Because Fuck You

by Regidar

Rating: mature
Tags: Random, Human
Length: 1548

Look at the damn title.

The poor(HAH) man from My Little Dashie wakes up in Nyx's body, so he/she has an orgy with Alicorn Twilight, Pimp Spike, Mary Sue, Werewolf Octavia, Vampire Vinyl, and Forgettable Lyra.

Part of Ponyearthverse.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2013-04-14 06:16:59 UTC

I Don't Even Care

It was a cold and desolate morning in my pathetic and drab life. The sun didn’t shine bright as it once did, the drapes were covered in semen and mold, empty skittles wrappers littered the room, and other emo shit. I opened my eyes all emo like, which is to say I cut my wrists while opening them.

“Oh Dashie...” I moaned softly into my pillow as I remembered her fragrant rainbow mane. “How I miss you... all I have left is my massive amounts of skittles and that note to remember you by.” On that cue, I popped open a pill bottle filled with skittles of all colors and downed it. I felt my dick twinge as the taste reminded me of Rainbow Dash’s sweet mouth. Drool escaped my puffed lips, sliding softly into my multiple dye stained chins.

I lazily moved my megatonic flab out of the cum soaked bed that I emoed myself to sleep every night in. My black hair sashayed in front of my left eye but I did a majestic hair flip that reasserted it back into place. Of course, the fucking thing wouldn’t let that happen, and drifted back in front of my eye.

I trundled downstairs to make myself breakfast, a skittle milkshake with skittle cereal to wash it down, of course, when my kankle caught on the banister. I felt a sinking feeling as I fell down the three-hundred and seventy three stairs which separated me from the bottom floor. Kind of an architectural oversight once you think about it, but that’s the way it goes.

As I painfully flumped my way down the steps, I reminisce on my bleak life. I only wished I had written a story detailing the events, then thousands of people on the internet would cry about it. I also thought back to the times me and Dashie spent together. Most of them involved me raping her pretty heavily, so I naturally gained a raging boner. As gravity’s unfortunate decision to thrust me crotch first into the next step came about, my hard member became inverted. Basically, I was fucking myself as so many often told me to do.

Around the two-hundredth step, I sustained so much brain to my damage that I ceased living. It was an odd experience, seeing my trashed body crumple down the stairs comically while my fatass ghost stood there watching down in wonderment.

An odd feeling, like having sex with Rainbow Dash in a bathtub full of skittles, came over me... was this it? Was I going to ascend to heaven?

With a creak, the stairs beneath me broke beneath my fatassness which was so immense it followed me as a ghost, giving my spectral form a very heavy weight,  and sent me plummeting down a pit full of nightmares and Nickleback. Chad Kroeger’s face leered out at me from between two bat asscheeks as I fell, spiraling forever down into this pit of non-existent nightmare fuel.

With a wet fap, I landed in a dark expanse. Normally, due to my overbearing emoness, I would have thoroughly hated enjoying the experience, but something about this darkness felt... different.

I prepared to slit my wrists, as another eye opening was at hand. But something inhibited me from doing so. My orbs opened, and I peered down to see that I was in fact in possession of a pair of...

Hooves?

I frantically looked around, the world shifting to and fro as I shook my head. Purple hair fell in front of my eyes, and I stopped my head shaking. I moved my hoof slowly up to my face, and brushed away my bangs. I was shaking, used to having so much weight and being... light again.

I was in a small closet, a very small closet. I had barely enough room to breath in here. There was a small soiled rag in the back corner of the space, about three inches away from me. I tried standing up, only to hit my horn on the low ceiling.  The cramped space opened up slightly to accommodate a normal sized doorway.

I looked down, observing my jet-black body. I was small, leeth, and... feminine. I found myself staring deeply into my nether regions. This... this changed everything. I had to resist the urge to fondle my new found marehood the instant I was presented with it.

“Nyx!” I heard a voice shout. I looked away from my glory to see the door open up. The lilac unicorn who had been present at the time of Dashie’s removal stood at the entranceway. Feels of the emo variety began to stir inside me just looking at her.

However... something was different about the unicorn. In addition to her horn that crowned her head, there were two magnificent wings. Their plumage was of the most perfect shade of lilac, getting slightly darker towards the end of the feathers. It’s pristine beauty reminded me of Dashie’s feathers, and how so many years ago I had plucked them one by one from her body for a sick sexual pleasure. I began to grow moist down below, my body soon to be wracked with pleasure.

“Nyx,” the alicorn went on, her name to be Twilight Sparkle if I remember correctly, “I’ve become an alicorn, just like you!”

I stopped fantasizing about feather fucking for a few fractions of a moment, and looked back behind me. Indeed, two little wings lay nestled on my back, their black feathers sitting there erotically.

“I’ve graced your little closet with my now holy presence,” Twilight said with an air of extreme bitchwardness “To let you know that I must now take on duties as an alicorn.”

“Wait,” I squeaked in this new voice. It was high pitched and annoying, like mice copulating on a rusty spring, and I could only gather that anyone not accustomed to hearing it would be driven to suicide almost immediately. Matter of fact, just talking made me wish I were dead, but my perverted thoughts about the possibilities to be had with this body overtook the want to end it all.

“Wait,” I continued, wincing at my voice once more “How did you become an alicorn in the first place?”

A swift smack across my snout drew blood from a nostril, and the former unicorn glowered down at me.

“You fucking brat, do you not remember our rules?” She pointed a hoof to the wall behind me. I spun around in an overly cute, sickening way to read the poster behind me.

“Rule Number One: No talking or else the swift hoof of justice will-” Another smack brought more pain, and my speech to an end. I gazed up at the winged unicorn in a mix of sadness and perverted pleasure.

“I’m so sorry, dear Nyxie... but those are the rules, and everypony knows that following the rules is the most important thing to do!” Twilight leaned down, and kissed me on the lips. Her tongue slowly forced my lips open, and it crawled its way deep into the back of my throat, wrapping around my tonsils. As it tickled my gag reflex, I felt the familiar feeling of bile rise in my throat.

I threw up, giving Twilight a mouthful of the stomach fluids. Her eyes widened, and cheeks bulged with the overflow of nastiness. I gazed into her purple irises, and she gazed back into whatever color mine may be.

“Yo, Twilight, mah Hiz-O!” The door swung open yet again, this time revealing a small purple humanoid with reptilian features in the entrance. He wore a huge fluffy white coat embroidered with the gold words “Daddy Spike” in flowery cursive all along the top. In his left claw, he held a solid gold cane, and in his right claw, a solid gold cup studded with the most magnificent of gems, ranging from rubies and diamonds to jade and what appeared to be a crystalline pony penis.

The mega-pimp looked down at me. “Oh hey, Nyx mah bitch. Like the new addition?” He tapped the phallic gem. “Snapped it right off a crystal-douce up in the Crystal Empire. Anyway, just got back from whoring out Luna and Scoots, but Vinyl and Rainbow Dash want more loving...” He held a ring covered claw up to his forehead. “Man, being Mega-Pimp Spike was harder than I thought.”

Spike looked down at his wrist, where a solid gold watch ticktocked. “Fuck, I still have some time before I go and dominate Celestia, Granny Smith, and Unnamed Background Pony number 572, I think I’ll chillax with you mofos!”

Twilight rolled her eyes. “Spike, even if you are mega-pimp of Equestria, now that I’m an alicorn I have no time for you. I’ve got more important things to do, like beat Nyx and plot Celestia’s eventual downfall!”

Spike sighed his pimpic sigh. “Twilight, why can’t I hold all my swag?” The super-douche whipped out his swag, which was really his penis, and shoved it into Twilight’s left butthole. Apparently, alicorns have two buttholes. You learn something new everyday.

Twilight gasped in agony and pleasure as her virgin plothole was explored by Spike’s frequently used swag. Writhing in absolute destructive ecstasy, Twilight’s eyes rolled back in her head.