It was a bright spring day in Ponyville. Winter Wrap-Up had only happened last week, so the air was still fresh, and only just chilly enough to warrant a jacket. Everyone was going about their business as usual, and nothing of import or note had happened for the last few days. At least, that was what Bullseye had been told. In reality, he was so far underground that it wouldn't matter if a class five shitstorm was raging in Ponyville. Bullseye would have been none the wiser, at least until the brass ordered him to go out and stop it with nothing but a rock and a toy train. Bullseye sighed and rolled his eyes before going back to cleaning and polishing his markspony rifle, his pride and joy, and one of the few things that brought him happiness in the endless psychological fuck up that was Task Force F-2.
Bullseye set the barrel of his rifle down gently on the desk, and began sensually massaging it with its favourite oils. He had gotten into the habit of speaking with his rifle and treating it like a mare after his first few missions. At first the others had called him crazy for talking to a gun, but he had lived up to his name, and saved quite a few lives by making difficult shots, so now they afforded him a touch of respect, and mostly ignored his unorthodox behavior. Bullseye finished his cleaning, and began reassembling his little beauty, only to be interrupted as a giant blue earth pony came waltzing into his little private time, his steps vibrating the ground like the giant he was.
"A bit busy right now Bear. What do you want?" Bullseye asked, annoyed that the giant mass of pony had picked now to start bugging him. Bullseye knew him, he was probably the closest thing he had to a friend in Task Force F-2. His name was Crushing Blow, but since Crushing made him sound like an asshole, and Agent Blow made him sound... you know, people had started calling him Bear. The name was certainly appropriate in this case.
"Did you here the news?" Bear said in his usual oafish and stupid sounding tone.
"What news?" Bullseye asked quizzically. Being almost interested in the fact that there was news besides someone else dying. Which pretty much everyone new about all the time.
"The new recruits are coming in today." He said and grinned stupidly. Seeming a little too excited for what the actual situation warranted.
"What? That's what you interrupted me for? To tell me we were getting a new shipment of eulogy worthy meat? Look, I know things are slow lately with us not being sent to our horrible demises at the hands of things from our nightmares, but why the hell is this now news?" Bullseye leaned his head forward and spoke directly into Bear's face. "They're FNG's Bear. That's fuckin' new guys if you don't remember. They come here every month. We always have fuckin' new guys, because this task force always needs fuckin' new guys, because the old fuckin' new guys get turned into unrecognizable chunks of stuff. Hell, I've heard casket-carriers say you can hear 'em sloshing around sometimes. I know there are going to be fuckin' new guys. It's almost like menstruation for this task force, every 28 to 31 days, Fuckin' new guys."
"Alright alright, calm down, you're liable to give yourself a heart attack if you keep ranting."
"Right. Sorry. I just, I don't like having to deal with new people. Every time I speak to one of the newbies, I get a pang of conscience. Then they die, someway or another. I'm always surprised too. Like I thought this brace of boots was gonna do better than the last one. Then, by the end of the month, three fourths of them are dead. I wish there was a way to teach them what it was like here, and how to survive, but you just can't teach luck."
"That's really deep man. I told Shadow, and he just sighed and said "Well, better iron my dress clothes. Again." He didn't seem to care much for their actual lives." Said Bear meaningfully.
"That's because he's Shadow. We're talking about the guy who killed a filly because it had anomalous properties." Deadpanned Bullseye.
"Be fair now. It did use its telepathy to explode the brains of one of the guys in our squad." Said Bear.
"He cut her throat with a butter knife while the family watched." Bullseye again said in a flat tone.
"Yeah. That was pretty fucked up." Sighed Bear.
"At least we were able to make them forget afterwards." Bullseye said unhelpfully.
"Do you know what amnesiacs do?" Asked Bear in a 'you dumbass' tone.
"Yeah. They make you forget about what happened." Bullseye replied as if the answer was obvious.
"No, they push the memories into unused parts of your brain. Haven't you ever wondered why you have nightmares about being raped by a mass of tentacles?"
"Who told you about that? Wait, you're not saying..." Bullseye's eyes shrank to dots and he began shaking uncontrollably at the implications of the statement Bear had just made.
"I should probably go." With that, Bear quickly excused himself and trotted quickly away. Leaving a wide eyed and shaking Bullseye to contemplate what he had just heard.
On his way to collect the money Shadow owed him, Bear happened to look over, and saw that the fresh copy paper soldiers had, in fact, arrived. Bear briefly thought about saying hello, but then shook his head. It wasn't worth it to say hi to something that would probably be dead in the next thirty days, so Bear continued onward to Shadow's quarters.
Bear finally reached Shadow's quarters, pressed the call button. He knew better than to barge in uninvited. Especially after what had happened to the last pony that tried. It had taken hours to clean up the mess. A green light lit up on the pad, signalling for his entry.
The door opened, the lights in the room were off, the only light was from the hallway. Combined with the constant shiik shiik of a whetstone being dragged across the blade of a knife, it was easily the fifth eeriest thing that Bear had born witness to in his two years in Dirty Deeds.
"Please. Come in. I don't bite." A dark and gravelly voice said quietly from within the room.
"Hello Shadow. Getting in touch with your namesake I see." Bear may have looked stupid, but he knew how to play it cool.
"Did you do what I asked yet?" Shadow asked blankly.
"Yep. Gave him drugs, induced nightmares, inferred that he was raped by a giant tentacle monster." Bear replied simply.
Shadow stepped into the light coming from the doorway, inching ever closer to Bear.
"You did what?" Shadow asked almost angrily. In a tone that could be considered a feral growl.
"I did some stuff to him to..."
"You took me literally when I said mindfuck him didn't you?" Shadow said simply, his tone of voice changing almost instantly.
"I guess so." Bear said nervously.
Shadow looked at him seriously for a few more seconds before the facade broke and Shadow burst into laughing. "You made him think he got tentacle fucked by a monster! Bwahahahahah" Shadow actually rolled on the floor laughing for a few seconds before suddenly jumping back up. "That reminds me! Here, fifty bits like I promised." Shadow said as he threw a bag of money to Bear.
"Thanks." Bear said before he picked up the bag and placed it in the small saddle bag pockets he carried with him.
Sure, now get out. I have a lot of blades to go through." Shadow said as he turned and walked back into the... well... shadows. The resuming of the sound of somepony sharpening a blade signaled to Bear that it was time to leave. So he nodded, and let himself out.
Bear just had one last thing on his list now.He had to go get his winnings from the pool. Lucky Shot had lived up to his name, and actually survived the month. Now it was time to get his money from Westbound. Dumb fuck had bet that Singing Lark would make it. Big mistake. The poor bastard had been caught in an acid spray from a giant mutated beetle. His remains had to be buried in a magically enhanced jar. At least they only needed one pony to carry the coffin. Some would consider it immoral, but they weren't here to try it, so they could put it in their tailholes for all Bear cared.
Bear found West sitting in the mess hall chatting it up with one of last month's newbies. What was her name again? Sakura? Yeah, that sounded right. Almost everyone had bet she would be dead in the first week. Bear had stayed away from that one, but he heard that Diablo was due to make a killing (so to speak) when he came to collect. Looking back, perhaps it was because she was a smaller target that she had survived? Then again, Bear was half again as tall as most of the ponies in F-2, and he had been around for 2 years. Longer than almost 80% of the task force.
Bear walked up to the bench the two were sitting at, and went straight for the throat of the subject.
"I'm here for my money West." Bear said threateningly. It was always good to seem imposing for the new bloods, they tended to get uppity after their first month. Then they got overconfident, and overconfident meant a very short and horrible lifespan.
"What money?" West feigned ignorance. It was his way.
"You owe me 50 bits for the bet." Bear said simply. He would get rough if he had to, but West usually broke when faced with 300 pounds of muscled pony. At least in Bear's experience.
"Oh right. That money. I just happen to have it for you right here." West said as he took out a coincidentally exact number of bits he had in a small sack.
"Very good West. It's good to see you're a man of your word." Bear said smugly as he cantered slowly back to his quarters. Leaving West still sitting with Sakura.
"What did he mean by bets?" Sakura asked with a puzzled look on her face.
"Oh! I forgot! The new guys arrived today, so that means you survived your first menstruation period in Dirty Deeds!"
"I am quite offended by your references to natural female functions."
"Get used to it lady, it only gets worse from here. Anyway, it's time to introduce you to the pool. You see, here at Dirty Deeds, we go through new bloods like the apple family goes through apples. So somebody a while back who is now dead said 'why not make a bit of profit off the newbs?' So ever since before any of the Agents who are here were here, ponies have been placing bets on who would make it through the first month and who would end up getting splattered like jelly on bread."
"That sounds horrible! Did you bet on me?"
"No. I left you alone."
"Why? Was I not good enough for you?"
"No, I didn't have the bits to wager on all the rooks."
"You sick son of a bitch."
"Hey! My mom was whore! Not a bitch! Anyway, I made a killing when that guy Flutterguy died. I was actually with him on that mission, the dumbass stopped to look at this bunny thing, and it bit his trachea clean out of his neck. Fucking crazy."
"You are the sickest thing I have ever spoken to in my entire life. How do I get in on this?"
"What?"
"How do I get in the bets? If there's money, I want it."
"Well, now that you've been around for a month, you can bet along with the rest of us. Just meet in the mess hall at nine PM.
"Nice. I should probably go though." Sakura got up and took her leave. Westbound hung around for a few more minutes before going off to collect his own debts. On his way however, he ran into one of the new bloods for this month. An orange earth pony with a cropped blonde mane. Westbound was feeling particularly friendly at that moment, and decided to try to carry on a short conversation with one of the future meat puppets.
"Hello." West said cordially.
"Hey." The earth pony said as he continued walking past Westbound to continue down the hallway. And just like that, West was shot down by the new guy. West shrugged and figured it was just as well. He'd be betting against that one for sure.
Down the hall, June Lynch continued trotting towards commander Summer's office. He had been personally requested for this task force, and it seemed he would finally have his answers now. Lynch finally reached the door a few minutes of walking later. He pressed the call button and waited. After about a minute, he was finally admitted in.
The interior of the office was rather straightforward, filing cabinets, a desk, chairs; the difference was the pony sitting behind the desk. Commander Summers was quite possibly the greatest bear of a pegasus that June had ever seen. He was even larger than Granite, and Granite was no slouch of a pony. Lynch stood at attention and saluted his commander, as was his right. Summers looked Lynch over up and down for a second before gesturing for him to sit down. Lynch took his seat nervously, feeling a sweat coming on.
Summers ran a hoof through his fiery orange hair, and Lynch could see the muscle working under the facade of his ocean colored coat. When Summers finally spoke, it was with an almost paternal tone. It was almost like Lynch was speaking to his father again, only his father was dead, which lessened the impact just a bit.
"How are the scars?" Lynch had survived the Thunderhead crash yes, but he had been impaled by a shard of metal, cut by shrapnel, and gotten second degree burns from sliding across the ground when he was thrown clear on impact. Also broken bones, lots and lots of broken bones. The doctors had still said he was lucky. Crazy bastards. Winning the lottery is lucky, not being turned into almost unrecognizable meat instead of being touched by the sweet merciful embrace of death.
"Better. They don't open when my pulse goes up anymore, and I'll have full motor control in the next two weeks."
"That's good. Of course, you're not here to discuss medical information. I would wager you'd like to know why I wished to speak with you. Would you not?"
"Actually, I'd like to know why I was transferred here in the first place." Lynch said matter-of-factly.
"Ah. Well, you see,I've commanded this task force for 10 years, and I've seen my men die like cattle. I have learned over the years that it's not as much about skill or finesse in this task force, as it is about luck. Chance, that most important of variables. I've seen skilled agents with years of experience go out with foal faced recruits, and you know who came back?"
"The recruit, sir?" Lynch responded hesitantly.
"That's right. The rookie came back. Luck favored that boy that day. He's still here as I recall. He's managed to survive everything that's been thrown at him."
"What does this have to do with me?"
"I need lucky recruits. You, the pilot, and the others, survived a Thunderhead crash after being attacked by a dragon. It sounds to me like you've got angels watching out for you."
"Thank you sir." Lynch smiled at the praise.
"Now, on to the reason I called you here in the first place." Lynch sat up even straighter than before, ready to hear the reason he had been summoned to the commander himself.
"Your one of the most skilled operators I have ever laid eyes on, your record speaks for itself, but I would like to remind you that you are not in magical pony land anymore. You are in Task Force Dirty Deeds now, you're going to see things that would make normal ponies shit themselves a hundred times over. Your teammates are going to die before your eyes, but you have to carry on. Don't hesitate, don't seize up, and try not to die. That's an order. Dismissed."
"Yes sir!" Lynch stood up and saluted before walking out the door. As soon as he got out, he sighed heavily. He had been expecting something important, like a special mission or some such shit. Instead he got a fucked up pep talk. He just hoped that there was a bar in this shit of a base.
Operation: Pit of Vipers
Objective: Primary: Eliminate changeling threat. Secondary: eliminate or capture Discord Consortium members.
Briefing: Over the course of a few months, there have been scattered reports of a strange disease in the town of Manehatten. The local hospital blamed it on an outbreak of horse flu, but the symptoms were different than any sort of virus communicable to ponies. All of this would have remained unimportant to the Agency, if one of the ponies who had been showing symptoms had not been found dead in water drainage pipe. Even this would not have been important, but the pony was shown to be several weeks dead, after he had attended a hoofball game the day before. Further investigation into the subject by agents from investigation group "Eyes and ears" revealed that ponies who knew the victims of the aforementioned victims (usually as significant others) had been seen meeting in an abandoned apartment complex with known members of the Discord Consortium. The Agency now has reason to believe that changelings have infiltrated Manehatten. A team has been accordingly equipped to deal with the threat. A night operation will be carried out to eliminate the threat. A team will be inserted via Thunderhead to deal with the threat. Elements of Task Force N-14 "Egress Denied" will form a perimeter to prevent escape and entry of the premises.
Transportation: TH-119 "Your Best Nightmare"
Pilot: fateful Ides
Lead Agent: Burning Bush
Agents: Cloudless Night, Crushing Blow, Shadow De Sombras, June Lynch, White Fire, Westbound, Four Winds, Ray Shield.
Equipment: Nine units of composite personal armor, one saddle mounted multicannon, four saddle mounted assault rifles, one saddle mounted scatter rifle, three level 3 sparkler packs, one saddle mounted high explosive disposable rocket launcher, 15 grenades, 1280 6.8mm assault rifle rounds, 56 scatter rifle rounds, 4000 high explosive 4.8mm multicannon rounds, helmet mounted flashlights.
"Why do you think they'd give us a job like this you think?" Westbound asked Burning Bush as they rode to their destination. flying above most of the other clouds as they hurtled towards their destination.
"Because the brass needs dirty deeds done, and we know dirty like no one else." Burning Bush replied calmly.
"No, I mean, why would they need a team like this in the first place? They're just changelings, the elements of harmony kicked their entire army's ass in like ten minutes. Why the fuck don't they just send the guard?"
"Firstly, the Discord Consortium is there, which means we have to be there too. Second, the changelings that attacked Canterlot were starving, these changelings have been feeding for months now. Trust me, the guard wouldn't be able to handle this one for us."
"Oh come on. How bad can they be?" Bear interrupted.
The other ponies in the Thunderhead gave him stink eyes for the rest of the trip.
"Alright everypony, we're landing in thirty seconds. Thank you for flying air Nightmare, if you would like to make a complaint, please file it under shit I don't care about. See ya." With that, the hatch opened, and all of the ponies filed out, their weapons scanning in all directions for hostiles.
The Thunderhead lifted off and left the ponies on the roof of the dilapidated building. Burning Bush gestured, signing for the ponies to move up towards the door to the interior of the building. All of the agents swiftly obeyed, and moved to cover the door. Four Winds tried the door, it was locked. Four Winds bucked the door, but only succeeded in making a lot of noise and letting whatever was on the other side know that there were ponies on the other side. Burning Bush ran his hoof down his face. Bear rolled his eyes and kicked the door with one leg, knocking it clear off its hinges and sending it sliding down the stairs.
"Maybe we could not let everything in five miles know we're here?" Bush whispered angrily.
"Yes sir." Four Winds said as he mocked a salute and looked down into the dark.
"Thank you for volunteering for point. Now get on down there." Bush said to Four Winds. Four Winds looked at him with hellish eyes before flipping on his flashlight and moving down the creaky stairs into the darkness. The rest of the team followed closely behind him.
The inside of the building was nearly pitch black. Dust floated lazily around on the small breeze created by the passing of the team. If not for their flashlights, they would have been tripping over each other or falling through holes on the floors in the soul-sucking darkness. Agent Winds continued on point, covering with his scatter rifle. Shadow brought up the rear, his horn glowing with barely contained power.
Shadow was meant to be in the dark. He was "the shadow of shadows" after all. So his tail hadn't been able to hide for long. He could see it at the edge of his vision, it ducked out of his flashlight too fast for him to identify, but he knew it was there. Fortunately, the little bastard didn't seem to think he had been made. No doubt used to relying on its stealthiness to sneak up on ponies. He had been debating on how to deal with it since he had first spotted its ugly ass. If he told his team it was there, it would slink away, and alert its friends if it hadn't already. He couldn't just leave it alone though. Ignoring it would be a very bad life choice. He had to find a way to take care of it. A way in which he could hold the advantage, but make his tail think that it had all the cards.
Shadow contemplated this curious conundrum for a moment, before his devious and cold mind began hatching a delightfully deadly little idea. With all of these rooms around... Shadow grinned evilly to himself for a moment, satisfied that he had come up with a delightfully dirty deed to act out.
"Sir." Shadow said without looking back.
"What is it Shadow? Something wrong?" Bush said.
"No, it's just that, there are all these rooms. What if we walked past something important earlier?"
"Damn, you're right. Okay, Split up, teams of three. search the rooms on this floor, report if you see anything." The teams were quickly sorted out, and they began clearing the rooms one by one. Shadow was careful to choose a room closer to where his secret admirer was located. Shadow saw that his 'team' consisted of himself and two of the new guys. What were their names again? One of them was Jude or something. The other was... Ray Shield, that sounded right. Not that it mattered much though, they would be of minimal use. He gestured for the two rooks to move in before him. They may have thought that he was being a jackass telling them to take point, but knowing what was about to happen, they most likely would have been grateful.
The two rookies dutifully entered the apartment; or at least that was what it had been, and began searching by room. Before Shadow walked in himself, he saw his little crush creeping up on him. He pretended not to notice and walked into the old lousy excuse for a living space that had once been an occupied lousy excuse for a living space. He heard the little stealthy fuck rolling in behind him, and figured it was time for introductions. He was about to turn around, when he heard the little bastard jump forward. He quickly shut the door with his magic, the thing had made it over the threshold, but the slamming door still caught it in the legs, this offset his jump so that he went careening towards Shadow's left side. Shadow made a swipe with his favorite bowie knife, but the little bastard had altered his course midair. So that he was now arcing away from his knife. Shadow saw the face of his enemy, a fanged face, buglike eyes, and a hardened exoskeleton. a changeling.
This changeling was different than the changelings he had heard about though. It was bigger, standing even taller than Shadow himself, who was no small fry when it came to ponies. It was also faster, it had dodged his blade almost before he had made the move. The changeling hissed again, and this time the rookies heard it. Both of them came running into the room. One of them lost his cool and was about to start blasting him with magic, Shadow shook his head without looking away from his enemy.
The changeling however, took a gander at Shadow's teammates. Big mistake. Shadow lunged at the changeling with his knife, the changeling saw the move, and made to dodge his supposedly clumsy attack. It looked almost like the thing was smiling, it had made its own opening, and meant to capitalize. Shadow however, had other plans, two of his other knives came magically out of their sheaths, they were small compared to the blatant obviousness of his swordlike bowie knife, and that was how Shadow liked it. Shadow made a smirk of his own. No one ever sweated the small shit, not when the big shit was about to gut you like a herring. The changeling was no different, he sent the two small blades into the abdomen of his ugly opponent. penetrating his tough hide and burying them to the hilt in the soft innerskeletal flesh of the monster. He didn't stop there though, he followed through with his original thrust, turning it into a swipe that slashed his enemy across the neck. He didn't know so much about changeling anatomy, but he was pretty sure that fluids weren't supposed to come out of its neck like that. Or they were, in Shadow's case. Shadow continued pushing forward with his smaller blades, the force of his magic sent the changeling straight through the wall and back into the hallway.
The changeling lay still for a second, before getting back up and preparing to attack again. Unfortunately for the changeling, and fortunately for Shadow; who hadn't seen something so entertaining in a long time, Bear just happened to be in the hallway at the time. All Bear had heard was the sound of splintering wood and the hard thump of something slamming into the ground. And he had turned around just in time to see the changeling getting to its feet. Bear quickly braced his weapon and prepared to fire.
Shadow readied his bowie and prepared to fight again, but he was rudely interrupted by the sound of 250 bit custom magic high explosive rounds firing at 12000 per minute. The draconian roaring of the weapon scared the shit out of all of the operatives. Even Shadow jumped as the sound of 50,000 dollars per second rendered the changeling down to his basic biological components. Bear's burst lasted 820 milliseconds, or 82/100ths of a second. in that time, he fired 164 rounds, and used roughly 41,000 bits worth of ammo. The result was a structurally unstable floor and a pile of green goo that may have been some sort of creature once.
"Fuckin' A Bear! You almost killed me!" Shadow shouted in nearly terrified alarm.
"Aw come on Shadow. You know damn well I can hit a bit at two hundred meters with a multicannon." Bear replied in his oafish tone.
"What!?" Shadow shouted loudly.
"I said: You know damn well I can hit a bit at two hundred meters with this thing!" Bear shouted loudly.
"Yeah, after about 2,000 rounds! Luna's sake man, be careful where you fire that death machine!" Shadow was now angry, and his tone was much less calm than usual. He was also speaking much more loudly than normal, but no could be sure whether it was his anger or the fact that multiple rounds fired in an enclosed space from a cannon tend to be loud.
"You're welcome." Bear muttered as he rolled his eyes and turned around.
The rest of the agents from the group had sprinted into the hallway to see what was going on by this time, and were currently eyeing the splattered remains of what had been the changeling that attacked Shadow. Bush was the first to speak.
"The fuck happened here?" Bush asked as he looked over the newest hole in the wall and the floor with something that far surpassed interest.
"Bear nearly killed me that's what! Crazy bastard is gonna be the death of me!" Shadow accused angrily.
"I was on target the whole time! They weren't even close to you you little baby!" Bear replied. Seeming offended that anyone would dare to question his marksponyship with his favorite weapon.
"Alright, this conversation is over. Bear? Watch your aim. Shadow? Quit your whining." Bush pointed to each of them in turn, then turned and motioned for them to follow. As Shadow shook of his anger and followed the group, he noticed that someone appeared to be missing. He took a quick headcount, eight.
"Where the hell is West?" Shadow asked Bush.
"What?" Bush was taken off guard, he had taken point, and figured West was behind him, as his partners hadn't reported him missing.
"Where. Is. West." Shadow said more slowly.
Bush saw that Westbound was missing and called out."Who was with West?"
"Me and Four Winds were with him sir." Said White Fire.
"Well then. Where is he now?" Bush asked almost tauntingly.
"He was right behind us a moment ago sir." Four Winds said worriedly.
"Fuck. You were supposed to be covering each other Princess damnit!" Bush shouted angrily.
"He was here sir." White Fire said firmly.
"Well now he isn't." Bush sighed and calmed down a bit. When he resumed speaking, he was considerably his tone was considerably more even. "Okay, I believe you. Hold up a minute." Bush spoke on squad channel into the radio. "West. West are you there? Come in West." *Static* "Fuck." Bush said quietly as he turned and looked at White Fire and Four Winds.
"Why the hell did you not tell me he was missing?" Bush's voice was one step above a whisper, but the way he said it through his teeth indicated that he was absolutely livid.
"Because we..." Four Winds began.
"Luna dammit to hell! You were supposed to look after each other! How the hell could you not do that?" Bush exploded into rage, giving everyone a hint of perhaps why his name was Burning Bush.
White Fire opened his mouth as if to speak again, when a door behind them opened and Westbound walked out. He was covered in blood, both changeling and pony. He looked over at the surprised group of agents, and his face contorted into a mask of pure rage and hatred. He let out an enraged shout, and charged the group of ponies at a speed that they didn't think was even possible. As he ran, he racked the bolt on his assault rifle. The other ponies weren't even close to reacting when West began firing.
