Just One Week

by englishwitch

Rating: everyone
Tags: Other, Twilight Sparkle, Slice of Life, Main 6, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy
Length: 32802

Twilight's parents come to stay.

Older Chapters now being edited by DerpyDash2131
When Canterlot has to be evacuated for a week Twilight offers her parents a place to stay.
Trouble is, while Twilight is a grown up, independent pony who has saved the world (At least three times) Her parents still treat her like she's a filly.
Her father is going through a mid-life crisis.
And her mother is trying to set her up with every single stallion in Equestria.

This is going to be a LONG week.

Published 2012-12-08 23:30:01 UTC
Last updated 2013-01-17 22:42:48 UTC

Ch. 01

Just one week.
Fanfic by englishwitch
Disclaimer: The following is an entirely fan-created parody. My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, its characters and all other affiliated merchandise are the intellectual property of Lauren Faust and Hasbro. Please support the official MLP: FiM show.
I make no profit, or money at all, for the production and distribution of this fanfiction.

Now edited by DerpyDash2131
Chapter 1

“What’s goin on here Twi?” Applejack asked as she approached the purple mare. “I gots lots of work to do on the farm, I can’t be dragged away like this.”

Twilight just shook her head. “I don’t know what’s happening any more than you do Applejack. The Princess sent the letter to the mayor, not me.” She looked left and right at the ponies around her. It looked like the whole of Ponyville was being gathered here.

They were standing outside the town hall. For some reason the mayor mare had spread the word that everypony had to gather around the town statue before noon for an important announcement from Princess Celestia. The statue, a tall grey stone structure resembling a royal unicorn guard in full armour rearing up on his hind legs, had never really been paid much attention by anyone except the bird population of Ponyville before now. Most ponies could go for days without giving it a glance. Twilight hadn't even noticed it before, like it hadn't existed before today.

“Well whatever it is I hope it don’t take too long. We got apple buckin ta do.” Applejack complained. A flash of red hair caught her eye. “Applebloom, what the hay you doin' here? Yur ‘sposed to be in school young filly.”

Applebloom walked up with her constant companions Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle close behind. “Relax sis.” The filly said without a worry of her sisters anger. “We ain’t cuttin' or nothin'. Miss Cheerilee let us all out early cause of this important announcement the mayor is makin'.”

“They’re even asking the schools to empty?” Twilight asked in wonder. “This must be an important announcement.” She looked at Spike, worry rising on her features. “I wonder why the princess didn’t send a letter to me? What if she needs our help? Do you think we should head to Canterlot and offer our assistance?”

A hoof tapped her shoulder and Twilight jumped a foot in the air. Rainbow Dash laughed. “Your face!” She guffawed. She almost fell out of the air from laughing so hard.

“Maybe we should hear the message before we go chargin' in to save the day.” Applejack offered over the noise of Rainbow’s laughing.

Twilight smiled sheepishly. “Yeah, you’re probably right.”

The bell in the clock tower suddenly rang the hour. Noon exactly. At the exact same time the horn of the statue started to glow with a bright white light. Everypony stopped and stared, unsure what was happening. Nopony had ever seen this happening to a statue. The light built brighter and brighter into a shining ball like the sun. Ponies averted their eyes just as the light spilled downwards toward the ground like a spotlight. Within the spotlight the transparent image of a pony appeared and came into focus. He looked like a ghost, pale and white with bright gold armour. As he came into focus Twilight gasped as she recognized him.

“Shining?!” She said gleefully.

The image of her brother Shining Armour, captain of the royal guard, didn’t respond to his name. Twilight suspected he could neither see or hear anypony. He would be in the castle, looking at an imaging gem. Twilight had only seen one once in her school classes. It captured the image of a pony and used magic to project that image through a receiving gem which could be many miles away. She’d heard they were very difficult to make, taking teams of unicorns to wield enough magic to make two gems which could be magically linked across continents. It ended up being far easier to send mail the old fashioned way or by magical fire like Twilight used, thanks to Spike, to communicate with the princess.

“Citizens of Equestria.” Shining’s voice was magically magnified so even the ponies at the back of the huddled group heard him clearly. “This is the Canterlot Emergency Magical Broadcast System. I ask for your silence and attention as her royal highness, Princess Celestia De Sol makes an important announcement.”

Shining bowed low and stepped out of the light. A second later the tall and majestic form of of Princess Celestia stepped into his place. “My loyal subjects.” She respectfully bent her head. “The royal city of Canterlot is suffering from an infestation, from a magical creature known as parasprites.”

“Somepony find me a TUBA!!” Came a squeal from the back of the crowd.

“Pinkie shush!” Came Rarity’s voice.

The princess had been continuing her speech during this brief exchange. “We believe one single parasprite entered the city almost one week ago, hidden in a shipment of food. This one parasprite escaped and began to consume all food it could find. When a parasprite has eaten enough it undergoes a form of division and produces another of its kind. By the time the presence of these creatures was discovered that one parasprite had become an estimated ten thousand. All the food stored in the Canterlot warehouse district has been consumed. We have nothing stored for winter.”

“We gotta help.” Applejack said determinedly. She turned to run back to her farm.

“Wait.” Twilight pointed to the image of Celestia, who was still talking.

“Parasprites are known to be hypnotized and pacified by certain types of music. Two days ago our citizens with musical skills made an amazingly valiant effort to handle the problem. Working together these admirable ponies managed to remove all parasprites from our streets.

“But this was not the end, as we had thought. Canterlot has many miles of sewers, abandoned tunnels and caves beneath its surface. We have today discovered parasprites, who had found their way into these underground spaces. In these areas we believe they did not hear the music and therefore were not hypnotized and pacified. Under the ground they continued to find...leftovers.” She said tactfully. Everypony grimaced all the same. No one wanted to imagine what kind of edible things the parasprites had found in the sewers. “With the raising of the sun this morning-”

Celestia stopped talking as a small, blue creature with large green eyes, fluttered past her face. There was a look of worry for a second. “With the raising of the sun the population could no longer by contained within Canterlot’s underground spaces. The parasprites literally exploded out into the streets. We can no longer estimate how many there are.”

A muffled voice was heard for a second, Celestia’s head turned and she nodded. Somepony outside the crystal’s field had spoken to the princess. “We believe at least one million.” She said gravely, turning back to face everypony. “Musical hypnosis will not guarantee all parasprites have been removed from our city, and a population of more than a million is far too large for even the Everfree forest to contain. Because of this, I have had no choice but to fall upon an ancient technique, used against parasprites before ponies discovered how music affects them. My sister, Princess Luna, and I must seal the entire city of Canterlot in an extermination field.”

Applejack and Spike looked at Twilight, who just shook her head. She’d never heard of an extermination field before.

“Parasprites are magical creatures. Not in the same way as unicorns, who channel magic through themselves. Or even in the same as the ancient and elusive fairies, who are beings who have become living conduits of the worlds natural magical energy. Parasprites are unique, in that they are born from pure magic itself. This is how they are able to consume foods many times their size and weight and reproduce themselves in such great numbers so quickly. Within their bodies the magic converts the matter they consume into new parasprites. They are, in essence, shards of magic given a rudimentary life. The extermination field was created to undo that. It nullifies the force which creates and holds them together, dissolving their physical form and returning them to the natural magic ether from whence they came. I am assured, it is quite painless.”

The princess stopped as two more parasprites flew across her vision. She looked left and right and a worried expression crossed her face. She opened her mouth to speak but suddenly jumped back and out of sight. A royal guard charged across the space where she’d been. Everypony only saw him for a second but they caught a glimpse of the guard running manically, with a large butterfly net clutched in his mouth.

After a few seconds, Celestia stepped back into sight. Despite her best efforts to look calm, there was no denying she’d been quite shaken. She cleared her throat and started to talk a little faster, eager to get through her pre-prepared speech as quickly as possible. “While the field is not deadly to ponies, I have been told it can be harmful due to prolonged exposure. Therefore, I have had no choice but to come to the decision, that the city of Canterlot is to be evacuated.”

Everypony in the crowd gasped in shock. Many turned their heads toward the hills in the horizon, taking notice of he city for the first time. Many dozens of black shapes hovered around and flew away from the city like flies. Pegasus pulled chariots, heading in all directions, each one probably full to capacity of Canterlot citizens.

“To ensure all parasprites are eliminated, my sister and I have agreed that the extermination field must remain upon the city for no less than a week. Princess Luna and I will remain close to Canterlot to monitor the field and assess when the parasprite infestation has passed. To you, my loyal ponies of Equestria, I request your aid during this time. Owners of hotels, inns, guest houses, you must make every room available to the citizens of Canterlot. To ordinary citizens I request, if you have a spare room within your dwelling you can loan to a pony in need for a week, then please, go to your local train station. This is a designated information point where your details will be posted upon notice boards for ponies to see.” The princess flapped her wings, and half a dozen parasprites took flight from out of the feathered folds. They swarmed around her in a small cloud. Forgetting royal decorum for a second Celestia, reared up on her hind legs, flapping her majestic wings in a vain effort to scatter the parasprites.

The second she stopped moving the parasprites just landed on her body again. Celestia growled in frustration. “My loyal ponies,” She said, trying to maintain the last of her dignity. “I ask for your patience and your generosity during this time. Make every effort to help those in need during this crisis. Prove yourselves to be the generous, hard-working, kind and charitable ponies I know you to be.” She bowed lowly. The regal moment was ruined by the parasprites holding onto her crown, who chirped loudly and happily as they were taken for a ride down, then back up again. “The grace of my sister and I shine upon you.”

“Princess!” A voice yelled from out of sight. Celestia’s head darted up, and her eyes widened in horror.

“NO! Don’t let them eat my cakes!” She charged out of sight, and a few seconds later the bright spotlight from the statue’s horn faded away, and the noise of the royal castle of Canterlot was silenced.

Twilight’s eyes widened, she looked at Spike and AJ. “Parasprites in Canterlot. Oh, no.”

“At least it sounds like the princesses are getting a handle on it.” Applejack responded.

“But what if they wreck the city?” Twilight panicked.

“Ah reckon they’ll be fine s’long as somepony don’t go castin' spells on em to stop em eatin food.” Applejack said with a smile to let Twilight know she was just doing some friendly teasing.

Twilight blushed as she remembered the time Parasprites had infested Ponyville. “In my defence," she said sheepishly. “I didn’t know that parasprites were magical eating machines back then. In all fairness, they’d have probably started eating everything else when the food was gone.”

“We don’t blame you, Twilight," Spike said encouragingly. “And don’t worry. If anypony can fix the problem in Canterlot it’ll be-” He stopped and clutched his stomach suddenly. His cheeks puffed out and with a huge burp a jet of green flame burst out. Black ashes swirled and formed into a scroll which he grabbed in his hand. The scroll bore the royal seal of the Princess.

“A letter from the princess?” Twilight started to panic again. “Oh no! What does it say? Does she need our help? Is Canterlot on the verge of destruction? Do they need the Elements of Harmony to stop the parasprites?” She gasped as a terrible thought suddenly occurred. “Have the parasprites EATEN the Elements of Harmony? HAVE THEY?!!”

“It’s from your brother.” Spike said calmly, holding up the scroll.

Twilight grabbed the scroll in her magic and held it in front of her face.

"Twily,
I guess you saw the broadcast, L.S.B.F.F, but there’s no need to worry. The evacuation is going well, and, apart from a lack of snacks, we’re not as overwhelmed as you might think. We’ve managed to keep most of the parasprites in Canterlot’s main square by piling all the food there. We’ve also got teams of unicorns transforming things like rocks and leaves into simple foods like bread. Before you say it, yes we know that transformed food isn’t really food, it’s still rocks and leaves that just look like bread, but it’s enough to fool the parasprites, and it’s stopping them spreading out of Canterlot. They don’t really seem to care what they eat.
The reason I’m writing to you, sis, is because we have a favour to ask. The princesses will be staying in a camp just outside Canterlot, and my place is at their side. Cadence is traveling to all the major cities to help with relief efforts and find places for the citizens to stay while the extermination is taking place. So, it’s mum and dad. They don’t have any place else to go, and they’ll need a place to stay.
Dad says “Something will come up," and mum says “We don’t want to impose.”
You know what they’re like.
I just don’t like the idea of them going somewhere so far away, like Manehatten or Fillydelphia, and losing lots of money paying for hotel rooms. I’d like them to be nearby and with family. So, little sis, do you think you’ll have the room to let mum and dad stay for the week?
I know your library isn’t big, so, if you don’t have the room, we’ll all understand. If the inn at Ponyville has any rooms, let me know.
Send your reply back through Spike. The princess has promised she’ll get it to me immediately.
Love your B.B.B.F.F,
Shining Armour."

Twilight breathed a sigh of relief. It was an important letter, but at least it wasn’t a huge emergency. The last few years had really shifted her perception of what constituted an emergency. If something was happening that didn’t hold the fate of all Equestria in its paws, hooves, claws et cetera, it wasn’t an emergency.

“Everythin' okay sugarcube?” Applejack asked, looking concerned.

Twilight smiled and nodded. “It’s just Shining Armour asking if my parents can stay with me during all this. I’m going to say yes, because I don’t see them as often as I’d like. It’d be good for us to spend this time catching up. Spike, ready to take a letter?”

Spike already had quill and scroll in his hands. “Yep.”

Applejack smiled. “Fantastic sugarcube. Look forward to meetin' em again. I’m gonna mosey over to the station and let em know the Apple family has a guest room available.”

“Yeah, I guess I should too. I got a couple of spare rooms at my place.” Rainbow said. Her grin widened. “Who knows, maybe I’ll get lucky and one of the ponies needing a place to stay will be a Wonderbolt.” She jumped up and shot off, messing up the manes of everypony in the crowd with her slipstream.

Twilight shook her head and smiled. “Okay Spike, take this down.” She cleared her throat.

“B.B.B.F.F.,
Of course mum and dad can stay, you numbskull! You think I’m going to let our parents have to pay for a hotel room? You might want to get your armour checked; I think the helmet is too tight, and it’s cutting off the blood to your brain.
Tell mum she won’t be imposing, and I insist they stay with me.
And tell dad to take things more seriously!
I’ll have everything ready by the time they arrive.
Give them my love.
Love your L.S.B.F.F.,
Twilight Sparkle."

“Got all that, Spike?”

“Spar...kle.” Spike scratched at the paper. “Got it.” He rolled up and sealed the scroll. Holding it up, he let out a puff of green flame, which consumed the scroll, turning it into a light green mist, which drifted on the breeze toward Canterlot.

A mass of pink fur landed between the pony and the dragon. Pinkie’s smile almost reached her ears. “Your parents are coming?” She cried out, bouncing on the spot. “We gotta have a welcome party!”

Twilight just stared in surprise. “Pinkie, how did you even hear? You were over there.” She pointed to the other side of the square, where Rarity was talking to Fluttershy.

Pinkie just giggled. “Pinkie sense. When I get an ear flop, itchy back, achy shoulder and I accidentally bite my tongue, it means some ponies parents are arriving, and I’ve never thrown them a PARTY!” She threw her hooves up in the air, and confetti rained down on the three of them.

Twilight blew out of the corner of her mouth, clearing confetti off her face. “That’s...a very specific combo.” She said in a very tired voice. She wanted to question it, that was her instinct. But, she’d learned the hard way, the VERY hard way, not to question Pinkie Sense. “Does it come up very often?”

Pinkie pouted. “Not as often as it should... Actually, I don’t think it’s ever come up before.”

Twilight raised an eyebrow, confused. “If it’s never come up before, how do you know what that combo means?”

Pinkie just laughed. “Silly Twilight, what else could it mean?”

Twilight opened her mouth to argue back, but stopped herself and sighed. “Never mind.” She shook her head, grateful she’d stopped before she got a headache. “I’m sure my parents would love a party, Pinkie.”

“GREAT!” Pinkie jumped up and hopped around excitedly. “I’ll get started! OOH lots of cupcakes to make!” She shot off in a pink blur of hair and confetti.

Twilight just found herself smiling. “Okay Spike. Let’s get back to the library, we’ve got to clean up for company.”

Author's Note

Note from DerpyDash2131: Cleared up all of the grammatical mistakes and sentences that were hard to understand now make sense.

Ch 02

Just one week.
Fanfic by englishwitch
Disclaimer: The following is an entirely fan-created parody. My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, it’s characters and all other affiliated merchandise are the intellectual property of Lauren Faust and Hasbro. Please support the official MLP: FiM show.
I make no profit, or money at all, for the production and distribution of this fanfiction.

Now edited by DerpyDash2131
Chapter 2

The sun was beginning to set in the west, and the moon was rising in the east. Despite the emergency, the princesses were keeping up their usual duties.

Twilight looked to the distant mountain where Canterlot clung like perching dragon. The whole city had been sealed in an enormous shield. The giant sphere of glowing pink light, which was almost invisible in the glow of the sunset, was slowly becoming more noticeable as the daylight faded. When she looked closely, she could see small holes appearing and disappearing, like ripples on a pond. Chariots were still leaving, as the last of Canterlot’s citizens were being evacuated.

Spike sat at her side on the bench, napping. The poor dragon had been tired out after four hours of frantic, non-stop, cleaning, lifting, and carrying, as they’d made the library fit to receive her parents. Twilight had set up the double guest bed, which she hadn’t used since her very first slumber party with Rarity and Applejack. While Spike had made the beds, Twilight had spent a frantic afternoon buying some of her parents favourite foods. The hardest part had been finding the one brand of tea her mother liked to drink. Apparently, it was near-impossible to find outside Canterlot. Luckily, Rarity had a supply she’d been happy to give away.

Being uprooted from your home, even for a brief week, would be hard on anypony. Twilight had made a long list of home comforts for her parents to ease the burden. When they arrived at the library, they were going to be welcomed by the smell of apple cinnamon rolls, made according to Great Granny Twilight’s recipe. It was pretty much the only thing Twilight could make, or at least make well. Cooking had never been a talent for her, but it was tradition for the women in the family to make the delicious pastries and the recipe to be passed down, mother to daughter. Twilight fondly remembered her fillyhood, carefully following the written instructions of the recipe. Cooking wasn’t her thing, but she could follow instructions like a boss. When Mother Twilight saw her daughter didn’t have the chef’s instinct for improvisation and measuring by eye, she had almost worried she’d never be able to pass on the famous recipe. All it had taken was a little adaptation. A stroke of genius on her mothers part. She’d practically turned the cooking session into a full-blown potions lesson, with precise steps, measurements, temperatures and everything carefully marked and written down, right down to the number of times the dough needed to be stirred. Under the lesson plan, Twilight had flourished and, while her cinnamon buns were never quite as good as her mothers cooking, they were still good enough to live up
to the reputation set down by Great Granny Twilight.

Twilight looked left and right; the train station was still quite busy. Ponies had been arriving from Canterlot all day. Many stayed on the train and rode to other cities, but a fair number did get off in Ponyville. Almost all of them just milled around the small station without a clue what to do or where to go. Some of them had caught onto initiative fast enough, and they had found the local inn, or had found information on the spare rooms being offered. Others, however, just stood around waiting until somepony who had a clue what was happening took it upon themselves to guide them.

“Hi Twilight,” Applejack’s drawl cut through her thoughts. “I jus' got word from the guard, the last train jus' left Canterlot. First stop, good ol' Ponyville.”

“Thanks Applejack,” Twilight smiled. “I was getting worried.” Then she looked at the orange mare as she said, “What are you doing here?”

“Pickin' up my lodgers.” Applejack explained. “Couple of hours ago, this stallion came to the farm askin' about the room. He seemed nice enough, and when he said he was willin' to work to earn his keep,” She laughed lightly. “Granny Smith couldn’t get him inside quick enough. Heck, I think she was tryin' to set me up with him. Well, before she started bookin' the church, he managed to say he’s got a wife and a filly comin' in on the next train. He’d gone on ahead to find a place to stay while she took the time to get the little-un ready and make the move all proper like.”

Twilight nodded. Traveling quickly and traveling with a young kid didn’t often go hoof in hoof.

“I hear Pinkie is plannin' a party for your parents.” Applejack said casually.

“Tomorrow.” Twilight said with a nod. “I finally managed to persuade her my parents would want to rest tonight.”

“You managed to stop Pinkie puttin' on a party?” Applejack said doubtfully.

“Not stop, just postpone.” Twilight clarified. “I don’t think anything could stop Pinkie putting on a party. The world could be ending and Pinkie Pie would still be Pinkie Pie.”

The two laughed at that. It was easy to imagine Pinkie hosting a party as Equestria fell apart.

“Hey, you heard Rainbow Dash got a whole family of pegasus ponies livin' with her?” Applejack changed to subject to keep the conversation moving. They had time to waste until the train arrived.

“So much for giving the Wonderbolts a place to stay.” Twilight laughed.

“Oh, it gets better. They got newborn foals. Twins.” Applejack laughed along with her. “Ah heard the screamin' and cryin' on the way over here.”

“Well, it’s to be expected, babies do cry.” Twilight nodded.

“T’weren’t the babies crying.” Applejack laughed harder. “It was Rainbow. One of the foals got ahold of some of her Wonderbolt dolls and was usin' it as a pacifier. She was cryin' harder than Applebloom after she got that flu shot at the doctors.”

Twilight sniggered, trying and failing to hold back the laughter at the thought of poor Rainbow Dash. “I guess living with my parents for a week will be a breeze by comparison.” Twilight said with a sigh. “It’ll be nice to see them again, I haven’t visited them since I left Canterlot. We’ve sent letters, but it’s not the same. And we really didn’t get a chance to catch up at Shining Armour’s wedding, what with the changeling’s and all.”

“Yeah, ain’t nothin' like an invasion of evil shape shiftin' pony-bug things to kill a conversation.” Applejack agreed. “Ah did get a chance to exchange some small talk with your dad. Ah think. It was getting late, an’ we’d all been at that punch. We was more than a little tipsy by then.”
Twilight blushed. She remembered that she’d drunk a few large cups of that punch before she’d learned alcohol was in it. She’d ended the night trying to borrow Princess Celestia’s crown to try on. Celestia had been understanding enough, even finding it funny, but Twilight had been sending apology letters for days afterwards.

“Is it true your mom’s named Twilight too?” Applejack asked, as the random fact bounced into her conscious memory from out of whatever dark back corner it had been hiding away in.

Twilight nodded. She suddenly realized she hadn’t told her friends all that much about her family. She’d discussed all kinds of other topics at length, subjects she was studying, books she was reading, even her days at school being taught by Celestia herself. Yet almost nothing about her family. It was sad, but it just seemed to be one of those things that never came up. Now that she thought about it she didn’t know anything about any of the parents of her friends. She’d never seen Applejack’s mother or father, despite the closeness of her family life on the farm, they were never around. She wondered why that was, but decided to approach the subject at a later date. Applejack had been waiting a full ten seconds for her answer.

“Yes.” She said finally. “My mother’s name is Twilight Velvet. It’s a family tradition. The first filly born get’s named Twilight-something. I’m the fourth generation Twilight in my family.”

“Fourth?” Applejack said with some amusement. “I woulda thought it’d be more than that. Family tradition usually go back a long ways.”
Twilight smiled and nodded. “Great Granny Twilight started lots of family traditions. She said ‘Every tradition has to start somewhere, so I’m starting some of my own right now.’ Well, that’s the story I was told anyway. She was supposed to be odd like that.”

“Heh, well families is like that. Granny Smith got us doin' all kinds of odd things at one time or another. Some she forgets, but others, she’s kept up. Ah still ain’t hundred percent certain she needs to put on a bunny suit to hop over water durin zap apple season. Ah mean, the hoppin over water ah get, but the bunny costume?” She shook her head.

“Well as granny smith says ‘Magic is as Magic does.’” Twilight said. Applejack smiled at that. Twilight reminding her of her of her own family sayings was all kinds of amusing.

They were interrupted by a loud whistle in the distance.

“Train is early.” Applejack said.

Twilight nudged the sleeping Spike with her hoof. “Come on, Spike, wake up.”

Spike blinked slowly several times, confusion on his face as he tried to remember where he was. “Whaa?”

“My parents are here,” Twilight said. “Come on.”

Spike grinned and hopped off the bench.

Two train guards came out onto the platform and ushered everypony who wasn’t waiting for somepony away. There would be a rush of passengers getting off the train, and the platform was already packed with Canterlot refugees. By the time the train came to its screeching halt, there was just Twilight, Spike, Applejack and half-dozen cab drivers left.

The doors of the train carriages opened and a guard stepped onto the platform. “Ponyville. This stop is Ponyville.”

About twenty ponies, several families, climbed off the train. They looked tired, which was to be expected. They had very little luggage, taking only what they could carry.

Applejack approached a unicorn mare with a lavender pink coat and a royal purple mane. She was carrying a sleeping filly on her back. “Miss Amethyst?” Applejack asked. The unicorn nodded, a confusion playing on her face.

“Yes.” She said unsurely. She was trying to remember if she’d ever seen Applejack before. The mare knew her, she’d called her by name, but Amethyst was drawing a blank.

Applejack smiled. “Name’s Applejack, ma’am. Me an my family are playin' host to you and yours. Your husband sent me to escort you. He’s back at my family farm getting our guest room all ready for you and your young'un”

The mare’s expression relaxed, and she smiled. “Well, thank you very much.”

Twilight moved her way through the crowd of ponies, and smiled as two figures emerged from the crowd. Her parents. Her grin widened significantly.

Her father, Night Light, is a unicorn with a sky blue body and dark royal blue hair. His cutie mark is a yellow waxing crescent moon with a smaller, waning crescent moon inside.

Her mother, Twilight Velvet, is a white mare with purple and white striped mane and a cutie mark of three purple stars.

“MOM, DAD!” She cried. Racing up to them, she threw her hooves around the pair and pulled them into a tight hug. The two parents nuzzled the cheeks of their daughter, each wrapping one leg around Twilight.

“Twilight, dear.” Her mother smiled. “It’s so good to see you.” As she pulled out of the hug she looked her daughter over. “You’re looking well.”

“How are you two?” Twilight asked in return. Her parents looked a little tired but otherwise alright.

“We’re fine, kiddo.” Her dad said with a casual laugh.

“ ‘Kiddo’?” In her entire life her father had never called her ‘Kiddo.’ Twilight looked at her mother for answers. The mare just shook her head in an exasperated way.

“Don’t ask. He’s been doing that a lot lately.” She finally looked down and noticed Spike, her grin widened. “My, you’ve grown Spike.”

Spike grinned sheepishly. “Thank you, Auntie Velvet.” He said politely.

Velvet laughed lightly. Her horn started to glow, and the flap of the small saddlebag on her back opened. “Such a gentlecolt, as always. Here, I brought your favourite.” Out of the bag she lifted a small chunk of turquoise. Spike’s eyes widened with glee as the blue stone landed in his hands.

“Thank you, Auntie Velvet.” He stared at the stone for a few seconds before throwing the whole thing into his mouth and munching it down with a wide smile on his face.

Twilight shook her head, both approving and disapproving of her mother giving treats to her assistant. “You’ll spoil his dinner.” She said with a sigh. “Anyway, let’s hurry back to the library. I’ve got buns in the oven.”

Her mother gasped, then squealed. Twilight was so shocked she jumped. Spike started coughing on his gem. Night Light gave him a very solid hoof to the back, clearing the blockage.

Twilight was grabbed by her mother and made to look her in the eyes. The mare looked both angry and shocked. “We don’t see you for months, and THIS is how you break it to us that you’re pregnant?” She yelled at her daughter. As suddenly as it had arrived, the anger gave way to joy, a wide smile breaking out on Velvet’s face. “OH, I don’t care!” She pulled Sparkle into a tight hug. “Oh, a grand child. Who’s the lucky stallion? I’m so happy.” She pulled out of the hug and looked at her daughters midsection. “I thought you were just getting a little chubby.”

“MOM!” Twilight jumped back from her mother, blushing furiously as she became aware of the stares they were attracting from the station staff and the ponies of Canterlot who were still hanging around. “What the hay you talking about!?” She looked back over the last few minutes to try and think what had put such a dumb idea into her mothers head. The answer clicked a second later and Twilight Sparkle facehoofed. “Mom. I said ‘I have buns in the oven.’ Cinnamon buns. At home!”

Twilight Velvet grinned sheepishly, a blush rising on her own face. “Sorry. I guess I misheard.” She laughed nervously.

Twilight shook her head and glared at Spike, who was laughing so hard his face was turning a deep royal purple. She took the guffawing dragon in her magic and carried him in a levitation field. “Let’s just go before you mishear anything else.” She groaned. “You really think I’d tell you like that?” ‘Shining maybe, but not my parents.’ She added in her mind. Keeping her head low and trying to ignore the sniggers of the ponies around them, Twilight led her parents out of the station and into Ponyville.

“Let me take Spike, dear.” Twilight Velvet took Spike in her own magic and lay him down on her back. Spike relaxed as Auntie Velvet gave him a free ride without any fuss or complaint as to his laziness or his weight. “You’re looking so thin Spike. Are you getting enough to eat? You’re a growing dragon after all.”

Twilight sighed inwardly. Spike had a round belly but he was skinny, meanwhile she was as fit as she ever had been (she had done an awful lot of running over the last couple of years, mostly in fear of her life) but she was looking chubby? How could she have forgotten her mother had such a blind spot when it came to Spike. She would spoil him rotten if Twilight Sparkle didn’t keep an eye on things.

Her father came up beside her, looking left and right and taking in the features of the town. “Is there a good night spot around here?” He asked his daughter.

“What?” Twilight looked at him confused. “Well, I guess the park is nice at night. A great spot to stargaze.”

Night Light laughed lightly and shook his head. “No honey, not what I meant. I mean is there a good bar, or night club? A place I can get a drink, maybe do a little dancing, meet some of the locals.”

Twilight stared opened mouthed. Her dad drank? She’d never seen him take more than a single glass of hard cider on Hearths Warming Eve. She looked to her mother who just shook her head.

“It seems to be his latest hobby.” She said as though that explained everything. Her tone was one of a pony who was tired of trying to explain the situation and had just accepted the situation for what it was.

“Well, we do have the inn.” Twilight pointed down a street as they passed. A tall building was at the end of the road. The inn was packed with more guests than it had ever seen in its life before. “I don’t really go in there, and I wouldn’t call it a night club or anything, they usually close around eleven.”

“Well, maybe I’ll check it out all the same.” Her father said. He started to make a beeline for the inn, only to be cut off by his wife.

“We’ve only just arrived.” She said sternly. “Let’s unpack and get a good night’s sleep. If you want a drink so much you can visit tomorrow night.”

Night Light looked disappointed but relented. “Okay dear.” He tried to nuzzle Velvet’s cheek but she turned her head from him and walked on by her daughters side. Sparing the inn one last look, Night Light followed on close behind.

“He’s been so childish lately.” Velvet said in an annoyed tone. “Ever since Shiny’s wedding.”

“Has he taken to drink?” Sparkle asked, concerned.

“I can hear you two you know.” Night Light said from behind them.

“We know.” Velvet said in a light-hearted teasing tone. “We’re talking about you, not to you.” She looked to her daughter. “He’s drinking more than he used to, but I don’t think it’s a drinking problem, if that’s what you’re asking, dear. The real problem is the parties. He’s out almost every night at one night spot or another. He comes home not long after Celestia raises the sun and sleeps all day. Whenever I ask where he’s been he usually says ‘Out having fun.’” She shook her head. “He’s been trying to get his friends to go on a road trip to Los Pagasus for a 'vacation,' he claims.” She looked over her shoulder and spoke louder, so that Night Light couldn’t fail to her. “But I know he just wants to spend a week emptying our bank account of bits to play in the casinos.” She turned her head away from him and looked to the younger Twilight again. “Enough about your father making a fool out of himself. What about you? Have you met anypony lately?” She smiled knowingly. “Is there a special stallion in your life?”

“No, mum.” Twilight said, shaking her head. The library was in sight, and she was actually happy their journey was coming to an end. She had never felt comfortable discussing her personal life with anypony. “There’s nopony. I don’t really go out much, except with my friends. Most evenings I like to stay indoors and study.”

Twilight wasn’t against the concept of dating. She did someday hope to meet that special somepony and maybe even have a foal or two. There just never seemed to be time for it. She had such a busy time on her hooves, running the library, continuing her studies in both the arts of Magic and Friendship, not to mention the occasional adventure or two to save all of Equestria. There was just never enough time left over for the whole 'searching for a mate' thing. She’d never let it bother her, because she was still young. She had her whole life ahead of her to find somepony and have foals. Shining Armour was almost ten years older than she was, and he’d only just gotten married. Surely that gave Twilight a similar timeline before she had to start worrying?

“You really should try and make more of an effort, dear.” Her mother said kindly. “Time has a way of slipping through your hooves, and, before you know it, you’ll be my age and still looking for that special somepony.”

“I understand mum.” Twilight said in a neutral tone. She pushed the door of the library open. “Come on, let’s get you unpack-”

“SURPRISE!!!”

The lights came on, confetti and streamers fell in front of Twilight's eyes. She was blinded momentarily by the assault of the dozens of multicoloured balloons tied to everything string could be tied to in the library. A huge crowd of ponies were in the main room, and a bright pink mare with a cotton candy mane was in the middle of it all. Hanging from the ceiling was a huge banner that read "WELCOME TO PONYVILLE!"
Twilight had a momentary flashback to her first night in Ponyville. Pinkie had gathered everypony for a surprise welcome party in the library. She feared this one would go on all night, too.

Before Twilight could say anything, Pinkie pulled a strange contraption into the middle of the room. It looked like a cake stall on wheels; two shelves were full of cupcakes and pies, there was even a small portable oven, and the whole thing was covered in flags, trumpets, bells, whistles, and, Twilight noticed a new addition, a flugelhorn. Pinkie’s welcome wagon, which could only mean...

Pinkie jumped into the middle of the room, a space forming around her quickly as all ponies knew what was coming. Pinkie jumped up to her welcome wagon and kicked a big red button on the side of the device. Loud music started playing and Pinkie bounced around manically on the spot.

“Welcome welcome welcome
A fine welcome to you
Welcome welcome welcome
I say how do you do?
Welcome welcome welcome
I say hip hip hurray
Welcome welcome welcome
To Ponyville todaaaayyyyyyyy!”

Pinkie did one impressive flip that looked like it should be impossible without wings to hold her in the air for so long. She landed on her knees in front of Twilight Velvet and Night Light.

Twilight ducked down and, seemingly from nowhere, found an umbrella hat to place on her head. Her parents didn’t notice; they were still staring at Pinkie, who was grinning knowingly.

“Wait for it.”

The tiny oven of the wagon exploded, showering the group with a cloud of confetti. A second later, the confetti cannons fired, releasing a torrent of raw cake batter that splashed over them all, covering Pinkie, Spike, Twilight, and her parents.

Pinkie just laughed. “Whoops. Looks like I put the confetti in the oven and the cake in the confetti cannons. Again!” She laughed and licked the batter off her body with a tongue that, somehow, stretched and reached her from ears to tail.

Twilight rose up again between her parents. They were covered in the same batter but, thanks to her umbrella hat, Twilight Sparkle was clean. “I should have warned you.” She said. Even Twilight wasn’t sure if she meant warning her parents about the party, the cake cannons, or just warn them about Pinkie Pie. “I thought I had more time.” Her horn glowed brightly for a second. In a flash of light the raw cake mix vanished, leaving her mother, father, and dragon spotlessly clean again. Then Twilight turned her attention to her manic friend. “Pinkie, I thought I asked you to postpone the party until tomorrow.”

Pinkie nodded along, her smile never fading. “You did and I was going too but then I figured, what better way for a surprise party to be a surprise party than for even the pony who wanted the party to not know when it was going to happen?” She laughed. “I think I’ll call it a Super Surprise Party!”

“Well it certainly was a surprise.” Twilight Velvet said, she looked shaken, but amused. She stepped up and held out a hoof to Pinkie. “You must be Pinkie Pie. Twilight has told us all about you in the letters she sends home. I’m Twilight Velvet.”

Pinkie’s grin widened and she put her hoof against Velvet’s. The older mare jumped in the air with a shriek. Her hair stood on end as a bolt of electricity ran through her.

“PINKIE!” Twilight yelled in horror, rushing to her mothers side. They both stared at Pinkie who held up her hoof apologetically. Attached to the end of her leg was a small hoof buzzer.

“Oopsie,” She giggled. “I forgot about that.”

“Pinkie!” Twilight scolded. “You can’t just-” She was silenced as she realised her mother was laughing along with Pinkie Pie. “Mum?”

As Twilight Velvet’s laugh trailed off she sighed contentedly. “I can’t believe I fell for that. That trick’s older than Granny Twilight.”

“Don’t worry about it.” Spike said as he walked up to them with two bottles of sarsaparilla. “Pinkie’s an expert prankster. She always manages to trick me.” He held the bottle out to Velvet who took it in her magic.

Twilight looked back to the door, expecting to see her dad still standing there. To her surprise he was gone. Looking around the room she finally caught sight of him on the other side of the room by the table filled with different bottles of drinks. She hoped, but doubted, that was apple juice in his glass.

“Ooh Twilight.” Pinkie’s voice grabbed her attention again. “Would you like a cinnamon bun? I found them in your oven. They’re a little burnt, I think you had the temperature too high, but they’re still good.” Pinkie held up a plate of things that were more carbon than baked goods.

“No thank you Pinkie.” She said with a sigh. She looked around the room. “Where are the rest of the girls?”

“Well Applejack said she had to stay at the farm and help her new guests. Rainbow Dash said something about protecting her stuff from drool monsters, which is funny because I thought she had pegasus ponies staying with her not monsters. I wonder what drool monsters look like. I’ll have to ask Rainbow if I can see one of them. I wonder if they’re nice. Ooh I wonder if-”

“Pinkie!” Twilight clapped her hooves together to break Pinkie out of her rant and back on subject.

“Oh right.” Pinkie giggled. “Fluttershy said she couldn’t stay up late because she had some poor sick bunnies to take care of. Rarity said she was busy handing out blankets she made for the poor ponies of Canterlot who didn’t bring anything with them. So that just leaves me and I’m here with you.”

“Would you like a drink honey?” Night Light appeared, levitating two large cups in his blue magical aura.

“Thanks, Dad.” Twilight took the cup in her magic and took a long gulp. Her eyes widened and she spat out the drink, dropping the mug to the ground. She gagged and coughed as her throat and stomach felt like they’d just swallowed fire. “Wha-” She tried to talk but coughed more. Pinkie appeared with a glass of water, Twilight drank it down in two large gulps. She took deep breaths and stared at her father. “What the hay was in that?”

“I only made fruit punch.” Pinkie said in confusion. She looked down at the puddle on the floor that had spilled out of Twilight’s cup when she’d dropped it. She gave it a cautious sniff and wrinkled her nose. “That’s not fruit punch.” She said darkly.

Night Light laughed. His horn glowed and he pulled a large glass bottle from the saddlebag on his back.

Silver Horseshoe White Rum
product of
Horseshoe Bay
151 Proof

“Are you crazy?” Twilight stared at the bottle in horror. “You spiked my punch?” She felt the heat of the drink starting to spread through her. She wondered how much her dad had put in the cup. Enough to get her tipsy? Enough to get her drunk? Or worse: enough to get her grabbing-at-Celestia’s-crown-blitzed-out-of-her-brain!

“It’s a party.” Night Light said defensively. “A party isn’t a party without a few strong drinks.”

A blur of pink passed in front of both of them. Pinkie had grabbed the floating bottle out of the air. “Really?” She asked, looking the bottle over. “I’ve never served alcohol at any of my parties. Does that mean I’ve been doing it wrong all this time?” With a kick of her hoof the cork flew out of the bottle. Pinkie took a sniff, her nose wrinkling “Yuck!” She stuck out her tongue. “That doesn’t smell good...but I want my parties to be the best they can be so-” She titled the bottle up and took a long swig.

“PINKIE, NO!” Twilight threw herself on her friend, knocking the bottle across the room.

Chapter 3

Just one week.
Fanfic by englishwitch
Edited by DerpyDash2131
Disclaimer: The following is an entirely fan-created parody. My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, its characters and all other affiliated merchandise are the intellectual property of Lauren Faust and Hasbro. Please support the official MLP: FiM show.
I make no profit, or money at all, for the production and distribution of this fanfiction.

Chapter 3

“Twilight Sparkle!”
Twilight spun on the spot, her eyes widening in shock. “Princess!” She bowed low as the tall and magestic form of Celestia approached her.

“Arise Twilight.” She looked down at her pupil with the warm, motherly expression Twilight had always known.

“What are you doing here Princess?” Twilight asked nervously. Something was off. Did the princess’ pastel mane usually have that much pink in it?

“Twilight Sparkle, I am here to offer you a position within my royal court.” Celestia’s wings had disappeared, though she didn’t seem to have noticed. Her mane was more pink than ever and not as long as it usually was. It didn’t look like shimmering light and cloud anymore, much more solid. Like real hair.

“A position on the royal court? To me?” Twilight beamed, her hooves clapping together in excitement.

Clestia’s horn had vanished now. Her hair was looking more like a wig of cotton candy on her head. “No you silly filly.” She laughed in a high pitched squeak of a voice. “Not you. Pinkie Pie!”

Twight stared at the pony in front of her. No longer Princess Celestia now a giant, regal, Princess Pinkie Pie. “She’s going to be my baroness of PARTIES!!!”

...***...

Twilight Sparkle stifled a scream as she woke. The scream became a groan as she clutched her head in her hooves. Her head throbbed like an Ursa Minor had landed on it. It hadn’t hurt this much since...well (coincidentally) she’d dealt with the Ursa Minor by getting it back to sleep and back to its cave.

“Bad dream.” She said with a voice that was not her own. It sounded like she’d been gargling gravel. “Very bad dream.”

“Mornin’ kiddo.” Her dad came up the stairs, a happy and bright expression on his face and a large mug of coffee levitating in front of him. His eyes were bloodshot, his hair was limp, but none of the signs of hangover showed in his body language or voice. It just looked like he hadn’t slept well.

It was at that second Twilight began to notice her surroundings. This was not her bedroom. She was lying on the table in the middle of her library. The horse head bust that usually sat there was nowhere to be seen. It could still be in the library, but there would be no way of knowing until the place had been cleaned. Even Twilight’s extensive vocabulary didn’t have a word to describe the state of the library. Trashed just wasn’t adequate, destroyed might have been going too far, but only just. The books were in total disarray, piled high in whatever corner they had either been thrown or kicked. The tattered remains of streamers and balloons lay like shrapnel of a party cannon explosion. Speaking of which, the remains of the party cannon lay blocking the door to the basement. The barrel of the confetti firing weapon had a deep jagged crack running down its barrel and one of the wheels was missing.

“What the hay happened?” Twilight looked at her father who just smiled and sipped at his coffee.

“Now that was a party.” He laughed lightly.

Twilight rubbed at her eyes with her foreleg. Her headache was getting worse. Now the Ursa Minor hadn’t just landed on her head, it had decided to dance a jig before moving off. “Why aren’t you in pain?” She rubbed at a temple with a hoof.

In answer Night Light hovered the coffee mug under Twilight’s nose. As well as the invigorating earthy smell of caffeine Twilight caught the sharp, acidic, tang of alcohol. He’d put rum in his coffee. “Splinters of the Timberwolf.” He explained. “You want some? It’s just a shot to take the edge off.”

Twilight’s stomach turned. “No.” She groaned as she climbed off the table. Her sense of balance seemed to be working with inverted controls and one leg had fallen asleep. She hobbled along while she felt the warmth return to her back leg and prepared herself for the pins and needles.

“Suit yourself, kiddo.” Night Light shrugged his shoulders and turned back down the stairs, heading to the kitchen.

Twilight slowly made her way upstairs toward her bedroom. Her thoughts were beginning to clear but her head still hurt. As much as she tried to think she couldn’t remember what actually happened last night. She went over the mental check-list of what she did recollect. She remembered meeting her parents at the station. That embarrassing mix up when her mother had thought she was pregnant. They had made it back to the library. There had been a party? Yes, Pinkie had been there. After that everything was just a blur of noise and colour that she couldn’t put together.

Her train of thought was derailed as Twilight bumped her horn against a wall that hadn’t been there before. She stared, her hungover brain taking a few seconds to piece things together. This was the top of the stairs, and there hadn’t been a wall there before. In fact this was supposed to be the doorway into her bedroom. Now that she looked at it this didn’t look like a wall, but a smooth wooden surface, like a table. In fact there was a coffee stain in the top corner. This was her table. Somepony had tilted it on its side and barricaded the door. Twilight bet she knew who. She focussed her magic. Her horn barely sparked before she had to stop. The pain was too much. She resorted to the marginally less painful option of knocking loudly against the wood.

“Spike. Let me in.” There was a noise from behind the desk of heavy objects being moved. With grunts of effort the table was pushed slightly to the side. Spike poked his head out. He looked sleepy and frightened. He clutched a broom in his hands and had a metal pot on his head serving as a helmet.

“Is it over?” His voice trembled in fright.

“Yeah, it’s over. Let me in.” Twilight pushed her way past him. She wasn’t entirely sure what ‘it’ had been but, considering the state of the library, ‘it’ had been a doozy.
Except for the things Spike had moved to barricade the door the bedroom area was mercifully clear of any mess and chaos. Twilight Velvet was sitting up in the guest bed with a book resting in front of her. Unlike Spike, she looked like she’d slept well.

“Morning, mum.” Twilight groaned as she walked right past her parent and into her bathroom. Out of pure habit, she tried to turn on the tap of the water basin with her magic. The pain was like a nail in her forehead. After massaging her temples for a minute, she did it the earth pony way, with her own two hooves.

“Poor dear," Velvet said, without the sympathetic tone that the statement usually required. “A little worse for the wear, are we?” She stood in the doorway of the bathroom and watched her daughter fill the wash basin with icy cold water.

“Sorry, mum.” Twilight Sparkle groaned. “Dad spiked my drink with that rum of his.” She performed the unfamiliar procedure of turning off the water with her hooves. Magic made things a lot easier.

“Which one?” Velvet shook her head in a disapproving fashion.

Twilight looked at her in confusion. “What do you mean ‘Which-’” She stopped as a portion of the manically colourful blur of her memories came into focus. “Oh, no.” Twilight sighed and plunged her face into the freezing cold water.

...***...

FLASHBACK

The falling bottle was caught in a blue magical aura. Night Light levitated the alcohol back over to him.

“Pinkie, are you okay?” Twilight looked over the pony, who looked nauseous.

“That didn’t taste very good.” She pouted. “It hurt my throat and made my tummy feel rumbly.” She prodded her belly and giggled. “But it does feel all warm and it's making me feel all cozy inside.” She giggled more. Twilight couldn’t tell yet if the mouthful of insanely strong rum was having an affect, or if this was Pinkie being Pinkie.

Unseen by Twilight, Night Light was pouring the last half of the rum bottle into the giant bowl of punch.

Twilight shook her head. She could feel the warmth of the alcohol spreading through her and it was getting harder to think clearly. “Dad, are you insane?” She rounded on her parent, who looked at her guiltily and tried to hide the now empty bottle back into his saddle bag. “Pinkie is uninhibibi- uninhibleee-” she shook her head. She was having trouble with her words, that rum was much stronger than anything else she’d ever had before and it was hitting her hard. “Out of control!” she yelled finally. “Out of control at the best of times. You can’t get her drunk.”

On the floor Pinkie was laughing, her face was flushed and her hair was poofier than ever. “Drunk.” She laughed. “Drrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrunk!” she rolled the R, laughing as it tickled the roof of her mouth. “Brunk, crunk, frunk, grunk. Hunk.” Her eyes opened and she smiled manically up at Night Light and Twilight Sparkle. “Hunk,” she repeated. “Hey Twiley let’s go pick up some stallions.”

Twilight let out a long sigh as her father laughed. “Not now, PlinkiPlinkie.” she shook her head again. “I mean, Pleeky. PINKIE!”

Night Light levitated a large mug of fruit punch in front of his daughter. “C’mon, kiddo. It’s a party. Have a drink, and loosen up.”

The alcohol had made Twilight thirsty, and she’d just seen her dad fill this mug from the punch bowl and float it over to her, so she knew that it was only filled with fruit punch and nothing else. Taking the mug in her own magic she drank the sweet punch down in several huge gulps. She coughed slightly as she caught the after taste. “Great, my taste-buds are ruined.” She muttered. “I’m probably going to taste that rum for weeks.”

...***...

Spike grabbed Twilight’s mane and pulled her head out of the water. She gasped, her eyes wide and alert. She took several deep breaths. The cold water ran down her mane, face and chin, running down her front and legs, dripping on the floor. “Put me back.” She gasped. Spike obliged and lowered her head gently back into the basin. He jumped off the back of the mare and wandered back into the bedroom. Twilight Velvet was already helping clean up. She’d made the bed and was using her magic to put the table back in its proper place.

“How is she?” Velvet asked. Concern was entering her voice now. She watched her daughter, face down in the sink, slowly releasing bubbles of air. Her poor child was hurt. Even if it was a hurt of her own creation the mother still didn’t like seeing her daughter going through it.

“I think she’ll be okay.” Spike looked back at Twilight for a few seconds. This hangover was a lot worse than the one she’d had after Shining Armour’s royal wedding. He didn’t know what she’d been drinking, but he made a mental note to find out and never touch the stuff. “She’s just...” He drifted off. He had no idea what she was doing.

Twilight finally came up for air. The cold water had numbed her head and eased the pain a little. Her insides felt chilled and her stomach wasn’t as angry anymore, she’d taken a few mouthfuls of water while she was face down. Slowly she plodded up the small number of steps and crawled onto her bed. The pillow was a blessed comfort for her sore neck. “Mum, what the hay is wrong with Dad? Spiking drinks? Heavy alcohol? Wild parties? This doesn’t sound like him.”

Twilight Velvet came to stand next to her daughters bed. Out of the corner of her eye she saw a old and familiar stuffed toy on a shelf. Using her magic she brought Smartypants over to Twilight. The mare smiled and took the old companion. The toy had been a comfort to her when she’d been sick as a filly. Even though this was a hangover, not an illness, there was still some comfort to be found in the old patchwork donkey. She remembered fondly the time she’d had to retrieve the toy from Big Macintosh. An experience she’d Pinkie Promised never to share with anyone.

“It’s just a phase dear.” Velvet said gently. She kissed Twilight on her horn, which made her giggle. The elder mare was in full mothering mode and ready to care for her ill child. “You know what stallions are like at his age.” Her head shook and she realized Twilight might not know that. She knew books, not ponies. “I think Shiny’s wedding started it. He finally realized his foals have grown up, old enough to leave home, old enough to get married. Start having foals of their own.” She added with a grin at Twilight. “It’s just making him feel his age and he’s trying to grab back some of the youth he thinks he’s left behind.”

“A mid-life crisis?” Twilight exclaimed. “This is a mid-life crisis?” She’d read about the phenomena. But, like so many things in life, the experience was different than the research material had suggested. “I thought it was all wearing flashy clothes and trying to chase after some stupid hobby or dream the pony had in colthood.”

“He’s been doing that, too, dear.” Velvet responded with a deep and exasperated sigh. Her expression was both bored and bothered at the same time. An odd look. She had clearly been tolerating this for a while and was just trying to ride out the phase until the end. “But once he saw the price of the popular clothes young stallions are wearing these days, and after he realized that he still isn’t going to become a famous drummer, you know your father, no sense of rhythm or timing, he fell into the old cliché of wild parties. It’ll pass sooner or later when the wild nights and drinking finally catch up to him. He’ll realize that he’s not a young colt any more. In the meantime, I’d be very cautious of any drinks he gives to you, and don’t let him take you on a night out.” She shook her head. “It’s a mistake you only make once. A quiet drink in a nice restaurant turned into two, then four and before I knew it he was dancing on the table and I haven’t been able to go back to The Green Dragon since out of shame.”

“That’s your favourite restaurant.” Twilight stared, shocked. “You love griffin cuisine.”

“I shall just have to find somewhere else.” Velvet said with a sigh. “I doubt Razorbeak would let me in anyway. At least not with your father with me.” She shook her head and put on a brave smile. “It’s not your problem, dear. Now, you just rest your head and I’ll bring you something to eat. It’ll help.”

“Thanks mum.” Twilight watched her mother go then stared at the ceiling. The more she heard about this phase of her father’s, the less she liked it. All night parties, heavy drinks, getting her mother thrown out of her favourite restaurant, getting Pinkie drunk...Where was Pinkie anyway? So much of last night was still a blur, but Twilight found the image of the pink pony flying through the air had stubbornly stuck itself in the front of her brain.

...***...

FLASHBACK.

“Wheeeeeeeeeee.” Pinkie swung from the ceiling by a long paper streamer that shouldn’t have been able to support her weight. She flew over the heads of the party guests and slammed into a book case. Volumes flew in all directions. Ponies yelled as they were hit by hardbacks and paperbacks respectively.

Twilight and Night Light rolled their heads laughing as they clinked two cups together then drank deeply. “That pony,” Night Light laughed “is so random.”

“That’s just Pinkie being Pinkie.” Twilight laughed as she watched Pinkie struggle to climb out of a pile of the Encyclopedia Equestria. She didn’t even look scratched.

“If you wanna be smart!” Pinkie yelled gleefully, “You gotta hit the books!” Ripples of drunken laughter passed through the room. The rum laden punch bowl was almost empty, and the dozen ponies who’d remained as the party started to turn wild were now in states ranging between struggling to stand and struggling to stay conscious.

Spike and Twilight Velvet had taken shelter upstairs by that point.

Pinkie crawled along the floor to the table and slurped up the very last mug-full of punch that was left in the bowl. She laughed, throwing her head back so far her whole body tumbled.

“Twileeeeeee” Pinkie laughed as she looked over at Twilight. “I fell down.”

“Yes, Pinkie. I see.” Twilight laughed. She climbed to her hooves and staggered over to Pinkie. Offering a hoof Pinkie, Twilight helped her back upright.

“C’mon, everypony!” The party pony yelled loudly. “Let’s dance!” She staggered to the middle of the room, her legs tripping over each other, but somehow managing to keep her upright.

“You reach your right hoof in
You reach your right hoof out
You reach your right hoof in
And you shake it all about
You do the Pony Po-”

Pinkies hooves finally tangled together during the shaking part of the song. She spun around a few times and fell flat on her face.

...***...

Twilight Velvet came back into the bedroom. The scent of pancakes reached Twilight’s nose, making her stomach growl and her mouth drool.

“Some pancakes and apple juice.” Velvet said. The tray hovered up to Twilight Sparkle and landed lightly on her lap. Twilight couldn’t help but grin. The pancake had blueberry eyes, a line of maple syrup for a mouth, and strawberries to make a mane. Her mother had made a smiley face pancake just like when she had done when she was a filly.

“Well this brings back memories.” Twilight bit into a forkful of the fluffy breakfast treat. “Hmmmmm.”

Twilight Velvet lay on the double bed opposite her daughter. “I’m glad I haven’t lost the touch.”

“Ah’ll shay.” Spike’s muffled voice came from the seating area where he was stuffing his face with several pancakes dripping with syrup.

“Now Twilight.” Velvet looked to the young purple pony. “Once you’ve eaten, why don’t you go out and enjoy yourself today? Your father and I can clean things up.”

Twilight shook her head. “I couldn’t make you do that, mum.”

“Well, I insist.” Velvet interrupted. “Go to the park with Spike. Enjoy yourself. Meet new ponies and talk to them, get to know them. Maybe a nice stallion.”

The fork stopped halfway to Twilight’s mouth. “I’m starting to notice a theme with our conversations.” She crossed her forelegs and looked across the room at her mother with an annoyed glare.

Velvet shrugged innocently with an ‘I don’t know what you could possibly mean.’ expression on her face. “I know how hard you like to work.” She said with perfect innocence. “So I just think it would be nice if you took some free time and did something for yourself.”

“Like try and meet a nice stallion?” Twilight said flatly.

“If you like.” Velvet grinned slyly. “You don’t have to do that if you don’t want to, but if you do that would be so wonderful.”

“Why don’t you bother Shiny and Cadence about foals?” Twilight asked. “They are married after all.”

“Who said anything about foals?” Velvet shrugged her shoulders. “We were having a pleasant conversation about you meeting a nice young stallion.” She looked down at her hoof for a second, rubbing it against the sheet to wipe away some invisible speck of dust. “But since you brought it up some grandchildren would be nice.” Velvet laughed to show she was joking. “Besides, Shining and Cadence are busy with this emergency at the moment.”

Twilight Sparkle looked out of the window toward Canterlot. The city sized pink sphere was much more opaque than it had been yesterday. Whatever the princesses had planned they had probably already started. She wondered what was happening in the front line camp. Were Celestia and Luna okay? Was the spell working to remove the parasprites or was more time needed?

Twilight Velvet rose off the bed and stood next to her daughter, placing a hoof on the blankets over her leg. “I know you’d be there in a second if they needed you.” She smiled. “You are always so loyal and dedicated like that. I’m proud of you, dear.”

Twilight smiled proudly. “Thanks, mum.”

“But I do hope you’ll be more careful when you get foals of your own.” Velvet laughed lightly and hugged Twilight. Twilight returned the hug and found herself laughing too. She had an image of herself running from a dragon with a little filly sticking her head out of her saddlebag. The image was amusing, but only as long as it never came true.

Their embrace was broken by a loud crash from outside. The mares broke apart and stared at the balcony. A huddled mass of blue feathers and rainbow hair slowly unfurled itself. Rainbow Dash looked terrible. There were dark marks under her bloodshot eyes. The quiff of her rainbow mane now hung limply in front of her face. There was a large saddlebag strapped to her back. Twilight climbed off the bed and out to her friend. “Rainbow, what happened to you?”

Rainbow Dash blinked slowly several times before responding. “Twilight? Oh thank Celestia I found you. The last three houses weren’t helpful at all.” She staggered slightly and rubbed at her face with her hoof. “They won’t stop, Twilight. The babies. If they’re not crying, they’re crawling around, getting their hooves on all my stuff.” She put her hooves on Twilight’s chest and looked at her desperately. “They have their own toys; why do they have to play with my stuff?” She sounded on the verge of tears.

“Why not just put your stuff out of their reach?” It sounded like a simple question but Twilight suspected there wasn’t a simple answer.

“There is no out of reach!” Rainbow cried desperately. “They already know how to make stuff out of clouds, they can climb and they can baby glide!”

“Baby glide?” Velvet asked.

“A baby pegasus can fly out of instinct,” Twilight explained. “Just like most animal babies can instinctively swim. Their wings are large, relative to their body size and weight, so for the first few months they can actually achieve a rudimentary flight for brief periods. As their body grows larger than their wings they lose the ability and forget how to fly. They have to re-learn when their wings catch up to their bodies around early adolescence. Although, I don’t know why they call it a glide, since it really is more like flight.” She looked to Rainbow for an answer but the pegasus had fallen into a doze. Rainbow liked to nap to conserve energy to move at such awesome speeds. At least, that was her excuse. Clearly one sleepless night, combined with the stress of keeping her things out of the reach of foals, combined with two crying babies, equalled a Rainbow Crash! She nudged the blue mare with her hoof. Dash jerked awake with a snort; she looked around in confusion. She’d forgotten where she was.

“Rainbow, come inside. Take a nap on my bed.” Twilight guided Dash inside with a hoof.

“No thanks, Twilight.” Rainbow protested without any conviction in her voice. She allowed herself to be led indoors. “I only came here to ask if I could store some of my stuff here. My Wonderbolt figures are collectors items.”

Twilight lifted the burdensome bags from Rainbow with her magic. “Of course you can, for as long as you need.” She pushed Rainbow onto the bed. The pegasus was out like a light the second her head hit the pillow. Out of curiosity Twilight looked inside the saddlebag, just to see what Rainbow considered valuable enough to keep away from strange ponies. A full set of Wonderbolt dolls, or action figures as Rainbow preferred them to be known, a selection of autographed pictures of the Wonderbolts, a picture of the six friends together in their Grand Galloping Gala dresses and three Daring Do books. Twilight recognized them as the copies she’d given to Rainbow for her birthday.
Twilight let the bags down and rubbed a hoof against her forehead. After a nice breakfast her headache had been less noticeable but even the brief burst of magic had made it return with a vengeance. “Urrg.” She groaned. If her dad ever offered her any alcohol again she, would hurt him. “Come on. Let’s go before she starts snoring.”

...***...

FLASHBACK

“I...have alwaysh luvved yur hair!” Pinkie slurred to Twilight. She tried reaching up a hoof to brush Twilight’s mane but overbalanced and fell to the floor. Twilight threw her head back and laughed raucously. Pinkie’s hooves waved in the air like a turtle on its back. She tried and tried, but she couldn’t right herself.

Night Light staggered over and helped Pinkie up with his magic. Pinkie let out a big cheer as she hovered in the air, six inches off the ground.

The party had all but died down now. Including Twilight, Pinkie and Night Light, there were seven ponies remaining. For the last few minutes Twilight had been pushing away the increasingly demanding advances of a plum coloured mare by the name of Berry Punch. The hugging and nuzzling of the cheek Twilight had been able to tolerate but the nibbling on her ear had been a step too far. Right now the plum mare was half asleep, leaning against Twilight’s shoulder, but still nuzzling her with her cheek.

Night Light put Pinkie down. She laughed and staggered into a wall, spilling more books from the shelves. Pinkie didn’t even seem to notice a particularly thick history book smack her on the head. “Twitchy tail.” She snorted. The laughter suddenly stopped and she stared across the room at Twilight. “Twilieeeeeeeeeeee.”

“Pinkieeeeeeeee.” Twilight fell apart into laughter.

Pinkie snickered. “I’m hungry.”

Berry pushed herself off Twilight. “Me too.” She stated flatly.

A voice came from the back corner of the room said something garbled and slurred that might have been an agreement. Carrot Top had stopped making sense a while ago.

Pinkie clapped her hooves together. “Fritters!” She cheered. “FrittersfrittersfrittersFRITTERS!” She moved in a zig-zag line across the room, tripping over the broken wheel of the party cannon. The still smoking remains of the confetti weapon were jammed in the doorway to the basement where they’d come to rest. “We need fritters!” Pinkie held a hoof up in the air.

“YES!” Twilight held her hoof up in the air. She didn’t know why her hoof was in the air, but everypony seemed to be doing it. “Fritters. Let’s go get fritters!” She pointed to the door, which she opened with her magic.

Pinkie crawled to her hooves and made another attempt for the door. She bumped off Night Light. “Ooopsie” She giggled. He laughed too and staggered on behind her.

“Where can we get good fritters in this town?” He stopped long enough to help Twilight. The mare had been trying to walk to the door while forgetting her back legs needed to move too.

“Sugar Cube Corner!” Pinkie cheered. She hopped out of the door and into the free night air.

“OOOH!” A grey stallion, named Lucky Clover, was close behind her. “Yes! And we can get cupcakes!”

“Yay cupcakes.” Berry Punch cheered.

Pinkie was bouncing along, her movements more manically random than anypony had ever seen her make before. “Cupcakes! So sweet and tasty!
Cupcakes! Don't be too hasty!
Cupcakes! Cupcakes, cupcakes, CUPCAKES!”

Author's Note

They're outside now, outside and drunk, stuff is about to go down!

"Splinters of the Timberwolf" If anyone is wondering, was my attempt at making an equestrian version of "hair of the dog" if no one got the reference.

There will be more flashbacks in future chapters but we will never get the full story. Parts of that party will forever remain a mystery.

Chapter 4

Just one week.
Fanfic by englishwitch
Edited by DerpyDash2131
Disclaimer: The following is an entirely fan-created parody. My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, its characters and all other affiliated merchandise are the intellectual property of Lauren Faust and Hasbro. Please support the official MLP: FiM show.
I make no profit, or money at all, for the production and distribution of this fanfiction.

Chapter 4

Direct sunlight hurt too much. Luckily, Twilight found a pair of sunglasses in the library Lost and Found box. Large purple lenses with black frames that almost hid her entire face. They seemed familiar, but Twilight couldn’t place them. All the same, they were excellent for cutting out the glare of the sun. Twilight had never thought of the sun as something evil before but, if she didn’t know any better, she would have thought Celestia was using it to punish her for getting so drunk.

“Are you sure I can’t stay and help, just a little bit?” Twilight looked behind her at her mother. Twilight Velvet shook her head.

“You enjoy yourself dear. I have your father to help me clean. Whether he likes it or not!” She called over her own shoulder at the blue stallion.

“If the kid wants to stay and help, she can take my place.” Night Light suggested hopefully.
Twilight Velvet didn’t speak, slamming and locking the door was answer enough.

Twilight Sparkle sighed and headed into Ponyville. Despite everything, a few hours away from the library would be welcome. It would give her a better chance to recover after last night. Most of which she still couldn’t recall. Perhaps a memory spell would help? Twilight shook her head. Just levitating a satchel had made her feel like she’d been kicked in the head. If she tried anything as intensive as a memory spell on herself, she’d probably be lucky to come out of it still possessing a head.

Twilight stopped and looked down the street. Carrot Top’s vegetable cart was closed. That would make Applejack happy at least, she considered Carrot Top her main rival at the market.

Speaking of Applejack, she was standing by her stall as usual, selling her apples and apple treats. ‘Perhaps some more applejuice and a slice of apple pie would help.’ Twilight thought to herself.

Applejack’s smile faded as she saw Twilight approach. Twilight felt the urge to turn and walk in the other direction. Faced with that frown, that feeling was understandable. The feeling she couldn’t explain was the sensation of shame and the overwhelming urge to apologise.

“Well, look who it is.” Applejack frowned at her.

“Umm....Hi Applejack.” Twilight shuffled nervously.

“I hope you’re proud of yurself.” Applejack scolded. “Applebloom didn’t get a wink of sleep, and Granny Smith, I don’t think she’ll ever be able to go into our fruit cellar alone ever again.”

Twilight’s eyes widened. Her face paled as the blood drained away. What in Celestia’s name had she done?

Applejack shook her head and sighed heavily. “Ah don’t blame you Twi. Maybe you jus’ got caught up in the moment or sumthin, I don’t know. But Ah thought you of all ponies would have more sense.” She tried to put on a friendly smile, but it was quite weak. “Jus' tell your dad he owes us about 150 bits. I gotta say, it didn’t leave the best impression with our guests.”

“Sorry.” Twilight blurted out automatically.

“Just make sure it don’t happen again. Yur scary when you flirt drunk.” Applejack shuffled uncomfortably. Twilight wished a hole would open in the earth and swallow her whole.

“Big Macintosh?” She asked, with just a faint glimmer of hope.

“Nnnope.” Applejack said flatly.

“Sorry.” Twilight looked down at the ground, no longer to meet Applejack’s gaze.

“Why do you think Applebloom couldn’t sleep?”

“WHAT!” Twilight leapt in the air, almost two feet.

Applejack smirked then laughed so hard she almost fell to the ground. “Yer face! Dang, you really can’t remember anythin’? I knew you was out of it. Di’nt take no genius to see that. ‘Specially when you were flirtin' wi' me. But total black out? Dang it, girl, how much did you drink?”

“I don’t know.” Twilight hung her head in shame. “I don’t remember anything about being at your farm. AJ, what did I do?”

Applejack laughed all the harder. “Oh heck no, I’m hangin’ onto this. I’m gonna tell it when I need a real embarrasin' story for everypony.”

“AJayyyyyyyyy!” Twilight pleaded but Applejack just shook her head.

“Heck no, sugarcube.” She laughed, shaking her head. “I ain’t one for keepin’ secrets, but this is just too juicy to let go easy. Consider it payback.” She took an apple in her hoof and held it out. “Here, on the house s’long as you remind your pa ‘bout that bill.’

Twilight could see she wasn’t going to get anywhere with Applejack. Sure, she was honest and dependable, joyful and helpful, but the mare could be as stubborn as a mule and as tough as a boulder when she wanted to be. Twilight could interrogate AJ all day and get nowhere. She sighed and took the peace offering of the apple in her magic. It made her head hurt and she almost dropped the fruit. She was so used to taking things in her magic,ans kept forgetting the pain it would cause due to the the hangover. “I really flirted with you?” She felt a blush burning into her cheeks like a flaming brand.

Applejack just nodded. “Not too clearly ah might add. Lots of slurrin’ and mumblin’ but I caught stuff ‘bout rolls in the hay and gettin’ dirty on a farm.”

Twilight put a hoof over her spectacled eyes. “Stop. Please.” She groaned. She was no longer sure she wanted to know what she’d done. Ever.

“Dunno why you was lookin' at me tho.” Applejack grinned and tried to stop herself laughing more. It was cruel to watch Twilight squirm like this, deeply enjoyable, but cruel. Still, it was also cruel to be woken in the early hours by a herd of drunken ponies wandering the farm. “Y’all seemed to be getting close to that Lucky Clover.”

Twilight’s memory sparked up the image of a light grey earth pony stallion with a dark grey mane and a cutie mark of three four-leaf clovers. He had been in the library last night, she remembered it was his suggestion to get lo. What she couldn’t remember was anything involving him or Sweet Apple Acres.

“Anything else you care to share before I die of embarrassment?” She groaned. AJ just shook her head.

“Nnnope.” She turned away to start serving a customer. Twilight gave up, knowing Applejack wouldn’t do anything more than her light-hearted teasing if she continued to be pressed. She decided to cut her losses and leave the earth pony be.

...***...

FLASHBACK

Twilight chomped down the fritter like she’d never eaten anything before. Brown sugar and bits of apple sauce covered her mouth and chin.

“Spike! Take a letter!”

“Spike’s not here.” Night Light said in her ear. Several fritters and a selection of cupcakes were hovering round his head, caught in the blue aura of his magic.

“Whaa?” Twilight staggered, looking around as she spun slowly. She saw no sign of her small dragon assistant. “But I gotta let the princess know fritters are the best thing ever!” She licked her lips, taking in some of the sugar and a couple of bits of apple that were stuck there. She turned in the direction her drunken mind thought her library was in. “I gotta go get Spike.”

“Naw. C’mon, kiddo.” Her father grabbed her in his magic, dropping the fritters and cupcakes as he shifted what little concentration remained to him. “Letters can wait. Let’s get another couple of drinks.” He levitated his daughter in the air and turned her so she was facing the same direction as him. Whether by instinct, an actual sense of direction, or blind luck, the four ponies, Twilight, Night Light, Lucky Clover and Carrot Top, were heading for Ponyville’s one and only inn.

...***...

Twilight decided to see how Pinkie was doing. The poor pink pony had, possibly, taken more alcohol than Twilight. She had to be suffering worse. Surely not even Pinkie could be usual bouncy self with a hangover.

Sugarcube corner, the bright bakery owned by the Cake’s, was the friendliest place in Ponyville. Almost every party Pinkie held was centered there. Ponyville’s unofficial social center.

The store was as busy as ever. Four ponies were sitting on tables out front, eating their cakes and sipping at drinks. A few more were inside, some browsing for one particular sweet treat while the grey mail mare, Derpy, picked up her usual order of one extra large muffin. It was Pinkie’s creation, but Derpy was the only one who ever thought it was a good idea to order a muffin the size of a football.

Mrs Cake looked tired and disheveled but still managed to have a smile on her face.

“Hello Mrs. Cake,” Twilight’s greeting faltered and stopped completely as Cup Cake looked at her and the smile vanished.

“Miss Sparkle.” She muttered curtly. Many red flags went up inside Twilight’s mind. The way the smile had vanished on sight, the annoyed tone in her voice, the tired appearance, and the fact she’d called her ‘Miss Sparkle.’ In all the time she’d been coming to the bakery Mrs. Cake had always called her Twilight, or Miss Twilight. Cup Cake never believed in surnames, she said it spoiled the rapport with customers.

Twilight felt that urge to apologize rising again. “What did we do?” She asked shamefully.
Cup Cake looked behind her into the kitchen. Twilight noticed the space was much darker than usual. Not surprising, considering the large square of plywood that had been nailed over the space where the window used to be.

Twilight’s eyes widened. “We broke your window.”

“Pinkie broke the window.” Mrs. Cake responded. “When she jumped through it to let everypony in for free cupcakes and fritters.”

Twilight shrank back slightly. She had the memory of Pinkie opening the door for their drunken group, but no recollection of Pinkie deciding to enter through the kitchen window by literally going through the kitchen window. “But Pinkie has a key?”

“She forgot.” Mrs. Cake huffed. “She couldn’t see any other way in. Thanks to you and your party friends, Pound and Pumpkin have been up all night, and so have we. Settling the babies, sweeping up the glass, putting the plywood in place, replacing the stock you decided to consume,”

“Sorry.” Twilight shrank back further. “Umm...send me the bill.”

“We already planned to, dear.” Cup Cake answered. A faint smile hung around the corners of her mouth. As infuriating as the break in had been it was nice that Twilight had volunteered to pay for the damage without being prompted. “Some of it. We’re dividing the bills between all of you. Pinkie and your father included.”

“Sorry that’s how you had to meet him.” Twilight said. “He’s usually a nice pony.”

“I think I’ll take your word for it.” Cup Cake said dismissively. “Now, is there something else I can do for you?”

Twilight bit her lip for a second to stop herself placing a huge order out of guilt. “I...was just looking for Pinkie.”

The cyan pony nodded. “She’s still sleeping upstairs. I heard her snores.” She stopped herself and thought about it. “I never heard Pinkie snore like that though.”

They both heard hoofsteps above as a pony was stomping heavily down the stairs. The two mares looked, expecting to see a bouncy pink pony with a hangover emerge. Both their jaws dropped simultaneously as a plum coloured earth pony with a mulberry mane came down into the store. The only thing that had been right in their assumptions was that the pony had a monster hangover.

“Berry?” Twilight approached the drowsy mare. “Berry Punch?”

“Hello, Twilight?” She squinted and leaned closer, even though they were only a couple of feet apart. “How’d I get here?”

“You don’t remember?”

Berry shook her head, then winced as she felt her brain rattle around in her skull. “I remember the party. I remember the punch.” A weak smile rose on her tired face. “Oh,” she added in a low voice. “I remember...nuzzling you...sorry.”

Twilight blushed. “It’s okay.” She looked up the stairs and back to Berry. “Where’d you wake up?”

Berry rubbed her face with her foreleg, recalling a memory she had just started to suppress. “There were balloons, and pink, lots of pink, and all the furniture looked like candy.”

“Pinkie’s room.” Twilight recognised the description. “Was Pinkie there?”

Berry shook her head. “No. I didn’t see her. Even among all that pink, she’d be hard to miss.”

...***...

FLASHBACK

The door of Sugarcube Corner opened. Pinkie barely had time to jump out of the way before the herd of drunken ponies charged into the store.

“SHHHHHHHHH!” Pinkie practically shouted the noise. She giggled and swayed on the spot. “The Cakes are sleeping.” Despite using a husky voice, which was intended to be a whisper, Pinkie was speaking at a normal volume.

Twilight staggered across the room, behind the counter and into the kitchen where trays of baked treats were piled up. Her horn glowed and half a dozen of the various treats rose off the trays and hovered, slowly orbited around her.

“CUPCAKES!” Pinkie squealed with delight. She appeared, seemingly out of nowhere, behind Twilight, a plate was balanced on her head, holding a pile of cupcakes almost as tall as she was. Twilight flinched, her magic failed and the treats fell to the floor.

Above them came the noise of babies crying. Pinkie paused, her eyes growing wide in panic. They had woken Pound and Pumpkin. “We’re gonna be in trouble!” She dropped the plate of cakes, right on top of Twilight, and raced for the door. “Every pony for herself!”

She only got halfway before she tripped over her own hooves and crashed to the floor.
Light spilled down the stairs as the Cake’s turned on lights. “Pinkie Pie, what the hay are you doing down there?” The voice of Mrs. Cake was at that level of volume, anger and confusion that a pony could only achieve when they had been ripped out of their sleep.

Carrot Cake appeared. His angry and drowsy expression vanished, replaced with shock as he saw the gang of ponies staggering around his store, helping themselves to his stock. Berry Punch took a bite out of the expensive black forest gateau then wandered away. A whole cake, ruined and wasted by one bite.

“Pinkie!” He snapped at the frizzy haired pony. She was struggling to her hooves. When he snapped at her she squeaked in fright and raced out of the still open door.

“Please don’t be maaaaaaaaaaaddd!” Her voice faded away on the night as she raced further and further away.

“Get outta my store!” Carrot Cake yelled angrily. With Pinkie gone, he wasn’t looking for explanations anymore, he was just furious at the trespassers. “GET OUT!!!”

The ponies jumped and ran, taking whatever they had with them. Carrot jumped and reared up on his hooves, yelling at each of them as he chased them out of the door. He didn’t see Berry Punch sigh and shake her head. He didn’t hear her mutter how noisy things were getting and he never noticed her climb up the stairs, heading for a bed that she was too drunk to realise wasn’t her own.

...***...

Twilight left Sugarcube Corner feeling worse than when she’d left the library. The day was barely half over and she was ready to give up. Wherever she went she just ran into more reminders of her drunken exploits. If she never saw alcohol again, it would be too soon.

“I’m going back to bed.” She sighed to herself. She turned and went back to the library. Maybe her mother would object, try and get her back outside, but she wouldn’t give in. She’d had enough embarrassment for one day. She would put this day down as a lost cause and try again tomorrow.

...***...

FLASHBACK

Twilight, Lucky Clover and Night Light jumped around on the heavy wooden table of the Ponyville Inn. Underneath them, Carrot Top had passed out, her back hooves sticking out from under the table was the only indication she was there.

The three ponies were balancing on their rear hooves, their front ones linked together in a chorus line. They each kicked up a leg in time with...something. It certainly wasn’t the song and it certainly wasn’t with each other.

“Come on everypony smile, smile, smile
Fill my heart up with sunshine, sunshine!
All I really need's a smile, smile, smile
From these happy friends of miiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii-”

Twilight threw her head back, screeching out the last word. She leaned back too far and fell off the table, crashing to the floor in a rain of alcohol and broken mugs.

Lucky Clover and Night Light stopped their singing, then struggled for a second to detach themselves from each other. The two stallions looked down at Twilight as she sat up and looked at them. “You okay there kiddo?”

Twilight grinned and clapped her hooves together. “More cider!” She cried. “We need more hard cider!”

“NO!” The large earth pony, Crème Brulee, slammed his hooves down on the bar. He had a light brown coat, dark brown mane and tail and a cutie mark of three horseshoes. The thing that really grabbed the attention of the drunken trio was his size. He was almost as big as Big Mac. “We’re closed.” He yelled at them. “I told ya already. I let ya finish ya drinks but your Celestia-damn awful singin' is disturbin' my customers. There are ponies tryin' to sleep upstairs!”

“Hey, c’mon buddy.” Night light slurred his words and almost stumbled as he climbed off the table. “We’re just some ponies trying to have a good time.” He made it to the bar and propped himself up. “Okay. We were noisy. I’ll admit that.” He smiled. In his drunken mind he was holding a perfectly rational conversation which would allow the two of them to talk things over rationally and reach a fair compromise.

In reality he was swaying left and right, a little drool was running down the side of his mouth and almost all his words were slurred. “And I’m shorrrrry for that. Now, now, now,nownnnn-” He chuckled and shook his head. “Okay. If we promise to be real quiet, can we get one more round for the road?”

Behind him Lucky Clover had helped the grinning Twilight to her hooves. The two drunken ponies were leaning against each other, each propping up the other one to stop them falling.

Twilight watched as the big earth pony walked around the bar, grabbed Night Light and slung the blue pony across his back like he was an empty saddle bag.

“Daddy, where you going?” She giggled as he was carried past her and out the door.

“I dunno!” Night Light laughed back. He raised a hoof and tapped Crème Brulee on the flank. “Hey buddy, where’s this train going?”

Crème Brulee opened the door and took two steps outside. “End of the line.” He pushed Night Light off his back and let the blue stallion land hard on the ground. Twilight and Lucky Clover staggered their own way out into the night air without need of prompting.

Night Light, still chuckling, climbed to his hooves. “Party pooper.” He laughed. “C’mon, kiddo, there must be somewhere else around here we can get another drink. Just one more, then we’ll head back.”

Twilight tried to think. Really tried. But her mind was so muddled she wouldn’t have been able to recognise her own library if she was looking right at it, let alone think of some place that would answer her dad’s question.

Lucky Clover however, was struck by that spark of genius that only strikes drunk ponies. The sort of thought that always seemed like a good idea at the time. “Shweeet Apppplee Acres.” He slurred. “They got cider.” He rose a hoof and pointed in the direction of the Apple farm. “Thatta way!” He tilted and fell against Twilight, who almost stumbled herself as she supported his weight.

“To the cider!” Night Light cried triumphantly.

...***...

Twilight shed the sunglasses as she entered the library. The shaded interior was much more welcome after the too-bright daylight outside. The library was much cleaner, even though she’d only been gone no longer than half an hour. The remains of the streamers and balloons had all been packed away in trash bags, and, while the books hadn’t been returned to the shelves, they had been neatly stacked into tall piles. Ever a testament to her mothers skills, they had all been arranged by genre and in alphabetical order by author.

From the kitchen came the sound of laughter. She recognised her mothers warm chortle then, Rainbow Dash’s loud guffaw. Curiosity aroused and Twilight descended the stairs into the small kitchen.

Dash was looking much better after her half hour nap, her eyes were less dark and even her coat seemed a shade brighter. She was sitting at the small dining table with a large mug of coffee in her hoof. Twilight Velvet sat opposite and Spike was to the side, both with cups of tea. In the center of the table was a large book. Even from the doorway Twilight recognised it. She approached slowly, hoping, praying, that the picture wasn’t too embarrassing.

The page of the photo album that had Dash red in the face with laughter held a large picture of Twilight Sparkle as a foal. Only a few months old, she was lying on her back in a crib, looking up at the camera with her large, amethyst eyes. All four of her legs were wrapped around a stuffed toy that resembled a donkey in polka-dot shorts, a brand new Smarty-Pants doll. One leg of the stuffed toy was in the baby Twilight’s mouth, soaked with her drool as she sucked on it.

“Moooooom!” Twilight threw a hoof over her eyes and wished she could teleport all the way to the other side of Equestria.

“Hey Twilight.” Dash greeted her with a smile and a laugh. “Your mom was just sharing a few precious memories.” She glanced down at the picture again and back to Twilight, who looked back in despair. “You were one cute foal.”

Twilight hung her head and wished, again, that the ground would open and swallow her whole.

Author's Note

Four chapters in and the first day isn't even over yet. I might have to slow things down or I'll run out of things to happen to Twilight over the week. ;)

Chapter 5

Just one week.
Fanfic by englishwitch
Edited by DerpyDash2131
Disclaimer: The following is an entirely fan-created parody. My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, its characters and all other affiliated merchandise are the intellectual property of Lauren Faust and Hasbro. Please support the official MLP: FiM show.
I make no profit, or money at all, for the production and distribution of this fanfiction.

Chapter 5

Day 2

Twilight woke to the gentle humming of Spike. The smell of pancakes reached her nose a second later.

With a smile, she opened her eyes. Spike was carrying a plate stacked high with pancakes that were decorated with blueberries and dripping with maple syrup.

"Breakfast, Twilight." Spike smiled as he brought the plate up to her.

"Breakfast in bed?" Twilight grinned as she sat up to eat. "Thank you, Spike. That's so nice."

Spike blushed and handed the plate over. "Well, actually, it was your mom's idea. She said 'you should enjoy a good breakfast, and not worry, she'll take care of everything.'"

"Take care of everything?" Twilight looked at the clock and gasped. She should have been up almost two hours ago. She had to open the library. She leapt out of bed, almost spilling her breakfast over the floor.

"Twilight, relax." Spike tried to reason with her, but she didn't hear him. With mighty leaps, she dashed down the stairs, taking them four at a time.

"WAAAAAAA!!!" Twilight screamed as she crashed into a stallion at the foot of the stairs. The two of them tumbled together in one huge ball of hair and hooves, rolling across the library floor until they crashed into the far wall.

Moaning and groaning, the two ponies untangled themselves from each other.

"Wow that hurt." The stallion groaned, "I got to be more careful where I stand." A brown coat, a dark brown mane and an hourglass for a cutie mark. Time Turner, the clock maker and repair pony for all of Ponyville. He single-hoofedly made sure the Ponyville clock tower always ran on time.

"Sorry Turner." Twilight blushed and rubbed her head with a hoof. "I didn't expect anypony to be in here.

"Didn't Spike tell you, dear?"

Twilight and Turner looked to the voice, Twilight Velvet was approaching. "I opened the library for you. I can run things for a little while so you can sleep in. You really do work too hard." She looked at the two of them. "My, you're bleeding."

Twilight looked down at herself. Her knee was scraped, but it was nothing worse than a trickle of blood. "I'm fine." Twilight mutter, guessing where this was leading.

"No, no." Twilight Velvet. She threw a hoof around her daughter and dragged her to the table in the middle of the room. Her horn glowed with a white aura. A small white box floated out of the kitchen and landed between the two of them. "We should get that cleaned and dressed. Don't want it getting infected now, do we?"

Twilight sighed heavily as her mother used her magic to open the box, her first aid kit, to pull out cotton swabs, antiseptic and a small bandage.

"Mum, I don't need a bandage, it's just a graze."

"We should keep the area clean, now, bring up that knee."

Twilight complied, only because she knew if she didn't Velvet would use her magic to bring it up herself. She glowered at Turner, who was looking at the book case with rapt attention, but was fooling no one, he was snickering too loudly.

Velvet dabbed the swaps with the disinfectant, carefully cleaned Twilight's knee and wrapped the gauze bandage around the minor injury. "There we go. Good as new."

Twilight pulled her leg from the table before her mother decided to kiss it better. "Can I help you with anything Turner?" She rounded on the brown pony, who shook his head slowly, an irritating grin on his face.

"Just looking for some light reading." He smirked. "Might be a while."

Twilight growled quietly. Her horn glowed, and her magic grabbed a random book from the Romance section. "Here." She hovered the book in front of his face.

He looked at the cover, a mare with the wind blowing through her mane standing on a cliff top, looking out to sea.

"I don't know."

"It's great." Twilight said flatly. Her levitation expanded and gripped Turner, dragging both pony and book to the door. "You'll laugh, you'll cry, it'll change your life." She pushed the pony outside, pushing the book into his hooves and closed the door on his face.

She turned to face her mother. Velvet looked at her, with incredulity. "If that's how you treat customers it's no wonder the place is empty most of the time." She sighed and shook her head, showing a patience only a parent can show. "Time Turner and I were having a lovely conversation while he browsed. Did you know he's single?"

Twilight said nothing. She thought Turner had a budding relationship with Derpy, the mail mare. Maybe not a full relationship yet but certainly more than friendship.

"Where's Dad?" She hoped the change of subject would work.

Velvet's posture became stiff. "Your father decided to sneak out when I wasn't looking instead of helping me." She said in a hot tone. "He's probably out somewhere making a fool of himself."

Twilight’s stomach suddenly growled very loudly. Her mother shook her head. “You shouldn’t skip breakfast dear, it’s not good for you. Now, you head upstairs and have those pancakes.”

“Ummm...too late.” Spike emerged, with an empty plate in his hands, syrup around his mouth and a sheepish grin.

Velvet sighed, smiled and shook her head. “Okay.” She half laughed. “I’ll just make some more. Spike, can you be a dear and hold the fort for just a few minutes?”

Spike nodded his head, a proud smile on his face. “No problem Auntie Velvet. I’ve taken care of the library before.”

Velvet looked surprised. “Oh really?” She said nothing else but her look urged Twilight to follow her. It was one of those unspoken commands that a parent could somehow communicate. Twilight never knew how, or when, parents learned how to do that.

She was led down into the kitchen where Velvet began mixing up a fresh batch of pancake batter while Twilight busied herself with her usual morning cup of tea.

“You leave Spike in charge of the library, alone?” Velvet asked, trying to sound casual.

“He’s my assistant, mum.” Twilight explained. She took her cup of tea and sat at the small table.

“He’s been in and around libraries all his life. He knows how to take care of the place when I’m not around. And the Ponyville library is a lot easier to run than the school library in Canterlot.”

“But he’s just a baby dragon.” Velvet looked concerned.

“He’s almost eleven. He’s only a baby in dragon terms. They live for thousands of years; he won’t even be considered a teenager until he’s almost a hundred.”

“He’s still a baby.” Velvet replied. “Maybe you work him too hard?”

Twilight sipped at her tea, choosing not to get into the same old argument. Spike had plenty of free time and enjoyed the work and responsibility he was given. He was never shy about complaining if he thought he was being treated unfairly. She wished her mother could see that. But, as always, she had a bit of a blind spot when it came to Spike.

Twilight Velvet finished the pancakes, stacking them on a clean plate and drizzling them with syrup. Twilight Sparkle licked her lips as the meal hovered across the room and landed in front of her. She was about to take her knife and fork when her mother snatched the utensils in her own magic and started to cut the pancakes into bite size pieces.

“Mum?” She looked at Velvet, who grinned sheepishly as she realised what she was doing; she was cutting up Twilight’s pancakes for her, as she had done when her daughter was a filly.

“Sorry, force of habit.” She half laughed and let Twilight take the utensils in her own magical aura of levitation. “I’ll head back upstairs and make sure Spike is okay?”

Twilight rolled her eyes. “He’ll be fine, mum. He knows we’re down here. He’ll call if he needs any help. Sit down and have some tea. We haven’t had the chance to catch up yet.”

Velvet looked to the stairs for a few seconds then nodded. Her child’s logic this time was sound, Spike would call if he needed help. She sat at the table, her horn aglow while the tea made itself behind her back. Twilight never knew how she did that, the last time she’d tried to move something without looking at it the only thing she’d done was leave a stain on the ceiling that still refused to vanish- even under the most intense cleaning spells!

“So,” Velvet smiled, “are you seeing anypony?”

Twilight sighed and shook her head. A chance to talk, really talk, and that was the subject she brought up. “No mum. There’s been no pony. No dates, no relationships, no dinners for two, or coffee in the afternoon, or secret midnight rendezvous. I’m not seeing anypony at all.”

Her mind briefly flashed to an image of Big Macintosh and the experience they had shared. No, he didn’t count. It was to get Smarty Pants back and she’d Pinkie Promised never to speak of it again.
The teacup landed gently on the table in front of Velvet. “It’s a shame. I had hoped you might meet somepony at Shining’s wedding. But I suppose, what with the changelings and all...”

Twilight stopped halfway through her breakfast. “Mum, please. Can we not talk about this? I just haven’t had time for dating. I’ve been too busy with my studies. I can’t let down the princess.”

Velvet smiled proudly. “I know dear. You never liked the thought of letting anypony down, but I’m sure the princess would let you to take a break from your studies to explore relationships.”

“Maybe she would.” Twilight sighed. “But I just haven’t met that special somepony yet.”

“You won’t while you spend your nights inside with your studies and your books. You should try and get out more, socialise with ponies and make some more friends.”

Twilight sighed inwardly. This conversation could go on all day with the two of them saying the same things again and again. She bought herself a few minutes of silence by stuffing her mouth with pancakes. Velvet took the time to drink her tea. She was beginning to sense that the subject needed to be changed.

She cleared her throat. “I -”

They were suddenly interrupted by a yell from upstairs. Spike yelping in shock. Both mares leapt away from the table and raced up the stairs into the main library room.

They both skidded to a halt at the sight before them.

Night Light was wearing a long coat, it was the golden yellow colour of fresh straw, decorated with a whole rainbows worth of gems along the cuffs, trim and hem. It ran long down his flank, almost hiding his cutie mark.

Twilight Sparkle and Velvet, stared with twin expressions of shock, horror, fear, and disgust.

"Dad...what happened?"

Night Light proudly turned, letting the mares get a full look at his new garment. Twilight Sparkle almost facehoofed, in the centre of the coats back were silver rhinestones arranged to look like her fathers cutie mark.

"You like?" He asked, his grin widening. "Pretty cool? Pretty stylish and hip?"

"Where in Equestira did you get that thing?" Velvet asked, her eyes widening in dismay.

Night Light seemed oblivious to their dislike, "There's a marvelous boutique here in town, run by Sparkle's friend Rarity." He nodded to his daughter. "She's told us all about her in her letters. Well, since she's a mare on the cutting edge of fashion I decided to browse. I caught her working on this as soon as I walked in."

Twilight shook her head in disbelief. "Rarity was making THAT?!"

Night Light nodded proudly. "She was making the coat, I made the suggestion of the gems to add a little... pizazz. " He seemed happy with his choice of word. "I'm sorry, kiddo, I know you aren't up to date on what's cool, but I don't think that Rarity is as talented a fashionista as you think she is. She fought against all my suggestions. She thought something plain and boring would be better." He laughed lightly and shook his head. "I managed to persuade her in the end, and I know she realised she was wrong, as she had tears of joy in her eyes as I left."

Twilight Sparkle really did facehoof this time. She made a mental note to apologize to Rarity later. She made a second mental note to get Spike to 'accidentally' burn that coat the second her father took it off. "You've been out in public, like that?" She already knew the answer but she couldn't help herself.

Night Light shrugged. "I know, I should have waited until tonight, a big unveiling at the bar. But once it was finished I couldn't resist showing it off." He glanced at Twilight Velvet. "By the way, I'm going out tonight. I ran into a few guys from Canterlot and made a few pals here in Ponyville, we're meeting up tonight at the inn."

Velvet rolled her eyes and sighed. "Another night of drinking?"

Night Light shrugged casually, "I'm just having a little fun." He swaggered off, heading back out the door and out into Ponyville.

Twilight Sparkle looked at her mother, who just sighed and shook her head.

"You're not going to say anything, are you?" She pressed.

Velvet just shook her head. "If your father wants to make an ass of himself, that's his prerogative." A face by the window caught her attention; Cranky Donkey had been walking by as she had spoken. "No offence."

Cranky nodded his head and grunted. "None taken."

Twilight Sparkle looked over to Spike, who was still staring into space, in a state of shock. She waved a hoof in front of his face, he didn't even blink. "SPIKE!" She shouted in his face. The dragon flinched and snapped back to reality.

"Twilight?" He looked at her in shock. "Your dad...he-"

"I know Spike." She said grimly. "I saw." She felt a shudder. A coat like that wouldn't look good outside of a Sapphire Shores concert. It wasn't for general wear and wouldn't have looked good on a stallion half his age.

"He forced Rarity to make something so ugly." Spike shook his head. "Can I go visit? Make sure she's okay?"

Twilight smiled at Spike's concern. "Of course, go ahead."

Spike was out of the door so fast he was just a purple blur. Pinkie Pie on coffee couldn't move so fast.

Author's Note

A short chapter. Blame writers block.

Writing a pony going through a mid-life crisis is harder than you would think. Equestria doesn't have anything like sports cars or huge motorbikes, so those are out and I don't want Night Light to be trying to flirt with younger mares. So it limits my options to excessive partying and bad fashion choices.
If you have any suggestions let me know, if I like them I'll use them and give you a credit.

Chapter 6

Just one week.
Fanfic by englishwitch
Edited by DerpyDash2131
Disclaimer: The following is an entirely fan-created parody. My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, its characters and all other affiliated merchandise are the intellectual property of Lauren Faust and Hasbro. Please support the official MLP: FiM show.
I make no profit, or money at all, for the production and distribution of this fanfiction.

Chapter 6

Deciding to leave the library was an easy decision for Twilight. After what she'd just seen, she needed some air. Velvet thoroughly agreed and didn't even mention the fact Twilight was leaving the building unattended. It was the furthest thing from her mind.

"A real mother-daughter day. That's what we need. Not a casual discussion over breakfast or anything having to do with hangovers," she added knowingly. "but a true and proper time to talk, catch up and...forget our trouble." her mind still held the image of Night Light the walking disco ball. Velvet shuddered and hoped fresh air and sunshine would banish that image down to the deepest shadows of her mind.

...***...

"And so, there we were, just burst down the door, charging in to save the day when the Diamond Dogs beg US to take her. The gems too."

Velvet laughed so hard she almost lost her balance. "She beat them all...by whining?" She managed to gasp out between giggles.

"All by herself." Twilight chuckled. "All we had to do was help her take the gems home."

Velvet put a hoof to her eye to wipe away a tear. "I must remember to meet Rarity while I'm here." Her eyes sparked as a memory crossed her mind. "Is she the same Rarity who traumatized Prince Blueblood at the grand galloping gala some years ago?"

"The one and only." Twilight nodded. She stopped for a moment to admire the flowers at Roseluck's stall, as beautiful and fragrant as ever.

"You do know some delightful ponies." Velvet commented. She took a pear from a fruit stall, tossing the bits to the owner as she took a bite. "I may have to 'borrow' that Diamond Dog adventure."

Twilight Sparkle gave her mother a sideways glance. She knew very well what 'borrow' meant. "How is the latest book coming?"

Twilight Velvet was a writer of some regard. Twilight Sparkle attributed her love of books to her mother. Not that everypony knew she was a writer. She chose to write under a pen name, the pseudonym of Dusk Twinkle. Dusk, because it was another name for Twilight and Twinkle after Velvet's own mother, who had nurtured her daughters growing talent in its earliest days.

"Slowly but surely." Velvet spoke automatically. Any time anypony asked how her books were going, she made the same reply out of pure habit. "The publisher has lifted the deadline, what with this Canterlot emergency and all. I've been hoping to talk to you on the subject, actually." She stopped herself as they passed the Ponyville café. "Over lunch, my treat."

They sat down and the waiter, Horte Cuisine, handed them two menus. Velvet took the liberty of ordering tea for two and dandelion sandwiches. "Unless a nice single stallion like yourself like to join two ladies for lunch."

Twilight planted her face onto the table and growled in frustration.

Horte, to his credit, reacted in his usual fashion - as though he'd heard such requests so many times he was bored by them. "Madam, I am not single." He nodded his head to the two of them. "I shall return with your orders momentarily."

When Horte had moved out of earshot Twilight lifted her head from the table."Mum!" Twilight snapped.

"I simply asked a nice stallion if he'd like to join us for lunch." Velvet replied in her 'I don't know what you're talking about' voice.

"You know what you did." Twilight's eyes narrowed. The gaze almost burned into Velvet. "Remind me to tell you what Applebloom and her friends did last Hearts and Hooves day. Maybe you'll learn the same lesson about interfering in love." She sighed and shook her head. "You'll probably want to borrow that too."

"I don't know." Velvet admitted. There was a silence for a few seconds as Horte returned and delivered the tea and sandwiches. Velvet was never confident discussing her work in public and only continued after she was sure he was out of earshot. "Love and romance doesn't have too much of a place in adventure books. Not my kind of adventure books."

"There was a potion involved," Twilight said casually as she poured the tea, using her magic to lift the pot. "stolen books, chaos and near disaster. All because of three fillies trying to do something nice for their teacher."

She knew she'd hooked her mother at the word 'potion.' 'Stolen books' and 'near disaster' were just icing on the cake.

"Do tell." Velvet beamed.

...***...

A short time later Velvet was rolling on the floor, laughing.

“I’m serious.” Twilight giggled. “He was dragging the whole house!"

Velvet laughed so hard she clutched at her sides. She waved a hoof to Twilight, trying to tell her to stop.

Slowly Velvet's laughter faded, and she regained enough composure to sit up. Giggles still escaped as the image returned to her mind.

"You know mum," Twilight changed the subject effortlessly. "Rainbow Dash would love to know you're the author of her favourite books. It's because of Daring Do she learned to like reading in the first place."

Velvet stopped laughing, but the smile remained. "I thought I recognised those books your pegasus friend had in her saddle bag. How thrilled was she when she'd seen they'd been signed by the author?"

Twilight giggled. "I believe her exact words were, ‘ohmygosh ohmygosh ohmygosh ohmygosh.’ Give or take a few ohmygosh's" Unconsciously her hoof rubbed at her side. Rainbow had given her such a strong bear hug, her ribs had been sore for a couple of days.

Velvet chuckled, amused. "It was nice of you to send copies for me to sign, not just ask for one of the gratis copies I have in the attic." As the author Velvet usually received half a dozen free copies of the Daring Do books on their first print run. One usually graced the bookshelf at home, Twilight and Shining were given a copy each, the rest were usually packed away in the attic. "Very nice. One could almost say...loving."

Twilight facehoofed. Her mother was as subtle as a rampaging dragon. "No, Mum. Dash is just a friend."

Velvet simply nodded along, in a very knowing fashion which annoyed Twilight even further. "There's nothing wrong with it, dear. You can love anypony you like."

Twilight was sorely tempted to teleport away. Anything to avoid this conversation. She'd heard many stories about how hard it was to 'come out of the stable,' as the saying went. But it was mane-curlingly embarrassing when you had to come out because a parent had put you in there.
Metaphorically speaking, of course.

"I do love my friends, Mum. AS friends! I just thought it would be something Dash would appreciate, and since I know the author, it's not like it was a great deal of effort."

Velvet shrugged. Twilight wasn't sure if her mother believed her or not. "To answer your query," Velvet decided a change of subject was in order. The atmosphere had started to tense. "I can guess your friend would be overjoyed to know I write Daring Do. But, as always dear, I'd appreciate it if you kept it a secret. It’s the reason I chose the pseudonym in the first place, so I could just concentrate on writing and not be bothered by all that publicity stuff. I write for the joy of it, not the fame and not the money. Although the money is nice." She laughed.

Twilight nodded. She had always kept the secret and she always would, as long as her mother wanted her to. "I promise I won't tell. Cross my heart and hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye." She made complicated gestures and gently poked herself in the eye with her hoof.

Velvet's eyes widened in confusion. "What was that?"

Twillight laughed. It was odd how the unusual had become so mundane to her. She'd forgotten this wasn't how the rest of Equestria worked. "It's a Pinkie Promise. A Pinkie promise is unbreakable. Pinkie Pie makes sure of that. Breaking a promise means you lose a friends trust, and losing a friends trust is the fastest way to lose a friend..."

There was silence.

"Forever?" Twilight looked around in all directions, including up at the clouds and even inside the teapot. Usually Pinkie appeared, seemingly out of nowhere, to chant the word Forever, in a variety of threatening tones. Now that she thought about it, where was Pinkie? She hadn't seen her since the party and that was two days ago now.

"Twilight dear, are you all right?" Velvet watched her daughter look in the teapot, up at the clouds and even under the table, looking for something.

Twilight snapped out of her search, remembering she wasn't entirely alone. "Sorry. Mum, can we stop by Sugar Cube Corner for a moment, I need to ask Mrs Cake something."

"Of course, dear." Velvet smiled. She glanced down at the table, their meal was done so she dropped the bits, and a generous tip and followed Twilight down the street.

They had barely made it ten steps before, "LOOKOUT!!!"

A mass of pain, blue, orange, purple and sparkling gems ploughed into Twilight. As one huge ball of pain and fury, a tangle of wings, horns and hooves, they rolled down the street for almost ten feet before they came to a stop.

Twilight saw brightly coloured spots dancing in front of her eyes. It took a few seconds for her to realise it wasn't concussion, just the sunlight shining off the jewels of her dads coat.

Slowly, Night Light and Scootaloo untangled themselves from Twilight. Both were wearing identical helmets and had identical scooters. Night Light's was bigger, obviously.

"Sorry about that, kiddo." Night light laughed and helped Twilight to her hooves. Something cracked in Twilight's spine as she rose, a bolt of pain following the noise. Twilight had to bite her lip to stop the yelp escaping her throat.

"Sorry, Twilight." Scootaloo said. "We were having a little race and...well I guess we weren't looking where we were going."

"Night Light," Velvet caught with them, shaking her head in disbelief. "You're racing children now?"

Scootaloo grinned, glad no one was yelling at her. "It all started with me trying to teach Night a few tricks. Then we found out we're about as fast as each other because I'm small and light and got my wings for a burst of speed and he's...bigger." She was going to say ‘Old’, but she'd seen what happened when the "O" word was used around Night Light. He challenged you to a race and you ended up running over ponies. "And less experienced." She added, hoping she'd managed to salvage the sentence. "You got a cool dad Twilight." She added, now hoping flattery would help keep her out of any more trouble.

"If you think so, you can keep him." Twilight groaned. The pain in her back was a deep throb now. Not debilitating but still quite bad. "Come on, Mum." She, slowly paced away from Night Light and the confused Scootaloo. Had she just been given a parent, a real parent?! She beamed at Night Light, who looked at her nervously.

Velvet followed on close behind her daughter. "Playing with fillies. He's such an immature colt. I don't think stallions ever grow up, they just learn how to act in public. At least most do." She threw a glance over her shoulder at Night Light, who was in deep conversation with Scootaloo, who, it seemed, kept trying to hug him.

Twilight tried to stretch, earning another bolt of pain. “Mum, let’s go to the spa. I need my back straightening out. Dad and Scootaloo did something.”

Sugar Cube Corner went forgotten.

Slowly but surely Twilight went down the street and straight into the Ponyville Day Spa.
When the stepped inside a pink pony with a blue mane popped up behind the reception desk, a warm and friendly smile on her face. “Welcome to the Day Spa. I’m Aloe. How may I help you?”

“Hi, Aloe.” Twilight tried to smile but the pain was really nagging at her now. “My back has been knocked badly. Do you think there’s something you can do for it?"

Aloe vanished behind the desk and reappeared next to Twilight from behind a potted plant, which was a move that would have made Pinkie Pie proud. She prodded at Twilight’s spine gently, taking note of the winces and gasps from Twilight.

“You poor thing.” Aloe sighed. “Yes, come along, we’ll get that back into place.” She looked at Velvet with a smile. “Would your sister like some spa treatments too?”

Velvet laughed, a blush rising on her cheeks. “Actually, I’m her mother. And your flattery is quite transparent.”

Aloe nodded. “But did it work?”

“Yes.”

The two mares were taken through to the back room where a line of massage tables were waiting. Only one was occupied, by a white mare. Her mane was wrapped up in a towel, a thick green mud mask coated her face, she was sitting on a layer of red velvet cushions and her back with being pummeled by a muscular earth pony with a light tan coat and a dark blonde mane. The spa masseuse, the aptly named Quake.

Rarity’s face lit up when she saw Twilight. “Twiiiliiight.” Her voice shook with the rapid and gentle hits from Quake. “What brings you here, darling?”

“Just getting my back fixed. I got knocked over by Scootaloo and my dad. What are you doing here?”

Rarity’s smile dropped. “Oh, darling, don’t talk to me about that awful stallion. The decisions he forced upon me for that awful coat have destroyed me. I simply could not look at another piece of fabric today. I had to rush straight here for some comfort treatment to help me forget what he made me do. I don’t mean to offend anypony you know, especially your own father, but Twilight, dear, it was ghastly, that stallion and every foalish decision he made was wrong wrong wrong! His sense of fashion is lacking the sense of sight, his maturity is non-existent and -”

“Rarity,” Twilight interrupted before her friend went to far. “I’d like you to meet my mother, Twilight Velvet.”

“He’s the most charming, kind, caring stallion I’ve ever had the pleasure of spending time with!" Rarity finished, laughing nervously. Underneath her mug mask she was blushing like a tomato,

“No need to sugar coat anything.” Velvet said casually. “Night Light has been making an ass of himself lately. And I am truly sorry he forced you to make that awful coat.”

Lotus, a blue earth pony with a pink mane appeared next to Velvet and started a gentle massage between her shoulder blades. Velvet moaned lovingly as the talented hooves worked at the knots of tension that had settled into her muscles lately.

Aloe was next to Twilight, rubbing her hooves together to warm them up.

“It’s quite all right, darling.” Rarity said, trying to sound casual, but it was obvious to everypony that it still bothered her. “It’s my own fault, I suppose. I’m far too generous at listening to the clients demands. Sometimes they don’t know less can be more. They just want so much flash and flair, they turn a great outfit into a fashion disaster. I want the client to be happy with the garment they’re buying but I suppose I do need to learn to stand up for the greater good of the creation.”

Aloe slammed her hooves down of Twilight’s back. There was a loud, stomach turning crack and Twilight groaned with orgasmic joy. “That is so much better.” She sighed. “Thank you, Aloe.”

Aloe smiled gleefully and continued massaging at the tension knots in Twilight’s back. Now that the main problem was fixed, she might as well do a full and proper job. “It’s my pleasure, Miss Twilight.”

Velvet, a smile growing on her relaxed face, looked over at Quake, who seemed to be finishing with Rarity. “A nice, strong, skilled, stallion like yourself must be very popular with mares.” She said in a slow, relaxed voice. “But I’ll wager you never met anypony like my daughter. She’s kind, quiet, learned and well read. I’ll wager she’s different from some ponies you meet here every day.”

Quake stopped. Aloe and Lotus stopped. Twilight and Rarity looked up and stared at Velvet in shock and horror.

Quake calmly stepped back from Rarity and walked around the massage tables to stand in front of Velvet. Her glare was so hard it could have been used to cut glass. “I’m a mare.” She said in a voice so cold and harsh, Velvet literally felt a chill run down her spine. Throwing her nose up in the air Quake strode away.

Twilight facehoofed. “I think we should go.”

Author's Note

According to the MLP wiki Quake is the name of "An androgynous masseuse from Ponyville's spa." First seen in the episode Green Isn't Your Color. Large and muscular like a stallion but with mare-ish features. The wiki confirms she's female.
I decided to run with that for Velvet's confusion and Twilight's embarrassment.

Shout-Out's : My thanks to - SkyWalker, canius, Spamotron, Richforce, Treilacl, Scarlet Glance, CelestialPhoenix and Pathfinder
For all your suggestions. Some of your ideas are being worked into this and the future chapters.

Chapter 7

Just one week.
Fanfic by englishwitch
Edited by DerpyDash2131
Disclaimer: The following is an entirely fan-created parody. My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, its characters and all other affiliated merchandise are the intellectual property of Lauren Faust and Hasbro. Please support the official MLP: FiM show.
I make no profit, or money at all, for the production and distribution of this fanfiction.

Chapter 7
Day 3

Several things happened at once.

Loud knocks hammered at the front door of the library.
Twilight Sparkle fell out of bed.
Spike almost singed her mane with a burst of magical fire, which swirled around in a whirl of smoke and ash then formed a scroll bearing the royal seal.
There was the warm smell of cinnamon and baking in the air.
And a call of "Morning, kiddo!" in a voice far too loud and upbeat for the hour.

Twilight groaned as the knocking came again. She opened her eyes to look at her father. And immediately wished she hadn't.

"What the hay happened to you? You lose a bet?"
Night Light wasn't wearing his shining coat, but the substitute was hardly an improvement. He was wearing a body-tight spandex outfit, like a Wonderbolt flight training uniform, only this was coloured bright red with black lightning bolt accents. Twilight didn't know much about fashion, but she could see it clashed horribly with his fur and mane. Night Light however seemed oblivious to the colour disaster. Just as he seemed oblivious to the fact that a stallion of his age, with his wide and sagging middle age belly, shouldn't be in anything so tight. The tightness of the outfit had made an ordinary paunch look huge and unhealthy.

"Funny you should say that," Night laughed casually. "I was out at the bar last night, playing cards with the guys and-"

"Hey, Night, you coming or not?" A hoof tapped at the balcony window. Rainbow Dash was trying to get in. "Cool outfit." She commented. "Hey, Twi."

"Morning, Rainbow Dash." Twilight opened the window with her magic and looked between Dash and her dad. "What's going on?"

"You didn't tell her?" Dash looked at Night Light.

"I was getting to it." He looked to Twilight. "You see I'm-"

"Your dad signed himself to the Rainbow Dash Program of Awesome!" Dash flared her wings, rearing back on her hooves. Twilight suspected that, in her head, Rainbow was hearing a fanfare.

"Program of Awesome?" Twilight sighed. "You don't have a Program of Awesome."

"Well I do now." Dash smiled. "We thought it up last night." She wrapped a hoof around Night Light's shoulder. "It's all about teaching ponies to be Awesome, like me. Through a heavy regime of Speed, Guts, Thrills and X-Treme Sports!"

Twilight didn't know how she knew, but she knew that Rainbow had said X-Treme instead of Extreme. Even if they were pronounced the same, that was the word Dash had used.

"Extreme sports?" Twilight looked at her father dubiously. The most extreme she'd ever seen him was choosing to go swimming without waiting an hour after eating. Until he had crashed into her with a scooter yesterday, that was been as sporty as she had seen him, too.

"Yeah!" Dash pumped a hoof in the air, psyched up and excited. "But don't worry, Twilight, we're gonna be gentle. You don't from Zero to Awesome in ten seconds. Well, not unless you're me anyway." She laughed at her own joke. "We'll start small and work or way up."

"Well that's-" Twilight began, but Dash interrupted.

"Today is hang-gliding."

"Hang-gliding?!" Twilight jumped up to her hooves. "Dad, you hate heights."

Night Light laughed and shook his head. "What kind of pony would I be if I let something like a little fear get the better of being awesome?"

"A smart one." A voice came from the doorway. Twilight Velvet came toward them. She took one look at Night Light in his outfit and shook her head. "If you're going to go, then go. There are two pegusi and a unicorn downstairs who keep pestering me for a cinnamon bun."
"Is that what I smell?" Dash took a deep sniff. "They smell great."

"Thank you, Rainbow Dash." Velvet smiled and nodded her head. "But they aren't for guests, I'm afraid. They're by way of an apology to that delightful Miss Quake who works at the spa."
Dash snickered. "Oh yeah, I heard about that." She put a hoof over her mouth, but her smirks and snorts betrayed her. Velvet's smile faltered a little.

"Anyway," Night Light spoke up. "Let's get going before we get old." He laughed and hurried past his wife and daughter and then ran down the stairs.

They heard his voice echoing back up at them. "Are we ready to rock?"
There were loud chants of agreement, the loudest being an almost frightening, "YEEEEEAAAAAHHHHH!"

Dash beamed at the two mares. "Well, I gotta go. Catch ya later, Twilight, Twilight." She nodded her head to Sparkle and Velvet respectively. With a jump she was out of the window and sailing on the wind.

Twilight Velvet's horn glowed. The covers of her daughter's bed moved and made themselves neat and tidy.

"Mum, I can make my own bed." Sparkle groaned and moved over to her mirror. Levitating a brush she started attacking the tangle and frizz that had settled into her mane during the night.

"I'm just trying to be helpful dear." Velvet said. Her eyes betrayed her disappointment.
Twilight sighed. "I know mum." She looked herself over in the mirror. She was as presentable as ever. "And I appreciate the effort. I also appreciate you apologizing to Quake."

Velvet blushed. "Yes...well...that was my fault. I don't know how I could have made such a mistake."

Twilight Sparkle shook her head and chose to say nothing about how her mother was getting so obsessed over finding a stallion, she was just looking at anypony with even the vaguest of masculine features.

Instead Twilight headed down the stairs and into the library. The smell of the cinnamon buns was stronger down here and made her stomach growl in anticipation.

"Twilight." Spike called after her. "You forgot this." He came running down the stairs with a small scroll in his hands.

Twilight took it her magic. In all the confusion, she'd forgotten Spike had burped up a scroll. "Oh dear, what could the princess need from me? I hope the parasprites aren't causing trouble." She unfurled the scroll, reading it as she walked across the library room, expertly avoiding all obstacles like the table, her desk, a stack of books, and even the baby dragon who was hovering around her, trying to find out what the news was.

Twilight smiled and set the scroll down of the table. "It's from Shining. He says the extermination is actually ahead of schedule. They might be finished in another couple of days. They're going to send a couple of ponies inside the field later today to check that the parasprites haven't found some protected hideaway. If they haven't, then Mum and Dad might be able to go home in two days, rather than four." She sighed with joy and relief. As much as she loved her parents, it was nice to know there could soon be an end to her mothers matchmaking and her fathers embarrassing antics. She made a mental note to visit them in Canterlot more often, so they wouldn't be tempted to come and visit her in Ponyville and embarrass her in front of the whole town again.

Velvet came down the stairs and noted the look on Twilight’s face. “Good news?”

Twilight levitated the note over the Velvet. “It’s from Shiny.” Velvet took the letter in her own magic and read.

While her mother read Twilight levitated several books off the shelves and over to her work desk. These last few days had really made her studies suffer, and she was determined to at least make an attempt to catch up.

Before she could even ask Spike for a quill, Velvet appeared in her peripheral vision.

“That is good news.” The mare said with a smile. She placed the letter onto the desk and looked at the small stack of books. “What do you have planned today?”

“I have studies.” Twilight opened the first book. Velvet closed it again.

“On a beautiful day like today? Oh no, that won’t do. Come now,” using her magic she pulled the unwilling Twilight toward the door. “You go outside and enjoy yourself.”

“I’m not a filly who needs to go play with her friends, Mum.” Twilight tried to break free of the magical hold, but Velvet wouldn’t let her go.

“I know. I know.” Velvet said dismissively. “But you should go and meet your friends all the same. Your father and I have eaten into too much of your time already. But let’s meet for lunch. Noon at the café?” Twilight found herself pushed out of her own front door and in the street. “Great. See you then.” The door was slammed in her face. Twilight didn’t know what had just happened, but she didn’t think it was good for her.

“I think I need a drink.” She sighed and shook her head. “I sound just like dad.” She took off toward Sugarcube Corner. Instead of a drink, a nice sweet treat and a Pinkie Pie smile would help her a lot more that getting drunk.

“Twilight, darling.” Rarity beamed and trotted up. “Just the pony I was looking for.”

“Hello Rarity.” Twilight's tone was pleasant enough but in her mind alarm bells were starting to ring. “Why were you looking for me?”

Rarity moved her head to flick her mane, her diamond bright smile was put on full show. “Darling, I have some new outfits which I know will look fabulous on model ponies, but I need to know how they look on the ordinary pony on the street. I know you don’t care much for flash and flair, and desire function over form. You’re so wonderfully practical like that. If they can look marvellous on you, they will look good on anypony.”

Twilight stared, trying to figure out if she’d just been complimented or not. “Thank you?” She decided to choose Rarity had been trying to compliment her.

“Come along, darling.” Rarity turned with a flourish. “We have many outfits to try on.”

Twilight didn’t remember actually agreeing but she followed anyway. This seemed to be the way the day was going; better to just ride it out and go back to bed as soon as possible. And pray tomorrow made more sense.

...***...

Inside Carousel Boutique Twilight found herself put on Rarity’s table, which doubled as a stage when needed. The next few minutes passed in a hurried and frightening blur. Against her will, bright coloured dresses and various fabrics were wrapped around her body, pulled on, adjusted, and then taken off only for the process to repeat with a whole new set of fabrics.

“Rarity-”

Twilight was cut off as a royal blue summer dress was yanked over her. Rarity took one look at it and yanked it off again with her magic.

“Rarity-”

She was cut off again. Rarity places a saddle on her back, light in both colour and fabric; it was decorated with a variety of small gems. It took her breath away. Literally. Rarity pulled the strap too tight.

Just as quickly as the fashionista had put the outfit on her, she yanked it off Twilight again. “No, no, no.” She was muttering to herself.

Twilight was getting annoyed at the rough treatment. “Rar-”

She was thrown into silence again as another saddle was roughly pulled onto her again. A deep rich Luna blue, with silver and pink filigree atop a patch of teal. A royal blue chest piece, decorated with a line of colours beads held the whole thing together beautifully.

“Yes.” Rarity exclaimed joyously. “Maybe some slippers.” she levitated over some plane silver coloured silk slippers and Twilight found them placed onto all four hooves.

“RARITY!” Twilight finally lost it. Jumping down from the table she glared angrily at her friend. “You’re not trying new fashions. You barely look at me before you pull the outfit off again. You’re trying to give me a makeover aren’t you?”

Rarity looked aghast. “Whatever could you mean, darling?” She actually sounded surprised, and shocked, that Twilight could suggest she was lying about her motives. “I’m just-”

“Just nothing.” Twilight looked at the clock and was shocked at the time. Surely Rarity hadn’t really kept her here that long? “Now I’m late to meet my mother for lunch. Get me out of this thing.”

“Oh, no, Twilight.” Rarity started pushing her to the door. “If I’ve made you late for a lunch appointment with your mother, then I insist you wear the ensemble for the rest of the day. If your time has been wasted you should have something to show for it.”

Before Twilight could protest, she was outside, and Rarity’s door was closed. Twilight sighed as a feeling of deja vu came over her. “It really is one of those days.” She sighed.

“HEY KIDDO!”

Twilight looked up. Her jaw dropped as her father soared by in his bright red bodysuit. He was holding onto a hang-glider. The wind was carrying him over the town. Rainbow Dash and Cloud Kicker were following, calling instructions and making sure he didn’t crash into anything.

Twilight sighed again. She wondered if Celestia would accept her help if she just turned up at the Canterlot camp. Any little task would do, as long as it kept her away from here.

...***...

“Oh dear Celestia, no.” Twilight’s heart dropped as she approached the café. Her mother was there, just as she had promised, but she wasn’t alone. Sitting next to her was an earth pony stallion with a tan coat, brown mane and a cutie mark of a feather hovering over a sofa. Twilight knew him well, Davenport, owner of Quills and Sofas. He was Twilight’s supplier of quills, and she was his best customer.

Velvet brightened up as she saw Twilight. “There you are dear. Come along, come along. I hope you don’t mind but I invited dear Davenport here to join us. He was eating alone, I was sitting alone, so I thought it would be nice to sit together.”

Twilight’s expression was as fixed as a statue. “Nice to see you again, Davenport. Those new griffin feather quills arrived yet?”

Davenport smiled but shook his head. “Not yet, I’m afraid.”

Twilight nodded. “Shame.” The she turned to Velvet. “Mother, might I have a word in private?” Without waiting for an answer she turned and marched across the street, standing under a tree. After a second to excuse herself, Velvet crossed over to her daughter.

“You look wonderful, dear. Where did you get that outfit? It looks-”

“You know where I got the outfit.” Twilight snapped. “You and Rarity cooked this up, didn’t you? All to try and set me up with some single stallion again.”

Velvet tried to play innocent, using her ‘I don’t know what you’re talking about’ voice. “I simply saw that Davenport was alone and thought it would be nice if he’d join us. The fact he’s single-”

“I’ve had enough of it, Mom!” Twilight said through clenched teeth. It was taking all her restraint not to shout and scream. “Any relationships I make will be my own doing. I don’t need you trying to interfere in my life. I’m sick and tired of you trying to talk to every stallion you see on my behalf. It’s embarrassing. Especially when it’s a mare you think looks like a stallion.”

“I did apologize to-” Velvet began, but was cut of again.

“I don’t want or need you help” Twilight could feel her voice trembling, a few sparks from her horn glittered to the ground “If, and when, I find my special somepony it will be my way, when I’m ready and IF. I. WANT. TO!”

“I understand, darling, but who knows how long it will be. I’m trying to help. I want you to be happy with the stallion you deserve. And Davenport is very nice. And he’s available.” Velvet looked over to Davenport and could see a few ponies at the café staring at them, even thought neither of them were shouting it must have been obvious a heated discussion between mother and daughter was happening. Turning back to Twilight, she said “He is quite handsome-”

“DO YOU HEAR YOURSELF?” Twilight couldn’t help but shout at the top of her voice. The water was boiling, the kettle was screaming and it was going to take every window with it. “Ever since you came to Ponyville, you’ve said one thing and done another. I love you, but I don’t need, or want, my hypocrite of a mother setting me up with every stallion and just loudly and casually declaring to everypony I’m single. I don’t need you interrupting my studies and forcing me out of my own home, especially to set me up on a blind-date. And how could you think about setting me up on a blind-date?”

“Well it wasn’t-” Velvet began again but was cut off for a third time

“How can you try and set a relationship up for me?” Twilight started pacing back and forth, the annoyance and stress and humiliation of the last few days were spilling out, and she couldn’t stop herself. Some part of her knew she was going to regret it but the words were in her throat, shouting a battle cry and stampeding forward like raging buffalo. “You can’t even stop your own husband from making an ass of himself and get him to act his age. Before you try and sort out my life, try sorting out your own first!”

Twilight Sparkle galloped away from Twilight Velvet and the shocked audience of bystanders. She raced hard, not caring that ponies were staring at her. She raced past them, giving no attention. She galloped without slowing until she saw her own front door.

Her horn glowing the library door burst open. Twilight raced inside, skidding across the floor and coming to a stop just before hitting the bookcase of the far wall. Her magic slammed the door behind her. Then she got to work taking off the saddle around her middle. The catch burst under her fury, and she unceremoniously threw the garment into the corner of the room.

Spike appeared at the bottom of the stares. “Twilight? What-” He was cut off by several rapid knocks at the door.

Twilight gritted her teeth, her magic pulled the door wide. “Mother I’m -”

It wasn’t her mother. It was Night Light. He looked pale, his face a grimace of pain. Rainbow Dash was at his side, supporting him.

“Hey Twi.” Rainbow grunted. She was carrying the majority of Night Light’s weight. “We had a little accident hang-gliding. I think your dad threw his back out.”

“Oh for Celestia’s sake, Dad!” Twilight beat her hoof against the table out of frustration. “You are a grown stallion, not some colt fresh out of high school. It’s time you acted your Celestia-damn age. Why are you doing this? These stupid stunts and all the drinking? Do you think you look young? Look cool? You don’t. You look like an idiot. You look like an old nag who’s stupid enough to try and convince himself he can keep up with ponies half his age!” She pushed her way past the stunned Rainbow and Night Light, their wide eyes and dropped jaws followed her on her route out of the door. “Let me know if you decide to grow up!”

Slamming the door behind her, Twilight raced away, turning sharply and heading toward the Everfree forest.

Author's Note

The big chapter, the one everypony has been waiting for, Twilight finally exploding at her parents. Hope I didn't disappoint.

Chapter 8

Just one week.
Fanfic by englishwitch
Disclaimer: The following is an entirely fan-created parody. My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, it’s characters and all other affiliated merchandise are the intellectual property of Lauren Faust and Hasbro. Please support the official MLP: FiM show.
I make no profit, or money at all, for the production and distribution of this fanfiction.

Chapter 8

Something warm and fuzzy nudged Twilights face, pushing sleep further from her. “Too early Smartypants. Five more minutes.” The nudging became harder, becoming prodding then tapping. Twilight’s mind finally woke up enough to realise this wasn’t her fillyhood toy. Cracking one eye open she was met with the glare of an annoyed white rabbit. “Angel?”

Twilight looked around with momentary confusion. She wasn’t in her bed or her library. She was on the sofa in Fluttershy’s cottage. Why was she in Fluttershy’s cottage? Then the memories of yesterday clicked back into place and guilt followed on close behind. She had said such horrid things to her parents. Such horrible, hurtful, things. She had to apologise but how could she face them after that? They’d be so angry. What if they wouldn’t talk to her? What if they punished her? They could in so many ways. What if they wrote to Shining Armour? Worse! What if they wrote to Celestia? Even worse! What if they disowned her? Even worse than that! What if they disowned her, then wrote to Shining, then wrote to Celestia? She would lose her whole family, her teacher and her place in the magic school all because of things she’d said in the heat of the moment.

“Good morning Twilight.”

Twilight jumped, squealing in fright. She fell off the sofa and crashed to the floor. Fluttershy was standing on the stairs, looking worried and apologetic.

“Oh my, I’m so sorry I scared you.” She said in her usual whisper.

Twilight untangled her legs and climbed to her hooves. “It’s not your fault Fluttershy. I was lost in thought.”

“Oh my, were you thinking over something important? I’m sorry I disturbed you. I’ll leave you alone to continue thinking in privacy.” She turned to head up the stairs.

“No, it’s okay.” Twilight jumped in before Fluttershy could leave. “You don’t have to worry about entering a room in your own home. And I really don’t want to worry any more.”

Fluttershy, true to her name, shyly turned around. “Okay, if you’re sure. Would you like some breakfast?”

“I’m not that hungry.” Twilight admitted. “But I’d like a cup of tea.”

Fluttershy smiled and trotted over to her small oven. “I have a new dandelion blend, um, if you’d like?”

Twilight smiled and nodded. “That sounds lovely. Thank you.”

“Oh that’s okay.” Fluttershy said meekly. “I usually don’t get much time to enjoy it myself. I get so busy in the mornings feeding and taking care of my animal friends.”

Twilight was surprised. She knew Fluttershy kept herself busy taking care of all the animals but she didn’t think the mare would be too busy for a cup of tea. She hoped she wasn’t skipping meals too. Twilight had never noticed how lithe Fluttershy looked. Not a thinness that came through an athletic lifestyle like Rainbow Dash, or through calorie control and exercise like Rarity. Fluttershy just seemed naturally thin, a pony with a good metabolism. Now Twilight wondered if there was a little more than that.

The train of thought was derailed as Fluttershy brought the tea over and the sweet smell of the dandelion hit her nose. “Thank you.” She took the cup in her magic and sipped at it slowly, enjoying the light, vegetal flavour – with just a hint of spice in the after taste, a little like chicory. “Delicious.”

Fluttershy smiled. “I’m so glad you like it.”

Twilight sipped a little more tea in silence, trying to ignore the elephant in the room. And the subject on her mind. Where Fluttershy had met an elephant Twilight couldn’t begin to guess, how she got it into her house was another mystery. The poor baby pachyderm had a cold and had kept Twilight awake for a long time with its sniffles.
“Thank you for letting me stay the night.”

Fluttshy nodded, taking a seat in a comfy chair. “Oh, it was no bother. I always have space for a friend in need.” She looked uneasily around for a few seconds. Twilight knew that look. Fluttershy had something on her mind but she was too nervous to ask. “umm...if you don’t mind me asking...and you don’t have to answer, if you don’t want to, but...ummm...”

“Why did I ask if I could stay over?” Twilight finished for her. Fluttershy looked relieved that the question had been taken from her. She nodded her head. Twilight nodded, taking a second to pass a tissue the size of a hand towel to the baby elephant. “Well, yesterday, with my parents. My mother invited me to join her at lunch, when I got there I found out she’d set me up on a blind date.”

“Oh, that’s nice.” Fluttershy grinned. The smile faded in seconds as she caught sight of Twilight’s expression. “Wasn’t it?”

Twilight’s expression softened. “Maybe. But I got angry. Ever since my parents got here my mother has been trying to set me up with somepony. She’s been talking to me about being single, about foals and starting a family. And every stallion she sees she’s been trying to set me up on dates with. When I saw her there, with Davenport from Quills and Sofas...” She sighed. “I lost my temper and said some hurtful things.”

“Oh my.”

“Then I ran back to the library I saw my dad. He’s been acting dumb too because of his mid-life crisis. I was still angry, so I said more things in the heat of the moment. They were such horrible things.”

“Oh dear.”

Twilight sighed and put down her teacup. “What am I going to do?”

“Well-”

“I know, I know, I should apologise.” Twilight sighed. “But...well...what if they’re mad at me for saying those things? What if they won’t talk to me?”

Fluttershy shook her head slowly. “I’m sure-”

Twilight slid off the sofa and started pacing. “What if they never want to see me again? What if they get Shining Armour, Cadence and Celestia to hate me too because of the things I said? What if Celestia banishes me? What if-”

She was interrupted by the elephant sneezing very loudly, knocking Twilight off her hooves with the blast. Fluttershy passed the elephant a fresh tissue.
“Umm...well Twilight...if you don’t mind me saying...I think you should apologise.”

Twilight’s eyes widened. “But what if-”

Fluttershy, for the first time in her life, interrupted somepony. “Your family loves you. When somepony loves you, they forgive when you lose your temper. Especially when you’re sincere in your apology.” She walked over to Twilight and put a reassuring hoof on her shoulder. “All you need to do is apologise, there is nothing to worry about.”

“But-”

“Nothing.” Fluttershy said in her gentle cadence. “Just apologise and everything will work itself out from there.” Her reassuring smile and the warmth in her eyes made Twilight’s worry fade. Fluttershy was such a good friend. Always there when needed with a kind word and a reassuring hoof. A wonderful, caring pony, and quite beautiful too. For a mare.

“Thank you Fluttershy.” Twilight hugged her friend. Then turned and ran out of the door.

...***...

Closer to her home however, her courage and conviction started to fail. The fears and worries started trying to make a comeback. As Twilight reached a hoof out to the door latch even the memory of Fluttershy’s kind words wasn’t doing much to help her.

Before her courage failed her entirely Twilight eased the door open. She heard the voices of conversation inside.
“I don’t remember any of that?” came her dad’s voice.

“You’d been at too much of the punch. You decided it was a good idea to drag Shiny off to a quiet room to give him a stallion to stallion talk on what makes a successful marriage.” The voice of her mother. Far from sounding annoyed, the tone she’d been using when talking to Night Light over the last few days, she sounded amused, even like she’d been laughing. “Then Twilight was clinging to Princess Celestia, staring at her crown.”

Twilight cringed as she remembered the event. She'd sent apology letters the princess for a week before Celestia's own patience had died away and she had sent a letter back promising she would punish Twilight if she didn't stop apologising for something she had already forgiven the young pony for.

...***...

She hadn't known the punch was alcoholic, that had been the start of the problem. She'd thought of it as ordinary fruit punch, not that different to the punch Pinkie served at her parties. Twilight, thirsty after the days exploits (and rightly so) had gulped down three large cupfuls in rapid succession before someone had told her to slow down.

By then the damage was done, alcoholic punch on an empty stomach, in a mare who only had usually only had a glass of hard cider on Hearths-warming eve, all resulted in a drunk Twilight. Within minutes she was tipsy, within ten minutes she was heavily inebriated and hoped getting something to eat would help. Unfortunately somewhere between her seat and the buffet table her legs had decided they wanted to visit the punch bowl. They had diverted her against her will. The palace servants were very efficient at their jobs, they would refill your tea cup, or water glass when it was empty, be ready to place a nibble in an empty hoof should you signal you were hungry, they had even produced a very comfortable sofa for Rarity to swoon into when Pinkie had done her "see, food!" joke. So when a pony approached the punch bowl, looking at it with temptation and desire, they did what they do best and had placed a large mug into Twilight's hoof. She drank it, it would have been rude not to, at least that's what her addled mind had convinced her of. But once the glass was empty Twilight had found it full again. Somehow the glass she had just emptied had magically filled itself. She had to sit down and try and work this one out. She sipped at the liquid slowly, staring at the liquid with the intensity she usually showed a new book, trying to spot the very moment it refilled itself

"A pleasant end to the day isn't it Twilight?"

Twilight flinched, spilling some punch. Celestia had come from nowhere and was sitting next to her. Twilight stared, mouth agape at Celestia's head. She had never noticed before, just how beautiful Celestia's crown was.

...***...

Velvet started laughing. “She started trying to climb up Celestia to get it. She kept saying ‘Your crown. It’s pretty. A pretty princess crown. I like it. I wanna wear it. I wanna be a pretty princess too’." She had to stop, she was laughing too hard. Night Light’s hearty laugh, and Spike’s chuckle also joined the fray.

Sighing, shaking her head, Twilight eased the door open wider, making her presence known to the room.

Velvet jumped back in surprise. “Oh. Darling, it’s you.”

“Yeah....” Twilight said uneasily. “Can I come in?” She almost facehoofed. Without waiting for her mother to stop sniggering she walked into her home.

Her dad was sitting at the central table, a mug of coffee in his hooves, and a hot water bottle tied to his back. Spike was right behind him, topping up the bottle with fresh hot water. His face brightened when he saw Twilight. “Sparkle, I’m glad you’re back.”

‘At least he’s not calling me Kiddo.’ Twilight thought to herself. “Hi dad.” She muttered awkwardly. “How’s your back?”

Velvet nodded, tapping his flank. “Almost like new. A deep rubbing with some liniment, some painkillers and a healing spell to speed things along. The worst is over, we just need to let nature finish the rest.”

Healing spells weren't instant fixes, but they could speed up the healing process. When Rainbow Dash had broken her wing the doctors healing spells meant she was ready to leave hospital after a couple of days rather than weeks or months. She still had to let her body do a certain amount of healing, but the spells had gotten her through the worst in a hurry.

Twilight managed a smile, though it was small and weak. “I’m glad you’re here, I’ve got something to say to you. To both of you,” she added, looking at her mother. Velvet came around and sat next to her husband. Twilight took her deep breath and tried to fight the urge to run away. “I’m sorry for what I said. To both of you. They were hurtful things, horrible things. I shouldn’t have said them and you didn’t deserve to hear them. I’m....I’m sorry.” She bowed her head, looking away, expecting her parents to start yelling, or hating, or to threaten disowning.

What she didn’t expect was what Velvet said, “No dear. We deserved to hear those things.” She threw a glance sideways at Night Light. “Some of us more than others.” She sighed and looked back at Twilight. “It wasn’t right for me to try and interfere in your life like that. You’ll always be my little filly...but I suppose, I need to remember you’re a grown mare now.” She walked over and hugged Twilight tightly. “You’re independent and you are more than capable of taking care of yourself and own love life.” She stepped back after the hug, smiling proudly.

“Thanks mum.” Twilight blushed but managed to meet her parents gaze. “But, still, what I said-”

“Was exactly what we needed to hear.” Velvet interrupted. “You were right Twilight. We needed to sort our own lives. I suppose we were both in forms of denial. Your father with his....antics. And me,” she sighed, “trying too hard to fix your life, when it didn’t need fixing, was just my way of distracting myself from the problems in my own. So, after I’d taken care of your fathers back,” She gently put a hoof around Night Light’s shoulder. “We started talking about many things, we discussed many issues and worked out many of the problems that have been growing between us for so long.” She nuzzled Night Light’s cheek affectionately.

“Then they sent me to spend the night at Rarity’s.” Spike muttered, with a yawn. “Good thing too, all the talk was turning mushy. It was making me nauseous”

“You sent him to spend the night with Rarity?” Twilight gave her mother and father a dubious look. The way the two of them were blushing was not helping.

“Yes, well,” Velvet laughed lightly. “While we were talking we," She put her hoof around Night Light again and hugged him gently to not aggravate his back. “We remembered some of the things that made us fall in love.” Her blush deepened. “And after we sent Spike away we....rekindled...that love.”

Twilight was glad she stopped talking. The image alone was hard enough to handle without it being said out loud. The last thing she needed was details. “Right,” She muttered under her breath. “I must remember to wash the sheets on the guest bed.”

“It...wasn’t in the guest bed.” Night light grinned sheepishly. “Rainbow put me in yours. The firmer mattress was better for my back.”

“Right.” Twilight’s right eye twitched slightly. “Spike, burn my bed.”

“Sorry dear.” Velvet couldn’t meet her daughters gaze. Her face was bright pink from blushing. “But when the mood-”

Twilight slammed her hooves on the table. “MOM! You need to stop talking. Please.”

Velvet Grinned sheepishly. “Sorry dear.”

Night Light laughed.“Spike. You might as well burn that coat of mine while you’re at it.”

“Way ahead of you Uncle Night.” Spike laughed. He pointed to a waste basket next to Twilight’s desk. The three ponies looked inside to see a small pile of ashes piled up in the bottom.

Night Light nodded. “Good thing too.” It was his turn to blush. “I must have looked like an idiot.”

“You did.” Velvet, Twilight and Spike said at once. They all laughed, even Night Light.

...***...

Night Light had gone back to bed to rest his back. Spike had gone to let Rarity know the coat which haunted her nightmares was gone for good.

Twilight and Velvet were in the kitchen, enjoying a cup of tea.
“We’re both sorry for what we put you through this week Twilight dear.” Velvet said apologetically. She shook her head. “I’m surprised your patience lasted as long as it did.”

“It’s okay mum.” Twilight sighed. “I know you were trying to help. Even if you were going about it in the most annoying way.” They both shared a laugh. “You just wanted me to be happy.”

Velvet nodded, reaching across the table she rested her hoof on her daughters. “But I should have realised you are happy. Your life is just the way you want it to be right now. When you’re ready you’ll take it to the next step.” She grinned sheepishly. “I don’t say this enough, but I’m proud of you Twilight.”

Twilight blushed. “I know you are mum. And....thank you. I don’t think I could have a better mother.”

Author's Note

Short but sweet chapter, I think it's kind of in keeping with the tone of the show. Ponies have said sorry, lessons have been learned and all is well.

Final chapter coming soon.

Chapter 9

Just one week.
Fanfic by englishwitch
Disclaimer: The following is an entirely fan-created parody. My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, it’s characters and all other affiliated merchandise are the intellectual property of Lauren Faust and Hasbro. Please support the official MLP: FiM show.
I make no profit, or money at all, for the production and distribution of this fanfiction.

Chapter 9

The long steam train pulled up to the station with a slow hiss. “Ponyville.” The guards voice called. “This stop is Ponyville. This train is going to Canterlot. All aboard for Canterlot.”

The train was larger than usual, with twice as many carriages for all the extra passengers heading back to Canterlot. Usually a team of six ponies pulled the train along the flat ground and the steam engine itself was used to help pull the heavy train and carriages up hills. Today the boiler of the engine was billowing smoke, burning at full intensity like never before, to pull the extra weight.

Twilight Sparkle gave both her parents a hug. “All the annoyances aside, it’s been really great having you here.”

“HEY!”

Twilight and her family turned to the source of the yell. Rainbow Dash was hovering over a Pegasus family with two foals. The little filly, resting on her fathers back, was holding tightly onto a Wonderbolt’s plush, Soarin’ by the look of the mane. Dash pulled the plush out of the filly’s grasp.
“Nice try small fry. You think I wouldn’t notice my favourite has gone?”

The little filly’s huge eyes started to tear up, her lip trembled. Her hooves were held out toward the stuffed toy with wanting. Rainbow looked at the filly about to cry, looked at the Soarin toy and sighed. “Fine.” She tossed the toy to the foal who gripped it tightly. “But you better take good care of it.”

The filly, in defiance of Dash’s words, put Soarin’s hoof in her mouth and was suckling on it.

Shaking her head Dash turned away, catching Twilight’s eye. She scratched the back of her head and smiled nervously. “What can I say? They kinda grow on ya.” She shot away before anypony could laugh at her.

Twilight turned back to her parents. “I promise to write more. And I’ll try and visit more often.”

“Thank you dear.” Velvet nuzzled Twilight’s cheek affectionately. Behind Twilight’s back a gem hovered in to Spike’s claws. He gobbled it down greedily. Twilight Sparkle pretended not to notice what her mother had done. “It’ll be good to see you more often.”

Night Light stepped up, a bag of bits hovered in his magic, holding it out to Twilight “These are a for the bills I guess I racked up while I was being foolish.” He blushed slightly as Twilight took the bag and placed it into her saddle bags. “If it’s not enough just let me know, I’ll send more.”

“Don’t worry, I will.” Twilight teased with a kind hearted smile. Night Light chuckled.

The guard blew his whistle. “ALL ABOARD!”

“Darn it.” Velvet sighed. “Maybe we should have stayed another night.” She gave Twilight and Spike one last hug each, then gave them a peck on the cheek. “We hope to see you both soon.” She hurried into the carriage.

“This weekend.” Twilight nodded. “We’ll try and visit this weekend.”

Night Light gave Twilight a hug and Spike a hoof bump. “I’ll see you soon darling.” He stepped onto the carriage, closing the door behind him. He stuck his head out of the window. “Maybe we go go for a drink to get a real chance to catch up. Only tea this time, I swear.”

Twilight managed a grin. “We’ll see dad.”

The train whistled loudly. The pony team at the front of the engine started to pull. The slow but strong turn of the wheels aided them and the long line of carriages started to move off. Twilight Velvet and Night Light stuck their heads out of the window and waves their hooves to their daugh ter. Twilight sparkle waved back. Staying on the platform and watching the long snake of a train run off until it finally turned a corner and vanished.

With a sigh Twilight smiled. “Well, come on Spike, let’s go shopping for a new bed.”

As she walked Twilight levitated a quill and scroll out of her saddle bag, writing as she walked.

Dear Princess Celestia,
The old axiom still rings true; You can choose your friends but you can’t choose your family.
Family can be annoying. Sometimes they can make you so mad you even lose your temper with them. But really, most of the time, the things they do are done with the best intentions at heart. At the end of the day your family just want the best for you and just want you to be happy. Even if they do make a lot of mistakes doing it.
You forgive them their mistakes and they forgive you yours, because that’s what family does. You can be angry, you can hate them at times, you might not even like them sometimes, but you’ll always love them.
Family is

“Excuse me.”

Twilight glanced up from her letter and jumped back in surprise. A male griffon stood before her, tall and muscular, with soft grey feathers and dark brown fur. Across his chest he wore a dark blue soldiers coat, marked with the strips of a sergeant rank.

Ignoring Twilight’s surprise the Griffon reached behind his head and pulled a pony into sight. Held by the scruff of the neck was Pinkie. She grinned her usual happy self. She too was wearing a dark blue soldiers coat, marked with the bars of a captain, bearing several medals. She wore a curly moustache on her face, a pair of large dark glasses and a bicorne hat perched precariously on her fluffy mane.
“Is this yours?” The griffin asked, sounding both bored and aggravated; as though he’d asked the question far too many times already.

Blinking and shaking her head, Twilight snapped back to reality. “Pinkie? Where have you been?”

“Hi Twilight.” Pinkie laughed. The griffon, relieved that he’d finally found the right town, let her go, dropping her to the ground. She just bounced around as usual.

The sergeant brushed off his coat and pulled a small roll of paper out of the pocket. “Can you just hold still for a moment?” He sighed, as though he already knew the answer. Pinkie, to everypony’s surprise, did stop. In mid air. She smiled at the griffon as she slowly floated to the ground. The griffon stared, beak agape. “Right....anyway.” He cleared his throat. “By order of his imperial majesty, emperor Greyclaw the IV, the pony Pinkie Pie is hereby exiled from the city of Clawdaw and all its surrounding territories within the griffin empire, under penalty of death.”

“The griffin capital?” Twilight looked to the solider, to Pinkie and back again.

“Okie Dokie Lokie” Pinkie grinned.

The sergeant rolled up the scroll and returned it to his pocket. “Officially we can never lay eyes on each other again. But, just between you and me,” he looked around conspiratorially, then threw a sharp salute to Pinkie. “It’s been an honour serving with you captain.”

Pinkie returned the salute, with her same grin.

The griffon spread his wings and, with a leap, took to the sky and sped off toward the horizon. Twilight stared at his silhouette, eyes wide and her mouth so wide it almost hit the floor. Then she rounded on her friend. “Pinkie, nopony has seen you for days. Where’ve you been?” She glanced at the rapidly shrinking speck of griffon on the horizon then back to Pinkie, taking in her army coat and the row of medals she was wearing. “What the hay have you been doing?”

Pinkie looked thoughtful for a second, then her face cracked into a smile again. “I’m not entirely sure but wherever it was,” She looked off into the distance, “pause for dramatic affect. They’re free now.” Then she giggled and patted Twilight on the head. “Well see ya later Twilight.”

With that she spun around on the spot and hopped off down the street, humming to herself, her grin ever present. As though nothing usual had happened.

Twilight had to sit down. She felt a headache coming. “That....that is Pinkie Pie. That is the dictionary definition of Pinkie Pie.” She rubbed at her eyes with her hoof and tried to stop her brain even attempting to work out the situation.

A claw touched her shoulder, Spike looked at her. “You okay Twilight.”

Twilight managed a smile and nodded. “Yes.” She sighed lightly. “It’s just Pinkie being Pinkie. Come on Spike, let’s go buy that new bed.”

Author's Note

The End.

Extra: How Twilight got Smarty-Pants back.

Just one week.
Fanfic by englishwitch
Disclaimer: The following is an entirely fan-created parody. My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, it’s characters and all other affiliated merchandise are the intellectual property of Lauren Faust and Hasbro. Please support the official MLP: FiM show.
I make no profit, or money at all, for the production and distribution of this fanfiction.

Extra: How Twilight got Smarty-Pants back.

Twilight looked at the Gabby Gums article “Big McIntosh, What’s He Hiding?” How this article has escaped her attention was as much a mystery as it was an annoyance. The long article declaring her a Canterlot snob had probably been part of the reason.
The article had been accompanied by a large picture of the big red stallion, holding something in his hooves. The object was slightly blurred, Big Mac had been turning quickly to try and avoid the camera. Twilight still recognised the object though. It would be impossible for her not to. The toy had been in her hooves since she was a filly; Smarty-Pants the stuffed toy.

Over six week ago Twilight had suffered a, small, mental break down over the thought of being unable to send a letter to Celestia. With no problems to solve she’d come to what she thought was the only logical conclusion; make a problem and solve that. So she’d enchanted her old toy Smarty-Pants with a Want It Need It spell. Everything had gone downhill from there. The whole town had wanted the stuffed toy. The fighting had gotten worse and worse and, eventually, Celestia herself had solved all her problems.

Except one. After the whole town had stopped wanting Smarty-Pants the doll had still been missing. When no other pony had wanted Smarty-Pants, somepony had actually wanted her, not because of a spell, but an actual want. Twilight hadn’t been able to figure out who, until she saw Big Mac with her filly hood toy in the picture.

She trotted up the dirt road to Sweet Apple Acres. She wanted to get this done quickly and silently with as few ponies involved as possible. Her stuffed animal was a deeply sentimental item but, perhaps, a little embarrassing to be seen with and have to explain to a group of curious observers.

Twilight looked out to the orchards as she trotted up the road. In the distance she could see the trees moving as they were bucked. They were quite a distance away, that was good. There was less chance of being caught. Twilight didn’t like this sneaking around, going to her friends home and taking without their knowledge. It was tantamount to stealing and the only thing that eased her conscience was telling herself that it wasn’t stealing but retrieving her own property.

The house lay ahead, Granny Smith sat in a rocking chair on the porch. Asleep and snoring away. Nothing short of an earthquake would probably wake her. Still Twilight stepped lightly as she approached the house.

The front door opened and a large red stallion stepped out. Huge and muscular, with a yoke around his neck, his orange hair was flopped in front of his face but his large green eyes still caught saw her clearly. “Miss Twilight?” He bowed his head as he spoke in his deep voice and slow but steady drawl. “Uhhh, AJ is in the orchard.”

Twilight had hoped to avoid all of this but it seemed she would have to confront Big Mac after all. Her horn glowed and she levitated the newspaper cutting in front of his eyes. “I’d like my property back.”

Mac shuffled uneasily on his hooves, his head darting in all directions to avoid her gaze. “Ah’m not sure whut you mean miss Twilight.”

He was really going to play it that way? She huffed and fixed her glare on him. “I know Smarty-Pants. My brother gave her to me himself. She went everywhere with me for the better part of a decade. When her eye fell off I sewed on a new one. When she tore I patched her up. I know every stitch on her.” She held up the picture again. “I know this is her and I know you have her. I’d like her back.”

Mac continued to avoid her hard gaze. His bulk filled the doorway, stopping Twilight from entering the house. “Ummm...”

Twilight gritted her teeth. Her horn glowed brighter. With a flash of light she was gone. Another flash of light happened behind him. Big Mac turned, with some difficulty, almost jamming himself in the doorway as he tried to turn his bulk. Twilight had teleported into the house, vanishing from the porch and reappearing at the top of the stairs.

Twilight ran down the hallway before Big McIntonsh could regroup. Her magic burst open doors, Applejack’s room, Applebloom’s room, empty guest room, Big McIntosh’s room. Skidding on the smooth floor, her hooves peddling on the smooth wood, Twilight almost didn’t make the turn. When she managed to get herself into Mac’s room she slammed the door behind her. Now to grab Smarty-Pants and teleport out again.

Twilight stopped, stunned at the sight in front of her. She never would have guessed Big Mac’s room would look like this.
It was dominated by a large four poster bed, big enough for Big McIntosh, big enough for Celestia even. Smarty-Pants was sitting on the bed, on top of the pillow. The doll, however was the last thing Twilight noticed. In front of the bed was a low table made of dark wood with a full tea service set out, a small teapot, a container for loose leaf tea, two tea cups set on opposite sides of the table, sitting on mats of woven straw. By the window were three wooden planters, each growing a miniature tree of a different apple species. A peaceful, almost zen, room which she would not have expected to see anywhere in Ponyville, let alone in the bedroom of a big farm pony like McIntosh

From behind her came a deep bass voice. “Oh, darn.”

Twilight turned, Big McIntosh was in the doorway, looking at her with sadness and disappointment. Slowly he stepped inside and closed the door behind him. Twilight noticed, as though for the first time, just how large and strong Big McIntosh was, made larger in the confined room. She took a step back from him, actually afraid.

Big Mac sighed and sat down. His bulk still blocking the door. “I don’t want you to take her.” He said softly, Twilight recognised that there was no threat or anger in his voice, he was simply stating a fact.

Twilight glanced at Smarty-Pants, noticing new details now her surprise at the décor of the bedroom had passed. Some of the spots on her which had been threadbare were now darned and patched expertly, the button eye, which had been hanging loosely by a thread had been reattached, she’d been cleaned mended with great loving care. The toy didn’t look like new, but she looked better than she had in many years. Twilight sat down and turned back to Big Mac.
“I think....you’d better explain.” She said with as gentle a tone as she could manage. “Why did you take Smarty-Pants in the first place?”

Big Mac nibbled at his lip for a second, he continued to avoid Twilight’s gaze. “Well...I...” He took a deep breath and nodded his head. Words didn’t come easy to him, at times he could be as shy as Fluttershy, so Twilight showed him patience while he thought of the right way to express himself. “Nopony knows ‘bout mah hobbies.” He indicated the three bonsai trees by the window and the tea service by the bed. “Ah gets mah privacy in da house, even AJ don’t know. Applebloom knows. She keeps it a secret for me.” He managed a weak smile. “Ah likes to take care of the trees, and have tea urv’ry eve’nin. It helps me relax. An’ Smarty-Pants...” He blushed as he looked at the toy. “Reminds me of a little toy ah had when ah was a colt. A little Ursa Minor, ah called him Bucky.” His blush deepened, turning his face redder than usual. “Ah could tell Bucky anythin’. Ponies at school used to laugh at me, the way ah talked. It made me shy, so ah di’nt talk to other ponies. I talked to Bucky.”

He stepped over to the table, freeing the doorway but Twilight didn’t try and leave. She had never heard Big Mac talk like this. So sincere. She was moved to keep listening.

Mac took Smarty-Pants in his hoof, looking at her for a few seconds before placing her down on the other end of the table, her little cloth legs wrapped around the teacup. “At the end of the day, over a cup of tea, ah can talk to her ‘bout anythin’. All the things ah think ‘bout durin’ the day. Ah can talk to Smarty-Pants wi’out worryin’ ‘bout nopony pokin’ fun at whut ah say or the way ah says it.” He finally managed to summon the courage to meet Twilight’s gaze. “she’s been like a friend to me.”

Twilight didn’t know how to respond to that. She looked, slowly, around the room. The bonsai trees were expertly trimmed and shaped, which was amazing. Bonsai trees could take decades to grow and required delicate hooves to care for properly. The tea set was of a delicate china, not something you’d expect to see in the large and heavy hooves of a pony like Big McIntosh. They needed a light touch and delicate handling. Then she took another look at the sewing work on Smarty-Pants, not heavy handed or sloppy. It was done with quality and loving care.
Could it be that Big McIntosh, the largest and strongest pony in all of Ponyville, the hardest working, the stallion who could buck an orchard clear in a day and even pull a whole house off its foundations, was simply a gentle giant who enjoyed nothing more than conversation over a cup of tea?

Twilight sighed as she crossed over and sat at the table. Her hoof touched Smarty-Pants gently. “I understand Mac. I can see how much see means to you. But Smarty-Pants means just as much to me, maybe more.” She glanced at Mac but mostly kept her eyes on her old toy. “My brother bought her for me when I was a foal, out of his allowance. It was a welcome home present he gave to me when I finally left the hospital. I never let her go for months. Everywhere I went and everything I did, Smarty-Pants came with me. The inevitable happened, in less than a year she just started to fall apart. The stitching came loose, the stuffing fell out. According to my mum she finally took Smarty away from me when I almost swallowed one of the button eyes. We all thought she’d thrown her away.

“When I was a filly I didn’t have any friends. Oh, I had some acquaintances; ponies I would say hello to, maybe even attend their birthday parties and stuff. But I was too dedicated to my studies to bother with making real friends. My brother was my only friend, but as we grew up our lives started to diverge. I had my magic studies and he wanted to be a royal guard for as long as I can remember. I spent so many days alone with nopony to talk to. I missed my brother so much when I didn’t see him and I knew as we got older we’d only spend more time apart.” She picked up Smarty-Pants, looking at the silly face of the donkey.

“Then, one day, we both got letters. I was being given a chance to take the entrance exam for Celestia’s school for gifted unicorns. Shining Armour got a place in the Junior Guards Summer Activity Camp. A whole summer of outdoor activities, training and exercises to give colts an idea of what it’ll be like if they join the royal guard academy one day.” She placed the doll back down in the position Mac had put her in. “I was happy for him, but sad too. He’d be away the day I took my entrance exam.”

Twilight shook her head slowly, holding back tears as the nostalgia washed over her. “I don’t know where he found her. Some dusty box up in the attic I guess. I think he stayed up all night fixing her. Replacing the stuffing, fixing her eyes, repairing the stitching, putting that patch on her leg where one of my foal teeth had bit through and ripped the cloth.” She sighed. “But on the day he was going to leave for camp, a week before my exam, he came into my room and gave her to me.” She wiped a hoof over her eye. Her gaze was fixed on Smarty-Pants and she didn’t see Big McIntosh starting to well up too. “I was so happy I cried. He’d made her like new, just for me. So even when I was alone, I’d always have a friend.”

Mac had to wipe his eyes furiously. “Ah’m sorry Twilight. Ah didn’t know.” He picked up the plush toy and held it out to her. “Take ‘er back. Ah’m sorry for keepin’ her.”

Twilight took her fillyhood toy in her magic, smiling at Big Mac broadly. “Thank you McIntosh. You have no idea how much this means to me.” She looked at him, the tears in his eyes, the sad look on his face. Maybe he did have some understanding. He wasn’t just moved by her story, he was actually sad to let Smarty-Pants go. Twilight sighed lightly, looking at the big red stallion, her small toy and back again.
“You know,” she said finally. “I don’t need her back right away. If you wanted to borrow her for the rest of the day, give her back to me tomorrow, that would be okay.”

Levitating Smarty-Pants across the table she held the doll out for Big Mac to take. He smiled broadly, almost laughed, as he took the toy into his hooves. “Thank ya Miss Twilight. Thank ya very much.”

Twilight smiled, nodded and wandered away from the two to the door. “It’s no problem Big Mac.”

She’d just opened the bedroom door when Mac spoke again. “Twilight.”

She turned back to face him. Mac was blushing more than ever, his usually red face was bright pink. “Ummm....Ah jus’ wanted to ask....well...y’all won’t tell nopony ‘bout this will ya?”

Twilight smiled and managed to suppress a giggle. She wasn’t laughing out of any kind of mocking but out of the sheer sweetness of Big Mac to ask her. It was almost cute. A big strong stallion like him, worried about what little her might say. As if anypony would believe her if she did tell. “I won’t tell anypony about any of this Big Mac. The tea, the trees, Smarty-Pants, I’ll keep it all a scret. Cross my heart and hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye.” With a bow of the head she turned to leave again.

“Miss Twilight?”

She turned back yet again. Mac looked even more nervous.

“Umm....would y’all like to join me an’ miss Smarty-pants for a cup of tea?”

Twilight giggled like a filly and smiled sheepishly. “You know Big Mac, yes, I’d love to.”

Closing the door she trotted back over to the table, taking the seat opposite McIntosh. Big Mac managed a nervous grin as he started to heat the teapot.

Smarty-Pants sat between them, her button eyes watching the two ponies with the perfect innocence of an inanimate object. Watching as Mac poured the tea and the two talked, joked and laughed into the evening and, slowly, into the night.

Author's Note

Whenever I dropped hints of Twilight doing something to get Smarty-Pants back from Big Mac, this is what I thought of.
The whole idea basically came when I saw This Picture on DeviantArt

Since there was a demand for people to know what happened I thought, Why Not, and wrote it down.