You Say It's Your Birthday?
A/N: This is a little idea I had after I started reading Calvin & Hobbes comics again. And I realized just how similar the two are. And then I thought of this. And took nearly a whole day to write this.
"Hey, Mary, ya got mail," Plottie called to her master, noticing Derpy flying away from Mary's mailbox.
"MAIL?!" Mary exclaimed. She rushed outside and would have flattened Plottie but she wasn't really there.
"Hey, watch where your running!" Plottie snapped.
The red maned, black coated Alicorn didn't care. It was rare that Mary got any mail and she had a heart attack when ever she did. This time was even better the last, however. This time, she got a whole STACK of mail! You should've seen the look on her face.
"Plottie, look, mail! A whole stack!" Mary showed Plottie, who was at the window.
Plottie rolled her eyes and sighed. "Fantastic," she said. "Now come in here and open it!"
Mary nodded and went back inside, with a happier strut this time.
"I can't believe it... MAIL!" Mary muttered to herself, sitting down at the one table she had. "This is awesome! The best possible thing!"
"It depends on what it is," Plottie reminded Mary. "It could be some more
hate mail."
Mary scoffed. "It's mail! How can it be bad?" she asked before reading the back of the letters to herself.
A few minutes later, Mary groaned loudly.
"Junk mail!" the Alicorn exclaimed, throwing the mail on the table and slamming her head into it.
"I told you," Plottie said smugly, picking up the mail herself. "Let's see... Yeah, you're right, this is mostly junk mail... Wait, this last one is an invitation!"
"It's junk," Mary grunted.
"It's an invitation!" Plottie told Mary. "Somepony obviously wants your company! Don't you want that?"
"Yes, but not from who sent it," Mary answered grimly.
"I knew you hated everypony but me, but-" Plottie tried to say.
"You don't count!" Mary shouted, suddenly looking very angrily at Plottie. "You only exist so I can get revenge on everypony who wronged me in the past! So shut up about that!"
"Of course I only exist to be your little slave," Plottie murmured, opening the invitation.
"You got that right," Mary agreed, putting her head back on the table.
Well, that was pretty much the end of that conversation... For about a couple seconds.
"'Dear Mary Sue'," Plottie read. Mary moaned and covered her ears. "'My birthday party's coming up and since everypony knows I'm Nightmare Moon and they're OK with it (since is weird, since I thought I would have past sins or something), I'm inviting everypony I know! Which is limited to about Twilight, her friends, those three fillies I don't know the name of, Derpy and you and Plottie! From, Nyx.' Nyx? Mary, this is awesome!"
"No, it's not, I hate that her," Mary complained. "She's also an Alicorn and she's way more popular then me."
"Mary!" Plottie gasped all mockingly like. "Are you saying you're jealous of her?!"
"Well, I can tell you because you don't count!" Mary snapped.
"But what's to stop me from possessing somepony and telling everypony?" Plottie asked.
Mary suddenly gave Plottie a pretty odd look of death. "YOU WOULDN'T DARE," she said through clenched teeth.
"Nah, I need to make you more popular, so I can't," Plottie admitted with a chuckle.
There was a few small grunts from Mary.
"I personally think going to this party would be beneficial for you," Plottie told Mary, trying to be encouraging. "Think about! If the most popular Alicorn OC in Equestria likes you, maybe it can branch off into the main characters!" She thought for a few moments before adding, "Or even background ponies!"
"But it's bucking NYX!" Mary whined. "I hate her! Don't make me do this!"
"Hey, Mary, I'm not forcing you to do anything," Plottie scolded Mary. "All I'm asking is that you at least try to interact with the rest of society."
"But I do!"
"Forcing me to possess stallions so that you can screw them does NOT count!" Plottie retorted.
Well, Mary's argument was just proven invalid.
"Now, again, I'm not forcing you to go," Plottie continued, "but it seems that Nyx really wants you there and keeping on good side would be for the best."
"And what if I'm not?" Mary enquired.
"Not what?" Plottie asked back.
Mary tried to slap Plottie, but remembered that she couldn't. "Not on her good side, you son of a Grimdark writer!"
"That's a weird insult..." Plottie commented. "And, actually, I don't know what happens."
"Then why should I bother?"
"You should bother because I heard that it's really bad," Plottie said. "But, again, I'm not forcing you."
Mary took a few moments to think about it. "I'll go," Mary said at last, "but only because you won't shut up about it!"
"Thank you for agreeing to go," Plottie sighed. She checked the letter again whilst muttering, "When the buck is this... Two days from now!""
"Yippie skippy," Mary grumbled.
==TWO DAYS LATER==
"I can't believe you made me come to this stupid party," Mary muttered to Plottie as the they walked towards Twilight's place.
"Forced you?" Plottie was taken aback. "You said yourself you wanted to go!"
"Only because of that bad thing you said would happen if I didn't go," Mary hissed.
Plottie rolled her eyes. "Look, you owe me one after making me possess Cherilee on the same night Rolling Songstone decided to-"
"Well, I didn't know that was going to happen!" Mary argued.
As it always was, Mary's bickering with Plottie caused a couple ponies to stay. Some looked amused whilst others looked confused. The confused ones were the stupid ones.
"Oh please! You know everything Ms. 'Great-And-Powerful'!" Plottie retorted.
"Don't call me that!"
"I can call you anything I want!" Plottie yelled. "Look... Just calm down. We're almost there."
Mary looked and noticed, that, indeed, they were almost there. "This is our last chance to walk away with a new copy of Last Of The DragonForce," she told Plottie.
Of course, that little comment was ignored and Plottie picked up her pace a little so she could get at least a little space.
Finally, the two arrived at the door. Mary knocked, naturally, since Plottie couldn't touch anything and Nyx answered the door.
"Hey Mary!" Nyx greeted with an unnaturally cheerful demeanour. "Is Plottie with you?"
"Of course," Mary sighed, instantly realizing why Nyx invited her. "She's right here..."
"Mary, I'm to your RIGHT," Plottie pointed out.
"Oh, I'm sorry, she's to my right," Mary corrected herself with a heavily sarcastic edge.
Nyx nodded and stared at the empty space that was Mary's right. "Hi, Plottie!" she said to thin air.
Silence.
"Yeah, I'm fine," Nyx replied to nopony. "How're you?"
Silence.
"OK! Come in!" Nyx told the air running inside.
"What the buck just happened?" Plottie asked Mary.
"I think she's crazy," Mary grumbled. "Just go and do whatever you want with her."
"Well, she apparently has no idea what I'm saying..." Plottie commented, going inside.
Mary, on the other hoof, just wandered off to a corner and sat down, looking all angry and such. Bucking Nyx Stroke-Sparkle, getting more attention then her. Seriously, what made that little twit so much better then Mary? In a technically sense, they were both pretty similar. But they choose to praise Nyx over her? Stupid bronies... Even You, Mary's second cousion (twice removed), got more attention! And a lot more flank, to boot. Even co-founded an OC support group, OCA (pronounced "oh-kah" or "ah-kah"). Even Amber was more well known. Bucking AMBER.
"Hello, Mary," came a voice. It belonged to Twilight Sparkle, who stood right next to Mary.
Mary growled in reply.
"Um... Look, Mary, fRiEnD, I know we've gotten off to a bad hoof before..." Twilight began.
"Oh, you're apologizing for insulting me now?!" Mary snapped, still angry. "For letting me be alone for so long?"
"Actually, yes," Twilight confirmed.
Mary wasn't buying it. And that's why she was stupid. "And just how do you plan to be a complete jerk to me after IF I accept your apology?" she enquired.
"I'm not gonna be a jerk towards you!" Twilight said. "I really want to make amends!"
"No thanks," Mary muttered.
"And why not?"
"I'm better off having no friends," Mary replied, grimlyness dripping from ever word and making a horrible mess on the floor.
"Aw, don't be such a Grumpy Gruntilda!" Pinkie said, popping out of nowhere.
"Pinkie, let me handle her," Twilight told her pink friend.
"Actually, neither one of you can handle me," Mary told the two, using MAGICK to send them both away.
They landed on the other side of the room, hitting a wall. It caused a picture on said wall to fall off, land on the floor, burst into flames, burn a hole through the floor and fell through that.
"Hey!" Rainbow Dash shouted, going up to where she thought Mary was. "You can't do that!"
Mary growled. "I can do that, especially to you," she threatened.
Rainbow Dash just did the blind equivalent of rolling her eyes and went somewhere else.
Meanwhile, Nyx was showing Plottie around the second floor.
"...And this is where I sleep!" Nyx finished, pointing to a basket on the floor. "I sleep here because Twilight still doesn't have a bed for me. She said something about being 'cheap', but I know she's getting me eventually! Maybe today, for my birthday!"
"Uh, that's really interesting." Was one of the many things Plottie would occasionally say, not really sure whether or not Nyx could actually hear her. She was currently leaning towards "she has absolutely no idea who I am outside of my name". It's also worth mentioning that, at this current interval, she was trying to find some kind of self-help book. Why it would be in Twilight's room is beyond me, but Plottie decided to try anyways.
"That's basically the entire second floor," Nyx said to the same thin air she had been talking to before. "I've never been anywhere else in the house before, but I'm- Wait! I almost forgot!" She suddenly went to a chest that was somewheres in the room, I don't really know. "This chest has a punch of trinkets in it!"
"I'm sure it's a collection of junk," Plottie commented, peering into the box as Nyx opened it.
"See, there's all kinds of stuff in here!" Nyx informed nothing. "Like a hat, a kazoo, Twilight's old toy..."
Plottie made an "ah" sound. "So she did get it back from Big Mac," she said.
"I really don't know what this is," Nyx continued, levitating some kind of blue thing with MAGICK. "Looks like a horseshoe..."
"Nyx!" Twilight called from downstairs. "It's time for that scavenger hunt you wanted!"
"Oh boy!" Nyx started for the first floor. "Come on, Plottie!"
"This is going to be fun," Plottie said, going downstairs as well.
"A scavenger hunt?" Rainbow Dash asked Twilight. "Really? That's for foals!"
"Hey, Nyx wanted it," Twilight reminded Rainbow Dash. "Just amuse her."
"Whatever," Rainbow Dash said as Nyx arrived.
As Twilight explained to the other ponies the general rules, at Nyx's request, Mary just continued to look on. She was till not very happy.
Of course NYX gets everypony to bend at her will... Mary mused bitterly. Yet I can't even get anypony to come to my birthday party! This is the worst... The equine purgatory...
Mary was broken out of her thought when Nyx said something to her: "Hey, Mary, come join us!"
"And what if I don't want to?" Mary asked.
"C'mon, play!" Nyx pleaded.
"I agree with Nyx," Applejack, who was thee, said. "Ya gotta learn to stop being so gosh-darn negative all the time!"
"I concur!" Rarity agreed.
"Um... Sure..." Fluttershy whispered.
Derpy didn't say anything.
Mary grunted. "FINE," she said. "Just give me a list and get it over with..."
"OK!" Nyx said, running over to give Mary a list. Mary just angrily took it from her. "You're gonna be with-"
"Hey, I just realized something!" Pinkie suddenly exclaimed. "Where's Spike?"
"Oh, he dropped out of existance, remember?" Rarity replied.
"Oh yeah, now I remember!" Pinkie grinned for no good reason.
Twilight looked at Pinkie. "Anyways, as you were saying-"
"Wait! Where are Applebloom, Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle?" Pinkie suddenly piped up again.
"Pinkie, they went off to try and get their Cutie Marks as roadies," Applejack answered this time. "Remember? You were the one who knocked them out so we could put the tracking devices on them?"
"Right!" Pinkie grinned again.
"As you were saying, Nyx," Twilight said.
"Yes!" Nyx nodded. "Mary, you're with Applejack!"
Of course I get the honestly cruel one... Mary spat in her mind.
And so the teams were set: Mary with Applejack, Rarity with Dinky (albeit some protests from Derpy), Fluttershy with Pinkie Pie, Nyx "with" Plottie and Derpy with Rainbow Dash (albeit some protests from the latter). Twilight had reasoned with Nyx that she should stay behind, saying that it wouldn't be fair if Nyx had three ponies on her team. It was also partially because Plottie wanted to use Twilight's body to pick things up. Yeah, being the figment of somepony's deranged imagination can get a little irritating sometimes.
"Welp, we're on a team together," Applejack said as the teams separated.
"Yes, this is fantastic," Mary replied sarcastically.
"Mary, seriously, yah gotta stop being so negative," Applejack repeated herself.
"I'll be as negative as I want!" Mary barked. "Now what's on this list?"
"Oh, right." Applejack looked at list Mary was holding with MAGICK. "Um... The first item is... A license plate! What's that?"
"Oh, I think I heard about that from Lyra!" Mary said, looking a little happy.
"Wait, you hate everypony, yet you talk to Lyra!" Applejack pointed out. "I smell an inconsistency!"
"I don't talk to Lyra!" Mary informed Applejack.
"Then how do yah know? Does yer imaginary friend tell yah?" Applejack suggested.
"She is NOT imaginary!" Mary shouted.
"From what I've been hearing from Rarity..." Applejack began. "Nevahmind. Let's just get this over with. Do yah know where we can find a license plate?"
Mary rubbed her chin thoughtfully. "Of course I do!" she said after a while. "Follow me, I can get one real easy."
And with that, the Alicorn went off, Applejack following suit. They walked around for about three minutes or so before Mary stopped dead in her tracks. Applejack, not really paying attention to where she was going, bumped into the back of Mary.
"Sorry," Applejack said quickly.
"Don't you bucking touch me ever again," Mary threatened without even looking at the farma pone. "Now, anyways, here's where we can get a license plate."
Applejack looked around for where said license plate could be. "It ain't here," she pointed out.
"Are you blind or something?" Mary Sue eqnuired Applejack.
"Yah don't hafta insult me."
"It's right here!" Mary finished, pointing to a license plate attached to some of cart-like thing.
"Huh, yah think ah would have noticed that before," Applejack commented. "But it's attached to a cart. We can't take that."
Mary Sue chuckled. "I have my ways," she said smoooothly. Her horn lit up and she went to work on the plate. "Keep a look out for, 'K?"
"Ah don't think this is how we're supposed to play this game," Applejack said, but kept watch anyways.
==SECOND TRANSITION==
"Mary?" Nyx said to Mary, who had gone back to her corner.
"Yeah?" Mary muttered. She got over the fact that she was there, but will not get over hating Nyx.
"I just wanna say, y'know..." Nyx said, almost going to into a muter some parts. "I understand that you're angry with me, seeing as how I am more popular then you. However, you do not have to act this way towards me. If you're jealous of me, that's fine, but you don't have to take your anger out on everypony. Maybe if you calmed down a little, you could get some friends. I'm not saying it'll guarantee you some, but you could at least-"
"Get out of her, Plottie," Mary interrupted Nyx, who was actually Plottie.
"I'm just trying to cheer you up," Plottie told Mary, getting out of Nyx.
"So cold..." Nyx shivered, wandering off somewhere not important.
"It's not working, for your information!" Mary snapped. "This has been the worst day ever..."
"Hey. at least you won!" Plottie reassured Mary, sitting down next to her. "...Almost."
"I couldn't find an egg!" Mary shouted. "Bucking sue me!"
Plottie blinked and put on a dull face. "Actually, I'd put you in an OC support group."
"If you're talking about the one with You..." Mary started.
"Of course I'm talking about You," Plottie cut Mary off. "Look, this is almost over, just try to persevere."
"Fine, fine, whatever," Mary sighed. "What's next?"
"Cake, I think," Plottie replied, trying to think. "Yeah, it is."
"I hope it's not something gross like coconut," Mary mused. "I hate that."
"Oh, it's actually chocolate," Plottie told Mary.
"And how do you know that?"
"Well, before I went into Nyx-"
They were cut off by Twilight.
"Derpy! You were supposed to wait!" Twilight shouted at Derpy.
"I... I... I just don't know what went wrong," Derpy muttered, with cake clearly on her face. And, for the first time in her life, she actually meant it.
"It's OK! I can get it back!" Pinkie told Twilight before shoving her hoof down Derpy's throat!
"Pinkie!" Twilight exclaimed, trying to get Pinkie out of Derpy. Rainbow Dash and Applejack joined in soon afterwards.
"And you say you have to deal with some weird things," Rarity said to Dinky.
"You don't have oatmeal in your bathwater," Dinky retorted.
==THIRD TRANSITION==
"You've got to admit, that party yesterday wasn't that bad," Plottie said to Mary as the two rode down a hill in a waggon (Mary in the back and Plottie in the front).
"I still think it would have been better if I never even went," Mary said, getting somewhat angry as she remembered the past day's events.
"Mary, I continue to think the reason I'm here is simple," Plottie explained. "I'm trying to get you some friends. And It's not that easy with your attitude."
"Well, if they weren't such jerks to me!" Mary argued.
"...Can't we just forget about that for a while?" Plottie asked.
"I don't wanna!"
"I'll tell everypony about your jealousy towards Nyx!" Plottie said in a singsong way.
"Fine! But just for today!" Mary said. She went silent for a few moments before saying, "Dang, I forgot all about that cake I brought for Gary and Self."
Plottie looked at Mary. "Considering where you put it, I don't think they would've wanted it anyways.
And they went off a cliff.
A/N: Well, there you go. I actually thought about this a little while ago, along with other ideas for potential Mary Sue/Plottie fics. But I'm gonna be saving those ideas for later. For now, I'll be getting to your regularly scheduled Like An Atom Bomb.
