a giant yawn. Scootaloo giggled. "It's late, we can finish the story tomorrow."

     "I wanna finish it now though!" He cried.

     She laughed. "Dear, your parents will be here soon to pick you up." At that time, there was a knock on the door. "Come in! It's open."

     As the door opened, instead of two pegasus ponies, one blue alicorn stepped through the door. "Hello, Scootaloo." She looked at the young colt. "Oh, I think I remember you!"

     His eyes got wide. "Since Michael is my great gandpa, that means..."

     Scootaloo rubbed his head. "Yes. Princess Luna is your great grandma."

     His smile grew even larger. Luna looked over at Scootaloo. "I take it you two are reading his journal?"

     Scootaloo nodded. "It's good to remember, no matter what he says."

     Luna looked over at the wall above the fireplace, looking at the Barrett. She gave a small sigh. "I miss him."

     "I do too, Mom. Every day." She sighed. "But I have you, even if you rarely visit." She gave a smile.

     "Oh, hush you!" She looked at the colt. "So, how far have you gotten? And what do you think of him?"

     "He's talking with Cadence in the Crystal Empire! And he sounds awesome! I mean, he knows how to control his dreams!"

     Luna laughed. "I could teach you, if you wish?"

     His eyes lit up. "Yeah!"

     "You gotta go to sleep first!" Scootaloo pointed out.

     He hopped off of her lap, running for his room. Scootaloo's old room. Luna smiled. "I can see you've been busy?"

     She nodded. "I've had him all day, and most likely tomorrow too. I've been reading this to him for a couple hours now." She looked at the old tome. "I just want to see him again."

     Luna wrapped a hoof around the orange pony. "Me too. I just, I just can't believe it. He almost disappeared on us."

     "But we know exactly what happened."

     "I know." She wrapped her daughter in a tight embrace. "I wish he would come back."