Chapters The Conversion Bureau: For Truth, For Treasure, and For Escape.
Little Coffee Shop Of Horrors.*
Little Coffee Shop Of Horrors.*
"One thing I hate, and I mean hate," Benny said to himself as he sat in the van, in the coffee shop parking lot, "Is GAWD DAMN ROACHES!" His pale freckled face came close to matching his red hair as he raged into the phone.
"Benny, it's only some little roaches," Sighed the female voice on the other end.
"Just. . . Just some roaches? They’re big as FUCKIN’ CHIHUAHUAS!" Benny was now repeatedly smacking his hand against the cracking dash board. He stopped the moment he noticed the caramel pegasus 'Mocha' staring at him; he gave her an awkward smile and a small wave to assure her everything was alright. "Listen Vera; get someone over here to give me back up," Benny snarled, hiding his face from the coffee shop owner.
"No can do, Bunny boy," Vera chuckled. "Everyone else is tied up at the Ol' Neigh place. They've got spiders. . . you want to go help them finish?" She laughed some more, knowing how much Benny hated spiders.
"Jesus, no!" Benny said sliding a hand down his face. "Ah, I'll just pop in and smash some bugs then," he said, hanging up the phone without a goodbye and smiling again at his favorite coffee shop owner as he stepped out of the van, standing at an ‘imposing’ 5’2”.
"Are more coming?" Mocha questioned, fluttering over to Benny with worry in her eyes.
"I wis- I mean; pssh, there’s only a few, Ma’am. I'll have them cleared out in two shakes of a la- your tail," Benny said as he folded his arms, and grinned outwardly at his own joke. On the inside, he was crying - oh how he hated roaches; not as badly as rats, though. Benny shuffled his feet a bit as he moved around to the back of the van. "Hmm, I think..." He said to himself as he moved canisters of poison out of the way of his main tools. "I think I'll use the 9 iron," he grinned to himself slipping on his 'bite' mask, a busted and cracked hockey mask attached to a batting helmet with bailing wire, crazy glue, and plenty of duct tape, assembled himself. He marched past Mocha, and up to the door of the shop, and scanned what was soon to be his battlefield.
Before he had a job of his own, he’d helped Mocha fix the place up; before she had hooves. He needed the money, and, well, she needed the help. He and a few others had replaced the worn out benches with new tables, broken counters with smooth creamy counter tops. It had been hell replacing the cracked floor tiles, and he was still happy it had turned out so well, considering what they had had to work with.
"Be careful, Benny!" Mocha yelled from the relative safety of the roof.
"Gawd, I hate Roaches; oh gawd, I hate roaches," Benny muttered as he stepped through the double doors, and there it was; the first of his prey. Walking along the edge of the creamy, marble-like counter top, oblivious to the short, red-haired intruder. "Easy there, Benny boy, easy," Benny said to himself creeping up slowly to the roach on the counter. He fought the urge to squeal and nearly lost as something scuttled across his foot.
"DIE, AHH!" Benny yelled, slamming the nine iron expertly into the back of the bug; but roaches don't die so easily, and the mutated, oversized insect flipped over a stool as it scurried for cover, Benny slamming face-first into the floor as one impacted against his back.
"GAH!" he cried out as he felt a sharp pain in his shoulder. "Time for you to quit bugging me!" He flipped over onto his back, crushing the bug, but still not managing to kill it before another launched itself into the air and made a beeline for his face. His helmet protected him from the bug long enough for him to spring to his feet, slamming a rib into a table as he recovered quickly as possible.
"How the fuck did they get in here, anyway?" he yelled at nobody in particular, swatting another attacking bug out of the air with the golf club. He grabbed a chair, and hopped into the air, slamming the bottom of the chair's leg on top of a roach with all his weight, killing it. He kicked the bug pinned under the chair leg to make utterly sure it was dead, and then turned his attention back to the two wounded ones, smirking. Too hurt to move, the bugs had all but given up attacking, and were seeking cover - he would have none of that! Benny quickly finished one off with a stomp from his heel, and raised the golf club overhead, bringing it down with enough force to crush the bug and chip a tile. As he pulled back the club, the handle slipped from his grasp and flew over his shoulder, shattering a stack of coffee mugs.
"Oh shit, hope she didn't see that." He turned around, and facepalmed as he saw her staring at him through the large windows. "Dammit."
*~*~*
It was only proper that he help stay, and clean up some of the mess he caused. . . it had the dual purpose of keeping him the hell away from the Ol' Neigh place as well.
"It's all right, really," Mocha assured, as she swept up the glass into one pile. Benny had already bagged the bugs, and tossed them into the van.
"No, it's still my fault; I shouldn't have done that last bit. Should have stomped him, but I had to go all action hero on it," Benny sighed, slicking back his hair.
"It's all right; besides, no one got really hurt, and mugs can be replaced," Mocha said, before visibly brightening. "Hey, I have something new I've been wanting to try out. it's a new blend of coffee - let me make you some, it's guaranteed to make that bite feel better," she said excitedly, quickly launching herself over the counter; Benny paid her no attention as he dumped the glass into a bin.
"Here - I know it'll just change your life, after drinking this," she said, bowing her head forward, a cup of coffee balanced on her head. Benny took the cup gratefully.
'Mocha's coffee is a helluva lot better than Bert's,’ He thought to himself taking in the deep rich aroma of hazelnut, and. . . grape? His eyes widened a bit, but he did his best to stay calm. 'No, god, no - please, please don't let Mocha be involved with them!' He thought.
"Mocha - I'm real sorry and all, but I gotta get to the Ol' neigh place; spiders are serious business," he excused himself, stepping away from the counter and heading towards the door.
"Oh, no, you can't - not till you at least try my new flavor," she said, moving quickly to block the door. "I promise you, it'll change your mind about a lot of things, Benny. A. Lot. Of. Things." she said, a malevolent grin forming on her face as she stepped forward.
"Oh, alright," Benny said, pretending to take a sip and rubbing his belly. "You’re right; this is really good, Mocha!" He gave an awkward, sheepish grin. "Now I REALLY have to go."
"No! Not until you try the coffee!" She yelled stomping towards him.
"Mocha, I - I really got to go, and I did try it!" Benny said, eyes shifting nervously.
"No, no! You just pretended to!" she accused, tears welling in her eyes. "Is it because you don't like me Benny? Is that why you wouldn't go to the bureau with me?" she asked, trying to corner Benny. "Please, drink it!"
"I, I really can't right now,Mocha," Benny said, reaching into his coveralls and resting a hand on the handle of his .22 revolver, ‘Marie’. "I'll just take some with me... and may- maybe a second for Bert?" Benny suggested, with a forced smile on his face. ’Fuck! Gotta get the hell away from Mocha, she’s going to be on me like a pink pony on a cupcake.’ Benny thought inwardly to himself. ‘I can’t even bring myself to hurt Mocha; I don’t even think little Marie would be enough if I could.’
"You can take some to Bert, he probably needs it more than you... just try some first, okay? Please, try some," Mocha said, still moving closer to Benny who now had his back pressed against the wall.
"Well, I... Ah- uh," Benny stammered, before drawing out Marie and firing three shots at the plate glass window. It shattered before he leaped through, and sprinted for his van.
"Come back!" She shrieked, taking off like a missile and streaking towards Benny.
*~*~*
“Yeaup, that’s one helluva dead cow, Mikey,” Terry remarked, poking at the still form with a shock rod.
The sound of a ringtone came from Terry’s pocket, a tune punctuated by the phone announcing two words. “Bunny boy.”
“Hey, check it - call from Bunny boy,” Mikey said poking at the cow with the tip of his boots. “Wanna answer it?”
“Nah; he’s probably just got some sort of excuse for why he ain’t comin’,” Terry sighed, hefting the nozzle of a homemade flamethrower.
“Yeah, but it’s usually an interestin’ excuse!” Mikey exclaimed, even as he examined the fang marks on the cow, and the silky cocoon that now mostly wrapped it. “Go on, answer it!”
With a sigh, Terry fished the phone out of his pocket, and answered. “Yeah? Uh huh... that little mare from the coffee shop is chasing you...? Sure... no, I can’t come help you; we got bigger problems than you sleeping on the job.” Terry held the receiver away from him for a moment, as cuss words blazed from the small speaker. “Um... sure, bye?” Terry said, hanging up and scratching his head awkwardly with the end of the cellphone.
“...Sooo?” Mikey asked, as he pried open one of the wounds with his gloved fingers. “What’d he have to say?”
“Some made up story about that sweet lil’ Mare from the Coffee shop, out for his blood or some such.” Terry yawned putting the phone away. “You know, Benny trying to get out of work again.”
“Well tell him to get here then; he’s got enough gas on his truck to knock out a nest of spiders, and we’re going to need it!” Mikey said turning suddenly to a nearby bush. “There Terry, now! Hit it now!” he yelled, pointing at the bush.
Terry turned the jury-rigged acetylene torch nozzle towards the bush, and let a gout of propane-tank-fuelled flame loose. A blazing spider about the size of a young filly came staggering out, crumpling as the flames snuffed out its life quickly enough.
“God damn; that was a baby!” Terry said, rushing forward to stomp on the smoldering corpse. “When there’s a baby, there’s almost always a nest; and when there’s a nest there’s always a mother...” Terry lowered his makeshift weapon, turning to face Mikey, who had resumed checking the cow for marks. “Did I ever mention I hate this job, sometimes?”
*~*~*
“Gah! Can’t this thing go any faster?!” Benny yelled, hammering on the steering wheel, as the sounds of hooves scraping against the roof came to his attention. He yelped as mocha peered over the top edge of his dirty windshield at him.
“STOP RIGHT NOW!” Mocha yelled, staying on even as Benny swerved every-which-way trying to throw her off.
“Never!” Benny yelled, canisters, and tools flying all over the place in the back of his van as he took a sharp turn down an alleyway. He saw the dead end ahead, and slammed on the brakes, flinging Mocha from the van, and into the wall.
The van came to a skidding halt as the brakes locked, front bumper just a few feet from Mocha’s crumpled form. Benny sat there for a moment breathing heavily, but sighed in relief as he spotted Mocha's chest rising and falling. He sat there, listening to his own heartbeat for a while, until he slowly regained his nerve and backed out of the alleyway carefully. He gunned the engine, and sped away, off to his brother Bert’s establishment.
*~*~*
Bert’s ‘Establishment’, one of the only bars around still run by a human. People of all types came here - not just humans and ponies. No, there were diamond dogs playing poker, and being swindled by a fast talking Cajun. There was a griffin, with numerous HLF grunts laughing around her as they exchanged stories... mostly about bashing in heads. There were also a few zebras, the odd sheep, and one or two Buffalo. They were rarely ever at the bar; but when they were, they mainly kept to themselves, causing little to no trouble.
Today, though, there was an undercurrent of silence and unease in the air.
‘Why’s everyone being all quiet?’ Benny asked himself as he strolled in.
Benny had parked the van under tree cover, far enough away that Mocha might miss it when she came too. He had been coerced into helping fix up the old burnt out building... mostly by constant invocations of family obligations. Together, he and a handful of men had made it great. Wood paneled walls, and polished wooden tables made up to look like antiques... Bert’s prized possessions... and they had made a lot of friends and enemies along the way. Two men were lying there, passed out on the floor, and Benny realized the normal festivities were over.
“What the hell happened to you?” Benny asked, stepping over one of the men on the floor.
“Ben-Benny?” asked one of the men, clutching his gut. “Out there, Benny he- he’s out there.” He tried to point a shaking hand towards the back room. “They just went nuts!”
“Who just went nuts, what the hell happened to you two, and why is no one helping you guys? You hurt, need any help right now?” Benny asked.
"Them... ask them... we're OK for now," he said, pointing at a table weakly.
“Damn - you sure? I mean, what happened? You look burnt!” Benny scolded.
“That’s Joe’s damn fault,” the man grimaced.
“Like hell it was, Phil - you asked me to turn it on!” Joe groaned back at him.
“Like hell it was - why the hell were you wearing the damned thing anyways?!”
“Oh, I don’t know... ‘cause there were like, three of them!”
“Good thing you carry that thing around right? Never backfires... oh wait. Yes it did!”
“Not my fault! They had one of them damned boxes!” Joe retorted.
“...Yeah... I’m gonna leave you guys to it... just stay there... and try not to hurt each other any more...” Benny said, backing away from the now fully alert men.
*~*~*
Benny glanced at the table full of irritated Diamond Dogs, and the Cajun man with the cheshire smile. Benny never did like him much, he always seemed... off.
“Hey!” Benny said striding over to the man, wary of the Dogs glaring looks at him, as they all covered their hands of cards. “What the hell happened, and where’s Bert?” Benny asked, leaning on the table. “Those two over there won’t stop bickering enough to tell me what’s what.”
“Oh hello Missur - how ar ve doin’ this fin’ day?” The Cajun grinned as he set his cards face down, hands in his lap. Benny just glared at the black haired man in the checker suit.
“My brother, asshole - where is my brother?” Benny said, threateningly.
“Why you interrupt game, loud one?” One of the dogs said turning his head quizzically.
“Your asshole? But missur - ar you not competent enough to fin’ it your self?” He sat propping his head on his hands, leaning forward with false interest.
“We playing right now! Goes away, small one!” another Diamond Dog started.
“He must be looking to get’s hurt!” a third dog chimed in.
“No, My brother! My brother! Where the hell is he?” Benny demanded, mentally calculating how the diamond dogs would react if he were to shoot the man in the foot with Marie.
“You’re a bother, you’re a bother?” The Cajun replied with a raised eyebrow and a grin that was still far too wide. “Why, you ar quite one, thank you fo’ admitting tha’. Now please go away, I have more winnings to take.”
“Go away loud one,” One of the canines said clearly uninterested. “Leave or we make you leave!” The dogs snarled as Benny leaned in close enough to whisper to the Cajun.
“How ‘bout... I tell your poker partners about them cards up your sleeve? I do wonder how well you’d do in a fight against four diamond dogs...” Benny whispered, trailing off and leaving the threat hanging.
“Oh, oh! Your brother Mo chagren,” The man gulped. “He and three other gentlemen wen’ out back to... settle their differences,” The Cajun man said, the grin finally fading away. “I heard gunshots earlier, an’ Bert is... he has not returned Missurh!”
“Thanks,” Benny said, leaving the table and running for the back lot, but turned and stopped at the door, drawing Marie, and waving it to the Cajun. “Hey, always a good idea to keep a card up your sleeve right? But you’d know all about that, now, wouldn’t ya?” Benny laughed as he moved out the back way.
“What he mean by that's?” One of the dogs questioned the Cajun, who grinned nervously cussing Benny silently under his breath. He smiled at the dogs “A joke between friens, dogies.”
“Are you cheating us?!”
“Alors pas, my doggi friens, I woul never do tha!” he protested, covering his heart, as he gave an exaggerated gasp of shock.
*~*~*
The back lot hardly ever had a lot of cars and such; most people walked to the bar. However, there were five or so cars, perpetually parked there; an old flatbed, broke down after moving new furnishings to the bar... Benny couldn’t help but stare as it caused old memories of the day a long time ago. He, Bert, Sasha, and a few men decided to split. The thing had plenty of old battle wounds; it was a wonder they had even made it to the highway, let alone here, considering how many bullet holes it had in it! Benny smiled inwardly to himself as he gazed at one of the more major gouges in the side... they had even shot them with a harpoon at one point; now that was some real road warrior shit!
An old green truck, courtesy of the HLF - it still ran like a champ, but looked worse for wear after driving through those protests; he grinned at that, the hundreds of dings and dents from any weapons the crowd could scrounge up added ‘character’ to it. “Heh, good times.” The other three trucks belonged to several of the Grunts inside; each were in various states of disrepair, but all miraculously ran.
As Benny rounded the corner, he saw Bert and three other men fighting. Benny watched as one swung for Bert's head with a bat, and received a hard right jab to the jaw for the effort. The man dropped as a spray of blood erupted from his now broken jaw. Benny raised Marie into the air, and fired once.
"THIS FIGHT’S OVER!" He yelled in his most authoritative voice, taking a wide stance. To his surprise the men kept fighting, oblivious to the gun’s report. "Hey, are you deaf?!" Benny yelled at the three men. He grimaced as Bert spat one of their ears back into their faces. "Goddamit, Stop!" Benny pleaded as Bert slammed one of the men bodily into the side of an old, beat up white pickup. Taking the chance, one of the men managed to grab Bert from behind letting the other man a chance to stagger back to his feet. Benny took aim with the .22 revolver, and fired. The man released Bert as red blossomed from the wound in his shoulder.
"Got dammit, Benny! Watch where you shoot that, you almost hit me!" Bert yelled back before giving a cross, and a jab to the man he'd smashed into the van. Bert pulled back to avoid a blow, tripping over the prone form of the man who had been shot by Benny. Bert rolled to the left to avoid a boot coming down where his head was a second ago. "Shoot the fucker!" Bert yelled as he grabbed the man's leg and with a hard yank, sent the man down hard; his head colliding with the truck as he fell, and putting him out of commission. Bert staggered to his feet as the man drifted off into unconsciousness.
"Dammit Bert, I can't hit 'em if you knock them down like that... now, why the hell did these fuckers want to fight?" Benny said, trying to help Bert stand, but was just brushed away as Bert hauled himself up.
"Ain't you supposed to be workin’ right now?" Bert said dusting himself off, he looked at the ground for a moment, before picking up a pair of sunglasses with cracked lens up. "Damn," he muttered to himself, inspecting his favorite pair.
"Yeah, I sorta was... hey... you haven't seen Mocha earlier today, have you?" Benny asked, scratching the back of his neck. “Also, why the hell you worrying about my job? You just bit someone’s ear off, you need to wash your mouth out.”
"No, but I saw her yesterday, she was looking for you. Come to think of it, said she had something wonderful to show you," Bert said, ignoring Benny as he picked up a small silver cigarette pack sized device that one of the men had dropped, then frowned as one of the men groaned in protest. he delivered a sharp kick to the man's ribs, and the groaning stopped. "That'll learn ya," he muttered, so only the now unconscious grunt could hear.
"Sorry, just had to ask... she been acting weird?" Benny asked, moving in a bit closer to Bert should he start to fall. "... and what the fuck happened, why was there a fight?!"
"I'll explain after I take somethin’ for my achin’ head." Bert grimaced as Benny held open the back door to the bar. He stumbled a bit, a bit of blood running from his nose now, almost as if for dramatic effect. Bert walked into the bar, causing heads to turn as they looked at him, some with even a bit of worry in their eyes. "Well, I know who I can count on in a fight now..." Bert said, walking up to the men on the floor, poking at them with a foot to see if they were still breathing. "Hey... hey, get up... you can get up right?" Bert said scratching the back of his neck, before looking surprised as both men rolled onto their stomachs and tried to stand.
"’Side's gettin the shit knocked out of me by my own power glove backfiring... I'd say damn fine," Joe said, as he glanced at the charred looking mess of wires and slagged metal that vaguely resembled a glove. "Fuckers had a silver box on 'em. Damn thing caused this lil darn thing’s kinetic force generator to feed back into itself.”
“... Or, you just crossed another damn wire set, or hard-grounded it,“ Phil snickered.
“You guys check 'em to see what they had on them?" Joe said as he dunked his burnt arm into a pitcher of water on the bar with a grimace.
"Joe... there's a damn reason they stopped making those things. I think it was because it was... I don't know... like strapping a bomb to your arm when they get wet and short out; not if, but when!” Phil screamed at Joe, causing patrons to stare, and others still to turn away. "The damn thing nearly took me out, too!"
"Sorry to interrupt - but what the hell's a silver box?" Benny asked the two men, and they looked at him like he was two years old as he came around the counter, handing Bert a few aspirin, who tossed them into his mouth and then proceeded to chew them, dry. ”You know... not exactly tech savvy here.”
"Ya know, it's the shit they gave security guards to stop grab, and goes with tasers or stun rods... don't ever use a stun rod near one, by the way; you won't be alive for too long after the power cell blows.” Joe made a hand motion expressing how big a boom it’d make exactly. ”They work by causing a nasty little feedback between the wielder and the gadget they’re using... also, microwaves don't want to work near um’; or three vee’s, come to think of it... just about all modern day do-hickey's go nuts around 'em; ain't sure how it's relevant, but I still haven't a clue why that type of shit happens near um'." Joe explained, setting the pitcher of water on another chair so he could lay his head down. "Hey, ah could you get me a few of them aspirins...? Thanks."
"So who were those goons anyway?" Benny asked the men.
"Those Lantern Light loons; came back again, said we can't serve any liquor on Wednesdays, Sundays, Mondays, or Tuesdays. I told them to go fuck themselves... so they tried to be stupid, flicked that box on, Joe's glove blew up, and I think it shorted out Phil's implant.” Bert said tapping the side of his head.
"Whoa, how the hell you'd know that?" Phil asked still clutching his head.
"You’re clutching your head, and there was a flash coming out of your earpiece when it happened... I'd go to a doctor pronto," Bert said adjusting his glasses. "So all in all, a more or less normal day." Bert said with a grin, and turned back to Benny "So. . . Benny, why you askin’ bout' your saddle pal?"
"Gottdammit! We’re friends, just friends... I mean damn, you guys are insufferable," Benny said, acting offended.
"Well, here's your chance to ask her. Here she comes." Bert turned to face Benny again, but was surprised when he saw no one there. "What's this all about?" He murmured to himself as a disgruntled Mocha trotted up to the counter, setting a cup of coffee on the bar.
"Have you seen Benny around lately?" Mocha asked, with large questioning eyes.
"Ahnope!" He said, as his eyes followed Benny’s movements, and the short red-head crawled underneath table to table, heading towards the back exit. "Why, you need him?"
"I have something for him, I know he'll love it; it's a very special blend of coffee I made myself, it took me so long to get the ingredients. Freshest coffee you’ll ever have!" She said smiling at Bert who did his best to not look as Benny slipped out the back
"Aww, hell, why not - maybe it'll help clear this headache a bit," Bert said grabbing the container and taking a big gulp heedless of the hot liquid. He stepped back gasping, as he felt something that wasn’t coffee in his throat. "Mocha. . . why?" He asked, vigorously rubbing his now hot, raw-feeling throat as it swelled, before slumping heavily against the bar. Several HLF grunts, Diamond Dogs, and ponies looked on in horror as Bert smashed a glass pitcher with his face as he slammed into the bar, before hitting the ground hard.
"Bert? BERT?! ARE YOU OK, BERT?!" Mocha cried, rushing behind the bar.
*~*~*
"Proper protocol stat-" Terry began to drone before being cut short again by Mikey.
"Fuck proper protocol - run, damnit!" Mikey yelled as they dashed through the woods, barely ahead of the wrath of the eight legged menaces.
"I'm running, damnit! Who in their right mind wouldn't?" Terry shouted, aggravated by Mikey's apparent ease at moving through briar patches that caught his clothes, and the hoses to his home made flamethrower. "The point I was trying to make was we should have just burnt this whole damn place down DAMMIT!" Terry yelled again, now considering ditching his only effective weapon to keep pace.
"Yeah why couldn't you say that before?!" Mikey shot back.
"Cause you were too damn busy fucking with that cow!" Terry said, huffing and puffing from exertion. “At least I didn't have the bright idea of hitting their momma with a fucking ROCK!" he roared, as he hopped a creek.
"Come on, there's a building up ahead... we can hold them off there!" Mikey yelled, sprinting forward with ease, thanks to his much lighter load.
"We gotta get back to the van!" Terry cried out, now gasping for breath.
"No we need some heavy firepower!" Mikey yelled, as he reached the building first, and began struggling with the lock. "It’s locked! There’s no way through! Game over, man, game over!"
"Coming... THROUGH!" Terry shouted, finding the strength to throw all his weight against the door in one barreling charge, crashing through the door and falling into the old slaughterhouse. Mikey impacted on the floor heavily, having been caught between Terry and the door. "That’s how we do it where I’m from!" He said, grinning like a fool even as Mikey scrambled up, and rushed to brace the door.
"Think they can get us in here?" Mikey asked as Terry doubled over, trying to catch his breath from his vigorous charge.
"No clue. Can you look through that slot?" He huffed, pointing at the doors little view slot.
"Hmm, that's odd. . ." Mikey commented peering through the slot.
"What is it?" Terry asked setting down some of his gear to get a better grip on the flame thrower.
"They’re... they’re not coming any closer... they’re just standing there, chittering," Mikey said moving every which way trying to get a better view of the thirty or so spiders outside, next to their mother.
Terry surveyed the old place they’d elected to hide in; they were in the entrance, a rusted table sat at the side of the small room. He began to wander around a bit after setting some of his gear on the a table in the office. He pushed through the room next to the office, into a small changing room which was connected to a bathroom.
"Hmm, what's this?" He mumbled moving towards a pile of rags on the floor stained with old blood. "Someone didn't do too good a job, a’ housekeeping in this place," he mused, poking at more rags with a foot. He looked up as he heard the sounds of scraping from the next room. "Heh, going to go with the horror movie cliché here, and check it out." he reached a hand for the knob, struggling to get it to twist, with a grunt of effort the door opened. Terry was immediately engulfed with the scent of copper and old blood from the slaughter room floor and old drains. He looked at the meat hooks, and yelled out to Mikey. "Hey, check this out. it's spoo-ooky~!" He chortled.
"Heh, this place is kinda spooky, huh,” Mikey said, stepping quickly into the room. “Be kinda of a cool set up for a Halloween haunted house though... hey check it out, all them rusty hooks, and such." Mikey said moving deeper into the room examining every thing he saw, before stopping. "Well...that looks familiar," He said, using his stun rod to prod at the corpse of a very familiar-looking cow.
Terry sighed. "I'm going to try an get a hold of Benny again. We still need help with those damn spiders; only matter of time before they get in," Terry growled, flicking out his cell. "Pick up this time dammit!"
*~*~*
Benny had just managed to get back to his van, and buckle his seatbelt when he received the call. He opened out the cell with a flick, and happily answered. "Hello?"
"Benny, you listen to me, and you listen good. Get your ass down here right now; you get those canisters of poisons set up, cause you’re going to be hosin’ down around thirty spiders, and their ma. You understandin’ me, BOY?!" Terry rasped, ignoring Mikey's attempt to get his attention.
"I'll be killed!" Benny retorted, "I need more help."
"I promise you; if I get out of this slaughterhouse, I'm going to kill you myself, if you DON'T. SHOW. UP!"
"Terry, check it out!" Mikey said, abuzz with energy, and curiosity. "What the hell do you think that is?"
"Hold on,” Terry said, distractedly. “I'll have to call you back... MIKEY, DON'T TOUCH IT!" Terry yelled.
"Hmm, guess I have to head over to the Ol' Neigh place, then," Benny said to no one in particular, as he let the van warm up, before speeding past the bar, a terrible ruckus going on inside. “Oh shit, slaughterhouse, where the hell is he talking about?” Benny fumbled with the phone, trying his damnedest to get in touch again, but apparently Terry was now very preoccupied, and wouldn’t answer. “...Damn, guess I have to go hunt them down,” he mused, as he drove down the road. With a sigh, he dialed a new number, and called his lest liked person in the world - Vera.
The Conversion Bureau: For Truth, For Treasure, and For Escape.
'Me and Vera, well we did'nt get along to well. . . well actually we hate each other, I still can’t remember when it started,. actually hate is to kind of a word to describe are feeling for one another. . . I'd have to make something up to describe it, maybe a euphemism for Hitler or Nazi's?' Benny thought to himself as he sped away from his least favorite place in town, a small repair shop. nearby the exterminators head quarters where he picked up a canister, the bane of giant spiders, attack nanites. 'Maybe a bit of radio to take my minds off that incident with that mutt of hers.' He tapped a few buttons and with a crackle and burst of static the familiar voice of the disc jokey came on.
"-eport's of the strange cloud cover around the area, Pegasi are not to blame it seems. Hell no one really knows what the hell is going on, but if you ask me it SeEms-.-.-.*Static* Of course that's just one little theory from yours truly." the DJ chuckled as the radio blared, though sounding raspy, staticy, and tinny.
"*Yawn* So what it's a little cloudy for a week or two, every one's getting there panties in a bunch for no reason. Some jackass two-bit hacker must have been spreading bullshit rumors even." Benny mused to himself as he sped along.
"More reports of *Static* Strange fog *Static* Rising from there *Static* Ol' uncle sam *Static* Cowboy *static* SATANIC rituals*static* Lantern Ligh- *static* unusual events*static* No comment was given by the 'Enlightened' one as the Lantern light 'loonies' called him, could be given at this time. . . All you folks out there, I urge you to get to safety of your homes, And keep your loved one's safe. I don't hold truth to any of those odd accusations, but better safe than sorry. . . now back to the music!" The radio spat out still playing in that very odd tinny noise, and staticy bursts.
*~*~*
"Get the hell away from dat thing!" Terry said pulling Mikey back by his collar, as mist swirled about the prone figure on the floor, pulled to its feet like a marionette on strings by the odd green mist. with a snap and creak of bone, the horror lurched forward bringing the cleaver down with soul shattering force, embedding it's self in the wall next to terry's head.
"You gotta move boy!" Terry insisted as they both put distance between themselves and the horror. Terry stared the creature down, opening the valves on his homemade flamethrower fully "Burn you bastard, BURN!" he sneered as a gout of flame erupted from the nozzle, consuming the imposing figure of the butcher in all cleansing fire.
"What the fuck is it?!" Mikey shouted as he twisted the knob on the stun baton to five, the baton gave a short burst of sparks as the power was turned up.
"it's one of dem' freaks you see on the news sometimes." Terry said spraying the monster with another burst of flames as it pulled it's cleaver free from the wall, turning this time to make a move at Mikey, and move away from Terry. It hurled it's self brutally at Mikey swinging haphazardly in an attempt to behead the man. Mikey cried out as the cleaver tore through part of his uniform cutting him deeply across the left arm, It cackled in glee at having drawn first blood, but screeched in horror as 500,000 volts pulsed through it from Mikey's Baton.
"WHAT PART OF LIGHTING AN UNDEAD PUPPET ON FIRE SEEMED LIKE A GOOD IDEA?!"
"ABOUT THE SAME AS HITTING IT WITH A STUN BATON!"
"SKek Skek SKREEE~!" The now flaming meat 'puppet' screeched in what could be described as glee, roughly. as it lunged yet again at Terry, rapidly flinging it’s form across the room.
“Bring it BITCH!” Terry yelled out, What he did next made Mikey cheer as loudly as possible. he ducked to the left, and floored the creature with a cloths line, followed immediately by an elbow drop. “An they say wrestling's fake, HA!”
“Amazing. . . Now let me see if we can’t get this prick to stay down!” Mikey cheered. The monster growled something that vaguely resembled ‘What’ even as it uselessly swung the cleaver at Terry again as it tried to pull it’s self back up, only to receive a kick from a manically laughing Terry.
*~*~*
“Quick someone loosen his collar! get something between his teeth before he chews off his tongue. . . and YOU!” Joe said as he did his best to help Bert’s flailing, and spasming form. “WHAT DID YOU GIVE HIM?!” He said pointing accusingly at Mocha.
“I, I, I.” She stammered
“WHAT ARE YOU A FUCKING PIRATE?! TELL ME NOW!”
“It’s just coffee, just coffee.” She sobbed
“WHAT WAS IN IT?!” People, and pony alike were now surrounding her. pressing her for answers.
“I just wanted to do something special for my friends! It’s, Its made from ingredients fresh from Equestria. Right off the boat!” She half sobbed half yelled as she buried her head in her forelegs.
“Look Joe, take a look at his cuts. Theres silvery stuff in them.” Phil pointed out. “He’s got some of that magic poisoning.”
“What do we do?” Joe said as he finished putting his wallet in between Bert’s teeth.
“Hospitals, and doctors aint gonna do jack for him. Just gotta make sure he don’t die.” Phil glared
“An how do we do that?” Joe said
“Fuck if I know.” Phil said snapping a glance at Joe
“Peptiobismol. . . Yeah Let’s use that!” Joe said now excited “It’ll work trust me.”
“Wait, What?!” Phil said cleaning his ear out. “I think I heard you wrong.”
"SCIENCE!" Joe cheered Leaping over the counter to grab a bottle of the pink stuff.
*~*~*
“Ah-haha, And I said oatmeal, are you crazy?!” The creature laughed hard.
“Heh, I knew a guy who was just like dat’.” Bert said taking a sip from the tea cup. he had long since gotten over the horror of the giant scorpion with the face of a women. ‘she ain’t to bad, nice enough company.’ he thought to himself. He looked about again. they sat on a platform of yellow light. the only things besides the tea set and mahogany table with the face’s carved in it, mouths agape as a make shift coholster. Adrift in a sea of boiling liquid mercury as far as the eye could see.
“So you never told me as to why your here dear, mind telling me now?” She said with a kind smile. ‘Just keep looking at her face. . . don’t look at the giant pincher's or poisoness tail.’ Bert thought to himself.
“Well. . . I think I got poisoned by someone who I thought was my friend. . . I guess I kinda recognized the smell of grape when I drank it. . . Heh guess I win the competition for most f’ed up ponification dream ever, right?” He said with a soft chuckle.
“Poni-fi-cation?. . . Oh Dear you shouldn’t worry bout that, your not going to be turning into a pony.” she said with a smile. Bert grimaced slightly as she raised the teacup to her lips with a pincher. “More tea?”
“Ah, no thank ya. . . So I’m not gonna be a horse, well theres some good news fer a change.” He grinned at that. “. . .So am I gonna die?” He asked his feature becoming more serious.
“Oh-ho-ho, Of course not your most likely going to hurt like hell when you wake up in a bit though.” She said pouring herself more tea.
“Well that sucks. . . I’ll be alive though.” Bert said leaning back on the back legs of his chair.
“A bit of advice for you before you wake Dear, Beware Fairy light’s in the dead of night, least your soul be torn by their might.” She said before grinning “Also the hate shall get you through, till your due. . .” She chuckled mischievously at that.
“Ah, A riddle. . . Ah hate riddles.” He replied grumpily.
“Oh, don’t fret, you’ll know it when you need it. . . I hope” She said grinning “Oh, and best wake up before you choke to death. your friends seem to be trying to force feed you peptobismol.”
"Wait, why an the hell are they?!" Bert said standing up, causing the platform to lean, flinging him into the sea, and with that Bert a woke.
*~*~*
He quickly grabbed Joe’s wrist even as he tried to pour more peptobismol into his mouth.
“Stop!” He coughed, wiping at the dried pink that ran down one corner of his mouth.
“Oh thank god, you feel all right enough to stand?” Phil asked genuine concern in his eyes.
"He woulda woke up faster if'in we gave him coffee!" Joe argued.
"Aint' that, what caused him to do this in the first place?" Phil shot back.
"Nah, I mean good coffee, like from that gal who owns that coffee shop down the ways." Joe said picking up the wallet, now encrusted with pink.
"She was the one who gave it to him, Dammit! She poisoned him!" Phil looked over his shoulder anger in his eyes
"You know as well as I do she didn't mean to, ponies aint got a bit of malice in'em." Joe said pocketing his wallet.
"Doesn't change the fact that Bert almost died. Hell if Benny would have drunk it, he'd have been dead as a fuckin door nail before it even finished going down his throat." Phil sighed as Bert staggered to his feet "I know where ya going, clean yourself up first though, she's in the back room." Phil paused for a moment "Need somethin or someone to help you walk there?"
"Nah, I'm good just need a second to get my bearings." Bert said as he limped towards the bathroom. he paused for a moment as he neared the old stained card table near the bathroom door.
"Glad to se yo allrigh, friend." The cajin man said with a grin
"What'd ya want Bruce?" Bert frowned "I'm sorta in the process of lickin my wounds here."
"lots, but tha has nothin to do wit this. . . yo nee anythin?" Bruce tried his best gentlemanly smile, as he slicked back his greasy black hair with one hand. The diamond dogs at the table just mumbled under there breaths
"Let me alone, I just need to try an clean up a bit." Bert huffed shuffling into the bathroom.
"Oh, missuh." Bruce said eyes widening
"What?!" Bert snapped stopping in the door way.
"yo hav a piece of glass stickin out of your cheek." Bruce grimaced
". . .Thanks?" Bert felt of his face winching as his fingers met the offending shard.
*~*~*
Bert stood there looking around the small bathroom, yellowing sink medicine cabinet broken off setting in one corner, stained but relatively clean toilet. He moved to look at himself in the slightly cracked mirror that hung over the sink.
*Sigh* 'I've seen better days. . . another day, another scar.' he thought to himself as he gazed into the mirror for a second. he sighed as he saw his swollen face, busted lip, and a two inch shard of glass sticking out from his left cheek. with a grunt of effort he bent over, barely managing to not slip on the slick tiles of the floor, and retrieved the first aid kit from the medicine cabinet. he worked quickly with the tweezers, removing glass from his cheeks and chin all the while thanking god none went in his eyes, at least from what he could tell. Bert stood at a somewhat imposing 6'7 ruined by one too many late night snacks, not to say he wasn't strong.
"You'd think my luck couldn't get better but it always seems to. . ." He said to himself, or maybe his reflection. "I'm gonna up an retire one day. . . when I get the money. . . just need someway to get the money, then I'm done." He frowned as a small spider dangled in front of the mirror. "Huh, we need more like you. . . just plain old regular animals with no craziness attached." He smiled a bit, "at least some thing's stay the same." He finished cleaning his cuts, and popped an Advil for the headache he had before walking to the door. He cracked it a bit to hear a bit of Bruce's conversation with his 'pals'.
"Tol you he'd be allrigh. . . tha is fifty bits yo owe me Vince." He said grinning as he leaned forward in his chair.
"Here, not to mad at losing though." The black furred diamond dog said tossing him a cloth pouch of coinage.
"tut tut tut." Bruce said jingling the bag of coins "Yo seem to be four coins shor."
"Vince can't pull the wool over your eyes, here." Vince ‘grinned’ as best as a diamond dog can, making it a point to show his teeth just a bit for the Cajun. Bert chuckled to himself at that, as he walked out past the group. 'Can't wait till them mutts learn bout him cheatin. . . hidin cards up dem' sleeves, I'd love to watch him talk his way outta that one.' Bert thought to himself as he strolled to the back room, where Mocha had been taken, least one of the HLF feel fit to give their own brand of justice to her.
‘I gotta get a shed for some of this old junk.’ Bert thought to himself as he looked at the stacks of old boxes pushed up against the yellowed wall, some more recent boxes hastily thrown onto an old stained couch. his eyes finally rested on the Coffee shop owner and would be poisoner next to the table.
"I'm really sorry what happened. . ." Mocha said not even giving the back room door time to swing closed. "Phil and Joe explained to me about why they let equestrian food stuff sit for two or so days, I didn't know that it'd have enough magic to poison someone." She said offering a smile "I'm glad you're ok though."
"Ya know. . . tis the oddest thing. I should be incredible pissed, but maybe it's the bottle of peptobismol and Advil giving me a weird high. . . or most likely the fact that I most likely have a concussion likely. . . has your hair always been that bright of a color. . . ?" Bert said teetering back and forth on his feet as he was overcame by tiredness.
". . .Bert you should probably lie down. you don't look like you're feeling too well." Mocha said flying to his side.
"Yeah, just take a lil nap. . . hey can you watch the bar for a while." Bert said as he and Mocha walked over to the stained couch in the corner, steadying himself by placing a hand on her back.
"It's no problem, just get better. . . Hey Bert." Mocha said to Bert as he batted a few boxes off the couch with his free hand.
"Yeah?" He said as he laid down
"Who usually replaces your windows of your bar?" Mocha said pushing a few boxes away and into a corner.
"Let me guess. . . Benny broke your windows?" Bert said not bothering to open his eyes.
"Yes it was sort of my fault. . . in a way." She sighed.
“Let me guess he smelled grape and flipped out?” Bert said giving the courtesy to open one eye.
“Yes.”
“You brought up the Bureaus?” Bert said raising a brow.
“Yes, but I mean. . . he promised me.” Mocha said looking away.
“Can’t completely expect someone to throw themselves into a huge change.” Bert yawned “G’night.”
‘Benny. . . should probably tell her bout the incident at Mercy, she’d understand why he just. . .can’t.” Bert's last thought as he slipped into unconsciousness.
“Wait, he’s talked to you about it. Why didn't he go?!” She said shacking the now comatose Bert in a futile attempt to wake him up. the only reply she received was the man turning over, a line of drool dripping down from a corner of his mouth. with a sigh she headed out to help watch the bar and answer the hundreds of questions to follow.
*~*~*
The van shook as it it barreled down the gravel road, driver cursing as he swerved to avoid another hole.
"Damm, dam, dam Those two owe me big time. . . for doing the job I'm paid to do." Benny said out loud to himself. "Morons have to get them self's stuck in an old slaughter house, guess who has to save them. . . well I am pretty great." Benny let loose another torrent of curses as he hit a pot hole, spilling his coffee in his lap. "FUUUUUUCK!" The van skidded to a halt on the gravel. Benny sat there for a minute or two after mopping up his lap with a fist full of napkins. Benny strained to see the spiders. they were outside a door rushing towards it before skidding back away from it.
"eh, what the hell they doing?" Benny said easing the door shut , and slipping around to the back of the van. He grinned as he tapped the gauge on the tall green tank, a pony and human skull painted onto it's side. his grin faded as he noted the fact the gauge was setting on only a 1/4 full. "Fuck. . . grabbed the wrong tank." He stopped to ponder for a moment. "Bah, quarter tank of Attack nanites will kill the shit out of any dam bug, doesn't matter how fuggin big."
"Well. . . let's do this!" he said to himself. tighting the strap, and adjusting a hose pipe so it wouldn't snag. 'Huh, wonder if I get killed will I be on the news?. . . Fuck don't think like that!'
"aw, hell." He said noting something in the van with starry eyes. "That's a. . . I don't believe it! one of those Bang Sticks." He said hefting a two foot long by one inch wide chrome pipe. He frowned as he noted the missing trigger mechanisms. "Damn, should of known there'd be a reason I had one left over from the rats." with that he gave the tank on his back one last check to make sure it was on, and marched down the gravel rod, hopefully towards a victorious battle and not an early grave.
Benny did his best not to think of death, and focused on the crunch of gravel beneath his feet. He was already whimpering by the time he was standing at the old rusted gate, that had withstood the test of time better than the outlying fence around the building. the spiders paused for a moment, considering this new challenger, but they easily smelled the fear. one began to advance, and was met by a short stream of green goop fired from the nozzle of his weapon. The small spider hissed in horror as it's carapace was eaten at by billions of vicious nanites. Taking this as a cue, the others charged the man.
"AHHH, DIEEE YOU EIGHT LEGGED FUCKS!" Benny screamed letting loose a deadly stream of green, his war cry died quickly in his throat as the nozzle sputtered, and refused
"Oh, hey Benny. . .help us kill this thing ALL RIGHT!" Mikey started ducking low to avoid the now airborne Terry being thrown at him.
"ALL SHALT KNOW TRUE PAIN!" The creature in rags hissed making a move again to retrieve it's cleaver only to be sent stumbling back in convulsions as Mikey stabbed at it with the baton. It was soon after this that the creature set eyes on the new comer. "BENSEN!!!" It hissed as new fury filled it's eyes..
Benny went pale for a moment "Whoa. . .ya kinda got the whole voice of legion thing going on there." He remembered that voice from somewhere, but pushed the thought from his head, now was time for heroics. . . now was the time for theatrics "BRING IT!" He cried emptying the rest of his revolver into the things chest. he gave a small cheer as it reeled backwards.
“WHAT NOW, SON?!” Terry laughed sending a blast of flame at the monster.
“STOP DOING THAT, FIRE DOESN'T HURT IT!” Mikey cried ducking as it swung it’s deadly blade in a arc, charging at Benny with the fury of a bull.
“Fucker let me reload, hard enough with out a speed loader!” Benny cried out tumbling to the left. going from the roll to a fast recovery Benny quickly rushed to the other side of the room even as the butcher went at Terry again with the cleaver.
“Duck and weave , duck and OW GAWD DAMMIT!”” Terry yelled as the cleaver dug into his shoulder. The butcher stumbled back as Terry slammed his flame thrower using it as an impromptu club. The butcher swatted Terry into the door of the freezer with inhuman force paying no heed to having stepped under the rails on the ceiling
“Hey fuck face, heads up!” Benny yelled emptying his revolver into the things head eyeing the near by meat hook on the track he grinned, sliding a heavy meat hook down towards the butcher, with a resounding ring of the solid metal, the butcher fell.
"Bout time somebody put that thing down, I was tired of getting thrown." Terry said picking himself up from his collision with the wall.
"Is-is it dead?!" Mikey said
"Ah, no need to fear Benny's here, Ain't nobody better!" Benny smirked walking with a strut towards Mikey. "See, undeniable proof that yours truly, it the absolute. friggin. best exterminator." Benny grinned wide pointing at his chest swollen with pride, with a thumb. Mikey could only stare slack jawed as the thing sat up, and with a sneer and a rough shake of its head to shake loose the offending pieces of lead once embedded in its skull.
"Um, Ben-benny." Mikey started
"Heheh-heh, That's right I'm the best around no doubt about it. . .no doubting it for a second."
"Yo, numb nut's look behind you!" Terry yelled out to Benny, as he unsnared the hoses to his flamethrower.
"ARE YOU QUIET FINISHED?!" hissed the creature as it rose from off the floor, pulled up by ethereal puppet strings, before gently touching it's feet down on the floor, strings vanishing as soon as it could stand on it's own. It grinned wide into a sick Cheshire smile showing the deep sinister red stained teeth. 'I'M ABOUT TO END YOU! It motioned to the cleaver on the floor, ethereal strings of blue smoke appeared from it's finger tips, and with a shake and quiver the cleaver was quickly drawn back into the things hand. "Let’s try this again. . . RAGHH!" With lighting speed the monster jetted towards Mikey as he fiddled with his baton.
"Know what, fuck safety warnings I'm cranking this thing up to eleven." Mikey said adjusting the dial on the baton. The tip glowed red followed by a nimbus of electricity arching dangerously from the tip of the baton just as the creature started to rush. "Come on ugly, GET SOME!"
"You show that rotten bastard Mikey!" Terry cried out with a laugh. even as he made more adjustments to his weapon. Mumbling something to himself that vaguely suggested something suicidal. He seemed to snicker as Benny hastily reloaded Marie.
"I shot it in the head. . .zombies DIE when shot in the head!" Benny cried out before cursing at not having a speed loader for Marie, as he loaded each shell quickly as possible.
"I HAVE THE POWAH~, AIEeEeEeEeEE!" Mikey yelled as he ducked under the swinging blade, and drove the tip of the thing into the creature chest, finally whatever animated it had had enough and the creature collapsed on the spot."
"See Benny now that's how you do it from where we're from." Terry grinned
"Terry. . . we come from the same place. . ." Benny huffed
"Yeah, but you be doing it wrong." Terry scoffed.
". . .So. . . what do we do with this thing. . . bullets don't kill it, fire just pisses it off. . . how do we, you know?" Mikey said poking at the extra crispy corpse with his now dead baton.
". . . I've got a wood chipper back at my place. . ." Benny said staring straight ahead as the other two slowly turned their heads to him.
"Alllllll righty then. . . wood chipper it is. . . Mikey! get some of that chain loose, tie him up good.
"Well well well." Benny said eyeing the open mouthed horror "Ain't we got a purrty mouth." He said eyeing a gold tooth with a evil grin even as he produced a pair of pliers. " Heh, I think someone just bought Ol' Benny a new set of tires for the van." With unhidden Glee, Benny pulled his prize from the butchers mouth before turning his head to the now cracked open freezer. “May as well figure out what this thing was in here guarding.” He muttered to him self sliding the door open. . . to revel the mummified remains of a man only a bit taller than Benny his face held a strange sort of grin, in one hand was a old bottle of jack in the other was an old recorder, but what interested Benny was what sat in his lap. A strong box. with little discretion and a quick nod to there old owner. Benny pocketed the tape recorder and half assedly stuffed the box into a old burlap bag.
*~*~*
"You see this is where the problem begins." Benny said as Terry looked out the eye slot with a grimace.
"I thought you said you sprayed them bastards." Terry said even as another spider flung itself at the door, sending tremors through the building.
"Yeah. . . kinda grabbed the wrong tank, only sprayed with a quarter tank of it." Benny grinned sheepishly.
"If you got them all it should have softened them up for a good roasting." Mikey offered.
"I count. . . six dead spiders. . . *sigh* twenty four to go." Terry said eyes narrowing. "Wish we still had randy, that guy was . . ."
"A psychopath?" Benny said without hesitation
"A nut job?" Mikey added
"Over compensating for something?" Benny grinned added more to the pile.
". . .Yeah, ok Randy was a nut job sure, but don't you just miss that whole extreme over kill theme he had going on?" Terry said rubbing the bridge of his nose after remembering the headaches the man caused.
"Yeah I sure do miss having to dive to cover from things like the 'incredible' mice mines, or the Bang sticks. . . I just drew up the designs, fucker ran with it, almost killed all of us. glad that fucking thing nearly took off his arm before he did manage to kill one of us." Benny said not bothering to hide the hate in his voice.
"Yeah. . . but really, explosives would help a lot right now." Mikey said using the baton as an impromptu back scratcher.
"I say we charge them." Terry said not even glancing at the others.
"I'm sorry I must have heard you wrong, did you just say we should get murdered by spiders?!" Benny cried out raising his arm to slap Terry upside the head, but thinking better of it when he growled at the gesture.
"I run out there like a screaming inferno, you two stay behind, and at the sides of me to keep any of them from sneaking up on me. simple." Terry said striking the pilot light of his weapon.
"huh, simple. . . it'll fit on a head stone easy, no prob." Grinned Mikey, Benny face palmed
"I can never figure out how you two don't get killed, the only reason I get to work alone is-" Benny started
"Is because you won't shut the fuck up about yourself, you gotta make yourself out to be the hero, or is it just because after three days of working with you every guy or pony you've worked with has wanted to kick your teeth in?" Terry said eyeing the door harder every time a spider threw itself against it which was becoming much more frequent.
"Your just jealous." Benny said checking Marie to see if she was loaded.
"Jealous of being short HA I doubt it." Terry guffawed.
"What happened to Bill?" Mikey said as he began flipping the baton in the air.
"Not sure he started getting sick, Bah he went to the doctors they'll sort it out." Benny said spinning the drum of his revolver wincing as the sound reminded him of Snickering.
"Benny why don't you get a real gun, that thing isn't going to hurt nothing." Terry said as he checked his gear over again.
"Hey don't insult the lady." Benny huffed truly offended.
"You named the gun, I'm not sure if that's what is creepy or the fact that you treat the damn thing like it's alive." Terry growled none to joyous of the way Benny was glaring at him. the gun seemed to snicker, instead of click, as he slowly spun the drum with a thumb.
*~*~*
Benny felt warm for some reason as he fired his revolver, it could of been the satisfaction of getting the job done well, killing spiders, or the adrenaline high but the fact simply remains. Terry had accidentally set him ablaze. The spider that had advanced on him immediately backed away from the red haired inferno, It was at this moment Benny realized where his new sense of warmth had come from. needless to say he screamed like a little girl. the fight had gone fairly decent. . . till a spider from above decided now was a good time to leap from the roof and pounce Terry from behind, only thing that saved him from a horrid poisonous death was the tank of fuel on his back. one of the gashed open tanks had dosed Benny and more than a few spiders in the napalm. with the last of the spiders dead or writhing in flames Benny was hastily stripping away his partially flaming jumpsuit.
“Fuck you!” Benny yelled at Terry as he attempted to stomp out his jump suit
“HA HA HA, Nice Batman boxers there Bunny boy!” Terry roared
“Na-Nanana-nana Bunny boy, Bunny boy!” Mikey sung relatively in tune.
“Haters.” Benny said to them both, kicking dirt onto his jumpsuit to extinguish the fire.
“Oh that’s rich. . . heh thought you’d have bugs bunny boxers boy. Gah HAHAH!” Terry continued to chuckle as Benny put on his slightly burnt jumpsuit.
“Know what? Fuck you guys. . . I’m going to go home dig out that old wood chipper, and then you're going to bring me that thing and were going to kill it and make it deader than dead.”
The Conversion Bureau: For Truth, For Treasure, and For Escape.
The Longest Night Sets In
“I’m not sure if this is the place.” Mikey said glancing around the neighborhood. He yawned as they passed by children playing in yards. “Dead end street. . . Benny lives in the house at the end of a dead end. White Washed walls and a shitty green roof.” He said looking for the house on the corner that still seemed to have humans there.
“What part of we have a GPS, don’t you understand? Here I’m going to turn around, saw a guy with a shotgun on his porch, That’s probably the turn we were supposed to make.”
“. . .Terry you never make a turn down a road when theres a guy with a shotgun on the side of it.” Mikey said with a raised brow.
“Eh, looks like he’s going in anyway.” Terry said turning on the wheel hard enough to set the van rocking before turning around.
“You know. . .I haven't recalibrated that GPS in. . . Ok I have no fucking clue how-” Mikey said scrathing his chin.
“GRWALL!” The butcher screamed, muffled by the gag in his mouth. Mikey reached for a hammer as he began to thrash and kick.
“SHADUP!” He said throwing the hammer in between the creatures eyes.
***
“. . . This the Place?” Terry said looking over at Mikey who just nodded.
They had pulled into a drive way that nature had recently started to reclaim, weeds poked up from the cracks in the cement, most dead or dying from various weedkiller’s and poisons. “I don’t know if Benny uses weed killer cause it’s easier or because it pisses off them ponies.” Terry yawned.
“Father time was not kind to this place. Hell looks like he took a hammer to the damn place!” Mikey said gawking at the many boarded up windows on the ground floor. Most of the house looked reasonably clean on the outside. it really needed a good handyman to look over it, which Benny was not apparently, Easily seen by the cracking paint on the walls and general disrepair.
“. . . So. . .How do we do this with out the neighbors seeing?” Mikey said scratching the back of his head before yawning. “Damn, now you got me doing it too!”
“Fast, that’s how we do it as fast as possible.”Terry smirked ignoring Mikey’s other comment. “Betcha we can get him in before anyone sees.”
“Oh hey, Here comes Benny now.” Mikey said resting his head on the dash board. With a sigh “What other kinda terrible thing, we gonna learn bout, that he knows today?”
“Hey fellows, Hold up why’ll I wheel around one of the dumpsters.” Benny laughed before moving away.
“. . .you don’t think he’s done this before, do you?” Mikey said with a bit of alarm sitting upright.
“It’s Benny, I’ve got litterly no clue if he’s actually done this before or if he saw it in a movie or somethin.” Terry said rubbing his jaw with a free hand.
***
"Why do you two have to sing that same part to that damn song?!" Benny gave a frustrated flourish of his arms before glaring at them. It wasn't the song it's self it was the fact they had kept singing the same part of private dancer for the past ten minutes. He stopped and watched as Terry’s shovel struck another large stone, Benny helped him dig in the middle of the old garden, To help complete there dirty work.
“Heh, gettin used for fertilizer. . . not that good, not in my top ten anyways.” Mikey chuckled.
“You have a top ten list of how you want to die?” Benny said casting a glance to Mikey as he shoveled another dirt full out of the hole.
“Yep, I wanna go out in a blaze of glory!” He smirked “So almost done?”
“Yeah no thanks to you lazing about!” Benny snapped, “. . .Sorry, just, just a bit of nerves.”
“Wow, you look eager to light a fire there terry.” Mikey grinned.
"Habit I guess. . . So this deep enough?" Terry asked as Benny threw his shovel out of the two foot deep burn pit.
"For what we're doing with it yeah." Benny gave a nod to Terry as they climbed on out.
". . .Benny are you sure you want to do this in your yard, I mean it's still light out, and some one's going to see. . ." Mikey asked hesitantly as he hoisted the rope that now suspended the butcher over the gaping maw of the wood chipper.
"Eh, like I really give a shit what the ponies think. . . Sides who's going to come down a dead end street anyway? Hoist him so his head goes in first, don't want this to be worse than it has too." Benny said wiping sweat from his face with a grimy sleeve, much to his dismay as his face was made Even dirtier.
"Benny. . . We're dropping a guy into a wood chipper, it's going to be brutal any way you look at it. . . it's a guy right, I mean it was like us before?" Terry said as he cranked up the wood chipper.
"Yeah. . . Yeah he was." Benny moved closer to the Butcher so only the abomination could hear. ". . .And Jack, don't come back. it was hard enough killing you and those other bastards the first time. Next time, I do somethin worse than put you through the chipper." He pulled back as The Butcher snarled in anger. Before the rope gained slack and he fell howling into the roaring maw of the wood chipper.
"Look, he couldn't handle the stress, He's positively fallen to bits!" Mikey laughed at his own morbid joke as the two others just shook there heads.
"That, was almost bad enough to be one of Bill's puns. . . When's he coming back from the doctor anyway?" Terry said looking over to Benny.
"He really had some bad luck this time, Got himself infected by Romero's, They took him to a Bureau." Benny frowned a bit. "I'm just waiting to hear to hear back from him, or see if I need to partner up with someone else. . . I just know he's going to do something stupid." Benny said looking at the ground before realizing what was exactly filling up there freshly dug burn pit. He did his best not to lose his lunch.
"Um, Hey he's stuck. . . what should we do?" Mikey said looking ill at the flailing legs sticking out of the hopper.
"Dunno, get a broom or somethin." Terry shrugged.
"Shit's never simple. Why can't destroying bodies be easier?" Benny said rubbing the bridge of his nose.
*~*~*
The two ponies trotted down the dead end street with a spring in there step.
"I really think we made progress with that last one Lilly." The yellow earth pony said with glee.
"Yes, I mean he even gave a warning shot this time, and he only threw a brick at me instead of a knife." The unicorn said. "Have we made any progress with this other man?" Lilly snarked before letting loose a heavy sigh.
"He seems pretty normal, hasn’t done anything hostile at all. Last time I was sure he'd convert, or at least visit a bureau. . ." She said casting a worried glance at her friend. "What if we fail are brothers and sisters. what if he doesn't convert?" She asked worriedly.
"Then we keep trying till he understands the errors of his ways Shimmer." Lilly perked up. “I mean look at how much work we must do in this town!”
Faces peered out at them as they passed several houses owned by the new town's residents. some sneered at them, most if not all the town folk held disdain for PER. And they all had a special dislike for the ever persistent door bell ringers Spreading the 'good' word.
They came down the cracked road, to the last house at the dead end street. with a van parked on the lawn and one in the driveway, they approched with cation.
"Hello? Any pony home?" Shimmer asked as she knocked on the door to the last house on the street.Lilly was slightly creeped out by the house. The white washed walls were clean but the roofs was missing a few of the green shingles, and the several broken windows on the side were boarded by ply wood. She would never have guessed any one lived here if she hadn't seen the short red haired man walking in his yard that one time.
"Oh, Shimmer, looks like no one's here. Time to head back" The unicorn said nervously. There ears perked as the sound of machinery was heard from the back.
"Oh, he must be doing yard work. Let's slip round back and give a hello, Shall we?" Shimmer smiled to her friend.
"I- I don't know, I feel like something bad’s going on. . ." She said stamping in place restlessly. ". . .Let's just get this over with.” casting a defeated look to her friend they moved around to the back.
"Oh, don't worry, he's always been very nice." smiled the earth pony trotting along the cracked walk way to the gate.
"Yeah, you know what they say about the nice ones." She snarked even as she unlatched the gate with her magic.
"Oh Benny!" Shimmer shouted as she trotted forward. "Doing some yard wor-?!" She paused in horror as she took in the grizzly scene. A shallow grave had been dug and was now being filled with. . . shreds of things. She paled as she saw the two flailing legs sticking out of the wood chippers hopper.
"Oh hey there. . . one of our guys, um fell in. . . got somethin to pus-pull him out with?” Benny grinned sheepishly before giving a nervous cough. He face palmed as Mikey stomped out onto his back porch, and opened up with a cry that dwarfed the woodchipper’s.
"Don't worry Benny I found somethin to push him in!" Mikey hollered brandishing a broom. ". . . Oh, Hi there!. . . This isn't what it looks like."
"Yeah, You ain't seen nuthin. remember that and you might get to keep them little hoovesies." With the look Terry gave he could have passed as any generic movie slasher.
"Oh-oh god, That strange pony was right, Humans are NUTS!" the unicorn screamed as she and Shimmer rushed out to the street as a burst of pamphlets fell out of there bags.
"Oh, Fuckin great. . . I'm going to have all of the PER members in the town beating on my door. . . On the other hand they might finally leave me alone." Benny said to no one in particular. He turned as he heard a grinding lurch and watched as Mikey and Terry used a broom to push the Butcher in the rest of the way. A guest of wind blew one of the ponies pamphlets of propaganda against his leg.
“. . .27 ounces. . .Heh, who reads this stuff anyway?” he chuckled stuffing it into a free pocket.
"Welp he's chunked." Terry grinned "now we burn the bits to ashs!"
"Go for it."Mikey said tossing him the bottle of lighter fluid.
“
*~*~*
"You know. . . That thing seemed familiar all most." Mikey said as he leaned against the fence watching the fire and smoke twist in the breeze.
"Yep, but hey you know monsters right? Always remind you of someone you saw." Benny chuckled. taking a swig from a bottle in a brown paper bag.
"Aw yeah, keeping that container concealed." Terry said before giving a mock gasp. "Don't want to get caught by a police man, never mind the fact we just shredded a person."
"It wasn't human to begin with." Benny sighed as he poured more gas into the blaze.
"Don't change the facts that it looked like one." Mikey said bored now that the festivities were over.
"There hasn't been a cop in Tolerance since someone stuck that last pig." Benny said staring at the flames with a sad and disgusted look creeping onto his face.
"I hear someone hung him, few of the ponies found him swinging from the Ol' oak tree in the park.”Terry remarked dryly.
"Yep, pretty messed up. . . Had to have a good reason, I hope." Benny said looking down at his feet. ‘Why can’t it ever be like in the movies?’ He thought to himself fighting to keep his lunch down.
"Whelp it's getin dark. Hey Mikey need a lift home, or you plan on walkin?" Terry asked as he started heading towards his van.
"Yeah, wait up!" Mikey said jogging towards the van as a sound of thunder rumbled in the background.
"See ya guys later, I'm headin in before I get wet." Benny said casting one more look at the burning pit, filled with the pieces of a foe he'd slain twice. 'I'll cover it up tomorrow.' He thought as he slipped in the back door.
*~*~*
The ash's and smoke intermengled as they soared higher and higher over the roof's below. Past hurried Pegasi and a irratated griffin, The smoke twisted and contorted as it mingled with the cloud cover.
"K. . .ill, Reven, veng- vengence." It hissed as it dispersed among the clouds.
It flowed with the wind, twisting and turning in and through the clouds. with one mighty clap of thunder. The bottom fell out, and the rain came in sheets. The mist became heavy as it fell in a bloody rain. over the fields out side of the town of Tolerance.
It fell hard and fast, dispersed and weakened. it found many new hosts in this storm. Men of straw not strong or sturdy as before, but what they lacked in strength they now made up for in numbers. The scarecrows began to pull them self's off of there crosses, and donned scythes long abandoned to the fields and to the test of time. The black syrupy ichor rained hard over the restful oaks cemetery, and every where else it could, reaching out with it’s single minded hatred.
"Scythes for our harvest, and we shall reap there sorrow! they shall know fear, those abominations that pretend to be on par with us. . . on par with those, thouse heretics!" Lighting outside the window silhouetted the cloaked figure as he raised his blood stained hands high. "Bring fear to them, bring about a new recoking, We shall show them our light and the lies of there goddess. . . GO FORTH IN OUR NAME, GO FORTH AND TAKE THEM THIS NIGHT!”
*~*~*
“I’m just saying, I got that feeling again Phil.” Joe said scratching his arm.
“For petes sake Joe, it’s a damn rash not a prophet.” Phil said cleaning the counter of the bar with vigor.
“I’m just saying is all. somethin bad’s going down tonight.”
“Will you two hush, I mean really must you argue about everything?” Mocha said frustration. They both seemed to think t over for a minute.
“Yes!” They said in unison.
*HARRASMENT*
“Hey Hawrse, get me a beer.” Reeled a agitated looking man.
“For christs sake theres not many rules in here, don’t fuck with customer’s or the staff, and don’t break anythin. That’s it nuthin else, just plain old simple common sense rules.” Phil said glanching at the man. Who gave a frusrated look.
“I said, get me a beer HAWRSE, Now Or are you deaf!” He said leaning heavily on the counter, before spitting a wad of tobbaco into his cup, or attempting to at least. Phil glared as the black goop ruined the cleanliness of the bar counter.
“Really, get much louder and you’ll wind up waking Bert.”
“Ah, can take that pussy.”
“Bet you a hundred you couldn’t.”Phil said crosing his arms. Everyone stared as Bruce seemingly appeared out of nowhere, steeping out from behind the patron, cane in hand.
“Eh Hmm, How bouts we make this. . . interestin?” He smiled casting a glance to his friend at the card table who looked more than a little befuddled. All eyes locked on Vince as the diamond dog lumbered over.
“What you need?” Vince questioned scratching his neck with yellowed nails, flicking a bit of dirt off to the side.
“Oh, were bout to set up a impromtu boxin match, between a pissed bartender and a drunk yokel.” he droll-ed in that smug Cajun accent.
“Wait how are you going to wake up him?” Joe said quizzically raising a brow.
“Oh that is simple, indee.” Bruce grinned picking up a shot glass tossing it up and down in his hand.
“What’s you gonna do with that?” The drunk asked.
“Really, Bruce don’t do it, He tends to blow a fuse when you break shit.” Phil droned.
“Oh jus this.” Bruce chuckled before smashing the glass against the door to the back room. you could hear a pin drop as the last sound of tinkling glass rested on the floor. A loud thump could be heard from the back, before the door flew open and a red faced blood shot eyed Bert came stomping out.
“FIVE.SECOUNDS.WHO.THE.FUCK.THREW.THAT!” He said gritting with each word. The drunk man gave a short cough and Bert was on him in an instant. “DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS TO REPLACE ANYTHING LIKE THIS? IT’S IMPOSSIBLE! GET READY TO PAY, WITH YOUR BLOOD OR YOUR CASH I DON’T CARE!” Bert seethed as on lookers gawked.
“Ehm, Bert. . . you been taking your blood pressure meds, right?” Phil coughed as he picked up a broom and dust pan to clean up glass.
“Jesus Bert do ya gotta blow a gasket?!” Joe said glad for the bar in between him should Bert fly off the handle. Everyone looked as the door to the bar blew open, two men and a women walked in one man wore a duster and cowboy boots, as the wind blew open the jacket they could clearly see the .45 and bowie knife at his side. The man behind him wore black and carried a rapier, The blond haired women was the normalest looking one carrying a tomahawk and lever action rifle.
“Problem here?” He said tilting his cowboy hat up a bit.
“. . .Broke something, he’s gotta pay, and oh how you’ll pay that five bits!” Bert growled at the now sobered man. ‘GOT DAMN IT, U.S. Fuckin marshal showin up here. got to get Benny and Clear out if he’s here for what I think! Like they’d ever listen to us anyway.’ He thought with frustration.
“We’re just checking in, heard yall folks had been having some problems with bugs, that right?” The blonde asked.
“Yeah, ain’t a problem though, got folks takin care of it already.” Bert said paying no attention as the man took the oprtunity to slip away.
“Well I’d like to meet some of them, got some what of a proposition for them.” The man in the duster said steping forward. “Name’s Hawk.”
‘Wonderful, He want’s to meet the exterminators.’ Bert thought with a sigh. “My brother Benny is an exterminator for the town, I’ll give him a ring and he’ll be down in a jiffy.”
“Ehm, we’ve also heard some rumors about a few disappearances around this place, we’d like to look into that if possible.”
“People come and go from Tolerance all the time, not to weird some of them’d leave from time to time. How many folks you talkin about?” Bert said tilting his glasses down abit.
“Around fifty people, ponies,etc. Also any people stumbling around that look sick to you? We’ve had to deal with a lot of that the past few days.”
‘Fifty people. . . what the hell.’ Bert thought “Have a seat cowpoke, I’ll be back soon as I can call Benny.” Bert said turning to head for the back room ‘This shit’s gotten bad, least they ain’t nutters. . .don’t seem to be.’
The Conversion Bureau: For Truth, For Treasure, and For Escape.
Benny walked in with a false air of calm and confidence, and he was certain no one noticed or paid any mind. The HLF were in their corner talking to Felicity and were daring one another to drink a bottle of something a zebra had brought over. A brown unicorn mare having a argument with a few other members of PER. Easy to tell which ones were PER cause a few always seemed to have a slightly glassy stare compared to the other ponies. . . and some of them blinked in unison for the most part, that helped.
"So, What's up?" Benny asked walking over to where a few other exterminators had sat around a cowboy, a swordsman, and a cowgirl. He locked eyes momentarily with the tall blond man sitting with his crew.
"What's going on assclown?" The blonde man started.
"Aw come on Randy, ya know that thing wouldn't have blown up if you'd handled it more carefully." Began the brick red earth pony next to him.
"So. . . I see you’re still babysitting these guys Donny, how's things been going?" Benny just grinned as the man in the green coat frowned for a moment before shrugging. He grabbed his weapon of choice off the table. An old Harpoon and tapped the end against the floor with a thump.
"No clue, showed up knowing about as much as you do man." Benny shrugged back. Donny sighed and shifted his weight to the left.
"So, we’re supposed to be meeting with the cowboy fella? All right." Benny meandered over to the big table giving a chuckle as Randy glared and spat waiting till Benny passed. Benny slipped around to the large table near the bar and pulled up a chair. Receiving a nod from Charlie, and a small wave of the hand from Buster.
"Well, who might you be?" The cowboy questioned tilting back in his chair, much to Phil's disdain.
"Oh, good. This is Benny, he's the younger brother of Bert. He's letting us use this place as a temporary headquarters since ours was sort a blown up." said the pearl pink unicorn with a frustrated sigh.
"Yep, Randy is a dick." Muttered the fuchsia pegasus.
"Bit, dammit There is no proof I did that!" Randy yelled from the next table.
"No, no fucker you don't get to talk to me or Sheri, I'm walkin on hooves because of your damned stupidity!"
"Honey, Bit, I'm going by Pixiel now." The Pearl Pink pony smiled.
"Stop being so good natured about this, and my name's Charlie, not Bit!" Charlie said stamping a hoof in agitation.
"Well, this is certainly interesting but I wanted to cut a deal quickly with the exterminators on behalf of the U.S. Government. As you know there's been things popping up lately, giant bugs, monsters, and legends come alive, yada yada." Hawk glanced, somewhat agitated at being cut off, at the black haired man.
"Yeah, I knew a guy who lives down in Buckley, One day woke up. Whole damn town was in black and white like a movie, cept the earth ponies only the earth ponies, I know it was weird. He said it was kinda like that one movie, Pleasantville." Chuckled the black haired man, cigar dangling from his lips.
"Buster, could you kindly 'not' interrupt the clients?" Pixel said shooting the man a death glare.
"Eh hmm, we were trying to get in touch with the leader of your group. . .You do have a leader for your group?" Zorro said leaning in shooting a smile towards Pixel who only seemed to narrow her eyes more.
"We did, but he bought the farm so to speak. "Benny frowned leaning back in the chair, and propping one foot on the table.
"Sorry to hear about that, I'm sure he was a good man." Hawk tipped his hat.
"What?! No he isn't dead." Benny said eyes widening a bit as he tipped back a little too far for his own good.
"Well, pony now. Bastard ran off, and well there's been so much shit been stirred up lately we couldn't just close up shop. So to speak, Pixel, me, and Donny are sort of our 'elected' leaders." Buster said, chewing on the end of his unlit cigar (It's impolite to smoke in the presence of company.)
"Hey Donny get over here!" Charlie yelled at the man, as he moved over using his harpoon to support his weight a bit.
"The name's Hawk. Pleasure to meet ya." Hawk said reaching out to grab Donny's hand. "So, How long have you been with this lot?"
". . ." Donny shrugged.
"A long time?" Hawk said raising an eyebrow beginning to grow impatient.
". . ." Donny held up two fingers
"Would you say they’re good at what they do?"
". . ." Donny nodded slowly.
"What's wrong, cat got your tongue?" Hawk chuckled.
". . ." Donny frowned deeply for a moment, before giving a grin.
"Umm." Benny said looking up at Donny, who gave a small nod and smile.
". . .How do you understand him?" Hawk said with a questioning brow.
"Well, when you work with Donny long enough, you just sort of understand what he wants." Pixel answered.
"Well, on to business, then." Megan began wanting to hurry with the proceedings.
"Right, business. we want to contract you to help in maintaining the region. you'd be supplied with all the equipment you need, and the pay's good." Hawk started again trying to keep a friendly face whilst ignoring the smoke filled bar room.
"What's the pay?" Buster said spitting a bit of cigar pulp into an empty glass, ignoring the rage in Phil's eyes, as the man glared daggers at him from across the room, and further ignoring Joe's attempts to calm him down.
"About 80 bits a day apiece." Megan replied quickly.
"That's. . . actually fairly reasonable. 80 a day flat rate?"
"For the most part, you'd of course be compensated for hunting down bigger game so to speak."
"Well, all right." Buster began before being interrupted.
"Well, what about reimbursement for lost equipment. Benefits, are we being just contracted or are we being 'bought out' so to say?" Pixel said shooting Buster another agitated look.
*~*~*~*
Terry and Mikey watched the meeting take place with mild interest.
"Ya know, I joined this gang to kick ass and burn shit up, right?" Terry moaned.
"Terry, we're not a gang. For the last time were like town militia or something." Mikey said doing his best to keep from falling asleep.
"Well, yeah. I still say the fuckers need to learn to defend themselves." Terry Chuckled "Teach them to kill off bedbugs and shit."
"Oh god, don't bring those things up. Hard as hell to kill, drain a pony dry in five minutes." Freighter shook his head trotting over to the group.
"Yeah, hard to hurt too."Terry began slowly, flicking the lid of his Zippo open and closed.
"Heh, not for me!" Freighter grinned.
"Yeah, but we don't normally carry 40mm Cannons on our backs." Mikey yawned. "Bored. . . This is not entertaining at all. need caffeine." Mikey yawned again, eyeing a container of coffee sitting on an unguarded table. "Sweet!"
"Hey, hey don't drink that!" Joe said reaching out to stop Mikey as he tipped the container and poured it down his throat.
"Hmm, this is pretty damn good!"
"Hey, don't drink that, it's garbage!" Terry shot.
"How? tastes fine to me." Mikey chuckled gulping down more. He jumped a bit as Terry reached over.
"May I see that for a sec?" He said gesturing to the glass.
"Be my guest... Could use some more sugar though." Mikey frowned. Terry dabbed a finger into the liquid and brought it to his lips.
"MY GOD, that, that, that?" He said, beginning to tremble a bit. "How much damn caffeine can you need in a drink!?" Terry said, shaking from the massive caffeine high. Mikey looked over Terry’s shoulder and watched as Randy walked over slowly and pulled up a chair.
"Meh, I don't get what all the fuss is about. New contract big deal, all I really understood out of what they're saying is we can get more explosive ordnance. To tell the truth I could give a fuck less after that." Randy droned, shooting a quick glance to Freighter then turning his eyes towards the larger man. "Heh what's wrong you dandy, can't handle your whiskey?" Randy laughed.
"It's coffee, dick!" Mikey snapped causing Randy to laugh louder, attracting the attention of Bert.
"Always stirring for a fight, ain't ya. Prick." Bert said strolling over. "Hey if I remember right, weren't you the guy who blew up my shed a year back?" Bert said with a pop of his knuckles.
"Nah, that ain't me." Randy said looking at his drink intently now as though it were the most interesting thing in the world.
"Yeah, by what I've been hearing. Yes, yes it is like you. Get a little mad blow something up. I don't like cowards who set traps, at least a gunman has to look at ya." Bert sneered. "Also If I find proof of that, you're going to be paying out your ass for that shed. . . was a nice shed too."
"Well, no worry I didn't do it!" Randy said casting a baleful glance towards the snickering Pixel before she returned her attention to her meeting.
". . .Bitch. . ." Randy sneered.
"What was that? Speak up. Can't hear you." Bert said leaning towards randy with his ear cupped. "I'm not quite sure I heard ya."
'Oh I'm gonna get that cunt.' Randy thought as he just sat there and gritted his teeth and glared at Bert. Thunder roared in the distance as the rain picked up more.
*~*~*~*
"Why must they be so loud? Bruce sighed. He had long since quit his game with the other dogs and was sitting with Vince at the bar. . . with a little difficulty.
"Hue-Mans not know how make stool." Vince whined doing everything to keep from falling.
"Heh, My frien’ you are not havin’ half the difficulty as the other drunks at this place." Bruce grinned gesturing to a passed out patron on the floor.
"Why we not go back to New Foalsome. Liked it better?" Vince said raising a shot glass to his lips before lapping it up quickly. With a scrunched face he continued. "You miss?"
". . .No. . . I don’ much care for tha’ place anymore." Bruce said with a distant look in his eyes before smiling. "Well, we mus keep an eye on proceedins. there is bound to be a figh’ abou’ to star at any momen’." he said with a slight sadness mixed into his Cajun accent.
"Heh, Hue-mans are funny they alwa-. . ." Vince was still for a bit as he sat up straight, his ears began to twitch. Bruce seemed to notice it to. "Hear somethin’ funny." Thunder rumbled in the distance.
"Somethin’ scratchin’ at the glass. . . Oh merde." Bruce rolled his eyes as he saw the silhouetted figure press up against the glass. The figure had begun to scratch at it playfully with a scythe.
"Bad man?" Vince said scratching behind his ear. A sudden flash of lightning in the distance highlighted the burlap sack head, and face painted in dry blood with a crudely made smile.
With a crash the first few tumbled in and bum rushed the nearest people towards them. Scythes tearing through the flesh of one patron easily. the second one didn't get a chance to even swing it's scythe before it's head exploded in a burst of straw.
"Well, this jus’ got interestin’. . ." Bruce said watching with mild amusement as Mike and Terry, not missing a beat, stood up and began to launch furniture at the advancing straw men as they poured in through the front door and windows. Benny had ducked behind the table Hawk had recently overturned and was pumping lead into them with his small revolver. Bruce yawned as Bert, with a nearby bench in hand, began to tear through them faster than they could pour into the bar.
"Oh ho ho, watch them go!" Vince chuckled as HLF grunts and Felicity began to help drive back the onslaught. Felicity Tearing them apart with her claws, and the HLF grabbing makeshift weapons.
"Watch this!" Bruce chuckled grabbing a can of hairspray from his bag. "Misstu Terry, Cath Thi!" He laughed tossing the can to the confused looking man before chuckling again, Terry grinned wide before pulling out a zippo.
***
"BURN FUCKERS BURN!" Terry Cackled like a mad man. Using the rigged up Hairspray flame thrower.
"Got, Dammit TERRY. STOP. LIGHTING THEM ON FIRE!" Mikey yelled, catching another Scarecrow’s scythe mid swing with the bar stool. "It doesn't work fast enough!"
Freighter cackled like a mad pony. "TRY AND PUT UP A FIGHT AT LEAST!" the red earth pony growled as he pounced on a scarecrow, laughing maniacally. Tearing away it's scythe and tearing it apart more, as he shook his head in a gleeful rage like a big dog with a new toy.
'Jesus, Terry And Freights Have to be related somehow or something. Ax crazy runs in the family? wait. . .How the fuck is he using that scythe like that, doesn't that hurt his teeth?' Benny thought quickly, hurling another bottle at the advancing scarecrows, and firing more rounds into them.
"Ha, this seems to happen a lot here!" Hawk laughed blowing multiple holes though the advancing hordes in a blink of an eye.
'All right, Cowboy here is really good with a revolver.' Benny thought quickly slamming ammo into Marie, before letting her add her own insults into this huge argument little as they may be.
"So have you always used a woman's gun?" Hawk chuckled giving a quick glance at Marie as he reloaded.
"Size doesn't matter!"
"It does when you need to kill!"
"I believze that ze sword is much better, no reloading!" Zorro chuckled slashing through the straw with little effort.
"Ah don't care. KILL 'EM ALL!" Bert shouted taking three of the straw men off their feet with a swing of the bench.
"Randy, don't you fuckin dare throw that dynamite!" Charlie screamed as he bucked another scarecrow in the face.
"Fuck you I wasn't going to throw it!" Randy hissed before licking his finger tips and putting out the lit fuse.
"Heh, congratz cowboy. you just hired a mildly stable group of psychos!" Benny chuckled shooting a scythe out of one of the scarecrows hands before Freighter began to tear it apart like a feral dog. ". . . Hey where's the gal with the rifle?" Benny cast a quick look over his shoulder watching as she was '. . . was taking NOTES?!' He thought with a screech "Hey, shoot something!" Benny yelled at Megan, but she simply motioned for him to pay attention to the fight.
"We were going to see what you could do, but a live demonstration works best don't you think? She's taking notes to see what you folks need to work on."
"We're being evaluated. . . NOW!?" Benny shouted.
"Hell, sooner the better, the quicker we get you guys on our side the faster we can head on out." Hawk shot back.
". . .All right." Benny stopped, realizing that there was stuff trying to kill him. "WHY THE FUCK CAN'T ONE DAY BE NORMAL IN THIS TOWN!" Benny just watched as Terry barreled through a group of flaming scarecrows to help Freighter beat them down, having grown bored (Or running out of hairspray.) The fighting began to wind down as less of the strange scarecrows charged in. Abruptly as it began the assault ended.
"Heh, that's the last of them." Benny chuckled "How you doin cowboy?"
"Decent." Hawk said reloading his gun. "Thought for a minute there I was going to have to break out the Dynamite." Hawk chuckled as Randy seemed to perk up.
"Woah, you had Dynamite, why not use it?" Randy grinned.
". . .Because that's fucking insane." Pixel sighed, "Hey Bit, where are you Bit?"
"Over here honey." The Fusicha pegasus pony said pushing his way out from under the overturned shelf.
"Heh, my gun don't work on straw men too well I guess." Benny snickered.
"Finally got a decent gun, huh. Where'd you find it?" Bit laughed.
"Yep, So. . .We start cleaning up or what?" Benny said scratching his head.
"Yep, I guess." Bert said nonchalantly walking away from the carnage his bench wielding fury had reeked earlier. Everyone began to groan as the lights began to flicker.
"Seriously?!"
"What the fuckin ‘ell?!"
"I'm gonna bust some major ass!"
"Heh, wish I had my Good Burner."
"Fuck everything. Why the fuck can't tonight be normal, every night is fucked up like this!"
"I don't get paid enough to deal with this shit!"
"Yeah, get some tables blocking them doors boys!" The HLF's impromptu leader cried. "We got incoming!"
". . ." Benny rushed to look out the window, and everyone began shudder as the temperature began to drop. The wind seemed to pick up more, slowly at first, then it began to rise to an ear splitting howl. The lights began to brighten and dim, bulbs blowing here and there with a pop, and then the wood of the old bar began to creak as in the distance the sound of someone whistling could be heard far off in the distance, slowly at first as the room darkened and the air began to thicken, a dark electricity in the air. It could have been the wind at first glance, but it picked up into a mournful melody that began to chill their blood. The group began to shake more as the lights faded away and they began to see their breath as the man on the hill approached.
"No, no there's no fucking way. . ." Benny whispered to himself unintentionally. He knew him from somewhere. . . far off, far away. He knew him from what seemed like a lifetime ago.
There on the hill stood a shadowy figure of a man, tall and lean. With a near luminescent Cheshire smile, a green glow coming from the black depths of his mouth, and another darker and unholy light of green flickering flames in place of his eyes. Somewhere in the distance howling could be heard over the hellish wind, as lightning lit up the sky for a moment. They could see the gaunt figure of the man as he moved down towards the bar. He kept moving his neck back and forth a bit as he walked, like he was trying to work out a kink that refused to give, like he was trying to work out the soreness of some unseen rope. . .
"Bensen. . . I know you're in there. Come out, come out." They heard the voice come as a horrid dry disembodied whisper, that seemed to flow through the room, It was getting harder to see farther away. like some horrible unseen fog had began to roll in and cloud their minds.
"I've come back now. . . and I want mine. . ." Came the same disembodied voice, still a whisper with a trace of a malicious laughter hidden in it.
"All right, barricade the doors and windows." Hawk glared looking around. "NOW!" everyone began to scamper about, helping the HLF and PER bar the doors and windows.
"Who the fuck is that?!" Phil screeched as the wind began to rock the bar.
"I just wanna go home, that's all I want. I want to go home and wake up from this nightmare!"
"Please, I can't die, I-I won't die. NOT YET!" Shrieked Randy launching himself out a window landing flat on his face before scrambling towards a van in the back lot.
"Folks calm down!" Bert said motioning for everyone to keep calm. " There’s at least forty folks here with guns and can fight! No one is gonna die." Bert truly hoped that.
"All right. You red head!" Hawk said pointing an accusing finger towards Benny, taking only a moment to find the short man who had wedged himself in between the wall and shelf. "Story time. Why the hell is he calling you out?"
"I have literally no clue." Benny said sliding out from behind the case.
"Usually when the dead come back, and call you out by name, yeah guess what. It means you've fucked up bad. So come clean right now so we can figure out what to do!" Hawk said, glaring at Benny.
"Really, no clue." Benny could see it in the man's eyes, something had changed. He was dealing with a professional killer, not some happy cowboy wannabe, he would kill him. he'd seen that look a hundred times before. 'Damn, this guy grips his gun any harder and he's gonna break the damn thing!'
"This will go much easier if you'll just come up to whatever the hell it is!
“Alright, Cowgirl is getting her rifle ready, Bert's helping them barricade, no help there. Bruce is. . . laughing at me?!” Benny glowered. "Look, I don't know. Seriously. I can't think of anything."
"Aww, you know that ain't true, Bensen," hissed the voice, they less heard it as more it pierced their ears. "Why, you could say he looked up to me! from his knees, after he STUCK ME WITH A KNIFE IN THE RIBS AND LEFT ME TO CHOKE TO DEATH SLOWLY!"
"Wait, what?" Benny questioned no one, keeping an eye on the steely eyed cowboy. "I never did anything like that!"
"Oh ho ho. Yes, like you didn't slaughter my town! I'm not here for me alone, I'm here for all those poor souls that you killed in cold blood. Slaughtered where they stood." The air seemed to thicken, Hawk's hand tightened on his gun. Benny was panicking
"Why, how. . . I never did anything like that!" Shrieked Benny.
"Actually, I want to hear this now, myself." Hawk replied eyes narrowing on the shaking man.
". . . Creeks cross. . . Benny, is that true?" Buster said stepping up to the two. "So, does that mean you killed Zekey, Pete, and Petal as well?!" Buster was nearly frothing at the mouth. "WHY, have a fuckin argument with them. Was that it?"
". . .N-no, Zekey was my friend I'd never!" Benny began to back away slowly. He backed into Randy.
"Vengeful little prick aren't ya? Bet it was you who caused the explosives to go off at the yard!"
"That wasn't me either! I even told you not to keep the explosives in the main building!" Benny shot back trying to move out of arm’s reach.
"IT MAKES SENSE, YOU TRIED TO KILL ME ONCE! We should have seen this coming." Randy shot out.
"Now, everyone calm down. . ." Pixel said "Let's be calm about this. . . EVERYPONY SETTLE THE FUCK DOWN!" She boomed horn beginning to glow. The men had no intention of settling themselves, as Buster took a head long dive at Benny. Benny leaped over him, and tucked into a roll as Hawk's revolver leveled with his head. He rolled behind the bar and let out a shriek as a lit red stick landed in between him and the bar. With a quick grab and bite, Benny bit the fuse off and spat it to the side.
"SETTLE DOWN, AND ACT LIKE ADULTS!" Pixel boomed again, her horn erupting in a spray of pink that struck the three men. For a moment they all looked a little lost, and dazed.
"What just happened? Where the fuck did Benny go?!" Randy spat
"I want tha’ little prick right here. He is going to explain what's happening."
"He ran, that's all the proof I need!"
At that moment the door and all the furniture piled in front of it exploded in wards, showering the group with splinters. The wind died down as the man marched in, wind dying down to a dull roar so they could understand him.
"All I want, is the red haired man If any of you try and stop me. . . it will not end favorably." The sheriff said in a grating monotone.
"Now hold up!" Joe said stepping up "I want an explanation here. what's going on, and why the hell do you think he's the Creek Cross Slasher?!" Joe screamed. The sheriff walked over to him, heels of his boots making a steady click on the floor, and stopped in front of him.
"You never listened to your teacher or momma. . . did ya, Boy?!" He spat the last part.
The Sheriff chuckled as his arms shot out, pure cracking black lightning, striking Joe in the chest with the force of a sledge hammer, with a snapping sound of bone and a hiss of burning flesh as it tore through. Joe stumbled backwards, a blue smoke pouring from his mouth and wounds as he screamed, before slumping to the ground. Everyone stared slack jawed as the burned part of his chest began to crumble into ash and blew away leaving, revealing bone and charred meat.
". . .Jo-Joe." Phil began quietly looking at the man howled in pain. Phil rushed to him and watched in horror only for a moment before attempting to treat his wounds.
"Aww, did I do that?" tutted the Sheriff with false remorse. "Now. Anyone else wish to stand up for the little runt?" The sheriff said stepping over Joe as he headed towards the bar.
"What, Happened at creek's cross?" Megan asked somewhat hesitantly keeping her rifle trained on the Sheriff. He turned his head to her slowly and grinned a horrible, soul chilling grin.
"Why, he killed everyone there. . . man, women, pony, child, and foal. You know what is worse? He did it with a grin!" The sheriff shouted, his fiery eyes glowing brighter.
'I didn't, no no I didn't do that!’ Benny screamed mentally at himself. 'They don't give a fuck. They need someone to blame for that. I can't reason with a lynch mob.’ Benny fingered the hammer on Marie. 'I can run for it. . . If I'm quick I just migh-.'
"Make it halfway cross the floor before your gunned down." Bruce whispered from his seat. "I know what you’re thinkin’, don't run. . . not yet."
"Wha-." Benny mouthed to himself. 'Why would Bruce help me?"
"I'm sorry, Boogeyman, Saint, or Devil. You ain't gonna get hold of my brother!" Bert shouted veins popping up on his neck. "You can't go around killin’ folks! You honestly think he has what it takes to kill someone willingly!" Bert snarled.
"I'm more than willing than to let that go. . . step aside, and you won't die." The Sheriff hissed.
"Ahmm, Gentlemen. . . there is no need to fight here. Why Benny is right here." smiled Bruce coyly.
'I sure hope this prick knows what he's doing.' Benny thought to himself. as he stood. "I did not, I repeat NOT KILL THEM!" He tensed as he saw the cowboy reach for his gun, but his hand only rested on the grip.
"LIAR! YOU KILLED EVERYONE OF THEM!" The sheriff barked soot rising from the flames of his 'eyes'.
"As I was saying, no one will be dying here today!" Bruce yelled again pulling a small mason jar from his jacket. With a toss the jar smashed into the Sheriff's side, and smoke rapidly filled the room.
" Adieu, les connards!" Not even hesitating Bruce charged after Bert and Vince as they plowed through people in the way to the door. "Run for your lives mon ami!" Keeping low to avoid gunfire and thrown bottles. Benny, Bruce, Bert, and Vince rushed outside.
"You explain what's going on now!" Bert yelled at the small ginger man as they ran.
"LATER!" Benny hollered as a bullet clipped his ear. "Damn! The vans keys are in it!" Benny screamed kicking up loose gravel as he dashed for his van, beating Bruce by a mile. They hurried into the van slamming the door behind them. In mere moments the van screeched out of the parking lot and down the road, the road. . . to destiny!
*~*~*~*
The Conversion Bureau: For Truth, For Treasure, and For Escape.
The Invasion, and The Adventure Begins.
“This night just keeps gettin better and better. Ya know?” Benny shot as the van peeled out of the parking lot, “I’ve got the devil himself wanting to kill me. Isn’t that great?!”
“Actually, I’d be more worried about that Marshal. He looks like a man of means.” Bert replied simply, his rage having died down soon after taking the wheel.
“Yeah, but. . . did you see the way everyone jumped on me, that was weird. They normally wait until they get all sides of the story,” Benny began,
“Have you not thought it may hav somethin to do wit the Sheriff clawin his way out of the groun to come and kill you personally?” Bruce rolled his eyes.
“Allright. Another thing, how come you saved my ass back there, saved both are ass’s?” Benny shot Bruce a look,
“Simple, I nee a little help, you nee a way out. We’re goin to partner up, and we’re all going to walk away very rich indee.” He smiled,
“Oh gawd, this again. How many times I gotta tell ya. Scavenging the city is suicide.” Bert face palmed before grasping the wheel to quickly take a turn down an alley, Van barely scrapping its side along the wall. “Think they're following us?”
“To tell the truth I think they have bigger problems with the Sheriff. They're not coming after us.” Benny filled in.
“Ehmm, yes. as I was sayin, there are several places in tha ruin tha I believe will more than make up for the effort of searching them for the treasures they hol.” Bruce smiled.
“All Right, we’ll let you out at one. I have to talk to some people to clear my name, for christs sake. They actually believed that fucking ghost whatsit!” Benny said idly wiping away splattered booze from his face and clothes the best he could.
“I don’t believe you fully understan, We are talking about a lot of money here!” Bruce yelled.
“Inside voice, use it!” Vince snarled clutching his ears, Bruce let out a small sigh.
“I’m really grateful for you saving me back there, really. Least we can do for ya, we’ll even wait with the van running if it won’t take too long.” Benny said shooting the Cajun a smile.
“Ugh, listen. I need help in gettin this stuff. I’m willin to split it evenly ‘IF’ you help me.”
“Listen, I promise this won’t be that big a problem. plus, I have transportation arranged for us.”Bruce grinned.
“All right, there you go again with the ‘US’ thing. See I’m very grateful, but we’re not doing it not no way no-.” Benny paused as he was interrupted by Bert.
“We’ll do it,” he said matter of factly. The van lurched as Bert swerved to avoid a few odd scarecrows that we’re staggering about in the road, Vince let loose a torrent of curses, as he lost his balance and fell on various tools piled around them.
“Why not in boxes. make easier to find, and not hurt us!” Vince growled.
“Yeah, I know I really should do something about that.” Benny sighed. “All Right, so why do you wanna help him Bert? I know it’s not because you trust him.”
“I’m sick of trying to claw out a livin. I want my piece of the pie. It’s out in those ruins, and I say we get what we deserve.” Bert said matter of factly.
“Tha is the spirit!” Bruce grinned wide.
“You're all insane as I am handsome!” Benny shot. eyeing the odd looks they gave him. “. . .Thats. that’s really crazy.”
“Yep uhm.” Bert started again. “Think of it Benny, it won’t be that bad, and if things get rough we can always just drop what we’re carrying and get outta dodge.”
“But Bert. You know what they say lives out there in that, that place. . . People go there but they never come back, the ones who do. . . they ain’t right.” Benny paled at the thought.
“Well, those people weren’t us. Let’s go and get our fortune!” Bert hollerd growing ever more excited at the thought.
“Hey, good words to put on your tombstone. If you're set on listening to this Cajun Jerk, I say let’s do it then, I’m in if your in!” Benny cheered, It was too late as gold fever had taken Benny.
“Now, this is what I like to hear!” Bruce laughed giddily, clapping his hands together.
“Hue-Mens, stop yelling. not need to in here!” Vince growled. His eyes softened as he set eyes on a pair headphones, he didn’t have anything to listen too, but they helped dull the noise.
“All Right, fine. you guys win. where do we hit first?!” Benny yelled still ignoring Vince.
“There is a store on the way, I suggest we hit there.” Bruce grinned.
* * *
The winds howled in the bar as another combatant was hurled through a window. Lighting shot from the hands of the man clad in black as he screamed a tormented scream. “HE GOT AWAY!” the Sheriff howled, sparks bursting from his hands, readily lighting the spilled booze and wooden tables. It was a strange sight as they ran. Humans, Ponies, Griffin, and Dog Alike.
“Everyone run, I’ll keep him busy!” Hawk yelled out, The Sheriff simply grinned as Hawk came out shooting,
“I’ll give it to ya, thinkin you're all brave and tough. then somethin comes along that ya just can’t kill, then what? You turn into cowards while someone with guts steps up to do your job!” The Sheriff barely flinched as Hawks bullets struck his torso and head, “Sorry there cowpoke, them lil Ol’ iron bullets O yers ain’t gonna cut it for me.”
“They don’t have to!” Hawk laughed before sending a chair towards him with a kick, one with a special surprise stuck underneath its seat. Hawk rushed away, making sure to scoop up one of the injured ponies before leaping through one of the smashed windows.
* * *
“What the hell is that thing,?! Nothings worked on it!” Buster yelled as he set down two unfortunate ponies who had gotten caught in the crossfire.
“I’ve never seen anything like that, till now anyways.” Hawk said, before setting another man down on the ground. The group was startled as the ground shook, and the windows of the nearby buildings rattled, before the bar let out a horrifying groan of warping snapping timber. They all shared a odd look as they saw several HLF members, and Diamond Dogs come pouring out with unconscious patrons. There was a strange tension in the air as the HLF began to set injured men and pony alike on the ground.
“Hey, what gives, thought you pricks hated ponies.” Mikey coughed, hacking from swallowing too much smoke.
“Listen, no one should burn to death. I don’t give two shits about’em really, but no one dies if I can help it.” The bearded man said, soot streaking his vest. “Name’s Jasper Co-Leader of the local HLF.”
The ground shook as the front of the bar exploded in a ball of fire. “Ha, see how he handles a little C-4.” Hawk grinned, “All right, now we pick through the rubble make sure he’s dead, and set out and catch the little mass murderer.”
“So. . . you’re just kinda winging this whole, monster hunter thing, huh?” Buster eyed Hawk.
“Yep pretty much.” Hawk sighed.
* * *
“Wonder why no one’s looted here before. I mean it’s got loads of goodies.” Bert remarked as he pushed the cart through the aisle.”
“Yeah, don’t make a lick of sense.” Benny said as he picked through old clothes and such “Heh, Hey Bert, Think this will fit ya?” Benny grinned as he tossed Bert the Leather Jacket. “Put it on, It’s cool outside.”
“Ugh, This is not what I had in mind when I said scavenging.” Bruce sighed, as he picked throgh various odds and ends. Kicking a bag of moldy feed, he jumped as mice scurried about. “Egad, RODENTS. How, grotesque. . .” Bruce sneered.
“Ha, ya lily livered pansy. You’re wantin to go diggin through that city, and you're not even willin to get a bit dirty. Well ain’t you a dandy.” Bert chuckled as he put on the leather jacket, taking a bit of extra time to fit the leather gloves tightly.
* * *
“ALLRIGHT! Terry, Mikey you two come with me, we're gonna take our employers to the new station. Donny, Pixel try and do some damage control allright!” Buster yelled
“Hey, what do we do for weapons?” Randy said, eyeing a few of the HLF members who seemed to be in various states of agitation.
“Stop bullshitting, we all know you have bang sticks, ball bats, and explosives in your van.” Buster raged. “Hey, Jasper! Where do you think your going? We need all the help we can get.”
“We are going back to the compound and are going to lock that place down tight. The treaty is still on, any ponies that can get there in ten minutes are welcome to stay under our protection.” Jasper spat.
“Listen, shits gone haywires. or is about to go that way, we need guns and man power, and the PER in this town aren’t really militaristic. Besides I don’t think they’d help us anyway.” Buster screamed at the grimacing man.
“No, I think we’ve given enough help for one night.” Jasper spat back.
“Look how much it took to kill that vampire ghost guy, thing. We need help!” Buster shot back resisting the urge to hit the smug looking man.
“No thank you, last team up everyone nearly wound up killing one another, we’ll secure our turf and stay out of your way.” Jasper said turning to walk away.
“Fine, Hey Hawk, Megan, Zorro. you guys mind riding with us back to what's going to be our new HQ?” Buster turned to the cowboy.
“Not really, seems you’ve got things covered, we’ll stay for assistance and to watch, but we plan on leaving soon.” Hawk apologized.
“Well, ain’t that great. Hell we’d get bette-!” Randy stopped as he and the rest of the group felt the air change around them once again, with a near overburdening electric charge that made their hair stand on end. “What now!” Randy was answered by an odd light fog, in the distance they could see silhouettes of things broken and twisted shambling towards them, and they caught a bit of the ‘laughter’ horrid and bloodthirsty, in the air.
“Shit. . . wanna rethink that cowboy?” Buster called out to the man in the duster.
“All right, but let’s just hurry to this place. I’m just hoping that this is gonna be a short job.” Hawk sighed.
* * *
The van rocked as it barreled through another group of straw men. The whole town was waking up, and sporadic gunfire could be heard all around in the distance.
“Ya know, this was supposed to be a nice simple hiring of some mercs to police the region, you know make my life just a little bit easier, but as always it never goes smooth. Why the hell does it never go smooth?” Hawk muttered to himself,
“Holy shit look at’dat sombitch go!” Mikey whooped, Megan cringed as she saw the scene infront of her. A unicorn running about with it’s tail ablaze.
“Mikey, cool it. we’re gonna load up with weapons and try and get them to the others.” Buster said.
“Others, how many Exterminators are there?” Zorro said as he tried to steady himself on one of the boxes in back.
“Wow, you guys didn’t know. There’s like thirty one of us. I mean, not all of them are human but still.” Mickey grinned, everyone held on tightly as Mickey swerved once again to plow through a group of shambling dead, and also to run a pegasi and baby dragon off of the sidewalk. “I LOVE MY JOB!” Mickey grinned with a manic gleam in his eyes.
“. . . That whole psychotic thing was true, wasn’t it?” Megan whispered to Hawk.
“Yeah, I think so.” Hawk muttered. The van lurched to and fro as they speed around turns, and they hit what they hoped were just speed bumps.
“Yeah, you get used to this type of stuff in this town,” Buster grinned shooting the trio of pros a look from up in the passenger seat. “Won’t take long to get there, I’m betting you’ll just love Vera dearest there. Zorro was it?”
“Yes it was. You are sure your not escapees from the local mental ward. . . correct?” Zorro coughed.
“Sorry, just love it when something big happens. We’re more calm when st-.” Buster stopped as Mikey and Terry cried out in unison.
“Holy shit, take a look at that!” Hawk and Megan leaned forward for a better look out the front windshield. They watched with various amounts of unease as they saw a zombie being smashed against a wall by a truck, wrapped in a panicked unicorns magical grasp. “I didn’t know them damned guys could throw shit like that!” Terry said awestruck.
“Heh, we actually know a unicorn that's taken down an ursa minor with hers.” Zorro chuckled. The van skidded to a halt outside of a large seemingly abandoned old building.
“Welp, here we are, the old police HQ before the collapse.” Buster said making a grand gesture with his arms as he stepped outside towards the old building, with cracking brick walls overgrown with vines and moss. “Come on with me. Mikey, Terry go around to the side, the floor is finished on that side. I’m gonna take our guests to meet Vera.”
“Oh, why do I have the feeling this night is only going to get better for us?” Hawk grumbled as he and his team followed one of the head Exterminators.
“Oh and watch your step, it’s uh. . . missing some features. The trio shot the large ageing building a once over. Moss covered walls and boarded up windows, and more than a few chunks missing from the crumbling brick walls. They could see parts of which had been replaced. With a bit of growing agitation they filled in after the man, and had to catch themselves as to not fall through the multiple missing sections of flooring.
“Yeah, just watch your step through here. We’ve got a pony named Timber making us some nice replacements,” Buster sighed, as he took wide steps over the holes. which would send you plummeting into the basement in short order. If you weren’t careful.
“Yeah, you couldn’t have gotten some plywood to lay over this!” Hawk shot as he nearly fell twice. He paid no mind to the flaking paint in the hall or the mildew stained walls, as they headed along.
“Hey, We’re not from the big city like you folks. Hell we’ve only recently gotten folks moving in just this year. Most of them are Equestrian folks though. Donkeys, cows, sheep, mules, Diamond Dogs, Griffins, and the odd little dragon. Hell this place hasn’t been this alive in years!” Buster said much too loudly, as he marched into a room that at one time must have been an evidence room.
“All right, good Ol tiled flooring, how I missed you.” Megan sighed with relief. She immediately began to cough as the thick scent of cigarettes filled her lungs.
“Hello~.” Vera rasped, half hidden behind the wire screen; by a thick acrid smelling cloud of smoke. “New members for are little. Crew?” She smiled showing yellow stained teeth. “Well, ain’t you handsome there cowboy. Late to the rodeo are we?” She snickered as she ashed her cigarette into her glass of water.
“Yeah, hey could you put a call out for all the guys. Make sure to send team X and F to the gymnasium, and why the hell aren’t the warning sirens going off?” Buster coughed.
“Well. Not everything is in, ‘Tip Top’ shape your highness.” She seethed. pulling a long drag off of her cancer stick before blowing smoke into Busters face.
“Alright, Jeez. Just put out the call you old bitty,” Buster coughed before blowing his nose on to her counter “Oh, and clean that up.” He shot her a grin as she spat at him.
“Hmm, really friendly working relationship I see.” Megan mused.
“Yep, the friendliest.” Zorro coughed, into a handkerchief. Vera spun about in her chair and slid over to a large looking radio, adjusting a few knobs before she rasped into the mic.
*Attention, all Exterminators and all those inclined to lend a hand. All hell's broken loose, and we are calling out all the stops here, If you happen to live next to any Exterminators or see there van’s just parked in their driveway. Feel free to wake them up, be as nasty as possible about it as well. If you fools haven’t noticed yet, the streets are being swarmed by the dead, and we need team Y and team K at city hall now! The rest of you are free to roam about and raise hell. . . That is all!* Vera spun around and propped her head back up on the counter and looked at the group. “That all?”
“That was kind of vague.” Hawk said trying to wave a bit of the smoke away.
“Trust me on this, letting them off their leash is the best way to get them to move fast. They’ll do fine.” Buster assured. “Oh, hey Vera. Mind lending us Churchill. We got kind of a man hunt going on as well.”
“For you, Hmm. . . Go fuck yourself.” She sneered.
“Great working relationship.” Megan whispered to Zorro sarcastically.
“It’s Benny, we’re gonna be hunting down.” Buster glared at the women. With a sigh she started up again.
“I’m not letting Churchill be borrowed by the likes of you. You on the other hand darlin, You I like.” Vera said fluttering her eyes at Hawk who simply coughed nervously. “Oh relax, your not really my type. Just try and bring that bastard back so I can flay his hide myself, what ever he’s gone and done.” With a piercing whistle a large dog emerged from deeper in the room.
“Woah, you don’t see many like him nowadays.” Hawk whistled, setting eyes on the half machine half canine.
“Eh heh, Churchill over here, he’s nearly bullet proof, never gets tired or loses focus, razor sharp teeth he can use to chew through reinforced doors, and loyal to a fault.” Vera smirked.
“Honey pumpkin. Yes that’s right Churchy wurchy, go with the nice cowboy, and mind him for me now won’t ya?” Vera baby talked before leaning in close. “Make sure he tries to bring Benny back alive. I want to be the one to skin him.” She whispered. With a near silent whir of machinery, Churchill maneuvered carefully, and slowly through the small door of the Evidence locker, to take a seat next to his new master.
“Uhm, thanks. I guess.” Hawk said rubbing the back of his neck.
“Just point him at what you want to kill, or take down and tell him to go to it, sic em or whatever. He’ll know what you mean.” Vera smiled. “Oh, and he already has Benny’s scent, That dog hates that boy, so be careful if you don’t want him pulling pieces off of him.”
* * *
“So anyways. I tried to sneak into the lock up so I could get my hands on a real gun. Yeah I know Marie is only good as a hideout gun, small size and all.” Benny said as he dug through the litter of clothes on the floor. “Hey, how much do we need?”
“Not much, six or so changes would be nice.” Bruce drawled in his Cajun accent moving pieces of torn and molded cloth one at a time with his cane. “Ugh, nasty beyon belief. I’ll nee a tetanus shot.”
“Hey, you hear anything?” Bert whispered, The group turned slowly as the sound of scraping could be heard somewhere in the darkness of the store. Slowly a humanoid shape stumbled out, bashed battered and tarnished. A mechanical store worker stood before them.
*Excuse me gentlemen, but the Tractor Supply Co. is currently closed, you’ll have to leave.* It said with a much too upbeat voice.
“Heh, you gonna make us ya tin can?” Benny chuckled. He stopped as he saw its hand begin to glow.
*Absolutely, me and my cohorts are fully prepared to forcefully remove you from the building, Initial scans show no suitable weapons. . . non lethal means of subdual active in *
“Shit, Run or fight?” Benny said shooting Bert a nervous look,
“Can’t be many of them.”
*. . .3. . .*
“I say we trash this tin can then!” Benny laughed,
*. . .2. . .*
“Very well, we mus get our hands dirty sometime, and its nonlethal as an added bonus.” Bruce grinned.
“Vince will smash you against the floor, this is no fight!” Vince growled.
*. . .1. . .* Slowly more figures began to stumble into the light of the lantern.
“Fuck.” Benny shouted as more crackling electricity lit the darkness.
* * *
“Shit, here they come!” Randy yelled, tossing another stick of dynamite into the advancing horde of shambling horrors and scarecrows.
“It’s the rain, there's something wrong with it!” Pixel screamed, firing another bolt of energy, cleaving one corpse in two before ricocheting off and striking another. Smoke seemed to escape their bodies, and flittered away in the wind.
“What’s wrong with it!” Mikey called out, as he brought the bat around hard, to connect with the skull of another abomination. It let out a final shriek as it fell and was no more.
“Its, its magical!” Pixel said jumping back to narrowly avoid being hit by a spinning scythe.
“Is’nt that a good thing for ponies?” Terry said, as he crushed one skull then the other with the bat. A loud explosion rocked the area, as Randys dynamite sent chunks flying through the air.
“OH GOD, IT’S IN MY MANE!” Pixel shrieked as various unpleasant things plastered her hide.
“And here it comes,” Mikey sighed, Before falling flat on the ground.
“GET DOWN!” Charlie yelled,
“NO ONE TOUCHES MY MANE!” Pixel screamed, A nearly continuous laser shot from her horn as she tore through them all, scorching buildings, and melting multiple windows. With a huff she fell to the ground from exhaustion.
“Heh, I love that trick.” Mikey chuckled, pushing himself up, “Looks like you cleared them out. . . Opps spoke too soon!” Mikey leapt to his feet as the torsos crawled and clawed towards them.