Off-Set

by Dawnforge

Rating: mature
Tags: Comedy, Princess Celestia, Sex, Twilight Sparkle, Random, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Romance, Princess Luna, Original Character
Length: 5901

Jokes, Sex, and stupidity.

Disclaimer: Any characters in Off-set are only based on real people, authors and OCs. Their personalities and statements are merely inflated to the point of stupid comedy. Plz don't sue or an me.

Off the sets of FIMFF studios the members of the Mentally Deficient Authors run some big moviesstories, and a massive shipping empire. Life is good. Well, besides the lesbian orgies. Crazy Twilight Ray Guns. Shooting up Prisons. Horny princesses. Oh, and uh... Other stuff I guess. I don't fucking no. I'm not paid enough to do this description.

Written by Dawnforge, laughed at by Azu and NATOstrike and Luna.

If you take this seriously at all... /sigh

Note: Cancelled until further notice, sorry.

Published 2012-12-08 23:00:01 UTC
Last updated 2013-03-23 03:10:40 UTC

-Insert Funny Chapter Name Here-

Faith closed her locker door before sighing and smashing her head against the metal once. She winced at the pain and rubbed her forehead with a hoof, grumbling lowly to herself.

“Rough day too, huh?” a voice behind her said.

Faith turned, to look at the source, a yellowish unicorn with a fiery mane and an eclipsed sun as her cutie mark. “Yea, you have nooooo idea, Fireshade. At least the dumbplot author put that shitty story on hiatus. I’m on paid vacation!”

Fireshade blew a loose strand of her mane from her face and sighed. “Lucky. The boss still is going off on his ‘ooooh so grimdark’ script for his little production. I swear, have you read my background?!” She stomped her hoof in a mild form of annoyance.

“No, I can’t say I have, hun. but, at least your’s was explained.” Faith rolled her eyes with a sigh, using a hoof to brush her brown mane behind a chestnut ear.

“Pfft. I’m suppose to be some sociopathic pyromancer pony that killed her parents as a filly and gets off to hurting others emotionally and physically.” Fireshade snorted in discontent. “I hate it.”

A more quiet and timid voice interrupted the conversation from behind the two unicorns, “That wasn’t what you were getting off too last night, dear.”

The pair turned to look at the source of the new voice, a pure white albino unicorn. Faith rolled her eyes with a smirk, looking between the two mares. “Prism finally got you, huh, Fire?” She giggled, covering a mouth with her hoof as Prism joined them. “I thought she’d actually try for Fluttershy for real.”

Prism sighed and rolled her eyes, “Well... she really is timid and that is too much like me. I prefer a mare with more, backbone.” Prism reached over and smacked Fireshade on her plot.

Fire squeaked, jumping a few inches into the air and blushing furiously. She punched Prism playfully in the shoulder. “Don’t do that in public, and definitely not around Faith!”

Faith rolled her eyes. “Please, it is a fresh breathe of air from Zeal. Nice guy off set, went on a few dates. But his character? I swear, I've never seen a pony so emo they blow off one throwing themselves at them.”

Prism brought a hoof to her chin. “Speaking of off and on set characters, didn't your author have some, um... cloppy scenes in mind for you and Zeal’s character?”

Faith rolled her eyes. “Yea, he did. But, Luna was against it. Thank Faust, I mean, don’t get me wrong. I’d buck Zeal in a heartbeat, but in-character? I’d rather sleep with a mare.”

“Sleeping with another mare isn't that bad, Faith. You would be surprised what mares are capable of in bed... Especially unicorns.” Prism added with a quick wink.

Frieshade grinned wickedly, the gleam of an evily evil idea beaming in her eyes. “Well... you always have two here,” she suggested in a sultry tone.

Faith rolled her eyes. “That may be, Prizzy. And you two may have the hots for my beautiful chestnut fur, but, I’m into rods and things inside me. Sorry to let you two down.” She smirked, and kept her tone playful.

Prism stuck her lip out and used her best ‘puppy’ dog eyes. Fireshade smirked for a brief moment before frowning. “Look what you did, Faith! Poor Prism is going to cry now!”

Faith rolled her eyes again. “You know, the last three times you tried didn't work. What makes you think the fourth will?”

Fireshade shrugged innocently. “Well, it isn't like there is a wall there anymore, or anything.”

Prism nodded. “That’s right, you are free to do as you wish now; I mean we are off set, this isn't canon.”

Faith snorted. “Right, right, well. I want to go home, and play some Haylo 4 with Luna like I promised. She did get me that paid vacation time, after all.”

“But, what about us? We still have months of work before our next paid vacation.” Prism whined softly. “Plus, I got trolled by my author when he said he was going to give me some time off while he got his crappy depression sorted out, only to come back three days later and tell me he changed his mind! What the buck is up with that!?”

As she spoke a red maned unicorn walked by and overheard, “Oi! I finished it! Then you got paid vacation leave! You ungrateful little-” A small portal appeared, and out of it, popped a indigo alicorn who wrapped her hooves around the upset stallion’s waist and pulled him in. Of course, being in the background of the story, this wasn’t noticed by the importantly sexy ponies.

Prism slowly walked up to Faith’s side and laid a hoof on her shoulder. “You sound like you are under a lot of stress right now...”

Fireshade walked to the other side, laying her head on Faith’s back. “Yes... Why don’t you come with me to Prism’s place. All those beautiful paintings(not really) and the nice comfortable massage table... Oh! We can give you a massage!”

Prism waved a forehoof at fireshade and nodded. “That’s right! And besides, Luna spends way too much time on her Xbox anyways, you can always join her another night,” she stated before gently rubbing Faiths shoulder with her hoof. “So how about it? Up for a little massage?”

Faith sighed, walking a few paces from the others. “I don’t know... She has been seeing my author a lot lately, and isn’t on for our clan matches like usual. Rumor around the mane six’s circle is she dropped out of the affair with Twilight to date him. But, that is all rumor.”

The three began walking through the locker room, various other ponies were getting their things. They chit-chat idly before reaching the streets outside the set building.

“Coooome on Faith, pweeeease?” Prism gave her best puppy eyes again to her prude companion. “Atleast come watch a movie with us!”

Faith sighed. “Prism, I swear, it is like Fire doesn’t take care of you at night!”

Prism huffed and crossed her forelegs. “Of course she does! Several times a night!”

Faith facehoofed. “I didn’t need to know that!”

As Prism and Faith continued to bicker back and forth; Fireshade sighed, looking around the streets boredly. Over at the entrance to one alley she saw four ponies, an alabaster alicorn, extremely wavy-haired yellow unicorn stallion, a yellow maned brown pegasus, and a pink maned and white earth pony stallion.

The white earth pony was dragging two of the others, the brown pegasus and the yellow unicorn, the former had a broken bottle of Applejack Daniels wrapped in a hoof, while the latter seemed to of fainted.

“Wait... Is that... NATO?.. And... Azu? A-OH MY BUCKING PLOT IS THAT CELESTIA?!” Fireshade’s jaw dropped as she saw Celestia trying to be sneaky and watch for anyone who may notice that the two ponies were being into a dark, and not-so-nice looking alleyway. Fireshade had resorted to staring at the scene dumbfounded and prodding one of her companions repeatedly with a hoof to try and get their attention. Sadly, as soon as the Princess and the three other ponies had disappeared into the darkness of the alley.

Faith turned on Fireshade in an annoyed fury. “What?!”

Fireshade starred with her mouth agape, glancing between the alley and Faith. “Celestia... Azu, NATO, pony... Alley. Dragged... I....” She spoke in a very rapid manner, before receiving confused and unamused expressions from the other two. “I... nevermind.”

“Right...” Faith turned to Prism. “Fine, you win. Where is the movie going to be at?”

Prism smirked. “My place, of course. Fireshade moved in, remember?”

Fire grinned. “Well, you did keep complaining about how the nights were sooooo lonely~”

Prism blushed, “Well... you do make a great pillow...”

Faith rolled her eyes, and began pushing the two. “Right, I’ve had enough with the lovey-dovey shit, lets go to your apartment.”

Fire giggled. “Such a rush, Faithy-waithy! It’s like... we’re in some one-shot clop fic, rather than going about our daily routine.”

Prism rolled her eyes. “If that was the case, we’ve broken the fourth wall more times than I can count, I’m sure the meta wouldn’t help either.”

Faith groaned and facehoofed. “Prism, hun, we’re off set. I swear, you are worse then Pinkie Pie. How would that even work? What would that be, the Fifth wall? I just... Lets just keep going. I need a good movie.”

Fire and Prism simply shared a wicked look and giggled, nodding in agreement before the three continued to Prism’s house.

Faith yawned lightly, leaning on Fireshade. The movie, ‘Lord of the Horseshoe’ was nearing its end and somehow, during this Faith had ended up cuddled between her two friends on a rather large couch. It wasn’t until Faith started to think about it, that she felt a hind leg twitch between her thighs. She blushed, furiously and cleared her throat. “Uhm... Fire?”

“Yea?” Fire replied casually, her focus on the movie.

“Your...um... leg, is rather close to my.. erm...” She didn’t know how to say it, so she left it at that, hoping Fire would pick up on it.

Fire simply giggled, and glanced back at her, grinning wickedly. She moved her leg, brushing it against Faith’s private areas. “Oh... I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to.” She turned to face Faith fully now.

“It is... erm... okay.” Faith replied quietly, trying to shy away. Sadly, for her, Prism was on her other side on the couch.

Prism wrapped her fore-legs around Faith’s midsection, nuzzling her neck and giving it a playful bite. “Oh, Faith... Stop being so stubborn, you know you want this.”

Faith huffed, shaking her head, “I do not! You both know I do-”

She never got to finish, for Fire had taken the opportunity to steal a kiss from her friend, pressing her lips against hers and slipping a tongue into her open mouth. Faith’s eye went wide in surprise and shock, at the fact Fire was kissing her and how good it felt. Infact, Faith was rather enjoying it. She allowed her eyes to close, as she slowly return Fire’s passionate kiss. By the time Fire pulled away, their positions had changed. Faith was now under her fiery friend.

Prism for her part, moved to the tail ends of the other two. She giggled wickedly. “See... that wasn’t so bad...” She nosed Faith’s tail away, revealing her wet, and ready sex. “And there is much more fun where that came from.” Prism leaned in close, her warm breath hitting Faith’s wetness. Her tongue slipping from her lips ready to lick the lower ones of her faithful friend.

Fire ran her hooves over Faith’s torso and down to her cutie mark, giving it a playful slap. She leaned in for another kiss, whispering, “Just enjoy this... it is for you, Faith..”

And then sex happened.

The End.... Kinda

Around a large TV, sat three ponies. One, was a red-maned, white unicorn, another was a pink-maned white earth pony, and the last, was Luna, her midnight blue fur devoid of any royal regalia. She was cuddled up against the red maned unicorn. However, she huffed at something off the screen and pushed away from him.

“I can’t believe I lost!” She groaned at what she saw, falling onto her back with another groan of misery.

The pink-maned earth pony was faceplanting repeatedly into the carpet. “This... is... not... FAIR! You cheated Dawnforge!”

“Did you say Dawn cheated? There’s a fucking surprise,” said a brown pegasus as he entered the room. He glanced to the TV and exclaimed, “Aw, shit, I fucking missed it!? Damn it, I just went to get something to drink.” He paused to take a deep swig of whatever gasoline-like concoction he held in a large plastic cup. “They weren’t even hinting at doing anything when I left!”

The red-maned unicorn grinned wickedly, “Yea, you missed it, NATO, and no I didn’t cheat! I may be a ginger, my good man, but, I would NEVER, EVER cheat in a bet! Even if said bet is two thousand bits, my dear Azu.”

Azu rolled his eyes. “I don’t think I’ve been THIS upset at you since chapter one of FKC.” He shivered at the memory of it. “The commas....”

Dawn simply grinned, and looked from Azu, to Luna. “Now, pay up you three! The bet was they wouldn’t make it till the end of the movie, or continue onto the massage table.”

“If you remember, I didn’t make the bet,” NATO retorted. “Fireshade’s a slut, I knew she couldn’t get through the whole movie without tryin’ to get off.”

“Alright, alright. You two still owe me, though.” Dawnforge motioned to the other two ponies in front of the TV.

Azu scrunched his muzzle in disgust. “I still can’t believe my protagonist was such a raging lesbian off-set.” He complained, followed by a sigh. “But, a bet’s a bet.”

At that moment, a regally white alicorn stepped from the kitchen with a patch of cupcakes. “Alright, I think I got this batch ri-I bucking missed the molesting?! Bucking Cele-I mean, my plot.”

NATO looked over to Celestia and chuckled. “Oh, for the love of— Cel... es... tia...” His head tilted slightly to one side. “You know, that sounds really strange when I’m talking directly to you... Anyway, interchanging buck and fuck really causes a lot of colorful mental images sometimes.”

“Stop flirting with the Princess,” Dawn looked to the others, “and you two pay up.”

Luna and Azu groaned at once, each reaching slowly in their wallets to pull out the bits, depositing them infront of a very, very happy Dawnforge, well, until Luna spoke next.

“I hope you realize, you’ll be sleeping on the couch. Alone, tonight.” The Princess spoke with a wicked gleam in her eyes.

Dawn’s happiness evaporated instantly, and he hung his head, before replying. “Well, Skyrim is more interesting than the sex with you anyways.”

“And he was promptly slapped, I think banished to the moon for a night... Oh! Oh! And him and Luna had make up sex a week later!”

The Pink Party pony beamed at the three fillies as they zipped through the town on their little scooter-wagon vehicle. “And that is how Equestria was made!”

And then (some) sex was shown

“Cut! That’ll be a wrap, faggets!” NATO yelled at his ‘minions’, as he called his actors and workers. “We’ll be done for today! Oh, and Twilight, get that flank over here along with Fireshade!”

Twilight rolled her eyes and sighed. “Cutting into my bloody reading time again.” She grumbled as she trotted up to the pain in the ass of a boss, Fireshade quickly reaching her side, probably because Twilight forcefully teleported her. “Right, I want to finish the Hobbit before the first movie comes out for it, Nate. What is it this time?”

Fireshade sighed and rolled her eyes, muttering under her breathe to Twilight, who giggled.

NATO glared at the two ponies. “You two did HORRIBLE. I can’t use ANY of that in the story. Especially you, Fireshade. WAS THAT A BUCKING TILDE YOU EMOTED?! I want you two to go practice... or buck... or whatever makes you two act better. I expect PERFECT grammar and INSANE PONIES!”

Fireshade rolled her eyes. “Right, right. Why don’t you.. Idk, go play Haylo 4. OH WAIT YOU SUCK.”

NATO rolled his eyes. “Just... Act better, bucking faggets.” And with that, he left the set.

Fireshade and Twilight say on the set, waiting a few moments after Nate left. “We aren’t going to practice, are we?” Fireshade asked.

Twilight smirked and shook her head. “Nah. He’ll be gone from the lot soon.”

Twilight groaned, her head falling back onto on of the pillows as Fireshade ate her out like some amazingly delicious pie. “Yes, yes... Almost there... almost...” Twi moaned in pleasure as Fireahde suckled her clit.

Fire stopped for a moment looking up at Twi and rolling her eyes. “You said that twenty minutes ago. Still no juicey lavender smelling drink spilling from your pie.”

Twi groaned and placed her hooves behind Fire’s head forcing her back to her task. “If you would bucking stop talking every thirty seconds and buck my pussy with that tongue instead of flapping your ja-AH-ws... I’d of Ca-AMe...” She groaned and her head lulled back in ecstasy as Fire went back to licknig her drenched folds, her tougne running over Twi’s clit teasingly.

Fire smirked into her work, lapping at the juices that casually leaked from Twi’s marehood. She was rewarded with delightful moans and cute little twitches and squirms from her meal.

However, unbeknownst to the two horny, bucking mares, another mare watched from the shadows of the set. She stepped forward right as Twilight howled in pleasure and squirted juices over Fireshade like some juice squirting machine, or a water fountain I guess.

“Fireshade! How could you!” Prism stepped forward a scowl of pain and anger engraved upon her face.

Fire jumped two feet into the air, and her colors jumped a few feet more, as she turned around, slyly trying to lick the juices of the very, very exposed unicorn off her muzzle. “I-it isn’t what y-you think, Prism!”

Prism blinked, her face going completely poker mode. “Twilight has her eyes rolled back in bliss, and you have her juices all over you mule, not to mention her legs spread in a very, very, sexual way.... How is it not?”

Fire frowned. “I... I’m sorry Pris.. I-I d-didn’t me-” She was cut off by body of the albino unicorn crashing on top of her and a tongue practically choking her to death in its zealotry of getting into her mouth. After a long moment of hotly kissing and playing grab-plot, Prism broke the kiss.

“I’m EXTREMELY pissed off, you didn’t invite me! I mean, we seduced Faith together! Am I not good enough to buck Twilight as well?” She pouted slightly, only to receive nibbles on her neck.

“Of course not! This was kind of a spur of the moment kind of thing, love. I would never plan something and not invite your beautiful.” Fire slapped Prism’s cutie marks. “Sensual.” Her hoof began to trace the pattern it formed. “Amazing plot, you have.” Her hoof slid in between the other unicorn’s legs, seeking out and finding the slit of her sex.

And then more sex happened.

Mister Flutters groaned dramatically falling back onto his green bean bag chair. “Dawn! I was watching that!”

Dawn sighed and rolled his eyes, his magical aura hovering the remote infront of him. “We’ll see more later. It isn’t like Prism or Firehade are never bucking somepony.”

Luna snorted, rolling her eyes. “Stallions.”

Dawn looked at her, rolling his eyes as well. “Mares.”

“Ass.”

“Bitch.”

“You are all faggets, so such your bucking piehoels and turn it on mythbuckers.” Nato roared in annoyance as he stepped into the room. Tossing Dawn a bottle of Applejack Daniels. “And theres your weak ass shit, Dawn.”

Flutters groaned, as he flapped his green feathered wings to right his body. “Why do you hate me, Dawn?”

“Because you showed me that picture of anthro Lyra.” Dawn snorted opening the bottle of aj. “Now time for a nice long dr-HEY! Give that back!”

Luna giggled, hovering the body above Dawn’s head. “No, you already had enough today. Anymore and you’ll fall asleep before we get to the party tonight?”

“Wait? Party?”

Luna sighed and rolled her eyes. “Quill and my sister’s anniversary party. For them being together one year?”

“Right....”

Nato grunted, searching around in the cabinet next to the overly-large and compensating flat screen plasma, HD tv. “Where the bucking hell is my absinthe?

Dawn sighed, giving up on his attempts at retrieving his stolen booze. “Uhh... Kriegor took it I think, something about... ‘My story sucks, Q Q. No one likes it. I should just quit and jump off a building. Or build a MAC unit to kill me for my worthlessness.”

Nato, of course didn’t respond. He he barged out the door, his eyes aflame at the audacity of Krieg and his booze stealing faggot emo ways.

A pink earth pony poked her head from a bedroom door. Her purple mane styled normally. “What is all this noise out here? Can a pony not sleep?”

Dawn blinked. “When did Kat move in?”

Luna looked to Dawn and rolled her eyes, sighing in annoyance. “In between chapters, Dawn.”

Kat frowned. “Well? Can anypony answer my question.”

Mister Flutters snagged the remote from Dawn and changed it back to the cloppery of Twilight, Fire and Prism. “My mouth is ready for sweet pony seamon!”

Luna, Dawn and Kat simply looked to Mister Flutters. “Get out of here. Just... Go.” Luna pointed her hoof at the door, while Dawn had fallen on the alicorn princess’s lap, laughing so hard his nose bled.

Kat rolled her eyes. “I’m going back to sleep. You’re all insane. I hope you choke on bagels.”

The door slammed open as Nate burst in, pulling a black pegasus through the door in scrip paper chains. “Hey, fgtz.” He drained the last of his abstine in one swing, slamming the bottle against the black pegasus’s plot. The pony only groaned in protest.

Azu peeked up from the couch. “Is that... Krieg?”

“Yup.” Nate stalked over to the coat rack near the door hanging Krieg up like an old raincoat. He looked to the giant 100 inch HD plasma LED screen TV of overcompensating. “Dawn, how do you not die every second on Haylo 4?”

“Because, I’m not some drunk fgt.” Dawn retorted.

“Your right, your some lazy asshat fgt.” Nate snorted and rolled his eyes. “Anyone seen Key?”

Luna poked her head out of the kitchen. “Yea, maybe, why?”

Nate plopped down on the recliner. “Cookie got arrested.”

Azu blinked, looknig down from his ‘Shy Ponies turned Sluttiez’, “What? How? I thought we had some Paints Row protection thing with the Guards going for the MDa since Dawn and Quill bone the Princesses?!”

Dawn snorted. “ You say that like its necessarily a good thing.”

“I don’t know.” Nate shrugged, “Apparently someone said Cookie wasn't MDA anymore...”

Three pairs of eyes turned to burn holes into the depths of Luna’s divinely sexy(lolno), alicorn soul(Which was on loan.).

Luna cleared her throat and put on a sheepish, innocent smile. “Now, just because he slapped my plot and called me his slut doesn't mean I did that... It was ‘Tia.”

Everyone rolled their eyes, with Azu and Dawn returning to their games and porno magz. “Bails at 300k bits, by the way.” Nate relaid as he stretch, groaning.

Dawn paused his game and turned to Nate blinking. “Wait, what did he do?”

Nate shrugged. “I don’t know. I think it was... rape, murder, assault with a deadly cookie, assault with a deadly weapon assault with a weapon that shouldn't of been deadly but unfortunately was... and stalking Rose something...”

Luna peaked back out of the kitchen. “Oh, well... Key won’t be any help, he went off to buy a bunch of stuff and do his drug dealing and human trafficking.”

Dawn looked to the other three. “So... wanna get Kat and go all Paints Row up on the Guard station?”

Nate looked to Dawn. A very, very serious look. In fact, it was SO serious the camera zoomed in on his eyes as he narrowed them aswell. He spoke with utter authority, and in a deep epic tone... “Perhaps.”

Smack!

Fireshade moaned into her ball gag, squirming against the restraints keeping her hind legs spread as wide as possible. She winced as a pristine white hoof came down again on her cutie mark, leaving a red mark even visible through her fur.

The abuser brought her tongue across the spot, slowly drawing circles over her bruised plot cheek. “Who’s a naughty, naughty little pony?”

Fireshade moaned into her ball gag, struggling harder against her restraints as the room began to fill with the sweet, sweet smell of horny pongina.

“What was that?” Her torturer asked in a sultry tone, showing Fire her face before slowly nibbling up her belly to her snout. “Does someone have something to say?” Torturously running her hoof down to Fire’s marehood, she ran her hoof everywhere but where her little pony desired it to be.

Prism giggled as Fireshade squirmed and strained at her bindings. “Oh... if only Nate could see you now.. He’d either buk you or facehoof.... Mmm... wouldn't mind a stallion in here.”

The albino pony leaned in her tongue stuck out as her fa-

“Wait, wait, wait!” Faith waves her hooves dissipating the steamy steam cloud and most likely making Nate want to kill her. “How did that... lead to this?...” She pointed to the town mares before her.

Fireshade and Prism were glued together, and covered in an assortment of candies, cupcake crumbs, pegasus feathers... and a few dildos. “Well... uhh... if you wouldn't interrupt my steamy BDSM sex tell...” Fire huffed in frustration.

Faith sighed and facehoofed. “Riiight, look. I’m hungry and want some italian food. So, make it quick...”

Prism sighed. “Such a buzzkill... Alright, well tl;dr... After the sex, Roseluck ran in being chased by the Cookie monstar pony who was hyped up on so many drugs an we ran around the city till he got arrested. Then we bucked Roseluck... and then went for a ride with a pegasus and after some AWFUL slapstick comedy routine probably written by one of those MDA morons.. We ended up like this.”

Faith sighed, facehoofing hard enough to kill a few brain cells. “Riight... Come on you two... let's clean you up.” She levitated the two messy ponies, ignoring their cries to be put down.

“Well, at least if we shower we can have some fun.” Fire spoke with a wicked grin and a failed swipe at Faith’s flank.

“I call top!” Prism beamed with glea. Until Fire started arguing with her as they walked into that cheesy sunset ending.

I don't even know. I was drunk

Click. Click. Snap. Click. Snap. Snap. Click.

“Alright, we all locked and loaded?” Dawnforge looked with a wicked grin to the ponies in the back of the armored wagon with him. They all nodded or spoke an affirmative, brandishing their weapons. Except for Kat.

“Why are we going to -shoot- up a jail when we have both Princesses whose word is law to get them out?” She tilted her head and frowned, most notably at Nate and Dawn.

“Kat, don’t be a fgt, that isn’t any fun.” Nate slung the portable .50 cal chain gun on his back as the wagon came to a halt. “Alright, Fgtz, lets go in there... have some fun, kill some cops and break that dumbass out of jail.”

Dawn levitated his fedora onto his head before grabbing his two pistols. “Kat, don’t forget to keep Cookie from running off after Roseluck. Those boners get creepy to see.”

Kat nodded. “Right.... Why doesn’t he wear pants again?”

Quill, an azure unicorn spoke up. “Because he thinks he has a black man’s fist up his ass.”

Luna sighed and began pushing at the ponies infront of her. “Come on, Dawn and me have a ‘date’ with Twilight tonight and I don’t want to be late, you imbeciles.”

Dawn opened the back doors of the wagon. “Alright, lets kick some plot and ta-”

Nate shoved Dawn, causing him to faceplant on the concrete and accidentally fire off a shot. Which hit Derpy in the left leg and caused her to crash into Scootaloo. “Get up, you fgt pussy. We aren’t paying you to lay down.”

Dawn grunted and got to his hooves glaring at Nate, “You aren’t paying me. Infact, half the MDA is on MY payroll. I do own the weapon shops, stripclubs and brothels after all.”

Nate blinked, “Wait... didn’t you have a drug ring that operated for us?”

“Yes... but then Key happened.”

“Fucking Richie ass Key.”

Luna simply blinked and sighed, “All of this illegal talk NEXT to the Princess of Equestria.”

Quill looked to Luna with a deadpan expression, “And shooting up a jail isn’t?”

Luna huffed and her horn lit up, changing her to look like some random blue unicorn. “Please, I wouldn’t even go THAT far. I’d have to deal with a civil revolt and all that.”

Kat rolled her eyes and pushed all the ponies out of the way, she took aim with her AK-47, she shot at the guards in front of the prison building’s entrance spraying ‘blood’ and bullets everywhere. “You pussies. My cookie is in the jar and I want to eat it.” She licked her lips, and laughing madly ran towards the building shooting any guard that moved.

Quil blinked, “Holy shipping fuel god...” Before following.

Luna, Dawn and Nate, shrugged before running after, firing their own weapons at the guards. Though, there weren’t many to shoot at this point. The trio burst into the entrance to the prison to see blood and bullet casings everywhere. And only the bodies of slumped over guards seemed to be in place.

“Well... seems Kat and Quill really tore it up in here...” Luna blinked and lower her weapon. “I guess we just get to walk in here and miss most of the action.”

Dawn snorted and smirked, “Yeah if this was some story of ours, I bet the readers would be pissed to have to miss all the action.”

Nate rolled his eyes and snorted. “Right, lets just keep go-”

As they turned the corner, the sight before them was spectacular in its blood levels. The floor was covered so thick in bodies of inmates, guards, bullet casings that it wasn’t even visible. In the center, Kat held a bright sky blue pony with fluffy fur and a cookie for a cutie mark, she cried giant flat, baby girl tears as she laid her muzzle into the fluffy blood soaked fur of Cookie.

Nate sighed. “How come EVERYTIME one of us is being rescued they die?”

Dawn rolled his eyes, “Because people don’t know how to aim, or stay out of the crossfire.”

Luna bonked both of them on the heads, “Its not like their dead, dead...” She lit her horn up returning to her normal, drop dead gorgeous self. “Alright, Everpony! Round over! We won, but lost the prisoner... again..” Luna sighed and shook her head.

As if someone just ended a scene in a movie, all the guards and inmates got up, wiping the ‘blood’ from their armor and coats as best they could and begun mingling. Quill walked over to them levitating his ‘weapon’ which was really a camera disguised as a gun. “I have ALL the shipping fuel.” He beamed happily.

Dawn and Luna grinned, before the princess spoke. “Good, good. You’ll be paid well for this round of shipping Quill.”

Quill beams and skips off to the armored wagon, only to be replaced with Cookie and Kat as they walked up to stand before Luna, Dawn and Nate.

The fluffy blue pony sighed and hung his head. “I’m as filthy physically as I am on the inside... wait... no, that would mean I have a personality.”

Kat opened her mouth about to contradict him and be sweet before a brown hoof struck Cookie across the muzzle. “Fucking stop with the act you super fgt.” Nate rolled his eyes and turned without another word to Cookie, but he did grumble and snort the entire way to the wagon.

Cooke just stood there and blinked, rubbing his muzzle with a fluffy-wuffy hoofy-woffy a-(This narrator was shot by Cookie for so much cutesy-wutesy rhyming shit). Kat stood there stock still for a moment before stomping off after Nate.

“Well... atleast now we can discuss business.” Dawn said after clearing his throat.

Cookie quirked an eyebrow. “About?”

Luna rolled her eyes, “About the shipping empire we have, Cookie. We heard Quill may try to get out soon.”

Cookie sighed and rolled his shoulder before motioning for the two to follow him. “Right, right... We can’t let him just walk out of the business. He is one our best and most zealous. Blood is thicker than water, after all.”

The two ponies following nodded before the alicorn spoke. “If it comes down to it, he knows too much and we’ll have to terminate him.”

Dawn and Cookie nodded and both spoke, “Agreed.” Before they met up with the group, all but Cookie seemed happy, even with Kat hanging all over his waist area.

“Soooooo, boooooorrrrrrreeeeeddddddd!!!!!” Dawn threw his hooves up in mock misery. “Why does the bloody buckin’ frickin’ studio site have to be under remodeling again?!”

Luna rolled her eyes and bopped Dawn on the nose. “Stop being a little filly. You have a Pbox and a high end gaming computer.”

Dawn sighed, “Yea. Well I-”

The elevator doors to the MDA Penthouse opened as two ponies stumbled out. One an azure unicorn with a quill on his flank and a grey bandage covering one eye. The other, was her supreme majesty, Princess Celestia.

Nate was sprawled in his recliner, a bottle of booze in one hoof. “What the buck happened to your eye, Quill.”

Quill mumbled something as he shuffled off to an empty love-seat with his alicorn princess cuddling up to him.

Dawn raised an eyebrow at Quill, “What was that?”

Quill sighed, “An accident.”

Nate groaned and lost interest, flipping through the channels of the tv. Dawn, however, didn’t. “Well, duh. I didn’t think you’d stap your own eye out.”

Quill sighed and buried his muzzle into a pillow. “Dildo Accident.”

Luna blinked and looked to her sister with a curious eyebrow. Celestia shrugged and blushed deeply, nuzzling Quill’s back.

Nate stopped flipping through channels and looked to Dawn, before the both of them fell onto the floor laughing hard enough for coughing fits to start. After they both managed to calm down, Nate asked, “D-dildo accident?”

Quill merely buried his head deeper in a pillow, which only caused the two amused ponies to release their laughter once again. This time, Luna joined in with giggles.

Dawn was the first to regain himself from the painful ordeal of laughing at Quill’s injury. “Oh... Ow, my sides... That was almost worth the site being shut down for ‘remodeling.”

Nate groaned and crawled back into his chair. “Bloody need to finish Researcher Twilight.”

Dawn scratches his head as he snuggled into Luna’s hooves again. “Well, I need to... oh wait, my writing suc- Ow!”

Luna snorted and bonked Dawn on the head again.

Dawn snorted. “Atleast I don’t think FIMFF studios is youtube, like bloody Knightly.”

Quill looked around shiftily, “Be Careful Dawn, no telling who is listening...”

Dawn rolled his eyes. “What is he gonna do, get the banhammer on me?”
As if some divine and sexy goddess thought to ruin his day and make him regret those words. A giant hammer with a pony attached fell through the ceiling on the MDA penthouse, landing right next to Dawn and nearly ‘banning’ him.