Questing for Sanity

by Dark Side of the Rainboom

Rating: everyone
Tags: Discord, Crossover, Human, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Other, Adventure, Twilight Sparkle
Length: 4079

Q and Picard meet Twilight and Discord. A whole lot of wat ensures. Contains: ponies and Star Trek

Somehow (super powers that aren't magic) Q managed to drag Jean-Luc Picard through a temporal distortion into the magical land of Equestria. Meanwhile, Discord somehow (super powers that are magic) escaped his stone prison, indisposed Celestia and Luna (big surprise) and banished Twilight. This is hers, his, his, and his, story of meetings, trust, redemption, and success (but who's?). Of course, I'm just making this story up as I go. New description to follow, maybe.

Published 2012-12-09 01:50:01 UTC
Last updated 2012-12-11 02:26:17 UTC

I Used to Wonder What the Final Frontier Would Be...

“Captain, there seems to be a spatial distortion 20,000 kilometers off the starboard side.”

“Put it on screen.”

“On screen.”

“What the blazes? Data is this some kind of joke?”

“I am incapable of pulling practical jokes sir.”

Captain Jean-Luc Picard has seen some crazy things in his life as captain of the Federation Starcraft Enterprise, and this most definitely ranked up with some of the weirdest, like the Nexus or that creature that held them captive in a section of space that was… and wasn’t. Picard almost didn’t want to believe what he was seeing: a rip in the space time continuum (while no big deal) that radiated rose colored light (pretty big deal).

“Data, what are we looking at?”

“Unknown sir. It seems to be some kind of tear in the fabric of space-time.”

“Well I know that. I mean, what is it?”

“I do not know sir.”

“Theorize.”

“There is insufficient knowledge about the object. There is no record of anything remotely similar to this phenomenon anywhere in Federation databanks.”

“Quiet interesting isn’t it?” A voice from nowhere echoed, before a flash of light left a man with short, brown hair, in red officer’s dress reclining in Picard’s chair.

“Q.” There was no small amount of venom in Picard’s voice.

“Ah Jean-Luc, how splendid to see you again!”

“What are you doing here?” Picard demanded.

“Do I need a reason to-“

“Save your breath we’ve done this charade before. Why are you really here?”

“Fine.” Q stood up and walked over to Picard, “But let’s not talk in front of the children; or the dog,” he said, gesturing to Lieutenant Worf, at which he growled menacingly. “Let’s talk somewhere else.” Q snapped his fingers and he and Picard were gone.

Riker tapped his communicator, “Computer: locate Captain Picard.”

“Captain Picard is not aboard the Enterprise,” it responded in its eerily tranquil voice.

“Data, perform a long range scan; he’s got to be out there.”

“Scanning…”

A flash of light and Picard was sitting in a beach recliner, wearing a Hawaiian t-shirt and holding a pina colada with Q right next to him.

“Ahh… so much more relaxing than that dreaded captainship isn’t it? Sitting here, in glorious Honolulu, Hawaii.”

“Q, put. Me. Back!”

“Not until our business is finished.” Q snapped his fingers again and there were both in their officer’s uniforms.

“And what business is that?” Picard did not enjoy Q’s games, but he had to play along. What was he going to do; say no? To an unstable omnipotent being?

“Oh come now, it’s no coincidence I showed up when you discovered that little anomaly.”

“And what interest is that to you? We encounter things that boggle the imagination all the time; you never seem to care.”

“You may find it hard to believe- I sure do- but every… ten billion years or so, something in this universe appears that the Continuum doesn’t fully understand. I was sent to investigate this tear in space-time. Imagine my surprise when I run into you.”

Picard was unconvinced, “Really? In this great big universe you just happened to be investigating a ‘disturbance’ in this sector of this galaxy and run into us?”

“I had nothing to do with the location of that tear Picard, scout’s honor. But I may have… changed the exact route your ship was to take to get to Prospekt III. “

“Mhm. Thought so. And of what exact interest is this disturbance to you? You’ve probably encountered many rips like this.”

“Yes but that light that you see, it’s not of any wavelength on the spectrum; from Radio to Xi waves.”

“Xi waves? What the devil are those?”

“Oh sorry, I just spoiled five thousand years of science for you. Oops. Ah well, in the grand scheme of things it doesn’t matter. The point is that that light does not measure on any known energy; it’s a type of energy that not even we Q know about.”

“I find that hard to believe.”

“Now come on Jean-Luc, why would I lie about our lack of supremacy? The only reason I’m telling you is because we’re friends, you and I.”

“We are not friends!”

“Well that’s not very nice. But because I like you I’ll tell you another part of the secret: we’ve done all the scans we can; now they’re sending me into that rift.”

“Good, then maybe this universe will finally have some peace and quiet.”

“That hurt Jean-Luc. Anyway, the reason I’m telling you this is because I want you to know what we’re about to do.”

“We?” Picard cocked an eyebrow, “There is no we; only ‘you’ and ‘I’.”

“We,” Q emphasized, “are going to be taking a field trip into that rip. Won’t that sound fun?”

“Like a barrel of laughs,” Picard said caustically.

“I knew you’d approve!” Let’s be on our way then. Q snapped his fingers and they disappeared once again.

“Commander, I’ve found them,” Data said.

“Good, where are they?” Riker asked.

“In a shuttle approximately nineteen thousand kilometers off the starboard side, sir. They seem to be approaching the disturbance.”

“What is Q doing? Data, can you grab them with the tractor beam?”

“Hold on…” Data attempted to activate the tractor beam. “Tractor beam offline.”

“Damn, alright take us in; see if we can’t-“

The power in the bridge shut off.

“La Forge to bridge,” came Geordie’s voice over the intercom.

“Bridge here, what’s your status?”

“Well Commander, life support is on, but that’s about it. We’re sitting ducks sir.”

“Sir,” Data got Riker’s attention, “they’re almost at the disturbance.”

“Geordie how long until we can move?” Riker asked.

“By all accounts sir, we shouldn’t have even lost power. I don’t know what’s wrong.”

“Q,” Riker spat.

“Sir, they’re entering the disturbance,” Data reported.

“I sure hope Q knows what he’s doing.” Riker didn’t like Q or his seeming spontaneity, but sometimes he seems to have a plan, it’s just no one but he ever knows what it is.

“Isn’t this fun Jean-Luc?” Q asked with glee, “I’ve never done something like this before; I admit I’m a little nervous? Is that the word for this feeling?”

“This isn’t a game Q,” Picard shouted, “turn back now!”

“I think it’s a bit too late for that. Here we go…”

Picard could only look on as the shuttle craft entered the rose colored disturbance.

A large belch ripped through the until then calm library atmosphere. Twilight Sparkle, hunched over a desk, out cold, shot up, her mane frizzled and a sheet of parchment skewered through her horn. Her blood-shot eyes swiveled around to look at the mess that had befallen her study. Then she looked over to where Spike was formerly asleep, now sitting up glaring daggers at the letter that had broken the wonderful dream he had had.

“Ugh… letter for you from the Princess, Twilight.”

Twilight took a moment to compose herself before levitating the letter over to herself and unraveling it. It was hardly a couple sentences long. Her eyes scanned the parchment, widening in horror as she reached the end of the message. She read it again just to be sure.

Twilight,

My sister and I are unsure as to how, but Discord has returned. This morning he appeared in the bowl of cereal I was eating and told me to “Hold on” for something. I fear what that might mean, but immediately after, he disappeared. You need to gatheraasdtg… Hello Twilight Sparkle, it’s been a while.

“Ahh!” Twilight dropped the letter from her grip.

“Twilight?” Spike jumped up and tried to run over to his friend, but some unseen force grabbed him by the tail and swung him into the closet, then shut the door and locked it.

“What do you want Discord?” Twilight cried.

The parchment started glowing and the letters and words peeled off of the paper. They swirled around the unicorn before landing next to her and piling into a mass of jumbled alphabet, then they started to take form into the Master of Mayhem himself.

“Why,” he spoke, “I want only that which belongs to me: Equestria.”

“Equestria doesn’t belong to you!” Twilight shouted, and she charged at Discord, but he merely disappeared in a swirl of words and reappeared on the other side of the room.

“Au contraire,” he teased, “it does belong to me. And now I want it back. Ah ah ah,” Discord tsked as Twilight spun around to charge him again, and lashed out with magic of his own, encapsulating Twilight in a prison of a clear light-brown substance.

“Ack, amber?” Twilight tried lashing out with her magic, but it was to no avail.

“Hardly; it’s caramel. My own recipe. Oh stop that nonsense. You’ll not be in there long.” He disappeared and reappeared on top of the prison he made. “Now that I have a captive audience,” Discord started, “I think I’ll tell you what I have in store for you and the rest of these ponies. Oh but I won’t tell you all of it; it’s only fitting I show you the best part. That being said of course, I will deal with you first. You see, while in that cold stone cell you threw me in, I had some time to think: where did I go wrong? But then I realized it. Your friends were pushovers, but you… you had some fight in you. And it was that fight that you used against me. So as my first act being back, I banish you to the farthest extremes of the Earth. But not before I show you the second part of act one. The act being breaking your spirit, the second part being the actual part of act one- oh nevermind. Just watch.”

Discord snapped his fingers and he and carameled Twilight appeared on a mountain overlooking Canterlot.

“Now watch!” He laughed manically as Canterlot was engulfed in his magical aura. The screams of the upper class could be heard as the ground shook and cracked and split. Canterlot slowly levitated into the air, exposing a crater of gems, formerly the mines the city formerly sat on. Twilight could see a bright glow from Canterlot Castle, obviously the princesses trying to stop Discord’s dark magic.

“This is where it gets difficult,” he pointed out. “Yup, showed this trick to a unicorn a millennium ago. Dunno what he wanted to do with it. He just kind of grunted when I asked.” Discord slowly spun Canterlot around, but it quickly gained momentum. The shell around the city glowed brighter and brighter, then a flash of light, and there was nothing left.

“Where did you send them?!” Twilight was shaking, worried about all the friends and family who lived in Canterlot. Princess Celestia, Princess Luna, her parents, Shining? Where did they go? What happened to them?

“Oh don’t worry your pretty little head,” he stated matter-of-factly, “they’re just not here. As in, not in this plane of existence.”

“Then where are they?”

“I have absolutely no idea. But their fate is going to be the least of your worries.” Discord laughed a deep laugh. “Because you’re about to go on a trip of your own. I banish you Twilight Sparkle. I banish you to the ends of the Earth. The one farthest from here. Oh but before you go,” Discord snapped his fingers again, “no magic,” and Twilight’s horn disappeared. “When you get back- if you get back- Ponyville and indeed all of Equestria, will not be the same as you left it. No, when you get back, Ponyville will be a little… more… fun.”

The caramel shell around Twilight shattered, and the pony found herself falling through a void. At the end of the void appeared a light, and as it grew closer, the air grew colder. Twilight smashed into the soft snow. She stood up quickly, looking around; in every direction though was snow. Snow as far as the eye could see. Discord had kept true to his promise (the only promise he’d kept true, Twilight thought, and it was a bad one) and banished her to the middle of nowhere. Wait a minute, she looked into the night sky and saw a wide array of beautiful colors, that’s the magikus borealis. That means I’m in the North Pole. And if I’m in the North Pole then… yes! There’s Polaris. That means…

Twilight went through mathematical and astronomical formulae for a while before determining that she was in fact on the exact pole of the Earth and that her best bet was to just pick a random direction to travel in. Wonderful.

Her stomach growled.

“Could you at least have given me some food!?” She shouted to the sky. She heard voices. At first she thought it was just her echo but then she realized they were actual voices. Determining the direction they came from, Twilight galloped to the source, hope, and hunger, welling up inside her. She found the source came from inside a cave. It wasn’t a house, but it was something. She crept up to the mouth of the cave and heard two distinct voices. And the one talking right now sounded a lot like… Discord. Twilight wanted to jump him right there. But she waited, realizing she was defenseless.

“Oh but Jean-Luc, look at this! Can’t you feel it? That energy?”

“I haven’t the slightest clue as to what you’re going on about.”

“Bah, you just aren’t as sensitive to it as I am. I think I’m going to explore for a few, find the source.”

“Wait,” the other voice shouted, “You can’t just leave me here. We’re in the middle of nowhere. Who knows what’s out there?”

“Mon Capitain, will you just relax? I won’t be gone that long. Besides, you’d slow me down. Not to mention I’m leaving you this perfectly intact shuttle that miraculously, and by miraculous, I mean me-raculous, survived the landing. Complete with food and defenses and warmth and all the comforts of home.”

“I suppose I can’t stop you,” the non-Discord voice said, reserved.

“Oh thank you,” Discord said, “I shant be but a minute. Or an hour. I’ll be sure to get you a souvenir.”

A flash in the cave and all was quiet, save for the sighs of the person who wasn’t Discord. Twilight, judging by how much this pony didn’t like Discord, figured she’d be okay if she showed herself.

“Uh… hello?” she said cautiously, walking into the cave entrance, “Is anypony home?”

“Yes, who’s there?” the pony called out. However, as Twilight rounded the corner she realized it was not a pony who was sitting on a rock in the cave, with a large, bizarre, white block next to him, large enough to fit him in ten times. He (she assumed) was twice her size and he was currently looking upon her with reserved curiosity.

“Who and what are you?” they both asked at the same time.

Let's see what happens why don't we? Because honestly, I have no idea what I'm going to do. Well, I have some idea, but that's more of a broad structure. I know nothing about constellations, so I just Wiki'd it. Let's see... nope. Nothing I can think of.

I am Captain Sparkle of the EqD Enterprise

Picard stood up and straightened himself. “I am Captain Jean-Luc Picard of the Federation Starship Enterprise.”

Twilight cocked her head, “Star… ship?”

“Yes, it’s… nevermind.”

“What? Why won’t you tell me?”

“It would be violating the Prime Directive, General Order Number One: there can be no interference with the internal development of any alien civilizations. Even my communicating to you is violating that order.”

“I see,” Twilight said, pondering this info, “What reason do you have to follow this order?”

“Well, for starters, it was an order given to me by my superior officers, and it is also to restrict, accidental or otherwise, technological advances and knowledge to technologically inferior races, lest we disrupt their natural development.”

“Inferior? What makes you think my species is inferior?” Twilight was not going to stand here and get insulted.

“In my experience, it is better to assume inferiority and maybe experience awkward conversation later than to assume technological balance between races and disrupt an entire species. I did not mean to offend.”

Darn, that’s good logic, Twilight thought, but it still didn’t explain who he was. “How about,” she started, figuring out the proper wording for her next proposal, “we just avoid any conversation technological in nature and merely tell each other about our respective species’ nature?”

Picard pondered that for a moment. “I see nothing wrong with that; but remember: no technology.”

“Deal,” Twilight affirmed.

“Well then, you already know my name; what is yours?”

“I am Twilight Sparkle.”

Any other person would have pointed out how… interesting that name was, to say the least. Human words, but not something you would encounter in a name.

“Now what are you?” she asked before Picard could get a word in.

He sighed, “I am a race that is known as human. I am a Captain in Starfleet which is the military branch of the United Federation of Planets- I just realized I’m violating the Prime Directive again.”

“That sounded rehearsed,” she pointed out.

“In a way, it is. Damn it all… these are unique circumstances. I’m the captain of an exploratory vessel, and thus I give this speech a lot more often than you’d think. While the Federation is predominantly human, as is my crew, we have allies that are not human. My Chief of Security is Klingon, but that is an entirely different story.”

“So your ship- your star ship- and crew are scouting out this planet?” Twilight was genuinely curious; who knows what she could learn?

“Not exactly, no. We were actually investigating a rip in the fabric of space-time when someone, a big nuisance, grabbed me and transported me and him through that rip. We ended up here. So no, we weren’t scouting this planet out. But that’s enough about me; what about you? Miss Sparkle, what are you?”

“I am- was, a unicorn.”

“Was?” Picard had a lot of questions, but he decided to stick with the obvious.

“Yes, my horn was taken from me by a powerful enemy of mine. Actually, I thought that he was in this cave. I actually thought you were working with him but when you sounded frustrated at him I knew you weren’t friends.”

“Friends?” Picard jumped up, “Friends with that… that… monster? Never.”

“Good, because he’s hurt my friends and family, and he’ll get what’s coming to him.”

“Q’s hurt me and my crew more times than I care to count.”

Twilight was confused. “Q? Who’s that?”

“The person I was talking with. Who were you talking about?” Picard asked.

“I was talking about Discord.”

“Discord? Who’s Discord?”

“What we’ve got here is failure to communicate,” Twilight said glumly.

“Perhaps it would be best if we started with who we are and work out who they are later,” Picard suggested.

“That might be a good idea,” Twilight agreed.

A couple hours later and Twilight was wrapping up her explanation on magic and its influence in her world. Picard had previously explained how his species had gained an understanding of the cosmos and how they spread throughout a galaxy. However, and much to the chagrin of Twilight, he refused to delve further into anything else, for fear of doing too much damage to the natural evolution of ponykind. Besides, he figured, with the concept of magic, science may not work the same in both universes. “How do you figure that we’re not in the same universe?” she asked him, to which he responded, “If this Discord can propel an entire city through a rip in space-time and into another dimension, then why can’t I come through the same rip?” She was impressed at his sound logic in the face of uncertainty. Realizing Picard was adamant about staying rather tight lipped when it came to his technology, Twilight was loath to move on to her species.

“So, while you’re a member of the whole ‘ponykind’, you are only one type of three species, the other two being pegasi and earth pony?” Picard clarified.

“Well, technically there’s the three princesses, Celestia, Luna, and Cadence, who are actually another species called Alicorn, but for all intents and purposes, yes, there are only the unicorn, pegasi, and earth pony species.”

“Extraordinary,” he said with a grin on his face. To meet a species so interesting as these ponies (Picard had remarked that back on his Earth there too are ponies but they’re nothing like these ponies, at which Twilight pressed him for more, but he didn’t know too much about them) is a rarity. Certainly, each species is unique and interesting, though some are more so than others (Picard briefly thought of the Ferengi, and shuddered). “And only unicorns are able to actively tap into magic at will, but all living creatures in this ‘Equestria’ are tuned to it?”

“Again,” she stated, “for the intents and purposes of basic magical theory and history, yes. There is of course Advanced Magic Theory and Application, but I don’t want to bore you with all that.”

“On the contrary,” Picard commented, “I should find that a fascinating lesson, even if I am unable to use magic.”

Twilight smiled. It was rare that she would encounter one such as herself when it came to academia and the gaining of knowledge for knowledge’s sake. She was just about to launch into a lecture when Picard spoke up again.

“But perhaps we should save it for another day. Instead we should focus on survival, and trying to find a way out of this inhospitable land.”

Twilight deflated, disappointed. But he did have a point. Being winter she had a slightly longer coat, but it hardly counted for much when it’s only slightly above freezing. “You’re right about that,” she affirmed, “but I have no idea which direction we should even begin to travel in.”

“I’ll check inside the shuttle to see if there’s anything salvageable. Our best bet is to travel light, so we’ll have to bring only that which we can carry. We can’t rely on ourselves to find our way back here should we get lost, so what we grab now will have to last.” Picard climbed into the shuttle and Twilight slowly walked up to the entrance to look inside at the space.

“Wait,” she said, “This isn’t the Enterprise?”

“I should think not,” Picard laughed, “No this is only a mere shuttle; a method of transportation on and off the Enterprise.”

“Then what does the Enterprise look like?”

“To see it in person can only do it justice. Let’s just say it’s big. A lot bigger than this.”

Twilight was somewhat frustrated. She wanted to know more but Picard was blocking her attempts at learning more.

“Blast it.” Picard walked out with a large case under his arm. “Seems the energy field we traveled through to get here fried almost all electronics and Q’s landing was hardly exemplary. The only things left are a flare gun, three flares, basic medical supplies, two phasers, enough food rations for maybe three weeks, a knife, and some toiletries like soap and toothpaste, and a couple blankets. Hardly survival supplies, but they’ll have to do.”

“What’s a phaser?”

“A weapon that uses technology from my time. I suppose we could use them to start fires and such.”

“If only I had my horn,” she sighed, “Then I could… I don’t know, feel more useful.”

“Don’t give up now,” Picard said, “We’ve not even begun.”

“I’m not giving up,” Twilight stood tall; “We can do this together. And at least we have clear skies.”

“Don’t jinx it,” Picard said jokingly.

“No, you see, most weather in Equestria is controlled by pegasi. No pegasi, no bad weather.”

“Well that’s fortunate,” he commented.

“Tell me about it.”

“Let’s get started then.”

And with that, the two left the safety of the cave and shuttle behind and ventured into the unknown snow field, unsure of what would be ahead of them.

Author's Note

Notes down here... okay. Quick chapter. Seems to be all the time any of us can afford nowadays.