The Rats, The Cats and The Callahan

Callahan entered the crappy home, he heard voices coming from the television, talking about the evening news, mostly about the Celestia’s visit to Manehatten along with her nephew Blueblood. Callahan leveled his pistol and crept across the floor into the living room, the lights were turned down low and he couldn’t quite make out any features on the pony that was sitting on his couch.

Callahan pointed the gun at the intruder “don’t fucking move” Callahan ordered and waited a moment, the figure froze and didn’t move. “Turn around slowly, no sudden movements” Callahan ordered, the figure did just that and Callahan turned on the lights of his living room. The pony in front of him had light red fur and a pink mane that he let droop to one side, the pony’s mane had streaks of light purple and blue in his hair as well. The pony, who was a stallion, let out a gasp of excitement “brothey, it’s sooo good to see you” the pony squealed in a flamboyantly gay voice. Callahan let out an annoyed groan, “Jimmy? What the hell are you doing, how’d you get in my house?” Callahan asked his brother.

“Oh come now brothey, I sent you an email like a week ago saying that I was coming down… oh and brothey you might want to get a lock for your door if you don’t want ponies coming inside your home” Jimmy replied, still with his flamboyant accent. “I don’t need a lock I’ve got a gun, I’ll just shoot some-pony” Callahan replied as he holstered his pistol and walked over to the stove, the can still sat there and had dead cockroaches inside the grease. “Brothey, you should really call an exterminator for those cockroaches” Jimmy suggested, “nah, exterminators cost too much money besides this works just fine” Callahan replied. Jimmy stood up and flicked his hoof in a weird way. “Now brothey, we both know that the only thing bigger than that lie…” he began but trailed off as a cockroach scurried across the floor and Jimmy lept back and let out a feminine scream as he landed on the couch and looked to Callahan.

“As I was saying the only thing bigger than that lie is the cockroaches in this house” Jimmy replied as he grabbed a rolled up newspaper and swatted the cockroach, it splattered on the floor and bug guts stained the floor. Callahan looked at the floor with an irritated look, “do you have any idea how hard it is to get cockroach stains out of the floor” Callahan grumbled in his gruffly voice. “Oh calm down brothey, tomorrow we’ll go and buy cleaning supplies along with a new bed, yours needs to be burned” Jimmy replied. Callahan rolled his eyes “I sleep on the couch” Callahan informed Jimmy, “well dearie it just isn’t sanitary to live like this” Jimmy replied as he flicked his hoof again.

Callahan let out a groan of irritation and grabbed the 2 ornament saucers and the cream and crackers from the fridge and made Squeak his supper and placed it on the table. “Brothey what do have to eat around here anyway? I’m starved” Jimmy replied and Callahan let out a grunted chuckle “there’s pizza in the fridge” Callahan replied. Jimmy looked with disgust at the old fridge “brothey that pizza’s old and stale… we should go out tonight” Jimmy suggested. Callahan thought for a moment, a night out with his brother might not be such a bad idea.

“On one condition” Callahan grumbled, “oh anything brothey” Jimmy replied. Callahan rolled his eyes “don’t call me brothey in public” Callahan ordered and Jimmy gave him a weird look “what’s wrong, do you not want ponies knowing we’re brothers?” he asked, Callahan shook his head “no it’s not that. I just don’t want you calling me brothey in public it’s… it’s embarrassing” Callahan replied. “Oh okay, shall I call you sweetie then?” Jimmy asked seriously, “Oh please god no, just call me Callahan… or Derreck” Callahan replied and Jimmy nodded “it’s a date” he squealed and Callahan dropped his face into his hooves ‘this is going to end badly’ Callahan thought to himself.

Suddenly Jimmy screamed, “A RAT” Jimmy screamed and hopped over to the couch again. Callahan looked over to Squeak who exited his hole in the wall and crawled up the table. “Oh my god, brothey kill it” Jimmy screamed, and Callahan shrugged “it’s just Squeak, he’s my friend” Callahan replied. Squeak paced up towards Callahan and stood up on his hind legs and extended his front little feet towards Callahan.

Callahan extended his hooves and touched Squeaks tiny feet, “it’s your turn to say grace” Callahan told Squeak who began to squeak, saying grace in his mouse language, Callahan repeated what Squeak was saying as they said grace together. They finished grace and Squeak began to eat the crackers and cream Callahan had prepared for Squeak.

Callahan stood up “Squeak can you handle staying home alone for a little while longer?” Callahan asked and Squeak replied with various squeaks. “Because I’m bringing my brother out for dinner” Callahan replied, Squeak looked at Jimmy then back to Callahan and started squeaking again. “Hey, just because he talks like that doesn’t mean he’s gay” Callahan replied but Squeak shrugged his shoulders and squeaked again, “yes he is gay” Callahan replied and Squeak nodded and finished his food and hoped over to the couch and turned on the T.V.

Jimmy looked to his brother, “you live with a rat?” he asked, Callahan shrugged “his name is Squeak” Callahan informed his brother as he grabbed the can of grease and walked towards the balcony. “Brothey, you taught it how to use the T.V.?” Jimmy asked curiously, “actually he learned himself by watching me, but I did teach him to use the litter box when he needs to go” Callahan replied and pointed to the litter box. Jimmy got up and followed his brother out onto the balcony as Callahan looked to the alleyway below for his target.

“Brothey what are you doing?” Jimmy asked as he watched Callahan look downwards. “Found you, you little piece of shit” Callahan chuckled as he dumped the contents of the can downwards onto one of Ms. Abernathy’s cats, however this one was a black cat with semi long hair. “BROTHEY, why would you do that” Jimmy screeched and Callahan chuckled as he went back inside and placed the can back on the stove. “Brothey, that was rude. Why would you do such a thing” Jimmy asked and Callahan looked at his brother with cold eyes “one of that bitch’s cats killed my old friend” Callahan replied.

“Well brothey you can’t hold on to hate forever. That leads to bad things” Jimmy replied and Callahan shrugged “they started it” he replied simply and began to put on his coat. Callahan looked to Jimmy “you coming or what?” he asked Jimmy who quickly grabbed his shoes and ran up to him “okay sweetie let’s go” Jimmy replied but Callahan shot him a cold glare. “Oh sorry Derreck” Jimmy replied but suddenly Squeak crawled up to Callahan’s foreleg and tugged on his sleeve.

Callahan looked down and Squeak gave out a small squeak and stood on his hindlegs and began to beg. “Why not” Callahan said as he picked up Squeak and placed him in his coat pocket, Squeak’s head poked out of the pocket and a small smile appeared on the rat’s little face. “We can’t bring him with us” Jimmy replied but Callahan simply shrugged “Why not” Callahan asked bluntly, “Are you for real? You can’t be serious about this” Jimmy asked. Callahan let out a hearty chuckle “Why not? It’ll be fun”