Off-Set

Click. Click. Snap. Click. Snap. Snap. Click.

“Alright, we all locked and loaded?” Dawnforge looked with a wicked grin to the ponies in the back of the armored wagon with him. They all nodded or spoke an affirmative, brandishing their weapons. Except for Kat.

“Why are we going to -shoot- up a jail when we have both Princesses whose word is law to get them out?” She tilted her head and frowned, most notably at Nate and Dawn.

“Kat, don’t be a fgt, that isn’t any fun.” Nate slung the portable .50 cal chain gun on his back as the wagon came to a halt. “Alright, Fgtz, lets go in there... have some fun, kill some cops and break that dumbass out of jail.”

Dawn levitated his fedora onto his head before grabbing his two pistols. “Kat, don’t forget to keep Cookie from running off after Roseluck. Those boners get creepy to see.”

Kat nodded. “Right.... Why doesn’t he wear pants again?”

Quill, an azure unicorn spoke up. “Because he thinks he has a black man’s fist up his ass.”

Luna sighed and began pushing at the ponies infront of her. “Come on, Dawn and me have a ‘date’ with Twilight tonight and I don’t want to be late, you imbeciles.”

Dawn opened the back doors of the wagon. “Alright, lets kick some plot and ta-”

Nate shoved Dawn, causing him to faceplant on the concrete and accidentally fire off a shot. Which hit Derpy in the left leg and caused her to crash into Scootaloo. “Get up, you fgt pussy. We aren’t paying you to lay down.”

Dawn grunted and got to his hooves glaring at Nate, “You aren’t paying me. Infact, half the MDA is on MY payroll. I do own the weapon shops, stripclubs and brothels after all.”

Nate blinked, “Wait... didn’t you have a drug ring that operated for us?”

“Yes... but then Key happened.”

“Fucking Richie ass Key.”

Luna simply blinked and sighed, “All of this illegal talk NEXT to the Princess of Equestria.”

Quill looked to Luna with a deadpan expression, “And shooting up a jail isn’t?”

Luna huffed and her horn lit up, changing her to look like some random blue unicorn. “Please, I wouldn’t even go THAT far. I’d have to deal with a civil revolt and all that.”

Kat rolled her eyes and pushed all the ponies out of the way, she took aim with her AK-47, she shot at the guards in front of the prison building’s entrance spraying ‘blood’ and bullets everywhere. “You pussies. My cookie is in the jar and I want to eat it.” She licked her lips, and laughing madly ran towards the building shooting any guard that moved.

Quil blinked, “Holy shipping fuel god...” Before following.

Luna, Dawn and Nate, shrugged before running after, firing their own weapons at the guards. Though, there weren’t many to shoot at this point. The trio burst into the entrance to the prison to see blood and bullet casings everywhere. And only the bodies of slumped over guards seemed to be in place.

“Well... seems Kat and Quill really tore it up in here...” Luna blinked and lower her weapon. “I guess we just get to walk in here and miss most of the action.”

Dawn snorted and smirked, “Yeah if this was some story of ours, I bet the readers would be pissed to have to miss all the action.”

Nate rolled his eyes and snorted. “Right, lets just keep go-”

As they turned the corner, the sight before them was spectacular in its blood levels. The floor was covered so thick in bodies of inmates, guards, bullet casings that it wasn’t even visible. In the center, Kat held a bright sky blue pony with fluffy fur and a cookie for a cutie mark, she cried giant flat, baby girl tears as she laid her muzzle into the fluffy blood soaked fur of Cookie.

Nate sighed. “How come EVERYTIME one of us is being rescued they die?”

Dawn rolled his eyes, “Because people don’t know how to aim, or stay out of the crossfire.”

Luna bonked both of them on the heads, “Its not like their dead, dead...” She lit her horn up returning to her normal, drop dead gorgeous self. “Alright, Everpony! Round over! We won, but lost the prisoner... again..” Luna sighed and shook her head.

As if someone just ended a scene in a movie, all the guards and inmates got up, wiping the ‘blood’ from their armor and coats as best they could and begun mingling. Quill walked over to them levitating his ‘weapon’ which was really a camera disguised as a gun. “I have ALL the shipping fuel.” He beamed happily.

Dawn and Luna grinned, before the princess spoke. “Good, good. You’ll be paid well for this round of shipping Quill.”

Quill beams and skips off to the armored wagon, only to be replaced with Cookie and Kat as they walked up to stand before Luna, Dawn and Nate.

The fluffy blue pony sighed and hung his head. “I’m as filthy physically as I am on the inside... wait... no, that would mean I have a personality.”

Kat opened her mouth about to contradict him and be sweet before a brown hoof struck Cookie across the muzzle. “Fucking stop with the act you super fgt.” Nate rolled his eyes and turned without another word to Cookie, but he did grumble and snort the entire way to the wagon.

Cooke just stood there and blinked, rubbing his muzzle with a fluffy-wuffy hoofy-woffy a-(This narrator was shot by Cookie for so much cutesy-wutesy rhyming shit). Kat stood there stock still for a moment before stomping off after Nate.

“Well... atleast now we can discuss business.” Dawn said after clearing his throat.

Cookie quirked an eyebrow. “About?”

Luna rolled her eyes, “About the shipping empire we have, Cookie. We heard Quill may try to get out soon.”

Cookie sighed and rolled his shoulder before motioning for the two to follow him. “Right, right... We can’t let him just walk out of the business. He is one our best and most zealous. Blood is thicker than water, after all.”

The two ponies following nodded before the alicorn spoke. “If it comes down to it, he knows too much and we’ll have to terminate him.”

Dawn and Cookie nodded and both spoke, “Agreed.” Before they met up with the group, all but Cookie seemed happy, even with Kat hanging all over his waist area.

“Soooooo, boooooorrrrrrreeeeeddddddd!!!!!” Dawn threw his hooves up in mock misery. “Why does the bloody buckin’ frickin’ studio site have to be under remodeling again?!”

Luna rolled her eyes and bopped Dawn on the nose. “Stop being a little filly. You have a Pbox and a high end gaming computer.”

Dawn sighed, “Yea. Well I-”

The elevator doors to the MDA Penthouse opened as two ponies stumbled out. One an azure unicorn with a quill on his flank and a grey bandage covering one eye. The other, was her supreme majesty, Princess Celestia.

Nate was sprawled in his recliner, a bottle of booze in one hoof. “What the buck happened to your eye, Quill.”

Quill mumbled something as he shuffled off to an empty love-seat with his alicorn princess cuddling up to him.

Dawn raised an eyebrow at Quill, “What was that?”

Quill sighed, “An accident.”

Nate groaned and lost interest, flipping through the channels of the tv. Dawn, however, didn’t. “Well, duh. I didn’t think you’d stap your own eye out.”

Quill sighed and buried his muzzle into a pillow. “Dildo Accident.”

Luna blinked and looked to her sister with a curious eyebrow. Celestia shrugged and blushed deeply, nuzzling Quill’s back.

Nate stopped flipping through channels and looked to Dawn, before the both of them fell onto the floor laughing hard enough for coughing fits to start. After they both managed to calm down, Nate asked, “D-dildo accident?”

Quill merely buried his head deeper in a pillow, which only caused the two amused ponies to release their laughter once again. This time, Luna joined in with giggles.

Dawn was the first to regain himself from the painful ordeal of laughing at Quill’s injury. “Oh... Ow, my sides... That was almost worth the site being shut down for ‘remodeling.”

Nate groaned and crawled back into his chair. “Bloody need to finish Researcher Twilight.”

Dawn scratches his head as he snuggled into Luna’s hooves again. “Well, I need to... oh wait, my writing suc- Ow!”

Luna snorted and bonked Dawn on the head again.

Dawn snorted. “Atleast I don’t think FIMFF studios is youtube, like bloody Knightly.”

Quill looked around shiftily, “Be Careful Dawn, no telling who is listening...”

Dawn rolled his eyes. “What is he gonna do, get the banhammer on me?”
As if some divine and sexy goddess thought to ruin his day and make him regret those words. A giant hammer with a pony attached fell through the ceiling on the MDA penthouse, landing right next to Dawn and nearly ‘banning’ him.